Dear Chump Lady, I’m a serial cheater
Dear Chump Lady:
I was recently on your pages reading about cheaters without remorse. I am a serial cheater – at least four times with at least four different women and I want to give your readers some insight into why I cheated on my wife, the way I felt about it and why I’m without remorse.
I was married at 22 and my wife was 21. My wife was extra-ordinarily beautiful (the marriage was normal and the sex was alright). She wanted to get out of the work force and become a stay-at-home mom. She had a picture of traditional male/female roles in a marriage. We had our first child a year after getting married. But I became bored with the marriage within a couple of years. I became overwhelmed with the additional responsibility of being a father and housework (more than half of the house work), child care, maintenance, repairs and gardening etc. I still loved my wife, but started to fall out of love. She wanted additional children but I didn’t. Despite my wishes she stopped the birth control pills, and got pregnant again. Twin boys arrived about 7 months later. I actually started cheating before the twins were born.
I certainly didn’t love the other women. They were younger and also attractive, but I was really in it (the cheating that is) to get the sexual fix. I didn’t worry who was going to get hurt. I knew that I was eventually going to dump these women. All I wanted was the sex, and I found it all too easy to pick up women starting with just a simple compliment. It seems their heart, ears and vaginas are all connected. I found them all desperate for the attention and they didn’t worry at all that I was married. I always wore my wedding ring.
I found cheating addicting. You see it, you want it and you have to have it (the conquest that is). Just like candy in a candy store. And don’t tell me that women don’t dress provocatively or actively encourage it. They do. They like the attention and want more. But from your readers’ perspective, I can attest to the fact that a cheater does not feel guilt or remorse. It’s the thrill of having another woman; another conquest. The real problem for the cheater is having to deal with the fallout when you get caught. At that point it is all damage control. I didn’t regret the affairs. I regretted all of the work having to ameliorate my wife; trying to patch things up. I hated that part. Certainly didn’t feel sorry for the affair, except for one occasion which I will come to. I always figured she would take me back and think me a bastard, but I was right on that account.
I eventually gave up on my marriage and decided to leave for a very pretty but spacy 21 year-old. She had originally been a babysitter to my kids. I know it absolutely crushed my wife emotionally for the rest of her life. I could see it in her face and eyes, but somehow I didn’t respond to it due to the anger surrounding the divorce. I didn’t want to reconcile. My ex-wife and I eventually divorced. The affair with the OW lasted maybe 6 months. It is only now that I am 70 years old that I feel sadness about what I did to her when I reflect on my life.
My wife, I think tried to have a revenge affair with an ex-boyfriend shortly after we separated, but that lasted about one month. Her parting shot aimed at me was that he had a bigger package than I had, but my parting retort was I didn’t care. I think it was at that exact point she realized that any possibility of restoring the marriage was over and she had to let me go. She never dated or had another affair after that.
However, after the divorce I became a free-wheeling very eligible single divorcee (early 30’s) and vowed never to re-marry. I went through a long string of romances and short and long relationships, holding out the unspoken promise of commitment, but being very careful not to ever fall in love. Broke lots of hearts but I didn’t care.
She had a difficult life raising the three kids on her own. She managed to get them all through high school (just 12 years after the divorce) at which time she died of stomach cancer. By that time I lost any bonding I had with the twins and most of my bonding with my daughter. They are all grown now of course and in their early 40’s but when seeing them it’s like meeting with simple acquaintances.
You can tell I am somewhat sorry for what happened now, but that was more than 35 years ago. You might think I am now remorseful, but no, not really. It is not that I have forgiven myself either, since I don’t see it as something I need to forgive. It is my life’s story, and that’s life.
I now know that my cheating is a character flaw that I am unable to control. It may even be genetic since my mother, two sisters and two brothers are all serial cheaters. My father lived a miserable life because of it. As I explained I am much older now (70), and in a relationship (not even common law) with another woman (quite attractive 54 year-old) and with whom I have a fourth child (now 19 and in 1st year university). But I am still tempted to wander; still tempted to cheat. Yes I live alone, I look at porn, Ashley Madison, personals on Craigslist, and Plenty of Other Fish. I am sorry to say the social media makes connecting with women and cheating way too easy. There are hundreds of women I would love to meet, and they are all looking for love. Easy targets. As a serial cheater it is easy to predict, that there is going to be a huge explosion of infidelity just lurking over the horizon. It’s also easier to get caught and probably going to drive the divorce statistics through the roof. That is my story.
Serial Cheater
Dear Serial Cheater,
Just wow.
Occasionally cheaters write to me and perhaps unwittingly prove my points about Genuine Imitation Naugahyde Remorse. Boy, and the unicorns think I’m cynical? Thanks for the sociopathy public service announcement.
Chumps, I’m taking the day off. Have at it.
dear SC
You’re a dickhead.
Enough said.
You’re a douche old, man! There’s a special place in hell for people like you and the women who get sucked in by your sociopathic personality.
OP Original Poster. I see that 99.5% of the posts in this thread are going to be attacks on the messenger, while the message gets either misinterpreted or missed completely. The Message is this: many people who have experienced infidelity in their marriage try like hell to salvage what they can by dragging their cheating partners to a marriage counselor, and hopefully extract real remorse or guilt out of the offending partner. Only then do they feel that the marriage can be saved. What I am saying is that the cheater never feels remorse or guilt, despite what he may say during the counselling sessions, and he/she will cheat again when the opportunity arises. I’m giving you my own personal experience. I’ve seen one poor fellow who was cheated on four separate times in his own home, while the kids were at home, and once while he was downstairs. Each time he tried reconciliation. He pleaded, begged, sobbed and forgave, He was trampled on four separate times. Yet he still wanted to try and forgive. From my experience his wife will never change. A cheater never feels guilty about what they have done. That is the message.
Now if you want to attack me personally for my story in trying to explain why I cheated, how I felt about it. and why I have no remorse or guilt, that is fine. I appreciate the fact that most of you have been cheated on, hurt, and even devastated and want to thrash out at confessed cheaters. I can handle the derogatory remarks, the insults, the snide remarks, etc. They don’t hurt me. I appreciate the fact that you may think that I am a sociopath or narcissist; a miserable unloved empty shell of a man headed for a lonely death and wish me all the ill will possible. Nothing could be further from the truth. That is beside the point. Attacks on the messenger are not going to help, especially if they are based on inacurate extracts from the original posting. It just clouds the message.
I am so very grateful for you post RH. And you are right, people here are missing the point of your post. I was never able to understand the depth of lack of empathy until your post. I am one of those chumps that thought if I explained the devastation he would have empathy and want to fix it. Your post clears up a lot of unanswered questions. Thank you!!!
Rh or Serial Cheater
You’re still a dickhead. Doesn’t matter how well you think you write or what you want to say – your behaviour is that of a dickhead.
You’re welcome:)
Sure pal, you’re not a sociopath or a narcissist – just a person who live totally for themselves and feels no remorse for the destruction and pain they have caused others, and brags about how awesome they and their life are while they do it…
Waaaaaait a minute…..
(But hey, I am sure your kids will defend you, just sit down with them and…. oh wait….. they are barely acquaintances…)
Do you go by your first wife’s grave just to piss on it from time to time? Because that totally seems like something you would do…
The message I got from this was “look at me, I banged hot chicks when I was young, and still bang hot chicks now that I’m old”.. “I broke hearts”.. “I can get laid”… (yawn)… Big deal old man, you can manipulate easy women to drop their pants for you. You’re not special, you’re simple. You’ve accomplished something that’s really not anything to be proud of, yet you brag about it thumping your chest “I do what I want and I don’t care who I hurt”… then you pretend that you’re trying to give a ‘message’. As if you’d ever try to help anyone or try to do anything that’s not in your best interest. You see yourself as special, when you’re actually pretty creepy.
So please stop with the “message I’m sending is x”.. we can see what message you’re sending. “Look at me… Look what I can do… I can live a shallow life, and be proud of it.” Good for you, you’re a creep and proud of it. What do you want from us? Not to help us, I can assure you of that.
You’re 70 years old? Wonder if it’s too late for you to grow up and start acting like a man instead of a turd…
RH – believe it or not, I think this letter of yours and all of the ruckus it has caused has really helped me heal and understand that there is absolutely no remorse. It just is. All of us here have been hurt so badly by betrayal and often wonder if the ex will ever regret it. It’s needed in a way like some sort of closure, and we all hope for it – even we are willing to admit it or not.
This truly helped hit home to me to forget even thinking or hoping for that because it’s simply isn’t even a thought in my ex’s head. He was a serial cheat too. I was hurt countless times by that man. He on the other hand, wasn’t smart enough to stay single. He recently married his newest AP, but I think she likes the swinging lifestyle that he wanted so badly and she’s the one with the money – so perhaps as I think about this he’s not as stupid as I like to think ha ha ha. Time will tell, but hopefully I just won’t care!
Basically your saying – don’t waste your time. It will never work and you’ll hurt more than you know. IMO, that’s good advice. Hard to do, but good advice all the same!
Kimberly-while your ex’s new wife may be going along with the “swinging” lifestyle it is clear that since she is supporting him that she would do anything to nab him. Don’t kid yourself she is emotionally involved and is headed for big time heartbreak and more than likely financial disaster. I also think that the OP’s letter should have been taken as an eye opener of a typical cheater and drum home that it is a complete waste of time to work on a marriage with a cheater.
kb22 – thanks for that! I appreciate the kind words.
Don’t think you can predict that you won’t have a lonely death. Just try cheating on your attractive (not quite sure why we need that information, but it’s obviously important to you) 54 year old partner and see how long she hangs around. Suspect your 19 year old won’t be too happy either – perhaps taking the same route straight out of your life as your older children. So who’ll be around to tuck you into the earth? Perhaps only your latest hook up on Craig’s list. Even that would be a stretch.
You’re a selfish prick. Ever heard of being a single, unattached person having no-strings-attached sex, instead of beating the shit out of someone mentally, physically, emotionally and financially?
No. Because you are a selfish fuck, that’s why.
And then you cower like the worthless swine you are. You’re the kind of person who talks big to a guy a lot bigger than you – and then when he says “Come and fight me” you run away like the chickenshit you are.
I hope someone beats the shit out of you or takes you to the cleaners. And I don’t normally wish ill on anyone.
Fantastic response!!
Love it. Straight talking..No Bullshit like these spineless assholes!!..& That’s why they cheat..Cos they need someone to go running back too..Pathetic
Hey whoa buddy, the women who get sucked in by these sociopaths are mostly the women on this website: chumps. Wanna not victim blame? Because those women are victims. He preys on women who are specifically looking for love because they are “easy targets”.
Someone (WC Fields?) , said “You cannot Cheat an Honest Man”. this would seem to apply to the women he cheated with while married, unless he lied to them re his status. If not, they are not victims, but predators, themselves.
Are you that naive to think a sociopath would be honest with the OW right off the bat? I wouldn’t be surprised if the women didn’t know about each other initially until it was too late, and they were already sucked in. I was the main girlfriend at first, and then unknowingly became the OW, and neither I or the new girlfriend had any knowledge of each other’s existence until I stumbled onto her online profile.
Are you so naive as to believe that there are not plenty of women out there who think nothing of infringing on another woman’ s marriage? Get real, the vast majorith of OW anOM knowingly engage in tnese affairs.
Yup.And plenty of men too.In your case at least.But then again.I heard countless stories where the women didn’t even the d-bag is married.
He calls himself a serial cheater?!! He’s a Sociopath. Big difference. No remorse and no conscience …. Forever in Hell.
I would say that 99.9% of serial cheaters are either sociopaths or narcissists–no conscience or empathy in either of them.
Jfk,Mlk, et all, included, Tempest. Not that I disagree. Charles Lindbergh had a secret,second famiky and was doing two European sisters. Big funerals. Adoring public for these guys, among others.
Refreshingly honest. I know quite a few people like this, but few would admit it,like this guy.
Yes. serial cheaters are invariably sociopaths.
It’s pretty easy to brag about being a total douche when cloaked in anonimity…
And the kennedys, MLK, were assassinated , Lindbergh yeah we know his heroics, and his demise. False equivalency to the common every day sociopaths – like the OP.
Reminds me of this quote from Jekyll and Hyde:
“To cast in my lot with Jekyll, was to die to those appetites which I had long secretly indulged and had of late begun to pamper. To cast it in with Hyde, was to die to a thousand interests and aspirations, and to become, at a blow and for ever, despised and friendless. The bargain might appear unequal; but there was still another consideration in the scales; for while Jekyll would suffer smartingly in the fires of abstinence, Hyde would be not even conscious of all that he had lost”.
They don’t care because they are conscience of what was lost. This man lost a good woman and his children…and yet… and yet…When one is not interested in human connection can one lose anything?
// , This is the best comment I have read on this site, PigletWiglet. Where have you been?
Is his denial about not caring really a defense mechanism? Not that it really matters.
A+ for this ^^^^^ Well said and exactly on point!!!!
I agree. Excellent quote. It captures exactly how i think of these folks. I would see it time and again in the criminals I represented. They do not suffer or consider, at all, the things they are losing. It is not a loss to them.
i think we need to somehow comfort ourselves with the thought that the future may be nleak for him, but, it very well may not be. It does not cause him pain that he lost his relationships. Hemay not die alone, but might just die peacefully, rich and adored by some victim.
i think it js tough to accept that good things do happen to bad people, even moreso than the reverse.
Going through life as a Sociopath presents myriad opportunities for the Sociopath to flourish. Withiut the constraints of a conscience, one could get away with all types of things that provide creature comforts. Many, many of yhese folks prosper as they either walk a very fine line, legally without regard to morality, which frees them up to do all types of evil, profitable things.
And, only a fraction of those committing crimes are ever caught,IMO.
This guy is a monster, no doubt. But, he may very well reach the end of his life having banked more pleasure and prosperity because he is one.
Amen to that Tempest!!! Couldn’t agree more!
What the fuck
This guy’s delusional lol. Thinks his x never dated again? Hahahaha, hollow shell clinging to false and grandiose sense of self importance. Narc much? I bet she was right about the package … Dickless.
Well I’m probably never going to date and that’s largely because when I read stuff like this it tells me we just don’t stand a chance. If this is the new normal…which more and more it seems that it is normal….then I’d rather be the cheese and stand alone!
I hear you, Nat1. My 20 year experience with marriage to the narc a-hole cements me to the idea of going it alone from here on out. Heck, I was my own husband, save for the sperm he donated that produced three great kids, who (like during the 20 years) are pretty much my responsibility from here on out. Sex? Overrated. In my mind, that became just one more thing I was expected to deliver on, while busting my ass taking care of everything else – including his DUI drunk ass fiasco/sabotages. And now that I’m on Effexor, I could give a crap about rolling around in the sack being expected to do who-knows-what. Too much of a performance these days. I am looking forward to enjoying my relationships with my kids (13, 17 and 22) and redsicovering myself – new friendships, activities, maybe even travel on my own. The peace and autonomy is too compelling after what I went through chained to his miserable soul.
Good for you pianomommy; this is what a recovery looks like. Enjoying what you DO have, and seeking out less dangerous adventures than looking for “love.” I agree with others that it seems the “no conscience” model is the new ordinary. I am seeing it in business too. People crushing each other lying, cheating and stealing to drive a better car or wear nicer jewelry? Putting people in harms way for a little extra profit? Cutting workers salaries or hourly wage to grow an already huge income? WTF??
Good post!
TRUTH^^^^^^^ I have no hope that there is any chance that I won’t hook up with another narc. Just no hope at all.
Irish, i hzd the same fear after 2 marriages to what I believe are NPDs. I think there are ways to detect them and reading about the signs and using my brain vs my attraction alone has helped. Have very strict , arbitrary criteria: no past infidelity;good credit and job history; no drug or alcohol problems. The number one thing , i thjnk, is to expose them to trusted friends and family and ,actively, seek out their opinions with assurances that telling you their true impressions will not be held against them.
I found that after i divorced , mzny came forward regretting they had not alerted me yo their concerns. They had refrained for fear of offending me.
Even my wives’s family members expressed regret sbout not having forewarned me. But, it wastoo late, aftrr a lot of damage had been done.
Arnold, I thought that I was having those criteria. Long term job, good credit, no drug or alcohol (his addictions, as it turned out, were food (has a creepy knowledge of every restaurant in town), cigarettes (couldn’t remember my birthday but knew every gas station which would carry his brand), and, of course, lies and sex. Even after DDay, none of his friends knew. I had previous losers who, when I left them, suddenly all the ‘friends’ came out of the closet to tell me the horror tales. NOBODY knew about this guy, well, except maybe my ‘friends’ he f***cked, but that was later. There were other red flags, of course, but they seemed like the ‘well, nobody is perfect’, but in hindsight, they were blood red snapping me in the face sorts of things.
I want a relationship with someone honest. I’m sure this asshole and others like him would raise so many red flags. We are smarter and deserve a healthy relationship. Besides we have been detectives for so long we know what we don’t want.
It sounds like he left her to raise 3 children alone. It may have been hard for her to date, as he was not being a father to his children. A narc indeed.
Yep, Sociopathy 101. The actual textbook definition. I’ve got a feeling that this post will get the least response because it’s so transparent- yeah, yeah, so this is the insight to the psyche of a sick man. Right.
Yeah, I hesitated to run it because a) it’s kibbles for him and b) he’s just a disordered asshole. But in the interest of untangling skeins and what makes the serial cheater tick? Here’s a look into their noggins. They don’t give a shit, they fake it, they repeat. Ergo chumps — it’s not YOU.
I’m glad you ran this letter and the responses. He could be a she too. He/she doesn’t give a shit about anyone but themselves. People to them are “transactional” events. He/she is a competitive thrill seeker; like people who do triathlons, iron mans, marathons and ultra-marathons, climb mountains, go on long road bikes, etc. They take care of themselves and they do not give a shit because the thrill, the challenge and competition directly infront of them is what drives them. He wore his wedding band – the women he had affairs with didn’t care that he was married. I actually read a study that a majority of women find married men more attractive, know single men who wear wedding bands to bars because it is easier to have a conversation with a woman when she thinks the guy is “safe”, whatever that means. He targetted women who took an interest in him even in light conversation and what he is saying is, no matter how innocent the interaction, he was never innocent, for him it was “game on.” I’m trying to find a way to identify these freaks ahead of time and get out before the “game” begins. And for starters I agree that you are right CL: “Ergo chumps — it’s not YOU.”
Hi!
I think it’s okay that you ran cheater’s back story. I gives us chumps answers. We can see that there is no remorse, and his letter assures us that divorcing these a-holes is the right thing to do.
Thanks so much for running this letter from Serial Cheater. Important to show this is what sociopaths and narcs are.
Also, I’m on a book deadline…
Good luck on getting it done! I’m looking forward to your next book!
(Focusing on the positive….I have no comment for today’s featured letter writer. Him? Meh.)
That is not even close to genuine imitation naugahyde remorse. How many people’s lives is he going to destroy due to his selfishness? He destroyed his beautiful wife, his three children and is working on destroying his fourth child and the woman he is in a relationship with now.
You’re in your 70s and should be contemplating your life, not continuing your horn-dog ways. You are at the age where you are going to need help in life and you are going to be left alone.
This guy’s not capable of regrets and introspection. It’s like asking a lamp to hug you back.
Exactly. Life would be a lot tougher for him if he was capable of those things. But, he is not, so he does not suffer snd prospers.
I wonder if he will be so smug when he dies at the nursing home, alone. He is already beginning the long march to the grave and this letter is nothing more than him whisting past the graveyard. How does it feel knowing no one will mourn him, that he will never be a hero to his grandkids (who he obviously doesn’t know), that not one person will shed a tear on his passing? He has led a life without meaning and for what? Strange pussy? This fellow is nothing more than a lonely old man, attempting to relive his “glory days.” Pathetic, but totally deserving of his fate.
Folks, get real. These folks do not all die alone or hated. History is full of NPD cheaters who were adored and mourned. We have monuments to some. Some are on our coins and bills, stamps etc. We worship athletes and entertainers who are NPD, Jordan, Kirby Puckett, Kobe, Newman, A_Rod etc. Tons of politicians. Where do you get this idea?
Well in the case of the OP, I’m sure it’s a safe bet he’s no Kobe, A-Rod, MLK, or JFK, so he doesn’t have that going in his favor. I think it’s a pretty safe bet too, that since he has yet to put a ring on that 50 something gorgeous woman, she’s got her own side dish and just biding her time for the big payday. But besides that, we all come and go alone, from the cradle to the grave…
Having had cancer in my 20’s and subsequently volunteered as a hospice caregiver for 20+ years, I can tell you that many narcs die alone and miserable – that’s who they really are.
(But the lama says to us chumps “Oh, uh, there won’t be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.” So we got that goin’ for us which is nice)
😉
Love that movie, Indy.
surely you do not believe that narcs all die alone though, and, clearly, many nons do,aswell. We have no idea what this man n has going for him. I merely mention JFK et al as examples of remorseless serial cheatrrs,who were/are sucessful and held in high esteem by many.
I completdly sympatize with the desire some have for justice but it just may not happen.
Hey Arnold,
surely you saw that I typed “many narcs”, not “all narcs”.
That said- yea some cases were tragic and heartbreaking. You want to see a man or woman facing their final moments on this earth relieving every regret/missed opportunity? You should. There is truth in the adage “no one on their death bed says – I wished I had spent more time in the office” –
Likewise I’ve never heard “I wished I had gotten more pussy” but I have heard ” I wished I had been a true husband/ a good wife. I wished I had seen my children grow up, I wished my children were here, I wish they respected me. I wish I had been honorable. – it’s funny but they all had deep consciousness in their final days. They finally understood the true meaning of life and that they had missed the point of it all. They died with enormous regret.
These are the things I have witnessed, of course
Your mileage may vary…
Then there are those that I witnessed who lived deeply, with great hearts and live in their hearts that they were ready to move on to whatever else was waiting for them. No fear, no regrets. I know I will die this way, because this is who I am. This is how i live. And I see this in chumps here.
Just sayin
I like that Indy! 🙂
Me too – thank you for your observations, Indy.
you missed the whole point…….HE DOESNT CARE…. he will not care when he dies because he doesnt care now. he knowingly crashed his loving wife and walked away (abandoned) his children and HE NEVER CARED OR THOUGHT ABOUT HER AGAIN. he has NO REMORSE. the only reason he is with this lady is because he is slowing down but he has not stopped. his wife died, his children do not know/love/need/admire him and HE DOES NOT CARE.
the only thing that ever meant anything to him was the trill of the chase. he never wanted to keep any of those woman. he had no respect for any of them. as soon as he “won” then he did not want them. AND GUESS WHAT…….there was ALWAYS an ‘easy target” for him. As soon as he dumped one chick there was another one waiting to pick up where the last one left off. i doubt this ass ever went without a body to cuddle, clean clothes, gifts, had someone cooking his meals, a place to lay his head and dick, there was alway someone to “make him feel better” and tell him he was wonderful.
out with the old and in with the new. the destruction they leave behind never enters his mind.
HE DOESNT CARE. he is not lonely. to be lonely you have to CARE about someone other then yourself.
SPOT ON!!!!
MrsVain…….absolutely perfecto! Your explanation is exactly my XPOS! I ALWAYS said if he and I didn’t make it (musta had 6th sense) that he’d be on to the next! And never look back. And exactly that he did!
Just ruthless worthless life forms. It’s sickening!
Mrs.Vain – your right – he doesn’t care. It’s too bad there are so many people out there willing to fall for his bs. He’s got an unlimited supply!
He doesn’t care…yet. But believe me, when he is alone in that bed he will. I cannot tell you the number of times I have seen people in this precise situation. Not a care in the world, no concern for anyone else, until the end, when they begin bemoaning the fact that none of their family memebers are anywhere to be found. I once saw a case of an old man who died in his wheelchair in the snow, on his way to pick up his Viagra! His family paid to keep him a caretaker to take care of him and most importantly, to keep him away from them. After he died, they paid for the cheapest cremation available and promptly forgot him…No loss to anyone.
he STILL will not care. look how he is bragging already. when he is alone in that bed, he will just remember all the horrible and cruel things he did in his life and that will keep him happy for the remainder of his life. he will also have the “poor, pitiful me” story to tell anyone who has to be paid to attend to him.
but yes, it will be of no loss to anyone when this asshole passes away. the world will be a better place without him. if anyone even notices that he dies that is.
Yes, but if he is dead, he will not have any conciousness of no one caring. I feel fairly certain, having met a number of golks lime this, even the aging ones, that others caring about them or the legacy thet leave is of little importance.
And, i have seen , first hand, good, decent people who profess to believe in an afterlife, scared shitless by death, fighting jt tooth and nail.
living a good life seems to be no protection against the imme se fear of dying or being forgotten.
I am the OP. Typing from my I phone. I have not yet read all the replies. But this post is probably the closest analysis I’ve read yet. I am not bragging or proud of the way I am. I am not lonely but it is just now that I have reached an age where running after women is just too much bother.
I totally agree with Mrs Vain. Well done you! I see similarities between the contributor and my recent ex who is 63. A few weeks ago he was the bearer of ‘bad news’ to me as he told me he was worried that he might be running out of opportunities to be with other women and how much time does he really have left? So he finished with me. His phrases were. “This is just something I have to do.” “I have to pursue this new woman.” “Carrots have already been dangled but I haven’t responded!” Wow. After the anger and hurt subsided I think my overall feeling is one of sympathy and sadness for someone who can never truly have a deep, fulfilling connection with another person. You are right Mrs Vain. They don’t want that….or do they?
“He who dies with the most toys, still dies.” Enjoy hell.
Mrs Vain
They don’t care about anyone. However, they do have to settle for less as time goes on. X can’t get it up, has no assets, can’t find anyone attractive or intelligent woman who would give him the time of day. What they will never admit is their supply dwindles. They age horribly and grasp for kibbles where ever they can. Rather pathetic statements like “running after women is too much of a bother” are typical. Their never lonley because they have a hand. Masturbate away! you have yourself OP. So fucking funny how simple it is for them to enjoy their own disordered company.
oh yay!! i was the closest to figuring out that you are a worthless piece of shit. lucky me.
drop dead asshole
What’s funny, is you think you’re telling us something we haven’t figured out yet. You aren’t special, you’re just another garden variety douche bag.
You’ve got nothing to teach us.
One thing that he might contribute are his thiughts on how to detect folks like himself. Sam Vanakin does this on his site.
, Malignant self Love.
Arnold, I am in awe of Sam Vanakin. And I appreciated RH honesty.
He might be a serial cheater; first of all he’s a misogynist with no impulse control. There is no gene for serial cheating. There is a gene I assume for when people cannot control impulses and also he was raised with no care for consequences. This is a sociopath; most serial cheaters would attempt to say they fall in love, or monogamy goes against biology etc. He has no excuses and lost touch with his kids. I feel sad for the other women too – they were younger, and this man was a predator and a sociopath. Most normal people are no match for this.
Not sure he is any less respectful of wonen thsn men, if he is a true sociopath. They ard equal opportunity predators.
Just another piece of dysfunctional garbage. He wants to make a point that he just doesn’t give a rat’s ass but the joke is on him, as he will never feel pure joy, love, happiness or satisfaction in his lifetime.
There is no there there.
He is an empty shell. Not a real human being. I pity his children.
I wince when one of us calls another person a lesser human. In fact, he is a real human. One of us. His actions are deplorable and without empathy and will bring about the appropriate “cause and effect” depending on your view. We need to teach our kids to be aware of these personality types, so they will not fall into the same situations that we all did.
We are all flawed in someway….the difference is intent. When u lack the ability to recognize suffering… Or worse recognize it and continue doing it…purposely inflict it…u are a lesser human being. They are not whole.
Don’t. It sounds like their mother raised them right and they have nothing to do with him. He’ll be dead soon and they can dump his carcass in some hole and forget they ever knew him.
I hope my kids will be strong enough to think the same way. Thanks for the enlightenment KellyP. You’re right!
Exactly! These sickos are subhuman.
This sounds exactly like my ex, who is only 36. He said all the same things to me after I found out he was a serial cheater with dozens of women (all low-class, very poor, married, usually with track marks in their arms). He said it was the thrill of the chase, he was always the one pursuing them, it made him feel alive and powerful to cheat on me and steal these pieces of trash from their poor husbands–thats what got him off. He told me he picked me as a trophy wife, so no one would ever suspect his double life and ‘sex addiction’. He was a diagnosed sociopath who took after his father, who lived the same way (I had no idea until the divorce, at which time children whose parents’ marriages were wrecked by his married father decades ago contacted me). Thank God I found out before we had children, although we were married 10 years. I cut him out of my life with the precision of a seasoned surgeon, as if he were nothing more than a 220 pound cancerous tumor. It wasn’t easy at first, but now I often forget he exists–until I step in dog shit. Perhaps its something about the incredible mess and the nauseating smell that bring back a fleeting memory of his shitty existence. I’ve no doubt there’s a special place in hell for my ex, his father, the writer of this letter, and all the others who belong to this subculture of scum.
// , Is there any way to prevent his latching on to some other victim?
Can a “I will cheat on you” stamp get burned (figuratively, of COURSE) onto the slunt’s forehead?
well said!!!
***YAWN***
This guy is just boring and predictable. It’s funny, because I would think something like this would be hard to read, or “trigger-y,” or remind me of past hurts, but honestly, he’s just another bore.
I wonder if he realizes what a walking, talking cliche of patheticism he is (not that he would likely care), or how anyone whom has even a modicum of intelligence or sense is likely sneering at him behind his back.
Meh.
Quite honestly, I’m not sure I believe the story. Whether fictious ramblings of someone with wayyyy too much time on his (or her) hands or distustingly true, this is a completely soulless chunk of pig vomit.
If indeed true, well there ya go…way to ruin having relationships with your children by choosing random, pathetic cumdumpsters over your family and not giving a flying fuck about it. Chew on that on your deathbed…it’s right around the corner for your elderly and likely impotent ass.
I believe it. I was married to a man just like that.
Every now and then during an argument about his latest adventure in whore land he would let slip a little nugget of complete truth. Those nuggets of truth sound nearly identical to the letter.
The only difference is this old asshole Sat down and wrote it all out in one long message, while my ex asshole dribbled it out bit by bit over the years.
When they reveal themselves …. YOU FEEL DISGUSTED ! Same feeling I get around pedophiles !!!
I do not think most people get the same feeling as they do from pedophiles. As i have mentioned, many famous,rich, admired folks are serial cheaters. Many folks are not put off by our presidents and other political leaders who serially cheat. Same with actors and sports heros.
cumdumpsters…how true. What they don’t seem to get while boasting of their conquests is that they are scraping the absolute bottom of the barrel to find these women. All things considered, “desperate” would have to be considered one of their more attractive features.
Why would I get an ego boost from screwing the ugliest guy I could find? Eeewww!
Some of the men and women I know who I believe to be like this are pretty darn physically attractive and hook up with nice looking folks, no downgrades. As they age, they still attract nice looking folks, just older versions.
Somatic Narcissists, often retain their looks longer than average , as, since looks are their main bait, they invest heavily in them, working out religously with high pain thresholds. They invest in cosmetic surgeries and wardrobes, too, to stay equipped for predation.
Right?! They need someone with a less self-esteem than they possess themselves and won’t call them on their BS. Always a downgrade. At the time, I was 29, he was 34…the women he was looking up online were over 45, ugly as sin, and about as wide as they were tall.
You just have to consider the source…”easy” over “quality”. As soon I realized that, the proverbial fog lifted and saw what he really was.
Freedom
When I think of the downgrade X always ended up with, it was typically either someone who was also married or was single and knowingly screwed married men. Size, age and appearance were always secondary to the OW’s lack of integrity, morals, or ability to care. In other words their equals. X did end up with a beast who is more disordered than X if that is possible. I’m enjoying the fact that he has to pretend he is happy with his new life with a whore. It’s comical.
I agree. Lack of scruples is first & foremost.
One of them, specifically the Troll Hobbit, tried to get me into a pick me dance for him. Such joyous memories:/ What’s funny is that the twatwaffle now wants nothing to do with him. The dimwitted bitch could even see through his shit after fairly quickly.
Im sure he’ll find another…how easily these whores are interchangeable.
This is perfection. I laughed so hard. Made me feel better. Thank you.
The one I caught him with was a downgrade for sure….some skank from some podunk hole in Alabama. Looked like she crawled out from under a bottle of black hair dye.
I felt horrible at first, I mean, you’re supposed to upgrade, and here we have this skank that is better than me? My self-esteem took a real beating.
Seeing them for what they are is definitely the key that unlocks the door.
Wow there must be something in the water in Alabama, my soon to be ex also cheated on me with some low rent, trash bag, bottle dyed red headed hick from there… Total downgrade as far as looks and class go. Easy and dumb are the keywords here I guess.
I do agree with him on one aspect. Thanks to social media – people’s morals go down the tubes and I can see the divorce rate sky rocketing. Sad. These web sites and private cell phones DO make cheating WAY to easy and unfortunately….its almost becoming acceptable.
I don’t believe social media creates bad morals any more than banks create thieves.
I completely agree taniarochelle. Social media may just make it easier for them.
100% agreed. Social media makes it easier, but definitely not the cause of cheaters’ behavior.
My fuckwit tried blaming social media to some degree. Lol really? Facebook “made you” look up Troll Hobbit and start messaging her? And Adult Friend Finder “forced you” to supply credit card info to chat up lonely, much older fat women?
If it were 30 years ago, he’d be answering personal ads by snail mail and trolling bars.
Technology has changed, cheaters are all still the same.
agreed. Husband is deployed but social media/email/skype makes it easier for me to keep in touch with HIM, not for me to go trolling around. Can’t blame social media.
Hannibal Lector wrote, “You can tell I am somewhat sorry for what happened. . . .” Actually, um, no. Not at all. You never indicate you should have done anything differently and seem utterly unable to empathize with your wife, girlfriends or children. You plainly don’t understand the word “sorry.” But, hey, you’ve only had 35 years to contemplate these events. If, as I suspect, you are actually a vampire and live another 300 years, maybe you’ll have an inkling one day. And the way you describe the tragic death of your wife is downright bone chilling.
This letter is a pathetic, near-end-of-life play for narcissistic supply disguised as insight. Disguise . . . FAIL.
Brilliant, nomar.
AGREE!!!!
what kind of loser writes a letter to a website dedicated to helping the type of woman this ass left behind? he is NOT SOMEWHAT sorry for anything, he is BRAGGING about what a complete empty shell and worthless man he is and telling all of us that he is not good at anything except fooling and tricking lonely woman. he cant keep a hold of anything.
one thing that his letter has done is helped me realize that all those tears and efforts were wasted on the piece of shit i married. and how lucky i am to divorce him and get the fuck away from him. exhole is a lot like this ass. HE DIDNT CARE either.
well, they are more then welcome to their empty useless lives. i have my children and people who love me.
i have meaning in this world and have done things that mean something. this guys life is SHALLOW and forgettable, in the end HE IS NOTHING and there will be NOT a SOUL who will miss him.
we are all better then he is.
Mrs Vain
You kick ass!!
“I now know that my cheating is a character flaw that I am unable to control. It might even be genetic…”
See! It’s not his fault so he doesn’t have to be sorry. Not that he is anyway…
*face/palm*
Done, just done.
“I now know that my cheating is a character flaw that I am unable to control.”
Correction: Your cheating is a character flaw that you are *UNWILLING* to control. You COULD have stayed single and told any woman you were with (if any would HAVE you…) ahead of time that you didn’t plan on staying faithful to them.
BTW, cheating isn’t your ONLY ‘character flaw’. In order to cheat, a cheater has to be skilled in LYING. But I suppose you were *unable* to control your lying, too…
he couldnt be honest, if he was honest about being a lying, unfaithful, piece of shit that is not worth a fucking thing, he would have never been able to “chase” the women.
he is such a loser that he couldnt even get a prostitute honestly. he had to lie, steal and hide who he REALLY is because he knows that a decent, or undecent woman would not have him.
he brags about chasing and deceiving tons of woman like it is a good thing. he brags how he doesnt care about any of them or the harm he dealt them,
but in all actuality his biggest lie is to himself, thinking he is has nothing that needs to be forgiven. he has lived a shallow empty life and has never know what it feels like to be loved for who and what you really are, or to give yourself fully to another person.
OP here again. I wrote this piece more or less to let faithful partners in a relationship to abandon hope of reforming the cheater or trying to save the marriage. I’m not bragging. I’m too old to brag. I’m telling everyone here that it is part of my make up and I couldn’t change. I did not remarry. Like I pointed out I live alone and I am in a relationship that isn’t even Common-Law. I did this to avoid a second divorce, loosing my home, child support, alimony and the like.
RH
I can smell your rotting flesh. If you could be honest you would admit not only that you never loved anyone but yourself; you enjoy every minute of degrading women. That is why you are here. You have lost your supply of vulnerable victims because…..
You can fill in the blank. You enjoy coming here to play with us. You are a narcissistic sociopath who has lost power and control. I’ve read about you in books. The aging narcissist facing his false self. It’s not pretty. You enjoy the anger and pain too. We know everything about you also. What does it feel like to face yourself without your much needed admiration from your victims. We are here to spread the word about the character disordered. Are we your last attempt at an audience? That in itself is the most pathetic laughable action I can imagine from a narcissist. I am laughing at your lack of power. We hold the control button.
RH, I hope you realise that we are all laughing at you. What a loser.
well you are right about one thing, it truly is a waste of time for the faithful spouse to try to honor their vows when they married a piece of shit like you.
but you are WAY WRONG on saying “You couldnt change”!! that is just the bullshit you tell yourself. YOU DIDNT WANT TO CHANGE…..because YOU DIDNT CARE WHO YOU HURT in your journey to have fun and be happy..
you see, i believe that ANYONE is able to change if they really really want to. if you have a conscious and have honor, integrity, loyalty and accountability then you can realize how much damage and pain your actions cause other people. then it is easy to change.
but for someone like you, who only cares about himself, who has zero feelings for how his actions crushed your wife, who is not bothered that his own flesh and blood children do not recognize nor want anything to do with you, for you, because you are a worthless waste of good air, you did not WANT to change. because you enjoyed what you were doing so much, GOD FORBID you get bored by honoring your vows, keeping your promises and raising your children. you HAD to do it because your happy is the only thing that matters to you.
i am not going to waste my time trying to get you to understand what a POS you are, i know it is beyond your mental ablilty to grasp….
but honestly stop saying that you “COULDNT” change and call it like it really is that you “WOULDNT” change.
geesh, what an asshole
“I did this to avoid a second divorce, loosing my home, child support, alimony and the like.” Wouldn’t the better thing to do was to not have a fourth child whom it appears you did not support? Oh wait. I forgot. It’s all about you.
Yeah, not bragging…lol. You’re delusional, depraved, and just an overall shitty human being. Now that you’re so old and not finding 20-somethings to put that old, decrepit dick in, you’re getting your jollies by spouting your bullshit to people who’ve gone through hell because of scum similar to you. One last thrill, one last chance to feel like you “got one over” on someone. Feel big & in control now?
Obviously you know nothing about this site…definitely not pro-reconciliation…these chumps know better. We know cheaters don’t change even without your foul testimony.
You didn’t even remarry?*Applaud* Don’t you deserve a fucking medal!
Ugh…I can’t even…it’s futile arguing with trash.
LOL he didn’t remarry because he didn’t want anyone to be able to take any more of his money and he knew that it would have eventually crumbled anyway.
Oh….just wanting to help us? I’ll tell you like I said before, you aren’t telling us anything we didn’t learn the hard, hard, hard, hard, FUCKING hard way. The way your wife did.
,,,and you were *unable* to control your gross selfishness as well…
Sounds very like the man I knew,a dangerous narcissistic sociopath who leaves a trail of chaos and destruction in his wake,totally devoid of empathy or remorse.These people are on the psychopathy spectrum and sadly his wife ,it seems,was never able to recover from what he did to her….emotionally and physically destroyed.
These personality disordered types are never troubled by qualms of conscience or moral scruples.Sent shivers down my spine to read of his glacial,callous disregard for those who were unfortunate enough to be caught in his web….as did his misogyny.Truly horrible.Brought back memories I’d like to forget.
And yet, many of us were married to people very much like this. I think it is way more prevalent than we know.
i spoke to one of my wife’s old boyfriends. He told me ” Arnold, Laurie never considers the effect of her actions on others. 2 things go into her analysis when deciding on an action: what is the reward and what is the risk of getting caught”.
70 is not that old and with Viagra etc. many of these old Sociopaths have a decent amount of life left to indulge their proclivities.
And, if they are agnostic or atheists, they are not too worried about what awaits them ,other than oblivion, which most of us fear.
Thank you for publishing this letter.
I believe this was the sort of man I was married to.
Got married without thinking about what the reality might look like, didn’t want multiple kids or a stay at home wife and the responsibilities that came with both.
It was easier to cheat than to stand up and be honest about being unhappy. The writer chose to be a coward and cheat than make decision to voice his unhappiness and push to fix his marriage or walk away honestly and take responsibility for not voicing his opinions before he had 3 children.
I believe he is correct when he says that plenty of women will have affairs with married men with families. In my case, she knew us all very well but simply cared more about what she thought she was going to get. (What she got wasn’t as wonderful as it looked but that’s besides the point)
Mine also lost his relationship with one child (but he doesn’t care about that one because he knows that charm and guilt won’t get that child back) and will never have more than an acquaintance relationship with the other.
I believe this man has no remorse. Not even imitation.
I would like to hear from him years from now when he needs his diapers changed or spends all his holidays alone in a nursing home. Maybe then there will be some remorse…but probably not.
The only horrible part is that the mother of his children did not live to reap the full benefit of her love and hard work raising her children. I will bet that they were with her while she died. The writer definitely left that out so I assume it was the case. If the children had abandoned their mother, I am sure he would have added it to his story.
I am glad that the three children have each other as family and don’t need their “father”.
What the writer fails to realize is what he truly lost. Knowing what true love looks and feels like. What love between parents and children or husband and wife can feel like when there is heart-felt love created out of years of real life, mixed with mutual respect, pride and devotion.
He doesn’t even know what he missed out on and that is what makes him pathetic.
I was thinking the SAME thing!!! My STBXH & I were fine- until our daughter was born. From the start of her life, he disconnected- too much responsibility/obligation for him and his narcky-self to handle.
Yep, this will be my husband – hopefully sooner than later. Fucking asshole!!!
Yep, the shift in my marriage occurred during my pregnancy & after our first child’s birth. Chilling to see it written here by a man that could very well be my ex.
After my first was born, my ex put ALL of his attention and effort into her. I am certain that he figured out he would get way more ego kibbles from the rest of the world if he was an amazing father then he would get from being an amazing husband (the original game he played). I am curious if something will cause him to change his game of amazing father to amazing something else. There are a lot of ego kibbles in this present age for a fantastic father. He is very very good at playing up his role when the world is watching, but hiding his true self behind closed doors.
They were narcissists ladies. As soon as the kids come along, they are SUPER resentful because they are not longer the end all, be all.
Narcissists can abandon their kids so easily because they resent them. They were competition, not offspring.
exactly, it was at the time of the birth of my first child that I ceased to be a person but instead was ‘mother/housekeeper’.
We need to educate our kids!
This really cheered me up
This will be my cheater 20 years from now
Also Serial cheater with multiple long term relationships/wives Right down to a kid at 50, as a result of an affair
This will be him in 20 years when he hits 70
The commets about needing the conquest and being addicted to it was exactly what my cheat er told me about why he did it.
Thank god i am out, i had been struggling with the belief he will be different for someone else. This has reinforced that he wont
I know, right, coco? Initially, I thought cheater ex would happily live ever after with OWife. They have been married for a year now and I recently found out their big house and big lifestyle is all a lie. Cheater ex has gone through all his liquid assets and is now pulling money like crazy out of his 401k (complete with penalties and taxes) to maintain the dream. In just two years’ time. This was a guy who used to be financially savvy but now it is more important to him to prove to the world that he did not screw up. I guess he needs to be reminded of Suzy Orman’s famous line “Stand in your truth.”
70 year old serial cheating sociopath. How appealing. Pretty sure I’m never gonna be that desperate. Have at it, OWHores!
Good thing he doesn’t have a relationship with his kids – he’s just the creepy old guy that no will let their grandkids be around. What a waste of human being.
I believe this letter was either written by one of my exes, or one of my brothers. Same MO. Horndogs till the end.
Could have been written by any of them. As unique and special as they think they are, they’re produced from the same mold. I never read anything on here that I can’t relate to 100%. All of them, same exact guy (gal).
Albert Einstein serially cheated. NPD? Admired?Successful?
Thanks for sharing; here’s your bitch cookie.
Wonder what his job was? How old he was when he knew he had no conscience? Why his daughter still has anything to do with him? I told the wife of aa serial cheater to come to this blog and got jumped on. Wonder if she would see things differently now?
The daughter who still has contact is hanging around to get the inheritance. One of my kids stays in touch with her father so she can get money out of him.
Seems a bit mercenary.
Wow is right. Sociopathic much. And the way he describes women is so disrespectful. Hope he dies in a nursing home tended by spacey young women who find him pathetic and repulsive.
Scary fact is that some men are only as faithful as their options. Makes the thought of dating let alone having a relationship with somebody very daunting.
The majority of men are faithful. Even the infidelity statistics bear that out. We’ve got guy chumps here. Some *people* are only as faithful as their options.
CL,
Sorry I was quoting Chris Rock with that little gem about options. Never meant to suggest only men do the cheating. I feel that anybody can get chumped but earnestly hope that past experience makes all of us wiser in who we choose to share out life and love with!
This particular post was creepy to see the extent of this person’s disregard for other human beings.
Thanks for this. I used to think my exW was sometimes an Ice Queen. After she dropped her mask I found out how soulless she really was. It was scary. No remorse or empathy what so ever. Thanks for the great post.
Ew, non-remorseful horn cheating grandpa! His boastful letter has done me SOME good, it’s put me right off my lunch, and I really could do with dropping a few pounds anyway! Thanks, you decrepit old saggy-balled asshole!!
Oh my, old saggy-balled asshole just made me think of X. Lol.
Haha oh Donna! I’m so glad you’ve escaped your saggy-balled ex! Let someone else deal with his rocks in a sock, euw! xx
This guy is clearly an extreme case. But it does give good insight into the remorseless and entitled minds of most cheaters even if most aren’t quite as far up the sociopathic spectrum as this twat.
I’m not so sure he is an extreme case. They are all opportunists.
How can you not respect the honesty and the guts to admit that you are nothing but a “piece of dick”. His life revolves around his dick and that is it!!! Wish all the serial cheaters would be this honest.
He’s honest about the fact that he makes it a habit of being dishonest.
Not too much sadder than someone who uses his penis as the needle for his moral compass.
Sad and pathetic. Of course, he can’t help himself. The first step is admitting that he has a problem, which he clearly is unwilling to do. He likes cheating apparently or the thrill of cheating–to be more precise. Least he is “honest” in the letter. Probably the saddest and most pathetic part is what that addiction takes from him and the lives it destoys. Creates an incapacity to really connect and enjoy true love. True love does not cheat, and true love cares if it wounds its children. He might use the term, but obviously, he does not know what love is. That is both sad and pathetic.
Well said DM! True love never entered this guys radar. So sad and pathetic. My stbx and his family do not understand true love either. They understand love when it serves them, which we know is not really love.
“All I wanted was the sex, and I found it all too easy to pick up [other people without character and crap life skills like me or the stupidly naive] women starting with just a simple compliment. There. Fixed it.
It was probably no coincidence that his first wife died of stomach cancer. She was probably nursing stomach ulcers for the better part of her relationship with this devoid POS. Chronic trauma of that kind often leads to malignancy. So he robbed her of more than the love, emotional and physical security of an honest marriage. He robbed her of her life.
And like so many of these cliches, the well-being of his own children was always way down on the list of priorities. They were just an annoying by-product of screwing.
I developed cancer after being almost solely responsible for dealing with two very sick children for the first 5 years of their lives. Never got more than an hour or two of sleep because my ex was either traveling or “couldn’t hear them crying.” After he left I found a list of things he loved about his new AP, on the list he wrote “she is healthy.”
That’s just so awful and heartless! Hopefully he gets a ride on the karma bus!
He’s in the hospital as I type this, suffering from a sudden heart problem.
Hugs to you Lyn for enduring so much, accomplishing so much- raising two very sick children to successful adulthood, and remaining intrepid through it all. I too had health problems, which I sucked up throughout my marriage which everyone on the outside looking in, attributed to the oddball that was my cheater.
It was doubly hurtful, that cheater would never acknowledge, that his behavior was even a teensy bit contributory. It sounds like your X too thought it entirely your annoying little problem.
Even though you are divorced, don’t be surprised if your X spins his heart issues as somehow related to the compassion and guilt he feels for leaving you on your own, or he is working doubly hard to provide alimony, yada, yada…. My cheater often played the pity card to the max as part of his continuing image management to reap those kibbles.
Well, I don’t think his heart problems are sudden. I think he’s had very serious heart problems for a long, long time.
(((Lyn)))
I enjoyed this letter. It reminded me of every miserable, judgy outing with the ex, and all the forced smiles at the end, and the fact that while it took me a year to get over my genuine sweet suede leather love for him, he’s already two ladies and an out of wedlock adultery child past me. And a few months into the Child Support he must pay the Schmoopie Stranger till he is a broken down 300 lb 66 year old with a high school education. And all the smiles on FB from New Chick and Ex-Side Dish and the older daughter he lost primary custody of to wife #2 out of this clusterfuck? Looking awfully forced. Decidedly not the proper public image he so desperately chided me about if I so much as laughed too loud at a baseball game, or left the house without him.
It just reinforced to me how little I mattered, and how little anyone matters to these disordered specimens of Human Garbage. And how now I have the opportunity to spread my love ALLLL around to friends and family who deserve it. And The same no bullshit meter that grew in my spine from this awful marriage works in all sorts of situations, not just romance.
And as for me? My dance card remains full, in the sane way that sane humans date and court. Because I’m not giving up on any options life may hold.
The Free Love Bonobo Monkey Circus can pitch its’ tent on the other side of town!
My Dad’s best friend had a High School education. He was worth over 500 million when he died. So,chumps withoit a college degree may do just fine.
LOL!!!!! And it suck to be him.. paying child support at his age to stranger. What an idiot!
Yuuuuuup. I’m not sure how friendly they are now, but Schmoopie Forever or Three Months now has to raise her kid and watch him coo on FB with the New Chick.
And it’s a Narc Triangulation Sweepstakes! She has won the sparkly turd future she deserves from fucking a married coworker- and the timeline of the child’s birth proves it to everyone at work, which means promotions are sadly off the table and they are both lucky to still have a jerb.
PS Babies are wonderful, blameless and a gift.
LOL @ “Free Love Bonobo Monkey Circus”!!!!
I have literally stayed to myself since he moved out 2 months ago- he has tried and failed at trying to make me out to be dating, hooking-up, LOL #EpicFAIL…I refuse to date, talk to, hang out with anyone of the opposite sex until our divorce is final- honest to God, I haven’t even tried to hook-up or anything- I am in the healing process and have nothing to offer another person- right now, I’m working on me, Unlike HIM.
He is shocked that I have developed a set of balls against him and a spine. He honestly expected me to curl into the fetal position and cry and let him walk away from me with nothing for child support, total rejection and abandonment.
He is going to end up just like this. Already starting down that spiral mental-health-wise, and physically unhealthy too.
37-year-old acting like a 15-year-old with Mommy-Abandonment-issues, he has nothing to show for his life except for being a convicted felon with a jail-house GED piece of shit.
UnsinkableMolly “He is shocked that I have developed a set of balls . . .” Mine has been too and is currently not speaking to me because I set some very concrete boundaries (finally!). Our college-aged daughter refers to his behavior as that of a “14-year old girl.” I’m not dating or anything until divorce is final in August. I may not date for quite awhile, I have absolutely nothing to give anyone while I’m just trying to survive the head games.
Me toooooo, bepositive!!!
He told me a few weeks ago, “I will fuck with your head so much that you will end up in an asylum!!!…the games start now!!!” this was said after I exposed his lies for the truth to yet another Schmoopie, —- only after HER MOTHER called a friend of mine and get the real story…even after her mother got the straight story, this dumb 26-year-old is still dating his 37-year-old ass!!!! We haven’t even filed yet!!!! ARGH!!
I will probably put myself on hold once the divorce is final to repair my “picker”— after my first divorce, I was in a big damn hurry to prove my ex-husband’s words about how I was unlovable, unwanted, etc. that I just jumped into a relationship with STBXH- just 6 weeks after divorce #1- NEVER AGAIN!!!!
Mine has been pretty much N/C for about a month now. Except for his neglect of our daughter, I’m grateful!!!
3 points for Luziana for use of the phrase “Free Love Bonobo Monkey Circus”
And, thank goodness mine had a vasectomy! Hopefully my kids won’t have that awkward phone call from the alleged unknown brother or sister down the road.
Add another 3 points for Luziana from me for ‘Free Love Bonobo Monkey Circus’ – that’s a cracker! 😀
Perfect! This wonderful quote is now becoming a modification to my adopted motto:
“Not my Circus, Not my Bonobos.” Thank you Luziana!
“Plenty of Other Fish”
It’s Plenty of Fish. I think this guy’s ears, brain, and penis are all connected, unfortunately.
I think this guys brain IS in his penis. Enough said!!!!!!!!!
What it comes down to is really just that so many people don’t know what love is. And they aren’t able to appreciate what they don’t know. The most detestable of them, like this asshole, are the ones who know it and insist on feeding on the hearts of whom they perceive as lesser beings.
It’s one thing to realize that the cheater just never loved you and all you got was what he thought love was (hey, at least he cared enough to *pretend* he did, for a while?) simply because he enjoyed your company, then, more than anyone else’s. It’s quite another when your cheater is this kind of monster… one who knows he didn’t and can’t and has set out to just consume people. And is PROUD of it… like a very particular, twisted kind of foodie, who digests and shits the BEST food as if it’s a testament to his taste. “I only drain the goodness out of the BEST people, which I believe makes me superior.”
“What a coward every man is! and how surely he will find it out if he will just let other people alone and sit down and examine himself. The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.” ~Mark Twain
I don’t believe in Heaven and Hell but I do believe that there’s some sort of an afterlife… may he find his just desserts there, experiencing the consequential side of the misery he has gleefully created. Everything balances eventually; that is the natural order of things, whether you believe it will happen or not.
Oh don’t worry, insistonhonesty, if you believe the below, I am PRETTY SURE that God (Father, Son, and Spirit) WILL NOT find this funny. Even if you do not believe as I do, you are right in that everything DOES balance out / have good or bad consequences. Does he think that ANY divine power would just ‘be ok’ with him purposely destroying lives?
“For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; so that everyone may receive what is due him, according to what he has done in the body, whether it is good or bad. 2 Corinthians 5:10”
Personally, I hope his poor wife gets popcorn and a live feed of his judgement (from her couch, or whatever we sit on in Heaven) just before this POS falls through a trap door to hell. This is unlikely, but I believe that she got her reward for her deeds (raising her children, not cheating, being a good person) and now has no more pain or suffering.
Remembering that verse was the only thing keeping me CALM after reading this horrid letter.
Don’t good, non Chritians go to Limbo? If so, how do we know this?
Mr Cheater, so on your death bed you can die with the knowledge, that your entire life has been lying, deceiving , and hurting people who love and trust you.
And with the knowledge that he never experienced love, true, pure, freeing love. He has cheated himself of life’s greatest joy. It is so clear from his letter that he senses his loss, but is too stupid to figure out why he is old and alone, cruising the net to find an equally soulless fuck buddy.
He actually sounds proud of being a disordered piece of shit. So glad his kids have walked away.
Ok, well this is a therapist’s field day… severe unresolved mommy & daddy issues spanning 70 years? “…being very careful not to ever fall in love. Broke lots of hearts but I didn’t care”.
And what is the motivation of the person behind this letter, to Chump Lady? –Notoriety for portraying the perfect picture of no remorse? Getting your mojo from reading about others devastation on this website?
I agree, the internet is a place where plenty of cesspools of humanity thrive. And at the end on your life the inscription on your tombstone might read- “Yes I live alone, I look at porn, Ashley Madison, personals on Craigslist, and Plenty of Other Fish”.
That kind of says it all…
I suspect that he didn’t have to be careful to not fall in love it all. He’s just a big baby who so resents not being man enough to love that he chose to “rise above it” (UBT: Run away like a damn coward) instead.
It read to me like a bunch of macho-dribble. He was just a stud, and a player….never let himself fall in love. Kind of like in some stupid cowboy novel.
Riding off into the sunset alone
More like digging his own grave…little by little, year after year. Alone. What a POS!!!!
Yes, exactly!!! My STBXH runs away when shit gets real in his life…I’m sure he will run off or try to at least – He’s a coward, rather than honor his commitment to me, he wants to divorce and go “be happy”….
these type of people have no honor
Serial cheaters can’t make real connections to other people; it’s all the thrill of the seduction/chase + the power of deceiving someone.
Yep Tempest – Amen to that! 🙂
What’s his motivation? Kibbles.
Getting chump attention gets his dick hard. I’ll spare you the creeptacular letter he sent about how chumps could spice things up in the bedroom (complete with dirty talk!) and how he doesn’t cheat on his 54 year old GF. Except that in the earlier letter (the one today) he says he does cheat, or looks to cheat on her.
Yeah, we all want his “wisdom.” Oh gee, we were Doing It All Wrong. That means so much coming from a sociopath.
‘ I’ll spare you the creeptacular letter he sent about how chumps could spice things up in the bedroom’
I’ve said it before, and I know I’m not the only Chump here who can say it too, BUT ‘a dull sex life’ with me was most certainly NOT why ‘The Great I Am’ had to go spreading it about! The man was forever telling me how fantastic he thought our sex life was. He was forever telling his friends and mere acquaintances (to an embarrassing degree) how fabulously, deliriously happy he was with our sex life. Certainly nothing ‘vanilla’ about it – or me!
Simple truth is he is a greedy bastard who wants his ego stroking by, as you put it CL, as big a ‘smorgasbord of pussy’ as he can possibly get. And no one woman is ever going to be that for him. It didn’t matter if I told him he ‘hung the moon’ or if I was (as I was) ‘A Maid in the Living-room, a Cook in the kitchen and a Whore in the bedroom’. I was just one person, and hey – in getting me to marry him, he’d already conquered that mountain.
Like our delightful letter writer today, he’ll die never knowing the true joy of living – Love.
Like CL said in another UBS ‘cheaters NEVER cheat on people who love and desire them’ …
When asked WHY? My cheater replied: because she was a new c___ and a new pair of t—.
One of the most honest things he said. Along with, no I never felt guilty.
was that a typo Patsy? I most certainly DID love and desire him – but he most certainly DID cheat on me!
PS – ‘The Great I Am’ also told me he felt no guilt.
He didn’t have to tell me he didn’t feel any guilt, it showed.
Ah, interesting wrinkle!
So he has sent you more than one letter.
Kibbles, indeed. Someone is really hungry for attention.
Oh good lord – Chump Lady, I love your website and what you do here – and what a great group. I guess you must see “IT ALL”. And for that–thank you for sharing it – not because the letter is particularly revelatory, for all we know it could be a work of fiction from a sociopath – but because it gives insight into the eye-popping array of humanity that you must be fielding on your website from time to time. –Goes with the territory I am sure –
All I see from SC’s letter today is an inner nasty child.
What a waste of a life. This is one of those gross guys who get off on posting dick picks on Craig’s list. #byefelipe
Did you know that banging your head against a wall burns 150 calories per hour? True story.
(I refuse to dignify today’s letter writer with a response.)
LOL! 😀
Sick. While this asshole’s wife was knee deep in raising kids, doing the hard work of the slog.. he was out fucking 21 year olds? And he’s not sorry?
I am no shrink but this guy is at the MINIMUM a raging narcissist and quite possibly a sociopath.
Kudos to the now departed wife who raised their three kids and did the hard work of being the adult.
Wha wha…. Boo hoo…. Just couldn’t handle the responsibilities of being a husband & parent but these guys have no trouble getting their wives/girlfriends pregnant. Gee, where have I heard this before? Wussies… Spoiled babies all of these cheaters.
I have no respect for a serial cheater who by nature is a sociopath and cannot ever be “honest”. What he said was he had no honor or respect for his wife and children from the starting gate. He BLAMES his wife for getting pregnant against his wishes. I doubt there is truth to this. He didn’t want to raise his children and selfishly abandoned his family because it was too much work maintaining a double life with twins. The destruction he caused was an afterthought 35 years later. Serial cheaters hide within a marriage and as they get older it becomes a a burden keeping all the lies straight. They take that step toward “happiness” which in itself is a lie. Cheaters cheat and end up old and unfaithful to the end. The truth is his children want nothing to do with him and he continues to defend his disordered self to the end. The only thing I take from this is we live better and CAN gain a life once we rid ourselves from the lying cheating assholes. If your spouse cheats expect more. Divorce is the best option if you want a guarantee they won’t cheat again. Because they do and will continue to hide in a relationship if you allow them to.
A life wasted trolling for pussy, thinking you’re Mr. Big Stuff because you are SO fantastic that women devoid of self-respect the world over were unable to break free from your sexy spell. Now you’re 70, resigned to living alone, furiously masturbating to porn. Your own children don’t even care if you are alive or dead.
That’s quite a legacy, my man. Do the world a favor and step in front of a freight train. Free up some oxygen to other people who actually deserve it.
Rumblekitty, I 100% agree with this, “That’s quite a legacy…”
Damn good post, Kitty!
*Gasps for air* Rumblekitty, you are hilarious!
“Do the world a favor and step in front of a freight train. Free up some oxygen to other people who actually deserve it.”
Bwahahahahaha!!!!!
Thanks for posting. I am all out of vitriol this morning.
This guy’s mindset sounds a lot like my serial cheating ex. It’s the thrill of the chase to satisfy his ego – he simply wants to be wanted by all women, all the time. My role was to be the facade so he looked like he was the right kind of person to friends and family. And no true remorse once all was out in the open. But I don’t expect him to stay single forever like this guy because he wants someone to take care of everything for him and make him look good while he subtly degrades them and makes them feel inferior to him. His ego enjoys that too and it’s another way he ‘gets off’. Sickos, that’s all they are.
That being wanted by all women, all the time deal gets old after a awhile 🙂
ByeBye
It is all about control. X hid in a marriage with children and I certainly made him look good for appearances only. X was a dreamer with no substance. They don’t find someone better as many chumps believe, they hide in another relationship and degrade their next victim. He found someone who sings praise and adoration for his ego. There may be no logic to their actions or cheater speak yet they are predictable as CL highlights so amazingly. There’s the presence of shit sandwiches, false remorse, and maintaining supply to name a few.
As a chump we want to believe they aren’t a sociopath, serial cheater, or narcissist and that they are redeemable. We accept their inadequacies as our own. We want to maintain stability for our children. By definition a serial cheater must be caught repeatedly. Why wait? Once is enough. It should give us insight for their potential. Cheating requires deception, planning, lying, and fucking someone Never reconcile with accepting their actions.
My attempt to fill in gaps:
“After about half a century of being a serial cheater, I have figured out… looking back now… that cheating was probably wrong. Just like cheating on your taxes is wrong. I still think about cheating all of the time, and I still cheat on my taxes, but you know who doesn’t cheat on their taxes and stuff? Boring people.
I have no relationship with my three grown kids (three that I know of–wink, wink), but I have no bond with them, so fuck ’em. Why no bond you ask? Well, I didn’t spend enough time with them, I guess. I was chasing this sweet young thing when the twins were born, so you know how that is, right? And the older one, well… I was only around it for a few years (did I neglect to mention even its sex?), and lord was that boring… like marriage.
You know what’s not boring? Chasing pussy. Those things are wired right up to a woman things brain and activated with compliments. See how smart I am? Really fellas, If you aren’t getting laid constantly it’s because you don’t appropriately appreciate plying women with compliments to get laid. Did I tell you I am 70, and I have to take pills to get it up, but this is still how I think about things?
Anyway, I know I did wrong, and no I wasn’t sorry, and after 50 years I kind of get that I am supposed to be sorry about some of this, but more than that… I struggle with thinking about cheating all the time and how boring it is not to cheat.
Did I tell you about my 54 year old girlfriend? I’ve still got it, right? I wish I was Donald Trump”
———————————–
How did I do?
I think you could have thrown in having to take insulin or high blood pressure meds or something to, as a way to ridicule his physical condition. We all know having ED and taking pills to get it up is something we should all be ashamed and embarrassed by, right , timeheals?
@timeheals —-OMG, I vote you win 🙂
For the win.
I think Gramps in someway is trying to ” do right” by his dead wife in his letter. In his is own ego inflated way. Take note everyone… This is how assholes say they are sorry not sorry. It demonstrates very clearly that the selfish and disordered remain so. There is no seeing the light… There is no epiphany… The egocentrism remains at the core of these disordered individuals. They dont grow morals, or emphathy or feelings if the right one comes along… They remain true to one thing and that is their ego and self fullfilment( until death do they part)
His confession reminds me of this quote…. ‘ When you are dead, you dont know that you are dead. Its painful only for others. It is the same when you are stupid’ Please replace stupid with Narc.
Thanks for the PSA Gramps…. Keeping read that last quote….
“When you are dead, you don’t know that you are dead. Its painful only for others. It is the same when you are stupid,”
Love it!!! So very, very true.
Bored and overwhelmed with the housework and childcare, quite an excuse there. Try it with an also working outside the home wife. Bad communication in the marriage for sure. Revenge on the wife for getting pregnant and all downhill from there. One of the parts that struck me is the not responding to the wife’s face, yet he recognized her agony. This is a tale of not taking responsibility, being lazy and cowardly, having no empathy, selfishness and it spiraling ad infinitum-taking an easy way out seducing women because he could, sucking them dry for narcissistic supply and then making the excuse that he can’t help it. I pity the children, anyone he is in contact with. Get some help dude, there are potentially more years of damage you can do.