I was recently on your pages reading about cheaters without remorse. I am a serial cheater – at least four times with at least four different women and I want to give your readers some insight into why I cheated on my wife, the way I felt about it and why I’m without remorse.
I was married at 22 and my wife was 21. My wife was extra-ordinarily beautiful (the marriage was normal and the sex was alright). She wanted to get out of the work force and become a stay-at-home mom. She had a picture of traditional male/female roles in a marriage. We had our first child a year after getting married. But I became bored with the marriage within a couple of years. I became overwhelmed with the additional responsibility of being a father and housework (more than half of the house work), child care, maintenance, repairs and gardening etc. I still loved my wife, but started to fall out of love. She wanted additional children but I didn’t. Despite my wishes she stopped the birth control pills, and got pregnant again. Twin boys arrived about 7 months later. I actually started cheating before the twins were born.
I certainly didn’t love the other women. They were younger and also attractive, but I was really in it (the cheating that is) to get the sexual fix. I didn’t worry who was going to get hurt. I knew that I was eventually going to dump these women. All I wanted was the sex, and I found it all too easy to pick up women starting with just a simple compliment. It seems their heart, ears and vaginas are all connected. I found them all desperate for the attention and they didn’t worry at all that I was married. I always wore my wedding ring.
I found cheating addicting. You see it, you want it and you have to have it (the conquest that is). Just like candy in a candy store. And don’t tell me that women don’t dress provocatively or actively encourage it. They do. They like the attention and want more. But from your readers’ perspective, I can attest to the fact that a cheater does not feel guilt or remorse. It’s the thrill of having another woman; another conquest. The real problem for the cheater is having to deal with the fallout when you get caught. At that point it is all damage control. I didn’t regret the affairs. I regretted all of the work having to ameliorate my wife; trying to patch things up. I hated that part. Certainly didn’t feel sorry for the affair, except for one occasion which I will come to. I always figured she would take me back and think me a bastard, but I was right on that account.
I eventually gave up on my marriage and decided to leave for a very pretty but spacy 21 year-old. She had originally been a babysitter to my kids. I know it absolutely crushed my wife emotionally for the rest of her life. I could see it in her face and eyes, but somehow I didn’t respond to it due to the anger surrounding the divorce. I didn’t want to reconcile. My ex-wife and I eventually divorced. The affair with the OW lasted maybe 6 months. It is only now that I am 70 years old that I feel sadness about what I did to her when I reflect on my life.
My wife, I think tried to have a revenge affair with an ex-boyfriend shortly after we separated, but that lasted about one month. Her parting shot aimed at me was that he had a bigger package than I had, but my parting retort was I didn’t care. I think it was at that exact point she realized that any possibility of restoring the marriage was over and she had to let me go. She never dated or had another affair after that.
However, after the divorce I became a free-wheeling very eligible single divorcee (early 30’s) and vowed never to re-marry. I went through a long string of romances and short and long relationships, holding out the unspoken promise of commitment, but being very careful not to ever fall in love. Broke lots of hearts but I didn’t care.
She had a difficult life raising the three kids on her own. She managed to get them all through high school (just 12 years after the divorce) at which time she died of stomach cancer. By that time I lost any bonding I had with the twins and most of my bonding with my daughter. They are all grown now of course and in their early 40’s but when seeing them it’s like meeting with simple acquaintances.
You can tell I am somewhat sorry for what happened now, but that was more than 35 years ago. You might think I am now remorseful, but no, not really. It is not that I have forgiven myself either, since I don’t see it as something I need to forgive. It is my life’s story, and that’s life.
I now know that my cheating is a character flaw that I am unable to control. It may even be genetic since my mother, two sisters and two brothers are all serial cheaters. My father lived a miserable life because of it. As I explained I am much older now (70), and in a relationship (not even common law) with another woman (quite attractive 54 year-old) and with whom I have a fourth child (now 19 and in 1st year university). But I am still tempted to wander; still tempted to cheat. Yes I live alone, I look at porn, Ashley Madison, personals on Craigslist, and Plenty of Other Fish. I am sorry to say the social media makes connecting with women and cheating way too easy. There are hundreds of women I would love to meet, and they are all looking for love. Easy targets. As a serial cheater it is easy to predict, that there is going to be a huge explosion of infidelity just lurking over the horizon. It’s also easier to get caught and probably going to drive the divorce statistics through the roof. That is my story.
Dear Serial Cheater,
Occasionally cheaters write to me and perhaps unwittingly prove my points about Genuine Imitation Naugahyde Remorse. Boy, and the unicorns think I’m cynical? Thanks for the sociopathy public service announcement.
Chumps, I’m taking the day off. Have at it.