Dear Chump Lady, Tell those wives to maintain their dignity

Dear Chump Lady,

I was the OW. Still friends with him. She doesn’t like it. She sends emails to all my family and friends about me. She contacted my employer to get me fired. She contacted immigration to get me deported. She went to the police as apparently me contacting him is the same as me stalking her (???). She has no luck obviously. She filed numerous complaints against his therapist. You should tell desperate wives like this to maintain their dignity. She’s making such a fool of herself. She writes superlong facebook posts (complaints) about her hubby but still stays with him and claims the marriage is ‘happy’. This wife is so codependent and after 3 years still dancing so hard. Doesn’t she see she should maintain her dignity? Because right now she has none. No wonder he doesn’t respect her. Please give some advice to these poor, poor women who think they have such a happy marriage, but need to bombard innocent 3rd parties with emails and phonecalls and threats to keep their man. I mean if she needs to beg MY parents to tell me to leave him alone she has a problem. If her hubby loved her he would leave me alone all by himself don’t you think. Mind baffling this behaviour…

Elle

Dear Elle,

Why are you “friends” with someone who dumped you for his wife?

Sounds like you’re doing the pick me dance too.

If you don’t think you did anything wrong having an affair with a married guy, then I can’t imagine why your employer or your parents knowing this fact should bother you.

Consider that all your “knowledge” of the wife comes from your cheating friend. And your hypervigiliance monitoring her social media (see “pick me dance” above). Shouldn’t you maintain your dignity and get a life?

Mind baffling this behavior…

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Leavingthecrapbehind
Leavingthecrapbehind
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

My hope is that the distraught wife finds the sanity and courage to dump the scum bag cheater and take most of the family’s resources out the door with her. Leaving the cheater broke = Elle and the cheater will have to split a Happy Meal at McDonald’s and call it a “date.”

Sorry Elle….but the financial resources in the marriage…belong to the wife- not you.

TruthWins
TruthWins
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Elle,
(Isn’t there a SNL skit with your name in it?!)

You did what you wanted to & now his wife is.
Live with it, just like she does. Everyday.

One day she will realize he’s creating drama in her life, but it could be way more peaceful & fun without him.

Then she will hopefully take all his cash & you can have ALL of him.

That’s the way these things turn out. Get yourself a therapist & a life that creates good in the world instead of bad. The wife doesn’t deserve any of this.

Polytastic
Polytastic
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I hear in the poly community sometimes: “I don’t care if the other person cheating on their spouse. I don’t know or owe the spouse anything and the responsibility of the relationship is not mine.”

My response to this: “I can’t think of a more efficient way to invite drama and possible danger into your life. Spouses KILL affair partners and the offending spouse. NOT WORTH IT.” These people must be truly crazy (forget lacking empathy). The above letter demonstrates exactly this.

I’m a poly woman who conducts her relationships openly with the knowledge and consent of all parties involved. If I’m considering dating a married man, you bet your ass I insist on speaking to the wife first. I may not owe her anything, but I certainly don’t owe her deceit and trauma.

Crazy Lady
Crazy Lady
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

The OW may be dumb, but she is also a selfish bitch with no morals (same as husband). I agree that wife needs to maintain her dignity, but that is hard to do, I have lost mine several times. Our dignity is about all we have left. Husband doesn’t care and neither does the OW about how the wife acts. They think it’s funny because they have made us so crazy, but of course it’s not their fault. My H thinks everything that has happened (even his affair) is all my fault and he has no blame. According to H, he isn’t the one that caused the circumstances for me to go crazy and neither did his wonderful little “sweetie”. I despise her as much as I do H.

Golfgrrl
Golfgrrl
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Message received.

Cray-cray knows no logic, boundaries, self respect or compassion.

What a bitch.

Leavingthecrapbehind
Leavingthecrapbehind
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Question for Elle – Why are you banging another woman’s husband? No self respect? No respect for others? Desperate? Not attractive enough to find a single man? What is the problem dear?

Leavingthecrapbehind
Leavingthecrapbehind
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Pick me! I’m better than your a-hole wife. Keep trying Elle- maybe someday the cheater will pick you. Then….you gained a cheater- all for yourself.

Skinwalker
Skinwalker
7 years ago

It’s only a matter of time before she DOESN’T have the cheater all to herself! Bwahahaha!

Leavingthecrapbehind
Leavingthecrapbehind
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Dear Skanky Hoe (Elle),
Sounds like you got what you deserved. Sometimes people get what they deserve. Poetic justice? Karma? Curses from God? How ever you got your “just desserts” – I’m glad you did.

Leavingthecrapbehind
Leavingthecrapbehind
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Two words for Elle: Skanky hoe!
Women like her are the ones with no self respect.

Enraged
Enraged
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Bravos! Bravos!
I liked especially the shortness of the answer.
These specimens have no freaking brain! Let alone dignity and self respect!
I applaud that wife for de-masking the impostor. I don’t believe the wife begged anyone. Projection much?
If there is a beggar, that must be the cheater begging the wife to take his sorry ass back and the OW begging for the cheater’s “friendship”.
Oh, and let’s not forget why the wife would bother. Probably because there are children involved??? Heroic lady I would say!

Amazon Chump
Amazon Chump
7 years ago
Reply to  Enraged

If Elle is like my ex’s skank, she’ll win the pickme dance. And as sad as it is for the children, to have their father revealed for his ugliness is important. I tried to keep my marriage together for the sake of our children. Alas, I couldn’t compete with his ‘only friend’. Now he gets his skank and one can only guess how their relationship is filled ‘with trust’ and that they’ll never cheat on each other. Yeah, right! He did me the biggest favor when he picked her over me. Life is great now!

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Pushing to the front of the queue because Elle seems intent on pushing her sociopathic message to a large proportion of posters (below). It is a gorgeous spring day where I am, and I am feeling lazy (read: not up to moderating what looks like could become ugly); hence a suggestion:

Now that we’ve seen into the ugly mind of the OW, I suggest we stop responding to Elle, and start posting our most empowering moments; the moment you knew you had had enough.

Chumptitude
Chumptitude
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

An empowering moment came right after I found out about the affair he started 14 months prior… DDay #1, I had to fly out of town for a work trip the next day. While on the phone, it became clear that he was trying to lie his way to wreckonciliation…

In that moment, an absolutely clear thought struck me like a lightening bolt… “You fucker, you abused my trust and my love, we have a kid in elementary school to raise together, but your preferred problem solving strategy is to insult my intelligence by trying to lie your way out of this??? Hell to the NO!”

In that moment, I understood that my marriage had beed dead for at least 14 months… In fact, I would never know when my then-husband killed our marriage by becoming an adulterer… There was nothing left for me to do but to get a divorce decree as our marriage death certificate…

Cue to NC and two weeks later I was moved out to a new apartment and with copies of all our paperwork and documents. Not surprisingly his cluster B traits became crystal clear during the divorce process and once the mask fell off, well many fellow chumps know the endless shit sandwich buffet that comes with having bred with a high conflict X. The divorce was finalized after 16 months of continued drama… He is now reduced to an email address at the other end of our parental software… The pain is indescribable, but it is finite… And thanks to the generous support and witty humor of this amazing group, I can now laugh at his antics and avoid being baited…

Thank you CL & CN, you (grey) rock!!

rockette
rockette
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

My moment of ENOUGH: It was a hot day in August, we were at a playground near my parents’ house so I could hand off our then 1 year old daughter to him. I had moved home 4 months prior after finding out about his year and a half relationship with “the only woman who really understood” him (a relationship that took place, conveniently, while I was preoccupied with my first real job after law school, being pregnant, and then new motherhood). I was still pick me dancing, hard, even though I had moved out of our home. I thought if only I gave him more space, gave him time to miss me, gave him the time to think about that he wanted, like he asked… he would see the light, right?!?
Back to the playground. We were there because he was too big of a pussy to come directly to my parents’ house because he couldn’t face my parents (who had been extraordinarily welcoming and kind to him during our 5 year relationship). We were going to start couples therapy the following day, which he kept calling “group therapy,” in order to help me better understand “how he could do this.” He wanted to get together and make a game plan for how “group therapy” would go. I was just happy he was showing interest in our relationship.
I don’t know what he said to make it click, but something finally did. I realized he was going to use the “group therapist” to break up with me. I realized he was still talking to the OW. I hadn’t asked about it in a month, but the last time I did he had said they weren’t speaking. I asked to see his text messages and he said no, they were none of my business anymore. I asked if he told her he loved her, and he didn’t answer. I asked if he was still fucking her, and he didn’t answer. I called him every name I could think of. I clarified that this wasn’t working not because we weren’t “compatible,” as he liked to say, but because he was choosing an affair over his family. I told him when our daughter asked and was old enough to know, I would tell her exactly what her father had done to break our family apart, and that even given the choice he had chosen other women over his wife and family. I was not going to lie for him, not ever again. He started crying. Not for me, not for our daughter, but for what our daughter would think of him. He was crying for himself, real big self pity tears, because, truth and consequences. And that is when I knew I was done. I found out later that afternoon that he had had the OW over to our house to play house with him, my daughter, and our dog. While I thought we were trying to reconcile. Who knows how many times. And he said I wouldn’t understand, because I “couldn’t possibly understand how lonely and isolated” he had been since I left. Double fucking done.

Eley
Eley
7 years ago
Reply to  rockette

Geez! What a piece of ****

indychump
indychump
7 years ago
Reply to  rockette

What a piece of shit, he is. But you Rockette, you rock!

indychump
indychump
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

My empowering moment: in our 3rd wreakconcilation MC session- Ex bemoaned the fact that I was a bore and needed a hobby. He and counselor looked at me and I said “okayI’m buying a plane and taking flying lessons” ExReeky’s jaw dropped while counselor grinned ear to ear. I pulled out my phone, googled and dialed the metro airport. I scheduled to meet that afternoon. As I was leaving I looked at them both and said “like I’d take up knitting or something “boring” (yes -with air quotes)

i learned to fly figuratively and literally. I’ve moved on to mehville.

Then there’s Elle, trolls, and cheaters. They will always be licking the cum slime and crap off of any hole or dick and proclaim how happy and awesome they are. They’re just oh so super special when it comes to hopes, dreams, life goals and whatnot #cheatersunderachieversandproudofit #cheatersSeeinghowlowtheycango

Roaring
Roaring
7 years ago
Reply to  indychump

Thank you indychump for this image:

“They will always be licking the cum slime and crap off of any hole or dick and proclaim how happy and awesome they are. They’re just oh so super special when it comes to hopes, dreams, life goals and whatnot #cheatersunderachieversandproudofit #cheatersSeeinghowlowtheycango”

because it is making me laugh all of the residual sadness away. Hahahaha.

kiwichump
kiwichump
7 years ago
Reply to  indychump

I love this! You’re so mighty!

rockette
rockette
7 years ago
Reply to  indychump

This is the best.

Susannah
Susannah
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I knew it was time to go when he threatened to kidnap and hide my children (then almost-3, almost-2 and 9 months). I called the cops and left with two garbage bags full of our belongings. I was done.

MotherChumper99
MotherChumper99
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

When I knew I was done took more than a “moment” because I had 25 years invested, 4 children, real estate, a professional relationship as colleagues and co-authors, friends, community. . . all aspects of my richly earned life that no whore could ever even fathom. But I’m speaking to you sister and brother chumps here — I don’t waste my breath on whores and their ilk,

I knew I was “done” when the following happened after Dday #1 (I will forevermore refer to as FreedomDay or “FDay”):

I realized that X could only have sex if he used viagra (he was 46) and even then his dick was small and limp — it felt like a disgusting wet noodle and made me sick;
X had terrible breath and I would gag if he tried to kiss me;
I worked hard at my job and have limitless opportunities to attain wealth and accolades if I want to;
My children love and respect me for how I conduct myself, which is sanely and calmly;
I can look myself in the eye in the mirror and hold my head high — I’m graceful and a lady, respectable, admirable and courageous in the face of adversity;
I have nothing to feel guilty about and I did nothing wrong to “cause” this calamity;
I have true friends who see right through abusive behavior;
I understand Narcissism and Cluster B traits and can identify that gaslighting and blameshifting is abuse;
I decided my life is precious to me and worth living the best I can;
I can control who I have in my life and if I am mistreated in ANY way, I can choose to cut those out of my life;
I can hire people to help me: kick ass lawyers, contractors, accountants, to name a few;
I have more interests than I have time to pursue but on my short list are climbing glacier topped volcanos in my backyard, paddleboarding, traveling, writing, learning new skills to expand my career opportunities;
As soon as I decided I was done with X’s shit, I had no less than 4 amazing single, available men asking me out on dates — they were all three FAR more accomplished, fitter, better looking, and mentally healthy than X will ever be;
The first time I had sex with my new partner after 25 years with X — and it was divine! Physically, he was so much finer (fitter, toned, happy, no ED problems, much larger than X, a much better, more attentive lover) and emotionally he satisfied me so much more than X ever did, even before FDay;
and
When the divorce trial was over and the Judge gave me every single thing I wanted and then 20% more and said that he wished he could give me more!
The timer rang: DONE DONE DONE DONE

QueenMother
QueenMother
7 years ago

Oh MotherChumper I admire you and am inspired by you!!!

tere
tere
7 years ago

Isn’t it the sweetest of revenges? The other day I calculated how much money the cheating narcissist has had to give me as alimony during the 9 years we’ve been divorced (after 29 years together, three children) and I couldn’t stop laughing, just imagining his face every month when he has to write a check. The most expensive f..ks in the world!!!!

MightyAgain
MightyAgain
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

When I decided that I was done! One Moment that stands out, and it was really just a simple thing. It was during the time that we were separated but he had been hoovering and hoovering until I gave in, and decided to give him another chance. I even withdrew the divorce.

So One night after dinner, we went for ice cream in our small beautiful downtown, and from the moment we walked out the car to the ice cream shop, back to his place. Not for one moment, did he walk beside me – always ahead of me (before dday – I would tell him to stop walking so fast, or I would have to try to catch up to him) This day, I did neither, just let him walk ahead of me.

And in that moment I knew I was done, he was not by my side, never would be. He was not my true partner. The following weekend, he asked me to go someplace with him and I did not reply.

my.walls.will.sing
my.walls.will.sing
7 years ago
Reply to  MightyAgain

Mighty Again –

In all of the posts, books, and articles I’ve read about cheating fucktards, I’ve never seen it mentioned that they walk ahead of their wives. That was 100% my experience!!! It was really the only fight we had, since I thought he was otherwise so great. Thank you for validating that this was your experience as well.

kimsoverit
kimsoverit
7 years ago

The walking ahead thing!! It’s a THING!?! It is so disrespectful. Dick would walk up ahead and talk, facing forward, and expect me to hear and answer… Nope. Unfortunately, my (adult) DS did that to me at our last dinner and I was so furious I actually flipped him off. Sorry, not sorry… I don’t tolerate that shit from anyone anymore.

Survivor
Survivor
7 years ago
Reply to  MightyAgain

What is with the walking ahead thing? The shitbag Fucktard ex did that for 16 years.

PuraVida
PuraVida
7 years ago
Reply to  Survivor

Mine too….at least towards the end. He didn’t do it for the whole 12 year we were together. Is it a physical manifestation of their contempt/uncaring?

SoOverIt
SoOverIt
6 years ago
Reply to  PuraVida

Yep mine too. Total Jerk.

Wormfree2017
Wormfree2017
7 years ago
Reply to  Survivor

Ditto here!

indychump
indychump
7 years ago
Reply to  Wormfree2017

Ditto! Wrong AF.

JC
JC
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

My empowering “moment” was a week away with my family (and without my cheating wife).

During that week at the beach, I played with my nieces and nephews, talked with my sisters, and had the comfort of loved ones around me. I started to accept that I could get divorced…that it was actually possible, and even probable.

In other words, I started letting go and accepting what I could control and what I coundn’t.

My “final straw” came three weeks later, when my wife slipped up (again) in revealing her continued cheating. But I don’t think the “final straw” was empowering–instead, it was that shift in mindset that came with time away.

JesssMom
JesssMom
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Interestingly, “I knew I had enough” had nothing to do with the multiple OW (none knew about the others) specifically. Rather, it was when I realized that he is a horrible human being — no interest in having integrity; a depleted man proud of his depleted character and who depletes everyone around him — a parasite of massive proportions.

Until that moment, I spackled mightily because I had projected my own values onto the world (not just him). I genuinely assumed most people wanted to be good humans. In my “I knew I had enough” moment I had a cataclysmic paradigm shift.

On that day, my soul hurt that I had subjected myself and my kids to someone who emulated the worst of humanity. That was the moment I said “never again.”

LRC
LRC
7 years ago
Reply to  JesssMom

Hmmmm the moment I had enough. So many ..
1. When he was written up at his job for sexual harassment?
2. When he was a 34 year old man studying in a dorm room with other nursing students?
3. When my son was 3 and he didn’t come home because he stayed at his “parents” after drinking too much?
4. When I found out about the OW and he never once said I’ll do anything to make this marriage work?
5. When my daughter said, “why are you so mean to mommy?
6. Really though… it was when I gave him an ultimatum… get help for your issues…anger, drinking, cheating, etc. (after trying to make it work for 6 months after the cheating)… I gave him one week to come up with a plan on how he was going to work on himself and things…. after 1 week I asked what the plan was ..
Him: ” well, I don’t think I have much to work on and what I do need to work on, I can manage on my own”
Me: ” Really? Ok then…. I’m done”
16 years of marriage … done ..
Done filling in the cracks, making excuses for you and your behaviors, done giving this marriage everything I’ve got

Oh and by the way….. I changed my name back to my maiden name today!! I am freakin giddy.
3 days before he marries the pregnant mistress.
Happy Wedding Day Asshole

Mehphista
Mehphista
7 years ago
Reply to  LRC

Congratulations! I switched back, too. Felt like taking off a wet, smelly, heavy jacket.
!

NoMoreEvil
NoMoreEvil
7 years ago
Reply to  JesssMom

You nailed it, JesssMom! Once you realize they are truly horrible, beyond redemption, it’s a done deal…it was like that for me, too.

NoMoreEggShells
NoMoreEggShells
7 years ago
Reply to  JesssMom

When he told me it was “his fault”, “my fault”, and “OW fault”; I knew there was nothing left to fight for. No way was it MY fault!

charliesheened
charliesheened
7 years ago

NoMoreEggShells, Mine blamed the OW too, if she had not posted so many photos, including an after sex breakfast in bed on the bed linens I bought, I probably could have got over it. I learned this term here, fuckwit.

happily ever after
happily ever after
7 years ago
Reply to  JesssMom

+1 “was when I realized that he is a horrible human being — no interest in having integrity; a depleted man proud of his depleted character and who depletes everyone around him — a parasite of massive proportions.”

A 65 yr old f*cking a 25 yr old, crying it’s not fair when I say post-nup where I get everything with my name on it but he storms out when I say “not fair” when you continue to call, text, lunch. and do whatever with girl-child piece of trash. And lie to our kids. And bring piece of trash into our house.

Last words I said after 35 yrs of marriage: Don’t ever come back. And he hasn’t. And it is good.

JesssMom
JesssMom
7 years ago

Geez – He’s terrible — and what he put you through is awful. I’m so glad you got away from him.

Sending best wishes your way for a beautiful, disorder-free future.

yooper01
yooper01
7 years ago
Reply to  JesssMom

Free Vixen we must have had the same OW. I found out about my husband’s affair, filed for divorce and tossed him out. He went crying to his OW pissed that I didn’t fight for him. That, “OH GOD!’ I thought he wasn’t worth it. Only thing the man was ever right about. He wasn’t worth it. The OW bitches to me about me not fighting for my marriage. That I hurt poor Hubby’s feelings. I took his Kibble dish away. Now she has to work harder to make sure he gets the Kibbles he needs. You better start backing up those Gravy Train trucks honey. You got a life of heavy lifting going to be going on.

I’m halfway thinking she was looking forward to battling it out with me. Instead I shoved him out the door and said, “He’s all yours”.

KB22
KB22
7 years ago
Reply to  yooper01

You hit the nail on the head. They want & need a “battle”. Most defects thrive on chaos and drama.

GonnaBeOK
GonnaBeOK
7 years ago
Reply to  KB22

I texted OW#2 and told her what I knew, that she could have him and good luck with that. She texted back there had been nothing between them. I told her I’d read all their texts after downloading his phone with a recovery stick.

Her next text? Did I want to get get together and compare notes on him?

Uh. No?

Free Vixen
Free Vixen
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I wouldn’t call the moment I realized I’d had enough particularly empowering, but it was indeed a powerful moment of clarity. According my my ex, the OW was encouraging him to fight for our marriage, because she was reportedly devistated that her (by then) ex-husband didn’t “fight” for her. The absolute absurdity of expecting a spouse you just devastated to fight for you made me laugh out loud, while my ex sat there solemnly looking at me. (And that was even before I knew JC and how hard he DID fight before he put up some real boundaries and walked away.)

I realized how completely devoid of logic and reason those two were, and that trying to use honesty and reason with either of them was like throwing water on a grease fire. I knew there was no spackling over that giant load of bullshit. From that moment on, I stopped listening to the drivel coming out of my ex’s mouth, started paying attention to what he did, stopped dancing, and started to get royally pissed off. That was my turning point, and it puy an end to my unicorn fantasy. Thank god for the idiocy of affair partners.

KB22
KB22
7 years ago
Reply to  Free Vixen

OW didn’t actually want your husband to fight for his marriage, that is a load of horseshit. She was trying to appear decent when in reality she was nothing more than a skank or your ex was trying to make her look decent. Whatever, can’t believe a word they say. These defects say and do anything to look somewhat normal.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
7 years ago
Reply to  KB22

Apparently MC was Schmoopie’s idea. She sure was not happy however when he told her he had to stop seeing her while we were in MC and then she did her best to make sure it didn’t succeed.

Magneto
Magneto
7 years ago
Reply to  KB22

That’s affair partner 101. Make yourself look like a champion of marriage. How many chumps have been told that schtick “OW was counseling me on how to improve our marriage.”

Bringing me back to the cheater. It’s all their fault. No one forced them to betray your marriage issues, to them ever! I think it’s all one big fishing expedition, looking for an AP who will bite.

Free Vixen
Free Vixen
7 years ago
Reply to  KB22

Agreed! She was goading him into the pick-me dance. He danced pretty for her.

Emm@
Emm@
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Tempest… I guess my biggest “ah – ah” moment was the night ex mocked me while I was desperately crying… we were on the phone cause he did not want to see me… we had the wedding on “maybe” cause one day he was deeply in love with me… the other he was not in love any more. we were together since more than a decade… He did not want to talk with me every day cause he needed some “solo time” (aka, the ow’s vagina). One evening he mocked me… he mocked my pain. I was crying and he was saying stuff like “look at her… the little girl is crying… gne gne gne… why can’t just be happy for me taking my time?”. Something inside me changed. A couple of days after that evening I went no contact. And I remain in silence for a week or ten days. Wedding was cancelled. He did not call me either. When we talked again the day after I cancelled everything. He was mad at me. He told me he did not miss me, he told me he loved someone else. I did not cry. I dumped him. I dumped him in that moment, by phone, without breaking a single tear. He was the one crying… telling me bullshit like “please be happy” and shit like these. I blocked him. Two years and an half passed since that day. He tried to contact me a couple of times and lmaooo… the OW started stalking me (talking of bat shit crazy). But I never reply, never checked, never even consider him again. That night, the night he mocked and made fun of my pain, I decided he was dead. He has been dead for me ever since.
Emm@

heissobroken
heissobroken
7 years ago
Reply to  Emm@

+ 1 – something inside me changed – he is dead to me ?

Cupcake
Cupcake
7 years ago
Reply to  Emm@

“Something inside me changed.”

Yes!!!!! That moment of clarity, the emotional turning point, the dawning realization that they are devoid of any compassion, devotion or real feelings of love. Awakening to the fact that they will throw us under the bus for their own kicks or convenience.

So glad that you are free of him.

HathNoFuryGoddess
HathNoFuryGoddess
7 years ago
Reply to  Emm@

@emm@,

I’m new here, hi. I had an almost exact experience as well. He mocked my pain too, and at that moment, I saw the real monster. Brought the OW, excuse me, “good friend” to our home a few weeks after he broke up with me. Proceeded to fuck around with her in our living room, which I spent what little money I had to make a home. While I still lived there!!! I was in the bedroom having a breakdown. Couldn’t stop crying. Dizzy, numb, like my world exploded. I was in denial there was someone else, he said there wasn’t, until my eyes saw otherwise. In my home!!! Unreal.

He comes in the bedroom, in his boxers and says “Stop fucking crying and get over it already. Do you want me to kick you out? Get over it.” I died. Guess my sobs weren’t an attractive ambience for fucking soundtrack. It was my home too, but I only earned minimum wage, couldn’t afford to live on my own, in a city we just moved to. He knew what button to push. I had no one else and no where to go. He stood there, dead eyed, half naked, no remorse, no basic human decentcy, my pain was nothing. Just what he wanted. He slammed the door and went back to consoling, fucking, whatever they were doing with the OW. In a blanket fort in the living room. WTF? Yeah, they made a blanket fort.

Now it’s so clear was an liar he was, the horrible person. It took a long time to get there after that betrayal.

Been reading about a month. Thank you CL and CN. Healed more the past few weeks reading this blog than any self help book the past 5 years.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
7 years ago

Good lord what an a-hole. Truly messed up, both of them. That is just sadistic. I feel for you.

Let go
Let go
7 years ago

I keep commenting on this post today. I think it is because I watched a YouTube about a couple who took in five children whose mother died. She was too young. This family had to find bed space and money for food but they did it. The mother was a neighbor who needed a family to keep her kids overnight while she had tests done. She was diagnosed with cancer. The family that took the kids were “adopted” by the community and given a car that could hold ten people and groceries for a year. Strangers helping strangers. It made me realize that elephants and gorillas have more empathy than your ex. When I was a little girl I stood on the shore watching dolphins trying to save another that had been attacked by a shark. They pushed and encouraged it toward the shore. Those dolphins cared more than your ex. Think about what he will miss…..joy in the happiness of others, sadness when another is sad. Those animals have more empathy than your ex. His life is one long, empty existence.

HathNoFuryGoddess
HathNoFuryGoddess
7 years ago
Reply to  Let go

So so true!!! Animals do love.

And yes, amazing what the kindness of strangers can do. The uplifting part of my story was that my coworkers, who I didn’t really know, saw something was really wrong with me a few days later, told them what happened, and I was welcome to stay with them. I moved my stuff and cats the next day. A kindness I’ll never forget, and I try to pay forward with gratitude and positive vibes.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago

What a fucking evil excuse for a human being. Very glad you are rid of him (or soon to be).

Survivor
Survivor
7 years ago

emma and Goddess,

Hugs to both of you. Narcissists love, love, love a captive audience. If they think you rely upon them for any kind of support, they will drop their mask and bring their rotten abusive interior out to play. It’s all part of seeing just how much the chump will put up with. They are bullies to the core. The only way forward is out. You will feel better, I promise.

FedupChump
FedupChump
7 years ago

HNFG-
I think I successfully imagined myself in your shoes because after reading your post, I feel like someone punched me in the gut. I am so sorry. That is just. Awful.
It’s also a clear example of NPD. They are concerned only with themselves and their immediate SELF gratification.
They can make you feel like you’re their world one day, and discard you like trash the next.
My husband first turned himself off to me emotionally, causing a lot of tension. What I didn’t realize at the time was that he was wearing me down into a reactionary ball of anger, only to use that anger against me to leave me physically. It is a sick mind fuck that’ll leave one dancing in peril in the face of insanity.
The moment he left our home, I became someone else. I realized that my feelings about myself were derived from what cheater was telling me. And without him there to tell me who I was, I became empty chaos.
It took me awhile to relearn my foundation and build upon it. In fact, I’m still trying to find some crucial pieces to my own puzzle.
Understand that they feed from our pain. They need us to care, because they need to feel important. But if we deny them this source, their well will quickly run dry. We will see self pity, we will see rage. We will see someone we never knew existed in our lives. We will finally see them for who they really are.
When we can see them for who they are and not for who we created in our heads, then we are finally moving forward.
Stay strong, HNFG and trust that he sucks.

HathNoFuryGoddess
HathNoFuryGoddess
7 years ago
Reply to  FedupChump

Thank you! This blog, supportive community, seriously, changing lives for the better!

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Emm@

Emm@–thanks, your post (and the OW’s letter to Tracy) very clearly show that cheaters have utter contempt for us. There is no way past that; why would anyone want to stay with a person who feels contempt toward them? Precisely why there is NO way to make a healthy marriage work after infidelity.

NoMoreEvil
NoMoreEvil
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Contempt is exactly the right word!

Amazon Chump
Amazon Chump
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Actually, I really needed to see CL’s response and realize that the OW also performs the pickme dance. You’re right, CL is just feeding kibbles to the OW, but it was enlightening in the sense that I needed another kick in the butt, i.e., the OW is just as messed up, if not more, than I ‘was’. Thank CL and God that I’m definitely on the road to meh.

violet
violet
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

When I saw what it was doing to my kids, I knew I had to leave. But now I find myself in another quandary related to yesterday’s post (couldn’t join in because of work). As many of you may have gathered from my posts, my X is old and suffers form a medical condition that is worsening over time. My kids were not old enough to make the necessary decisions about his care at the time of our split, and a trust was set up with marital funds to pay for his care. This trust greatly benefits my kids; I have a separate trust. But someone still needs to mange that care and that person is me. X’s family would have robbed him (and my kids) blind. It really isn’t that much work and I do not have to interact with X at all.

My kids are getting older, but most of them are still in school and trying to establish themselves in their careers. They love their dad, but are well aware of his shortcomings as a human being. I am gently trying to transfer my role to them, but they are very resistant. These are often not easy decisions and ultimately, a decision will have to be made to terminate his treatment. Again, I think I will know when the time has come, and I would always involve the kids in that decision. How hard to I push my kids to take over or should I just let it be? The youngest is a freshman in college and the oldest is just out of graduate school. Losing their dad is going to be tough enough without the guilt that they didn’t “do enough.” I have long ago made my peace with the death of my marriage but, as a caring human being, I am struggling to force my kids into a role that I know will end in their father’s death.

KarenE
KarenE
7 years ago
Reply to  violet

Hi Violet, I suggest making a separate post about this in the General Forum. More people will see and respond.

violet
violet
7 years ago
Reply to  KarenE

Thanks! How do I find that?

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  violet

Top right corner, click on Forums and register (most of the best advice can be found under the Private: General forum).

As someone at a university, I would advise against making your children take on any significant role in X’s care (financial or health related) during their semesters. You are kind to have taken this task on yourself. (And if you get to be the one that makes the “turn off the machines” decision, there is a certain justice in that, no?)

MightyAgain
MightyAgain
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Thank you Tempest! You got it!

TryingHard
TryingHard
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Tempest–While I enjoy reading all the comments here on CL I especially love your’s and a couple others. You are always so wise. I am glad you sorted this out before it was too late. Yes I read an Elle comment this morning and immediately started fuming but I didn’t post anything. I have figured out they are like fat third graders and love the negative attention! I wish the blog had a way to sort to certain commenters such as yourself. Have you thought of starting your own blog? You have a lot of wisdom to share.

kiwichump
kiwichump
7 years ago
Reply to  TryingHard

TryingHard, just click on the top right corner of your window and go to “find”, type Tempest and the browser will find all references to Tempest.

TryingHard
TryingHard
7 years ago
Reply to  kiwichump

Kiwi. Thanks for the good hint!!

Loulotte02
Loulotte02
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Thank you Tempest, the woman (or whatever she is…) is making me sick…

I knew I had enough when, instead of “just” lying to me, he lied to our son in order to talk to his Crazy Bitch : I met a lawyer the next day.
He did certainly lie before that specific moment to our children, but I knew the truth, and had proof then…

Calmafterstorm
Calmafterstorm
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I knew I had enough on Dday itself. He was waxing on and on about how he had a lot to think about, a lot of choices to make. I interrupted him and said I had choices to make, too. I had to say that like three or four times before he heard me. The look on his face when it sunk in that I too could make decisions independent of him about our marriage, well – you would think I just backhanded him. The absolute shock, dare I say…..betrayal? That I would also be considering divorce.

I realized then and there I didn’t want to be a background player in my own marriage anymore while he and his ap discovered their happiness. Or more realistically, I didn’t want to be Plan B in case he didn’t love ap as much as he thought he did. I don’t think he has ever forgiven me for that. For not dancing.

Fuck him

Eley
Eley
7 years ago
Reply to  Calmafterstorm

Ha! Love this! good fro you girl!!!….?

Leavingthecrapbehind
Leavingthecrapbehind
7 years ago
Reply to  Calmafterstorm

Not wanting to be a “background player” in your own marriage- I like that! I don’t want to be that either. Goodbye Mr. cheater…porn dude!

Annie Get Your Guns
Annie Get Your Guns
7 years ago
Reply to  Calmafterstorm

This was exactly my moment. I finally asked myself what I wanted. It wasn’t him. Someone once said on CL that they are welcome to each other. She knows he cheats on his wife and he knows how she feels about marriage. Good luck with that. If she thinks she won anything, she’s a complete moron. They both are.

rickb89
rickb89
7 years ago
Reply to  Calmafterstorm

awesome post….

Blooming
Blooming
7 years ago
Reply to  Calmafterstorm

“Background player…,” my god, this is precisely how I felt in the relationship Calmasfterstorm. I was his lowest priority ever. I will no longer play a supporting role in the movie that’s all about him.

NoMoreEvil
NoMoreEvil
7 years ago
Reply to  Calmafterstorm

“I realized then and there I didn’t want to be a background player in my own marriage anymore while he and his ap discovered their happiness.”

^^^^
THIS!!!!

Exactly the realization I can to as well, Calmafterstorm!

ANC
ANC
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Moment I knew I had enough was before I confronted him directly. He had just returned from a fuckfest with the LT MOW. The dude is so disordered he could ,and still does to my kids:( , seamlessly lie to my face without a twitch. Gads. And gross because I then dug around a bit and found their xhamster porn and scripture shares.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  ANC

Hamster porn? My mind will not go there.

Skinwalker
Skinwalker
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Tempest that’s the name of a porn website, not bestiality. (Ask me how I know … and I wish I didn’t!)

kiwichump
kiwichump
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Great idea Tempest,
The moment I knew I had had enough, and which gave me much needed jubilation after 13 months of pick me dancing, was when I taped the traitor lying to the whore about steps he was taking to leave me. He claimed he had arranged to meet with my bank manager but the manager had to cancel due to a family emergency. Confirmed by same bank manager that he never talked to him and never arranged a meeting, and could not have met with him to discuss my affairs anyway because he wasn’t his bank manager… I knew then that I was glad she was getting exactly what she deserves. Don’t you just love the lies liars tell each other?

MightyE
MightyE
7 years ago
Reply to  ANC

Porn and scripture. What a combo.

Finally Awake
Finally Awake
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I loved your simple and succinct response.
Actually this letter just demonstrates how the pick me dance applies to both sides of the coin and how we are all being played. Thank you for posting.

Michael
Michael
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

The moment I started reading this I thought CL Fodder. But you are being awfully nice today! ; ) A sweet rebuttal of just the perfect length.

JustAnotherStatistic
JustAnotherStatistic
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

You’re dissing cancer still today… the kind of cancer that walks on two legs, sleeps with married people, and calls themselves an “innocent 3rd party”.

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
7 years ago

I read it as Kook considered all the people the legal wife contacted as “innocent third parties”. Guess she didn’t like the wife warning others that Kook has a serious character problem.

TinaT
TinaT
7 years ago

Amen….if there was a ‘like’ button I would have pressed it. Innocent 3rd Party…LOL!

Bestie
Bestie
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Thank you for sending–it IS good to remember they really are THAT dumb. BOTH cheating partners are really that dumb. I once said to my STBX that the OW’s husband and I should get together for revenge sex (I didn’t), and he laughed and said, “He doesn’t like sex.” I could not believe that he actually believed everything she told him about her husband! They’re so caught up in telling their own lies to others and justifying their behavior to themselves yet they STILL believe the words of their affair partners who are clearly lying! More proof to me that they live in a reality of their own making, one not shared by people around them.

Chumpette
Chumpette
7 years ago
Reply to  Bestie

Ugh. They actually talked about trying to get me to ‘hook up’ with OW’s husband so that he would leave her alone – GROSS!

Anita
Anita
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumpette

They’re disgusting, Chumpette. If the dumb bitch OW wants to be “left alone” by her husband she needs to get a divorce, like normal people do.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
7 years ago
Reply to  Bestie

In my case Schmoopie’s then husband admitted to me himself that he had cheated on her before so I know he’s a jerk too. Even so, he probably isn’t quite as bad as STBXs interpretation of the things Schmoopie says about him.

Sausalito
Sausalito
7 years ago
Reply to  Bestie

Oh yeah, I got that too. Assholio said the OW’s husband was a crazy psycho and they hadn’t had sex in three years. Once I talked to him, he seemed quite normal and they were having sex regularly. Hmmm….

Running towards freedom
Running towards freedom
7 years ago
Reply to  Sausalito

“Assholio” love that!

Anita
Anita
7 years ago
Reply to  Sausalito

Wow, you mean cheaters are also Liars with the co cheater??? Mind baffling? Uh, no, common sense.

ICanSeeTheMehComing!
ICanSeeTheMehComing!
7 years ago
Reply to  Sausalito

Funny thing is… my husband didn’t lie when he told the OW we hadn’t had sex in two years. What he conveniently left out was that it was because I found YET ANOTHER personal ad online… he had used a picture from our WEDDING DAY… and even though the MC told him to get a blood test as a step toward earning back my trust, Mr. Sparkles refused – said a blood test would be an admission of guilt and he “didn’t do anything” besides post the ad. I refused to risk my health for Mr. Sparkles and so began the drought. Sad thing is… I didn’t cheat that whole time… I was spackling.

That’s the things with NPDs… their “truth” is a manipulation of itty bitty facts with BIG FAT LIES.

Kim
Kim
7 years ago

You let this one off the hook. No UBT? This letter surely deserves it.

JesssMom
JesssMom
7 years ago
Reply to  Kim

I thought it would be interesting to give the UBT a whirl (hopefully it will stand as a testament to my CL and CN education on understanding these freaks):

I was the OW. Still friends with him.
>>Aren’t I amazingly accomplished? I banged a married man AND stayed friends with him. The friendship thing? You see, he dumped me for his wife. It might look like she won, but your eyes are lying to you. Stalking and annoying his wife proves my centrality! Maybe if I keep kicking that dead horse he’ll want me again!

She doesn’t like it.
>>Mmmmm … there’s nothing like persistently hurting another person who has never done anything to me! Cake!

She sends emails to all my family and friends about me. She contacted my employer to get me fired. She contacted immigration to get me deported. She went to the police as apparently me contacting him is the same as me stalking her (???).
>>I prefer logical fallacies to universal laws (such as cause and effect). The fact that he and I destroyed her world and continue to taunt her with it? No. That has nothing to do with her reaction.

She has no luck obviously.
>>Do I sound nice? I’m trying to cover up the fact that “na na na boo boo” keeps running through my head.

She filed numerous complaints against his therapist.
>>The poor sad sausage was getting help for himself — he is the center of the universe, after all — and she has to take that from him too! It’s her fault he spoke those vows and that he is stuck with the horrible responsibilities that come with being an adult. He can’t make big boy decisions.Of course he needs a therapist for that!

You should tell desperate wives like this to maintain their dignity.
>>Definitions matter. Fighting to keep your family intact, fighting for your spouse to keep his promises, and fighting for justice — that’s just pathetic. Be like me! I fight for men who broke life promises to other people! That is “dignity.”

She’s making such a fool of herself.
>>Obviously, only an fool would expect a person to keep a promise stated aloud in a well planned ceremony and bound by law. Be smart like me. I screwed a married man who refused to leave his wife for me!

She writes superlong facebook posts (complaints) about her hubby but still stays with him and claims the marriage is ‘happy’.
>>But really, I’m not stalking her.

This wife is so codependent and after 3 years still dancing so hard. Doesn’t she see she should maintain her dignity? Because right now she has none.
>>And boy howdy, I understand dignity. You can tell because I keep saying it. I’ll reiterate: dignity is getting naked in a married man’s car next to a kid’s car seat.

No wonder he doesn’t respect her.
>>Like he respects me! Being someone’s dirty little secret is R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

Please give some advice to these poor, poor women who think they have such a happy marriage, but need to bombard innocent 3rd parties with emails and phonecalls and threats to keep their man.
>>Yep – that’s me. Innocent. I have no agency whatsoever. I had no control over my legs dangling over a front seat in his tiny car. Legs dangle. Breasts expose. Sex happens. I had no choice but to collude with a guy who swore vows to someone else. And she knows this! She knows I have zero ability to make decisions like a grown ass woman. So how dare she hold me accountable!?

I mean if she needs to beg MY parents to tell me to leave him alone she has a problem. If her hubby loved her he would leave me alone all by himself don’t you think.
>>Ignore the fact that her husband refuses to sleep with me anymore. Ignore the fact that I keep stalking her. None of that is important. The only thing important here is that I’m still winning!! And I am in the mood to write a public blog just to gloat (I’m dignified like that).

NotThisGirl
NotThisGirl
7 years ago
Reply to  JesssMom

Nailed it! ??

KB22
KB22
7 years ago
Reply to  JesssMom

Very good!

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
7 years ago
Reply to  Kim

Start the UBT with “innocent 3rd parties” …

Free Vixen
Free Vixen
7 years ago
Reply to  ClearWaters

I think she meant her parents, her employer, etc.

DancesWithMeh
DancesWithMeh
7 years ago
Reply to  Free Vixen

Her parents taught her character (or lack thereof) growing up. They are hardly innocent.

Her employer judged her character to hire her. So they’re probably chumpy.

Just saying.

MightyE
MightyE
7 years ago
Reply to  Free Vixen

I think those are innocent fourth parties at this point. What a tangled web…

lldodd60
lldodd60
7 years ago
Reply to  ClearWaters

Lol there is no such thing as an innocent 3rd party.

Marisa
Marisa
7 years ago

Totally off topic but yesterday was finally divorce day as I call it. Just wanted to thank CL and CN for getting me through it in one piece. Chapter closed and time to move on to bigger and better.

freddypagaga
freddypagaga
7 years ago
Reply to  Marisa

Freedom is taking your life back and living it on your terms. Congratulations–I can’t wait for the day that I can join that club!

JustAnotherStatistic
JustAnotherStatistic
7 years ago
Reply to  Marisa

Congratulations!

I’m getting so close myself. Mediation is finished. We just need to finalize the paperwork, sign, and then wait for the judge to sign.

One of my friends has already promised to take me out to celebrate. 🙂

Marisa
Marisa
7 years ago

Totally celebrating this weekend. Good luck to you!

Amazon Chump
Amazon Chump
7 years ago
Reply to  Marisa

Congratulations!! I hope you are full-out No Contact. Life is better and better.

KrazyFool16
KrazyFool16
7 years ago
Reply to  Marisa

Congratulations Marisa! My divorce was final last week Wednesday. I was unfortunately curled up in fetal position for 3 days after and still trying to shake off the reality of my failed marriage… hope to be able to dust myself off soon and push through the fear of starting over, again! Hope you are doing better!

Leavingthecrapbehind
Leavingthecrapbehind
7 years ago
Reply to  KrazyFool16

Krazy…I’t not YOUR failed marriage. It’s the cheater’s failed marriage. You didn’t fail- the cheater did.

Michael
Michael
7 years ago
Reply to  Marisa

Congrats! If you’re not there yet, one day you’ll be like, “Hmm, what do I want to do today?” That day for me was when I realized I had my life back.

Beth
Beth
7 years ago
Reply to  Marisa

Congrats Marisa! Welcome to the other side. It’s really nice over here. 🙂

ICanSeeTheMehComing!
ICanSeeTheMehComing!
7 years ago
Reply to  Marisa

Congratulations on permanently quitting the Pick Me Dance. Give yourself permission to take a breath, you just won a war. Regroup, refortify, and rock on!

Sweet Redemption
Sweet Redemption
7 years ago
Reply to  Marisa

Oh Happy Day! Congrats Marisa on setting yourself free. It’s wonderfully peaceful and joyful on the other side. May your old life be a distant memory and your new life bring you the happiness you deserve.

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
7 years ago
Reply to  Marisa

Congrats Marisa. May your new cheater-free life be a great one!

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Marisa

Congratulations, Marisa. The official divorce can be a hard hurdle to cross, and its finality a little heartbreaking, but it is a liberating milestone.

happily ever after
happily ever after
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I call it “bittersweet.” But remember that dark chocolate is good for your heart.

Marisa
Marisa
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Absolutely perfect way to put it!

TruthWins
TruthWins
7 years ago
Reply to  Marisa

Congratulations Marisa! So happy for you. One day at a time, we all march forward. I know you’ll make a great new life for yourself.

Kar marie
Kar marie
7 years ago
Reply to  Marisa

Congrats!! Feels good to be free!!

elle
elle
7 years ago
Reply to  Kar marie

congrats Marisa, you are way stronger than the wife I wrote about! respect.

Survivor
Survivor
7 years ago
Reply to  elle

Oh, elle. If you had any respect, you wouldn’t take what didn’t belong to you. It’s a little late to talk about taking the high road.

Seeing Red
Seeing Red
7 years ago
Reply to  elle

@elle is a totally flawed disordered sack. Why would she stay friends with a man who won’t leave his wife and is ok to let her suffer? Is he really worth all that? Is the sex they had (have) as coconspiritirs against his wife that delicous? I doubt it. She loves the drama and the centrality. Such power.

Where’s Your dignity in all that @elle?

Leavingthecrapbehind
Leavingthecrapbehind
7 years ago
Reply to  Seeing Red

Elle appears to be a bitter clinger. Hoping and wishing the cheater will “pick her.” Making a horse’s ass of yourself clinging onto someone else’s husband isn’t exactly “dignified.”

Working It Out
Working It Out
7 years ago

Word!

Merry Meh-hem
Merry Meh-hem
7 years ago
Reply to  Marisa

Congrats, Marisa! Free at last!!!

Newlady15
Newlady15
7 years ago
Reply to  Marisa

Yay Marisa. I hope you are at or approaching meh because you have a wonderful new life to be lived.

little red riding hood
little red riding hood
7 years ago
Reply to  Marisa

Congrats ….Happy Rebirthday !!

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
7 years ago
Reply to  Marisa

Way to go @Marisa !!!!!
Awesome way to start the day with another chump gaining their freedom. They will keep me smiling all day.

Doingme
Doingme
7 years ago
Reply to  AllOutofKibble

Congratulations Marissa!

nomar
nomar
7 years ago
Reply to  Marisa

Yesterday was . . . TUESDAY.

Congrats, and enjoy your new cheater-free life!

LotusDancer
LotusDancer
7 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Omg, I’m totally going to try and schedule my divorce decree signing for a Tuesday.

DancesWithMeh
DancesWithMeh
7 years ago
Reply to  LotusDancer

Lol! Now I want to go check my divorce decree to see if it was ratified on a Tuesday!

Marisa
Marisa
7 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Holy crap! Didn’t even think of that! Lol. Thanks everyone. Just glad it’s finally over!

Survivor
Survivor
7 years ago
Reply to  Marisa

Fabulous news, Marisa! A virtual toast to you!

Khris
Khris
7 years ago
Reply to  Marisa

Congrats Marisa! A whole new life awaits you.

SomethingNew
SomethingNew
7 years ago
Reply to  Marisa

Congratulations on your Tuesday! I’m on the subway headed to yet another divorce mediation session right now and your post made me smile. Reminded me to also look forward rather than just being angry at the present. Thanks Marisa and best wishes as you move forward to better days!!

cashmere
cashmere
7 years ago
Reply to  Marisa

Awesome! Congrats on reaching Tuesday, and showing the rest of us how it’s done. May your “getting a life” be full of peace and joy.

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
7 years ago
Reply to  Marisa

I envy you Marisa! All the best to you!

Marisa
Marisa
7 years ago
Reply to  ClearWaters

Thank you!

Chumpy
Chumpy
7 years ago

Yup my OW created a fake Fb profile of another person to try to gain information on me (this was after I left the pencil dick after DD2). Yet apparently to her I was the one that needed to suck it up and move on and I was pathetic. What’s pathetic is that she’s still the side piece as he just got another cake to fill my shoes. She’ll never reach cake status. Poor little kibbles.

Fstl
Fstl
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumpy

it’s called projection. She is trying to place her shame and insecurities on to you, rather than owning them herself. Makes her feel better. For a very short while….

Meee
Meee
7 years ago

Ha, hahahaha! I can’t believe someone would write this to you. No shame! Lol. Maintain you dignity! I knew an OW like this… lol

Elle
Elle
7 years ago

Dear Chumplady,

I am friends with this man precisely because it pisses her off so much, and it’s funny. I’m not monitoring her FB (blocked of course) but he tells me all about it, and we laugh about it together.

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
7 years ago
Reply to  Elle

You’re a minor detail,probably one of many ! A hole is a hole is a hole !

Rarity
Rarity
7 years ago
Reply to  Elle

How sad is your life that you view shitting on people less fortunate than yourself as a form of entertainment? Did sixth grade not end for you or something?

FedupChump
FedupChump
7 years ago
Reply to  Elle

Elle,
It’s a shame to hear you continue to kick the betrayed spouse while she’s down. Bravo. You sound precious. You also reveal your low self worth and ignorance in what you say, and the manner in which you say it. And for future reference-

Dignity:
[dig-ni-tee]
noun, plural dig·ni·ties.
1. Bearing, conduct, or speech indicative of self-respect or appreciation of the formality or gravity of an occasion or situation.
2. nobility or elevation of character; worthiness

Rumblekitty
Rumblekitty
7 years ago
Reply to  Elle

Wait, your friends with him just to piss her off? I bet she’s flattered you are so obsessed with her, although, it’s quite creepy.

You need therapy. Maybe once you get fixed, you can find someone to actually give a shit about you.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Rumblekitty

I’m a big believer in critical periods for morality. Ain’t no fixing Elle now.

Patsy
Patsy
7 years ago
Reply to  Elle

So why isn’t he with you? Or are you just ‘a new c t and a new pair of t s’ to him (actual quote).

How sad that you can’t see that you are being played as well.

You should like yourself more.

This woman has done nothing to you, why are you pushing your Mummy and Daddy issues on to her?

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
7 years ago
Reply to  Elle

Joke’s on Elle, anyway, folks. This is the best she thinks life can be. That means it’s the best her life will ever be. That is some seriously sad shit right there.

I pity her as her life goes forward and this chaos and spite is the only true source of anything resembling joy that she ever knows.

MightyE
MightyE
7 years ago
Reply to  Elle

Is pissing her off more important than the wellbeing of your “friend?” If you care about this man at all, gtfo. You’re a shitty friend.

elle
elle
7 years ago
Reply to  MightyE

I don’t really care about him. He thinks we’re friends. I’m just using him.

KB22
KB22
7 years ago
Reply to  elle

Oh you care about him. Face it you are obsessed with this man.

happily ever after
happily ever after
7 years ago
Reply to  elle

And aren’t you one of America’s finest? As stated above: STFU.

Tempest-shut this subhuman down. Maintain our dignity.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago

I will but mainly it’s best to ignore the little sociopath.

Ginger
Ginger
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Don’t shut her down Tempest. Is funny????

ANC
ANC
7 years ago
Reply to  elle

Are you using him because you are pissed he didn’t pick you after 3yrs? Did you tell your new John about this relationship? Have you taken time to get a full STD panel. I can assure you 100% that you were not he only fuckbuddy. And most cheating idiots never use condoms.

elle
elle
7 years ago
Reply to  ANC

oh I do use condoms. Always, I’m not stupid. I know of 2 other fuckbuddies and his wife had a nervous breakdown over it, but decided true love is more important than affairs. So she is still there, loving him. The funny thing is, he doesn’t use condoms with the other fuckbuddies and his wife… that makes the wife the stupid one who should get tested.

ANC
ANC
7 years ago
Reply to  elle

You can get HPV, herpes, hep c via oral. So yes, you are stupid to fuck and suck a cheater who has been having unprotected sex with other people.

Rarity
Rarity
7 years ago
Reply to  ANC

I’m guessing this one has already joined the 25% of women with genital herpes, and it couldn’t have happened to a nicer person.

ANC
ANC
7 years ago
Reply to  ANC

Ask Michael Douglas about his throat cancer…..

Ohana
Ohana
7 years ago
Reply to  Elle

Wow, Elle, are you proud of helping to cause another human being such misery?

Also, if it’s so “funny” why do you want it to stop?

This is just another example of a cheater saying “What I did isn’t the problem.. It’s the chump’s reaction that’s the problem”

So no points for originality, Elle.

I find that mean, manipulative people are often shockingly susceptible to being manipulated themselves. I wonder who is manipulating who in this scenario.

Ohana
Ohana
7 years ago
Reply to  Ohana

Oh, forgot to mention —

I shudder to imagine what would make you feel like a “guilty” third party. I’m not even going to speculate because I don’t want to give someone so inhuman any ideas.

Ohana
Ohana
7 years ago
Reply to  Ohana

Inhumane

Free Vixen
Free Vixen
7 years ago
Reply to  Elle

Wife: “I just stay married to him and post about how wonderful our marriage is to piss off Elle. Mission accomplished.”

JustAnotherStatistic
JustAnotherStatistic
7 years ago
Reply to  Free Vixen

It also says a lot about Elle that she’s obsessed with reading these comments.

If she were truly confident about herself and her status with this man, our opinions would be of zero interest to her.

She pretends that her obsession with the wife and with our comments are “funny”, but they eat away at her self-confidence, whether or not she chooses to see it.

cashmere
cashmere
7 years ago
Reply to  Free Vixen

Lol. She’s definitely obsessed with the wife. They both seem to be. So healthy. Must be true love.

deedee
deedee
7 years ago
Reply to  Elle

You so need to get a life.Don’t you have something better to do with your time?
Pathetic and malicious.

Alice Toklas
Alice Toklas
7 years ago
Reply to  Elle

It is good to run Elle’s letter because it is a teachable moment on so many levels.

Elle, you wrote:

“I am friends with this man precisely because it pisses her off so much, and it’s funny.”

You are stating, with pride, that you take delight in causing someone pain. By clinical definition, you are a sadist. In common speak, you are rotten to the core.

This is not a joke. In your mind, she is just the idiot wife. A person whose agony fills you with glee.

Your “friend” took marriage vows. Vows he broke. They merged their lives, their money, their families. Your sick machinations and childish voyeurism make you a trespasser of the lowest order.

You are like a dirty peeping Tom, feverishly jacking off while you peer in the window of a family home with small children.

You are an obscenity. You are an affront to everything decent, honest and kind.

Elle, I have terrible news for you. As much as this ass clown and you make fun of the wife, you cannot fathom the things he says about you. My X said about his OW: I don’t care if a pack of escaped convicts run a train on her.
He meant it.

Your ramblings about dignity are hilarious. Do you think he respects YOU? The person who provides him with free sex…even whores charge for their services. What do you get? Gossiping and venting about his wife? Can you fight through the haze of your small brain and understand how lost you are?

Life has a way of coming around and kicking us in the teeth, when we are as disordered as you. You are bragging that you are “friends” with a man who is a pathological liar, an adulterer, and a two faced human garbage can.

Elle- you two belong together. I wish you many years together. Hold tight and see if you can win the “prize.”

Chump Nation- this is the soul of the OW. A petty, sadistic clown who is nibbling kibble crumbs from the ass crack of a lying sack of shit . And then crowing about her supposed superiority….!!! She has firmly established what we already know- aside from being amoral, these OW are about as smart as a box of hair.

JustAnotherStatistic
JustAnotherStatistic
7 years ago
Reply to  Alice Toklas

Truth!

Amazon Chump
Amazon Chump
7 years ago
Reply to  Alice Toklas

Very well put; however, Elle the skank will never be able to grasp what you say because of her small brain and how sordid she is. She feels entitled. She feels she’s better than the wife. She’s truly sick in the head. She will always defend herself. She’s probably possessed. My ex’s skank is a Social Worker and a Family Counselor of all things. She’s educated (Masters degree), but so, so stupid. The wife really needs to let the skank have the husband and get her sanity back. But that’s very, very hard. I was there too hoping to save my marriage. After I found out about the skank, I even went to her hoping that if I pleaded with her to get out of my husband’s life, that she would immediately end all contact with my husband. I projected my honor and integrity on a person that had absolutely no morals. I was thinking that, ‘After all, if she truly loved him (as I did), she would want what was good for him.’ And what was good for him was to be an honorable husband and father. But the skank was not like me. She had no decency (which was why she committed adultery in the first place.) She just KNEW that what she and my husband had was ‘True Love’, so she stayed in the background waiting and waiting till he turned his attentions back to her. Eventually my ‘turd’ once again went back to his ‘Elle’ and when I found out, I was done. She won the turd! What ‘Elle’ cannot get through her head (because she truly is stupid) is that she thinks this kind of relationship is what she deserves. She believes she is a worthless human being. She’s indignant that anyone thinks that she is stupid and has no self esteem. But she cannot see that by waiting in the wings for this turd, she’s nothing but a turd too. He has no dignity and no self respect. She has no dignity and self respect. The two turds really do deserve each other. I hope someday the wife realizes this.

dumbutt
dumbutt
7 years ago
Reply to  Alice Toklas

? Bravo!!!!! Loved it!

Mehphista
Mehphista
7 years ago
Reply to  Alice Toklas

“Smart as a box of hair”

This.

Leavingthecrapbehind
Leavingthecrapbehind
7 years ago
Reply to  Alice Toklas

Elle probably gets off on watching the wife suffer. Sadist whacko!

ANC
ANC
7 years ago
Reply to  Alice Toklas

This is a great response, Alice.

I don’t think the writer’s age is significant at all. The emotional maturity of people like this is stunted. The last LT MOW, the one that was my DDay, was a 50 yr old diseased idiot whose writing style was like that of a middle schooler, at best. The lack of emotional maturity is the headline for this disordered bunch.

MightyAgain
MightyAgain
7 years ago
Reply to  Alice Toklas

Alice Toklas, couldn’t of said it better! Bravo !!!!

Beth
Beth
7 years ago
Reply to  Alice Toklas

“Chump Nation- this is the soul of the OW. A petty, sadistic clown who is nibbling kibble crumbs from the ass crack of a lying sack of shit . And then crowing about her supposed superiority….!!! She has firmly established what we already know- aside from being amoral, these OW are about as smart as a box of hair.” MIC DROP!! That is some fantastic imagery there! Excellent job A.B.T. Gertrude would be so proud. 😉

ICanSeeTheMehComing!
ICanSeeTheMehComing!
7 years ago
Reply to  Alice Toklas

Bravo!

MightyAgain
MightyAgain
7 years ago
Reply to  Elle

Your Mom must be so proud of you! Really, you are friends with him because it pisses HIS wife off? And you laugh it off together? What does that say about YOUR dignity? What does that say about YOUR character? You are laughing at the pain of someone else?

How sad that there really are human beings like you, that enjoy hurting others. Enjoy taking part in destroying a family!

If you had any dignity, you would step away completely. The wife is so co-dependent? What do you know about the wife (other than what you hear from the POS)?? Remember he is a Liar, and a Cheater. So you trust what this POS says to you?

Remember this, “what goes around comes around”

Michael
Michael
7 years ago
Reply to  MightyAgain

I used to know someone like this who reveled in wreaking havoc in people’s lives because she couldn’t get hers together so she figured she’d bring others down to her level. She said all sorts of stuff about others but it was her who was truly co-dependent in that she found her worth in how she negatively affected people.

So blind and twisted these people and genuinely evil.

nic
nic
7 years ago
Reply to  Michael

bingo. drama is a great way to to say “don’t look at me! Look over there instead and I can forget about how fucked up I am!” ridiculing someone else makes her sound so elevated and more evolved than the rest of us idiots who keep promises we make.

Wonder who’ll be changing Elle’s bedpan when the time comes….

Elle
Elle
7 years ago
Reply to  MightyAgain

someone who is still in pain after 3 years, deserves it. she chooses this pain. This is the marriage she wants. Otherwise, why is she still there? So she better deal with him and his OW, because he has permission to do whatever he wants.

Bel
Bel
7 years ago
Reply to  Elle

Elle, I’m gonna take a lil stab here-you are the definition of a malignant narcissist. Alongside this obsession with the WIFE, you’ve probably got other addictions..alcoholism? Gambling? Pathological lying? Overspending to fill the huge void in your life because all your relationships fail due to your personality disorder?
Poor Elle (that’s your real name, right?)
You have no idea what you’re in for..maybe not right now, but soon enough you’re gonna learn that what you send out comes back-but not the husband, he’s not coming back dear.
Have fun!

LivingMyLife
LivingMyLife
7 years ago
Reply to  Elle

Elle, the Man U want lies! He lies to you and her. He’s wishy washy. That’s why she’s still there after 3 years. He tells you what she wants to hear, he tells you how she gives him a BJ after crying on the floor, but has he filled for divorce? No he goes to her, caudles her, gives her hope. You are so focused on winning this man, you refuse to see who he really is. A fraud! Just like all OW, you project your misery on the wife. The truth is the man you fight for gets all the fun. Even if you end up with him, you will be boring to him, because he needs the drama and excitement of having 2 woman wanting him. Pleasing him. You will never be enough, obviously you aren’t now.

nodancing
nodancing
7 years ago
Reply to  LivingMyLife

Yes, this. The man elle wants is an abuser. He has engineered this entire situation and elle is just as deluded at his wife. His wife is acting just like he wants her to act and Elle gets to be “in” with him now but JUST WAIT, Elle’s time in the dog house will come. Everyone has an expiration date with a narcissist.

MightyAgain
MightyAgain
7 years ago
Reply to  Elle

You are a calculated mean girl! She deserves it? You still did not answer my question, what do you know about his wife, other that what he tells you?

How can you sleep at night? Oh I know, you can because you have no soul!
If he loves you so so much, why hasn’t he left his wife for you? Oh I know, because you are simply a side piece. A SKANK!

elle
elle
7 years ago
Reply to  MightyAgain

oh I know her very well, she sends me humongous long emails, begging me to stay away.

Polytastic
Polytastic
7 years ago
Reply to  elle

I dont think you’re in a position to look down on the wife. Elle, you’re allowing this, and I get a sense you are encouraging her behavior by engaging with her. He’s made it clear to you that you aren’t important to him, but damn if you sure arent important to her. Maybe you can wrestle your way back into his life by continuing this drama with her? You’re still somewhere in the background of his life? He dumped you and showed you just how disposable you are to him. If you engage in this drama by driving the wife crazy are you hoping he will run to you to escape her “craziness?” You’ll be the obvious and sane choice by comparison?

You won’t get his attention this way. She’s not important to him, so your status by way of “being wife’s mortal enemy” does not earn you more attention. You will not become important to him, neither of you are important to him as it stands now. She may be unimportant, but she’s also not disposable for whatever reason. You can disengage and keep some of your reputation intact, regain your peace and invest time in more worthy pursuits…or you can continue to engage with this woman, who has every right to be furious with you and keep on with more of the same. It’s not unheard of for a spouse to kill and/or terrorize an affair partner and if I were you I would get out of this woman’s crosshairs.

Just friendly advice.

Now-I-Know-What-Hell-Looks-Like
Now-I-Know-What-Hell-Looks-Like
7 years ago
Reply to  Polytastic

Oh yes, terrorizing the OW… what a therapeutic activity it can be for some. Cathartic. Enjoyable even. Keep pushing his Wife’s buttons. Maybe we’ll get to read about you in some click bait article after you have pushed her just an inch too far.

KB22
KB22
7 years ago
Reply to  elle

Because he is telling her you will not leave him alone and you won’t leave him alone. Even if they split up do you really think he is going to take up with you? No. He’ll find another woman that would never degrade herself by hooking up with a married man.

MightyAgain
MightyAgain
7 years ago
Reply to  elle

You know you only control YOU, not her not him. So why can’t YOU stay away completely? Let them figure it out. At least you would know that if he then comes back to you, it’s because he wants to be with you (at least for the moment, and not because he respects you, or loves you, but because you are there – AVAILABLE, with legs wide open)

Why can’t you do that? Because you like the centrality, you like the attention. Now talk to us again about Dignity?

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
7 years ago
Reply to  Elle

I agree. She should ditch the jerk and pass all of that pain onto you. That would be the best revenge she could get on both of you.

Unfortunately she is too loving for that. She is trying to save her husband from himself. Alas, it won’t work. He likes being a jerk and that will never change.

Kar marie
Kar marie
7 years ago
Reply to  Elle

Just shut up already would you elle? You made your point. Its the wifes decision not yours. And your point is yes you are a mean vindictive troll!

cashmere
cashmere
7 years ago
Reply to  Elle

Permission? What, God wrote him a note? Or maybe his mommy?

elle
elle
7 years ago
Reply to  cashmere

his wife gave him permission, by accepting, forgiving, and continuing to give him bjs.

GonnaBeOK
GonnaBeOK
7 years ago
Reply to  elle

Have to admit, I did that. I mean the bj. I also happily admit that I bit him. Hard.

Surprise, honey!

Didn’t do anything to his balls because he doesn’t have a pair.

Doingme
Doingme
7 years ago
Reply to  elle

And what exactly did you bring to the table? STD’s?

KB22
KB22
7 years ago
Reply to  elle

Elle, trust that he is telling his wife that you are a psycho bunny boiler that will not leave him alone. Just like he is telling you that his wife will put up with and do anything to keep him and won’t let him go. The BJ’s he tells you she is now giving him is to make you up the sex game, hoping you’ll provide (even more?)freaky sex. Yeah maybe his wife should dump him and not put up with the BS but she is his wife and maybe they have children. You are nothing more than a plaything, a joke and you mean zero to him but yet, you won’t let go either. Hanging on to a married man for dear life? I’d say you are the true pathetic loser in this scenario.

Leavingthecrapbehind
Leavingthecrapbehind
7 years ago
Reply to  elle

Sweetheart….you need to see a shrink. You are totally fucked up.

cashmere
cashmere
7 years ago
Reply to  elle

Again, you are quite obsessed with her, even dwelling on the details of her sexual interactions with her husband, which seems a rather expected and ordinary aspect of marriage. Consider therapy to help you focus on establishing a full life of your own.

cashmere
cashmere
7 years ago
Reply to  cashmere

You are clearly very troubled. You know or think you know too many details of someone else’s sex life, and you dwell on them quite endlessly. Married people have sex. Stop being shocked by or jealous of that and focus on creating a satisfying life of your own.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
7 years ago
Reply to  Elle

Don’t feed kibbles to the yucky troll, says me.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Elle

And reveling in someone else’s misery, that YOU yourself caused, makes you a sociopath.