Did the Tree of Karma Fall on Your Cheater?

karmasutra

I’ve gotten a couple requests lately to do a cheater karma column. I’m always on the fence about karma, because on the one hand, who is above a bit of schadenfreude when it comes to cheaters? Personally, I felt utterly delighted when a giant four-story-tall tree fell on my ex’s house (my former marital home) AND his BMW. It was like a sign from God, complete with lightning bolt! I call it “The Tree of Karma.”

Admittedly, that’s not very “meh.”

Really, the goal here after surviving infidelity is indifference. They fell into a vat of acid? The OW succumbed to the Ebola virus? Your ex-wife is on her seventh husband and twentieth STD?

Shrug.

WTFever.

I don’t think we should wait around for karma.

It has it’s own timetable and focusing on the injustice keeps us stuck and  focused on the cheater. You’ve all got better things to do with your lives than wait at the karma bus stop.

Once you trust that they suck, you realize cheater karma is just being them. Every day they live their karma as inauthentic people with crap life skills. You don’t need cheater karma to gain a life. Go be awesome without it.

Oh shut up, Tracy. Tell us about the tree. Was the BMW totaled? What else you got? Do you know any cheaters that got thrown into a South American jail? Indicted? Deported?

Oh, OKAY. Today we’ll tell our cheater karma stories.

I expect half of you will be sad and say, no the OW lives in your house, dunks her cookies in your wedding china coffee cups, and your children have tattooed her name in hearts on their little chests. To you sad people I say — take the LONG view. I know some cheater karma stories in my life, but they happened to people a generation older than me. In one case, the cheater died years later of alcoholism. In the other, he married the OW and lived in a fancy house for a long time — but now, 30 years on, the IRS is taking the house, he’s a drunk, and the OW is abjectly miserable. Karma took its sweet time arriving, but it did show up.

So let loose, chumps. Any karma sightings? Inquiring chumps want to know.

Subscribe
Notify of

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

331 Comments
Oldest
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
LiningUpDucks
LiningUpDucks
9 years ago

While we were still married, my cop husband was fond of flirting with one of my girlfriends (a super- christian massage therapist). This friend of mine (not the best friend, in hindsight) became quite chatty with my husband (can you say ‘poor boundaries’?). It got to the point where they would call each other and meet without my knowledge, and he would do things to show off to her…also conveniently forgot to mention that I was pregnant. She enjoyed the attention, at best….at worst, she was hoping to be the OW. Anyhoo, he thought it would be a great idea to take her on a police “ride-along” at 2 a.m., just him and her (again, poor boundaries!).

He crashed that car, while she was on the ride along. Totaled the car. Although they were basically fine and only got very minor injuries, I’d like to think it was a wakeup call. Part of me wonders what tomfoolery led to the crash (was he driving like a 16 year old to impress her? or maybe she was giving him a BJ?). Who knows. But at the time, I shrugged my shoulders, and took it as a sign from a higher power. It felt kind of validating.

Way Better Off Now
Way Better Off Now
9 years ago
Reply to  LiningUpDucks

Not all cops cheat, but a lot do, like my ex. We were together for 9 years and he cheated with at least 5 women that I found out about. I also work in law enforcement, so I wasn’t born yesterday (IYNWIM). I treated his cheating like a criminal investigation. I took my time, investigated, gathered evidence and hit him with it like a hammer. I had passwords to all his email accounts, websites he frequented, voicemail passcodes, etc and he never knew (he isn’t bright).

One of his “reasons” for cheating was that I didn’t want children, which he knew up front when we got together. Before we were officially broken up, he already had the new flame pregnant. Did I mention she’s a heroin addict/ junkie? And that she has been arrested several times by our fellow co-workers? She wasn’t the first, or the last, turd he’s messed around with.

I wish this website had been around when I was going through all that! He gave so many excuses why he cheated and I took things so personally, like it was my fault somehow. Except now, I know it wasn’t on me. He was/is a douchebag. Karma for her and him came calling: he cheated on new “baby mama” with two of the same girls he cheated on me with. Baby mama stayed, so she gets whatever she deserves. It sucks that we still work together, but I don’t have to see him much and when I do, he can’t look me in the face. He’s a joke in our department, so that makes me laugh.

My current love (my fiancee) is a cop, but he’s an upstanding, salt of the earth kind of guy. His ex-wife cheated on him too, so he understands where I was. He’s different in every way from the douchebag.

Way Better Off Now
Way Better Off Now
9 years ago

I meant “IYKWIM”

Jode70
Jode70
9 years ago
Reply to  LiningUpDucks

My ex was a cop too.. It must be part of it. He had multiple emotional/physical affairs over the years and flirted with everything in a skirt… He ran off with another cop… He is such an angry man, so glad I am not walking on egg shells anymore.. MEH is so good.

Chumpedtwice
Chumpedtwice
9 years ago
Reply to  Jode70

I think there is a certain personality type that is prone to cheat…and many people who are drawn to the that occupation possess those personality traits. They feel powerless, yet they are attracted to a job that allows them to feel powerful. They may not like any type of confrontation in their personal lives, but once they don the uniform, confrontation doesn’t scare them. They are insecure, but having that gun strapped next to them gives them power. They are cowards in their personal live. but being a cop allows them to play the role of a knight in shining armor.

I don’t want to paint with a very broad brush – and my apologies to all of the good people out there who are cops – but I’ve gotta tell you – I will NEVER date a cop again.

michelle
michelle
9 years ago
Reply to  Chumpedtwice

Chumpedtwice- Agreed!! I will NEVER date a cop again! EVER! I wanted so badly to believe that my STBX was one of the good ones, but he proved to be just how you described. Not all cops cheat. Its not fair to say that for sure, but so many narcissists become cops. Its about power and its about entitlement. It spills all over their personal life. They’re actually told to be an officer 24/7 meaning you can’t turn a blind eye to any wrong doing (unless they’re the ones doing it). So if you’re “allowed” to be powerful 24/7 then who the hell is going to be able to tell that narcissist at home that he needs to comply to the vows he took. A losing battle. I’m waving the white flag…

Chumpittychump
Chumpittychump
9 years ago
Reply to  Chumpedtwice

My reply ended up down string-But THIS EXACTLY describes my STBX to a T.

Mommy Chump
Mommy Chump
9 years ago
Reply to  Chumpittychump

My STBX is a professor – and this personality fits him to a T. The last bastion of the feudal system and he gets to be the nobleman. Pathetic.

Chumpittychump
Chumpittychump
9 years ago
Reply to  Chumpedtwice

This EXACTLY describes my STBX.

Wow33
Wow33
9 years ago
Reply to  Chumpedtwice

Mine is a cop too!! Having been married for 22 years I would say there are only2-3 guys out of the 50 plus cops I know that are decent!! Most of them do cheat, are selfrightius, entitled idiots!!
When I told my layewer what he does for a living he shook his head and told me they are the worst to divorce because they think they need to keep everything…

Sick of HER Chump
Sick of HER Chump
9 years ago
Reply to  Wow33

Don’t forget the paramedics and firefighters….a lot of cheaters there too! That’s where my ex fell. He was seen coming out of the back of an ambulance with another medic. He’s married to her now. Chumpedtwice, I think you hit the nail on the head with your explanation. And, like you, will be staying away from all medics/firefighters/cops from now on!

SouthernShine74
SouthernShine74
8 years ago

Word, Sick of HER Chump!!! STBX is a paramedic who thinks she is God’s gift to all married nurses out there even though she had a beautiful family set up at home. But working in the medical field is the same way!! Ugh!

done as dinner
done as dinner
9 years ago
Reply to  Chumpedtwice

Yep, another cheater cop story here… He was actually in a plain clothes tactical unit in which being able to lie as easily as he breathed was a job requirement and he works unpredictable hours/locations, etc… He was really good at his job! I actually dated a police detective a while before him who also had those tendencies. Good lord!

Harkening back to a recent post, ironically the cop cheater who brought me here’s now OWife was his hairdresser. She didn’t know about me and I only learned her identity/their status after they were married some months after Dday and NC – and he was still pursuing me! It seems like the karma bus doesn’t know his stop and he is in his element and in the clear. I cannot say how often I fantasize about helping karma along by making an appointment with her/one of her colleagues in her salon and “over sharing” my story as if innocently by accident. I truly don’t think she has a clue who he really is and, if nothing else, it would cause some upset in his life. I do have proof and, maybe, OWife would put him on a short leash, i.e., mess with whatever cake eating he’s up to these days.

So, I obviously have not moved on as successfully to another relationship as he has… He really fucked with my mojo. Sigh. I do wish he would receive some kind of payback that resonates with me/my idea of justice, but I guess I just have to work on my Meh. I do not want to give him the kibbles of centrality or thinking he’ still so much on my mind. It all just sucks!

Jode70
Jode70
9 years ago
Reply to  Chumpedtwice

Me either Chumpedtwice, NEVER again. I saw soo many of them do exactly the same. My ex was such a coward in every way. He ran from everything at home. But when he put on that uniform, the total arrogance was astounding. I spent 21 years of my life wondering when he was going to explode at home, his anger, his arrogance, his abandonment, tried to shield the kids as much as possible from him. I think Karma for him is now having bought a house, totally in debt, living with the OW who is 10 times worse than him.

Casey
Casey
9 years ago
Reply to  LiningUpDucks

LUD, cop stories….. and they wonder why no one respects them anymore????
My ex is a cop too. Yep, ho worker was doing ride alongs as well and then some. Karma story is she ended up getting a job at the jail. She then had her mugshot plastered on the front page of the local newspaper several months later for her dui and hit and run arrest. It turns out it was on her birthday too. I purchased several copies of the newspaper and left them for dickwad.
Ex being a cop lost his gun! How as a cop do you lose a fucking gun??? He had to file a police report at a different jurisdiction. For me, it was hysterical as it just proved to me what a complete fucking idiot he is.
I think the best karma though is that he walked away with basically nothing as it was all mine to begin with. He didn’t even get enough money to buy a decent used car. I laughed my ass all the way to the bank.
And even better than that, is the fact that I can sleep well at night, knowing that I was/am honest, faithful, and lived my life with integrity so that my children could see what an authenic person is. Go be awesome chumps!!

LiningUpDucks
LiningUpDucks
9 years ago
Reply to  Casey

Lost his gun?! Wow. I bet his police chief wasn’t too happy about that. Kind of symbolic, though, eh?

Casey
Casey
9 years ago
Reply to  LiningUpDucks

Yeah, he would not move out of the house and was living in the basement at that time. He came into the living room and asked the kids and myself if we had seen it. Nice, huh? We all said no, or the kids said that they thought they saw it in his vehicle. I never touched his work gear. So he stormed off into the garage pulling shit off the walls and screaming. I wish I taped it.
At this point I really don’t think the sheriff or his supervisors give a shit about much. They all knew that she was doing ride alongs all the time with him and chose to look the other way. They both are still employed by the county but in all seriousness, what does this teach the kids. Cops are supposed to be trustworthy – they take an oath, just like marriage. And the ones who turn and look the other way – they are just as bad, after all, who are they protecting….themselves.

Danabern7
Danabern7
9 years ago
Reply to  Casey

Did he ever find his gun? The thing is these cheaters have their heads in the clouds so much they forget things, but his gun? He must have been really wacked out. Is it true that most cops cheat? I’ve heard that. So much opportunity.

MovingOn
MovingOn
9 years ago
Reply to  Danabern7

My dad was a cop and did not cheat on my mom to my knowledge, but he was also VERY different *what might be your typical cop.* (Yes, this is a generalization.) Being a cop was not his dream in life or his calling. He pretty much hated it. He became a cop because, at the age of 21, he did well on the test (when he went and took it with a buddy who wanted to become a cop) and wasn’t sure what else to do with his life. It was also a steady income, basically permanent job security, and my dad was good at it– tough, honest, and compassionate. 🙂

When he slowly moved up the ranks (and he was often passed over because he wasn’t a good old boy), he made a lot of enemies because he was a “by the book” type of guy, didn’t hang out and have beers with the guys after work, and didn’t feel that his job defined who he was. In fact, he and I had that conversation once– I’m not a cop, but neither of feel like our professions define us. We do them (and hopefully well), and then we switch over to who we really see ourselves as when we’re done with work. He was never so happy to retire.

So, I think that if cops are cheaters, it’s because they’re the opposite of my dad– they think they’re powerful, they love flaunting that power, and they abuse that power. That obsession with power then spills into their personal lives– I can control people! I appear strong and like I can do anything! They think my uniform is sexy! They think that riding around on patrol is exciting! Perfect mindset for an A.

Yellowsunshine
Yellowsunshine
7 years ago
Reply to  MovingOn

Oh yes, my x was a prison officer. Shy, low self esteem, little belief in himself at home. Yet at work, all powerful with his uniform and baton. Classic ‘damsel in distress’ syndrome. Had an affair with a fellow female officer because she was a ‘poor single mum’. While I was crying in the shower every evening, he never wanted to ‘save’ me. Disgusting.

Casey
Casey
9 years ago
Reply to  Danabern7

I can’t say that I know for sure if it was found. I reeived phone messages from the police office regarding the open file however this was after divorce was final and I never returned them nor passed them on to dickwad. I thought they should have his work number and they can call him there. LOL. Oldest son said that it was finally found, however, he wouldn’t know for sure either as dickwad is a liar and well, lies.
I don’t think he was “wacked out”, I just think he is an idiot.
After I found out he lost it, I immediately thought, OMG, it is going to get in the wrong hands and there goes everything. Thank God, I filed for divorce as it is all on him.
I too, was very proud to be a cop’s wife (and also Coast Guard) and took it very seriously as I never wanted to mar “our” good name.
I can also remember on one of our family vacations my kids were telling daddy to stop texting and driving as that is what they were taught. His response was if it is for business it is okay. Really??? You motherfucker!!! I believe now that at the time, he was texting howorker. Entitlement, entitlement, entitlement….

michelle
michelle
9 years ago
Reply to  Casey

Casey- I’m floored reading all the cop stuff. My STBX is a cop. Twice he’s lost things pertaining to his job. The 1st was his police ID which he placed on top of the car while leaving work. He was on “the phone” not paying attention and when he drove off it went bye-bye. He works in a pretty rough city so you can imagine the joy in whoever recovered it and didn’t return it. The 2nd time was he was leaving our house on “the phone” AGAIN and put his badge on top of the car AGAIN and drove off. We live in a decent area and still it was never found or returned. He/we looked for it for days, but nothing. He had to tell his Sargent. He lost precious vacation days from work AND had to change his badge # which he was very upset over. I’m not sure if that’s karma because he caused it all by not paying attention to important things (just like not paying attention to his wife and son which he is losing as well). I feel that not all cops cheat, but instead that a lot of cheaters/narcissists become cops. I used to call it “damsel in distress syndrome”. He loved to look like a hero to women. Once when I caught him in an inappropriate relationship with some skank he had the nerve to say that its because her husband is such an asshole to her. REALLY? WTF about MY asshole husband? They never take responsibility for their actions. Its the entitlement. I didn’t want to date my husband when we first met because he was a cop, but then he didn’t seem like the “typical cop” and when I look back at it now I was actually a damsel in distress coming out of a bad relationship. He made that Ex look really bad and now that Ex looks like an angel to me. SMH…

Monika
Monika
9 years ago
Reply to  michelle

I’m sorry but I’m sitting here having my morning coffee and laughing aloud at these cop stories…. Mine wanted to become one but his criminal record followed him around since he likes to get into fights in public, so he had to scratch that idea. Yet, he was always drawn to jobs in law enforcement and for the longest time I couldn’t figure out what the real appeal was. Dealing with the criminal element was not my cup of tea and I’ve begged him for years to leave those dangerous jobs, he really didn’t need to take. Oh no, they were the only ones he was after: security guard in the roughest part of the city was one of his favorite. If he got to shot someone (“in the line of duty”- blah, blah), he would gloat while telling the story to whomever would listen to him. After years of me trying to set him up with corporate recruiters to help him find employment in the corporate world, it dawned on me that he actually wasn’t interested in them. He would miss interviews or wouldn’t return calls, would stall the process. A couple of times he got the job (narcissists typically do well in interviews but not on the job), and a few months later he would be fired for either insubordination (hates authority) or personality conflicts. A decade into this hopeless relationship, I’ve entered therapy and during one of the first sessions, my therapist didn’t mince words when he said: “oh no, Monika. It isn’t you, you’re just dealing with a textbook narcissist with a set of sociopathic traits.” It has been since established he fits the definition of a sociopath quite well (I’ve got my own “hot pocket” cheater, Tracy.)
It’s been a process to get out ever since (finally there.)

Regina
Regina
9 years ago
Reply to  Casey

Copulation does begin with COP you know! I agree, a band of mostly cheaters.

Chumpedtwice
Chumpedtwice
9 years ago
Reply to  Casey

My stbx is a cop too. Yep, I think that’s a prerequisite of the job.

Nadine
Nadine
9 years ago
Reply to  Danabern7

My husband is a cop too. Used to be very proud of that, indoctrinated into the Law Enforcement “family.” My hero. Blech. That wonderfully, tight knit LE “family” is rather incestuous. Cops sleep with dispatchers, records clerks, jailers, other cops. One big happy effed up “family” leaving a trail of collateral damage. In my observations (married to one for 21 yrs), yes most cops cheat. Entitlement and that above-the-law mentality.

Oh, ya, mine “lost” his gun, too. Turns out it was at his gfs. So I placed a call to her and arranged to finally meet her and get the gun back w/o husband’s knowledge. We met in a gym parking lot and she gave it back to me loaded. Good thing I’m sane. What an idiot.

Chumpittychump
Chumpittychump
9 years ago
Reply to  Nadine

You guys HAVE TO BE KIDDING ABOUT THE LOSING THE GUN THING!! WOW!! My STBX is a cop too, and yes they absolutely are a cheating bunch. He left his personal gun in a public bathroom where a kid found it and turned it in. This was right in the midst of the affair. HMMM wonder where his “head” was at?? He was demoted and cant be promoted for 5 years. Karma??? I guess, but he still left me after 23 years for the MOW after the big 3 month affair. I want karma on that as well please. I am not even near “meh” but striving for that Tuesday.

ChumpedinCanada_eh?
ChumpedinCanada_eh?
9 years ago
Reply to  Nadine

ooh I just love cop bashing story’s. My XW is a cop, and the other affairs she was having are all with other cops, also married. So as Nadine says, yes I too am of the opinion that many cops cheat. I’m pretty sure most of her department are fucking one another.

I got to quickly receive news after separation a terrific karma story, XW insists on buying a house of her own, and refuses an inspection. 2 weeks into ownership her septic collapses, basement floods, and has $10000 in immediate and urgent repairs. I always paid for all expenses in life, so have fun with that, paying your own way for a change, aint in fun?

In the end I agree with CL that karma may take its time but is doomed to happen to all cheats eventually due to their crap life skills, poor choices, and emptiness inside. My XW is totally in love with her latest affair (yes another cop at same detachment), yet he is married and refuses to leave his wife and kids. I am also aware that this is not his first affair either. So you have fallen in love with a player, who is unavailable? That cant be a happy ending and karma will be sure to pay you another visit.

I’m not waiting at the karma bus stop anymore, I am already certain that such shitty choices made on her part will necessarily result in a shitty outcome, which is good enough for me to say I don’t care.

Trusting
Trusting
9 years ago

While my husband had lots of paid sex, he only had two incidents of sex with someone who would have him for free. Both times he had ED. His multiple attempts to find a relationship all failed miserably. Generally they simply stopped responding to his texts and emails, stopped taking his calls. One woman went so far as to let him know she wanted him to stop trying to contact her as she was getting scared of him.

Of course I only have his word for any of this, and we all know what a cheaters word is worth.

Native
Native
7 years ago
Reply to  Trusting

Lie after lie after lie

Patsy
Patsy
9 years ago

No real karma, but this I know: that this is not about me, it is about him.

I have discovered I am way more competent and loveable that I ever imagined, so I am free. OW on the other hand, will get lonelier and lonelier as he ignores her, refuses to speak to her and subjects her to mini abandonments (how do I know this), and that is her karma.

He? Lives in hell. Imagine being that tormented, that you have to disappear up your own arse to get by. Karma already.

Jode70
Jode70
9 years ago
Reply to  Patsy

Like!! Exactly like my marriage. Love this Patsy.

slg188
slg188
9 years ago
Reply to  Patsy

Oh that’s perfect! My ex was the king of “mini abandonments.”

MovingOn
MovingOn
9 years ago
Reply to  slg188

Absolutely, Patsy! The “mini abandonments” sounds a lot like my ex.

Sammie D
Sammie D
9 years ago
Reply to  MovingOn

Mine too

in the extreme cases he would take a bucket and spade out to the yard and spend hours weeding the back lawn by hand. could not actually garden but loved to weed.

LiningUpDucks
LiningUpDucks
9 years ago
Reply to  Patsy

“mini abandonments”

That sums up so much of the mindfuckery of my marriage.

ANC
ANC
9 years ago
Reply to  LiningUpDucks

Mine too

ANR
ANR
9 years ago
Reply to  LiningUpDucks

Mine too

ForgeOn!
ForgeOn!
9 years ago

l will share one about a dear friend who was going through her trauma around the same time I was:

My friend’s ex is on the run from the law. Do not know what all he got involved in, but if he sets foot back in this country, he will go to prison. Additionally, that means he has no relationship with his now adult children (or the grandchild) And he did enjoy being with his children when they were young.

What kind of life can you have on the lam? Certainly not a happy one…And certainly not a life with the primary OW, (Guess he will just find others, as they all seem to do!!)

Meanwhile, my dear friend has remarried a good man and is quite content & satisfied with life and has close relationships with both of her children & her grandchild!!

Good things do come to those who live authentic, loyal lives!

Forge on, Nation…ForgeOn!

ANR
ANR
9 years ago

Is this karma, or just natural consequences of bad decisions? My wife “loaned” her boyfriend/boss $200 k — her inheritance from her mother, so that he could make a go of it with a bar he ended up owning through a combination of mid-life stupidity, greed and just plain poor business acumen. I imagine the loan was more like a transfer of funds with a view to starting a new life together, on my wife’s part, anyhow.

Of course they never did start a new life together, the boyfriend has not paid back the loan and my wife is suing him, and the bar has a nice sign on the door saying it’s closed by the landlord for non-payment of rent. Ain’t love grand?

Cloudcastle
Cloudcastle
6 years ago
Reply to  ANR

ANR. Karma served on a silver platter. 🙂

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
9 years ago
Reply to  ANR

I don’t know if it’s karma or not, but it’s awesome! LOL!

ANR
ANR
9 years ago
Reply to  GladIt'sOver

It really is. The civil enforcement agency is now selling his house and a condo he owns. The best part of that is that he has so much secured debt to various people that I think they can do that and my wife STILL won’t see a goddamn penny! LOL

Native
Native
7 years ago
Reply to  ANR

Now thats believing its “GOTOS Karma..(greener on the other side)

Moving Liquid
Moving Liquid
9 years ago
Reply to  ANR

Wow. Just wow.

ANR
ANR
9 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

I know. I spend a lot of time unable to believe all this shit really happened.

Toni
Toni
9 years ago

Within a month or so he was sleeping in his truck because his “Love” wouldn’t let him in unless he brought home crack……..so when he couldn’t scrape up $20 or so….out the door he went!

nomar
nomar
9 years ago
Reply to  Toni

Yeah, that’s the downside of dating a crack whore. They only play whore if you give ’em crack. [snort!]

Regina
Regina
9 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Bring crack or you can’t crack the crack! Hahaha Man, and these are adults we are talking about. Sad.

Red
Red
9 years ago
Reply to  Toni

Wow! Talk about a downgrade!

lale
lale
9 years ago

My ex took me to court over some BS and told me that “everybody” thought I was crazy and he would win (his girlfriend I’m sure is the only one that thought this), the judge saw through him that he is a disgusting man-child, denied everything he asked and decided all in my favor AND raised child support. A lot. Ah-mazing.

KarenE
KarenE
9 years ago
Reply to  lale

Oooh, there are some GOOD judges out there!!!

lale
lale
9 years ago
Reply to  KarenE

The judge really was kind of a right-wing nutcase, but that only helped me since ex drinks a lot, was “seriously dating” a married woman and thinks so highly of himself and his decisions that he kept talking back/interrupting the old judge. I just kept my mouth shut and enjoyed the show!

KarenE
KarenE
9 years ago
Reply to  lale

Well, I hereby create the Chump Nation Judge Daphne Award (she set the standard for great judges!), and give it to him, ’cause it must have been so SATISFYING to watch!

lale
lale
9 years ago
Reply to  KarenE

It really was. Watching an authority figure tell ex what a loser he is and that all of my concerns were valid was the best thing ever. My lawyer had sent his lawyer an “agreement” to try to resolve the custody issues out of court, where I was asking that only my main concern be addressed and was conceding to his other ridiculous requests in the interest of the safety of my son. His lawyer wrote back in email “nice try”, and we went to court, and they both looked like idiots. It’s actually available on DVD from the courthouse – a friend mailed me a copy, lol. I didn’t even know they did that.

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
9 years ago
Reply to  lale

The one time my attorney met my ex in person, at the courthouse, she told him he was “a shame and a disgrace.”

It Is What It Is
It Is What It Is
9 years ago
Reply to  lale

My ex’s lawyer tried to make me look “low maintenence” on the stand, I suppose to argue that since I was used to getting nothing from him, I didn’t need the amount I was asking for. Just because he is a surgeon making $400k a year and I was a SAHM raising 4 children I shouldn’t get alimony. She asked me if he had bought me any expensive jewelry?, “NO”, Taken me on any expensive trips?, “No”. You get the idea. Well it backfired big time. In addition to being a serial adulterer, the judge thought he was a cheap jerk as well. I got EVERYTHING I asked for and alimony for 15 years. Karma!

ANR
ANR
9 years ago

That’s great!

lale
lale
9 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

He’s officially my favorite right-wing nutcase 🙂

ThatGirl
ThatGirl
9 years ago

Not quite a year after the divorce, WXH lost his job.

The only real job he ever had. The one he worked for over 20 years.

To say that I snickered at his misfortune, is well, an understatement. I gleefully told my mom and my BFF and we clucked like happy hens over it and I sent links to his pitiful paid LinkedIn profile where he begs for a new job.

It tickles me especially since I told him a few years ago to let me update his resume and put some feelers out for him because his company was giving him all the signs that he was next when the downsize taxi made its next stop. But noooo…he wouldn’t let me do it just so he could protect the lie he had been telling me since we met that he had a college degree and well, I’m wrong about everything.

Soooo, let’s see. Since I walked out on a weekday and got an apartment leaving the house and all of the furniture:

The house is in foreclosure. It’s hard for the poor muffin to be responsible and pay bills on time, that was my job.

He has no cable TV. I know he hates missing out on all his sports marathons on the weekends, but cable is a bill and well, the muffin can’t be bothered with that.

He lost his job. Now how will he wine and dine his hole mates? How will he put gas in his fancy SUV? Hell, how will he keep up the $700/month payments on his fancy SUV?

I took most of his 401K in the divorce. So now that he’s jobless, he can’t replenish it. And knowing him, the tiny bit that was left he probably pulled it all out and spent it trying to catch up on the mortgage and his SUV payment…oh and hanging out at cigar bars (yes, I stalk his Facebook) – you know priorities!

Oh well, sucks to be him. Tee Hee!

patticake
patticake
9 years ago
Reply to  ThatGirl

That Girl. I just have to comment. My STBX also lied about having a college degree. It took me 3 decades to officially confirm it. The story goes…Three days after we were married he was suppose to be starting in the navy as an officer. That is what he told me. We moved to the base location for him to begin. He called me three hours after I dropped him off and told me to pick him up, because he didn’t pass his flight physical. Told me he had bad knees. Heck, how could that be??? He was a very healthy 23 year old. Every time I asked about it he said “I don’t want to talk about it”. Instead ,we moved back home and he went back to his old factory job. He refused intimacy, refused to talk with me and spent long hours with his buddies at the local bar after work. I was a new bride and soooooo confused at this chain of events. Every time I asked about it I got the same response. He never told me the truth. The worse part was he knew this was going to be the case before we were married. He held to the lie and wouldn’t budge. This last year I asked him how he could say vows to me with this deceit, for a college degree was not a determining factor in my love for him. He told me it was my fault , because he said I married him to get out of the north, where it was cold, and he didn’t want to disappoint me.
Needless to say, that was beginning of a 36 year mind fuck. He told everyone he had a degree, even his children. After d-day, I verified what I thought all along. He never finished. He told the counselor he was caring for his grandma and couldn’t find time to finish. Lie number 2. It was grandma’s fault and my fault, but it had nothing to do with him not working hard enough and staying out all night at bars. I sat and listened him lie and blameshift to our counselor. Karma for me kinda came when he was demoted from his job and he put out job applications. He said there wasn’t anything available. I am sure it was because he didn’t have that degree. I look back and see lie after lie. A trash dump of lies, and for each one he had to keep the story straight. His ho-worker was probably told the same bullshit. In her email, telling him how she loved him, she asked about his poor knees. (hand to the face) . She believes him like I did. If it wasn’t for my children I would look back at my life as a waste of time. I shake my head every day. Karma is not going to be enough to give me a new life. I am going to have to find the path to MEH somehow., but the karma bus is not driving me there.

ThatGirl
ThatGirl
9 years ago
Reply to  patticake

I think you are onto something important. Lies block intimacy. Afterall, you can’t very well open up emotionally to someone you are actively lying to. I too was newly married and the sex dried up, and he was “working” alot. I remember wondering if this what marriage was supposed to be like. And then I tried harder.

I guess what I don’t understand is why? Why tell those lies that don’t matter? I’m sure you didn’t approach your exH and say “hey, do you have a degree, because if you don’t it won’t work between us”. So why lie?

My exH told me the lie about the degree while we were dating. He volunteered this information, just popped it into conversation. I didn’t ask him. Why do that?

I just can’t wrap my head around why some people lie like that. It really is mind boggling to realize that your whole relationship was built on worthless lies.

KarenE
KarenE
9 years ago
Reply to  ThatGirl

Not all narcissists are compulsive liars, but I think all compulsive liars are narcissists. I was taught that sociopaths/psychopaths lie instrumentally, in order to get or achieve something they want, while narcissists lie to look good. That means they often do a LOT of lying, even about small, stupid, totally unnecessary stuff, just to get a few ego kibbles. Because we have to live assuming that people are usually telling the truth (otherwise we call it paranoia!), especially where there would be no real gain to lying, it can take a LONG time to see how often they lie.

TheMuse
TheMuse
9 years ago
Reply to  patticake

patticake, wow – that is an amazing heap of lying.

Akko
Akko
9 years ago
Reply to  ThatGirl

Sounds like a whole lotta karma! My ex also had issues with paying the bill. What is with all these cheaters with the mentality of a child that someone ELSE will take care of them?

Chumpalicious
Chumpalicious
9 years ago
Reply to  Akko

The very.first.thing. the ex did when he moved out (well before he even filed) was to open up another business account (on which I wasn’t a signer) for HIS MONEY, because, you know, I was financially irresponsible. Frankly, I was the only reason he had a perfect credit score. Fast forward to the discovery process in the divorce — it sure did my heart good to get copies of his new personal checking account statements which were constantly being overdrawn. Hundreds of dollars in NSF fees. Then I also got copies of his checkbook register where his New Mommy tried to balance it for him. She gave up and he went back to using the business account for everything and just posted personal expenses as an owner draw.

mara
mara
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumpalicious

after my husband left to move into his rental house/love shack to be shared with the ow, she ended up paying ALL their bills n groceries for months, after a year he only now paid a rent. n yet he’s always broke n he has the nerve to tell me since my stroke i kinda not on top of it. uhm wen i miss bill pymnts n have my acct overdrawn it’s because i’m on disability n get paid only once a month. he also immediately opened an account for his money n was gonna have her share it with him but changed his mind n couple months later told me he was glad he did cos she’s a spender. hm. in the mean time i’m squeezing pennies or my church has given me donations which have helped in a big way esp since my disability is too high for me to qualify for food stamps.

Akko
Akko
9 years ago
Reply to  Chumpalicious

Geez, it’s like they don’t understand where money comes from! I remember when we first separated, seeing that he was incapable of paying $60/month for Internet and Cable was a bit therapeutic in reaffirming they suck!

ThatGirl
ThatGirl
9 years ago
Reply to  Akko

“seeing that he was incapable of paying $60/month for Internet and Cable was a bit therapeutic in reaffirming they suck!”

I know right?

The last time I went over to the house to get him to sign something for the divorce, there he was in the living room, in front of the ginormous TV he loved to watch, bent over his work laptop streaming free stuff on the neighbors wifi. all because I took the cable/internet with me when I left and he was too lazy, cheap, or irresponsible to get it turned on after I left.

In my head I was like, “WTF? Who does that?”. You’re right it does confirm that we divorced oversized children.

Sammie D
Sammie D
9 years ago
Reply to  ThatGirl

have to jump in on this one, I have always paid our bills have managed our household finances for ever, but if you ask the STBX he will tell you he is a financial wiz. But he is a cheap ass and will not pay for anything he considers he should be able to get for free or at mates rates. He is so cheap that while our daughter was in hospital he got board having to just “be there” and to avoid running up his mobile phone bill asked the mother of the other child in the room if he could piggy back onto her wifi, so he could surf the net. She said No thankfully and told me later when I was at the hospital I was so embarrassed, I then overshared which lead to some great advise as she is a self employed legal secretary. My STBX is cheap and nasty.

Louise
Louise
9 years ago

To me, karma means disordered people live disordered lives. Narcissists love drama, they live it and, as a result, lots of crazy stuff happens to them. The church lady who broke up my marriage was like Kristin Wigg’s character, “Penelope”, always one upping everyone in faith,tragedy, and brilliance. Today, she can’t get a job, her husband divorced her, she lost her house and professional reputation, and she lives with her mother. And once my asshole X realized that she was a golddigger, he unceremoniously dumped her. Poor thing.

My X is older and has many health issues. He thought I was always going to be around to take care of him. Wrong! He gets to go to all those doctors’ appointments alone, his kids want nothing to do with him and he has no friends. He spent his whole adult life being the center of attention, well no more. He gets to spend alot of time with the only person he truly loves-himself.

Bad things happen even to the best of people and that isn’t karma, it’s life. But cheaters willingly invite trouble into their lives. They “trouble trouble” as my friend likes to say and then look to find someone to blame for the circumstances they are in. People who walk in the middle of traffic shouldn’t be suprised when they get run over by the karma bus!

Maria
Maria
9 years ago
Reply to  Louise

Love this…People who walk in the middle of traffic shouldn’t be suprised when they get run over by the karma bus!

I have been saying this all along too. It’s not really Karma because these people create the drama so it just appears that the Karma bus has hit them.

TimeHeals
TimeHeals
9 years ago
Reply to  Maria

I think a lot of people in the West are confused about the meaning of the word due to their Judeo/Christian/Islamic upbringings. They confuse karma with the idea of Divine Judgement, but there’s no Deity that I am aware of in any major branch of Buddhism, so there is no judging. There are actions, and there are consequences though.

I don’t know how Karma is interpreted in Hinduism (where there are many Gods), but I’d be surprised if it’s much different.

ANC
ANC
9 years ago
Reply to  TimeHeals

Ok, how about this then for cheater karma ( am referring to the karma + phala meaning): the OW weighs at least 200lbs, serious, no lie. Cheater fucks OW in the many ways of the Karma Sutra. Lots of hoisting some serious weight into some interesting positions. Cheater now has serious abdominal hernia in need of repair.

Roberta
Roberta
9 years ago
Reply to  ANC

OMG! Same thing with my STBX! But Fatso made sure she was with him for his hernia repair posing as me! Then she stuffed him in her car and took him to her condo as she had to be home because her STBX filed for divorce after someone let him know she was screwing around behind his back while he was traveling 26 days out of every month to support this disloyal HO! She’s a hefty one for sure and my husband was always on my case to stay nice and slim! Said he couldn’t stand fat girls! Yeah! Right!

ANC
ANC
9 years ago
Reply to  ANC

Meant Kamasutra

TimeHeals
TimeHeals
9 years ago
Reply to  Maria

I think Karma implies a “cause and effect’ relationship. Pretty sure about that.

The Sanskrit word literally means “action”. Karmaphala (Karma + phala) literally means ‘result of action’.

Where it gets a little bit mystical is with the whole reincarnation business (e.g. the idea that actions in past lives might have consequences in your current life), but generally speaking, when Buddhists are talking about karma, they mean consequences on one’s actions.

Patst
Patst
9 years ago
Reply to  TimeHeals

Well said TH. It is just plain old consequences. The bible talks a lot about consequences too, you don’t need any vengeful God to tell involved.
‘By your actions are ye known’
‘Sow the wind, reap the whirlwind’
‘The wheels of God grind slow, but they grind fine’ (might not be the bible).

What else? Its a universal law is it not: every action has an equal and opposite reaction’

Tessie
Tessie
9 years ago
Reply to  Patst

I kind of like….”Piss into the wind and you are going to get wet….and stinky!”….Kind of sums it up for me.

Chumpalicious
Chumpalicious
9 years ago
Reply to  Patst

“As you do unto others, so shall it be done unto you” That’s a statement of universal law, not an exhortation to be “nice”.

Yep, the consequences are baked into the cake.

Mommy Chump
Mommy Chump
9 years ago
Reply to  Chumpalicious

One of my favorites is from Proverbs 17:12 – it is safer to get between a mother bear and her cubs than a fool and his follies

MGirontree
MGirontree
9 years ago
Reply to  Louise

“He spent his whole adult life being the center of attention, well no more. He gets to spend alot of time with the only person he truly loves-himself.”
Louise, that sums up my H too.

Lioness
Lioness
9 years ago

Mine has been diagnosed with diabetes. Hmmmm…………! Impotence…!
Karma sure comes around!
He always boasted about how healthy he was, now he just moans about his health!

Maria
Maria
9 years ago
Reply to  Lioness

My cheater had a multitude of excuses why he left me, one being that we didn’t have sex enough (which was true by the way). I did lose my sex drive as I aged. However, now I just hope his dick stops working. That would be the best Karma of all. Some men lose their sex drive too. So what’s the difference? If he couldn’t get it up anymore should I have left him for someone? My low sex drive just isn’t visable.

with brave wings
with brave wings
9 years ago
Reply to  Maria

I’m pretty sure all the cheater men use this as a justification to cheat. He still tells people we NEVER had sex. And, yes, from the time he started the affair until the time i discovered it, we had sex maybe once. Why one God’s Green Earth would I want to sleep with someone who was treating me like garbage?

Oh and now that I’m dating a fabulous authentic man that treats me like I hung the moon…..sex drive is through the roof!!!!!

KarenE
KarenE
9 years ago
Reply to  Maria

And even with a lower sex drive, Maria, a tender, caring couple can still enjoy sex pretty often, even if not as spontaneously as before.

Lyn
Lyn
9 years ago
Reply to  KarenE

I’ve discovered that my lack of sex drive wasn’t a physiological problem, but a result of losing trust and being treated like poorly in my relationship. I seriously thought something was wrong with me until I got into a more reciprocal relationship. Now I’ve discovered I’m just fine! Although my mind didn’t want to accept it, my body knew the truth of what was going on with my ex.

CRHCHK
CRHCHK
9 years ago
Reply to  Lyn

So validating to know others had this issue! I guilted myself for years because my sex drive really dropped off after I had my son. I made sure still had sex regularly whether I was into it or not because I lived with the fear that he would look elsewhere and sure enough… I was still blaming myself during our few days of bullshit reconciliation.
Now I can see how shitty he was – wanting to give me nothing and only serve his constant needs while tolerating constant criticism. Fucking asshole. My body knew! Glad to hear that some of you have found reciprocal relationships. I am so thankful for Chump Lady and all of you as well.

FoolMeTwice
FoolMeTwice
9 years ago
Reply to  Lyn

Brilliant, Lyn.

Sammie D
Sammie D
9 years ago
Reply to  FoolMeTwice

Our bodies know what our minds do not want to accept.

spot on , when our second child was only a few months old STBX asked our family doctor at one of our daughters check ups if he could give me something to increase my sex drive. Our doctor told him to give me a break as I had a new born and I had been very sick during the pregnancy. Jump forward 6 years and the shoe is on the other foot and I am suggesting that he go see the doctor as he is rarely intimate and that something was going on as He was denying extra marital activity, and would even leave me questioning my mental health when I questioned him on such things.
on D”Day I discovered at that point he had already had his affair two years earlier and would continue to gaslight me for another 6 years to cover his multitude of hook ups.

I believe that karma is not what comes it is who they are and no sane person is willing to pay the fare to ride on that bus.

PattyToo
PattyToo
9 years ago
Reply to  Lyn

Emotional rejection will make anybody lose their sex drive! Or X’s favorite- constant criticism of each little aspect of my life!
I’ve been dating a guy, and he has actual MANNERS. I told him how blown away I was, and he told me- I’ll always treat you well, I was raised right.
I hope my Chumpiness isn’t showing too much, I have to watch that.

Red
Red
9 years ago

My cheater, like so many others here, thought he could throw me under the bus, live happily ever after with OW, and everyone he knew would be perfectly okay with that.

NOT.

These days, OW is gone, the only friends he has are at OW’s church, and his daughters have kicked him out of their life. He’s missed graduations, shows, honor rolls, etc. Sad…

Kelly
Kelly
9 years ago
Reply to  Red

So sad, too bad poor poor cheater. Stories like this warm my heart.

Nicole
Nicole
9 years ago

Hmmm…I have totally reached “Tuesday” but it IS nice to share that my Ex is currently living in a tiny apartment in a “student housing” (aka run down and cheap) area while my two boys and I just moved into a lovely 2700 sq. foot home that backs up to a nature preserve with walking trails and a pretty little lake. (For the record, I receive almost nothing in child support and zero alimony. I walked away from the marriage with 1/2 of a huge tax bill to pay and a few thousand in savings, so his “poverty” lifestyle is NOT due to having to support me or our children in any way – it’s due to his poor financial choices since we separated and his ongoing issues with Uncle Sam). Our two boys (both teenagers) have refused to travel with him and the OW, and limit their time with him if she is going to be there – so his initial vision of “family vacations” and fun outings with her/her daughter/our boys is not happening for him. He truly thought he could just replace me with her and that his life would smoothly go on as if nothing had changed. Reality is his karma.

Mommy Chump
Mommy Chump
9 years ago
Reply to  Nicole

My STBX was exactly the same. Thought he could just insert OW
for me and everything would be exactly the same. Even told our daughter a few days after he ran off and moved in with OW and her 5 year old that our daughter would love OW because she was just like me – just much younger. My daughter informed him that Shepard certainly not just like her mother because for starters her mother would cheat with a married man and be a home wrecker. His cosmic karma has been that his teenage daughter has complete rejected him, refuses to ever meet OW and he has to walk on eggshells around my daughter. He thought she would be devastated by him moving out and the reality is she’s glad he is gone. I don’t think the karma bus gets much better than him having to face the fact his child completely rejecting him. Of course,
true to the narcissist he is – It is all
my fault and I poisoned her against him. Never mind when he told her he was leaving us and moving in with OW the only thing my daughter asked was if she could change her last name to my maiden name.

Mommy Chump
Mommy Chump
9 years ago
Reply to  Mommy Chump

stupid spell check – she was most certainly not like her mother because her mother WOULDN’T cheat! Yikes – I’m mortified by that mistake!!!!!!

RedefiningMe
RedefiningMe
9 years ago
Reply to  Nicole

“Reality is his karma.”

Absolutely. Many of these losers end up reaping the consequences of poor character, lack of personal discipline/boundaries, and associating with other losers…life just catches up.

About three months after exH left, the county prosecutor and the FBI contacted me over some “business deals” of his that I was unaware of. Their investigation of him is still ongoing (although he doesn’t believe that); he owes the IRS a bunch, and owes the kids almost $100,000 in child support. At any time, child support enforcement can press multiple felony charges and suspend his professional license that he needs to work. His credit score is horrible; bill collectors still call our house, and repo guys have been to our house too. So all that’s hanging over his head like a fancy shit-filled balloon 🙂

I’ve also heard that he’s had a bunch of health problems (he was a 2+ pack a day smoker during our marriage); still can’t get it up (again, my past is her future); and he isn’t aging well. His family (they were horrible people) has fallen apart – his parents finally divorced, and his teen-aged niece is a drugged out mess, poor kid.

The new wife (not the OW) lives on another continent, as he cannot bring her to the US legally as his spouse due to his IRS issues and back child support. Don’t think she knew that when she married him. He will lose his passport this year (also due to non-payment of support) so all the fancy trips they take – no more. His professional house of cards will fold once again, as one of his business colleagues co-signed on the fancy new house, which now has an IRS lien against it.

Married OW has also had karma – her husband almost died a few weeks after news of their affair surfaced. She now gets to caretake him almost full time, as he can’t ever work again – and she always claimed that he was so “mean” – and now she gets to be in his company 24/7. Her kids are grown, so they get to be together ALL THE TIME. Oh, and she belongs to a church that will shun her if she divorces him, or if news of her cheating ever comes out, so she is truly trapped. Sucks to be her.

Single OW eventually dumped his ass, after screwing around with him for the entire 10 years of our marraige. She never had children, and posts pathetic pictures of herself on FB from 15 years ago – back when she was pretty. She hasn’t aged well either, and last time I cared enough to look at her FB, she was puffy, bloated, looked 15 years older than she is – and had dyed her black hair and styled it to look like…me. Creepy bitch.

The worst karma though for my ex is that he has not seen our children in over six years. Protection order has been extended for two more years. He walked away from us; claimed to the OW’s and his family that our daughter “might not be his” and kinda forgot to tell them about his son… The kids have moved on; barely remember him (they were 2 and 5 when he left); rarely talk about him, and want no relationship with him. Our daughter thinks he’s a “liar and a loser”. Our son says, “it’s sad that he makes so many bad choices – I don’t like people like that.” He will never know what it is to be a parent, and have the amazing love of a child. I can’t imagine a more excrutiating punishment than someday realizing that your own children are disgusted by you. And that you deserve it.

KarenE
KarenE
9 years ago
Reply to  RedefiningMe

” He will never know what it is to be a parent, and have the amazing love of a child. I can’t imagine a more excrutiating punishment than someday realizing that your own children are disgusted by you. And that you deserve it.”

Redefining, I used to have these thoughts, and actually feel bad for my ex (our kids have completely rejected him). But then I realized that he doesn’t understand what it is to be a parent, really doesn’t ‘get’ how valuable and beautiful the amazing love of a child is, and is completely convinced that he doesn’t deserve our kids having walked away from him, never will get that it is entirely on him and his choices.

So I remind myself that those thoughts are about what I value, about what I care about, and about MY relationship with my kids. He never did share my values, it just took me a long time to figure that out.

Nicole
Nicole
9 years ago
Reply to  KarenE

Amen. I made a terrible decision in marrying my Ex. I was too young and insecure and unsure of myself to see past all the red flags of warning. Biggest red flag was that he cheated on me while we were dating. I should have run like the wind away from him…but I “took him back” and then married him and gave birth to his children. He pegged me for a chump from early in our relationship. I keep reminding myself that God can make beauty from ashes…and that the world is a better place because my two children exist in it. I had to be married to their dad for that to happen, so I can’t mourn my mistakes. I have to just be grateful that something wonderful came from them!

Jodezter
Jodezter
9 years ago
Reply to  KarenE

Exactly!

Chumpittychump
Chumpittychump
9 years ago
Reply to  Jodezter

Exactly.

Moving Liquid
Moving Liquid
9 years ago
Reply to  KarenE

I’m always intrigued when the subject of values comes up.

Those of us with broken pickers need to really examine how compatible value-wise we are with the next partner in our lives.

I ignored all the signs that my husband’s values were incompatible with mine. I regret that.

KarenE
KarenE
9 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

My ex hid the huge differences in our values very well. His father is a hugely narcissistic jackass who was violent and a serial adulterer. His step-father was a selfish ass who was emotionally abusive to the whole family. The ex made it sound like he thought those behaviours were so wrong, as well as self-destructive, and that what he wanted most in the world was a loving marriage and stable family for his kids.

HAH! The only difference between my ex and his father and stepfather was that he was married to me, somebody who called the cops when he got violent, and who, despite extreme chumpiness around his first affair, kicked him out as soon as the 2nd one began.

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
9 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

I did too Moving. I love our two children but I am monumentally regretful that I didn’t listen to that voice in my head telling me that was not the right person for me.

Face palm!

Lisah
Lisah
9 years ago
Reply to  Nicole

Sorry to hijack this thread… But what is it with these people thinking they can just take the kids and blend the families and drive off into the sunset leaving us behind?
Mow wanted my life. Dressed like me, became his wife in all aspects of his life to the point where strangers thought he was cheating with ME!!!
We are still early days, but karma is that the kids want nothing to do with these shananigans and that the two cheaters, though both separated and divorcing are now living 4 hours away from each other.
All of the kids have figured out what happened and have put up their own boundaries.
MOW realises a little too late that my stbx wasn’t “in the money” like she thought and that now she is single he is not rushing to replace me with her ( I believe he’s still navel gazing ).
Whatever…..

Nicole
Nicole
9 years ago
Reply to  Lisah

Lisah – I totally agree. It blows my mind how he just thought I was interchangeable…like switching a beige couch for a cream-colored one. He has (according to my kids) been rather upset that they do not want to spend time with him when the OW is along for the ride. They have both plainly told him that they want to spend time JUST with him and will ask if “she” is going to be with him before they say yes to anything he suggests. They are teens (oldest heading off to college in a few months – almost an adult) so I do not in any way try to control or influence the time they choose to spend with their dad. This has all been their decision. What is also weird is that the OW looks a LOT like me. Same height, build, haircolor, facial structure, etc. (I’ve only seen pictures of her – never met her in person – but the resemblance is still uncanny.) I find that to be rather creepy! I wonder if the thought process of “I’ll just switch one wife for this other one…” is typical of narcissists? They truly don’t see us as individuals – we are just place holders in the staged version of their lives.

ANC
ANC
9 years ago
Reply to  Nicole

The long term OW is a fatter version of me. That was weird to find out.

KarenE
KarenE
9 years ago
Reply to  Nicole

The two OW my ex got involved with both look very similar to me; don’t know if he has a ‘type’, or if it just makes the switch-out easier. His previous long-term relationship didn’t look at all like the three of us, but who knows.

My narc ex also had some kind of fantasy that his life would go on pretty much the same, w/OW in my place, and the kids would be FINE with that, and they’d make a lovely happy family group, going out and doing stuff …. And then we’d ALL hang out sometimes, you know, barbecues in the back yard, kids’ birthdays, Xmas, one big happy family, him, his whore, maybe her kids too, our kids, me, whatever new boyfriend I end up with …. NO boundaries! Everybody would just do whatever makes HIM happy and treat him like he’s so great, and everything would be awesome!

DELUSIONAL!!!!

Nicole
Nicole
9 years ago
Reply to  KarenE

Uggh…delusional is right. My Ex told me early in our separation that he looked forward to all of us sharing family times together and wanted to come over to my home for dinner with the boys on a regular basis (WTF!! He wanted me to fix him dinner!? Sit at my table and have me wait on him while he visits with his kids and then skip out the door and back to his love shack leaving me with a stack of dirty dishes and two confused and sad children? Is he CRAZY!?). He slowly got a clue over the first year that he was not welcome in my home and that “family” outings ended when he decided to destroy our family. He is now waging a passive-aggressive war with my boys – sending them looonnngg emails about religious topics and always including a negative reference to me such as “share this scripture on forgiveness with your mother…she really needs to work on her heart.” I truly think he is living in some alternate reality. It’s actually rather sad and scary.

Native
Native
7 years ago
Reply to  Nicole

Who do theses men and women cheaters ..risk takers.. think they are invincible? Not knowing Karma is the greener side most of the time…wow..you just cant get away with doing people dirty abd believe nothing will happen to you..its crazy ..foolish disgusting. Uuugh.

Mommy Chump
Mommy Chump
9 years ago
Reply to  Nicole

Nicole – my narcissist STBX didn’t he exact same bloody thing ! He told
me too how he was hoping to come over several nights a week for dinner – while I cooked a gourmet meal he would swim and have fun at the pool with our daughter and then we would all play a board game afterward or he would watch a movie on the sofa with our daughter – I guess that was the cue for me to be nj the kitchen cleaning up? WTF. I told him I didn’t know what fantasyland he was living in but that was never going to happen. When he walked out the door he lost any privledges to dine at my table! He too tells our daughter that I need to get over it and turn the other cheek or practice forgiveness. I am shocked that this truly asinine expectation of showing up for dinner and fun with the kids as one big happy family pretending nothing happened is not unique. How do they dream this shit up? If it was in a movie I would think no one in real life would be that much of a clueless ass. Hahaha

JulieP30
JulieP30
9 years ago
Reply to  KarenE

Yep, mine thinks this as well. He hopes we will all get along one day and hang out, one big polygamous family, NOT!! As CL, has said. No thanks, I don’t hang out with people who mug me.

MovingOn
MovingOn
9 years ago
Reply to  KarenE

Yep. Same here. XWH thought my kids would just automatically love the OW as much as he does (whatever “love” he can possibly give) and would be delighted to be in a blended family. Aw, shucks. Turns out they’d rather never go over to his house, and they really can’t stand her or her kids! Can you believe it?

Jode70
Jode70
9 years ago
Reply to  MovingOn

My ex thought he would just walk off into the sunset, I would become best buddies with the other woman and we would all be one big happy family. He thought the kids would “just get over it” and accept her as he told me as that she was now their “mother” and my kids would just spend all their time with him… in reality, they hate her kids, can’t stand her and my son especially never sees any of them, my daughter once every few months might see him for an hour or two… Not all roses me thinks

MGirontree
MGirontree
9 years ago

His last affair ended up with her blackmailing him for money or else she would come and tell me. He ended up with having to dish out over $5000.00 over a 6 month period (that’s what he told me). He finally had to confess to me because he was tired of being blackmailed. And for a control freak that he is this must have been unbearable. Talk about Karma. I am grateful to this woman (I just don’t know anything about her) since if it weren’t for her I would still be eating his SHIT!

KarenE
KarenE
9 years ago

“cheater karma is just being them” – SO right with this one, CL! But I bet today’s stories are going to give me some good laughs and smiles, so have at it, Chump Nation!

My ex clearly didn’t think about what he was doing and what it might cost him, when he decided to cheat for a second time. He was working out of town – I’d never find out, right? Took me two weeks, as far as I can tell, so I guess his optimal cake-eating was short-lived.

Both the cheating and how badly he’s handled everything since then are so typically him; the universe doesn’t even need to send lightening bolts. Here’s what’s happened for him;
– ALL our couple and family friends have completely turned their backs on him.
– large segments of HIS family have turned their backs on him, never mind all of mine.
– he’s messing up his finances, he’s taken out retirement savings to be able to look like a good dad (keeping kids and I in the house), and to be able to do fun stuff w/OW. His credit rating must be tanking, not because he doesn’t have the money, but because he can’t be bothered with little life details like paying bills on time, or even setting up automatic payment. Always had the responsible adult here to take care of that stuff for him, it must be beneath him! (And the man has an MBA in finance, ha ha ha!!!)
– not sure what’s happening with the OW these days, but they still don’t live together, he’s alone much of the time in a dinky little apartment, and this is a man who HATES to be alone.
– and the biggest karma hit of all, the kids started refusing to see him, last fall. At my insistence, they now have a meal with him, maybe even go to a movie, once a month. This one makes me very sad, because of what it means for the kids’ experience of their dad, but he totally deserves this. He was a mediocre father when we were together, negative and crabby and w/little investment in the kids, then he stabbed me in the back for a second time and broke up the kids’ family, then he made it clear, for a year after the separation, that he wasn’t thinking of the kids or their well-being, everything was organized to be convenient and pleasant for him; he picked up and dropped the kids like they were toys he was only occasionally interested in playing with.

Karma in his case is just the result of being who he is, and making the choices he makes. And it IS a little satisfying to see that he’s not gone on to happily-ever-after. He blamed EVERYTHING on me; I appreciate the universe showing him that getting him out of my life has improved my life, but getting me out of his has actually made his worse.

Joy-filled chump
Joy-filled chump
9 years ago
Reply to  KarenE

KarenE,

You wrote about insisting that your children have a meal or a movie once a month with their father. It reminded me of a conversation I had with my adopted parents. I told them that I could see myself, eventually, encouraging my sons to have a relationship with their father. My “parents”, married for over 50 years, looked at me and said, “Why? That’s no longer your job to be the mediator. Your sons are young adults. Respect them. Support them. They can make their own decisions. Be the parent that you are and have been.” I am so grateful that I have these people in my life. They zeroed right in to what my life habit had been: spackling. I was always smoothing things over. The fuckhead lost that, too.

Mommy Chump
Mommy Chump
9 years ago

Yes, I too was insisting my daughter have dinner at least once a month with STBX and my parents, married 58 years, also asked me why. They too pointed out that my daughter is 15 and certainly old enough to make her own decisions about how much or little she wants to see her father. They are so right and also called
me on my spackling habit!

Sammie D
Sammie D
9 years ago

Joy-filled,
I think I am going to write down their advise to you, I don’t have parents who can speak into my life in that way and am glad you shared their insight.

KarenE
KarenE
9 years ago

Joy, your parents were right on!! My kids were only 12 and 13 at the time of the separation, though, and a year older when they started refusing to see him. FORTUNATELY I live in a jurisdiction where at age 12 kids get a big voice into how much time they spend w/each parent, and from age 14 it’s entirely up to them.

The ex took the kids’ rejection as a big wake up call, and is doing some things towards trying to ‘be a better person’ – not helped all that much by a warm and fuzzy therapist who doesn’t appear to have a clue how to work effectively with a narcissist. So my thought is that if he actually can become a better father, that would benefit the kids, whereas if they don’t see him at all, they won’t have any experience of that. (Plus the ex is still paying a BIG chunk of money each month, because he wanted the kids and I to stay in the house, and if we can avoid a big confrontation over $ because he’s pissed about the kids, that would be a good thing for the kids and I … 😉 )

lale
lale
9 years ago
Reply to  KarenE

“He blamed EVERYTHING on me; I appreciate the universe showing him that getting him out of my life has improved my life, but getting me out of his has actually made his worse.”
Amen to that.

Rose
Rose
9 years ago

OK, so I don’t have any Karma stories because nothing is out yet. I am waiting with baited breath for the investigation report the court did on my X to see if he’s a fit parent. It has to come out by the 6th at the latest so who knows if Karma is coming for him or not- I desperately hope it finds him an unfit parent.

But I do have a funny story. Last night I got thinking about revenge and I googled “Revenge stories” which eventually led me to youtube. Most of them were really dumb ideas (spam them. Sign them up on CL for sexual encounters. Things of this nature) but one was genius and one was just so weird/made me laugh. The best one was 1) stalk them in the evening until they go to a bar 2) wait until they go in and slim jim their car and plant drugs 3) call the police and say “A guy in [name bar] just asked me if I was interested in being a prostitute and told me had tons of drugs in his car and that he could be my pimp” So- that’s some serious forethought and planning. I was impressed with that one. The weirdest/funniest one was this guy who kept popping up on the discussion thread and saying “Just poop on their doorstep.” He appeared on TWO different revenge threads I read and then his story morphed to “Just poop on their doorstep three times a day for at least two weeks”. LOL WTF! Ok fellow chumps, if any of you have also read those threads, please don’t go poop on your cheater’s doorstep. I really think that one would just backfire. 🙂

Lyn
Lyn
9 years ago
Reply to  Rose

I’m laughing my head off!!!

Lyn
Lyn
9 years ago
Reply to  Lyn

I should say I’m laughing my head off at someone’s idea of revenge being to poop on someone’s doorstep. Just typing that made me burst into laughter again. Thanks for brightening my day!

Lonelywife7
Lonelywife7
9 years ago
Reply to  Lyn

I actually had a friend scoop up her dogs poopy mess in a plastic bag, and sneak over to her exH’s house and squish it under the door handle of his car…and then sit a distance away and watch him come out and insert his hand under the door handle! I’ll admit…I did LOL at that one!!! 😉

NorthernLight
NorthernLight
9 years ago
Reply to  Lonelywife7

I had a friend offer to do that to my ex’s car on my behalf a few months after dday. We laughed a lot about it, but that was it.

Rumblekitty
Rumblekitty
9 years ago
Reply to  Rose

I believe that if I do anything mean spirited, and I mean ANYTHING, I step in the way of Karma. I took the high-road on everything, even when there were so many opportunities where I could have crucified my XH.

I haven’t lifted a finger towards enacting revenge. My Karma is sparkling. I have don’t nothing against him besides stick up for myself, and his life just keeps swirling the toilet.

It’s perfect. 🙂

Moving Liquid
Moving Liquid
9 years ago
Reply to  Rumblekitty

Rumble, I, too, have consider what I could do to make my husband miserable, but in the end can’t do it. I don’t wish him a hard life, but he will have one nevertheless. He thinks the grass will be greener, so he keeps moving and shuffling, but he doesn’t seem to realize that saying, “Wherever you go, there you are.”

Maybe things are still too raw, and even though I know it’s better that we’re apart, I still feel love for him. I can’t wait until I feel meh about him!

Char
Char
9 years ago
Reply to  Rumblekitty

My karma is sparkling…I like that. A LOT! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve pondered doing something to expedite Karma….but for many reasons – have not followed through. So my conscience is clear and I sleep well at night. Staying clean on your end is the only way to stay sane. The minute you try to move the wheels yourself – Karma turns on you.

Rumblekitty
Rumblekitty
9 years ago
Reply to  Char

Yep, and I think also, you give away your power. If I care enough to do something horrible to him, that makes me look like I haven’t gotten over it. I’ll end up looking like the jerk. I give no one a reason to ever say, “Hey it’s no wonder he left.”

I just mind my own business, locked down FB so nobody can see a thing and lucky for me he lives quite a distance from me so I never have to worry about seeing him. Added bonus, no kids with him. I’m just letting him turn into a faint shadow. He deserves the cluster-fuck his life has turned into. My life is just getting better. 🙂

Louise
Louise
9 years ago
Reply to  Rumblekitty

My favorite quote on this subject(which I have posted before) is from Bob Marley: ” Let the wicked slay themselves.” They always do!

Kelly
Kelly
9 years ago
Reply to  Louise

Oh oh I LOVE that quote, Louise: “Let the wicked slay themselves.” I’m saving that one!

lale
lale
9 years ago
Reply to  Rumblekitty

True. No point in messing up your own Karma to try to hurry theirs. It is nice to think about sometimes though, until it happens naturally 🙂

MGirontree
MGirontree
9 years ago
Reply to  lale

Revenge is only good when its played in your head!

Rumblekitty
Rumblekitty
9 years ago
Reply to  lale

Yep. I’ve got plenty of examples of how screwed up his life has become since this all started, but I’d have to get too specific and I don’t want to post too much about it publicly. All I can say is, he is definitely living with his shitty life choices. I don’t have to do a thing. 🙂

Maria
Maria
9 years ago
Reply to  Rose

Planting drugs in his car for revenge is a bad one. Especially, if the ex-wife is getting alimony from him or relying on his funds for support. If not, then I guess it would be OK, but somehow I think that one would come back to bite them in my opinion.

Sammie D
Sammie D
9 years ago
Reply to  Maria

I wanted a tazer of christmas but thankfully for STBX santa didn’t deliver. hhahahahaa

Rose
Rose
9 years ago
Reply to  Sammie D

This is a funny story about a guy who thinks pooping on a doorstep is appropriate revenge for cheating. Clearly it is not advocating pooping, or pooping on doorsteps, or pooping related to cheating. It’s the story about a weird guy who somehow connects poop with revenge. Sometimes I think we jump on each other too much on this site. I’m not even sure what people mean by illegal. Do you mean the car-planting part? I’m sure that before you got to that stage you would have to procure the drugs which would CLEARLY be illegal. This is just a story about what funny things people post online. Calm down everyone.

diana L
diana L
9 years ago
Reply to  Maria

Planting drugs could get you in jail!

Basically, trying to get revenge is a bad idea.

MGirontree
MGirontree
9 years ago
Reply to  diana L

Agree!
My sister reminded me, “Before you set out on the road of revenge, dig two graves.”

lale
lale
9 years ago
Reply to  Rose

hahahahaha that is great. I had a guy I met tell me that he could have my ex tazed for me on the regular. His ex-wife had cheated on him with a guy who went out a lot, so all of his friends carried tazers and would taze the OM when he left a bar and say “this is for (husband)”. I have to admit I was very tempted…

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
9 years ago

The only karma so far was good for me, he still got off easy. He never answered my divorce filing in any way, so a couple weeks before the court date my attorney went to the judge about it and I lucked out; judge cited ex with contempt of court. My ex is afraid of jail… well he had gotten 2 DUIs in less than a year, he was on probation, so that contempt of court would put him in jail for a while. The only way to get it dropped was to settle with me, he did so 3 days before the court date. He wanted MY house, I bought it before I ever met him. I may owe more on it now than I did back then, but I kept it.

He’s an abuser, he’s an alcoholic and feels entitled to be taken care of. It appears his girlfriend is fulfilling that service, he’s waiting for his wealthy mother to die. May she live to be 200 years old :). Meanwhile he’s trying to get SSN disability…I really know very little about his life now, ex’s bro is my friend but doesn’t speak to the ex at all.

Brownie
Brownie
9 years ago

After DDay and custody hearings over our minor twins Uncle Daddy left his mom’s and moved into a one bedroom love shack because the two bedroom apartment on the same floor would have cost thirty dollars more monthly. It was five blocks from me, same school district as ordered by the court. We were supposed to have shared custody of our teens, but, with no place for them to sleep, they were with me all of the time. Fast forward two years, and the teens are off to college. Uncle Daddy moves to a two bedroom apartment eight miles away, so “the girls will always have a home with him”! Come to find out he was evicted for nonpayment of rent and the new apartment is one of those places that are cheap and known for transient people and make the Crime section of the local paper quite a bit. So safe for my girls….
He and I practically shared our birthdays for over twenty years. Making me responsible for renewing the license plates for both of us on our cars. One of the last things I ever did as his wife was renewing his tags in October 2011. In August 2013 he was picked up for no registration on his truck. A full ten months past his birthday. According to the county justice system website, he got his truck re registered, but, has a warrant out for his arrest for non payment of the fines he incurred. To me, hysterical, but, I have struggled with telling him he had better pay the courts because the next time he gets stopped for speeding (eight speeding tickets in seven years) or some other seemingly minor traffic violation he will have his truck impounded and could go to jail. He still pays me a settlement. Bad choices, entitlement, karma, whatever you call it, it will play out. His life has the potential to get very ugly, and I don’t wish that on my three girls. His still married parawhore needs to free herself from her wealthy husband and take care of Uncle Dummy, I mean Daddy, so my children won’t have to!

KarenE
KarenE
9 years ago
Reply to  Brownie

Brownie, you’re in the same dilemma I am; I want all SORTS of karmic justice to the ex’s personal life, but I don’t want him to mess up his work or finances too badly, as he’s still paying a lot of the bills around here. He can totally mess up his entire life once the kids have graduated university!!!! (Only 10 years to go ….)

DeltaGirl65
DeltaGirl65
9 years ago

1.This bit of Karma is really sad: OWife immediately got pregnant to “seal the deal” and found out it was twins: a boy and a girl. She was praying for a girl because she already had two boys from her first marriage. But, the girl twin died in utero and she had to carry to term on bedrest, in hospital, etc. so the other twin could live. To this day OWife is convinced this death was God punishing her for the affair. Then, while lying (alone) in hospital bed getting ready to give birth to the remaining twin, she gets call from hospital finance dept. telling her she has no health insurance (her wonderful new prize of a husband had let it lapse). Hundreds of thousands of medical bills for the pregnancy, premature birth of remaining twin and NIC unit care for the baby. Plus absentee hubby who didn’t visit he often in the hospital. OWife later told me that was when she started to realize what she had gotten herself into. I’m not sure what she expected, since I was pregnant when she “took up with him” and he walked away from our one-week old baby, our toddler daughter and wife of 16 years without batting an eye to be with her. OWife is still tormented to this day by female children. She rejected my young daughter (after initially “bonding” with her and luring my young daughter into a “close” relationship with her) because, according to her “knowing where my baby girl is now (dead), I can’t stand the fact that this girl is breathing. Why does she deserve to live and my baby died?” What kind of sick jealousy is this? My daughter was alive and breathing long before OWife entered the picture yet she resents her for being alive? I told OWife, “I am just really sad for my daughter, because she doesn’t deserve this.” In the meantime, the remaining twin is just the cutest, sweetest little boy you have ever seen. Poor thing, has no idea what a monster he has for a mother.

Sammie D
Sammie D
9 years ago
Reply to  DeltaGirl65

I hate to be alarmist,
but be on your guard with her if they are the emotions she is willing to verbalize in reference to your daughter I would hate to imagine what is in her head.

DeltaGirl65
DeltaGirl65
9 years ago
Reply to  Sammie D

Sammie D, I hear you loud and clear. That was almost three years ago. During that same conversation, the OWife made it very clear she did not want my children in her home. She wanted to focus on her own children and she felt like my children took resources from hers (it didn’t help that my X wasn’t contributing financially to their household and they were living off the child support she got from her first husband plus her job as a sales clerk). So I haven’t allowed my children to go back and, frankly, my X agreed that it was better for them that they didn’t come around there. My X now sees the kids maybe once a week for a couple of hours on a Sunday afternoon at my place or at a park or something-but never at his home. A couple of times a year they might get to go with him for overnights at my former MIL’s home a few hours away (sans OWife). The kids are more stable now without her in their lives and they are doing much better.

DeltaGirl65
DeltaGirl65
9 years ago
Reply to  DeltaGirl65

What’s ironic is that I was really sad about OWife rejecting my daughter. Both of my children really because she no longer allows them to even come to her home or my X to even seem them that often. Early on, I would have given anything for my kids to not have to be around her. But, you move on, you reach meh, you find another (better) spouse, and your kids learn to live between two homes and families, etc. So when she rejected them, after they had long since bonded with her, it was heartbreaking for me. They had already practically been abandoned by their father. They had gotten past that and accepted — and even bonded with — the new family. Only to be abandoned AGAIN, this time by the OWife. Sadly, my X just went along with it, in a way, RE-abandoning them. Fortunately, my kids have accepted the situation for what it is. And overall, they are better off seeing the truth instead of being manipulated. But it still is very sad to see kids have go through this heartbreak.

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
9 years ago
Reply to  DeltaGirl65

I am so sorry Delta for the way she treated your daughter. There are no words to describe this dispicable thing in a human suit you refer to as the OWife. What a total waste of space!

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  DeltaGirl65

Dear God, I am so sorry you and your daughter have to deal with this truly demented woman.

Canadian Former Chump
Canadian Former Chump
9 years ago

The real Karma is that I moved 3 hours away back to my hometown. I have the support of my friends and family. I now have an awesome new position at my company (in the new city) that I love more than my old one. I now weigh over 60 pounds less. I have paid off over $10,000 of debt. I am about to buy my first home.

Also – last April at the end of tax season, about a month after I had moved away, STBX was fired from his job. This is the company that also employed the hoe-worker bitch. He had been warned about the inappropriateness of their relationship.

Now the OW (who lives with him now? At least I think she still does?) can deal with his drinking and financial irresponsibility and inability to ejaculate. Plus his addiction to porn and his constant flirting with other women.

Whatever. I could care less what is going on with his life now. We had no kids, no house to split, no shared assets and no alimony. The divorce papers are just waiting to be finalized by a judge. I never have to talk to him ever again. That is the best Karma of all !!!

nomar
nomar
9 years ago

In the case of my cheating ex-wife, karma showed up when she married her last (?) affair partner a couple of years ago. Made a big deal of it. Wore a white dress and veil (she was a mom in her mid-40s, her marriage to me lasted 22 years, during which she had half a dozen affairs), a white-collared ministered presided, and they involved my sons in the ceremony. Blech. But the superficial wonderfulness of their union is a sham. They are wretched people. Cheaters and takers with anemic coping skills and budding mental illness, the both of them. It makes me smile to think of them inflicting themselves on each other. Every. Single. Day. It’s so just, so poetic, so . . . perfect. It’s Kim Jong-Il buggering Bin Laden. Charles Manson eating Jeffrey Dahmer. Tori Spelling reconciling with Dean McDermott. I wish them a long marriage.

Because they deserve each other.

Lyn
Lyn
9 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Nomar, you are downright poetic! Love it.

Kelly
Kelly
9 years ago
Reply to  nomar

“It makes me smile to think of them inflicting themselves on each other. Every. Single. Day.”

Yup, Nomar, that is it.

NorthernLight
NorthernLight
9 years ago
Reply to  Kelly

Agreed. 🙂

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  nomar

nomar, the Jackass was involved with a married OW who is the same age, married about the same length of time. The OW in this case is not planning a wedding to which she can war inappropriately youthful attire, but she does pin lots of teenage appropriate stuff to her Pinterest board (she has no daughters, so it isn’t like she’s looking for clothes for kids). She also posts on social media about not needing to “party” all weekend any more–something that really never occurs to normal people with kids. I think some of these women are highly immature, stuck in late adolescence/early 20s, desperately hanging on to some time in their lives when they felt attractive. They are pitiful.

RNE is going though the big D and I don't mean Dallas
RNE is going though the big D and I don't mean Dallas
9 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

My stbxh is like this too. One of our big fights was that I never wanted to go out clubbing and he did. We’re both in our 30s with 2 kids. I’m too damn old to go out where the 20 somethings are grinding against each other and the music hurts my ears. Sorry, I’m such a buzz kill.

nomar
nomar
9 years ago

RNE: Hey, I think I found a video of your stbxh out clubbing:

http://www.break.com/video/old-man-does-the-old-man-dance-2013082

SO KEWL!! See what you missed?

RNE is going though the big D and I don't mean Dallas
RNE is going though the big D and I don't mean Dallas
9 years ago
Reply to  nomar

LOL!! Yep. That’s him!

KarenE
KarenE
9 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Hey, this old guy is ADORABLE!!! I bet RNE’s is just creepy and gross ….

nomar
nomar
9 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

Oh, my ex does that inappropriate-for-her-age thing also. Whatever tendy music or online games or phones are out there, she’s into them. I think her cheating mania arises in part out of a fear that she’s no longer Young and Full Of Potential. In middle age, people start to grade you on What You Do, and doesn’t fare well on that scale.

There must be a female equivalent to the Peter Pan Syndrome, right? Trying to think of women famous for not wanting to grow up. The Madonna Syndrome, perhaps? The Tori Spelling Syndrome?

NorthernLight
NorthernLight
9 years ago
Reply to  nomar

I just had assumed the Peter Pan syndrome applied to men and women. I think Chump Lady called it the Peter/Petra Pan syndrome in a post once.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  nomar

My friend calls the MOW the Britney Spears Wannabe.

nomar
nomar
9 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

Hm. Well, my ex is a bit old to be want to be Britney. Belinda Carlisle Wannabe, perhaps?

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

*wear, not “war.” I don’t know why I can’t post anything without a typo…

BubblestheJellyfish
BubblestheJellyfish
9 years ago
Reply to  nomar

AMEN nomar……

Char
Char
9 years ago

I am to the point that “meh” is hovering….but sweet schadenfreude is such an addiction that I do still wait for Karma to dispense the justice my ex and the OW so richly deserve. Thus far – it’s been trickling in – but no torrents. He developed COPD – but that’s not Karma as much as 40 years of smoking. He has gained a huge beer gut from increased drinking – but I wouldn’t call him an alcoholic. The best physical thing is that his teeth – always naturally straight and (thanks to his bleachings to enhance his looks for the OW) very white. But he must have some sort of gum disease because they are shifting and there are now minute spaces between each tooth that makes it look like black lines go between. And he has a space between his front teeth that you could drive a car through. That is a smack to his vanity – since he always valued his megawatt smile. But he’d deny that he or she is bothered by it. The OW had a couple Karmic smacks in the last year – she was sitting at a light and a car plowed into her and totaled her brand new Tuscon, forcing her to use insurance to pay off the wreck and then have to get a new car, a new loan, etc. Then my kids found out that her daughter is living with a convicted extortionist and druggie. I’m not even sure if she knows his background – which makes it sweeter from where I sit. And best of all? The $20K Barbados wedding they are planning in 2014? They are paying for this felon to go – he’s the daughter’s date and they are giving an extortionist and a drug peddler a free ride to 10 days of wedding celebration! For that my ex cashed in a big part of his TSA and put themselves even further into debt. (I got everything from the household – and did I mention he filed Chapter 7 bankruptcy about a year and 1/2 back after running up huge debt during our 25 yr marriage?)

So….is it karma or just the inevitable result of “cheater karma” exposing itself? I don’t know – they also have a house with a perfect lawn now, they travel all over the place on the teacher’s union dime and I still stew that they are having incredible nasty sex and he is happier then he ever dreamed or was with me.

So I’m a work in progress to “meh”…but what Karma I have seen – I won’t lie – is extremely satisfying to my wounded soul.

diana L
diana L
9 years ago
Reply to  Char

If he’s blowing his retirement money on a huge wedding, he’s headed for trouble. The house of cards looks nice, but it’s going to collapse.

Sammie D
Sammie D
9 years ago
Reply to  diana L

If he is developing gaps in his otherwise perfect smile, his retirement money may not be the only thing he is blowing.
just saying. 😉

diana L
diana L
9 years ago

I don’t believe in karma in the sense of the universe arranging bad things to happen to you when you’re bad.

I just think that many cheaters end up messing up their lives. Trying to have a long-term relationship with someone else with your co-cheater only makes it worse.

A lot of chumps seem to have been taking care of the cheater for years. Without the chump, the cheater makes a worse mess of their life and career.

Lisah
Lisah
9 years ago
Reply to  diana L

This!
I had to dissolve two businesses during our marriage. One was very large and thank God it was incorporated because I was told that our only option was to go bankrupt.
Instead, I made payments and eventually paid off the losses. All by my self . He shut down when things started to go south.
The second time was almost a replay of the first. He could not cope and the mess ended up being my responsibility once again.
We had to start our lives over. And once we got a toe hold on that, he ran away to University to change careers leaving me to raise the kids and live in reality land.
Once he got his career, he did me the favour of having a giant cheater mental break down and firing me from the wife position.
Now that there is no one to clean up after his poor life and financial choices – he is swimming in debt that he cannot seem to come to terms with.
Not my problem. I have a good credit rating and have a peaceful yet frugal life.
Hope his parents enjoy bailing his sorry ass out.

diana L
diana L
9 years ago

This thread make me wonder about some of the marriage reconciliation advice. I have no trouble believing that some people having affairs are in a fog and acting in ways that are irrational. They risk losing partner who have taken care of them for years just to have exciting sex.

So maybe the best advice if you want to reconcile is to absolutely not let things go on as they are or try to be an even better spouse. Maybe the best advice is to quickly show them exactly what their life will be like without you and with the OW. Although I suspect that while many cheaters would then want to get back what they had, the faithful spouse might not want them.

Patsy
Patsy
9 years ago
Reply to  diana L

Well said Diana, my IC first mentioned how much I clean up after him. Still can’t quite see it, but I sure do a lot of property management and stuff…

When chumps aren’t there to look after them, their life takes a turn. I think!

Akko
Akko
9 years ago

The karma tree hit my ex pretty hard. So, immediately after he left me for her, he got injured at work, then he got a stroke. When he told his boss that it was a stress-related stroke caused by work, the boss insinuated that it wasn’t because of work and that it was because of the affair (He probably just didn’t want to pay worker’s comp or whatever, but still awesome to hear it happened).

He then moved to a run-down apartment closer to his shmoopie (she wouldn’t let him move in with her and he couldn’t afford our old place), but not even a month into their relationship, there was trouble in “paradise.” They would break up, get back together, break up, and get back together. He had been telling people they fought over the fact that he wasn’t “over” me. *rolls eyes* They got back together one last time so he could introduce his new “twu wuv” to his parents, but then he found out when they parted ways that night, she was actually going to her new boyfriend’s place. She had apparently been cheating on HIM with another guy from work for about a month (keep in mind all 3 parties work at the same place… Awkwaaaard).

I didn’t think it was possible for the karma bus to come along within the year, but it makes me glad that I’m not a part of all that anymore. Even if it’s not true, I’m glad my friends reassure me that I made the right choice in leaving him. They always say “You’re the best he’ll ever do, but he’s definitely not the best you can do.” It’s nice to have friends that have your back through all this 🙂

Elizabeth Lee
Elizabeth Lee
9 years ago
Reply to  Akko

LOL! My ex and his schmoopie did that same dance. They broke up several times during our divorce, and called it quits for good before the divorce was final. Now, he’s living with a woman who is married to another man. He says they’ll get married once her divorce is final. Whatevs.

Akko
Akko
9 years ago
Reply to  Elizabeth Lee

Wow, it’s really like these cheaters are incapable of living “normal” lives. By normal I mean functional 😛

Lyn
Lyn
9 years ago

Luckily no one tells me what’s going on with my ex, so I don’t know whether he’s been hit by the karma bus or not. By what little I’ve heard, it sounds like he’s doing fine. I actually hope he does fine enough to keep working because I depend on him for maintenance. However, I’d love for his weird relationship with his married coworker OW to blow up in his face some day. There’s got to be a consequence when ex moves closer to OW, ingratiates himself with her parents (even moves into their basement for awhile), has her kids calling him “uncle,” and now coaches her son’s soccer team. As I read in his journal, he’s “planting seeds” to break up her marriage so they can live happily ever after. I wash my hands of the whole sordid mess. The only karma I know for sure that’s hit him is my oldest son has lost respect for him and barely talks to him. My younger son, however, seems to be just fine with his dad. In fact I heard his wife “loves” my ex. That hurts, but it’s not my issue to deal with any more. I try to enjoy my youngest son and his wife when they’re around, and keep my mouth shut about my ex. I didn’t in the beginning, and it cause problems between me and my youngest son. He was always close to his dad and they have a lot of interests in common. I’ve done my best to let it all go…

Joy-filled chump
Joy-filled chump
9 years ago
Reply to  Lyn

Lyn,

What you wrote resonated with me. My sons are in college and have a once-every-seven-to-ten-day hour-long dinner at their dad’s “lair”. When the fuckhead was still with his whorefriend, I knew that my sons wouldn’t warm to the whorefriend because of their loyalty to me but I imagined that their future wives would because she’s only ten years older than them. And, after all, who doesn’t like a flight attendant?! I know that any future grandchildren are mine but if I don’t have a good relationship with their moms, I won’t be able to enjoy them. I have always prayed that my sons find women who love them (as much as I loved their father), who make them happy, and who see me as a support. I am grateful that I dated a guy after college whose mom was my role model on how to be a mother-in-law. She was so incredibly loving. She and her entire family were what I missed once that relationship ended. My x’s mom . . . don’t miss her but I thank her for showing me how NOT to treat people.

Suzanne
Suzanne
9 years ago

My karma arrived shortly after the D was finalized. I needed to meet with my ex-H to get him off our joint bank account and my car title. He kept resisting, saying that he couldn’t spare the time. I finally convinced him to meet me at a bank branch 5 minutes away from his apartment.

Six months earlier, he totaled his car and had been borrowing one from his sister. However, when he pulled up to the bank he was driving a beat-up 10-passenger van — you know, the kind of thing a canoe outfitter might use to haul you upriver. I asked whose car it was, because I was legitimately confused as to why he wasn’t in the old Camry. He got all pissy and explained that his sister needed her car back for our niece. Of course, the van belongs to MOW — she has to have something to haul around her six freakin’ kids and assorted pets. So that’s why he didn’t want to meet me — he was embarrassed.

We signed him off the bank account and then sat down in the lobby to sign the car title paperwork. He noticed that my diamond wedding band was now on my middle finger. I joked about how I didn’t even think of the irony when I had it resized, and flipped him off to illustrate my point. He lit into a “poor me” tirade, saying, “Well, you just have everything while I have nothing. You have all our property, while I’m almost 50 years old living in a one-bedroom apartment and don’t even have enough money to get a used car. I work from home and I have to beg people for rides if I want to go somewhere.”

My response? “Well, maybe you should have thought about that before your stuck your d*ck in another woman.” That caused him to run out of the bank and peel out of the parking lot as clumsily as one does in a full-sized van. Nice midlife crisis mobile…

Anyway, the best part is that about a month later I heard that the MOW and her husband lost their house, so she and the six freakin’ kids and the big hunting dog and the cat moved into his one-bedroom apartment! And his purported reason for cheating on me and running away from home? I wanted to have kids and he didn’t. Bwah-haha!

Clearly, “meh” hasn’t completely settled in but I’m sure my Tuesday is coming soon. However, I think the schadenfreude finally helped me move on.

Chumpalicious
Chumpalicious
9 years ago
Reply to  Suzanne

Hahahaha! Deliverance! I can even hear dueling banjos playing in the background!

Sammie D
Sammie D
9 years ago
Reply to  Chumpalicious

no word, can only laugh.

Poor hunting dog.

Moving Liquid
Moving Liquid
9 years ago
Reply to  Suzanne

Suzanne, unbelievable!

Joy-filled chump
Joy-filled chump
9 years ago
Reply to  Suzanne

Suzanne,

You are getting to “meh” because you sat next to him and shared your humor. I hope never to give any more of myself to my x since he is such a scumbag. I can remember doing the “meet at the bank” thing. In front of people, he was Mr. Mensch. Afterward, he tried to argue with me in the parking lot. I told him that I no longer had to put up with his abuse as I got in my car and drove away.

That reminds me of a calendar hanging up at work. A woman says, “I ran into my x the other day.” Below is the punchline: “And I put my car in reverse and hit him again.” Didn’t that woman in TX do that to her cheater? Is justifiable homicide exist?

Nicole
Nicole
9 years ago
Reply to  Suzanne

2 adults/6 kids/2 pets in a one bedroom apartment? That sounds like the inner circle of Karma Hell!! Love it!

Lifegoeson
Lifegoeson
9 years ago

I would love to think that there was some cosmic karma god out to inflict justice on cheaters, but in reality I agree that karma is more self inflicted by a cheater’s propensity for drama and poor choices.

In my situation, it appears ex-husband is making better choices so not sure he will ever experience any pain or guilt over leaving me financially strapped and in poor health (pre-existing minor stuff made worse by D Day) after 23 years of marriage. Seriously, he appears happy with OWife. No health or financial problems to speak of at the moment. He’s bonded with her kids, who live with them part time. He maintains a cordial (although distant) relationship with our children, but they are grown anyway. And after conveniently losing his job during our separation (so judge ruled no alimony for me because I was working – I guess I should be glad the judge didn’t make me pay HIM), he by some miracle of miracles landed a better job than before – conveniently several months after our divorce was final. I think it’s pretty clear I need to get to meh post haste because waiting for the karma train isn’t going to happen…

Meg
Meg
6 years ago
Reply to  Lifegoeson

I know I am like 3 years late to comment on this post but I do believe that what goes around definitely does comes around. You can’t treat people like that and expect life to be full of sunshine and rainbows. I have read several cases where karma got to them YEARS later. I truly feel sorry for you because I can’t fathom someone leaving a 22 year marriage for someone else but remember that everything in life happens for a reason. I hope you are at a much better place now 🙂

Tbh reading these posts makes me fear I will never be enough for someone to spend their eternity with me.

Meg
Meg
6 years ago
Reply to  Meg

*23 sorry!

lale
lale
9 years ago
Reply to  Lifegoeson

“I would love to think that there was some cosmic karma god out to inflict justice on cheaters, but in reality I agree that karma is more self inflicted by a cheater’s propensity for drama and poor choices.” Tomato, tomahto 🙂

MJD
MJD
9 years ago

I guess the karma I still long for happened in the separation and I have to keep reminding myself of that. We weren’t even married, but I got legal help immediately after D-Day. I got the house and paid him a significantly smaller amount than his share–when it was all said and done, he left about $75k on the table. You wanna fuck skanks on Adult Friend Finder? Go ahead, just leave the brand new house with me 🙂

I still long to hear about any misfortune that comes his way. STD’s, public humiliation, whatever. I know it will happen because he’s a drama magnet. The other shoe will drop. You can’t be a spineless liar with no integrity and not have it catch up with you sooner or later. I got him in the pocketbook, but his emotional world will crumble, that I am sure of.

Now, 6 months after D-Day, I am bbq’ing in my backyard with my rescue dog, entertaining lovely men who I am casually dating, and my dear girlfriends who actually appreciate me for who I am and admire me for my strength and independence. And he hides behind lies, telling lies about me, about himself…that’s no way to live.

I guess the other karma is that my friends were his friends– and now they are gone from his life. He had none to speak of before. Now all he can do is cling to his 2 co-worker friends and his cat, and the skanks. Always with the skanks. So I guess what I have is the Chinese Water Torture of karma going on-not a big karma bus….and that’s fine with me.

MammaLynn
MammaLynn
9 years ago
Reply to  MJD

You know, I kinda like the thought of the water torture karma for the ex-that’s pretty much what they did to us, really.

Lyn
Lyn
9 years ago
Reply to  MJD

My ex also lost the friends in our community, but he just moved on to embrace OW’s friends and family as his own. One thing he did tell me after D-day was that no one talked to him any more. I guess that’s why he decided to move to where OW and her husband live.

Sandy R
Sandy R
9 years ago

Oh I can’t WAIT for the karma bus to gear up in my case! Most of you know my story..I’m 5 months out from Dday and smack dab in the middle of a divorce. We’re battling things out right now, and it’s going nowhere fast! STBX waited until our 90 day waiting period was almost over and THEN decided to hire an attorney, which threw it all for a loop. Anyway, he hasn’t been supporting my daughter and I financially so that’s being battled in court. Then, his attorney tell us STBX has decided to file bankruptcy..with or without me. If I don’t, then that debt automatically goes to me! My back is against the wall on this and it sucks! He’s also been verbally abusing me, leaving messages on my voicemail which are now in the hands of my attorney. But he’s still happily in love with the OW, so that’s all that matters to him. So please..tell me that the karma bus or whatever goes around comes around will make an appearance soon! I’m waiting impatiently..because if anyone deserves karma..it’s our cheaters!

KarenE
KarenE
9 years ago
Reply to  Sandy R

I hope you have a very good lawyer, Sandy R, ’cause this guy is a monster.

Be patient, it sometimes takes a while for karmic results to become clear. But it is highly unlikely that a guy who is this big of a jerk is going to go on to live happily ever after …. He’ll reap what he’s sown.

BarristerBelle
BarristerBelle
9 years ago

I just love the timing of this topic, as I recently got a karma update straight from the mouth of my XH. So, to quickly recap: within a few months after the DDays and upon separating from XH, he (1) was reprimanded by the state licensing board for (other) ethics violations, (2) was evicted from his office for failure to pay rent, and (3) his flashy new sports car was repossessed. XH and dingbat OW moved in together, but XH’s family wanted nothing to do with her and refused to let him bring her to family functions. Our mutual friends dropped him like a bad habit, and his name is mud back in our respective social circles.

And now that the divorce has been final for well over a year? I was on vacation at the coast when XH calls me about an insurance error that billed my account instead of his – so I had to break my No Contact rule to sort this one out. As we’re on the phone, he’s asking me how my life is, he hopes I’m happy, etc… My quick answer: “Yep, I’m on vacation w/ my boyfriend right now actually. Life is good. Much less complicated than it used to be, thanks.”
He then asks whether I’d heard what was new with him. [nope, I had not] So he volunteers this little nugget of Schadenfreude: Turns out, he and OW broke up in a “rather spectacular fashion.”
XH: “I mean, I always knew she was a nut job, but she kept going through my phone and reading my emails. Suffice it to say, we had some trust issues – and I tried to work on that, but… She even screamed at me when we were in public, and she *threw a punch* at me! Can you believe that? I mean, I’m peaceful person, but I couldn’t believe she’d resort to violence like that. I was just shocked. Well, we also had problems because she expected ME to pay for everything – [nervous laugh] As you can imagine, BarristerBelle, that clearly wasn’t going to happen with me… I mean, I went back home to live with my parents for a little while. But, anyway, since she’s turned all my friends against me here, I’m actually thinking of moving down to the coast soon, think I’ve got a good opportunity for things down there and depending on how things go [with ailing, elderly relative] I may have some money coming in to start some new things down there and…”

Dumb sausage actually expected me to say that I was sorry for him, or that I wished him well, or something to that effect. I just reiterated the steps to take to clear up the billing error and that I’d confirm with with the insurance company directly. Hung up the phone, went to the beach with my bf, grabbed some beers from the cooler and toasted to a much better life.

Kelly
Kelly
9 years ago
Reply to  BarristerBelle

Yay Barrister Belle, good for you!

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  BarristerBelle

I’m thinking he wanted you back. Seriously.

BarristerBelle
BarristerBelle
9 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

LovedaJackass – ugh, it was rather weird. Like he was just letting me know he was single again, hoping I was up for another ride on the ol’ merry-go-round-of-crazy. Oh, but he did say that the whole experience with OW really made him “appreciate what we had and how badly [he] messed things up.” I’m thinking he’s really missing the bank account with money in it and all the spackle-services I’d provided. And let’s not forget the ever-popular line: “I still want to be friends with you, don’t see why we can’t keep in touch.”

yeaaah…NOT interested. Not in the slightest.