Excusing Affairs for the ‘Greater Good’
The Friday Challenge is to discuss the cheater phenomenon of excusing affairs for having some beneficial outcome… for the cheater.
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Over the years, I’ve collected a lot of Stupid Sh*t Cheaters Say, but among the more patently moronic is the idea that affairs are somehow improving. Not for you, of course, but for the cheater. Thank you, Little Person, for playing a small part in their larger spiritual journey.
It was all worth it!
This excusing affairs for the greater good came up in a recent post “In House Separation — She Won’t Move Out” where the FW expresses gratitude to her affair partner as being a spiritual guide. ChumpChamp is just providing food and shelter, and raising their children but whatever.
It’s a masterstroke of impression management. They are grateful, they do count their blessings. You just aren’t among them. And really, isn’t it all for the best?
A chump in the comments chimed in.
And on a “oof, I know THAT feeling” level while reading this, when ChumpChamp said:
“She even stood in our kitchen and said to me whilst she was sorry she had hurt me, she was forever grateful to the headmaster for helping her out in a difficult period of her life!”
That reminded me of when my FW excused one of his many, MANY affairs by telling me it was a good thing he had sex with AP #314
because “she just got over cancer and I gave her her first orgasm since chemo!”
Like it is okay to have saintly sex that “saves” someone, somehow….so sorry that hurt you and that you are collateral damage for the “greater good”!
A good thing! He saved her with his dick! I can’t believe you’d be so churlish as to begrudge this woman a medical MIRACLE.
So, CN, tell me — how did your cheater excuse their affairs as being for a boon to humanity? Was anyone cured? Was there a spiritual journey that ended in self-actualization?
TGIF!
Not quite the same but mine told me (in the opening moments of the conversation I had with him about his 18 month infidelity when I was still in shock) that he was proud of what he’d done – implication it was so good for him to find this love! The penny dropped that he was a grade 1 narcissist.
My FW told me (about his 22 year old intern AP…he was 40 at the time) “the only time I am at peace is when I am with her”. So glad he found “peace” when my world was blown to bits. And after his relationship with her ended he said that he was happier alone, but the affair made him a “better man”.
My FW was just so happy that he found a girlfriend because he was tired of spending money on sex workers and he also figured it was safer just to have a girlfriend. He actually tried to sell this to me as if he was some great guy by choosing to be a one woman kind of cheating man. And gee-just think of all that money he was gonna save us! To top it all off, his girlfriend was also happy because she’d finally found the man of her dreams, and he somehow thought I would care about how awesome that was for her. You can’t make this shit up.
My first husband after almost 30 years had an emotional affair with a very young just married 30 year old from one of his classes. He would show pics of her to our daughter and bragged about how wonderful she was. When I asked him if he was having an affair he said ,”Well she gets me and you don’t” she made him happy – of course until she didn’t and he found out she was taking advantage of him. But that was well after we had separated and filed for divorce.
I was spared that at least by FW because a hooker habit is hardly a spiritual journey no matter how you spin it.
Narcopath plays victim but not in the Elizabeth Gilbert type of way.