Halloween Cheater Costumes
The Friday Challenge is Halloween cheater costumes. Is your ex haunting you? Are you not meh yet? Have you considered skeleton effigies of your divorce?
That’s not a thing, Tracy.
Oh yes it is!
Every year this woman dresses a skeleton in her ex’s clothes and hangs him in the back yard. You could argue she’s not moved on, or you could say she is creatively recycling. In the holiday spirit! I’m not sure who the disembodied red head represents. The Other Woman?
If dressing skeletons isn’t your thing, you can dress yourself. I cannot tell if these Spirit Halloween cheater costumes are real or photoshopped, but judging by the used costumes offered on Ebay, this appears to be a real thing.
Creepy husband is my favorite.
Complete with a personality disorder and a pocket square!
That’s too debonair Tracy. I need something more down to earth.
Yes, a trash bag! It doubles as a costume and way to convey their shit to the curb. #winning
So, CN how are you celebrating Halloween?
By not thinking of my ex, Tracy.
Well, that’s laudatory, but I need a Friday Challenge. So, riff on this any way you choose. What’s behind the mask? What’s your FW disguised as? (A committed partner. Hafuckityha.)
TGIF! Happy haunting.
The skeleton pic is a video. Narrated!
Not “my” cheater, but the married CEO whose schmoopie bullied me and forced me to change jobs and careers: Incredibly dull corporate technocrat who loved making long-winded speeches full of BS, preferably to much younger female employees who were his “type”. Refused to talk to anybody who wasn’t at least middle management, unless (you guessed it) the person was at least 20 years younger than him, a woman and looking a certain way. Kept wasting tons of money and incurred increasing losses for the company while promoting numerous incompetent BS artists (thus creating many loyalties, I assume). Suddenly got fired (no clear reasons given). As I’ve heard, most of his sycophants (including schmoopie) were quietly removed from their prestigious jobs following his departure.
On the one hand, incredibly bland and ordinary. On the other hand, I imagine this could be used as the basis for a decent horror movie. One would just need to make the characters a little bit more colorful.
Maybe not quite bland enough but your description makes me think of Colin Farrell’s hilariously hateful performance as Bobby Pellitt from Horrible Bosses. The character has a Villain Wiki (https://villains.fandom.com/wiki/Bobby_Pellitt) so why not a cheap commercial costume?
Repost, because for some reason, my comment had been labelled as “spam” after a single edit:
Yes, this would fit surprisingly well (lol). Just make him about 20 years older, and instead of firing people for being overweight or handicapped, he just wanted to get rid of basically everybody above the age of 35 or maybe 40 (despite being considerably older himself).
His own wife (a stay-at-home mum) was about 10 years younger than himself, apparently (and therefore probably “too old” in his eyes once he became our CEO). Not sure whether she had started out as an OW herself.
Also, he clearly had zero charisma, yet surrounded himself with people who made him believe otherwise. Schmoopie may have been feeding that delusion (and maybe her own as well) more than anybody else. She acted as if she was some kind of urbane “media personality”, yet her own stint in the media had been very brief and on a very junior level. I think she only managed to pick up some mannerisms here or there and may have been able to mimic people from that industry to some extent. Yet, if one prodded a little bit further (as I did), there wasn’t much behind it (and I could tell, because I had a solid career in journalism myself). Maybe this is why she attacked me so fiercely. She simply didn’t want me to call her bluff.
A “schmoopie” Halloween costume would have been easy, by the way: Just throw together some Dollar store type clothing that very vaguely looks like something from Chanel (color must be beige!). Or something a schoolgirl might have worn in the 1950s. Or some clothing that’s far to revealing/sexually suggestive for the office (but perhaps suitable for a night out clubbing, if you can get past the bouncer).
The thing of men with zero charisma depending on users to create the illusion they have any… barf. It’s probably endemic in fields that involve “fame” and public exposure because success can unfortunately hinge on personality more than character. Anyway, there seemed to be a lot of awful aging boors wielding clout to get themselves a fluffing fan club who’d laugh at their clunky jokes and beam at them like worshipful weirdos if just so these losers can have a facsimile of fame.
I know it’s slightly unfair that I came to resent the fluffers a bit. The worshipful behavior is not always conscious or cynically intentional and is sometimes out of pure desperation. But enablers still set the bar for misogynist male expectations or, worse, are basically throwing chum in the water to embolden the sharks. In any case, the resident douchebags would seem to feel even more put out and enraged when not every young female thought they were all that and a bag of chips.
The obvious potential fix for this dynamic is women having equal power with men across the board as primatologist Richard Wrangham has always argued. Because if young women have to “suck up” to female superiors just as much as they do male superiors (given that even the most so-called “butch” lesbians are vastly less likely than men to engage in sexual harassment) the sexual groveling would be less encouraged. Furthermore, what is required to placate female superiors (in an egalitarian system) would probably seem like the better deal to most. At least a lot less physically exerting and medically risky lol.
Haha… come to think of it, serial schmoopies do seem to love disposable fast fashion, probably because it makes it more affordable to radically alter image according to whomever they’re fluffing at the time and cycle rapidly through various extreme hypersexualized tropes from underage virgin to vixen to tradwife to dominatrix, whatever.
One serial side piece I worked with as an intern really amazed me. One day she’d show up in head to toe black studded leather moto gear and talking in a cigarette “femme fatale” voice. The next day she’d show up wearing a literal baby doll dress that barely covered her ass with matching ruffled bloomers and would bounce around and squeal like a breathy toddler. I think that’s when she was in “hunting” mode and throwing everything at the wall just to see what stuck (i.e., caused erections).
It seems I wasn’t the only one who was amazed since I heard it on pretty good authority that the actress Joan Cussack had based the Debbie Jellinsky character from Addams Family Values on the “Deb” I knew. I tend to believe it because the presto-change persona and cosplaying were spot on. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zuajtpa8JPc
The most fascinating thing is that my own very toxic mother might have made clothing choices very similar to schmoopie’s, despite being born half a century earlier. It wasn’t a generational thing either. My mother’s clothes would have been considered odd in her own day as well. I remember how weirded out I was when I noticed how schmoopie was dressing, even months before I knew what she and the CEO would be up to and how it would affect me.
The fact you found something eerily meaningful about your mother’s manner of dress makes sense to me. During college, I did a detour studying fashion history for a few semesters because I took up modeling to pay for school and was shocked and blown away by what I saw in that industry.
My thesis was about how fashion is a form of “armor” women use to navigate– with varying degrees of success– the often deadly consequences of misogyny which tends to surge in post-war eras. One of the things I noted is that, after every particularly gruesome war, women’s fashions often become infantile, as if women are saying to violentized returning soldiers (who may have acquired a taste for rape during battle), “Please don’t hurt me! I’m just a baby!”
For instance, I noticed how, after the French revolution, women began wearing what were essentially the previous era’s infant “christening gowns.” After WWI, something similar happened where women began wearing the shapeless “flapper” dresses which also exactly resembled the previous era’s infant gowns. After WWII, women gave up practical war-time fashions (which were designed by women and which I still admire for being comfortable and actually suiting the female form) to wear the poofy pastel party dresses that little girls worse in the previous decade.
I wrote this at the age of 19 so I’m not sure how much water those theories hold but I still sort of think of fashion and appearance as “armor.”
I have experienced this waaaayyyy too many times. The monstrous selfishness and entitlement from executives — and their sycophants. And I mean men and women. I’ve seen people get fired, sexually abused, extorted, forced out of careers (me), set up, etc. I have seen people with PTSD and heart attacks (one fatal), as they try to deal with the lies and demands of these monstrous people. Yes, the makings of a horror movie, for sure.
Slightly tangential, but whenever Ex-Mrs LFTT tries to boundary stomp I remind myself that – like a vampire – she can only enter my house if I invite her. And yes, I do always have a couple of cloves of garlic to hand, just in case ….. for cooking clearly.
😉
LFTT
The ex and his schmoopie posted pics of themselves dressed as vampires. Could have been any day of the year but it happened to be on Halloween.
Wow. That’s just…wow. And I assume this was totally unironic.
My ex falsely claimed, to friends, colleagues, family, potential employers, online schmoopies and me, that he had MBAs from two different Ivy leagues, and that he was an MD, a veteran, an international financier, an international champion in his avocation, and a rocket scientist. It’s like the whole list of what you want to be when you grow up. He never did any of it.
In reality, he looks like the costume of Creepy Husband. He’s quite tall. Otherwise, he could go out in street clothes as what he really is: a little nobody.
This one is my fave:
https://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/maga-halloween-display
Thanks for sharing! I just sent this to a bunch of people!
Happy Halloween & bring back due process and democracy!
Same!
Not my FW, but a friend of a friend who was married to a nightmare. The final OW and he got together with the theme of Lion and Liontamer. Good luck to her, and I can’t help but think of Siegfried & Roy.
My ex FW hated dressing up. So for years me and my then young children would do the whole Halloween thing without him. It’s only now I realise he was already wearing a mask and there wasn’t room on his mug for another. Hahaha.
That description fits my ex husband too!
This one is perfect!
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DQSrnDZEcAG/
I would dress as a housewife with an apron and house slippers and a doll in a sling across my shoulder wearing one of those oversized diamond rings on my left finger. Attached on one side would be a tall rectangular box with clothes hangers at the top and a skeleton dressed in men’s clothes sitting on the bottom with an obvious gold wedding band, holding a phone with an image of a man clad only in a g-string. Then I’d go trick or treating on a certain someone’s doorstep.
I know, if it feels good don’t do it, but a girl can fantasize can’t she, especially considering he’s still closeted to the rest of the world.
I’m hosting my traditional Halloween party and he’s not invited. Although I have to say that for the last eleven years he has lent a heavy air of negativity to the parties meant to chill me to the bone, while some guests found his attitude to be spine tingling.
His costume has been as consistent as his attitude. Signature cargo pants and a tee shirt. If his clothes came in a retail package it would be labeled “Cluster B Personality Disorder with Narcissist Tendencies.”
Size: Juvenile
My FW should go as Stephen Miller, he looks just like him. All he needs to do is shave off his cringe post-leaving beard. Oh and wear lifts.
🤢🤮
Haaaaaaaaa!!! Yayee TRACY!! My sis sent a similar picture and maybe the same one you user here..,from her home in California. She was CHUMPED by her husband 38 years ago, when he left her, flew across the country, leaving her for a PASTORS WIFE 13 years OLDER than him ( age is not the issue but this woman was a best friend and my sweet sister felt very SAFE??) My sister was 6 months pregnant with a high risk pregnancy and a 4 year old in tow. YES YOU CAN BELIEVE IT!! 2 years later the same for me…with my then husband telling me…about my cheater brother -in -law…WELL AT LEAST HE DIDNT SHOOT HIS WHOLE FAMILY!!!! Was that my cue??? Yes but spackle!!🪣!??? Well my sis is MEH but the Halloween hanging in the ex clothes she couldn’t resist…takes up any anger and puts in humor!! We are going to get to MEH and happy days are ahead!!
On the subject of spirits, if you need yours lifted, please enjoy this video from Dr John Delony talking to a cheater who called in. Then delight in the comments.
Validation helps my recovery, and especially when a cheater and their side piece ge called out on their disordered thinking, crap character, selfishness, and pathetic attempts at blame shifting.
https://youtu.be/5Hrx4H90wYM
❤️🎃❤️
That Cheater/ Caller sounds like a weasel.
Steve Martin fans might appreciate this… The fact that FW started wearing outdated stretch skinny jeans and developed a pathetic swagger during his secret bonkathon always reminded me of the vintage SNL “Wild and Crazy Guys” skit. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YGv6uo89yMY
Lo and behold, Wild and Crazy Guys knockoff costumes are still available. https://www.ebay.com/itm/311982339620
Glenn Quagmire of Family Guy fame reminds me of these swinging bachelor type characters. When the FW moved out, he set up his apartment like he was these guys. And it just made me laugh and laugh. Her wanted a new bed that was rock solid, as if it needed to handle as much work as whorehouse. It was insane.
I started calling him Quagmire to my friends.
Of course I had to go look for images of the Quagmire bachelor pad. Hilarious! And eerily familiar. We might be Quagmire sister-wives.
I keep repeating this because it never gets old to me so sorry if you’ve heard this rant before. I assume the AP read all those standard Cosmo articles about planting “nesting/marriage” ideas in men’s heads (and also getting them to pay for shit) by asking their opinion on every stick of furniture, upholstery swatch, wall art, rug, paint sample, blah blah. To make your man “feel at home!”
Anyway, FW forgot to delete those email exchanges and I sent them to my lawyer along with the AP’s Insta page documenting the decor of the basement condo her radtrad daddy paid for (to get his drunken pushing-thirty princess out of the family home). I was assigned with tracking dissipation of assets and seeing if any of my property had ended up elsewhere.
I didn’t see anything of mine in that dump but, oh f*ck, I could have warned the AP not to take interior design cues from FW since his tastes run totally Glenn Quagmire. But I’m glad she did because, on her salary, it will be years before she can replace all the awful junk she invested in (it turned out that FW wriggled out of paying for any of it).
The effect was very Quagmire if you swap out the dark pink and periwinkle cartoon color scheme for dank gray on gray on gray with blood red accents, add some scraggly dying plants, several telltale take-out and cum stains on the synthetic sectional and the AP’s horrifying watercolors of Easter bunnies and bumble bees. But the “mod” modular crap furnishings are exactly the same with the same tacky flat screen dominating the whole mess.
My lawyer and I could never decide if the end result was like an Ikea “Ron Burgundy” series or more like Andrew Tate’s Romanian Roblox rape lair. But Quagmirian is even more accurate lol.
That is an amazing story! That she got stuck with the bill is hilarious!!!
The end result for my FW’s new place was not super blatantly Quagmire, as much as it was “in the spirit” of him. And it wasn’t that any one item was an issue. It was more the sum of them all and way more, his attitude.
He didn’t really decorate. The one thing hanging on a wall was martial arts inspired. He hadn’t done any martial arts in nearly a decade. But I assume he felt it would make women think of his macho side?
He bought very expensive kitchenware. Stuff that I think was meant to impress women.
He also purchased a bar cart and fancy cocktail glasses of all types. Now, I think a beautiful bar cart in the right setting can be fun. It’s not that I dislike them. But added to his general demeanor, it just played right into that whole “swinging bachelor pad” aesthetic. Add in the bed that needed to be the sturdiest bed that ever bedded that I meantioned earlier, and it just started me thinking that he thought he was going to be entertaining all the ladies all the time. (Keep in mind, we have kids, and he had 50/50 custody)
The sturdiest bed that ever bedded! Lol. Note how misogynists and chronic porn users always seem to think that bed frame-rattling smack-down sex is “hot.”
In the AP’s case, she might have saved a bit by bringing along the rickety white laminated medium density fiberboard bed she’d had as a teenager. You know– not quite queen-sized with uncomfortable slats under the cheap flame retardant-drenched mattress, sharp corners to bark your shins on, that persistent Ikea smell and under-bed storage drawers. Apparently FW got his own drawer on one side for his skivvies and socks which the AP washed and folded after every furtive assignation.
Yikes. it sounds like your ex had Jack Torrence’s inner monologue running in his head. It’s the part near the end of The Shining when Jack is ruminating psychotically on how his bitch of a wife never lets him have any fun. The implication is that she’s the only thing that could possibly be holding him back from bonking all the ladies!
In any case, it seems like your ex thought that, with you out of the way, he’d be inundated with college vixens. But, bwah-bwah, this is usually the point when middle aged cheaters learn that even the marginally attractive, non-contagious interns at work were only smiling and simpering to keep their jobs, not because they’re hot for Quagmire.
Huh. The garbage bag costume got me thinking. What could a sleaze bag costume look like?
Well let’s see…. 5’9″, 185 lbs, long stringy blonde hair, square shaped face with unfocused eyes and jutting chin, upon which face is an expression of perpetual confusion with everyday life. Alternatively we have 6’4″, 245lbs, head bald as a baby’s behind, shifty eyes, and a constant “you’re not important enough for my attention” attitude.
….and I LOVE the Pocket Psychologist! She’s on Instagram, Tik Tok, YouTube.
❤️
What’s the costume for the Guy-Who-Thinks-The-Stripper-Really-Likes-Him? That’s my exFW. Maybe cargo pants, a dirty baseball hat, a crappy 70’s band tee shirt, a fistful of ones, drool coming down his chin, with a look on his face like a horny puppy. Oh! And wedding ring in his pocket!
One of the last Halloweens I spent with my ex, she was mad that I didn’t want to go to the party with her friends who openyly use racial slurs and tell rape jokes (I was victimized as a child for many years and find them SO triggering). She dressed like a naughty nun and decided she needed to punish me by cheating on me for the probably multi hundredth time, this time with someone at the party. I heard stories of how desperately she was laying it on to every one of these attrocious racist friends until finally one bit. I think my costume this year is absolutely anything as I am just so so so glad she is long gone from my life and can no longer punish me by putting my health and safety at risk because I refuse to spend time with the flagrant bigots she holds close.
Sewage water seeks its own level
Wow! Good for you not participating in that crap. You are certainly much better off without someone like that.
Dickhead McCluggage went to a mate’s party as Frankenfurter once.
At least that’s what he said it was…. My red corset, fishnets, heels the works.
He then packed a sad because he couldn’t find his coat – it looked more hilarious than usual since he wore some lovely scarlet lipstick as well- improved the pout no end.
It did shrink the beer belly but he’d be an ugly woman – no beer goggles would be strong enough.
Wait, where is the costume for ManSlut? Or, as I still call Cheater #1, Slut With a Penis or SWAP.
The uniform would be ill-fitting Dockers and polo shirts (Why, yes, I still am a 32-36 and men’s medium —– 20 years and a whole lotta drinking and whoring ago).
If only I had an adult sized skeleton bwaaahaha because I do have some of FW clothes. Let’s see, hand clutching some viagra pill bottle and porn /escort stuff in the other hand. Maybe photo of the main OW bunny boiler?
Oh and an ax driven into its skull
Sycophant OW already looks like a twiglet, and has the moral constitution to match.
(Twiglet = scraggly knobbly twig-like snack food in the UK)
My Cheater seemed averse to dressing up. He, me and youngest looked like a certain cartoon family and I wanted us to dress up like them for years but he never went along with this request. Only once were we invited to a costume party where he actually dressed up – most of our 26+ years were him refusing.
I now (like another poster) think that his everyday presentation to the world was a costume with a mask. He was dressed as (and pretended to be) a middle class married dad who was devoted to his wife and kids.
I spent my Halloween at Ikea buying a dresser. Fun times!
I title my Fuckwit’s Spirit Halloween Costume as:
SOCIAL JUSTICE SLUT!
Comes with:
-Protester-Style Sign Saying “We’ve Got The Rope! We Got the Tree! Now Give Us All That Poly-Am-Ory!”
-Comically Oversized Copy of “The Ethical Slut”!
-Righteous Indignation At Anything That Holds Her Accountable!
-Loads of Debt, Both Financial and Metaphyscial!
Happy NaNoWriMo to all that celebrate!