Have a Bitch Cookie

It’s time for another round of Bitch Cookie! For those of you new to Chump Nation, part of the lexicon here is “bitch cookie.” A bitch cookie is that reward jerks demand for doing something they should be doing anyway as a matter of decency.

Would your co-parenting fuckwit like extra credit for taking the kids on his scheduled weekend? Bitch cookie!

Hey, it’s not like I spent the entire 401K on sex workers…. Bitch cookie!

I was faithful for entire months. Double chocolate chunk bitch cookie!

So what great feats of underachievement would you like to reward with a bitch cookie? Weigh in — and TGIF!

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Chumpalumper
Chumpalumper
7 years ago

“I was loyal for 20 years prior to my affair; doesn’t that count for something? Besides, we didn’t fuck every time that we were together.”

dsredding
dsredding
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumpalumper

“Hey, I’m not behaving any where near what I used to act like while traveling. Not even close.”

Yey girl, he’s being a “good boy” on this business trip.

More mind fuckery from the everyday so thoughtful narcissist.

Whitney the Chumpanzee
Whitney the Chumpanzee
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumpalumper

“It’s not like I cheated on you 24 7 365 days a year, you know!”

Sofia Faro
Sofia Faro
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumpalumper

What a glowing paradigm of restraint. BITCH, HAVE A COOKIE!!!

Ruth Cotton
Ruth Cotton
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumpalumper

He says ‘Actually, I didnt put my dirty dick anywhere for two whole years’. Which two years, who knows, but when he said this I already knew it was certainly not the two years that I had been involved with him.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Ruth Cotton

It was probably not consecutive–clean for 3 days here, 2 days there, ….

Whitney the Chumpanzee
Whitney the Chumpanzee
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

It was like trying to get 90 days in a 12 step program over and over again to achieve 3 years of cheating-free status.

Whitney the Chumpanzee
Whitney the Chumpanzee
7 years ago

*2 years

Annie
Annie
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumpalumper

Mine said something along these lines except it was, “I was faithful after the first time you caught me, but you never trusted me so I figured I might as well do it and give you reason not to trust me.”

Grace
Grace
7 years ago
Reply to  Annie

After DD#1 (me finding out about 10 years of serial relationships) I requested 4 months of time to figure out what to do, he was able to f..k me over another 3 times. Then I finally knew I had to run and his main remark now is ‘if you would only have treated things differently, we would still be together’. I agree with the first part of the sentence, not the latter…

Peakyblinders
Peakyblinders
7 years ago
Reply to  Annie

Yup, heard that one too.

Doingme
Doingme
7 years ago
Reply to  Annie

Classic isn’t it. The Limited told my daughter I never forgave him for cheating after the final DDay.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Doingme

DoingMe–and he’s right. Mine said the same thing; I never forgave him. Ding ding ding!!! that is correct!

Louisvilleflower
Louisvilleflower
7 years ago
Reply to  Annie

Heard that one too.
That is some twisted reasoning.

Magicmillbrook
Magicmillbrook
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumpalumper

Mine said that too, so did his Mother, does she get a bitch cookie too?

ChutesandLadders
ChutesandLadders
7 years ago
Reply to  Magicmillbrook

Sounds like you should have a batch on hand, just in case!

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumpalumper

Mine said he’d been “good” ever since his 8-year ago affair with gradwhore that I found out about on D-day. Except he hadn’t been “good” for those 8 years.

And 3 months after D-day, when divorce was imminent, I warned him youngest daughter was not going to want to meet any new girlfriends he had. Again, “I’ve been good as gold since leaving the house!” (said angrily). Except he hadn’t. He was still carrying on with what would turn out to be confirmed AP#3 (whom he took to China 3 days after D-day).

Newlife
Newlife
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

My cheater husband said he only had sex with other people when I was at work and never when I was home on the weekends or evenings. Some how in his fuckwit brain this was acceptable…..here…have a bitch cookie.

Peakyblinders
Peakyblinders
7 years ago
Reply to  Newlife

Hmmmm, sounds so familiar for some reason. They’re all the same.

Chumptitude
Chumptitude
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Tempest, would Hannibal like some prezel-logic crouton on top of that word salad?

The X was a word salad virtuoso who fooled family, friends, lawyers, therapists, and me until I finally understood that he felt entitled to change the meaning of common words to fit his narrative… “Being good” to my X had turned into something like “being good at deceiving chumptitude.”

Going NC (with BIFF emails for custody-related communication) is a chump gift that keeps on giving…

Limey Chump
Limey Chump
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumptitude

My ex used the phrase ‘no longer able to commit’ to mean ‘I am shagging your friend’

Kath
Kath
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumptitude

Love the pretzel logic crouton!!!’n

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumptitude

So true, Chumptitude. The smart ones think they can defy the linguistic laws of conventionality and make up their own definitions. Our cheaters were well-versed in the Oxford English Dicktionary.

honeyandthehomewrecker
honeyandthehomewrecker
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Haa haa! Dicktionary. Outstanding, Tempest!

All of these justifications cheaters use remind me of ‘the metaphor of the ledger’. Basically, the concept is that someone’s bad deeds are evened out their good deeds in the plus and minus columns of a ledger, like an accountant would use.

Sure, I banged the babysitter, but I sponsor those 2 kids in Ethiopia…so it all balances out! Right?!

Yes, I gave you an STD after banging a prostitute on our marital dime, but I thought about you the WHOLE time!

Dirtbag cheaters are EXCEPTIONAL at trying to remind everyone about the plus’s in that ledger in order to convince everyone they’re still a good person (and to distract them from the column filled with atrocities). The only person they end up convincing is themselves.

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Mine did this too…and add mortal sin and occasional confesssion at the Catholic Church and then mix in that he decided we were never “really” married.

MotherChumper99
MotherChumper99
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumpalumper

Omg! +1 …. double bitch cookie for two extra years: “but I didn’t ‘do anything’ for our first 22 years, just the last two.”

As if that makes any difference! And as if I could ever believe anything those lying lips say !

thensome
thensome
7 years ago

Wow. Just. Wow.

Matilda
Matilda
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumpalumper

OMG I heard the same thing, only 23 years!

lostntx
lostntx
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumpalumper

You took mine! It was for the exact same # of years too! I heard I was faithful for the 1st 20 years of our marriage. Really? Here’s your BITCH cookie bitch!

longtimechump
longtimechump
7 years ago
Reply to  lostntx

You chumps are lucky! Mine was faithful for the entire first year! 12 whole months! And then 12 years of unfaithful, but he still respected me all along while fucking around with his love affair partner and multiple sex flings. I feel honored.

sadlady15
sadlady15
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumpalumper

I think that could be a post all its own..do we really believe they didn’t cheat all those years? Mine was 29 years…really? He was NEVER home …hmmm

JC
JC
7 years ago

“I won’t text with male colleagues after you go to sleep.”

I still can’t believe she offered this as a compromise, and I was chump enough to think this was progress.

Lulu
Lulu
7 years ago
Reply to  JC

What the hell?

So ignoring you while you’re awake is somehow better?

Done4Good
Done4Good
7 years ago

“In the twelve years of our marriage, there have only been two OW. There could have been many more than that because the opportunities were there!”

Gosh, I must have married myself a rock star for all the women he had throwing themselves at him.

Give that man a cookie for restraining himself from all that delicious groupie cake.

Helena
Helena
7 years ago
Reply to  Done4Good

My version of that was you don`t know how much I have controlled myself when I told him he had no self control.

Doingme
Doingme
7 years ago
Reply to  Done4Good

Whore said, “Thank you for your husband.”
I’m thinking ‘cunt’ cookie is in order.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Done4Good

“groupie cake” — I love it!

Geode
Geode
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Define 3

Tossed
Tossed
7 years ago
Reply to  Done4Good

My ex said, “I only cheated on you 3 times, I could have cheated a lot more.” And he added that it was never just sex, it was always real love! Here is your bitch cookie, thanks for showing such restraint and making sure it was love not just sex before you cheated!

Stephanie
Stephanie
7 years ago
Reply to  Tossed

Dear Tossed. Consider changing your name to “Tossed And Landed on Her Feet” 😀

SureChumpedAlot
SureChumpedAlot
7 years ago
Reply to  Tossed

ohh only 3 times…cookie slap that tool!

Kay
Kay
7 years ago

With 3 loves??!! Wow. It was TRUE LOVE.

saw4hdcc@gmail.com
saw4hdcc@gmail.com
7 years ago
Reply to  Done4Good

I married the surgeon who chased and flirted in front of me. I’m sure he did more behind my back. Dr. Strange Love. Here’s a cookie bitch!

Yes, I allowed my children to steal from your closet while you were away. I left your … ( because it would only fit me ). Here’s a cookie ? bitch!

Geode
Geode
7 years ago

If he’s like the surgeon I married he did a lot behind your back.

Dr. Crazy yelled “I told you that wasn’t necessary!” when his STD tests came back clean.

Kay
Kay
7 years ago
Reply to  Geode

Love means never having to have an std test. Lol. “See I told you that wasn’t necessary!” True love like that just warms your heart. Maybe they’ll turn it into a hallmark movie.

dsredding
dsredding
7 years ago
Reply to  Kay

Gezz, don’t feel special someone I only had to stand in line to have complete Aids testing as he presented so the hood “Christian man”. Ten years of hooker donking Craigslist hookups, endless hours of porn, and pretending to be the big business travel man effectively knocked me off my high horse of what love kinda met, NOTHING.

Vastra
Vastra
7 years ago
Reply to  Geode

Ugh – I was also married to a surgeon. So many of them are cheaters..It’s a perfect storm of narcissism, macho sexist culture, income, status & proximity to adoring female colleagues.
In early days after mine ran off, he would randomly come back and see the kids, as little as 1 hour every few weeks. When he dropped the back he would roar at me “aren’t you going to THANK me for helping you out?!”. Bitch cookie for being such an awesome dad.

Ewa
Ewa
7 years ago
Reply to  Vastra

My ex was M.D. too….

rio72
rio72
7 years ago
Reply to  Ewa

My ex is a doctor and half his group are cheaters.

Vastra
Vastra
7 years ago
Reply to  rio72

And most of the other half are probably women!!

Louisvilleflower
Louisvilleflower
7 years ago
Reply to  Vastra

Married to a physician (not a surgeon). There is so much fucking cake out there it is unbelievable… Mine liked nurses and dietitians in particular.
After DDay he told me about all the times he could have cheated, but didn’t, to get his bitch cookie. Unsurprisingly, it turned out he actually had taken advantage of every opportunity for years.

Valerie
Valerie
7 years ago
Reply to  Done4Good

Same here. I only had two affairs in 18 years of marriage.

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
7 years ago
Reply to  Done4Good

It’s just simple math. If you pursue and attempt to groom every.single.female you ever encounter in life and 1 in a 1000 responds and you have 3 girl friends at a time … then … you can see how a guy could be too busy “networking” to have time for you or the family. It is my understanding that rockstars find it a bit easier!!

Done4Good
Done4Good
7 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

I also wouldn’t pat myself too much on the back for attracting the type of women who throw themselves at men that are married/in committed relationships. These types scavenge for scraps and are nothing more than relationship vultures.

I picture his past OW circling the skies for carrion with vacant eyes and hunks of bloody flesh stuck to their chipped, ugly beaks. Nasty!

SureChumpedAlot
SureChumpedAlot
7 years ago
Reply to  Done4Good

D4G,

“I also wouldn’t pat myself too much on the back for attracting the type of women who throw themselves at men that are married/in committed relationships”.

Ooohh this “type of woman” – ask me I know. Sounds like my exiwife, LOL.

Martha
Martha
7 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

Yes, my cheater was always “working”, but had plenty of time to go out on coffee, lunch and drink dates with women. After getting caught out on a drinks date and then reading the Happy Birthday email to a the former ho-worker drinks date, he said the Happy Birthday emails to women was “networking.” Funny how my ex husband the predator only sends out Happy Birthday email to just the women. Hmmm. These cheaters are all the same.

Kath
Kath
7 years ago
Reply to  Martha

Sounds like mine, too! Networking, greasing the wheels, he said he got preferential treatment with his business by taking the receptionist out for coffee “or whatever” yeah. Right. His business. I don’t know how he managed to get any work done between all of his “innocent dates”. But wait, he never paid his bills and lived in a dump with a roommate. Don’t think there was ever much business getting done. Other than monkey business. Asked him once if he didn’t think he might be sending the wrong message by taking these women out for coffee and he just looked at me like I was naive, and said “No. it’s just business baby”.

FindingBliss
FindingBliss
7 years ago
Reply to  Martha

Yep, exactly the same, Martha. I could have written your response word for word. How come no male friends, ever? But when caught, he should be applauded because he either “broke it off” or “told her what we were doing was wrong.” Whew, am I ever glad you set her straight. Give that man a whole cookie jar!

Chump Mama
Chump Mama
7 years ago
Reply to  FindingBliss

+1 on the no male friends. I actually wonder if this is actually really common for cheaters – they don’t bond well with same sex friends. It seems I’ve heard it mentioned here too often for it to be a coincidence.

SheChump
SheChump
7 years ago
Reply to  Chump Mama

Chump Mama – no peer friends. A definite red flag.

sadness
sadness
7 years ago
Reply to  Chump Mama

No… they need male acquaintances who want to be friends with them so they can have a scapegoat or someone to brag to..
they need flying monkeys you know!

Done4Good
Done4Good
7 years ago
Reply to  Chump Mama

Yes, he told me that women are just more understanding and that’s why most of his friends are female. They also tend to tell him what he wants to hear so I’m guessing that it’s more ego driven than anything. Big red flag. Yes.

brit
brit
7 years ago
Reply to  Done4Good

Heather, I wouldn’t be surprised to find out X is Gay, there’s a few things he’s done or said to make me wonder. How many Men do you see out shopping for clothes with a male friend?
It’s funny, X would like to come home from a business trip and would tell me about the indiscretions of the other men with women or prostitutes while on the trip and that he felt so badly for their wives.. I’m certain that he was telling me these things as a distraction I’m sure too these stories were about himself. While I was married I googled, how do you know if your husband is Gay (or something similar) a few sites said if you’ve found yourself on this site and are asking, you know the answer. Would like us to compare notes,
X sometimes had effeminate mannerisms that
I’m sure he bragged about any conquest he had with women to his friends.
X is an attention whore and an immature one at that.

brit
brit
7 years ago
Reply to  Done4Good

X didn’t have any friends.., acquaintances from work who he rarely had contact with. At school functions or events with our son X would gravitate towards the other mothers while the Dad’s would be grouped together chatting X would be chatting with the women. I thought that was odd. X would say it was because the other men were jealous of his occupation (he’s an airline pilot).
We have neighbors who have a male friend they’ve known since high school who has never had a girlfriend. X and I had talked with him a couple times at their house. X was known to spend time with this male friend who never had a girlfriend and is 55 years old. My Mom had spotted them shopping in a department store, friends had seen them having lunch together. Just one of those things that make you wonder..,

Heather
Heather
7 years ago
Reply to  brit

You should wonder. After all mine’s “gay men are just gross” comments, I found out he was picking up men on Craig’s list for sex. He used to tell me about one of his male co workers indiscretions with other men, and now I realize he was talking about himself.

Martha
Martha
7 years ago
Reply to  Chump Mama

My ex has male friends, not a lot and they mostly talk sports, but he’s REALLY, REALLY CLOSE to all his former and current FEMALE ho-workers. He said it’s “part of his DNA” to have so many really close female “friends.” Yeah, alrighty then.

And the ONE TIME I had a male friend, he lived over 900 miles away. And my male friend was someone who was very happily married and we were just catching up about our lives since we graduated from high school. We only talked via email and the email all came to the family email account. Before our high school reunion, my friend asked if we could meet the next day to talk for an hour or two. I had no problem asking my husband if he was okay with it since my husband had tons and tons of female friends that he went out on lunch dates with. I figured since he was able to do this, then it should be okay for me. He said yes. Well, the day came for me to see my friend. We hung out for about two hours and talked. He came inside my moms home and said goodbye to my husband, my mom and my kids. Everything was all on the up and up. We came back home and within a week my husband said to me, “Well, if you are pregnant, we know it’s not mine (my ex had a vasectomy).” Projection much?!!! The ONE AND ONLY TIME I had a male friend I get accused of having sex with him. But I was supposed to be okay with dozens and dozens and dozens (or hundreds?) of female “friends” that he had coffee, lunch, and drink dates with. He flirted with them via email and text. I’m sure he spent many hours at work being Mr. Charming and flirting with them at work. But the one time I had a male friend, a male friend that I didn’t even flirt with, I got accused of cheating.

It goes to show that the cheaters know what they are up to behind our backs, so that when we do something that’s purely innocent, we get accused of doing something wrong because they know what they are doing behind our backs. I can’t tell you how many times my husband told me I was “out of his league”, “too good for him” or “you take such good care of me and treat me so well.” I wished I would have believe him! Yes, I was too good for him. Now he deserves to have ho-workers who go out with married men for a girlfriend. That’s the type of woman he deserves.

Towanda
Towanda
7 years ago
Reply to  Martha

Could have written all of this myself Martha. Accusations of bad intentions, infidelity and sneakiness weekly. I never even thought about cheating. Followed up by “please don’t ever leave me, you’re so much better than I am. I don’t deserve you, why are you even with me??” all of this before I knew what a dirt bag he was. I thought he was soft and insecure and showing me his vulnerable side and recognizing how awesome I am hahahahahahaha!!!!!! OMG I can’t believe how naïve I was, it’s laughable now to be honest.

SureChumpedAlot
SureChumpedAlot
7 years ago
Reply to  Martha

Being accused of cheating when you’re not a cheater is mere projection from someone that is.

Stephanie
Stephanie
7 years ago
Reply to  Martha

Interesting. Big red flag that should not be overlooked. I, too, was accused of cheating, generally with men I worked with who were of higher social status. He was very jealous and insecure, which I believe was part of his motivation to cheat. I was motivated to NEVER cheat, but was accused if I came home late from work.

Great post. Being accused of cheating when you’re not a cheater is a bad omen, in my opinion. It’s the hallmark of someone who has cheating on their mind, of someone who is very insecure with themselves, and someone who has cheating as a potential in their mind.

Louisvilleflower
Louisvilleflower
7 years ago
Reply to  Done4Good

Mine to, is apparently a rock star disguised as a slob by, middle-aged nerd.
Who knew?!

Done4Good
Done4Good
7 years ago

Too bad we weren’t afforded the lavish lifestyle that comes with being married to rock stars.

Louisvilleflower
Louisvilleflower
7 years ago
Reply to  Done4Good

Right! Or settlements!

RockStarWife
RockStarWife
7 years ago

I am going through a divorce from someone in the music business who consistently works with very famous and wealthy artists. Too bad cheating, bad to the bone STBX, who initiated the divorce, is driving us into bankruptcy.

sadlady15
sadlady15
7 years ago

Oh I’ve got one! Mine drove one hour to the city to pick up the car I was buying from him as part of the agreement when we separated(he is a used car dealer–perfect job for the con artist). Then he absolutely insisted that I sweetly say thank you and kiss him on the cheek (ewwww!). This was about 6 weeks after the d day. . And I paid for the car. ..what.. do all of your female customers kiss you??

lostntx
lostntx
7 years ago
Reply to  sadlady15

You should have given him a swift kick in the man area followed by a kick to the cheek!

brit
brit
7 years ago

“I didn’t fool around until I after I moved out.”

Maree
Maree
7 years ago
Reply to  brit

brit, I will say it until the cows come home but we were definitely married to the same dropkick and the parallels of our lives are uncanny. Hope you are okay? 🙂

Done4Good
Done4Good
7 years ago
Reply to  brit

What part of “I promise to stay loyal to our marriage while we are separated and trying to figure things out” was unclear to you?

Sadly, it took all of about 4 months before the Bunny Boiler entered the picture and snagged herself a Sad Sausage.

ChumpedToTheMax
ChumpedToTheMax
7 years ago

My X filled up my car with gas a couple of times in our 20 year marriage and repeatedly reminded me of it….Here’s your bitch cookie.

He made me tea in the morning…most of the time I didn’t want and packed lunches with stuff the kids and i didn’t like, but let us know that we owed him…

He hardly went to the kids sports games, he barely showed up at home–the yard, the cars, the house fell apart around us, while he ran around and slept around. but hey, “here’s a cup of tea, where’s my cookie bitch!”

After the final Dday, he told me he had been faithful for the past 9 years! I replied, “so, you have been faithful about 40% of our marriage.” He looked dumbfounded, no cookie for you bitch!

DemHoez
DemHoez
7 years ago

My worse half used to want bitch cookies for throwing out the trash, mowing the lawn, or putting air in the damn tires on the car. This only happened after I would yell at him to do it.

Yea, I’ll give you a cookie – a nilla wafer.

Tango M
Tango M
6 years ago
Reply to  DemHoez

More like a “nil” wafer.
As in: zip, zilch, nadda.

Queen Mother
Queen Mother
7 years ago
Reply to  DemHoez

LOL!!!

MidlifeBlast
MidlifeBlast
7 years ago

Took the kids to school on time for the first time this term on his weekly stay over night. *well done!!*

Might come early to watch his kids swimming rather than arrive to get them at the end (it’s his job to take them swimming). Everyone involved knows that he probably won’t show up though. *try harder next time*

PucksMuse
PucksMuse
7 years ago

I was thinking of you the whole time!

I never showed her pictures of the kids!

I TOLD her not to call the house!

Well, it’s not like I booked the BIG suite on my secret vacation with her!

I waited until you were asleep to log on to the porn sites!

Sure, I didn’t tell you about the infection, but I got treatment for MYSELF, isn’t that enough?

And my personal favorite,

I prayed over it!!

Crimson Comet
Crimson Comet
7 years ago
Reply to  PucksMuse

Reminds me of one: my ex wanted brownie-points for only using the free hotel rewards for frequent stays when he took his whores to a hotel room. Nice. We however Never went to a hotel, trip, vacation as it was too expensive. But at least ex didn’t spend money on the hotel stays with whores. Those were the free reward perks! Great job! Here’s a Bitch cookie Dumbass

ImAPhool
ImAPhool
7 years ago
Reply to  PucksMuse

Wow. Just wow

Martha
Martha
7 years ago
Reply to  PucksMuse

My ex prayed over it too. I thought he was praying for our marriage, himself, our kids and me. No, he was just praying only for himself and his “happiness.” Screw the wife who was faithful and devoted. Screw the kids. They’ll get over it. Sadz Sausage needs another new lover to make his sadz into smiley face.

lostntx
lostntx
7 years ago
Reply to  PucksMuse

Well, he prayed over it! Come on now he should get forgiveness then. Mine screwed an ex youth minister while helping with my daughters sunday school class and doing women’s bible retreats. They are truly just crazy beyond reason.

PucksMuse
PucksMuse
7 years ago
Reply to  lostntx

I’m always amazed at people who protest, “I PRAYED OVER IT” hear exactly what they want from God. They never hear God’s voice telling them, “Hey, STOP BEING A CHEATING ASSHOLE.”

Sausalito
Sausalito
7 years ago
Reply to  PucksMuse

Ugh, this is so true! Mine said he prayed and God forgave him. Maybe God could cc: me on that one, cause I’m not buying it!

ForgeOn!
ForgeOn!
7 years ago
Reply to  Sausalito

On this prayer thing…..Has anyone asked these cheaters:
“To which ‘god’ are you praying?!”
Yep, you and I often assume they are referring to the same God we pray to…..The Creator of the universe and God of the Bible.
Nope, these cheaters are praying to their own, personal god, aka satan. Remember that next time one of the ‘Jesus-Cheaters’ spews that line!

Love all of ChumpNation, as together we …..ForgeOn!

FindingBliss
FindingBliss
7 years ago
Reply to  lostntx

Maybe she should also be awarded a whole box of animal crackers too. They are like a whole zoo in one box. Crazy is right.

No insults to actual animals is to be inferred from this post.

Done4Good
Done4Good
7 years ago
Reply to  PucksMuse

“I was thinking of you the whole time!”

Ugh – please not that!

PucksMuse
PucksMuse
7 years ago
Reply to  PucksMuse

PS, not my husband’s bitch cookies, the cookies go to my idiot relative.

MidlifeBlast
MidlifeBlast
7 years ago
Reply to  PucksMuse

Scumbag!!!

Uneffingbelievable
Uneffingbelievable
7 years ago

“It wasn’t my INTENTION to shatter your life. I thought you’d never find out!” That calls for a Tollhouse Ultimates Chocolate Chip Lovers BITCH COOKIE!!

carrie
carrie
7 years ago

Mine told me the same thing after cheating and being caught texting the married ow again “I thought you would never find out”

Kath
Kath
7 years ago
Reply to  carrie

Mine was never that “in your face” or overtly cruel. He was more underhanded. Sending me texts meant for someone else by mistake. Saying of course it was to me but speaking into his phone messed things up. Or sudddnly his phone forgot how to spell my name. (Found out much later he was dating a woman with the same name, just spelled differently) Or when I asked what he was talking about, he responded with a simple “never mind” or “don’t overthink it”. One of the times I attempted to break up with him because I suspected he was cheating, he admitted he had, but it was at the suggestion of a couple of close friends. They were worried we were moving too fast talking about marriage and perhaps he should date a little more just to be sure. (Calling bullshit) When he asked them if he should tell me, he says they said no, unless there was competition. COMPETITION? Punk bitch please, have a bag of cookie crumbs! I was already giving him 110%. And I’m supposed to start competing? Ah hell no. But then he said, he had stopped because in the end it was me. And besides, that was a long time ago. Turns out his idea of a long time ago was the day before. What.the.fuck

Onward_chump
Onward_chump
7 years ago

OMFG me too!

Chumpnomore
Chumpnomore
7 years ago

Almost identical to one of mine:

“I never intended to hurt you, you weren’t supposed to find out about it….”

newdaydawning
newdaydawning
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumpnomore

Yes. I wasn’t planning on ending it, I was trying to make sure you never found out. Pathetic

Martha
Martha
7 years ago
Reply to  newdaydawning

“I lied to you and saw woman behind your back, because I didn’t want to hurt you.” Believe it or not, our pastor backed him up on that statement. Suffice it to say, he’s no longer my pastor.

Luziana
Luziana
7 years ago

You paid *some* of your overdue child support. Bitch Cookie!

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Luziana

You, too? Mine wanted a bitch cookie because he was “still supporting you and DD#2,” Um, that’s called state-mandated child support, and you’re not doing it out of the goodness of your heart.

Luziana
Luziana
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Ha. I wouldn’t call 35.00 a week, which he still cannot somehow manage, support. It doesn’t even cover viola lessons!

VulcanChump
VulcanChump
7 years ago

“You’ll be my girlfriend for the day.” – cookie

“She said she loved me, but we never did anything physical” – cookie

butterflidreams
butterflidreams
7 years ago

“I went a WHOLE YEAR. I was good a WHOLE YEAR before I let my weakness and deviant coping over take me.” (aka fucking hookers)

“I didn’t even like any of them.”

“I didn’t even have sex with all of them. Sometimes we just talked or she just gave me a blowjob.”

“I didn’t know I had a personality disorder. Now that I know, I will never do it again.” (After countless encounters with hookers, all blamed on mid life crisis, stress, anxiety, hating his job, or aspergers, etc.

“I help the kids with homework. I give them rides. That should MEAN something.”

“I love you. I have never done anything to hurt you. It was only to hurt myself.”

I could go on… I have way more “bitch cookies” than I know what to do with…

neverwouldhaveimagined
neverwouldhaveimagined
7 years ago

No cookies for that cheater. I didn’t even have sex with all of them? Oh, well then, what a relief. You only had sex with some of them. What a relief. That’s okay then.

Geode
Geode
7 years ago

Double relief when it was “only” blowjobs with “some” of the hookers in our house… One of those giant bitch cookies with the yellow frosting smiley faces from the mall.

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
7 years ago

Is that something like sorta pregnant?

happily ever after
happily ever after
7 years ago

“She’s 40 years younger than me so I wouldn’t be doing anything ….”
“I’ll come over and clean the pool and do yard work. I don’t mind.” said after bringing girl-child into house and leaving a souvenir–her bra.

My bitch cookies are from the recipe I picked up from reading the outstanding book The Help. I think they are a variation of the shit sandwich cause they have that **special** ingredient.

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
7 years ago

Glad to see you posting, Butterfli. Hope you tossed your baking sheet out for good! No cookies!!

Luziana
Luziana
7 years ago

In eleven years you have only provided for or attended two doctors’ appointments, both having to do with daughter’s genetic heart condition. Mostly because you have the rare condition too and the cardiologists’ staff fawn over your medical miracle. Feh! Dentist, GP and Optometrist, where’s the kibbles in that? Writing up the emergency plan so daughter actually doesn’t experience syncope and collapse at school? Paying the insurance and copay? BOR-ING!

Where my Bitch Cookie at?

lostntx
lostntx
7 years ago
Reply to  Luziana

Do you think he realizes he passed the condition on to her? Probably somehow blames that on you. I hope she is doing well! You are truly an inspiration to me. You have endured so much but still do what needs to be done! Puts my crap into perspective really fast.

Luziana
Luziana
7 years ago
Reply to  lostntx

He does realize it but he thinks it’s glamorous and a reservoir of sparkles. I passed on a big butt. Where are my fawning cardiologists?

deedee
deedee
7 years ago

He didn’t have sex with a colleagues wife even though she was up for it.She was too drunk.
He thought he deserved a medal for that never mind a bitch cookie.

StrawberryJellyfish
StrawberryJellyfish
7 years ago
Reply to  deedee

So basically he wants to be acknowledged for not raping her?

GetOutYoSeatAndChumpAround
GetOutYoSeatAndChumpAround
7 years ago

That bitch cookie comes with a formal presentation ceremony

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
7 years ago

Or a glass of sour milk?

PhysicsGal
PhysicsGal
7 years ago

I was only on those teen porn sites to learn more moves to satisfy you sexually. Bitch cookie, it’s all about me.

After I went back to work after being a stay at home mom, I came home to “I can’t be expected to do laundry and cook dinner, I was watching the kids (surfing for porn whilst they watched VHS movies).

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
7 years ago

Skankboy would invite his mother down for 3-4 months every winter. He took her to lunch twice each year. Bitch Cookie Crumbs. Idiot!

HeLovesMeHeLovesMeNot
HeLovesMeHeLovesMeNot
7 years ago
Reply to  nomoreskankboy

Fuck him, his momma and liver and onions too!!

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
7 years ago

HLMHLMN……Hahahahahahahahhahahahaha! Thank you for that laugh!

Teddy
Teddy
7 years ago

Chuckles the cheater or C**ty Mc C**tface depending upon which forum I’m on, said to me in all seriousness that between his two affairs that I know about he wasn’t unfaithful.

My reply was Well done you. Bravo. How reassured I now am. He looked completely indignant when he replied ” but it’s true”

Lol and lmao

What a chump I am for taking him back the first time.

Helena
Helena
7 years ago
Reply to  Teddy

Hi

Chumpnomore
Chumpnomore
7 years ago

I was depressed. If I wouldn’t have gome to her I would have jumped off a bridge.

Ah, well! Superchocolatechip cookie.

Doingme
Doingme
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumpnomore

So she saved his life? Wow

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumpnomore

I would have been happy to give him a push!

SureChumpedAlot
SureChumpedAlot
7 years ago
Reply to  nomoreskankboy

hahaha!
push = conviction
nudge = accident

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
7 years ago

(Stumble, trip…..ooooooppppppppsssssss)

Chumptitude
Chumptitude
7 years ago

#keeponnudging

neverwouldhaveimagined
neverwouldhaveimagined
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumpnomore

Oh brother, the drama. An illicit affair saved your life? BS! So many choices for any number of problems if he actually was having those types of thoughts.

Unemcumbered
Unemcumbered
7 years ago

“We never had sex in our house, our bed. I wouldn’t do that to you.” What a relief. Yummy cookie.

JK
JK
7 years ago
Reply to  Unemcumbered

My ex said she and her AP boss never had sex in our bed, though they did come by our house in the afternoon when I was working and the kids were in school. Said she “would never” do such a thing. I believe her. I think she did it on top of the washing machine like she admits to doing with a previous affair partner. She would also have to have washed the sheets, and she was never going anywhere near anything that looked like housework:)

newme
newme
7 years ago
Reply to  Unemcumbered

I got that one too! I never brought her to the house! Well put hot fudge on that cookie!

Doingme
Doingme
7 years ago
Reply to  newme

We didn’t fuck in our bed, we used the couch. Hmm…..bitch cookie with a creamy center

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
7 years ago
Reply to  Unemcumbered

What an honorable and stellar man right there!

CrazyDogLady
CrazyDogLady
7 years ago

“It’s “only” emotional.” Turns out…

“We got a ticket for indecent behaviour. But it was only heavy petting.” However…

“IT WAS THE BEST SEX OF MY LIFE! SHE DOESN’T EVEN HAVE A GAG REFLEX!!!” Yeah, TMI on that one.

“I’m doing this with the best in mind for you and the kids.” This is for the $9k in attorney fees and $6k in living expenses for the kids and I while the divorce is ongoing.

In the end, I’m not bitter anymore. It is what it is, and if I never meet another man to share my life with, I’m ok with that. I will take care of myself and my kids, and he can go fuck the hell off.

David2016
David2016
7 years ago
Reply to  CrazyDogLady

Oh my god.

Martina24
Martina24
7 years ago
Reply to  CrazyDogLady

OMG – the “it was an emotional affair” it didn’t count as cheating. she made me fall in love with her because she is good at giving compliments. shitheads.. all of them..

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  CrazyDogLady

Oh my; that is haunting. What on earth makes some of these cheaters think it’s okay to offer up details of their sexual encounters to their spouses? But when we WANT to know sexual details, all we get is trickle truth.

Aletheia
Aletheia
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

It is part of the blame shift, I think. I’ve heard detail too, back in the DD#1 days. I think it is part of itemizing why.

geekmom
geekmom
7 years ago
Reply to  CrazyDogLady

SHE may not have a gag reflex, but I do! Oh, retch!!

Louisvilleflower
Louisvilleflower
7 years ago
Reply to  geekmom

??
Me too!
Gross!

Done4Good
Done4Good
7 years ago
Reply to  CrazyDogLady

Right there with you.

nomar
nomar
7 years ago

She said she never had sex with any of the OM on the same day she had sex with me. WTF? As if that were a moral achievement of some kind? I guess that means she was faithful to SOMEONE (maybe her spouse, maybe one or another AP) for ONE DAY at a time? As if in her mind it’s not actually cheating so long as the bodily fluids of her husband and boyfriends don’t actually co-mingle inside her [insert dry heaves here]

Plus, no. I’m not buying it. If you’ll lie about cheating, HUNDREDS of times, you will absolutely lie about precisely when you cheated.

horsesrcumin
horsesrcumin
7 years ago
Reply to  nomar

I got that. Except once. ‘Just’ once he fucked her on the same day as me. Ha! Must have been some scheduling because we had sex most days. And NEVER in our bed. ‘Just’ our son’s, the couch, probably the kitchen bench, and OUR bed multiple times at our holiday home. So much better. Bag of cookies, bitch?

And the anger at STI testing. No need! (Until the results proved otherwise….)

unsinkablemollyx
unsinkablemollyx
7 years ago
Reply to  horsesrcumin

Your SON’S BED?!?!?!? OMG, I would love to throat punch him, forget the cookie, bake him a cake made with sour milk and rotten eggs. Pig.

Chump Mama
Chump Mama
7 years ago
Reply to  nomar

I didn’t rate that high in his consideration, but he did always shower before we had sex (which I thought was rather ocd of him, but tried not to judge). 🙁

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Marriage according to carpe diem.

(and of course, she probably lied about that, too)

Peakyblinders
Peakyblinders
7 years ago
Reply to  nomar

I almost threw up my Strawberry smoothie. What a pig!

Lyn
Lyn
7 years ago
Reply to  nomar

OMG, nomar. What a sacrifice she made for you! Gag.

lostntx
lostntx
7 years ago
Reply to  nomar

That’s more respect than I got. I guess that meant there was no need for an STD test, right? Thanks for the gross reminder Nomar!

Betty
Betty
7 years ago
Reply to  nomar

dry heaving with you in solidarity. omfg!

Done4Good
Done4Good
7 years ago
Reply to  Betty

Me three!

Kath
Kath
7 years ago
Reply to  Done4Good

And now we have a party. Who’s going to clean up this stinky mess? Mine was proud of spouting how he was a one woman man. Yeah, one at a time. But who’s defining the time period?

David2016
David2016
7 years ago

We agonized over whether we should terminate a pregnancy (we had/have two young children). We did and I grieved with her and nursed her after.

A few months later she informed me the baby was likely his.

“He was really mad. You see how much I love you? You see what a sacrifice I made for you?”

I was speechless, stunned, staggered. Bitch cookie doesn’t even begin to cover it. More like bitch bakery–whose doors I then closed for good. The sign on front reads “Divorced.”

unsinkablemollyx
unsinkablemollyx
7 years ago
Reply to  David2016

Your SON’S BED?!?!?!? OMG, I would love to throat punch him, forget the cookie, bake him a cake made with sour milk and rotten eggs. Pig.

kiwichump
kiwichump
7 years ago
Reply to  David2016

Pure evil. I am sorry she did this to you and your family. Your children must have felt the grief around them and been affected when she had the termination. They should never have been put through this.

CYaAsshat
CYaAsshat
7 years ago
Reply to  David2016

I’m so sorry..

Chump Princess
Chump Princess
7 years ago
Reply to  David2016

That’s a fucking dog biscuit dipped in cat piss cream.

What a clueless, conscienceless, moronic sister of Satan’s ugly cousin she is. Damn! I certainly hope Karma exists and has her penciled in for a beat down.

JK
JK
7 years ago
Reply to  Chump Princess

CL’s right (“no words”).
Here God, use mine ⚡️

David2016
David2016
7 years ago
Reply to  JK

Thank you, everyone. Yes, it was shattering. And to be honest, the fact that it was his for some reason wasn’t the worst–nor was it her deceit. It was her bizarre, perverted, complete lack of empathy in that moment; she had zero sense that what she was saying (let alone what she did) was devastating. Surely this was not the woman I loved and whom I married? But it was.

And I will confess something else, which I think is important, and something that perhaps only you chumps can understand if you were, as I was, so beaten down, so humiliated, and so desperately pick-me-dancing: somewhere behind my shock and hurt and sorrow and fury and disbelief in that moment, I STILL–STILL–heard a small voice saying, “She still loves me! She just said it! Everything will be OK!”

Moments and incidents like these convince me that no matter how intelligent, how otherwise strong or rational or logical an individual is (and I’m referring to chumps), we can still be deluded. Fear of abandonment is that primal and powerful to overwhelm all sanity. I still sometimes can’t believe that was me.

Kath
Kath
7 years ago
Reply to  David2016

Oh yes, we definitely do get it. Like nobody else can. I think it’s why forums like this are good for us. We want so desperately to hurt them back but can’t because 1. They don’t care 2. We need to maintain No Contacc and 3. We’re not like them. We are decent loving people. But here, we get to hurl bitch cookies and high five each other and release some of the pent up emotion. Happily draining.

Lady Lazarus
Lady Lazarus
7 years ago
Reply to  David2016

What a horrendous story. My heart goes out to you. My STBX was actively trying to get me pregnant (with what would have been my third child – I lost several babies) while running four affairs site memberships and living a whole double life.

Yes, the fear of abandonment is primal and can feel total. I still have trouble believing that those losses didn’t – don’t – constitute a bond. You write beautifully. Many hugs to you.

Lady Lazarus
Lady Lazarus
7 years ago
Reply to  Lady Lazarus

My post was meant for David but applies equally to everyone writing above!

RockStarWife
RockStarWife
7 years ago
Reply to  David2016

David,
Thank you for speaking a core truth for many people. I went to court for approximately the 13th time this week to defend myself (and kids) from cheating, abusive sociopathic STBX. Although I have great new partner (friend of 30 years) and never again want to see the person who destroyed me and harmed my extended family, I still felt the sting of rejection–of being divorced by my abuser, who continues to malign me. Today, I also resigned my job, without another one lined up, to avoid being fired for ‘poor performance, although I am an experienced professional in this field, work 70 hours/week under very bad conditions, and sometimes sleep only 89 minutes/night in order to hang onto my job as I have not been able to line up any other job I am done with letting myself be attacked by terrible people..

In terms of my bitch cookie, the most recent one I got was, I drive the kids up to your place for your convenience.’ This from a chronic financial, ‘judicial,’ emotional and sometimes physical abuser. I wasn’t perfect in nearly eight-hour stay in court this week, but I consider myself very self-disciplined as while I was listening to STBX lie about, insult, and speak sarcastically toward and about me and prevent our kids from receiving much-needed medical/psychological services, I didn’t kill him.

Chumptitude
Chumptitude
7 years ago
Reply to  David2016

David2016 – I can relate, on DDay, I could not believe that I, an educated, strong, highly logical person could have not seen the duplicity of my X earlier. My inner chumpy voice wanted to believe that it was all a big mistake, that the feminist man I thought I was married to was there, just had lost his way.

One thing I knew though was that I was too distraught to make any coherent decisions, so I started recording our conversations. Over the next few days, I had to face the fact that the person I thought I was married to was a mirage, a carefully scripted persona that crumbled before my eyes as I dug deeper and found evidence directly contradicting each and everyone of his claims.

I booked a divorce counselor to help us discuss how to inform our kiddo of our divorce and set up an initial custody plan. To the counselor’s question of why he was there and what he wanted out of the process, my X said he wanted to help me deal with my trust issues…

Martha
Martha
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumptitude

Me too, Chumptitude. We went into counseling and “problem” in our marriage were my “trust issues.”

I dated someone for four years prior to my ex and never once did I have “trust issues” with my former boyfriend! My “trust issues” started when I found love letters written to him from a woman who was supposedly “just a friend.” Creep!

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Martha

“Trust” requires that you have something to work with.

ForgeOn!
ForgeOn!
7 years ago
Reply to  David2016

Oh, Dearest Precious David2016!

We do get it…. I get it! You are in very good (Chump) company. But, it could be worse……We could be them!

Yep….It is our pure, devoted, loyal hearts and the “I-can-not believe-this-is-happening” disconnect & dissonance that does that number on our hearts, our minds, our logic. To be abandoned by a part of ourselves is oh so very devastating on many levels.

So very heart-rending that another precious ‘little one’, that innocent unborn child, paid the price for another’s filth! The real ‘victim’ here is that precious baby who had no say.

Love & hugs to you, David2016 as you ForgeOn!!

Pearshaped
Pearshaped
7 years ago
Reply to  David2016

That is one of the saddest things I’ve ever read. Forget about bitch cookies. Right now I’m thinking about the girl in Tom Petty’s Don’t Come Around Here No More, when she had become a cake and was being sliced and shared around. Yeah, that works…

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  David2016

I’m so sorry, David. What a wretched human being she is.

Peakyblinders
Peakyblinders
7 years ago
Reply to  David2016

Special place in hell cookie…

Martha
Martha
7 years ago
Reply to  David2016

O.M.G. Evil monster.

thensome
thensome
7 years ago
Reply to  Martha

That’s awful. I’m so sorry.

neverwouldhaveimagined
neverwouldhaveimagined
7 years ago
Reply to  David2016

There are no words. So horrible that she subjected you to that, David.

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
7 years ago
Reply to  David2016

Unbelievable. You would think even a completely shitty person could find it within herself to keep that truth to herself … not even one atom of decency in her whole body. I’m with Lulu … Hell is too good for her.

Doingme
Doingme
7 years ago
Reply to  David2016

Holy shit David. She was probably unsure who the father was. The sickness still shocks me. So sorry.

Lulu
Lulu
7 years ago
Reply to  David2016

It’s posts like these that make me want to believe Hell exists.

zyx321
zyx321
7 years ago
Reply to  David2016

Hemlock cookie

Louisvilleflower
Louisvilleflower
7 years ago
Reply to  David2016

That takes the whole fucking cake.

lostntx
lostntx
7 years ago
Reply to  David2016

wow! I am so sorry you had to go through that pain! That deserves to be put in the bitch blender not given a bitch cookie.

nomar
nomar
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Monster cookie FACTORY

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Arsenic-laced cookie.

butterflidreams
butterflidreams
7 years ago
Reply to  David2016

Wow- that is terrible! She let you grieve and make an agonizing decision for a baby that was not even yours?! Unbelievable! These cheaters are a so screwed up and entitled!

Beachgirl
Beachgirl
7 years ago

During our wreckconciliation, where he supposedly had no contact with OW, I found the email where he had her and her kid over to his house. When confronted the answer was “Her kid was there so it’s not like we had sex that day”. Cookie bitch!!!!

Geode
Geode
7 years ago
Reply to  Beachgirl

Oh I almost forgot that one. “Yeah, she knew we’d gotten married. Her kid came along and we just went to the movies. Then back to her house to talk.”

Done4Good
Done4Good
7 years ago

“We did not have sex.”

Apparently, my SBTX thinks he’s Bill Clinton because his definition of sex is the same.

Gonegirl
Gonegirl
7 years ago

I was your “trophy husband”. Yes, told my best friend that after the final D Day.

Yep, a bakers dozen of bitch cookies!

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Gonegirl

Narc much? Booby prize husband is more like it.

lostntx
lostntx
7 years ago
Reply to  Gonegirl

Trophy??? how ironic!

Loveydovey
Loveydovey
7 years ago

My ex is so excellent at this I own a bitch bakery with franchises. favorite example:

* but I quit my job to stay home with the baby (after he announced he already quit his job..I’m two months pregnant at time.”

FindingBliss
FindingBliss
7 years ago
Reply to  Loveydovey

Ah, yes, the “I get to take credit for something that was actually bad but in my mind can be linked to something noble.” I’ll bet you just felt like the luckiest woman on earth to have such a man.

I hope you sold those franchises.

Nikki Lynn
Nikki Lynn
7 years ago

But, I was calling into the sex addiction support group daily! . . . Bitch Cookie!
(Yea, boss, while never connecting with those guys, no ah ha moments, deep self-reflection, remorse shown, sponsor, 1st step given . . . Therapist says the degree to which such 12 step groups help is the degree to which the person *connects* with the group. My theory this that the only reason he was willing to call in daily was to hear new ways to act out and keep things on the down-low.).
Bitch Cookie and Eject button pushed.

Geode
Geode
7 years ago
Reply to  Nikki Lynn

SA bitch cookie recall.

MissedRedFlags
MissedRedFlags
7 years ago

My cheater told me that he “forgives me” for being angry and upset after finding out about his continued affairs but I would need to “change and handle it better” if I wanted to stay married to him…he’s hurting too…..bitch cookie.

My cheater told me that he is “a better person” because he doesn’t remember and “dwell on” the date/anniversary of me finding out about his first 3 year affair—–he deserves his favorite bitch sugar cookie. The man is a saint ( in his mind).

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  MissedRedFlags

How magnanimous of him to forgive you. smh

Bel
Bel
7 years ago

“I didn’t sleep with hookers until you became pregnant” (the baby he begged me for) ?

Divinelife
Divinelife
7 years ago

Evidence staring in his face. “That’s not true”
Delusional bitch cookie for that Horny Goat

DoneandDusted
DoneandDusted
7 years ago
Reply to  Divinelife

Mine too?

EyesOpenNow
EyesOpenNow
7 years ago

On second DDay, weeks after taking my hands and VOWING that he wanted to save our marriage and would be faithful, I discovered he was indeed still in contact with the whore. When I asked him how he could do that, he replied “But I meant it at the time!!” Bitch cookie!

Peakyblinders
Peakyblinders
7 years ago
Reply to  EyesOpenNow

EyesOpenNow, Wow, but I meant it at the time…… What a neat hat trick! Give that man a pull the rabbit out of my ass cookie!

Louisvilleflower
Louisvilleflower
7 years ago
Reply to  EyesOpenNow

Quick dissolving bitch cookie – like a meringue – probably lasted longer than that vow.

Lulu
Lulu
7 years ago

Not my ex, but something someone said on the Reddit adultery page:

“There are so many things that are so much worse than cheating… rape, murder, extortion. But people talk about us like we’re terrible people.”

So you’ve never raped, murdered or extorted anyone?

Here’s your bitch cookie!

newme
newme
7 years ago
Reply to  Lulu

Yep, the OW told me that there are worse things you can do then have an affair. Really I guess you must know since you seem to be the queen of that!

Divinelife
Divinelife
7 years ago
Reply to  Lulu

OMG

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Lulu

“Hey, I didn’t torture any puppies today. Or beat up any homeless people. Nor did I stab any neighbors. Surely you can forgive me one little sexual indiscretion?”

You are a braver person than me to visit Reddit cheater sites.

Mine, too, claimed “I am a better person than you think I am.” This from someone with several legitimate cases of sexual harassment.

KarenE
KarenE
7 years ago
Reply to  Lulu

Oh yeah, this one is my ex, big time! The kids barely have anything to do with him, so he tells them this story about some African warlord who massacred tons of people, who is now in jail. But HIS daughter still goes to see him!!!! So, since the ex didn’t massacre anybody, he doesn’t deserve to lose his relationship with his kids!
The kids barely resisted punching him for this one. But he wanted a bitch cookie!

Plus, of course, he threatened the kids and I and scared the shit out of us (at one point had me by the neck up against the wall, and the man is 6’3 and works out hard 3x a week). But he never actually hurt me! Never left a mark on any of us! Bitch cookie!

He accepted much less custody than is standard here, then cut way back even on that to go work out of town (coincidence that it was where Schmoopie lived??). He would see them for a total of 3 days a month, for a year. But that wasn’t abandonment! Hey, he tried to Skype them several times a week! Bitch cookie!

Mandie101
Mandie101
7 years ago
Reply to  Lulu

There is a French Creole song where the man is apologizing for betraying his partner. In it he says I’m not a killer nor thief….like it mitigated the betrayal. Then get this….he pleads with her to smile for him. Just a little smile. He is all sad sausage in this song.

My bitch cookies? I tossed them out.

Louisvilleflower
Louisvilleflower
7 years ago

Yes, I fucked Dumb Cunt instead of taking you home from the hospital after your hysterectomy, but, I was there while you were having the surgery.

And

We were going to sleep together during your six week recovery, and then re-evaluate the frequency of our screwing after that. It’s not like you were able to have sex during that time, so it isn’t so bad.

Disgusting cream-filled bitch cookie.

Kath
Kath
7 years ago

Bitch cookie laced with shrapnel

kiwichump
kiwichump
7 years ago

Did that whore know what you were going through at the time? Rip her f$&%ing uterus out!

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago

The entitlement is strong with that one.

lostntx
lostntx
7 years ago

Just speechless over that mind fuck!

Calmafterstorm
Calmafterstorm
7 years ago

In his interrogatories, “in June Calm took the children to the dentist and the eye doctor for new glasses and contacts. She never asked my permission first, and I believe I deserve a say on how my money is spent.”

Here’s a day old bitch cookie from the sale bin, asshole.

KarenE
KarenE
7 years ago
Reply to  Calmafterstorm

Permission to spend ‘his’ money on his children’s health? Their teeth and glasses? OMG

LiningUpDucks
LiningUpDucks
7 years ago

“I’m a great husband! I don’t beat you. :)”

Seriously, he said that to me. You can’t make this shit up.

Moon pie bitch cookie, asswipe.

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  LiningUpDucks

I knew that H1.0 had set his bar pretty low…I assumed he thought himself a stellar spouse because he didnt cheat or beat me. BUT…he told me I “deserved to be beaten” and reminded me he could snap my neck anytime he wanted to. THEN I learned he was a serial cheater too. He sucked. I was too scared to admit to myself how badly he sucked.

Eilonwy
Eilonwy
7 years ago
Reply to  LiningUpDucks

Yep. I got that one too. The bar for being a good spouse was pretty damn low–not physically assaulting me.

But this kind of language now worries me because eventually, after I ended the marriage, he did physically assault me.

Now, I think that anyone who brags about not engaging in violence is really making a partially veiled threat. What my EX actually meant was, “I haven’t ever hit you, yet.”

Chump judgment is suspect–if we were good at imagining the worst in people, we wouldn’t be here. If you feel at all threatened, you should take action. If your friends or family say that your spouse seems physically scary to them, take action. The best strategy is simply to refuse to be alone with the person anymore.

He gets his bitch cookie served with an arrest warrant.

KarenE
KarenE
7 years ago
Reply to  Eilonwy

I am 100% sure my ex would have been highly physically abusive if I hadn’t called the police the first time he threatened me physically. Even with that, he later threatened me, pushed and poked me, picked up a snow shovel and threatened to hit me with it, and later grabbed me by the neck and held me up against the wall while screaming in my face (kids and I went to a shelter after that one). He also, when the kids were small and he knew I would leave him in flash if he ever hit or spanked them, instead pinched (hard!) our son and twisted his ear hard. I had to add those to the list of ultimatums. He kicked our cat one time (I should have left him RIGHT THEN!), and after we separated, smashed a very expensive laptop while screaming at the kids for not going to bed when he told them to. It was so loud a neighbor went to check if everything was ok (thanks heavens!).

But as I mentioned above, he wanted multiple bitch cookies, because although we were all very physically afraid of him, I guess that was ok, because he had ‘never left a mark’, had never ‘actually hurt KarenE’, had never ‘sent anyone to hospital’. And yeah, that IS a veiled threat.

When I found out about Affair #2, every important conversation after that was held either in a public place, or when there was another adult in the house. He thought we were sitting on the front steps to talk so the kids wouldn’t hear! Fucking moron.

thensome
thensome
7 years ago
Reply to  KarenE

Mine kicked our then puppy when he soiled a carpet. Kicked it across the room. I was horrified and thankfully the puppy was ok. I don’t know why I didn’t kick his ass across the room that day, and instead comforted the puppy when it cried so he wouldn’t wake up Mr. Wonderful. What a chump. Never again.

kiwichump
kiwichump
7 years ago