I Can’t Believe I Just Said That

Today’s Friday Challenge was suggested by Mr. CL. It was inspired by a comment he read on last Friday’s post where a chump told her husband:

 “50-year-old men can’t sext with 17-year-old girls.”

It’s the kind of thing, as you say it, you think, “I can’t believe I’m having to say this.”

Something so patently absurd, it shakes you out of chumpdom for a moment. I gotta get outta here. This is bananas. 

What basic tenet of decency did you find yourself explaining? And how did it sound to your own ears?

TGIF!

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Dueces
Dueces
2 years ago

Fucking someone else isn’t a communication issue!

Dragonlady
Dragonlady
2 years ago
Reply to  Dueces

“ I’m not gaslighting you anymore.”
“You can’t stop me having an affair”.
No, that’s why I’m divorcing your sorry a**.
After twenty six years, the denial is so strong on first discovery because the nightmarish reality is too much to bear and I was trying to protect my family and my mind from the truth. There’s none so gullible as those who want to believe the lies.
Now, 4 years later I’ve found myself and my self respect again. I’ve healed my heart my own way but there’s a scar which I wear like armour. The pending divorce is just a piece of paper -however, in his opinion I’m turning our lives upside down and I’m the one destroying the marriage.
He managed that with his double life and lies. I’ve forgiven him because it’s easier on me and I do believe he loved me deeply for years, albeit only as deeply as he was able. Just not enough to communicate his feelings or actually risk getting a divorce/losing face /assets by discussing personal issues.
When he fell out of love, he gave himself permission to despise me and disrespect me.
“Don’t ever let me treat you like that again!’
Well, don’t worry … I won’t!

Phoenix
Phoenix
2 years ago
Reply to  Dueces

I remember when he broke it off with AP to reconcile with me. He was crying and said “maybe we’ll see each other again someday. Maybe on the other side” to which I said “I’m so sorry. Breakups are painful but you will get through this.”
WTF?? It was surreal that I was coaching him through it.

Catbird
Catbird
2 years ago
Reply to  Phoenix

yeah, I did that too. Four days after our divorce was finalized, he sent me an email saying he had made a mistake, his life was in chaos and pure hell during our year-long separation. He left out the part about his engagement to his girlfriend during our separation (thought I didn’t know about her). And what did I do??? I emailed back saying how sorry I was to hear that and buckup, Buttercup, talk to your therapist to right yourself and it will all be okay, Pat, pat, here’s a cookie. Ugh!! Wish I could take that email back. Still makes me want to vomit. Why did I do that??

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago
Reply to  Phoenix

“WTF?? It was surreal that I was coaching him through it.

I think that when we do these things it is because we have been gradually broken down and are just confused and scared. It isn’t until our heads clear, and we regain our courage that we look back and say, wth?

Phoenix
Phoenix
2 years ago
Reply to  Susie Lee

I think I was in complete shock, and also pick me dancing my ass off. I would’ve said anything at that point to keep him with me. Now I look back and cringe so hard.

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago
Reply to  Phoenix

Same here. And it is humiliating to think back on.

He moved out and told me he needed space and he thought things would work out, but he needed to get his head on straight. (what he was actually doing was getting out the door without any drama, and giving me hope so I would keep it quiet for about a week. Then he came back and finished off the discard telling me he and the girl he had been “dating” (such a pretty word for adultery) were in love and wanted to get married. Also this “girl” was a 35 year old town slut with three big assed boys who belonged to different men.

I sat there in shock and let him spill his bile on me. I should have kicked his ass out, and had the locks changed immediately. But, it took me a few more weeks to get my own head clear.

Chchchchump
Chchchchump
2 years ago
Reply to  Dueces

Fucking someone else cannot possibly be “an accident”!

Light Heart
Light Heart
2 years ago
Reply to  Chchchchump

No, it just “happened.”

Llamalu
Llamalu
2 years ago
Reply to  Light Heart

In the words of Eminem’s song Guilty Conscience:

Wait, what if there’s an explanation for this shit?
What, she tripped, fell, landed on his dick?

Beach Angel
Beach Angel
2 years ago
Reply to  Dueces

This!

I Count
I Count
2 years ago

Parenting your own children is not helping me.

BrazilianChump
BrazilianChump
2 years ago
Reply to  I Count

☝☝☝ this!

In fact, *helping* to parent her own children, as all of the heavy lifting (feed, bath, take to school, pick up from school, homework, taking the younger to therapy, play sports with them) was left for me to do during the last 4 years of the marriage (I now wonder what was going on by then).

In fact, just *pretending* to cover some of their expenses. I say pretending because at one point I had to spend all my savings at the time (the equivalent of 5.5k US dollars) in past due school tuitions and when I discovered the affair some time later I also discovered (along with a massive, unexplainable personal debt of hers up to almost US$40k) past due school tuitions of both kids piling up to US$ 6k again. I had to run debt myself to pay 2.5k immediately in order to get the kids enrolled in a school the following year (or else the previous school could hold their records – it’s against the law but they do create difficulties) and to renegotiate the remaining delinquent debts (she didn’t move a finger in this direction and wanted me to “just take a loan” to pay the full ammount; she *says* she is paying the remaining debt now).

Never a SAHD here, two jobs at two (or three, depending on what you consider a job) different moments just to make the ends meet. In one (or two) of these moments I was simultaneously barely trying to function as PhD candidate in a strenuous subject.

Fun fact: during the most of these 4 years (except for my 2 job stretch) she outearned me and was never shy of rubbing it in my face, specially around friends and family.

Also funny how I had to take a break at noon almost every day of my busy week to take the younger, autistic kid to school, since she oftenly would come back home with him when she tried (“he didn’t want to stay”). It is happening again in her days with the kids.

She worked “soooo much” (24h per week plus some night shifts – by her choice; again, I wonder what was going on by then) “just to provide *the best* (an elite school for the eldest) for *her* children”. I fell hard for the guilt trip and upped my game.

Now I realize my life was a living hell.

By our settlement I am now the sole financial responsible for my kids school and health insurance (she is bound to pay only half of the extracurriculars and therapy and to feed and shelter them during her half-weeks with them). Never again a bill was past due. I don’t have surplus but I no longer need to incur in debt just to make ends meet. That. With. Just. One. Income. The lesser of them.

I can’t wrap my mind around just what in her lifestyle (affair included) was so expensive to have generated tons of debts. She says it was the eldest kid’s school but, again, she was just pretending to pay for it and the problem was from before this school (it was always there). I really don’t know what she did with her money and I am affraid to discover. During our marriage we were always struggling with money just to make for the bills even with both of us working in well-paid jobs. It’s just unbelievable. I’m better off now.

Battletempered Lionheart
Battletempered Lionheart
1 year ago
Reply to  BrazilianChump

Brazilian Chump,

Isn’t it crazy about the money? When XFW and I were married, he made close to $100,000 USD per year. Yet, we had none in savings.

He spent paychecks before he got them, paid off one credit card with another and resorted to all kinds of Creative Accounting practices.

After I left he cut me off completely. I was homeless and living on the support of my family and friends. STILL I managed to save money. It’s not a lot, but it’s more than we ever had when we were married.

Who knows where it all went? I’ll never get it back, so I don’t want to know.

BrazilianChump
BrazilianChump
1 year ago

Yes, BtLh, the money thing is plain crazy. I am 2 years out now and couldn’t come yet with a satisfying explanation for all that shit. Asking will not do the trick. Only more lies and “I was not myself, I was crazy, I don’t know how I let things go so awry”. I still didn’t manage to save any money for myself. Still juggling with the financial fallout from the divorce and the kids expenses, which are all mine. Two months ago she complied with paying monthly for one kid’s school tuition, but we still have to work out the legal aspects of this arrangement, since our settlement doesn’t make provision for this and I don’t want trouble down the line. Still… her debt to banks and loan companies didn’t change over the last two years I’ve been cutting her some slack. And she too pays off one credit card with another, I thing it is some kind of standard disordered people’s move. They never change. We chumps are never the problem in these situations, the problem is always the disordered person. We need to get away to realize this from a safe distance, cut our losses, lick our wounds and count our blessings. Hope you are enjoying your new, cheater-free life and I am really sorry for all you’ve been through, but it’s over now. It is well worth all the heartbreak and all the struggle, isn’t it?

TuesdaysR4Healing
TuesdaysR4Healing
2 years ago
Reply to  I Count

This!

Beach Angel
Beach Angel
2 years ago
Reply to  I Count

And this!

Tanya
Tanya
2 years ago
Reply to  I Count

How can you sleep with a girl 5 years older than our 16 yr old.

Marianne
Marianne
2 years ago
Reply to  Tanya

Ugh!!!

RuralChump
RuralChump
2 years ago
Reply to  Tanya

This. How do you get off the phone with your child, after helping them with their life problems because they’re so young and naive and still could use a lot of guidance from you….and then place your next call to someone the same age, who is your girlfriend. There’s something really sick about that.

Waffles
Waffles
2 years ago
Reply to  RuralChump

Totally ???????????????? agree. Vile.

anuthatch
anuthatch
2 years ago

Can you just try and lie well one time?

ChumpiestChumpinChumptown
ChumpiestChumpinChumptown
2 years ago

In response to the fact that ‘I knew’ and therefore ‘was okay with it’ because he mentioned their names in casual conversation “Was I to assume you were sleeping with all the woman you mentioned in conversation?” and “I can’t read your mind.”

shelly
shelly
2 years ago

Looking back, yes! It was his attempt at transparency!! Haha. As if!

RuralChump
RuralChump
2 years ago

OMG I got this one too! Turns out yes, he WAS trying to sleep with literally every woman he mentioned.

Carrie
Carrie
2 years ago

You cannot ask your student to send you nude pics – even if she is an adult.

I cannot pay all of the bills, plus the mortgage. You buying groceries once in a while does not count. You eat.

Banano
Banano
2 years ago
Reply to  Carrie

You can’t go out for coffee and dinner with your student.

Seeing your student outside of the University is plain wrong and against U ‘s policy

You could have kill our unborn babies – by sleeping with a hooker & me while I was pregnant

Yes, you can contract STD from oral and pass it to me

No, hookers we’re not “ clean” as you claim- they could be carriers of an HIV

Etc.

ChumpiestChumpinChumptown
ChumpiestChumpinChumptown
2 years ago
Reply to  Banano

Yeah, Uni cheaters. We need a nickname like Sinister Minister. It’s pretty common practice for profs and grad students I’ve noticed though weird… and boundary defying.

BrazilianChump
BrazilianChump
2 years ago

Doktorficker, maybe, as opposed to Doktorväter?

Just an idea ????

Newlady15
Newlady15
2 years ago
Reply to  Carrie

I got that from my bf who lived with me for two months after surgery and thought a couple hundred bucks was enough to cover his share of groceries( try about 4x that and I make half his income) As soon as I placed a boundary he cut and ran. The trash took itself out.

ChumpiestChumpinChumptown
ChumpiestChumpinChumptown
2 years ago
Reply to  Carrie

Student!?! Hash tag bad character. Nooooo

Gee
Gee
2 years ago

“I had affairs to save our marriage”

Spoiler alert, they did not save our marriage and five years down the track, he purports to regrets of the loss of our friendship. He still hasn’t worked out that friends don’t lie and cheat.

kathy
kathy
2 years ago

I asked my husband, “how much did you pay to have sex with that man?” he responded, which one? Jesus Christ, why am I still here!?!

LadybugChumpLady
LadybugChumpLady
2 years ago
Reply to  kathy

Kathy,
Do you know why you are still there?
If not, you’ll likely be there awhile longer.
I was still “in” for many years even though I lived separately. I know why I was at first, but later I just let it be. Now that we are no contact for about 4 months, I can see why I needed to be gone.
You will too.

kathy
kathy
2 years ago

Thank you, I hope it comes soon! 65 years old, 39 year marriage, and he has been fucking me over for, at least, the last decade. We live as roommates, but I know I need to leave, go contact..it should not be this hard

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago
Reply to  kathy

I hope you get out soon.

If you are living like room mates, heck dump him and get an actual room mate. Share half the expenses with none of the pain.

Navigator
Navigator
2 years ago
Reply to  kathy

Kathy, My mom (67) her marriage broke up when her husband thought he found his fucksoul-mate in a younger woman who used him for $$ & then cut & ran. He wanted my mom back after but she’s enjoying her life too much now & she never thought she would survive without him. Food for thought ????

Lola Granola
Lola Granola
2 years ago
Reply to  kathy

Kathy, you need to protect yourself financially first, without letting him know you’re doing it.

Get a lawyer, again without telling him. And get appropriate financial audits and statements.

You have almost certainly been financially abused, as well as sexually. Your husband has been living a complicated double life, and there may be credit cards and loans you know nothing about.

Family. You still have an awesome family. You always will have an awesome family.

But when there’s family fallout from what sounds like a very necessary divorce, YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME.

The person to blame is your (hopefully) soon to be ex-husband. He blew up your family, not you.

I’m so sorry you married such a liar, but they don’t change. You’re worth more than this.

LeftMyExH WithChumpChange
LeftMyExH WithChumpChange
2 years ago
Reply to  kathy

Kathy,

Get away from that clown! Please see yesterday’s CL.

Navigator
Navigator
2 years ago
Reply to  kathy

Out of curiosity, why are you still there?

kathy
kathy
2 years ago
Reply to  Navigator

I ask myself that all the time..I leave, I come back, it’s been going on for over a year since 2nd D-Day. 65 years old, with 2 amazing adult sons, daughters-in-law and 2 granddaughters under 3 who love nothing better than spending time with family. So, we’ve had fake xmas, fake BD celebrations because I know when I tell them things will never be the same. Everyday, I tell myself this is it, I have to tell them, they would never want me to live this way, but, then I don’t. I am so tired..

KarenE
KarenE
2 years ago
Reply to  kathy

Kathy, a previous mother-in-law kicked her husband out when she was 60. EIGHT kids, all grown, multiple grandchildren etc. She was so worried they’d be super upset.

She announced this to her kids at a family celebration (husband was supposedly out of town ‘for work’), and they all started clapping and cheering and hugging her and say ‘finally!’.

You might be surprised.

TheDivineMissChump
TheDivineMissChump
2 years ago
Reply to  kathy

Kathy, I’m in my sixties and walked out. 7 months later, my life is better than it has ever been. My relationships with my adult children and their partners is thriving. I’m here to tell you you’ve spent your time in hell and deserve the best that life has to offer. I promise life on the other side is remarkable.

BeenThruIt
BeenThruIt
2 years ago
Reply to  kathy

I’ll be 65 later this year. With 2 amazing adult sons, daughters-in-law, and two grandsons under 2. Would have been married 40 years this year. But after discovering his secret life of schmoopies (unsure of the total) and coming out of the fog and realizing he was actually quite abusive to me and our kids, I divorced my lying, cheating dumbass ex 14 years ago. It wasn’t easy, but OMG it is sooooo wonderful being in charge of your own life! No one else trying to control everything. No subjugating yourself attempting to please a jerk. It’s been wonderful not having to deal with my idiot ex. And I’m sure not wiping his abusive ass in old age! I feel so much healthier and more alive without all the stress. Stress really takes a toll. It’s scary at first but geez it is FANTASTIC! And even though I tried wreckonciliation a few times to try and keep our family together, it was my sons (16 and 12 at the time) who told me to quit. Kids know more than we think. So, things for me aren’t the same anymore – but everything is much better on my own!

I highly recommend taking back your life. After caring for everyone else all these years – you’re 65 – put yourself first!

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
2 years ago
Reply to  kathy

It must be daunting to think of pulling the plug in your sixties. But I think it will be rejuvenating, freeing yourself of an abusive albatross.
????

TooManyTears
TooManyTears
2 years ago

I pulled the plug the year I turned 60.
It was hard, but worth it.
I lost a lot.
I gained even more.
I am so glad I somehow found the strength to cut him loose.
I hope you find the strength, too.

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago
Reply to  TooManyTears

I was 40 at the time we got legally separated.

I was scared, working a minimum wage job. I wasn’t really worried about knowing how to pay bills, I mean you just pay them. What I was worried about was having enough to pay the bills.

What I figured out quick was, with him out of the picture, I had a lot of control over what bills I had. For about two years I wouldn’t spend an extra dime that I didn’t have to. I was so scared of running short. But, then it became clear the when you are in total control of your finances you have a lot more than you think you do, and you have the say in how to spend any extra you have. I chose to save it.

I also figured out that while I was scrimping and saving so he could have the money he needed for his fun; I was learning to manage money very well. I had already learned a lot as a kid, but once I was on my own, it just all came together.

bread&roses
bread&roses
2 years ago

Yes, don’t give your entire life to this person, Kathy. You could have another few decades ahead of you. You didn’t do this to your family.

Fuckwitfree
Fuckwitfree
2 years ago
Reply to  kathy

Get out Kathy. Run like your pants are on fire. And with your asshat they just might be.

TitsAndAssAndAllThat
TitsAndAssAndAllThat
2 years ago

You can’t be married and continue to date. It doesn’t work like that.

[SMH]

Daughterofachump
Daughterofachump
2 years ago

Unless all parties concerned have agreed to polyamory. And it sure doesn’t sound like you did.

MollyWobbles
MollyWobbles
2 years ago

Same! I’ve said that to him so many times and various versions of it. “How can you think it’s ok to date while you were married to me?” “Dating other people is not ok when you’re married!” How the fuck is that so hard to understand? It’s the basic tenant of marriage. It’s the whole idea!

HeadUpWingsOut
HeadUpWingsOut
2 years ago
Reply to  MollyWobbles

This. Exactly.

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago

I just remembered this one.

I didn’t speak it out loud but I thought it to myself. Him “I have been dating for ten years”

Me in my head, “if you are married it is adultery”

I honestly didn’t say much in real time, I was too crushed and I just kind of went silent.

RecentlyDiscardedChump
RecentlyDiscardedChump
2 years ago

Yes! Why does this shit even need to be said! This is a human truth

Hurt1
Hurt1
2 years ago

Ex: I have a girlfriend
Me: But you are married to me

Unicornomore
Unicornomore
2 years ago
Reply to  Hurt1

Yea…this was similar to our bizarre conversation:

Cheater : “If I were single, she would be a great catch”

Me : “but you are not single”

Cheater: “…oh yea…” (like he forgot)

MightyKJ
MightyKJ
2 years ago

Lying by omission is still a lie.

Vanilla
Vanilla
2 years ago
Reply to  MightyKJ

Yes I got this one

Jillted
Jillted
2 years ago
Reply to  MightyKJ

“A lie of omission is still a lie.” I said this to the man-child I was married to so many times, even years before I suspected he was screwing around.

Bees
Bees
2 years ago
Reply to  MightyKJ

Yes! That’s part of the “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to hurt you” performance.
It’s absolutely a lie.

Bruno
Bruno
2 years ago
Reply to  MightyKJ

XW- “I never lied to you!”
Chump- “No, you mean didn’t lie about everything. That is not the same.”
XW- “This is why we can’t be married. You just turn everything around onto me!”

Sandyfeet
Sandyfeet
2 years ago
Reply to  Bruno

Oh my gosh ????

MollyWobbles
MollyWobbles
2 years ago
Reply to  MightyKJ

Yup! I’ve said this to him so many times when he claims that he “never lied”. Not telling me you’re fucking strippers is still living a lie.

Caroline Joanna Mary Bowman
Caroline Joanna Mary Bowman
2 years ago
Reply to  MollyWobbles

A lie of omission is a lie, but with a side order of cowardly spinelessness.

RuralChump
RuralChump
2 years ago

So true. They think they’re somehow better than overt liars but they’re just cowards.

Mardi Meh
Mardi Meh
2 years ago

ExACTly. Well said, CJMB

Forty Years Freed
Forty Years Freed
2 years ago
Reply to  MightyKJ

absolutely…my ex was a champion.

Hcard
Hcard
2 years ago

Your on hospice! How can you believe your nurse wants a long term relationship with you!

Chumpella de Ville
Chumpella de Ville
2 years ago
Reply to  Hcard

Because the nurse might be willing to commit till death do us part…?

Amazon Chump
Amazon Chump
2 years ago
Reply to  Hcard

Now that’s funny!

MichelleShocked
MichelleShocked
2 years ago

When FW was bragging that OW was OBVIOUSLY better than me because she “went to Penn and that’s an Ivy League school,” I had to remind him:
“Why are you bragging? YOU didn’t go to an Ivy League school.” ???? that dope

Bees
Bees
2 years ago

Knave-Man is Ivy League, as am I, and most of his APs were also Ivy League.
Of course it means nothing where character is concerned, except that Knave-man is evidently pompous enough to prefer Ivy League kibbles, an ad hominem he spewed in defense when caught.
Veritas, indeed.

Battletempered Lionheart
Battletempered Lionheart
1 year ago
Reply to  Bees

This comment just made my day.

MichelleShocked
MichelleShocked
2 years ago
Reply to  Bees

I just found it funny that FW was throwing it in my face that AP went to Penn and “it’s Ivy League”… meanwhile he went to Purdue (= not Ivy League).

I don’t personally measure anyone’s worth by their education… nor do I define my own worth with by it. So FW can go suck it ????

Bees
Bees
2 years ago

Exactly. The Penn purloiner and the Harvard ho can have them! ????‍????

Unicornomore
Unicornomore
2 years ago

I had a single phone conversation with OW. Cheater said that OW struggled to understand what I said because I used complex words. OW graduated from the University of Washington.

TooManyTears
TooManyTears
2 years ago
Reply to  Unicornomore

Guess she didn’t know what “Ho”
Meant !!! ????????????

Fuckwitfree
Fuckwitfree
2 years ago

Ivy League idiot devoid of morals!

MichelleShocked
MichelleShocked
2 years ago
Reply to  Fuckwitfree

Oh she’s a real piece of work. “Ivy League” AP was still married but separated. She only knew FW for a few months (co-workers) and has 2 kids… and she moved FW right into her house.

Here’s another one…. because AP was still married, the attorneys determined that our 9 year old son couldn’t stay the night there until AP was legally divorced. AP sat on it for almost 2 years before getting a divorce. She still wasn’t divorced when FW and I finalized our divorce!

So FW kept getting hotel rooms every other weekend for nearly 2 years because he didn’t want an apartment. And he’d scream at me “it’s because of YOU that our son can’t spend the night with me at her house!!”

I can’t believe I had to say “Um no. Your girlfriend is still married. Your own attorney agrees that’s not ok. Helloooooo … you’re yelling at the wrong person”

Amazon Chump
Amazon Chump
2 years ago

Oh my! It’s was all your fault! Again!

MichelleShocked
MichelleShocked
2 years ago
Reply to  Amazon Chump

Isn’t it always my fault? ????

KarenE
KarenE
2 years ago

Cheater Ex probably thinks global warming is my fault, and maybe Covid too……

Megan
Megan
2 years ago

When he (39) told me he has soooo much in common with his 19 year old affair partner, I responded what, middle school math? As his kids were a couple years younger then her and we were helping with their homework. Lol.

Fuckwitfree
Fuckwitfree
2 years ago
Reply to  Megan

Jesus fucking Christ. Maybe 39 was his IQ?

ChumpiestChumpinChumptown
ChumpiestChumpinChumptown
2 years ago
Reply to  Megan

OMG. What the hecking heck.

ChumpMike
ChumpMike
2 years ago

You screwed him, in the woods, in January, in Ohio?

Also:
He’s not a stranger, but you don’t know where he lives?

Juniper
Juniper
2 years ago
Reply to  ChumpMike

“…in the woods, in January, in Ohio?” ???? That…made me laugh.

Fucwitfree
Fucwitfree
2 years ago
Reply to  ChumpMike

“No, the kids’ college fund and our 401K was NOT intended to support your stripper addiction! And no, it was not money spent in furtherance of the community just because it made you happier. And I think we can skip further discussions about retaining [your affair partner] as the kids’ nanny.”

Unicornomore
Unicornomore
2 years ago
Reply to  Fucwitfree

“So let me get this straight…you promised your coworker a $40,000 engagement ring even though your teenage children have no college fund?”

“I was only joking with her”

“Really? How many other coworkers did you joke about marriage jewelry with?”

(OW had a $39,000 ring from her fiancé that she could have to give up if she went with Cheater, so apparently he had promised to go one better. Thing is, he forgot about 3 kids and a suburban colonial house with 2 mortgages)

oldcrone
oldcrone
2 years ago

First long-term affair (that I know of):
Please ask your girlfriend to stop calling my office.
Second one he married while I was at work one day and we were still (I thought happily) married:
Did you get on your knees to propose?

Fuckwitfree
Fuckwitfree
2 years ago
Reply to  oldcrone

Wait. He’s a bigamist!?

oldcrone
oldcrone
2 years ago
Reply to  Fuckwitfree

It wasn’t a real ceremony, just some bullshit he cooked up so SHE wouldn’t cheat on HIM. They did exchange rings and vows in front of her family and friends. Oh, the irony! Everyone in attendance that day knew he was married, and most of them had met me. There are a lot of shitty people in the world.
The OW was the one to tell me about it after he dumped her post DDay.
The monster actually tried to defend himself: “at least we didn’t go to the Justice of the Peace”.
Yeah, because THAT would have been bigamy and against the law.
I really wish that they had tried to get a license; would have saved me years of abuse if he’d been arrested and I found out why.

oldcrone
oldcrone
2 years ago
Reply to  oldcrone

In case I didn’t make it clear: I was totally in the dark about his relationship with our neighbor.
I worked a demanding job because he unilaterally decided that he would retire at 50 but I would need to continue to work. We needed the health insurance and income so he could fritter away over $60K on “wifey number two” (his words).
Meanwhile wifey number one (?) kept up the house and yard and did all the cooking and laundry. Because he was “retired”.
I want those 10 years back!!!!

MrWonderful’sEx
MrWonderful’sEx
2 years ago
Reply to  oldcrone

Klootzak tried to do the same; wanted to retire at 46 and I was supposed to keep working because his military pension was not going to be enough to pay the bills. I told him no, he needed to find work and he whined and cried to his father that I was “forcing” him to work. The majority of his military career was spent at a desk. He did a total of two deployments and never faced the danger those sent to Iraq and Afghanistan did. But he tried to claim he has PTSD because he said if he could get 100% disability, THEN he would not have to work. I guess he needs more free time to chase around!

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago
Reply to  oldcrone

Those years are the kicker for me too.

I remember even back then when it hit thinking; I want to rewind back ten years; I would be thirty and yes I would have a ten year old son, but I would have made different decisions had I know I was married to a cheater and liar.

Even if I had decided to stay in the marriage, I would have doubled up on college classes, and gone to work full time much sooner.

I was luckier than many as I got out at age 40; but it still is the thought of those years loving a lying cheat. How he must have reveled in that.

They steal years of our life from us.

BrazilianChump
BrazilianChump
2 years ago
Reply to  Susie Lee

“They steal years of our life from us”.

Yes, they do. They steal time, oportunity, energy, health, money and our innocence. They come only to steal, kill and destroy.

HappyChump
HappyChump
2 years ago

He said, “I can’t believe I have 2 beautiful women fighting over me.”
I said , “I am your WIFE, I’m not fighting anyone.”
WTF?

CleotheFormerChump
CleotheFormerChump
2 years ago
Reply to  HappyChump

That, right there, is CAKE!

BrazilianChump
BrazilianChump
2 years ago
Reply to  HappyChump

Got something along these lines, as the wreckonciliation failed (due to her continuing cheating – thank God): “you didn’t fight for me”. I told her that as her loyal husband of 20 years I was not going to wrestle in the mud for her amusement with the pig she chose to replace me (after knowing him for what? 2 years tops?) and that she should be happy with the choice she made. Few months later he kicked her sorry ass to the curb.

Just today (few hours ago) she called “the kids” crying and asked to talk to me. Just to say that she was “thinking of us (me and her)”. I told her to think of another thing, since there’s no more “us”. FW has a new boyfriend now, but old habits (cheating) die hard. “Holy hoover attempt, batman!”, as Tracy says. ????

Cam
Cam
2 years ago
Reply to  HappyChump

Hope that wiped the smile off his face.

Fuckwitfree
Fuckwitfree
2 years ago
Reply to  HappyChump

They are cookie cutter dimwits. Shallow, selfish, charming, immoral, dishonest trash. Kick to the curb.

ChumpiestChumpinChumptown
ChumpiestChumpinChumptown
2 years ago
Reply to  HappyChump

Some delusional kibble dreams

Chumpouttahere
Chumpouttahere
2 years ago

We ended up in financial dire straights due to FW affair with a customer employee at work. I uncovered the affair.
Now, when our daughter was younger, like 20 years ago, she had to get braces. FW would joke with her that she was wearing his new car engine on her teeth. Then he’d occasionally say smile so I can see my engine. It was all in fun and she’d even make a reving engine sound and laugh while doing it.
Jump ahead 20 years, FW has an affair, financial dire straights hit due to affair fall out.
We are still in same house, that’s as far as it goes. One night he has the dumbassery dumbness to ask…..so how much do you think I could possible spend on a second car? I said you mean a “project fun car”? Yeah, FW replies. I laughed so hard I snorted. Then I said remember when you’d ask our daughter to see your motor and she’d laugh and show you her braces, he smiles wistfully and says yeah. I said well why don’t you get ahold of your AP and ask for a picture of her p^$$y and you can stare at your car all day any day. He stopped looking wistful and smiling.
One more month and I’ll be able to file for divorce. Cha-ching alimony.

BrazilianChump
BrazilianChump
2 years ago
Reply to  Chumpouttahere

????????????
????????????
Outstanding!!!
My mom is also quick on the trigger and I have some fond memories of her timely, hilarious retorts to my cheating father.

DrChump
DrChump
2 years ago
Reply to  Chumpouttahere

Thank You Chumpoutahere for the laugh!
I was having one of those bad days being that I am in the discovery phase of divorce. I was blindsided in July by who I thought was a loving wife of 18 years.
CL, CN and this blog helps so much on these tough days.

BrazilianChump
BrazilianChump
2 years ago
Reply to  DrChump

Stay strong, my friend, you’ll get to the other side of this. This is hard and hurts like hell, but it’s survivable. You’ve come to the right place. Rooting for you!

Tall One
Tall One
2 years ago
Reply to  DrChump

Keep moving forward. Trust your heart. Fight for what’s right & focus on healing.

Tuesday will come little by little.

One day you will be so proud of yourself and thrive!

I’ve been where you are. I’m here now.
It’s awesome(but hard work)

ChumpQueen
ChumpQueen
2 years ago
Reply to  DrChump

I wish I had found this site when I was 6 or 8 months in. It’s raw now, but hang in there. Tuesday does come.

Caroline
Caroline
2 years ago
Reply to  Chumpouttahere

that is outstandingly brilliant. I actually am very impressed. Usually these kinds of dead-on, not-just-swearing-nastiness remarks evade me until hours later when I’m furiously raging about the conversation. You win today.

ChumpNoMore
ChumpNoMore
2 years ago
Reply to  Chumpouttahere

Congratulations! You came up with the best retort at the right time!

(don’t you hate when you think of it too late?)

Busygal
Busygal
2 years ago
Reply to  Chumpouttahere

HAHAHA!
I’m stealing this for when FW bitches to me about our settlement!

Amazon Chump
Amazon Chump
2 years ago
Reply to  Chumpouttahere

Wow! Good for you to be able to come up with that quip for a quim!

Fuckwitfree
Fuckwitfree
2 years ago
Reply to  Chumpouttahere

Brilliant. I wish I could have seen his decrepit face when you said that. Best wishes to you.

Kfindingmyway
Kfindingmyway
2 years ago

When 20 year prostitute habit was revealed.
One of the crazy responses was, but I didn’t even know there names. WTF

Geode
Geode
2 years ago
Reply to  Kfindingmyway

I got “but the girls were clean” in reference to the $50 Craig’s List whores Ex screwed in our house.

Daughterofachump
Daughterofachump
2 years ago
Reply to  Geode

$50???? Huh.

NOOOO
NOOOO
2 years ago
Reply to  Geode

Ong the “ clean “ comment????
While I was fighting constant vaginal infections ( while living healthy lifestyle, taking care of my body, and trying to figure out wTF is happening with my lady parts) which ( I know now) were caused by my h’s soft spot for hookers, women, trans etc.
my h said to me “ but they were clean”

It left me speechless.
My h has two masters and a PhD- yet, he was too stupid to know how you contract STD’s or how you spread it
Mic drop
You can’t make up this shit

Chumpadellic
Chumpadellic
2 years ago
Reply to  NOOOO

Of all the heinous betrayals and boundary violations cheaters do, bringing their whores and AP’s into our homes is the all time LOWEST and speaks volumes about their “character”. The fact that Whore was in my matrimonial mattress…
There’s a special place in hell for both of them.

Mrmeeps
Mrmeeps
2 years ago
Reply to  Chumpadellic

Lol if by whores you mean sex workers- they don’t owe you anything. Most of the time they don’t even know about your existence, let alone have any friendship, relations or even acquaintance with you. It’s not their job to protect your marriage. Not only that but they wouldn’t have even known about your husband’s existence either if he hadn’t went out of his way to find them, contact them and request to see them in exchange for providing a fee. It seems you have yet to even comprehend that your husbands was the one that fully initiated the betrayal not the third party who doesn’t even know you.

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago
Reply to  Mrmeeps

good grief not another know it all.

Perma Ignore

BrazilianChump
BrazilianChump
2 years ago
Reply to  Chumpadellic

“There’s a special place in hell for both of them”. Amen!

FW tried to push the matrimonial mattress on me when we were splitting furniture. Funny thing she would keep anything of value, except what she didn’t like, but the mattress she wanted me to have it. The same mattress over which both our sons were conceived, that she defiled with her AP. It must have been a power trip for her, and pushing the mattress on me was part of it. I told her to burn it.

All my new home mattresses and furniture (everything someone could possibly fuck on or inside of) are brand new. Only furniture from my office was taken back, but I want to believe that she couldn’t fuck over my desk or inside my bookshelfs. ????

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago
Reply to  BrazilianChump

Oh and I kind of screwed myself over on the wood stove, because the electric heat was inadequate and I had to spend another winter in that house. So I wore warm clothes, pumped the baseboard heat up to high, and used safe area heaters at night. He had to pay the electric bills so no biggie.

I did keep the doors under the sinks open and the sink running on the really bad nights, so he didn’t have to pay for fixing pipes, but mostly so I didn’t have to deal with the mess of frozen pipes.

I thought our D would take six month, but due to him dragging his feet the last six months it took a year.

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago
Reply to  BrazilianChump

Fw bought a really nice top of the line, water bed for us about two years before he left. Had drawers, shelves the whole shabang. (it was the late 80s)

Per our legal separation I got all the furniture except his office stuff. I sold the water bed for three hundred dollars. Pissed him off royally.

I also sold that fucking wood stove, so he had to either replace it, or get more heating elements in the house. I am betting he had to put a furnace back in the house when he tried to sell it. But he moved his mother in there at first, so she probably paid for it.

I am sure he used that waterbed for him and his main whore, and any other one that would come by while I was visiting my dad out of state.

oldcrone
oldcrone
2 years ago
Reply to  Chumpadellic

I also felt that extra twist of the knife when my safety zone was violated by his twisted desire to bring APs into our marital bed.
I was annihilated when he told me that he had sex throughout our home, including every bed and every soft surface.
I felt as if there was no safe place in my own home.
I can’t fathom the level of disrespect that entails, to destroy the sanctuary of your loving partner for a cheap thrill on top of the cheap thrill of cheating in the first place.
I carried a much larger work and financial burden in the marriage, even though he was retired and had more income.
It was always lopsided, like anyone here knows. Looking back, I bet most of you will realize that the entitlement was already showing but you were too happy and eager to do everything in your power to make the fuckwit’s life better.
You didn’t see the sacrifices you had to make for them, your love goggles made you blind to the lack of reciprocity.
You gave, they took. It felt normal and right. You took abuse and never labeled it such. Looking back I now have clarity, but in the middle of all that was happening behind my back – I thought I was happy.
I thought I was happy but still crying every night *for no reason* and occasionally self-harming as any “happy” person does. My body knew what my mind refused to believe: that I was being abused emotionally, verbally and physically and he was cheating again. I totally ignored it. I could blame it on disassociation, but for decades? I did play a part in this in the sense that I was willing to settle for so little in exchange for giving so much.
We are all worth so much more than that.

BrazilianChump
BrazilianChump
2 years ago
Reply to  oldcrone

I feel your words so much!
Wrote something like that on another post just yesterday.
It’s been good at least to not feel alone in our predicament by knowing other people felt and feel the same way. Alas, too many people.

Anna
Anna
2 years ago
Reply to  Geode

Ong the “ clean “ comment????
While I was fighting constant vaginal infections ( while living healthy lifestyle, taking care of my body, and trying to figure out wTF is happening with my lady parts) which ( I know now) were caused by my h’s soft spot for hookers, women, trans etc.
my h said to me “ but they were clean”

It left me speechless.
My h has two masters and a PhD- yet, he was too stupid to know how you contract STD’s or how you spread it
Mic drop

KatiePig
KatiePig
2 years ago
Reply to  Anna

Yep! This was me, constant infections. There was a time where I was in horrible pain probably every other month and kept pissing blood. I’d get a UTI and it would get serious immediately. Went to doctors, couldn’t figure out what was happening, felt dirty and disgusting. It went on a couple of years. And then it was my fault we couldn’t have as much sex because of “my issues.” I went crazy about hygiene, only wore cotton underwear, no thongs, cornstarch so I wouldn’t get as damp from sweat while exercising, all things he disliked and mocked me for.

He was having sex with peoples’ assholes and then with me. I know that now. He was the dirty one, he was knowingly harming me and then insulting me and mocking me while I tried to deal with the harm he caused. It broke me. I cried in doctors offices. It blows my mind that so many people don’t recognize that as abuse.

BeenThereandWasAChump
BeenThereandWasAChump
2 years ago
Reply to  KatiePig

I think they get off on that. Knowing that they are ‘dirty’ and having sex with their spouse. It is both a turn on for them and a big FU in their head to us. It’s disgusting and frightening at the same time.

BrazilianChump
BrazilianChump
2 years ago
Reply to  KatiePig

Dear Katie,

your (I hope ex-)partner is a pig.
So sorry you’ve been so abused and humiliated by this sorry excuse for a pig. What he did to you was heinous. The utter disregard for our health that these fuckwits show verges on the criminal. They don’t care if they kill us, as long as they got their swinely jollies.

My heart goes out for you. (((Hughs)))

Vanilla
Vanilla
2 years ago
Reply to  KatiePig

In my book that is physical assault

Foghorn
Foghorn
2 years ago
Reply to  Vanilla

In my book it’s invalid consent. Consent by deception.

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
2 years ago
Reply to  Foghorn

Rape by fraud, as Joyce Short calls it.

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
2 years ago
Reply to  KatiePig

Uh ???? My best friend is having unexplained bouts of bacterial vaginosis. I think her husband is cheating on her.

Genesis
Genesis
2 years ago

That’s what I got, I had no idea what was going on. And then UTIs. Again, very worrisome. And then….. herpes and HPV at the same time. Tell her.

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago
Reply to  KatiePig

Infuriating.

I am pretty sure he and his whores were into anal. The reason I think so is I was pretty available when he wanted to try new positions, new locations etc; but one night he asked about anal (this was about a year before Dday). I said no, I was uncomfortable with that. Well by then unknown to me, he had been fucking strange for years. I imagine whore let him do anal, and he wanted to feel it with me.

I was clean about myself too. And though I was fine with oral, I always wanted him and me to be freshly showered. And then when it hit the fan I was disgusted knowing what I had been an unwitting partner of.

Mrmeeps
Mrmeeps
2 years ago
Reply to  Susie Lee

Whores aren’t into anal, if by “whores” you mean female sex workers, probably less than 5% allow anal with clients. Female sex workers aren’t into anal any more than the rest of the female population is. Plus not only is it risky but it requires a quite a bit of extra of preparation to be done properly, so the few who do do it charge quite a lot extra for it.

Your husband was cheating on you with men/transwomen- he just used hookers as an excuse because he probably thought it’d sound more palatable.

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago
Reply to  Mrmeeps

No he wasn’t using propitiates. Just town whores. He married the exit whore.

I can also say with certainty that there were no dudes involved. Lol.

I really don’t know what he and his whores did, I just know he ask me and I said no. And quite honestly it didn’t seem to bother him that I said no. But interesting information.

I don’t really know what other women like or don’t like.

BrazilianChump
BrazilianChump
2 years ago
Reply to  Susie Lee

“I was disgusted knowing what I had been an unwitting partner of”.

☝☝☝ OMG, this!

They unilaterally decide to make us partners (by transitivity, but in a very concrete sense of germs and viruses and fluids, for god’s sake) of strangers, and very filthy strangers at that. This boggles my mind everytime I think about it and revulses my stomach. ????????

Unicornomore
Unicornomore
2 years ago
Reply to  KatiePig

That is disgusting…I am so sorry.

Gonegirl
Gonegirl
2 years ago
Reply to  Unicornomore

Happened to me too, kept getting UTIs, haven’t had one since D day.

oldcrone
oldcrone
2 years ago
Reply to  KatiePig

This is so much like my story; feeling sick and dirty and ashamed because a fuckwit was evil enough to engage in risky sex with strangers and come home WITHOUT WASHING to have sex with their unwitting partner. They’re filth.
You deserved so much more than that; we all did.

Gonegirl
Gonegirl
2 years ago
Reply to  Geode

What?! He brought them IN YOUR HOUSE?

There is a special place for him.

Wendy
Wendy
2 years ago

He drove around town at 5 in the morning, to find me while I was on my walk, to tell me his affair partner was now upset with him as he is crying his eyes out. My response “Are you seriously wanting me to comfort you about this?”

oldcrone
oldcrone
2 years ago
Reply to  Wendy

Yeah, mine told me that his therapist (I insisted on counseling after the first of what would be many DDays spread out over decades) told him that HE needed support from ME because he was made to break up with his girlfriend at the time.
Wow, I actually paid for that crap advice!
Of course it’s possible that was a lie; he never would tell the truth if it meant any consequences for him.

MrWonderful’sEx
MrWonderful’sEx
2 years ago
Reply to  oldcrone

Our RIC counselor said that I needed to understand if he had the sadz over breaking up with his AP. WTH? Which one? He had over 50 that I could count based on the info in his burner phone. Which one was he going to be sad about leaving? I didn’t even bother asking.

Klootzak never pretended to be sad about losing anyone. How could he? I’m certain he never dropped contact with the ones he wanted to keep on.

Fuckwitfree
Fuckwitfree
2 years ago
Reply to  Wendy

I am beginning to see that these effin cheaters seem to all be about five heats old emotionally. They can’t think, decide, do, evaluate, choose, anything adult.

Fuckwitfree
Fuckwitfree
2 years ago
Reply to  Fuckwitfree

Five “years” old…

ChumpQueen
ChumpQueen
2 years ago
Reply to  Fuckwitfree

“Heat” kinda works here. Just animals in heat.

ActaNonVerba
ActaNonVerba
2 years ago

You can’t cheat on me and shatter my heart, and then expect me to comfort your sadness that things aren’t the way they to be.

Fuckwitfree
Fuckwitfree
2 years ago
Reply to  ActaNonVerba

This is something that narcs and borderlines expect you to do. It’s all about them all the time.

RuralChump
RuralChump
2 years ago
Reply to  Fuckwitfree

Yep. STBX once woke me up out of a sound sleep, during the time I knew he was cheating and he refused to stop it, to get me to comfort him because Schmoopie sent him a message that was ambiguous, and he was terrified his relationship with her (his friend’s 11-year girlfriend) was about to be exposed, and that all his friend’s friends were going to call him out.

I was like, are you serious right now? I hope that IS what’s happening! Good! But then he revealed oh by the way, Schmoopie’s partner is actually a convicted felon with a reputation for violence. Great, thanks for bringing THAT into the family’s life. So then I did start to think about well what should we do here.

Then, randomly, Schmoopie messaged him that she would never jeopardize their twu wuv by letting something like that happen to him, and I was once again discarded, the lovebirds made up their misunderstanding.

Mrmeeps
Mrmeeps
2 years ago
Reply to  RuralChump

Your husband cheated on you or tried to cheat on you with an 11 year old???

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago

In response to his, “I hope we can be friends”

“I am particular about who my friends are”

I still can’t believe he even ask that after the horror he had just put me through.

Fuckwitfree
Fuckwitfree
2 years ago
Reply to  Susie Lee

I got this too. And also “We are still family-we will always be family!”

Like the Manson family?!?

Their idiocy has no f’in bounds.

IndenturedChump
IndenturedChump
2 years ago
Reply to  Fuckwitfree

“Like the Manson Family?”
LOL

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago
Reply to  Fuckwitfree

I think that “we will always be family” shit is new age bullshit pushed on TV and movies.

I lost contact with my mother in law who meant a lot to me because of his lying cheating ass. They don’t care who they screw over.

And yes they would love it if we swallowed the shit sandwiches lived with constant pain; just to make them feel better.

Dee
Dee
2 years ago
Reply to  Fuckwitfree

Ya my x basically gaslight and stonewalled me (major flat shark eyes while he refused to leave the house and basically emotionally abused my teen children and I while I worked my ass off to get out of the situation). He made a comment that we will always be family and I replied “nope, family has your back and now this is a family of 3” (he responded with shark eyes). He used to be an amazing Dad but now he acts like he was a sperm donor. My kids know I will always be there for them and that’s not the case with Dad (me for the win).

ChumpedForANewerModel
ChumpedForANewerModel
2 years ago

Oh my! There are bunches of them:
1. Really everyone sends pictures of their private parts to their friends? Wow, I must not have any good friends.
2. What, friends give each other underwear? Wow, I never got underwear or gave underwear to my friends
3. You have to masturbate? Well, I guess at least you are having sex with someone you love.
4. Ok, let me get this right? You have to support her and her kids from our money? And you did not think this would piss me off?
5. The words “ run it through the attorneys” is not being uncooperative, it means that I am not engaging with you.

I am sure there are more but I know I will see them from others here because they pretty much have a script. Yep, he was supporting a Schmoopie with two kids who is 32 years younger than him. He also thought I would not be upset because she really needed the money. What a Fuck Wit!

oldcrone
oldcrone
2 years ago

Number 3 is so true!
Sorry but this was funny. Gallows humor though…

Skunkcabbage
Skunkcabbage
2 years ago

LMAO. #3 is golden.

Twiceachump
Twiceachump
2 years ago

In regards to his 20-something schmoopie in our kids Catholic high school that was our 14 year old daughters sports coach ‘she’s innocent in all this’.

Jillted
Jillted
2 years ago
Reply to  Twiceachump

“She’s innocent in all this.” Yes, I got that too. Even with all of his lies and subterfuge, I figured out who she was and found her on social media, so I guess he thought I might try to connect with her somehow and call her out? Ugh, hardly. She was an adult (even though she was 30 years younger than him) making adult choices, but my guess is that he won’t be her last fling. Consequences will catch up to her eventually.

PettyGrrl
PettyGrrl
2 years ago
Reply to  Jillted

Mine found his AP because I, an introvert, finally made a friend over several years at kids’ sports. One day when they each couldn’t be at a game, I gave a play by play over group text.

He used that to contact her independently, solicit pics and eventually transition to a secret messaging app and hotel dates. His later excuse was the substance abuse problem he developed after losing his job when the pandemic started, and which he managed to conceal for over a year (along with the affair). Even in rehab he failed to disclose it until her husband told me months after he found out… and after my STBX had me on the path to reconciliation.

But nah, I’m petty if I’m *also* pissed at her because she “didn’t solicit it.” WTF? She didn’t hesitate tho…

oldcrone
oldcrone
2 years ago
Reply to  Jillted

When they defend the AP you should know where you stand in the equation. I didn’t learn that lesson the first time, or even the 2nd or 3rd. But I “get it” now.

Letitsnow
Letitsnow
2 years ago
Reply to  oldcrone

They don’t always defend the OW. My FW tried to throw her under the bus with
“She was aggressive towards me”
Poor baby.

FreeWoman
FreeWoman
2 years ago
Reply to  Twiceachump

I got that, too. ‘Don’t blame her! If you want blame someone, blame me!’
I’d seen her texts, though. They were hunting each other big time. So, I’ll put the blame where it belongs! He wanted her to look like an innocent flower ???? Nope! I know what you both are- selfish punks.

Fearful&loathing
Fearful&loathing
2 years ago
Reply to  FreeWoman

“Don’t blame her, blame me”.
Yep, I got that too.

I replied. “I blame you both.”

bepositive
bepositive
2 years ago

I’m still shaking my head at “you act like you don’t trust me” a few weeks after discovery day.

Former Throwaway
Former Throwaway
2 years ago
Reply to  bepositive

I got that too! My ex even said “It hurts me that you think I would betray you” after I’ve found her secret texts. Like wtf is even going on in her head? She’s already betrayed me but my reaction to it is the problem?

Fuckwitfree
Fuckwitfree
2 years ago
Reply to  bepositive

Because we don’t trust them. That’s the natural consequence of being dishonest. It’s like that part of their brain never developed. We are reacting rationally. They are are in some altered universe of non logic. I wish their heads would implode.

Letitsnow
Letitsnow
2 years ago

My favorite FW expression at that time was
“You can’t put my dick in your purse”
I was so shocked that he would say that to HIS WIFE
(What a ridiculous conversation, I can’t believe that I am part of this, I thought to myself…)
I couldn’t EVEN respond to that.
Run
The truth was that he cheated on his first wife and broke that family too
Wish I knew he was a serial before I married him
He’s now getting married for the 3rd time //#no-introspection.
Have a great weekend everyone!!!!
LIS

Chumpadellic
Chumpadellic
2 years ago
Reply to  Letitsnow

No introspection! Lol. Isn’t it NUTS how cheater fuck faces just love to be in “committed relationships”?
Xhole lives in big house (he said ours was too much maintenance) with his Mistress (we are still legally married) and her two teen daughters (we have two teen daughters as well).
It’s like changing pants for this arse as he now has the same tax write offs with them.
Just sickening.

Hopeful
Hopeful
2 years ago
Reply to  Letitsnow

I also got that during the (not surprisingly unsuccessful) marriage police phase. Must be a line straight out of The Handbook.

Busygal
Busygal
2 years ago

In response to how “nice” and “Christian” the OW is…..
“NICE, Christian ladies don’t FUCK other women’s husbands!”

Their texts referred to me as his “ex-wife”. That was 3 years ago.

We would be married 30 years this summer. Served him early last year & he has been dragging his feet. He’s on his second attorney now. Lots & lots of other AP’s it turns out. I’m sure what I know now is just the tip of the iceberg.

Oh, and for the record….I’M A VERY NICE, CHRISTIAN LADY.

ChumpNoMore
ChumpNoMore
2 years ago
Reply to  Busygal

Oh don’t get me started on the “nice Christian” thing.

He was a “good Christian” as was his exw that he cheated on for years. She finally divorced him (only because adultery is the only acceptable) biblical reason. He insisted it wasn’t because of his cheating. Yes, that was a huge red flag that I ignored because I had never been love-bombed, or even loved, by my EXH.

As I wasn’t a “good Christian woman” I dumped his ass immediately, as I had no pressure to reconcile.

Now he’s with a “good Christian woman” “like his wife”. Which means she is more likely to accept his cheating, as reconciling is the Christian way. (Sorry to call you out like that, but Christianity is not fair in relationships).

SG
SG
2 years ago
Reply to  ChumpNoMore

I’ve thought a lot about the Christian forgiveness thing. And I’ve decided we generally misapply the forgiveness, forgetting that it is supposed to be preceded by repentance. Not a thing for most of our situations. Instead I’m going with the “don’t cast your pearls before swine” verse. My ex was definitely swine and he gets no more pearls from me.

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
2 years ago
Reply to  Busygal

People who are actually nice get a bit piqued if called such because genuinely nice people fear being perceived as pushovers. It’s dangerous. They’ll always point out to you times or ways they showed some gumption, shot back or caught a snake in action.

In contrast, snakes and predators hanker to be called “nice” and constantly self label as “nice” because “nice” to them is so inaccessible and exotic.

Limbo Chumpian
Limbo Chumpian
2 years ago

That’s an interesting comment. My mom, who is indeed quite nice and wonderful, is always being called “nice” by her coworkers and she assumes they do it because they think she is a pushover. And she may be right. They do seem to try taking advantage of her. She keeps trying to come up with witty retorts back to defend herself and I told her to just simply say “thank you” and move along.

paula
paula
2 years ago
Reply to  Busygal

Oh honey, you are a very nice Christian lady! Stay strong and know we recognize your awesomeness.

Her Blondeness
Her Blondeness
2 years ago
Reply to  paula

Nice Christian Women *and* Men follow the Ten Commandments. They don’t happen to pick and choose which ones apply to them. Ya know, like skipping over numbers 6, 8, 9; and, in some cases, 10.

When I asked Cheater#2’s whore exactly this after she proclaimed she was a “Christian Mom”. Cue surprised Pikachu face. Then she tried to sputter some bullshit about forgiveness. Told her Jesus offers divine forgiveness but I most definitely do not.

iiii
iiii
2 years ago
Reply to  Her Blondeness

God May Forgive You But I Won’t · Norma Jean

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JL6FkocdZck&ab_channel=NormaJean-Topic

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
2 years ago
Reply to  Her Blondeness

Every– and I mean EVERY– coworker who participated in flirking (work-flirting) with FW after his promotion was an alcoholic evangelical. All were in relationships or married, so definably Jesus-cheaters.

We lived in a blue state where evangelicals (and one Mormon) are so thin on the ground that it looks like he managed to round up all of them until he found one willing to follow through and have an affair with him. Imagine the odds. Alcoholics are pretty common in that state but not hyper-Christian alcoholics. Yes, post-D-Day shock stage I sluethed Insta and Pinterest accounts: mucho Jesus memes.

Is it a coincidence his mother has been a member of a religious cult for 40 years? I think not. If you add in that they all had big jaws and short necks, it gets extra incest-y.

Meanwhile I’m third gen agnostic. The “why them” is easy. The hard part to figure is why me? I guess people tend to return to factory setting by middle age no matter how much they tried to rebel in their youth.

DrChump
DrChump
2 years ago

My STBXW was president of the women’s guild at our Catholic Church and reading Calling Jesus while having 2 affairs. On our computer there are pictures of her crowning the Blessed Mother sandwiched between pictures of her APs. To boot I was going through chemotherapy for cancer at the time. She was a Eucharistic Minister. Amazing how she could separate the two. She was screwing the church and school’s maintenance guy in his office at church.
Her church friends don’t want to believe it and feel that it was me who drove her to it because she told them I was “verbally, psychologically and emotionally abusive”. She read the book gone girl and used that strategy. As if the cheating and betrayal aren’t bad enough the slandering and character assassination sucks as well. I am a respected surgeon in the community and have to deal with this. I am 7 months post Dday and at times it is still as raw as the day I found out. She goes around without a care in the world. I have not given her any kibble but it is a constant shit sandwich.

BrazilianChump
BrazilianChump
2 years ago
Reply to  DrChump

“She was a Eucharistic Minister. Amazing how she could separate the two”.

Wow, they’re big at separating things, aren’t they? This is not that shocking coming from her when, if I recall correctly, she is also a nurse and refrained from driving you to and back from chemotherapy. They don’t really believe in anything. They don’t have the enough depth to take anything seriously.

If she did believe what she payed lip service to, she would believe she was touching Jesus’ body with the same hands and mouth she touched her man-whore. She would be frightened to go straight to hell.

I noticed that same hypocrisy in my FW XW that is serendipitously enough also a “very catholic” health professional, one that never gave a flying fuck to my health.

DrChump
DrChump
2 years ago
Reply to  BrazilianChump

It is so sad. She is now going to a different parish. But that is between her and God

BrazilianChump
BrazilianChump
2 years ago

“I guess people tend to return to factory setting by middle age no matter how much they tried to rebel in their youth”.

WOW, this is brilliant and has much truth to it (albeit I am still rebellious at middle age – my FW XMIL told my eldest son that he is as rebellious as me and I am very proud of that; not planning to revert to factory setting before dementia sets in).

About Jesus cheaters, my FW XW is sort of one of them. Her status on social media is “Nihil Amori Christi Praeponere” from Saint Benedict’s Rule. At one point she entertained the thought of wearing a veil to the Mass (not kidding). Oh, and she claims to have actually seen Jesus sitting by her side at the Mass one day ????.

I hope she and AP enjoy the violent winds at the second circle of hell.

I will be spending my time scattered back through nature and freed from this curse of self-counsciousness. ????

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago
Reply to  BrazilianChump

My ex was playing the family man which included Church, and he had a good relationship with our preacher (who had no clue what a liar he was).

I don’t really call him a Jesus Cheater though, because Jesus had nothing to do with it.

Our preacher rained down the Gospel truth on him when he found out what the con artist was trying to pull off.

Please not to all: I am not offended by the term, I just don’t blame Jesus for something he did, anymore than I blame myself.

Sin comes from the heart of the sinner. I might call him a Satan Cheater, but I think taking my fw down was one of Satan’s easier jobs.

All kidding aside I do think my fw was a very, very troubled man and had been since he was a kid. Unfortunately, he made no effort to change himself; and he thought he would be able to keep his status and just switch out women.

He got to keep the whore, but his status and his life’s work (our life’s work) was gone.

BrazilianChump
BrazilianChump
2 years ago
Reply to  Susie Lee

” I think taking my fw down was one of Satan’s easier jobs”. ????

Sure Satan haven’t have to offer him much more than a whore’s attention in order to make him jump from the pinacle of his life. Sure your XH thought some angel named Susie would grab him by the feet on his fall. ????

Still on the religion issue, one of the many things my FW robbed me of was my faith, and it was long before DDay. I just couldn’t put up anymore with the hypocrisy of a lot of religious people in our midst (her and my XMIL specially included). Stumbling block, much?

I can’t say I am really sad for being faithless, I think in my case it was an upgrade, because there were tons of cognitive dissonance involved for me.

I was raised catholic, but rebelled in my youth, met FW as an atheist and after a couple of crises (FW-manufactured chaos) I turned to church for help. I was psychologically broken by then, and having exhausted all the attempted secular explanations for what was going on with my marriage, I would take whatever explanation and medicine the holy mother church, with all her staunch defense of the marriage, offered me. And I took them all. But it did require a lot of suspension of disbelieve at my end. Saint Augustine once said that if it wasn’t for the roman catholic church’s authority (political hegemony?) he would not be able to believe and Tertullian said he believed *because* it was absurd. I think I was sort of walking on those men shoes, but the authority I was giving in to was my FW’s.

I had a somewhat long stint as a roman catholic in the middle of the marriage, but it did not smoothened things out, to the contrary. I am very ashamed of this period of self-imposed falsification of my world view.

I think the roman catholic teachings on the indissolubility of the marriage and on the overall condemnation of abortion are harmful to millions of the faithful. Let alone the whole child abuse and cover up issue that is outright “satanic”.

I think it was Washington University’s professor Rodney Stark who once put forward the idea that the church regulations on mariage and abortion were actually welcomed by the average roman woman (specially the ones not pertaining to the noble classes) by the time of the apostolate of Peter and Paul and their successors, because these things would oftenly be forced on them by the average roman pater familia in detriment of women’s and children’s safety and health (don’t know if I buy this, though). But times have a-changed and the church stands still. Francis looks to be trying to stir things up but the structure is just too heavy for an old man to tackle.

As for divorce, I think the reformed church is way more reasonable than the catholic church, by allowing divorce to be sought by the innocent victim of adultery or sexual creepiness (and this is indeed in the St. Matthew’s gospel, as you certainly know, Susie). But it is still too little (imo) and I think that the secular law has made an incomparably better job at protecting people from abuse.
Not to mention in which conditions divorce entered the reformed church, under the patronage of a psycopath, wife murderer Henry VIII.

Too much of a digression, but it’s only to offer some background on my bitterness over religion and to assure you that nonetheless I respect the subject (and its subjects) very much. Besides, I really like to talk to you, Susie. ????

damnitfeelsbadtobeachumpster
damnitfeelsbadtobeachumpster
2 years ago

hmmm.

i had a moment when he disclosed his sub-basement and started talking about BDSM he desired/deserved, including air play (choking) that my internal narrator went WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? followed by THIS GUY IS NUTS AND THERE’S NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT.

this after 30 years of marriage and no mention of any kink.

can i just say i don’t wish to be a minor character in my marriage.

Forty Years Freed
Forty Years Freed
2 years ago

Daughter dated/lived with asshat 10 years , then married 1 year , 2 daughters , and he decided to be polyamourous and then transgender. All I could go was SMH. Of course they are divorced now , but his behaviour is really messing with the girls heads. What are you going to do?

Adelante
Adelante
2 years ago

I had a moment like that, too. My now-ex had declared he was “a woman in a man’s body” (a biological impossibility, although gender dysphoria is a real phenomenon), and followed that up immediately with “I’m a masochist. I want to be punished. I want to play the part of a woman. I want to be penetrated.”

I sat there thinking, “what does masochism and punishment have to do with being a woman? And, why is the first thing you think about being a woman sexual, and getting “penetrated”? And also, why would you think I’d be up for “punishing” you?

I hadn’t yet learned about autogynephilia, the sexual paraphilia in which a man is turned on by imagining himself a woman.

KatiePig
KatiePig
2 years ago
Reply to  Adelante

Yes! Thank you! These fucking perverted men who claim they’re actually women because they want to be used and abused and fucked as women should be used and abused and fucked. That’s their fucked up misogynistic reasoning.

And it’s like hey asshole, you aren’t trans, you’re just a degenerate pervert who hates women and doesn’t see us as human beings. We’re just a costume for them to put on when they have gross, demeaning sex.

But I’m a bigot for saying that and that’s why I don’t have a sister anymore. Oh well, I don’t miss her.

Brit
Brit
2 years ago
Reply to  Adelante

Mine never admitted to being a man in a woman’s body but I often wondered…

oldcrone
oldcrone
2 years ago
Reply to  Brit

I didn’t have to wonder; he cheated with men as well and he wanted to dress as a woman while being penetrated.
He was definitely NOT passable so he didn’t get many takers.
Another sad confession from him, trying to elicit pity from me.
I couldn’t muster any tears for him.

sleepyhead
sleepyhead
2 years ago
Reply to  Adelante

Wow, I thought I was the only one! My ex-husband told me almost exactly the same thing. Somehow he managed to get bottom surgery without the standard year of therapy, and then immediately regretted it. I was gone by then, but (back on-topic) at one point had to tell him that I felt it was more important for me to take our only vehicle to visit my father *on his deathbed* than for him to travel 4 hours away to “see [my 5-year-old granddaughter]” whose arm was broken. Note that this accident had occurred about a month previously and the kid was doing fine. I managed to go see my father and then came home to an apartment full of Post-It notes calling me every name in the book. Guess he [yeah, he’s now back to living as a man with the accompanying pronouns and minus the male genitalia] got flustered when he couldn’t meet up with whoever he was actually wanting to see. (I don’t know and I don’t want to know.)

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
2 years ago
Reply to  Adelante

Why do they never imagine their “feminine sides” cleaning the gunk under the kitchen counter or getting up in the middle of the night to feed screaming infants?

Mysteries.

Daughterofachump
Daughterofachump
2 years ago

LMAO!!!

LeftMyExH WithChumpChange
LeftMyExH WithChumpChange
2 years ago

LOL!!! ????

Darla
Darla
2 years ago

Thank you! You just made my day! My ex texted me yesterday asking what I used to clean the bathrooms because he needs to do his. He has been living there for almost two years now. I’m pretty sure he had to explore the hell out of his feminine side to clean up that much bathroom funk.

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
2 years ago
Reply to  Darla

Men who call themselves “feminist” or “ally” who don’t know how to load a dishwasher or change a diaper lol.

Caroline
Caroline
2 years ago

Dire period pain where you feel like your insides are being torn out + accompanying headache, but having to work a full day and behave normally. That’s very erotic.

Emptying the dishwasher while bellowing at your children to, for the love of pete, brush their teeth and GO TO SCHOOL.

I should definitely write erotic fiction, lol.

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
2 years ago
Reply to  Caroline

Harlequin awaits your submission.

Erotic fiction with all the real life stuff included is basically Isabel Allende. She did okay for herself. 😉

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
2 years ago

Come to think of it, that reminds me of a song by Brazil’s former minister of culture Gilberto Gil’s song O Amor Aqui la Casa that starts “Menstruation stops…”

That song filled stadiums. Don’t knock the market value of your graphic tendencies. 😀

ChumpNoMore
ChumpNoMore
2 years ago

bahahaha

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
2 years ago

????????????????

portia
portia
2 years ago

I enjoyed many idiotic responses, in retrospect, after time had passed. So many choices. . . how about this one “If I pay my fair share of expenses for the children, and take them on weekends, I will not be able to afford to date, or have time to date.” Not my problem, dude.

He did have enough sense to agree he could not handle the kids during the week, with school and activities, and medical appointments. Which left the weekends. So, how many weekends do you want? The kids told him they wanted to see him, not be extra’s on his dates. What a dilemma, be a father, or date inappropriate women. Cue to question, define inappropriate? Start with, all your choices so far. Co-parenting with a FW is NOT fun.

BrazilianChump
BrazilianChump
2 years ago
Reply to  portia

“Co-parenting with a FW is NOT fun”.

No, it’s not, I hear you.

“If I pay my fair share of expenses for the children, and take them on weekends, I will not be able to afford to date, or have time to date.”

My FW XW never had the honesty to put that down in words, but along 20 years of marriage I developed the unenviable ability to read her mind in order to (try and) prevent the next chaos. That’s why not paying her fair share of expenses for the children entered the settlement by my request (I bought the little peace I have). As for the weekends, it should be hers by our 50/50 custody agreement, but just yesterday (a saturday) I picked up my kids from her house at 3pm after having turning them over to her the last thursday 9am. This is all so that she can “have time to date” tomorrow with a new boyfriend (not AP – this is the sixth men in less than two years) that she already tried to cheat on with me twice (for the record: I will never touch her again with a barge pole).

“The kids told him they wanted to see him, not be extra’s on his dates”.

FW likes to take our kids on her dates too. She has done so with at least two different men and was planning to have a pool party with my kids at her AP’s house in a militia controlled area (I was able to avert this shit). My eldest son told something similar (but less eloquently) to what your kids said to their father; to his therapist he was more open and told that he was feeling jealous of the time and attention her mom was lavishing on her boyfriend (lovebombing phase, much?).

Breeding with fuckwits is definitely the gift that keeps on giving as Tracy says.

Cam
Cam
2 years ago

When he told me he was polyamorous, therefore I wasn’t allowed to be mad when I discovered he had a fiancee the whole fucking time:

“Uninformed polyamory is called cheating, dipshit.”

Gonegirl
Gonegirl
2 years ago
Reply to  Cam

If you watch Yellowstone, one of the main characters, Beth Dutton, has a saying. “I don’t speak dipshit.” I have it on a T shirt I wear under my scrubs at work. 🙂

MaisyL
MaisyL
2 years ago

People who have been “basically brother and sister for years” don’t usually have a one year old child together.

Chumpy Chumpersons
Chumpy Chumpersons
2 years ago
Reply to  MaisyL

“You don’t get to tell me what I think”

(When Chumpy’s actual behavior didn’t align with his “uncaring wife” fantasy)

Chumpy Chumpersons
Chumpy Chumpersons
2 years ago

(Dang it, that was supposed to be on a new line – sorry!)

Granny K
Granny K
2 years ago
Reply to  MaisyL

At least, one would hope not.

Lucky
Lucky
2 years ago

There are so many things that were said that made me think he had lost his marbles ( seriously thought he must have a brain tumour).

He is a Minister- so I gave him the benefit of my doubt for far too long. A few of the good ones:

1. It isn’t anyone’s business where we stayed at that conference. Except the two of you are both ministers on a church related conference, both married to other people -not staying in the appointed hotel with the others in your group. And my kids keep calling and you are not where you said you would be. You lied to us, your colleagues and your congregation.

2. She needs me to counsel her. She’s in a bad marriage!!!
Yes – because she’s having an affair with you.

3. I think Miss Piggy and her 3 kids should move in with us – her marriage is terrible. He was sleeping with her at this point and obviously delusional.

4. It’s not what you think. No – it turned out to be much much worse than I could imagine.

Glad to be away from the FW parade. They are now married and I hope they enjoy many many years of togetherness ????????????

RuralChump
RuralChump
2 years ago
Reply to  Lucky

I still sometimes wonder if he has a brain problem, but now I know it doesn’t matter, his behavior is not acceptable to me. He’s an adult and I can’t force him to get an evaluation and that’s life. Thank you CL and CN!

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago