Infidelity Euphemisms

Cheating is such an ugly word. That’s why the Reconciliation Industrial Complex has so many euphemisms. Cheating? No, they strayed or were wayward. (Blown off course! Get it?)

Fuck buddy? No, mistress, companion, or lover. So much more sanitized.

And cheaters themselves give us so many euphemisms! “Hiking the Appalachian trail” comes to mind.

One of the things we do here at Chump Nation is call a spade a spade. I have my own little vocabulary and dispense with the soppy sadness of “betrayed spouse” and use “chump” instead. (There are no chumps without con artists.) I say “unicorn” for an unlikely thing we want to believe in, like reconciliation. And if you spend too much time thinking about this stuff, I’ll tell you to stop “untangling the skein of fuckupedness.”

Language matters. So your challenge today is to come up with your own cheater euphemisms or deconstructions.

Girlfriend — That person listed as “Bob” on his cell phone.

Cheating — “Whistling past the divorce lawyers” or “An exuberant act of dumbassery.”

The Schmoopies — “Twu Wuv Twolls”, “The Great Waste”, “Respondent”

Give the Reconciliation Industrial Complex some new terms to work with.

TGIF!

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A Viewer
A Viewer
2 years ago

Finding Myself- Finding new people to put a certain part of myself into, partner be damned!

I Need Some Space- Could just take a few days to forget this, your kibble supply is waning.

Going to a Plant Show- I could check out some polyalthias, and see if Schmoopie shaved like I asked her to.

DOCTOR's1stWife&3Kids
DOCTOR's1stWife&3Kids
2 years ago
Reply to  A Viewer

What if I want to travel around the world with bff?? (Didn’t mention me).

I just want to spend as much time up there as possible. I’d PREFER if you and the kids came with me, but….

I’ve always been faithful to you and believe me that’s rare these days (WTF???)

“Stepping out”

Strayed – played around

“indiscretion” (my most loathed)

“took a lover” (where?)

got some on the side

had a side piece (not to be confused with carrying a firearm)

Whitecoatburnout
Whitecoatburnout
2 years ago

Called in for an emergency=screwing the medical complex slut who has been with every married doctor in the building….

Need to clear some charts= boinking same slut on exam table and getting interrupted by cleaning staff…

Taking the volvo to Nashville for service=head of security informed me I was on tape taking RNslut into call room, so must spring for hotel room

DontFeelLikeDancin
DontFeelLikeDancin
2 years ago

“‘took a lover’ (where?)”

I love this rhetorical “where?” My mom used to ask the same thing when my brother as a teen started using the phrase “took a dump.” I find the parallel between the phases infinitely amusing.

ivyleaguechump
ivyleaguechump
2 years ago
Reply to  A Viewer

Mine called his time spent hooking up with whores “data collecting”.

NoMoreMsNiceChump
NoMoreMsNiceChump
2 years ago
Reply to  ivyleaguechump

More like STD collecting.

Chumpedtoomuch
Chumpedtoomuch
2 years ago
Reply to  A Viewer

Ah mine called years and years of serial cheating a ‘bad phase’ during which he was ‘so unhappy’. The minimisation and blame shifting is strong with this one

ChumpOnIt
ChumpOnIt
2 years ago
Reply to  A Viewer

lol, I definitely take the “working on myself” thing that he had the gall to say to my brother and say it while making the pointer finger into hole made with pointer finger and thumb of other hand.

DontFeelLikeDancin
DontFeelLikeDancin
2 years ago
Reply to  ChumpOnIt

????x1,000,000. yup he wins. Douche of the year.

Lee Chump
Lee Chump
2 years ago
Reply to  ChumpOnIt

Unbelievable. That would have been the LAST straw for me.

ChumpOnIt
ChumpOnIt
2 years ago
Reply to  Lee Chump

Sorry, re-read my sentence and it seems like he did the finger gesture. *I* did after I realized what he really meant by it. He was never single after our divorce.

ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
2 years ago

‘Exploring the relationship’ – I left you for her, then spent awhile trying to convince schmoopie she wanted to be my girlfriend. She didn’t want to, so now I’m back from my exuberantly defiant journey and want into the marriage again. (Rubbish marriage counsellor nods wisely.)

Shannon
Shannon
2 years ago

Controlling- I want to do whatever the hell I want to do and you don’t like it therefore you are controlling. OR – I was never dependable enough to take care of anything so by default you had to do all the work. Again you are controlling.

Velvet Hammer ????????❤️
Velvet Hammer ????????❤️
2 years ago
Reply to  Shannon

He got away with cheating as long as he did (most likely the entire 27 years we were together) because I WASN’T
“controlling” as he accused me of.

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago

Exactly, controllers don’t spend decades with a cheating spouse.

My ex when he set up a meeting with our preacher during one of his attempted circle backs, just said out of the blue “I have always tried to get Susie to be more independent” Lie, he always kept me under his thumb. And in the next breath he said “but I am (meaning himself) a controller, I always have been” Two totally conflicting statements within ten seconds.

Love Should Feel Good
Love Should Feel Good
2 years ago
Reply to  Shannon

Shannon: Yes, well said. Before reading CL and comments here, I didn’t know how common it is for cheaters to label people they hurt as “controlling.” That insidious projection by cheaters feels to me like one of their most malicious acts. And trying to undo the damage caused is long, hard work. I appreciate how you laid their actions plain here—thank you.

Lucky
Lucky
2 years ago

It’s taken me 50 years to understand how small my needs have been made to accommodate people in my life who have labeled me “ controlling”. I was total Narc fodder.

No – I now have boundaries. Just because I stand up for my needs, I am a bad …wife…child…work mate, etc.

For the first time in my life I may actually be controlling lol.

lulutoo
lulutoo
2 years ago
Reply to  Lucky

Lucky, Good for you!

Boudicca
Boudicca
2 years ago

I got accused of being controlling too. Then I started to wonder what it was that I was controlling?
-The money? Nope, because if I controlled the money, our electricity wouldn’t be shut off due to too many lap dances at the local strip club…

-Where he goes? No, I definitely didn’t want him staying out all hours with our only car while I was stuck at home with two hungry young kids and no food. I definitely didn’t control that.

-Who he was with? Well I wouldn’t have picked the dumb slutty girls that are “just friends” so I guess I had no control over that anyway…

Finally I asked him, what EXACTLY was I being so controlling about? He didn’t want to answer that. Which means he expects me to mind read (or made it all up/same thing!) which I pointed out to him is controlling (and abusive ????).

It turns out that he considers it “controlling” if I react to any of the above by being upset. So he was really saying that natural consequences for HIS behavior = controlling. Therefore the only way for me not to be controlling was to become a complete doormat….
No thanks. I guess I’m controlling, huh?

NotAnymore
NotAnymore
2 years ago
Reply to  Boudicca

“It turns out that he considers it “controlling” if I react to any of the above by being upset.”

YES. I was constantly told how “mean” I was. Took me a few years to figure out “you’re being mean to me” was him not liking that his actions had consequences. I was supposed to be a doormat who didn’t care about being lied to all the time. To be anything else is “mean.” 



The kicker is, for the record, even when being lied to I was kiss-ass nice! I never wanted to upset him or come across as “mean.” Yeesh.

Boudicca
Boudicca
2 years ago
Reply to  Boudicca

So to follow the Friday challenge :

If YOU (the chump) are controlling-
That means you still have a backbone and the Cheater resents it (take it as a compliment ????)

Tiamat
Tiamat
2 years ago

Staying out late with friends – banging coworker in a parking lot

ChumpetyChumpChump
ChumpetyChumpChump
2 years ago
Reply to  Tiamat

Oh, you mean like my stbx who texted me NYE 2019 to tell me he wasn’t coming home that night = The Emotional Grifter?

ChumpTight
ChumpTight
2 years ago
Reply to  Tiamat

Yes that was my ex wife. Banging her howorker in an abandoned bars parking lot located roughly 100 yards from the healthcare facility where she was the Director of Nursing.

Billyest
Billyest
2 years ago
Reply to  ChumpTight

Oh Jesus, was that the same bar my stbxw used to bone the janitor and the sales rep(director of sales at long term care facility)?

They are all the same. No variety at all.

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
2 years ago
Reply to  ChumpTight

Ew. Medical wastebins come to mind and the rats that always cluster around them.

Spoonriver
Spoonriver
2 years ago

“I met someone” = I joined 10 different fuck me sights and it just happened.

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
2 years ago

“Just a girl who wanted five minutes of fame”

As though sparkledick were famous or powerful. But he thinks he is…. AND he kept her little hand-made cards and a scapular that she gave him together with his Bible on the night table.

He doesn’t even know who he is.

Choked Horse
Choked Horse
2 years ago

I’ve been unhappy for 7 years…but, but, you gave me an upgraded wedding ring 3 years ago, we just built our dream house together… that took constant cooperation for the last 2 years straight! What, wait… you were unhappy? “I gave you enough hints to choke a horse!”

FriendofChump
FriendofChump
2 years ago
Reply to  Choked Horse

Do y’all do trigger warnings here? My comment isn’t related to cheating but how dating has changed.

TW:

The softening (and dumbing down) of language is is a pet peeve of mine. I mostly argue about this with regards to “sex positivity” conversations I see online, especially on the cesspool known as Reddit.

What’s more maddening is it happens irl! I took time off from dating then decided to inch my way back into the pool, only to find that so many men (I’m hetero) are champions of sex positivity for women.

Yay for progress?

Lol not really because their version of sex positivity was women being open to all sorts of degrading and frankly, dangerous, acts all while begging for commitment.

The worst and most dangerous example I can think of is breath play… which is a PG-13 way of saying strangulation.

Guy says, “Hey babe, can we try a little breath play to spice up our sex life? You don’t have to worry about any marks; I swear I’ll be gentle.”

Guy really means, “Hey babe, can I strangle you to spice up my sex life? You don’t have to worry about marks… unless I’m angry with you after an argument. Then I’ll say we’re having hate/make-up sex where I won’t be as gentle as I promised. Oh, and I watched a video about it on YouTube and talked to a bunch of other guys on reddit, so it’s not like I’ll kill you or anything. Even if I do, I can use the sex gone bad defense and get off Scott free. Also, you’re a prude if you say no. So, what do you say? ☺️”

It’s insidious to soften language in order to make the word (and action behind the word) more appetizing to a larger audience.

If things were called what they are, not very many people will be chomping at the bit to join, which is what these bullshitters bank on.

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
2 years ago
Reply to  FriendofChump

Read The NY Times Sunday edition magazine article “Getting to No” by Melissa Febos April 4th

Chumpkins
Chumpkins
2 years ago
Reply to  FriendofChump

One “dating” euphemism is “friends with benefits” (FWB). Your average woman imagines a friendship where they go to museums, hikes or do friendship things. But her prospective date expects her to be down for booty calls almost immediately with no friendship activites.

One media story I read, which was suppose to be light and funny, was kind of horrible. Her hook up peed on her floor and left without a word in the morning. I guess he was hungover or something. But to me it sounded like asking a man to be house trained is putting a string on sex.

Limbo Chumpian
Limbo Chumpian
2 years ago
Reply to  FriendofChump

There was an article (maybe in The Atlantic) about porn and dating these days and it used the terms “choking without consent” and “surprise anal” and my first thought was thank God I’m married.

FriendofChump
FriendofChump
2 years ago
Reply to  Limbo Chumpian

Thankfully I haven’t experienced any of that, but have had single friends who have plenty of stories about it.

Limbo Chumpian
Limbo Chumpian
2 years ago
Reply to  FriendofChump

I also had single friends telling me about unsolicited nude pics guys would send. For all the things to be pissed with FW about after d-day, somehow the horror of re-entering the dating pool manage to pop into my head fairly early on.

ChumpOnIt
ChumpOnIt
2 years ago
Reply to  FriendofChump

My thought on this is that consent and trust are the keys to any of this being an acceptable thing. Someone who loves or cares about you should NEVER pressure you into something you’re not willing to do. The semantics of it are…yeah…definitely meant to make people who might not otherwise be comfortable with it do it lest they be considered a prude, which is definitely bullshit. Last time I checked, vanilla is a flavor too.

angrychump
angrychump
2 years ago
Reply to  FriendofChump

Friend of Chump…sadly yes. horrible. horrible! how about “rape play” and somehow the word “play” is supposed to change the intent and the act. I refer to the fuckwit now as “respondent”

ChumpyNoLove
ChumpyNoLove
2 years ago
Reply to  angrychump

The rape play scares me. I have an ex girlfriend who wanted me to enter her house randomly and rape her as it was her fetish. Needless to say our relationship did not last and I told her that I like many things but that is just to out there for me.

kimsoverit
kimsoverit
2 years ago
Reply to  ChumpyNoLove

uh, holy shit yea, that sounds like a set-up for a criminal charge! Depending on her level of crazy, that is one dangerous game to not get involved with.

ChumpyNoLove
ChumpyNoLove
2 years ago
Reply to  kimsoverit

It was one of my first thoughts that what if we break up or she gets all crazy on me and then says oh he raped me and them having to try and prove it was her fetish. I’ve often wondered if something had happened in her past as I’ve never had any requests like that ever since and non of my friends have been asked by girls for similar. Either way, that really put me off her altogether and she was telling me she loved me after like four weeks. Barely know someone and they are saying they are in love.

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
2 years ago
Reply to  ChumpyNoLove

Sounds like you dodged a borderline personality disordered woman ????

Faithful Rage
Faithful Rage
2 years ago
Reply to  FriendofChump

My stbx wanted to choke me too—told me on a weekend away that our mc recommended. I was horrified. I’m claustrophobic and have anxiety. For him to suggest choking sent me running from the hotel room. I literally cried for 2 hours outside in the beautiful mountains of Utah. Other guests were sitting, in couple pairs or family groups, by the fire pits. He, meanwhile, sat in our hotel room, wanking off and most likely texting his prostitute. When I returned to the room he acted like there was nothing wrong. “Everyone does it. It’s not like I’d choke you to death. I am a doctor after all”.

Adelante
Adelante
2 years ago
Reply to  Faithful Rage

“Choking” is itself a euphemism, or, at least, a misnomer that minimizes what is actually going on. It’s not “choking,” it’s strangulation. So what they are really saying is “I’d like to strangle you.”

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
2 years ago
Reply to  Adelante

And hope the person being strangled doesn’t have a stroke, or die. Wtf ????

FriendofChump
FriendofChump
2 years ago
Reply to  Faithful Rage

My god… I’m so sorry.

ChumpyNoLove
ChumpyNoLove
2 years ago
Reply to  Faithful Rage

So an MC advised that he choke you out during sex? Just WTF is wrong with these people. Awful

Hopium4years
Hopium4years
2 years ago
Reply to  ChumpyNoLove

Faithful Rage was told by a cheater that the MC recommended choking (blech – I feel disgusted just typing that). At first I believed my ex when he said his own counselor believed it was OK for him to keep credit card info from me – eventually I realized ex lied about that too.

There are pervy MCs but odds are that was NOT recommended by that MC. Cheaters lie as often as they breathe!

Fearful&loathing
Fearful&loathing
2 years ago
Reply to  Hopium4years

My individual therapist actually recommended I watch porn to help me “get over” the trauma of “feeling” like I was sexually violated by the affair.

This after I disclosed that I couldn’t see people kiss without being triggered.

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
2 years ago

Male therapist or female ?

Motherchumper99
Motherchumper99
2 years ago
Reply to  FriendofChump

This is horrifying. I dated after I kicked XH to the curb and no one ever mentioned this to me. Hard pass if they had!

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
2 years ago
Reply to  FriendofChump

I feel this way about “vanilla”. I could rant all day about the devaluing way people who like their sex harmful devalue healthy sex and intimacy.

bread&roses
bread&roses
2 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

Vanilla is a rare and precious spice, sensuous and complex, valued for its delicate yet powerful essence. It is an expensive luxury because it takes years to cultivate and only grows in very specific conditions and climates.

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago
Reply to  bread&roses

To me what you wrote pretty much describes what committed life/sex should be like. Two people who love each other providing just the right conditions for healthy and flavorful sex life. A situation that takes years to cultivate and if done properly will provide a life time of wonderful flavor and good feelings.

I like to think that is how God intended it to be.

bread&roses
bread&roses
2 years ago
Reply to  bread&roses

…It’s cultivation requires great care and attention, and each orchid must be pollinated by hand. Which is to say, fuckwits can’t grow vanilla because they don’t know how to take proper care of anything that requires commitment and true intimacy – and they certainly aren’t entitled to it. Cheaters, with their unsophisticated and undiscerning tastebuds, can have their cheap imitations. I taste the difference and for me the extra cost is worth it; I use it judiciously and appreciate every drop.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
2 years ago
Reply to  bread&roses

THIS! ❤️

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

Yes.

I enjoyed our sex life, and I thought he did too, he either did or he lied; maybe both. He never disparaged our sex life, but he spent several years (maybe our whole marriage) with other women behind my back, so evidently I didn’t quite do it for him.

Bruno
Bruno
2 years ago
Reply to  Susie Lee

It hurts my heart to hear you phrase your fuckwits sexual misbehavior in terms of your ability to satisfy his desires. It is far more often about their inability to form bonds and narcissistic self-centeredness. Please take yourself off the hook for his behavior.

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago
Reply to  Bruno

Thank you Bruno. But, I of course know that now. Heck, my ex FW admitted it to my daughter in law after our divorce. He told her I was very attractive and sex was never an issue between us, he just got caught up in his ego. To give him credit he even wrote me a letter of apology, which meant nothing to me at the time, it was too soon to mean anything.

He went on to cheat on schmoops a lot after they were married. I don’t know what excuse he gave her, but wasn’t my problem by then. As I have mentioned before, she wanted my life, she got it.

I was blessed to go on to find love again, with a normal man who valued love and commitment.

Portia
Portia
2 years ago
Reply to  FriendofChump

I learned this the hard way, after getting out of a 20 year marriage. I had 2 sons, primary custody, and I had not felt loved for over 5 years, and had tried RIC marriage for over 10 years, deciding I just could not live that way anymore. I had started work on fixing myself, but definitely had not fixed my picker!

I fell for a super love bomber, I just waned to be loved and have a normal life again. I never had a problem with being married, I thought that was what grown people were supposed to do. This relationship was a disaster. Trying to date after a 20 year marriage was a disaster. I felt like a fresh piece of meat at the market, and I didn’t want all the prospective buyers feeling free to examine the package. I found most men to be awkward, pushy, and insistent. When I met the love bomber, he seemed sweet, understanding, helpful, and to be looking for the same things I wanted. I did not realize he was mirroring my values to delude me into marriage. I did not know he expected to have access to the hard earned assets I received from the dissolution of my first marriage. I did not know that although he had some amazing job skills, he could not hold down a job.

I believe now that due to FOO programing I viewed marriage as a safe haven where you could live like an adult in a sexual relationship, and would have a life partner to build a life together, and raise your children. The alternative, living in a sexual cesspool of avid players, was definitely not what I wanted.

I have found that many men view porn as a primer, a textbook of the sex world available and new things they have not tried. They feel they have missed out. They learn to view women as body parts and only there to please them. The porn moves them on and on to more depraved activities, in order to experience a thrill. It is an addictive drug of the mind.

This view of women does not liberate women. We are all entitled to consider and try new things, as consenting adults. We are also able to say NO. Declining something sexual does not make you a prude, it makes you selective about what appeals to you. It makes you choosy. It is your right to decide whether you want to participate. Sex is not something another person should expect at the end of a date designed to get to know each other. That date is designed to see if you are compatible. Often, you are not.

I have tried to date after my last divorce. I took time, and I think my picker is finally fixed (I do believe we are all works in progress). I decided I was not interested in being proactive in any way in the dating world. I am not on any dating sites. I do not go places seeking available men. I go out to events I am interested in, mostly music since I love music. If I am ever attracted again, it will be to someone who has my interests already, and who has proven himself to be a reliable and reciprocal friend.

If I never date again, that is fine by me. I’m not going back to the meat market. I don’t need a man to mansplain what my sex life should be, I am a full grown, independent woman, I take care of myself. I don’t need a man to take care of. I don’t need to live with a liar. Independent activities should not be euphemisms for going to meet other women. Either you want a monogamous relationship, or you don’t. If you want to search for infinite variety, have at it, but please don’t call me!

FriendofChump
FriendofChump
2 years ago
Reply to  Portia

Meat market. That’s exactly what it feels like… and, I’m afraid, it’s not just men behaving this way. I’ve noticed that if you speak up agains this behavior, other women will join in on the name calling and accuse you of shaming them.

It’s a sad state of affairs.

Elsie
Elsie
2 years ago
Reply to  Portia

I so agree with you. Porn is not a “textbook for sex” as my ex called it. It exploits people and sets up highly unrealistic expectations. Those poor actors have to be willing to do anything for money because that’s the market, and it’s just evil. A pastor friend of mine who is also a therapist knows some of my story, and one day he shared how very many marriage problems he counsels for that are made worse or kicked off by porn addiction (a.k.a. perversion) in one or both partners. It was shocking to me. I told both of my kids what he said.

And contrary to what my ex believed, the relationship is far more important than the sex. If the relationship is rotten, bringing in perversion isn’t going to make the sex and the relationship better.

Like you, dating is way off my radar. My divorce attorney encouraged me to date again when I was signing, and I told him that present company excluded, I’m not real happy with men in general. He treated me like a big brother at times and gave me so much more than just the law. He celebrated his 40th with his wife during the divorce process and clearly loved and respected her (she was the practice manager). I know there are good men out there like my attorney and my pastor friend, but I’m not going looking. I’m perfectly fine as-is.

Shintoga
Shintoga
2 years ago
Reply to  Elsie

The stuff I read on this site just helps cement my decision to stay single – and helps me realise how badly abused I could have been by my “nice” ex if I’d stayed with him (thankfully, I was protected by, ironically, the usual mental health issues that had only flared up in all my previous romantic relationships, except this time there were added sirens going off in my head. I tried to ride it out, but had to leave in the end. I didn’t understand any of it until I started therapy, and reading comments here has also been educational).

PrincipledLife
PrincipledLife
2 years ago
Reply to  FriendofChump

I agree with you 100%. As they say, calling thing by their correct name is the first step towards wisdom. When we pretty things up, vague them down, and soften the meaning it harms all of us. I am thinking about the term “underage girls” as an example. Epstein and “underage girls” and Mary Kay LeTorrneau and an “underage boy”when what it really means is children. Child sex abuse is what it is and what we should call it.

The whole language is shifting to destigmatize everything sexual. Kink instead of perversion, cross-dressing instead of transvestitism, underage girls instead of child sex abuse, nonconsentual sex instead of rape, polyamory, etc. There will always be people who are curious about and/or want what is outside the fence surrounding what is socially acceptable. When everything is within the fenced area, then those who wish to go outside enter a very dark world. I think we are seeing this in porn. What used to be, for our grandfather, a racy picture of a woman in suggestive clothing and a come hither pose is now live porn of the most degrading acts and sights only an experienced gynecologist or proctologist used to see. And preteen and teenage boys are being normalized to it. Imagine being a girl at college, in love with some boy, and he wants to beat you, spit in your mouth and slap you in the face with his penis. I worry for our sons and daughters both, because abusive sex devoid of any kindness or affection is a brutal transaction.

Bobeanie
Bobeanie
2 years ago
Reply to  PrincipledLife

Well said!!!

Firebird
Firebird
2 years ago
Reply to  PrincipledLife

I agree with you about the increasingly blatant and intense violence and disrespect toward women in porn, and I also worry about the effect of it on relationships, especially in teaching boys distorted ideas of what consent means.

But, I find it very disturbing to hear anyone class polyamory, porn and rape together. People who cheat in a monogamous relationship and then say they did it because they are really polyamorous by nature, are NOT really polyamorous! They are just lying, gas-lighting rule-breakers. They have already broken the primary rule of polyamory–full and informed consent in advance regarding connecting with a new love interest–with EVERYONE following rules that everyone has a voice in and agrees upon IN ADVANCE. So, no double standard where the cheater breaks the rules whenever he wants in secret, and absolutely no “surprise, I just fucked some one new, so I’ve decided you and I are poly now!”. Polyamory partners set rules and boundaries together that apply to everyone, but cheaters are rule-breakers who get off on keeping secrets that disempower their partners. So cheaters can and do absolutely get kicked out of real poly relationships for lying, breaking rules, cheating and infidelity.

Bullshit and Lies
Bullshit and Lies
2 years ago
Reply to  PrincipledLife

I also agree with you on the porn issue. I am not a porn watcher at all, but FW father (FWF) seems to be on the “addiction spectrum” (if we want to use softened words, lol). This is of course something I wish I hadn’t found out about him, but find out I did. When I was helping my mom clean out their house for sale, I found a couple thumb drives which I put in my computer and they were FWF’s porn collection. Then around that same time I saw suspect charges on the credit card (I pay their bills for them) and had to look it up to see what it was. Then later FWF’s assistant told me that FWF had to borrow someone’s laptop because he spilled iced tea on his and when he returned it there was tons of porn on it.

I read the book “Your Brain on Porn” and it is really disturbing what it is doing to society. Anal sex used to be taboo and now it is just normal because of porn. Like others have mentioned, kids look at porn like it is nothing and now they think that is what sex is like. Kids who are coming into sexual maturity cannot relate to each other in normal, healthy ways, like “let’s hold hands” and just kissing and doing little stuff. It’s like it is all or nothing with creepy porn shit. And younger and younger men are having to take Viagra because PMO (porn, masturbation, orgasm) take away their ability to get it up from a normal person-to-person experience.

I wouldn’t be surprised if FWF watches “live porn” because of recent charges I’ve seen on his credit card that are of random sites I’ve never heard of. I actually contacted an anti-trafficking organization to see if they’d heard of them and they said it could be CP or webcam shit or not. Those types of sites move around. When Googling the sites they all come up with the same thing….”dating.”

I’ve even asked on Reddit and had no response.

Sorry, I seemed to go off topic here but maybe someone has similar experiences?

ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
2 years ago

When we were trying marriage counselling, he used to shut me out of the bedroom so he could use porn because he ‘had to have something’. We had only been married a short while (20 odd years before) when I found a stash of porn featuring lesbian Asian girls in superhero costumes (!! Really??) and the first thing he said was ‘Do you want a divorce?’ Missed that red flag!! No, I told him him much I loathed it and asked him to cut it out. He knew I hated it. This was decades ago when this stuff was more difficult to get, we didn’t even have a computer. Years later our sex life had been difficult for awhile because of his ed, my early menopause and because I had seen him one night, when he thought I was asleep, at the end of the bed using online porn. My respect and desire fled. I didn’t mention it because I thought he ‘had to have something’.
He said later that porn had always come in and out of his life. I joined Fight The New Drug to find out more and now I so wish I had challenged the porn use earlier. I think it’s a far more important part of the demise of our marriage than he claimed. Writing all this because I believe the tsunami of this stuff we’re seeing is affecting adult men and their relationships just as direly as it’s warping the perception of relationships for young men.

Chumpawumba
Chumpawumba
2 years ago

I missed so many red flags about my ex-hole that you could make many miles of bunting from them, a crucial one being porn. He’d told me he’d got heavily into it after breaking up with his previous (crazy) girlfriend but that he didn’t use it any more. Imagine my surprise a few months after moving in together when I came home unexpectedly at lunch time to find an eight inch stack of what I can only describe as gimp porn under the duvet. He was very embarrassed and said he’d “been meaning” to throw them away.

He did but soon afterwards persuaded me to go halves on a very expensive desktop computer (it was the 90s) so he could go digital. Always the earlier adopter. A few months after that I found out he’d spent £500 on online porn in three months nwhile supposedly looking for work and while I worked a minimum wage job and my hair was literally falling out with stress. Of course it was my fault because it made him stressed that I was stressed about him not working.

Again he promised to stop and I didn’t find anything again until 20 years later when I found deleted sex cam cookies on his laptop, but that was mainly because he autodeleted his browsing history.

It definitely impacted on him sexually – he would either last 30 seconds, not be able to orgasm at all or be unable to maintain an erection. I felt like it was all my fault for not being attractive enough, but of course he was totally desensitised from all the porn. And I felt he treated me like a blow up doll.

In the end the only thing that did anything for him was cheating which he did with his howorker for 12 years and I expect there were others when he was travelling for work – I was always suspicious about how many lesbians seemed to work in the IT industry ????

I fear with the kind of stuff that is out their now, we are raising a whole generation of potential FWs.

ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
2 years ago
Reply to  PrincipledLife

Principled, thank you. I agree 100% too. I think this dumbing down of language is happening in virtually every arena of life too. I remember having a conversation with my sister where she objected to my using the term ‘morals’ and wanted to use ‘principles’ or ‘beliefs’ instead. I’ve been labelled judgemental for merely stating my opinion, when it’s different to another’s. The phrase ‘Hate the sin, love the sinner’ is now regarded as a hateful thing to say because people’s standards have fallen and they don’t want to be judged – or maybe I should say standards have ‘changed’! It’s so tiring and depressing.

PrincipledLife
PrincipledLife
2 years ago

Some time ago decided I was just going to say it all, what I thought was true, what I believe in. Hopefully kindly and with care, but if you try to be PC you’ll go crazy…if for no other reason that it changes every week. Yesterday’s joke is today’s woke microaggression and tomorrow’s blasphemy.

Atist: Yay to you and your morality and judgement. These used to be praiseworthy virtues, and they still are. A world without morality and judgement is frightening to contemplate, and without beauty.

ChumpyNoLove
ChumpyNoLove
2 years ago

It’s happening in all walks of life. I was in the Army and I follow some veterans on YouTube and the US Army has watered down basic training and removed shark attack and drill Sgts now not allowed to smoke them nor swear etc. It’s that stress and yes it can be emotionally sensitive for some but that’s what makes a soldier. Even in my government office job we had to endure training several times a year on diversity and how we speak to others. People are scared in work to even have a sense of humour in case it’s taken the wrong way. Or even just complimenting someone might be a sexual harassment case. It’s everywhere.

FriendofChump
FriendofChump
2 years ago
Reply to  PrincipledLife

I have a goddaughter who is 12 years old and dealing with boys who’ve been watching porn for years calling her a boring for not wanting to send nudes. She’s terrified of boys and men and has told me she’s going to be a lesbian from now on.

One of my dad’s neighbor has been telling me about groups of kids watching anal videos on YouTube on tablets they’re supposed to be using for homework. The kids she’s in charge of are 6-10 years old!

After that discussion, I looked up a few papers on child development to see that children are being exposed to porn at the average age of 8 now. So we have 1.5 generations of kids and adults who are porn addicts before they turned 18…

I’m a mid-millennial. Teen pregnancy was pretty bad in my community, however, I don’t remember the conversations around sex being this bad, incessant and obsessive.

Also, I’m no stranger to harassment and molestation, but even as a kid and teen, I remember come-ons from boys (and older men) being more… innocent? It’s strange to put it that way, but that’s how it feels compared to the mess called sex positivity and entertainment we have now.

And lately I’ve been binge watching Dr. Ramani now that shes got her own channel. In her opinion, the US is becoming even more narcissistic, so I guess this is going to get worse.

I don’t really know what to say about it in terms of solutions. I cut porn out of my life after my suspicions about sex trafficking were confirmed last year, but it seems like so many people – male and female alike – do not care about the cultural ramifications as long as they’re “getting theirs.”

A Viewer
A Viewer
2 years ago
Reply to  PrincipledLife

I can see where you’re coming from, but I would like to offer a… semi-rebuttal.

After this, I can definitely agree with you on calling it child sex abuse instead of underage.

However, in regards to your thoughts on kink, this is where I disagree. To me, the problem isn’t the kink itself, but more the potential lack of knowledge. I don’t see an issue with a woman wanting a little pain in bed, that’s her business. My problem would be if her partner or even her aren’t well informed on it.

Despite what it seems, the submissive in this sort of thing actually has the most control. They control what their partner does and sets the limits. Ot’s likely not the pain they’re attracted to, it’s the illusion they have no control when really they do.

I have no interest in cross-dressing, and I don’t know enough to know how offensive the term “transvestism” is, but again, it’s not my business and it’s not hurting anyone.

I’m not naive as to say porn can have ill effects on people, and I know it could really warp someone young. But I think the best solution would be to sit down this young person and explain how to treat other people.

The point of destigmatising sexual things (not all of course, I will not defend child molestaion) is because shame is probably one of people’s biggest problems. Sex, when done with knowledge and consent, doesn’t actually hurt anyone. It hurts someone when one person doesn’t want it or the person acting on kink doesn’t know how to do it safely or correctly. I’ve even found articles and studies that show kink can be quite helpful to survivors of sexual assault.

To recap, I understand that society has its issues with sex, but the solution isn’t to shame others into pushing it down. Rather they should be taught how to express these feelings in a healthy and harmless way.

Links to articles and studies:

https://www.google.com/amp/s/cerebral-sexuality.com/2018/04/09/consensual-kinks-arent-unethical/amp/

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/339238941_The_Psychology_of_Kink_a_Survey_Study_into_the_Relationships_of_Trauma_and_Attachment_Style_with_BDSM_Interests

ChumpyNoLove
ChumpyNoLove
2 years ago
Reply to  A Viewer

I think a lot of men turn their wife cheating into a fetish to try and cope. The amount of cheating wife / cuckold porn is massive. Apparently cuckold is one of the highest viewed next to teens. I’ve seen some cuckold sites and they get off on their wife cheating. I can understand the whole swingers and hotwifing where both parties consent and the man is there watching so forth but proper cuckolding and wanting to be caged and told how small your manhood is something altogether. I do agree that if it’s consensual and not illegal then knock yourselves out and have fun.

Choppedliver
Choppedliver
2 years ago
Reply to  A Viewer

My husband denied watching porn and yet after split and lots of googling, I learned many of his “moves” were straight from porn. Things he would “accidentally” do that I would stay stop, were all pushing the boundary into that realm. In the end he only wanted really rough sex, or whatever was hurting me. I just had to stop (for so many reasons).

Mitz
Mitz
2 years ago
Reply to  A Viewer

25 to 30% of young males are now impotent with non degrading sex, due to porn warping their sexuality.

Young women are being trafficked in every city and abused in the most horrific ways, due to porn and the ability of many men to depersonalize human beings.

Society is headed the wrong way and it is heartbreaking.

Di
Di
2 years ago
Reply to  Mitz

source?

ChumpyNoLove
ChumpyNoLove
2 years ago
Reply to  Mitz

Yeah it damaging when watched to much. I was in my early 20’s and watching far too much porn and could not function with girls in real life due to it. I remember not being able to get it up and yet went home and watched porn and functioned perfectly fine and no 21 year old guy should have I’m impotence when with girls.

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago
Reply to  Mitz

“Society is headed the wrong way and it is heartbreaking.”

And woe to the one who has the audacity to mention it.

PrincipledLife
PrincipledLife
2 years ago
Reply to  A Viewer

…”Shame is probably one of people’s biggest problems.”

Yeah, well, you and I disagree. I think lack of shame is probably one of people’s biggest problems.

Caroline Joanna Mary Bowman
Caroline Joanna Mary Bowman
2 years ago
Reply to  PrincipledLife

agree. These days ”you’re SHAMING ME” is the rebuttal to end any sort of debate where one person is calling another person wrong or highlighting bad behaviour.

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago
Reply to  PrincipledLife

????

ChumpyNoLove
ChumpyNoLove
2 years ago
Reply to  PrincipledLife

I agree with you on the porn issues. I’ve noticed that porn now is far different than when I was teenager in the mid 90’s early 00’s which we had only magazines and maybe a video tape or dvd that was borrowed from friends but even though it was “hardcore” it was just normal sex. Now days it’s all spitting on bits and in mouths and choking girls out during oral. I worry that my kids when older will think that is normal. Or the obsession with anal now days. I imagine many girls as they get older will assume that is normal and will be expected by every guy they date.

One huge issue that does worry me is if my ex wife does end up in a relationship and they also have kids, there is an obsession also on step-sister porn now days that it really worries me that my little girl would not be safe or what if my sons had a step-sister and thought it was the “thing” to do. Their young minds just don’t see things properly.

David
David
2 years ago
Reply to  ChumpyNoLove

I have the same concern about my two teens. I was a teen in the 1980s and had to work for my porn :-). Late night softcore on Showtime, finding some weatherbeaten old Penthouses in a dumpster…

None of it, I believe, destructive. I went on to have healthy sex life in healthy relationships and when I was in a relationship I had no interest in porn. Now I fear the generation that grew up with immediate access to seriously hardcore porn—much of it based on misogynistic degrading treatment of women—will have real problems when it comes to intimacy.

I’ve said casually to my 17 year old son, “You know, much of what you see Online is not what sex is like or should be.”

But of course what do I know.

I don’t like this new world.

ChumpTight
ChumpTight
2 years ago
Reply to  ChumpyNoLove

I hear you on the daughter thing. My ex wife is still with her AP and he has 5 kids with 3 women. But the 4 younger of his kids are all boys from 5-16 and my daughter who is 9 is the only girl in the household. It frightens the shit out of me. I coach his boys in various sports and they are just like their dad. So I keep on my younger two kids to make sure they are safe and okay and they know they can talk to me about anything.

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
2 years ago
Reply to  ChumpTight

Oh God, how scary.

ChumpyNoLove
ChumpyNoLove
2 years ago
Reply to  ChumpTight

Yes it’s very worrying. Really have to drive it home to her what to look out for and the usual. Your daughter is the same age as mine. Worries me sick what things she could be exposed to on YouTube or playing roblox online etc. Just such a different world now to the 80’s and 90’s. They lose their innocence far to young now days. It’s awful that kids that age are now exposed to porn.

FriendofChump
FriendofChump
2 years ago
Reply to  FriendofChump

On topic, I hated novels like The Awakening. They framed the protagonist as a long suffering wife who needed to discover herself and find her happiness and freedom at the end of another man’s peen.

I think I was the only one who didn’t care for her character when we read it in school.

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
2 years ago
Reply to  Choked Horse

Choked, how cruel!
“Hints”!? Evil!
Glad you are rid of a cheater

susan devlin
susan devlin
2 years ago

ex called his ow, his girlfriend, shame he didn’t tell me, about her. he actually asked me to feel sorry for her. he claimed he liked her because she didn’t want her kids. wasn’t too fond of his own kids either. always had money to do what he wanted none for his kids, convenient that isn’t it. the ow had counseling I bet the people she threatened to kill didn’t have counseling, sad bitch.
forgot to mention some of ow had sti(s) but not hiv according to fuckwit ex, classy

Mommtogs
Mommtogs
2 years ago

My favorites “the marriage didn’t work out” …no, you anhilated it with your offenses.

“You were the one who kicked me out and wanted a divorce”
What was my choice? Show my girls how to be a doormat , or a woman who doesn’t take shit?

UXworld
UXworld
2 years ago
Reply to  Mommtogs

I got this too. Still in the early throes of dealing with forced cohabitation, she was getting very frustrated with (a) my gray rock means of communicating, and (b) not automatically going along with every suggestion she had on what the future would look like (e.g., that we should sell the house and all move downstate to a community where we could each get apartments near each other, things like that)

” . . . but, you CHOSE this!” as I was emptying the dishwasher and had knives in my hand.

It’s a miracle either one of us survived that moment.

ChumpyNoLove
ChumpyNoLove
2 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

It’s amazing their lack of insight into what THEIR actions did to a relationship!

ChumpOnIt
ChumpOnIt
2 years ago
Reply to  ChumpyNoLove

Preach! My ex told me daughter that *I* was the one for whom it was all too much (thus attempting to subtly pass the buck to my reaction being the issue and not what he did). Uh, damn straight!

ChumpyNoLove
ChumpyNoLove
2 years ago
Reply to  Mommtogs

“You were the one who kicked me out and wanted a divorce”

OMG that is what my ex wife said too! She stated “you’re the one who filed for divorce, you left us!”
Lets ignore the huge level of cheating and how when caught she kept on cheating.

Chumperella
Chumperella
2 years ago
Reply to  Mommtogs

“You were the one who kicked me out and wanted a divorce” That one makes my blood boil! In my case my kids threatened to move out if I let him come back, his abuse (by way of mood swings) had spiraled out of control. You really don’t have a choice and then they paint themselves as a victim…….

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago

“I am going to go ride along with one of the guys” (Police Officer).

As bad as that euphemism is, even worse is I accepted it. “Ok, be careful out there”

NoMoreMsNiceChump
NoMoreMsNiceChump
2 years ago
Reply to  Susie Lee

For me it was “Going for a swim with [Male Friend] at the YMCA”. Problem was this was after the gyms had all closed due to the pandemic. At the time I thought a small, private organization like the Y might be able to stay open even though my gym had closed. Looking back though I suspect this male friend was an OM (in addition to the confirmed OW).

I don’t even want to think about who was swimming in what.

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
2 years ago

Nope. My local Y closed at the beginning of the pandemic, right before I renewed my membership. ????‍♀️

Never Saw it Coming
Never Saw it Coming
2 years ago
Reply to  Susie Lee

“I have picked up an extra flight”
I will be flying the flight attendant, not an actual airplane. (airline pilot)

Jillted
Jillted
2 years ago

“I was providing excellent customer service!” (consultant)
They shared a king corner suite for 5 days at a conference. He actually had the gall to say this to me when I stumbled upon their reservation and questioned him about it.

PrincipledLife
PrincipledLife
2 years ago

“I never meant to hurt you.” = I like hurting you, it’s a perk.

Slightly off topic, I’m sick of using the term “sex addict” because it is so false, a false term for a fake illness. I think the good, old-fashioned and robust word “PERVERT” fits their behavior and who they are so much better.

Giraffy
Giraffy
2 years ago
Reply to  PrincipledLife

“I’m sick of using the term “sex addict” because it is so false, a false term for a fake illness. I think the good, old-fashioned and robust word “PERVERT” fits their behavior and who they are so much better.” Yes!!

Or even worse, they are just proud of their high libido and “open mind”… -__-

Shintoga
Shintoga
2 years ago
Reply to  Giraffy

So open minded apparently their brains fell out!

Longtime Chump
Longtime Chump
2 years ago
Reply to  PrincipledLife

“I never meant to hurt you”- I knew this would destroy you, and did it anyway. I’m so important look at how hurt you are over me.

Unicornomore
Unicornomore
2 years ago
Reply to  PrincipledLife

Yes,
“I never meant to hurt you” = I did whatever the heck I pleased with no concern whatsoever if it would hurt you.

I agree about the “sex addict” thing…its a stupid excuse that commandeers actual sickness to excuse lasciviousness.

Chumperella
Chumperella
2 years ago

Married couples should not be Facebook friends with each other: I am using Facebook to find and set up hookups with exes and using the messenger ap to communicate with them.

I am not having an affair: Good luck catching me…..

I am on a camping trip with the guys and there is no cell reception where we go: I am fucking around.

I am going out of town on business – I am fucking around.

I am going with a group of people from work to a football game at my alma mater – enjoy your weekend alone with the kids : I am fucking around with someone from work.

I would never cheat on you or leave you: I want to dump you on my own terms….

Zip
Zip
2 years ago
Reply to  Chumperella

‘I am not having an affair’
I got these exact words and later realized they are clear evidence of lying. Because apparently, if you ask somebody if there’s somebody else… an honest answer would be a yes or a no…answer to the question. I wasn’t even thinking affair… I was thinking that maybe at most he had a crush on somebody and it was only in his mind.
I never mentioned an affair. And that formal language: I. Am. Not. Having. An. Affair.
Innocent me, I answered “of course you’re not.”

Longtime Chump
Longtime Chump
2 years ago
Reply to  Zip

Right!? Its kind of like “its not an affair, its a relationship” or whatever they want to spin it. They love to get all black and white over details, that all mean the same thing.

Longtime Chump
Longtime Chump
2 years ago
Reply to  Chumperella

This all sounds familiar. The going to places with no cell reception, to lots of “male” only activities. When I was getting wise to his ways and would question his work trip he would say “I’m working to provide for our family, and doing right by you.”- aka fucking the howorker

Dude-ette
Dude-ette
2 years ago
Reply to  Longtime Chump

Hilarious! Mine too:

“SOMEBODY has to work around here!” (in other words, “I am the all important breadwinner, I am the big important and well-regarded man who supports my bon-born eating wife and the kids”. Truth = not so hardworking, instead spending hours on the phone with the woman on the other coast, planning their next trip to a resort – aka ‘a business trip’).

Longtime Chump
Longtime Chump
2 years ago
Reply to  Dude-ette

I have heard that too “somebody has to work around here!”- I can hide money, and string you along, I am important.
That was usually followed with “you don’t have it so bad, look around”- please don’t look around, you will see its all a sham, you’re my house slave and will like it.

Also WAAY overselling how “hard” he works. When I finally payed closer attention to actions and not his words, realized that was a load of major, B.S. He has a cake walk life with plenty of time and opportunity to cheat. Company sponsored dinners and trips with the whore.

Dude-ette
Dude-ette
2 years ago
Reply to  Longtime Chump

What you wrote brought back a long forgotten memory, “You have it sooooo good.” As if I only married him because he was such a success story. We were married in our 20s, so no – no big success at that point. We were starting out as equals, just making our way.

My divorce attorney immediately had his number: “If he is golfing with a client, he will claim that the entire four hours was all business”.

Can’t believe I was married to such a cliche.

Chumperella
Chumperella
2 years ago
Reply to  Chumperella

I would never cheat on you or leave you: I want to dump you on my own terms….
^He said that to me when I told him that I thought our marriage was falling apart, let me know that we were just in a “slump”… he must have been between affairs at that time ????

Kfindingmyway
Kfindingmyway
2 years ago

Business trip = prostitutes all over the country.

I learned this 20 years too late.

ChumpyNoLove
ChumpyNoLove
2 years ago

“I’m more than just a mother and wife”:
yes, you’re a total skank cheating with dozens of men and cheated ten years previously in which my daughter may not even be mine. In fact, as an Arsenal supporter, she was sexting more than the entire Arsenal team on a daily basis. That’s just the cheating that was discovered. God knows what else was going on.

“It was cat fishing”:
Yeap, someone within half mile of our house posted a profile on Tinder knowing exact details and photos and even managed to spell some words wrong the way she always did and her profile stated she had a boyfriend who wanted to watch her fuck other men in front of him! then said profile vanished within 20 minutes of my friend and I finding it. What a thoughtful cat fisher.

Phoenix
Phoenix
2 years ago
Reply to  ChumpyNoLove

“I’m going hiking with my camera” = meeting up with my affair partner in the woods.
(From a person who HATES camping, bugs, and anything outdoorsy.)

ChumpyNoLove
ChumpyNoLove
2 years ago
Reply to  Phoenix

Yes the out of the blue sudden change in things like hiking. She never in 15 years wanted to go for walks alone and suddenly wanted to get exercise which was so out of the ordinary for her. I said sure go for walks and what not, turned out she was meeting him in his car at the park and sending me photos of her in the park before she met him. I knew something was up as it was just out of character and normally she would take a child with her but not these times. They seem to think we are stupid. God I just want to meet a normal girl who is not a pathological lying serial cheater. Is that too much to ask.

Ishtar
Ishtar
2 years ago
Reply to  ChumpyNoLove

No, it’s not. It’s good to know there are men like you out there.

MrWonderful’sEx
MrWonderful’sEx
2 years ago
Reply to  Phoenix

MrWonderful out of nowhere took a day off work and went “hiking with a book.” Hadn’t mentioned to me that he was taking the day off. Suddenly he calls me at work to say he needs me to pick him up. What? From where? The trail head where he parked his car. We were living in Hawaii and while he was off “hiking” some brahs broke into his car and stripped it. It had to be towed and he had no way home. I was in shock. I went to pick him up and no wedding ring on. Where is it? Oh, didn’t want it to get damaged while “hiking” so he had left it in the car where it was stolen.

That car was his baby so I laughed to myself when it was considered a total loss by his insurance. Then he paid 5 figures to restore it. ????

ChumpOutofHere
ChumpOutofHere
2 years ago

“What’s that got to do with it?!” = I can’t believe you found out and had the gall to ask.

Karmeh
Karmeh
2 years ago

I’ve told this one before but I filed for divorce on grounds of adultery ( she was pregnant with my husbands baby and it was ALL over the Internet i.e Facebook , Instagram , Pinterest etc) it wasn’t difficult to prove .

Anyway I got a letter from the fat bastards lawyer saying fat bastard denied he was having an affair but admits he was having an inappropriate relationship for being a married man .

Oh ok is that what we are calling getting your Ho worker pregnant ? Fair enough

Longtime Chump
Longtime Chump
2 years ago
Reply to  Karmeh

They are so disordered! I know it shouldn’t shock me but still I am over the amount of lies and denial they use.

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago
Reply to  Karmeh

That reminded me of another one: “I have been dating for ten years” “dating” I guess that was what the kids were calling it then.

I did have the presence of mind, though I don’t know how to say, no you aren’t dating, you are committing adultery. He got pissed and walked out. Sadistic bastard.

Nemo
Nemo
2 years ago
Reply to  Susie Lee

How dare you speak plain English!

PrincipledLife
PrincipledLife
2 years ago

I actually think “cheating” is way too friendly sounding for what chumps experience. I don’t know if there is a word for when Aztec priests used to cut and rip the heart from a living victim as a human sacrifice, and hold the spurting bloody heart aloft for all to see, but if there is a word for that I think it comes closer than “cheating” for what is done to us.

Chumpkins
Chumpkins
2 years ago
Reply to  PrincipledLife

“Soul murder” as John Bradshaw would say. Marie-France Hirigoyen discusses how emotional abuse does this in her book “Stalking the Soul”. Horrid if you experienced it.

LongDoneStillRecovering
LongDoneStillRecovering
2 years ago
Reply to  PrincipledLife

I agree. I’ve read the term soul rape before, probably here, and I think that’s the euphemism that most accurately captures it.

Hogs&Dogs
Hogs&Dogs
2 years ago

Divorce Minister dot com is the source of describing adultery as “soul rape”. Truth

Kkr347
Kkr347
2 years ago

“You live in the past”= “can’t you drop my fuckedupness already?”

“She’s just a friend”=“she lets me fuck her whenever I want.”

“Why can’t you trust me?”=“I know you can’t trust me but, that’s your problem. I will not change.”

Longtime Chump
Longtime Chump
2 years ago
Reply to  Kkr347

These are so good!
“Why can’t you trust me?”- I will do nothing to earn or deserve your trust, but I deserve it because I’m entitled.

bread&roses
bread&roses
2 years ago
Reply to  Longtime Chump

Slight variation to the challenge: things cheaters say that ARE true that we don’t believe…
“I know that what I say has about as much weight as a bubble now…” yes, TRUE! (And isn’t it a shame that I believed what followed that true statement, instead.)

Truth from a cheater is a unicorn, for even truthful statements are wrapped in deception and delivered with manipulation.

Chumperella
Chumperella
2 years ago
Reply to  bread&roses

“Nobody believes a word I say because I am nothing but a liar” said in a sarcastic voice when he was having the sadz because the kids refuse to speak to him. As they say truer words were never spoken.

PathOfTotality
PathOfTotality
2 years ago

I knew a woman who got suspicious when her husband always took off for hours at a time to ‘go shopping for bath towels’ on the weekends. This was pre-Amazon – and they had no shortage of bath towels. So, not a euphemism, but she turned it into a joke that became a code phrase among her circle of friends.

ChumpyNoLove
ChumpyNoLove
2 years ago
Reply to  PathOfTotality

What man who is married has ever gone on a normal basis to buy bath towels? That in a typical marriage falls to the women (not being sexist but in the UK it’s really something the woman would take control of doing).

PathOfTotality
PathOfTotality
2 years ago
Reply to  ChumpyNoLove

Exactly! It was the most bizarre excuse. He apparently did do the laundry on occasion, however.

ChumpyNoLove
ChumpyNoLove
2 years ago
Reply to  PathOfTotality

Obviously I don’t know the man but one would think and my ex wife would not have been suspicious of me doing it as it did this often, I would go to tool stores and drool over the tools. I’m into DIY and I love Milwaukee and DeWalt so it’s common for me to spend an afternoon doing just that. I’ve know husbands to sneak off to the Snap-on truck and hiding their new tools from the wife. If I said oohh I’m away for bath towels she would have been instantly suspicious of me lol.

Unicornomore
Unicornomore
2 years ago

He told me over and over that he and Susan of Seattle had a “connection” (gah, vomit) and his voice got all sing-songy when he said it, like they invented connectedness.

It was a stupid crush that people get when they are dating someone. That activity you promise to no longer do when you get married.

I once called her his “girlfriend” and he recoiled “she is not my ‘girlfriend’ “…… “yes she is, you go on dates with each other and plan your future, she is your girlfriend”

Zip
Zip
2 years ago
Reply to  Unicornomore

Unicornomore, Ugh … I got the we had ‘a connection’ too. I’m sure people open to cheating have ‘connections’ all the time.
I asked mine (he was my 2ndH) if he had ever cheated on his exW (we had previously discussed this while dating and he had said neither of them cheated and I had believe that). When he was discarding me I was sure he must have cheated on his ex-wife too – he was the one to end his last marriage ( I learned later on quite suddenly).
He said ‘Never, I’ve never wanted to cheat until now.’ Married Office whore was so magnetizing that he supposedly had a complete change of character for her.
He almost sounded proud. And now I don’t believe for a second that somebody just ups and develops shitty character in his 50’s.

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago
Reply to  Zip

” I don’t believe for a second that somebody just ups and develops shitty character in his 50’s.”

I absolutely agree. Or 40s or any other adult age. Unless there is a concentrated effort to make a change in ones life, and if that happened we would have seen it.

No Shit Cupcakes
No Shit Cupcakes
2 years ago
Reply to  Zip

“He said ‘Never, I’ve never wanted to cheat until now.’”

Did you offer him a Bitch Cookie?

Zip
Zip
2 years ago

Good one. I hadn’t found this site at that point so it was just salt to my wound. Like he had left his ex-wife, check. But he had never wanted to cheat on her (in a long marriage). … I got he wanted to cheat on me (short marriage) and leave me. What an ass.

I also got that he was ‘very worried about me’ because I was still in such agonizing pain months after the discard.

Hurt1
Hurt1
2 years ago

“You’re living in the past” I was told shortly after dday. No clue what that meant except he went on to marry someone who wasn’t born when we married & our marriage lasted over 24 years.

Zip
Zip
2 years ago
Reply to  Hurt1

Hurt1. Your marriage was your present. That’s a ridiculous thing to say about living in the past. Just because they can pack everything in a box, put it to the curb and just want to “move on,” doesn’t mean that non-disordered real people with feelings can do the same.

Hurt1
Hurt1
2 years ago
Reply to  Zip

The whole of everything is ridiculous. Still stunned after all these years that he was capable of throwing me to the curb.

Not too long after he moved out he had the water turned off. I came home from work for lunch to find no water & checked with a neighbor. He had water so I called the utility & was told that service was discontinued because asshat told them he moved out! Utility told me it would be $60 to change the name on the bill & to turn the water back on the next day. I went back to work in tears. One of my coworkers knew someone at the utility who came out to turn on water within the hour plus had name switched at no charge. I was in the blabby tell all stage at that point & the utility man kindly listened & said that no real man would ever do that. Kindness of strangers. Don’t know why I thought of this awful event as it was stored in the way, way back of my brain.

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago
Reply to  Hurt1

That made me tear up. That is awful to have to deal with. I am so glad your coworker intervened.

Newlady15
Newlady15
2 years ago

Ex called his AP his wife ( while I was still his wife). To people we both know which is how I heard. Disgusting. As far as I know they have not gotten married.

OhThePain
OhThePain
2 years ago
Reply to  Newlady15

Ditto, here. The AP is his wife and I have been downgraded to roommate. News to me. The government and the IRS still seem to think we are married… just saying!

Zip
Zip
2 years ago
Reply to  Newlady15

Sick. Months after separating, Fuckwitt referred to his kids and hers as ‘all of our children’ in a conversation we were having. They are sick people.

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago
Reply to  Newlady15

Awful.

My ex got engaged to his whore just about two months after we were legally separated; they couldn’t even wait until the divorce was final. I honestly by then, really didn’t care as much; but I think it opened they eyes of a lot of his friends.

Meanwell
Meanwell
2 years ago

“Filling a void”. From my husband.

Divorce mediation next week. 🙂

Caroline
Caroline
2 years ago
Reply to  Meanwell

I meditated and I recommend asking for a second session if you get overwhelmed.
I wish I had.

I got most of what I wanted, but after 5 hours, I was tired.

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago
Reply to  Meanwell

I hope you get a good settlement, don’t settle for less.

Once the agreement is legal, turn to him and say “fuckwit, go forth and fill all the voids you want to”

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
2 years ago

Besides calling him The Cowardly Liar?

I guess I have to go with “practice before a gig” and “work late” at the top of the “actually meant I was putting my penis in other people” list.

“Fits my anesthetic” meant “is also married and looks good and will have sex with me” OR “is underage, younger the better, and looks good and will have sex with me” and never ever meant “person I married”.

And “my past” meant “this is the thing I blame for causing me to do all the harmful things I do so none of them are ever my bad thing”.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
2 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

God, I fucking hate autoincorrect.

Fits my
A
E
S
T
H
E
T
I
C

Not anesthetic. Cheezus.

Why does it change what I carefully edited after I post? Almost as maddening as a cheater. ????

bread&roses
bread&roses
2 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

Ha! Thanks for sharing your frustration for our amusement, Amiis. (Also, hopium is one hell of an anesthetic! Numbs the body and the soul.)

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
2 years ago
Reply to  bread&roses

????????

Spinach@35
Spinach@35
2 years ago

My ex used the euphemism below (and this chump fell for them all). None of these is clever or original, which makes sense. He was a boring man. Also how unoriginal for a doctor to hook up with a young nurse?:

Gotta work late=fucking at the hotel or her house

Goin’ fishing (for hours)=fucking at a hotel or in his car

Hiking for a few days/need time to think=make sure the OW is locked down before monkey branching to her. Can’t be alone. Calculate how and when to drop the bomb.

In the immediate aftermath of Dday:
We just fell in love=obvious meaning; That I bought her gifts, booked hotels and flights, had her to our house was all so…accidental, just a natural consequence of twu luv.

I was naive=Always blame another person. She seduced me!!! I bear no responsibility.

Just one lie=I lied for years and years and years

Sirchumpalot
Sirchumpalot
2 years ago
Reply to  Spinach@35

My ex wife the same thing. Only thing I EVER lied to you about is the affair. Yea, right.

Kim
Kim
2 years ago

My ex accused me of being “ugly” when I called his 5 times married ex gf who he kept on the side a trashy whore.

Because keeping your 5 times married trashy whore ex gf on the side isn’t the issue…it’s him being made uncomfortable by her being called a trashy whore.

I’d say the fact that she’s been in his life for at least 16 years now and nobody else knows who she is suggests that he in fact does know she’s a trashy whore and doesn’t want his carefully constructed phony image to be jeopardized by a trashy whore. He also doesn’t fool as many people as he thinks.

But since this is a 65 year old man who is grey all over except for the shitty jet black toupee that he thinks nobody knows about maybe he really believes his image management works.

LOL.

Limbo Chumpian
Limbo Chumpian
2 years ago
Reply to  Kim

I also called OW a whore and he got all feminist on me. That word is used to denigrate women, there’s not an equivalent term for him, yada yada yada. He said I did not look like the bigger person when I used words like that. Well my response to that did not help things…

NoMoreMsNiceChump
NoMoreMsNiceChump
2 years ago
Reply to  Limbo Chumpian

I call my XH a whore all the time because a) there is no reason it should be a gendered insult and b) the shoe fits. Red flag #1,067 was when he told me the OW and suspected OM, both community college students, paid him to take their exams for them online. I actually saw him taking their exams but I sometimes wonder if he wasn’t also paid for other services rendered.

There is also the time he asked me to buy him a flat screen TV as a “parting gift” and the time his eyes lit up when I mentioned there was a gay man on Craigslist offering free accommodation to a sufficiently attractive young man. Had he not gotten the condo in the divorce I think he may have taken that road.

Whether he really traded sex for money or not he has the mindset of a prostitute except that actual sex workers are honest about banging other people. I hope he didn’t. Because being deprived of sex by a sex worker who gives it to anyone willing to spot him a few bucks would be the ultimate humiliation for me. Especially since I was the one paying his living expenses for the duration of the marriage.

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago
Reply to  Limbo Chumpian

Whore works for both men and women. Synonyms include hustler, grifter and cheater.

But yeah, it is somewhat amusing when they gat all up in the back over calling a whore a whore.

Newlady15
Newlady15
2 years ago
Reply to  Kim

100% Kim. I called the slut a slut( because it takes a slut to f#ck a married man I. His wife’s bed, bed at the cottage, bed at the house in Florida). He said hey watch it. No sir I don’t think I will, I’ll call it as I see it—slut.

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago
Reply to  Kim

“Because keeping your 5 times married trashy whore ex gf on the side isn’t the issue…it’s him being made uncomfortable by her being called a trashy whore.”

Well to be fair they really like to think that she is a sweet innocent damsel who just could not resist his “charms” translated, she can’t resist my huge and powerful dick, she is not a whore. Doesn’t matter that she couldn’t resist a bunch of huge and powerful married dicks before me, I am special. She lurvs me, she is not after my benefits and paycheck.

The whore in my fws case, had been married three times. and had screwed with a bunch of married city employees, until she finally got the brass ring of my low life H. She along with his own actions fucked up his quickly and completely, so there is that.

Kim
Kim
2 years ago
Reply to  Susie Lee

In my ex’s case the joke’s on her.

Not only is his dick not powerful…it doesn’t work at all without expensive pills.

And his paycheck isn’t that great. I’m pretty sure she makes a lot more.

You’d think she could do better.

Dumb bitch.

Kathleen
Kathleen
2 years ago

After 35 years married he said “I don’t want to be like the normal married man.. I want to be single”. If it wasn’t my heart breaking when he said that it may have been funny. ????

Wormfree
Wormfree
2 years ago

I’m working late-I’m cheating.
I had a flat tire-I’m cheating.
I have a meeting-I’m cheating.
I have to run an errand- I’m cheating.
I got arrested but they let me go around 3 in the morning because they didn’t have anything on me- I was cheating and I fell asleep.
I’m going to pick us up some bagels for breakfast- I’m going to call the OW I’m cheating on you with.
She’s crazy- one of the OW with whom I cheated on you.

Captain Chumpy Chumperton
Captain Chumpy Chumperton
2 years ago
Reply to  Wormfree

Ha! I think yours and mine compared notes; they’re lines are similar. Here’s some of my (ex)wife’s lines…
“I’m working late tonight” – I’m playing hide-the-baton with Sgt Sugardick
“I’m going in early” – I need some breakfast “sausage” from Sgt Sugardick
I’m going out for a little while – …for a quickie with Sgt Sugardick
I’m going to Orange Theory – did I mention classes are at Sgt Sugardick’s house?
I’m going to (unknown girlfriend’s) house; she’s having a football party – Sgt Sugardick wants to discuss tight-end, namely mine.
“I just need some space” – …away from you, ’cause you’re harshing my cheater life!
“He’s just a friend” – …whom I like to be naked and intimate with.
“It’s not the way it looks” – it’s exactly the way it looks!

Letitsnow
Letitsnow
2 years ago

Its a SLIPPERY SLOPE…

Wormfree
Wormfree
2 years ago

Haha, I would be shocked if any one of them came up with something original.
I wish your Ex wife and Sgt Sugardick all the crappiness they deserve……

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
2 years ago

Cold sore– syphilis lesion.

Spinach@35
Spinach@35
2 years ago

I think if my ex had been honest, he would have said the same.

As I see it, he saw an opportunity that he didn’t want to pass up because life is short.

YOLO=To hell with your spouse and family! To hell with your commitments! To hell with your family!! If it feels good, do it.

Of course, he neglected to see the flip side of YOLO, which is YCYL (you cheat, you lose…your entire family.) Now he has the sadz. It was the OW’s fault that he “strayed,” and it’s my fault that I couldn’t forgive and that the kids want NOTHING to do with him. He’s at the mercy of women, apparently.

Chumperella
Chumperella
2 years ago
Reply to  Spinach@35

I think my ex went all YOLO as well when a much younger woman gave him attention. He also used a variation of “it just happened” – his was “we didn’t mean for it to happen, we just fell in love” like he was referring to spilling a glass of red wine on a white tablecloth. Also, mine like yours did not know that behavior has consequences, like losing your family! I guess after 20 years of exactly zero consequences it must have come as quite a shock. BooFreakingHoo – at least now they are torturing someone else. I love YCYL by the way ????

Goodfriend
Goodfriend
2 years ago

“I need time to get my head together” meant just what he said. He was so stupid, his first online AP turned out to be a romance scam, and after DDay, he needed to find a REAL younger partner so he could get his little head together with her genitals.

Bruno
Bruno
2 years ago

“I want us to be friends”
I want you to roll over so I can continue to abuse you, but with a happy face!
(Cue “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life” from “The Life of Brian”.)

Limbo Chumpian
Limbo Chumpian
2 years ago
Reply to  Bruno

Mine also wants to be friends. Apparently on and off again AP doesn’t hold any hard feelings so why should I??????

Spinach@35
Spinach@35
2 years ago
Reply to  Bruno

Haha. Life of Brian references are always appreciated.

Also, mine said the same thing. Friends for life!!! Also, “I will always care about you.” If the FW cared about me so much, then he never would have….oh, never mind.

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago
Reply to  Spinach@35

Mine didn’t use the “Hope we can be friends until after he left”

Yeah, no thanks. Friend this…

Spinach@35
Spinach@35
2 years ago
Reply to  Susie Lee

Oh yea. The comment came after we’d parted ways, and I’d said, “You’re dead to me.” Fun times.

I’m butchering CL’s analogy, but it’s like stabbing someone and then saying, “Hey, can we still be friends?” Of course, mine added the oh-so-weird, “Can we get back together in, say, 3 years?” What an effed-up man he was/is!!! Truly disordered.
The OW has him now, and I’M FREE!!

#almostTuesday

NoMoreMsNiceChump
NoMoreMsNiceChump
2 years ago
Reply to  Spinach@35

OMG Nitwit said the exact same thing about getting back together in 3 years. There truly is a cheaters’ handbook somewhere. He also said, “You’ll never get over me.” Translation: You, slave, shall pine over me for the rest of your miserable life, ignoring all the more ethical and better endowed men out there because it’s what you deserve.

Hmm, sleep deprivation, sex deprivation, snide criticism, public humiliation, sad sausage tales, constant drama. Hard to say which part of my life with him I’d miss the most.

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago

“Hmm, sleep deprivation, sex deprivation, snide criticism, public humiliation, sad sausage tales, constant drama. Hard to say which part of my life with him I’d miss the most.”

Right? It is amazing how fast the love fades when we get away from them for a bit. My biggest regret was when he was moving out I left a note that told him, I would always love him. Which I meant when I wrote it.

Two months later, my walls were singing, and I was so thankful to be out and away from that asshole. I had enough distance to actually see what a rat faced bastard he really was.

Claire
Claire
2 years ago
Reply to  Susie Lee

Susie Lee me too!! As he left I said to him that when it all goes wrong between him and ho worker then I would be waiting and at the time I truly meant it… Oh my what a chump ????????‍♀️. Its so much better at home without him now. He was an energy vampire and would kill any fun the family tried to have. I just spackled way too much.

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago
Reply to  Spinach@35

I think I mentioned this before, but I am certain my fw thought he could keep me pining long enough to turn me into the OW once he married the whore.

Imagine that thrill for a fuckwit. Oh well, best laid plans and all…

Longtime Chump
Longtime Chump
2 years ago

“I have to run out to the store”- gotta call the OW real fast, she’s needy
“Going to work on the boat”- going to f- OW
“Going to have drinks with Bill”- going to spend time with OW, her husband left her and she needs me
“Going to hunting club”- weekend with OW
“I’ve been working out”- that’s bullshit and we both know that if I actually exercised I may collapse, just been fing the OW
“Why don’t you trust me?’- Just give me the blank check to annihilate.
“I’m doing what’s right for our family.”- I’m on a trip with the OW
“That cell phone doesn’t work”- It’s my secret phone and you weren’t supposed to find that.
“Everyone else can do their job in peace”- They aren’t fucking around on their spouses and that makes life so much easier for them. It all your fault for catching me and making this so difficult for ME.

Chumperella
Chumperella
2 years ago
Reply to  Longtime Chump

“Why don’t you trust me”; eventually that morphed into” why are you questioning me?” After being harangued with those long enough along with “everyone knows I’m a great guy who would never cheat on you” and “your past is clouding your judgement about me”- I eventually gave up and never questioned him about anything. Where the money was going, where he was going, was he really working that much overtime, were his Saturday workouts really 3 hours long, why did he he suddenly insist on doing his own laundry which he announced as a punishment to me for being a shitty wife. Apparently, that pissed him off as well! He made it a point to remind me over and over during the divorce that I never questioned what he was up to so I apparently did not care about him or what he was doing! I was destined to fail in his eyes no matter how I reacted to his behavior.

Spinach@35
Spinach@35
2 years ago

“You’re blinded by your self-righteousness.”

Translation: You’re such a goody-two-shoes. You always do the right thing, and you make me look bad. I will now make shit up about you in order to smear you.

Longtime Chump
Longtime Chump
2 years ago
Reply to  Spinach@35

I got “you’re so perfect” – which meant I hired a pi and you aren’t cheating on me. Now I will set up some shit to video and try to make you look crazy.

Spinach@35
Spinach@35
2 years ago
Reply to  Longtime Chump

Longtime Chump,

I’m impressed you hired a PI. That is actually “perfect.”

Mine tried to make me look crazy, too. He didn’t videotape me, which is beyond awful, but he did set up a very crazy-making situation that caused me to truly lose my shit. And then he sat back to watch the show. He seemed eerily pleased with his success. I will never forget the look on his face. I seemed wild with anger while he was cool as a cuke. And he loved it. This was immediately before Dday when he was trying to make his case for his affair (reverse engineer his rationale).

G*d dammit.

MightyWarrior
MightyWarrior
2 years ago
Reply to  Spinach@35

My ex did the same. Set up several situations at his mother’s birthday weekend. With the help of his 22 year old niece. It was intended to make me look crazy in front of his family. I started playing ball, then stopped. My father was dying in another part of the country. I was stressed out of my head. I shouldn’t have been at the party at all. I was only there because the toxic mother in law made such a fuss if people didn’t do what she wanted. Instead of taking the car and driving to my father’s hospital, I walked around in the rain looking for a cab! And he smirked, and smiled, and sulked and drank. And I carried on as normal, while they all knew what was going on. This was 2 months before DDay. It was the most traumatic, poisonous part of the discard. I hope he and his niece and his family rot in hell for what they did. And I am working on loving myself so that it never happens again. At 61.

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago
Reply to  Spinach@35

Oh Spinach so much of your story is like mine.

That reminded me of once when he walked in the house, and we were due at a Christmas party; I said “we are late” He went off on me, (screaming fit) and told me every time he walks in the house I make him feel guilty. I never once in our last year, and rarely before that questioned his whereabouts, I should have; but quite frankly I think I was afraid to. But, hell yes he felt guilty every time he walked in the house, why wouldn’t he? I should have told him to jam his Christmas party up his ass, but I meekly pick me danced.

Zip
Zip
2 years ago
Reply to  Spinach@35

Spinach???????????? how self-righteous of you to think that your partner would keep his promises! What a mental mindfuck he was.

Chumpy Me
Chumpy Me
2 years ago

“I’m seeing someone”. What my then husband confessed to on D-day. That sounds so much better than I’m committing adultery, cheating, and screwing the other woman.

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago
Reply to  Chumpy Me

Yep

“I have been dating this girl, and we are in love”

Girl was a fat assed 35 year old slut who had been married three times, with three almost grown assed kids. She had not seen “girl” in many moons. I guess the fact that she was five years younger than him/me, made her a sweet young thang.

Quite frankly, the gulf between what these idiots see and reality is breathtaking.

Longtime Chump
Longtime Chump
2 years ago
Reply to  Susie Lee

They trade down every time. It may always be obvious at first, with the shiny fake appearances of some, but it is never an upgrade.

Mine picked a woman older than me, and already on her second marriage (which ended due to her affair with my husband). Also with grown children, which means she gave birth as a teenager. He always acted like people like her were so beneath him. Her picture is beside bitch and thirsty whore in the urban dictionary. But never less, she can have the sparkly turd.

Mitz
Mitz
2 years ago
Reply to  Longtime Chump

” None of it really counted because she had a fat stomach, and she encouraged me, and we didn’t have conventional intercourse.”

Yup, I kid you not.

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago
Reply to  Mitz

Good grief. fw’s are so stupid and depraved.

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago
Reply to  Longtime Chump

Yep. In my case the trade down was pretty obvious, but even for those who present a decent picture they do. As you said, it takes a whore… and a whoremonger to do the deed. Can they both change into better people, sure; but how many times does that actually happen? They get worse.

Yep about the teen birth. I actually just found that out recently that she got pregnant at 15, the guy did marry her evidently; but it didn’t last long before he cheated on her. Then a second marriage and I believe a third. She was evidently very troubled. I mean folks who will sneak around in the dark are, just as he was; but in her case it appears even more so.

I actually kind of feel sorry for her, evidently after he retired he refused to buy her health insurance and she almost went blind from her cataracts getting so bad. His excuse, she had a chance to get on disability; but she refused to keep trying for it, so she could do without. Buying her insurance via his work would have cost him too much.

After ACA came on board, my son was able to research and find her a low cost plan to at least get her C surgery done. My guess is he was pretty abusive to her. While part of me thinks, well you wanted my life, the other part says; but no one deserves abuse.

It has been a rough year for my son (and me) his dad died in Jan, and in Feb my brother and his wife (who he was very close to) both died on the same day (different causes). My son is executor of their estate, and I have been helping him, we spent some time together in TX clearing the house and we talked a lot. He needed to get things out and it has been long enough that it doesn’t hurt me like it would have years ago.

So I have found out some things from my son and daughter in law that explains so much.

Spinach@35
Spinach@35
2 years ago
Reply to  Susie Lee

Susie Lee,

I’m so sorry you’ve had so many tragedies recently.

((hugs))

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago
Reply to  Spinach@35

Thanks Spinach and Hurt1.

Yes as my son said, so far not a fan of 2021. or 2020 for that matter, I lost my oldest brother last Nov.

The shining light is that my husband and I adopted my brothers sweet little dog. When he adopted the dog a while back, he made me promise if anything happened to him, I would give him a home. Of course I said yes, and I meant it, but I never even imagined and I am sure he didn’t either. His wife had been ill for a while, but his own situation hit fast and hard.

He is a sweet dog though, and we adore him already.

Thanks all

Longtime Chump
Longtime Chump
2 years ago
Reply to  Susie Lee

So sorry, that sounds really tough. That shows a lot of character that he helped her, and that you helped him despite all they put you through. It does seem like there are so many secrets that some continue to trickle forever. At least you are in a place that learning anything new won’t cause a spiral.

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago
Reply to  Longtime Chump

Thanks. Losing my brother who was my best friend has just about done me in.

I might not have been clear. I didn’t help my son with his dads estate, thank God he was not executor of that estate, he went to the memorial service and walked away from that family. He won’t stay involved with them now that his dad is gone, as they are takers and they would consume him. Too much bad history.

I am helping him with my brothers estate. My son and my brother had plans for when my son moved to TX this summer, and now those plans are gone.

Hurt1
Hurt1
2 years ago
Reply to  Susie Lee

So sorry to hear about your brother & his wife. You are always so kind when replying to posts. Sending comforting thoughts & hugs to both you & your son.

Zip
Zip
2 years ago

Why do we still say ‘affair partner’ ? That almost sounds lovely. Why not ‘cheating partner’?

Spinach@35
Spinach@35
2 years ago
Reply to  Zip

Agree! AP sounds too nice.

Other ideas:

Cheating Accomplice (CA)
Betrayal Partner (BP)
Adultery Abettor (AA)

Zip
Zip
2 years ago
Reply to  Spinach@35

????
FDA Family destroyer accomplice

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago
Reply to  Zip

Yep or “adultery partner”

Caroline
Caroline
2 years ago
Reply to  Susie Lee

I liked that my restraining order against the OW seeing my kids prior tot he divorce used paramour. And that when the judge asked for the story, my attorney used paramour.

You have to take the little things.

Zip
Zip
2 years ago

‘She’s just a friend she doesn’t even know she’s involved.’
Well I guess she had an out of body experience and was actually at her desk working while her body was fucking a married man coworker/ boss at the hotel.

xmaschump
xmaschump
2 years ago

“I am in no position to be in a relationship with anyone right now”-I forgot I am married and my schmoops and wife don’t want me. I forgot my wife has access to the phone bill and can see my 2 hour long conversations with five different women in desperate search of the denied kibbles.

“We didn’t have a vanilla marriage”- It is totally okay that I had sex with other women while married to you because we (mostly you) were not perfect.. I also learned the word “vanilla” because I am so hip.

FriendofChump
FriendofChump
2 years ago

Another one, I’m a tarot reader and have noticed a big boom in pick a card readings on YouTube for love.

My favorite euphemism is “your person stepped outside their integrity.”

Most readers shy away from being blunt and honest because money and bc most clients are looking for someone to tell them what they want to hear. Reading the comments on those videos are always so sad, especially when I know that people use “spiritual” language and trends to make the other person they’re dating feel like the relationship is meant to be.

For example, texting at 11:11 or 3:33 or looking up a natal chart to pretend that they fit the person’s Venus or Mars sign.

A former co-worker told me that she gets birthday information so she can looking up their chart aspects to manipulate them into funding her lifestyle.

So if you’re into this spiritual/new age stuff, be wary of those people.

ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
2 years ago
Reply to  FriendofChump

I’m on Quora and am forever seeing posts about ‘twin flames’ following or chasing. It makes me so sad to see the fake spiritual folk encouraging people to hang on to a relationship where there’s so much delusion and no commitment, turning it into a heroic romantic quest.

Dude-ette
Dude-ette
2 years ago

“Let’s buy you a bigger diamond” = I’m having an affair that you don’t know about and I will be leaving you shortly, but if you have a big diamond on your finger it will demonstrate to the world that I am a successful businessman who was oh-so-generous to his first wife.

Me: “No, we agreed when we got married that we would never upgrade the ring and I don’t want a bigger diamond.”

Fortunately and luckily, I picked up on the other clues (i.e. very secretive with his cellphone), began my ‘job’ as a private detective, got a fantastic counselor, and planned well for the confrontation. Mr. Successful Businessman isn’t as smart as he thinks he is.

Hurt1
Hurt1
2 years ago
Reply to  Dude-ette

Such awesomeness on your part. ????

Spinach@35
Spinach@35
2 years ago
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