Love Is Blind Margarita Speaks for Every Chump
In the sixth season of the reality show “Love Is Blind,” Margarita (mother of the groom, Clay) has to see her cheating ex Trevor. Any chump who’s ever had to endure a high occasion with a FW knows this shit sandwich all too well.
What makes a wedding particularly difficult — if you’ve divorced over infidelity — is the celebration of faithful commitment, knowing that the hypocrite you bred with is there too. Or worse, swanning about, playing Proud Parent, imparting advice and pats on the back. What does monogamy mean to such an idiot? Margarita endures exactly this situation in Love Is Blind.
For 24 years Margarita was Trevor’s chump.
A serial cheat, he used to take their son Clay on his hook-ups. The legacy of Trevor’s infidelity impacts everyone. Culminating in Clay’s cold feet at the altar.
Spoiler alert from Yahoo news:
The answer to this question seems to weigh on Clay. At the altar, he reveals he isn’t ready to marry AD.
“This has been the best process. AD, I love you. I don’t think it’s responsible for me to say I do,” he says. “I know fully I’m not ready for marriage.”
In the aftermath, AD tearfully departs the ceremony with her friends and family while Clay speaks to his mom, dad and sister, Taylor.
Margarita tells her son, “Your dad and I were married for almost 24 years. You do not get to this point and think that you need to be forced with the ‘I do.’ Because at the end of the day, it’s what’s in here,” as she points to her heart.
She adds, “And if you’re not 100% sure here, don’t ever cross that line.”
Trevor tells Clay to relax and says his decision at the altar showed “maturity.” As they speak, Margarita looks on. Clay leaves to find AD and cameras capture Margarita calling Trevor out for being the reason Clay doubted he could be a good husband.
AD, if you’re reading — I know it hurts like a mofo, but a million chumps here wish they hadn’t wasted their hearts on a person feigning commitment.
And to Clay, I’m glad you recognized you weren’t sure you could be all in.
More from Yahoo:
Margarita explains to her ex-husband that Clay struggles with viewing a marriage as something that is “sacred” due to his childhood experiences.
“Kids, when they grow up and see things, it’s like, ‘Is marriage for real? Or is marriage something that you get into … and you deceive?’” she says. “And he took a lot of that to the altar with his decision.”
Trevor gets emotional and reflects on his past, saying he did not have the best role models growing up. Margarita says she previously forgave him for his indiscretions, but information came out while filming “Love Is Blind” that she did not know prior.
“I was hurt,” she says.
Margarita continues, “And although we came from broken families, that doesn’t mean that we have to pass on that brokenness to our kids.”
Amen, Margarita! Trevor chose to pass his philandering, abusive fuckupedness on to his kids. You spent 24 years a chump and came out a class act. The difference between you and Trevor is character.
She says that Clay’s past is part of DNA, but Clay signing up for “Love Is Blind” proves he wants to break the cycle and be in a long-term relationship. Trevor chimes in and says Clay could meet someone like her.
“Tell him to meet somebody like you. I met you. You know. Tell him to meet somebody like his mom,” Trevor says.
“Yeah, but you met me but you wasn’t good to me,” she replies. She ends the conversation and walks away.
‘You met me but you wasn’t good to me.’
EXACTLY. You matter Margarita! Notice how Trevor has focused the whole narrative on himself. Poor sausage, his upbringing screwed him up. This is so hard on him, harder really! But meeting Margarita was good for HIM.
You weren’t good to anyone Trevor, except your dick. And that has consequences. That reverberate across generations.
Whether Clay should’ve married AD isn’t at issue. It’s that cynicism that a higher, better self isn’t possible. That relationships are lopsided. One person uses the other, and who can you best extract value from. Rules for thee and not for me. It’s the corruption, the perspective-cide that’s the tragedy.
Thank you for speaking for all chumps, Margarita.
Clay’s mom was the MVP of the episode.
— The Black Nico Robin. (@Love_Daja) March 6, 2024
– Hugged AD after Clay did what he did
– Checked Clay’s dad about the cheating trips
– Held his dad accountable for the pattern behavior he passed onto Clay that he’s unwilling to fix #LoveIsBlind #LoveIsBlind6 #LoveIsBlindS6 pic.twitter.com/C4gbCXHub4
I don’t know this show, but I watched the clip. Trevor still hasn’t changed. Not at all. His defense is to go weepy (see her eye roll when that starts?) and to blame someone else. When that didn’t work, he deflects with a big ol’ compliment to her. Guess what, jackhole? Not everyone lives on kibbles, so she isn’t buying that either.
I mean, bringing your kid with you to your hook-ups? That’s truly the lowest of the low, and Trevor will never admit that. She’s wasting her breath trying to explain anything at all to him. I hope she knows that and was just doing it for the cameras.
Oh that eye roll did me in, I snorted so hard. Then the sad sausage blameshift – she shuts right down. Then the attempt at charm – she shuts right down.
She’s class and she knows it. Good for her.
Trevor was trying to put on some fake weepiness. I have seen that kind of shit before. He was not overcome by emotion. He was looking down while he tried to work up a tear. That’s why she was rolling her eyes because she knows his moves and knew it was all fake.
PS — Natalie Portman divorced her cheating husband. Go, Natalie.
Cheating is how she herself got involved with him.
Both Portman and Millepied are cliches.
FYI…I believe Natalie Portman is an OW? Benjamin Millepied had a live-in girlfriend of three years when he cheated on her with Natalie……
Go, Karma Bus…..
I suppose celebrity or elite poacher/side pieces have extra, A-list-level hubris and believe they’re naturally exempt from the “If they cheat with ya, they’ll cheat on ya” rule.
I also have a feeling that it sucks extra hard to be hoisted on one’s own petard. For instance, if Portman ever sat cuddled up stroking Millipied’s poor sad sausage head as he sniveled over his then live-in girlfriend’s “mental health issues” or “unbearable” personality traits, then she knows this is exactly what went down when Millipied groomed and screwed the French chippy. She knows how much her privacy has been violated and knows exactly how the French asshole ate it up and internally smirked over being deemed superior.
Probably a less appreciated benefit of being a chump who’s never cheated themselves is that, at least on discovering they’ve been chumped, they’ll be a bit blessedly ignorant of how joyously cheaters and co-cheaters tend to trample the victim in the triangle.
It just shows that the cheaters don’t change. If an OW thinks he (or she) will be better for them, they’re wrong. Unfortunately it’s usually true that once a cheater, always a cheater. We see this over and over again.
Yes, Natalie was an OW too. She took him from another woman he’d been with for a few years. So what goes around comes around. Guy is no good.
Natalie is objectively fucking gorgeous, talented and intelligent – cheating has nothing to do with the chump and is all about the FW and his/her lack of empathy and character.
But as others point out, she was originally the AP in this relationship which tends to give one a “brand” — more Zales than Tiffany’s. Not that a cheater is more or less likely to cheat on a fellow cheater but they’re arguably going to have fewer qualms and reservations because betrayal is part of the relationship’s genetic code.
I went to college with David Zale…he was a really good guy.
And she’s actually a lot more attractive physically than the girl Millepied has taken up with. IMO anyway. But that’s frequently the case.
ChumpNoMore, I’m not sure I understand your reply.
Yes, I know cheating has nothing to do with the cheated on and is all about the cheater and his/her lack of character. But Natalie Portman was the affair partner.
https://www.thelist.com/1467009/benjamin-millpied-had-girlfriend-when-he-hooked-up-with-natlie-portman/
Can you clarify?
Sure. I didn’t know she was also an AP, which puts a different spin on things. I just meant that being gorgeous is no defense against being chumped. This was on the back of a recent post by someone who felt bad cos the schmoopie was better looking than they were. Hope that clarifies.
Got it…thanks!
Disregard!
I’m not a fan of reality tv, and am not familiar with this show, but I can relate. It’s been 7 years yesterday since divorce was finalized— yay! I’m happily repartneted and my life is upleveled in every way possible. My walls are singing. In a month, my son is getting married. FW is in a rage because son doesn’t want AP there— my son loathes her for what she did 10-12 years ago in pursuing his dad— she knew we were married/25 year marriage/FW was still love bombing me but she mate-poached to get FW’s (MY!) assets and connections — and son hates her because of what AP continues to do — she’s cruel to son and my daughters. AP and XH are alcoholic/addict narcissists- XH has sociopath traits. AP has never showed her face to me…. And XH thinks son’s wedding is the place to do so???!!! What a FW! I’m staying out of it entirely and plan to enjoy my son and his fiancé’s special day, regardless of what XH or AP do. If she shows, I’ll just take the high road and ignore her…. XH is pathetic and at this point I feel mostly sorry for him for being born a sociopath. I steer clear of him.
Same here- son doesn’t want either his dad or his wife there at his wedding next weekend and I don’t blame him at all.
They’re going to be there though- yay…..
But yes- this is going to be a beautiful day for two people who fully deserve the most special of days in spite of who else is there.
I’m glad his father is still with this woman though- that means other unsuspecting people aren’t suffering from the horrible consequences of being with either of them.
Good for your son. I love it when people DON’T SPACKLE and give creeps like this their comeuppance. So you steal the kid’s father and abuse the wife….yeah, you don’t get a place at the wedding. FW is lucky your son invited HIM.
Wishing your sonand his bride a wonderful wedding.
As children we do learn things from our families. We can learn a lot of bad lessons. I learned how to walk on eggshells. I’d challenge most adults in my circle to an eggshell-walking contest and be pretty confident I’d win every time. (I’m not challenging CN as I am certain there are many experts of my caliber here)
Now, the fact of the matter is, I know that eggshell-walking is unhealthy and harmful to me, and to my kids who witness it. I am now in therapy to work on NOT doing it. It’s admittedly hard to unlearn as it was ingrained since childhood. But I am not going to just keep modelling this behavior to my kids and then later on, when they are adults and they are being harmed because they pick a partner that has them tiptoeing over eggs- say “oh, but my role models weren’t good!”
Trevor is not just an adult, he’s a grey haired older gent with kids that are full grown adults. When will he take responsibility for his own actions?
When he was taking his kid to his hook ups, he KNEW that was wrong. Whatever things happened that Margarita only JUST found out about now? He knew those things were wrong too. He knew while he did them, and while he hid them from her long after the divorce.
At what point do grown ass adults stop doing bad things and blaming it on what they saw at 8? I definitely have sympathy for learning messed up things from our FOO, but Trevor isn’t 15 or 23, he is old enough to be a granddad, at some point you have to do BETTER than what you saw as a kid.
Of course! It’s called being an adult! I actually used to tell my husband this in long, earnest discussions that I wince to remember. At a certain point, from the vantage point of experience and adulthood, you take stock and make your peace with what happened in your childhood. There is a beautiful phrase for this: “the grace of self-awareness”.
This kind of show isn’t my thing, but I thought that she was incredibly composed and very eloquent.
By contrast, he was deflecting from the get-go; absolutely no danger of him owning his own sh*t was there?
LFTT
She was so eloquent. And I think she can be proud of how composed she was. But the secret bitter bunny side of me knows there were probably so many less eloquent, but far more stinging thins she would have liked to say.
“Tell him to find someone like his mother” “Why, because I put up with your cheating for years so he should go find a good gullible chump to betray too?” What she said was so much better.
Yeah, from the description she sounds like a very dignified woman. I’m not a dignified woman. I would have shoved my heel in his mouth.
SoOi,
I think that one of the indicators that you are at “Meh” is that you are able to resist saying some of the things that you know that you could say and would be justified in saying …. but choose not to because the “High Road” is a nice place to be.
LFTT
I’m personally not at meh yet. I will get there.
But even as far away as I am from meh, I am learning to resist saying a lot. We still have a long way to go before the divorce is finalized, so occasionally there are still discussions about everything he did. He STILL tries DARVO, blameshifting, “I made ONE singular mistake” etc. On my bad days, I might bite back. But what I am learning is that it truly is pointless. SoI try to simply not go there. Do not engage.
He will never acknowledge that he DID this and it was all wrong. Why am I arguing with him? Heck, why is he arguing with ME? Does he truly think one day he will win the debate and I will agree that this was all my fault and take him back? The fighting about what happened and whose fault it was is useless. And it’s the same tired arguments.
SoOi,
Cheating isn’t “one mistake” …. it requires hundreds of deliberate decisions. But you know that.
Best of luck
LFTT
This is so true. I’ve unexpectedly run into people who had done really horrible things to me or in front of me but then, maybe because my mind was heavily on something else, I couldn’t place them for half a beat and so didn’t react at all or responded blandly as I would to total strangers, like “Oh, nice to see you.” It happened a few times with former school bullies or creeps I once worked with in a creep-filled industry. They can get quite put out which is more satisfying than trying to verbally mud wrestle with a pig.
In retrospect those encounters were a bit funny but there’s something creepy about how some appear to thrive on unsettling others. I once read something clinical that rang true about how antisocial types with something called “identity diffusion” sometimes commit senseless acts of evil just to see the impact this makes on others because, otherwise, they don’t know they exist. Maybe a good example of this in an otherwise so-so film was the institutionalized sociopathic Lisa Rowe character from Girl Interrupted who goes around cruelly triggering other patients into breakdowns or self harm. At one point she dementedly rants about how people have way too many buttons “just begging to be pressed” and then howls, “Why doesn’t anyone ever push my buttons?” The other character responds, “Because you’re dead already, Lisa.”
The cheaters think it’s all about love and think about no one but themselves.
Chumps find out that infidelity is like detonating a nuclear bomb. The radioactive fallout goes up, down, and outward in all directions, impacting every single related human being for miles and decades and generations.
I’m not Catholic, but I think the resulting catastrophic damage and the mind-warping complications are why adultery made the Top Ten list of things not to do.
Cheaters are relationship idiots who can’t resist infecting every relationship around them with with that idiocy and complicating the living sh*t out of any and every and all relationships attached to the OG couple. Way to bring EVERYBODY around you down to your level, cheaters!
Love does not put the people around you, everyone around you, into an ungodly uncomfortable and perpetual awkward position and foist migraine-inducing loyalty issues on them.
But cheaters and side pieces aren’t concerned with how others feel or how their actions will negatively impact others. Lack of empathy is required to participate in an illicit relationship….
Technically, of the 10 commandments, the first 4 are about a person’s relationship with God, then # 5 is about honoring one’s parents (there is a difference between honor and respect). That leaves 5 out of the Ten Commandments about relationships with others. So, of your “top ten,” it is really a “Top Five,” in my opinion.
” why adultery made the Top Ten list of things not to do”
I was thinking this recently myself, that the folks who made up the Bible thought adultery was SO AWFUL – so society destroying – and it IS – that they actually made it one of the 10 things you should never do. The Ten Commandments are about creating and making a functional society and you need to have that based on working, functional marriages that produce healthy children that go on to produce healthy children and so forth. Adultery strikes at the very heart of that and so it strikes at the very heart of society and civilization itself. Our ancestors recognized this but we think our transitory “needs” are so much more important than building a last civilization. Narcissism is the sin of our time.
You might find interesting some of journalist Chris Hedges’ articles, speeches and podcast discussions on the political impact of modern “self idolatry” and the “cult of self.” He’s sort of been on a roll with the theme.
Also though the ten commandments are in the old testament, they are also repeated throughout the new testament, which is the new covenant.
Having said that, even in secular terms adultery, cheating and lying are damaging not only to the cheater/liar they are damaging to society.
So well spoken Mehitable, and also VH, I thoroughly agree. Adultery does strike at the very heart of society and civilization, yet it silently contaminates it, like a metastasizing cancer, destroying more and more as it grows. And it is too acceptable to society as a thing we all need to live with and move past. Narcissism I also see as the sin of our time.
I myself am Catholic, survived 12 years of parochial schooling.
One commandment to mention infidelity would have been extremely significant, but there are two of the Ten Commandments that address adultery.
The numerical order varies between religions, but their importance is shared and believed by all the faiths that attempt to adhere to them, to be passed on directly from God to Moses from Mt. Sinai.
The sixth and ninth commandments, “Thou shalt not commit adultery” and “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife”, were written for the benefit of FWs.
If they somehow missed the 6th one, hard to do on a list of only ten items I know, it was brought up again for them in the 9th, probably underlined in yellow highlighter that wore off over the last 3500 years.
The Hebrew translation for “ covet” is lust.
“Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes.”
Too bad it’s only chumps for now that understand the devastation it all causes. But God absolutely knows.
Also makes me consider that lying and coveting, including your neighbor’s wife (or anything else) comes right after that. They all tie in together.
Cheater had won over kids helped pay for wedding…me mother of the bride was more the side dish while Wiftress sits at big table center stage. Cheater X talks all friendly and sits there after taking apart our family when the bride was 2 weeks old and her brother 6. They only remembered fun dad and struggling mom. But I looked good, greeted guests, ate my chicken and was encouraged by the pastors wife who did all she could to keep wifetress out of the front line up and off the center of pictures. I flew home in buckets of tears but proud of how I had come through. Held my head high and fell apart only in private. My daughter is Married 8 years and 3 kids deep into a man who is so much like her cheating dad. But she’s calling, asking questions and seeing the mother I tried to be in letting a cheater go. Hold your head up and look good chumps! We can do hard things.
This is timely for me. My daughter will have her ceremony in October. Last year I wrote into Tracy because I found out my ex had an affair with a married woman before I met him and the woman had a son who took a DNA test to find out his father was not his biological dad. I took Tracy’s advice and let my daughter know. I don’t know if my daughter ever let my ex know. If he does know, it will be interesting to see how he acts at the wedding seeing that the family and friends all know. I am pretty much an open book and let everyone I was close to know. His family knows since the son reached out to my niece on his side. Him, being the sociopath that he is, probably will be clueless. I plan to avoid him, but if he approaches me, I will use that information to stop him in his tracks. It is insane what FWs put us through.
Please read March 20, 2023 Tracy had me laughing in a Public 🏋️♀️ gym. If everyone didn’t have head sets on they would stare and wonder what was so funny!!!+ I appreciate how you can read the latest daily Leave a Cheater blog and still go back and connect with the previous lessons for added benefit. Please also donate via Patron. My.divorce was over $21,000 and I’m on social security. 3$ a month is so cheap for DAILY therapy. I love you Tracy!!
Cheaters refuse to consider the effect of their actions on anyone else especially their very vulnerable children. Just the thought of hurting your kids, giving them less in life and an obstacle to overcome, uprooting them, sticking them with a family they probably don’t want and a step-parent that is confusing and maybe unpleasant – all of these things should be enough to make someone re-think whether to cheat…..even aside from what you do to your spouse. Your decisions can affect your child’s entire future and even into grandchildren and beyond. It’s never worth it to hurt so many people like this. Yeah, kids are resilient in the sense that they can recover from war, and famine and many terrible things, but why would you deliberately create this situation to handicap them?
Because it’s true love and MY fairytale that everyone else is just a prop or a bit player in.
Cake cake cake.
Until they do exactly the same thing over again.
They truly do not care and think they deserve every single cake in the bakery.
I’ve never seen this show but I wish someone would ask this Trevor asshole if it was worth it – was his cheating worth it – to lose the love of a good, strong woman, and to have his son turn out so damaged. Was it worth it, Trevor?
Trevor would have to be a better man than he is to understand and answer the question honestly. Because he is a shallow child of a man, he doesn’t consider anyone but himself, and he certainly didn’t and does not now consider the impact of his actions on a good, strong woman and his own son. Instead he deflects with how sad a wittle boy like himself had no good role models, and ekes out a few croc tears at poor little himself, and then an ass-kissing deflecting “compliment” for his ex. Under the heading “These Guys Never Change” is this clip. I love Margaret because she is trying to help her son even if it means interacting with Trevor, and she does it with such grace.
This will be me next Saturday when my beloved eldest son gets married.
I have been NC with his father for many years- my parents were the go betweens when the kids were younger.
He and his side piece turned wife will be there – he’s cheated on her as well and shown his adult kids just who he is underneath all the dad can buy you anything you want unlike your crazy mother BS.
My boy is already many times the man his father is and that’s all the reward I could possibly ask for.
I promise to behave during my speech- my love for my son far outweighs the contempt I have for his father.
You wouldn’t have to bother lacing any jibes against your ex in your speech. Just the fact that you were up there saying nice things about or to anyone other than your ex will hit him like a kidney punch. What’s more, if he’s the disordered type who feels competitive with his own kids (probably true of most), it’s a double kidney punch.
But, because your ex probably will lace some not so subtle negs against you into his speech, consider quoting a bit of Shakespeare’s Sonnet 116. It pretty much negates and trounces any of the potential bs a raving narcissist might spew on an occasion like this:
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments; love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.
O no, it is an ever-fixèd mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wand’ring bark
Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.
Love’s not time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle’s compass come.
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom:
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
my goodness, this sonnet is so relevant, thank you for the reminder. I was married to someone who did not have a “true mind” and who “altered” when “rosy lips and cheeks” were taken by time’s “bending sickle”.
Oh that’s a great idea!
Thank you ☺️
Best of luck to your family and I hope you have a great time despite FW and his POS.
Thank you – we’re all planning on a fabulous day x
I can’t watch reality TV but saw some of the clips of Margarita that throngs of supportive fans posted. Now I understand viewer reactions to her.
My first take is that Margarita is a caliber of genuine and “real” person who would never typically agree to participate in reality TV but she would support it if it helped the family get a leg up in the world. I looked up her “bootstrapping mighty chumped mom” bio– she has a degree in business administration and is a team leader in customer service. Raising up her family seems to be what she’s all about. I’d also guess that she has a passion for advocacy in real life and a very sophisticated understanding of how causes and ideas get advanced. I sense this has been part of her survival strategy to retain a sense of meaning while overcoming adversity. So when the whole drama happened, whether staged or not, I suspect she instinctively used the platform to bring attention to the generational effects of domestic abuse and betrayal.
For the record, I’m not assuming this woman experienced adversity simply because of her race. It’s because no one develops her level of quiet emotional power unless they were squashed like a diamond in a crucible for years and then use those sharp edges to cut through barriers and bullshit for a broader purpose than just themselves. A lot of people try to fake that gravitas but there’s really nothing like a natural diamond.
Still, I don’t think she was trying to “teach” her ex anything. She’d obviously seen him paw his face to bring on crocodile tears before. She’d heard the whole self-pity rap before. He was clearly beside the point, a lost cause. Instead I saw her as a kind Sisyphus, just doing her customary bit to push the humanist rock up the mountain a few inches, speak to the downtrodden, maybe inspire future advocates, maybe reach her own son in the bargain.
Never seen this show. Wow, she suggests that he apologize and not make excuses; he makes excuses. His pity party performance is bullshit. So fake. Yes beautiful woman! He wasn’t good to you! He (Trevor) CHOSE to act crap like his dad did. Lots of people have crap dads or step dads and they CHOOSE to not cheat on their marriage partner. Infidelity is not biologically inevitable! It is a mindset, an entitlement, a learned behavior, a learned culture and a choice to act.
I like how she basically defines his infidelity as “lie and deceive”. That’s at the very core of cheating. I know that when the kids were growing up, my eX taught all our kids to keep his secrets (about other things) from me. “Don’t tell Mom”, he told them. That’s fucked up.
Don’t make excuses just apologize! I sure wish my eX would admit, confess and apologize to me and to all our adult kids so that closure can be had. But it’s not gonna happen.
Trevor never deserved Margarita and my eX never deserved me.
Some advice for people like AD. So sorry this humiliating, painful thing happened, but it is better to find out before you get married. More people should be as honest as Clay, but I wish he’d done it sooner. I would advise AD to end this relationship NOW. As a woman especially (because of our biological clocks) I would not spend more time in a relationship based on hopium that he’s going to learn to commit. With his family background, that’s not likely any time soon and she’s just going to waste precious years of her youth. Ask me how I know. End it NOW and be very wary of getting into live-in relationships without marriage. I can understand wanting to live together for a while to see how you get along, but that should always be short term unless you are really really against conventional marriage. A year or two TOPS. You know by then. Otherwise, esp for a woman, as I say, you’re wasting valuable years on someone who uses excuses of “it’s just a paper” to not commit. The old folks were right: Commitment IS marriage.
I’m not really a reality TV show person – and I know much of it is fake – but hey, it’s pretty cool to see this in the public eye.
Good on this “Clay” dude to walk away at the altar (if it isn’t all staged). Yes, that’s immensely painful on the other person, but better that than every person I know that had second guesses at the altar and went through with it, only to end up with a horrible marriage. Hopefully some therapy, some support, and some self-reflection helps him break the cycle. I don’t think he’s destined to be a FW. No one is – we can all work to be better than the examples we had.
I do want to make note of his father’s statement – “Tell him to meet somebody like you (his mom). I met you.” – and what that says about fuckwittery in general, because I think there are several points to be made there. One, FWs don’t care about the chumps’ feelings or well-being. I know we know this, but he basically admitted it – he’s asking the mother of his son to potentially send another lamb to slaughter, to repeat the cycle. But that doesn’t matter, because hey, it worked out for FW in the end! At least, for a while. Two, as an extention of the previous point, most FWs don’t see what they did as wrong. Even later on. Trevor really sees no problem with possibly repeating the cycle – because what he didn’t wasn’t wrong. Because the chump doesn’t matter. And point three:
It’s the job of the chump to fix the FW, in the FW’s mind. The chump is supposed to “cure” the FW and make them a better partner. We’re the “right” ones who are supposed to make our partners stable, committed, and bonded. That’s why, if they end up being bad partners, they blameshift. They come in with expectations that everything will be great and they’ll suddenly change because of how great everything is, and when that change fails to occur, it’s because us – the cure – is faulty. Notice how he says that after his son backs out at the altar. As if his son wouldn’t do that if he had someone like his mother. While not every FW may have that same attitude, I think many of them do. Dunno, just something to think about.
That’s if this isn’t all staged.
I watched the entire season and I think it was genuine.
Abusers’ passing fancy that their partners will “inspire” them not to be pieces of shit reminds me of the “Jesus” scene from Schindler’s list. If you remember, to save the life of an imprisoned stable boy whom the evil camp commander Geothe wanted to kill for damaging a saddle, Schindler tries to mindfuck Geothe with the idea that Christlike mercy is an expression of “real power.” Geothe then goofily stands at the bathroom mirror copping a “Christlike” face and making a Salvador Mundi gesture while saying, “I pardon you… I pardon you.” A second later he gets bored, seems to go “fuck it,” aims his rifle out the window and shoots the stable boy dead. I would file it under “Redemption as whimsy.”
Ooooh. See, I’ve never seen that movie, although I know it’s a classic. That scene sounds rather harrowing. Is the movie as good as people say? I’m not much of a movie person, but I watch one every once and a while.
Funny you bring that up, though – mine tried to carrot-and-stick me with faith, flipping between being interested in it and mocking it. I’m no evangelist, so I simply said if he had questions I could take him to see a pastor or theologian. It actually became a part of his hoovering stint after I left him – he was praying for me, you see, because he loved and respected me so much and I made him a better person and he would always want the best for me.
“..mine tried to carrot-and-stick me with faith, flipping between being interested in it and mocking it.”
Just realizing that mine also did this. Added to my confusion and distress.
Sorry, “Goethe.”
You know there is a curious thing here, which is this clip comes from a reality show so there is no knowing how much is real and how much is staged. But the same was true for my marriage. If there is one thing my husband cared about it was his public image, which was so, so different from who he really is. This is a meandering way of saying that I didn’t and do not now have full insight into what was real and what staged in my own marriage, in my own life. And I probably never will.
Love is Blind Season 6 is a master class in Chumpery. AD and Clay! My teen daughter and I watched season 6 together — her idea! — and it’s been the perfect platform to create discussions that are at a remove from our own family. And now I am going to be a contrarian and say that Margarita is great and wow, did I ever identify with her — but at the same time, that speech right before she walked Clay up the aisle — there was another dark current there. She created doubt and subtly sabotaged that wedding. Probably not consciously. Don’t hate me!
Such a woman! Now I strive to be more like Margarita. Example from church. Met tall handsome guy in lobby. Knew him for years, watched his daughter grow to college age. Saw a wife 10 years ago but never again. Assume divorced, no ring. He says hi Chump, how are you? I say, getting better and you? Launches into all about him, his work, his daughter…then says, Chump, I will have to work forever,( he’s 60s) ..I ask why? He begins the tale of great job, makes money but loves to spend. I see a red flag🇶🇦. Then says he likes to collect and house is packed🇶🇦 ..another flag. Then starts to talk about young wife at home Does not attend church, not enough for him..sad sausage alert.🇶🇦. I now know wife inferior talk and she doesn’t understand me is the fat worm🐛on the hook as these cheater creeps fish for OW. I’ve seen it as a pattern since both my cheaters fished and then got Forgiveness from me when i saw all the Emotional affairs( I call this Forgiveness grooming) so I would stay and they could keep fishing.🇶🇦red flag. The conversation was ALL ABOUT HIM. Chump me used to get caught with, I’m better, I can help you, i.will listen to your selfish banter about YOU. Total conversation less than 5 min and will avoid this person from now on. I will never be the same…and I love my life of independence!! No safe sausage, fishing for other woman for kibbles is coming from me. I count the red flags and know my worth. Thank you Tracy. Oh and I loved your question and answer time on your pod cast! Do more!!!
My father’s infidelity is a lot of the reason why I never married, and, in general, struggle with trust. To my knowledge, no man I’ve agreed to be exclusive with has never cheated on me. Note that I say “to my knowledge.” The trauma lingers.