My Mom Has a Married Boyfriend
Her mom is in senior living and has a married boyfriend. The guy has a drinking problem too. Is this dementia or did her mom just lose her moral compass?
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Dear Chump Lady,
Last fall my 76-year-old mom told me she began dating a man that she met in her independent living facility.
Initially I was happy for her as my dad had been gone for 4 years at that point. After asking many questions I found out his name and that he’s married. But my mom insisted “there’s something weird about his marriage” because he lives there (in independent living) and she (his wife) is in their home.
I looked up the man on our states criminal case site and find out he had 3 DUI’s in less than 10 years. Surprise, he omitted that information from her. She thought he didn’t drive for medical reasons. Also, he still drinks, a lot. I think he lives in the independent living facility because he’s a fall risk and his wife still works.
This man has told our mom many lies.
She states “I can walk away whenever I want” but she doesn’t. Every boundary she set for him, mainly that she needed his wife to know, he has refused, and she doesn’t walk away. Also, his wife is very involved in his life. She pays his bills, grocery shops, brings him his meds, and he spends some weekends with her.
He has been married for nearly 50 years. My mom was married 53 years when my dad passed away. She’s lonely, but she’s harming someone else’s marriage and I’m absolutely disgusted. My mom is Catholic, and extremely judgmental of everyone else, especially me. And yet she’s taking communion and talking about their relationship as though all is fine.
She brings her married boyfriend around the family and her friends.
She tells us how everyone likes them together, but I’m not sure everyone else understands this man is very much married. And has been for 50 years. I feel horrible for his wife. I keep thinking this man is going to die, my mom will show up at his funeral, and his wife will find out. Which would be absolutely devastating for her (the wife).
I had a therapist tell me before that my mom was narcissistic and I refused to believe it but….maybe there was something to it. How could my mom, the judgmental catholic, who was married for 53 years, and would have been devastated had my dad done this to her, do THIS to someone else? It’s so unlike her.
She does have the beginning signs of dementia, which runs in her family, but she seems to be fully aware of what she’s doing, she’s just lacking a moral compass.
How do I handle my mom destroying someone else’s marriage?
Daughter of Morally Devoid Mom
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Dear Daughter,
I’m sorry I have to give you the unsatisfying advice I give so often here: You don’t control other people, just yourself. So, you have no say over whether your mom has a married boyfriend. Or a raging case of Alzheimer’s for that matter. You only get to choose how you react. And there you do have some power.
You’re not obligated to keep her secrets.
As the Other Woman, your mom may wish to aid and abet in the abuse of another woman (his wife), but that doesn’t mean you have to.
She brings her married boyfriend around the family and her friends. She tells us how everyone likes them together, but I’m not sure everyone else understands this man is very much married.
You can help with their understanding. Next time you meet “Bob” at the family picnic, shake his hand and inquire about his wife. Loudly.
“Hi, Bob. How’s your wife Doreen? Do you find it difficult at your age to juggle a double life, or do you use scheduling software?”
Really, whatever pops into your mind. Ask! Speak! Be nosy!
Oh, that would mortify your mother?
Well, if she’s not embarrassed to have a married boyfriend, why should you be? If it’s no big deal, why would she care if anyone knows? If Bob has an open marriage, then this won’t be news to Doreen. No harm no foul.
You’re under no obligation to keep their relationship a secret. Cheaters rely on other’s social graces to enlist them in their conspiracies. You can’t control your mom’s choice of shitty boyfriend. She can’t control your mouth.
Speak up.
I am a member of a senior’s community and this isn’t all that rare. Some women after putting up with a drunk for 50 years, put them in a residence, so that if they fall and bump their heads, there is medical staff there to look after them rather than having to monitor and take time off work, take them to the hospital etc, its someone elses problem. She is still working so because he probably won’t go to rehab, she doesn’t have to watch him drink himself to death 24/7 another plus. She probably has someone on the outside as well and its financially better off for her to just farm him out, adult daycare basically. I wouldn’t feel to bad for his wife, she may be the smartest one in the room. She could probably care less if he is bonking your mother, most alcoholics are not the most monogamous. Its a win win for her.
It’s my mom. The wife definitely doesn’t know. She surprised him when he was eating dinner with my mom recently and he introduced her as my uncle/his friends sister. And my mom stated he was a weird/uncomfortable encounter. I do think him being in there was he was of dealing with him but that’s far from having an agreement to have an open marriage.
Why are you making that assumption? The OP says they still spend some weekends together. I doubt she would do that if she was completely done with him and had somebody else.
I agree but it is so gross!!! I see so many woman tending a creepy demented guy here where I live in 55+. Let me say, me being newly divorced from a creepy cheater is way way better than these poor woman. When some cheaters gets dementia and add alcoholism…well not much is worse for faithful wives. I thank legal team and the Lord above every single minute. Living here has been a wide eyed experience of what I almost had in my cheater..for life!! Saved!!!
Thank goodness my mom left my father before she ever had to deal with this!
Well, if it’s a “win-win” (?!?! – huh!?) for Doreen to support a man who is cheating on her, then I guess it’s fine for the LW to make sure that Doreen knows about the affair.
Ewwww this is sounding pretty cheater apologist to me. The $$$ cost of these types of facilities drains family finances so I doubt the math pencils out for the working wife!
Still cheaper than divorce where I live, won’t cost her half of whatever she has, especially if she has a pension, thats Canada of course I am sure USA is different.
She doesn’t have to divorce him. She can just stop seeing him and taking care of him and leave it all up to the staff at the senior facility while she lives free as a bird. She deserves that. She’s taken care of a cheating drunk for 50 years and enough is enough. She should be told.
“She probably has someone on the outside as well…”. You have absolutely no idea whether this is the case or not, and no right to assume it. Being a “senior” doesn’t mean you can just toss aside moral values and integrity. I’m 73, and would never do something like this, wherever I lived.
Wish I’d thought of this in the 60s when Grandma started bringing around her married boyfriend! Or in the 70s when Dad started dating one of my schoolmates. (Grandma was Dad’s mother, obviously.) Or when my sister started dating her married dive instructor. (Sister was married, too.) I Hate condoning cheating, and now I know what to say!
Spot-on advice, as usual Tracy! This is messed up but we can’t control anyone else. We also don’t have to give it tacit agreement by not speaking up.
My folks moved into assisted living 8 months ago, my mother passed away suddenly in February and I’ve been hanging out a lot with my dad since. Let me tell you, none of this is a surprise after spending a lot of time at my parents facility.
There are many couples there cohabitating that aren’t married and won’t get married because of SS, pensions, etc.
It wouldn’t surprise me one bit if the mom’s boyfriend and his wife have some sort of agreement based on pragmatism.
Never the less, , the guys seems quite hobosexual and your mom needs to take steps to protect herself financially.
Whether “Doreen” divorces the drunken menace, leaving him free to remarry and exploit another nurse and purse, or in case “Doreen” doesn’t divorce him and the state allows alienation of affection suits, I think the first concern might be to protect the OP’s mom’s finances. Getting a durable power of attorney might be the first consideration before sending “Doreen” evidence of the affair.
DoMDM,
It’s funny how those that are the quickest to judge others (Religious or not) aren’t quite so happy about it when they are being judged isn’t it?
You do have agency here however, and how you react and how you communicate this with your mother is very much within your own gift. In your shoes I would seek to explain to your mother that you do not approve of her actions and put some boundaries in place; you could choose not to attend any occasion that he is invited to or, indeed, reduce/stop contact with your mother whilst her f*ckwittery endures. You could – as CL mentioned – challenge the pair of them in public, which could be entertaining to say the least. I think that the best bet might be to consider contacting the man’s wife …. playing the “concerned daughter” card. If nothing else, this would ensure that the man’s wife is made aware and help you ensure that the information that you are working with hasn’t been “spun” by your mother. You should also bear in mind that if your mother is – as you are starting to suspect – a narcissist, then her reaction could be on the “fireworky” side.
Most importantly, don’t let your mother pull you into her web of deceit and make you an accomplice in the abuse of the man’s wife.
LFTT
One reader commented, “She probably has someone on the outside as well and its financially better off for her to just farm him out, adult daycare basically.”
That’s a big assumption and sounds like blame shifting. Independent living is far more expensive than adult day care, and she’d be better off financially if she didn’t have to support a cheater at all, let alone here, or in even more expensive assisted living and a nursing home if he deteriorates.
His “independent living” isn’t quite so independent since his wife of almost 50 years is still paying his bills, buying his groceries, bringing his meds, and working to pay those bills. She must be exhausted, especially since she too must be in her 70s. I doubt she has time for an affair, and there’s no basis to think she’s having one.
She’d have far more time, money and energy if she lost this cheater and gained an independent life of her own.
Daughter, you knew enough about cheating to come here. Please do cheater’s wife a kindness and let her know what’s going on so she can make an informed decision.
I agree with the other sub-replies here. The wife should be delicately/and perhaps anonymously? told.
It is potentially ageist to assume that the marriage is an open one and that the wife is ‘not too bothered’; simply because of the ages of all concerned and the living arrangements in place.
It could well be that the very opposite is true – that his wife ‘Doreen’ loves him dearly, has ‘stuck by him’ during a lifetime (with perhaps prior chump like disappointments) and is now providing for him out of a sense of dedication and enduring love.
She’s providing for him financially, overseeing his meds, visiting him, investing her emotional energies in staying connected to him. It’s all sounding very loving and chumpy-like to me.
How painful and humiliating to have betrayal placed at your door when you’re giving your spouse your everything up into your 70’s.
He knows that his wife is emotionally invested because he’s making up bs stories to dodge accountability and those pesky awkward moments.
Unfortunately the letter writer’s mum is demonstrating typical affair partner world views.
It’s as if the living arrangements here are a hyper-metaphor for all affairs.
Ie for the AP, the affair occurs in a magical bull shit bubble-land and the spouse is a removed, irrelevant phantom figure.
(The only moral free pass that the mum may get here is if her cognitive/moral reasoning abilities have indeed been compromised by dementia).
Even still, that leaves him. I absolutely agree with CL’s suggestions of calling out the fact that this FW is married, at family events.
FW’s and AP’s, including senior ones, rely on the moral and diplomatic social structures around them to take coverage…
This is the thing that bothers me the most I think. This lady is 70 years old and still working. Maybe if she knew her husband had a girlfriend she’d quit working and enjoy her retirement. The thought of that REALLY bothers me. I do feel like it’s her life and she deserves all the information regarding her life so she can make informed decisions. Right now she is not able to make informed decisions.
Agree. She should tell her. The woman has wasted enough years of her life on the drunken FW. She should have a taste of freedom before she dies.
Agree 100% on this. If there’s really an agreement or open marriage then why hasn’t the man told the wife? Or all 3 meet? It’s because he’s keeping secrets and lying to both women while financially abusing his wife in addition to the cheating. OP I’d suggest an anonymous letter to the wife first. Your mother is a morally bankrupt narcissist.
After my horrible 3.5 years of a divorce ordeal was over after 30 yrs of marriage, I thought MAYBE I’d like to try to find someone to hang out with, and a guy I sort of knew in my town asked me out. Everyone thought he was a widow. He ticked some of the boxes-he was intelligent (lawyer) cared about our community, his son and mine had gone to the same high school, and he seemed kind. But as we were eating dinner, truths were revealed. He was STILL MARRIED. His wife had advanced dementia and was in a care facility and that was how he justified his “dating”. Apparently he was on some dating sites too. At least I’m glad he was honest, but I told him that was a boundary I don’t cross. If you’re married, you’re married. As an attorney, he should have known that. And HIS wife didn’t have the ability or agency to weigh in on anything. I couldn’t do that to anybody. Having been cruelly cheated on, how could I ever justify being part of a deception? Nothing makes it OK for me.
Just to show what a nice person I am, I actually thought of this situation before I was married to a FW. After a lovely and adorable woman I worked for described how her grandmother was diagnosed with dementia and expressed her worry that it might be genetic (I’m not convinced of this because there’s no such thing as a “genetic epidemic” and dementia is epidemic and doubling every decade in many countries) and she might one day burden her family, I thought that if I was ever diagnosed with this and no cure was discovered, I would write an open letter to any future love interest of my spouse saying that, even if he decided to remain married in order to financially support my medical care in my decline, I didn’t want him to enter old age alone and so I would welcome him finding love elsewhere.
At least as long as they didn’t decide to pull the plug or hasten my death to save money that is. Which is pretty much what any FW and psycho mate-poacher would do.
Ah, isn’t it sad that all our sweetest and most trusting sentiments would be completely wasted on creeps? But I still believe my younger, less traumatized and less betrayed self is really my true self. I would never want a completely loyal, kind and decent partner to end their days without love.
All I can speak about is me. If I’m married, I’m faithful, no matter if he’s in a coma or has dementia or a traumatic brain injury. For me, happiness isn’t dependent on finding someone else to love. My vows were my promises to keep. People can do what they want, but that’s me.
My first relationship/dating experience after my divorce was with someone who hid their marital status to me. I was so naive and had no idea someone would lie like that. I stupidly thought cheaters at least told people they were cheating….i know stupid. It broke me.
My mom is not understanding this man is lying and when we tell her he’s lying she just makes excuses and says “but I love him”. She sounds so stupid.
I think this experience has taught me more than anything to trust but verify. If I ever dated again, I’d run a background check and that is SO SAD to think about, but I will self protect every single day.
It’s interesting that a lot of people are chiming in about the loose morals in senior living. I know a bit about this too. My parents were disabled before becoming seniors and they needed a nursing home by their early 70s. My mom kept telling me about being interviewed about her knowledge of relationships for a newspaper…and come to find a Getty image of my parents holding hands in a national article about SEX in nursing homes! Oy vey… Everyone is lonely and many residents have memory issues and forget they have a significant other. STIs are rampant. It’s a mess! And I am worried that OP’s mom may not be this guy’s only side piece. And did I mention how rampant STIs are with this demographic? Sigh.
To the OP I would say you have every right to set boundaries about the subject (after—as mentioned above—you protect your Mom’s assets). My mom used to perseverate on things offensive to me and I learned to let her know I was not going to discuss THAT and/or redirect the subject. I say this as a PSA—there are great articles and YouTube videos about how to communicate with family with dementia. It was a game changer for me as I struggled with my narcissistic mom’s anger and confusion.
Oh gosh, I feel uniquely qualified to have opinions about this one! I was married to a narcissist for 25 years. My mother has dementia and I am one of her caregivers. I’m on break this week. Woohoo!
When somebody has dementia they are the same person they always were, but the brain isn’t working properly. They have brain damage that increases gradually over time. My mom had a tendency to fib occasionally. It was never about something big, but was mostly little social lies. Now, when she can’t remember something she will make up stories. It’s always in a social context, and sometimes they are doozies. When it first started I was really freaked out because I never thought of Mom as a liar. I’ve gotten used to it. It’s never a big lie. She just opens her mouth and something untrue comes out.
Mom has a touch of ADHD and was never good about noting the passage of time. Now, time is kind of meaningless. She was writing the date recently and put the year as “88”. Yesterday, which was Tuesday, she decided it was Sunday because I was packing to leave. All of this despite the fact that there are 3 big dementia clocks in her house that tell the time, date, day of the week, and have a word to give context about the time of day in case the patient can’t remember what am and pm mean (morning, afternoon, evening, night, pre-dawn).
I can only assume that a narcissist with dementia will become more and more self-centered–more and more narcissistic. Which is scary. Your mom never had a moral compass because narcissists don’t. What looked like morality was her excuse to exert control over you and others. Many narcissists also like to use religion as a way to show off their piety and gain admiration. It’s all fake. All. Fake.
My ex was also outwardly religious. His persona was “fine, upstanding, Christian businessman.” He got a lot of joy out of destroying me emotionally. One time in a weirdly candid moment he told me that he didn’t believe any of that stuff. During the divorce he told me that it was MY FAULT he didn’t believe. Yay.
My biggest piece of advice, Daughter, is to never, ever, ever let your mom move into your home as her dementia progresses. She is going to get worse. She will become increasingly abusive. She will become more and more paranoid and will accuse you of stealing her stuff. At some point, her senior residence may try to kick her out because of her behavior. Whatever happens she absolutely cannot come to your house. You don’t need that kind of abuse.
Also, make sure somebody in your family has durable power of attorney to take over paying her bills when she can’t any more and medical power of attorney. If you let it go too long, suddenly she’s too far gone to sign anything and it takes a court order.
Now about your Mom and Bob? They deserve each other. He’s not a nice man. Mom’s not a nice woman. They can hang out in the mud together. I would try to make sure Doreen knows. Because Bob is abusing her.
Clearly you and I could be friends.
“What looked like morality was her excuse to exert control over you and others.“ That’s EXACTLY what my the therapist said to me before. My mom’s dementia isn’t bad enough for us to take over. My brother talked to her doctor already. Me and my brother does have power of attorney in the events she is unable to care for herself.
I will say I am worried about her giving him money, not a little bit of money but I’m worried about her turning everything over to him. She’s always said she wouldn’t but I “she’s so in love with him” 🤮 that I think she feels the need to prove it. I’ve even talked about the fact that his wife could end up with her money and she doesn’t get it/believe it.
It’s beyond frustrating.
Delurking to sympathize with you, kms15, I feel your pain. My mother was diagnosed borderline personality disorder (a step down on the narc spectrum) and got very paranoid and angry over time.
You wrote:
My mom’s dementia isn’t bad enough for us to take over. My brother talked to her doctor already.
Schedule another appointment with the neurologist. (I hope you are talking to a neurologist, not a general practitioner, BTW). Tell them the reason for the appointment is that you have power of attorney and are worried that someone is grooming your mother for her money. Take her to the appointment, witness her responses to the doctor, and if the doctor is worth .02, then they will ask probing questions to discern that your mom cannot handle her affairs. Get a signed paper on the doctor’s letterhead with the notation that your mom is no longer fully able to handle her affairs.
Make sure you take the trust/will/POA agreements to the appointment, too. Have the doctor take a look at them as well, so you look like you’re not the one grooming her, but are looking out for her best interests.
I had to do this since my mother InSiStEd she was FINEFINEFINE and I just sat back and let mom answer the doctor’s questions with nonsensical answers and got my signed document to take to the attorney. Sometimes the best thing is to let them show their own true colors.
Also:
Me and my brother does have power of attorney in the events she is unable to care for herself.
Make sure you and your brother are 150% in agreement on treatment, facilities and such and you can have productive conversations about continuing care. I hate to say it, but my disruptive sister pre-deceased my mom so my other sister and I had zero problems with care and mom’s estate. If the other sister had still been alive, it would’ve been a nightmare!
Best of luck to you, it is a hard road to navigate.
Oh that’s so weird. My difficult brother also pre-deceased my mom. I had been dreading having to deal with him for literally years. He was utterly useless in Dad’s final days. He finally started having Mom over to visit for a couple of hours on some Sunday afternoons (while my daughter and I did all other care), and then boom he was gone. He was the kind that would do nothing while having all kinds of opinions about how things should be done. It sounds awful, but I’m relieved that I will not have to deal with him when Mom is at the end of her life.
Mine was also an “upstanding” Christian, very conservative. He preached on the side.
And he very likely had brain damage from long-term narcotics use. His own pain doctor admitted to me that my husband was pretty much a lost cause and suggested that I look into divorce. He said that nearly all of his patients were divorced, so don’t feel bad about that. Drugs ravage families, even when they regulated. And after years of easy access, things were tightening up. Soon it would be very hard to get them, the doctor said. He said that my husband wouldn’t do well with that. As if I didn’t know…my then-husband had already been ejected from several medical practices for pill-shopping. He even reportedly tried to attack a doctor where they had to threaten to call the police if he didn’t leave. Then they called me, concerned about my safety.
When my husband left for the final time, he admitted that he had never been so far away from God. I chose not to respond to that, but, of course, I wasn’t at all surprised. He also hinted at suicide, which bloomed in discussions with his attorney during the divorce.
Just a thoroughly broken individual that I had to let go of. There was truly nothing to salvage.
“What looked like morality was her excuse to exert control over you and others. Many narcissists also like to use religion as a way to show off their piety and gain admiration. It’s all fake. All. Fake.”
Exactly so.
My FW XW was and still is very judgmental of everyone else’s real or perceived moral shortcomings. Also a roman catholic that was radtrad in the past to the point of toying with the idea of wearing a black veil to the mass. It came as a total surprise to me that she was not morally incorruptible, because she’s always behaved like she was and was very exacting of everybody under her thumb. She still talks a big game. I find rather amusing either fuckwits’ lack of self-reflection or sheer hypocrisy. Really don’t know which one it is, and no longer give a fuck, but it’s rich.
FWIW, Cheater #2’s bike hoe liked to tell everyone in earshot that she was “a good Christian mother and wife”. Yeah, let’s just forget about those inconvenient commandments like not bearing false witness, not committing adultery, and coveting. Maybe they believe they will be forgiven by words, not deeds and let into the gates of Heaven.
This is a thing!!! When I left my home and got an Emergency divorce from my cheating X..I went to a 55plus building where there were several men roaming the place. One in particular, charming, arms opened wide, started in on how his X lives in Washington DC and they are divorced now for 2 years ..he said..” I am free”! Well I wasn’t biting any hooks especially not geezer row. But the stories of horrible Xs who left poor hubby i did not believe…..okay….anyway X wife comes back from Wash DC and is now living with geezer Casanova again. He INSISTS he’s still free and I should consider him. I call these people SEEN-AGERS..They are Seniors who act like teenagers and it is embarrassing!!!! Most men here in 55 plus hit on the new woman who arrive and I have to say that slow dementia is mixed in with entitlement and arrogance from YEARS of cheating– IMO. Woman are jealous and give the side eye when they are married to these creeps. Years and years of tending the male organ leaves these women tense.I have gotten flowers, invitations and open arms for hugs from married men! I hear girlfriend and wife complaints as most cheaters start with that as a come- on for any woman who will start counseling with them and feeling sorry for them. I have been hit on by a man with a catheters in his organ, a walker and no balance… with their wife RIGHT THERE and he said….while standing right in front of his wife..that he would leave her for me in a heart beat!!!!!!Nothing at all has changed for creepy cheaters except dementia and lack of the usual covering up, that is now missing.
Speak up and say whatever you need to say as a relative and best wishes Seen-Agers are as bad as 15 year Olds and that is no joke. Thankfully I have the perfect place to learn to say No set boundaries and learn how to get rid of creepy men. Something I needed to learn as a full fledged Chump. Tracy has told us the truth all along.
I have an aunt who lost her husband in their 80’s. She had mid-stage dementia and was very lonely in their house and immediately started hanging out with a guy she had known for years who was living in assisted living but still pretty together with his own car, etc. One day she asked me if it was OK to initiate sex with him. I literally said, “Not my committee.” No way did I want to be part of that discussion.
Turns out she did pursue him harder, and he wasn’t in for that, so he started ghosting her. I actually called him at that point because he seemed like a nice enough guy. Yes, she had been too aggressive. He was done. Got it. After that, when she wanted me to help with the number so she could call him, I couldn’t find it.
Sometime after that, we put her into a dementia home, which was completely the right call. I called the previous boyfriend to tell him, and he was very appreciative. But yes, just friends. He said that he wouldn’t be going to visit her. And reportedly, she continued to pursue various men in dementia home, but they knew to watch out for that and handled it. Now she’s in a later stage and barely interacts, so that concern is over as far as we know.
But yes, dementia makes people a shadow of their former selves. But don’t be a secret-keeper though.
Sorry to be off topic but I know some of you have asked about my ex going to prison. He was sentenced yesterday and got 10 years. The information in the article was shocking to me, it was even worse than I thought or knew of. He had 10 photos and 12 videos and some were featuring infants and toddlers. No sentence would have been long enough but there has at least finally been some justice.
Article
Katie, I’ve read your story, via your posts, since following this blog for the past year or so.
Hugs to you for your bravery and fortitude in extricating yourself from this evil, dysfunctional man.
From how you’ve described it, he wove a convincing pathological web. You were smart enough to see through his evil.
You stood up to him and you stood up for the truth against the flying monkeys who supported him.
The sentence is a good thing to hear of. Children are precious and vulnerable.
Kudos to you.
You must feel exhausted and relieved to hear this news.
You can embrace some peace for yourself now. 💕
Katie, I mostly lurk here, but I wanted to say I’m sorry you are going through this. I can’t even imagine what you are going through. Offering you long distance support and internet hugs.
Katie, I just want to send you all the warmth and kindness you deserve. I’m glad you are away from this person.
Oh gosh. I wish it was more than 10 years, but I’m glad he’s getting locked up.
Seconded.
I’m so glad he’s going to jail. Big ((hugs)) to you.
Thank you for creating this place Tracy. And thank you to all of you who post here and everyone who sent well wishes. This blog has helped me so much. I’m actually doing pretty good and just feel a lot of relief that I won’t run into him somewhere and that justice is being served. thank you again to all of you. I wish you all the best.
That’s good news. He’ll be put away at long last. Ten years would be a longish sentence in my state.
You probably know that these types get ganged up on in prison and often end up in solitary confinement. So more justice to come (we can hope)…
As usual, the Chump Lady has it right.
Lol. CL nailed it! As I was reading I was thinking the same thing. When you interact with him kindly ask how his wife is. Im blunt, I would probably dive deep and ask why he lives separately, and if his wife knows and ask if she would like to join us next time. Offer to send an invite so we can all get to know each other. Be magnanimous! She is always welcome, the more the merrier. As sweetly and kind as you can muster. He declines, I might look her up and ask her to join anyways. Whats the big whoop? We are all adults here.
ROFLMAO I like the way you think. Kill them with kindness