Paula Broadwell Wants Us to Stop Saying “Mistress”

Paula Broadwell

Paula Broadwell, the mistress, is back in the news. According to yesterday’s New York Times article, “Paula Broadwell, David Petraeus and the Afterlife of a Scandal” Broadwell is trying to “restore her reputation.”

I’m not sure as what exactly. An unqualified biographer of famous generals? A woman who can do a lot of push-ups? Who was Paula Broadwell before she schtupped General Petraeus?

The Times tells us:

Yes, this is that Paula Broadwell, the mentee-turned-biographer of David H. Petraeus; the West Point graduate and military intelligence officer who was revealed, through a high-profile F.B.I. investigation, to have had a romantic relationship with Mr. Petraeus, a former C.I.A. director and the highest-profile general from the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. This is also the Paula Broadwell who would be publicly portrayed as a “homewrecker,” a “stalker,” a “temptress,” the woman who “brought down the director of the C.I.A.” And, perhaps with the most frequency, as the “mistress,” a word for which there is no male equivalent.

Broadwell is fed up with the homewrecker reputation — “How long does a person pay for their mistake?”

(Yes, mistake singular. Do these people all work from the same script?)

It’s all terribly unfair.

Petraeus resigned, apologized to the Senate Armed Services Committee, plead “guilty to a misdemeanor charge of mishandling classified material related to eight personal notebooks he’d shared with Ms. Broadwell… remained home in isolation… He was sentenced last April to two years’ probation and a $100,000 fine.”

Broadwell was never charged and remains married to her chump husband.

But still she suffers.

She lost her military security clearance; her promotion from major to lieutenant colonel was revoked when the news broke. The F.B.I. still has her computers — including her dissertation research — and she withdrew from her Ph.D. program. She said she was told in more than one job interview that, while she was qualified, hiring her would be a public-relations nightmare.

Four years on, her name still pops up in the news with regularity. She tracks these references with precision. Every time there is a new development — a legal update, Mr. Petraeus’s sentencing, the recently self-published memoirby the woman on the receiving end of her emails — she said she is reminded: that for him, the affair is a footnote to an otherwise celebrated career. But for her — not as decorated, not as public, but still accomplished in her own right — it has become a lasting stain.

So how would Broadwell like us to forget that she was Petraeus’s fuck puppet?

She’s started a public service campaign to get us all to stop saying “mistress.”

It’s sexist and unfair.

And so the public inquisition into the “mistress” began, with everything from her fitness acumen — could she really run a six-minute mile? — to her body fat (13 percent) to her “usually tight shirts and pants” scrutinized. She was called, by a senior military source, “a shameless self-promoting prom queen” who “got her claws” into him. She was “curvaceous,” with “expressive green eyes.” One general described her as “seemingly immune to the notion of modesty,” referring to the attire she was said to have worn in Afghanistan.

I’d say Broadwell is singularly immune to the notion of shame. Really Broadwell? It’s not what you did, it’s what we CALL it that’s the problem? Seriously?

Wow. I can’t think of any better way to get the public to forget you were ever a mistress than reminding them to stop calling you a mistress.

As terms go — do you have any idea what Holly Petraeus calls you? Mistress isn’t in the top 10, ranking far below, “whore,” “bitch,” and “sinewy horse-faced slut bucket.”

Chump Lady is all in favor of gender neutral language around infidelity. If you want to be polite, use “affair partner.” “Fuck buddy” is an acceptable alternative as well. Mistress is some archaic term that roughly translates as “maiden who lies down with unicorns.” By all means, let’s chuck it.

Ms. Broadwell was pleased to discover last month, after conversations with The Associated Press, that it had addressed “mistress” in an updated style guide, advising “friend,” “companion” or “lover” in its place, or language that “reflects that it takes two to tango,” said The A.P.’s standards editor, Thomas Kent.

 Thanks AP style guide!

Hey Mildred, I’d like to depose your “friend” in my divorce case. 

I saw your Ashley Madison profile looking for COMPANIONSHIP, Bob, and we’re THROUGH!

Is that your lover blowing you in a Walmart parking lot or is that a morbidly obese barnacle attached to your penis?

Feel free to use these new, judgement-free terms in sentences of your choosing! The important thing to remember kids, is that Paula Broadwell is NOT a mistress.

She’s some narcissistic nitwit who misses the spotlight.

Hope her chump husband finds this site. Keep those Google alerts going, Paula.

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WiserToday
WiserToday
7 years ago

How about “cuck” as the new unisex label for an affair partner? Think she and Betrayous would find that more seemly?

Anonymous Coward
Anonymous Coward
7 years ago
Reply to  WiserToday

// , Before it became a 4chan meme, “cuckold” was a common term of abuse in mediaeval times and through the Renaissance.

Shakespeare plays are replete with the word.

It also allows the phrases “Trust that he cucks.” and “Trust that she cucks.”

https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/cuck

Aunt Podger
Aunt Podger
7 years ago

Nice citation, AC. It does seem to me that the term “cuckold” refers perjoratively to the wronged male partner in a marriage broached by infidelity, and that “to cuck” is to be the partner causing that breech. The interloper seems to be referred to by neither of these terms. Language evolves though, and if it works for guys…

I kind of like the acronym MOOP. In this case it stands for “matter out of place, ” usually referring to human waste clotting an otherwise-beautiful landscape, to be dealt with as quickly, ruthlessly, and dispassionately as possible.

Ian Dubito
Ian Dubito
7 years ago
Reply to  Aunt Podger

Yeah, Trumpkins and BernieBros have nicked “cuck” for their own threats. But it seems to imply victim rather than perpetrator in all uses.

cuckedoff
cuckedoff
7 years ago
Reply to  Ian Dubito

I find that the term “cuckold” is particularly demeaning and insulting towards male victims of marital infidelity. I chose to use “Cuckedoff” as my user name to remind myself that I am in fact a humiliated victim over which I had no control. There is no female equivalent to “cuckold” just as there is no male equivalent to “mistress”.

Ian Dubito
Ian Dubito
7 years ago
Reply to  cuckedoff

Howdy, CuckedOff. Apparently I spend too much time on Twitter engaging in political battles. I appreciate your insight into “cuck.” My comment above however, I should have made in a more appropriate forum.

Caroline
Caroline
7 years ago
Reply to  WiserToday

Kak in South Africa means shit literally, it’s the slang term for poop. I like cuck for that reason.

Aunt Podger
Aunt Podger
7 years ago
Reply to  WiserToday

The people who have picked up on “cuck” tend to be super-racist and literally pro-rape. They also tend to believe that if a woman “lets herself go” or won’t do anal, her husband has no choice but to have sex with other women. As much as I love the unisex possibilities and classical origin (as well as the private thought of clucking it at Comet Lad’s “real” wife), I vote no.

Aunt Podger
Aunt Podger
7 years ago
Reply to  Aunt Podger

(Uh, just to clarify: my wasband was a serial adulterer who used to fall in love with women and tell them he felt they were his “real” wives, and that I was, well, in at least one case, a crazy stalker… who lived at his house and who could produce legal paperwork, sure, but crazy stalkers like me tend to get hung up on things like legalities and promises and that pesky truth thing. But I wasn’t a real wife, oh, no.)

Martha
Martha
7 years ago
Reply to  WiserToday

“Betrayous” –lol 🙂

Alexandra
Alexandra
7 years ago
Reply to  Martha

Betrayous – awesome! LMAO

Martha
Martha
7 years ago

“Maiden who lies down with unicorns”…..thanks, Tracy, for the good morning laugh! I didn’t expect you to show-up on a holiday!

I read this article yesterday and the first thing I thought of was: Interesting choice of photo selections. I remember seeing her on Jon Stewarts, “The Daily Show.” She was on touting her book, “All In”, months before the affair was brought to our attention. She was all arm and shoulders; clearly knowing that they were impressive. So to see these non-arm/shoulder pictures (look! I’m no threat! I’m just a lady! I wouldn’t steal your husband!) just showed how she knew what she was doing when she was exposing her arms and shoulders on “The Daily Show.”

Yeah, Holly Petraeus does not call her a mistress or a “friend.” I call my STBXH’s “friend”, Slut. Any woman who’d go out for drinks (“wine!!!”, said the Slut) with a married man until almost 1:30 in the morning is a person with poor character and is a slut. She’ll always be a slut. Even if and when she’s the new Mrs.

newchumpatl
newchumpatl
7 years ago
Reply to  Martha

There are truly no excuses.

BetterDays
BetterDays
7 years ago

I’m partial to “whore” myself.

I do agree with her on one thing. High-profile men suffer fewer consequences for their affairs while their whores end up unemployable jokes. I’m a fan of bigger consequences for the man-whores, rather than the wink-wink “boys will be boys” attitude that underlies our public discourse.

Virago
Virago
7 years ago
Reply to  BetterDays

BetterDays, I agree that the consequences (given his income and leadership responsibilities and overall power level) seem trivial. At least Bill Clinton was impeached and that was a reasonably strong message.

The information coming out in the last few years about the sexual misconduct within the military is astonishing. To me, affairs fall under that umbrella EXCEPT that both ‘fuck buddies’ (I had to choose one) agree to the terms of the inappropriate behaviour. The faithful spouse, as always, has no place in the contract.

The rape and sexual harassment is so rampant that many countries are examining the issue within their own forces. Thanks to the Americans for the academy award nominated documentary called ‘The Invisible War’.
http://invisiblewarmovie.com

Because our current consciousness virtually ENDORSES sexual impropriety (not sure I even need the ‘virtually’), I believe that we must start teaching children some values around this subject. And enforce consequences for inappropriate behaviour at every level of our cultures. No more “wink-wink/boys will be boys”, as BetterDays says. And we chumps have the duty to live in ways that show others how to impose boundaries and consequences for violations of proper conduct.

I live for the day when our urban dictionaries have NO term for such conduct due to its’ extinction.

moominmamma
moominmamma
7 years ago
Reply to  Virago

was clinton actually impeached?I didn’t think he was, but not my president. We don’t impeach prime ministers, unfortunately.Our previous PM had a very very very close relationship with his female chief of staff, including trips away together without their spouses….doing prime minister things….

Virago
Virago
7 years ago
Reply to  moominmamma

He was impeached by the House of Reps on counts of perjury and obstruction of justice in 1998, but not removed from office because the Senate did not deliver a ⅔ majority vote for removal.

BetterDays
BetterDays
7 years ago
Reply to  Virago

Totally agree, Virago. Especially about the appalling sexual abuse that’s been going on and on how our current consciousness endorses sexual impropriety. You’re right — there’s no need for the “virtually” anymore.

I’ve got a more heightened awareness now — as I’m sure we all do! — of whenever infidelity is mentioned in the news, TV, movies, books, etc. I’m stunned at how often affairs are romanticized or portrayed as “mistakes.” And I’m aware now, in ways I wasn’t before, of how that collective consciousness invaded my own perception.

If you’d asked me before all the D-Days whether I thought affairs were wrong, of course I would have agreed. I’m sure I thought serial cheaters were hopeless cases. But I also would have been sympathetic to the idea that people can make “mistakes” and that we shouldn’t “judge” because you never know what’s going on inside someone else’s marriage. In our society, moral outrage is seen as something only religious fundamentalists engage in, and then, like Jimmy Swaggart, they’re probably only covering up their own sin. All the hip, cool shows like “Californication” and “Entourage” (and oh boy, did The Entitled One love those shows) portray modern sexual mores as completely open-ended. Every sexual fantasy you ever had? If you can make it happen in real life, you da man. Old-fashioned ideas about monogamy and sex-within-committed-relationships? What a naive rube you must be.

Before all the D-Days, I’d never given much thought to what is required to engage in even a single affair — the daily lies, the manipulation, the betrayal, the blameshifting, the mindfucks. And I didn’t realize how often people who’ve only had “one affair” are actually serial cheaters who haven’t yet been caught. Now I remind myself daily — especially when the nostalgia feelings kick in — that I’m modeling for my boys what is right and wrong, and how no one should tolerate disrespect and devaluation. How women do not exist as objects to meet their needs, to be discarded at whim.

Ian Dubito
Ian Dubito
7 years ago
Reply to  BetterDays

Wow, BetterDays. Just reread what you wrote. That “collective consciousness” you speak of had permeated my thinking too. My new “heightened awareness” is indeed a blessing. I’d never go so far as to thank Match Girl for that revelation.

I know that your boys will benefit from you modeling healthy behavior. Maybe they won’t have to find out the hard way that violent sexual abuse at the hands of cheaters is an ever-increasing threat.

Virago
Virago
7 years ago
Reply to  BetterDays

“I’m modeling for my boys what is right and wrong, and how no one should tolerate disrespect and devaluation. How women do not exist as objects to meet their needs, to be discarded at whim.”

BetterDays, you are a star! This is our role now. If any good is to come from the events of our chumpdom, we must commit to changing the entire discourse on sexual impropriety. Let’s make our names stand for that message at all levels of society.

Virago
Virago
7 years ago
Reply to  Virago

And to not forget the whole other part of the situation: ‘wink-wink, girls will be girls’. I’m not really gender biased. Just forgetful. And thoughtless. Apologies to all of the wonderful men on this site. The discussion must happen at the earliest possible time and continue through to all workplaces and communities for both men and women.

Ian Dubito
Ian Dubito
7 years ago
Reply to  Virago

No need for an apology, Virago. I am a male chump raised and educated by feminists. When I showed up to CN, I was sure that I was cucked because I had spent too much time under the tutelage of feminists. It’s apparent to me now that even the most “alpha” male gets cheated on and shows up here.

I have also seen that when I fail to adequately disclaim every argument I make, or I show insensitivity by not including every group impacted by any given wrong, I might be labeled as insensitive. If I have to craft a perfect argument every time I wade into the discussion, I risk never saying anything. And even if I did manage to construct the perfect argument, would it then be so sterilized that I would in effect be saying nothing?

How can I possibly take all of this into account in the context of cheating? Raw emotions are the order of the day here.

Virago
Virago
7 years ago
Reply to  Ian Dubito

Too many flaming hoops, Ian. Not fair. Continue to enter the discussion.

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
7 years ago
Reply to  Virago

There are no apologies required to our male chumps for pointing out a sexist issue. yes we have many male chumps here and they deserve respect. However, it is gender biased to ignore sexism in the the world, including here. In the US there is no such thing as ‘wink-wink, girls will be girls’. The boys club is exclusive. Go read about the Steubenville rape case if you doubt that, and you somehow didn’t see it in the news when it was ongoing. lot of coverage talking about how these ‘boys’ promising lives were impacted by the charges. Only 2 of them were convicted and got light charges, both were right back on their football team upon release. The girl was treated as a pariah by the town, many teenage girls conditioned by our culture piled on that wagon. That is not an extreme case, it’s just how women and girls are treated in our culture. We need to change that. This woman’s lame ass ‘mistress’ war is not going to do much but it is in line with how women are treated vs men in virtually every area of our society. Off soapbox.

Virago
Virago
7 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

Dat, I was referring to the fact that women are part of the sexual misconduct/cheating mentioned above and men get hurt. Men in the military, workplace, etc. have also been sexually harassed by women.

Though massively underreported, for a number of reasons, sexual assault of underage and adult men by women is now well documented. So, I do apologize for my thoughtlessness for focusing on the effects of these atrocities on women only.

I am extremely clear about how women and girls are victimized in North American culture. I am also clear that men are victimized and deserve to be treated with the same care and attention.

Mandie101
Mandie101
7 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

An enlightened male? One who does not cry emasculation at the mention of blatant gender imbalances? We may have our first real unicorn here! I am thoroughly impressed. A man gives nothing of his manhood if he acknowledges injustices done to women by men. Me thinks I like your brain.

Renewed
Renewed
7 years ago
Reply to  BetterDays

I think a $100k fine and 2 years probation is no walk in the park. As far as guys are concerned, a fair number have lost their bids for presidency etc.

BetterDays
BetterDays
7 years ago
Reply to  Renewed

Considering what he’s likely making in the private sector, $100k probably isn’t much of a pinch. And although some cheaters have lost bids for presidencies, I can’t think of a single one who became a laughingstock. Not even Bill Clinton or John Edwards and their behavior was ludicrously juvenile (and I’m a liberal). That’s what drives me nuts about these situations.

Well, that and how the media and public think it’s fair game to create a narrative of the hot whore and the frumpy wife and imply that what red-blooded man would be able to resist? Ugh.

Renewed
Renewed
7 years ago
Reply to  BetterDays

Oh how could I forget Ted Kennedy? His sexual exploits were well known. Regular fodder for SNL.

Renewed
Renewed
7 years ago
Reply to  BetterDays

Herman Cain comes to mind, in addition to a few other ” where are they now” candidates. Most were pre Clinton I will admit. In this current political and social climate we have a known womanizer in one party and door mat on the other.
While the media may sweep these behaviors under the rug on a local level the candidates look like two sides of the same coin. Cheating and supporting a cheat is a no no.

Renewed
Renewed
7 years ago
Reply to  BetterDays

Before the scandal I believe his salary was about $200k. If he received no compensation during his 2 year probation $100k was a stiff penalty.

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
7 years ago
Reply to  Renewed

He resigned keeping his 75% pension and went to work for Wall Street where his $100K fine is a pittance. Just sayin

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
7 years ago
Reply to  BetterDays

I agree with you BetterDays. I read some articles at the time and was pissed off at how Petraeus was portrayed as this wonderful gentleman that was somehow seduced by her. He’s got an excellent job and people still talk about a political career for him. Powerful men do not pay the price for cheating that the women they cheat with do. BOTH of them were married, only only she was really vilified in the press.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Fuck casseroles; someone needs to bring Holly a copy of your new book and a lawyer recommendation.

Lola Granola
Lola Granola
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Holly Petraeus is not using social media to blame anyone for anything. I am assuming Holly P is getting on with her life, enforcing good boundaries with David, and please God she isn’t playing marriage police.

Holly Petraeus has DIGNITY.

Look it up, Paula.

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

For reals. I hope that she had a really good group of supporters…given the chance I would have been in her corner

Martha
Martha
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Agree, CL! My Cheaters mommy, who only invited us over for dinner once or twice a year. All-of-a-sudden, her cheating son got invited over WEEKLY for dinner. Poor Sad Sausage. Martha got a backbone and said she was no longer playing wife to him anymore — no meals, no laundry, etc. Mommy felt sorry for her cheating baby. Who felt sorry for me? Where were my casseroles? NO CONTACT is the way to go with people like this. Thanks for writing today. I always miss you over the weekends. 🙂

gotadog
gotadog
7 years ago
Reply to  Martha

Agree CL and Martha- poor little cheater pants Has a boo boo. I was left to get might on my own.

HM
HM
7 years ago

“She lost her military security clearance; her promotion from major to lieutenant colonel was revoked when the news broke. The F.B.I. still has her computers — including her dissertation research — and she withdrew from her Ph.D. program. She said she was told in more than one job interview that, while she was qualified, hiring her would be a public-relations nightmare”

Oh wahhhhh! Affairs have consequences??? Wahh! Wahhh! Wahhhhhh!

FreeWoman
FreeWoman
7 years ago
Reply to  HM

When you decline to hire somebody, you probably wouldn’t say something like – You had a military security clearance, and even that didn’t stop you from taking chances, lying, and sneaking around! You were given access to a top military commander, and you used that for your personal sexual playground. Basically, your lack of good character is obvious.
No, they will just say something generic like- hiring you would be bad for our public relations. But really, they’re like ‘ Who wants to let this disaster into our community? PU!’
Poor Paula, just another soulless cheater, who hates those mean old consequences!!

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
7 years ago
Reply to  HM

Agree, however Petraeus has a high paying job on Wall Street and will probably be advising the White House in a couple of years. He resigned and had to pay a fine, but got that job whilst waiting for the verdict…where are his consequences?

LovedAJackass
LovedAJackass
7 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

The security clearance issue for him is a major consequence. It’s not so much the “punishment” as he will never be able to play at the same level again. Given the military tendency to punish the lower-ranking officials rather than the top ones when something goes wrong, what he lost was a big deal.

LovedAJackass
LovedAJackass
7 years ago
Reply to  LovedAJackass

And the fact that the revolving door between big money and big government gave him a soft place to land just shows how the people at the top protect their own.

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago

I have not one modicum of compassion for Fuckbuddy Paula. She orchestrated a Cake-a-palooza of world class proportions – what with leaving her Doctor Chump back home raising the kids while she travelled and exercised with (and fucked) her Hero all the while using a book project as the perfect excuse.

And she suffered consequences. Boo-fucking-hoo.

As a faithful Military spouse who held down the fort, raised the kids and kept the homefires burning while Major Cheaterpants kept the world safe (and fucked coworkers) on trips, there is a special flavor of distain that folks like me have for vermin like her.

Doingme
Doingme
7 years ago

“I think the worst feeling is when you don’t have control over your life,” MS, (mistress) Bradwell said. “And that’s what this feels like.”

And it’ always amazes me how it’s framed as a romantic relationship in the press.

Image CONTROL is what you lost and still want four years later.

General cunt works.

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  Doingme

Not having control over your life…like when the person you trust most and reproduced with is going on trips with a colleague who they fuck and then lie to you about it? That kind of “no control”? Yea, it sucks. Most of the folks here regained control when they dumped the cheater, I never did.

Thinking on this more while I pulled weeds. So when women went to the Academies and got more active assignments in the military, the elite among them would have been insulted if the Marge-the-Military-wife folks among them would have said “Are you going to use your proximity to our husbands on deployment to bang them? Im sure Paula herself would have protested such an accusation with righteous indignation that she was a professional Military Officer who sought to serve God and Country and was insulted by such base accusations.

Really, what she and the General did was tear away at the most basic fabric of the social contract of military families and service members …all while holding places of leadership. What sort of example did they set for a newlywed Lieutenant who has a bride at home and a coworker offering to suck his dick 4000 miles from home? If the General and the LT Col (select) did it, then its ok, right?

Leadership. Its a heavy mantle and requires sacrifice.

“Mistake” indeed.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

Where was Holly Petraeus’s control as Paula was schtupping her husband under his desk and assorted other places? These cheater APs are delusional. My X’s gradwhore was initially writing her thesis on love and “agency.” Where was my fucking agency as she carried on with my then-H and issued him ultimatums to leave me? I’d say I can’t wait to read such drivel, but she has yet to complete a thesis by year 9.

Aunt Podger
Aunt Podger
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

Speaking as a feminist, I feel hollow inside when I hear of women having consensual sex with married people. People fought so hard and so long for that responsibility and freedom, and you use it to do what?

I don’t really pretend to get cheaters, but I have a feelingif there weren’t military women around, they would find a way.

uniballer1965
uniballer1965
7 years ago
Reply to  Aunt Podger

It’s not just those on active duty. Wives (and husbands) left home while the serving member is on deployment are equally likely to cheat. This is not a gender issue, nor an occupation issue. It is and always will be a character issue.

Those who have sworn an oath as officers have no excuse for betrayal, ever. If they don’t know better or can’t make good, honorable choices, they have no place in military leadership. Military service requires ethics beyond reproach.

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  uniballer1965

True..I know some military spouses cheat and it is horrible when it happens. When I was a young newlywed, I went out dancing/drinking with another wife whose husband was deployed and that one time convinced me that doing that was not a good idea and I chose to find other ways of passing deployment time (mostly working). The gal I went out with that night was banging some other guy within weeks.

I never ever cheated on my husband. I went as far as arranging chaperones if I knew a male friend was planning to stop by. I went out with some friends and this Nordic god of a man made a pass at me and I literally fled. Looking back, I think he stayed faithful during his first deployment, but the second and the third were likely fuckfests.

He travelled a lot and I now see the clues I missed back then…he did a really good job of compartmentalizing.

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  Aunt Podger

I have lived around the military most of my life and her doing this set women back in their fight for equality. She shit all over women who do a great job responsibly without fucking other women’s husbands and she shat on the social contract of military members & military families

Annie Get Your Gun
Annie Get Your Gun
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

As a former military member, I agree. I couldn’t understand why the wives of some of the men I served with didn’t seem to like me. I always had a (single) boyfriend, was only interested in their husbands as a part of my unit. When a deployment came up I fought to go as women military police were not allowed in the area. I won my fight and deployed with them. There were 10 of us MP’s in total. We worked together, drank together, played cards, practical jokes, and completed our mission. At no point did I sleep with any of them. I flirt with them or give any indication that I was anything more than someone who they could count on to have their back. I was young and don’t know if I would have seen it through the same lens that I have today, but why poach with someone else’s man and possibly ruin my career when there were so many single guys to choose from. Adultery was (is) a violation of the Uniform Code of Military Justice and illegal. I’m no saint and I had plenty of men in my life when I was single. But they were also single. To me, it was always duty first.

Men & Women in the military are there to serve and protect their county and each other. They have a duty to uphold the oath they took and should be role models. With that being said, anyone in public life, police, politicians, celebrates, athletes, have the same duty to model ethical behavior. I’m also adding parents to the list.

Doingme
Doingme
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

She confuses having consequences for her actions as losing control over her life.

Cheaters always want to control the narrative and place themselves in the role of being a victim.

PARASITE. PREDATOR PIG can easily replace mistress. Take you pick. PAULA you are NOT a victim of the press you a sleazy CUNTRESS whose demise shoukd be applauded.

That’s my vote A push-up cuntress

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  Doingme

I would advocate the demise of her public persona, but not the demise of her actual physical self. As the widow of an actual dead cheater, Im careful to not advance the idea that death is a great way to stop cheaters. My deadcheater has parents and children who grieve him mightily even though Im still pretty pissed with him.

julie scott
julie scott
7 years ago

Well actually this one makes me a little sad. I hadn’t heard anything about her for a long time but I had assumed her husband had dumped her and gotten full custody of the kids. Really hope he has an epiphany soon and finds the Chump Nation community.

And CL’s Fuck Puppet. I voted for Fuck Puppet. It’s totally gender neutral and perfectly describes a friend/companion/lover.

Annie Get Your Gun
Annie Get Your Gun
7 years ago
Reply to  julie scott

I’m not sure I like Fuck Puppet. Although I’m sure the hand is up there where the sun don’t shine, puppet implies letting others control your behavior. I haven’t found the right word yet to describe the OW, so I don’t give her a name. Nothing. She had two married men competing for her at work and apparently my STBEX won. My son also worked at the same place and witnessed his father’s behavior. I saw parasite earlier in the post and that struck me as more accurate in my case.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago

Geez, Annie, didn’t you get the cheater memo? We, the chumps, are the hand up the puppet because we “caused” their cheating by our suckitude. Don’t you feel powerful now?

Annie Get Your Gun
Annie Get Your Gun
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Ah. Now that makes sense. Here I was thinking like an adult and we are all responsible for our actions and the consequences resulting from them.

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
7 years ago

I’m sorry your son had to see that behavior. And, thanks for your service. I think you should give talks to military personnel on decorum. I really do. You seem to get the point of it all.

Annie Get Your Gun
Annie Get Your Gun
7 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine

Thank you. I had some very good mentors who taught me two things, behave as though you’re being watched by (pick the person you most respect) and truth is harder to tell than a lie, but once caught in a lie, your character will always be questioned. No one ever questions someone they know to be honest.

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
7 years ago

My folks like to call OW “The Tick,” because I believed at one point that she was a parasite. She had no real career, no savings, no children, no responsibility, and she, it seemed at the time, anyway, poached my husband, and the father of my children.

She’s disgusting, manipulative, dependent. But he chose her. She’s serving some sort of need. I think, therefore, that their relationship is more symbiotic, or maybe mutually parasitic. Probably the latter.

Annie Get Your Gun
Annie Get Your Gun
7 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine

Yep. They’re both parasites. The OW has two children, maybe three, I don’t know. I know she has an entry level, low pay job and obviously needed someone to give her money. I call him Fucktard because if he was going to cheat, you wouldn’t think he’d be stupid enough to cheat with someone who would drain him financially dry and have him support her children….hey, she’s a parasitic leach.

UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
7 years ago

Yep, same here!!! TEO left me for a 26/27-year-old part-time college kid/works part-time and 2 young kids. She is 12 +/- years younger than him, has two young kids, and [probably thinks he’s oh-some-kind-of-awesome. A Real white-knight for her and her kids.

BetterDays
BetterDays
7 years ago

Naw, they’re not thinking that far ahead. All they see is the kibbles from someone who’s one-down from them in status and who’s probably telling them how wonderful/smart/amazing they are to be so successful. The Entitled One makes it very clear on his dating site and sex site profiles that he has money. Maybe that’s the one honest part of the transaction–he’s advertising he’s more than happy to pay for sex.

Chumptitude
Chumptitude
7 years ago
Reply to  julie scott

I like CL’s “Fuck Puppet” best as well…

Ian Dubito
Ian Dubito
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumptitude

Chumptitude,

Am I to gather from your image that you have a rather low opinion of Paula and cheaters in general.

Hey, hey Paula. We hate you.

Hey, hey Paula. Your husband should divorce you.

Chumptitude
Chumptitude
7 years ago
Reply to  Ian Dubito

Welcome back Ian, I’ve been missing your witty contributions to CN, and hope your divorce is proceeding with as little drama as possible!

I do have a low opinion of cheaters, hate is too strong, just a mere rush of schadenfreude slithering up my spine each time I learn about a cheater experiencing a little karmic justice :)…

Keep forging on!

Renewed
Renewed
7 years ago
Reply to  julie scott

Count my vote.

PF
PF
7 years ago

Paula Broadwell stalked and sent threatening emails to a Jill Kelley, whom she believed was the Other, Other Mistress and that is how the story broke and uncovered her affair with the dumb ass Petreaus.

Paula Broadwell went insane and was jealous of another woman getting the attention of her buck toothed General who jeopardized classified information to bang a nutcase married woman.

Poor Paula, she don’t like being called a “mistress”, it’s insulting to her mental narcissistic ego.

Paula Broadwell is the poster child for the mentally dysfunctional narcissistic. It’s darkly humorous she dose not see how ridiculous and insane she is.

Just around the bend
Just around the bend
7 years ago
Reply to  PF

In other words, Paula Broadwell, FB (let’s turn it into a suffix, like PhD) outed herself. How stupid and narcissistic is that?

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
7 years ago

“sinewy horse-faced slut bucket.” LMAO

Why won’t she just go away? It hardly matters what we call cheaters as long as we are PC about it, apparently. There isn’t exactly a male equivalent term for ‘whore’ either, Whorse Face.

Valerie
Valerie
7 years ago
Reply to  ChumpyElf

ChumpyElf, you are too funny, just like Tracy. “Sinewy horse-faced slut bucket” and “Whorse Face” are now my favorite terms.

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
7 years ago
Reply to  Valerie

Valerie, I can’t take full credit for Whorse Face. It was inspired by Tempest’s variation of Florence (Flwhorence). I don’t use it because it takes me five minutes to type it out correctly after spellcheck keeps messing it up, lol.

Ali
Ali
7 years ago

I too find it depressing that these people are still in their marriages. ???

ICanAlmostSeeTheMeh!
ICanAlmostSeeTheMeh!
7 years ago

How about the Vagenis Victims?

Doingme
Doingme
7 years ago

Paula tells her children she made a mistake. Really Mr. Broadwell? She wasn’t a rising star who fell from grace. Far from it. I pity the legacy she leaves her children. Her need for power and control of the situation will never end.

I would suggest getting a name change and getting full custody of the children. She is a user and abuser. Let her do her push-ups elsewhere.

Divorce Minister
Divorce Minister
7 years ago

Such concern after the fact. These sad sausages of cheaters are not the quickest on their feet connecting actions with consequences. It’s step backwards in learning from such poor choices to try and make the world one’s PR agency, IMO. “Mistress” sounds bad? Well, you did something bad. You want a better, restored reputation? Should have thought of that BEFORE cheating.

BetterDays
BetterDays
7 years ago

When I was reading that article, I kept thinking she should be down on her knees every day thanking God she didn’t lose her marriage and kids as she so richly deserved. A lot of us faithful partners are dealing with the pain of not seeing our kids every day because our whore-spouses (of whatever gender) wanted to fuck other people.

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
7 years ago
Reply to  BetterDays

Getting down on her knees backfired, donchaknow.

Divorce Minister
Divorce Minister
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Precisely. The problem is word choices and not one’s lack of character.

ihavewings
ihavewings
7 years ago

For her:
Major Muff
For him:
Director Douchebag
General Gooch

Kimberly
Kimberly
7 years ago

What did she think would happen when her misdeeds were discovered? There have been countless examples of what happens to the women stupid enough to open their legs to married men while seduced by their power or something else! As an aside, forget that the conduct of the adulterers is morally reprehensible!

No sympathy here – not for her anyway! God bless her husband.

TheMuse
TheMuse
7 years ago
Reply to  Kimberly

LIke a typical cheater she never expected to get caught and likely didn’t consider the consquences.

Supreme Chump
Supreme Chump
7 years ago

Well, if it makes Broadwell feel any better, I never referred to any of my ex’s OWs as “mistress”. To me, “mistress” held the connotation of elegance and a misguided respect. “Mistress” is also rather old fashioned. I always referred to OWs as “slut”, “whore”, “pig”, “scumbag”, “scumfuck”, “piece of shit”, “psycho”, “loser”, etc, but never”mistress”. So, I’m good with not using the word”mistress”. We’re all happy.?

Anonymous Coward
Anonymous Coward
7 years ago
Reply to  Supreme Chump

// , None of these derogatory terms actually refers to the betrayal, though.

Think about it, which of these, “slut”, “whore”, “pig”, “scumbag”, “scumfuck”, “piece of shit”, “psycho”, or “loser” couldn’t be applied to a woman who wasn’t actually betraying anyone? They probably do apply, but the attention to betrayal and cuckolding someone isn’t there.

Shechump
Shechump
7 years ago

Anonymous Coward. You are right! I’ve had the wrong word along. Although I’ve used the above words many times, I’ve never used Mistress or Concubine, which really describes their reality, but they are too nice of words. His brother gave me a word, Harlot, which is pretty darn good as it relates to the bible, and you don’t hear it often. It’s more derogatory than Mistress but not bad enough. But, we all know what a Harlot does.

Oh, and me too – when I called her whore to his face he looked all hurt and bothered, seriously hurt…and said, she’s really nice!
I knew her well and no, she was an evil manipulating bitch of biblical proportions! Fucking Harlot!

Shechump
Shechump
7 years ago
Reply to  Shechump

Harlot: Heb. zonah ( Genesis 34:31 ; 38:15 ). In verses 21,22the Hebrew word used in kedeshah , i.e., a woman consecrated or devoted to prostitution in connection with the abominable worship of Asherah or Astarte, the Syrian Venus. This word is also used in Deuteronomy 23:17 ; Hosea 4:14 . Thus Tamar sat by the wayside as a consecrated kedeshah.

Or: har·lot (här′lət)
n.
A woman prostitute.

Clear as a bell. Maybe we should use it and update it from being old-fashioned.
It could also double as a word to make the Jesus-cheaters think.

MovingOn
MovingOn
7 years ago
Reply to  Supreme Chump

Absolutely. Mistress sounds romantic. I refer to both my ex and his cheater partner as whores. Actually, if I’m going to be precise, he’s the john, she’s the whore, and Ashley Madison was the pimp since my ex paid the site for her services. They’re both disgusting pigs who ditched their families to screw a stranger, so I’m not going to use any romance novel language to define either of them. Happy, Paula? You’re a whore, dear. Is that better?

FreeWoman
FreeWoman
7 years ago
Reply to  MovingOn

Agreed, Supreme Chump. When referring to the neighbor across the street, who mightily encouraged my (serial) cheating X to well, cheat, I started calling her the Homewrecker, Slut, or my fav, your Affair Partner. I liked that one, because he minimized it by saying they were either just friends who got a little too close, or they were just SOOOO alike each other, they had to spend all their time together! Nope, she’s your Affair Partner Slut, and you’re a Serial Cheater. How do you like that? I never backed down from that, and it drove him crazy!

BetterDays
BetterDays
7 years ago
Reply to  FreeWoman

LOL. Yeah, it drove The Entitled One crazy when I would refer to his other women as whores. Funny, he never asked how I refer to him. And it’s usually a lot more colorful than “The Entitled One!”

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
7 years ago
Reply to  MovingOn

I agree. Mistress sounds seductive and sexy and mysterious. So for that reason I wouldn’t use the word.
I do prefer home wrecker, whore, Other Woman, slut, “that woman.”

Chumpbunny
Chumpbunny
7 years ago

It is interesting, however, that while “King David” may have dashed his Presidential hopes, he is now “a partner in a New York private equity firm, has advised the White House on the war against the Islamic State, publishes op-ed articles, speaks publicly and has affiliations with three universities, including Harvard. He was recently listed among five former military leaders suggested by a Washington Post columnist whom Republicans might have considered drafting for president.” Meanwhile, Paula Broadwell can’t get a job, finish her PhD dissertation or even get her computer back.

It amazes me that in 2016, a double standard of Scarlet Letter proportions continues to exist. My husband’s “mistress/lover/Affair Partner” (take your pick) was run out on a rail at my husband’s company, including having to sign a non-disclosure to protect them from future litigation. Meanwhile, my husband may have tarnished his reputation, especially since we have a 3 year old adopted child from China at home, but my guess is that it was a “wink and a nod” and he’s as firmly established in the boy’s club as he ever was. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad that there will be no financial impact to my settlement or child support but there was clearly a double standard in place.

Women continue to be the “temptress” and men, like Petraeus, are the “solid family men,” who just temporarily lost their way. Broadwell is right, it takes two to have an affair but the consequences never seem to be shared or equal.

GladItsOver
GladItsOver
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumpbunny

Not to defend Patreus, but he had a very high level career before the affair and Broadwell didn’t. So while double standards do definitely exist, it’s also a lot easier to continue to have a good job when you have the right resume. if you fuck up before getting to the top, you are a lot less likely to reach it.

Virago
Virago
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumpbunny

Chumpbunny, you said this well. THIS is the societal plague that desperately needs a cure.

It would be great if CN devoted some time to exploring how we mop up this toxic spill. That is a conversation that would be very valuable. And perhaps another book for CL.

Virago
Virago
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

There is a dynamic of power that makes the situation unbalanced and in favour of the less powerful. It has resulted in decisions based on that inequity.

Some examples would be President of the United States vs an intern, a mentor vs the student, teacher and student, doctor vs patient and so on. There is a greater responsibility on the part of the more powerful to behave in a manner befitting that position. It has created the language of ‘zero tolerance’ in some professions.

Yes, CL, the chump got played. But there is another victim in these circumstances.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Virago

Virago: Love, love, love your posts and your verbal virtuosity, but have to disagree with you in this case.

Yes, there is a power differential that tips the division of responsibility toward the more powerful person. But (except in cases of actual sexual harassment) the less-powerful affair is NOT a victim. They are a willing participant in an illicit (and often illegal act), often with powers of manipulation that mimic those of the more powerful person.

A few examples–Monica Lewinsky DELIBERATELY flashed the top of her thong underwear to the President when she was an intern, leading to her invitation to the Oval Office. She admits this at the time because she had a crush on him. I don’t give a flying fuck if she was only 22 at the time; my daughter at 13 had higher morals than Lewinsky (whose prefrontal cortex was fully developed at the time, according to most longitudinal neuropsychological studies).

The gradwhore in my case was 22, was NOT under the aegis of my then-H in any way–not his TA, not a student in his class, not under his academic supervision for a thesis. Yet, she deliberately flirted with him, met him for coffees and lunches, and then conducted a multi-month affair with him, eventually demanding he leave me and his two children (5 and 10 at the time) for her.

Contrast that with the 22 year old my X DID sexually harass–it cost her a Ph.D. program, a close personal relationship (her boyfriend dumped her because of the stress), and she STILL rejected my then-H’s advances. *That* is integrity. Plenty of us got through dissertations being hit on by married professors and not succumbing to their, um, charms.

Infidelity is a choice, even if you have less power than the person you’re fucking. And you deserve some oppoprobrium for those poor choices, especially when they come at the expense of the true victims–the spouses and children who did not get a choice in the betrayal.

Victims? no.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

and a P.S.. To exempt the AP when female and the Cheater was a more powerful female is anti-feminist. It implies we women are just too weak to resist the charms of the successful male. If you’re a woman who is seduced by a powerful man you know to be married, you’re not a victim, you’re weak and lacking in character.

Virago
Virago
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I am referring to many types of relationships that have power imbalances. These are identified and weighed in decisions involving, for example, physicians and their patients. The Ethical Boards for Medical Associations look at four types of power (Hierarchical, Aesculapian, Charismatic and Social) within the trust relationship and put all of the responsibility for control of that power on the physician (male or female). *Reference is ‘The Healer’s Power’ by Dr. Howard Brody

Zero Tolerance was developed as a standard because the ethicists believed that meaningful consent cannot be given in a situation with power inequity. This is the standard brought to bear when a physician and patient mutually agree to an intimate relationship of any type (affair or non-affair) and at any age.

I guess you and I differ on whether this imbalance should be considered in affairs. I believe that power is at work in affairs and most relationships and that consent is then under the influence of that power. The responsibility, IMO, lies with the one with the most power. And that is usually easy to ascertain.

I’m unsure how to respond to the PS because I don’t believe that I made any anti-feminist statements, given that gender was not mentioned. My position is that power influences consent, whether held by male or female.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Virago

I did not mean to come across harshly, and you are indeed entitled to your opinion.

However, I do want you to realize that holding an opinion that people who have affairs with those above them in power means that the person is absolved of *all* responsibility is a huge trigger for many of us (at least 1/3 of us, possibly 2/3, had partners who screwed their bosses, or their graduate advisors, OR had partners who screwed people under them when those APs made deliberate decisions to engage in the affair).

For example, in the Milgram experiment, 65% of people obeyed the authority figure to shock the confederate. We can conclude authority is a powerful force; but 1/3 did NOT obey the authority figure. Hence, there is a choice in virtually all moral dilemmas. There have been plenty of underlings at work and students (myself included when I was a graduate student) who made a *choice* not to engage in affairs with married bosses/professors. If power is this inexorable pull from which people have zero resistance, then how do you explain people who resist? At some point, people choose one of several options on a decision tree. In my case, the graduate student who fucked my husband, repeatedly, admitted to a sexual harassment officer that everything was consensual.

Do I think the person in power–my X–was *more* responsible? Yes.. Whether we put the percentages at 60/40 or 65/35 or 70/30 is irrelevant. That graduate student deserves some opprobrium, and I have a right to feel she is not equal to me in victimhood. She made choices that affected her life. My children and I had no possibility to make decisions that blew up our lives.

The zero tolerance policy can be read in two ways–that zero relationships with underlings will be permitted. It does not have to imply the person in power is 100% at fault. And even if that is the legal stance taken, it need not be a moral stance. If my teenage daughter throws a ball through someone’s window, I am legally 100% responsible for the financial/legal costs, but I can still punish my teenager for a moral infraction.

I have had anxiety about our interaction for days because it is a huge trigger when people imply (as your view clearly does) that the main AP in my case is as worthy of pity as me, and bore no responsibility for decimating my life. I can’t believe I’m the only one who chafes when a similar view is proferred–it would mean a high proportion of us at CN have to let either our underling spouses off the hook, or have no right to feel extraordinary anger at the co–partner of our marital demise.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Virago

The P.S. was truly a P.S. (as I know you didn’t make any anti-feminist comments); it’s an issue that has come up before.

I understand the ramifications of ascertaining responsibility in the circumstances in which you describe for purposes of medical hearings, etc. But that is for determining legal responsiblity, which is not the same as moral responsibility.

But then I would ask you–the 22 year old who fucked my husband for months (after making a deliberate choice to go to the coffee shop where he worked, take him back to her apartment, knowingly hide the affair because she was aware it was wrong, get a passport & book a fare to a foreign country to attend a conference with him, issue an ultimatum to him and refuse to leave the room while he called to divorce himself from me and our two children—she is 100% victim, equivalent to me and my children? Really? She has no causal agency, despite the fact that plenty of other students DID resist my x’s advances?

All of us who suffered at the hands of people who were “beneath” our spouses in job, school, military situations should just embrace the APs as co-equal victims?

No. Whatever tribunals use to mete out punishment does not absolve people of moral responsibility for their actions, especially when they themselves took deliberate actions to set up an adulterous situation (like Lewinsky).

Virago
Virago
7 years ago
Reply to  Virago

in favour of the more powerful!

BetterDays
BetterDays
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I agree with that, but I’m still banging the drum for equal consequences for the man-whore half of the equation.

Other Kat
Other Kat
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

These women also have no regard for other women who worked with or were mentored by their powerful fuck buddies but had the decency not to actually fuck them. I know in academia, where this kind of bullshit is pretty common, as many threads here have discussed, it can be career death to have had the misfortune of working closely with an advisor or department chair whose affair with another student or junior colleague is exposed.

ColdTurkey
ColdTurkey
7 years ago
Reply to  Other Kat

During my sleuthing phase, I was absolutely shocked to see how many of my then-husband’s faculty colleagues (across many disciplines) were advertising themselves on singles websites. And my dope was idiot enough to post the exact same photo of himself that was hanging on his office door! I still chuckle when I remember Mom’s incredulous “What the hell is WRONG with him? How stupid can he be?”. Indeed. At least my ex-dope never hooked up with any of his students, but probably not for lack of trying. Maybe they were too grossed out by the tube of K-Y jelly that he insisted he used as hand moisturizer and that was clearly visible in the netted front pocket of his book bag. I kid you not.

Ian Dubito
Ian Dubito
7 years ago
Reply to  ColdTurkey

I’m grossed out, and he never even tried to put his greasy hands on me.

Annie Get Your Gun
Annie Get Your Gun
7 years ago
Reply to  ColdTurkey

Oh my, KY in his pocket. I’m sorry I had to laugh at how gross that is. I got a quick mental image of the stereotypical pervert named Georgie Porgie, running up and down the halls of academia drooling with a teeny tiny boner and his pockets stuffed with KY wondering why he tried to kiss the girls and made them cry.

Renewed
Renewed
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumpbunny

More money for the Mrs.

Martha
Martha
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumpbunny

I agree. There is a double standard. The “boys will be boys” mentality still exists today. At least at Chump Nation will call bullshit on bullshit, whether they are male or females. My STBX is a lying, cheating, predator. He would still be that whether he was a male or female. His girlfriend is a slut who went out for drinks with my husband until almost 1:30 in the morning and was seeing him for secret coffee dates before work (she was married) the previous nine years. If she was a he, I’d call him “womanizer, philanderer, player, man whore, cheater, sleaze, creep, bastard, dog, pig, asshole, douchebag, jerk, dick, pervert, loser, and scumbag.” I do not feel one bit sorry for her or Petraeus. Consequences! My STBX still has his shiny “nice guy” image to most people due to his harem at work and the fact that my actions when I still was living made me seem like I was crazy (I’m not, but his actions by not leaving when I asked him to drove me to the edge) and he was more than happy to share the stories with his harem and work “friends.” So be it. I and the people that matter to me know the truth (and GOD! GOD HAS SEEN IT ALL!) and that’s all that matters in the end.

BetterDays
BetterDays
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumpbunny

You said much more eloquently what I tried to say above. Totally agree with you – the double standard is sickening.

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
7 years ago
Reply to  BetterDays

+1 on the double standard needing to go away. Cheaters deserve equally shitting consequences…

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

Yup, here we go; His and Hers medieval instruments of punishment:

masks

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumpbunny

Not saying the double standard is fair, but its real and women ignore it at their peril.

Im a Nurse and if I got caught boinking the CEO of our hospital, who would go down for it? Its best I dont do such an ill advised thing.

That said, there is often more subtle comeuppance the man has to face that might not be as obvious at the time….

Nowdeadhusband was a military officer who was responsible for millions of $ of purchasing for the Federal govt and he boinked the rep who brokered a deal for her company. Her company found an email and fired her lest they be accused of buying favors with sex.

We had both spent years sacrificing so that he could accumulate professional influence that he would use to get a great job after retirement. He felt guilty for getting her fired so he used this influence (that I had sacrificed for) to get her another job. This drama did cost us as his jobs later were limited by the fallout of the affair.

VulcanChump
VulcanChump
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumpbunny

Yeah, Bunny, I’m kinda torn too. I still would never engage this Broadwell chick in polite society, but to say there is not a double standard would be blatantly untrue.

happily ever after
happily ever after
7 years ago

Another Boo-fucking-hoo.

ChumpFromF
ChumpFromF
7 years ago

I dislike both of them. P Broadwell could not think straight and Holly P. is an eyesore.

Elsie
Elsie
7 years ago
Reply to  ChumpFromF

Eyesore?

Is that what this is about?

The one photo of them of 1974, where they were just married, Holly looks pretty sweet to me. She moved 24 times with him through his career, and raised his kids, and built a career for herself.

My lovely husband’s whore is way prettier than me. Should I die?

SnakebitNoMore
SnakebitNoMore
7 years ago
Reply to  ChumpFromF

That’s pretty fucking cold.

Love, honor, cherish, forsake all others isn’t negated by aging and the natural effect thereof.

We all age. Some of us gain weight and/or go gray and/or whatthefuckever. I don’t think anyone’s marriage vows said anything like until you get old, or look old, or any bullshit like that.

While snake’s Clueless Twatwaffle might be younger and thinner than I am, I still look pretty fucking good for my age, and he had no fucking reason to cheat. I put up with years of his abuse, and was practically begging him for sexual favors, and he shot me down time and time again. Snake’s an asshole, and so is Petraeus.

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
7 years ago
Reply to  ChumpFromF

Your comment was pretty shitty and sexist as hell. I cannot believe you said this? ChumpFromF: “I dislike both of them. P Broadwell could not think straight and Holly P. is an eyesore.” The dude’s wife did nothing wrong, I don’t think you meant to say not meeting ridiculous standards of female beauty on his wife’s part is wrong. Did you mean to say Mr Petraeus is an eyesore? I hope so.

ChumpFromF
ChumpFromF
7 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

Thank you for the compliment. You interpret it the way you want. What I said is I dislike both of them based on their lack of qualities. Because I cannot identify with this tabloid material. The marital hurdles of the head of the CIA cannot be compared, even remotely, with my own struggles. Focusing on the domestic issues of a man who can make you disappear from the surface of the earth whenever he pleases feels a bit ridiculous. As for not being a True Chump, it depends on your definition. If a True Chump is a person who has a lot of responsibilities, is loyal and hard working, maintains the household single handedly and succeeds at a fulltime job while the partner whines, plays and secretely fucks other people, I am one. But if it is a nasty looking entitled individual who expects to be housed and fed and feels superior to others because a paper was signed, count me out.

violet
violet
7 years ago
Reply to  ChumpFromF

I think Mrs. Patreas handled herself with class and dignity. You don’t like her looks? I am sure she is heart broken. Not. Seriously, why would you ever make those kind of comments about a woman who, by all accounts, has been an amazing wife and mother? Your comments are way, way off base. “A nasty looking entitled individual who expects to be housed and fed and feels superior to others because a paper was signed?” That sounds like something a mistress would write about a long suffering wife and in no way describes Holly Patreas. Could you possibly be confusing Holly with mistress #2??? By the way, I sure as hell don’t look like I did 30 years ago, and I bet you don’t either, but so what? Looks have absolutely nothing to do with character!

ChumpFromF
ChumpFromF
7 years ago
Reply to  ChumpFromF

And if you could just shoot me instead of insulting, I would appreciate it. At least the pain would end. Because being compared to H.P. doesn’t help a bit.

FarBetterOff
FarBetterOff
7 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

I can’t believe it either. No true chump would say something like that. That’s a very low blow indeed, and an unnecessary and pointless comment.

freescientist71
freescientist71
7 years ago
Reply to  ChumpFromF

The hotness of the Chump relative to the AP is not the issue. That is just a lame excuse to justify cake. Character is the issue. If a married person reallys want to bang some piece of ass that’s hotter than their spouse, they should end the relationship with the spouse first. While it’s not exactly “the high road”, there is a lot more integrity in that than having an affair. Btw: plenty of hot celebritys get chummed. The appearance thing is a red herring. Many times, the spouse having the affair isn’t so hot themselves. They just have power, status, wealth, etc.

ChumpFromF
ChumpFromF
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I did not say she deserved it. I brushed off the whole bunch because I don’t think these people represent us. We chose a partner, thought we were loved, and were betrayed. These people… she saw him as a sexy and powerful bread provider (always protected by a male figure), he saw her as a good alliance (calculated), she turns out to be very unattractive, it’s painful every way you look at it. Just like reconciliation is a unicorn we should not chase, viewing this situation as it SHOULD be is very unicorn-ish, come on, a director of the CIA can manipulate the world, can have people coldly murdered, can change a country’s future… I wonder how you guys can relate to these people, I can’t.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  ChumpFromF

I would also urge you to examine your behavior here–you are doubling down on defensiveness rather than saying, “I’m sorry; I shouldn’t have commented on Holly’s looks nor implied that she deserved to be cheated on.”

ChumpFromF
ChumpFromF
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I am not sorry. He married her because of her father. Don’t even try to teach me that looks don’t count. Om Kalthoum was not pretty but had talent. American singers have to be almost naked on stage to get through. You guys say that looks don’t matter and get cosmetic surgery at the first chance. Such hypocrisy here. As for the implication, you made it, not me.

violet
violet
7 years ago
Reply to  ChumpFromF

You are digging yourself into a deeper hole. Holly Patraeus married young, long before her husband was a general. She was a beautiful young woman when she married and is still beautiful, both inside and out! There is absolutely no truth to your statement that she married her husband for personal gain or glory . To the contrary, she has been a true and faithful military wife, who not only made huge personal sacrifices for her husband, but who has also been deeply committed to the cause of military families. She is a truly inspirational woman and you could not be more wrong about her. It is just plain ludicrous to try and somehow argue that she is no different than Ms. Broadwell, a married woman who deliberately and intentionally conducted an affair with a long-time married man and who. when she learned of the existence of whore #2, went bat shit crazy! Perhaps you are not fully informed of the facts of the players in this sordid affair, but your comments are way, way off base.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  ChumpFromF

First you comment that Holly P is an eyesore; that is rude enough. And, yes, in a previous post from months ago, you DID imply that of course Petraeus cheated because his wife was not attractive (so it’s not just my inference).

Then you up the ante by saying Holly P is ““A nasty looking entitled individual who expects to be housed and fed and feels superior to others because a paper was signed?” implying that because she married a general, and came from a high-ranking military family, she is not justified in assuming her H will be faithful, nor is she justified in taking part of his pension, despite years as a responsible military wife.

But that’s not enough–you then insult an entire continent of people, including your fellow American chumps with “u guys say that looks don’t matter and get cosmetic surgery at the first chance. Such hypocrisy here.”

Newsflash–the vast majority of us (i.e. Americans) do NOT have plastic surgery. And looks don’t matter to being cheated on, as evidenced by the fact that Christie Brinklye, Eva Longoria, Robert Pattison, George Clooney, Jennifer Aniston, and Sandra Bullock were all cheated on (as well as a number of gorgeous chumps that I met at the Book Party).

A little self-examination before you post more and dig yourself a deeper hole is warranted.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  ChumpFromF

We can ALL relate to Holly Petraeus, who raised their children, was responsible, did all the things a military wife has to do (including being separated from her H for long stretches of time), was faithful, and then has to suffer the personal pain of betrayal as well as the public pain of having your personal lives in the news. I don’t understand how you cannot related to that if you’re a chump.

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Im with CL on this…not everyone wins the genetic lotto but that doesnt mean they shouldnt hope that their spouses are faithful.

Holly P’s father was a powerful General and Patreus’ career wasn’t hurt by that fact.

Finally awake.
Finally awake.
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

I’m withCL on this too. She’s a middle aged woman who has dedicated her life to her family, husband and role supporting other military families. She deserves respect, not having her looks torn apart. She shouldn’t have to compete with women younger and with way more free time than she has.

Champ
Champ
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

I don’t know what Holly is like as a person, but she was pretty on her wedding day … she still has a nice smile. I was pretty when I met my ex, there was a sparkle in my eyes. I have pictures to prove it. The years of living with someone who has the potential to blindside you takes its toll … I’m sure we’ve all looked in the mirror and wondered what happened to “us”.

Now that he’s gone, I’m enjoying watching my transformation back to “pretty”, and am also enjoying online candid photos of Schmoopie looking pretty fucking awful. Reality sucks when you get your “man”. Don’t go by Facebook … that one I’m sure has photoshopped out a few chins and the baggy eyes.

So give Holly some time … she may outshine the “mistress” one day.

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  Champ

The photos of me at the time of his monsterous betrayal look horrible. Now Im older but I look prettier & happier. When I reconnected with my nowhusband, he showed me photos, some taken about the time his wife dumped him..he looked so sad and lost. I pointed it out and he hadnt noticed…he looks happier now too !

Roberta
Roberta
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

Unicornnomore, not to mention the fact that being married to an officer who is trying to reach the top leaves precious little time for the wife to sit around reading the latest style magazines and contrary to popular belief, military men don’t make CEO wages so there is not a lot of money to throw around on ourselves even if we had the time! The obligations to our children and home life are paramount in a military community. The military feels that if the service member has any problems in his home life then he/she might not be suitable to lead! I likened living all those years in the military to living in a fishbowl. Holly Patraeus may seem “frumpy” and “dumpy” to the general public, but trust me, there is an expectation in the military for her to look and dress and present a certain way. There is a book nearly every military officer has called “military Etiquette” and it covers everything from dress to how to set a table! Go easy on Holly, this is all she knows and she was bred to be the perfect officers wife. Just as a Prince or Princess is trained to be King or Queen some day!

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

Yes, being a perfect military spouse is hard when you are directed to move every 2-3 years losing the network of friends/family that might have otherwise helped you in a pinch. I had to change jobs very frequently leaving me low man on the totem pole at work and stuck with the worst schedule (Night shift on Christmas). I remember once getting ready for the USMC Ball but I first had to install a new mailbox…I put my power tools away while d plugged in my hot curlers. We forever had many balls in the air and were expected to juggle them with precision.

And then after 20 yrs of that we’re told we didnt do it well enough.

happily ever after
happily ever after
7 years ago

Cue the Shirley McClain “blah blah blah”. Out!

Awake
Awake
7 years ago

I agree. Women take the brunt of it. Even when hubby cheats. You get asked what did you do to make him stray.

uniballer1965
uniballer1965
7 years ago
Reply to  Awake

Not just wives, my former pastor asked me what I did to “force” (his word) my now ex wife to cheat.

It’s a big theme in the MRIC to blame the betrayed for unmet needs or not listening, or whateve is the cause du jour at the moment.

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
7 years ago
Reply to  uniballer1965

Uni; The world of RIC is a special and hellish place for the Chump, we are talking about the cultural and societal ways in which women and men are judged differently

uniballer1965
uniballer1965
7 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

Are you saying my pastor isn’t part of society? The congregation follows suit. If you are betrayed or divorced, some how you are damaged goods, man or woman. I guess I didn’t see myself being treated any better than the women in my same shoes.

Ian Dubito
Ian Dubito
7 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

What Dat said, on all these posts. Thank you, Dat.

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
7 years ago
Reply to  uniballer1965

Which is why NC and living well are the best revenge.

sam
sam
7 years ago

Damn those consequences.

Let’s see, a liar and a cheater lost her security clearance….ummmm sounds about right to me. That’s why the military has no fraternization policies. So people aren’t put in the position of being black mailed into revealing classified information.

If ‘mistress’ stings too much, I guess we can just refer to her as:
– whore
– attention whore
– home wrecker
– woman with no principles
– woman with flawed character
– duplicitous

most accurate would be:
shameless, entitled, narcissistic, clueless, lying idiot with no sense of what is right and wrong

Dear Mr. Broadwell, you should have dumped her sorry ass.

Dear. Mrs. Petraeus, you should have dumped his sorry ass.

Dear Mr. Petraeus, shameless, entitled, narcissistic, clueless, lying idiot with no sense of what is right and wrong applies to you as well.

Dear, Ms. Broadwell, STFU. These are the consequences of your DECISIONS. Own it.

My gods the disingenuous, self-righteous bullshit these cheaters some up with. How long do you pay for your ‘mistakes?’ Forever. Welcome to the real world.

I hope she gets a google alert for this Chump Lady rundown and our comments. Maybe one day she will wake up, stop playing the victim, take responsibility for her ACTIONS and DECISIONS and stop her ‘oh poor me’ whining.

Bitch, please.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  sam

Clap, clap, clap!! Standing ovation.

Roberta
Roberta
7 years ago
Reply to  sam

Sam, let me say Bravo and well said! The consequences should have been clear to such supposedly intelligent people! I’m with you though and say tough shit dumbass, you CHOSE to engage in this immoral act so swallow the consequences!

Renewed
Renewed
7 years ago

I do not have sympathy for any of the characters. We do not know if this was Patraeous’ only affair, tryst, etc in his marriage. He publically apologized and I assumed has done all his wife requested of him. Two years probation and a $100k fine for a piece of used ass was a stiff penalty.
Paula on the other hand is painted as a woman searching for the weakest link among a group of powerful men. Instead of laying low she continues to use the “who I slept with card.” She knew the consequences of her actions as a grad student and one trying to move up the ranks. Too bad for her.
If these were just ordinary type people Paula would have had her butt kicked and Patraeus’ stuff would have been burned on the front lawn. Loosing a potential shot at the presidency is a huge loss. Now he’s just a dog with a nice job.

Martha
Martha
7 years ago
Reply to  Renewed

This — “If these were just ordinary type people Paula would have had her butt kicked and Patraeus’ stuff would have been burned on the front lawn.” That’s the truth!

Renewed
Renewed
7 years ago
Reply to  Renewed

Repost here. I forgot about the other woman.

sam
sam
7 years ago

Oh, and her being furious with the other, other woman is rich. Oh, sweet irony.

Bitch, please.

Martha
Martha
7 years ago
Reply to  sam

I wonder if she would have went bunny-boiler on her if she hadn’t been outed?

Renewed
Renewed
7 years ago
Reply to  sam

My ex had several ow. I think his dream was to get them both in bed together for a threesome. When his actions were exposed they too felt slighted that he would cheat on them. I am so glad to be out of the drama.

Renewed
Renewed
7 years ago
Reply to  sam

Oops I forgot about the other woman.

Chump Advocate- Vickie
Chump Advocate- Vickie
7 years ago

“For him the affair is a footnote…….for her It has become a lasting stain”. Wow, what an unfortunate choice of words.

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
7 years ago

I’m pretty sure those words were chosen carefully, LOL

Other Kat
Other Kat
7 years ago

I don’t know how the timing of this article came to be, but I find it particularly tacky and insulting that Paula Broadwell would rear her horse-faced head just in time for the Memorial Day news cycle. How fittingly narcissistic of her. Stop honoring and remembering those who made the ultimate sacrifice in service to our nation–remember ME! I made sacrifices too!

Doingme
Doingme
7 years ago

There is no mention of her spouse or remorse for her actions. Not a word.
All that plotting and manipulating and it’s a stain.

It’s for this reason I wanted the Limjted to suffer pain in his life and why he should never be forgiven.

Now I see clearly after two years he got exactly what he deserved despit his lack of remorse.

JeepTess
JeepTess
7 years ago

This is so funny Tracy 🙂 Proof yet AGAIN of the mentality and unbelievable audacity of these disordered narcs.

When I confronted satan’s kroger ho about her ongoing affair with my husband she absolutely said, ‘I don’t talk that way about myself!’ …wait…what? Standing room only in the theater of that ho’s awesome life! Hehehehehehe!!!!

Kar marie
Kar marie
7 years ago

He was married…slimy man whore
She was married…slimy whore

For what paula is doing now complaining about mistress…..shes a cunt a word i rarely use but do when appropriate.

All about image control. Ha!

I call asswipes piece mostly whore juice. Ive called her that among many other nasty names to asswipe. His comment she doesnt call you names why not he would punch her in the face if she did. I said im sure she does just not in his presence and if i slept with her husband and didnt care i would expect her to call me every name in the book because i would deserve it. Fuck paula broadwell. If i ever meet her and im not ever planning on it. She will be called mrs whore juice who sleeps with married men to her face! Asswipe still thinks he has control over me and is trying his damnedest to keep it. A skirt flip or hair toss is all he ever gets in dealing with me now.

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
7 years ago

Thank you, Tracy, for the column! I was just so appalled when I pulled up the news article about the slunt (someone here coined that term, I believe) P. Broadwell, aka, “Yesterday’s News.”

Sure, there’s a double-standard. She knew it, thought she was immune to it (Those biceps! That mile time! That forehead!) and laid right down with a powerful man. There have been consequences.

And now the poor baby has a book deal, another 15 minutes of fame, and is supported financially by a high-achieving chump. Good for her.

None of the articles mention any empathy on her part for her husband, for her children, for Holly, for Jill Kelley. Are there others?

I mean, the balls on this aggressive woman. Hah, she thought she was important!

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
7 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine

And, seriously, what a psycho–typical of a homewrecker.

As for Petraeus, he’s an idiot. He sure liked whatever Holly was providing for him, but wanted side dishes, too. And was willing leak all over the place for it. What a hero.

BetterDays
BetterDays
7 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine

“As for Petraeus, he’s an idiot. He sure liked whatever Holly was providing for him, but wanted side dishes, too. And was willing leak all over the place for it. What a hero.”

Yep.

JBaby
JBaby
7 years ago

I might use ‘mistress’ if I was talking to my ex in a public place and wanted to make sure those around us understood what we were talking about. Otherwise I call her ‘That’, as in “I’m not going ANYWHERE with THAT!”. When talking to someone other than my ex, I call her ‘Tramp’ or ‘Butt Slut’.

Renewed
Renewed
7 years ago
Reply to  JBaby

?

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
7 years ago

Wow, the wiki article, though. What an orgy of power and money and sex and influence in Washington.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Petraeus_scandal

Seems like Jill Kelley deserves no apology. She’s an idiot, too.

Twitching
Twitching
7 years ago

Ok, not mistress, then. Homewrecker, adulteror, unfaithful, gaslighting, rancid, poisonous snake. I’m ok with that.

Rarity
Rarity
7 years ago

The good news is that we now have at least one entry that helps close the lexical gap left by terms like “slut” and “whore”: “fuckboy.”

It’s glorious because it insults both his overactive sexuality and his manhood while effusing an expletive all in one short, 7-letter, 2-syllable word.

So, Paula Broadwell = slut

David Petraeus = General Fuckboy

Monica Lewinsky = slut

Bill Clinton = Former Fuckboy-in-Chief

Can’t help ya with Mistress though. We haven’t closed that lexical gap yet (although Doctor Who did make it kind of awesome.)

WonderNoMore
WonderNoMore
7 years ago
Reply to  Rarity

Yes!!!!! Fuckboy is it!!! Never liked Mistress by the way. I recall as a child thinking it was classy for some reason.

BetterDays
BetterDays
7 years ago
Reply to  Rarity

Fuckboy is a good one. Nothing else carries the slur on a cheater’s character the way “slut” and “whore” do. Although “cheater” does, come to think of it.

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
7 years ago
Reply to  Rarity

Yes, fuck boy! I like it! Urban Dictionary has a few nice definitions.

GladItsOver
GladItsOver
7 years ago

“How long does a person pay for their mistake?” My ex said this exact thing. It’s the cry of the disordered everywhere.

“Four years on, her name still pops up in the news with regularity. She tracks these references with precision. Every time there is a new development — a legal update, Mr. Petraeus’s sentencing, the recently self-published memoirby the woman on the receiving end of her emails — she said she is reminded”

So she obsessively Googles her own name like all narcissists love to do, then boo hoos about being triggered by what she finds? Here’s an idea: stop obsessively Googling your own fucking name, and you won’t “be reminded” of what a whore you are.

FreeWoman
FreeWoman
7 years ago
Reply to  GladItsOver

But, it’s her claim to fame!
THAT’S why she obsessively googles it. I bet Holly has better things to do with her time.
I think most Narcs enjoy the notoriety of a publicly exploding affair, sadly.

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
7 years ago
Reply to  GladItsOver

Hah! So true!!

Ian Dubito
Ian Dubito
7 years ago

Broadwell is relying on a false equivalence to justify her pity-party.

Yes, the word “mistress” is gendered and has no good male equivalent. Yes, we frequently rely on “mistress” to describe the “other woman” in cases of adultery. Yes, Paula was the other woman. No, being *called* a mistress and *committing* adultery are not equal.

Just because you don’t like being called a “mistress” doesn’t mean you aren’t a home-wrecking fuck-puppet, Paula Broadwell.

The difference in orders of magnitude between the injustice to Paula of being labeled a mistress and the injustice to Heather and Scott of being victims of narcissistic destruction are inscrutable to Paula.

Paula, I doubt you even know that you are engaging in such logically inconsistent arguments. The kind of introspection required to see one’s own flaws when engaging in such high-level logic are undoubtedly above your pay grade. Paula, you are a cheap whore and you continue to prove it by not letting your husband go free.

Finally, to all of our Chump Nation veterans on this Memorial Day, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your service to our country.

Annie Get Your Gun
Annie Get Your Gun
7 years ago
Reply to  Ian Dubito

Ian,

Glad your back and I hope all is well. You must have felt CN thinking about you. I missed your words of wisdom as well as your smart humor.

Ian Dubito
Ian Dubito
7 years ago

Thank you, my friend. The feeling is mutual.

uniballer1965
uniballer1965
7 years ago
Reply to  Ian Dubito

You can always use paramour to refer to either male or female affair partners.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  uniballer1965

Anything in French or Italian just sounds too pretty. For example, who wouldn’t intially be flattered if someone exclaimed to them, “Testa di cazzo!” (but that one fits cheaters, too).

We need ugly-sounding terms to match their ugly actions.

uniballer1965
uniballer1965
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Believe me (and my French teachers/professors) my French is anything but pretty.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  uniballer1965

: )

JeepTess
JeepTess
7 years ago
Reply to  Ian Dubito

IAN!!!! 😀 DUDE!!!!!

Ian Dubito
Ian Dubito
7 years ago
Reply to  JeepTess

I missed y’all like crazy, Tess. (LAJ, AGYG, V, BO, et tal.)

I have been in the trenches of a bitter divorce with a “Kranz.”

(Paula’s maiden name is “Kranz.” Why should Scott and his good name be saddled with this parasite Paula?)

Annie Get Your Gun
Annie Get Your Gun
7 years ago
Reply to  Ian Dubito

I’ve done some of my best work in trenches. Show me a trench and I jump in with machine gun. “Army training, Sir.” We’re here for you!

Ian Dubito
Ian Dubito
7 years ago

I don’t always use machine guns, but when I am gunning for cheaters, I prefer a 50 caliber.

(See above, my political statement. Open mouth insert foot. Our common enemy is adulterers.)

Virago
Virago
7 years ago
Reply to  Ian Dubito

Jeez, Ian, don’t leave us like that. I looked everywhere for you. Triggered all of my abandonment issues. Don’t feel gully. Just never again, ‘kay?

Ian Dubito
Ian Dubito
7 years ago
Reply to  Virago

Thank you, Virago. I have had a hard time balancing my emotional stability this month. Match Girl has been doing everything possible to drag out this divorce. Despite repeated filings and my lawyer reaching out to her, she remains silent. I hate her with every molecule of my being. Plus, I’ve been documenting her recent sparkly return to FuckBook with her vacation photos. She’s going to pay for her arrogance.

I don’t have a lot to give to new chumps, so I have tried to stay away from CN. I can’t seem to keep my advice to myself and my recent dust-up is proof.

Chump Lady is an emotional warrior. She wades through this pain almost daily, and I am so grateful y’all are here when I need you.

Virago
Virago
7 years ago
Reply to  Ian Dubito

Oh Ian, I’m sorry you’ve been through the ringer. We are the home for emotionally unstable. And then after awhile we get less unstable!

You have an immense amount to offer ALL chumps. Do NOT keep your advice to yourself. Or your humour. Or your pain. We can only get through this together.

Somehow my “don’t feel guilty’ above got turned into ‘don’t feel gully’ but, being clever, you probably figured it out, eh? Welcome back, man.

Virago
Virago
7 years ago
Reply to  Virago

There is no Reply button, Ian, so catch this if you can! ‘Gender transgression’ sounds baaad. The Latin derivation for ‘Vir’ is virile and the ‘ago’ re-genders it to female. Just think Joan of Arc. Ha! Ha!

Your anger is not likely misdirected. More likely misunderstood.

Ian Dubito
Ian Dubito
7 years ago
Reply to  Virago

Virago, I am humbled by your kind words of concern. I like feeling validated and that’s what I feel today.

My misdirected anger scares me, and I have been working with a counselor on trying to focus it better. I’m still not sure if she’s the best fit for me. I have a female lawyer and while she’s a high conflict specialist who agrees with me pursuing a fault divorce, as you know, some people just don’t get it.

I am certain that once the divorce decree is signed my anger will abate, but until then I will come back here and “share” it with y’all.

I just now finally went and looked up “virago.” Gender transgression – that’s a new one on me. Love it!

JeepTess
JeepTess
7 years ago
Reply to  Ian Dubito

Geeze Ian…we, Chump Nation, probably understands better than ANYONE emotional out bursts! I mean…chumps are one giant emotional out burst after another till we find Chump Lady and Chump Nation and get the fated 2 x 4 that we become so GRATEFUL for. We got your back and understand your lack! :D…meaning, we are right there with you, struggling through the soul shattering, gob smackin hell on earth. We need each other and others need us! Giddy up!!!

JeepTess
JeepTess
7 years ago
Reply to  Ian Dubito

(((((IAN))))) We got your back Dude!!!

Jeep (Tess)

So good to hear from you! Miss you mightily Brother!
Beau

😀 Giddy Up Ian!!!!!!

Ian Dubito
Ian Dubito
7 years ago
Reply to  JeepTess

Glad to hear from you, Beau. How’s tricks, boy?

JeepTess
JeepTess
7 years ago
Reply to  Ian Dubito

So GLAD you are back! Mighty Ian!!! 🙂

aka
aka
7 years ago
Reply to  JeepTess

I’m holding up okay, Ian. CL and CN have helped me immensely. Selfish Reckless did get his junk. But he still keeps circling back. Now he’s offering me unsolicited advice on how to get over him… despite the fact that we’ve been no contact for quite some time. I’m not sure why I’m surprised by this – he’s just your typical run-of-the-mill narcissist. Sorry that Match Girl is making your divorce so difficult. Trust that they suck, right? Welcome back. You were missed…

Ian Dubito
Ian Dubito
7 years ago
Reply to  aka

Having been at various times instigator and innocent, it seems that there is no topic moreso than “gender” that moves chumps to get so political and outraged.

aka, I’m sorry he’s still circling-back. Is that helpful to your healing? I’m not surprised either. I hope him picking up his stuff wasn’t too bad. I hope you get to leave the city you’re in like you mentioned you wanted. And the unsolicited advice? That sounds like delicious UBT fodder!

I am still curious about the dead-to-me vs. appliance hoovering scenarios. Being on one side or the other brings its own share of pain.

Also, on a tangential query. I’m looking for data that shows cheating men tend to Hoover their chump wives more while cheating wives tend to discard completely. I know chew had a wife who Hoovered, but it took a year for her to circle back.

I’m now glad Match Girl ditched me completely. I hope she never circles back. Because we are childfree I’ll never have to speak to her again after we are done divorcing. (Except if she fucks up my alimony payment some month.) Life’s too short for her psychosis.

aka
aka
7 years ago
Reply to  JeepTess

I second that. Welcome back!

Ian Dubito
Ian Dubito
7 years ago
Reply to  aka

Thanks, aka. Did Selfish Reckless ever circle back for his crap? Hope you’re holding up okay.

Susan
Susan
7 years ago

Amazing how it takes a lifetime to build a reputation, and a second to bring it down.

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
7 years ago

Maybe we could use “broadwell” instead of “mistress.”

As in, “That woman pulled a broadwell, if you know what I mean.”

Or, um, how about, “She was really ambitious, and had her eye on the CEO, so she became his broadwell, but it didn’t really go very well for her.”

Paula’s name could be synonymous with mistress, and that way she wins.

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine

Yes. Plus its funny to me that she is railing against this word…when you consider the ghastliness of what is being described, I think “Mistress” is actually a really nice way of describing it.

Alexandra
Alexandra
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

Dammit. I was reading all the way down to see if someone else said it (about renaming Mistress to Broadwell.)

And sure enough, it’s been said. However, I strongly second it.

I think Broadwell is more than appropriate.

Who knows how many cheaters fell in that Broad Well.

NfV
NfV
7 years ago

I can do gender-neutral:
Liar
cheat
grifter
fraud
betrayer
narcissist
asshole
douchcanoe
fucknozzle

really, it’s endless.

It Is What It Is
It Is What It Is
7 years ago

In my divorce the other women were referred to legally as “paramours”. Another term I heard was infidel, one who commits infidelity. In my alone moments I screamed out the term “whore fucking bastard” to describe my husband and “home wrecking whore” to describe his final (as far as I know) affair partner, now wife. There really is no words descriptive and accurate enough to use as labels for these disordered freaks!

Athene
Athene
7 years ago

In typical cheater fashion, Broadwell refers to her behavior as a ‘mistake’ (singular). She should have the following quote tattooed on her bicep:

A MISTAKE REPEATED MORE THAN ONCE IS A DECISION. ~ Paulo Coelho