Peace, Love, and Gwyneth Paltrow Holding Hands with Her Ex’s Girlfriend

Gwyneth Paltrow
Photo source: Gwyneth Paltrow Instagram

From the woman who popularized “conscious uncoupling” we now have this act of Friends With Exes stupendousness — Gwyneth Paltrow holding hands with Dakota Johnson, her ex-husband Chris Martin’s girlfriend.

I have so many questions.

That’s okay, Tracy! Gwyneth welcomes your questions!

I see that the Instagram post is emblazoned with Ask me a question. Daring me to  challenge this bold bonhomie between what are assumed to be natural enemies, an ex-wife and her ex-husband’s girlfriend.

First question:

Aren’t we solidifying that Pick Me Dance narrative by giving a shit who our ex is currently dating? Why is bold indifference not an option here?

WRONG ANSWER! BEHOLD GWYNETH’S MAGNAMITY!

Second question:

Does it feel like Dakota Johnson is in a hostage situation? The frozen smile, the way her arm is at an angle, while Gwyneth clasps their enjoined hands close to her side? It’s got the same energy as that time Saddam Hussein appeared on TV with that British hostage kid.

Their faces say: What do you want from me? Can I go now?

No, my darling prop. You must stay put while the narcissist enjoys the glow of your terror-fawning-awkwardness.

What’s in it for me?

Continued existence! (I literally had to Google who Dakota Johnson was. And Chris Martin for that matter. No one cares.)

Third question:

What are you wearing, Gwyneth?

You couldn’t possibly afford it, Tracy.

Yes, it probably takes a lot of money to look like a homeless Eskimo. Is it that cold in California now? Does Gwyneth lack the proper body fat that she must swaddle herself in Gortex? Can no one tailor her jeans? I AM A COMMON PERSON LIKE YOU! BEHOLD MY UNCUFFED DENIM! Why are they seven sizes too large? Is that a thing?

It would be if you ate foraged bird’s nests between intermittent fasting, like Gwyneth does. All your clothes would hang off you. Could someone get her a sandwich?

These are all the wrong questions, Tracy. What you should be asking is:

How Can I Aspire to This Level of Awesome Friends with Exishness?

Develop a personality disorder and a large social media following.

How Does Chris Feel About Your Friendship?

Unnerved! Off balance! Still in my orbit! I WILL TAKE EVERY NICE THING AND MAKE IT MINE, CHRIS. And then…. I will MERCHANDIZE it.

Dakota-flavored chia seeds! Hand-knit Dakota ear muffs! Dakota-and-me commemorative holiday ornaments! BEHOLD MY EMPIRE!

How Does Dakota Handle Her Jealousy of What You and Chris Had?

She steams her head in a boiling pot of mugwort until the negativity passes. I do enjoy the contact high of her discomfort, however. And I am always contriving situations to press her into further displays of fealty.

Hold my hand, Dakota. Will you wear my ring? Can I brand your left earlobe? If you have a baby with Chris, will you name him or her Gwyneth? Or Goop?

I think you’re just bitter, Tracy. You lack the sophistication to appreciate this sweet friendship.

That’s probably true. I have many friends and we’ve never held hands like deranged crossing guards.

CN, your Friday Challenge is to share any feats of impression management (friends with exes or otherwise) that can rival Gwyneth Paltrow.

TGIF!

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VulcanChump
VulcanChump
2 months ago

…I got nothing, boss. I am in fact completely baffled.

UXworld
UXworld
2 months ago

Here are my questions, Gwyneth —

Who took the photo? Please tell me it’s Chris. It would only enhance the fuckedupedness of this scenario.

Does the ‘imbalance’ of the hand holding strike you as indicative of a power imbalance? I’d be only slightly more willing to buy into this BFF promotion if your arms were equally extended towards each other. As it is, it looks as though Dakota’s hand was snatched and pulled toward you, as if to say: “You’re my friend,dammit! Let’s show the world that!” #FiftyShadesOfDisplay #ShallowGal

kokichi
kokichi
2 months ago
Reply to  UXworld

My vote is that Chris took the image. It’s immediately where my brain went. Rural, random road? They are sharing a vacation? For the sake of the kids?

Dakota Johnson is the daughter of Don Johnson and Melanie Griffith. She grew up in the same toxic environment as Paltrow.

The hand hold looks like strangulation, just saying.

Anyway, this image is exactly what the X imagined as my future and he was shocked when I didn’t agree.

Elsie_
Elsie_
2 months ago
Reply to  UXworld

Now I’ve connected it. She was the Fifty Shades female lead. Looking for publicity as well…?!?

Elsie_
Elsie_
2 months ago

I can’t imagine doing that. Not at all. Feeling ick over that is what’s normal.

The woman my ex is with now is supposedly nothing like me. There you go and whatever. I don’t have anything to say to her at this point. Nothing.

LookingForwardsToTuesday
LookingForwardsToTuesday
2 months ago

I am a little surprised about the lack of boundaries here. In terms of Cheaters wanting to engage in impression management (but getting rebuffed), I can give you this …..

I get on very well with Ex-Mrs LFTT’s mother (she knows I divorced her daughter and not her), as well as Ex-Mrs LFTT’s sister and her two boys (my nephews). I do not get on well with Ex-Mrs LFTT and neither does her sister.

Given that Ex-Mrs LFTT does nothing to facilitate any kind of relationship between her mother or sister, this is a role that falls to me. I arranged to meet up with MIL, SIL and my nephews, along with 2 of our 3 children for lunch earlier this year. Ex-Mrs LFTT found out and was not amused; she gave MIL a hard time about being “excluded” and tried angling for an invitation. MIL held the line and said “no,” so Ex-Mrs LFTT decided to try and disrupt the event by telling our youngest daughter that she HAD been invited. This was relayed to me by youngest daughter, I checked with MIL and confirmed that it was a lie and told youngest not to worry …… youngest daughter then contacted Ex-Mrs LFTT to tell her that she did not appreciate being lied to for no reason and told her mother not to contact her for a week (AKA, being put on the naughty step to consider her actions).

We had a lovely lunch by the way, but the best bit was seeing that my MIL resisting Ex-Mrs LFTT’s manipulations. Good boundaries make life so much easier.

LFTT

Mehitable
Mehitable
2 months ago

Wow, very impressed at how mighty your youngest daughter ALREADY is!!! Standing up to lies, that’s really cool. As always, I’m impressed at what a great dad you are and how well you’ve handled this very difficult situation. Kudos also for your in-laws for still being involved in the kids’ lives. It’s awful to lose half a family in divorce.

LookingForwardsToTuesday
LookingForwardsToTuesday
2 months ago
Reply to  Mehitable

M,

It has taken a lot of time and effort with the kids (getting them to understand that it is OK to put a boundary in place to protect yourself and to refuse to let the transgressor portray it as a punishment) and with my MIL (who was originally very susceptible to Ex-Mrs LFTT’s manipulations). I have always got on well with my SIL (who is a fantastic aunt to my children) and I adore my nephews. I think that it very important to keep these people involved in my childrens’ lives, and since Ex-Mrs LFTT won’t lift a finger to facilitate it, I’m happy to do the heavy lifting.

Of course Ex-Mrs LFTT has repeatedly tried to spin this as MIL’s disloyalty (plot spoiler, it’s not disloyal to want to stay in contact with your grandchildren and to be on good terms with their father) and my SIL somehow being sexually involved with me (plot spoiler, we aren’t) … but those that matter know the truth, and I don’t care what those that don’t matter think.

The upshot is that I’ll be hosting about 15 people on Boxing Day at my new home, including MIL, SIL, both of my nephews, hopefully their girlfriends, my three kids plus son’s girlfriend and eldest daughter’s boyfriend …. along with my step mother and a few other waifs and strays.

LFTT

Mehitable
Mehitable
2 months ago

That sounds really awesome. I actually do hope your ex “gets it” someday, that it will somehow filter through that dense wall of ME she’s put up, but you’re doing all the right things and as someone who has no family, I’m very glad you’re building this up for your kids. It’s so important to have extended family if you can.

LookingForwardsToTuesday
LookingForwardsToTuesday
2 months ago
Reply to  Mehitable

M,

I doubt that she will ever get it; she sees everything in terms of a “Zero Sum Game” …. in that if I facilitate the children having a relationship with her family and maintain my relationship with them in the process, then she is somehow losing out.

Fundamentally, she just needs to accept that by choosing to walk out on the kids and I, she no longer gets a vote in how we live our lives and interact with the people that we love.

LFTT

Mehitable
Mehitable
2 months ago
Reply to  Mehitable

I think your daughter’s actions are an excellent, concrete, example of why it’s so important to model good marital behavior for kids and not accepting shitty behavior from spouses. This is how it turns out when you do it right!

DrChump
DrChump
2 months ago
Chump-Domain Cleric
Chump-Domain Cleric
2 months ago
Reply to  DrChump

We’re gonna talk about this and not the golden vibrator she sells?

https://goop.com/kiki-de-montparnasse-the-gold-wand/p/?variant_id=96982

Shadow
Shadow
2 months ago
Reply to  DrChump

200 notes for a lump of wax that smells like a fanny? Just because it’s a famous person’s fanny?
That’ll be a No from me, anyway!

Shadow
Shadow
2 months ago
Reply to  Shadow

P.S. Only a “Scott Moore” would buy this!
Scott Moore= someone who’s got more money than sense!

Waitedfartoolong
Waitedfartoolong
2 months ago
Reply to  DrChump

Oh my God! How disgusting!

Squeaks
Squeaks
2 months ago
Reply to  DrChump

Hm. I’m all for body positivity, but I think I’ll pass on the vag candle.

OHFFS
OHFFS
2 months ago
Reply to  DrChump

Oh. My. God. 🤣

Sunrise Ruby
Sunrise Ruby
2 months ago
Reply to  DrChump

I thought of that candle immediately. I figured that “This Smells Like My Ex’s New Lover’s Vagina” is going to be available in time for holiday gift giving. Purchase it on its own, or in a set with the original TSLMV candle.

DrChump
DrChump
2 months ago
Reply to  Sunrise Ruby

😆😆😆😆

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
2 months ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Maybe pretending aplomb towards romantic rivals could be a natural overcompensation for someone who (cough, Gywneth) mate-poached themselves in the past. It’s a way of feigning ethical consistency. But, on the other hand, Paltrow and Johnson might be bonding over trashing Chris Martin’s creepy habits and behavior.

Josh McDowell
Josh McDowell
2 months ago

Eh, it’ called Hollyweird for a reason.

gonegirl
gonegirl
2 months ago

The Wifetress and my husband’s (also a chump) ex are notorious for acting like we are best friends in public. I usually ignore them if they speak and if they attempt to touch me, I move out of the way. I have even held up my hand and said “No” to them. I am not your friend and am not a faker. I really don’t care what people think.

Ka-chump
Ka-chump
2 months ago
Reply to  gonegirl

Hopefully you rarely appear in public with that clown show, much less within arm’s reach.

Divorce Minister
Divorce Minister
2 months ago

My cheater launched a private practice counseling website on the theme of “courage” and while still claiming to counsel from a Christian perspective (She was and is a licensed marriage and famiky therapist… now with a PhD).

Shadow
Shadow
2 months ago

Then she would know the damage and destruction adultery causes to a family and she has even less excuse than the average cheat!
She has a brass neck, hasn’t she? I don’t think she should be anywhere near vulnerable children or concerned parents who’re trying to do their best for them!
Mind you, not everyone in mental health is in it for the love of humanity- it does attract people with Cluster B PD traits, because of the power they can wield over vulnerable people, as our Psychiatric Nursing tutor once told us!

Elsie_
Elsie_
2 months ago

It never ends with these Jesus cheaters.

OHFFS
OHFFS
2 months ago

🤢

Bruno
Bruno
2 months ago

The courage to lie, cheat and manipulate as opposed to dealing with issues honestly? Sounds like a great topic for a dissertation.

Divorce Minister
Divorce Minister
2 months ago
Reply to  Bruno

Courage to be her true self… Guess it is honest in some ways.

Shadow
Shadow
2 months ago

Because being pathologically selfish is her true self? I doubt she’s being honest about that though, is she?

Bruno
Bruno
2 months ago

At my ex mother-in-law’s memorial service a weasel faced man approached me and stuck out his hand. I reflexively shook it as he introduced himself. He was the AP, a Jesus Cheater, who was trying to make himself look good in the church reception hall. His hand was cold and clammy, so he must have been feeling apprehensive. My response? I turned my back.
My condolences Dakota.
On the other hand, I remarried four years after DDay. My wife is a very compassionate nurse who loves her older patients. We were at a time were my sons were having a lot of graduations and other events so there was somewhat frequent interactions with both families. My former mother-in law and my wife really hit it off. MIL was having breast cancer treatment at the time and my wife was sympathetic and helpful. They ended up holding hands and leaning into conversations.

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
2 months ago
Reply to  Bruno

If your current decent, loyal wife bonded with your ex-MIL, my wild guess is that your ex-MIL was the categorical victim in an abusive marriage and your ex ended up internalizing and emulating her abusive father figure’s attitudes and behavior. Maybe I’m wrong but I tend to think FW’s are reenacting and emulating toxic role models. It’s not an excuse because many go in the reverse direction.

DrChump
DrChump
2 months ago

HOC,
Thanks for this because I think it fits FW.
FW would tell me how real dad cheated on her mom and then would come in and out of their lives always letting them down. Her mom killed herself with a gun when FW was 13. I never met real dad.
FW started cheating 15 years into relationship with multiple men. Phone records, emails and banking show no nefarious activity before 2015, but then it was game on. She has become her dad.
I have FW listed in phone as Gus’s Daughter so every communication with her comes up with that on it. She hates it.

Bruno
Bruno
2 months ago

She definitely had some father issues. He was an old school Southerner that discouraged her college aspirations and greatly favored her brothers. MIL resented her given role as submissive SAHM and expressed that her life was wasted. And get this, my XW told me she wanted a divorce exactly one year to the day after her father died. She denied there was any connection- I call B.S.

ChumpDchump
ChumpDchump
2 months ago

I have no idea whether Dakota was Chris’s affair partner – that would make a big difference. My exFW never formed a relationship with her AP, but I am open to the idea of being cordial and friendly with whatever new fly she has enticed into her web. Kudos to those who can do it, I guess.

However, even if Dakota is not the former AP, posts like this contribute to a culture of toxic positivity. These types of things become normalized and expected, so when a person looks at your aloof or tense relationship with your exFW and their current partner (who may have been their affair partner), do people tend to think “huh, what’s wrong with that person? Why can’t they forgive and accept, like someone who is more emotionally evolved?”

Basically, it’s the Switzerlandification of divorce culture.

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
2 months ago
Reply to  ChumpDchump

I’m not entirely sure if this is what’s going on in the photo. Maybe when people are extremely rich and world famous and are constantly being inundated with romantic prospects and the love of adoring fans, long-ago exes kind of fade into the background much more than for normal people whose interpersonal disasters can cause far more devastating consequences. Maybe Johnson and Paltrow once bonded at an awards ceremony about how Martin farted in bed, otherwise neither really think of him that much. Because being mega rich and famous and in demand is like being forever 21.

I have a slightly odd perspective about elite aplomb and confidence which is that, rather than being envious of elites, I wish the world were so egalitarian that everyone could afford such a casual, relaxed attitude about various resources, including time and relationships.

CBN
CBN
2 months ago

Bingo. I don’t know if being famous would help smooth my relationship with exFW and AP, but I’m certain that having a ton of money would. Seven years out, the only consequence from the divorce that keeps slapping me in the face is the negative impact on my financial situation. I don’t care about losing him or being single, not in the least, but I’m reminded of my financial situation EVERY SINGLE DAY in one way or another, which of course leads me back to why I’m in the situation I am, which is exFW. The reminders will never go away.

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
2 months ago
Reply to  CBN

Thanks for voicing that. Things that suck for everyone suck a lot more and continue to suck for longer periods for regular people facing added crises and burdens due to betrayal. In that useless wishing upon a star way, I just wish *no one* had to face those added burdens so we could all experience celebs’ (and other “blessed” types of people whose finances and places in the world are relatively assured) apparently expedited trip to “meh.”

Mighty Warrior
Mighty Warrior
2 months ago
Reply to  CBN

CBN, you’ve articulated perfectly what I think. The financial hit was so huge and will be with me until I die. Covid and the state of the UK economy haven’t helped either. Financially the ex ruined my potential retirement (if it can ever happen). He’s 6 years younger than me, exgfOW one year younger than him. I’m nearly 64. I had to give him cash to get rid of him. I don’t give a toss about him. The long lasting impact on my life will not be easily got over.

Mehitable
Mehitable
2 months ago
Reply to  ChumpDchump

I think that is the POINT of this staged photo and the sister-wife vibes of Gwyneth & Dakota – to create that very attitude you describe, which of course, makes adultery much easier, and monogamy seem so dull and old fashioned. I do hope someday Dakota breaks out of the submissive role she seems to have been cast in since childhood.

Samsara
Samsara
2 months ago
Reply to  Mehitable

Dakota Johnson plays the ultra-submissive role as literally “The Submissive” to “The Dominant” in one of the most normalized abuser / stalker / creeper roles that has been seen in film: Christian Grey “Fifty Shades of Grey”… so this is absolutely familiar territory for Ms Johnson.

susie lee
susie lee
2 months ago

Oh please GP would fuck a telephone pole on Times Square if she could get a couple bucks for it.

Mehitable
Mehitable
2 months ago
Reply to  susie lee

But could she turn the smell into a candle?

Viktoria
Viktoria
2 months ago

Some celebrities think their “anything is possible/keep them wondering” lifestyle is edgy. It gets them more public attention.

susie lee
susie lee
2 months ago
Reply to  Viktoria

Yep any publicity is good publicity as it brings in a few more bucks to support their lavish lifestyle. The same lifestyle that they don’t want the peons to have access to.

Orlando
Orlando
2 months ago

Haha I saw someone ask on People’s page what would Chump Lady think about these two? I thought Dakota came after the Paltrow/Martin marriage? I did hear that both were cheating on each other though. OW hasn’t tried to be friends with me because she’s extremely insecure & jealous of me. My kids & my ex’s family have shared this tidbit. OW did attempt “impression management” with my kids though. “Who’s the best mom?” seemed to be her theme. She has no children so she came after mine. Unfortunately for her, my kids were raised by me & can suss out a big phony a mile away. My ex is even making it difficult for her to impression management their relationship these days. No handholding pix for them anymore Lol! 😂

susie lee
susie lee
2 months ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Tracy can you delete my post where I use the F word. I promised myself I would not use that word in my snark, and I will try to do better. Not that it is wrong for others, just something I was working on.

I tried to find your email but for some reason can not find it.

susie lee
susie lee
2 months ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

That is what gets me. Do what you want, but don’t try to sell it as what others should aspire to.

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
2 months ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I might agree if Johnson were an AP. But I’ve befriended the exes of exes at times simply because both of us honestly had less than zero residual feelings for the mutual ex. Being mutual exes served as a convenient conversation starter. It’s the ultimate negative integer “meh.”

Orlando
Orlando
2 months ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Ah yes! I have a co-worker who thinks any bad thought or voice of discontent is “toxic”. Her Pollyanna-ishness is just as toxic!!

Mehitable
Mehitable
2 months ago
Reply to  Orlando

It’s incredibly unhealthy to do that and to me, it means the person has no standards. They just want to keep everything rosy on the surface, which means all kinds of fetid things are happening underneath. If you have standards, there are going to be times you don’t go along with things or….God forbid…you even get…gasp….ANGRY.

Mehitable
Mehitable
2 months ago

Gwyneth Paltrow is an obnoxious NEPO baby who’s been trying to create her own identity for what feels like decades. The fakeness and entitlement have always oozed from her. I don’t really understand why she wants to be sister-wives with Dakota, what this accomplishes for her but I believe it was Dakota Johnson who was in the repellant BDSM “Your Master Awaits” bullshit known as “Fifty Shades of Grey” so maybe Dakota’s been groomed for this kind of thing since childhood. The only thing I can figure is this is about pushing the System’s agenda of destroying marriage & monogamy by promoting this kind of “friendship”. Maybe they also share a giant communal bed and pass around Gywneth’s vagina candles

Mehitable
Mehitable
2 months ago

It also occurs to me to say that poor Dakota was a natural for the BDSM bullshit that was “Fifty Shades of Grey” and that her posture in this photo reveals that she was raised to take on the passive role reflected in that film. She’s STILL doing it for Mrs. Grey here. I hope someday Dakota breaks out of this mindset and realizes that she doesn’t HAVE to keep doing what she’s told. That she can tell Gwyneth and her cohorts to just fuck off. Stop being a good, obedient girl, Dakota…..sister-wife is for LOSERS.

Samsara
Samsara
2 months ago
Reply to  Mehitable

Before I saw your comment here, I answered above the same notion Mehitable. Absoiutely groomed for the role. A role about grooming no less!

2nd Gen Chump
2nd Gen Chump
2 months ago

Don’t care about Gwyneth – she always struck me as someone who would invite you over to watch her ride her ponies and not let you try one of her spares.

I remember hearing my ex talking about this woman he met at work and just gushing about how much I would like her. She’s so smart, so funny, has so many plans, so many hobbies. Yes, she is just like me before you sucked the life out of me. Maybe she and I should run off together before you ruin her life too.

Mehitable
Mehitable
2 months ago
Reply to  2nd Gen Chump

Excellent description – that’s exactly how she strikes me.

WalkawayWoman
WalkawayWoman
2 months ago

I have a pretty cringe friends-with-exes story. (This was a long time ago, and my boundaries now are ironclad, so go easy on me, CN.)

In 2010, when my ex husband and I were newly separated following my discovery of his affair with justafriend coworker AP, we decided to go on a weekend camping trip with our three teenage kids.

Plans were progressing, cabin rented, activities booked, when justafriend AP (who got immediately upgraded to girlfriend the moment I moved out) tried to invite herself along.

Hapless ex husband asked me if I would mind if she came on the trip.

My response: “Sure, she can come. But if she does, I’m staying home.”

Ex quickly walked it back and declared we would keep the original plan.

Sheesh. So much wrong with that whole scenario.

Ka-chump
Ka-chump
2 months ago
Reply to  WalkawayWoman

No that was pretty mighty given the awful position you got forced into for the sake of your children at that moment. It takes a lot to get from Dday to filing especially in the thick fog of gaslighting, fake remorse and the like.

WalkawayWoman
WalkawayWoman
2 months ago
Reply to  Ka-chump

Mighty – maybe. Misguided – definitely. I used to believe being friends with my ex was the brass ring. And my now-adult kids have waxed poetic about us being friends, getting along, even helping each other out in various ways.

But he treated me badly for roughly 15 of the 18 years we were married – the affair was just the cherry on the shit sundae. Why would I give him the honor of my friendship?

These days, we are friendly but not friends. And even that is strictly for the kids.

Ka-chump
Ka-chump
2 months ago
Reply to  WalkawayWoman

Well after your intro, I had braced myself for you agreeing to bring along the OW and spending a weekend in that Gwyneth-Dakota pose with her for your kids . . . So you saying NO to the idea sounded like a surprise last second touchdown 🐸🐸🐸

Last edited 2 months ago by Ka-chump
WalkawayWoman
WalkawayWoman
2 months ago
Reply to  Ka-chump

Ka-chump, I get what you’re saying. The OW did try to ingratiate herself to me a time or two. I never spoke a word to her or replied to her texts.
I guess my lingering self-recrimination stems from having judged her very harshly while essentially letting my ex off the hook.
Needless to say, 18 years with an emotionally abusive spouse had left me very wobbly in terms of my self worth.

OHFFS
OHFFS
2 months ago

This didn’t happen to me, but to a former acquaintance. His wife of 18 years (who was 45 years old) cheated and left him for a 26 year old musician. She lit off, leaving him and the kids (13 and 10 years old), to pursue life as the world’s oldest groupie.
The chump then became friends with both the FW and the musician, to the point of hosting her and the band on the holidays and at random times throughout the year.
He was convinced, if course, that this was good for the kids. Since these occasions were the only times they saw their mother, I can understand his thought process on that.
He was not about to listen to anybody tell him they were probably better off not seeing her at all. This is sacrilege. The prevailing “wisdom” of the day is that any relationship with the FW parent, no matter how unhealthy, is better than none. I say that the only thing that screws a kid up more than a relationship with a narcissistic parent is a relationship with two narcissistic parents.

Elsie_
Elsie_
2 months ago
Reply to  OHFFS

One of the RIC narratives I read related how the faithful ex-husband told his ex-wife that he was very willing to come to her apartment and stay with their kids anytime she had a date. So he’d get there to watch the kids, she’d get all dressed up, and then her date would pick her up. The date would sometimes drop her off in the wee hours of the morning, and the father would just sleep on the couch and then go home after she got back. He never once complained about that situation.

And taa-dah! She fell in love with him again and they remarried. I can’t even begin to grasp the baggage remaining in that situation.

Last edited 2 months ago by Elsie_
OHFFS
OHFFS
2 months ago
Reply to  Elsie_

Wow! Epic chumpiness.

Mehitable
Mehitable
2 months ago
Reply to  OHFFS

I don’t want to sound like the proverbial broken record as I already made this kind of comment, but I FIRMLY believe that deserting parents should get NO CUSTODY AT ALL, and I would really like to push this everywhere. It is not necessary for kids to have a “relationship” with an asshole who leaves them and their sane parent. My father was a sick, violent and abusive man and I didn’t need a relationship with him, and neither did any other kid (including my older sister who’d been through it in his first marriage). It’s just another way the System tries to make adultery acceptable by making it so easy on the offender. It should be treated like a CRIME.

Last edited 2 months ago by Mehitable
OHFFS
OHFFS
2 months ago
Reply to  Mehitable

Yep. If you abandon your kids, zero custody or even visitation unless the other spouse agrees.

CurlyChump
CurlyChump
2 months ago

Oh, I do have an entry for this f-ed up boundaries Friday challenge!

First, some background. I’ve known “Just a Wife” (she used to be “just a friend” during the devalue / discard) for years. I booked the rooms for her bachelorette party! Went to her wedding w/her first husband. New about them dating before she broke things off with her then-fiancé. Therefore, I also know her ex, and we used to do couple’s / family trips with them and some other couples sometimes (Now all old Switzerland friends with whom I know longer associate). Anyways, their marriage starts falling apart, I believe he had an affair with a coworker? Funny, that motivated her to start an emotional affair (at least) with my ex and encourage him to leave his wife and small child.

Anyways, fast forward a year or two, and my ex and Just a Wife were waiting for renovations to be done on their house, so had moved in with her family. I go to drop my daughter off there for custody exchange, and Just a Wife’s ex opens the door about 8am in his pajamas, having clearly spent the night there?

WTF? They push the everything’s ok, big happy blended family narrative hard. I’m not sure anyone besides their Switzerland friends and her family buy it. I don’t know what kind of weird throuple shit they have going on, but not my circus, not my monkeys. Certainly was a surprise before I’d finished my morning coffee that day though!

Mehitable
Mehitable
2 months ago
Reply to  CurlyChump

Don’t know how old your daughter is, but I’d make sure she understands that this is not normal or healthy behavior, all the way around. This is the kind of thing that makes me crazy about sharing custody. I firmly believe that adulterers who leave their family should get NO CUSTODY AT ALL, NO CUSTODY RIGHTS, unless the ex agrees to it and kids are willing to make an exception. I don’t think kids should be exposed to such unhealthy models of behavior as they are likely to be with their deserting parent and whatever POS he takes up with.

Squeaks
Squeaks
2 months ago

I actually would love to be able to muster this but less performatively. Shame my ex and his gf are both psychos, and any weakness in my boundaries would be tantamount to an invitation to fuck with me. 🙁 Psychos make bad friends.

My FW took out a construction mortgage to GC a home remodel for OW’s (ostensibly senile) father. It’s kinda funny, actually — they all belong to a “world famous” sport family, but none of the OW’s immediate family has a pot to piss in.

Unsurprisingly, the strain of supporting the OW, the new baby, and a six-figure debt is taking its toll on ol’ FW. But I bet her family is very impressed! Or like, not, because they’re the pack of opportunistic users that spawned her sociopathic self.

OW also sent my kids to school with cookies for their friends this week to demonstrate what a great and wholesome mother figure she is. Only they don’t let kids share snacks at school anymore because food allergies. And they’re molasses cookies, which apparently no child likes. They’re currently brightly decorated, getting stale on my kitchen table, totally disregarded by my (sugar fiend) children. She shoulda made lebkuchen 😀

Attie
Attie
2 months ago

Not long after FW had moved in with the skank, he came to me to say that he’d “heard people were talking about him” (to be fair he thought EVERYONE was ALWAYS talking about him – I told him wasn’t that interesting). Anyway he asked me to go to our local restaurant with the two of them to “show everyone that I was all right with the situation”. I told him I WASN’T all right with the situation and could he please just f off! Not long after that I took myself back to the restaurant on my own and as the owner would sometimes drop off at his watering hole after work she must have told him I was alone – so he commented on it pityingly to me. I’m petty so as I had a GORGEOUS bartender friend (14 years younger than me) I asked him to go back to the restaurant with me the following week and would he please mind holding my hand (I told him why and he was up for it). FW never mentioned me being alone again!

Attie
Attie
2 months ago
Reply to  Attie

“I told him HE wasn’t that interesting”!

marissachump
marissachump
2 months ago

My serial cheater ex tried to make me and another woman unknowingly become sister wives. Long story short, “sister wife” and I teamed up against ex, are good friends, and we are both no contact forever with cheater ex.

Waitedfartoolong
Waitedfartoolong
2 months ago
Reply to  marissachump

My FW nurse wife never gave up on her hope of reconnecting with her hospital lothario Doctor Sparkleshlong even after he had made it very clear that their fifteen month long fuck-fest was over when his surgical Residency ended and he entered private practice. She constantly urged me to become one of his patients with the idea in mind, no doubt, that she would accompany me to my new specialist,
and find A way to be his easy side piece once more, although we then lived in another town over sixty miles away. All this came to light a half century later, when confession suddenly became good for the soul.

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
2 months ago
Reply to  marissachump

It would have been so nice if FW had gone out and found me a BFF. Instead he went all Freudian and kept trying to bang his toxic mommy’s Cluster B doppelgangers.

Chump-Domain Cleric
Chump-Domain Cleric
2 months ago
Reply to  marissachump

I’m… happy for you? I mean, you had to deal with a cheater, but you left him, gained a life, and gained a friend! Best wishes to the both of you! My FW tried to get me and the OW to be friends as well – although the OW was very aware of it all, and I was not for the first three to four months.

Lots of red flags – we couldn’t hold hands in front of her (it made her uncomfortable), how close he was to her, her passive-aggressive comments to me… I didn’t have an irl friend group until I was in my mid-20’s, so I wasn’t sure if this was “normal”. It was not, and I had my first D-day months later.

Mighty Warrior
Mighty Warrior
2 months ago

No idea here! I’m suffering from continuing anger and angst about the cheater Matt Hancock’s sad sausage evidence at the English Covid enquiry. Groping his university friend (to whom he’d given a job) in the government office, caught on CCTV while people died and those of us still surviving socially distanced while in lockdown, which I did totally alone while divorcing the ex. And while he had a wife and children at home, his wife suffering from long Covid and having woken up his littlest child in the middle of the night to tell them he was leaving for his ‘one true love’. In reality done in the night because the papers were about to break the story. If ever there was an example of someone who truly does not care and who has an ego as big as a barn door, it’s that loathsome man. He was in I’m A Celebrity a year ago while still an MP and before then he filmed Celebrity SAS again while being paid for being an MP. What a role model he is! These people disgust me.

Shadow
Shadow
2 months ago
Reply to  Mighty Warrior

I absolutely loathe Matt Hancock! Crossing London to do the dirty with his married mistress whilst he’d the whole country penned up like animals; people couldn’t visit their loved ones in nursing homes or hospitals, couldn’t visit their friends and family so too many were completely isolated as you were ( my sympathies because I’m quite isolated now. It’s bone-crunchingly lonely at times!) and that dirty devil sneaking off for a bit of horizontal jigging!
Talk about Rules for Thee but Not for Me!
Feckin’ hypocrite!

OHFFS
OHFFS
2 months ago
Reply to  Mighty Warrior

😡 Disgusting pig!

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
2 months ago
Reply to  Mighty Warrior

Yesterday KatiePig asked rhetorically why narcs are so often “ugly and pathetic looking.” I immediately thought of Bezos, then Gates, then Hancock.

Samsara
Samsara
2 months ago

Because these are the guys who couldn’t get the girls they wanted when they were younger because: not hot and not physically attractive at all.
So when they got the money and the power that comes with it, they just go out and buy the girls they want (Elon Musk) or upgrade the appliance (Jeff Bezos & Gates). Purely transactional for FWs of all stripes. Moreso for billionaires. Elon Musk is famous for shopping via Hollywood for his women…see: Amber Heard, Grimes and at some point it was reported that Dakota Johnson was on his wishlist too… It’s all grotesque, base penis envy. Hahaha yeah I meant it. They think with their little heads despite those big brains in their big heads!

ChumpDchump
ChumpDchump
2 months ago
Reply to  Mighty Warrior

CL should do a Covid Divorce post. I had one. There seem to be a lot. I wonder if character weaknesses are revealed in times of crisis?

KADawn
KADawn
2 months ago
Reply to  ChumpDchump

I had a COVID divorce; I firmly believe my ex would have been able to keep covering his double life if not for lockdown and being stuck in the house together. Strange silver lining, but I think it’s true.

Mighty Warrior
Mighty Warrior
2 months ago
Reply to  ChumpDchump

Thanks for all the replies. I can’t ‘like’ for some reason. So general ‘thank you’ here. Feeling better today! You know how it is. I was dumped in August 2019, so pre-Covid. I discovered the affair in November 2019 and started proceedings in March 2020. I was able to tell the ex to his face that proceedings had been issued (which was satisfying as he didn’t think I’d do it). But mediation online was tough and pointless. It was all tough, looking back, but I ‘screwed my courage to the sticking place’ and got on with it (while Hancock reunited with his soulmate).

ChumpedAndDumped
ChumpedAndDumped
2 months ago

The photo bombing sign seems appropriate: “Slow 10 mph Children and Pets”

Is Dakota the child or a pet? Maybe both?

Ka-chump
Ka-chump
2 months ago

Me ex tried to turn me and his OWhore into sister-wives in 2 different countries, for real. We were students in US. He left with our 2 little kids for a fake vacation, then immediately divorced me, married OW and had a child with her. I had to eat that shit-sandwich to visit my kids as he gave himself de-facto custody for a while. Then he moved back to US alone and pretended he was still single can we now re-marry? [My low income had shot up while his high one had collapsed]. I was gobsmacked but politely said no.

Then a few years later he asked me to go and a road-trip vacation with him and our kids, while pretending like the OWhore he lived with and their kid just didn’t exist. He’s in fantasy-land in countless big and small ways, these are just 2 examples of the top of my mind.

2xchump
2xchump
2 months ago

Reminds me of China where the 1st wife gets the run of the koop and keeps the other wives under her thumb. The husband keeps first wife busy and feeling important but he get to keep his harem too. So much is for effect and impression management when you are a star. You have to keep the camera on you or you fade out. I have never been friends with my 2 cheaters. I was doing Grey rock before it was cool. Passed the kids back and forth like the business deal it was. No hugging or holding hands. I’m sure the OW appreciate my back seat stance but I appreciated the peace and mental stability I had without the turmoil. These people need more friends if they have to get so cozy with the Xs woman. Maybe Ms G is lonely. I”ve got no questions for this couple, just moving on.

luckychump
luckychump
2 months ago

I understand how most of us can’t stand the fake staging of this photo. Friendship between the two women is nice, and I’m sure it’s difficult constantly considering how to “spin” public perception. Gwyneth has a great platform for speaking out against infidelity, yet she talks about open marriage and what a great dad Chris aka FW is. Too bad she doesn’t actually talk about the harm it does, but hey then she’d be selling a lot less overpriced crap.
I feel compassion for Dakota, she was not the AP or the original OW, but you know it’s just a matter of time before FW starts his entitled fuckery and breaks her heart or worse, gives her a disease. Gwyneth, well, just another example of no matter how beautiful and wealthy you are, you are not protected from a FW and his infidelities.
I’d much rather see Gwyneth try and educate Dakota about why she should avoid the FW and publicly speak truthfully about the harm infidelity does to families and children.

Shadow
Shadow
2 months ago

Oh Tracy, you ARE awful…but Ai laike you!
This gave me a good giggle to start the weekend with CL so thank you!
That Dakota one is definitely not happy about this! I wonder what Gwynny has got on her, or that ape from Coldplay ( Chris Martin)?

NotMyFault
NotMyFault
2 months ago

“Homeless eskimo”… the best!

susie lee
susie lee
2 months ago

I think if I were going to ask a question I would want to ask Dakota why she is going along with this. Maybe she has a good reason, or maybe like so many chumps (me) she is just trying to push reality out of her head.

For example my H’s ex left him (no cheating as far as he knows), and I met him after they were D’d. I met her on a couple occasions and we were cordial; but why on earth would she or I want to go walking hand in hand; hand in hand is an intimate gesture in my book, either between sisters, parent and child or spouses, things like that.

I stopped walking with my son hand in hand as he left his toddler phase. Now the only time we do that is if he is helping me walk on rough terrain.

Stig
Stig
2 months ago
Reply to  susie lee

My guess is that Chris and Dakota have had conversations about this and have agreed to go along with Gwyneth’s ‘crazy, rich lady trying to be relatable’ eccentricities. I feel like Gwyneth is just so out of touch with reality, but her whole social media and interface with the real world is just a pantomime of how she imagines the general public thinks, and that’s why she comes up with so many instances where she gets called out for her privilege showing. If my godfather was Steven Speilberg, and I were brought up from birth as the child of an well-known actress and director, and I dated all these male movie stars, I am guessing I’d have no idea either. Because she’s in the entertainment industry she has more interaction with the common folk than other ‘naturally rich’ people, who could quite possibly have the very same world view but have no reason to display it to public scrutiny. It’s just my guess, but I’d say Chris is the more self-aware of the two and he’s cued Dakota in. Having said that, Dakota’s grandma is Tippi Hedron, so she’s from show-biz stock too, but just seems more down to earth.

susie lee
susie lee
2 months ago
Reply to  Stig

I adored Blythe Danner. I read something not long ago where she was defending her daughter as we all likely would try to. And that is what it sounded like, like she was trying to; but it didn’t land. I suspect Blythe was not raised in the lap of luxury, but she forgot to instill in her daughter that no everyone lives like she does. Who knows.

Anyway, yes I think her head is in the clouds and honestly if she wants to be relevant she needs to buckle down and go back to her acting instead of trying to be a mentor, she is not mentor material.

Stig
Stig
2 months ago
Reply to  susie lee

Agreed, Susie, she’s tried to diversify and while she’s been at it a long time, it’s not her strength despite what she likes to think.

susie lee
susie lee
2 months ago
Reply to  Stig

Age is a reality for all of us, and in Hollywood it is even more relevant. She is no longer a winsome ingenue, time to quit trying to act like one.

Most actors her age give up the leading woman/man need and snag some good character parts which can lead to more starring roles. I know nothing of the business, but I can plainly see how it works out for most.

NoShitCupcakes
NoShitCupcakes
2 months ago

I think those are Chris Martin’s pants Paltrow is wearing, to keep Dakota perpetually uneasy.

I can’t remember who cheated on whom, or if there was cheating at all. It’s Gwyneth, so I figure she cheated.

Shadow
Shadow
2 months ago
Reply to  NoShitCupcakes

He loves himself though so I wouldn’t be surprised if he’d cheated as well!
They’re both full of themselves, I can’t stand either of them!

Chumpasaurus45
Chumpasaurus45
2 months ago

I think anyone that markets candles that smell like their vagina is already on some distant, not worth discovering planet.
So, we can rule out anything of merit coming out of GP‘s mouth.
She has nothing of benefit to share with the world as far as relationships are concerned. In fact, her “unconscious coupling” debacle has probably done more damage to chumps than can ever fully be known.
She’s also selling some copper fit core girdle thing, and her commercials for it have interrupted some great podcasts in the past two days I’ve tuned into.
I’m done with the sappy fakeness of GP. I doubt her own family can stomach her. She’s uncoupled from reality.

susie lee
susie lee
2 months ago
Reply to  Chumpasaurus45

Yeah those candles were just weird, I mean I am all for gag gifts; but that one actually hits the gag reflex.

Chumpasaurus45
Chumpasaurus45
2 months ago
Reply to  Chumpasaurus45

I’m laughing at my Freudian slip in my post.
I think it explains Hollywood pretty well though.
They spend their time unconsciously coupling again and again, so they can later consciously uncouple. Can’t let anyone forget they are so special, it keeps the light right where they need it, on them.

zickuhr
zickuhr
2 months ago

I was with you until the “get her a sandwich” comment. Body shaming is so unnecessary.