Potty-Mouthed Infidelity Speak

Doodle_ToiletI got taken to task recently for unsavory potty talk when writing about infidelity. A friend had posted the recent Cosmo excerpt of the new book on her Facebook page and someone remarked on the “foul” language.

“Fucked” and “Fuck off” were the cuss words used. (Although hey, I want points for using “flip” once!)

I get this criticism fairly often. On the positive end: “Decent advice, if you can look past the cursing,” to the pearl-clutching: “I can’t read it for all the F-bombs.”

And here’s the funny thing — I’m not a terribly coarse person in real life. And I don’t swear any more than the average American (except when stuck in Austin traffic… okay, then sailors blush…) But when I write about infidelity? YES, then I swear like a motherfucker.

I noticed this first when I was a new chump writing on infidelity boards for advice. I couldn’t express myself without a lot of invective. I wasn’t alone. I might not have been enforcing boundaries back then, but god damn, I could channel my anger when writing about being defrauded and degraded 6 months into my new marriage. (As it turned out, since I first got involved with him, he was cheating on me.)

By the time I began Chump Lady, my potty mouth was deliberate. FUCK THE EUPHEMISMS. These people are not “wayward” — they aren’t befuddled kittens — they are CHEATERS. I’m not some pathetic, poor “betrayed spouse” — I was CHUMPED. Alas, my husband didn’t fall in love with his mistress compelled by Forces Greater Than Us All — it was a deliberate CON.

Every F-bomb is intended to bitchslap chumps into reality. To get us to channel our righteous ANGER and hurt.

If you bang your thumb with a hammer, you say “&^%$#!!!”

You might even post on your Facebook page: “I banged my thumb with a hammer. &^%$#!!!”

And no one would batt an eye.

Walk in on your spouse having sex with another person — and you say “fuck”?

How UNCIVIL of you to use such language!

Now isn’t that a mindfuck? The most humiliating, painful experience of your life — inflicted on you with lies and disrespect, which has endangered your health and your family and your finances — and you can’t say “fuck.”

So today, Chump Nation, I’m asking you to use your potty mouths and change the narrative around infidelity. Luziana asked what’s your name for your cheater — I liked her “Jake from State Farm.” (Hey, if you’re going to use a euphemism, at least be clever about it.) Tell me yours!

Be clever, or be foul-mouthed. Just don’t be a chump.

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kar marie
kar marie
8 years ago

Fucking cheater asswipe and for the ho whore juice. And swearing feels really really good!

Loridachump
Loridachump
8 years ago
Reply to  kar marie

Slippery dick

Kicked In Gut
Kicked In Gut
8 years ago
Reply to  kar marie

Cock-suckin’ motherfuckin’ son-of-a-bitch asshole piece of shit garbage licking, pond sucking, sycophantic, violating, home-wrecking slime bucket bastard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hesatthecurb
Hesatthecurb
8 years ago
Reply to  Kicked In Gut

“Cock sucking mother fucking lying son of a bitch piece of shit” sums the Jackass up for me.

“Fuckstick” comes in handy too.

Confused123
Confused123
8 years ago
Reply to  Hesatthecurb

I call mine the ‘Man-Whore’ and her the ‘Cunt’ or ‘Red headed Whore”. BUT I love FuckStick.

KRKing911
KRKing911
8 years ago
Reply to  Confused123

That’s what I called mine – Fuckstick. Isn’t that funny!

Ashley
Ashley
8 years ago
Reply to  KRKing911

Fucktard and Douchebag are mine….I did try ducks tick but felt the use of “tard” better conveyed the appropriate level of stupidity and irresponsibility I was dealing with. 3 years post divorce and he still hasn’t change his address for his health insurance. I get every explanation of benefits for him….I wonder if it’s still my fault he has headaches that he’s being treated for?! Lol

ChumpB
ChumpB
8 years ago
Reply to  Ashley

What the fuck? Criticized for swearing? I repeat: what the fuck? Really? Saying Fuck is the issue? What the fuck?

Melissa
Melissa
8 years ago
Reply to  Ashley

Love all the comments. I never really cursed before. That was, before Dumbass showed his true colors and I realized what a chump I have been in our 25 year marriage. He has lived up to every fucking curse word uttered about him and will always be a Fucking dumb ass. DA is his new nickname.

Maggie
Maggie
8 years ago

Cocksucking douchebag

magicrain
magicrain
8 years ago
Reply to  Maggie

yes all of the above and fucker who fucked his secretary. I mine listed as motherfucker Jones in my phone

Casey
Casey
8 years ago

His name is simple…douchebag, or db for short. In my phone, he is liar-cheater to remind me of what i am dealing with. In all reality, he is not even worth a name or my mental time or energy…

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
8 years ago
Reply to  Casey

I had a skeleton/x-ray picture of a hand flipping the bird for The Evil One’s (TEO for short) callerID picture, but I’ve recently changed it to Deadpool’s cartoon pic saying, “You sound crazy”, LOL

Ringtones have changed- it was that country song, “Cheater Cheater”, but I recently changed it to “My Give a Damn’s Busted”.

Names for The Evil One has shifted towards the Albatross recently, since he was a dead weight tied around my neck; other names include (but not limited to) NSFW titles like Fuck-tard, Mother-fuckin’-Asshole, Dickhead, SonofaBitch, but mostly just TEO

igotthesilver
igotthesilver
8 years ago
Reply to  Casey

HAHA! I have a DB too! I accidentally sent him a text meant for my boyfriend that said DB in it. He said who is DB? Uhhhhhh that would be you! He’s like oh, douchebag. Yep!!

accubonded
accubonded
8 years ago
Reply to  Casey

I changed the pic of her in my contacts to one of those stupid chive on memes. It says “keep calm I’m a lying cheating whore”

ChutesandLadders
ChutesandLadders
8 years ago
Reply to  accubonded

I have a picture of garbage for him on my phone.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago

That is hysterical, ChutesandLadders!

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

the steaming pile of poo-emoticon works, too.

happily never after
happily never after
8 years ago
Reply to  accubonded

Winner of the chicken dinner for making it multisensory.

This too shall pass!
This too shall pass!
8 years ago
Reply to  Casey

I have a DB too!!!! There is a ring tone singing “Douchbag is calling” a must for the X.

happily never after
happily never after
8 years ago

This Too: Another multisensory winner. It’s so important to get the whole self involved!

chjrn
chjrn
8 years ago

I refer to my ex as “Grandmotherfucker” when I am really angry. Yes, she has 4 grandchildren. But on my phone he is simply, “Donor” and “The Asshole Song” by Jimmy Buffett plays.

I am not perfect, anger is the sin I work on Every. Single. Day.

Anonymous Coward
Anonymous Coward
8 years ago
Reply to  chjrn

// , I’m no theologian, but anger is no sin. That’s kind of the point of this blog post, don’t you think?

Mandie101
Mandie101
8 years ago

Bible says be angry but do not let it cause you to sin. Hence I own my anger. Even God and Jesus got angry. I am far less than either

kar marie
kar marie
8 years ago

I think swearing and anger are very therapeutic. Swear, scream, cry, vent just got to get the under and frustration out and here is a perfect safe place Tracy gave us. Fuck them who thinks otherwise.

Schmetterling
Schmetterling
8 years ago
Reply to  kar marie

The only problem is, once I have started to cuss I can’t stop and I am on the roll. Had some slippers in not so appropriate places. But no doubt It feels so good and appropriate when I am on the roll. Honestly, I would be lost without the cussing and I wouldn’t know how else to express more fittingly how I feel about Mr. Focker. When trying to express or explain his true fucked-up-ness and shortcomings, I feel that even the worst cuss words aren’t accurate enough, but at least they are coming damn close to it.

ANC
ANC
8 years ago
Reply to  chjrn

Wait! There’s a Buffet song called Asshole? What the fuck. Off to Spotify…..

gotadog
gotadog
8 years ago
Reply to  ANC

I just you tube’s the asshole song, it was closely followed by the Dickhead song by Miles Betterman- yet another catching fitting little tune… 🙂

Jinx
Jinx
8 years ago
Reply to  gotadog

All of this convo about ass. Shit sandwich has taken on a new meaning as mine was tuned out by his OW ass licking, ass eating proclivities.Butt breath, butt face can eat shit and die.

Casey
Casey
8 years ago

That is hysterical! ! I will have to check that out. 😉

Sad in Seattle
Sad in Seattle
8 years ago
Reply to  Casey

Love it! Dbag calling!

Upon DDay I changed his ringtone to “ring ring. Asshole calling. There’s an asshole calling your phone.”

When I left, I changed it to a zombie scream since he and the relationship are dead to me.

Fuck the motherfucker

Chumpish
Chumpish
8 years ago
Reply to  Sad in Seattle

Bahahaha! Hilarious! ring, ring . . .

TheMuse
TheMuse
8 years ago
Reply to  Sad in Seattle

that’s funny… i changed my ex’s contact photo to a pic i googled “world’s ugliest dog” and his contact name to Ugly Dog. Fortunately we don’t have kids, or any legal ties anymore, so I have deleted him entirely.

Mehphista
Mehphista
8 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

And I changed Mr Fab to “The Problem Child”, but now NC except by email about Kiddo.

UK Chump
UK Chump
8 years ago

As the son of a clergyman I say fuck off to anyone who complains about this and shove it up their ass.

When you have been cheated on maybe then you can tell us on chump nation not to use foul language.
Instead of spending time defending and excusing cheaters perhaps they can criticize the people who cause us to swear.

RefusesToBeStupid
RefusesToBeStupid
8 years ago
Reply to  UK Chump

My thoughts exactly, just shows how and where their moral compass is

WhichWayDidSheGo
WhichWayDidSheGo
8 years ago
Reply to  UK Chump

I fucking love to fucking cuss, but I do have one slight issue with your comment. Not to nitpick, but just as no one causes these assholes to cheat, no one causes us to swear. I realize you probably didn’t mean it that way, but I think if we’re going to stop blaming ourselves, it’s important to be consistent in realizing that no one makes anyone else do anything.

Apologies. Pedant out.

kb
kb
8 years ago

I hear you, but I like to think that my profanity on these boards is a cathartic expression of anger. In everyday life, I don’t swear a lot. I’m in a managerial position, and my work environment is remarkable for its professional tone. When I talk with my friends, I don’t swear, save for the very rare “hell” and “damn” with the occasional “shit.” Never the F-bomb.

I am still sometimes amazed at the depth of my anger toward the XH, even though I can feel myself moving more toward Meh and I know that once I’m out of the marital home (when is that settlement money coming through so I can close on the new place?), he will fade into the background of the past 25 years of my life (married for 18 of those). I’ll see his face in the family photographs, but I know that when I met him, he had some honor. I am not sure when he ceased being that man, but at one point he had integrity.

Every time I see him in the house, I think he’s a cheating asshole. At least here, I’ll use those terms. 😉

lady jane
lady jane
8 years ago

The language doesn’t bother me and when I’m home and angry, I let the f-bombs fly. However on a day to day basis I use Dodo, only because I work at a school and I don’t want to accidentally call him a fucking moron! I also like douchebag and fucktard. Another favorite is fuckface.

creativerational
creativerational
8 years ago
Reply to  lady jane

I like ‘dummy’ when I’m trying to not curse, because it makes me think of 30 rock when Liz lemons perpetual jack ass boyfriend uses it as a pet name for Liz. becauss it infuriates me, that someone like Liz would’ve been called dummy, I call Ho hub dummy. I dunno. There’s some reason In there I’m sure

Other Kat
Other Kat
8 years ago

I often just go old-school 2nd grade and call him dum dum. I don’t know, there’s something appealing about how diminishing and dismissive it is.

Rebecca
Rebecca
8 years ago
Reply to  lady jane

I use his name and when I reference the OW, I use her name.
It empowers me to use their real names in private and in public. I don’t want any doubt in anyone’s mind who I am talking about.
I don’t ever want to have my words used against me as being disparaging (in my decree).
What I cannot use is Dad or ‘your father’. He lost the right to those titles when I speak with my kids.
Interestingly, I curse like a sailor on a regular basis without a second thought.
When discussing my ex and the woman who knowingly, meticulously and purposefully killed the hearts of a wonderful woman and two amazing sons, not using their real names seems like letting them off easy.

TheMuse
TheMuse
8 years ago
Reply to  Rebecca

Rebecca, whenever I use the Ex’s or the OW’s name, I purposely use their first and last names. It’s part of distancing myself from their shitshow.

HappyNow
HappyNow
8 years ago
Reply to  Rebecca

I could never choke out the MOW’s name because she has the same first name as I do. It was a unique shit sandwich, for sure. I have plenty of colorful nicknames for her, though.

STBX is simply “fucktard” or “fucker” in my own mind, and those things and more online. But in real life I don’t use those words for him because I don’t want my children overhearing it. They even specifically asked me, after the separation, to call him “dad” or “daddy” as I always had before. Although I also used to say “your father” in a completely neutral way, after he left that began to feel hostile to them. Their request wasn’t about him being a wonderful dad (he’s not, and they know it, although he gives them just enough attention to string them along as narcissistic supply); it was about not wanting to be confronted with all the crap every time he had to be referred to for any reason.

I agreed without any hesitation and to this day still call him “dad” when referring to him with them. It’s a shit sandwich for me, but it makes my children feel better, so like many others that the fucker served up, I swallow it for them. What a complete and unredeemable asshole he is.

Arlo
Arlo
8 years ago
Reply to  HappyNow

Zomg HappyNow, my (ugh, shudder) stbx husband took up with a girl with my same first name too! The fucking nerve!!

I wouldn’t let him call me by name after that, still won’t. He said once, (after i shut down baby, honey, sweetie, etc as well) exasperated, well what should I call you? I said Nothing! Then he started crying.

One of my better moments…

Kelly
Kelly
8 years ago
Reply to  Rebecca

When speaking to our children, I refer to him as their “ex-father,” because he is exactly that.

My daughter shortly after D-Day said the following: “My father is dead. There is a man out there who looks like him, but that is not my father.” He sends a card twice a year to each and makes no further efforts to see them.

Magical Momma
Magical Momma
8 years ago
Reply to  Kelly

My 20 yr old daughter said her father is “just some dude” to her. She has put up some huge boundaries with him the he not wike (baby talk). Has seen him about 4 times in the past two years. Her choice. My sisters and girlfriends have the best curse words for him and the tramp. Fucker bastard, Voldemort, Mr “happy”, Cock suckered mother fucker, scum suckers, slime bags, dirty bitches, hilly billies, abusive fuckwits, . Could fill a library! The pearl clutching pig who complained is probably a cheater too!

chump-tastic
chump-tastic
8 years ago
Reply to  Rebecca

I’m not above calling him and OW all the names in the book privately, or venting to a friend. Extreme shit has happened to us chumps. And it takes extreme language to name it, and to allow ourselves to feel and handle the anger we’ve been given. How dare people judge us for this. I would only accept that criticism if the critic has also gone and knocked on the cheater’s door and berated them for hours about their life-wrecking actions first.

But in everyday speech I do the same as you, Rebecca. Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself, and as you pointed out, they don’t deserve the sweet sweet anonymity of code names.

happily never after
happily never after
8 years ago
Reply to  Rebecca

Interesting perspective. I myself choke on the name, including the last name. So with my lawyers blessing, but not officially I go by an abbreviation. Kinda like Lois CK or MC Hammer.

Anonymous Coward
Anonymous Coward
8 years ago

// , Are you not allowed to change your name?

Chumpish
Chumpish
8 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I was shuttling a car full of boys one day and some guy cut me off. I heard the passenger window roll down, and glanced over to see my 14 yr. old son hanging his arm out the window, angrily jabbing his middle finger at the guy. The backseat boys were quick, I yelled ‘stop!’ but it was too late. Every hand had a signal. Wow, my role modeling is stellar. I should teach a class.

DC
DC
8 years ago
Reply to  Chumpish

I’ve started doing this whenever utility vans honk at me while I’m walking down the street (street harassment). We live in an area where everyone’s very nicey-nice, so I think even the utility drivers are shocked when a scrawny youthful-looking female walking by herself hauls off and flips them a giant, arm-wrenching bird. I’ve noticed that it hardly ever happens now…hope that means I’m doing my bit for effective pedestrian-to-driver communication.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

The problem with waiting until 30 to have kids is that swearing is pretty already entrenched. I’m sure my kids heard some doozies even as toddlers (but at least “fuck” wasn’t their first word!).

KarenE
KarenE
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Temptest, you must be right (as usual)! I didn’t have my kids ’til I was 40. At age 2, my son dropped a heavy toy on his foot, and said, perfectly appropriately, ‘fuck!’. He not only knew the word, he know when and how to use it! Needless to say, we had to have a little talk about those ‘special words’ …..

Now my kids are teens, and won’t let me swear much, ’cause I’m a grown up! But they have never sworn when and where they shouldn’t!

TheMuse
TheMuse
8 years ago
Reply to  KarenE

I stopped swearing at other drivers when my now 32 year old daughter was in preschool… we were driving her to preschool one day, when from the back seat she piped up, “Mommy, I know what an asshole is!”… “um, you do?” I ventured. “Yes, Mommy, it’s someone who drives in front of you!”… now all these years later I like to think I taught all 3 kids good judgment about when and where it’s appropriate to swear.

TrustingGod
TrustingGod
8 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

Ha, almost the exact same experience with one of my sons, at three years old. “Say bad words, Mama.” Why? “Because they’re in front of you.”

So I stopped swearing. I had stopped almost altogether for years, because of trying to live my life to please God. But other than a few, rare lapses, I was swear-free…until D-Day. I’m trying to find my way out of it again, because every time I indulge in calling him an f-ing f-tard, it just gets easier and easier to relapse into it when I’m angry. Since I work in a school, that is a bad idea. Some people can control themselves and use it only in the right context, if they have no religious reason not to swear. But to me it feels like I’m allowing myself to be controlled by a darker force. I know I have a right to my righteous anger over his antics, but I also know that I am supposed to keep from sinning when I am angry. I sort of take swearing as a sign of how far I am from meh. If I was there, nothing he did would anger me enough to lose control and slip back into acting in a way that makes me feel ashamed of myself. I don’t think people are judging chumps for their swearing. I think they just don’t want to be exposed to it. There’s a lot to be learned here, and loving, supportive people, but some people can’t access it because of the swearing. And that’s okay. That’s their boundary. We don’t need to feel judged for swearing and get angry at them, too.

CalamityJane
CalamityJane
8 years ago
Reply to  TrustingGod

I totally get what you are say, TG. The immediate building steam of anger that is set off in the early days of discovery needs an avenue to escape. Feelings descending from our brains to our mouth is a well laid path for vocalizing that pain. I believe this is a way that allows for (wo)man to discharge the incredible emotion of betrayal in a non violent physical form.

Trust me on this.

For most of us here on this site, potty works. It allows the pain to escape and the sometimes humor from those potty mouths gives us a well needed belly laugh or smile.

It soothes.

I feel for anyone who cannot get past the potty. Why? Because everyone here will surround you with love when you come bleeding and emotionally battered as understanding brothers and sisters in arms.

The swearing will go away. I think most of us know this. For those who have managed to get through life without using cuss words, it is a temporary phenomenon. Well, at least as long as “those who shall not be named” is not in the room.

As for me, hell, it’s second nature. But, that’s between me and my God.

BTW, I always appreciate a different view. It makes me stop and think. Thanks.

KMAloser
KMAloser
8 years ago
Reply to  CalamityJane

Calamity Jane – beautifully stated ❤️

TrustingGod
TrustingGod
8 years ago
Reply to  TrustingGod

I understand that people have different beliefs. Mine are that not walking in love is the only sin, which is what I feel I am doing when I am cursing him out and angry…which tends to lead to unkind treatment of others when I have gotten all worked up. I’m definitely not judging others for swearing, merely observing that some chumps will avoid this site because of swearing and not take advantage of the few other truly helpful sites like Divorce Minister because they’re not Christians. Most other sites are just RIC or full of cheater apologists or other psychologically damaging ideas. Of course adultery is considered a sin. I just don’t want what my husband did to erase all the positive changes I’ve made and contaminate my faith anymore. It’s gone on long enough.

Anita
Anita
8 years ago
Reply to  TrustingGod

Trusting God, the solution for people who are offended by swearing is just to not visit sites that they are offended by. I watch what I say almost all the time. Not here, though. I think trying to control people’s speech on a site for adults about adultery is another way chumps are invalidated.

Swearing isn’t a good habit, but it’s one I have. Adultery is an established sin. Swearing is not.

Her Blondeness
Her Blondeness
8 years ago
Reply to  KarenE

Re: kids swearing

Jr. had a slight lisp as most toddlers do. Imagine Grandma’s expression when we were driving through heavy traffic and he was pointing out all the “fucks, fucks, fucks”. Yeah, bad mommy (me) couldn’t quit laughing.

Got 99 Problems But Cheater Ain't 1
Got 99 Problems But Cheater Ain't 1
8 years ago
Reply to  Her Blondeness

My son too! It was hard to hold back my snicker whenever he tried to say “clock”

Schmetterling
Schmetterling
8 years ago

For the longest time my son used the middle finger and surprisingly always quite appropriate. He hardly could talk in full sentences back then. Somehow he must have picked it up (promised, it wasn’t me he learned it from) and he always had a smirk on his face each time he lifted that finger very swloly. It’s said that sign language is very easy to learn for the young child – yup I can attest. I tried my best to extinguish signing the stinky finger but it was quite the challenge.

Arlo
Arlo
8 years ago
Reply to  Her Blondeness

That was my son too! Couldn’t say the “tr” sound til he was 4, lol. “Look Mama, big fucks!” every time we went out in the car.. Hahaha, good times!

Other Kat
Other Kat
8 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

In defense of cursing around your kids, I believe it is possible to teach them how to curse responsibly via setting a few ground rules. Or, at least that’s my excuse. I called them “mommy words” and taught them that they couldn’t use them until they were grown up. This rule worked well–it gave them something to aspire to :)–until they were well into their teens, then the rule became no cursing at school or around their friends’ parents.

STBX used to constantly try to shame me out of cursing around our three very rambunctious boys, something that was easy enough for him to take the high road on since was never alone with them for days, sometimes weeks, on end. So it really frosted his ass when they actually followed my rule and didn’t fulfill his prediction that they would become “snotty little potty-mouths.”

DC
DC
8 years ago
Reply to  Other Kat

Oh yeah, best 100% culturally-approved redirect ever…you say you were “fucking cheated on”? How horrifying! Don’t use language like that in PUBLIC!! How ANGRY you sound!

Sometimes I wonder if people invented the concept of swear words just so they’d have something to redirect to when ANGRY people called them on their bullshit. Totally rich that your cheating STBX thought swearing was worth frowning upon but…you know, cheating was ok.

Love your “mommy words” rule, by the way.

justchumped
justchumped
8 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Fuck that fucking critic!! I myself am normally a very “nice” and soft-spoken person, but when am I dealing with this infidelity (or talking to my therapist) it’s like goddamn sewage flying out of my mouth! This shit is REAL! It fucking HURTS, and if I don’t release SOMETHING I think I would become psychotic!! To the pearl-clutcher: My son of a motherfuckin bitch husband lied to me and my children everyday so that he could churn another bitch’s butter in a fucking pink-tiled bathroom where they work. My STBX and his “GLORY HOLE” threw me and my kids under the bus and we did not deserve it!!! Our lives are a mess because of his selfishness!! I’m mad as hell shit motherfuckin jesus christ all motherfucking mighty I want to kill someone!! Go fuck yourself, lady!!

I just couldn’t NOT comment on today’s post!

Kat
Kat
8 years ago
Reply to  justchumped

Oh my gosh…. sitting here with so many fucking belly laughs!!!

nutmegpixy
nutmegpixy
8 years ago
Reply to  justchumped

OMG!! so poetic. My feelings exactly. Thank you JC

Pricklypear
Pricklypear
8 years ago
Reply to  justchumped

‘Churning another bitch’s butter’– two automatic responses: Fucking wonderful expression! And ewwwwwwwwww!

TheMuse
TheMuse
8 years ago
Reply to  Pricklypear

absolutely perfect.. right?

Anita
Anita
8 years ago
Reply to  justchumped

Glory hole. Lol. I love it.

Marked711
Marked711
8 years ago

She’s my ex “lying, cheating, gold digging leach of a whore”. I have never thought of any woman as a whore, and I don’t ever use that word, but for her it fits per the dictionary definition.

chjrn
chjrn
8 years ago
Reply to  Marked711

Marked711, do you and my husband have the same ex-wife? HaHa!

lostntx
lostntx
8 years ago
Reply to  Marked711

I am with you on this one. My nickname I found on here. Slunt. An accurate description for me. And sometimes it’s just whore!

Carmella1722
Carmella1722
8 years ago
Reply to  lostntx

Yes! My new favorite word that I learned here–Slunt. That’s how i refer to Owhore. Also cockwhore, cumdumpster, and semen demon. As for him, I usually just go with The Prick, that rotten prick, Captain Evil, or Johnny Rottencock.

Pricklypear
Pricklypear
8 years ago
Reply to  lostntx

That critic needs to come here and get a real education. I’ve read the best names here. Slunt, slore, twatwaffle, twinkletwat, douche canoe…all terms I didn’t know before Chumplady! Thank you!

Marked711
Marked711
8 years ago
Reply to  Marked711

That’s Leech, not Leach. Darn autocorrect.

Marked711
Marked711
8 years ago
Reply to  Marked711

And I call the OM (now her boyfriend again) “shit for brains”. 🙂

Off the crazy train
Off the crazy train
8 years ago
Reply to  Marked711

You can call him ‘Shitfer’ for short. It will be fun when people say “Shitfer?” and you simply reply “Yeah, Shit for brains”

Hesatthecurb
Hesatthecurb
8 years ago
Reply to  Marked711

Oh yes, I forgot about “shit for brains”…..and “parasite”

Gail
Gail
8 years ago
Reply to  Hesatthecurb

Rat face ….Judas…Pan…Jezebel …Theive…Dick head…Venereal Wart!

Sad in Seattle
Sad in Seattle
8 years ago
Reply to  Gail

I like Judas. Betrayer who decieved with a kiss.

Gail
Gail
8 years ago
Reply to  Gail

Crooked dick ….Ballless Weasel…Snake. Coward…Loser….Shit face….Shit breath…Smelly fingers…Turd….Piece of Shit…Limp Dick…and I changed his initials from SDP changed to STP which is more appropriate!

TheMuse
TheMuse
8 years ago
Reply to  Hesatthecurb

Ah yes, “parasite”. And OW is “new host.”

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
8 years ago

I am so pissed off at my cheater that I just call him Asshat. It’s too time consuming to type something longer! OW’s name is slightly more imaginative…. Despite the generic nickname, my posts are still strongly laced with profanity, LOL.

Living happy
Living happy
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpyElf

Too funny! My dad called my ex ass hat or ass clown. I just think it is hysterical my dad won’t even mention him by his first name. Oh he calls him narcles the ass clown at times too.

Chumpaliscious
Chumpaliscious
6 years ago
Reply to  Living happy

I call him fuckface and my sibling call him “drunk uncle” from the skit ON Saturday Night Live a few years ago. So spot on!

MidlifeBlast
MidlifeBlast
8 years ago

My husband is a fucking cunt.

Simple

cheatedchump
cheatedchump
8 years ago
Reply to  MidlifeBlast

That’s my exhs, moniker as well!!!!!! So goddamn, “fucking”, appropriate! If only I owned a super-sized billboard.

TheClip
TheClip
8 years ago
Reply to  MidlifeBlast

He must be related to mine… Fucking Idiot…. Cousins ?

MidlifeBlast
MidlifeBlast
8 years ago
Reply to  TheClip

Lol theClip

zmichelle
zmichelle
8 years ago

He is a fuckwad and I call her the fuckbitchwhore.

Hesatthecurb
Hesatthecurb
8 years ago
Reply to  zmichelle

Oh wow, one more came to mind—-“Fuckface”

TheMuse
TheMuse
8 years ago
Reply to  Hesatthecurb

Yes, my Ex referred (post Dday) to my brother (who had his number a long time ago) as “your crazy fuckface brother.” Ex also referred to my best friend (who also had his number a long time ago) as “a flapping cunt,” as in, “You tell that {hername} to stop flapping her cunt all over town saying bad things about me!” because she was telling people I kicked him out for cheating. HAHAHAHA

UK Chump
UK Chump
8 years ago

Hi Chump Lady I didn’t intend for my real name to be put on screen please can you edit with my screen name UKChump

Get Out Yo Seat and Chump Around
Get Out Yo Seat and Chump Around
8 years ago

My names for him have been pretty tame. I try making them humorous to me rather than help channel my anger. One favorite is Paxil Rose. I also enjoyed referring to him as The Credit Risk for a while. I thought it sounded superhero-like.

Kelli Strong
Kelli Strong
8 years ago

Idiotic Twat.

First thing I did was change his contact name in my iPhone to was “Idiotic Twat.” That seemed to take me to the right mental place I needed to be before I communicated with him.

He’s not the person I thought I married, who was… actually human. So he didn’t deserve to be called by his name in my mind.

He wasn’t bigger than me (mighty wise. He is actually much bigger). Or tougher. Or stronger. Or smarter.

He’s an idiot. Who is annoying. That I CAN TAKE DOWN!

Hence, Idiotic Twat.

KarenE
KarenE
8 years ago
Reply to  Kelli Strong

Our 14 yr old daughter has started calling her dad That Twat, and sometimes Idiotic Twat. But only when he’s being a pain in the ass (about half the time). And no she didn’t get that from me! To my kids, I just call him ‘your father’. Always used to call him ‘papa’, but the kids made me stop, once they realized he was lying to them and didn’t care about them 🙁 .

I just call him my ex – quite satisfying, or sometimes cheater narc. She’s Schmoopie, ’cause it was twu lurv, until it wasn’t.

kb
kb
8 years ago
Reply to  KarenE

Haha, KarenE–I usually refer to OW, now the fiancee of my X, as “Schmoopie.” I always change my voice when I say it, though. If you have ever seen Tony Curtis in the WWII comedy Operation Petticoat, imagine saying “Schmoopie” in the same tone of voice that Curtis called for Ramone. I love “Schmoopie” as a nickname, since you can say it so many ways to convey everything from ridicule to derision.

For the XH? First, I love referring to him as XH, even more than STBX. In real life, I just don’t talk about him much. I started referring to him as “Mr Chuckles” or “Mr. Happy” because he’s clearly miserable most of the time. Also, there was a Chuckles the Clown in his native city, and I think that XH’s lying is so laughably obvious that he’s definitely a clown.

brit
brit
8 years ago
Reply to  kb

My therapist told me there is a now a diagnosis for the sociopathic/narcissist which is what I was married to.

TheMuse
TheMuse
8 years ago
Reply to  kb

That’s funny.. my brother would mock out Ex, saying “schmoopie” in a Groucho Marx voice. It always made me laugh.

Nicole S
Nicole S
8 years ago
Reply to  kb

There is also an episode of Seinfeld where Jerry gets a girlfriend and they can’t decide on pet names but eventually decide on schmoopie and everyone finds it revolting. Great episode- of course.

chris1731
chris1731
8 years ago
Reply to  KarenE

I’m not much of a potty mouth myself, but I have my moments of potty mouth.

My daughters refer to the OM as “garbage man” I prefer “asshat” or “Mr. Sparkles”. I haven’t yet come up with a name for my ex-wife, but I like your reference KarenE and just call her “ex”. No drama, no anger just ex a “nobody”.

Great Post CL/CN !!!!

Nicole S
Nicole S
8 years ago
Reply to  chris1731

I grew up in the church (NOT with phony Jesus Cheater types) so the potty mouth stuff doesn’t come easy for me either. But after what I’ve been through it now comes a bit easier. My friends and I call the stbx the NA ClusterB for narcissistic asshole and ClusterB because we can’t decide if he is a narcissist or sociopath- it really is a toss up. I know, pretty mild, but it works for me.

Kelly
Kelly
8 years ago
Reply to  Nicole S

narcissist? sociopath? — narcissist? sociopath?

The never ending question to those who have been chumped as we have.

Off the crazy train
Off the crazy train
8 years ago
Reply to  Kelly

I don’t know how correct this is, but I read that the difference between a psychopath and a sociopath is that a sociopath lives on the fringes of society – it is immediately obvious that there is something wrong with them, they were damaged in childhood (usually) and are liable to smash things up and have little self-control. A psychopath, on the other hand, is an expert at blending into society, will manipulate and mirror, is usually conniving and strategic and was born that way.

I’ve no idea whether that’s accurate, it’s really annoying there’s no clear distinction!

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  Kelly

Love that Inuit tradition, NicoleS–culling the gene pool, Hunger Games style!

Nicole S
Nicole S
8 years ago
Reply to  Kelly

Interesting Tempest. I haven’t heard or read that one. I guess it doesn’t really matter because they are all severely character disordered but it is interesting for sure. In the book “Sociopath Next Door” it talks about how the Inuit tribe calls these types of people “kunlegeta” which is similar to psychopath. If someone is labeled “kunlegeta” in the tribe they are forced to go hunting by themselves and then, with no witnesses, a tracker is sent after him to push him off the ice and into the water. Problem solved. I giggled when I read that.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  Kelly

Even seasoned therapists have trouble telling the difference between them until they start strangling puppies. One distinction I read was that narcs feel pain for themselves (but not for others), whereas sociopaths don’t feel pain for anyone. Take that with a grain of salt.

Nicole S
Nicole S
8 years ago
Reply to  Kelly

I’m leaning toward sociopath because he really seems to have no conscience at all at this point. Creep.

Nicole S
Nicole S
8 years ago
Reply to  Nicole S

Oh and I call his family the nutcluster.

Nicole S
Nicole S
8 years ago
Reply to  Nicole S

I love Divorce Force and the Dark Side. They are very fitting for these nuts. My husband is from a family with a lot of divorce in it too. His mom has been married 3 times and was the OW with her last husband (I just found that out). I can’t believe I ignored that red flag- especially since I’m from a family that doesn’t have much divorce it. Head slap!

Kelli
Kelli
8 years ago
Reply to  Nicole S

That’s pretty funny, Nicole. When I separated from my ex, his mom, his brother, his cousin, and his aunt had all separated from their spouses within a 6 month period. I called them The Divorce Force.

Now I just call them The Dark Side. And, mentally, when I see them, I hear the Darth Vader theme song.

Champ
Champ
8 years ago
Reply to  Nicole S

Love it!

Kelli
Kelli
8 years ago
Reply to  Kelli Strong

It did make things difficult when I would capture incriminating responses from him via text. I would screen shot it to my lawyer (who happens to be my stepmom), and she was like, “Now how am I supposed to use that screenshot in court? You realize this goes on a 30′ screen, right?”

Oops.

creativerational
creativerational
8 years ago
Reply to  Kelli

For 200 bucks an hour they should be able to figure out how to crop a pic. It’s built into Windows tools. Or add a fuzzy bar over the bad stuff “For privacy”

TheClip
TheClip
8 years ago

Dogfuckers…. Better yet… Dead Dogfuckers.

Chump Princess
Chump Princess
8 years ago
Reply to  TheClip

I LOVE Dog Fuckers and your use of Closet Dog Fucker(s). I have re-used them frequently. Thank you Clip. You rock!

CalamityJane
CalamityJane
8 years ago
Reply to  TheClip

HA HA HA HA HA HA…this still makes me laugh HA HA HA HA HA

AmiIsFree
AmiIsFree
8 years ago

I call my ex “that guy I accidentally married.” It isn’t foul, but it always draws a snicker.

I call my fellow victims of his lies “poor bastards.”

My foul language is usually around the actions, like, apparently it’s so incredibly important for your dick to go into new and different fuckholes all the time that you’d give up everything to keep fucking strange, etc.

Chumptacular
Chumptacular
8 years ago
Reply to  AmiIsFree

They WILL give up EVERYTHING to keep fucking strange no matter what else they have and how long they have had it and that is what is so sad. I called XH a Whoremonger and called his OW a Whore but he did not react as he has adamantly and steadfastly denied the undeniable physical evidence, calling me crazy for even broaching the subject. OW is a blonde-haired, sea green-blue-eyed, red-faced, Snoopy-nosed, Popeye-chinned, tattooed-foot, carpenter’s dream whore-ass bitch slut with no morals who knew we were together when she knocked boots with him.

yo
yo
8 years ago
Reply to  Chumptacular

Chumptacular…it is so frustrating and maddening when they deny what you see with your own eyes! And then call you crazy…adding insult to injury! Mine called me ” insecure” and told me to “see a shrink” when i called him out. It is beyond me how they can claim to LOVE you and then treat you so badly.

ByeByeCheater
ByeByeCheater
8 years ago

Dumbass – I stole that one from my sister. Her first husband cheated on her and that’s what she called him for years. I got permission from her to use it because it clearly fit my situation too. When I post on CL, I typically just call him cheater – no capital C because he doesn’t deserve it.

phoebenix
phoebenix
8 years ago

on slut’s bill and dumb ass 🙂

PhysicsGal
PhysicsGal
8 years ago
Reply to  phoebenix

mIne is either, sarcastically, FOTY (father of the year) or FUT (fucking useless twit), she’s the pink cow (as she wandered onto his field during a game of Farmville on Facebook – that’s TRUE love.

The Karma bus be rollin’ tho. Married for four years, never lived in the same country together, FUT is getting divorced because they can’t be together. He is committed to his biological children until the youngest is 16. Let’s be clear, he has seen the kids for a total of four days since May 2015.

The part that irks me is how he has downloaded the demise of his “marriage” to his desire to be in his kids lives until DS turns 16.

Selfish prick

Now my kids, most notably my DD, gets to eat the shit sandwich that she and her sibling may be the reason for the demise of another relationship.

Oh and BTW, DD had surgery yesterday and FUT never called, texted, emailed to check on how she was doing. He did however text about how he will have to pay any amount not covered by insurance.

Classic FUT.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  PhysicsGal

PhysicsGal–what a POS father,more interested in avoiding copay than whether his own child is okay after surgery. Father of the year, indeed.

Tracy
Tracy
8 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Farmville…..that is hilarious. I used to play that….. my stbx and I own a cattle farm….so the pink cow wandering into his field… too funny.
since we own beef…that we sold to the public…..I call.him Burger Meister Meister Burger. He’s from the Christmas special The year without a Santa Claus.
He’s been called the Governor. ..he thinks he owns everything.
Her name is Migdalia….my girls couldn’t even pronounce it. He wrote on an envelope in phonics how to say it…..he rolls his tongue and makes this weird face. I can do it perfectly….cracks my kids up.
I call her Miggie, MigMailya….she a mail carrier. And then I let the typical whore references fly. In court I have called her a whore. I told the judge it’s a biblical term.

I never used to swear….my kids never heard either of us swear. His girlfriend texted me I was a Cunt. I never once ever used that word…..but now……
Cunt cake
CuntMuffin….waffle twat. She’s a mail carrier….so Mail slut, mail hole, hood rat, slut, slore, slunt, limp dick sucker, Swallow Back Girl…….
I have tore up Gwen Stefani song….Hollar Back Girl…..

? How many times you been on your back taking dick up your crack…. I AINT no Swallow Back Girl……I Ain’t no Swallow Back Girl…….

boudicareborn
boudicareborn
8 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I call it Monstersanto, the home of Castle Frankenfood.

HappyNow
HappyNow
8 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

MOW whore used to play Farmville incessantly. I’m laughing and having flashbacks all at once!

Yep
Yep
8 years ago

I call him Narchole (as in narcissistic asshole) or Exhole on a regular day to day basis and exchange with everyday people and sometimes a whole lot of foul mouth things depending on the shit he has pulled at that given time. I am not a swearer but given the circumstances I have developed quite the potty mouth when I think of the asshole. Even then there is not a foul mouth word on this planet that can adequately capture who he really is. It’s just impossible.

Hope49
Hope49
8 years ago
Reply to  Yep

Yep. I really like Narchole and may have to borrow this! Close second would be DBMC for Douche Bag Man Child.

accubonded
accubonded
8 years ago

Well fuck me and the fucking horse I rode in on. How in the body hell do they expect us to express the mind fucked, soul shit upon, ass-clownery these bastard thrust (pun intended) on us. The assholes aren’t uncomfortable with the language, they are uncomfortable with us and the fucking situation we have been put in. They don’t want to hear about it, it scares the shit out if them and out of sight out of mind is their mentality. We have all seen this first hand when we have said something to certain people who will visibly cringe and pull away when we talk about what happened, they don’t even want to listen when the language isn’t coarse. My use of BBBHORE conveys just what I intend it to, combining the fact that she is a whore with where the where the fucking around started at. Maybe too much information but here in the relative anonymity of CN I think it paints the appropriate picture.

ElectricTulip
ElectricTulip
8 years ago
Reply to  accubonded

‘Well fuck me and the fucking horse I rode in on’ Why do I love that so much? I love it. There is no Safe Space for the betrayed, frankly.

Ride on, accubonded!

Pricklypear
Pricklypear
8 years ago
Reply to  ElectricTulip

Someone on this site used “Fuck him and the whores he rode in on’. It was a while ago, but I love it.

cheatedchump
cheatedchump
8 years ago
Reply to  Pricklypear

I have actually used that one to his face. FUCK YOU AND THE WHORES, YOU RIDE IN ON! Notice the plural in whores.

gepster
gepster
8 years ago
Reply to  Pricklypear

That was me and I still say it!

Fifi
Fifi
8 years ago
Reply to  gepster

I call her “the Ho he rode out on.”

LoveIsStillTheAnswer
LoveIsStillTheAnswer
8 years ago
Reply to  Fifi

OMG. Fuck him and the horse he rode in on. Fuck him again and the ho he rode out on,. Made. My. Day.

lemondrop1966
lemondrop1966
8 years ago

She looked like a horse face. Actually that’s mean to horses, whom I like. She looks like the under carriage of a Subaru in February. Apologies to Subaru owners.

ElleB
ElleB
8 years ago

I call mine the Fucking Asshole. And his OW the fucking c**t. Hate that word and have never used it…..until now.

f8thfull
f8thfull
8 years ago

my daughter calls the OW “coleslaw”, cause she’s daddy’s side dish.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
8 years ago
Reply to  f8thfull

Cole slaw–now that’s clever.

bitchnomore
bitchnomore
8 years ago
Reply to  f8thfull

I just took a picture of that so I will never forget! Hilarious!

Hope49
Hope49
8 years ago
Reply to  f8thfull

How about Coleslaw-Holeslaw? 😉

Mehphista
Mehphista
8 years ago
Reply to  Hope49

*spits coffee* now THAT is fucking funny!

startofsomethingood
startofsomethingood
8 years ago
Reply to  f8thfull

That is awesome!!!

LadyStrange
LadyStrange
8 years ago
Reply to  f8thfull

That’s funny….. “Coleslaw”

ElectricTulip
ElectricTulip
8 years ago
Reply to  LadyStrange

I do not like to insult people in the way I have insulted the OW (not to her face, we haven’t been introduced). I don’t like calling women whores. I don’t like insulting sex-workers (she was not a sex-worker) because there is so much shit and exploitation in the business. It’s an odd thing for me to have this stuff in my brain, rolling around from time to time like I have silent Tourette’s – and my sympathy to those who actually do have Tourette’s.

HOWEVER: had I not expressed what I think about these idiots in the APPROPRIATE language I think I may have spent time at her Majesty’s pleasure. Foul language has saved the British tax payer the cost of my jail time. See? I am the better person 🙂

creativerational
creativerational
8 years ago
Reply to  ElectricTulip

When I call him Ho hub, and his ho’s whores and ho’s, because they actually are literal sex workers, then I’m in the clear, right? And let’s be honest…. Yes, sex workers get a bad wrap and all that, I don’t like using the term derogatorily. But… Many of the schmoopie affair partners are basically pay for play- they are jumping on their best chance at a step up sugar daddy/momma scenario… Which essentially makes them sex workers. They are often delusional and misinformed about their partners monetary situation but hey- players gonna play.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  ElectricTulip

It’s true, the epithets and expletives just roll around in your head. When I exhausted the usual corpus of swear words and nasty names, I started to make up some that I would be embarrassed to post here.

Someone used to use “lily-livered fucktard;” my X liked young students so “twat-guzzling sexual predator” seems appropriate.

Jeanm
Jeanm
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

My X”s whore is now with child. He is 52 she is 23. New year. New problems. Lol I guess they think loads more responsibility will make you more responsible. Good luck Peter Pan!

kb
kb
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I’m trying to work more references to OW’s character as a woman of negotiable virtue, and what that means for XH (“pimp” seems wrong), who basically bought what she’d give away for free.

I’m angry, but I’m allowing myself to see the absurdity of the whole thing, and finding funny nicknames or descriptions is part of this. Plus, they’d both of them hate it if any of these terms stuck and word got around in our smallish community, even though I’m more in the “gown” circles than the “town” circles.

However, when I was at a committee meeting and someone asked me how things were going with the divorce, another colleague, whom I don’t see often, offered sympathy. I thanked her, and told her that it was okay, as it turned out I’d married a lying, cheating asshole. 😀

KarenE
KarenE
8 years ago
Reply to  ElectricTulip

Tulip, you slay me!!!

ElectricTulip
ElectricTulip
8 years ago
Reply to  KarenE

mercy, Karen

f8thfull
f8thfull
8 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

He gave up his whole sea food platter for a side dish of coleslaw. her beautiful analogy.

kaycan
kaycan
8 years ago
Reply to  f8thfull

Love it!

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
8 years ago
Reply to  f8thfull

your daughter is too cool for words

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
8 years ago

He started out as “asshat” but then I found CL and the idea of narcissist sparkles and he then became “Narkles the Clown with his Flying Whore” because hey, not my circus not my monkeys. Besides I think we have a lot of asshats here already and I did not want the confusion.

Also I had not until now realized the level of cursing here was any kind of issue. Like all good journalist I have been known to start conversations with “Fuck face, how are you?” or “Good morning whore-bag!” and those are people I know and love.

Champ
Champ
8 years ago

Names for the cheater and his gold-digger?

Informal: Asshole and Cunt-face.

Formal: Lord and Lady Douchebag.

FreefromSkankBoy
FreefromSkankBoy
8 years ago
Reply to  Champ

Hahahahahahahahaha!!!

nutmegpixy
nutmegpixy
8 years ago

I refer to mine as “Ike” because he was an abusive asshole. Also like to call him Droid or Fembot because he is not Human. Ive also used “Black Widow”…he mates, cheats and kills. And my all-time favorite…”The Black Ted Bundy”. He’s one strangulation and/or affair away from being a serial killer..of hearts that is

Chump Princess
Chump Princess
8 years ago
Reply to  nutmegpixy

Okay – I LOVE “Ike!” So direct and to the point. After having seen “What’s Love Got to Do With It,” when arguing with the Ex over some passive-aggressive foul ass shit he was doing, I would frequently ask “how about we go for a limousine ride and work this out.” I frequently thought that even though he was King in emotional abuse, in a fair physical fight, I might be able to fuck him up.

nutmegpixy
nutmegpixy
8 years ago
Reply to  Chump Princess

Lmao. Every once in a while when I see him I say “Hey Ike” and he usually replies :My name is not Ike”but he alway ha’s this confused look like he doesn’t have a clue why I just called hime that. We have kids so I can’t do 100% NC yet. But he is a crazy soulless motherfucker

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  nutmegpixy

Remember the scene in “Sleeping with the Enemy” where the abusive husband corrects Julia Robert’s character for the towels not lining up? I used to line up the towel ends deliberately (and sarcastically) in front of X when I thought he was being too critical.

creativerational
creativerational
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I recently told people I am just going to throw out all the towels. One towel. Nothing to fucking line up.

Off the crazy train
Off the crazy train
8 years ago

Shitbox. Or at least that’s what I call him on here. Reason being that every time I see ‘STBX’ written on here, Shitbox is what my mind translates it as. Pretty tame, but I like it.

Off the crazy train
Off the crazy train
8 years ago

Someone close to me has referred to him as ‘The Big C’. Something apt in likening him to cancer. His actions and their repercussions are like a spreading disease. That is very tame though.

I’m far too polite to have a proper potty mouth and use profanities. But if pushed, I’d go for ‘Peacock Cunt’. More to do with his excessive preening, than the size of his penis. But you could read it either way.

Shechump
Shechump
8 years ago

Oh, OffTheCrazyTrain; ‘ I’d go for Peacock Cunt’. Love it, even most of us would rather apply the C word to men. Excessive preening was what knocked me off my chair. Well said!

startofsomethingood
startofsomethingood
8 years ago

I use husband stealing whore a lot for her and sociopathic asshole for him. If that’s even a word. But my favorite description right now, courtesy of CL, is “empty elevator shaft where his soul should be.” I still get a lot of smiles for that one.

MidlifeBlast
MidlifeBlast
8 years ago

Oh wow, I also used husband stealing whore. Where did that come from? It’s like the name came out of the air and settled.

Kim
Kim
8 years ago

I love that phrase too! I use it often in my own head.

Nancy
Nancy
8 years ago

I’m a chump kid, and my mom is still married to my dad, and I call him “the turd that won’t flush”.

TheClip
TheClip
8 years ago
Reply to  Nancy

Nancy… thats gold!!!

lemondrop1966
lemondrop1966
8 years ago
Reply to  TheClip

Hysterical!! And we joke that we named the smallest room (bathroom) after the mow. And her first name is very close to Coleslaw, so I have so much new material!!

FreefromSkankBoy
FreefromSkankBoy
8 years ago
Reply to  Nancy

Hahahahaha!!! FLUSH, SWISH…oh, shit, it wont go down!!!

Hope49
Hope49
8 years ago
Reply to  Nancy

Nancy, OMG that had me dying’ HaHaHa!!! So good! THIS perfectly describes the stress of our lives and lengthy divorce and EVERYTHING!! PERFECT cartoon meme for Chump lady to draw!! THIS needs to be on coffee cups and given to EVERY chump to drink their morning coffee as they are getting’ through their difficult days! Imagine: A picture of a toilet and the stubborn turd with the caption, I have a turd that won’t flush SO … I read Chump Lady.com! 🙂

CalamityJane
CalamityJane
8 years ago
Reply to  Nancy

HA H AH HA HA….the turd that won’t flush….HA HA HAH

Easypray
Easypray
8 years ago

I’m a fan of CL’s “fucktard” for “he who shall not be named.” I call the AP/OW “easy prey”. But I can’t take credit for that. That is what he called his ho-worker (who was very pregnant with her husband’s baby at the time) this when I discovered affair and he momentarily tried to get me to pick-me dance. Yes. I married a “man” who would refer to another woman as “prey.” As if the lies and mind fcks and gas lighting wasn’t enough (I was also pregnant during this but sadly miscarried at 4 months) but this comment alone was enough to make divorce the only option. ‘Cause fuck that!

Blerg
Blerg
8 years ago
Reply to  Easypray

Easypray – Mine never said that, but that is exactly what he did. He went after prey (me, OW, etc.). It was a twisted, sick, game to him. It was such a mindfuck, because even though I still “loved him” near the end (maybe I should say my emotional system was still attached to him), I kept having these intrusive thoughts about what a predator and a misogynist he must really be in order to behave as he had. I was never able to let those thoughts pass, and eventually, I couldn’t stay. I remember looking over at him one day and thinking *Who the fuck is the man I actually married?!?. He thinks women are only objects to be used for his pleasure. He disgusts me.*

kaycan
kaycan
8 years ago

The ex (thank you to the Chump who gave me the insight to never use “my” when referring to him) is simply “Asshat,” although there is also a clever anagram that suits him, “cat’s enema.” LOL. The other woman is “SkankWhore.”

Incidentally, early on, I once accidentally referred to OW as “SkankWhore” in Asshat’s presence, to which he responded “I will NOT have you talk like that about someone I respect!” I guess my coarse language upset his delicate sensibilities… Dickhead.

Lynne
Lynne
8 years ago
Reply to  kaycan

I never use “my ex” either. It’s the ex. I don’t want any part of him.
Fuckface or Mr. Cheaterpants work for me?

Blerg
Blerg
8 years ago
Reply to  kaycan

Seriously kaycan-I just can’t with these flaming turds. I almost choked when I read that. I am sorry, but that is HYSTERICAL. Does he respect Pol Pot, Idi Amin, and Bin Laden too? Good God, he is twisted idiot!

brit
brit
8 years ago
Reply to  kaycan

Kaycan, I’m laughing out loud, “I will NOT have you talk like that about someone I respect!”
You should have told him You don’t respect either one of them, and he doesn’t dictate what you say then tell him to take his condescending tone and shove it up his dignified ass, or her fat ass.
Pompous ass.

kaycan
kaycan
8 years ago
Reply to  brit

That “episode” was a year ago, shortly after I kicked him out but before he’d officially found a place to go, so it was an extremely volatile time (to say the least.) I remember that comment unhinged me, and I think I went into a blind rage of cursing! I’m usually a very calm, even-tempered person, so this response surprised me. Later, I realized it came down to this: His SkankWhore was worthy of his “respect,” but his wife and children were not. While I regret that I completely lost my shit in front of him that night, I look back on it as a huge light bulb moment for me. That was not who I was… it was who he’d made me out to be.

HappyNow
HappyNow
8 years ago
Reply to  kaycan

It’s a mindfuck how they won’t stand for their whore to be “disrespected.” My then-sixteen-year-old daughter called the MOW a whore, and do you know what he did to her? He KICKED her. In her back, after she turned to walk away. He kicked his own CHILD to champion his slut. Mindfuck.

brit
brit
8 years ago
Reply to  HappyNow

My aren’t they they quite the gentleman when they’re feeling superior. X in public comes across as cultured, sophisticated, courteous, impressive. Chivalrous even, witty, what a pleasure to be in his company. Get him behind closed doors and he sounds like a hill billy, or a country bumpkin, condescending asshole, ridiculing the everyone, how he can go from one extreme to another has always baffled me. Especially now as he uses his charm in the courtroom to screw me.
Sleazy, vile, repulsive, vulgar, revolting, hideous excuse for a human being.
This just came to mind as I was listing adjectives to describe Cheater. He’s also a sneaky, heinous coward, he would never confront someone especially a man or anyone with any kind of authority, if he had a problem or complaint with anything in our neighbor hood or any service we received or someone offended him, he would write unsigned notes and mail these notes or letters to them, some would be long and insulting, ridiculing, condescending and insulting every aspect of them from their intelligence or lack of to the vehicle they drove.. slimy,weasel.. yuck!

SnakebitNoMore
SnakebitNoMore
8 years ago
Reply to  HappyNow

Do. Not. Assault. My. Daughter.

It will fucking not end well for you.

God only knows how I made it into my daughter’s young adulthood to leave her asshole father’s ass, but I would not have if he had ever physically abused her in any way in my presence.

Donna
Donna
8 years ago
Reply to  HappyNow

When I called her a whore he said don’t call her that. What is she? A pig. Yup.
Your child has no contact I’m assuming.

Jo
Jo
8 years ago
Reply to  brit

Haha that’s the kind of pompous ass tone the dickhead I married has now! Who the fuck do they think they are? Being a low life lying scumbag- fine… But a few justified expletives and they make out they’re like one of the waltons!

brit
brit
8 years ago
Reply to  Jo

So True Jo, suddenly they’re one of the Walton’s (funny). The X I was married also has a pompous pretentious ass attitude and comes off as if he’s one of the Walton’s. I’m going to use that from now on to describe him, John Boy.. I have described him as coming off as a boy scout but I like John Boy, or one of the Walton’s better.
Speaking of terms used, X referred to me as our sons primary care caregiver as opposed to referring to me as our son’s mother?
X is a condesending asshole. He has an attitude of superiority. I honestly believe he has the same personality as Ted Bundy.

kaycan
kaycan
8 years ago
Reply to  Jo

Ha ha! Whenever Asshat emails about a kid issue, he refers to them as “the children.” WTF? I know who they are… why not use their names or just say “the kids”? Gimme a break… I know you’re a community college drop-out, so your highfalutin’ wordsmithing doesn’t impress me!

Kelly
Kelly
8 years ago
Reply to  kaycan

My ex does that too, refers to them as “the children,” very formal. And when he references me me to them, it’s “your mother.”

He will also say things like: “I’ve not had the opportunity to check into that” (versus, “I haven’t done that yet”). I do have to quickly stop myself from replying: “And I’ve not had the opportunity to give a single fuck.” I know my violation of NC would be wasted on him.

I think he believes this makes him appear high-class. Sorta hilarious if you knew where he came from and our respective positions in life post-divorce. But it’s all about the show for him, in his mind he is reading the lines.

Ah well, tomatoe tomahto

Luziana
Luziana
8 years ago
Reply to  Kelly

LOL. Like on the Young Ones when Rik was making poetry ‘for the kids”

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  Luziana

yes, pretentious. Mine’s byline on his Ashley Madison account was “in pursuit of passion and excitement”–“in pursuit of…” who the fuck talks like that on a pickup site?

KMAloser
KMAloser
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Tempest gross. Just gross. I repeat who falls for this shit?? assclown preferred customers, colleagues and office staff. and his emails texts were just as stupid and these stupid twit bitches fall for it.

Other Kat
Other Kat
8 years ago
Reply to  Luziana

Mine loves to use the same kind of high and mighty language. It’s always, “One would presume,” or “One would think,” or “Shall I assume you mean . . . ?” It drives him nuts when I mimic him and use the same language in return because it’s so freaking pretentious and dismissive. Oops, I meant to say, because it’s so fucking pretentious and dismissive!

Champ
Champ
8 years ago
Reply to  kaycan

Because they’re all growed up, dontcha know!!!! The two of them post “meaningful” crap on FB and giggle about how their childhood is behind them. Big words for Big Wuv!!!! Mine’s doing the same with the vocabulary. And poor wife he left behind … He feels sorry for me because of course I can’t live without him … but “a decision had to be made”. Give me a fucking break.

Maree
Maree
8 years ago

My ex is either Romeo or The Predator and his little tart is either The Moll or El Cheap. Not very clever I know but it gets my point across. However, I have a girlfriend who used to work with my ex and me both and when she is talking about him and what he has done, she turns the air blue. She says enough for the both of us. 🙂

Jo
Jo
8 years ago

I emailed the wanker once, telling him to “fuck off you obnoxious cunt”. This was in response to him stating that hospitalising me was ‘regrettable but deserved’. He replied asking me to watch my language. I could say the same about his fists! Knob head.
He’s becoming a distant memory now thankfully….

ByeByeCheater
ByeByeCheater
8 years ago
Reply to  Jo

lol – wanker!

Jo
Jo
8 years ago
Reply to  Jo

Sadly not. I got some legal advice that scared the shit out of me. Guy said I might not win as I didn’t report it at the time and I honestly just couldn’t deal with going through all that. Looking back I kind of wish I had but my head was so messed up then and I wasn’t making good decisions. I just had to focus on get better- I’m nearly at meh now I think.

GettingOverIt
GettingOverIt
8 years ago
Reply to  Jo

Please say he’s in jail now.

GettingOverIt
GettingOverIt
8 years ago

Stimpy. (“You bloated sack of protoplasm!”)

D
D
8 years ago

I love being a potty mouth. I do not apologize for it. Never will. When it comes to the ex (the fucking asshole who was a functioning alcoholic for our entire marriage, basically sat in a basement and drank each night and then because his family is uber wealthy (millions) and he could afford to do so (although his family’s wealth in no way fucking explains why, during our marriage, he salted away hundreds of thousands of dollars on a line of credit that was only in his name and of course, during disclosure discussions between lawyers, all we got was a fucking spreadsheet (really?) to explain the $200K debt)… divorced me for a 15 year younger, married with 2 kids woman that he was dating LONG before he even asked for a divorce well, as you all know, she’s not a woman in the true sense of the word as our families were well acquainted for many years. She is just now getting a divorce from her chump. But I digress…

She’s a fucking skank. No better way to put it. ‘She’s a skank’ just doesn’t cut it.
He’s a fucking liar. To me. To the kids.
He’s a fucking thief.
He’s a fucking cheater.

…and ya know… it does feel good to express it just like that.

Chump Lady… google:

people who swear more

You will come across quite a few links like this one:

http://www.usnews.com/news/articles/2015-12-17/study-people-who-swear-more-are-smarter-have-larger-vocabulary

People who swear or swear MORE… well:

They are smarter
….and
They are more honest.

There it is.

Chump Lady. I fucking love you.

just another chump
just another chump
8 years ago

I call him x (doesn’t deserve any emphasis or importance) or when I’m in a foul mood he’s “my chidren’s sperm donor”

just another chump
just another chump
8 years ago

oops my children’s sperm donor!

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago

Fuck that; swearing is therapeutic (science says):
http://elitedaily.com/life/culture/reasons-cursing-is-good-for-the-soul/879294/

And anyone who criticizes your potty mouth, CL is a scullion, rampallian, and fustilarian (from the Bard himself).

mimom1
mimom1
8 years ago

I too developed the obviously contagious “potty mouth” upon being chumped. Cursing was not something I did often before but I tend to throw F-bombs like birdseed these days. I haven’t, however developed any special names other than liar and cheat as for me they are sufficiently vile. I have learned how to inject ” for fucks sake” into as many conversations as possible.

nodancing
nodancing
8 years ago

His Majesty (with loads of sarcasm), no one is more entitled.

creativerational