Your Stupid Cheater Moments
Breaking up is hard to do. But there are stupid cheater moments that make it a lot easier.
I’m talking about those moments when the spackle falls away. You see the cheater doing something patently moronic and you think, “I can’t believe I am married to this idiot. Just wow.”
Awhile ago, a member of Chump Nation shared this classic story:
My daughter and I went to Walmart at 11:00 pm on a fast trip to get supplies for a school project. When we pulled in we noticed my STBXH truck was in the lot. At that time of night only one store door open and few cars in the lot. We went in and got what we needed and got in the only check out line. We look up and see her father (my husband) checking out and paying.
There was one person in between us which evidently put up an impervious shield so that we were invisible (whatever)… No shit he was buying a birthday cake and cupcakes for his mistress. So I actually got to watch my cake-eater STBXH buying a cake for his mistress! (It was a Britney Spears cake since Britney is her role model.) He is 47 she is 35… puke.
A cake eater buying a Britney Spears cake for his Schmoopie is a pretty epic Stupid Cheater Moment.
So what was yours?
Trust that they suck, chumps!
The first time he threw me out by asking me to go back to my parents.it was an English Premier League season so he asked us to leave his house as his friends and him needed to watch soccer without distraction.that we may come back if the soccer season was over.it was pure humiliation.and i left and come back when the soccer season was over.thats how abused i was.i accepted everything he did.
After they wear us down with lies, gas lighting and blame shifting- sometimes we chumps develop something that resembles Stockholm Syndrome. Don’t be hard on yourself dear chump- cheaters are good at wearing down our self esteem and individuality. That’s what they do best.
Poor lady. If her cheater and his OW have any conscience at all they’ll struggle to live with what they put her through. Of course I only had her friend’s side of the story but she must have felt such despair. So very sad
Everyone at CN I just had to share saddest story. I met a guy when out walking my dogs today. He told me about a friend of his who left her cheating husband after finding out he was having affair with woman in her office. This OW apparently made her life a misery and she asked to be transferred. During divorce she and ex shared custody of beloved dog (they had no children) but she decided to let him keep the dog as both cheater and OW made it unbearable for her when collecting/returning the dog. Cheater had been heard many times saying he would bankrupt her with cruel smile on his face.
This poor lady couldn’t take anymore and shortly after celebrating her 50th birthday with friends she returned home and hanged herself. Her dog walker friend was clearly devastated to be telling me all this – a complete stranger. I kept thinking if only she’d known about CL and CN she may have got some much needed support and been able to share her story and have some hope for the future. So very tragic. I can’t stop thinking about this lady I never met.
He would not even step aside and let her just have her dog.
It’s one thing to cheat, and it’s bad enough. But, making life even harder and more miserable for the victim, and rubbing it in their face, takes things to a whole new level.
That story is really sad, and I wish that poor lady had reached out for help. There’s life out here!
So sad. I can understand how this woman feels. Wish she had support. Evil Evil Evil her X.
Natalia, your story of the woman made me cry. I often think about taking my life. I think that is why I am on medication for depression and anxiety. It has only been 4 months from DD#1. I keep asking my self if I should try wreckconcilation with him, but then he hasn’t texted or called since I sent the letters to the OW and her parents. How many cheaters stop after the first time?
NoRegrets I’m so sorry if my story of this woman made you cry or made you feel worse in any way. It sounds like JeepTess and some of the other CN members were able to pass on some great advice and wisdom. I really hope it helped and that you’re feeling a little stronger today.
Sending strength, love and big hugs ????
Natalia,
Your post did make me sad because this woman was continuously abused during and after her marriage. The pain was excruciating for her and all she wanted was her dog to go through a. Rey sad life changing event. Instead two people chose for her to deal with it on her own. It was heartless. I am not perfect, I just was a fool to believe in someone that I thought was my forever. It is hard to try and pick up the pieces and decipher what was really true and real. Alas, I am left with lies, decent, and betrayal.
I know just how you feel. I’m taking one day at a time too and sometimes feels like two steps forward and five back. Only 33 days no contact but its getting better. We have to take strength and inspiration from all these amazing people at CN who have come through it. I thought my husband was forever too but he’s serial cheater not with particular AP but any cheap, easy woman who’ll feed his ego with attention. None of them meant anything to him but he got off on buzz of deceit. I couldn’t have given him more attention, exciting sex and love – even he admitted that and thinks the answer now is for us to renew wedding vows. He has a big problem but refuses to face it. He has lost everything now his marriage, business, home, his grown up children from previous relationship don’t even want to know him.
We have to remember the people we thought we married never existed. It was a mask, a mirage. We will get through it I promise you. I have to believe that. What’s the alternative?
Be kind to yourself. You’re going through a tough and painful time like all at CN. Everyone is here for you
xxx
(((((((NOREGRETS)))))))
Sweet woman! He isn’t worth your life! Don’t let him get the best of you! There’s a better life waiting for you, I PROMISE!!! Please take care of you! Ask for help and support from people that love you! Never ask him for help or support, he will just keep hurting you!
They never ever change! They get worse with age! I know! I stayed with satan for 36 years and his behaviors just ramped up over time…worse and worse. They leave a path of destruction wherever they go…I imagine most, if not all, end up old and lonely and rejected by society over time. Disgusting behavior doesn’t make for good relationships.
You are worth so much more than you have been given by him. You will heal. It takes time to clean the toxins out of your body and your mind. Please take care of you!!!!
JeepTess,
Thank you for taking time out to respond. Do you know of anyone that gave their CHEATER a chance after only one time of being unfaithful? While I have gone and gotten a lawyer and my head says he will be my STBX. My heart and the holidays are struggling. He hasn’t even reached out. It’s like I am dead. He has made a life with the OW and her parents. Funny thing they all know what he is about and what he did to me. I guess they don’t care either.
Hi, not JeepTess, but your question about how they could get worse really struck a chord with me. I asked myself the same question when I first found out about my husband’s infidelity. I was convinced that it couldn’t possibly get any worse. Well, I wouldn’t wish on anyone what I’ve been through in the last 4 years. Countless broken promises, the lies, the deception, it really takes a toll, especially when it keeps happening. They always promise that things are different this time. They’re not. If I could go back in time, I would have packed up my life and left. I’m in the process of doing it now. I don’t want to waste any more time and neither should you! -Funnily enough, my mother in law posed the same question to me last week. She knows I’m leaving and she asked me ‘how much worse could he possibly be?’ Don’t let yourself get dragged down any further..
Hi NoRegrets, it sounds like he’s trying to turn this all back on you. Why is he blaming you for everything, when what happened is a direct result of his poor life choices? If he’s calling you vindictive, controlling and manipulating,, I wouldn’t listen to him. Who is the one who’s manipulative when he promised you all those things? So he’s angry that you told the OW and her parents that you caught something and that he had a 5 year affair. What is he angry about? Does he really expect that his actions have no repercussions? It’s affairs like this which thrive in secrecy. Of course he didn’t want you to talk to them about it. It makes things very uncomfortable for him. But so what? What about what you went through for the past 5 years? Trust me, you’re going to be just fine without him.
Chumpy,
I thank you for responding to me again about my recent life changing event. I do believe he needs to blame me because he is never wrong. I have never experienced such pain as this. I don’t know how these people can just ride off into the sunset without any care for their actions, as well as have any sort of feelings about it. I really believe if I wasn’t taking depression and anxiety pills I don’t know how I would go day to day. I know such a cop out. When I try and think about what makes me happy I just cry and come up with no answers. How do these Chumps take them back after the first time of the infidelity? When they know in their heart and brain they are never going to be able to trust them again. Is it just being able to have them around so they aren’t alone? How can you sleep knowing they wanted to be with someone else and never respected to tell you beforehand?
Chumpy,
I thank you for your reply. I am trying not to let him or the OW drag me down, but I think about all the promises he made to me and the future we spoke of together and then he decides he wants the OW. He blames me for everything and since I wrote the letters to the OW and her parents, it is over between us. He doesn’t want someone who lashes out at innocent people and is vindictive, controlling, and manipulative.
Don’t label yourself with those words! That’s just him trying to spin the tables, which he will do over and over. HE is the one who did something wrong. Don’t forget that. He just doesn’t want people finding out about it. They have earned their consequences. Hold your head high. I know it’s so hard, but in time the manipulation will be easier to spot. You got this.
KYGal,
I wrote a letter to the OW and her parents letting them know I have HPV and informing them that I knew about the 5 year affair. I wanted them all to know what they were getting. Instead I got FB posts of the two of them together thrown in my face and updated every few weeks.
That shows you what kind of people they are. I really doubt if you were told this information from someone else that you would respond that way. Think about it. I still believed my MIL and most of my ex’s family were good people for a while, turns out many of them aren’t. Found out his brother let his first wife and the kids go on food stamps while he had a fabulous job. He lied to all of us about it and said she was independently wealthy and hated all of us, etc.
For the longest time I just said, “well, my ex is a liar so God knows what he has told them.” I’m sure that’s true but to respond to someone who has been wronged with cruelty on top of it is just unacceptable no matter what they’ve been told. After my ex was caught cheating and then cut child support in half, my MIL posted on Facebook how proud she was of him and that he’s never been so happy in his life. They do it just to hurt you more – to get to you. Some kind of sick game. YOU told the truth. THEY don’t like it. It is so painful, and utterly shocking. Let them live in their fantasy world. I’m grateful for all of us that we don’t have to live on that planet anymore.
You will never get through with logic or human decency. Do not expect apologies or anyone to “wake up” and acknowledge the absurd cruelty of it all. I am normally a very optimistic person (which is part of the reason I got into this situation in the first place) but they REALLY don’t change. Try not to waste energy on THEM. THEY don’t deserve it. YOU deserve to focus on YOU and start living the way you want to live. My ex told me he never wanted to be married and never thought of me as a partner. As shocking as it was, it was a gift to help me understand that all those years I tried in the marriage, there was absolutely nothing I could have done to have saved it. I’m still proud for trying because that’s what decent people do. I am not a fool and neither are you.
A better life for you is out there. It really is.
NoRegrets 🙂
Here is another great site to learn some more about what you are dealing with…
http://saferelationshipsmagazine.com/sandra-says-column-index
…this one is a great place to start:
Characterlogical Disorders: He is What He Does
June 27th, 2017
It’s on that page the above link opens to. …knowledge is power 🙂
JeepTess, Thank you for the information. The more I learn the more I know I need to leave.
Noregrets, I’m thankful you asked how to get into the forum as I had no idea either!
You are welcome NotAgain 🙂
…so…did you find the forums? They are on the right of the screen (on my laptop anyway…I can’t see em on my ipad…) in red. At the top of the main page (once you log in) you can click on forums and access that way…I believe 🙂
Oh honey…I’m sure all of us here have given our x or stbx another chance…and another and another …I know I did. They don’t change…they just get worse.
…a good friend told me shortly after I filed, ‘Thank goodness you finally gave up trying to help satan appreciate what he has with you. You’ve taken him back so many times, put up with so much shit, you probably disgust him at this point. I’m sure he thought you’d just keep taking it and continue to take care of him and his needs. Thank goodness you finally have had enough!’
…she was right. This was the last time in 36 years…there will be no more chances for him with me. Please NOREGRETS don’t give him anymore of your life. It’s hard to do, I’m not saying it is easy, but it is the right thing to do for you. Like Chump Lady says, ‘…is this relationship good enough for you?’ No…I hope not honey. I hope you choose YOU and just walk away. He will never change…not ever. This is who he is.
I gave my ex a second chance, because I thought his affair with a co-worker was a mid-life impulse on the heels of some other very traumatic life events we were experiencing at the time. I loved him and didn’t want to break apart my family, so we proceeded to arrange for marriage counseling, separate counseling, etc. One year later I discovered irrefutable evidence of the secret life he was leading during our entire 26-year marriage, including multiple affairs and God only knows what else, since he traveled for his job. I guess my point is that if there’s been one “indiscretion,” you can bet there have been – and will be – others….it’s just who they are and how they roll, and I have come to realize that they’re incapable – literally – of reform. The best thing you can do is move on. You don’t want to live with doubt and mistrust….you deserve authenticity in a relationship! We all do.
Amen mommamarsh! Raising my hand here!
I’m sure this is the norm NOREGRETS … I’m sorry honey. I’m sure if / or as other chumps chime in here you will find multiple partners over entire relationships / marriages is the norm. 🙁 Run honey…run like a
T-Rex is on your heels…and don’t look back. Go NC / Grey Rock asap…line up your ducks and find a pit bull lawyer that has dealt with this type of character before… Google attorneys in your area and interview a bunch of em. Post in the forums for recommendations from chumps in your area. Ask the questions you need help with too…and write down their wisdom and take these to your attorney of choice…a list of your needs and wants. Then do your best to get it met.
JeepTess,
Can you share with me how they get worse? I need to know because I want my heart to catch up with my head. I am really struggling. This pain is nothing I have ever experienced before.
NOREGRETS – Hang in there. YOU are normal. HE is not normal. He will try to turn it around on you over and over if he’s like most of the narcs in here. My ex was emotionally abusive (diagnosed by a therapist) and is going around telling people I was abusive. HE never wanted sex (mainly because he passed out every night) and is telling everyone I wouldn’t touch him – when it was my number one complaint with him. On and on and on.
When he found me becoming stronger (or just exhausted with babysitting him) and on to his lies, he tried to mess with me more and smear me to others. He basically flailed like a toddler. Luckily he’s such an asshole and I’m halfway decent so no one believes him but his family. Nevertheless, it was/is so painful. With deception like that there’s no going back. You know his character now and that is a blessing. Character really doesn’t change I’m afraid.
For a one night stand, perhaps some should consider forgiveness. Anyone can be a temporary idiot I suppose. Even after my ex’s hellaciously long affair I considered forgiveness because I desperately WANTED him to be a good person. He is not. Anyone who shows you such little respect and love is someone you are better off without.
I don’t know when or if I will ever trust again, but let me tell you I am sooooo much happier with my daughter and without a partner than I was with that mindf***er. When I think back to the time I was with him, he was so weird, arrogant, and such an embarrassment to me. He just didn’t understand humans. I’m not trying to be dramatic here – that’s how I see it. I kept hanging in there because #1) I made a commitment to him and I took that seriously, and #2) I felt sorry for him with how “fragile” and clueless he was. Forget it – he has CHOSEN not to be an adult. These folks are like toddlers stuck in grown-up bodies.
Reach out to people here any time you need and don’t feel it’s too much. I was so messed up when I first found out I lost 20 pounds in 3 weeks. Not good. I wish I had found this site sooner!
KYgal,
Like you I have lost 20 pds. and still losing I weigh 110 now. When I got married I weighed 118. I have no appetite. I go for walks but I can’t seem to look forward to anything anymore except reading Chump Lady and the comments from CN. There are no words to describe properly this pain. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. My heart is broken that much I know and the asshole doesn’t care. It is hard to let all this sink in when you have been played for a fool. He hasn’t texted, emailed, or called in 3 months. He told me it was over between us via text because of what I did by sending the letters to the OW and her parents. How does anyone deal with knowing that the person they truly loved never really loved you. It was all mind games to get you to believe in them and when you did believe they gutted you from the inside and out.
…once we take them back, once, twice, whatever, they know that we will just put up with it. Which is fine with them cause they are going to lie and cheat regardless…its just a whole bunch easier if they can keep their ‘maid’ aka spouse appliance, to take care of their lives for them while they go do whatever they want, whenever they want with whoever they want.
…you should probably read the archives and CN’s replies…it doesn’t take long to see that they are all pretty much the same… If I had had CL and CN 36 years ago…I don’t imagine I would have stayed around even one second after finding out about his first affair. I would have never have spoken to him again for the rest of my life.
JeepTess,
Is it mainly fear as to why women won’t leave? I mean my STBX didn’t respect me by having an affair for 5 years, so taking him back would only give him the knowledge he doesn’t need to respect me because I took him back. I have a few friends that took there cheaters back and post pictures of there happy faces on FB. They are mostly staying for the kids and they love their CHEATER husband. How do they go on with life not thinking about the cheating.
…we don’t call it fakebook for nothing…
I guess it comes down to what you are willing to put up with. He’s shown you who he is.
JeepTess,
Your words are wise and helpful. I thank you for taking the time to read my posts and more importantly respond. He did show me who he is. It is hard to accept it all, but I know if I give him another chance I will always wonder about anything he tells me whether it is the truth or not.
Thanks JeepTess for being there for me as I continue to struggle.
(((((((NOREGRETS)))))))
We are all here for you! 🙂 We have all been where you are… I’m sorry you are going through this! NONE of it is your fault! It will take a while but you will begin to feel better and better as you gain distance from him. Your mind will clear and eventually your heart will feel joy again 🙂 I promise! 🙂
I knew I couldn’t live always wonderin…once the trust is broken there is just nothing but lookin over your shoulder constantly. I knew I just couldn’t live like that. Life is a gift and it isn’t meant to be lived in such sorrow and agony.
Tempest can give you my email address if you would like 🙂 Or post in the forums where other chumps will address your concerns also. 🙂 We’ve got a lot of great people here with some wonderful insight and amazing advice! 🙂
Please reach out! Stay with us 🙂 We got your back! And lots and lots of great big bear hugs 🙂
JeepTess,
I would love your email address. You made my night by offering it. As I am new to CL/CN I am not sure how to get to the forums. All I do know is I have been going through the archives.
We will have to ask Tempest to connect us 🙂
Her email is:
tempest.ariel2014@gmail.com
NOREGRETS…I can relate to how you feel…I felt the same way for a great long time… These feelings will pass…I promise.
I found that walking / being in nature helped me soooo much. It takes a bit to remember who we are and what gives us joy. Find your joy 🙂
What a sad, sad story, Natalia. I’m sure many of us that have been chumped have wanted to die and have contemplated suicide. For me, it wasn’t for wanting to be with the cheater again. It was having my entire life destroyed by my ex. And then finding out he had been lying and cheating from the very beginning and also he waged a big smear campaign behind my back, telling tons of lies about me and lying to my face until the very end. It was and still is very hard to take as I know in my heart I didn’t do anything to deserve the way I was treated. No one deserves to be treated like that! I occassionally will share or “like” a CL post thing that maybe it’ll help one of my friends or friends of friends down the line. I probably would be dead today if I hadn’t found CL and CN.
I was to that point. And then I figured out that he was cheating on me with my best friend and all the mind games made sense. It’s amazing how quickly my “mental illness” was cured when the blinders came off!
Yes, that lies would be told is not surprising (considering the source). What was mind blowing to me was that they were believed (by anyone!). I thought people who knew me and had seen everything I did and was with an open heart over a bunch of years would just KNOW I was not capable of such. Or at least ask me about my side of things before judging. You find out who your friends are, tell you what!! Blessedly, I did come away with the good ones… without a lot of defending either. Looking back, it was just a big purge of b*sht.
My stbx also included my ex best friend..among others..lost not only my spouse but my entire circle of friends we had for 20 years..broke my heart in ways I can’t even describe
Ugh. Same thing happened to me 3 years ago. I’m still trying to recover. I feel your pain. I have never felt more broken.
Natalia B., I hear you and understand. Growing up in a small college town there was a family on our street who was well respected. They had a lovely daughter who married some prominent professional and moved to the East Coast. My parents were very sad when theyt learned the husband divorced her and she took her own life unable to deal with the divorce and all. That was in the 70’s way before Chumplady. Yet I think about that and all the women who just felt their life was over when the husband left them.
Hope 49 thank you for sharing that story I so agree how totally sad. I think even though the 70’s isn’t too long ago attitudes to divorce and a woman’s identity as a single person have really changed since then, thank God its far less taboo. What particularly struck me in this woman’s case, and again I only have her friend’s version of events, is the trauma caused not just by the break-up but the deceit and how she was treated by her cheater and his OW. One person’s capacity to destroy (or at least have total disregard for the pain) someone they once professed to love is truly astonishing. Some of the stories on CN are jaw dropping but thankfully most find a way to get through it. Your heart breaks for those who cant. Thank you for support of everyone who commented ❤????
That is beyond sad.
I share your grief for this total stranger.
Thanks for sharing and (((hugs))) to you. It serves as a good reminder to “advertise” Tracy’s website and let people know there is another take on cheating,what causes it and how to get out alive and then thrive. There is no shame in asking for help when one has been traumatized by this form of abuse and domestic violence.
My ex, asked me to feel sorry for her! I said I feel sorry for her kids. He called her a slag, I said what does that make you!
Can someone explain this one to me? After I left, he phoned me and asked me to get the playboy channel for me because he needed to see some t*ts. Why???
For him
Mom, I’m so glad that you are rid of this humiliation machine. It made me sick to read this, it’s not even funny like so much shit here is.
Your turd is absolute rubbish, mompreneur.
Fuck him. And his friends.
After D-day #1, when he supposedly broke up with her, he asked me to leave him alone that night so he could “grieve”. He also wanted to do it on a Friday night so she could have the weekend to process the breakup so it wouldn’t affect her at work. I was shocked by his level of caring and concern for her- that should have been my clue to leave.
After D-day #2, I asked him if there was anyway he could see himself staying with his daughter and I so we could be a family. His response- “If she didn’t exist he could” she being the OW- that should have been another clue to leave.
After D-day #3 when I caught him in the city with his mistress, he said he was relieved that I caught them together- this way he wouldn’t have to be the one to end it, I would. That was my clue to leave and I did….937 miles away with said daughter he couldn’t see himself being a family with because OW existed.
Grieve…. Never heard of that synonym for cheating before…
Amazing @mompreneur, that’s taking entitled to a whole new level. Entitled to have my family move out and cry elsewhere so I can watch soccer.
Here’s mine. About 3 years ago my very sweet stepfather who was married to my Mum for 26 years passed away, I spent his final week with my Mum and my stepsister taking shifts at his bedside, and I was there when he died. Hard times. I stayed a few days to help with funeral arrangements, then flew home to tend to some stuff and then to return with my partner (now STBX) and my kids. When I arrived home he picked me up at the airport and we stopped for coffee, you would imagine I would get some nice love and support…..of course not – he decided to make a big fuss about how he hadn’t been given a special role at the funeral reading my stepdad’s favourite poem – seriously he knew my stepdad for less than 3 years and we live in another state, why would he have a speaking task at the funeral? And his thinking was that he was such a great performer that he would put on a great show (at a funeral!!!). He was offended, even though I told him my teenage nephew had already been asked. Major narc moment! I remember just looking at him and feeling so disgusted – at the time I had no idea he had already cheated on me with several women. I spackled. Wish I had listened to my instincts better.
My cheater told me that she couldn’t wait for me to grieve the death of my mother, it would take two years expert that she is in these things. X is turning 50 soon and wants someone to make her feel good about herself (a loose quote but you get the idea). It’s hard to do that I guess when you are grieving the death of your mother. Instead she decided to quickly select her next victim, go into what I now understand to be full love bombing mode. DDay came quickly (I’m smart like that) and after a ridiculous three week ‘pick me dance’ (had not found CN and CL yet), dumped my ass after 21 years as if we never existed, raised a child together (from her prior marriage), have had multiple animals, primary and vacation homes and every trappings of a long-term partnership you can possibly imagine. I should have guessed I was on my way to a discard when she decided it was a good idea to take a photo of the spray on my mother’s open casket at behest of her mother. There are no words.
These people have no filter. Appropriate behavior and words are completely lost on them.
My dad died after my DDay. My ex cheater wife did not attend the funeral, we had been married 24 years, and instead went to another state to sleep with my cousin. Such a nice girl.
My dad escaped my Dday. Cheater wife cheated on me nine days after my dad’s funeral- or at least that was the one I found out about. Turned out my dad’s week in the ICU after a double stroke messed up cheater wife’s adultery schedule.
How inconsiderate…
/s
Mine spoke (with tears, of course), of how my mother was “so good” to him at her memorial service. He left me for Skankenstein 6 days later. My dad recorded H speaking at the funeral – we have a tough time watching it. My father was a police officer/detective for 30 years and still has a difficult time accepting that his daughter was married to a sociopath.
Did your dad suspect or was he fooled by your ex’s performance too?
My dad was totally blindsided and fooled. He loved XH. XH was quiet in a loud, high conflict family. My dad took it especially hard. He prided himself on being street smart and a good protector.
NoKibble4U?
What if your dad went and told Socio?
My then-husband was always odd at any social gathering, but his behavior was over the top weird at his parents’ funerals (who died within weeks of each other). I remember thinking EXACTLY what Chump Lady said, “I can’t believe I’m married to this village idiot.”
During his father’s wake, there was a bleached blonde chick lurking all afternoon in the back of the room. When I went over to introduce myself and try to make her feel welcome, my then-husband – who refused to acknowledge me all afternoon – was on us like white on rice. Turns out it was his bimbo. I wonder how Schmoopie felt when he introduced me as his “wife,” and introduced her to me as a “work colleague.” I remember shaking her hand and thinking what a limp, sweaty handshake she had. And how horrifically cross-eyed she was.
While preparing for his mother’s funeral Mass, I was supposed to do a reading from the Old Testament that my MIL had said she wanted. On the ride from the funeral home to the church, then-husband told me he changed the reading. When I said his mother WANTED the one I had practiced, he said, “The one I selected is more appropriate.” I thought, “How fucking selfish.”
Then at the reception, he was FIRST in line for the food, prepared a “heapin-helpin” plate like he was at the Hungry Heffer, and then ate it on the stairs alone, overlooking the room. Even our kids were horrified.
He didn’t come home on either night of his parents’ funerals and told me he spent it at their house so he could be alone with his memories.
Is that what they call screwing a cross-eyed, limp-wrist bimbo?
It didn’t matter that his kids were grieving their grandparents. It was always ALL about HIM – the selfish weirdo that no longer even tried to act like he gave a flying fuck.
Too crazy for words! Who brings theirAP as a date to a funeral?!
Funerals are so difficult for the narcissist- someone else is the center of attention. My then STBX came up to me at my father’s funeral & without expressing a single condolence began telling me that he was planning to get a lap band to help him loose weight. I was flabbergasted! I hadn’t seen or spoken to him in months &tge topic of conversation? Once & forever- him! That was the moment for me.
My STBX (now ex-husband as of October, after three years in court) brought his current girlfriend to his dad’s funeral, which took place in late September. At the funeral, first time I met the current girlfriend, current girlfriend urged me to finalize the divorce. She also asked me about my dating status. As my post-separation boyfriend who I had known for 30 years had just broken up with me (I did not yet know that he had kicked me to the curb for someone at work), I had no desire to share information. I told her that I was uncomfortable sharing personal information with her before my divorce from her boyfriend/my estranged husband was final. This woman has a PhD and thus is not stupid, so stupid is no defense. So glad that my ex-husband and his current girlfriend are each other’s problems now!
Don’t forget others weddings and baby showers. Thanks to my new “glasses” to help bring narc behavior into focus, I think back to my best friend’s wedding almost twenty-five years ago and her narc sister-in-law’s behavior as well as some choice moments at a couple of baby showers.
Live,learn and look forward with 20/20 vision
Funerals bring them out. Trust me. They either disappear or come out with the stupidest shit
Aww…Funerals. So when my father passed away my narc husband was annoyed that my sister did not consult him and work around HIS schedule for the funeral. He was really annoyed that my sister scheduled it around her daughter’s out of town gymnastic’s tournament! Now , my sister is a nurse and she and her husband DID the bulk of assisting my parents throughout several medical crises. My narc husband? He did absolutely nothing for my parents at anytime during their lives. They loaned him money for his business and guess what? He didn’t pay them back. I hate him for that. My parents did a lot for us during our marriage and he did nothing in return except take advantage of their graciousness.
Yes,
Cheaters aren’t good at death beds, visitations or funerals. Chumps are strong though, we feel blessed to be there with our loved ones, and we hold ourselves up. We are just built that way.
Cheaters, not so much!
When my poor Mom was dying from cancer I received the call that I should be at her bedside – she was passing quickly.
The real estate broker was at our farm having the last condition of it’s sale removed and I was 9 months pregnant with a three hour drive ahead of me.
My X freaked out because I was not taking our 5 year old daughter with me!!!
How dare I leave him alone with her. Jackass had never been involved and didn’t know what to do….
I told him not to worry – she would tell him and that I was leaving her in charge.
Aww Lucky,
I am so sorry, you had to drive to your Mom’s deathbed alone, 9 months pregnant and had to leave your little 5 year old with him.
Isn’t it something how our children are wise beyond their years! I totally understand your child being able to tell him what to do. My precious daughters were the same. My 2 daughters and myself, we held each other up, we really learned to expect nothing from him. To this day we have a very strong, special bond.
He will never get it.
Just the way it is.
His loss.
Hugs to you and your precious children.
I truly understand what it is like to just get out there in life and do what we have to do! ( we pass this strong trait on to our babies)!
Very interesting, this thing about funerals and cheaters.
My cheater strutted around like a peacock at my father’s services (I was totally clueless in those days, and very confused about what I could be doing to make Lord Sparkledick so upset). But he refused to hold my hand. He did not dry one tear. He just carried on about what a banana my dad had been to my mother (true).
In spite of the relief I feel about being divorced from this jackass I get sick everytime I remember cheater at my beloved father’s services. It has ruined forever my memories of such a painful moment.
Mine refused to kiss me at my graduation. We’d just slept together for the first time that weekend, too.
It was so incomprehensible I didn’t know what to make of it, so I spackled
When I got the phonecall that my dad had only a few hours to live, I asked my then boyfriend to drive me to see him, a two hour trip. He refused, saying he was ‘tired’. I married this same guy, three years later, an am now trying to recover from his 4 year affair, after 25 years of marriage. I am so mad at myself….pay attention to the red flags at the beginning of the relationship!!!
Yeah, pay attention to the red flags at the beginning of the relationship! I married someone too that did something questionable before a death. My exes grandfather had pretty much hours to live. My ex (boyfriend at the time) had a interview for his first job out of college. He was wondering out loud in front of his mom, me and a few other of his family members — should he cancel the interview to see his dying grandfather for the last time. I’m the only person who spoke up. I said something like, “A job interview can be rescheduled. You might never see your grandfather alive again. And if the company doesn’t understand, you don’t want to work for a company like that.” He took my advice and saw his grandfather for one last time before he passed that same day. His mom and no one else said anything to him. To me, it was a very clear decision. Family first.
And when the exes narc moms mother passed away. What did his narc mom who only cares about what people think and how she is perceived say? “I need to find something snazzy to wear for the wake and funeral.” At the time I was thinking — that’s a weird thing to be concerned about when your mom just died. To me, it would be the last thing on my list. I’d just hope I have something fitting in my closet to wear. At the wake she was the center of attention with her snazzy outfit. And of course I waited on that entitled family hand and foot trying to be the loving, caring DIL — huge gathering at our home the day before the wake for out of town family. Did 100% of the work — cleaning, cooking, ordering food, shopping, etc. But my narc ex-husband said I “never took good care of him” and this toxic family threw me away like garbage after all the nice things I did for them over the years. Oh, and they are this great “Christian” family. Gag!
Absolutely! If I knew what I knew now I would not have married the ex cheater wife. But OTOH I wouldn’t have my sons.
Rickb89,
I am so torn with my wish that I’d never met my STBXH, because to wish that would mean my daughters wouldn’t have been born, and of course, I would never wish that!
The dilemma with that thought!
@Rick and GWYG,
You wouldn’t have your sons/daughters? Do NOT go there. I’m quite certain you would still have had your wonderful children; it just would have been with someone else. Yes, they might have had different gender, age, or appearance. But there was nothing special about cheating ex/stbx being required to provide sperm or egg donor services.
I’m so glad that you cut the cheaters off, so that you can raise your children with decent parenting. That’s the most important thing. They need good role models in their lives, parents like you who are not afraid to stand up for what’s right, and do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do. They are very lucky to have parents who will instill genuine values in them, of both self-sacrifice and self-respect.
I pray that you both find good spouses who will treat your children as cherished gifts, and help you be the good parents your children deserve.
Just so, I also pray that my niece will stop being a forgiveness fairy and dump her cheating fuckwit baby-daddy, while her children are young enough to not be seriously twisted by his emotional bankruptcy.
Ha ha, CW. I agree it’s hard to choose the best cheater moment here. But mine had his great funeral moment too: he arrived back from a “men’s organization trip” (now known to have been cruise with AP hooker / patient) for his uncle’s funeral WITH HIS DICK SHAVED. I kid you not. Did he think I wouldn’t notice? He tried to tell me it was because “it made masturbation feel better”. (Which of course I did not believe, but at that time I couldn’t prove anything). Lol — I did at least get a chance to tell him he now looked like he just had chemotherapy.
Holy crap Chickynot, my STBX came back from a ‘business cruise’ with the same thing!! He said he did it during a drunk moment…feels cleaner he said. I too was not buying it but no proof of anything at that time…
WTF is with these idiots?
Dick shave. Wow. Just wow. As Chump Lady says, you can’t make this shit up.
And I love the excuse for the shave. I think your stupid (Choke choke on laughter) shit wins the prize…
Before dday and my knowledge, cheater’s grandma died. She was a major mean back stabbing toxic bitch, kind of the start of the narc gene line. He made a big fuss about Family, loyalty, respect that day – and he made sure that the mow was there. He also made a big deal out of parading his beautiful wife and children in front of her. I’d never met her, i was trying to figure out who this mousy thing was that kept staring at me and glaring, and why the f she, as an employee, was even there. I was so humiliated when everything came out. The family was soooo honoured and grateful she attended. I of course was losing the competition i didn’t know was on. It still hurts.
On the positive side, I’ll never attend a funeral for his family again, and I’ve emailed the relatives I’ve cared about and told them (calmly) exactly why, and that i was too hurt to risk humiliation again. What with all the respect and loyalty, i thought they should know. Boy, having the truth out there was not welcome at all – my absence was supposed to be the drama, not the truth about the affair.
Mine hated my dad, my dad knew what a turd he was. He said he would be glad when my dad dies and wouldn’t attend the funeral, fucking red banner waving there!
Deep as puddles the lot of them!
We where getting ready to go to the beach, at this point Silly me thought the affair was online and she lived in Germany. I was having trust issues and he handed me his phone. I hit google Chrome and up came 600 photos of them and their affair, I love you written in the sands, hugs, selfies, pictures at the beaches we go to with our kids. I went through these photos and the story unfolded. The ground fell away beneath my feet and my hands shock uncontrollably. She had been living in Singapore and flown over to see him and they stayed in the new hotel he had only said a week before ‘maybe we could stay there sometime’ probably would have booked the same room, sick fuck!
Anyways so as my mind was exploded at the level of betrayal, he said ‘ I guess we aren’t going to the beach then’
I saw red and slapped him across the head and then called a friend to supervise his moving out and to stop me going medieval on his ass!!!
Mom, yours like mine is a first grade fucker.
I’m a year out today from finding the receipt in the car that was the beginning of the end. I knew when I found it what was going to unfold.
Wow things are still shitty but I am soo much stronger and I’m regaining my mind that had been scrambled from years of abuse.
I also found a receipt in the car. Hotel room receipt in my car after we had traded cars for a few days because I went out of town. Must have been here bye tip all, right? I️ never understood that. Chumpy me.
I found several receipts in my STBXH van over the years…one for the cell phone he used to call his whore without me knowing. And other “receipts” that were for when he drove into the neighborhood where his whore’s sister lived. When confronted with the question of why on earth would he be visiting the whore’s sister, he always responded that he was providing “warranty work” on something he’d installed in her house (he’s a handyman). I guess that was actually code for “installing” his dick into his whore.
I meant sharylk
Really messing this up. Autocorrect, argh. Must have been meant for me to see, right? is what I meant to say
Mine just didn’t think. I don’t think he left it there on purpose. He’s not real bright. It was a receipt for herbal supplements which is his number one interest. He bores everyone senseless playing unqualified naturopath. Just doesn’t get that people don’t want to talk about his shit all the time. Utterly self absorbed and a hypocrodreac, hope he bored German slags pants off with his endless droning.
He is currently trying to Hoover his way back and says he is having heart problems and shallow breathing like his mother did her her mid forties, she is now quite ill. It was almost laughable,,, he runs 10 kms a few times a week and is fit and healthy. Pity me.
Yeah sorry dude even if you where really sick I don’t want to carry your lame ass while you sit around and do nothing while I work and raise kids. You fucked me around and I owe you nothing, should have thought this shit through early. Oh that’s right you don’t have the mental capacity to as ego gratification is number one.
Maybe extra helpings of his herbal remedies will help the poor dear through his health crisis.
They’re all so full of themselves!!
What is it with cheaters and their “self proclaimed” knowledge of healing dietary supplements? They obtain their self bestowed medical degrees from Google university upon themselves.
Mine at one count, took over 30 pills a day, drank bullet coffee by the bucketful and knew more than any naturopath or MD on human dietary needs.
As I was fighting cancer and he was fighting to keep up his image management after final DD, he e-mailed me information from a healer on supplements that prevent cancer. See…he cared…(not).
Such a dumb ass…I already had cancer. I’m pretty sure cherry extract is not going to fix highly aggressive cancer. So happy I kicked his ass to the curb and listened to my well educated oncologist’s medical advice.
Now cheater and cancer free. He can keep his massage parlor prostitute and his cherry extract. I’m doing better than great without him or his advice.
Him, last I heard or remotely cared, not so well…
All the supplements in the world can fix what he has…Cheateritis!
Wait…. so… life …..isn’t a beach?
Welll. What do I do now.
One highlight that comes to mind is when he yelled at me in the car “That’s it, I’m not taking you to the beach!!”, like I’m a 5-year old who needs discipline, because I had brough up stuff to discuss.
I was on vacation where he lived, as a chance to figure out stuff after a period apart, but he refused any attempt to discuss things seriously and also backtracked on his previous committment to educate himself about abuse. I should add being back to the house and the surroundings, after very hard months living somewhere else, I was a crying mess. He was furious that I wasn’t “appreciating his welcoming efforts” because I wasn’t willing to pretend I was all happy on holiday.
We were returning home from Christmas shopping during wreckonciliation And I simply asked how he could have lunch with her and then come home to me and kiss and be at the house. His response? Repeatedly punching himself in the face. Not soft. Hard. There were bruises on his face and eye for allll of his family to see. And they looked at me like I did it. At that point I didn’t even care. I didn’t like those fuckers anyway. I knew spackle was cracking.
Hopefloats80, Wow! I hope you got out of the situation quickly. It sounds like he was masterminding some plan to falsely accuse you of domestic violence. Did he call the police on you? Or did he just use this as a ploy to ‘get narco’ sympathy from his family. Dang…
Exasshole punched himself in the face to set me up for a DV charge, thankfully he bruised his hand badly doing it so that couldn’t fly. Once he realized it he backtracked and told me he did it to punish himself, yeah right.
Bahahahah!! I love it! “Sir, you mind if we have a look at your knuckles, there?”
AGHHHAHAHAHAH!
Idiot
Psycho. Guess you were supposed to beg him to stop?
I can’t even. This is poetic
I’ve got more! Suppressed somewhere in my memory…I really appreciate people pointing out these things to me, because in my mind I suspect I don’t take them as seriously as should (I don’t always “trust that he sucks”, or I’m quick to forget).
Here’s another one… we were in a middle of an argument and I was questioning, he was stonewalling, and at one point I said “You want me to just -get over it- (his flirting/lying, without full disclosure), but you know my dog has been dead 5 years and I still cry every time I talk about her and you always act supportive, you never tell me to -get over it- “.
Then, just because he simply had to drive his point home, he said “well, at some point I just well might, if I think it’s been too long”.
(Sad backstory: I left the family home to move in with him in another city and my dog got sick and died less than a year later. I’m afraid the heartbreak of not knowing where the hell I disappeared was a factor and it’s something I’m never going to forgive myself for.)
Disappearing while I was in labor. Then coming back quite some later to a very cross laboring mother who wanted to know where he’d been for so long. He had to clear his head and have some food as he was starving! (Like I wasnt?) Oh and disappearing for hours on the night my father was dying to go FISHING! No it couldnt wait apparently so I left the hospice to return to my children who were not quite old enough to be left alone for hours, especially given they knew their grandad was dying. My Dad died alone a few hours after I left him, and guess what? No fucking fish either.
Just wish I’d known what my father REALLY thought of cheater, instead of hearing it second hand after D-day.
Im pretty sure when he disappeared while I was in labor, he was seeing his OW. We knew her socially through a seasonal sport. Guess she was fed the our marriage is dead line, cos when I saw her the next season (with my new baby) She cut me dead. If looks could kill, I would not be here to tell the tale. Guess its hard to swallow the ‘our marriage is dead’ line when the wife is holding a new baby!!
Gosh, mine isn’t so bad compared to some of these “How my cheater behaved around the birth of our child” stories!
Our daughter was born very early on a Thursday morning. He was with me for the birth, and then came again on Friday. Saturday, I didn’t see him at all, and when he brought me (us) home that Sunday, there was different furniture in the apartment. Turned out, he had taken the nurse with whom he was having the affair and gone used furniture shopping. Oh, how I hated that poop brown couch and chair! I didn’t find out till months later the story of the furniture, but he was pretty evasive about it from the start.
He’s been married now for over 25 years, (we never married, and were broken up for many years by the time he met this one, as far as I know.) I found out from a reliable source that he cheats on her with shocking regularity. My reward is that I didn’t get stuck married to him, and that while I have a lovely relationship with our daughter, he has been blowing her off for several years now. I’m sad about that, but, their relationship is between them. I know he’s missing out, but I don’t know if he will ever fully realize this.
Mine built his bar in the basement the week I gave birth to our first son via C-section. He grudgingly visited us every day for exactly 30 minutes, then would get back to his “project.”
On one of those “magical” new family visits, he got pissed because I was in the middle of nursing our son and he wanted to hold him. Then I got snippy when he kept shoving polaroids of the bar he was building in my face WHILE I WAS NURSING. I told him I couldn’t look at them right now.
Even the lactation coach gave me the eye roll. Seems everyone knew what a colossal douchebag he was after just five minutes of meeting him. Everyone except chumpy ole me.
When my son and I were discharged on Sunday afternoon, we came home and he took a nap. Then went back to work the next day. Seems “his vacation” was over.
My stbxh left me alone in labor, sat texting on his phone as I hemorrhaged after tthe youngest was born and disappeared for 5 hours while I was still a patient in the hospital.
Scum he was and is.
While I was in labor with first DD, Hannibal asked the male of the best-friends-couple who had accompanied us to the hospital if he wanted to go for a drink.
Ah yes, mine drank himself silly (he did wait until after she was born;) with one of his “friends”. He came the next day to the hospital so hungover that he had to leave 15 minutes after he got there because he was “too tired”. Yep. He sucks.
Mine planned and executed a ski trip to Europe around my planned C-section date. His mom and friend took me to the hospital. He came back when DS was 10 days old and nameless because the father was not there to do the paperwork (I was not allowed as I was not the citizen of his country). Fun times.
This was not the stupid cheater moment though. This was a sad one, among many others. The stupid one was when we were wreconciling and I recall telling him over and over again that for me to accept him back he should stop all relationships with his women. I sounded like “son, you can’t lie to mommy anymore” it was so ridiculous. I caught myself thinking why am I even saying this? It should go without saying. And his response, raging at me because I was stopping his cake, was “Ok, ok!!! I am not going to fuck outside of home! But you can’t stop me from talking to women if I see them in a bar! And you know what!? I may even stop fucking entirely, even stop fucking you!!! Yes, we can be a family but with no sex!!!” I was totally shocked and disghusted. But unfortunately, even that was not enough to end it. Until the DDay 2 rolled out…
Tempest,
The nurse meant for YOU to keep up the fluids while in labour, and not alcohol. Too damn bad he couldn’t have felt a contraction or three. He wouldn’t get far for a drink then.
All the years I worked labour and delivery I just wanted to see one miracle baby come through just one penis!
Big sigh!
Jerk, leaving you at a time like that!
Ha! Mine went out for breakfast after our son was born (three days labor for me, thanks) with his mother and dad; he saw an old girlfriend nearby and went to talk to her. My dear MIL went over and dragged him away.
What a tool he was, but his mom was a love. Sometimes I think she’s the reason I married him!
CH couldn’t help me the night I came home from the hospital after our third child was born. It turned out he had a date with an under aged girl. This was many years ago. I can’t believe how he complains about the morals of today’s politicians!
This is our clue that they are truly disordered. They will criticize things that could describe themselves and not even see it.
Yes!! My STBX added an extra two days just for himself to the beginning of our family ski holiday so he could ‘visit friends and family’ in the area before our holiday started. Really he stayed at OW’s place for two days, then joined us on our holiday. Then two days later, he sees my daughter watching ‘the batchelor’ and tells me in his best moral guidance tone that I shouldn’t let her watch that, it’s disgusting the way they have the batchelor dating all those women at once….after D-day it was one of the first WTF moments I thought of.
Ex also disappeared during birth. I had my son at 7:30am and he stepped out at 9am because he was starving!! He was gone most of afternoon, texting the OW. He The second night in the hospital he claimed he was sick and had to go home. I was released on Sunday and he said he’d be back by 9am. He didn’t show till noon. Apparently he’d been up all night on the phone with OW and needed to get some sleep. I remember calling him to come get me slowly thinking that something wasn’t right. Ten months later I found out everything.
What’s with these guys being such jerks while we’re giving birth? After I woke up from the emergency C-section and hobbled to the toilet while clutching my incision, my ex-entitled a**hole hopped into my hospital bed to watch tv and refused to move when I returned. While I sat on the uncomfortable visitor’s chair, he lay in my bed, eating the hospital food from my tray, watching football on tv. THAT is the memory I will always dredge up whenever I miss my old life.
It has been just over 27 years, and I’m still getting agitated at the memory. Let it go, let it go …
Yeah, these fuckwits show exactly who they are when their wife is pregnant, delivering or after the baby was born. One of these is the story I was going to share today, but I’m putting it here as it goes with the theme of this thread.
After our son was born, every person he called up to tell the good news. He had to say about me if someone asked him, “Martha had minimal discomfort during the birth.” The opposite was the truth and at the time I couldn’t understand why he needed to downplay everything. Well, now I understand that in his disordered mind, that my pain or discomfort could possibly give me attention kibbles from his family and friends. Like, “Oh, poor Martha!” Now I never would have wanted that from anyone, because as women know, childbirth is painful and it goes with wanting to have a baby to love and take care of. But the disordered mind/narc would use childbirth as another way of garnering narc fuel/attention. So he had to downplay my pain to make sure I didn’t take anything away from him.
Two of my family members came from out of state to visit and help. Disordered narc husband wouldn’t give our son to me when he was crying (son was about two weeks old). Disordered fxckwit held crying son as he was paging through the book “Parenting for Dummies” trying to find the page as to what to do when the baby is crying. I kept saying, “Give him to me and I’ll nurse him and he’ll stop crying.” He refused and said, “I’m the dad and I’m not giving him to you. I can get him to stop crying.” I pleaded and he then went into our unfinished basement and I followed him. He stood up against the concrete wall, holding our crying son and kept telling me he wasn’t going to give him to me. I then gave up and went upstairs and my family member said to me, “What going on with him?” And I said, “I don’t know.” The next day I decided to pump milk for the first time, because I thought that maybe my ex felt left out because I was breastfeeding and he couldn’t feed our son. So when he got home from work, I handed him the bottle of milk to feed our son. He sat on the sofa with our son and what did the narc say, “TAKE MY PICTURE.” More attention kibbles for the fxckwit! He couldn’t just enjoy feeding our son. He had to have a picture of him being the greatest dad in the world, which he never was.
He had an affair when I was pregnant with our second born (son was only a year old) and was emotionally abusive way over a year. Even threaten to leave me and the kids when I was pregnant.
Told me he wouldn’t be able to be at our daughters birth if she was to be born near the due date, because it was his “busy season” and he wouldn’t be able to get off work. So I purposely got my membranes stripped two weeks early (painful) and took castor oil to induce labor, so that he couldn’t use the excuse that he had to work.
Treated me like shxt when our daughter was born. Totally uninvolved when I was in labor, but when the doctors and nurses showed up in the room he’d act like the dotting, loving husband and father. When no one was around, he’d yell at me and cold and mean.
I still cannot believe I put up with this crap. How he acted when our son was crying shows how weird he is. Who does that? I knew it was odd behavior when it happened, but I didn’t know what it meant. Like CL said, “I can’t believe I’m married to this idiot.” So much odd and strange behavior over the years that I spackled over.
The first night we were home after I had the baby he begged me for sex and when I said no because my insides were still coming out he kept putting my hand in his pants to give him a hand job even though I was more exhausted than I ever been in my entire life, it was a difficult birth where I had complications and had to have minor surgery and stitches, my newborn was right next to me in the cot, and my mom was on the couch in the living room about 15 feet away. It was almost immediately following this that he started hitting the porn heavily and to my knowledge having affairs with prostitutes when he would go away on business. Naturally I was called a frigid ice queen “b” because I didn’t put out postpartum.
That is beyond despicable.
I’m so sorry.
ColdTurkey–that is harsh, and sadly, a perfect memory to remember that he sucks.
STBX was firmly set in blameshift mode a few months after I moved out. One day he accused me of tampering with his cel phone. Puzzled, I asked why he would suggest such a thing.
Turns out his cel phone had pocket dialed Schmoopie’s STBX’s cel phone. (a totally probable occurrence as we had all been good friends before they blew up our marriages). Of course this had led to a very awkward phone exchange with Schmoopie’s STBX. Details of that aren’t central to the story. The point is that STBX had the nerve to accuse me of somehow orchestrating the pocket dial. “You bitch! YOU must have made my phone do that!!!” Well, I hadn’t seen STBX in days, and trust me folks, I am not tech-savvy in the slightest. He couldn’t even explain how I might have orchestrated the pocket dial, but he was thoroughly convinced that I caused it. That’s when I knew I was dealing with a truly disordered person. So I told him to go get professional help for his paranoia, and I walked away.
Epilogue: A week later, STBX installed a fancy security system with spy cameras at our marital home to protect himself from me – the evil pocket dialer. You can’t make this shit up!
Yeah, my ex put in a keypad door lock on his front door so our kids wouldn’t have a key to his ghetto home so I guess in his disordered mind, I wouldn’t have access to his home. I have only been near his ghetto home three times and each time it was to drop our daughter off or she had to run in and get something. Nothing better than watching your kid punch in numbers to get into her disordered fathers house. I would not be the least bit surprised he’s got security cameras up and probably his whore does too. I leave the character disordered to themselves and let them think to themselves that they are so wonderful and moral. I cannot wait until the day she figures out the truth about him. They are each others karma bus.
Mine did the same and totally acted scared of me. About a week after the big reveal, he was sleeping on the couch while I slept in our bed. We had the same kind if TV in both the living room and bedroom and they shared the same remote. One night, when he was sleeping, I went to get it and when I reached over him to get it off the back off the couch, he woke up with me standing over him with a look of terror on his face. I just looked st him and said, “relax, I’m just getting the remote!” Freaking guilty conscience.
And he also set up a surveillance system… as if He’s going to ‘catch’ me doing something to his shit in the yard.
Fat chance…
The Evil One installed cameras around his first slut shack. Claimed that not only me, but my two kids, and a few friends were allegedly driving by spying on him and his OWhore. For the record, we weren’t.
He moved to a new.plave a year ago. To this day, I’ve yet to go near it.
Bet he’s disappointed on a regular basis when he scrolls through footage and doesn’t see me cruising by.
Yours seems to stalk you!! Projection much?
Well before I ever imagined that he was cheating, I had been promoted to a new hospital job where I had my own phone and had time to call him (this was very different from my years of nightshift bedside nursing). I had no idea that the hospital blocked its number on all outgoing calls. I wouldn’t have considered that a problem though…he was my husband, right? So I Calle him in the middle of the day and he seemed disturbed and then blurted out “who is this?”. “It’s your wife.” (REALLY should have been a red flag to me !!!!!!! When he became a monster, one of his absurd accusations was “For God sake, Uni, you called me from blocked numbers !!”
What an offense !!! I called my own husband from work. He was an idiot and I didn’t see it.
Unicornomore,
Your hospital calling post brought back a memory to me. I was to leave work around 12 midnight in a specialized unit, but because the hospital had received a bomb threat staff were told we could not vacate until the all clear message was given, and that was expected to take hours, also we were told we may have to evacuate. They told us around 2 AM we were allowed to notify our family we did not know when we would be home, as they thought they would be worried. It was a serious situation as incoming calls to the hospital were blocked. When I called cheater to tell him this news he said “You woke me up to tell me THAT”, and hung up,clearly annoyed I had disturbed his sleep!
Gave me a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, worse than the bomb scare itself!
Ha! My cheating sociopathic STBX also installed security equipment at all of his alternate homes. Watched the charges for the stuff roll by on our accounts. Who knows what the insane story spun around the reasons for that might be? Not me, thank goodness.
That cheater paranoia seems to be a theme. They think we’re going to harm them, I believe the real reason is that they mean to harm us…
I am still looking for murder stats which detail whether the murderer was the chump, the cheater or the AP. My gut feel is that chumps get murdered by the cheater, the AP, or both in cahoots more often than the other way around. I’d love to find the numbers.
I think he was planning a murder/ suicide which my taking my kids and leaving his sorry ass, thwarted.
Unfortunately, he did get his revenge in the end.
(((((((Everyone)))))))))!
Love always to you, Tessie. Your story breaks my heart every time. Sending the warmest cyber hugs to you this holiday season.
Tessie,
Words are difficult,
(((((Manymanyhugssweetlady))))
I’m so very sorry for your loss, Tessie. Lots of CN love to you!
Tessie. Mine too. So romanticist isnt it!
Tessie, I’m sorry.
Most definitely chumps get whacked more frequently than cheaters and APs. Chumps are easy to whack. Trusting, unaware of the gravity of the situation. And they have no value/worth to the cheater.
They truly are crazy. I’ve told my STBX many times during our marriage (13 years. ..i guess 13 really is unlucky ) that he is master manipulator, everything is my fault,weather it’s brken car,tv . .When it rained, i would joke that it must be my fault.
He told me during argument, that only reason he doesn’t put his hands on me and only hurts me with words is because hedoesn’t want to go to jail,or that it’s frowned upon..oh thanks.
That would be interesting to know, Kiwichump. You are so right about the true cause of cheater paranoia being that those evil thoughts are in their heads. When we would get in bad fights, cheater XH would always say, “Are you going to do something to me in my sleep?!” It was so creepy, because I am not like that and hadn’t even thought of that, but it shows you where their minds are. There was even one time, right before the final D-day when he told me that he fantasized about strangling me in my sleep. These cheaters are a sick, depraved breed!!!
Huuuummmm, let’s see. Hard to choose the best stupid cheater moment.
With spackle: made me spend a weekend trying to recover AP’s suitcase that was checked under his name since she had exceeded her baggage limit of 2 X 32 kg bags from so much shopping in the USA. (airline lost it forever…. hahaha).
Spackle-chump here asked him how on earth his “assistant” had had the time to do so much shopping if she was working… His reply was a masterpiece of blameshifting and gaslighting.
About my level of spackle: I’m talking about THREE 32 kg suitcases filled in less than a week…..
And without spackle: Fuckwit’s Famous Last Words huffed and puffed under our roof as he left our home for the last time banging the door behind him: “But I’m NOT a chicken!” (chicken in my language is slang for a very promiscuous Don Juan).
My stupid cheater brought home all the hotel invoices and left them lying about. Including the one that she didn’t sign, but he did. Thanks babe. ;-* I kept those incase I needed them, legally.
That is mind blowing. It seems to me that cheaters are slightly more male than female but the female ones seem to go wildly off a cliff while some of the guys work harder to maintain equilibrium (and cake).
I didn’t find hotel receipts until he was dead.
She was going on a business trip.
Me: “Why is your suitcase packed with lingerie?”
Her: “I like to dress up by myself in my hotel room.”
Me: Stare. Jaw dropped.
Her, angrily: “See? This is why I need you to trust me. It won’t work if you don’t trust me.”
Me: Stare. Jaw dropped.
I was like you, so stunned at the nonsense during our marriage I often had no words to even respond. Or I walked away thinking wtf just happened? Now when I even bother to respond (which is rare) my default is, “You’re an idiot” in a calm and cool manner to drive home the “you can’t get to me anymore asshole” attitude I have now. Short and simple and totally true. AND it makes him absolutely crazy. His PhD is his badge of glory and having a meager Masters level peon treat him like the moron he is is just too much for his ego to handle. I love it.
Yes, “it,” meaning the con job, won’t work if we don’t trust them.
Sometimes they tell us the truth but we don’t get it.
Had the same conversation. However, mine also said “now you are trying to control what I wear? This is how you push me away.”
Yes, the “you’re trying to control me just pushes me away further” mantra! The trouble is, it is so gaslighting because us chumps understand how that is not good. In my personal experience though, that was always used to cover dark intentions.
Wow, Chumpman and David 2016, your X’s gaslighting is chilling.
Wow, Chumpman, they really do work from a limited script, don’t they. And each line has a premise: “Remember: Your spouse is incredibly stupid and gullible, so feel free to make the most outrageously childish and transparent lies.”
David2016, Our family and OM family stayed at the same condo unit for spring break. We didn’t know each other. After I found out, stbx claimed it was a coincidence. Out of 1 billion condos in Florida, that sure is a coincidence.
My ex said taking their sabbaticals together was a coincidence (both professors) and how could I even dare suggest he would plan that with her? I’m such a meanie. I guess the 12 trips that they took together for “research” or “conferences” were also coincidences. Lord he thinks I’m such an idiot. I just let him think it. It often works to my advantage.
I asked him why the new underwear and fitness kick ‘for you’ was his reply! Cool as a cucumber.
Geez I was naive.
I caught my ex doing push-ups in our smallish bathroom. The shower was running, so I thought he was in the shower and I was just going to go in the bathroom for something (very common of a thing for us to do to each other). I opened the door and the door banged into him. I later asked him why he was hiding doing push-ups and then my intuition/red flag alert reminded me of how he worked on his appearance when he had an affair when I was pregnant. The cheater said to me, “I’m doing it for you!!”
My ex bit his nails our entire marriage. Mostly when he was nervous. He stopped biting his nails and even asked me where the clippers were to trim his nails. He started this at the same time he found out his whore was getting a divorce. I saw it at the time and it rung up as a red flag moment and sure enough! He was getting ready for an another affair!
Ahhhh, manscaping. Literally, I said, “Are you having an affair?” And the response was, “I just want to look good for you.”
Um, ok.
Hannibal Lecher even manscaped his chest, despite my protests that I didn’t like the look and that it was prickly. Perhaps it’s a prerequisite for Craigslist hookups?
High school classmate who dumped her narc husband ( he married a third time to a woman young enough to be his daughter) was disturbed by his sudden need to die his chest hair !
Oh yes forgot he was man scraping also ‘for me’ clippering it off makes it look bigger don’t ha know!
Oh lord. They all manscape. It’s ridiculous. When I found out and kicked him out of the house, I was packing up all his stuff and ran across some absurd underwear in the back of his drawer. I left it on the top of his folded clothes on the dining room table. Never said a word. Wish I had taken a picture. The idiot was trying anything to look bigger.
He did rage at me for washing and folding the clothes and blankets he was taking and leaving them for him in the dining room. (I had so much angry energy I was keeping myself busy – the house was never so clean!) He said it “made him feel like I wanted him out of the house.” Ya think? What a moron
LOL
I suspect Mme YogaPants did something similar. About a month or so before she moved out a new set of lady razors that included clippers showed up in the bathroom. I actually have no idea how that sort of stuff is done but I presume it is all awkward, uncomfortable and itches. I Some of the bits and parts are kind of hard to reach I would imagine as well. I do know that she had mentioned to me years ago how it was absolutely completely something that she would never do. Personally (TMI I know) I preferred the fuzzy look – never saw the appeal in being with someone who looked like a pre-teen (ewww).
Presumably she did this as part of her own “pick-me” dancing for Senor Moneybags. She used to be happy I know when autumn came and she could start resembling a sasquatch. Ah well – she’s not my “monkey” 😀 any more.
For me – sign me up as not interested. I don’t take my shirt off during spring bear-hunting season for a very good reason. It helps me keep the thermostat low as well. As far as making the “junk” look fancy – I would hope that anyone who is interested in me has other interests.
Thank you so much for acknowledging the disturbing wish some have for adult women to look like children. Glad you are rid of her!
Too funny, new underwear purchased by my partner who had never purchased new underwear in the 7 years I knew him, along with his new diet regime , was one of the red flags for me.
The Limited modeled his boxers after we went clothes shopping and asked how they looked. It was to impress the whore.
Now I laugh to think they covered the itty bitty dick that wishes it could.
My X denied that he was having an affair with someone, but admitted he had gone to see her (drove across the whole country – 10 hours). Admitted it only because I knew it anyway, this was how I discovered he cheated on me with her. – What did you drive there for, if you did not have a relation with her? – To tell her that he could not come… – So why did you have to drive there to tell her? Because he felt he owed it to her, to tell her in person… – But why would she care about that, if you were not having a relation? – Uh – hm – uh….dumb stare out of window, looking for inspiration, but finding none. – So you drove there ten hours and you want me to believe that it was because you would tell her you could not come to see her??? When you actually went there? And then I suppose you went straight away back after telling her this? – I might have stayed the night… In a separate bedroom! – Yeeeees, that makes sense…
My STBX has a sweetie in another state. He’s a truck driver and she dispatched him on loads. While out on a trip STBX’s brother passed away. Brother’s family didn’t have the money for cremation. So we had to pay for it, which I didn’t mind. But my STBX didn’t appreciate anything i did for home.. drawing the money out if savings, working late and calling him to be sure he was ok. After I found out about his “sweetie”. He told me the only thing he could remember was HER calling him and when he made it home he told her “I love you so much for getting me home”. Me, I didn’t get a “thank you” much less a “I love you”.
What I wonder is when does the pain go away from all the lies and betrayal?
It does slowly, but eventually does. I know it seems like forever and a day, but it will.
((((Hugs))))
Hahaha, cheater “logic”!! It’s a kick, isn’t it!! I caught mine evading taxes to finance his affair with call girl AP. Then was able to bust him when an IRS document got mailed to our house saying he’d bought her a $26,000 car in cash. His excuse? The $26K wasn’t HIS money, it was HERS: he was just helping a “friend” without a bank account with a purchase. (I guess he’d prefer money laundering to dissipation charges in court?)
Wow Ina. He really didn’t think that one all the way through, did he? ????
Oh geez yours takes the prize. I would have throttled him.
As Kim Wilson says we have WTF syndrome.
I kicked cheater ex out a couple of weeks before a long weekend we always spent at my sister’s place on the lake. (He agreed readily to go, then it took months to get him out, but that’s another story…). Told him he should use the long weekend to find a place to move to, should be easy.
He looked surprised and said, ‘I thought we’d go to the lake together, like always!’.
I reminded him that my brother-in-law has lots of guns, and that right now cheater looked a lot like a wild turkey ,,,,
Hahahahhahaaaa!!! Good one!!!
Lol!!!! Good one!
During fake-R I told my now ex, “you were the last person I ever thought would cheat. My friends and I were discussing it and I said, ‘oh no, not my husband, never, never.’ “ His reaction? He was insulted that I didn’t think he was man enough or virile enough or some stupid shit. Facepalm.
OMFG, new. They are truly the most sexually immature people ever to walk the face of the planet.
On DDay we were due to leave in 2 days time for a 2 week driving holiday around New Zealand. He says, “I’m going to stay at XXX’s house, and I’ll move back in here whilst you’re in NZ, and I’ll pack up and be gone by your return.”
I sat there dumbfounded and eventually said “WTF?! I’m not going to NZ. Do you think I’m gonna drive around for 2 weeks by myself on what was supposed to be our joint holiday?”
The latest is that we are trying to do a property settlement. But he is completely hiding from me and avoids replying to emails. So I put a reply date on the latest one and then the day after he missed the due date emailed and txt’d – the excuse: he doesn’t have regular access to the internet. WTF? He replied to me on a samsung phone! In my city, the council provides free internet across the city centre, and every bus has free internet, every library, shopping centre, cafes, McDonalds. How does he work without internet? And he somehow can’t attach his financial records to his emails. He has lost the ability to attach documents to an email!
If you can, hire an attorney to handle this shit. It can make you completely bonkers. The longer he has, the more he will try to hide finances if he’s anything like my ex. Good luck!!!! I made lots of legal mistakes and hope others can avoid them!
yes – it is tempting to hand over – he did finally hand it over and he has more than I thought – so i am more comfortable that i will get it sorted OK.
Oooh, poor thing! Maybe he fell and hit his head really hard at some point? ‘Cause he’s clearly lost a LOT of IQ points!
Oh Karen – you made me smile – you are far more philanthropic than I am willing to be
I’d pulled the pin, moved to another bedroom, and asked him to start looking for a place of his own. Things were fairly amicable but he was solemn and pouty. One day we were sitting on the couch calmly discussing selling the house and dividing our assets and he says to me “we’re going to be one of those (couples) [?I don’t remember exact wording] that never see each other [or talk – again exact words] but get together once or twice a year just for sex”. You get the point, without exact wording. Basically he assumed he was so irresistible that I’d be willing to downgrade our relationship – and my exact response was just that: I’m not looking to downgrade from wife to skanky whore AP.
Oh yes, this!!!
I was trying to pick from the amass of stupid shit The Evil One has done…then I read your post…
Early after I found out about OWhore, he actually suggested to me (and I quote):
“Even if we are both serious with someone else, I want us to still get together and have fun”.
My response was similar to yours:
I will never be a back door whore, nor ever be someone’s side piece, unlike what she’s willing to be.
He didn’t like that, at all.
Ugh. The very idea that I would ever go back to *that*. Retch.
Nice!
I think the most stupid thing my cheater assnoodle did is dump me for OW and I’m trying to convince myself that this is the best revenge and karma will fuck his pimply ass.
I am a mixed-race woman, I’ve been through difficulties in my family which have taught me resilience, empathy and kindness, I am accomplished professionally and run community projects and I have a wealth of love and kindness to give as I demonstrated when I was in a relationship (?) with this fuckwit. I would literally do everything (in an LDR, I would not only FLY to see him every single month, but also organise the dates and outings in HIS country because he couldn’t be arsed) and I supported him during his very, very difficult moment (at the cost of my own health, finance and career).
OW looks like an Eastern European mail order bride who wears cheap and tacky clothes, is unnaturally slim with unnaturally big boobs, and left him in deep shit during his difficult time. Not to mention her moral compass is broken. He broke up with her to be with me, and she apparently didn’t take it well but she wasn’t doing much to help him either. She bid his time and once he found a stable well-paying job, she made her move.
I’m not typing this out of vanity but more to convince myself rather than anyone else. My self-confidence, already in tatters due to the aforementioned family events, took a fatal blow when D-Day happened and the scope of the cheating was revealed. (D-Day happened when we were holidaying in the Caribbean – a VERY expensive trip for me but I naively thought it was worth it and that in an LDR such efforts count. We were attending his friend’s wedding. He had started sexting his ex with all earnestness a month before that… and been in a touch in a ‘more than just friends’ way for a year, unbeknownst to me. He had neglected to tell me this or to prevent me from spending FUCKLOADS of money on that holiday…probably he was too worried about answering the questioning stares of his friends or maybe he was embarrassed to present his new toy that looked like a Barbie doll with manicured claws instead of a professional woman).
This guy kept bawling and saying he cared for me (I was haemorrhaging and running a fever from the shock) but also things like:
– I like you but I like her too
– I can’t decide
– I don’t know who I would choose if I needed support (nevermind that I made HUGE sacrifices for him while she left him in a sorry state when I found him)
– I didn’t mean for you to find out like this (how then, did you mean for me to find out in a non-painful, non-explosive way? What world do you live in?)
– We fought all the time (erm, thanks for invalidating ALL the efforts I made to make you happy and for LDR to work!)
– It was easier to flirt with her because she spoke the same language as him.
– She made him happy.
I think stupidity is when he thought the honeymoon period would last…. (but trust me Chumps, I am fighting doubts. Maybe she did make him very happy as they got along for a whole year… 🙁 )
The coup de grace was when I told him to walk the talk if he cared that much and he made a show of telling OW that he was stopping all contact with her so he could repair his relationship with me… I believed him.
A week later he flew to her country to see her.
He had the audacity to tell me he meant his promise… because he didn’t contact her for while. Didn’t know promises were conditional.
Fucking retard.
To all the women here who are affirming themselves in the face of this horrible situation, who are giving each other support, and who are rebuilding their hearts and souls and lives, just know that you are an inspiration. You give me hope that sisterhood exists, that women are strong. This belief almost got shattered when I encountered OW (like, who would inflict such pain on another woman???) but you all here, you’re amazing.
Santa, hang in there. It is a compliment to you that it didn’t work. Truly! You seem to have a soul and that’s never compatible with these alien jerks. ALL of the people I’ve known who have been cheated on have been so kind and really good people. The cheater has ALWAYS downgraded. Think of Prince Charles. Camilla over Di? Idiot. Having the cheaters get together is the sweetest revenge. You think there’s a snowball’s chance in hell they will be faithful to each other? Not a chance.
Yessssssss, this.
The OW was “cheated on herself”
I have yet to be introduced to the OWhore, now-Mrs. Dumb-Ass. I do, however, have a lot of information about her from a mutual friend of mine that knows her family.
The story goes that she was dumped the day after baby #2 was born for a Hooters girl her then-husband had met in the Philippines (or from the Philippines, whichever).
When said baby was about 2, she began dating my then-husband.
Yeah.
I know exactly what you mean when you say you can’t believe someone would inflict this kind of pain on another woman. My OW is divorced because her husband cheated on her! She says she knows what pain I am feeling, yet she sent me pictures of them together. long emails telling me what a bad wife I am, and texts explicitly describing their sexual acts. Additionally- what kind of man would want to be with a woman who treats other women this way?!
“My OW is divorced because her husband cheated on her! ” Hmm you sure about that? Methinks that is total bullshit
Or true, because even disordered assholes can be cheated on, since they sometimes they mate up w/each other.
The difference is, they learn nothing from the experience.
I tend to be suspect when the OW claims that her husband cheated on her too……in fact I flat out do not buy it. How many times do cheaters claim that they were cheated on first? Nothing more than a pathetic attempt to play victim.
Skankenstein/Wifetress’ first H was married when she started to date him. Then, after they married, she said he cheated on her and she divorced him. Then, she starts up with my H of 17 years. Why the fuck would you want another cheater? My IC said it has something to do with Daddy Issues. They want to “win Daddy back”. Ultimately, these are very pathetic, desperate, and disordered beings doing pathetic, desperate, and disordered things. I go through great lengths to avoid cheaters. Then again, I’m not pathetic, desperate, and disordered.
I agree. It’s not normal. But when DDay happened and I sent OW a message to tell her to steer clear of my man (after he made a show of telling OW he was ending it with her and promising me not to speak with her) . She of course ignored him and was messaging him as early as the next day, casting me as a “horrible woman” and playing the victim. Really? The nerve!
I’m sorry to hear that,Susan. Must be torture. But I promised myself I would never Cause so much pain to someone else. I can’t believe how morally deficient the OW in your case must be… As for the guy, I loved mine with all my heart and kept flaunting him as an “honest man”. He would rub it in my face that he had a stable family while mine wasn’t (divorced abusive parents). Yet, he opted to dishonour our relationship, not me. My only explanation for why guys want to be with women like that is (a) they want it easy and those women don’t impose moral boundaries on them (b) they are currently experiencing the giddiness and butterflies of being with someone else in a prolonged honeymoon period. They feel they are invincible and haven’t seen the negatives yet… Or they feel rules and karma don’t apply to them. Keep strong sister ! You’re a class above.
When I discovered that he had set up payroll for his side business for the first time since he started it (that would be in the year 2000). He “hired” his girlfriend so he could funnel the income through her for the sole purpose of hoping to reduce his child support payment. The business income dropped about $40k from what he normally averages and he actually filed his 2016 taxes with a loss.
Ummm…screwing me over is one thing. Screwing over your children allowed me to clearly see that the bad character ran all the way through him. No more spackling that he was just unhappy or confused.
My arsewipe told me he couldn’t leave his very young ‘soulmate’ as he didn’t want to let her down and she was so pretty!!
True love obviously- never mind he let me down after 25 years or his 2 daughters and newborn grandson
I got those same words. “But she [the babysitter who was also having an affair with the 80 yr old neighbor] would be devastated if I didn’t leave you for her. She’d be so sad.” To his wife of 20 years and mother of two young children who stuck with him through the diagnosis of a degenerative disease.
Confrontation night, it was clear he didn’t see it coming at all. After I told him point blank that if he wanted to end our (14 year) marriage to just say the word “yes”. He said “No”. As he sat in the den dumbfounded, I left the room and sent a text to the phone number that I discovered had been plastered all over the phone bill for the last 5 months. “This is ’s wife of 14 years….”
Next morning he left to “go to the gym”. About 2 hours later I got a text back from schmoopie. She apologized, said she had no idea he was married. Said she told him she never wanted to see him again.
Shortly after that douchebag came home in a rage, furious that I had contacted his “friend” and violated his privacy. It was at this exact moment that the pick me dance (of 12 hours) ended because I knew I had nothing to work with, he was a cheating low-life waste of oxygen. I got him out and got divorced ASAP.
Yep, rage. Got that too.
Mutual friend contacted me, told me all about the OWhore…
Get this — OWhore’s mom went through my Facebook page, found a mutual friend she and I have and contacted her. My friend exposed The Evil One’s lies, her mom called OWhore, and she then called TEO who then flew over to my house and blew up on me in front of our Autistic daughter, upsetting her.
Never once ever tried to comfort or console her,. instead he screamed at me, WHY WON’T YOU LET ME BE HAPPY?!
He then accused me of “setting [him] up” with OWhore.
This is why I call her Mrs. Dumb-Ass —
After finding out all the facts and learning what a liar he is, she not only continued to date him, she married him five months later.
Really! You violated his privacy? Just wow…what an arrogant entitled POS!
What a horrible chump you are…doing such a monumentally egregious thing as exposing his unequal relationship to his unknowing AP.
You did such a horrible rotten thing to poor little husband…after all he just lied a little, cheated a little, exposed an unknowing (at least 2 women) partner to STI’s a little, destroyed his partner’s emotional and social support a little, wasted at least 2 people’s time and energy a little…
So glad you lost this tool!
Oh yea-What is it with the “you violated my privacy” thing-unoriginal assholes!!
On D-Day I was at cheater’s parent’s house with our son & his family waiting for him to show up for HIS father’s birthday party & he was late……supposedly golfing. He called me & told me he was dropping off his friend and would be there soon. My “spidey senses” were on full alert & I hit the Find my iPhone app-lo and behold he was down the street from where we were at a strip mall. I thought he was at the bar there but when I drove over there it turns out he was at the Asian hooker palace with his ridiculous mercedes (with personalized plates) parked right in front!! I parked behind his car & waited for him to come out.
First he tried to play it cool but I wasn’t having it. Once I showed him the ads for the place on Back Page that I had pulled up while I was waiting for him he started screaming at me that I had violated HIS privacy! The nerve! I told him that I thought our marriage was private….of course no response for that. Then he told me that I couldn’t make him talk, I agreed but told him I could make him single.
There was no going back after that-we were done. I had never used Find my iPhone on him before but its amazing how strong the voice inside is if you listen. Our phones had been linked with the same passcodes before D-Day but after he disconnected our iPhone links and changed all passcodes on his stuff because I couldn’t be trusted with HIS privacy dontcha know!!
Disordered fucker-
So glad he’s gone & I’m free
Got outrage from him when I emailed her and her husband, none of my business apparently! Gob smacked to say the least and yah just thought ‘who the fuck are you’
I too contacted the ex’s AP. Believe it or not, the AP offered to be a mediator in our situation! They were having an affair for 8 months and this guy was going to help me by mediating! I actually asked if he was serious and he was! He was concerned about the children and their parents divorcing. But he also told me “he had never had such a connection to someone like my wife and asked if we could possibly work something out”. I am not kidding. I was so stunned I didn’t know what to say so just said I would have to think about it. Yeah, I thought about it and filed for divorce.
WTF, who do they think they are to be so utterly patronising. Hope it ended in tears for these losers!!!
I got no reply from either slut face or her husband. I think the husband was ok with his wife skanking around!
She shut down her f book etc as she was ‘scared of me’ I made no further contact, not wasting my energy on that sad bitch. Google plus tag line ‘Life’s too short to be unhappy’
Deep as bird baths a the two of them!
Unbelievable!!! I read your post, scrolled down to keep reading, and was compelled to come back and reply. Shaking my head… Un-freaking-believable. These entitled idiots are delusional as well… living in their own world.
I’m still processing the original poster’s dude at WalMart at 11pm with the Britney Spears cake and cupcakes for his grown-ass OW Hooore. Damn. The lovebombing phase is really so effed up— it’s the only time narcs know how to get someone a decent gift, then they suddenly lose that ability! ???? And also, just wow, the sheer amazing coincidence of them both being at the same checkout at the same odd hour in order for Discovery to happen. It’s like God put them all there at that moment in order to show her, in very clear & unmistakeable terms, the evil nature of her husband.
My cheater STBXH left me, but I never got an official DDay, yet in hindsight all the cheating signs were there. Three weeks before he walked out, he planned a last-minute family weekend road trip to the beach, and booked a non-refundable hotel. I had been complaining to him about him ditching the kids and me repeatedly to spend so much of his free time with his coworker, who was clearly the AP. Turns out the AP’s Family was booked at the same hotel that same weekend, and my STBXH let me know, and said the AP’s spouse was trying to change the reservation because they knew I was uncomfortable (!!!). So I said, bluffing, “Hey, since the three of you have been discussing my discomfort behind my back instead of just you (my husband) asking me how I felt about it and wanted to handle it first, how could I possibly go on the trip now and spend any time with you all?” I backed out and told him to go without me, and …. he did. He actually went on the trip, which he wanted to do all along with his AP. He then instructed my then-9-year-old child to lie about going snorkeling with the AP. (This was actually great evidence in my divorce, which he filed for less than a month later.)
Whether it’s Britney Spears cakes (and the cupcakes to match!) or fake coincidental beach trips with the AP’s family, trust that they all suck and are weird freakazoids from hell masquerading as normal human beings.
I prayed for wisdom and vision in the days leading up to D-day. I prayed that God would send me messages like this! I pleaded for something bold and harsh… I needed a good kick in the teeth, a frying pan to the head, to truly understand the situation, so I could understand the futility of trying to work anything out. Standing in line behind my cheater at Walmart, while he purchases a Brittney Spears cake for his ho? Certainly fits the bill.
I, too, one night stayed up for hours praying for truth since I couldn’t get it from my husband.
Within a day, I get a message through my Facebook from an OW of his.
She and I were.in contact for about a week and she was very helpful for me in gathering evidence of his cheating, but also his narrative.
Journey – I agree. I needed and wanted something to hit me between the eyes to PROVE he was having an affair. I swore he wasn’t, so I over-looked so many red flags that it would cover the Red Sea. And, he got bolder, more confident. And, it seems I got stupider and stupider. Explaining away his absences, believing in his business stories, his fishing-buddies-story in Alaska (he doesn’t know how to fish); not to mention how convenient his affair was to carry on in front of me! She and her husband were great friends and we traveled continually on weekends to dog shows. Finally, a friend told me about Find My iPad…and 35 yrs was over just like that! Also, I found proof in a pair of her panties in the bottom quilts in our bed. That little bit of proof totally congealed it in my head. War began. Now I’m Meh 🙂
He was home for the day…supposed to be watching our toddler girls.
So that he could show her his “art gallery” he left our two girls strapped into their car seats on a 91 degree day with no ventilation while the car was parked in sunlight.
Three complete strangers broke my children out.
In the bizarre world of 50/50 family court, my divorce was finished 5 months later with me getting 70% physical. That was 6 years ago.
I’m so very grateful I’m no longer married to him
That is awful.
What a piece of shit.
Six years later, what’s the visitation like now? Is he Disney-dad, or ghost-dad
He is both. He still has 30 % so he sees them 2 days a week and then one weekend a month. But he doesn’t do much. Like tonight I’m,going to pick them up to do science fair projects.
He is remarried and has a new son so like most narcs he is very focused on the new sparkle thing.
I hope he did jail time. In my state that’s felony child endangerment.
There is no justice. He should have went to jail and been permitted only supervised visits with your children. So many children are being harmed by this 50/50 mania the courts have.