Tag: Universal Bullshit Translator

Clapping Back at Switzerland Friends

Dear Chump Lady, My ex-husband cheated and ran off with the nanny. According to my ‘friends’ and family, it’s all my fault and they knew …

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not a unicorn

UBT: ‘I’m Trying Right Now’

Dear Chump Lady: I am checking in for some support and encouragement as I enter the home stretch of leaving the cheater. The hoovering is …

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UBT: ‘You Were So Perfect, I Had to Cheat’

Usually cheaters run chumps down and blameshift their affairs. You Weren’t Meeting Their Needs. You suck. They love you, but just not in that clandestine-hooker-profile-rent-a-room kind of way. …

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UBT: Brent Sadler’s Douche Solidarity

If you cut Brent Sadler, does he not ooze? Sadler, has-been war correspondent in search of relevancy, wants the world to know that #HeToo has …

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UBT: ‘Respect My Relationship with the OW’

Dear Chump Lady, I’ve been divorced from my lying cheating ex since January 2016 after I found out he was cheating on me with his client. …

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UBT: “My Handling of Your Situation Is Beyond Fault”

Dear Chump Lady, A family member is divorcing her serial cheater and is attempting no contact. Below is a recent email from her not-soon-enough-to-be-ex that …

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ego kibbles

UBT: ‘I May Be His Mistress, But I’m Not a Homewrecker’

Another Lebkuchen-worthy submission to the Universal Bullshit Translator… Tis the season for over indulgence, so onward we go with Your Tango’s clickbait “I May Be …

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UBT: Will the Sex Get Boring?

Oh the horror should Schmoopie luv grow cold. An alert chump sent this advice column from The Times (UK) by Suzi Godson to the Universal …

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UBT: ‘Emotions at Many Times’

Hi Chump Lady, I was wondering if the Universal Bullshit Translator could help me translate this one. I was in a relationship for a year. …

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Ben Taylor

UBT: Narcissist Cheater Life Coach

Here’s a curious business plan: be a serial cheater, embrace your narcissism, and monetize that shit as a life coach. Ooh, where do I sign …

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UBT: ‘Accept My Truth’

Dear Chump Lady, My children, 4 and 7, and I had a talk the other day. I asked my son why he thought his parents …

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glorious asshole

UBT: The Sugar Daddy

New York magazine runs a feature called “Sex Diaries,” sort of like Penthouse forum but without the improving articles. Readers anonymously send in details of their …

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UBT: How to Get Proof They’re Cheating

People send a lot of dumb articles to the Universal Bullshit Translator, so it takes a whole lot of stupid for the UBT to be …

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UBT: ‘I Am Feeling Sad About This’

Dear Chump Lady, I was wondering if I could donate some extra Lebkuchen for the UBT for this one? This is about the 4th (I …

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I am not defined by my relationship.

UBT: I Know My Truth

Dear Chump Lady, I am 6 months post d-Day. My husband of 40 years finally has a move out date and I am starting to …

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UBT: My Husband’s Craigslist Ad

The Universal Bullshit Translator (UBT) gets some weird submissions, but this one stood out. Chumpified shared her husband’s Craigslist ad. Or, excuse me, one of …

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UBT: ‘I Wish You Were Still Nice’

The Universal Bullshit Translator gets a lot of “It’s not what I did, it’s how you reacted” pitchforked into it. Blameshifting lays around in piles. Why …

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The Unicorn of Reconciliation

UBT: The Mayo Clinic

The un-chumped people of the world sometimes think I exaggerate The Reconciliation Industrial Complex. When my book was first being pitched to publishers, this came …

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UBT: Leaving and Cleaving

Awhile ago, I got a request to UBT David Brooks’ word vomit “Leaving and Cleaving” — a missive in the New York Times to his dumped, chumped …

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UBT: “Thank You for Always Being There”

Dear Chump Lady, My ex-husband and I were together for ten years, married for one when he asked for a divorce. I was heartbroken and …

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