Tag: Universal Bullshit Translator
Clapping Back at Switzerland Friends
Dear Chump Lady, My ex-husband cheated and ran off with the nanny. According to my ‘friends’ and family, it’s all my fault and they knew …
UBT: ‘I’m Trying Right Now’
Dear Chump Lady: I am checking in for some support and encouragement as I enter the home stretch of leaving the cheater. The hoovering is …
UBT: ‘You Were So Perfect, I Had to Cheat’
Usually cheaters run chumps down and blameshift their affairs. You Weren’t Meeting Their Needs. You suck. They love you, but just not in that clandestine-hooker-profile-rent-a-room kind of way. …
UBT: Brent Sadler’s Douche Solidarity
If you cut Brent Sadler, does he not ooze? Sadler, has-been war correspondent in search of relevancy, wants the world to know that #HeToo has …
UBT: ‘Respect My Relationship with the OW’
Dear Chump Lady, I’ve been divorced from my lying cheating ex since January 2016 after I found out he was cheating on me with his client. …
UBT: “My Handling of Your Situation Is Beyond Fault”
Dear Chump Lady, A family member is divorcing her serial cheater and is attempting no contact. Below is a recent email from her not-soon-enough-to-be-ex that …
UBT: ‘I May Be His Mistress, But I’m Not a Homewrecker’
Another Lebkuchen-worthy submission to the Universal Bullshit Translator… Tis the season for over indulgence, so onward we go with Your Tango’s clickbait “I May Be …
UBT: Will the Sex Get Boring?
Oh the horror should Schmoopie luv grow cold. An alert chump sent this advice column from The Times (UK) by Suzi Godson to the Universal …
UBT: ‘Emotions at Many Times’
Hi Chump Lady, I was wondering if the Universal Bullshit Translator could help me translate this one. I was in a relationship for a year. …
UBT: Narcissist Cheater Life Coach
Here’s a curious business plan: be a serial cheater, embrace your narcissism, and monetize that shit as a life coach. Ooh, where do I sign …
UBT: ‘Accept My Truth’
Dear Chump Lady, My children, 4 and 7, and I had a talk the other day. I asked my son why he thought his parents …
UBT: The Sugar Daddy
New York magazine runs a feature called “Sex Diaries,” sort of like Penthouse forum but without the improving articles. Readers anonymously send in details of their …
UBT: How to Get Proof They’re Cheating
People send a lot of dumb articles to the Universal Bullshit Translator, so it takes a whole lot of stupid for the UBT to be …
UBT: ‘I Am Feeling Sad About This’
Dear Chump Lady, I was wondering if I could donate some extra Lebkuchen for the UBT for this one? This is about the 4th (I …
UBT: I Know My Truth
Dear Chump Lady, I am 6 months post d-Day. My husband of 40 years finally has a move out date and I am starting to …
UBT: My Husband’s Craigslist Ad
The Universal Bullshit Translator (UBT) gets some weird submissions, but this one stood out. Chumpified shared her husband’s Craigslist ad. Or, excuse me, one of …
UBT: ‘I Wish You Were Still Nice’
The Universal Bullshit Translator gets a lot of “It’s not what I did, it’s how you reacted” pitchforked into it. Blameshifting lays around in piles. Why …
UBT: The Mayo Clinic
The un-chumped people of the world sometimes think I exaggerate The Reconciliation Industrial Complex. When my book was first being pitched to publishers, this came …
UBT: Leaving and Cleaving
Awhile ago, I got a request to UBT David Brooks’ word vomit “Leaving and Cleaving” — a missive in the New York Times to his dumped, chumped …
UBT: “Thank You for Always Being There”
Dear Chump Lady, My ex-husband and I were together for ten years, married for one when he asked for a divorce. I was heartbroken and …
