Tell Me How You Suck

I have a confession. I make pasta wrong. Also coffee. Also stewed tomatoes. Moreover, I cannot properly close a drawer and because of this I am crazy and should be medicated.

These are just a few of the myriad ways in which I suck, according to fat, bald, thrice-divorced (although the body count could be higher by now) serial cheater.

Now, no one is perfect, least of all me. And every marriage has its tensions. But in six years of running this blog, it’s been startling to me to read all the wackadoodle reasons cheaters give for cheating on chumps.

“You served crab cakes for Thanksgiving dinner instead of turkey.”

“You never let me live out my dreams of being a deep-sea fisherman.”

“You don’t put your socks in the hamper.”

Yes, these sins just COMPELLED them to create dating profiles. Perhaps if you hadn’t been so libertine with those socks and tried harder this all wouldn’t have ended in tears.

Your Friday Challenge today is to tell me how you suck. The silly ways. The humiliating ways. And even, the true ways. NONE OF WHICH made them cheat on you.

I’ve said it a thousand times here, and I’ll say it again — anyone who is unhappy in a relationship has an entire decision tree of ethical options. There’s therapy, difficult conversations, and divorce lawyers. And you know what else? There’s spackle. They could overlook our faults the same way we overlook theirs, instead of using them as an excuse to raid the retirement accounts and fuck their Facebook crush. Your faults, real or imagined, did not compel them to cheat — their lousy character did.

So, CN — tell me how you suck.

If you can laugh at it, you can get past it.

And remember — if someone tells you you suck? Consider the source.

TGIF!

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SeeyaPeterPan
SeeyaPeterPan
5 years ago

“If you were a better mom, our baby wouldn’t have died.” Stbxh said to me promptly after he moved out, six weeks after I had a miscarriage.

joe
joe
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

Below is a copy of I text I just received from my STBXW after spending 4 days with her in Florida. I went down and slept in a separate room and we went out and ate as friends. We had been together for 28 years, married for 14. She had an affair 4 years ago. I’ve been living in the house with my 17 year old daughter (she just turned 18 and graduated the end of June. She’s moving in with her mother August 10th) and my 19 year old Suicidal son. My (I keep saying my, when it’s our) 30 yo daughter and her boyfriend have no where to live so they moving in with me. Sorry so long, here’s her text.
You piss me off with this shit. For a year you have told me you wanted the house , so I said you could out right have it. Several months ago you said you think you changed your mind, yet you have done nothing. This is one of the reasons we are no longer together. You cannot get anything done. Any kind of decision cripples you, and you do nothing. Once again, I will do that too. However, I’m going to want half of whatever the house brings in equity in addition to being reimbursed any costs to me to do this from 1000 miles away. Including required airfare and lodging that may be necessary for me to be there. You piss me off with this shit. For a year you have told me you wanted the house , so I said you could out right have it. Several months ago you said you think you changed your mind, yet you have done nothing. This is one of the reasons we are no longer together. You cannot get anything done. Any kind of decision cripples you, and you do nothing. Once again, I will do that too. However, I’m going to want half of whatever the house brings in equity in addition to being reimbursed any costs to me to do this from 1000 miles away. Including required airfare and lodging that may be necessary for me to be there. And I also never had any pet names for her. Can’t understand stand how someone that unhappy would stay in a relationship for almost 30 years.

joe
joe
5 years ago
Reply to  joe

Sorry I thought I was at the bottom

joe
joe
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

Sounds to me like you were pregnant with Lucifer’s child. I’m sorry he said that to you. God has a better life in store for you.

Lania
Lania
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

What a disgusting prick. Truly a sociopath!

Tessie
Tessie
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

This guy is just plain evil. What a horrible thing to say! I hope all his protruding parts fall off…… painfully. Great big hugs See ya.

Carol
Carol
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

Omg that’s horrible I’m so sorry you have such an awful ex husband, mine is also! I suck because I wanted to discipline our two kids and have boundaries. My son now nearly aged 12 is filled with anger because I’m the bad mother for wanting discipline and he’s addicted to violent video games!

Egans
Egans
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

“Why are you so needy?Get off my back!”
When I rang him at 4 am to say I’m having a miscarriage..
Had to wait till 6am to get a friend to mind my 6 yr old so I could get a taxi to hospital!

Stephanie
Stephanie
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

Whaaaaaaaaaaat a fucking COWARD. He said that because it was his best sucker punch–just a big fucking coward thing to say.

I learned this quote here at CL:

A gentleman will not insult me, and no man not a gentleman can insult me. Frederick Douglass

You see, that piece of shit that slinked out the door? He thought he could insult you. But he’s a piece of shit. Consider the source before you allow HIM to hurt you.

YOU know, that a GOOD MAN (as opposed to a coward) would NEVER in a MILLION YEARS take a parting shot like that. NEVER. And so, the fact that the piece of shit said that to you? It’s all the indication that he is a loser, trying to bring you down to his level.

Well, mama. Rise above. Put your head high. You are strong. You survived a terrible hurt, and you now are in a club of mothers that nobody wants to be in. But imagine the wisdom and comfort you will someday give to another mom who is crushed as you were by the loss of her child. You will say, “I know–it happened to me, too.” And in that way, you will wrap your arms around her when she suffers.

Compare you to him. He did. And he is so small, and he knows it, so he verbally assaulted you, and slithered away.

Good fucking riddance.

Hugs. I’m sorry for what you had to go through. I am glad he’s gone–he’s no good. Sometimes I am grateful for cheater bait. They are the people who deserve what they get.

ANON
ANON
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

Oh Jesus God. You win!!! Awful awful son of a bitch

RoseThorns
RoseThorns
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

When my awful XH returned the day after he walked out 2b with the OW he said, “…and I never wanted any God Damn kids!” Ours were 7 & 4 at the time. Note that we had gone through 2 years of infertility treatment to conceive the first one. Before beginning I asked him if he was sure he wanted a baby & that although I very much wanted kids, the last thing I ever wanted was to have them in a broken home. I told him divorce was not an option if we had kids so he better be 100% sure as I’d rather not have any then have them 2go through turmoil. (He had cheated 5 years before & after a year of Marriage Counseling & 4 more rebuilding & him retaking vows & recommitting to mistakingly believed we were forever but I needed extra assurance before having kids.) Iasked him a few more times during the 2 years of infertility treatment as well. Each time he said he wanted nothing more than kids together. He talked about having a “Daddy’s Little Girl” or a “Daddy’s Boy” just like him. He even had to made a 3 our round trip drive with me 3 times for artificial incemination. He couldn’t of showed he was more committed to having a child then that! Yet, 8 years & 2 kids later he says he never wanted kids?! WTF!?!
The night he walked out he said it was because I burned something in the oven (I lost track of time while bathing our kids & of course he never helped with them or with anything in the house, even though I’m disabled). He said me burning supper was “the last straw”. I found out later that he told the OW I never cooked for him. Though I admit I’m not a good cook, he hadn’t missed a meal in the 16 years we were together & he wouldn’t even make toast for himself.

Trying for Mighty
Trying for Mighty
5 years ago
Reply to  RoseThorns

It’s got nothing to do with whether he wanted kids or not. That was just the “stick in the knife and twist it around” way to hurt you. I’m convinced these fuckwits find just what they know will hurt you the most and then use it on you.

Alexandra
Alexandra
5 years ago

That’s exactly it!

RoseThorns
RoseThorns
5 years ago
Reply to  RoseThorns

Oh ya, after he left I discovered from computer search that he was creating profiles & “looking” AT LEAST since I was 5 months pregnant with our first! So much for him recommitting & being 100% sure he’d never ever even think about cheating on me again, especially not once we had kids. The bastard didn’t even make it through the prgnancy before cheating again! (Note that the profile he posted when I was 5 month prego was done while I was at the hospital with both the baby’s & my life at stake= doctors didn’t know if either of us would make it through the pregnancy). Guess he was shopping around just in case I didn’t make it, huh?!

The biggest contribution I ever made to society was talking XH into having a vasectomy after our second child. I had him do it because I had developed a lot of health issues, my life was at stake during both pregnancies, & I was 40 when I had my second. We had a girl & a boy so that was good. Little did I know he had been cheating for YEARS when he got the vasectomy. Like I said, talking him into getting one ended up being the single best thing I ever did for mankind!!! Lol

KarenK
KarenK
5 years ago
Reply to  RoseThorns

My ex had a vasectomy as well. I’m glad he can’t father a child, because he would need to give up his selfishness in order to be a good dad. I’m not so sure he’s willing to do that…

HollywoodChump
HollywoodChump
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

That is unspeakably cruel. Truly verbal abuse. No one deserves that, least of all you.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

Yup. That shows pretty clearly just how much he sucks.

Chumpful
Chumpful
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

I’m so sorry for the loss of your precious little one. I’m not sorry about that awful STBXH being out of your life. That is an unimaginably terrible thing to say. Lots of love to you.

Chumptydumpty
Chumptydumpty
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

Incredible!
Many years before Day, I was a bad mom for wanting to go out to dinner while my parents stayed home our 2 yr old daughter & week-old son. Shame on me for wanting a quiet dinner couple hrs alone with my darling husband before my parents flew out. I knew it’d be many months before I’d leave the baby with any other sitter.
Bad Mom was a recurring theme.
Funny how he didn’t think leaving his daughter stranded & worried while he got his jollies at the pleasure palace reflected on him as a father at all.

BeachAngel
BeachAngel
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

So sorry for the loss of your baby. Sending hugs.

Wormfree2017
Wormfree2017
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

What a worm! That’s like getting stabbed and he’s pouring lemon juice on your wound. I had a miscarriage also. It’s devastating.
I was blamed for our son turning to drugs. After I found out about his affair and shortly after D-day, we were driving to visit our son in rehab. I cried the entire 3 hour trip. After the first hour, the Worm turned to me and snapped, “How can you be so fucking selfish.”
I hate Worms….

Lovewarrior
Lovewarrior
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

Oh sweetheart! You have a whole Chump Nation hugging you right now! ????

lemonbirch
lemonbirch
5 years ago
Reply to  Lovewarrior

Yeah you do. Text me your address and I’ll happily come over right now and make dinner, do the laundry, then go clean up the kitchen while you watch a nice movie.

TheBestMe
TheBestMe
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

I am so sorry, that takes the reward for biggest asshole ever!

Mine went and got a vasectomy when my youngest was 3 (we had two sons) because I wanted another child and he decided I did not deserve one because I was a horrible mother. 11 years later I found out it was because he got his girlfriend (ex wife) pregnant and scared him. She never had a child so not sure if she lost it or if she lied…. did not even ask.

I was heartbroken for years and I sucked enough to actually think maybe there was some truth in his statement. I should have left his ass then.

No I think he sucks and sleep much better.

TheBestMe
TheBestMe
5 years ago
Reply to  TheBestMe

FYI – he abandoned those children into my care without a thought to my being a horrible mother. He has not seen or helped them in three years. They are find young men so I an thinking I was not the one that was a horrible parent.

I never understood how the flying monkeys buy that you are abusive and crazy to the cheater but it is ok that you have the kids. Crazy making.

NoMo
NoMo
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

What a prime example of the low mentality level of these fucksticks. Stupid stupid stupid. I am so sorry you had to go through that and the immature insults flung at you from the depths of idiocy

Bodhi
Bodhi
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

He is evil. That one takes the cake on how truly awful a human being can be. I hope you never take on his shit ever. Hugs to you!

mila
mila
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

I am so sorry you lost your baby. Not sorry that the sorry excuse of a human being is out of your life.

Tempest
Tempest
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

No one with even the shred of empathy could ever say that. What a horrible man.

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

((Hugs)))

DUDDERSGETSCHUMPED
DUDDERSGETSCHUMPED
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

Christ. That is horrific. No humour in that one. No one deserves that. Am reeling. I mean no words. Just support from the nation. That is god awful, cruel and vindictive. No excuses.

brandib
brandib
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

What a sorry POS. I hope he rots in hell for that terrible comment. I am so sorry for the loss of your child.

SeeyaPeterPan
SeeyaPeterPan
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

Edit: we do have several other children together from our marriage. So Grey rock is the best I’ve got.

Thank you all for your support. I know the loss was my not my fault. He is like a school yard bully.

nomorecamping
nomorecamping
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

So sorry he did that to you. Maybe it was actually his fault – the stress of living with him. We don’t realize how much stress we endure with them. It’s a constant strain on your physical and mental health.
Like our daughter says: Everything is everyone else’s fault but theirs.

MamaMeh
MamaMeh
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

Hey, Seeya, we can start a CN sub-committee! Apparently, he “had no choice” but to go to hookers and gay clubs, because it was three years after our daughter was killed in an accident and he “had no connection with me”.

Enough with my grief already! When can we get back to ME being centre of attention!!!

Was pregnant or breastfeeding for about 30 months of those three years. Oh and I was nearly killed in same accident. Oh and there was a coronial inquest, and a civil case (for which I had 6 psych assessments and had to get a PTSD diagnosis. That was to get money for seperate bedroom for eldest, as, too many babies by accident. Actually, last baby happened while using contraception but having heaps of sex as he told RIC he was being awful to me because feeling “sexually rejected”).

Anyways, he began cheating (hundreds of anonymous strangers) when youngest was babe-in-arms, revealed double life last year – after ten+ years of it. He’d been dosing up on Esther Perel and was confident that coming clean would “bring us closer together”.

Um, no.

Sarah
Sarah
5 years ago
Reply to  MamaMeh

All I can say Mama, thank dear God that inhuman piece of trash was ejected from your life
you need love and real friends. sorry to hear about this tragedy.

Chumpful
Chumpful
5 years ago
Reply to  MamaMeh

So sorry about the loss of your precious daughter. That man is unspeakably awful. You are an amazing, strong woman.

SeeyaPeterPan
SeeyaPeterPan
5 years ago
Reply to  MamaMeh

Mamameh,

I was left with jaw hanging after reading your comment. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this monster.

We have several children, so Grey rock is my only solace.

Mandie101
Mandie101
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

If his sperm hadn’t been addled from screwing around ….but no let’s not put any blame on him.
He’s a sorry shit seeya. A sorry piece of shit. ( I know you loved it. We all loved sorry pieces of shit.)

MamaMeh
MamaMeh
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

Yep, me too Seeya. Email only. Youngest about to turn 12 so only four more years of coping with mental. Reckon I’m getting there. Once you begin to see them as utterly deluded and absurd, it helps. Point and laugh, people, point and LAUGH!! CN helps so much. Hugs to you x

Caroline Bowman
Caroline Bowman
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

and yet only with the one you lost were you a terrible mother? How very interesting. By what rationale were you good enough for those other children you were presumably A-okay to bring forth, but yet not for the one you sadly lost. Also, however disastrously awful you are as a person, whatever level of rubbish mother you might be, you’re in excellent company BECAUSE something like 2 in 5 of *known* pregnancies end in the heartbreak and sadness of miscarriage. Almost as though, I don’t know, it’s unconnected with the terrible personalities of the mothers, weird!

My sincere condolences on your loss, what a dreadful time it must have been, all that and then him stabbing you in the heart.

smpav2016
smpav2016
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

Truly a evil man. Thank god he left. A horrible sad sack of shit. You did not deserve that or him!!!

Doingme
Doingme
5 years ago
Reply to  smpav2016

Seeya

That’s beyond adding insult to injury. The fires of hell will one day greet him.

So sorry for your loss.

Betrayal2trail
Betrayal2trail
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

So sorry.

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

OMG! This is so evil! Glad you are free of this creature. Thinking of you SPP!

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

What a despicable thing to say. 9th circle of hell, party of one! So glad this asshole is out of your life!

lldodd60
lldodd60
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

Fuck him Seeya. You are much better than that. There is a super special place in hell for men like him.

Triumphafterterror
Triumphafterterror
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

Omg, I’m so sorry. That’s absolutely awful. Losing a baby would be so devastating, but to be blamed for it is absolutely disgusting. (((Hugs)))

chutesandladders
chutesandladders
5 years ago

He sounds like a character from The Handmaids’ Tale.

I’m so sorry for the loss of your child. There is no greater loss.

UnchumpingMyself
UnchumpingMyself
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

Your ex wins the prize for THE sociopathic sick fuck of this site! What an asshole. So sorry for your loss. A million hugs to you!

MotherChumper99
MotherChumper99
5 years ago

There’s no Olympic of pain here and I think her X is utterly despicable but there is another chump that posts here who tracked down and murdered her darling precious son in an attempt to “show her whose boss”. That is the worst and beyond any words????????????????????????

MotherChumper99
MotherChumper99
5 years ago

Her X was the murderer. Sorry autocorrect erased my x.

Lania
Lania
5 years ago

You’re thinking of Tessie. Yes, its fucking horrific.

SeeyaPeterPan
SeeyaPeterPan
5 years ago

Unchumping…

Where do I collect my, I mean, his prize? ????

DebbieChump
DebbieChump
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

Seeya I wish there was a prize – like enough bitcoin for dark net to pay for a hit on his inhumane, disgusting , weak, vile self – we would be doing the rest of the human race a favour wiping him out …I know he is dad to your kiddos but …. still ..

Sara
Sara
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

I’m holding on to it for him but running into problems. For some reason, my city won’t let randos hack into the sewer system with a vactor truck. Plus I don’t think my trophy case is big enough… The largest drum barrel I can find is only 55 gallons. Too bad….

No Shit Cupcakes
No Shit Cupcakes
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

Pig-fucking son of a syphilis whore!

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
5 years ago

Well done.

Jennifer
Jennifer
5 years ago

Just when I thought I thought there were no words to describe what a revolting POS that guy is, you nailed it.

No Shit Cupcakes
No Shit Cupcakes
5 years ago
Reply to  Jennifer

Sadly, autocorrect messed it up. Syphilic whore.

Otherwise, please use it whenever necessary.

I doubt it’s part of the lexicon of Mehtopia, but I’m not there yet.

Julia
Julia
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

That is just plain nasty. Be glad you are shut of this horrible piece of goods.

TwoBlackCats
TwoBlackCats
5 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I didn’t keep my car clean enough (when asked my brother how dirty my car was he said 2/10).
I have a HORRIBLE sense of decor
(getting compliments on how my new place is decorated- all by me!).
I didn’t clean the backyard enough (this one was true ????).
If left to my own devices I would DESTROY our house (a Home was and still is my pride and joy).

I can laugh now but I actually internalized all of it for a good while and took some of the blame.

TwoBlackCats
TwoBlackCats
5 years ago
Reply to  TwoBlackCats

Oh crap! Sorry, I didn’t realize I was on a thread. Meant to be an individual comment.

SeeyaPeterPan
SeeyaPeterPan
5 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

You got it.

MidlifeBlast
MidlifeBlast
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

I was done on the first comment. Now I’m beyond done with how low some people can be.

I just can’t…..

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
5 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Wait. What? Even with kids, you need to be radially no contact with this hyena.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
5 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

*radically

I hate autocorrect.

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
5 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

Any and all kinds of No Contact,the path to the truth and the light for that guy.
Very few things here slap me across the face with their incredibly intentional hurtfulness but this guy takes my breath away.
I don’t know you seeya but I admire the strength you so obviously must have if that guy is still walking this earth.
Prayers for you and your children.

MissBailey
MissBailey
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

Unforgivable, cruel and mean. I am sorry that someone even uttered those words to you. Hugs to you.

Trying for Mighty
Trying for Mighty
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

I am so sorry for the hurt he inflicted on you with that comment. Truly heartless. You’re better off without that in your life.

Rebecca
Rebecca
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

My heart broke into a million pieces when I read this. I wish I could reach out and hug your pain away. I hope you are surrounded by people who keep telling you that isn’t true. If not, come here and we will support you!
I hope that the STBXH will be ex as soon as possible.
He really sucks!

AussieChump
AussieChump
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

I’m so sorry, SPP ???? That is absolutely disgusting! I’m sorry you lost your precious little one ????

Chumptastic
Chumptastic
5 years ago
Reply to  SeeyaPeterPan

Wow, no words!! That is the most hurtful thing in the world. What a complete and utter sociopath.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumptastic

I second that. We often say “you are better off,” but you Seeya, are better off without this terrible person.

Good Person
Good Person
5 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

Just a dirt bag.

AussieChump
AussieChump
5 years ago

I didn’t hold hands enough. (A lie, of course. And, it’s hard to hold hands with someone who walks 10 paces ahead of you ????)

I didn’t ‘honestly’ tell him how much I loved him. (Another lie. Every day. It should have been every minute, no doubt.)

Carol
Carol
5 years ago
Reply to  AussieChump

Omg that’s crazy the I love yous I know it’s never enough is it? Mine told me two years ago on vacation that is was “MY” job to keep him satisfied sexually as I was a stay at home mom. Like I’m not tired at the end of a 10 hour day, chasing after a toddler with ADHD, a 4 year old and running the house. According to him I did nothing all day the house cleans itself and dinner prepare itself!

KarenK
KarenK
5 years ago
Reply to  Carol

I heard a story where a husband came home to a house that was a war zone, no supper and the kids were running around the house not properly dressed. The husband asked “What happened!?” The wife replied: “You know how you always ask me what I do everyday? Well today, I didn’t do it.”

Whatringofhellisthis
Whatringofhellisthis
5 years ago
Reply to  AussieChump

I had the nerve to get on highways and not be able to text him fast enough when I was working. Which also means there was a period of 30 to 60 minutes some days during the week that I wasn’t thoroughly praising him and giving him enough attention. I got the “??????????” text and the “where the fuck are you did your fucking fingers fall off” text until I pulled over and texted him back. So when I discovered the OW work whore a year later he told me it’s because I was too busy for him so what else was he supposed to do. She texts back faster.

magical feelings
magical feelings
5 years ago

I didnt “worship” my wife enough, one of the first things she told me after I busted her, “He worshipped me”. He was cheating on his wife as well, my wife was convinced this guy was going to leave his wife for her, he didn’t. My child and I are 14 or so months out, I still cant figure out what was real or fantasy, but I certainly trust she sucks.

Chumptastic
Chumptastic
5 years ago

You left the cabinet doors open.
You settled in your career. You were so smart, you could have done so much more. (I have a masters degree and worked successfully for 30 years and raised our 2 children)
You talk too much.
Your dog is annoying.

Carol
Carol
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumptastic

Omg are you serious? Your a full time career mom and raised two kids successful and still not enough for the greedy ex! It’s unreal!

Chumptydumpty
Chumptydumpty
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumptastic

Yep, I ‘ love my dogs more than my kids!!’

Pat
Pat
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumptydumpty

Reminds me of the famous “ missing person “ poster on a telephone pole,
Missing Husband and Dog.
Reward for dog.

My moron did not feel “ appreciated “ in our the family of 5.
My reply was “ some days neither do I “.
But I didn’t cheat nor abandon my 3 kids and spouse.
My grass is greener right outside my front door.

RaffNoMore
RaffNoMore
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumptastic

OMG! I too left the cabinet doors open but I did it on purpose so he would hit his head on the open doors! I loved the dog more than him – well maybe that is true – but the dog was nicer to me. When I left his sorry ass on Christmas Day, I “took every living thing from the house” (kids and dog included). No, I left you there.

lemonbirch
lemonbirch
5 years ago
Reply to  RaffNoMore

Raff you did take every living thing. His heart may still be beating but its already cold.

MidlifeBlast
MidlifeBlast
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumptastic

Blame the dog, yes!!

UnchumpingMyself
UnchumpingMyself
5 years ago

Didn’t do my nails, didn’t wear foundation (schmoopie did all this right) and waxed my legs only once a month not twice a month. Didn’t cook non stop, didn’t tell him he was gorgeous non stop, wasn’t stupid (non-stop). ????

Carol
Carol
5 years ago

LOL, omg yup I know all about the cooking thing, your supposed to look like Heather Locklear everyday and be chained to a stove even though we all know Heather is wealthy and has hired help, lol

MidlifeBlast
MidlifeBlast
5 years ago

Ugh!! Bet you’re glad you didn’t now!!! This whole topic is making me see how unoriginal my pet idiot was.

I didn’t wear sexy underwear or…. blah blah blah. What a cheek from a man do selfish and boring in bed!!

UnchumpingMyself
UnchumpingMyself
5 years ago
Reply to  MidlifeBlast

Hear! Hear! I am free! Best feeling in the world. PS. Mine was boring in bed too. And selfish.

BowTie
BowTie
5 years ago

Sometimes when you compliment me it doesn’t sound sincere.

Carol39
Carol39
5 years ago
Reply to  BowTie

Oh, I know this one all too well. It’s a perfect accusation because you can’t PROVE anything. How do you prove sincerity? It doesn’t matter anymore that you did in fact compliment your spouse, because they can say you did it wrong.

My Cheater told me that sometimes I looked at him and he saw hatred in my eyes. I have no idea what he is talking about. But how do you prove you didn’t have hatred in your eyes? I didn’t say anything wrong or do anything wrong. It was just a look. But in his mind, it was excuse enough to look elsewhere because obviously I hated him. He saw it in my eyes. I think he was projecting, of course. The hatred was coming from him. How much could I have hated him? I never cheated.

Chumparound
Chumparound
5 years ago
Reply to  Carol39

Yep, same here. “You don’t even LIKE me! That look in your eyes is pure hatred!” Ummmm, no…. that would be hurt your seeing in my eyes and, if I’m being honest, maybe a smidge of resentment at the realization that my husband of 20 years was a pathological liar who had become fond of strip clubs AND had a newfound ‘Lifelong Dream’ to be an actor, and move to Hollywood to “take his shot at it”…… at 48 years old! Needless to say, he felt I was just not supportive enough and went and found a bimbo 22 years younger to be his groupie. Gag.

Avi
Avi
5 years ago
Reply to  Carol39

Oh my.. the cheater said the same EXACT thing about looking at him with hatred. I didn’t understand it either. I’m glad I’m not the only one who had that weird experience.

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
5 years ago
Reply to  BowTie

????

Boo hoo.

That’s pathetic.

Carol
Carol
5 years ago
Reply to  BowTie

LOL!????????????????????????????

Triumphafterterror
Triumphafterterror
5 years ago
Reply to  BowTie

I am laughing out loud too! That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard.

SeeyaPeterPan
SeeyaPeterPan
5 years ago
Reply to  BowTie

What, Bowtie? You didn’t that compliment meant to grovel at their feet?

brit
brit
5 years ago
Reply to  BowTie

BowTie, I burst out laughing reading yours, omg.. so funny. They’re all pathetic.
Here’s a few of my faults:

1) I parked too close to our house.
2) He said I never complemented him on his muscles, I then gave him complements but he compained
that I was patronizing him.
3) I never really loved him.
4). I left cupboard doors open.
5). I wasn’t June Cleaver, she’s the perfect Mom and housewife in the sitcom from the 50’s “Leave it to
Beaver.”
6) He no longer felt butterflies in his stomach when we were together ( married 20 years) we aren’t
teenagers.

6)

Lola Granola
Lola Granola
5 years ago
Reply to  brit

I was told that I didn’t make him FEEL in love with me. He wanted to feel fireworks and rainbows, and I just didn’t have that effect on him.

I should also have been busty, slim, dark-haired, emotionally unavailable, obsessed with the same things he was obsessed with, undemanding, less intelligent, more intelligent, less attentive, more attentive, and (I suspect) male, and/or a blood relative.

If only I had tried harder.

(sips tea; continues reading book in peace and quiet in own home, blissfully free of closet gay weirdo hyperreligious cheater for over four years now)

Chumparound
Chumparound
5 years ago
Reply to  Lola Granola

Bwaaaahahaha!! …… “and (I suspect) male, and/or a blood relative.”…. Was so not expecting that, nearly shot coffee across the room! Love the added visual of you peacefully sipping tea!! Congrats on 4 years free!

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
5 years ago
Reply to  brit

The butterflies comment is such a tipoff of an immature narcissist. It’s all about the “feels” and nothing about shared experience, history, friendship, comfort or companionship. I wouldn’t care if I never felt butterflies. Lovely creatures but they are so short-lived.

magical feelings
magical feelings
5 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

Butterflies, yep, I guess the “excitement” of sneaking around doesn’t compare to trust, commitment and being faithful. It really is a show of character.

MotherChumper99
MotherChumper99
5 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

Scientists have studied those feelings, which are called limerence, and they are produced from hormones, and they only last, at most 9-18 months. Knowing these facts helped me understand how banal and commonplace X’s twu luv with whore de jour was. It’s been 4 years for them now and those “feelings” wore off long ago. Baahaahaaa ????????????????????

NorthernLight
NorthernLight
5 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

Mine said he felt “sparks” for the OW but it was the same butterfly-type idea.

Rising from the Ashes
Rising from the Ashes
5 years ago
Reply to  brit

I got the June Clever too! I told my mom about it and she said June Clever couldn’t be June Clever if it was in real life, that’s why it’s TV.

FindingBliss
FindingBliss
5 years ago
Reply to  brit

Yep, I couldn’t compliment him correctly either. If I said nice things too often, I was insincere and patronizing. If I omitted it, I made him feel bad.

But above all, I breastfed wrong. How he knew this, I don’t know. But he would look at me nursing our daughter and tell me I was doing it all wrong.

Oh, and I cleaned the house wrong. If I picked up after the slob/hoarder, I was emasculating him, as in his mind, I was secretly pointing out how inadequate he was. If I didn’t dust, I was a terrible housekeeper.

I didn’t do sex right either. If I tried to initiate, the answer was always no. If I waited patiently, I was “cold as ice.”

Basically, you are made to keep trying harder while they enjoy the game of changing the “rules” of the relationship,whereby if you had just done what they are going to think up next, they might have treated you decently. Meanwhile, they are selfish, self-absorbed freaks.

I’m SO HAPPY to be free of him!

Lania
Lania
5 years ago
Reply to  FindingBliss

Consistently moving the goalposts – its the first rule of anyone who is disordered.

They do this precisely to keep you off balance. You can never win with these lunatics.

Triumphafterterror
Triumphafterterror
5 years ago
Reply to  FindingBliss

Breastfeeding wrong???? Wth . . . as if he would know.

I also cleaned wrong. Early on in our marriage, the ex actually “introduced” me to a sponge, because he figured I didn’t really know what one was. I am not a sloppy person either, I just don’t notice every little speck of dust/crumbs/whatever. I was so inadequate on every level by the end . . .

KarenK
KarenK
5 years ago

I got in trouble for leaving a little bit of blood on the inner edge of the toilet bowl. Apparently, his female friend* noticed it too and was grossed out by it. Well, if y’all don’t like it, clean it. Also, I was not allowed to fold his laundry because I did it wrong. I decided to let that one go, it did get me out of having to fold his laundry…

*with benefits, apparently

Idle hands
Idle hands
5 years ago
Reply to  FindingBliss

Omg, HIM telling YOU that u r breast feeding wrong is fucking hysterical! We really can’t make this stuff up!

Chumpiness
Chumpiness
5 years ago
Reply to  FindingBliss

Yes, I too sucked because I could not figure out when the rules changed and adapt accordingly. I used to stress constantly about doing things the “right” way, now I just try not to pull a muscle when I roll my eyes. ????

Now I.C.
Now I.C.
5 years ago
Reply to  brit

When I once told my X asshat that I was proud of him, he replied in a sing-songy, snarky voice, “Ooooohhhh, you’re PROUD of me! I fucking hate that!”

I had written the sentiment in a sweet card, attached to a basket of more than a dozen interesting/exotic/foreign beers that I had hand picked (he had just won a big contract at work). I think he imagined that being told I was proud of him reminded him of being his mom or something. So yeah, he ruined it for both of us. Couldn’t pull his head out of his ass for even a moment to have empathy that I had #1, never been told he didn’t like that phrase, and #2, had just given him true praise for a job well done. Nope, even when it was all about him he had to make sure to put me in my place with the abuse.

Clearly I was an inadequate cheerleader even though he freely admits he never would have accomplished a fraction of what he did in his career if I had not been standing beside him reminding him that he can do anything in the world he puts his mind to, and that I would be forever there to support him in the process. What a bitch I was.

Sarah
Sarah
5 years ago
Reply to  Now I.C.

Now I C, you are just lovely and amazing. I felt sad to read your post. He should have been gratefu, nasty. No spirit of marriage.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago
Reply to  brit

I wasn’t a cross between June Cleaver and Glam girl but he knew me when he married me.

lldodd60
lldodd60
5 years ago
Reply to  brit

Oh I got number 6 too! We were married 28.

Caroline Bowman
Caroline Bowman
5 years ago
Reply to  lldodd60

well I’m sorry, but no butterflies? That’s a hanging offence. Seriously, pull yourself together, just because you’ve been together decades is no reason not to be brand-newly together as young, collagen-filled ingenues, WELL IS IT?

Why are they so stupid and shortsighted?

lemonbirch
lemonbirch
5 years ago

CB they are not stupid and they are not shortsighted. They are crafty like evil toddlers constantly pushing to see just where your boundary is, what is too much for you? Will you haul their ass to MC the first time you have an issue, or can they push it clear to bringing home a hooker for a 3-way like Roger Vadim did to Jane Fonda, and most likely his other four wives as well.

Nothing stupid about checking to see how your cake supply is holding up.

Abinormal
Abinormal
5 years ago

I didn’t always get the mail. I didn’t love him because I didn’t see how unhappy he was….which I asked for a year of something was wrong. I didn’t have a baby with him…but he never said anything/discussed it, and never would go near/touch a kid. He never got to live on his own, never gets “him” time. And so forth.

Robin
Robin
5 years ago

You’re not confident enough. You’re too messy. I’m not attracted to you (except I am if I imagine that I don’t know you). Mindfuck!
(Oh, also you weigh 10 lbs too much – because apparently I am supposed to really enjoy food and not have neurotic body issues – unlike previous girlfriend with eating disorder – but also keep myself perfectly trim and fit and I guess ‘mysterious’ and ‘hot!’)

Carol
Carol
5 years ago
Reply to  Robin

I love it Robin!????????????????????

Idle hands
Idle hands
5 years ago
Reply to  Robin

Because ridiculing someone for lacking confidence really helps solve the situation!

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago
Reply to  Idle hands

Yup. I got that one too. I even told him point blank that he had a role to play in my confidence levels. Totally lost on him.

CC
CC
5 years ago
Reply to  Robin

I also was too messy. In fact he would often tell me I tricked him in to marrying me because he thought I was a cleaner person and my messiness was single-handedly ruining the house (not the fact that he had invested nothing in repairs for over a decade). I should have been more organized!!! Of course, any time I tried to be organized he wouldn’t follow it and thus would undo it all…

Eats an apple
Eats an apple
5 years ago
Reply to  CC

I didn’t pick up the cat hair enough – that’s why he cheated. It meant I didn’t care about him.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago
Reply to  Eats an apple

I didn’t notice and deal with the smudges on the tops of the door frames.

ozchic
ozchic
5 years ago
Reply to  Robin

10 pounds!!! Oh no!!! How did you get out of bed every day!!!! Just crazy!

ozchic
ozchic
5 years ago

My lovely ex chump husband was told by his first wife that she cheated because he changed the words to songs in an immature fashion ie “Don’t Go Breaking My Fart” Or a “Little Ray of Bumshine”. Apparently, he also messed the clothes up in drawers when he searched through them!! My ex husband cheated on me because I was always too involved with our 4 small children and I was never awake when he returned home from “work” at 11 pm.

Carol
Carol
5 years ago
Reply to  ozchic

OMG I would be so pissed off! Some of these men don’t have a CLUE!

BlueChumparoo
BlueChumparoo
5 years ago

I was “selfish” because I wouldn’t “let his BF wife into our bed”……ummm….#1 she hates your guts…..#2 I’m 100% heterosexual…….#3 It’s your BF WIFE?!…..#4 she doesn’t even want her own husband to put his penis in her vagina……..so….NO!

him:
“I thought you would change!” (after I asked him why, why, why in true chump fashion)
me:
“How? How did you think I would change?” (because ditto above, I would do anything)
him:
blank stare…..

I’m “too” sensitive.
I’m a “prude” (see above) and also no swinging, wife swapping, adultfriendfinder…..I’m such a pill.
I do too much for other people…..probably true….in the past.

Carol
Carol
5 years ago
Reply to  BlueChumparoo

OMG swinging? Now that wins the prize!

Triumphafterterror
Triumphafterterror
5 years ago
Reply to  BlueChumparoo

I was also too senstive . . . wouldn’t consider swinging, no rear-entry sex, I wasn’t spontaneous about anything. Blah blah blah

Julia
Julia
5 years ago

I wasn’t “trim enough” at 5’3″ tall and 126 lbs.

I didn’t wear enough black underwear. (how can you wear black underwear under a white uniform ??!)

I was “too independent”, so he couldn’t do enough for me. (This was the guy who couldn’t even remember to post a letter or wash up a coffee cup)

I didn’t do housework bra-less (as he awas never around when I was cleaning, someone please figure that one out)

If we’d had kids he wouldn’t have cheated (I told him I didn’t want kids before we got married and gave him the option to walk away if he didn’t agree. He stayed.)

Carol
Carol
5 years ago
Reply to  Julia

LOL, I love it housecleaning, “BRA LESS”!????????????????????????????????????

Whatringofhellisthis
Whatringofhellisthis
5 years ago
Reply to  Julia

Me too. If I only cooked and cleaned in a garter and heels then I would have kept his attention and “kept him wrapped around my finger”. If I only said “wrap your big arms around me” when he came home from work I would have been greeted with a kiss and not him saying “hey what’s up” and walking past me. If I wore skirts then he wouldnt have collected whores from online sites. If I looked super slutty and flashy everyday but also invisible and didn’t have an opinion then things would have worked out. If I could remember to only turm one light on at a time then I wouldn’t light his fire and make him pissed off.

Rebecca
Rebecca
5 years ago

I suck because…oh, wait, I’m wonderful?!?

That’s right. He sent me and the kids a letter from the AP’s apartment (didn’t know there was an AP much less an apartment) telling us what an amazing woman and mother I am.

WTF?

He had no response when my lawyer had that as page #1 at his deposition.

Drew
Drew
5 years ago
Reply to  Rebecca

This!????

No Shit Cupcakes
No Shit Cupcakes
5 years ago

“If you were a good mother you would quit your job instead of paying for the kids to go to a summer camp.”

Said by the man who I outearned, and totally disregarding that my job provided our health insurance.

Carol
Carol
5 years ago

Typical shit yup you cannot win for trying!

Now I.C.
Now I.C.
5 years ago

I have many words about career issues. My X was an engineer, made plenty of money and worked in exotic foreign locations and did interesting stuff. I am an engineer too, went back to school after kids so X had a 7 year “head start” on his career vs mine. Despite him out-earning me for all but the last 3 years of the 28-year marriage, he forever was worried I would catch up. He accused me of cheating with guys at work, screamed at me on the phone when I had to work late one night (people in the room could hear him screaming at me). Eventually I out-earned him and today earn at least 30% more than he does. Poor boo.

I got to the point that I couldn’t tell him what I made and had could never share the delight of large bonuses, they just got tossed into savings and never mentioned. I had incredible amounts of extra tax withholding in order to pay our huge annual tax bill while he always under-withheld. It made my paychecks smaller than his though. I can’t believe the amount of abuse I took from this asshole about my job. 100% of what I brought in was for us, there was never a “mine.” But he was a jealous prick. And it wasn’t even that he somehow thought my success somehow made him less-than, because he was doing just fine on his own. It was that he didn’t want me to succeed, period. My success somehow was threatening to him even though our combined income made us wealthy. And post-abandonment that was among the reasons he thought I was awful: that I had told him he was wrong to treat me so terribly about my career. He didn’t want to be told he was wrong about that.

So of course he chose a Schmoopie accountant half his age. It will take her a long time to catch up and he can always look down on her for her job being so much less important than his. Big man.

Good riddance. Now to find a guy who doesn’t care that I have money and is fine that I can rebuild a carburetor.

pecan
pecan
5 years ago
Reply to  Now I.C.

seriously though kudos for making such a success of your career after having kids.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
5 years ago
Reply to  Now I.C.

Like that thing that is going around, Men (people) of quality aren’t threatened by women (people) of equality.

Bad grammar, good point.

Drew
Drew
5 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

Truth. When spouses compete, it’s often a red flag. They should be happy, supportive, cheering us on; after all, aren’t we on the same team?! Not so, to the disordered. They even compete with (belittle, sabatoge, etc.) their own children. Definitely not okay.

DivineComedy
DivineComedy
5 years ago

What crap! My ex also put me down for starting a career!

NotMyFault
NotMyFault
5 years ago
Reply to  DivineComedy

My ex actually said that when I went back to work ( after 10 years as a SAHM) HIS standard of living went down. I guess he lost some sense of control. During my stay at home time, he actually said ” if we divorce, his lifestyle would improve while mine would decline”. And yet, he continually accused me of being jealous of him. Me thinks it was the other way around!

Gonegirl
Gonegirl
5 years ago
Reply to  NotMyFault

My ex said, “You make more money than me.” My response, “Of course I will make more money than you, I have two masters degrees and you barely finished high school!”

My ex MIL-“If you were nicer to him, this wouldn’t have happened.” My response, “You are the one who hired the whore!” OW is a Howorker in the family business.

KarenK
KarenK
5 years ago
Reply to  Gonegirl

Urggggh! My ex MIL blameshifted too. I can’t see why these men would act so entitled and bratty when their mothers enable their entitlement mentality. And did that really start now because of us or were they enabling these men since infancy…hmmmm…

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
5 years ago
Reply to  DivineComedy

We’re harder to control when we have resources of our own.

Whatringofhellisthis
Whatringofhellisthis
5 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

This is so true. The more money I made, the harder he went to convince me that I bring nothing to the table. I figured if he’s telling me I don’t make enough money then I’ll get a 2nd job. After the interview he went into a rage accusing me of sleeping with the owner of the business because how else would I get the owner to interview me rather than a manager? umm dumbass because I was wayyy over qualified for the 2nd job I was trying to get to make extra money for us. He made such a scene that I turned down the offer. Looking back what happened was that he didn’t feel he could control my 2nd income like he did my regular job, so he would rather we didn’t even have that income. He made sure the credit card that I had would never be paid off by throwing a fit if I made a payment. Yet the one in his name was paid in full every single month of our marriage. The day i left him I paid my credit card off 5 minutes later with my paycheck. He was enraged.

Nomorecamping
Nomorecamping
5 years ago

Mine told me I had a shit job. I made almost the same hourly rate as him ( he had tbe ability to make more hours). I had him and our child under my insurance (he has to pay his own now through his work)…. etc. Etc. They say cruel things because they are so low and cowardly.

No Shit Cupcakes
No Shit Cupcakes
5 years ago
Reply to  DivineComedy

I hope you vigorously and swiftly broomed his ads to the curb!

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
5 years ago

I didn’t take a day off from work (with no notice) to drop off/pick up his highness for one of two vanity surgeries. I did the drop off pick up thing for one of them but I had notice. He compared me to a co-worker who “walked through fire for her husband” during his brain cancer treatments. You know because that’s the same thing as elective, vanity surgery.

It’s also important to note that I had time off scheduled a month later for this but his doctor changed the date at the last minute but since I didn’t re-arrange my whole schedule at the drop of a hat, he had to cheat.

I also didn’t berate him when he “lost” his wedding ring. I helped him look for it for hours and he seemed genuinely upset so I guess piling on with some badgering from me would have helped the situation…..NOT

Egads! I sure suck!!

Gonegirl
Gonegirl
5 years ago
Reply to  cheaterssuck

My eyes are rolling back in my head.

Comparing brain cancer to vanity surgery…does he know you can DIE from brain cancer?

DivineComedy
DivineComedy
5 years ago

I didn’t tell him “I love you” 50 times per day. (Yes at one time he tried to give me a quota oh how many times to say that phrase a day. I also didn’t sit right beside him on the couch. I got a “job which took away from the family.” I didn’t hug and kiss him enough. I was a “reversed sexist” because I expected him to do his share of the housework. Oh so many things…..

MovingOn
MovingOn
5 years ago

‘You wouldn’t French kiss me in public.’

RefusesToBeStupid
RefusesToBeStupid
5 years ago
Reply to  MovingOn

????????nothing against the act, but in public. Did he ask for visible hickey’s?

MovingOn
MovingOn
5 years ago

He tried that once. I never let him again!

lldodd60
lldodd60
5 years ago

You are too fat, I thought you were going to die – Cinderella is much more overweight than I.
You yell for the kids to come rather than go and get them.
We have no interests in common – Prince Charming always objected to doing things I enjoyed.
You and the boys shut me out – Prince Charming needed to be home to participate.
You don’t keep the house as clean and uncluttered as my mother.
I spent too much money – let’s talk about all the wood working tools you never use at our home and the camping equipment…
I wasn’t content being his jack off toy.
I expected(!) him to pay a little bit of attention to me before we hit the sheets and wanted a bit of foreplay. The nerve of me to even give him suggestions on how to make sex better for me! It was all about him taking 2 mins to get off.
I could go on but ya know I find I have slipped back into my old self and am much happier and so are my sons. And vibrators are a great invention.

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
5 years ago
Reply to  lldodd60

Sounds like a Two Pump Chump ! Wham, bam thank you ma’am-how loving and sensual ! Not !

lldodd60
lldodd60
5 years ago
Reply to  lldodd60

Oh one more – MY taste in music sucked because I didn’t want 38 Special, Alabama, Ann Murray, Hank Williams Jr. and other country music acts plus how dare I not want bluegrass music playing 24/7 in the background.

Attie
Attie
5 years ago
Reply to  lldodd60

Yikes – all that bloody country music/blue grass. You must have been married to my ex. I could take it one time – but the first 15 bars played over and over and over again so he could twang away on the guitar!!!!! Aaaarrrgghghhh – I used to quite like country music until then!

Now I.C.
Now I.C.
5 years ago
Reply to  Attie

My X had a guitar in every room, honestly he had about 7 of them. He would sit wherever and twang away at them, same few bars over and over. Never played a song all the way, always the frustrated wanna be rockstar. Didn’t matter if anyone else was in the room doing something, there he would sit, twanga-twanga fumble fingers.

I hated it. I put up with it for 3 decades. I didn’t cheat.

KarenK
KarenK
5 years ago
Reply to  Now I.C.

Only 7 guitars? My ex had your ex beat by quite a bit…

Now I.C.
Now I.C.
5 years ago
Reply to  KarenK

Oh, I am so sorry for you. That sucks!

Attie
Attie
5 years ago
Reply to  Now I.C.

When my ex moved back to the States I think he had 7-8 guitars and left probably 3 here. He paid over $3,000 in excess baggage – all that for a tone deaf twat who sounds like he is torturing a car! And ditto about never finishing a song!

Attie
Attie
5 years ago
Reply to  Attie

Torturing a cat – not a car – although he could probably have murdered one of them too with his screeching!

brit
brit
5 years ago
Reply to  Attie

This thread reminded me of another fault I had or have. I laugh easily, at one time he and I laughed at the same things and I thought we shared the same sense of humer..
Mine had too much free time on his hands, I think at that time there was an infomercial on teaching yourself to play the harmonica.
One day I came home and walked in on practicing the harmonica with a music book set up on a music stand and I laughed..
I didn’t realize the seriousness of his learning to play the harmonica.
If looks could kill I’d be dead.

Lady B
Lady B
5 years ago
Reply to  Attie

Mine was a drummer, completely annoying and had a bongo he could play the same beat on. He would play it to impress people, them not realising that 30 seconds was the extent of his talent. When our first was born we lived in a small two bed apartment, the other room was his ‘studio’ so bub slept in our room, which was large. I was way to accomodating of his creative hobby.

Not2DaySatan
Not2DaySatan
5 years ago

I suck in the following ways:
– I didn’t let him have a girlfriend on the side during our 20 year marriage.
– after the first time he cheated (7 years ago) I insisted having an all access pass to all his social and email accounts as well as imposing a “no lock code” on all cell phones and computers.
– I spent way too much time with our only child, making the Narc feel insecure and unspecial
– I didn’t readily forgive Narc-O-pot-O-mus immediately and made him suffer for 7 long years as I did my best to heal and learn to trust him again.
– I expected him to come home at night.????????‍♀️
– I didn’t understand why he “NEEDED” to have female friends I’ve never met and he refused to introduce me to.
– I didn’t understand the need for us to take separate vacations ????
– I began to set boundaries and began to take care of my self.
– I discovered his year long affair with a girl half his and my age. ????????????????‍♀️
– I sucker punched him with evidence of his year long affair publicly in front of our employees, customers, clients, financial professionals and friends.????????????????????????????????????????
– I made him leave our family home and continue to refuse him any access what so ever. GTFO
– I suck at cooking
– I suck at not being his mom
– I suck bc I expect a 43 yo man to adult
– I suck bc I don’t drink heavily daily and harsh his mellow when I complain when he does it.
– I suck bc I don’t see the benefit of allowing him to blow our child’s college fund on whores and bitches
– I suck bc “it don’t have to be like this, if you just let me do what I want and don’t ask questions you can still have this same lifestyle… just let me have my friends whom you don’t need to know.”

Yeah…. I’m not the one who sucks here.

lemonbirch
lemonbirch
5 years ago
Reply to  Not2DaySatan

I am from the midwest and am a skilled driver. Severe weather conditions deserve respect and get plenty of it from me. One neighbor left for work in the morning and died in an icy car accident. A colleague came home one winter night, slipped and fell in his backyard, and froze to death. I sucked because I defended the use of salt and brine on snowy, icy roads. Some jurisdictions use gravel or sand which are preferable environmentally but which also don’t really work.

His position was that these preventable traffic deaths were an acceptable price to pay because salt and brine could be detrimental to your livelihood if you are a fisherman.

I also sucked because I defended the state’s authority to order people to stay off the roads in severe weather, and — suckiest of all — refused to agree that speed limits should not apply to him.

It was laughable, the lengths he would go to in his rules-don’t-apply-to-me fantasy league.

lldodd60
lldodd60
5 years ago
Reply to  Not2DaySatan

Not2DaySatan – your list is almost a continuation of mine! Embrace the you!

Jessica
Jessica
5 years ago

All I could think about was my health. Doesn’t matter that I had been living with chronic pain for years at that point and he knew that very well. No, I put too much energy into fixing my bite and posture and gave him too little admiration. Doesn’t matter that I moved for him, he left me to my devices all day, knowing I had a whole life to build for myself and he’d be away all day and at night “too tired” to have sex or spend time together that wasn’t watching Embarrassing Bodies on tv while he routinely feel asleep without saying goodnight. I felt abandoned, because I was. While he was living the dream of being “awesome team leader” and going out with female coworkers. I know it sounds small, maybe, but the devil is in the details.

MamaMeh
MamaMeh
5 years ago
Reply to  Jessica

Fell asleep without saying goodnight. Yes. Much less be intimate.

Smear campaign about how he’s highly sexed and a “Physical
Person” and I just wasn’t etc – except would be snoring by the time I’d cleaned my teeth and washed my face. After four babies, of course I drew conclusions about my lack of desireability.

But of course my fault he cheated as am so sexless.

Overwhelmed
Overwhelmed
5 years ago
Reply to  MamaMeh

I am married to the same man. Every point you made, that was my life. I have three kids, not four, only difference.
I would occasionally fall asleep without saying goodnight, and I did not initiate sex enough.
I was feeling pretty bad about my body because of comments he made about other women.
After trying out other sluts, he has finally found one who has no kids and loves fillers, Botox, etc.

Triumphafterterror
Triumphafterterror
5 years ago

Hahaha!! I don’t know how to close drawers either!! Or keep the toothbrush plugged in. I didn’t do the laundry fast enough (apparently there is a time limit on how soon the clothes should be folded & put away. No points for just having CLEAN CLOTHES??). I was also a vegetarian, but always made my own dinner along with sparkledicks. Apparently that was a huge drag for him though!!
The final straw was my diagnosis with a rare auto-immune disease. I was put on too many medications (to manage the disease) and he couldn’t watch me take all those pills. Besides, when discussing divorce (before I knew about the OWhore) he actually said “you can get Obama Care, it will be great!!”

MamaMeh
MamaMeh
5 years ago

Eeeew. Do you really expect him to watch u take all those meds?!? For heaven’s sakes, be realistic woman!! ????

Triumphafterterror
Triumphafterterror
5 years ago
Reply to  MamaMeh

I know, I’m so horribly self-centered. I also got “too sick” for him to deal with. Turns out HE was the one making me so sick, because my health really rebounded when I kicked his ass out!!

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
5 years ago

I wouldn’t let our 140 lb Great Pyrenees lie on our couch like I “let” the cats (because I like the cats more than the dog) and I made him (the dog) nervous which is why he’d pee in the house and on the furniture.

We had three kids. A boy and 2 girls. The boy died and the girls were born after that. I failed to have another boy.

I made his son feel bad and was waaaaaay out of line, when he left a bunch of his belongings in the spare bedroom and I asked him to box them up before his visit was over. (I have no recollection of this) His son was a grown up and in college.

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
5 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

Oh, In an attempt to communicate, I wrote him a couple of emails, one in 2011 and another in 2012 that apparently were the beginning of our demise… because he brought them up as a reason he no longer wanted to stay with me as he was making his exit in 2016.

He was going to school (and failing, even though he was “studying” so hard…. yeah, it was hard all right, which is largely why he was failing) and working 12 hour shifts and would have to take care of the kids when I went to MY job as a night cook after caring for the kids and taking care of the house all day….So he was doing “everything”

I couldn’t get him to repair ANYTHING unless it was absolutely necessary.

He’d get mad at me for not having my busy teenagers mow the law in the summer while 9 mos pregnant…. and he made NO move to mow EVER….

I had too many “Facebook relationships” and I liked social media more than him. (As he was screwing strange)

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
5 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

I never got “I’ll always love you” or the “ILYBINILWY”

I got “I’m trying really hard not to hate you.”

So fuck him, I gave him plenty of reasons to hate me now. Why the fuck should I “pick me dance” just so he doesn’t hate me???

Trying for Mighty
Trying for Mighty
5 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

Maybe a biology lesson was in order so the asswipe could understand it’s his sperm that determines the sex of a baby. (Not to imply that boys are more valuable than girls!)

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
5 years ago

He also blamed me for the baby dying. He didn’t say that, because what would that make HIM look like? To accuse the mother of a dead child? But he did. I didn’t have a sonogram when I should have which would have found the defect and we ‘might’ have been able to do something…

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
5 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

I posted this before I read the posts above me from Seeya and MamaMeh. I’m really sorry that happened to you both. No one should ever be blamed for that.

I hope no one thinks I was trying to jump on the bandwagon of the topic and looking for sympathy. Had I been courteous and read before I posted, I wouldn’t have posted that. Sorry!

Caroline Bowman
Caroline Bowman
5 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

of course the very saddest thing is that there are some issues that are sex-specific and these most often common to boys as they form in utero. This may have had zero to do with your particular situation of course, but girl babies statistically are more likely to survive and thrive. Boys, amazingly are apparently fragile little creatures! I have 3 boys and would have loved a daughter of course, but the idea of ”not giving my husband” a child of a specific sex is medieval and revolting. My condolences on the loss of your little son, you must have been heartbroken and with not much by way of support and kindness x

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
5 years ago

He swears and declares he loves our girls…but he wishes the second was a boy. I could hear it in his voice when the sonogram showed she was a girl and he has sulked over it ever since.

And he now a new baby with the wife appliance… a girl.

I was SO glad he did not get a boy… petty but true. I would have struggled much much more.

MovingOn
MovingOn
5 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

My sister and my relationship with our step mother (by the way, she wasn’t the reason for my parents’ divorce) improved dramatically after she gave birth to a son. Although I resented the idea that this gave her one up on my mother, it did make for an easier life.

MamaMeh
MamaMeh
5 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

Sunflower now you are in the club with me and Seeya. Women who made their men cheat because dead child. Obviously!!

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
5 years ago
Reply to  MamaMeh

It’s a sucky club that no one wants membership of….

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
5 years ago

I sucked because I accused him of having an affair with a married mother of three. It was simultaneously unforgivable and true.

Sketchyokgirl
Sketchyokgirl
5 years ago

I folded his jeans the wrong way and didn’t smile anymore.

RememberMe
RememberMe
5 years ago
Reply to  Sketchyokgirl

I never took the time to learn how to properly fold fitted sheets. (I was basically a single parent while he worked and played, I worked full time, and did all the shopping cooking and cleaning. Happy kids, healthy food, house is always fairly clean….Sue me if the fitted sheets are kind of bunched together so I can do it all) Sometime after his first affair started, he watched a video, and then whenever the laundry came out, he would make a big deal of folding the sheets perfectly. Oh and he would pick his clothes out and fold them neatly, while throwing anything that belonged to me or the kids back in the pile.

Shortly after we were married, I remember overhearing him in the kitchen telling his hoarder mother, whose house is literally a disgusting mess, with unstable paths through rooms and 5 dogs 4 cats and pet surprises everywhere, as they looked concerned over “fatty” bacon I’d purchased that “I don’t notice things like they do; I don’t have their eye for detail.” ???? thank goodness I don’t have “their eye;” I’m a functional human being! After he moved out, I noticed life became so much easier for me. How sad is that, he did very little to help! Now without his laundry, criticism, and “eye for detail,” the kids and I have more fun, and we work less but love our home! Without his “eye” I’ve transformed our house and yard into a creatively beautiful home that reflects us! People can’t believe what we’ve done on a shoestring, because his “eye” isn’t always disliking things! When he picks the kids up for his 2 hours a week dinner (all he can fit into his busy schedule I guess but I’m not complaining) he always manages to straighten a picture on the wall or “notice” that our dog is shedding a lot right now, isn’t he? Good riddance! I didn’t realize how small I tried to make myself (literally and figuratively) for 20 years to try to please him! Now I’m 10 pounds heavier and 100 pounds happier!

ChumpedButHappierNow
ChumpedButHappierNow
5 years ago
Reply to  RememberMe

Don’t let his ass in the house during pick-up/drop-off. Then he doesn’t have to worry about the dog hair.

cashmere
cashmere
5 years ago
Reply to  RememberMe

It probably wouldn’t be good to trust anyone who wields the dark magic required to fold fitted sheets into neat squares.

coolinmn
coolinmn
5 years ago
Reply to  cashmere

I thought you needed a uterus to fold clothes…
????

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago
Reply to  cashmere

Ex could do it. Hmm. That explains a lot.

NotMyFault
NotMyFault
5 years ago
Reply to  Sketchyokgirl

My ex complained to his mother that I wanted the towels folded a certain way. Yeah, in a way that they fit in the closet! As he never did a load of laundry, I don’t think he folded towels more than twice ( in 36 years).

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
5 years ago
Reply to  NotMyFault

LOL… I dated a guy where I had to teach him to fold towels “the right way”

I admit, the towel thing drives me batty. I’m sure I’m not marriage material because of it. ????????????????????

I broke it off last fall and I’m sure he won’t fold the towels correctly out of sheerness spite now. LOL

NotAnyMore
NotAnyMore
5 years ago

I was a terrible housekeeper. Just awful. Really, you would think that a woman who could work three jobs simultaneously, plus do all the cooking and shopping and laundry and lawn mowing and snow shoveling, would have been able to keep on top of a minor thing like cleaning the house!

But I am happy to report that since I began solo living I have mended my ways….I still do all the cooking and shopping and laundry and lawn mowing and snow shoveling, but now the house is always clean and tidy too! Amazing what happens when you only have to work one job to pay the bills. Lose a cheater, find out where all your time and money have been going! ????

Whodoesthat
Whodoesthat
5 years ago
Reply to  NotAnyMore

Mine would moan that my job (paying the massive mortgage ) was not worth the petrol money getting to work. … go figure when the same salary was taking care of his 3 kids and bills while he cried about having to pay the mortgage after abandoning us over night then within weeks of leaving dumping us out of the house too. Obviously it was all my fault because in my grief of ending a 25 yr relationship i didnt move quick enough to sell the house in a tanking market. Well i didnt want us to be homeless. Shoot me. My cardinal sin in the relationship was that i made all the decisions and controlled him . Nothing could be farther from the truth but it freaked me out he actually believed this to be true. Wtf.

RememberMe
RememberMe
5 years ago
Reply to  NotAnyMore

Yes!

brandib
brandib
5 years ago
Reply to  NotAnyMore

Yeah, I was a terrible housekeeper, too. Well, I guess if you consider a pile of paid bills stacked in the corner of the kitchen counter poor housekeeping, then I guess I’m guilty. I mean, besides working full time, taking care of the kids & the house, the laundry, the cooking, the outside chores he had me helping him with, that stack of papers meant our house was filthy. I got around to filing them away & shredding what wasn’t needed anymore, of course with no help from him, and then went paperless on everything & paid everything online. He still continued to cheat. Then when the divorce came up, he was upset because everything was paid online & he didn’t have the papers to go back through to see how to pay bills. Oops, sorry…

nomorecamping
nomorecamping
5 years ago
Reply to  NotAnyMore

Mine stormed through the living room in a rage because I was a terrible house keeper. I took a picture and sent it to my friend, laughing, because the living room was clean except for some of his clutter. He was just raging to have any excuse to go see his gf.

We were camping and he was blaring Buck Cherry’s song Crazy Bitch. I’m a prude because I went and turned it off. Our 7 year old daughter was right there. He couldn’t understand what was wrong with the song.

After our daughter was born and I had an episiotomy and bad reaction to the spinal – my legs were so stiff and sore I could barely walk – we went to counseling because I was not in the mood for sex all the time. I thought of a nature show I saw about Koalas. The mother just gave birth and here comes the male persistently trying to mate with her. She was angry fighting him off . I totally related to that little Koala.

They are idiots.

oldcrone
oldcrone
5 years ago
Reply to  nomorecamping

Nomorecamping, your anecdote about the demand for sex after childbirth reminded me of an incident after our first (huge) son was born. I also had an episiotomy, but his head was so big that I was literally torn open “from stem to stern” in the doctor’s words. As he was stitching me back together, the nurse exclaimed that she had never seen so many stitches after childbirth. Guess who wanted sex 2 days later and pouted when I said I wasn’t ready? There were no words of concern or offers of help from Golden D##k, just a demand for sex. He also did this after the other two births, after surgery to remove an imbedded IUD and after a six-hour vaginal surgery that turned into an emergency abdominal surgery. I’d say he sucked but I had to, to appease him. He has needs, don’t cha know?

KarenK
KarenK
5 years ago
Reply to  oldcrone

I thought you weren’t supposed to have sex for six weeks after child birth? I know you’re supposed to take a break for six weeks after a hysterectomy. I was already divorced when I found out I had severe recurrent cervical dysplasia and needed a hysterectomy to avoid cancer. I felt relieved at not needing to worry about having sex while going through all that. Ex informed me after his first affair that we weren’t having sex often enough because it was ONLY 2-3 times a week every week. (Bear in mind I wasn’t saying no, I was just hoping to eat a little bit first because sex took hours). Now he needed it 3 times a day, even though he could easily “pound away” for 2 hours at a time…

Sure honey, I would LOVE to be painfully sore and not have enough time to sleep so I can commute to work sleep deprived and risk getting in a car accident.

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
5 years ago
Reply to  oldcrone

LOL… I dated a guy where I had to teach him to fold towels “the right way”

I admit, the towel thing drives me batty. I’m sure I’m not marriage material because of it. ????????????????????

I broke it off last fall and I’m sure he won’t fold the towels correctly out of sheerness spite now. LOL

Nomorecamping
Nomorecamping
5 years ago
Reply to  oldcrone

Oh man, I’m so sorry. I hope you are doing much better now. I hope life is nice and peaceful.

I like being alone now. When I was young I was never alone for long. But over 2-1/2 years now…. I’m ok if I’m alone forever. Hugs

Cupcake
Cupcake
5 years ago
Reply to  NotAnyMore

Truth!

WisedUp
WisedUp
5 years ago

I had children. He knew this when he met me, and 1.5 years after meeting, with tears in his eyes asked me to move into his house with my children because he “wanted to be a family” with us.
At D-Day, kids had been grown up and all three had moved out five years prior to D-Day.
When he told me that OW would be a better girlfriend because “No Children!” he snarled, I replied that there had been no children living in our house for 5 years – he immediately retorted, “And that’s another thing! All those TRIPS to [City where kids lived]!” so…. if kids were some horrible thing, but you wanted to be in a family… but they had been gone for 5 years…. but taking a 4 hour trip 2-3 times a year was so offensive and objectionable, such a burden to him that he was compelled to cheat.

No sense trying to make sense of the disordered’s word salad. They say whatever pops into their heads.
Friends said Clusterfuck also told them he wanted to be with OW because they had both attended the same college at different times over 25 years ago, they never knew each other but apparently it made him feel a bond with her. By that reasoning I should have had affairs with every guy that attended my college, right? My bad for not attending vanilla midwest ag school that OW had attended.

Oh and: “she makes me feel like a real man!” (“You don’t!”) but also, “she sees the lost little boy in me!”
No sense, cuz it’s all self-serving NONsense!

Anita
Anita
5 years ago
Reply to  WisedUp

Oh, my, about attending the same college. I got the whole “it’s not wrong that she’s my special friend!” because they lived in the same apartments about 25 or 30 years ago. That is a special bond you just can’t compete with.

So I told him that under his reasoning, it’s OK to sneak around with anyone you have worked with, or lived near, or basically known in a superficial way in the past? Apparently, he thought so.

lemonbirch
lemonbirch
5 years ago
Reply to  WisedUp

I sucked because I wasn’t her. He didn’t know her before that drunken night when he bellied up to the bar with his stack of crisp dollar bills in search of pole pussy. But, turns out, “She challenges me, she praises me, she rewards me, she completes me.” I sucked because I thought he wanted a loving life partner but in fact it was obedience lessons he was after (note to self: go to PetSmart and buy one of those clicker things to keep in the nightstand).

Oh, almost forgot. I also sucked because I wanted him to have teeth. He had lower teeth but no uppers (at age 40). He came into some money and could afford to get dental implants but wouldn’t. He had dentures but couldn’t wear them because …. yes, you know it’s coming …. he is so different, and so special, that dentures don’t work for him!!!! Oh my, his precious palate contours simply cannot be accommodated like a normal person’s.

WisedUp
WisedUp
5 years ago
Reply to  lemonbirch

OMG, the teeth!! You know, I never really noticed that Clusterfuck had gray and crooked teeth. Then later after seeing photos of OW showing her with gray and crooked teeth, and realized he had them too!! crooked in the same places.

JWH
JWH
5 years ago

I didn’t give him a hard time when he stopped wearing his wedding ring. Well as his fingers were getting larger I figured he didn’t want to risk gangrene. Or that he had reasons to remove it due to work (scrubbing in for surgery all day long). Nope. He was testing me. Trusting him to talk to me if he was unhappy before he started to chat up other women never occurred to him.

So, he had to cheat because I trusted him.

What a crap-ton of crazy.

GracieD
GracieD
5 years ago
Reply to  JWH

Acording to mine, he cheated because I didn’t trust him enough!

Trying for Mighty
Trying for Mighty
5 years ago

I made him feel the house wasn’t his and he didn’t have any space there. Never mind that he had the entire basement for his music studio and equipment (but kept ordering more and never cleaned, so it became crowded and unpleasant to be there), that he took over the couch in the living room and sat there every morning and every evening for hours watching tv, so I couldn’t do anything in the room, and that he had the entire master bedroom for himself (I moved out of the bedroom to sleep on a mattress on the floor of my study after he began masturbating in bed next to me at night; this gave me one foot on three sides of the mattress to walk in, and I couldn’t open the closet). And let’s not forget that he never did any maintenance, repair work, or yard or garden work (other than mowing, and only then once our son moved out to go to college). He made it clear over and over that he was uncommitted to me, our marriage, and to the home we were supposed to be making together.

But mostly, it wasn’t what I did or didn’t do. It was just who I was.

Unexpectedchumpiness
Unexpectedchumpiness
5 years ago

That’s right. It’s just who you are—
Fatal flaw. Can’t be changed. Must leave.

catharsis2017
catharsis2017
5 years ago