The 3 Douchiest Things You Don’t Miss

doucheToday’s column was my husband’s idea. We’re knee-deep in a move, going through decades worth of stuff, and having a lot of “WTF did I see in that assemblage of old cell phone cables?” moments.

So, in the spirit of Taking Out the Trash, what are the three douchiest, most awful non-infidelity-related things you won’t or don’t miss about your ex?

Sure, we can all say “the hooker habit” or the gaslighting. I’m talking about the little things that make your douche the douchiest of douches. That sets him or her apart from the pack.

  1. Draped his pants over a chair the minute he walked in the door.
  2. Asked for help shaving his back hair.
  3. Ate a copious amount of discount frozen pizzas.

When you love, you overlook. No one’s perfect, of course. But divorce liberates you from their revolting lace doily decorating whims and Franklin Mint commemorative plates.

What’s not to miss?

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sadlady15
sadlady15
8 years ago

Not little but stealing my retirement money, his snoring, not coming in for dinner (he preferred drinking with his flying monkeys in the shop)

IHaveHate
IHaveHate
8 years ago
Reply to  sadlady15

And as we go down the list of 501 responses, it clarifies to me why opposites SHOULDN’T attract! Find someone with your same standards!

ChumpB
ChumpB
8 years ago
Reply to  sadlady15

1. Being judged.
2. Walking on eggshells and wondering what mood he would come home in.
3. Dirt. Everywhere dirt, marks on the walls, furniture, dirty pants sitting on couches, the smell of beer breathe.

lovinglife
lovinglife
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpB

1. Lying and deceit
2. Cheating
3. Negativity

Chumped in Chicago
Chumped in Chicago
8 years ago

1. Sat almost on top of me while he was on the phone and I was reading or watching something on tv
2. Leaving a mess (i.e. honey all over the counter) until I got home.
3. LEAVING THE HOUSE AND LEAVING HIS POOP IN THE TOILET – Like it was a present for me when I walked in the door from work.

Homerunmama
Homerunmama
8 years ago

Yep……had one of those “flush-avoidant” ones. He would also hock up huge green wads of snot and either leave them on the shower floor, or in the bathroom sink for me to clean up. I started using the kids’ bathroom instead. He also like to put his dirty dishes in the sink with food still on them……and he had to walk right by the trash an to do it.

stuntchump
stuntchump
8 years ago

1. Mine did not do #3, he was a scrupulous flusher, BUT (see what I did there?) he had an anal fistula (SEXY! lucky OW!) which means he essentially had a second asshole (well, a third if you count the OW) so he would take forever in the bathroom and use rolls of toilet paper at one time. It was so hard to keep the bathroom stocked. There were always preparation H wipes packets around — he always carries them with him.

2. Never says please or thank you. If I would ask him if he would like a cup of coffee, or a beer, he would say “I won’t say no” which he thought was cute I guess, but I would say, Could you just say “Yes, please” “Yes thanks” or even “That would be nice?” He never would. Somehow he always made accepting something I offered into a favor to me…

3. He washes like an otter. He would wash his face every night but never used a face cloth. The vanity and mirror where always streaked with water — sometimes he would wipe down the vanity, almost never the mirror and when he did, it would manage to be worse.

deedee
deedee
8 years ago
Reply to  stuntchump

Somehow he always made accepting something I offered into a favor to me…

*GASP* I though my ex-hole boyfriend was the only one! He’d always say crap like, “if you’d like to take the dog for a walk, I’d be ok with that”. Or “If you want to pay for half of the dog’s medical expenses, that would be fine”. As if he were doing me a favour by “allowing” me to do him a favour. I’d often blow up and yell, “why can’t you just ASK me to do something for you like a normal person?” But he couldn’t master that particular normal bit of human interaction. Disordered ass.

OutWest
OutWest
8 years ago
Reply to  stuntchump

Mine did not verbally ask, he would place items: empty toothpaste tubes, deodorant, dry-cleaning out and expect me to replace or do…never a thank you, or a please. I remember several conversations about it. His narcissistic father did the same…

ANR
ANR
8 years ago
Reply to  stuntchump

Oh, my God! #2 in spades. My exwife is Polish, and if it hadn’t been for my very polite mother-in-law I would have sworn that Polish didn’t have words for please or thanks.

Crimson Comet
Crimson Comet
8 years ago
Reply to  stuntchump

@ stuntchump: To go with your item #2, my ex habitually would ask us to do something by the phrasing, “Would you like to….?” Such as “Would you like to get me a sandwich?” Instead of please, or even just “would you”. I hated it. And this is a minor fault on a very long list of egregious faults.

ANR
ANR
8 years ago
Reply to  Crimson Comet

I got this, too. “Would you like to vacuum, keep the children busy and make dinner while I go to the gym?” That’s if she bothered to ask, or give any indication when she’d be back.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
8 years ago

Hahaha! Mine used to want me to come in and see how impressively he had pooped. Eeediot.

Rarity
Rarity
8 years ago

“Leaving poop in the toilet”

My XH did this a few months ago when he was picking up the kids. Stopped to use our bathroom and let his shit In there stinking it up.

Flushing is hard, amirite?

deedee
deedee
8 years ago
Reply to  Rarity

Oh, yes. Flushing is hard. Not leaving skid marks on the toilet seat is hard, too. Picking up granola bar wrappers off the kitchen floor is also hard. So is tossing out banana peels. It’s so haaaard to take a banana peel off the couch and place it in the garbage can. How can anyone expect that sort of hardship from these delicate snowflakes?? Wiping greasy Thai takeout spills off the kitchen counter is also really, really harrrrd.

And it’s much easier to leave 5 days’-worth of cereal bowls & spoons on the f**king window-ledge in the living room, rather than to put them in the sink. Not WASH them, mind you. Just place them into the sink for someone else to wash. That’s hard. .

It’s hard to tell the truth. Hard to not be 3 hours late when you say you’ll be home at 7pm, but show up at 10. Extra-crispy hard to apologize for being 3 hours late, too! How dare anyone expect decency from these precious flowers!!

I can go on. And on and on and on. For days. Maybe one day I will.

Shared address
Shared address
7 years ago
Reply to  deedee

Arrrrrgh!

Added difficulty : not to place used undies in laundry basket, when U can leave them on kitchen table! 2m difference in distance and a door. Cannot bend to pick dropped anything from floor.

Cannot pour coffee and wipe spillings. Incapable of any contact w cleaning utensils.

Life full of limitstions and despair of being an adult. I feel for him (NOT).

ringinonmyownbell
ringinonmyownbell
8 years ago
Reply to  deedee

This is giving me nightmares… deedee, we were married to the same pig. Mine used the livingroom like a compost heap. It was disgusting, left apple cores, orange peels, banana peels everywhere. I swore we would get rats. He taught the kids to do it too. It was just part of his passive agressive fun to watch my frustration. You are not the boss of me. Skid marks on the undies, beard trimmings in the sink and lord knows what else. Hated to brush his teeth. Hated to do it. Said that the apple he just ate in the living room and left the core there, was as good as brushing. His teeth are beyond peridontal disease bone is showing. So gross and disgusting. Ooh and he had a mass of crusty gray moley things on his back that really old people get, kindly called wisdom spots. Don’t miss one part of him, not one part of him at all. Lazy as the day is long. Good luck CFMily, that pig is all yours.

HeLovesMeHeLovesMeNot
HeLovesMeHeLovesMeNot
8 years ago

#2 and #3 here also!! Honey and chocolate syrup all over the counter, and never could manage to wipe it up and place the spoon in the sink right beside it. And the poop surprises…always! But of course he just “forgot to flush”. Isn’t “wipe, flush and wash you hands afterwards” taught to us during potty training?

Reformednumpty
Reformednumpty
8 years ago

Mine couldn’t’ clear either – always had to shout to me for help like a child. He could never tidy up after making one of his “fantastic” meal either.

UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
8 years ago
Reply to  Reformednumpty

Yep, same here. If I cooked, I had to clean up. If he cooked, I had to clean up. Ass!!!!

NarcFreeZone
NarcFreeZone
8 years ago

Same here. He cooked all of about 3 times while we were married. I went on strike and stopped cooking for almost a year because my then-husband refused to help with any chores. After he got sick of eating out all the time, he begged me to cook meals again and promised to take out the garbage and vacuum the house once a week (while I still did the rest of the housework, plus worked full-time and took care of the bills). He lasted 3 weeks and couldn’t keep up with the TWO things he said he’d do! I went back on strike after that.

UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
8 years ago
Reply to  NarcFreeZone

I wonder about that with his OWife now-a-days…It seems they eat out a lot when our daughter visits. Either he’s showing off what a big spender he is, or our daughter doesn’t like her cooking, either way it’s not my problem any longer.

When we were together, I cooked 95% of the time, and it was a constant, “Anything you can do, I can do better” nonsense. Whenever he tried to improve on something I had made previously ( see previous comment about grape jelly in my chili!!!!), it never tasted as good to me. He espouses to be a former chef to a certain extent- doesn’t have the paperwork, but says he has the skills/experiences.

Diddy
Diddy
8 years ago

Eww, eww, eww to #3!!!

gepster
gepster
8 years ago
Reply to  Diddy

WTF is it with cheaters and leaving a bowl full of shit in the bathroom?! I’ve seen SO many people mention that, myself included. To me that just indicates a total lack of respect. Either that or I think it’s some kind of outward manifestation of their inner 2 year old emotional self.

Heather
Heather
8 years ago
Reply to  gepster

Oh me too! Had no idea the dump in the toilet was such a common thing!

Also, earth shattering snoring. I was the one to sleep in the living room!

And his problem with a double stream peeing until adequate pressure built up. Never did he clean it up until I made a big issue after stepping in it barefooted!

KeepAwayNarcs
KeepAwayNarcs
8 years ago
Reply to  Heather

I’ve forgotten about the “double-stream” peeing! One ex-boyfriend demonstrated his technique to avoid that .. holding and rolling the tip before urinating, to get the opening from sticking together and not end up spraying all over. I was so fascinated by this (since us gals have different equipment and ways to maintain), but then I wondered: Don’t their fathers or older brothers teach little boys these things? Or maybe physical ed teachers? In my day, it was our woman PE teachers that taught us about the monthly cycles and how to use pads or tampons.

Chris
Chris
8 years ago
Reply to  gepster

I never knew that that was part of it! It’s a common problem. He says that he’s flushed but that his poos float back up and I’ve believed him for decades!!!!

Kaf
Kaf
8 years ago
Reply to  gepster

Wow – thank you for putting that perspective on it. Mine had explosive IBS for the last 15 years and the only time he ever cleaned out the bowl was when his family was coming in town to visit. He always left it for me to do and he knew I hated it

GladItsOver
GladItsOver
8 years ago
Reply to  gepster

My ex would always shit with the bathroom door open, like I really wanted to see him sitting there. Sometimes he would want me to come into the bathroom to admire an exceptionally large/long turd in the toilet before he flushed.

Kar marie
Kar marie
8 years ago
Reply to  GladItsOver

Asswipe didnt show me but boy do i still have to hear about morning poops or lack there of. Sheesh what is it with guys and their shitting habits. So many are like this. Is it a mommy thing to tell your spouse? Creepy!

Michael.
Michael.
8 years ago
Reply to  gepster

1. Blaming her self-image disorder on me and accusing me of thinking things I didn’t think.
2. Having temper tantrums and picking fights over worthless stuff, which ruined many occasions including valentines and our honeymoon.
3. Not liking my ideas but had none of her own to offer, usually over food.

UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
8 years ago
Reply to  Michael.

OMG, you TOOO!?!?!?!

Yessssss, when it came to cooking (except for baking, he knew I was better), he had this “Anything you can do, I can do better” mentality— it was EXHAUSTING!!!!

One time, he cooked a batch of chili that came out so nasty I wouldn’t eat it and he was PISSED that I didn’t like it — he put grape jelly in the chili!!!!! It was SO nasty I refused to eat another bite, and he was stuck with about 5-7 gallons of that shit. He even tried to take it to work and no one at work liked it either, so he had to throw it away, assssssss!!!!

Any real, new idea I had he pissed on, but if he came up with an idea, oh boy I better think he re-invented the wheel or I was just stupid and narrow-thinking!!!

Cletus
Cletus
8 years ago
Reply to  Michael.

Right there with you…Always something wrong with every nice thing we did…vacations, dinners, events always had to disappointing and dramatic!

sephage
sephage
8 years ago
Reply to  Michael.

“accusing me of thinking things I didn’t think”

Man, I got that same lame shit ALL of the time from my cheating STBXW!

Cheater: “Your motives were [ whatever the fuck craziness she was thinking ]!!!!”

Me: “Whaaa?”

ramonthedog
ramonthedog
8 years ago
Reply to  Michael.

#3 every time.

Michael.
Michael.
8 years ago
Reply to  Michael.

Woops! Hit the wrong reply button

Michael.
Michael.
8 years ago
Reply to  gepster

That’s a thing?

CAGal
CAGal
8 years ago
Reply to  Michael.

Sure is – mine is constantly telling me about what happens when he takes a shit, or that he has bowel troubles or laughing like a kid about farting. And his sister is a little the same way. Like I was always raised that if someone had farted, even if you smelled it… well no need to comment. I was somewhere with his sister recently and someone in the car farted I guess – and she would not let up trying to figure out who it was. Fortunately we eventually passed a port-a-potty and that was blamed as the offending specimen. I was like “Jesus Christ lady. What is it with all of you discussion of intestinal issues? It’s a normal thing, just drop it.”

just another chump
just another chump
8 years ago
Reply to  CAGal

OMG the whole bathroom lack of respect thing. I so don not miss hearing him having a dump or pee with the door wide open. He would sit in the downstairs bathroom off the living room area with the door wide open so he could hear his shows. So bloody gross, and he always had friggin skid marks on his laundry…learn to shut the damn door and wipe yourself!!!!!

Roberta
Roberta
8 years ago
Reply to  Michael.

Apparently Micheal! I read a “sexy” little email between Schmoopie and my Ex discussing in detail the “floater” someone left in the toilet! It was disgusting to me, but this 53 yr. old woman and 60 yr. old man thought it was the most entertaining conversation EVER!

Michael.
Michael.
8 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

I thought you said 5 and 3 year old.

Roberta
Roberta
8 years ago
Reply to  Michael.

Michael, most true adults would think they were a preschool age, but I would vote for pre-teen judging from the sext messages! I used to vomit (really) and barely be able to breathe reading that BS! Now, if I need a good laugh I just read the crap they wrote! I sometimes “role” play using foreign accents like dramatic actors! It’s even funnier!

Gypsy57
Gypsy57
8 years ago
Reply to  gepster

Mine use to CALL ME IN to the bathroom and look at what he did in the toilet!

I read somewhere that narcissists are often fascinated with their own bodily “functions”. And we’re supposed to be JUST as fascinated…

Not on my list, but still…

ThatGirl
ThatGirl
8 years ago
Reply to  Gypsy57

Yes. This must be one of the signs of a crazy cheater, bowel movement obsession.

Mine was obsessed with his too. He had very specific bathroom rituals. He had to completely undress, have reading materials. Left the door open so I could be serenaded by his loud bowel movements that would last a very long time. And sometimes he would “forget” to flush. Eye roll. Oh and the lovely skid marks, in his underwear on our bed sheets. I sure miss that. NOT.

brit
brit
8 years ago
Reply to  Gypsy57

I wonder what it is with these freaks and their obsession with their bodily functions? His entire family including his sisters were obsessed. It made me wonder if they had been sexually molested as children.
Disgusting and crude. Every get family get together the conversation would ultimately turn to defecating, flatulence, and gross stories of memorable bowl movements. X and his brother actually recorded themselves farting.. they would play the recording over and over and laugh hysterically.
As entertainment during family get togethers, including holidays such as Christmas the boys would play their special recording for everyone to enjoy. I could believe the he roaring laughter of his family.
Now that I think about it that was the only time I remember them happy and laughing. Each family member would share a personal poop story for more entertainment. They would then recall older poop stories which had been told over a thousand times before. Funny family stories of how X left his poop in the toilet for his sisters, and their boyfriends, they would be in tears laughing at the same story I know I heard a million times. I was in a wedding party with one of his sisters, as we were waiting with the groomsman, there was an appetizer table set up with a plate of shrimp. Some one offered her some shrimp, instead of being polite and saying, “no, thank you.” she responded in her load raspy voice, “hell no, Shrimp gives me the shits.” then she proceeded to tell everyone her past shit blow outs she had after eating shrimp. She didn’t know any of the other wedding party members other than me, and it was mixed company.
Freaks, so glad I’m away from them and their family traditions.

nic
nic
8 years ago
Reply to  brit

Omg I’m laughing so hard right now. My in laws could never answer politely either. “Where’s Jason (nephew)?” Was never answered “he’ll be right down!” It was always “he’s pinching one off” or “he’s dropping the kids off at the pool” or “he’s laying a cable – tried Indian last night then polished off a bag of starbursts!”

It was so crass and gross.

Mystique
Mystique
8 years ago
Reply to  brit

You guys. I am in tears reading this. Needed the laugh today. My list would include snoring,extreme bad breath and uncontrollable nose hair, which would result in fits of rage if I ever even “hinted” at ways to remedy these things… Maybe that’s why he cheated? Because I nagged a little about nose hair?

Chris
Chris
8 years ago
Reply to  Mystique

Mine is the same! I never knew that that was part of the narcissism! Yup, gets angry I dare to mention constant bad breath, nose hair,etc

Free Vixen
Free Vixen
8 years ago
Reply to  Gypsy57

Ew. Just EW. Aren’t you disappointed that he’s now sharing his fecal accomplishments with another lucky lady? 😉

Hesatthecurb
Hesatthecurb
8 years ago
Reply to  Free Vixen

@FreeVixen—-ROFLMAO ‘fecal accomplishments’. I have just started reading today’s post and with that, in combination with the douchebag cartoon, I’ve had a great start to the day.

movin_on
movin_on
8 years ago
Reply to  gepster

Passive-aggressive. “I know it’s disgusting and you hate it, so here you go bitch” was how I read it. Captain Cave Man had more restraint.

Kay
Kay
8 years ago
Reply to  movin_on

I think they are so busy setting in the bathroom they forget to flush. ? It’s a deeper metaphor. Ick.

Kay
Kay
8 years ago
Reply to  Kay

Sexting not setting

Kay
Kay
8 years ago
Reply to  Kay

I think I’m too scared to look up the word shexting, chump in Chicago!! But i think I can fill in the blanks -?? yuck.

Chumped in Chicago
Chumped in Chicago
8 years ago
Reply to  Kay

Kay – I think you are spot on. It’s been a while. He was either shexting (gross word look it up on urban dictionary) or he was on the phone and didn’t want the “other person” to know what he was doing – so he didn’t flush because then they would know he was on the toilet. Then his ADD kicked in (because he was thinking of who should he text / call next) and he would never flush it.

Beth
Beth
8 years ago
Reply to  Kay

Oh the ex did that to me so many times with is poop and many times he would over flow the toilet and he would be screaming for me to fix it. I cannot even recall how many times it was over 20 years. It was so sick!!!!

MightyAgain
MightyAgain
8 years ago

1. Watching Soccer ALL DAY on Sundays.
2. Him sitting at the dinner table, and expecting me to get up if anything was missing. (chump me would do it too – because you know I wanted to be the perfect wife)
3.His selfishness about everything, his needs came above everyone else. Period.
Did I mention watching soccer all the time?

joaycart
joaycart
8 years ago
Reply to  MightyAgain

OMG MA, Mine watched soccer all the time. He also played and is a coach. If he wasn’t doing something with that he was watching UFC. He knew more about those things than me. There was hardly any time for us what time there was I was always tired from having to do everything that I didn’t want to do anything other than sleep.

Anewwoman
Anewwoman
8 years ago

1. Spent too much time and money on the hobby-/sport-of-the-week: wind-surfing, kitesurfing, kayaking, mountain biking, skiing, wake boarding, golfing…
2. The king of laying guilt trips.
3. Changed his clothes three times a day. And I did the wash.

Sausalito
Sausalito
8 years ago
Reply to  Anewwoman

OMG, #1… We have a garage full of crap because he would gear up for a new hobby/sport, buy all brand-new top of the line stuff, and then get bored. And then repeat. We couldn’t possibly sell any of it, because he might want to get back to it one day…

Arlo
Arlo
8 years ago
Reply to  Anewwoman

#3 omg the laundry

Kbchump
Kbchump
8 years ago
Reply to  Arlo

The laundry!! My ex cheater bitch changed her clothes 3-4 times a day! I swear to God my utilities bills are cut in half since she left…good riddance.

WhichWayDidSheGo
WhichWayDidSheGo
8 years ago
Reply to  Anewwoman

What’s with the changing outfits thing? I wear just about everything more than once, whereas the ex would fill up the basket in just a day or two. And then I got in trouble for not doing enough chores.

Jenna
Jenna
8 years ago
Reply to  Anewwoman

Oh my gosh, were you married to my ex too?
Ditto 1, 2 & 3

jafmaw
jafmaw
8 years ago

*EVERY TIME* he defecated, he left shit streaks and stains on the toilet seat. Every time! And NEVER cleaned up after himself. For years.

Reformednumpty
Reformednumpty
8 years ago
Reply to  jafmaw

Ditto – and on his underpants. Initially I washed , latterly he sent them to a laundry – lucky them.

movin_on
movin_on
8 years ago
Reply to  jafmaw

Mine too!! Shit shrapnel…GROSS. Pubes on soap? I’m sure you get that one, too. Blech.

deedee
deedee
8 years ago
Reply to  movin_on

Yup. Mine too. Like a child. I always thought he was unique because … what grownup does that??? Shocked to see there are others! How can a grown, successful man with a responsible job, who is a well-respected leader in the community, leave shit streaks on the toilet seat every single time he uses it? And not care enough to clean it up? How is a man like this not embarrassed to be such a slovenly gross pig?

strong woman
strong woman
8 years ago

1. Him asking me to cut his gross toenails….and I did!
2. Listening to him ask for compliments every time he put on a clean shirt…really dude “it’s a clean shirt, not a tuxedo”
3. Listening to him spit hocker’s in the sink every morning.

heather
heather
8 years ago

1. 13,500 in credit card debt I didn’t know about
2. Leaving my toddler aged children in a car to die.
3. Blaming me for going bald.
4. The in-laws who were outlaws.
5. Triangulation
6. Smelly bed farts.

yo
yo
8 years ago
Reply to  heather

Could he be arrested for child endangerment? What he did is a crime

gepster
gepster
8 years ago
Reply to  heather

HOLY SHIT!!! I would have had to kill him over leaving the kids in the car!

heather
heather
8 years ago
Reply to  heather

Three angel strangers broke the girls out of the car. It was 92 degrees….car parked in full sunlight….kids were screaming BC it was so hot in car …dad of the year.

movin_on
movin_on
8 years ago
Reply to  heather

Holy shit Heather, that’s terrifying. I hope you got full custody of your babies.

Carmella1722
Carmella1722
8 years ago
Reply to  heather

Oh Jesus, Heather that’s unbelievable. He should never get unsupervised visitation. I hope that was somehow documented.

Linny
Linny
8 years ago

1. Constant snacking and the leaving of bits of cereal, potato chip crumbs, peanut skins and anything that might drop onto the floor or countertop – in an area where keeping ants out of the house is a constant battle.
2. The smell of cigar smoke in the house – yes, he went onto the lanai to smoke them, but then he left the door open and sat in the chair nearest the door.
3. The godawful prolonged harking noises and the spitting of gobs of phlegm into every sink in the house!

Achump
Achump
8 years ago

This is a great exercise: fun and liberating!

Three non-infidelity related traits I am relieved to be away from:

1. The loud, reverbrating burps and farts he took no trouble to smother at the supper table;

2. The double standards about housecleaning and cooking: he picked on the way I did everything around the house while he obliviously left pants draped over railings and left a giant stinky mess after he cooked something;

3. His spectacularly bad timing. Not that getting pissed drunk is advisable at any time when you are a parent, but he picked the night I was in labour with my son to come home stinking drunk. “Not tonight!” he groaned as he staggered into the room.

He managed to hide all these traits from me before we were married. It is a bizarre story. I have been reading for a while now. Much love to Chump Nation – you have really helped me during the transition from feeling trapped with Mr Wonderful (to the outside world he has such an amazing image) to living on my own with my two incredible children. ChumpLady amd Chump Nation: you rock!

WhichWayDidSheGo
WhichWayDidSheGo
8 years ago
Reply to  Achump

Ah, the double standards. I still recall when she asked me to get a computer out of our bedroom because it didn’t belong there. I would have had to dig it out of a pile of her stuff that also didn’t belong in the room.

Carmella1722
Carmella1722
8 years ago

I actually have a list in a Word doc that I’ve been adding to for over a year! I use it to soothe myself when I am having one of those days or mourning the marriage. I’m up to about 30 things so it’s hard to choose, but of the daily annoyances it would be:

1. SNORING. (I haven’t slept through the night in 18 years.)

2. He hums when he eats. Not happy, melodic humming, just weird sounds that emminate from him while eating. His whole family does it.

3. Horrible grammar. He talks like a fucking hillbilly. Again, his whole family does.

Can I add a number 4 and just say his whole family? Silver linings folks, silver linings.

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
8 years ago
Reply to  Carmella1722

You have a list on a Word document to remind yourself. I have my list in an e-mail that I started shortly after d-day–I sent it to myself, and I added to it from time to time in the early days, by replying to my own e-mail! I see this as a “best practice” for getting over a cheater. Every time you miss him/her, you pull up your reminder list, and maybe even tack on another point! I highly recommend this. I think this post/exercise that CL has given all of us–not just writing our own list, but reading the others’ lists–is very, very therapeutic. It’s a real eye-opener to realize in another way just how disgusting entitled cheater narcs are in more ways than one. And how similar they are!

I’d never share my list with the cheater–NC is golden, after all. And, to be honest, my biggest regret after d-day is when I unleashed with a tirade of all the bad or ugly traits of his I’d kept inside me, out of love for him. Truth is, I missed a few during my verbal vomit storm, but I will always regret how mean it was of me, how ugly it made ME look. I don’t hate him. I don’t wish him any harm. I don’t want him harboring wounds that I inflicted on him. He’s damaged enough.

But we are taught that we must forgive, and so, while I can’t see myself ever forgiving the Coward and the Twat Troll (whatever it means to “forgive” them) I DO forgive myself for lashing out in pain. Cuz I was in PAIN!

5 years out, and I have a wonderful new, budding relationship with a grown-up who is habitually considerate and kind. (Weird, I know!) I’m really at “meh!” I think, or as close as I’ll ever be. I don’t forget, and I don’t forgive, but I am so much happier now than I ever was. It’s really remarkable how these creeps can drag you down, and how uplifting it is to shake them off and walk away.

Cakeless in Kalamazoo
Cakeless in Kalamazoo
8 years ago
Reply to  Carmella1722

OMG all of these! The snoring was so bad I could hear him at the opposite end of our not small house through the closed bedroom door. And of course, the more weight he gained and the more he smoked, the worse it got. I actually asked him not to come back to our room after the baby was born not because I didn’t want him there, which he presumed because he always presumed he knew what I was really thinking, but because I needed a few hours of sleep so I could take care of the baby and the kids the next day.

And the loud eating! If he had oatmeal, bananas or really anything, I’d all but cringe at all the lip smacking, talking through a mouthful of food and weird moaning noises. He even did the moaning thing in between sentences while talking and so did his brother. I don’t think they even knew they were doing it.

Oh, and let’s not forget taking calls during dinner that weren’t business related. Calls from friends, his mother and of course, always calls from the mistress. He’d get up in the middle of dinner and walk into the kitchen to pace and talk while the kids and I were having dinner. I used to want to brain him with the serving platter since he didn’t gift us with very much family time at all and would still find ways to fuck it up..

300lbsLighter
300lbsLighter
8 years ago

Oh, the eating noises. Put me off my food on a daily basis. Why does chewing have to be accompanied by grunting?

Another thing I won’t miss is his absolute refusal to brush his teeth. Like, ever.

My third would be the manipulation by incompetence: doing a household chore so badly I’d never ask again.

nic
nic
8 years ago
Reply to  Carmella1722

A- to the fucking – men on the hillbillies. And wore it like a badge of honor. I was always told by the in laws I was haughty and had impossible standards. Because scratching your ass and balls in public is on par with zoo animals. And belching and farting in public and teaching toddlers to do the same. The one toddler is now 21 and a hot mess who can’t have an adult conversation and has never had a job. Just have standards!!

Carmella1722
Carmella1722
8 years ago
Reply to  nic

Yes, and if I objected to any of his hillbilly redneck tastes it was because I was a ‘tightass’.

Maree
Maree
8 years ago
Reply to  nic

nic, my ex husband told me quite categorically that “not everyone has my standards, you know” ! That is why he traded down to a 23 year old prostitute he picked up in a bar in SE Asia and is now living the dream and bragging up a storm. You see he is 63 and I am 64. I got too old for him and for him to be seen with me embarrassed him. Standards are important and I will never lower mine again for anyone. I tried to bring the ex up to my level but he tried even harder to drag me down to his level. I maintained my dignity, thank god. 🙂

nic
nic
8 years ago
Reply to  Maree

How nice for THEM that we have high standards. Served them beautifully. I’m disgusted at what your husband did. May she enjoy his ED and other age related bliss instead of you! I’ll send you good juju every time I see adult diapers and know you won’t be changing his. In a third world country, to boot!

gepster
gepster
8 years ago

1) Him saying “I want something to snack on”, me asking him what he wants and him saying “Read my mind” and actually expecting me to do it.

2) Shit smears on the toilet seat and not flushing after he used it. Because that’s exactly what I want to do at 5am, wake up to a toilet full of crap and a seat I have to wipe down before I can pee.

3) getting off work and having to spend the entire drive home listening to the daily litany of how hard his day was, and everything my son had done wrong since he got home from school Fat Bastard was unemployed – his days consisted of doing laundry, watching porn, eating almost anything in site, trolling Instagram and Twitter for new sluts to sext with, eating some more, spending the money I earned and taking naps between porn viewing in the recliner.

There’s so many others I could list….

Peaceful chump1111
Peaceful chump1111
8 years ago

1. Dirty underwear on the kitchen table.
2. Pubic hair he had shaved to keep himself “trimmed up” and looking good “for me” left on the bathroom floor till I eventually got tired of looking at it and cleaned it up
3. Finally using our master bedroom closet for my stuff because “there wasn’t enough room for my stuff” when he lived here.

Living happy
Living happy
8 years ago

Number three is my favorite. We both had professional jobs but he was a salesman and didn’t see the same people every day. He had three times as many clothes as I had. After he left, it was nice to be able to hang my things up and not have to have room for all his stuff. Always had to look good. Another one for me was being able to cook the way I like. He always criticized my cooking, thinking his was so much better. Family would tell me otherwise. Third for me is that he chewed tobacco constantly.

gepster
gepster
8 years ago

ON THE KITCHEN TABLE!?!?!

Hed get a cast iron skillet upside his head in my house!

Kettle
Kettle
8 years ago
Reply to  gepster

That reminds me of that one episode of Malcolm in the Middle where the mother starts cleaning out the Closet of Doom. “Underpants! In a closet! HUMAN underpants! I must not threaten you people enough!”

Karma Express
Karma Express
8 years ago

Re: Item 2. At least mine left the dregs of his manscaping floating in the toilet. How considerate.

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
8 years ago
Reply to  Karma Express

I vividly recall the mound of gray pubes floating in the toilet after he’d snipped or clipped or shaved or whatever them in the midst of his affair. I think it was a giant “FUCK YOU” left for me. He knew something I didn’t know, and it made him feel potent.
Good for him! That’s great.

*gag!*

Good riddance. Good for me, too! 😀

sadlady15
sadlady15
8 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine

They truly are disgusting. Mine had to have his OWs in our beds–at home,at our cottage and just a week ago at our semi retirement home in Florida which is now sold. Like a dog marking it’s territory. No respect or decency at all.

Peaceful chump1111
Peaceful chump1111
8 years ago
Reply to  Karma Express

So gross, right?! Unbelievable. Sorry you had to endure similar disgust ?

Peaceful chump1111
Peaceful chump1111
8 years ago

4. Toenail clippings on the couch and floor
5. Gum stuck in random places
6. Constant spills of fruit punch (his favorite drink. Bright red) all over everything. Carpet. Bed. Clothes

SolteraOtraVez
SolteraOtraVez
8 years ago

1. His $1000 a month Starbucks/beer/restaurant habit.
2. He worked 80 hours a week and was rarely ever home. But virtually every minute he WAS home was spent complaining about his job.
3. His car was like a dumpster. Full of trash. So disgusting I refused to ride in it. Ick!!!!

SolteraOtraVez
SolteraOtraVez
8 years ago
Reply to  SolteraOtraVez

i must add:
4. constant nail biting and finding those nails in the car etc
5. Peeing outside. Anywhere and everywhere. We’d go out to dinner and instead of using a bathroom he’d pee up against the car before we’d go home. He has also peed right outside our house because “he couldn’t wait to get inside.” WTF???
6. Every time we’d pass the cops he’s say “you’re never gonna catch me motherfuckers”

patticake
patticake
8 years ago
Reply to  SolteraOtraVez

SolteraOtraVez…I just have to reply to the need to pee issue. My ex was the same way. Decades of this issue. Had to go every 1/2 hour. I could tell he needed to go because he would get a manic look and totally forget I was there. He would start scouting for the best private location outside. Sometimes it wasn’t private enough. I was worried he would be reported by bystanders. While driving on a family trip he would start asking if anyone needed the bathroom. 3 kids in the car. No one needed to. Then it would start…”Better tell me now” over and over. No one needed to go. He would say “Last chance” as we neared an exit. “Too late!” he would say, then almost run a car off the road going off the exit after all saying “I have to get some gas” Why didn’t he just say he needed to use the restroom? When one of us had to go he would say “can you wait till the rest stop 40 miles away?” Little kids and me. We need to wait. What a ass.

Arlo
Arlo
8 years ago
Reply to  SolteraOtraVez

#4 Still finding those fucking toenails in my car

Sausalito
Sausalito
8 years ago
Reply to  Arlo

Ugh, I would sell the car! 😉

Peaceful chump1111
Peaceful chump1111
8 years ago
Reply to  SolteraOtraVez

Just laughed out loud at this one. Thanks for the morning laugh!

HeartChump
HeartChump
8 years ago

1. His constant complaining about his job…
2. The chaos that followed him where ever he goes
3. His mother.

kb
kb
8 years ago
Reply to  HeartChump

It’s interesting how many of us have/had Cheaters who complained about their jobs! My cheater complained about his old job for about 17 years. It was a constant stream of negativity. In fact, he’d complain about work before saying good morning! His negativity was a major reason behind my decision not to have children with him.

Now I realize that his complaints were symptomatic of the “poor me” attention-getting behavior of so many of our cheaters. He wanted people to feel sorry that his genius was underappreciated by the incompetents in charge.

Yeah, right…

Jeep
Jeep
8 years ago
Reply to  kb

Crap kb…another ‘thing’…yep…satan constantly complained about his job. And how everyone he works with are incompetent and they would have to close the doors if he wasn’t there to do just everything!

…course he complained about anyone and everyone he ever met…no one was as wonderful or smart as him…ever in the 36 years I was with him.

Egads Chumps…do you think these disordered assholes are actually from another planet? How can they all be so much alike!!!!! They are like a whole nother race! A race that looks human but lacking actual human emotions…yep…like Kar marie says…pod people…

Anita
Anita
8 years ago
Reply to  kb

KB, I think the negativity about jobs, marriage, life in general is one of the things that cheaters and affair partners find appealing about each other. Ex’s gf bitched about everything, especially her job and child. Nice, right ? And the single biggest change I noticed about ex when he was running with his whore was his extreme negativity about everything. Two peas in a pod.

With Brave Wings
With Brave Wings
8 years ago
Reply to  HeartChump

1- his gambling – online poker, casinos, hiding winnings, thinking he was going to make it big in the poker world
2- his drinking – i was always the DD since I could never trust him to not go overboard
3- his parents. his mother thinks her son can do no wrong and thinks he’s a good man. his father is a deacon and told me that ” the sooner I forgive, the easier it will be for me” and also told me that there was no difference in me dating someone new ( ONE WHOLE YEAR LATER) and his son dating the mistress! he also used the “it takes two to tango line” on me. yep, one married person to fuck around and one willing whore to fuck around with, and that has NOTHING to do with me — nice training deacon asshole.

Divorce Minister
Divorce Minister
8 years ago
Reply to  HeartChump

I second losing the in-laws. One of the best, if not the best part, of the divorce–i.e. no longer having to deal with those fake, religiousy abusive people.

Forrest
Forrest
8 years ago

I third that, DM! I could have written exactly the same comments.

nodancing
nodancing
8 years ago

Hearing the same stories told to me over and over as if I had never heard them before, no matter how many times I told him I had.

The wretched sounds he would make when hocking up loogies and then finding them in the garbage or floating in the toilet.

UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
8 years ago
Reply to  nodancing

Oh, the loogie-hocking, yessssss!!!!!

And the endless stories about himself as a rotten-ass kid, even more-rotten-ass teen-ager…stories of his family, etc. yeah, got old real fast.

donna
donna
8 years ago
Reply to  nodancing

NoDancing

The stories! The Limited repeatedly told me about his customers health problems and operations. I reoeTedky told him it was not my concern and hiw much I hated hearing grotesque surgery details. Then he would repeat the same stories to everyone while I was with him.

movin_on
movin_on
8 years ago
Reply to  nodancing

That was my fourth one – the repeated stories, over and over. And wildly embellished when told to a roomful of first-timers (and told loudly so no one would miss the joy of hearing his feats of stupidity)

brit
brit
8 years ago
Reply to  movin_on

These are all so funny, I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time. So many similarities as well.
I don’t miss the same stories I’ve heard a million times embellished to suit his audience.
His pilot training stories we can never hear enough of.., the excitement in his voice being the center of attention as he rambles on with more about himself.

Visiting his home town and having him take me past his grade school, and high school, and the track.
He and his siblings were the smartest kids in school of course, the most talented musicians, the best athletes. Not much of an accomplishment when the other students have a poor socio economic status and families who don’t understand the value of an education, migrant farm working families.
Same stupid stories about his sisters being beautiful in high school and had great figures. I’ve seen pictures of his sister in high school, not one of them were attractive, or even average in looks, quite frankly they were ugly, think the stepsisters in Cinderella. From the photos I’ve seen of them they were always overweight, not just chubby, leaning more towards being obese. Not sure why X would lie and say they were attractive other than that’s what compulsive liars do.
Stories about people in their neighborhood or went to school with, as if these people are close friends and they just happened recently, not thirty years ago or longer. It was weird. His entire family was weird that way.
He and his siblings would talk about friends in high school like they are still in high school, for example their prom date and what they did, who they went with as if the prom was last night.

There’s much more but these few things right now are more than enough. It’s disturbing,
I can’t believe I didn’t have sense enough to leave him after meeting his family.

LilyBart
LilyBart
8 years ago
Reply to  brit

This is weird. I experienced the same strange phenomenon with my ex’s family. A rehash of past events with neighbors from 25 years ago as if the stories were A. – interesting and B. -not recited at every family event ad nauseum. They insisted on telling these dull tales in front of me and my brothers-in-law as if we should give a shit, despite having heard them time and time again.

They acted as if I should feel lucky to be part of their fascinating family. As if they were the freaking Kennedys. Now I see the whole dynamic as a course titled “How to Train Your Son to Be a Flaming Narcissist.”

gepster
gepster
8 years ago
Reply to  LilyBart

Oh God yes, the endless puffing up of his and his family’s greatness- how his grandmother was voted mother of the year so many times by their church that they ended up changing the rules, how his grandfather was the most respected man in town, how he wrestled professionally and played semi pro football, how his mother was supposedly this great beauty that man flocked to, how his father knew everyone in town and was the very first UPS driver in their area.

It was just pathetic.

movin_on
movin_on
8 years ago
Reply to  brit

History re-written to support his estimation that he is fabulous?

gepster
gepster
8 years ago
Reply to  nodancing

Oh GOD mine did that too. My parents live in the town his fathers family is from and every time we drove through there I got the rundown of – Grama and Grandpa lived here, Aunt and Uncle lived there, this used to be a grocery store, I used to play in that park as a kid…EVERY. FUCKING. TIME.

3 years of that shit gets old really fast.

Christine
Christine
8 years ago
Reply to  gepster

Oh, God I had 22 years of the same thing, over and over.

movin_on
movin_on
8 years ago
Reply to  gepster

Um, gepster? I hate to tell you this, but I suspect you are my turds’ second family I always suspected he had!!! So many similarities!!

Kar marie
Kar marie
8 years ago

1. Chewing with his mouth wide open noisy and constant lip smacking.
2. Anger and shutting down except for rage. He even raged at the dogs.
3. Constant complaing about his aches and pains and life in general never used to be that way. Told me to shoot him if he ever got old and whiny like older men he heard doing it. He hated that. Que get the gun.

One more.
The nervous stupid little laugh he has when lying.

UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
8 years ago
Reply to  Kar marie

Ooooooooooooooooo, this IS fun!!!!

The Evil One should be a walking advertisement of everything physically wrong with him is unlike what anyone else in the world has ever experienced. Of course, nothing was ever really wrong with him except that he’s a disordered fuck.

movin_on
movin_on
8 years ago
Reply to  Kar marie

Oh God!! The constant aches and pains!! He still complains to me about them. His new, much younger model has to love hearing that everyday.

donna
donna
8 years ago
Reply to  movin_on

Constant complaints about his back, shoulder, and knee right before bed.
Having a cord for the heating pad run under my pillow.
Repeatedly wetting the bed.
Finding my pillow in the lower part if his side of the bed as he slept with it between his legs nightly when I was t there.
Sex? Really? The bed was like rehab.

Looking at young girls with lust.
Not being able to dance.
Being told I didn’t know how to load the dishwasher.
Watching him drink five drinks and ordering the most expensive item in the menu and expecting me to pay for a salad and one drink.
The dread of knowing I couldn’t be happy
The lack of having couples as friends.
Repeatedly hanging to see the same exact band every single year without variety.
Never going to a mivie in 36 years.
Being asked to dress him after refusing to buy him clothes.
The lack if responses, ok, yeah, I don’t care and listening to him complain.

Fuck, I hated him. I never realized what a dull prick I lived with.

UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
8 years ago
Reply to  donna

WOW, how alike yours and mine are is scary!!!!

He wouldn’t dance with me, but one year, at my birthday party, I stepped off to the casino slots, came back in and there he was— out on the dance floor with my friends like he was the shit!!!!

ReDefiningMe
ReDefiningMe
8 years ago
Reply to  donna

I’m laughing so hard I can barely breathe – wow, how can they be so alike? My ex had to have the TV blasting 24/7 (I now have no TV in my bedroom, and a beautiful vase of fresh flowers where it used to be); he ate like a 2 year old (no vegetables or spices allowed!), refused to kiss me (kissing was for BEFORE you had sex; once you had sex, you didn’t kiss anymore, uh, what?), the personal hair left everywhere, the double standards for everything…and the bathroom stuff? Yep – a check in every box.

Here’s my least missed stuff –
1) He would sleep later than the kids and I (they were toddlers when he left). He’d grouch down the steps, take his coffee outside and smoke for an hour, then come in and sit on the crapper for another 30 minutes or so, then leave straight for work. Never spent a minute with us – so the kids only memories of dear ol’ dad are him sitting on the shitter. Seriously.

2) Road rage/crazy driving – he was so much more talented at driving than the other schmucks on the road, that he didn’t have to follow rules like speed limits, turn signals, driving on the berm…did all that going 100+ miles an hour, while talking on his cell phone, drinking coffee, and smoking. I would cry sometimes, and then he’d drive faster or swerve in and out of traffic to punish me for “being such a bitch”. Once on vacation in the mountains at night, I asked him to PLEASE slow down, and that got me an 80 mile an hour terror filled, obscentity laced rant just to show me “how much he fucking hated being married to a #$#@ like me.” I’m shaking just typing it. Oh, and our kids were in the car.

3) On a lighter note, he drank wine only if it was mixed with Pepsi. I couldn’t have cared less if he’d mixed it up at home – not much of a drinker or an expensive wine buyer, but on the few occasions we were invited out, he’d pour Pepsi into an expensive glass of wine (while our host/hostess would look on in horror), then chug it down, and tell everyone, “You should try it – it tastes much better this way!” What a dick.

4) Forbidden music – my family is super musical – we all play several instruments, and several sing well. We were raised on every type of music, and enjoy it all. Shortly after being married, I tried to listen to a CD, and he told me that he didn’t want to hear my shitty music in the house. Or the car. Or anywhere. I wasn’t allowed to play the piano, or any other music, or sing. It “upset him”. In the car, we had to listen to his “home country” folk music or Celine Dion. Only. Seriously. When our daughter was little, we could only listen to music when he was at work, and she knew not to ever sing once daddy came home.

What a total f’ing nightmare. On the bright side, now that he’s gone, both kids play multiple instruments – my son also sings – and both love classical music (that was the worst – he would RAGE); we’re not afraid to ride in a car, our house doesn’t smell of gas and cigarettes; I’m not humiliated when someone orders wine at dinner, and we cook and eat all kinds of fun, healthy stuff. Best of all, we’re not afraid Every. Single. Minute. Life can be beautiful again.

Hope49
Hope49
8 years ago
Reply to  ReDefiningMe

ReDefiningMe, I am REALLY glad that you are out of that soul sucking relationship. Best regards to you and your children. May your house and your lives be FILLED with singing!

Kar marie
Kar marie
8 years ago
Reply to  movin_on

Yes asswipes too arent they lucky and freaking out if he doesnt have his meds. Both the whores are lucky!

Kar marie
Kar marie
8 years ago
Reply to  Kar marie

Oooo oooo. Another! Telling me i should do things properly you know like a human. Spoken by a true pod person. And the dogs need to learn how to understand english so they obey hum! Sorry that was two. This is fun!

Beth
Beth
8 years ago

How in the world to narrow this down to just 3? Geez I really have to think about this one CL:

1. His table matters were just beyond terrible. He would always eat with his mouth open and had no clue how use a fork and knife and spoon correctly and using a napkin I was asking for way too much from him. He would be very nasty with me about that. Also he would never wash his hands before and after a meal and going to the restroom also. He never helped me with cooking or cleaning up when I prepared meals. Really just his general presence and the idea of it just makes me sick to my stomach.

2. His family and friends (he really didn’t have any that I knew about) all were now I fully understand just like him. His brother is even worse than he is. The ex was a little more sneaky than his brother but oh boy is his brother a big mental. All of them were so 2 faced and never had anything good to say about anyone. I can recall the ex’s father saying how bad the ex’s brother was during the years.

3. He didn’t even know how to change a light bulb or put anything together with even the instructions in the box and had no general sense of knowledge or education about anything mechanical and no knowledge about electrical devices and he didn’t want to learn also. I was the one that had to do it all and I taught myself it all. Also I could not depend on him for anything I did it all from A to Z.

The list really just goes on and on and on. Really 3 is not enough!

Beth
Beth
8 years ago
Reply to  Beth

Can I add his disguising sense of humor and his drawings of sexual conduct between all sexes and him taking pictures of female breast that I found. And him always watching some type of sport.

gepster
gepster
8 years ago
Reply to  Beth

Be happy it was just breasts and drawings. I have a flash drive full of pictures of his dick, him masturbating, other womens twats, and over 3000 screenshots of porn, BDSM pix, and stories about incest and rape.

Boob pix are bad, but that shit actually made me vomit.

Beth
Beth
8 years ago
Reply to  gepster

Oh gepster it’s worse than I have typed without giving away great details giving away the right of my privacy. I can fully relate with what you typed and found many things with his father and brother and other family members including him also. I just typed the best PG version I can give. It was the same for me also. I fully think and believe him and his family are sexually predators. The list is endless like I know it is for you and so many of us chumps. Hugs to you and I am so very sorry you had to deal with such a sick person.

Beth
Beth
8 years ago
Reply to  Beth

*and giving away my privacy.

gepster
gepster
8 years ago
Reply to  Beth

Beth I have no doubt in my mind that Fat Bastard was attempting to groom my son and I for sexual abuse. And I suspect his father and brother are also predators to some degree, but if course I can’t prove it.

Beth
Beth
8 years ago
Reply to  gepster

Gepster I 100% believe you. I have no doubt in my mind that these cheaters are sexual predators. Many hugs to you. We are all in this together.

Maree
Maree
8 years ago

1. His toenails on the beside table.
2. His snoring which left me drained every morning.
3. His incessant cough. He could be somewhere in the supermarket and I would know where he was if I just listened for that cough.
4. His lying and looking me straight in the eye whilst he did so.
5. His back stabbing and betrayal of me without me knowing.
6. Leaving me to do everything and I mean absolutely everything.
7. Being ignored as if I was speaking another language and getting just a grunt to show that he was ‘really’ listening !

patticake
patticake
8 years ago
Reply to  Maree

Maree…Mine did the cough, too. Yup, could be aisles away in a store and I knew it was him. What was worse, when I was with him when he coughed, I would be able to see him “chew” the sputum he coughed up. He would do this for awhile before swallowing and would even talk with it in his mouth. GAG!!!

Chris
Chris
8 years ago
Reply to  Maree

So identical! lol And I’m supposed to pick up the nails for him as he always forgets about it!

junglechump
junglechump
8 years ago
Reply to  Maree

Oh my, except for 1 and 2 my STBX has all the same issues! He did leave toe nails in random places, but generally not next to the bed LOL.

Beth
Beth
8 years ago
Reply to  Maree

Ditto Maree!

movin_on
movin_on
8 years ago

1. Boogers on the shower walls (“good morning, movin_on, your loogies are here”)
2. Shit shrapnel all over the toilet bowl (I feel you chumped in Chicago)
3. Getting shutdown on sex. It was lame anyway, but lousy sex was better than no sex/love/intimacy/desire for seven years. Yeah, seven. Oy.

Chumptastic
Chumptastic
8 years ago
Reply to  movin_on

Movin_on – You and me both on the sex shutdown. Somehow that became my fault once d-day hit.
Others:
1. I had to “serve” him dinner – he would just sit there and wait.
2. Loogies in the sink every morning
3. Snoring. Most nights he ended up sleeping on the couch in the loft. (Also my fault).
4. The water bottles filled with spit from his chewing tobacco left as prizes everywhere.
5. The “look of death” I would get if I suggested any of the following : turn down the tv, change from sports to something we both could enjoy, talking to me, turning on the heat, getting a hug or kiss….
6. My asking for him to look at me while we talked, and him saying “I am” while never looking away from the tv.
7. Never getting anything done to fix our home, but if the neighbor or a stranger on the street asked for something he was out the door.
Sorry….it’s 3-ish. Lol.

patticake
patticake
8 years ago
Reply to  Chumptastic

Chumptastic…#6 for me too. Asking him to look at me while I talk with him was ALWAYS an issue. After he would turn down the tv, stop texting, turn down the radio, etc he would look at me with the meanest look and say “There. Are you happy now?. What do you want??!!” Afterwards I would bite my tongue (literally), swallow my pride and try to talk. He would then say “Is that all you wanted? Are you done now? Can I go back to what I was doing now or is there anything else? I don’t want to get you upset or have you accuse me of not listening.” By then end of that I would feel so deflated and hurt. He just took my silence for the end of conversation and went back to whatever he was doing. He told the MC that I never talked to him. I tried for 38 years.

daisy
daisy
8 years ago

1. Shaving his back hair … Check
2. Ketchup on toast
3. Waking up to eat 2 am meals & disturbing everyone else’s sleep
4. Chewing with his mouth open
5. Eating pancakes with his syrup – gallons of syrup
6. Camouflage cargo shorts
7. Little boy sandals
8. War movies
9. War documentaries
9. Tanks … books, models, movies about tanks (wtf)
10. Bags of bulk store candy
11. Dollar store chocolate
12. Burgundy sweaters & T-shirts
13. Sports wear as casual clothing
14. Slurping coffee
15. Flavoured coffee
16. Looking for an award every time he did a chore around the house
17. Not using soap when “washing” his hands
18. Hair plugs
19. Star Wars
20. The saying “it’s fine” when I tried to alter or update anything in the home.
21. Lack of interest in raising the children

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  daisy

Daisy–that list is hysterical! I’ve read it 3 times and it doesn’t lose any punch.

Beth
Beth
8 years ago
Reply to  daisy

Oh Daisy how I do not miss the days of shaving and even waxing his back hair and ass hair and clipping his nasty toes nails and finger nails. Also cleaning the shit from his underwear. I just typed 3 and it was so hard just stop at typing at 3 things I do not miss. Also I don’t miss kissing him, his voice, his blank looks, his lying, his voice, his eyes, his touch, his smell, the list goes on and on.

MrsVain
MrsVain
8 years ago
Reply to  Beth

wow beth. those are the things i miss the most about him: the sound of his voice, his eyes, his smile,his body, the way he walked, the way he talked, the way he ran would have me cream (sorry if TMI) his laugh, picturing him in his boxers only (yummy) the way he smelled, his hair. his underarm deodorant, having his arms around me, his kisses….

but i do not miss the lying, the hiding and sneaking, the drinking and the cheating….

Beth
Beth
8 years ago
Reply to  MrsVain

Many hugs of strength to you MrsVain and Hesatthecurb. I can fully understand how both of you feel about the exs. It is well know how these disordered things/cluster B’s place psychological “spell” on us all. During and after the relationship with them you begin to think you can’t live without them. It takes time and much focus to break this “spell” and the coming to terms of seeing the real person they are. The most important thing is breaking free of the hold they these narcissists have over us. It’s ok to miss these things about them because you are grieving a terrible lost of an idea of a person that was not real and also a relationship that you thought had many hopes and dreams they these narcissists made you believe. I had to overcome this also. It took me time but now I know what the ex is. He doesn’t have the power anymore and I will never ever give him back that power. I know the true about him and his followers.

MrsVain
MrsVain
8 years ago
Reply to  Beth

i am 2 years out. i am healing and pretty much MEH… There is NO WAY IN HELL i would ever take him back but i do still see what it was i saw in him in the first place. he was still the best looking, good body, and great smelling, mix that in with his “acting” like the kind of man i wanted and welll…. Viola… i totally get why i was addicted.

no worries, i have kicked that addiction. 2 years CLEAN!!! but just like the alcoholic and the meth head, i sometimes get cravings or in this case miss the good things. i will be forever fighting those cravings that he is a good man, that he “could” be the man i need….. And just like the recovering addict, i have to keep my space away from him, or else the pull will be too much….. …. ….

i have NO intention of EVER talking or seeing him again, if i can help it. which is kind of easy for me since he moved out of my town, and even when he is in town we do not hang out in the same circle of people.

Beth
Beth
8 years ago
Reply to  Beth

*the truth about him.

Hesatthecurb
Hesatthecurb
8 years ago
Reply to  MrsVain

@Mrs Vain–I could have written EXACTLY what you have written. Word for word; with a few additions lol. The XBF was soooo damn good but sooo damn bad. I have spoken to his second wife and one of his OW about this exact thing.

SolteraOtraVez
SolteraOtraVez
8 years ago
Reply to  daisy

These made me lol. He sounds like a piece of work.

daisy
daisy
8 years ago
Reply to  daisy

I almost forgot ….
22. Blowing his nose on the street (i.e. Putting one finger on the side of his nose in order to close off a nostril & blowing whatever out of the other side).
Just awesomesauce

patticake
patticake
8 years ago
Reply to  daisy

AHHH, yes. The nose blowing. Usually right on the sidewalk for someone to walk on. And the morning nose blowing that sounded like honking geese. Snot boogies in the sink-hardened like glue. Nose blowing that was accompanied by the nostril cleaning with a handkerchief as far as his fingers could go up. I am making myself sick. Good Gravey…I do not miss that!!

movin_on
movin_on
8 years ago
Reply to  patticake

Gee, and I was just getting hungry for lunch. Thanks for the weight control, patticake!

Elizabeth
Elizabeth
8 years ago
Reply to  daisy

“22. Blowing his nose on the street (i.e. Putting one finger on the side of his nose in order to close off a nostril & blowing whatever out of the other side).”

Gosh, you had to remind me about that. It was the worst. I was so afraid one of the kids would start doing it.

nic
nic
8 years ago
Reply to  Elizabeth

It has an actual name: “the cowboy handkerchief”

FreeWoman
FreeWoman
8 years ago
Reply to  nic

Or Snot Rockets!
Nasty

TodoVa
TodoVa
8 years ago

A few too many to list…but the two that stand out the most:

1. Yes, wax (not shave) his hairy back. I’m so embarrassed to even admit that~sigh~

2. When we kissed or had sort of a make out session, his saliva would literally drown me. It was so gross! Slobber…who does that?!? I have a very bad gag reflex and this would literally make me want to vomit. But of course, I never said anything to him in 22 years of being married.

I’m happy to report I’ve been slobber free for 1 year, 10 months, and 12 days.

Chumptacular
Chumptacular
8 years ago
Reply to  TodoVa

I got the slobbery kisses too. I liked deep French kissing so I instructed him on how to kiss me – more tongue, no saliva and no smack at the end. One out of every hundred kisses he would get it right. I would get yucky, slobbery kisses and say, “Now give me a good kiss.” One night I was in a store and a Cher song came on, “If you want to know if he loves you so, it’s in his kiss” and I couldn’t help thinking about how our kisses weren’t just naturally happening the way I wanted them to and that I was having to work to get the kisses I wanted. I initially thought it was his inexperience but I have also read that these character disordered types like to frustrate women. He also had a tendency to kiss too long – kisses that would have me out of breath and gasping for air. I have read that psychopaths can include aspects of strangulation in their sex lives and that their satisfaction is achieved by seeing their partner gasp for air. There was never a time where he attempted to introduce any aspect of strangulation in our sex life but I now wonder if that is what he was going for with the too-long kisses.

Shechump
Shechump
8 years ago
Reply to  Chumptacular

I hope I have the right thread I’m responding to about kissers: Lousy ones and good ones.
Well, some girlfriend taught him how to kiss in high school, and he had it down to an art..Like a movie star kiss, super gentle. It didn’t hurt that he had the most beautiful lips I’ve ever seen on a man.

Yes, very good kisser and I’m sure I couldn’t add up.
His kisses literally made my knees turn to creamed chocolate..

Unfortunately, that was the only thing he was good at….to get a b/j.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  TodoVa

At the end, when I now know mine was in another affair before I tossed him out after D-day, he would give me what I call “anus kisses”–his lips were puckered so tightly that it almost hurt to kiss him. Guess someone else was getting the warm kisses then.

aka
aka
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Wow, I got an “anus kiss” right before D-day. Thought it was strange when it happened, but didn’t put any real thought into it after that. But now it all makes sense. They’re all freaks… that suck (and read the same handbook)…

movin_on
movin_on
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

anus kisses – that is hysterical, Tempest! I got those, as well. Not only is their cheating directly from the handbook, but it seems their hygiene habits and approach to “intimacy” (or lack thereof) is also textbook.

happily never after
happily never after
8 years ago
Reply to  TodoVa

1. Pick and flick: picking, digging, then examining and flicking the results of picking his ears, eyes, nose and who knows what else.]
2. Skid marks left in toilet, underwear and who knows where else
3. Eating with the most effeminate posture and hand position.
4. Loud snoring, nose-blowing. Even my daughter started complaining.
5. His ugly face-always in a scowl with his nose turned up. Everyone commented to me how he never smiled. I didn’t see that.
6. His incredible emotional immaturity
7. Sex-with him. which was out of the picture for so long it’s humiliating.

happily never after
happily never after
8 years ago
Reply to  TodoVa

Who’s counting when you’re having so much fun

daisy
daisy
8 years ago
Reply to  TodoVa

TodoVa!
Yes, the slobbery saliva kisses! What the hell?!? I stopped kissing him bcs it was so gross. I also stopped helping him shave his back so he invented a contraption (like a back scratcher) that he attached to a disposable razor ?

insistonhonesty
insistonhonesty
8 years ago

3 are impossible. It would be easier to list three things he did well.

1) Stayed employed through adequate effort.
2) Was well-groomed and dressed..
3) Has a likeable persona. Very nice. It was nice that no one would know/see/hassle me about what a dick he was… because he always came across like a really nice guy. Everyone likes him, initially.

Those are his only 3 decent qualities. He did nothing else well.

Roberta
Roberta
8 years ago

Insistonhonesty, wow! This hit home with me! I live in a small, small town and during this whole horrible fiasco I would continually run into people who would ask if I was “Mr. Buttheads” wife? (Yeah, he never brought me to many things so no one really knew me!) Then they would go on and on in such glowing terms about how funny, wonderful, helpful, blah, blah, blah he was! One moment sticks out in my memories. The SECOND time I went to the medical office to be checked out for any possible STD’s Mr. Wonderful and Schmoopie may have gifted me with. When I checked out the girl at the desk just kept on and on about how great the old boy was! I wonder if when she entered the code for my visit if she realized that Mr. Great was a POS who was cheating on me? Guess I’ll never know!

Quicksilver
Quicksilver
8 years ago

My sisters helped me “de-freak” the house when he left. The highlights:
1. Halloween decorations in every room year-round
2. Black lights in fixtures all over the house
3. His name and logo spray painted on the walls

MidlifeBlast
MidlifeBlast
8 years ago
Reply to  Quicksilver

What? What the hell?!?

LiberatedLady
LiberatedLady
8 years ago

He would wipe his boogers on the underside lip of the coffee table. When I would clean, I would dry heave while scraping it off. I stopped cleaning it! He got the coffee table, the house, and everything in it when I left…I love my new booger-free home 😀

LiberatedLady
LiberatedLady
8 years ago
Reply to  LiberatedLady

2. He wouldn’t shower. It was a game to see how many days he could go without a shower. Then, after multiple days, he would say “smell my hair”. I’m dry heaving just re-living these grotesque moments, hello ptsd!

3. Coffee stains on the floor and stairs. He would overfill his coffee cup and drip it on the floor, but mostly up and down the stairs.

velvet69
velvet69
8 years ago
Reply to  LiberatedLady

Mine would do the same thing. No shower, EVER, but he would wet his hair every morning before work and dry it with the hand towel, then comb it. I can still smell that even now! The mirror would be full of spots and his comb, oh my god, the smell. How people put up with him at work, is beyond me. I could smell him across the room!

Sarafranchesca
Sarafranchesca
8 years ago
Reply to  velvet69

I sure don’t miss my ex’s obsessive bathing. Not showering, bathing. He sometimes took 3 baths a day, compulsively after he had a bowel movement. It didn’t matter if we had somewhere to go, or if one of our 5 kids needed a shower-he had first dibs. And he was a greasy monkey, so the tub ring was awful.
He also did this weird frog croaking in the back of his throat, while sticking the end of his glasses in his ear to scratch his ears.
He was also very dogmatic about things he was clearly wrong about. No matter what kind of facts I could dig up about the subject to refute him, he would insist his ideas were right. It was so effing infuriating.

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
8 years ago
Reply to  Sarafranchesca

EW! You reminded me! Mine would do that, too! He loved baths in his own stew. He refused to shower before the bath–I would point out how gross it was that he seemed to enjoy steeping in his post-BM bath water. WTF. But he did. I also just thought it was so ridiculously self-indulgent and weird. Another mincing display of his feminine side, lounging in tepid e.coli water.

ChumpFromF
ChumpFromF
8 years ago
Reply to  LiberatedLady

Oh, you too had a booger problem ? I didn’t copy, I promise, I wrote my post in parallel. 🙂

ChumpFromF
ChumpFromF
8 years ago

1) Long dry thick green boogers, that fell off anywhere, especially inside the bed. He could not use a handkerchief, would get very angry if I told him about the repulsive thing growing out of his nose.
2) The habit of buying all books available on the market on a given subject when he had suddenly decided it was his new interest. It cost a lot of money, and took up too much space. Obsessive, really, and never anything good came out of it.
3) His compulsive habit of reconfiguring the solar system every once in a while, ruining my weekends in the process, because I was the one cabling while he was watching TV.

LiberatedLady
LiberatedLady
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpFromF

I swear they all read from the same playbook ChumpFromF!! I’m SO grateful to be free of the nonsense!!

Elizabeth
Elizabeth
8 years ago

1. Him saying, “We need to do _________” when what he really meant was he wanted me to do something for him.
2. Having a spouse who was nicer to the dog than to anybody in the family. When I complained he told me that I don’t deserve to be treated well.
3. A man who asked the children, “Who wants Ice Cream?” as we drove towards the ice cream store. When all the children said they wanted some he didn’t stop. He just said he wanted to know who wanted some.

I could keep going all day, but I’ll stop there.

ANR
ANR
8 years ago
Reply to  Elizabeth

1. Leaving nail clippings everywhere
2. Weird anti-Semitic streak
3. Preference for bellowing up (or down) the stairs rather than going to the bother of climbing the damn stairs to talk

There are so, so many others.

ANR
ANR
8 years ago
Reply to  Elizabeth

“We need to ….” Over and over and over again!

creativerational
creativerational
8 years ago
Reply to  Elizabeth

“we need to…” Omg I could write a huge list off this. In actuality: “I’m gonna do nothing, you figure out how to meet my ‘needs’ when in reality they’re ridiculous wants, and greedy and unnecessary and are about image management or me being lazy” but if I don’t get them, I reserve the right to be a terrible person.

Martha
Martha
8 years ago

1. Left me in hospital waiting room when I went for biopsy. Wasn’t there when surgeon said “It’s cancer.” He went home to watch a baseball game on TV.

2. Kept smoking while I had cancer. (Quit drinking when OW demanded it).

3. Never excusing his belching. Hocking loogies. Ugh.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  Martha

Nodding my head. In 24 years, I drove myself to every surgical and prenatal appointment alone–biopsy for pre-cancerous cells. Alone. Surgery for impacted wisdom teeth. Alone (which necessitated local anesthesia only so I could drive myself home). Ultrasound. Alone. Amniocentesis. Alone.

And he ruined every significant event of the marriage or our children’s ceremonies by misbehaving in one way or the other.

No wonder I haven’t missed him one minute since he left.

OutWest
OutWest
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

tempest,

I was alone after birth of both children, one with jaundice. Alone for severe migraines, Achilles tendon surgery. Took kids to surgery alone, alone on a family vacation with a child in PICU with pneumonia (he wanted to go to a sporting event). And I hated it! Now, I like to be alone.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  OutWest

OutWest–I’m sorry you suffered those indignities, too. Much lonelier to be in a marriage with an uncaring jerk than to be by one’s self, I find.

Anne
Anne
8 years ago

1. Complaining about his job and the idiots he works with until he quit for a different job, then the cycle started again….and again…and again. I was dying to tell him he was the common denominator.
2. Eating an entire bag of potato chips and wiping his cheese stained fingers on his pants, or the nasty recliner he sat in.
3. I waited for 5 years to have him fix the drywall in the bathroom after a leak. Then one day I saw him with the drywall supplies and I thought, “finally.” He told me a friend needed his help and he left. It was the OW. Fixing the ceiling was the first thing I did after he was gone. It felt wonderful.

geekmom
geekmom
8 years ago
Reply to  Anne

Yes, Anne, yes!! The job thing!! Every 3 – 5 years it would start: “They don’t appreciate me!” “They don’t know how to run their business!!” “They don’t listen to me!!” He would pick fights with his management, getting fired over it more than once. And since his chosen career is commercial truck sales, paid on strictly commission, he’d plunge us into poverty while he rebuilt business, “Gotta fill the pipeline!” We had to refinance our house twice to get the equity out to pay for the credit card debt we’d run up while he was filling that pipeline. And, when he left, one of the few reasons he gave me was that “all I do is work to pay for the house.” But did he accept the fact that the house would have been paid for over 5 years ago if we hadn’t had to refi so often? Oh, noooooooo……

UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
8 years ago
Reply to  geekmom

OMG, geekmom!!! At least you got 3-5 YEARS of him at one job— The Evil One would last maybe 3-6 MONTHS at a job before he started his bullshit… at every job, it was always the same spiel — they’re so impressed with me…they’re going to make me management…” then of course when they didn’t recognize just how awesome and wonderful he was, he would quit or manage to get fired….

The job he has now is about to hit its one-year mark— I’m in shock!!!!

Sausalito
Sausalito
8 years ago
Reply to  Anne

Yes, #1 for sure! I finally said, “do you think maybe you are contributing to your problems at work?” He glared at me and said “what do you mean by that?” And then wouldn’t speak to me…

Kar marie
Kar marie
8 years ago

His lack of emotionianal support if the kids or i needed his help but quick to give it to anyone else who needs it.

Needs to diet to lose five pound belly when evwryone can see its a fourty pound belly.

Manscaping which i think is a very unmanly thing to do especially for a big time alpha male. He is a i aint gonna change me for anybody!! Type of guy and he manscapes to almost bald. I cant speak for anyone else but i think thats gross. I dont say its bad for anyone one it just creeps me out.

Diddy
Diddy
8 years ago

1. Biting his toenails while he was watching TV. Yes, toenails!!
2. Daily criticism about my weight. He used to say that is not possible for someone that’s overweight to be happy.
3. His weekly lectures about my “flaws”, i.e.: not giving enough in bed to him – 3 times a week wasn’t enough. My weight – what was my plan to change?
Can I add #4? Please??!! His nose hair connecting with his mustache/beard…gross!!

Catlady Chump
Catlady Chump
8 years ago
Reply to  Diddy

Mine gnawed off his toenails in front of the TV (and kids!), too. WTF???

Kim
Kim
8 years ago

1. Refusing to flush his dirty toilet paper so instead leaves it laying around on counter tops
2. Going to a resteraunt as a family including the kids and he turns and sits with his back to the family facing a strangers table
3. Having to be the center of attention at every function. Even at funerals it always had to be about how great he is than the deceased

Arlo
Arlo
8 years ago
Reply to  Kim

Ok, #1 and #2 are just extra freaky. Wtf?!

Lucky 35
Lucky 35
8 years ago

1) watching TV as soon as he got home for several hours and most of the weekend while I cooked, cleaned house, gardened, went for a walk, ran errands
2) spending $$$$$$$ every Friday night, leaving me alone at home to go downtown and get drunk and play pool, then return home and slam the front door at 3am or turn on the bedroom light because I wasn’t sleeping or anything
3) his nearly constant bad attitude: bored, anxious, angry, it always became my burden to put him in a better mood

FindingBliss
FindingBliss
8 years ago
Reply to  Lucky 35

Wow, Lucky, #3 for sure. Always some pissy mood I was somehow responsible for. That’s my #1. I do not miss his toxic negativity.

2. Beard and mustache trimmings left all over the sink, toilet, mirror, and floor several times a week.
3. Hearing, “It’s not my fault!” to virtually everything. It was a constant refrain. If he got 3 speeding tickets in one day–not his fault! The troopers had faulty equipment, they got the wrong car, they had it in for him, it was a trap! Endless. If he lost important documents or broke something of mine–not his fault! I so don’t miss hearing that every day.

UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
8 years ago
Reply to  FindingBliss

Same here. Nothing was ever his fault- and it was always my job to make his mood better or do whatever he needed to make him happy. Ass!!!!

Kar marie
Kar marie
8 years ago
Reply to  Lucky 35

Tv always had to be on like 24/7. Wtf!

Anne
Anne
8 years ago
Reply to  Kar marie

I couldn’t stand the fucking TV. It was on all the time. But I got everything including the 65″ TV on the wall. I watched a movie last night (An Unfinished Life). I watched another last week (Breakfast at Tiffany’s). That’s it. I don’t even have cable, satellite or whatever. I didn’t have to listen to anyone sighing or moaning because i wanted to watch what he wanted to watch. I also feel no need to hold the remote at all time. I press plan and set it down. Who knew you could watch TV without holding the remote? Not me.

Anne
Anne
8 years ago
Reply to  Anne

Way too many typos to correct. Sorry. Need coffee.

Shechump
Shechump
8 years ago
Reply to  Anne

Anne, like many of us here, I’m sure we can all relate to the t.v. addicts. Showing my age here, but we didn’t have a t.v until I was 8. We watched I love Lucy..Bonanza, but mom never allowed it on during dinner and so loud the adults (who were also watching) weren’t too loud. Besides, we were always outside playing anyway. X would sit for hours and hours on a beautiful day outside and sit and watch James Bond movies all day. (Thank God he wasn’t into sports too) He didn’t used to be that way. Anyway, I like a very quiet house. If YOU want to listen to music or a t.v. show, plug it into your damn computer or iPod and listen with ear buds. Not shaking the walls in the entire house! It’s rather disrecpectful and I even offered to buy him a really great set of headphones for his bigger than life tv, even better than the surround sound! No deal.

Yeah, there’s compromise in a marriage.

Cheaterssuck
Cheaterssuck
8 years ago

1. Snoring and belching so loud you could hear it in the next county.
2. 30 seconds of sexual effort (that might be generous)
3. Whenever he’d empty the dishwasher he would leave all the Tupperware and pots and pans out on the counter for me to put away. When I asked him why he told me “he couldn’t understand my crazy system.” Ya know of stacking the like containers and putting the lids neatly stacked underneath.
4. When I went grocery shopping he would unpack everything from the bags to inspect what I bought and then leave it on the counter for me to put away.

Gypsy57
Gypsy57
8 years ago

Too many to name…

1. Insisted I leave the bathroom door WIDE OPEN while I was in there so he could get in “just in case”. When I finally moved out, the first thing I did was to CLOSE the bathroom door, even though I was living ALONE.
2. Having sex with him several times a day EVERY day, because if I didn’t he felt like he was “backed up”.
3. Listening to some of the most insane arguments, such as, that moving the clothes from the washer to the dryer wasn’t part of “doing the laundry”.

Mind if I add one more that I don’t miss?

PORN. In. Every. Single. Room. Of. The. House. Porn channels on t.v. in the living room. Pornographic calendar in the kitchen. Porn on the t.v. in the bedroom. Porn on the computer. Porn in his desk at work. Porn under his seat cushion in the car. Porn in the dining room closet. Porn in a drawer in his workbench downstairs.

Nope. Don’t miss any of that crap!

validated
validated
8 years ago

1. Ate with his mouth open, then pulled out his dentures and licked them off while watching me turn my head in disgust, then he’d smirk.
2. Raging at other drivers while he drove fast and recklessly passing, then raging at me when I’d turn away and cry in fear.
3. Smoking cigars and ALWAYS wanting to hug and kiss afterwards. Oh, he probably had the smirk from my discomfort and I missed it. He started smoking (again) when we started courting, promising to quit and couldn’t be bothered.

Lots of dittos with the above body waste associated stuff. The sex was satisfying but so lonely, how can it be so lonely?

kaycan
kaycan
8 years ago
Reply to  validated

“The sex was satisfying but so lonely.”

Wow… that made me catch my breath. What a great way to sum up something I haven’t been able to put my finger on until now. Thank you for that.

Anne
Anne
8 years ago
Reply to  kaycan

Ditto to the satisfying but lonely. My sister asks me how I was doing this weekend. I told her that sometimes I’m lonely, but I felt lonelier when he was living with me.

StarbucksGal
StarbucksGal
8 years ago

Hmmm.. Mine are a bit different. He was raised by a bunch of women and was quite effeminate in a bad way. he was neat but in a very structured and obilvious way to everything else.

1. effeminate. he never peed standing, he sat like a girl, tidy, persnickety ways, everything had a place and he’d have a fit if the the kids or I borrowed some of his stuff. but he’d take our things and never put them back. he’d hand them to you to put away. Very little body hair. Girly hands.
Folded his toilet paper, elaborately, spent inordinate time on the toilet.
2. ALWAYS LATE. He took more time to get ready than any woman I know. Getting out of the house was an hour ordeal. We were never on time to anything.
3. leaving me lists of things of to do for him after I retired. Like I needed to know what to do…
4. withholding of praise. We’d do things and be in festive mood, he would be Debbie Downer and find the one thing that was negative.
5. Did not know how to share with anyone. Took what he wanted of any food, items in the pantry and everyone else be damned
6. Indecisive. I had to make all the big decisions: which childcare to use, homes we bought, car negotiating, investments.
7. Watched at least 40 hours of TV a week: formula one, survivor, great race…I like documentaries where I learned something. He was bored.
8. Incredibly slow reader. I think he had Add, but wouldn’t do anything about it.
9. Kids could be sick or crying, he would take care of himself first.
10. the back of his head was FLAT. Looked like he was put in a backboard as an infant. I came to hate it, not sure why. But it was a representative feature of all his other personality quirks.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago

1. Always liking the evil character in a movie or TV series (he LOVED Francis Urqhart in the British “House of Cards” series–even more evil than the F.U. in the American series).
2. Saying awkward and inappropriate things to my daughters’ friends.
3. The water bottle by the side of the bed so he didn’t have to get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night.