UBT: “I Made a Terrible Mistake”

secondchanceI get some weird mail. But perhaps none so weird as this letter sent to my Universal Bullshit Translator by John — a cheater. Yes, probably inadvertently, John has asked me to decode his own bullshit.

Here’s the letter:

Maybe you should focus a little more at actually responding and helping people a little more. My wife comes here and is encouraged to leave me. Listen! Some guys are and will always be assholes! They say they’ll change and everyone knows they give 2 weeks of effort and then it’s back to their old self. Whether it be alcohol, drugs, abuse or whatever. But there are SOME who actually go out, seek counseling, find out why they are acting why they are acting (because they love their wife and kids), find medication, change their lifestyle and change for the better forever. And we would all agree after a few months you know if you’re dealing with the same person or not.

I have multiple kids with my wife and yes I made a terrible mistake. But I went and did everything in my power. And things were going very well!! Until one day, right before we are supposed to move she says, “You’re not coming with us, I can’t get over it.” Meanwhile telling our counselor and our families how great it’s going, BECAUSE IT IS GOING GREAT! but turns out she turns to this site and is encouraged to “run away!!” Sorry ladies but not all of us are the same. Some of us actually love our wives. Some of us actually want to change and do! This website may have done more damage than was already done. Meanwhile I sit in an empty house, no wife, no kids, and change my career to be home more for the family and for my wife so now I don’t have enough capital to even afford my own place.

I did all I could to right the wrong. I truly love my wife. And I will never stop. Maybe someone will one day open her eyes back to the fact that I am the person she married and I lost my way. Thanks again!

Let’s UBT that:

Maybe you should focus a little more at actually responding and helping people a little more. My wife comes here and is encouraged to leave me.

Dude, the banner says “Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life.”

UBT: The problem isn’t my cheating, the problem is your advice.

Listen! Some guys are and will always be assholes! They say they’ll change and everyone knows they give 2 weeks of effort and then it’s back to their old self.

I’m different! I’m not one of those Bad Cheaters! Unlike an asshole, I love my wife!

Why put in two weeks of effort when mindfuckery is so much more effective?

Whether it be alcohol, drugs, abuse or whatever. But there are SOME who actually go out, seek counseling, find out why they are acting why they are acting (because they love their wife and kids), find medication, change their lifestyle and change for the better forever. And we would all agree after a few months you know if you’re dealing with the same person or not.

Cheating can be cured in a couple months. Get over it already. I made a lifestyle change! Got new throw pillows and everything!

I have multiple kids with my wife and yes I made a terrible mistake.

Mistake. Singular!

But I went and did everything in my power.

Counseling for, like, entire months! Unlike those two-week losers.

And things were going very well!! Until one day, right before we are supposed to move she says, “You’re not coming with us, I can’t get over it.”

Imagine that. Chump has an opinion. Like I’m supposed to respect that? The mindfuckery things were going SO WELL!!

Meanwhile telling our counselor and our families how great it’s going

OMG, you mean she presented one front to the world, but did another thing entirely?! You don’t say. The injustice.

BECAUSE IT IS GOING GREAT! but turns out she turns to this site and is encouraged to “run away!!”

It must be the interwebz that changed her mind, not my behavior. I wonder if I can stop her from reading… Damn you literacy!

Sorry ladies but not all of us are the same. Some of us actually love our wives.

Ladies, I’m sorry your men didn’t love you. Unlike me. I actually love my wife. I send her flowers, write poems, fuck interns. Go to counseling for like, entire months about it. Examined my lifestyle! #allkindsofawesome

Some of us actually want to change and do!

I’m not an entitled fuckwit anymore! I’m just indignant about consequences and indifferent to my wife’s feelings. #allbetter

This website may have done more damage than was already done.

Those bitter bunny cartoons hurt people. Unlike me. I just fuck interns.

Meanwhile I sit in an empty house, no wife, no kids, and change my career to be home more for the family and for my wife so now I don’t have enough capital to even afford my own place.

And the channel flips to the Sad Sausage setting.

I can’t afford my own place! All my capital is being used to shelter my wife and children! #feelmysorry

I did all I could to right the wrong. I truly love my wife.

In that fuck-other-people-singular-mistake kind of way.

And I will never stop.

… until the next shiny kibble crosses my path.

Maybe someone will one day open her eyes back to the fact that I am the person she married and I lost my way.

I’m WAYWARD! I got befuddled and took a wrong turn. I examined my FOO issues, had a lifestyle change, and read some Healing Library articles. For entire MONTHS! Maybe someone will one day create a website for reconciling wayward people! And she will find it! And her little lady brain will be persuaded!

We can only dream that such places exist. Until then it’s just stupid Chump Lady and her Bitter Lady Brigade monopolizing all the advice and brainwashing people with this I-have-agency bullshit.

Thanks again!

Gotta find a new chump. Thanks for nothing, Chump Lady!

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lovedandlost
lovedandlost
7 years ago

OMG I guess Im still a chump. I followed his “logic” until I read your response. Thank God for you CL!

loridachump
loridachump
7 years ago
Reply to  lovedandlost

Maybe he can go get some of his other kids to keep him company.

confused.com
confused.com
7 years ago
Reply to  lovedandlost

I agree. I almost fell for the logic of the letter. Then I reread it and realised he’s not actually stated what he has done wrong, other than to say I are a mistake. What mistake? Years long affair? Sleeping with prostitutes? Chasing young girls on Facebook? He doesn’t mention it he just downplays it and minimises it. Doesn’t accept any accountability

brit
brit
7 years ago
Reply to  confused.com

He made a mistake and CN is getting in the way. I usually fall for it but I’ve been getting better.

Chumptitude
Chumptitude
7 years ago
Reply to  brit

Just like you brit, I used to fall for the “everyone makes mistakes…”

As I read the letter and comments yesterday, the use of mistake in cheaters as a way to evade responsibility really bugged me… Thinking more about it, they might indeed suggest that mistakes were made, but that does not change that cheaters make an enormous mistake when it comes to their chump:

Keep forging on my fellow chumps :)!

chumpnomore
chumpnomore
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumptitude

Nice cartoon. Love it love it love it!! When I told my husband to hurry and move out like he kept threatening to do – and then when I changed the locks on him when he finally did leave – he said, “You keep on surprising me!”
Yeah, well, be ready for more surprises because I’m not your doormat chump anymore.
Yes, keep forging fellow chumps!!

Anne
Anne
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumptitude

I love this!

CalamityJane
CalamityJane
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumptitude

Fantastic visual of the process, Chumptitude!

Ian Dubito
Ian Dubito
7 years ago
Reply to  CalamityJane

+1, Chumptitude

brit
brit
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumptitude

I like this, Chumptitude, That’s the only mistake I believe, (ha) Cheaters never accept blame, it’s always someone else’s fault and that someone is the Chump. They might say they made a mistake but they don’t always mention why, at least immediately but rest assured in their mind it was something the Chump, said, did, didn’t do, the way Chump looked at them, whatever, it forced them to fuck their secretary, neighbor, babysitter which made them feel empowered. Yes, that will show the Chump. who cares about the aftermath, they won.

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumptitude

That’s an awesome cartoon Chumpitude!

JackiesDone
JackiesDone
7 years ago
Reply to  lovedandlost

Me, too.

4 a.m. 4ever
4 a.m. 4ever
7 years ago
Reply to  JackiesDone

I don’t know if that ever fully goes away until Meh…for me, it’s more about how I saw him as a good and honest person, and reconciling that against who he really is has been a long trajectory of missteps and manipulations. The desire to not be completely wrong about someones character that you willingly joined your life to, created other life with, and planned a future with is strong – WE are committed and ethical empaths – we are an excellent source for the disordered for that very reason, and it’s why, when we read John’s letter, we read it in our ex’s voice and think “ok, that sounds reasonable and believable – maybe there ARE good people out there….maybe MY husband/wife CAN turn it around! ” That’s why the reoncilliation industry is booming right now. Please, for your sake, your children’s sake, and your family’s sake, TRUST THAT THEY SUCK. Dig into that statement and attach real meaning to it (I personally imagine D. Trump saying those things in John’s letter), the sooner you do, the faster you will stand up for what is best for you and the faster Tuesday will come.

Gail
Gail
7 years ago
Reply to  4 a.m. 4ever

You gift as being an excellent chump decoder and translator is priceless as we can see through your blogs that these cheaters really speak different languages almost alien like! With chump decoder eye glasses we can Women Up – cut the cord – and move on out of Peter Pan’s fairy fable! Thank you so much for the work that you do!

Beth
Beth
7 years ago
Reply to  4 a.m. 4ever

Great post 4am!

JackiesDone
JackiesDone
7 years ago
Reply to  4 a.m. 4ever

Even if GOD fell from the sky and told you it is sincere and you carry on with your cheater you have to realize the person you loved died and the person you were was murdered. You are now two different people with this “Mistake” between you. It will always be the elephant in the room.

YOU CANNOT UNHAPPEN IT. No amount of unicorns can take away the damage done. EVER.

Kelly
Kelly
7 years ago
Reply to  JackiesDone

YOU CANNOT UNHAPPEN IT.

That’s exactly it Jackie, so much of our angst is attempting to make it unhappen somehow.

ChumpNoMore
ChumpNoMore
7 years ago
Reply to  JackiesDone

I felt like the person I knew died. I went on Facebook and changed my married status to widowed.

Alexandra
Alexandra
7 years ago
Reply to  ChumpNoMore

I felt like it was my husband’s funeral when I found out about his cheating. It felt like he had actually died and in his place was this crazy person that looked just like him. And somehow, it was like, ‘if I just wait this out of negotiate with this crazy person, he’ll somehow bring my husband back to life, since he chose to kill him off in the first place.” Really bad sci-fi. My reality for a half-decade post D-day.

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  Alexandra

I knew of one OW before he died (he admitted EA but lied about PA to his last breath) but after I learned there were at least 2 more. Hell, if you are going to cheat, why stop at 3?

I am Catholic and believe in Purgatory, I believe he has been given a birds eye view of watch ing me find proof of his affairs. I think God took away his birds eye view of my bedroom after I quit fretting over him in it and moved my new (faithful) husband in.

The only place I ever “felt” his presence after he died was in the trails he cut into the forest behind our house, the other say I walked the trails and told him that he is an asshole and I hate him.

Every day I live my life to be the very best it can be just because I can. While all of us know that their betrayal is worse than death, please dont tell widows that,,,they wont understand and will just think that you are mean. In reality, we dont know what it feels like to lose a good man, none of is here lost a good person, we all lost assholes. ( I just lost mine both ways, yea me)

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
7 years ago
Reply to  Alexandra

I call the cheating skank boy, Florida Rick. The man I loved before his cheating is/was Rhode Island Rick. Rhode Island Rick is dead.

JackiesDone
JackiesDone
7 years ago
Reply to  Alexandra

I yelled at him one time screaming that what if had died and I learned all this after or worse yet met all the OW at his funeral!

I do wish he would have died before he was taken over by aliens (if there was a before) and I could have remembered him the way I loved him. I could have known I would maybe see him again one day when my time came…

We even lost that. Death is natural and would have been so much easier. What happened to us in anything but natural and that is why we suffer because it just goes against everything we are.

fighter
fighter
7 years ago
Reply to  Alexandra

Yes, that’s EXACTLY how I felt. Who I thought he was, everything, just disappears. All perception is shattered.

Julia
Julia
7 years ago
Reply to  ChumpNoMore

What a great idea!!!

brit
brit
7 years ago
Reply to  Julia

As awful as it sounds I wish mine had died. I wouldn’t have suffered as much. Cheater, compulsive liar has no remorse or empathy for all I sacrificed and did for him during our 20year marriage. He’s been relentless in trying to destroy me and literally made me homeless. I’d be pleased if he died, he has no conscious and I don’t believe he has a soul.

Survivor
Survivor
7 years ago
Reply to  Julia

Mine did, but not until some years later. After the torture, the bewilderment, the chronic sadness and disbelief. After the awakening, the physical abuse in response, and the loss of everything I’d built for so many years. I rebuilt my life, and refused to be called back into service by the selfish douchebag I’d already wasted far too much of my life upon when his Plan A didn’t work out. Then I heard he died. And checked in with a former colleague who told me that the Karma Bus was not kind to the selfish prick. Six years in institutions, with an occasional week at home with 24/7 care. He died at age 57, at home, probably by his own hand with painkillers while the caregiver slept, a day after the docs said there was nothing more to do for him. By then, no one much gave a shit about him and he was so violent in his speech and actions that no one but the occasional flying monkey cared anymore

Sometimes bad things do happen to bad people. It’s a reason to hope.

Jacquelyn Black
Jacquelyn Black
7 years ago
Reply to  ChumpNoMore

Except had they died it would be easier

chmpnomore
chmpnomore
7 years ago

Yes, JB – Except had they died it would be a lot easier. Yes

Julesfreebird
Julesfreebird
7 years ago

I did that too. It was a death with no body.

BlindedByTheWife
BlindedByTheWife
7 years ago
Reply to  JackiesDone

That’s about as true a statement as I’ve read about reconciling. In order to proceed with reconciling with a cheater you have to accept that you, the betrayed, will NEVER be the same person you were before. And I don’t know about the rest of you, but I quite liked myself before getting my life smashed in. Sorry your wife had a backbone and treated you like

Alexandra
Alexandra
7 years ago

You know what? I was a REALLY NICE wife. Really nice. And my husband did his “mistake” while I was pregnant with our daughter seven years ago. What has happened since? Counseling, and a whole bunch of “blah blah blah” changes. Truth is, I suspect I have a Unicorn. And guess what? I don’t really care. His Unicorness doesnt take it away and it has haunted me. I tried to spackle. I tried to encourage. I tried to go back to nice wife. It’s changed everything. So while I am HERE and I even have our son due any day now…… I still love my husband, but it will never be the nice, naive, trusting kind of love it was EVER. He didn’t “lose his way” and find himself in a vagina. He plotted a specific course or allowed himself to be led there. Sure, he changed. But so did I. I found out I wasn’t special to him at all, and that I am special to me. What can I say. I’m “happy enough” with the marriage. I’m not rushing toward the door. I have my Plan B in my back pocket. Lord help him if he cheats again. He won’t see anything I do coming. But he SHOWED ME very clearly that I can’t expect better from him. Maybe, over time my feelings will change, maaaaaybbbbeeee the sustained, sweet love and passion will return. But if I had realized seven years ago how very long a marriage can run and how very deep the scarring would be, I don’t believe I would have bothered. There’s a very good chance I could have divorced, moved on and remarried someone I could trust by now. I am glad John’s wife realizes she can’t get past it and doesn’t spend the next seven years wondering EVERY DAY if she has made or is making the right decision about staying with John, who can “get lost in the way home.” Good for John for doing some examination of himself, but that journey seems to be very much at the start, not the conclusion. I highly suspect if he is genuine and doesn’t deviate from becoming a better mate AND doesn’t pressure his spouse, he will most likely end up with a healthy relationship. But this blog can’t decide that for him. Nor is this blog FOR HIM. But hey, if he hadn’t done a real nasty deal to his wife, odds are, SHE WOULD NOT HAVE COME HERE. If John would have gone straight home instead of straight for OW, his wife would be by him, with their kids (and all of his money), never knowing what a “Chump Lady” was or what RIC stood for. So whereas John feels the ‘sting of loss’ by outright throwing his family away with both hands (and his dick); his wife gets to feel absolutely robbed of a faithful husband, the dream of her family, and she gets go feel that shit-stain on her self-esteem that we chumps know all too well. John days he’s loves his wife. My husband says the same thing. I really have to know before I die, what the fuck does that mean? What the fuck does “I love you” really mean when it comes from a man that acts like a Vagina Collection Agent? Or a woman that is a Dick Landfill? What the Hell is “Love” from these people? Nice feelings? Usefulness? Willingness to go to counseling to get their spouse to shut up? To me love is sacred. To people that cheat, it just sounds like a buzzword to me.

BlindedByTheWife
BlindedByTheWife
7 years ago
Reply to  Alexandra

I feel exactly like you do! I’m still here but not like I used to be. I worked my ass off to make sure we had a home & enough money to still go on vacation, put our kids in a better school & for her to work part time so she could be home when school was out. Oh, & support her fricking purse & shoe habit. This also gave her the free time to bang her married boss. She even told her enabling BFF I was a great father (damn straight I am) & a good husband! I now have zero respect for her & honestly couldn’t care less about her “happiness” with the marriage. I have all these doubts about my decision to stay. one day, I MIGHT get back to what I was before but I doubt that as well. I don’t trust my wife to tell me what the weather is right now. She might be a unicorn but I just don’t believe they exist.

uneffingbelievable
uneffingbelievable
7 years ago

BBTW – you and Alexandra are showing us that unicorns aren’t that special really. They may have changed, but it doesn’t erase what they’ve done or how it makes you feel about the marriage and the person you married. They still have the stink of infidelity on them and you both recognize this is not the person you thought you married. So you’re kind of stuck with this person who you wouldn’t have chosen in the first place, had you known them as they are now.

I’ll bet they can’t understand why things aren’t what they used to be. In their minds they’ve atoned so you should be happy, right? Wrong. They can’t undo what they’ve done and things (and you) will never be the same nor feel the same way about them. It’s too bad these entitled idiots don’t think about the PERMANENT damage they cause before they do it.

I wish you both much luck going forward trying to make chicken salad out of chicken shit.

WhereisMia
WhereisMia
7 years ago
Reply to  Alexandra

‘Never knowing what a “Chump Lady” was. Spot on Alexandra, it could be a Yeti for all I knew before I entered into the Cheaters twilight zone 🙁 I am so grateful to be able to read here daily and patiently wait for the bleeding scars to dry up, but OMG what I would give to never have had to google my way here 3 years ago ).

Heather
Heather
7 years ago
Reply to  lovedandlost

Maddening when that happens. Huh? Damn! I still do it too.

renee62
renee62
7 years ago

As usual it’s everybody else’s fault– ChumpLady’s, his wife’s etc. but not his fault that he has to live with the consequences of his actions. The Mindfuckery of it all is amazing!
Thanks ChumLady for putting it into perspective.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  renee62

Here’s Johnny:

crying

CalamityJane
CalamityJane
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

HA ha ha hHAWWWW…you have a gift, Tempest.

Fifi
Fifi
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Hahaha, love it!

Kay
Kay
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I seriously LOVE memes!!

Michael
Michael
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

LOL!

ANC
ANC
7 years ago
Reply to  renee62

He may have refrained from disrespecting his wife by note fucking random holes at the moment, but the fact he valued her and his multiple kids so little is not a character trait that goes away via months of therapy.

Guess what? She has probably examined his actions in other interactions. Wow. They don’t match up to his love verbiage of her. He misses his old life, his former wife, the kids who thought he was awesome and his money.

John, the FIRST step in a successful marriage is respecting your partner. “Mistakes” don’t happen, asshole. You PLANNED it and then EXECUTED the plan. See? That’s way different than buying 2%milk vs whole milk you said you would buy. Your wife isn’t sure she wants to remain with a person who gave ZERO FUCKS about her and your children. What makes your penis so important? Believe me, your wife has also had many opportunties to get entitled zest into her life too. The difference between you and her is her character, her integrity and her respect of you, your marriage and your kids. You aren’t special. Consequences suck. Adulting is hard. Grow the fuck up.

ANC
ANC
7 years ago
Reply to  ANC

I have another question for John…
After all the fuckbuddies, you suddenly realize you “love” your wife all along? Using your thinking, it takes years, months, days, hours or moments of cheating -physical and emotional (you know…all those times you told willing holes how awful your wife was for – fill in the blank-)- to realize NOW you love your wife. Every random fuck was done for love?

Yeah. I’m real triggery on this shit. The asshole in my life used that crap on me too. Because cheating requires an asshole to be completely devoid of empathy, you won’t get this but your wife and others will: in the spectrum of my asshole’s fuckfest serial cheating, culminating in a decade long affair with a married, diseased twat and due to the fact I wrecked his entitled fun by finding out, the asshole in my life did circle back like you, John. Spent months in therapy, etc.. And proclaimed he has always “loved” me. Chumps know that vows are important, real, conditional adult promises. True love dictates you keep those promises. True love means working through the unfun, unsexy stuff of real adult relationships.

Why now? Why do you suddenly “love ” your wife NOW? Why didn’t you love her and your kids enough to respect them in the first place? The chump knows what true love entails and what cake looks like. You suddenly miss your cake. You can’t unfuck those you have fucked in blatant disrespect of your wife. Your wife realizes that. She has a 100% better chance swinging a dead cat in a singles bar to find a better partner than you. Because every guy in that bar has not lied to her, used her, risked her health, embezzled her time, emotional energy and money to outright deceive her. It will be up to her to vet the creeps from the potentials. You just gave her a master class in douchebaggery.

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
7 years ago
Reply to  ANC

BOO-YEAH!!

Nice post!

yo
yo
7 years ago
Reply to  ANC

Hey John. When you cheated it wasnt as if you spilled coffee on her laptop. Ooops. What you did was so damaging, so painful, so irreparable. If you truly love your wife as you claim then let her go. Let her find a good man who wont lie to her and betray her. She deserves that does she not? You need pay her back all the money you stole from the family pot to spend on your affair. Every penny. If you are truly sorry and not just lying again then you will do this. It sucks that you are alone and out of funds. Why dont you tell your affair partner? I am sure she will be happy to help pay your bills like your wife used to.

BlindedByTheWife
BlindedByTheWife
7 years ago
Reply to  ANC

Aaaaaand mic drop.

Virago
Virago
7 years ago
Reply to  ANC

And more woot woots here, ANC!

Crimson Comet
Crimson Comet
7 years ago
Reply to  ANC

Great point ANC! There are so many really good comments today, I am finding this post downright therapeutic! I’m most of the way to Meh, but I still have some lingering guilt for calling off the second reconciliation, and starting the divorce. I did want to fix the marriage, but eventually accepted the fact that there was nothing left to save. Needed time to get my ducks in a row, and then began the process as soon as I could.

The thing these cheaters uniformly believe is that they are entitled to a second chance, especially if they make some changes and efforts. The sad reality is that life doesn’t give do-overs. The consequences for distracted-driving is sometimes death or permanent disability of themselves or innocent others. They don’t get a do-over. No matter what anyone does! The consequence is unchanged. Even though a lot of times it is totally unfair. The actions leading to a terrible thing have consequences.

But chumps are supposed to graciously grant a suspension of consequences? I’m a terrible person for kicking my ex out when he was presumably not cheating after a dozen years of cheating? Honestly, trying to reconcile felt more like the movie Weekend at Bernie’s, toting a corpse around pretending it (the marriage? the man I married?) was still alive. There was no consequence in that second reconciliation, and I couldn’t live with myself living that lie. My explanation for any who needed to know: He broke the marriage, I ended it.

kar marie
kar marie
7 years ago
Reply to  Crimson Comet

I agree how many chances does it take? Asswipe had four chances. The last time was it and I should have dumped his ass the first time but no im a chump. This last time he started it I finished it. This site is a safe haven for us full of love and stories and wonderful advice and fuck them that think different such as the cheater bastard that got ubt’d today. Abd yes ive appreciated some of the knocks to the back of the head I needed so badly from here. The first time they cheat they need to go. Asswipe never wanted to talk about it makes him uncomfortable just wants to forget what he did no big deal its all good and pretend nothing bad happened and we will continue to be the best of friends. No way mother fucker I asked him so you want me to be past this forgive when you never asked for it or even gave a sincere apology forget it happened and we will be best friends and one big happy family? His answer of course thats what he wants. My coment to him was im gonna forget you happened forgive myself and pretend you are dead and when people ask about my kids dad im gonna tell them he tried to get my adult children a new mom caused the old one was no good not new and sparkly enough so he cheated left me and hes dead to me. His jaw dropped to the floor! I still love you I still wanna look out for you I worry about you! And actually got real tears in his eyes. Oh boo hoo. Said its really gonna fuck him up if I refuse to speak to him it will ruin his relationship with the whore! He hopes one day I will get over myself and be friends with both of them! Never gonna happen. He will be dead to me. I told him I didnt give a fuck about the rest of his life or what happens to him and shoukd there be a function where we both have to be present I will simply ignor him. Fuck him!

AtPeace
AtPeace
7 years ago
Reply to  Crimson Comet

Yes! I feel exactly the same way. EVEN IF — and that’s a huge IF and the fact that it’s an IF is part of the problem — he’s a unicorn, it still doesn’t undo the damage. It doesn’t erase the scars, take away the pain. You can’t change the past. There’s a reason they are called deal breakers.

The first affair (that I know of) my STBX had was with a close friend several years ago. They had moved out of town but still in the area a few years ago so we still had occasional contact. I and the husband didn’t find out about it until last spring. The husband contacts my STBX and tells him “I forgive you but I can’t be friends with you any more. I don’t want to hang out, don’t want to talk” etc. My STBX understood that. When he was begging me to reconsider divorce, with me feeling like he felt entitled to staying married, I asked him why it was reasonable for his former friend to forgive and not be in contact anymore, yet it was unreasonable of me to not want to be married. He had no answer to that.

It is reasonable and expected that I don’t want to be married to someone who abused and hurt me that deeply, regardless of the path his life takes from this point on. Regardless of whether he gets his crap together and fixes himself. Regardless of whether he truly changes and goes on to be Mr. Perfect. This blog helps me so much and I tell myself often “trust that he sucks” but EVEN IF he doesn’t anymore, I am not unreasonable. Divorce is a healthy, reasonable and expected response to your marriage being broken by your spouse.

My pastor reminds me “He broke/ended the marriage. You are merely seeking a legal representation of that fact.”

kellyp
kellyp
7 years ago
Reply to  Crimson Comet

Exactly! Whenever you cheat, you run the risk that your partner (you know, the one you actually committed to) may run. That’s a pretty typical known consequence.

John, you rolled the dice on your life and came up snake eyes.

happily ever after
happily ever after
7 years ago
Reply to  ANC

Standing ovation and woot woot calls. As my mom used to say—too little too late.
Bye bye sucker-who-sucks-and-will-continue-to-suck

Deedee
Deedee
7 years ago

Great last line Happily Ever After.LOL.
That’s one for my repertoire.

Kar marie
Kar marie
7 years ago
Reply to  ANC

Anc. +1000!

UXworld
UXworld
7 years ago
Reply to  ANC

“Mistakes” don’t happen, asshole. You PLANNED it and then EXECUTED the plan.’ I should have this made into a plaque and presented to my STBXW on the day our divorce is final.

She says “Mistakes were made” all the time — along with “When we decided to get divorced…” When I call her on the fact that I made the decision based on her refusal to choose between her continual deception and our marriage, she changes to “When the decision was made to get divorced…”

dealwithit
dealwithit
7 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

UXworld, This! But of course, the decision to get divorced was mine, not his or ours….. because I didn’t want to go with the options of “we could leave it like this for a while” (you mean you shacking up with the OW while I just got it alone over here?) or “we could just separate for a year, you could date and I could date” (you mean, where I lower my standards to yours so you can feel okay about your decisions while you play house and decide if Plan A is going to work out?)…….Nah, I prefer my children to actually have respect for me.

BlindedByTheWife
BlindedByTheWife
7 years ago
Reply to  dealwithit

My wife had the audacity to accuse ME of throwing away the last 12 years! She even texted me once during it all and said, I crap you not, “Our relationships has always been based on trust…” I asked if she even realized how ridiculous she sounded. Nope. This was all my fault…

Anne
Anne
7 years ago

They’re just so….I can’t even think of a word to say how fucked up they are. It would be like Ted Bundy addressing the judge, “well your honor, I realize that it may appear as if I stalked women, faked an injury to prey on their sympathies and then brutalized them before murdering them and having sex with the corpses, however, if you consider the fact that if they weren’t women, it wouldn’t have happened. So you see, it was a chromosome mixup that caused this to happen. I have the upmost respect for women. Can’t I just say sorry and go home? I promise I will be on my best behavior. Trust me”

Jeep
Jeep
7 years ago
Reply to  Anne

Oh Anne…Yes, Ted Bundy, the biggest narc ever…dangerous, disordered, evil. …these inhuman creatures are dangerous…extreme.

We are so lucky to be away from them. I almost feel sorry for satan’s women. They have no idea…and they won’t till it is too late.

There otta be a law!

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago

Cheaters are f’ing hilarious!

After I threw mine out, he complained “Daughter and I were really looking forward to a family Christmas,” and then accused me of being anti-family. Bundle of laughs, these assholes.

chumpnomore
chumpnomore
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I threw mine out one morning after his repeatedly saying, “I’m moving out!”
But nothing was happening! He just kept coming and going as he pleased. After being MIA all weekend, walking in early Monday morning – I blew up. He grabbed some clothes and said OK, Ok I’m going! I asked: “Why haven’t you left yet? You keep saying you’re moving out – it’s been weeks!”

He said all pititful like, “I have no where to go!”

Oh my goodness. He disgusted me so much right there.

And then the story from him was: She threw me out and I was homeless for a weeks!!

Poor baby. Now he’s in a huge rented house in an expensive neighborhood with OW and he’s crying about how he can’t give me any money because he’s so broke. LOL

Oh brother. Homeless my butt. He was staying at hotels every night. He didn’t mind being “homeless” every weekend at the Hyatt with his girlfriend. I guess it’s only homeless when you’re at the Hyatt during the week.

UXworld
UXworld
7 years ago

I am not surprised at all, Blinded.

After I confronted her evidence taken from her phone of (a) her accusing me of domestic violence to one of her secret fuckbuddies, and (b) the both of them plotting to have their THIRD sexcapade in my home, after my daughters left for school, she had for (forgive me) BALLS to say to me, “Well, you have to understand that I don’t trust you now either . . .”

SureChumpedAlot
SureChumpedAlot
7 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Blinded by the wife & UXWorld- It’s unbelievable what comes out of these cheaters hole in their faces when they get caught with a dick-in-hand.

When these tricks are under the influence of what they perceive as “true love” with the AP, they will continue to say and do whatever it takes to keep their delusion alive at all costs. They can not decipher reality vs fantasy.

They spew their inept justification no different than if someone has drank a 12 pack with a half a dozen shots. Same trash-talk. Wonder if these tricks get a hangover from over indulging in schoopie like alcohol does to you?

Grace
Grace
7 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

So funny they are, if it wouldn’t be so damaging. My serial cheating XH, with whom I have 2 children, said to me: “You need to trust me. The distance you keep makes me feel so lonely, it’s not my fault I meet women to feel validated’.

Carrie
Carrie
7 years ago
Reply to  dealwithit

My cheating ex hubs told me I was rushing him into divorce and couldn’t we just keep things the same for the next six months. We were his plan B. All of this while living with the MOW for periods of time and then coming back into our “home” to do his laundry acting like nothing was amiss. I filed for divorce and got my ducks in a row immediately after finding out he was an epic cheater

SureChumpedAlot
SureChumpedAlot
7 years ago
Reply to  Carrie

My serial cheating ex wife told me after the final Dday years back – “why do things have to be so permanent” – referring to me wanting to divorce her. The worse part she got that verbiage from her enabling Mom. Her Mom knew this wasn’t 1st time her daughter cheated.

Her Mom was present on my 1st Dday when the betrayed spouse of whom my ex-wife was cheating with her husband, came over to my home and was throwing punches at my ex-wife for cheating with her husband. My ex-wife’s Mom saw the devastation first-hand and still continued to enable her years after. The worst part is the betrayed spouse that was attacking my ex-wife (justifiably if you ask me) was my own sister. Yes my ex-wife cheated on my sisters husband (my-brother-in-law). My Ex-wife and her whole family is just a bunch of rats and ass-clowns!

Years have passed but I only share this because bad character is learned.

Patsy
Patsy
7 years ago

SCA: as my therapist said when I was sickened and offended by MIL’s enabling: it is none of your business how she supports her son. Why be offended? Why go to the source of the madness, and expect it not to be mad?

SureChumpedAlot
SureChumpedAlot
7 years ago

Virago just awesome!! Looks like exwife with the same pout. Lol

Virago
Virago
7 years ago

SureChumpedAlot:

J dub
J dub
7 years ago

My D day 1 was out of town with her mom too…..I find out 3 years after the fact….talk about shitty in laws, you would think that would be the last setting it would happen what a good mom…..Once a cheater always a cheater is the best approach….

SureChumpedAlot
SureChumpedAlot
7 years ago

Hey Ian, (there is no reply button under your name for whatever reason) but yup we have covered this before – ex-wife was getting boinked by my sisters husband, in my home.

That was a while ago and I am way past it. I just brought it up as response to what cheaters say (like John) to get another chance. It doesn’t matter to them how unscrupulous their actions are – whether they are family-fuckers or not. When we give cheaters a 2nd chance all that does is guarantee another Dday.

Ian Dubito
Ian Dubito
7 years ago

Wait. SureChumpedAlot, we may have covered this before, but your wife slept with your sister’s husband?

Virago
Virago
7 years ago

SCA, all I can say . . . eeewwwww! So sorry. Profoundly happy that you are out of that rodentfest, with clowns yet!

I’m embarrassed to admit, though, that I really love the line, “WHY do things have to be SO permanent??” waaahh waaahh

Ihavewings
Ihavewings
7 years ago

Ha! I too felt myself getting sucked into the void of “well, maybe this one is different” …. until I read the part about being all awone boo hoo and came to the realization that the sad sausage stage had arrived after paragraphs of mindfuckery. Thank you CL! I’m getting there ??

Anewwoman
Anewwoman
7 years ago

My favorite cheater trick is the use of passive voice: “This website may have done more damage than was already done.” Takes the focus away from them. The damage that WAS DONE, rather than the damage that I DID. Classic!

Patsy
Patsy
7 years ago
Reply to  Anewwoman

As my ex says: ‘I HAVE BEEN exiled from my family’. As the prosecutor said to Oscar Pistorius – you just can’t take responsibility, can you?

brit
brit
7 years ago
Reply to  Anewwoman

I can hear my Cheaters tone of voice being used as I read,, “This website may have done more damage than was already done.” Serious, calm and genuinely concerned. Chumps, are you listening to the sincerity in my words?? CL, it’s all your fault my life is in shambles.
When I confronted Cheater with some of his lies while in my Chump trans, I said you always told me you were a man of integrity, his reply, my integrity is still the same, my integrity hasn’t been tarnished and is completely in tact. Using his condescending tone, calm, serious, I’m an asshole voice.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  brit

Brit–we were obviously married to identical twins separated at birth. The last half of the marriage, mine switched his “rage” channel to a calm condescension that subtly asserted his [perceived] superiority while the words themselves seemed to convey concern. Don’t miss that.

Kelly
Kelly
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

What’s with that? My ex too switched from rage to calm-appearing condescension, still uses it in the minimal contact we still must have. It’s all about the superiority they feel they have over us.

Chris W.
Chris W.
7 years ago

This is the risk(s) you take by cheating. EVEN ONCE and EVEN IF you’re a unicorn with TRUE remorse. Your partner has agency to walk away and say, “the trust is gone”.

300lbsLighter
300lbsLighter
7 years ago
Reply to  Chris W.

Yes indeed.

NCStevie
NCStevie
7 years ago

There’s that ever present entitlement… she said “I can’t get over it” and he thinks he’s entitled to forgiveness and another chance. Some times there are no second chances.

I’d love to know the “real” story behind his “mistake”.

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  NCStevie

I genuinely would have forgiven a one night stand if it were followed by honesty, decency, respect and recommitment. Anything bigger than a single ons requires decision, planning, duplicity, ongoing lies and betrayal. Interesting, I am rather sure that my nowdeadhusband would never have forgiven a ons.

300lbsLighter
300lbsLighter
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

Yeah, ditto on this not forgiving if it had been me.

In fact, in the early days of his affair, before I found out, stbx raged at me for having said nice things about past boyfriends and not about him IN A DIARY I WROTE 30 YEARS AGO AFTER THE FIRST TIME I BROKE UP WITH HIM.

Kbchump
Kbchump
7 years ago
Reply to  300lbsLighter

Haha! My cheating ex wife also said something similar…BEFORE I found out about the cheating as she was leaving me she said I never got over my girlfriend before her…25YEARS EARLIER!!! I had no idea where that came from as I hadn’t talked to her in a quarter of a century and 2 children ago!! The narrative they come up with is mind numbing. I was literally left speechless ..

Survivor
Survivor
7 years ago
Reply to  Kbchump

I was told that I should have been a virgin. Understand that the Fucktard was not and was 30 years old when we got together. and had lived with two women before, for years. And had run around while single. “You should have waited for me!” Horseshit. Why didn’t you wait for me? The point to be made here is that NO ONE can meet the exacting standards they set for others (even before they have met), and THEY have no need to meet the same standards.

TheMuse
TheMuse
7 years ago
Reply to  NCStevie

Yes, I encourage his chump who he says reads this site to give us the true side of the story… we are here to support you, chump!

“Mistake. Singular!” hysterical.

What this cheater and others don’t and will never get – you LIED. You violated your partner’s trust. Nothing you say can ever be believed, ever again. The fake remorse is all for show, and voila! sad sausage mode revealed, he’s really upset because Money.

Kar marie
Kar marie
7 years ago
Reply to  NCStevie

Id like to knowvthe real story too. If hes sincere hed come clean for anyone.

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  NCStevie

Yes, this.

Extramarital sex is like a Pandora’s Box…before the act, you had absolute control over the situation, but once the penis goes into the vagina/mouth, you fully and completely lose control over the consequences and ramifications of what happens subsequent to penis/vagina/mouth/whatever.

They can “boo freaking hoo” over not liking their consequences, but the time to consider that is BEFORE it happens.

My new husband is the sweetest person ever, an absolutely wonderful mate, but if I ever cheated, it would hurt/disgust/betray him in such a way that (even if he worked around it and healed somewhat) we would never again be as we are now. This is not a dalliance, game or a mistake to be flirted with, it as serious as a freaking heart attack.

Lucky
Lucky
7 years ago

I suspect that after reading this he will still be navel gazing in his little empty apartment.

Chump lady is to blame for the demise of his marriage?!??

Cause you know, he’s a special snow flake!!!!

Go back and read yesterday’s comments. How many people took their spouse’s back only to find that after decades of marriage their cheater had not changed. Just got better at lying and manipulating.

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
7 years ago
Reply to  Lucky

Not only had mine NOT changed, he had gotten even better at lying, manipulating and cheating.

Chump Change
Chump Change
7 years ago
Reply to  Lucky

Yep. Raising hand. Forgave a ons 3 years into marriage. Then a year later when I was going to Italy under contract as model, another ons and him saying he wouldn’t wait for me if I went to Italy for 3 months. Didn’t want me to model. Broke my Chumpy heart and destroyed my confidence. You need uber confidence to succeed as model. I stayed home, quit modeling. Gave up my dream. Fast forward 3 decades… I’m finally divorcing the serial cheating certified Anti-social Psychopathic Narcissist Asshole. Caught him in a serious affair of well over a year while we were 8 months into Wreakonciliation! Just found out yesterday of another local lady who (while we were married and livin together) was “seriously let down” by him. He told her we were separated. WTF? He’s living with Schmoopie now. It took me 4 DDays to finally file. I was so invested in the nearly 40 years we had together, 2 amazing sons, and the lifestyle. Believed his bs and how he had “changed”. Believed in unicorns. I swear there is a trauma bond and great emotional damage from this type of pathological abuse. Chumps – dont waste your life if you’ve got a cheater. Take it from a hopium addict. You don’t want to wake up in your late 50’s to face the ugly truth.
Be mighty.

sadlady15
sadlady15
7 years ago
Reply to  Chump Change

Me too 36 years a one year affair that was supposed to be a one night stand massive financial verbal emotional mental physical and sexual abuse during wreckonciliation for 5 years big discard in october (I couldn’t forgive and was too negative-huh??) He continues to abuse me with his theft of our assets and constant lies and silent treatment.

Sometimes it takes almost a lifetime to learn a lesson and tge fogginess persists

blessingindisguise
blessingindisguise
7 years ago
Reply to  Lucky

Another hand raised. 8 more years of him “compartmentalizing” until it was definitely over. And even then, I still hoped for a unicorn.

Tania Rochelle
Tania Rochelle
7 years ago
Reply to  Lucky

Raises hand.

(Married him twice.)

HeartChump
HeartChump
7 years ago

OMG. I am wondering if this letter is from my cheating ex. (!!!!) HAHA. They all sound the same.

AtPeace
AtPeace
7 years ago
Reply to  HeartChump

I had the same thought except we don’t have “multiple” kids. Even the part apart her one day opening her eyes. My STBX recently told me (in the same conversation he complained to me about how things weren’t going so well with Schmoopie !!) that he hoped he could prove to me some day that he was changed and someone I could be proud of and I would give him another chance.

My response: blink. blink.

PF
PF
7 years ago

John blames CL. If not for CL he’d still have his wife and “multiple children”. He made a “mistake”, but doesn’t give details about his “mistake”.

Let me take a guess about john’s “mistake”, odds are he made many mistakes…many, many times, but who keeps count…just lump it all together into one neat “mistake bundle”, it’s cheater quantum mathematics.

John just wants to blame CL and he is the “victim” now. He’s all broke now, the house is empty of his multiple children. He all alone and broke, it wasn’t his cheating but mean bad CL and her CN nation that destroyed his marriage.

Finally realized
Finally realized
7 years ago
Reply to  PF

RE: MISTAKE, SINGULAR

My cheater had “a misdeed”.

A TWO year long misdeed!

And he told me several times that “I loved you the whole time! I loved you the most, whether you believe me or not!”

I say God protect us all from that kind of LOVE.

🙂

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  PF

Yea, who was tending the “multiple children” while he was penis-tethered to some gal? The person who is now pissed off about it. The concept that we (big collective “we”) were singly parenting any number of children while they entertained their weenies is beyond all comprehension.

DoneNow
DoneNow
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

Ah, but unicornomore, we had it so easy! We were being taken care of financially by the man who had so much stress and pressure from being so very important and we just couldn’t understand why he couldn’t be part of the family when he came home after a long day of doing important things and improving his clout score and making connections that better our lifestyle and fulfilling his potential and having to travel to exotic and interesting locations to party while working and forgetting to call home and we have no idea how hard it was to be away so he had to do something not to feel lonely and everyone else is doing it and really you are dragging him down with being tired all the time and smelling like small children and not keeping up your end of things and and your demands of mowing the yard or being pleasant and respectful which are all beneath me and you just don’t understand his life and DAMN it is hard to be him. So what if you had to raise a few kids alone? That’s not real work. Where’s your gratitude for that paycheck?

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  DoneNow

You are right, I did care for the children and mow the lawn while he travelled for work (and screwed OWs) and I was lectured about him wanting to be “admired” and respected. He called home but lied about where he was calling from. His paycheck wasn’t quite enough to cover the bills so in addition to tending my home and family, I also had a gig caring for dying children on the side. (I’m a nurse) But mind you, HIS life was so stressful that he had to cheat.

When he decided to give me the “laundry list” of reasons he cheated, my job was on the list, he said it was “disgusting”. So stick with me here…he dies and goes to the next place where he may have met a few of the children who I cared for on their way out. Me wonders if they were annoyed that he told me that the gentleness and compassion they received from me was “disgusting”.

Giving a nod to my dear Pope who made this a jubilee year of Mercy, I will say right here in front of y’all and John the Cheater, I do have compassion that people do such shortsighted, selfish things then later have to face consequences they never ever ever imagined in the moment. That has absolutely got to suck and I really wouldnt want to trade places with them. When my thenhusband called my work “disgusting” he meant to justify his sin, not insult dying children, but there is the sticking point in choosing evil…it takes on a life of its own.

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

Trust me unicornnomore, where ever those children are-they have never met your dead ex. He didn’t go to the same place, that’s for sure.

DoneNow
DoneNow
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

Well, I was describing my own life, but I’m sorry it paralleled yours in some ways. I didn’t care for dying children, but I was a teacher before my children were born, which my ex didn’t respect much either. I remember another post where you talked about your ex, and its all horrible, I’m sorry! The evil is not just in the cheating, its in the thousands of little choices to put yourself above others without any humility. I like your Pope too!

Cheryl
Cheryl
7 years ago
Reply to  PF

“multiple children”???
Because he’s so devoted to them and their well-being. If only he could remember how many. Or what their names are.

Chumpion
Chumpion
7 years ago
Reply to  Cheryl

Dad of the year. “The one or more offspring that I seeded!”

Hesatthecurb
Hesatthecurb
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumpion

I think he used ‘multiple’ rather than the actual number as a way to make himself less ‘detectable’.
As if his unfortunate chump won’t recognize his self serving drivel. (“I fooled her at least once, maybe I can get away with it again!!!”)

Foolish fuckwit.

Hesatthecurb
Hesatthecurb
7 years ago
Reply to  Hesatthecurb

Here’s another take on ‘multiple’–maybe he was referring to how VIRILE he is……capable of siring multiple ‘issue’, like a stud bull.

Delusional (and MEGA ANNOYING) any way you look at it.

PF
PF
7 years ago
Reply to  Cheryl

It’s pathetic how John describes his “multiple” children.

Kay
Kay
7 years ago
Reply to  PF

Yeah multiple children made my skin crawl. I started laughing though from the get go with all HIS FREAKING WHINING. Again “sad sausage cheater,is there any other kind?” Sigh.

UnderConstruction
UnderConstruction
7 years ago
Reply to  Kay

Yes! From the first sentence on all I could focus on was his whiny “poor MEEEE” tone. Glad his wife decided to leave. Now he sits all alone in his so very sad alone space with no capital, no wife, no kids, no extra vaginas on the side – all because he was trying to be a good guy!!!. Poor John. He’s not even very swift.. did he really think CL would fall for his act?!?
Next wife, John, don’t fuck other women and lie to your wife.. and maybe she won’t leave you!

AtPeace
AtPeace
7 years ago
Reply to  Kay

I was just wondering why that bothered me so much! Is it the vagueness like he doesn’t remember how many? Or that he’s seeking sympathy because there are SO MANY? In contrast to “one mistake”? Is it really TWO kids and he wants to act like there are SEVENTEEN? And heaven forbid he pay child support for “multiple” children…

UnchumpingMyself
UnchumpingMyself
7 years ago
Reply to  PF

Yeah, mistakes were made. Like John’s wife marrying John. That was one huge mistake. Eh, we live and learn.

Alexandra
Alexandra
7 years ago

That was my thought too.

Kellia
Kellia
7 years ago

lol!

mom3085
mom3085
7 years ago

Thanks for my morning laugh Thank you for my morning laugh

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
7 years ago

Yowch.

1) All about “me”
2) It’s not FAIR, WaaaaaAAAAAAH!
3) All about “me”
4) I showed more willingness than the average
person, so I should get what I want completely and immediately without any long-term difficult process.
5) All about “me”
6) Seriously harming my family because I didn’t have enough maturity to manage myself like an adult sexually should only be a small bump in the road for my primary relationship. After all, that happened in the “not you” compartment and, therefore, didn’t have anything to do with you, even though it put you at risk and broke the most sacred agreements I made about my participation in this relationship.
7) All about “me”
8) She put on a brave face for everybody (which I’m sure she wasn’t doing out of fear that she would lose me again if she wasn’t positive enough, since I told her that was why I cheated…) and now she’s leaving me and there’s no reason for it except this website of people who are clearly mind controlled by an evil overlord, since their experiences and perspectives don’t matter.
9) All about “me”
10) All about “me”

Write another letter, John, and this time, list out all the things you think YOU did wrong, things that YOU can see are be unforgivable trust violations. Tell us about how hard you know it must be for her to have tried again at all, and how you realize she needs to figure out who she is without you, now that your choices forced her to realize that if you would lie about something that sacred, she can’t be sure of anything anymore.

Try to write a letter that doesn’t even hint at blaming anyone but yourself for what you lost because of shitty decision making. Read this site from the point of view of how much infidelity has destroyed all of these peoples’ day to day lives and trust relationships with the world. Look at the gravity of what you chose, and feel the burn of it. Deeply.

In short, tell us about how you have realized that you pulled the cornerstone out from the bottom of the castle, you know you can’t just push it back in there and expect.it to last forever, and figure out, on your own, whether she helps or not, how YOU are going to rebuild the castle, by yourself, because YOU broke it.

Maybe you can never fix the damage you did in this relationship. That’s on you. It is also on you to accept that you made a REALLY shitty decision, one that might cost you EVERYthing, that this reality is out of your control, and that you still have an opportunity to fix this problem. You can still make the rest of your life, and your kids’ lives, and all of the lives of people you contact for the rest of your life, better by being a more mature and responsible person. You didn’t do the work you have done so far for nothing. Unless, of course, you think the work is stupid because it didn’t miraculously fix your toys after you broke them. You are not two. You are an adult.

Grow up, be accountable, fix yourself for your own reasons, and quit blaming the rest of us because you don’t control everything and you can’t have what you want immediately all the time.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
7 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

🙂

300lbsLighter
300lbsLighter
7 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

Mmmhmmmm.*vigorous head nodding*

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

Preach it sistah !

pineconeelf
pineconeelf
7 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

Standing ovation for that Amiisfree.

My x-hole is a Sad Sausage now who’s “lost everything” like this creep. Yep, sticking your dribbly dick in at least six other people over a period of many years, including when your wife is pregnant and when she’s at home with three children including a new-born, does, funnily enough, quite often lead to “sitting in a house alone with no wife and kids.”

Can’t imagine your alternative remorseful letter will show up here any time soon though 🙁

Gail
Gail
7 years ago
Reply to  pineconeelf

Mine has the home he bought out from me on the market! He’s dropped the price at least 6 times in the last 9 months! This is a home we needed 5 appraisals on because he kept low balling me and raising my lawyer fees? My now X is on the Verizon picket line with his Schmoop poop fighting for FAMILY VALUEs! They bitch about CEO pay and they’re greed but they were no better when they both came after me and my kids retirement assets! My son told me he’s now calling her a stalker and his family is telling him all she wants is his money! I told my 26 year old son that’s what happens when you act like a dick! What goes around comes around ….he had been cheating on me for 36 years! Thanks chump lady I’m out of his drama!

Ian Dubito
Ian Dubito
7 years ago
Reply to  Gail

Nice “age-appropriate” explaining for your son! “Your father’s a dick, son.”

Cheater’s entitlement seems to veer to delusion in the divorce process. Their economic ideology is finally revealed as completely at odds with their actions.

Huh, you mean most of the world (especially the post D-Day Chump) just sees a relationship as a business transaction? You’re not valued as highly as you thought you were? It’s going to cost real-world “capital” to extricate yourself from the obligation you committed to? It’s so unfair!

Anne
Anne
7 years ago
Reply to  Ian Dubito

I have been trying to keep my comments about Fucktard to myself when my adult sons are around. They took me out to dinner and then drinking on my 50th birthday Tuesday. As we were sitting around the bar, my 22 year old son says he needs my advice. One of his employees is coming on to him and he doesn’t know what to do. My stbx had an affair with his employee, I couldn’t help myself and as I batted my eyelashes I asked him why didn’t he just ask his father. He looked at me for a long minute and then we all burst out laughing. He said, “seriously mom, I need adult advice not junior high advice.” I told him what to do.

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
7 years ago
Reply to  pineconeelf

pine, yep….Fuck this self-centered douchebag! That is all!

Get Out Yo Seat and Chump Around
Get Out Yo Seat and Chump Around
7 years ago

But you guys he changed his career to be home more with the family! He’s one of those self-sacrificing cheaters! See how he’s DIFFERENT?

Yeah me neither.

ihavewings
ihavewings
7 years ago

Changed his career? More than likely he lost/quit his job and took another so his new job payed less in order to reduce his post divorce contribution to his wife and multiple children. He spun it so it appears he was making time for them because, as we all know, outward appearances are everything to the fucktard. Character is character.

Eilonwy
Eilonwy
7 years ago
Reply to  ihavewings

I wondered if the career change was due to the fact that the AP shared his office? Did he leave the job to spend more time with his family or to spend less time with temptation?!?

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
7 years ago
Reply to  ihavewings

Yep. Like my ex, who quit a six-figure successful career within two months of our separation because he decided to “pursue his dream of becoming an actor.” Six years later, he STILL has yet to go back to a real, full-time, long-term job. Some of these losers are willing to go all out to avoid paying support. My guess is ihavewings is absolutely correct — the “John” here quit his job to lower support to those “multiple children.”

ANC
ANC
7 years ago

Mine tried that too and we don’t even live together anymore. For maybe 9mths. Today my youngest kids haven’t seen their “father” in 2wks. Adulting is soooooo hard. It’s too difficult to take part in their daily routines, creating time to BE with them, all four of them, means taking time away from HIMSELF. The 9months he spent around the home were not as thrilling as meeting an AP at O’Hare and flying to Cleveland to fuck, all for the “love” of his wife and family.

Nola
Nola
7 years ago

Dear John….Get over it already dude! The fact that you lost your way doesn’t entitle you to a get out of jail free card. Perhaps you are in fact different and love your wife and realise that you messed up big time and you are willing to do what it takes but you cannot control your wife and how she feels about your messing up. I believe that yes, people can in fact change, but it takes a lot of time……. You don’t get to control the consequences of your actions!

Lola Granola
Lola Granola
7 years ago

Hey John – great letter.

Really looking forward to the letter where you describe how it was actually all the Affair Partner’s fault, because she threw herself at you, and then one day you tripped over and fell into her vagina.

It was all just a mistake.

Yep.

And you are finding out just how big a mistake.

pineconeelf
pineconeelf
7 years ago
Reply to  Lola Granola

It’s amazing how many people manage to trip and fall into vaginas these days. Maybe these women walk around with a banana skin in their pocket and when they see a married man they want, they quickly drop the banana skin on the pavement in front of them and drop their knickers. Or maybe they just have really massive vaginas? Not too sure really. Either way, apparently all my x-hole’s OWs were to blame as they “offered it on a plate”. Plate of vagina anyone?

Roberta
Roberta
7 years ago
Reply to  pineconeelf

EWWWW! The images that come to mind over penis buffets and vagina plates! Yuck!

SureChumpedAlot
SureChumpedAlot
7 years ago
Reply to  pineconeelf

Hilarious Pineconeelf – “It’s amazing how many people manage to trip and fall into vaginas these days.” Very true but as the cheaters are masters of deception they know they have to tie a 2×4 to their ass so they don’t get lost in there.

pineconeelf
pineconeelf
7 years ago

Now that’s an image that needs to be made into a meme – a giant vagina with a cheater flying towards it with a 2×4 across their ass! One for Ian I think…

I always imagine that for cheating men having sex with these one-woman leisure centres must be like chucking a sausage into the Channel Tunnel. Very roomy, used to experiencing high volumes of traffic, and inundated with illegal immigrants.

Fifi
Fifi
7 years ago
Reply to  pineconeelf

OMG you are on a roll, pineconeelf and Ian! “Like chucking a sausage into the Channel Tunnel.” My stomach hurts.

Ian Dubito
Ian Dubito
7 years ago
Reply to  pineconeelf

ROTFLMAO

Trigger warning!!!

I imagined the massive channel vagina meme, but I can’t spend the rest of my day googling vaginas. Much as I might like to. ?

Ian Dubito
Ian Dubito
7 years ago
Reply to  pineconeelf

I started to make a “plate of vagina” meme, but I thought better of it.

Shechump
Shechump
7 years ago
Reply to  Ian Dubito

OMG – you are totally cracking me up.
It’s a huge Belly Laugh! Thank you.
A meme of a Vagina Plate…..rolling down the deck~~~
Sure needed that, Ian!

Shechump
Shechump
7 years ago
Reply to  Shechump

I think I’m in love with a gorilla! lmao!

Ian Dubito
Ian Dubito
7 years ago
Reply to  Shechump

Chumps say the sweetest things.

Ian Dubito
Ian Dubito
7 years ago
Reply to  Ian Dubito

Maybe a penis-buffet? No, no, no. Nobody wants to see that.

Ian Dubito
Ian Dubito
7 years ago
Reply to  Ian Dubito

Oh, dear God. Don’t google “penis-buffet.”

Jeep
Jeep
7 years ago
Reply to  Ian Dubito

OMG! …so…of course I did!

Virago
Virago
7 years ago
Reply to  Ian Dubito

Ooopps, Ian. I had to. My computer made me do it. Or maybe it was my chair.

Ian Dubito
Ian Dubito
7 years ago
Reply to  Virago

Chump Lady made you do it.

pineconeelf
pineconeelf
7 years ago
Reply to  Ian Dubito

I’ll try my best not to… Did it come up (scuse the pun) with some imaginative penis-based recipes?

Her Blondeness
Her Blondeness
7 years ago
Reply to  pineconeelf

OMG, Ian! My coworkers all look like prarie dogs because I’m laughing so hard here! I’m sure they think I’ve gone around the crazy bend one last time.

Fifi
Fifi
7 years ago
Reply to  pineconeelf

ROTFL, pineconeelf! Really massive vaginas, OMG I can’t stop laughing.

nic
nic
7 years ago
Reply to  Fifi

Or in my case, an employee who was such a “good listener”. Turns out she wasn’t much of a talker because his dick was in her mouth. I called her catfish – all mouth & no brain.

Ian Dubito
Ian Dubito
7 years ago
Reply to  nic

Reminds me of that Outkast song.

TheMuse
TheMuse
7 years ago
Reply to  pineconeelf

Mine said, “she was all over me like a train wreck.” Ah the imagery

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
7 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

Muse, if a man were to fall all over me like a train wreck, we would call it molestation or rape and call the police. But, then again, that’s just me! Those fucktards!

pineconeelf
pineconeelf
7 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

Train wreck sex? Gosh, that sounds like a proper giggle. Did he tell you if it involved dismembering their own body parts with shards of glass and twisted metal? No wait, that’s what my D-day(s) felt like. What a total wanker.

TheMuse
TheMuse
7 years ago
Reply to  pineconeelf

+1 pineconeelf!

Hesatthecurb
Hesatthecurb
7 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

Here’s an epic situation: “I was meeting her for a job interview and then we went to lunch to discuss the ‘position’ further.”

He was DUMB enough to have the waiter take pics of them—him all cuddle-cheeked up against her fish face. His patented NARC smile almost blinding the camera……(His thought: what she (me) doesn’t know won’t hurt her).

How many of us have escorted their ‘potential boss’ to lunch and taken smash faced selfies with them?

He drove over 400 miles for this ‘meeting’ and had told me he was going on an interview with a company for a position that was in our location.

Truth: he pursued the carp mouthed cow on Match.

FTM: his ‘potential boss’ was dressed for the “interview’ in a very low cut blouse with about 6 inches of overfilled cleavage exposed. I discovered an email to her– ‘I miss your mouth’.

Can’t make this shit up, can we?

TheMuse
TheMuse
7 years ago
Reply to  Hesatthecurb

ha ha, priceless, priceless! Mine said after he finished remodeling her house without having EVER met her in person, she handed him the check to pay him and said, “I wish we could work on another house remodeling project, because I SIMPLY ADORE YOU!” to which I replied in a monotone, “and then ya fucked her?”

thence the train wreck remark. LMAO about it now. but I was traumatized.

Hesatthecurb
Hesatthecurb
7 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

Yes, Muse, the trauma we wearing from this kind of deceit….

Oh Lordy, regarding the story I recounted above—that is just ONE incident with multiple women he co-mingled with on that ‘job interview trip’. Actually, it was the least traumatic of all of the meetings that I learned about.

He was to be gone for 2.5 days but stayed gone incommunicado (in my ‘chick magnet’ car) for 10 days. I did all I could to file a stolen vehicle report but law enforcement told me that I had given him use of the car, it was my problem.

There’s in book in me about all the incomprehensible crap this guy pulled but then again, I have extreme PTSD working against me (my memory is shot) and it’s also so painful to recall it. Recalling makes me have to acknowledge it –again. Painful to do cos I am trying to move on……I still struggle with the ’embarrassment’ I feel about being treated so contemptibly.

I am happy to say that he is reaping what he has sown

LIningUpDucks
LIningUpDucks
7 years ago
Reply to  Lola Granola

“And you are finding out just how big a mistake.”

Love this!

arlo
arlo
7 years ago

Declares change and remorse, does not provide evidence. Insists he’s different/special. Not expressing insight into his wife’s thoughts or actions. Very concerned about image and financial repercussions. Accuses CL of causing his problems. Kids are an afterthought, not real live individual people affected by his actions. Expects wife (and CN) to agree to his demands. Comes across as impatient, cranky, and bitter.

Not a unicorn.

300lbsLighter
300lbsLighter
7 years ago
Reply to  arlo

Hands up any woman who, knowing nothing about this man other than that whiny letter, would even go on a date with him, never mind commit her life to being with him?

Not too many, I’d guess. But if you were also the woman he’d cheated on, and whose family he destroyed, how tempting an offer would he be? Yeah, no wonder that even with counselling she couldn’t make herself stomach it.

Self-pitying, entitled git.

Hesatthecurb
Hesatthecurb
7 years ago
Reply to  300lbsLighter

@300poundslighter—“git”….I haven’t seen/heard that word in a hella time! I have used it around people and they have no familiarity with it. They’ve asked me to define it and it’s just one of those ‘you know it when you see it’ kind of words….lol

Confused123
Confused123
7 years ago
Reply to  Hesatthecurb

@Hesatthecurb Wanker, git, plonker, tosser are all very English words. I stopped using them once I got to the States as no one understood them. 🙂

pineconeelf
pineconeelf
7 years ago
Reply to  Confused123

You can use those brilliant words here! There’s enough of us from the little island here to appreciate them. Wanker is my particular favourite, having been married to one who seemed incapable of stopping himself wanking constantly.

Pondscumbgone
Pondscumbgone
7 years ago

Anyone notice the tone of the letter is about the injustice done to him?? One time mistake? I think not. Just the one time he got caught.. My guess is the wife was just buying time, getting her ducks armed and lined up before she made a move. Bravo to her!! And if she truly is on this sight?? Can’t wait to meet her!!!!!

Chumpita
Chumpita
7 years ago
Reply to  Pondscumbgone

Exactly! John´s wife is my new heroe! She must have been keeping up the image of reconciliation so she could plan her move because from what she read on CL she must have connected the dots from the past and realized that she was not getting a unicorn but another future Dday in the making! Good for her. I hope she posts and clarifies what made her realize that her cheater was a fake unicorn…

LIningUpDucks
LIningUpDucks
7 years ago
Reply to  Pondscumbgone

Exactly, Pondscumbegone. It’s all about poor him…along in his place, no money. Wah, wah, wah. Well, that’s consequences.

Also, he feels totally *entitled* to his wife’s reconciliation.

Carol
Carol
7 years ago

Good grief. I need to go vomit after reading that letter. What a loser. Spewed coffee at “read articles at The Healing Library.” LOL

Anon
Anon
7 years ago

Mommy read the part agai where she surprises him and moves out and takes all her belongings and leaves him alone with nothing but his sticky dick cause that’s the best part!

Fifi
Fifi
7 years ago
Reply to  Anon

OMG you guys are on FIRE today! Anon, LOL and LOL again!

Thankful
Thankful
7 years ago

Why put in two weeks of effort when mindfuckery is so much more effective?

Constantly CL you remind me that my choices are solid ones.

Mine put in no effort, refused to disclose detail and left the terms of salvaging our marriage to the church elders. I will never know what he was telling them but I am convinced that it is similar to that of your letter writer. All contrite and changed and desperate to be seen as making the effort, when no real effort or change has ever been evident. I ended our marriage and was labeled by many including those who had the most sway in my church as “running away”. If it wasn’t for CL I would have struggled far worse to come to terms with what had happened, but I realised I was not alone and my cheater although extreme and devastating to me at the time of D’day is really just a run of the mill, garden variety, narcissistic fucwit.

So thank you CL you should be commended for the service you provide in helping Chumps develope boundaries, find their feet, line up their ducks, and kick their cake eating, kibble munching, bitch cookie demanding cheaters to the curb on the way Meh!

seriously?
seriously?
7 years ago

Most illuminating comment for me? ” multiple children”. Not even individuals, just things. ugh. Creepy
He has lost his wife appliance and its proving expensive. boo hoo

QueenMother
QueenMother
7 years ago
Reply to  seriously?

Dude is not sure how many children he has

ANR
ANR
7 years ago
Reply to  seriously?

Yes, I can’t tell if he’s just really pompous or can’t actually remember how many children he has.

Theory
Theory
7 years ago

I could read these translations for #EntireMonths and still not tire of them.

chumpnomore
chumpnomore
7 years ago

“I can’t afford my own place!” LOL My narc took $4,000.00 of our savings to put down on love nest for he and his gf. (He cheated lied and abandoned his family because he was ‘unhappy’) Then goes on buying spree for big cool bed (according to my daughter), TV, game console and all the necessities of life. He rented a big house in an expensive neighborhood. I asked for an amount each month. He said no and offered less. So I said let the court decide. Court decides $900 more in temporary support than I asked for. My narc is enraged! He can’t afford that! (He and gf each make 6 figures). He whines: I’m going make him go live under a bridge! I am evil! I am greedy! I am so angry and bitter! He is going to come take my car from me! I am trying to financially destroy him!

Can’t I be ‘unhappy’, too? If he can be ‘unhappy’ and destroy people, why can’t I? 😉

Yes! Pondscumbegone it’s all about the injustice to them. The poor victims they are. Ugh.

Charm. Victim, Rage. Repeat.

Pondscumbgone
Pondscumbgone
7 years ago
Reply to  chumpnomore

“Charm. Victim. Rage. Repeat.” the story of my (and everyone else’s experience ) ex and his skanks reaction to everyone’s (family, friends, etc.) disgust concerning their “relationship”. Yeah, cuz you know, living with someone who tolerated, supported, encouraged and loved them was so excruciating, they just had to dive into another and we should all support and respect that!!!! Give them a chance, dammit!!! Right…. Thank you for the four words Chumpnomore, they are my mantra from now on, to remind me that he is capable of nothing else, just those four words….

TheMuse
TheMuse
7 years ago
Reply to  chumpnomore

“Can’t I be ‘unhappy’, too? If he can be ‘unhappy’ and destroy people, why can’t I? ;-)” <—– That is excellent, chumpnomore! My thoughts exactly. Mine whined after I started piling up things in the basement that I wanted to make sure he took with him, including things he'd made for me, "do you have ANY idea what it's like to have everything I ever did for you shoved back in my face?!" Um, yes. "YOU are shoving your agenda down my throat, Muse!" he said after I kicked him to the curb when he refused to take resposibility for his actions or make any effort to save our relationship. Um yes.

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
7 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

The fucking skankboy doesnt get it either. He had the nerve to ask to come back into the house…My house btw, and date me! I’m sure while he was “dating cumsucker.” Ummmmmm, didn’t even dignify it with words…..just looked at him, smirked and shook my head no.

TheMuse
TheMuse
7 years ago
Reply to  nomoreskankboy

nomore, mine said he was going to live in the guest room and come and go by the side door while “dating” OWhore, and that “if it doesn’t work out with her I can totally see us getting back together!” Um, guess again asshole.

CakelessinKalamazoo
CakelessinKalamazoo
7 years ago

Yeah. I hear you, man. You slip up and fuck one little piece of ass while married and your little woman has the nerve to get all butthurt about it? I mean really. You said you were sorry. What more does she expect?

It kills me when they talk out of both sides of their neck. The 40 Year Old Toddler was sobbing inconsolably and babbling about how he made the biggest mistake of his life, and in the next breath wouldn’t say he was sorry because “you wouldn’t believe me anyway.” and never even considered ending the affair throughout its six year entirety, which would have been a way to try and repair the biggest mistake of his life if I’m not mistaken. He had no pretense of ending the relationship or trying, so at least I knew where I stood. It’s got to be harder when these fuckers try to lure you back with false sincerity and promises because they know it’s what we’d want to hear.

But even then, this gem from the UBT was all me, me, me, I, I, I and lots of My in case we don’t get the point. It wasn’t about his hurting his wife, but her being unreasonable for listening to her doubts. Fuck that noise.

TheMuse
TheMuse
7 years ago

Because in reality they are really only sorry that they got caught.

Strad
Strad
7 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

Amen Muse!

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
7 years ago
Reply to  Strad

Muse, so very true! Dday, I told him to get out. Said I will get my stuff out this week…I said nope, you will get out now! Walked into the den, saw him crying……didn’t even fucking care! Two weeks later, wanted to come back…to “date me”…..I shut that shit down! He didn’t care about me. When I showed him the STD results…..tried to blame it on me being a nurse. Said you probably got it from a patient. I said I don’t fuck my patients like you do your whores! “Get the fuck out” was my response! Felt very empowered that day!

TheMuse
TheMuse
7 years ago
Reply to  nomoreskankboy

you are mighty!! GTFO indeed!

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago

CL, you’re killing me with the hashtags. #allkindsofawesome

And now what we all want to know is–who’s the brave chump who lined up her ducks and then moved without John? Come forward so we can applaud you.

arlo
arlo
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

And Theory up there put in #EntireMonths. I’m dying

Fifi
Fifi
7 years ago
Reply to  arlo

Me too!! Hope my boss doesn’t walk by while I’m LMAO.

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

#feelmysorry made me audible!

Ohana
Ohana
7 years ago

What I find most appalling is that he believes there is not one thought in his wife’s head that wasn’t put there by someone else.

300lbsLighter
300lbsLighter
7 years ago
Reply to  Ohana

Oh, yeah. I had this.

His theory is that I drew boundaries because my online friends told me to, and then I was too embarrassed to back down from what I’d said. (For the record, after three months of asking him to end his affair, I said that if he went on holiday with her, that was the end for me, and I would no longer consider reconciliation after that point. He went).

I could never get him to see how profoundly offensive it was to assume that I couldn’t make decisions for myself, and stand by them because I believed they were right.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  300lbsLighter

Yeah, mine complained about Bitter Chump Lady when I refused to reconcile with him, and told me I should “get off that site.” #you’renotthebossofme

creativerational
creativerational
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I think that kind of ultimatum might be fun… And karmatic?

Dillhole: If you don’t stop talking to chump lady, for support and emotional healing, I will leave you….

Chump: PROMISE?!

The irony of them being offended by support and an outlet for feelings and brainstorming of what could have been had we found chumplady first. It’s like we are all having affairs with each other. Minus the lying, scheming, crotch shots and monetary exchanges.

scotty
scotty
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

These types usually have no shortage of enablers and flying monkeys. So naturally, so do their victims. Methinks thou doth PROJECT too much!

TheMuse
TheMuse
7 years ago
Reply to  Ohana

Yeah, because he’s so accustomed to being the one who tells her what the think. Now he feels threatened LOL.

Kay
Kay
7 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

Control much? Now he’s trying to control us. Jeez. I bet when it rains, he screams at the sky.

TheMuse
TheMuse
7 years ago
Reply to  Kay

yeah I know that guy… he was always saying for years that the “Universe was laughing at him.” Guess so… NOW.

Alexandra
Alexandra
7 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

Yeah. I’ve always found abusive people never give credit to their targets for having their own thoughts and formulating their own opinions. I’m sure if we asked John’s wife which was the bigger factor in deciding to end their marriage (him cheating or chumplady); I’m sure it’s a no-brainer what she would have to say about it.

Angela Viera
Angela Viera
7 years ago
Reply to  Kay

Ha! Love that one

Doingme
Doingme
7 years ago

“Maybe you should focus a little more at actually responding and helping people a little more”

He does sound remorseful. He went through all the stress of convincing his wife he changed. Hey, drugs, alcohol, and abuse, and ‘whatever’ (exposing your spouse to STD, disrespect, blame shifting, minimizing, power and control, CHEATING), it was a mistake!

John, the response to cheating is not going through the motions. You made the decision to cheat. Cheating requires repeated planning, lying, and deception and continues until caught. Infidelity is not a mistake.

What you hate John, are consequences. Your wife and children deserved better. She will go on and have a better life, as she had the strength to leave. That empty room, is a result of disrespect, selfishness, lying and cheating. Its easy to blame John but its all on you.

Lola Granola
Lola Granola
7 years ago
Reply to  Doingme

No, no, no.

It was a mistake.

He slipped and fell into her vay jay jay.

As it was flying towards him.

On a dark night.

And it was raining.

And he thought it was his wife’s.

And she literally threw herself at him.

And he didn’t even enjoy it.

There was an earthquake …

https://youtu.be/JFvujknrBuE

Haha
Haha
7 years ago
Reply to  Lola Granola

Hahaha that’s funny!!! LoL..

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
7 years ago
Reply to  Doingme

Doingme, mine said it “just happened.” Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight! Like my shoestring just happened to come undone! Fuck them!

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
7 years ago

Dear John, (love that I get to use that cliche!)
CL does help people.
She helped me a lot!
I moved on from being with a loser narc just like you, with CL’s HELP!
Let’s raise our glasses to the help we’ve all gotten from CL and CN.

UnchumpingMyself
UnchumpingMyself
7 years ago
Reply to  AllOutofKibble

Hear, hear! +1 glass raised here.

arlo
arlo
7 years ago

#clink

happily ever after
happily ever after
7 years ago
Reply to  AllOutofKibble

Clinck!

Divorce Minister
Divorce Minister
7 years ago

Clearly, the counseling is doing wonders for helping him recognize the damage he has done and take responsibility like an adult…wait, nope. It hasn’t. Still, looking outside himself for why his life is a mess…could it be because he cheated and that destroys relationships?!

Roberta
Roberta
7 years ago

The one fatal mistake these cheaters make is not so much the actual cheating ( which is NOT a mistake at all as it took incredible planning to execute), but these assholes forget that WE, the chumped, also have a choice! What shocks these idiots is when we actually take our future into our own hands and begin to gain a new life! After all, isn’t that what they also did? And I don’t remember my cheater consulting me while he was fixing to cheat on me! By golly, he and OW even had a countdown calendar and were so excited about their impending betrayal it was unbelievable! Well, I then created my own countdown calendar which included, when fuckwit needed to move out, when was the divorce going to be final and get all of your crap out of the house I now own that you will pay for! Yes, he found it quite unfair and yes he is broke and very sick! Begging to come back and remarry! Really?? Cause now he has decided it was all just a terrible mistake and he really, really always loved me!!! Flattered? NOT! Three total years to decide I am his real “Twu wuv”! No thanks! I suggested he get back on Facebook and find a new lover! God knows their are plenty of “easy” marks!

Kellia
Kellia
7 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

Roberta – WOWEE! Your entire post is amazing, from the beginning about taking back our lives to telling your cheater to go on Facebook and find a new lover, as they are easy marks!!! LOLOL! I enjoyed every word of your post and gosh you are mighty. And you’re right, they don’t consult us when they decide to have a new life, why shouldn’t we take control of our own lives. And I can’t believe him and the OW were countingdown the days and were going to celebrate. Unbelievable. He didn’t know who he was messing with. You’re an inspiration to me!

Chumptitude
Chumptitude
7 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

“I suggested he get back on Facebook and find a new lover!”

BOOM, awesome come back Roberta, you are a super mighty chump!

Doingme
Doingme
7 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

Roberta

“What shocks these idiots is when we actually take our future into our own hands and begin to gain a new life.”

You hit the nail on the head Roberta! The Limited expected to live with me while he waited six weeks for my daughter to complete her bathroom. He asked her if he could move in because we were having problems a few weeks earlier. The ‘problem’ was he found his new whore and lied to all of us. The next day he informed me he wouldn’t be coming home. He expected to live with me and sleep with the whore on a Saturday night. I threw his shit on the porch while he was sleeping, took his keys and said we are done.
He moved in with the whore immediately and never slept at my daughters house despite putting every in her basement and using her address.

He never filed and when he was served he was furious. After dragging out the divorce and making demands he told me he thinks about me all the time after the settlement agreement was signed. What?

What I know now was that he didn’t want me to have a future without him. Loss of cake is so traumatic, isn’t it? The Limited is still living his dream Roberts, heavily into debt, loss of business, and sitting at the casino bar nightly with the druggie BP whore getting sloshed. The family he once had with all the joy and love is no longer shared. Knowing him and his expectation of ‘mistakes’ being forgiven is over. Now I laugh at his parting words, “I can never get anywhere with you.” He scorched the green grass and has to live with the worst ‘mistake’ of his life. Me, I’m still working on myself and after two years of struggling I have gained a life.

Roberta you are so Mighty!

Roberta
Roberta
7 years ago