Happy Valentine’s Day!
I’m late out of the starting gate this year, but the annual Infidelity Valentine’s Day Contest is back! A day of where we remember the less fortunate — the poor freaks that wound up with our exes — and immortalize them in verse.
Just like previous year’s contests, I’m looking for either a haiku or a limerick that encapsulates your cheater experience. The winner gets a signed LACGAL book, and I’ll announce the poet with the most-est tomorrow.
To recap from 8th grade English, a haiku is a poem with 5-7-5 syllables.
I love you but I’m…
Christ, you are such a cliche
…not in love with you.
A limerick is a 5 line poem with a rhyme scheme of AABBA.
There once was a mistress named Kay
Who was a better liar than a lay
She had HPV
And now it’s with me
My husband’s clap conveys
Check the archives for past chump cleverness. We have some real snarky gems.
Please no lugubrious long-form verse — keep it bitter, funny, and short. (Yes, I said bitter. As in acerbic. As in take-this-Valentine-and-shove-it.)
You have the next 24 hours to send submissions. Enjoy!