The Selfies, OMG the Selfies

I believe it was UXWorld who said the other day, “The SELFIES. OMG, the selfies!” Which started quite the riff on embarrassing cheater affectations pre- and post D-Day.

Were there goatees? New tattoos? Juvenile hobbies?

Motorcycles? Dic pics? Duck face selfies?

Text speak, K? A cloud of noxious cologne? New boobs?

It’s not very meh, but your Fun Friday Challenge is to get it out of your system and tell Chump Nation about the horrible, horrible selfies. And other assorted stupidities. Point, laugh. And TGIF!

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AlohaFreedom
AlohaFreedom
5 years ago

I could fill this comment box with at least 10,000 characters but the one that stands out the most to me is: Matching his and her tattoos within only a few months of meeting of a very toxic comic book couple.

momof3
momof3
5 years ago
Reply to  AlohaFreedom

My Ex (aka: shit for brains) got an arm tattoo (some tribal shit) while the OW (20 yrs younger immature co-worker) got “Live, Laugh, Love across the top of her abdomen one night while they were out and he was trying to be younger and cool. Now every damn time I see “Live, Laugh, Love” on anything I want to puke!

HappyMehDay
HappyMehDay
5 years ago
Reply to  AlohaFreedom

It seems tattoos are a thing then! Mine turned up with the OW’s face – her face! – tatooed on his bicep. Two weeks after moving in with her and her child. Which was two weeks after they got together. Apparently. A mutual friend took the mickey “Are you sure mate?” he said, to which spath answered “Not really but if it doesnt work out i can always give it a burka.” What a charmer eh. Meanwhile the OW in her whatsapp profile pictures was permanently duckpouting and visibly pushing her boobs up with her hands! Why would anyone do that?? Gave me a laugh though even before i got to meh. So many more but i’m actually bored writing about them. Which is Good! Thanks CL and CN. Wishing Good Meh to you all xx

Happyformeh
Happyformeh
5 years ago
Reply to  AlohaFreedom

Why the tattoos? My ex and girlfriend got matching adultery tattoos. Then got another set after the shit hit the fan and both were getting divorced.

Born Free
Born Free
5 years ago
Reply to  Happyformeh

Mine got their wedding rings as tattoos!

And the pair of fuzzy dice hanging from their car review mirror? Par-a-dise. Get it? Do ya? They live in Paradise. It was twu wuv 4-evr. Or until they kill each other or one of them kills themselves. Oh, yes. That did happen.

StigOfTheChump
StigOfTheChump
5 years ago
Reply to  Born Free

What, Born Free? There was a death?! Yikes.

Born Free
Born Free
5 years ago
Reply to  StigOfTheChump

Yes. My X suicided. During one of their bust ups.

Stigofthechump
Stigofthechump
5 years ago
Reply to  Born Free

Wow that is gross and sad for everyone involved. My condolences.

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
5 years ago
Reply to  AlohaFreedom

OMG, I was neither exh ever tattooed my name on themselves, exh2/TEO said he would get my name tattooed for our 10th anniversary which came and went inkless … I have no idea if he’s tattooed Mrs. Dumbass’s name, but who knows? considering he was a pack-a-day smoker, frequent-cusser, lazy slob when he left me for her, I found it validating just how much of a chameleon he really is — within months of him leaving me for her (a “good Catholic girl” 10 years younger than him that didn’t smoke, drink, or dance and is also a chump herself with her first husband) he started vaping, frequently wore T-shirts vinyl decaled by Mrs. Dumbass’s SIL (especially ones with DILLIGAF on it) and actually kept the same job for a whole 20 months straight. I can’t even… ????????????????

Now, exh1 never got my name tattooed, but he and wife#5 (he married, then divorced wife #4 then married wife #5 all in the same year) got wife #5’s name and his tattooed within an infinity band on his arm… I laughed when I saw it on Facebook – I’m mayor of MEH-topia ????????????????

FeralBlue
FeralBlue
5 years ago

My ex got the word “yes” tattooed above his junk. I got to see it on my last pick me dance. (about 2 weeks after I kicked him out and he was living with OW at his parents house. He got weepy when OW jetted off to the west coast to visit a friend. So he managed to charm and sadz his way back into the house for the weekend.)

Seeing it and asking why he had gotten it. (Some poem by e.e. Cummings that the OW loved)… that was the last I pick-me-danced. After that i was working overtime to save up cash and interviewing lawyers.

But yes, before DDay it was the way to much axe spray, suddenly more intense interest in style and working out. The suddenly getting gypped on 2 days pay every week. (apparently that happens when you call out sick to work so you can visit your ap) The staying at band practice until 30 minutes before he has to leave for work in the morning. The coming home late and not wanting the dinner I made. (When I stopped making it, there was hell to pay tho..)

So so glad I’m away from all that.

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
5 years ago
Reply to  FeralBlue

Me too!!!
Those days are long gone, thank Christ!!!
Honestly, I look back to the years leading up to D-Day and think, “how did you not see it, Molly?”
Weight loss ✓
Keeping his hair trimmed up and letting his curls grow just a little✓
Constantly on his phone✓
Going to a co-worker s house for a “guys’ night” then not coming home until morning✓
Money gone too often without explanation✓

Once he was gone, I could see clearly and realized what a piece of shit he always was and still is.

chutesandladders
chutesandladders
5 years ago

Yup. My husband used to make fun of those of us who used a cell phone. Until he needed one to schedule his hook ups. Then it was attached to his fingers.

Involuntary Georgian
Involuntary Georgian
5 years ago
Reply to  AlohaFreedom

Complementary tattoos (sun and moon) a few weeks after they left their respective spouses. She’s Catholic and she picked some kind of new-age quasi-pagan symbol out of a tattoo book. It boggles the mind.

My XW told our daughter the sun symbolized rebirth and also was to commemorate the solar neutrino detector she worked on. The solar neutrino detector where *we* met; I’ve heard her tell our “meet cute” story about it a hundred times, and she turned it into a symbol of devotion to her affair partner.

Lulu
Lulu
5 years ago
Reply to  AlohaFreedom

Lemme guess… Joker and Harley Quinn?

Nothing says true love like a criminally insane psychopath physically and mentally abusing his therapist to the point of Stockholm Syndrome.

Owlbaby
Owlbaby
5 years ago
Reply to  AlohaFreedom

My Asshat and Mistress Moron got matching Mr. and Mistress nondescript Kia cars. Our kids and I still chuckle at that, especially since I chose a sporty Jeep that irks him to no end ;D

P.S. No disrespect to Kia intended, just funny that they thought matching cars would capture the awesomeness of their twu wuv.

Thankful
Thankful
5 years ago
Reply to  Owlbaby

My Ex and Victim No#2 have matching Renaults. Vic No#2 could not afford the upgrade from her quite reasonable Toyota so ex got his mother to pay for it.

Carol
Carol
5 years ago
Reply to  Owlbaby

I love it Mr. and Mistress!????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Bestill
Bestill
5 years ago
Reply to  Carol

There are some great ideas for bumper stickers here. If anyone has the know how to print them off we could buy some, sneak them on their cars in the midde of the night. Better idea than the eggs my girlfriend joked about throwing at his car as she drove by.

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
5 years ago
Reply to  Owlbaby

Did they get personalized license plates “his” “hers” too?!????

No Shit Cupcakes
No Shit Cupcakes
5 years ago

Bumper sticker for him – “My other girlfriend is my wife”.

WrecktheRIC
WrecktheRIC
4 years ago

This is the best thing I’ve ever seen!

JeanM
JeanM
5 years ago

NSC, that is freaking ????!!!
Lmao

MommyToGrownManNoMore
MommyToGrownManNoMore
5 years ago

And No Shit Cupcakes wins the internet! Hahahahaha!!!!

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
5 years ago

Hahahahaaa!!!

Tempest
Tempest
5 years ago

lol!

JABT
JABT
5 years ago
Reply to  AlohaFreedom

Yes!!! The OW got my ex’s date of birth tattooed up her arm a month after he ran off with her!!!

Attie
Attie
5 years ago

Since shacking up with Schmoopie the Twat keeps posting photos on FB like he’s something out of a J.C. Penney catalogue (yeah, I know, why? why?). Schmoopie never saw a camera she didn’t like – pose, turn, smile, click – and then back to being the miserable, nagging harpie she is in real life (according to my kids). My family were furious when she ended up in the “intimate family” photo at my son’s wedding. Should have been just me and the ex but he called her over and she’s now in the photo. Oh well, another one for the dartboard!

EMC
EMC
5 years ago
Reply to  Attie

Omg-the dartboard! Lol. I remember thinking of that bumper sticker that says, “I still miss my ex, but my aim is improving,” as the darts kept flying into various parts of his face pic. Needless to say, I’m much better at cricket and hitting that bullseye!

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
5 years ago
Reply to  Attie

???????????????? exacto-knife that bitch out
When DS1 got married a couple years back, we took family photos but I stood on the other side, but exh1’s wife#5 wasn’t the OW in my marriage, but she was the OW with wife#4 ???? Oh, exh1 is such a delight…
The only pictures I gave two shits about from that day are the pictures of me, my two sons and DD. They came out lovely

unexpectedchumpiness
unexpectedchumpiness
5 years ago

This is hilarious!!!! Hahaha #5 was the OW for number #4.
Mine is well on his way to that status by the time our daughter is getting married (she’s 3). He cheated on wife#1, ghosted her. Cheated on me, wife #2, ghosted me. And previous to all that he had a failed engagement. P.S. He’s only 34….

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
5 years ago

Yep.
I wasn’t an OW to husband #1, but I was the catalyst for the divorce from wife #1. He left her long before I even met him, and it was all over but the paperwork when I got pregnant with DS1. I know I shouldn’t have even dated him, much less had sex with him, but that’s how it went.
We were married 9 years, together for 10, two sons.
He cheated three years into the marriage, I stayed. Six years after that, he wanted out for OW that dangled her golden pannnoooch for him and refused to give it up until I was out of our house.
For six months I stayed and was dealt a.lot of shit. Him turning the kids against me. Him pinning me against the wall by my throat choking me screaming at me to get out of his house. Him literally cornering me demanding I hit him so he could put me in jail. Me sleeping in the couch…. I stayed and put up with it until the divorce was final. I stayed and endured all that hell and my boys witnessed it all… Sixteen years.ago now…
He went on to marry OWife#3 within 11 months after divorce was final. I actually cried for days, even though I was with now-exh2 soon after divorce myself, but he wasn’t an AP nor OM.
They were married five years before she threw him out.
Six years later, and many, many . live-in girlfriend and fiance’s in between, he dumped his married side-piece (she was married), and married his g.f., even though he was still screwing another. They were married Easter weekend, separated by Memorial Day, divorced by 4th of July.
He married wife #5 that November. He called me to tell me before the wedding. I asked him if he was in love with her. He said, “well, I’ve been fucking her off and on for the last four or five years, so yeah, I guess I love her.”
Can’t argue with that kind of logic ????????????????

JeepTess
JeepTess
5 years ago

((((Molly)))) I’m so sorry you went through that…fucking scary bastards.

…coward showed up on deck of old house one morning screaming at me to give him his cell phone…I hadn’t lived with him for over 2 months, how the hell would I get his cell phone? Anyway, his nose was busted, he had 2 black eyes, dried blood was plastered down from his ear, his right hand was swollen 3 times normal. Wow… I said what happened? He said he fell down. I asked if it was a choreographed fall…asshole. Who ever beat the shit out of him deserves a metal and a great home cooked meal. And I wanna shake his hand!

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
5 years ago
Reply to  JeepTess

Thanks, JeepTess. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

JeepTess
JeepTess
5 years ago

🙂 Nobody deserves what we were put through. Cowards and bullys, the lot of em. It’s easy to pound on someone 1/2 your size and win…looks like the universe gave him the same treatment he gave me. 🙂

(and…ugh…medal not metal 🙂 )

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
5 years ago
Reply to  JeepTess

Right?!?! Give them a trophy!!!

Unexpectedchumpiness
Unexpectedchumpiness
5 years ago

Molly!!! OMG!! Im seriously laughing so hard right now!!! Bahahahaha. Mine needs to be mentored by yours. They can do like a Big Brother type thing, except it can be Big Cheater/Little Cheater and yours can coach mine on how to suck SO much. He can teach him Breaking Hearts 101, The Science of Sneaking Around, Electronics and Passcodes, Devaluing and Other Dick Moves, and finally he can Major in Honesty and Other Women. Graduated with HIGHEST HONORS!! ????????‍????

Want to hear his graduation speech?

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
5 years ago

Wait!!!! There’s more!!!!
He finally finished his bachelor’s degree, the went on to get a Master’s degree in….wait for it….

Marriage counseling!!!
You. can’t. Make. This. Shit. Up.

Attie
Attie
5 years ago

Nah I don’t really care actually. The photos I have framed are of my son and his wife and then with other son and his gf – those are the people I love. Schmoopie can just f off!

Attie
Attie
5 years ago
Reply to  Attie

Oh and now I think of it, the Twat obviously thinks I have been so bereft ever since he left that I have been pining away since 2010! What an asshole. I dated a lovely Dutchman for 6 years but we split because we wanted different things. We’re still friends though and often go out for a drink together – today being the latest. Since then, 5 years ago I met a lovely Yorkshireman who has become a “friends with benefits” cliché. I’m thinking of inviting him to be my date at son no. 2 wedding next year – ex will flip because “I’m supposed to be dying a 1000 deaths” because I no longer have his wonderfulness! Ha, S, the Yorkshireman will get along so well with my family the Twat will probably burst a blood vessel!

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
5 years ago
Reply to  Attie

Hahahahaaa!!! Awesome!!!!
Three years since he left, only one time has TEO known of ons of my bfs…he asked two questions: “is he black?….is his dick bigger than mine?.”
I smugly smiled at the second question ????????????????????
He left saying g, “enjoy your happiness…” To which I responded, “isn’t that why you left? Because you weren’t happy? Aren’t you over the moon happy now with OW?”
He responded, “I’ll never be happy”
Ha!

UR2sweethadtocheat
UR2sweethadtocheat
5 years ago
Reply to  Attie

“Oh well, another one for the dart board!” ! ????????????????

Kintsugi
Kintsugi
5 years ago
Reply to  Attie

Or photo shop Tom Cruise next to you!!!!

Carol
Carol
5 years ago
Reply to  Kintsugi

I love it!❤️

Zell
Zell
5 years ago
Reply to  Attie

photoshop that shit out

Attie
Attie
5 years ago

Oh, I’ve got another one. After he hooked up with Schmoopie he showed up to a neighbourhood picnic in a “muscle man/wife beater” T-shirt. He weighs 112 lbs (I kid you not) and those “muscles” looked like two raspberries glued to a lollipop stick!

JeanM
JeanM
5 years ago
Reply to  Attie

Attie, that is so funny.

KeepItMoving
KeepItMoving
5 years ago
Reply to  Attie

Lmao! I recently join a fitness app and so far it seems like 90% over the hill white guys in nipple tank tops (the kind that don’t actually cover the chest and invariably end up constantly flashing hairy nipples) and spandex shorts that give them camel toe. I was scrolling through the feed yesterday wondering which of these guys are all of your ex husbands. The narcissism was rolling off them in waves… ????

Kintsugi
Kintsugi
5 years ago
Reply to  KeepItMoving

I think that’s called moose knuckle for the guys…

Prison Chump
Prison Chump
5 years ago
Reply to  Attie

That is so funny! Little bitty raspberries!!!! I’m sitting in the doc office and burst out laughing! Everyone looked at me like I’m nuts.

CSW
CSW
5 years ago

Previously so anti-drug that he wouldn’t even take an aspirin for a headache. Afterward: “What’s the matter with smoking K2?”

Previously hated watching TV. Afterward: the BIGGEST “Game of Thrones” addict EVAR.

Previously disliked classical music. Afterward: “She’s so TALENTED!” (Skank had a degree in music studies. That’ll get so far that she’s working at Michael’s in the framing department…)

JeanM
JeanM
5 years ago
Reply to  CSW

“The framing department” that is “classic.” Lol

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
5 years ago
Reply to  CSW

BWAHAHAHAAA!!!
I spit my coffee out laughing at that one!!!

ShockedChump
ShockedChump
5 years ago
Reply to  CSW

Omg I laughed out loud when I read this lol!! The framing department!!! ????????

peacekeeper
peacekeeper
5 years ago
Reply to  CSW

Oh, but she probably hums all the time!

Got-a-brain
Got-a-brain
5 years ago

I blocked my stbx on social media as soon as I filed.

Apparently he did the typical “parade your twue-love” thing on social media. Lots of twue-love couples selfies. I know this because I had people messaging me with things like “your ex really likes to take pictures of himself!”

Yep, he had to show the world how happy he is with smoopsie.

A really funny screenshot someone sent me in the early days after d-day, was a selfie in a hotel bathroom. One comment from his aunt said “where is your wedding ring” bahahaha! Of course that was quickly deleted, but my friend was able to capture it.

chutesandladders
chutesandladders
5 years ago
Reply to  Got-a-brain

100% for Auntie!

X’s skank posted a photo of them at his college reunion and tagged me. While we were still married. I don’t know how, but to this day I have never ONCE responded to her.

But that photo was wonderful because he still thinks he can pull off the 1970’s Tom Berringer look, but ends up looking like the quintessential Level 3 Child Sex offender. And she is severely cross-eyed. I still LOL over the very thought of it!

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
5 years ago
Reply to  Got-a-brain

Oh yes, the social media couple-selfies ????????????
When we were together, he wouldn’t ever post pics of us together, especially the last couple of years before D-Day. Now, every Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, etc. his profile pics are pics of them the happy couple. No, I’m not pain shop, but when I opened a LinkedIn, Twitter, accounts, he popped up as “people you may know…your contact The Evil One …” Blocked! We’ll have none of that, tyvm!!!????????????????

torontoChump
torontoChump
5 years ago
Reply to  Got-a-brain

His aunt sounds like she’s an excellent old bird!

MissBailey
MissBailey
5 years ago

I blocked my ex on social media shortly after D-day. Th only pic he took was him standing in front of the bathroom mirror wearing a light blue stringer, sweatpants, and stupid looking basecap all the while wearing this goofy ass look as he was showing off his “muscles” to potential OWs. I always thought he was sexy but it wasn’t enough. He is an idiot!

Beth
Beth
5 years ago
Reply to  MissBailey

In my very brief online dating period, I bypassed any profile that had pics taken in a bathroom. If a guy can’t put more effort into creating his profile, which is supposed to entice me into wanting to spend time with him, than taking pictures in his bathroom mirror, it was a nope for me.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
5 years ago
Reply to  Beth

I once knew a lady whose profile selfie included a crossword puzzle book that said “EASY” in huge letters on the cover and she was confused about why everyone thought she just wanted a hookup. 😉

Traveling the World
Traveling the World
5 years ago
Reply to  Beth

Beth, it isn’t just guys that do the bathroom selfie. A lot of women do that, too. My personal favorites are the ones taken in a public bathroom, with the stalls in the background, or even other women doing their makeup.

Thankful
Thankful
5 years ago

OMG, choking back the laughter……

the dating site selfies, the one I instantly pass on is the dude who uses the mirror at the gym so you get this stern looking male who has not even bothered to take out his headphones…..I also pass on any guy who takes a selfie of him and his phone or is dressed in lycra.

Beth
Beth
5 years ago

Interesting, TtW. Obviously I only saw the guy profiles so I didn’t realize that women did it too. I don’t know, maybe it’s just me, but when I’m thinking of a potential mate, a bathroom (especially a public one or a dirty one) isn’t the background I want to picture them inhabiting.
Also, on the male side there were A LOT of unsmiling, almost mug shot-looking pics I bypassed. A relaxed, confident, happy smiling pic is a draw. A sullen, unhappy, angry looking or grim face? Not so much. Also a hard no to the guy wearing a Santa Claus suit in every picture whose screen name was SantaBaby. 😀

marissachump
marissachump
5 years ago
Reply to  Beth

In my brief online dating app life, I would bypass any and all people with photos of themselves mostly naked and oftentimes cutting off the head. Huge narcissism/”I only want to use you for sex” red flag.

Mitz
Mitz
5 years ago
Reply to  Beth

They think that sullen look is a ‘tough guy’ look. But it just makes them look too stupid to smile for a profile pic.

DejaBlue
DejaBlue
5 years ago
Reply to  Mitz

Yeah…tough guy look plus a bathroom selfie location equals an expression that conveys severe constipation.

MovingOn
MovingOn
5 years ago
Reply to  Mitz

I always think of it as the “I’m too sexy” look that people (women as well) think is going to look so hot on the site. I always have to wonder if they are hiding really bad teeth. 😀

Spoonriver
Spoonriver
5 years ago
Reply to  Beth

Beth, I feel the same way. Pictures in the bathroom..just gross. My second favorite is selfies in the car.

Kintsugi
Kintsugi
5 years ago
Reply to  Spoonriver

Agree! One bathroom selfie I saw was of a man in his bathroom mirror and his bathroom was a mess and you could see the toilet seat was up.

So gross.

I bet he wonders why he’s divorced.

hollowbunny
hollowbunny
5 years ago
Reply to  Kintsugi

Lmao maybe she’s trying to impress someone with her dedication to water conservation.

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
5 years ago
Reply to  Kintsugi

I agree.
I don’t care who you are, either have someone take a bunch of pics of you to post, or stand in front of a plant, a door, anything but a damn bathroom to take a selfie in ????????????????
A turd in the toilet?!?!?!? OMG, dying!!!! ????????????????

Survivor
Survivor
5 years ago
Reply to  Kintsugi

There was one circulating a while back of a woman in her underwear doing that overhead shot, with a turd floating in the toilet behind her. Very impressive.

Jodi Lynch
Jodi Lynch
5 years ago

His post D-Day dating profile reads:

I am a hard working guy, and I like to play just as hard. I love passion and I would hate to think that the world can exist without it. I believe in romance and I love to spoil the special lady in my life. I am in no way the clingy type and honesty and trust are more important to me then looks. I would love to find that woman who smiles often, laughs at stupid jokes, is extremely romantic, is as passionate as I am, loves spur of the moment adventures and enjoys PDA no matter where we are at.

Really? Who is this guy? LOL Honesty & trust is important to him? Oh yeah ~ he needs a partner who is honest & trusting to believe his lies and enable him to cheat. Got it.

Hope49
Hope49
5 years ago
Reply to  Jodi Lynch

JodiLynch, your ex’s dating profile uses very common cheater language. I look for narcissistic language. Love bombing adjectives and verbs along with someone who seeks ‘Honesty and integrity’. When I see the word ‘passion’ in a dating profile I am thinking to myself, ‘Yup…this is a cheater. If he valued honesty and integrity and was a passionate man? Well, hell…he would not be divorced because he’d be fucking the mother of his children all the time and he’d still be married. What woman would divorce an honest man with integrity who is passionate? Isn’t that what we all want?

unexpectedchumpiness
unexpectedchumpiness
5 years ago
Reply to  Hope49

Hope49 and JodiLynch,
Hot Damn are you spot on! A passionate man who values honesty and integrity? What a catch! Why would his crazy wife every leave him?

It should probably read a little bit more like this (first UBT translation attempt):

“I am a hard working guy, and I like to play just as hard.”

I am going to “stay late at the office many nights”, and I expect you to be understanding. I also have a reason to go out with my buddies and leave you to care for home because I’m well justified to “play hard” because I work so hard.

“I love passion and I would hate to think that the world can exist without it.”

I will follow my dick the second this relationship gets the slightest bit stale because I would hate for *my* world to exist without passion in it.

“I believe in romance and I love to spoil the special lady in my life.”

I am a narcissist and I love to *spoil* you with fake charm, and gift so you think I’m amazing and give me all your admiration and adoration. Once I’m done spoiling you, watch the bank account statements because I’m now spoiling the new special lady in my life.

“I am in no way the clingy type and honesty and trust are more important to me then looks.”

Im not clingy so don’t assume this relationship is going to go very far with all that clingy marriage stuff. I would really like if you had honesty and integrity because that also means you have a conscience and are willing to see the best in me. It also means that you’ll never leave me so I can have never ending kibbles and you will spackle for me with your rose-colored glasses all while you project your honesty and integrity on to ME!

“I would love to find that woman who smiles often, laughs at stupid jokes, is extremely romantic, is as passionate as I am, loves spur of the moment adventures and enjoys PDA no matter where we are at.”

Once again, I’m a narcissist and I need someone who thinks that I am GOD and will laugh at my stupid dad jokes, buy into my romantic bullshit, fuck me whenever I want it (passionately), and basically do what I like to do. Did I mention how passionate I am? Threesome anybody?

Just send me a message on WhatsApp, I’m not a big talker on the phone.

Hope49
Hope49
5 years ago

Unexpectedchumpiness, Yup…You nailed it. I am not dating BUT I created a dating profile with no pictures of myself or my adult children. I paid just one month and then stopped paying. I still get matches everyday to carefully read the profiles and look at their pictures.

Why am I doing this? This is a daily exercise to ‘fix my picker’ for when I am ready to venture out as a single woman and try to find real love. I have been doing this for several years and I have found that my ‘spider sense’ is getting better and better all the time. I keep reading here at Chump Lady for the support, community and knowledge. Then I apply the knowledge by keeping myself safe, not dating, working on ME, rebuilding my life one block at a time yet thinking about the day I find a guy who really has ‘Honesty and Integrity’ and wants to fuck ONLY me- a lot. 🙂

TwoBlackCats
TwoBlackCats
5 years ago
Reply to  Jodi Lynch

“I love passion” and “someone as passionate as me” is just have sex whenever wherever. They just want unlimited sex without putting in the effort to get their partners to actually have sex with them. My exh complained of “lack of passion” but there were only so many recaps of History Channel shows that I could endure. That and his endless talk of his exercise regimen. But I was supposed to want to bang him no matter what! Smh

bigpun5000
bigpun5000
5 years ago
Reply to  TwoBlackCats

LOL. Broke up with my cheating ex but still bound in the house for financial reasons, and a child… Heres what i found

“Sex was so easy with him. no awkwardness… We were coked up and did it 5 times” shes a mum. Saw few dick pics and it was a lot smaller than mine. But he is a silent investor in the company she works at… Essentially her silent boss. SO of course that is some power afrodisiac. Hes also an addict of coke and alcohol and a notorious douche.

2nd time: She came home sad because it wasnt the same. no thrill.. theyd been texting a lot and know maybe too much about each other… but mainly cos it wasnt behind my back of course. She even admitted that thrill is something she wants in life lol. “I love you but I still want that thrill” lol what a whore

3rd time: She tells me he Prematurely ejaculated. She is shocked its even possible after 1 minute. of course our sex was way better, but she cannot respect me no more. will not bring herself to admit shes wrong. she is a fabricated narcissistic piece of shit!

4th time, before he leaves to go back home…. “oh it better now. we talked a lot. we are great. i really like him” lol…. absolutely pathetic. I dont understand this bitch I used to think was my only love! The mum to my child so i cant really hate her, but still this coldness really shook me. How could I ever go back to this void of a woman.

brit
brit
5 years ago
Reply to  TwoBlackCats

TwoBlackCats, I think we were married to the same person. My X complained about my lack of “passion.” In the next breath telling me he just wanted to “grind one out.”
I too listened to endless talk of his exercise regimen, which lead to another complaint, I didn’t comliment him on his body, muscles, after all he worked out for me (yeah, right).
Then when I made an effort to pay him complements on his muscles or the way he looked I was only patronizing him.
He wondered why I wasn’t more passionate??

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
5 years ago
Reply to  Jodi Lynch

Good grief, “trust and honesty”, how poetic. How ironic.

RockStarWife
RockStarWife
5 years ago
Reply to  Jodi Lynch

What is this–Adulterer Mad Lib? Just change a couple articles/prepositions and there you have it–New Man!

OhHellNo
OhHellNo
5 years ago
Reply to  Jodi Lynch

Mine wrote something similar, the exact OPPOSITE of who he really is.

“Love to cook. Love spending time with my kids. A Christian.”

BAHAHAHA

He forgot to include: “Has a big dick.”

dandoopy
dandoopy
5 years ago
Reply to  OhHellNo

My STBX would frequently take selfies of himself, he’d do it a bit on the sly when he was all dressed up or when we were traveling together.

He’s 67 years old. Who was he sending selfies too?

It’s a red flag for a man to do such a thing if he’s in a committed relationship.

That’s why he’s STBX

I trust he sucks.

Joann
Joann
5 years ago
Reply to  dandoopy

Mine was asking me to take his pics on family vacations. I do photography on a side…. now I know he was using MY pics to lure hookers and women on CL. ????????????????????????????????
I couldn’t touch my camera for so long after discovering that betrayal….he knew how much I loved photography…. shitting over EVERYTHING that holds any value is their way to mind fuck us ????

Maria73
Maria73
5 years ago
Reply to  OhHellNo

OhHellNo, I had a 2 hour and 35 minute phone “conversation” with a man on eharmony. His profile said he had no kids. In that “conversation,” he talked about the history of India and Pakistan and about how much he loves and emulates Dr. James Dobson (devoted family man and and world renown child psychologist). Later, my friend urged me to ask this guy if he has children. So I did, via email. He came out and told me that yes, he has two kids by his first wife, and he moved to the U.S. AND LEFT THEM IN ENGLAND when they were elementary school age, but they “talk on skype for an hour every Saturday.” Dr. Dobson my ass. What got me was HOW COULD HE TALK FOR 2 HOURS AND 35 MINITES AND NEVER ONCE MENTION HIS KIDS?? I’d give anything to have kids and would gladly welcome someone’s children into my life. What a creepy narc.
You can’t make this shit up!

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
5 years ago
Reply to  OhHellNo

Sounds like “Is a big d*ck” !

brit
brit
5 years ago
Reply to  OhHellNo

Funny, OhHellNo, mine forgot the same thing.

Sarah
Sarah
5 years ago
Reply to  Jodi Lynch

omg – yes. His dating profile that went live the week he moved out was effing hilarious! I thought – who is this man? Loves to laugh? Loves to stay up late and talk all night? Barf. You can try to reinvent yourself all you want – but you can’t outrun yourself especially when it’s never your fault! Whoever takes him up on a date based on his profile is in for a major disappointment. Ha!

MovingOn
MovingOn
5 years ago
Reply to  Sarah

Your dating profile is supposed to be who you actually are, not who you think would appeal to other people.

This is why I spent three months on a dating site and never returned. It’s the land of make-believe, and I’m not interested in trying to figure out what’s real and what’s BS to lure in prospective dates.

brit
brit
5 years ago
Reply to  Sarah

On cheaters dating profile he claimed to enjoy going to concerts.
We were together 25 years and never went to a concert. He never mentioned going to a concert.
Whenever I’d suggest going to a concert or anywhere for that matter he’d have a long list of reasons why he didn’t want to go, he’d have to drive, too many people, driving, past his bed time, parking, the cost.

Prison Chump
Prison Chump
5 years ago
Reply to  Sarah

How is everyone finding their ex’s dating profile? And why waste the time? They are losers. Do we really need confirmation of what we already know?

Jo
Jo
5 years ago
Reply to  Prison Chump

I needed evidence of his adultery for court, and his online dating profiles helped show a particular spending pattern of dissipating marital assets on APs.

It also had the added benefit of being solid Trust That He Sucks evidence for me personally.

Mitz
Mitz
5 years ago
Reply to  Prison Chump

It’s morbid curiousity. And comical.

Tempest
Tempest
5 years ago
Reply to  Mitz

I agree, though I haven’t looked for my X’s current dating profiles (I’m sure he has them, despite now living with his last AP). I was amused when his Ashley Madison profile was revealed during the hack:

Username: Fun in A___________ (name of city)
Byline: In pursuit of passion and excitement

I can only hope giving up half his TIAA/CREF account was filled with passion and excitement.

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
5 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Hahahahaaa, Party on, Hannibal!!!????????????6

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
5 years ago
Reply to  Prison Chump

I never knew he was on dating sites. I would LOVE to know how he advertised himself though.
When I was on dating sites for myself, I worried/wondered if he was still on there lurking, trolling.
Back when we were married, I noticed he always “liked/followed” something on Facebook if he’d been there or was a part of. I noticed he was a “fan” of Zoosk dating site. I asked him what that was about? He told me he was on Zoosk, because he “was looking for the wife of a guy at work (or a friend of ours going through a divorce at the time) that he suspects of cheating”
Facepalm.
Such an idiot, I believed him and never asked about it again. Nor did I sign up for Zoosk to look for him either… Blech!

Bogo
Bogo
5 years ago

You don’t wanna see:
“ the honesty is very important to me, I am a kind person who loves to travel and stay active. Look is important, but the inside of a person is a true beauty…????”

That’s the profile of a man who cheated, lied, gaslighted his wife from the beginning. Who kept humiliating his wife over weight gain/ pregnancy/ std given to her…

I stay away from the online dating sites; all the losers are there

Freer Every Day
Freer Every Day
5 years ago
Reply to  Jodi Lynch

Have you ever noticed that when they put up these profiles the person they describe is YOU? They literally take on our character traits, desires, and persona advertising to other woman? I’ve laughed with another friend about the fact that the OW really fell in love with US, as our stupid husbands put themselves out there in with our personality (they don’t have one of there own that will attract anybody). I find this disturbing, but hilarious.

Trumped
Trumped
5 years ago

How do you find your ex’s on dating sites? There are so many out there.

Freer Every Day
Freer Every Day
5 years ago

Oh, forgot to add. It’s done both to attract the woman, slap us as they do with, and for, the new woman what we wanted so much and they wouldn’t do with/for us and to make sure OW gets what WE wanted and not what she wants. A win win all around for him while slapping and triangulating two woman while he feels smug about it all.

No Shit Cupcakes
No Shit Cupcakes
5 years ago

Yeah, it’s like they want us, but the 2.0 (Pygmalion) version!

Fern
Fern
5 years ago

One that hasn’t seen behind the mask yet.

Freer Every Day
Freer Every Day
5 years ago
Reply to  Fern

That’s it exactly. As soon as I saw him for who he really was he was through. He needed to go find a new person to impress with his fake nice guy mask. Poor poor pitiful guy who’s wife is so mean and wont let him be a man. She can play nursemsid, mommy, and punching bag to the little evil troll.

Tempest
Tempest
5 years ago
Reply to  Jodi Lynch

Faceplant. Trust & honesty? Of course he wants those traits in his partner, less likelihood of getting caught in Infidelity Roulette.

RoseAmongThorns
RoseAmongThorns
5 years ago
Reply to  Jodi Lynch

barf!!! So glad you were away from that creep.

Newlady15
Newlady15
5 years ago

Omg the posts! The ex HATED Facebook but just had to post photos of him and his new “family” in my convertible going for ice cream, flowers he gave her( with money from our line of credit since he wasn’t working, of the dining room table he built her( wtf he never made a piece of furniture before—it showed).
He came around wearing a new wedding ring—we weren’t divorced( he said it’s just a cheap ring and that’s the only finger it fits). He called her his wife to his buddy—saying he bought his wife a car—his buddy was confused by that one thinking he meant for me( we were married 35 years by that point).

Mitz
Mitz
5 years ago
Reply to  Newlady15

WOW, in your convertible. They have no shame! Fucktards is correct.

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
5 years ago
Reply to  Newlady15

What an asshole.

Kintsugi
Kintsugi
5 years ago
Reply to  Newlady15

We’re we married to the same man???

Nothing new under the sun!

Prison Chump
Prison Chump
5 years ago
Reply to  Newlady15

Barf! Amen to freedom!

Lady B
Lady B
5 years ago
Reply to  Newlady15

He is demented!

Doingme
Doingme
5 years ago

Never too old to wear a wife beater. Tee Artie. Let’s just add a bit of adventure to that and plop a surf board down the center. Yup, 61, never surfed or went in the ocean but still wears the gap wifebeater w/surfboard. And I hear Aero Smith singing Dream On. After Dday, “I never surfed!”

MARCUS LAZARUS
MARCUS LAZARUS
5 years ago
Reply to  Doingme

I found a wife beater my xww never modeled in front of me after the discard…

It said, “PLANK NOW, WINE LATER”. Wonder why I never saw that before Dday!?

I bought a t-shirt in Ollie’s that said, “Let an Electrician Check your Shorts”. Fitting. LOL

The irony,… I actually am doing a 10 week Plank Challenge in my martial arts class. It’s working.

Calgal1
Calgal1
5 years ago
Reply to  Doingme

Mine took up surfing at the age of 53. Never had an interest before or surfed a day in his life before that. I actually dated a serious surfer for a couple of years in my 20’s and told my now ex that my days of hanging out at the beach while a partner floated on a board in the water were long over, been there done that. I went with him once, and he asked me to take a picture of him wearing his wetsuit and holding his board. Good grief. She surfs.

brit
brit
5 years ago
Reply to  Calgal1

We were at the beach one day and there were a couple of young girls sunbathing in bikinis in front of us. X walked past them to talk to our son who was in the ocean. As X walked passed one of the young girls said, sir, sir, would you take our photo?
Cheater was taken back that they referred to him as sir. He was old enough to be their father, maybe even their grandfather.

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
5 years ago
Reply to  brit

Hahahahaaa!!!

Arlo
Arlo
5 years ago

At our daughter’s wedding 5days after the divorce was finalised he was sporting a new colour in his previously grey hair… this colour made him look like he had a toupe. Was quite the brunt of many jokes …

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
5 years ago
Reply to  Arlo

Older men who die their hair a strange orangish shade-just don’t.

GettingThereSlowly
GettingThereSlowly
5 years ago

Mine dyed his hair blonde (orange), right after he moved out! It was hilarious. Now it’s back to its natural color, but longish and always looks dirty. I always thought he was handsome, now I don’t. In his 50s, he’s changed his entire style to match 20 year olds, skinny jeans and all. He doesn’t look like the hipster he imagines himself to be, but an aging sad man. I wonder if 25 year olds still fancy him now that he doesn’t look like a successful businessman nor have the bank account he once did!

No Shit Cupcakes
No Shit Cupcakes
5 years ago
Reply to  Arlo

Remember the character of Brenda, played by Bette Midler in “First Wives Club”?

“Brenda: My Morty becomes this big shot on T.V… He was selling electronics, right? On our 20th wedding anniversary it hits midlife crisis major. He starts working out, he, he grows a moustache, he gets an earring. I said, ‘Morty, Morty, what are you? A pirate? what’s next? A parrot?’ And all of a sudden I’m a big drag. I’m holding him back because I won’t go rollerblading.”

No Shit Cupcakes
No Shit Cupcakes
5 years ago

Sorry about the double-posting. It didn’t appear to go through earlier today, so I tried again. It’s still apropos.

Chumplaura
Chumplaura
5 years ago

OOH I’m going to enjoy this. Pre DDay he was a bit of a scruff, baggy t shirts and jeans, never shaved or did much to his hair, worked outdoors. Just natural and normal. Scrubbed up well when he had too. Looking back lots of personal grooming that had been nonexistent was sneaking it’s way into things for a while. Post Dday – omg.
– Full sleeve tattoo with a picture of the kids that I took and sent to him when he was working away so he wouldn’t feel like he was missing out on them. I’ve since checked the dates and I took it during the exact rotation when he met OW and started up their affair #1. Lovely. #memories on husband insta – yeah, my fucking memories! ????
– very closely cropped hair to try and disguise his rapidly thinning hair, I imagine from stress.
– designer stubble, always at a specific length
– eyebrow threading ????
– whitened teeth
– practically moved into the gym and now wears very tight clothes to show off his new muscles ????
– white BMW with red leather seats
– when I was still in detective mode and logged into his snapchat that I didn’t previously know he had – oh the selfies! Duckface selfies, arms behind his head selfies, naked in my bathroom while I was 5 feet away in bed selfies.

When he was trying to discard me before I found out why, he tried to tell me I didn’t really know him. After 16 years together I tried to argue I had a pretty good idea who he was and not to be so ridiculous. After all this, well I don’t recognise this new person much at all after all.

Lady B
Lady B
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumplaura

I remember his dating profile after we split. A photo of him pissing with sweat at the gym on the treadmill, yuck and a selfie, duckface, timid Forrest creature combo which looked like he had just got out of the shower and rubbed vasoline all over his face. He was a bit hung up about wrinkles and girly in that way. With the usual crap about being exciting and fab written in the profile. It was kind of sad to be honest. All makes me puke. I would rather kick around at home with my cat and kids than venture into that bs world of online faking.

No Shit Cupcakes
No Shit Cupcakes
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumplaura

Remember Bette Midler playing the character of Brenda in “First Wives Club”?

“My Morty becomes this big shot on T.V… He was selling electronics, right? On our 20th wedding anniversary it hits midlife crisis major. He starts working out, he, he grows a moustache, he gets an earring. I said, “Morty, Morty, what are you? A pirate? what’s next? A parrot?” And all of a sudden I’m a big drag. I’m holding him back because I won’t go rollerblading.”

Gets me EVERY TIME and my FuckedUp Unicorn hasn’t cheated (to the best of my knowledge)! It still makes me laugh in horror and recognition. I’ve seen plenty of people who did equally stupid things as they years rolled by.

ShockedChump
ShockedChump
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumplaura

Eyebrow threading!!!!! ????????????????

Chumplaura
Chumplaura
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumplaura

I keep remembering more ????
– Pre DDay he started using hair removal cream on his body hair and engaged in some ‘personal’ grooming.
– teeth now whitenend.
– took up boxing. Broke his nose so badly it nearly collapsed ????

Newlady15
Newlady15
5 years ago

Oh and the dating profile that said he was looking for a woman who wouldn’t “ sweat the small stuff” like stealing $500 k of my retirement money, screwing other women, abusing me every way possible. Ya —small stuff..

pulmafool
pulmafool
5 years ago
Reply to  Newlady15

Disgusting.

Sionara
Sionara
5 years ago

Selfie of ex-cheater on his phone during their clandestine weekend get-away: in a wooded area, the couple is kissing while both looking at the camera; tucked away in back corner of the photo–clearly unnoticed by them–is a small public sign that reads “Danger…” You can’t make this #$%^& up.

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
5 years ago
Reply to  Sionara

Hilarious!!!!

chumpfor12
chumpfor12
5 years ago
Reply to  Sionara

My X was gracious enough to send me a selfie of himself with our children before our divorce was final….there was an exit sign directly above his head in the photo. The universe has a sense of humor!

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
5 years ago
Reply to  chumpfor12

Hahahahaaa!!! LOLOLOL

Beth
Beth
5 years ago
Reply to  Sionara

Hahahahahahaha, oh my…. This is my absolute favorite comment. That is priceless.

Unexpectedchumpiness
Unexpectedchumpiness
5 years ago

He took a picture of our daughter in the bathroom mirror (because that’s how you take pictures of your kids) and he just happened to be standing there with his shirt off flexing. She looked so cute, if only you could see her.

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
5 years ago

That is a classic narcisstic bastard. How disturbing. dickhole.

unexpectedchumpiness
unexpectedchumpiness
5 years ago

I think that they happened to be in there brushing their teeth together and it seemed so “daddy like” to snap selfies with your little girl. Except he’s so obviously flexing in the mirror behind her. I remember thinking what a dumb picture it was and how it looked so fake.

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
5 years ago

That is a classic narcisstic bastard. How disturbing.dickhole.

UXworld
UXworld
5 years ago

He took his own daughter into the bathroom with his shirt off, in order to take a picture of her? That is creepy beyond words. What must she have been thinking?

Tempest
Tempest
5 years ago

During/after his 2006 affair (which I did not find out about until 2014 and divorced him), Hannibal Lecher started buying Diesel jeans. Exclusively.

At my brother’s wedding in 2007, my sister picked up Hannibal’s camera and found dick pix. All my siblings laughed, and assumed they were for me; I just thought, “he is one fucked up dude.” Turns out he had begun his Ashley Madison/Adult Friend Finder/Craigslist phase of picking up randos.

cuschump
cuschump
5 years ago

My STBX is and never was a selfie kind of guy. But, my skank of a cousin loves to post selfies on Facebook. Just an FYI the skank and my STBX are no longer together. My cousin loves to post pictures of herself crying and of her hugging animals. But the thing she likes to do is post on Facebook is how broke she is. And could someone send her money. All I have to do is giggle. And to think my STBX threw away a 34 year marriage for a women who just wants to have fun and has no self respect. As my grandmother taught me that it is not nice to find joy in others misery. In this case I think I deserve to know that karma does come to visit.

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
5 years ago
Reply to  cuschump

Yes, so true. I don’t invoke bad will onto others, but live peacefully that Karma eventually zing’s ’em and I get to watch.

Tempest
Tempest
5 years ago

Aww, fuck it. I do wish bad things on cheaters…internal parasites, spontaneous combustion. Just take them out of the gene pool.

Jojobee
Jojobee
5 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I hope a band of chiggers takes up permanent residence in my ex’s armpits!

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
5 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Hahahaha! Let em be zinged!!!
I’m afraid of boomeranging back on me, but never opposed to a Voodoo doll!!!!

ffghtr67
ffghtr67
5 years ago

The Cheating Ex–a 50 year old woman—

Boob Job — Check!
Stupid Looking Tattoos (Tramp Stamp, on her torso, behind both ears) — Check!
Tongue Piercing — Check!

Should be an interesting retirement for her…

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
5 years ago
Reply to  ffghtr67

Tramp stamp, also known as ass antlers or a California license plate !

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
5 years ago

Ass antlers is my permanent favorite. 😉

Lady B
Lady B
5 years ago
Reply to  ffghtr67

Whenever I see a tongue piercing I just think cock sucker.

KenderJ
KenderJ
5 years ago
Reply to  Lady B

LOL, my first thought when I see a tongue piercing is “Oh, look, college for the dentist’s kids.”

ffghtr67
ffghtr67
5 years ago
Reply to  Lady B

That is funny, whenever I think of my ex-wife, I also just think cock sucker. (LOL!)

To misquote Daniel Tosh, “having a tattoo of a lotus blossom on the back of neck doesn’t make you spiritual, it makes you stupid.” I can’t wait to see her in a nursing home 30 years from now when her tattoo-to-tooth ratio is like 2:1.

Yesshesucks
Yesshesucks
5 years ago

STBXW asked for June child support with, like, days left in the month. I had planned to pay in July, after we signed our mediation agreement the 9th and started to file (note, she didn’t pay anything while she was couch surfing for 5 or 6 weeks to me and closed on her place, thus having the boys in her care, almost halfway through June). So she makes this request out of no where. I say no. She accuses me of not meeting my fiscal responsibilities. I say she doesn’t get to accuse me of being irresponsible. This then throws me for a loop. I end up taking one of my new as needed anxiety meds. It kicks my ass. Anxiety gone, but felt very disoriented. Had a lunch meeting about an upcoming mission trip. Talked with associate pastor after. She mentions having a meeting with STBXW (who is, of course, an Elder and the Head of Nurture Committee). Anyway, STBXW comes by that evening (planned) to get some things. She has a new tattoo. Costs about what I’ll pay per month in child support (i.e., what she unexpectedly asked for that day). She got the tattoo when she was supposed to be at church meeting. STBXW has not brought this up again. Associate pastor did on mission trip. Pastor did the night before we left when he invited my mom and me to dinner with his family.

And, of course, she posted a selfie … I’m not against tattoos. But this is her third since everything really fell apart (second post D Day), she didn’t have any before.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago

Hmm. I don’t have much because ex doesn’t like to look ridiculous but about 18 month before DDay he spent thousands of dollars (this was after he quit his high paying job and before the new career) to get laser removal on some old acne scars on his face. They had never bothered me. I still thought he was handsome and so did most other people but they bothered him. Apparently he wasn’t trying to look nice for me, however, he wanted to look nice for the sluts he hoped to seduce. I am the one who got to deal with the bleeding face and bandages so that Schmoopie’s 1 and 2 could get the new face. The only plus side is that the surgery didn’t really do much (after several expensive treatments) so he is probably still insecure about it.

One other thing. For years he had been wearing his hair very short. Since moving out he has grown it out. I think it looks weird to the point where I sometimes don’t even recognize him from a distance (for a brief moment once I hoped maybe Schmoopie was cheating on him until I realized it was him). He also combs it weird. I am not sure but I am guessing he is trying to cover up his receding hairline at the temples. It is also possible that Schmoopie told him about that slightly balding spot on the back of his head which probably freaked him out.

Attie
Attie
5 years ago

My ex’s hairline is greying and receding a bit like Dracula – you know, just the pointy bit in the middle and on both sides it’s going further and further back. I didn’t care but he obviously did. When he showed up at our son’s wedding he had had it coloured and permed to flick it forward to try to cover the Dracula points. Can’t say it looked bad to be honest but I guess he’s a bit sensitive about it now – you know, what with having a Schmoopie and all!

Chickynot
Chickynot
5 years ago
Reply to  Attie

Hahahaha! When things started heating up with Schmoopie, X grew his hair out into a stringy grey mullet, thinning on the top — which he then proceeded to color with Grecian Formula over-the-counter dye that stinks like a chemical factory and makes him look like a disheveled homeless person.
I have to laugh that Schmoopette has to fake like she can stand that smell! I’ve been trying to shampoo it out of my hairbrush for the last 6 months, but I think I’m gonna have to throw it out.

CC
CC
5 years ago

The OW/Baby Mama has impressive selfie skills. As in she can look like a completely different person—10 years younger and 50 lbs lighter. A good selfie seems pretty important to her. She made sure to have makeup and hair done for her FB profile pic with her newborn daughter. Gross.

As a result, now my Ex is all about taking “family” photos and plastering them all over FB. In the 7 years of my daughter’s life I can probably count on one hand how many family photos we took. Now just 1 month after introducing OW to our daughter, which equals to 4 days that they were together, he posts a new family photo of him, ow, my daughter and their new daughter.

But false FB life has always been his game. I would often text him photos of me and our daughter out enjoying life and he would then post them like he was there, but he never was because he refused to participate.

ironhardempress
ironhardempress
5 years ago

I blocked (FB and IG) both my social media-era exes the minute they walked out the door. I don’t have to look at any pathetic selfies.

Freer Every Day
Freer Every Day
5 years ago

Mine began working out and losing weight, would never do that before. Washing is truck for the weekend, new cologne, after 25 years of refusing to wear anything but what he’d always worn, new music, etc. Totally shitty to me while being ‘mr. wonderful’ to whore.

As soon as the D was final, (at age 52) put purple lights underneath his truck and loud pipes. Went around town revving it up. Women from his office called me to tell me, cracking up. They were all laughing at him while he was being ‘cool’. OW (church piano player) had “I believe in biblical marriage…one man…one woman….for life” plastered on her FB, while sleeping with my husband in my bed, stalking me at church meetings, and making a deceitful friendship with my son (can’t make this shit up!). EX is 5’5”, she is 6’4”.

He started wearing shirts that were for big and tall men that hung down to his knees in colors he’d never worn and made him look like crap. I saw them in a parking lot once after the D and he looked like a little kid running after his mother. That’s still a very satisfying memory.

Last time i saw him his hair had fallen out, he had what was left long and pulled over his forehead like a pony tail (women in his office laughing about that too), his clothes were so old and wrinkled they looked like crumpled aluminum foil, and his face looked haggered. His fists were clenched and his face stony with narc rage. I could only assume someone had said something true and called him on his crap. Woman in his office says he now comes to the office in a rage and shuts himself in with the door closed. They speculate woman problems. I laugh my ass off. Just waiting until the truth comes out and he reaps what he’s sown.

spiritwoman
spiritwoman
5 years ago

“I believe in biblical marriage…one man…one woman….for life” Damn I hate religious hypocrites!

Thankful
Thankful
5 years ago
Reply to  spiritwoman

one man and one woman and close to two dozen guys on the side was my upstanding christian husbands idea of a biblical marriage.

Tempest
Tempest
5 years ago

X being 5’5″ and his OW 6’4″ alone is comic fodder.

Attie
Attie
5 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I’m just picturing Basil Fawlty and Manuel!

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
5 years ago
Reply to  Attie

Aaaahhhhhhhhahahahaaahaaha!!! Fawlty Towers!!!????????????

Freer Every Day
Freer Every Day
5 years ago

Yes…it is…

He always loved looking good and being admired. He would do anything to be admired. Anything that is except actually being a good person of character that most people would admire. Instead he destroyed everything in his life, then went out and used his impressive lying skills and the family budget to gain admiration from a stupid slut who bought his every piece of false advertisement. She thought she got a Lamborghini from the slick brochure…I know for a fact that when the ink hit the marriage document it was a beat-up used Honda held together with bailing wire….LMAO at that one….

EVERYONE laughs when they see them together. I call them HO White and the EVIL Dwarf. So fitting.

Hope49
Hope49
5 years ago

Freer Every Day… “I know for a fact that when the ink hit the marriage document it was a beat-up used Honda held together with bailing wire. PLUS ‘I call them HO White and the EVIL Dwarf.

THIS^^^^ HaHaHa!!!!

IowaChump
IowaChump
5 years ago

On our last family vacation before D day I noticed he was taking selfies ALL THE TIME. He was 45 at the time. I couldn’t believe he wasn’t taking any pics of the kids.

He got off FB for a while when my lawyer asked for discovery and interrogories (sp?). My lawyer asked for 3 yrs of social media posts. He allegedly couldn’t access anything off of FB from 2016. (He and AP used FB messenger to communicate that yr.)

We’ve been divorced 1 month now – yay! He’s 47 now. I hope he’s still posting selfies like a fool.

AussieChump
AussieChump
5 years ago

Motorbike ✔️
Tattoo* ✔️
Puppy ✔️
Ute ✔️
Abbreviated texts/emails ✔️
Selfies ✔️
A beard ✔️
Alcohol (so.much.alcohol.) ✔️

(*in the build-up to Dday, STBX actually tattooed over his tattoos of our children’s names and also over the name of his bestie who had died … with patterns. Black, almost solid patterns.)

I expect he will get a boob job – he hated his man-boobs.

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
5 years ago
Reply to  AussieChump

Poor Mr. Gynecomastia !

Trying for Mighty
Trying for Mighty
5 years ago
Reply to  AussieChump

I expect mine will get a boob job…because he wants them!
After two plus years of “exploring” his “alternative sexuality” with a former student of both of ours (all of it unbeknownst to me–that is, the exploration, the alternative sexuality, and the fact that he was sharing this with a former student), when he finally revealed to me how sexually exciting it is for him to pretend he’s a pornified version of woman he started sending me selfies of himself posed to appear as if he has boobs. The most ridiculous of these was of him in a (gay man) bra with one strap pulled down and an attempt at a seductive subject line: “Sometimes the strap just slips down.” 60 years old, 6’4″, 300 pounds, and apparently he thinks he’s a sexy young hottie.

Lady B
Lady B
5 years ago

That’s some messed up shit.

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
5 years ago

Words fail me, holy shit.

JWH
JWH
5 years ago

Freak of the Week!

Not because I denigrate transexuals, but because he’s an asshole who doesn’t recognize that he’s a buffoon too.

Chumpful
Chumpful
5 years ago

Thank goodness you got away from him! Crazy town!

Tempest
Tempest
5 years ago

Well, so much for lunch today! I can’t unsee that image.

Trying for Mighty
Trying for Mighty
5 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Alas, neither can I.

Attie
Attie
5 years ago

Eeewwww yuck!

violet
violet
5 years ago

Words fail. Can’t make this shit up!

Lady B
Lady B
5 years ago
Reply to  AussieChump

Wow he tattooed over his kids names, just a new low.

Free Vix
Free Vix
5 years ago

My ex had been vehemently anti-tattoo the whole time I knew him. He thought it was stupid to permanently mark yourself. (I think they’re sexy but it was his body so I didn’t think much of it. He never cared for mine.) Imagine my surprise when after a decade of tattoo hating he told me he had a surprise and revealed a big tattoo on his upper arm. I was shocked both that he got one and that he never said he was considering one. (It was a Latin phrase about bravery…mm hmm.) Turns out the OW had a few tattoos and they both showed up with new ones around the same time. How quickly they abandon the values they claim to stand for.

Chumplaura
Chumplaura
5 years ago
Reply to  Free Vix

Ex hated tattoos the whole time I was with him. Teased both of our sisters for having them. Hated them on women. 18 months before DDay started saying he wanted one. Want to guess what happened 18 months before Dday? ???????? 3 months after leaving he now has a full sleeve tattoo. OW is covered in them (both thighs, back, arms, ankles and ring fingers).

geekmom
geekmom
5 years ago

I learned of this after he left, but it speaks to the mirroring. Shithead wouldn’t dance. Ever. Never. In 40 years, the only time I saw him try was his dance with our daughter at her wedding. He then declined to dance with me immediately after. Did. Not. Dance.

So, what do I hear through the grapevine? He and elderly OW (Schmoops, in my case, was an older woman – 74 to his 65 and my 60) have been going out country western dancing, dressed in matching outfits – homemade, I’m sure, and the woman has taste in her ass.

Again, no disrespect to folks who enjoy dancing; this is just to point out the lengths these personality-free parasites will go to secure their new host. I know him, his enthusiasm for this activity will not last and he’ll soon be finding excuses not to go boot scootin’.

But, despite my best efforts to maintain the “cool, bummer, wow” response to this intel, I couldn’t help bursting into hysterics over this news!

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
5 years ago
Reply to  geekmom

Hahahaha!!!
That image reminded me of those square dancing groups – I’m not bashing anyone that participates in square dancing- but those matching outfits kill me. I can only imagine your ex and her ????

MovingOn
MovingOn
5 years ago
Reply to  geekmom

I don’t know if my ex has picked up any “hobbies” based on the Owife’s preferences, but what I do know is that he has given up many things he used to enjoy when we were together. One of the activities he quit was one that he studied in college and was significantly involved in as part of his career. He invested roughly twenty years of his life and a significant amount of money into something he was very talented at, and now it’s just gone– down the drain because the Owife probably didn’t like it. She doesn’t like anything that pulls attention away from her, including our children.

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised; lately I’ve taken to calling him “the quitter.” He quit our marriage, has quit working on his talent, quit on our child he no longer sees, quit on the graduate degree he was working on when we split, and has apparently quit all common sense decision making until further notice.

Chumpnomore
Chumpnomore
5 years ago
Reply to  geekmom

I see this in my ex. His interests and tastes change to mirror his current victim.

Chumpnomore
Chumpnomore
5 years ago

Our divorce was final 03/29/18 and he already has a new “family.” Constant selfies of himself, his new love and her children plastered on FB. While we were together he would never consider posting a photo of himself with me or his own children (from his first marriage). He’s taking her to all the places that he and I used to frequent…nothing original there. He’s always been a cheater, in his first marriage and in ours. Hell, he even cheated on the women he was cheating with! She’s grinning now but I know what she’s in for. She’s no better than any of the other women who have had the misfortune of coming in contact with him. In a way I feel sad for him. He’ll never have peace. I see the dead, haunted, empty look in his eyes even now. He has no soul.

Jo
Jo
5 years ago

Joined FakeBook and Insta during the divorce, after years of mirroring Luddite, intensely private me. Schmoops the Beard is a selfie-lovin’ social media hooore, complete with a blog under her real name in which she discusses “deep” topics like strap-ons, plastic surgery, obsessively working out, the magical nature of online dating, expensive jewelry and fashion, while bragging about living in both NY and LA #jetset but not having an actual job. Hmmm…. #call girl.

So ExH is now mirroring that pile of materialistic, look at meeeee cray cray.

MyEyes
MyEyes
5 years ago

Douche canoe’s dating profile pic was our wedding photo from 13 years earlier. Minus me of course. Then it was all series of full frontal naked pics with his face and wedding ring visible. The kicker was the slo-mo money shot that captured his hand with wedding ring furiously working it. I can never unsee them but I did laugh at the logistics of obtaining these shots in our guest half bath.

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
5 years ago
Reply to  MyEyes

????????????????????????????????????
Oh. My. Gawd. That is f**king nasty!!!
Wtf?!?!
What kind of people actually like seeing that shit???

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago
Reply to  MyEyes

please pass the brain bleach

Trying for Mighty
Trying for Mighty
5 years ago
Reply to  MyEyes

Ooh! Ooh! I’ve got a “money shot,” too! My stbx, who after he discovered how sexually exciting it was to play woman, wearing a satin chemise above, with his hand wrapped around his penis and both dripping with semen. Of course, with me he absolutely refused to “use” his penis, because he “hated” being male…except, I guess, when he could get off on himself.

Freer Every Day
Freer Every Day
5 years ago
Reply to  MyEyes

There are just no words for that….

AuntieMame
AuntieMame
5 years ago

Honestly, he didn’t change that much before or after with these types of things. There was new underwear and he started to attempt to work out, but part of his issue is that he can’t change. He gets away with what he does by being the quiet, non-threatening guy. He never changes his job because he’s loyal! More like because he gets to travel around and fuck his direct reports and coworkers. And no flashy cars or phyiscal transformations. Because he’s not like THOSE douchebags. He’s a simple, dependable guy, who works too hard and loves his family. He’s even an upstanding Cheater! He just didn’t fuck them and leave them. No! He had relastionhips going on with 2 women and his wife, while also trolling the web for hookers and frequenting massage parlors.

He hated being on fb then, though he allowed just enough for people to know he existed. It seems the same attitude is happening now. He pretends it’s because he is modest. More like he can keep lies up better when there’s no papertrail. “We don’t really spend a lot of time together.” One of the lies he told his whores and they would believe because I hardly ever showed photos of him on fb or mentioned him – because that’s what HE REQUESTED.

I suspect it’s more subtle personality changes. Like he didn’t want kids. But she has 2 sons, so he’s probably now playing the dad role. And the things he didn’t like, if she likes them, he likes them now.

The really laughable thing is that the whore he’s currently settled down with and his sister are BFFs. His sister turned on me after the divorce and spread all sorts of outright lies around to mutual friends. She was never really warm to me, in fact she was always extremely critical. She’s like that with everyone. And she never shares anything on FB, but she shared a bunch of photos with her and the whore around the holidays. LOL I know she thinks it was to make me feel bad, but it had the exact opposite result. The whore is a selfish narcissistic whore, who broke up her family 2 days after Christmas for some piece of shit cheater who she’d been fucking for only a few months. My ex-SIL is bitter, depressed, and jealous. They deserve each other. And I know that my ex-SIL will eventually become the critical, meddling, bitter, nasty woman she is to the whore too.

Mehphista
Mehphista
5 years ago
Reply to  AuntieMame

No longer your circus nor monkeys.

AuntieMame
AuntieMame
5 years ago
Reply to  Mehphista

Right. But this post was about pushing the meh to the side and talking about their behavior. But yeah. Thanks for the unnecessary advice.

Traffic_Spiral
Traffic_Spiral
5 years ago
Reply to  AuntieMame

I think Mephista was being congratulatory – like, “isn’t it awesome that you don’t have to be nice to Spiteful Bitch SIL any more?”

ICanSeeTheMehComing!
ICanSeeTheMehComing!
5 years ago

Mr. Sparkles immediately blocked me on FB the day he left for the OW. He also told her I was a crazy stalker and had her (and subsequently the newest GF) block me too. It would be sad if it weren’t so funny. He told me he did it to “respect my privacy” (a whole new level of blameshifting!)

But the selfies that I can recall were the ones he took of himself for his personal ads… the fuckwit didn’t even have the common sense to use the reverse photo function… he took them Anthony Weiner (aka Carlos Danger) way by holding the phone low while looking at himself in a mirror… Narcissist?

SO glad that asshat is out of my life.

oldcrone
oldcrone
5 years ago

Hah, Golden D##k didn’t take selfies. Not sure he knows how. Imagine how Chumpy I felt when I saw his secret Facebook (F**kbook) page plastered with the photos that he would ask me to take of him. Looking pensively at the camers (see how sensitive I am!). He would ask for a new pic whenever he changed his look (facial hair and hairstyle, new glasses, etc.). I never knew why he wanted those pics, now I do. Never saw them on his public page. Then again, I should have looked at the public page more closely, as his long-term affair partner and her family were plastered all over it, not one pic of me (his wife of 40+ years). As I was never on Facebook myself, he told me he was “protecting” my privacy. Thank you, f-wit. I feel so protected that you never used a condom EVER, unless the other guy (yes, sex with random men was also a thing with him) insisted. Nice to know that some of the man-whores on Craigslist worried about STDS, unlike Golden D##k. Too bad the skanks didn’t insist on safe sex, I would have dodged the STDS he gave me over the years.

Tbone
Tbone
5 years ago

Bow ties. Exclusively. Makes him look like Tippy the Turtle with his bald head. ????

His sexdating profile used a fake name “Brandon” & said he was 9 years younger.

Tempest
Tempest
5 years ago
Reply to  Tbone

turtle

tbone
tbone
5 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Love it! Thanks for the laugh.

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
5 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Hahahahaaa!!

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
5 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

????????????????????

UXworld
UXworld
5 years ago

The selfies, the nose stud, the tattoos, the increase in profanity, and the constant concert-going were all the proof I needed to confirm that KK was devolving into the cool, popular, ‘rebel with a cause’ teenager that she never was, but always secretly longed to be. None of these surprised me.

The smoking did.

After more than 15 years of witnessing (and underwriting) obsessive gym visits, phased dedication to various exercise fads (CrossFit, marathins, kettlebells, planking, etc.), taking up vegetarian, and constant references to ‘living the healthy life,” M the Younger found cigarettes in the new apartment less than a year post-divorce. The girls told me they questioned KK about it; all the information I got from them (who am I to pry on this?) was that KK said: “Well, I only smoke, like, once a month.”

E the Elder (16) brought it up again recently, and all I could do was say: “Well, think about the people you know in school. With everything we know about how disgustingly bad it is for you and others around you, why do you think any of them decide to smoke? And why would anyone smoke ‘only, like, once a month’?”

There wasn’t much more to say about it; the answer pretty much speaks for itself.

Scott
Scott
5 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

You can go back to your shiny prize now. Thanks for the laugh “Crow.”

GonnaBeOK
GonnaBeOK
5 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Oh, look! It’s KK. Or perhaps RPD. Or it could just be a stupid troll. Go away now. ‘Cause you’re an asshole. And not worth a comment but I had to post something after your comment made me laugh at you.

JeepTess
JeepTess
5 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

At least he isn’t a cruel coward.

Kar marie
Kar marie
5 years ago
Reply to  JeepTess

Crow what are you doing here anyway? Hes a rightous guy whos been wronged. And we will stand up and support us! Yes us not them not you. So be gone before dorothy drops a house on you. Damn trolls.

BSOD_Chumped
BSOD_Chumped
5 years ago

Happily, I have blocked her. From what I hear, the selfies have continued in an unabated fashion and she has posted about how she misses the three cats. I am not sure why, she replaced them with a dorkie and a cyclops who will happily encourage her narcissism and superiority. She has put back on all of the weight that she has lost (60ish pounds) and just continues the selfie parade, so the addiction to herself continues. No loss, fakebook and snapchat need addicts, they both will do, cyclops does the same.

Attie
Attie
5 years ago
Reply to  BSOD_Chumped

What is it with these selfies when they think they look wonderful! I don’t have many pictures of myself on FB – maybe 2 – but they were when I was with my kids/family. I have seen colleagues with the trout pout/duck bum lips looking terrible and then all their friends write in “looking great, how beautiful you are” and I just think WTF – are they not seeing the same thing I’m seeing. Jeez.

Calgal1
Calgal1
5 years ago

He doesn’t post selfies, but she does. Boy does she ever. Actually she is more into posting full length photos she has him take of her, solo, in her bathing suit, in Bora Bora, the Cook Islands, and Hawaii. Just a few of the trips they’ve taken in the past 2 years (while we were still not divorced) and he whines and tells his daughters he will no longer contribute any finances toward them or their college tuition. You know, because I took all his money and his house and his retirement and his pension… Bwaaa haa haaa! I had to remind him on a number of occasions that after a 28 year marriage none of it was “his” it was “ours.”

I don’t follow either of them on social media, but on occasion my oldest daughter will send me a screenshot as she tries to process what she sees and learns about her father now.

manscaping – check
shaves arms and legs, waxes back – yes
unnaturally tan – yes
reverts to listening to only music from his high school days – yep
skinny jeans – oh yes, the skinny jeans
buys new underwear – that too
use of what’s app (for affair messaging with his equally married employee) – yes
use of emojis and stupid initialization of words in aforementioned messaging with OWhore – mm hmm
creates an avatar of himself – an avatar!
takes up surfing – oh yes he did
excessive drinking of alcohol – very much so
recreational pot smoking – apparently that too
willing participant in her excessive selfie posts – yes

I’ll think of more, I’m sure. One recent incident, which is actually tragic more than it is funny, is what they chose to do when faced with a wildfire near their rental home. Fire breaks out in foothills at sundown, high winds, mandatory evacuations. Fire started at property across the street from them. They are escorted out of the neighborhood by fire dept. THEY SNEEK BACK IN AND STAY HOLED UP IN THE HOUSE! Because you know, my ex is an expert on everything and he assesses that the winds are blowing the opposite direction. They stayed in a mandatory evacuation area overnight in the middle of a fire. He’s lost his fucking mind, and she is a stupid idiot to follow his lead. She has YOUNG kids, young young young. The kids weren’t with them at the time, but still. I can’t even wrap my head around how they think.

When my oldest daughter heard about the fire from her sister, she messaged her dad to tell him she hopes he’s ok. His response? “Tell your mother she’ll have to pray for me to die another time. I’m fine.”

I make sure everyone that knows me knows that I wish him nothing but success. I don’t want him to miss the money he sends me every month. That, and that he can’t die yet, he owes me too much money. I own the life insurance policy now, but I’ve already done the metrics. It’s quite some time before I want to rely on that.

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
5 years ago
Reply to  Calgal1

Hahahahaaa!!
“I make sure everyone that knows me knows that I wish him nothing but success. I don’t want him to miss the money he sends me every month. That, and that he can’t die yet, he owes me too much money. I own the life insurance policy now, but I’ve already done the metrics. It’s quite some time before I want to rely on that.”

Same here!!! LOL.

Beth
Beth
5 years ago

I was the one who went out and got my first tattoo at the ripe old age of 54 when my divorce was final. My ex HATES tattoos so of course, to celebrate my freedom from his tyranny, my daughter took me to get one. It’s small, only shows when I want it to and has great meaning to me. Shortly after I got my tattoo, I saw pics of Ex’s stripper GF (now fiance) in a bikini from a trip they took to Jamaica right after the divorce was final. Lo and behold, she’s got really big red, yellow and orange FLAME tattoos coming from her vahjayjay!! At least, I think they’re flames…from some angles they look like giant crab claws. 😀 In any case, I think of it as “truth in advertising” and it makes me laugh to think that Ex gets to look at that every. single. day. #hotbox #whatsthatburningsensation #crabsthegiftthatkeepsongiving

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
5 years ago
Reply to  Beth

OMG, LMAO!!!
That is hilarious!!!!
Best laugh I’ve had all day!!!

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
5 years ago
Reply to  Beth

Fire Crotch ! The tattoo or the burning s.t.d.s she spreads around

cashmere
cashmere
5 years ago
Reply to  Beth

Oh em gee. This is awesome. ????

Hop skip and chump
Hop skip and chump
5 years ago
Reply to  cashmere

Trigger – I inadvertently saw OW photos that had stars tattooed on her hairless vajayjay….who does that?