Chumps, you know that moment? CN, if you haven’t had that moment, I encourage you to have the moment soonest. (The point of this blog is to get you there.) It is the I Have Had Enough of Your Shit moment. That beautiful, beautiful moment when the consequences come.
Consequences?! Never! Watch the abuser flip through the three channels of mindfuckery — charm, self-pity, and rage. And…
You can see the confusion in their eyes. This. Does. Not. Compute. So they flip harder. CHARM. You’re the only one I really love. SELF-PITY. How can you DO THIS to me?! RAGE. I WILL DESTROY YOU!
And still the consequences come.
Matt Lauer had his moment yesterday.
Matt Lauer, for you non-U.S. readers, is a television news reader at NBC. (Imagine a dildo with stubble.) Lauer was suddenly fired yesterday morning for being handsy with the employees and engaging in the kind of relationships where you need a SECRET BUTTON under your DESK to lock the door. Hey, it’s consensual if they can’t hear your screams. Apparently America is supposed to be in mourning.
But really? Matt Lauer? If artificial intelligence ever creates douchey sales-and-marketing strip club patrons, they’re taking silicon casts of Matt Lauer.
The man is revolting, and ever since Dick Clark died, I’d rather see Clark’s propped up corpse narrate the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade than Matt I-hope-you’re-strangled-by-a-mitten-string Lauer.
As the co-host of NBC’s “Today,” Matt Lauer once gave a colleague a sex toy as a present. It included an explicit note about how he wanted to use it on her, which left her mortified.
On another day, he summoned a different female employee to his office, and then dropped his pants, showing her his penis. After the employee declined to do anything, visibly shaken, he reprimanded her for not engaging in a sexual act.
He would sometimes quiz female producers about who they’d slept with, offering to trade names. And he loved to engage in a crass quiz game with men and women in the office: “f—, marry, or kill,” in which he would identify the female co-hosts that he’d most like to sleep with.
But he’s not just a joy to work with — he’s also a serial cheating cliche as well! Lauer likes banging strange during work trips, and his wife apparently has tried to leave him several times (once when pregnant with her third child). More from Variety:
According to producers, Lauer — who had considerable editorial clout over which stories would ultimately air on “Today” — would frequently dismiss stories about cheating husbands. However, in the wake of Roger Ailes and Harvey Weinstein, Lauer had to keep up with a national conversation about sexual harassment. It often made for awkward moments on TV for staff members who knew about Lauer’s private interactions.
Huh. And I wonder why more chump stories don’t get made on network television. That’s a head scratcher.
But the person I am most annoyed with in this shit show is Savannah lend-me-your-hankie Guthrie, Lauer’s co-host. She had to give the sad news of Lauer’s firing to America. Watch this.
No, SORRY Savannah. You don’t get to be all sniffly about Matt Lauer AND his victims. This is NOT a tragedy for “all.” It is a CONSEQUENCE. There is a difference.
Where was the flowing snot for Ann Curry when Lauer got her fired? Oh right, you got her job.
Consequences are not tragic. They are CONSEQUENCES. Lauer fucked and bullied his way into this mess. Your cheaters did too. And I’m sure there are hordes of Switzerland friends out there who want to lend the sad sausages a tissue.
Oh and chumps? Enjoy your days of reckoning. Every. Single. One.