Time for Another Mightiness Check In

Well, I sure am feeling the CN mightiness after yesterday’s epic blog birthday. THANK YOU for the Patreon love. But I wanted to check in, as I do here periodically, and see how your mighty is going.

Did anyone see that story in the Washington Post about Anthony Anderson the amazing kid who sings German lieder? I won’t give it away, please read it (with Kleenex) — I just want to point out to all you single parents — this child was raised by a single mother as one of SEVEN children. Dear God, if that kid and his mom aren’t the mightiest. I love this story on so many levels, but especially how Anthony just lets his opera nerd flag fly. He is so amazing, and he never loses sight of his worth, or his talents.

Back to you. How’s that Gain a Life thing going?

To the newbies, about every 6 months or so, we do a Tell Me How You’re Mighty column. It doesn’t have to be a grand accomplishment — if you’re fresh off a D-Day, showers and protein drinks count. I want to hear how you’re keeping your sanity in the face of co-parenting with a fuckwit, or how many days you’ve been No Contact, or if you’re going back to school, or went on an awkward date. Spill!

TGIF! And never give up the fight. There’s a good life here waiting for you on the other side.

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Sugarglider
Sugarglider
6 years ago

I had achieved early retirement at 50 and his sudden departure ruined that little plan. After 2 years unemployed & 11 months of applications I started a new job this week! And it was a promotion and 40% pay increase since the last job! Not enough exclamation marks to go around!!!
Now with a pay slip, I can get financing to buy the house and do a property settlement. Does stop me from going to Newcastle though.

He is unemployed and living on the edge of town in the Notell Motel and Long Stay Caravan Park. Pulling the hot chicks then?!

YAY for me!

Leanne Elliott
Leanne Elliott
6 years ago
Reply to  Sugarglider

Thank you all! and to note what another mighty chump wrote – it took a village – MANY ppl stepped in to help me over the past year – they are mighty too!

ozchic
ozchic
6 years ago
Reply to  Sugarglider

High five Sugarglider!!!

ChutesandLadders
ChutesandLadders
6 years ago
Reply to  Sugarglider

That’s wonderful! Happy for you.

MotherChumper99
MotherChumper99
6 years ago
Reply to  Sugarglider

Awesome, Sugarglider! ????????????????

FindingBliss
FindingBliss
6 years ago
Reply to  Sugarglider

Mighty story, SugarGlider. Keep rocking that new life.

ImAPhool
ImAPhool
6 years ago
Reply to  Sugarglider

Yay for you for sure

Doingme
Doingme
6 years ago
Reply to  ImAPhool

Congratulations on the job!

GracieD
GracieD
6 years ago
Reply to  Doingme

????????

DOCTOR's1stWife&Kids
DOCTOR's1stWife&Kids
6 years ago
Reply to  GracieD

after 18 months of slogging through a series of ugly discoveries, I finally got back on stage to do stand up comedy, and I dedicated my comedy set to my now ex-husband. AKA the “wasband”.

The set went really well, and in it, I addressed 2 of the 3 most painful experiences of my life; the end of my 35 year marriage and the health crisis I had, which precipitated his hasty departure.

I am witty (aren’t we all?) and I have done comedy before in some notable venues.

But this particular show was the first I’d done since the shit hit the fan – and it marked a healing point for me, a milestone of recovery for me, which I had to share.

It’s one thing to know we feel less horrible with time, but it’s another to stand up and mock the shit out of the shit.

BTW the support in the audience proves how many of us are chumps. Maybe it’s my imagination, but I could swear I got a lot of the best laughs.

Definitely got an invite back!!

Helen
Helen
6 years ago

Good for you! You are gutsy.
And he’s a coward.
That is all you need to remember.

ChumpsterFire
ChumpsterFire
6 years ago

How timely! I actually wrote somewhat of a “mighty” post on Facebook a day or two ago. It is long, but I hope it is relevant here, too.

“As our would-have-been wedding date approaches, I am not thinking as much as I thought I would about what it was planned to be. I find myself thinking more about how I have made it through the past nearly eight months. (Get ready for a “humble brag.” One of the many things I have learned is, despite being an introvert, it surprisingly has helped me greatly to be open and vulnerable, even on Facebook, about my journey.)

What I have to say today is this: I may never have been prouder of myself in my life as I am now.

In a split second in August, I was thrown into one version of hell on earth. The shock and pain were unfathomable and brutal, and I honestly was not sure if I’d be here in April 2018. I still cannot believe the details of what transpired, and that this is forever part of my life’s story.

Yet, even while in the depths of utter despair, I somehow tapped into an innate strength that allowed me to do so many things that amaze me now. Schedule appointments with my doctor. Find a therapist. Go to work with no more than 2 days off, and do my job, even through near-constant tears. Find and consult a lawyer. Commute 4-5 hours per day for 2 months from my mom’s house. Set aside my fears and ask friends and family for help and support. Find a new place to live in 2 weeks of searching (and, later, transform it into a home). Move out of a home we had just purchased and moved into in April 2017. Settle finances with a person I no longer recognized. Stand up for myself and refuse that person’s request for me to remain on our mortgage until he is ready to sell. Remain my true self through it all and behave with dignity and grace.

I have been to one version of hell on earth. It will haunt me for much longer; it will continue to reshape me, but I am no longer there. I made it out. I am ok. A sentence that, up until as recently as February, I couldn’t picture saying and meaning anymore. I. am. ok. #EndHumbleBrag #ItTookAHugeVillage “

Shari Evans
Shari Evans
6 years ago
Reply to  ChumpsterFire

I wanna grow up and be you

Keri
Keri
6 years ago
Reply to  ChumpsterFire

Wow, you just spoke exactly how I feel….and gave me hope. It’s only a few weeks of him leaving and I’m in the deep crazy shif, but you give me hope go see my strength in thsss times.

Thanks for your comment….needed today

EyeOnThePrize
EyeOnThePrize
6 years ago
Reply to  ChumpsterFire

I want to acknowledge your ability to move forward with dignity and grace. I’m so often tempted, and have, let the grace fly by the wayside. — I think this is a full-on topic, how to preserve dignity and grace.
You rock!! Thank you for this post.

Divine Doorknobs
Divine Doorknobs
6 years ago
Reply to  ChumpsterFire

Very Inspiring Chumpsterfire. Good luck as you continue your mightiness!!

TKO
TKO
6 years ago
Reply to  ChumpsterFire

What a great post. Really well told (and well done too). It sounds like you narrowly avoided an even worse hell on earth by finding out before marriage. Love the name Chumpsterfire. Perfect.

ChumpsterFire
ChumpsterFire
6 years ago
Reply to  TKO

TKO: Thank you so much for the kind comments!

2old4drama
2old4drama
6 years ago
Reply to  ChumpsterFire

My cheater is still on the mortgage. I paid him so he could escape quickly. He signed a quit claim deed. He never asked about the mortgage. I guess he will just have to trust that I pay it. Hope he worries about it.

Ally
Ally
6 years ago
Reply to  2old4drama

I’m still on mortgage but I moved out. Our legal finance agreement states that XH has to pay full mortgage now on his own until paid off, zero cost to me. However, once paid off he has to give me £50k or 20% of the house value, whichever is more. My compensation for staying on the mortgage. If he at any point fucks up and doesn’t pay mortgage, I’m allowed to legally sell house and get my money sooner with him paying all associated costs.

lovedandlost
lovedandlost
6 years ago
Reply to  Ally

Thats great! i wish i could have done that but my lawyer was concerned that I would end up paying child support with 50/50 custody and a loser ex. Maybe its different in UK but in Canada Im still on mtg for a house he owns but as they say – it’s complicated. All I see is that he pays no bills, lives comfortably and goes south with shmoopie while I do the adulting/parenting so I can sleep at night. Thats my thing – I am Mighty Super Parent ( Mom and Dad both). I hope that some day I can stand by and watch as he fucks himself – all on his own.

ChumpsterFire
ChumpsterFire
6 years ago
Reply to  2old4drama

wow! he doesn’t sound like a mature/responsibility adult, lol.

Attie
Attie
6 years ago
Reply to  ChumpsterFire

You are mighty! But he wanted you to remain on the mortgage until it suited him? There is no low they won’t stoop to is there!

ChumpsterFire
ChumpsterFire
6 years ago
Reply to  Attie

Thank you so much! Yes, he didn’t want to refinance and said he would pay the mortgage in full each month if I would stay on it until he was ready to sell “in about a year” so he and Schmoopie could live somewhere else. I said I now know you are untrustworthy in the worst way, so why on earth would I trust my financial well-being / credit with you?! He tried to convince me that there would be financial benefit in it for me. lol.

Doingme
Doingme
6 years ago
Reply to  Attie

Very impressive Chumpster!

ChumpsterFire
ChumpsterFire
6 years ago
Reply to  Doingme

Aw; thank you so much! It is still hard, but to all of you newbie chumps…Tracy is right…it DOES get better. It really does. And I didn’t believe that at all for a long time.

Pret
Pret
6 years ago

Haven’t seen fuckwit in 248 days but who’s counting? That’s 248 days of no one lying to my face… I’ll take it. Stay mighty CN!

Ally
Ally
6 years ago
Reply to  Pret

Omg, almost snap, I’m.on 250 today! Life is fucking beautiful on the other side ????

Pret
Pret
6 years ago
Reply to  Ally

Here’s to being mighty my fellow chumps!!! Even ONE day of being away from a cheater is an authentic, beautiful day!!!????

Chumpiness
Chumpiness
6 years ago
Reply to  Pret

Woo hoo!

wonderwoman
wonderwoman
6 years ago
Reply to  Pret

Me too! But for me it’s only been 56 days. ITS BEEN THE BEST 56 DAYS OF MY LIFE! WOO HOO!

ChumpsterFire
ChumpsterFire
6 years ago
Reply to  Pret

Love that you’re “counting”…248 amazing days!

MotherChumper99
MotherChumper99
6 years ago
Reply to  Pret

Wow Pret!

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
6 years ago
Reply to  Pret

248 days of bliss….

ImAPhool
ImAPhool
6 years ago
Reply to  Pret

That’s 248 days of mightiness

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
6 years ago

I’m not. I’m epically sucking right now.

I get up in the morning, get my kids up, we pray, we go to work/school, we come home, have supper, go to bed.

That’s about as much as I can handle right now.

The spring weather that we are (finally getting) did compel me to clean my car and then start sanding my kitchen cupboards to prepare to paint them. So, there’s that.

Caroline Bowman
Caroline Bowman
6 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

So you’re living an adult, consistent life for yourself and your children, everyone is fed, doing what they need to do, on time, ticking along and meanwhile you’re doing some home /life admin. I’d say that’s very mighty. Extremely mighty in fact, considering how many, many others flounder around at the least sign of something amiss!

JK
JK
6 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

Sunflower – You’re not epically sucking, you are doing what mighty people do in the face of epic pain. Give yourself credit for getting up and being there for your children in the face of this. That takes strength, and I’m proud of you.

Artemis
Artemis
6 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

No you are mighty! Doing all that is mighty. It’s not easy going through this, taking care of your family, and staying the sane parent. An outsider might not get it, but we get it. It’s freakin hard.

Mandie101
Mandie101
6 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

You will look back at this time and realize that you were doing an awesome job. Nomar is right.

Be gentle with yourself. Your don’t run a marathon the day after surgery.

I kept a gratitude journal. Alot of days I struggled to write three things I was grateful for. I’d end up writing vaugue things like : life ,job, kids. Like you , most days I stuck to the basics: get to work, get kids to school, try to do job, home. Many evenings I skipped cooking. In fact I hated the idea of cooking for nearly two years after . That was upsetting to me because I love to cook! But the whole experience stole my joy in things I loved. Now it’s back.

I also allowed friends to take me places. I accepted invitations ( though I didn’t want to). But now when I look back at that time I have the memory of the shit storm with some good memories. Dont stop making good memories!
Have a games night with your children. Go on random walks. Watch a TV show together or have movie night. Plant a tree. Plant some veggies…watch them die. Get a pet. Go to church.

But like the Johnny walker whiskey commercial says: keep walking.

Or Dorey in finding Nemo: keep on swimming.

Or as the saying goes: fall down seven; get up eight

Or as Frank Sinatra says: get back in the ring

Or as my friend said: a bad thing has happened to you so you will feel bad. Doesn’t mean you have depression

Nuff love to you and the kids!

Pia
Pia
6 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

Wow – hats off to you for that! I can’t begin to imagine sufficient energy or oomph for that project. Most days even now I feel I can hardly get out of bed.

ozchic
ozchic
6 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

???????????????? Sunflower36

RockStarWife
RockStarWife
6 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

You cleaned your car, sanded, got your kids and regularly got you and kids out the door? I think that all those things together even when people aren’t going through crisis is incredible!

wonderwoman
wonderwoman
6 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

No sunflower!

You are doing it!! One day at a time. We all work on our own pace at this!! Your cupboards will be beautiful!! Keep it up!!!!!

OutWest
OutWest
6 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

Sunflower, I remember waking up feeling like 1000 pounds on my chest, sucking air, wandering around in a haze and crying at the drop of a hat. I cried everywhere and had emotional vomit. It’s a finite period of time. Your daily victories are herculean, savor them. Hug your children, hug yourself. If you need to cry, cry. You will be in a different place in six months, in a year, in two….CN is a great place to come for support. We’ve got you.

Lemonbirch
Lemonbirch
6 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

Sunflower. Mighty is doing the right thing. Doing the day-to-day responsibly, taking care of what’s important, and showing your kids that this is what grace looks like when your life goes to fucking hell. Cherish yourself — You are awesome!!!

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
6 years ago
Reply to  Lemonbirch

Thanks you all…. really.

Wow.

marriagedetective
marriagedetective
6 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

I agree with everyone else’s comments here. You ARE mighty Sunflower! Choosing to LIVE each day is a feat in the wake of these crappy circumstances. The fact that you are getting up and getting your kids where they should be is mighty. I second CL – proper painting prep is mighty!

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
6 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

Hey Sunflower, you do more
than most with “unchumped” lives.
I’ll be thinking of your mightiness. And a prayer for you!

ChumpsterFire
ChumpsterFire
6 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

Sunflower,

Anything that you do, anything, to keep your children in a reliable, safe, healthy, happy routine is MIGHTY. Anything that you do, no matter how small, to make yourself feel better about your surroundings (cleaning, painting) is MIGHTY. You got this! xoxo

Feelingit
Feelingit
6 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

You are so mighty- you ho to work!!!

But mightier than that is you pray with your children (incredible example) and you inspire strangers like me on chump lady with your comforting posts.

You are a favorite!❤️

Chumpy McChumpFace
Chumpy McChumpFace
6 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

Oh, Sunflower – you are mighty!

In the early days, it was ALL I COULD DO to get up in the morning, make sandwiches for my kids — without tears for condiments — and get them off to school. The rest of the day? Who the hell knows what I did?! I survived it. I cried my way through it. Somehow. For months.

I’m nearly six years out from DDay, prepped my old money-pit house for sale all by myself within a year of our settlement, sold off furniture, jewelry, a car, and moved 1,000 miles away from Figment. (He was so caught up in his Twu Wuv moment and protecting his fucking money that he stunningly negotiated his visitation away with his kids. Even my 35-year veteran divorce lawyer was stunned. As was Figment’s lawyer and the judge. So shortsighted. But NMP.) Today, I own my own business, live in a town I absolutely love, own a house again, my kids are finally in good emotional places in their lives, and best of all, I met and married a wonderful man who I am excited to wake up to and share my life with everyday.

It will get better. You will pick up those shards of your life laying strewn around you. You will decide which of them you’re going to keep and which ones you will discard. You will design a new life for yourself and your kids on your terms. You will.

Mitz
Mitz
6 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

Gosh that sounds ok. I lost my kids to the ex. It would be heaven to have them. They are the true ‘love of our lives’. Be sure that you are wonderful and better times are ahead.

Tessie
Tessie
6 years ago
Reply to  Mitz

Hugs Mitz, that is an especially painful shit sandwich. I hope you do get to spend time with them.

MotherChumper99
MotherChumper99
6 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

Sunflower, you are doing a lot! And, you are no failure IMO. Huge hugs. I especially like the spiritual solution you are turning to with prayer.

Mighty Sunflower????

foxforcefive
foxforcefive
6 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

Sunflower36 did you say you get up in the morning? You are mighty as all mighty. We all do what we can do and the rest follows.

{{{hugs}}}
FFF

mickeyblueeyes
mickeyblueeyes
6 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

What’s the saying? “ not all superheroes wear capes”

Just keep doing what you’re doing sunflower

UXworld
UXworld
6 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

True that.

nomar
nomar
6 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

But that IS mighty. “Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is a quiet voice that says, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’”

(((Sunflower))) #mightymom

Bestill
Bestill
6 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Mighty comment. Will keep that in my head and heart.????

Triumphafterterror
Triumphafterterror
6 years ago
Reply to  nomar

YES!! I have that saying on a coffee mug that I drank out of every day. I also used to say the prayer to St. Michael over and over in my head. It was one of the things (aside from my kids) that got me through the day after DDay. Sunflower36, you ARE mighty!! You may not be where you want to be right now, but you’re not where you used to be. Trust me (and all of the rest of us on here) that it WILL get better, you WILL get there. Just one day at a time . . . and when that’s too much, one hour at a time or even one minute at a time.

newdaydawning
newdaydawning
6 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Nomar I love that!

Jodi Lynch
Jodi Lynch
6 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Yes, Sunflower ~ that is mighty.

You are moving forward!

When I first began this journey thru Hell, I told everyone I did not have a future anymore. But I had a now. Each day became that now and each day is a step forward.

Everything you described in your day is positive! And that’s mighty.

LongTimeChump
LongTimeChump
6 years ago
Reply to  Jodi Lynch

This: “When I first began this journey thru Hell, I told everyone I did not have a future anymore. But I had a now. Each day became that now and each day is a step forward.”

Thank you for putting it into perfect words!

Free to live
Free to live
6 years ago

I finally found my anger yesterday, I sent a text to the witch whore after she asked me to tell our son not to talk to her like he does and refuses to help take them to their activities even though I’ve just broken my leg in 3 places! After texting it I broke my silence on Facebook and posted it for all to see!! Feels bloody good! Post is below:

What I’m posting here is my text response to my kids mum saying she can’t take our children to their pre arranged activities as I’ve broken my leg in three places! She has them two nights per week and every second weekend since I left after discovering her affair, but taking them to their only outlets from the mad life she has inflicted on them is too much for her as ‘shes busy’! She told our 11 yr old son that I should learn to get the bus, should add that I’m sitting on a sofa with my leg propped up completely unable to move in a village where I have no family or friends to help out. She text to say if our son talks to her like he has done again he can find his own way… this is my response (if anyone doesn’t like what I’m saying here then unfriend me, please take your immoral coward ass and fuck off!!) and finally here is my response to saying I should learn to take the bus…

‘I need to learn to get a bus!!!My leg is broken in 3 places! I’m confined to my home and cannot go anywhere. Taking them to parkour is not for me it’s for them. You self centred, selfish bitch! You don’t deserve to call yourself a mum, you are the worst bloody mum that ever existed!!! What happened to you! You fucked an old man behind my back and have became step mum to 3 kids with one on the way, destroyed my life and our children’s with it, took everything we built together, I hope you choke on old man cock you stupid fucker! If the tables were turned I would do anything to help our kids have normality! Who the fuck have you become, and you talk about kindness on Facebook you! I wish I left you on the street corner where I found you, 18 people before me at 16 should have been a bloody warning!!! Oh and happy fucking anniversary!! Oh and yes this is my anger, my therapist told me I should let it out so there you go you manipulative selfish evil monster! I am no longer in your narcissistic sociopathic grip and can say whatever the hell I like to you without recourse, you can’t do anymore than you’ve already done to me. I hope some day you fall in love, spend 17 years with someone and they cheat on you from the beginning and they fuck you over, take everything you ever worked for, treat your children like shit and show no remorse for the life long hurt they have inflicted on you, I hope you wake every day with the lies running through your head and the betrayal weighing on your chest like a gallon drum! Our children will grow old, and they will know who was there for them always, me! I never let them down, they are always on my mind, always my first thought before any other and funnily enough always with me in our home that we have created together since we were abandoned before Xmas and you moved your old man in! This is my anger that I have withheld for so long, I am angry that our children have had to suffer for your choices, I am angry that they have had to grow in age so quickly and their innocence taken away at such a young age. I am angry that they said to me can we just pretend that mummy loves us like you do!!! We started this family together and you ended it by telling lies to everybody and betraying everyone’s trust in you, to steal a newly married man from his pregnant wife while charged with looking after their first child is despicable! Finding cum stained nickers in the laundry basket, seeing you kiss him in the reflection of the Tv, finding you together in my home time after time and still no honesty! To turn your back on so many memories and destroy them is unforgivable, but you get to keep those along with our family home, all our possessions and my heart. Good luck in your life, as someone who lives with regret and has had family members begging for forgiveness, I know your future, it is filled with torment, guilt and regret. Good luck living with that! In what you have done you have set me free, I am free from
you to live the life I was supposed to live. I thank you for our children, but that’s it. Oh how I wish I had found another to have children with, someone who would love and care for them as I do. But I found you, and I will forever regret that they call you Mum! Why you just couldn’t find the courage to leave me if you were unhappy rather than having an affair and destroying everything I do not know. You are a coward and a low life! I revelled in who I thought you were, you were always the subject of my stories, how we met, our living in secret, our proposal, our marriage, our struggle to go on in life despite everything, you were my hero, but you were never that person that I built you up to be. I say mean things because you have hurt me beyond your understanding, and it is how I feel. I need to release it, and now it has been. You lack the empathy to understand how others feel, I hope these words make a dent in your world. If not, it doesn’t matter as I’ve said what needed to be said. And I feel elated for it. Tonight you are my therapist, and I’ve had my final session because I am cured! I won’t rely on you for the kids anymore, I think them and me know that it’s pointless…….. lots of dots there just how you like it even though you don’t even know what they mean! Oh and fucking religious bloke my arse! Hahahahaha have a good life! Thank you for setting me free!!!!!!’

Again if you don’t like the truth, unfriend me and fuck off!!!

brit
brit
6 years ago
Reply to  Free to live

Very well said, I too revealed in who I thought Cheater was, valued our history together, I thought we were a team, best friends, my partner for life, I looked forward to our future and someday reminiscing on our life together from the small one bedroom apartment to moving across country, graduations, marriage, our families, our shared memories that I believed w both valued.
Silly me thought he was something much more than the low life he actually is. How very sad I bred with such a trash. Thinking I’d found a family man who valued our son as much as I did.
No, instead of wanting the best for our son and being proud of our sons accomplishments, cheater was jealous.
A pathetic human being,

Free to Live
Free to Live
5 years ago
Reply to  brit

Well it did have a big impact. Firstly for her as lots of friends saw it and obviously damaged her Mary Poppins image. But unfortunately it’s ended up hurting the kids more. She told the kids I’d posted about her on Facebook and sent her mean texts and to tell Daddy I’ve blocked him. So she ended up blocking my phone, email everything. She then promised the kids different pick up drop offs for Parkour on different days that she might be able to do and by the time they got here they literally have no clue who’s taking them where. They’re really confused now and it’s causing a lot of difficulty for me.

Child services were visiting her today anyway so I gave them a call and asked them to try and get her to stop communicating through the children. I what’s app’d her and asked can she please let me know what she’s promised the kids as I need to organise their days. She blocked me on that too seconds later.

Throughout finding out about the affair, her getting me falsely arrested, taking my home and everything I own I have always communicated for the kids no matter what she does to me. Learned a big lesson, and in doing so gave up the high road at the same time and made the kids lives even harder than they already are.

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
6 years ago
Reply to  Free to live

Tell it brother !

Massive hugs to you and your kids

Laughing Gator
Laughing Gator
6 years ago
Reply to  Free to live

Free to Live, Wow I could have said 80% of what you said about my Ex and oh how I wanted to.
Here’s the problem though — you HAVE to deal with her whether you like it or not until the youngest kiddo is 18 and you just made your life much harder with that rant even though it is all true.
Remember that your Ex is obviously disordered and she most likely has no empathy so your rant will not cause her shame rather she will use it as image management (see how crazy and obsessed with me he is) and can use it in court against you.

You are doing the right things but try really hard to go grey rock with the Ex –it’s the only way.
To add to what CL said, my old boss used to say “it feels really good for a few seconds to hit a wasps nest with a stick but a few seconds later not so much”.

Tessie
Tessie
6 years ago
Reply to  Laughing Gator

Grey rock is absolutely the way to go. UXworld is the Jedi master here on grey rock. Hang in there my friend. It will get better.

Wormfree2017
Wormfree2017
6 years ago
Reply to  Free to live

I’ve been there free to live. The Worm sat there with me in the ER while I was having flooding periods like Niagara Falls. He had a tantrum because the horrible internet service wouldn’t allow him to get his “work” done. I now know he was texting Pookie while I was gushing blood.
I hope he gets the life he deserves.
But Chumplady is right. It’s difficult for us feeling, caring humans to be calculating with our emotions, but you should find another way to vent….

MotherChumper99
MotherChumper99
6 years ago
Reply to  Free to live

Free to Live, I am so very sorry ????????????????. The exact same thing (with different details) happened to me and my kids… serial cheater, blindsided on the holiday, devalued, completely discarded— 26 years of my life upended in an instant by a sociopath/narcissist/BOD/selfish evil bastard.
Sending support and loving thoughts????????????????

OhHellNo
OhHellNo
6 years ago
Reply to  Free to live

All that CN has said about not giving her kibbles is true.

But still, there’s this: “I hope you choke on old man cock.”

Best line of the day. May it be so!

My version would be: “May you suffocate in the rotting pussy of your slunt.”

BAHAHA

Thanks, Chump Nation, for letting this sweet little Christian girl’s alter ego come out in full force in this safe place. <3

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
6 years ago
Reply to  OhHellNo

That was a pretty good line.

No chance that will happen to Mrs. Alp-Ho Twatwaffles though, since Mr. Twatwaffles cock is so microscopically small….she might as well be a Lesbian

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
6 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

OMG!!! That’s the best laugh I had today! Keep ’em coming!

UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
6 years ago
Reply to  Free to live

I’m glad you let out your anger towards xw, however, I do want to advise you not to post on Facebook. She gets off on the attention your rant is giving her and it could back fire on you….
I know it sucks, truly I do, but save the rants for here, Chump Nation, we got you.
I hope your leg heals quickly.

28yrchump
28yrchump
6 years ago
Reply to  Free to live

Tell her like it is!! Way to go!

soveryshocked
soveryshocked
6 years ago
Reply to  Free to live

Hey freetolive, seriously what a whacked out individual she is, I’m so sorry. Hugs forever, I really get the venting, we’ve all let the anger out one way or another. I hope you can wrap your children in love and protect them..,,

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
6 years ago
Reply to  Free to live

Well.

My leg is not broken in three places.

So there’s that.

Dude, she’s a bitch, you’re mighty as hell, and we’ve got your back.

Now take that off Facebook. Trust me.

Free to Live
Free to Live
6 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Thanks for the advice CL! You’re right of course. I shouldn’t have posted it and took it down. I shouldn’t have text it to her in the first place either. I guess I held the anger in for so long it just felt great to let it out and show everyone who she really is, and that’s not even half of the mental stuff she’s pulled.

Good idea on reaching out to parents, I know the owners mum too so can reach out and see if anyone can help. I held no contact for last few months but breaking my leg meant I had to reach out. I should know now that each time I do it just leads to disappointment for the children…

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
6 years ago
Reply to  Free to Live

It is so hard to keep it all bottled up so that when it does burst out the anger really flows. I was lucky that when my rant came pouring out it was verbal so no paper trail. I very nearly slapped him, so glad I managed to hold that in.

Keep ranting here all you want. We get it. You are just expressing everything we want to say to our exes. We know she deserves every word of it even if she’ll never get it.

Honestly, Elaina Bobbit (not sure I spelled that right, it was a long time ago) seems like a perfectly sane, rational person to me, but alas, most of the rest of the world doesn’t see it that way. Pity.

Even though it seems like your ex is getting off without consequences, however, the fact is that there are more people out there than it may seem who will think she is everything you called her in your rant, they just won’t say it out loud. Nobody can ever really take seriously someone who commits adultery and then abandons the former spouse and the kids in favor of strange. Most people would view that as stupid at best and evil at worst. Only a fuckwit would do that and most people know it.

eirene
eirene
6 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Free to Live, CL is right. Look at it this way: This present misfortune might just be opening the door to your new life, full of new friends and neighbors who are more than happy to help you out. People are generally good, and you and your children are going to learn that very soon, once you reach out for help.

Hcard
Hcard
6 years ago
Reply to  eirene

Free, big hugs, take a breath. You got this. When your on the floor there is only one direction to go. “Up”. Your kids love you and you love them, that’s mighty.

QueenMother
QueenMother
6 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Yah. Now that we have learned how to cope with narcissists, life is going to give us lots of practice.

There are narcs in my faith community, too. I put into practice with them, those lessons I learned here, at ChumpLady’s knee. DON’T SHARE YOUR FEELINGS WITH THEM. Just the facts. They don’t give a damn about your feelings. Remember?

UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
6 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

((((((Sunflower)))))
Hang in there

Doingme
Doingme
6 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Well, that’s a lot of anger unleashed right there Free to Live. I unleashed mine at my class reunion. What a better way to let the small town voicebox spread the truth about the dickless wonder. It wasn’t a rant. Just a few choice words.

Anger is justified. Now that it’s done I’d delete the post as it will come back to you in ways that can cost you in the end. Yup, the slut will use it to say you are violent, unstable or unfit. Take your pick.

As CL states, vent here. You don’t want to load her gun. Any attention to Cluster B’s feeds them. Stop that! What happened to your leg?

I was seven months in a cast dislocated two bones in right ankle. I attempted to drive with my left foot. Don’t try it! Trust me.

She sucks. Stop talking to a cunt. Get better.

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
6 years ago
Reply to  Doingme

Someone here calls it letting your shirt tail hang out in public. I let mine hang out last October on Halloween. I ripped my ex-husband a new one on text with incredibly vulgar and colorful phrases. It got me a visit from the sheriff a ticket for lewd and lascivious content communicated over an electronic device.

Fortunately, I behaved myself for the next three months, and the judge threw it out. However, I’m in hot water again. And it such that I can’t discuss it here At this time. Which is reasona at this time. Which is The reason my mighty sucks

NoKibble4U
NoKibble4U
6 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

I second removing the public vent. When I was sent a photo of X with his whore that he claimed he was not having an affair with (they were lovingly snuggled on my XILs sofa two weeks after our two month divorce), I went batshit crazy. Texted him what I thought of him, her, and the entirety of his family. The whore used my text to say I was harassing her (she lied and said I sent it to her personal email) to file an injunction against harassment against me, and he used it to file a restraining order. If it is in writing, imagine a judge reading it aloud in court. They don’t give a damn if you were wronged by an affair and the consequences of that. Sadly, affairs (in most places) aren’t illegal, but justified anger can be if written.

Hang in there. I’m nearly five years from that bullshit – there is light on the other side.

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
6 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

Sorry. I’m on voice to text. Things get lost in translation.

Artemis
Artemis
6 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

I am sorry that you got yourself in trouble. I have unleashed quite a bit of fury via text and email. Ex finally put his foot down and said I had to be civil, so I knew I had to cool it. It sucks because they deserve every bit of it, but it’s not like they care, anyway. I think that has finally sunk in for me. They don’t care, not one little bit…

Leavealyingloser
Leavealyingloser
6 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Free to live your x is a monster. And i am so sorry for you and your boys. I also was told to take the bus. I was trying to help my kid. These people are bastards. Real living breathing pieces of human scum. And im being generous with the whole “human” part. Finding your anger is so incredibly important!!! Tell that bitch to burn in hell. And then let her burn. And she will. Chump lady is right. Its so hard to stay strong when dealing with these people that casually ripped out you and your kids heart but if you can try to. That is how i am mighty for now. I had to deal with my x and i didnt give him anything. I cried before and after but not in front of that son of a bitch. That may not sound like a lot but for me it was. Hold on to that anger. You are completely justified in it and its will help you get through everything.

Leavealyingloser
Leavealyingloser
6 years ago

Free i would also like to add that i get everything you said. You really want the whole world to know how horrible these people are. I remember being told dont let them see you being emotional and thought that was just another unnatural thing that was being thrust upon me. I still find it so hard to not text them or talk to them. But….once you really do let it sink in, and that takes time, it becomes easier to not give them anything. I think its a miracle we dont herd up these people and send them to the moon. Anything else is an act of graciousness as far as im concerned. But you will realize you and your kids matter more. You slowly but surly learn you can expect nothing from these monsters and it is not a reflection of you.

GetMeFree
GetMeFree
6 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I can second chump lady on reaching out to other parents to help you. It is humbling. At times makes you feel as if you are not getting your job as a parent done, but so many people will be willing to help you. And especially if they understand your situation, they will do it willingly and with a lot of kindness. I ended up setting up carpools with several parents to make it more manageable.

It ended up being so much easier than asking my ex, who was undependable and every time I sent him a text asking, he would take it as an open door to start sending me crap text messages. Not worth it.

Blee
Blee
6 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Agreed with CL’s commentary.

Avoid venting on Fakebook. Word will surely get back to your cheater and she will bask in the glow of getting your ire up.

Let your feelings show here on CN, and then listen to the advice that is given.
A broken leg will heal
A broken heart will heal

Be the sane parent and be the best father you can be to your children. Use your anger to improve the quality of life for YOU and your children. Take a browse through the archives. There are many stories from the quiet achievers on this forum who have turned their lives around by focusing their hurt and anger and turning it into a positive outcome.

Rebecca
Rebecca
6 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

That Facebook post is now shared with Chump Nation. She cannot see it here and we have your back!
Please delete it from Facebook.
We understand your anger and sympathize with your situation but you don’t need to let her see that anger. She can use it against you to keep your children away from you.
Trust Chump Lady.

Attie
Attie
6 years ago
Reply to  Free to live

Wow – that was helluva response – fucking A! Well done mate!

CalamityJane
CalamityJane
6 years ago
Reply to  Attie

We all felt this pain. You can release it freely to us. Anytime. Safely.

GetMeFree
GetMeFree
6 years ago

I signed a contract for a house on Monday.

I decided to sell the marital home as part of the divorce because I wanted a new start and to get my daughter into a better school district. The ex decided 36 hours before our final hearing that he wanted it. As much as the thought of him moving back in with the 25 year old OW after we lived there for 20 years makes me want to hurl, it saves me from having to get the house ready to sell. Added bonus is that the stupid ass forgot that within about 2 years, the roof, furnace, and water heater will need replaced and the chimney needs rebuilt.

So while I will be making a new home for my family (about 400 sq ft bigger, I might add), he will be paying about $20k in repairs.

Sydneychump
Sydneychump
5 years ago
Reply to  GetMeFree

GetMeFree: That is absolutely badass. Mighty to the max – I love it! 😀

I did not want to leave my family home, but in the end had to because the shattered dreams and memories were too much for me to bear (I tried to reconcile for 18 months before moving out for good). STBXW can choose to either buy me out, or we sell. Either way I will get my equity that I have put in all these years, which should allow me a deposit for my own place down the track.

And LOL @ the maintenance and other requirements. I am humorously thinking about how my STBXW will manage all of that around our house, as I used to do the grass, most of the washing, and other handyman type stuff to keep the place ticking over, even though I was looking after the kids most of the time anyway so had little time to properly do it.

Newlady15
Newlady15
6 years ago
Reply to  GetMeFree

Hey if she wants your leftover( slightly run down) home that he built memories in that she had no part of—she can have at it!!! You build new good memories in your new home!!

ChumpsterFire
ChumpsterFire
6 years ago
Reply to  GetMeFree

GetMeFree…I actually think it is funny/weird when OW move into our homes. They were originally our homes! Our marks are all over them, via memories, decor, even energy (if you believe in that sort of thing). Congratulations on your new start, where you will make new memories!

GetMeFree
GetMeFree
6 years ago
Reply to  ChumpsterFire

Yep. Until she redoes everything, she will have reminders of me and the fact that he had a family with me. Plus, knowing the ex, he will want certain things to be as they were with me and the house we had. Where to put the Christmas tree? “It goes here” type of things. Which cupboards to put the glasses? Etc…

UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
6 years ago
Reply to  GetMeFree

Hahahahahaaa, awesome!!!!
Enjoy your new home!!!

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
6 years ago
Reply to  GetMeFree

Aaaaaand, she gets to live in a house where you were. No real “fresh start” for the ex hubs. He’s just changing out appliances while you will really begin a new and wonderful journey.

GetMeFree
GetMeFree
6 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

It is creepy that she would even agree to live there. Another added bonus is that I did about 95% if the maintenance (yardwork, updates, cleaning, etc). So while he is dishing out the money for repairs, she will be busting her butt to keep the house up.

Feelingit
Feelingit
6 years ago
Reply to  GetMeFree

Congratulations get me free, sooo mighty. Him bringing the whore to your home just makes it obvious that she is a new victim not a partner. No normal person would want to follow him there.

He doesn’t get the repair thing because he has never adulted. Caution, Consequences ahead!

GetMeFree
GetMeFree
6 years ago
Reply to  Feelingit

Thanks. I have to admit, it feels REALLY good to keep moving things to the “In the past” column. Getting free has taken me over 2 years. Definitely has made me develop patience.

And I can hear the Karma bus coming. But the wonderful part is I am caring less and less. I wouldn’t say that I have had my Tuesday yet but I no longer doubt it is coming.

Beenthere
Beenthere
6 years ago
Reply to  GetMeFree

My ex’s new babe sleeps in my former marital bed. Same mattress even. Doesn’t even bother her. Standards are sooooooo looooooow

horsesrcumin
horsesrcumin
6 years ago
Reply to  Beenthere

Mine is at our still jointly owned holiday home now. And yep. They sleep in that bed I shared with him. Snd the last affair partner…..etc. All class.

Lemonbirch
Lemonbirch
6 years ago
Reply to  Beenthere

Just vomited in my mouth some over that one.

GetMeFree
GetMeFree
6 years ago
Reply to  Beenthere

Stand back, observe their dysfunction, and thank God it is no longer part of your life.

Janet
Janet
6 years ago
Reply to  Beenthere

Mine too ! I don’t get it

Doingme
Doingme
6 years ago
Reply to  GetMeFree

More space, your place and better school for your daughter for the win. Very mighty!

ImAPhool
ImAPhool
6 years ago
Reply to  GetMeFree

Hahaha. Stupid ass. Love it. Take the small
Victories ????

Struggling (but doing a lot better)
Struggling (but doing a lot better)
6 years ago

How I’ve been mighty lately is that I’ve been spending significantly less time dwelling on it all. I’m two and a half years post D-day. I’ve been divorced a little over a year. What’s been occupying my mind lately is my upcoming move. I’ve been on the east coast for decades. During my entire twenty year marriage, all the extended family activity including holidays was with his family, not mine. Geographically speaking, they were here where we are living. I regret that I did not make more effort to spend time with my own family on the west coast. So when my ex left, I felt like I’d lost an entire extended family, not just a husband. I’ve lost twenty years of holiday traditions. Now the OW is sitting at my MIL’s table during the holidays with my kids. That’s been really painful. So, with no family of my own here, I am moving to my home state after being away all of my adult life. My amazing and mighty children are moving with me of course. I can’t say enough about how incredible my children are. We’re giving up a roomy home to get a small apartment. Last night, I was on the phone with my brother. We had a big conversation about Christmas coming up. He said to me, we’re all going to squeeze into your apartment. And he listed all the family members who will be coming. Siblings nephews nieces. Coming to my home, in my home state, for Christmas! I’ve never had my family for Christmas, not ever. I’m so happy I can hardly see straight!

Liz C.
Liz C.
6 years ago

Hi Struggling, I can so relate to how you feel. I spent 80% of my holiday time seeing my ex’s family…I felt really close to them, and I am still grieving the loss of my in laws, my nieces and nephew, cousins…they aren’t mine anymore. My ex mother in law even quit talking to me (I suspect after my ex asked her to), but that hurt a lot. We were good friends for 13 years. He cheated, he left me for OW, but I lost half my family. I think you are so smart to move closer to your parents. That’s what I did, and their unconditional love and support has been such a huge difference. It helps fI’ll up that void for me. All the best to you.

Soldiering On
Soldiering On
6 years ago

One of the best holidays I ever spent was in a tiny mobile home (my Mom’s) and we had two turkeys, and 10 to 12 people (I never really got a good number!) and the place rocked like that little country church in the Muppet movie! There’s never a bad holiday with everyone you love.

GetMeFree
GetMeFree
6 years ago

So glad your family is surrounding you.

MotherChumper99
MotherChumper99
6 years ago

Struggling, you and I are close on the timeline (DDay 12/27/14, GTFO day 5/20/15, Divorced 3/17). I’m moving out of my 21 year neighborhood in 3 weeks because lovely BF and I and our two youngest teens are moving into the house of our (new Life 2.0) dreams: same school district, only a few miles away, but on the waterfront and we can do all our water sports and boating, gourmet kitchen and table for 12 (I love to host family dinners and used to entertain a lot and hope to soon). ❤️

UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
6 years ago

Tears of joy being shed!!!
That is wonderful!!!!

Dodged a bullet
Dodged a bullet
6 years ago

You guys are all mighty!!!

I read all your comments and now feel very emotional.

My mightiness comes from all the things I’ve done since Dday that I wouldn’t have done if still with the freak.

Lots of travel, taking our ‘honeymoon’ trip with friends and having a much much better time, setting myself up at work, getting involved in a start up, living independently, growing in confidence, forging new friendships and learning to laugh more.

I feel more myself than I have in years!

I posted on the forum about spotting the freak and OW, and looking them both squarely in the eye is a moment of mightiness for me.

Couldn’t have done this without chump nation – love you.

Doingme
Doingme
6 years ago

The struggle is worth it! You rock!

Mehtamorphosis
Mehtamorphosis
6 years ago

Struggling, how wonderful that you will be close to your family. I’m so happy for you!

Paintwidiw
Paintwidiw
6 years ago

I’m quite a loooong way out…..3.5 years.
My father recently had a stroke and then passed away. During his illness my ex got word on Facebook and contacted me…..seemed genuine, I had a nice conversation with him re what had been going on with my dad.
When my dad passed he had the schmoopie text me their condolences……and we’re back to no contact.
37 days since that text.
When you are mourning the death of your father, he has to hit me with the AP. I’m long over him and have a nice life, wouldn’t trade it for anything……but just shitty.
It made me feel mighty because it was the first time I really feel peace in my heart that no matter what he reaches out to me about I’ll never again break my no contact……put it in an email buddy.

QueenMother
QueenMother
6 years ago
Reply to  Paintwidiw

I bet schmoopie butted in and handled this, ex might not even know.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
6 years ago
Reply to  Paintwidiw

Great advice. NC is valuable.

You feel bad about something and want to tell me so, Cheater? Too bad. Life wasn’t, and still isn’t, all about you.

It’s a boundary, not a negotiation. Deal with it, Cheater.

Blee
Blee
6 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

“It’s a boundary, not a negotiation.”

Ohhh WOW !!!
AIF – Thank you for this gem of wisdom

Paintwidow
Paintwidow
6 years ago
Reply to  Paintwidiw

^^^paintwidow^^
This is why I shouldn’t post with a baby in my lap.????

ImAPhool
ImAPhool
6 years ago

No contact was the best thing i did. After leaving fuckface ofcourse. But getting off that roller coaster about 18 months ago was the beginning of a new chapter. That was the last day i saw his face or heard his voice or was anywhere near him. Since then I moved onto a new job with great people, got a new place in beautiful downtown chicago, in the best shape I’ve ever been and have amazing family around me. Some days are
Still hard but I’m fortunate in many ways so do my best to stay positive and try not to think of him, which is not easy. But it’s ok. I loved him with all my heart. That doesn’t just go away. But glad that I did.

Thank you to this community. Love reading all the mightiness here.

livefortoday2
livefortoday2
6 years ago

Mighty? I need the count the days since I have not seen his face like Pret. It has been since May 2017. He still initiates contact over too much stuff – most of which I ignore. I have shared his texts with a few people including therapist – they agree he is mean and cruel.

My mighty? I was able to file my own motion as he was not complying with divorce decree. That means I had him served, and did all the paperwork correctly. He complied prior to the court date – but I made it onto my judges docket! I saved myself at least $1000.

Live is peaceful, lonely at times but peaceful.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
6 years ago
Reply to  livefortoday2

I find the lonely of actually being single to be more palatable than the lonely of living with an absent person who isn’t participation fully in the partnership. Ostracization is abuse. It is my hope that you are having the same experience, that even though it’s tough, it’s better.

LDRchump
LDRchump
6 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

hell yeah

UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
6 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

Truth right there, AmiisFree!!!!

StartofSomethingGood
StartofSomethingGood
6 years ago

I’m five years out from d day. I have my own home, a growing residential cleaning business and I support my special needs daughter. I’m doing well. I’m much happier without the narcissistic sociopath.

I drive around with copies of CL’s book in the back of my car. Whenever someone mentions a friend or family member going through infidelity, I hand them the book and direct them to this site!!! PLEASE, support this site!!! It saved my life!! It’s helping a lot of people!!!

Go CN, go!!! Woo hoo!!!

QueenMother
QueenMother
6 years ago

I’m recommending this site, as appropriate, on Quoro

Callisto
Callisto
6 years ago

It’s been almost six years since I’ve seen the ex. It’s been almost three years since son and I moved into our own house (had been living in a one bedroom apartment in a not-so-good area after separation/divorce). Son is about to finish his first year of high school. He’s in the IB program, looking at colleges that have the degree he wants and, if he keeps his grades where they are, he’ll be able to go tuition free. He’s also in JROTC where he just got his third promotion this year and was made platoon commander (each class is a platoon, he’s now in charge of his class). He also signed up for entrepreneurship classes starting next year as one of his goals is to own his own gaming company.

Me, I have a job I love. Slowly working on the house renovations. And enjoying only having to deal with one teenager, not two. lol Also very close to Tuesday.

Life isn’t what I thought it would be, but we’re happy and content.

MotherChumper99
MotherChumper99
6 years ago
Reply to  Callisto

Hi Callisto, so great to hear your report! You are an excellent mother—- mighty! ❤️

Rebecca
Rebecca
6 years ago

My new puppy has made me mighty – I wake up laughing and she makes me (and everyone who sees her) smile all day.

While she sleeps in a crate at night, we sometimes take a nap together in bed or on the couch. Her favorite position is with her face nuzzled into my neck. It has been a very l o n g time since anyone was so excited to sleep with me!!!

Right before a horrific DDay, the ex went with me and our youngest son to adopt a dog. This man who was desperate for me to catch him cheating, talked me into bringing home a new dog for “us” fully well knowing it would be my responsibility.

After DDay I really, really tried for over a year to give everything to this sweet dog. I dragged myself out to make the her life as full as possible. But after two psychiatric inpatient stays, I couldn’t do it anymore. I had to do what was best for her. I had a dog sitter with a 3 year old son. The dog and the boy were inseparable and he cried whenever the dog had to leave their house. The dog sitter, her husband and son were ecstatic to welcome the dog into their family.

I always wondered what kind of a person gives away a dog if they have the means to take care of them? I felt like such a failure and carry that shame to this day.

Five years later, I am divorced, have a new home in a new place that I love. I took a leap of faith and moved somewhere I always wanted to live. Didn’t know a single person here. Forced myself to make a few friends, joined a book club and worked on the house and my garden. My heart may not always sing out loud but my walls do.

I knew I wanted a puppy in my life so I took a deep breath and did it. I needed to tell myself that I had successfully raised great dogs in the past and that the story of my last dog did not have to happen again.

This little girl is truly little. She was supposed to be about 8-9 pounds but will probably only get to be 6-7; even that is a maybe. But she is spunky. No one told her she is small so she has self-confidence and sees herself as an equal to any other dog. She is outgoing and it’s hysterical to see so much happy personality it such a tiny form.

I am training her to be a therapy dog; we will visit hospitals and nursing homes together. I want to share the smiles she brings to people with those who cannot be with dogs.

She brings light into my life, smiles to my face and heart and loves to kiss me more than anything. And she makes me feel mightily.

Sometimes it just about the little things in life!

Polly
Polly
6 years ago
Reply to  Rebecca

There is such a thing as finding the right “fit” for a family pet. Not every pet is right for every home and vice versa and you did no wrong by that animal. Think of it, foster homes are frequently taking in and re-homing pets to eight families and everyone considers it a community service. Maybe think of it as just “fostering” that dog for awhile.

Smart Woman
Smart Woman
6 years ago
Reply to  Rebecca

“ you had to do what was right for her” I’m involved in rescue work, it takes real empathy and typical of chumps that they can see this. It’s the selfish people that hang onto dogs that should be rehomed for whatever reason, because they think of themselves not the dog, I’ve seen it so many times. You are mighty to do that nothing to be shameful or regretful about. That dog and your puppy are in the right place, enjoy…xx

Feelingit
Feelingit
6 years ago
Reply to  Rebecca

Some kind of Mighty! moving to a place where you know no-one and making friends. I was typing that and it came to me that I did that once 31 years ago and it was mighty. Fuckwit never gave me any credit for that but I was mighty and with stories like yours to inspire me, I will be again.

Sounds like your puppy is the good karma you deserve!

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
6 years ago
Reply to  Rebecca

Don’t be too hard on yourself for having to re-home that dog. You found a wonderful home and I am sure that there is absolutely no hard feelings with that mutt.

They know more than we give them credit for. I’m sure she is happy you are doing well and are so much better.

Chumpluscious
Chumpluscious
6 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

Maybe the universe planned it this way so that the dog was meant to find the forever it has now. It found its true home through you.

Mehtamorphosis
Mehtamorphosis
6 years ago
Reply to  Rebecca

“It has been a very l o n g time since anyone was so excited to sleep with me!!!”

Coffee up my nose. Thanks for the laugh!

womanscorned2017
womanscorned2017
6 years ago

I’m about 5 months out from D-Day. Lost 30lbs, exercise daily, work is going well, and I have lots of friends and family who are very supportive to me and our 12 yo DD. It wasn’t always this way. Just months ago I was despondent, depressed and felt very much alone and rejected. I didn’t eat, sleep, or function very well. It’s going to take time, but I’m finding myself again, and building a great life for me and our daughter.

Him? Funny you should ask.

He’s broke from leasing an apartment he can’t afford so he has a place to take our DD (in reality he lives with the AP). Gained 50 lbs, not sleeping, job is at risk due to poor performance, and health problems up the wazoo. His family and lots of friends aren’t buying his drivel about how this is my fault, etc. DD found out about the affair due to his having left his phone unlocked and saving naked pictures of him and his AP on it, and while she does see him for scheduled visits, she spends her time with him on the phone or otherwise ignoring him. That’s a long road for she and he that I don’t envy, but therapy and my own healing will help DD as STBX continues to disintegrate.

It ain’t easy, recovery isn’t for wimps and I liken this to breaking a drug habit. But I can see where I’m heading, and it’s exciting, scary, and full of hope. I look where I was, with him? NEVER AGAIN.

I forgot who I was for a long time. He taught me I was nothing, nobody, worthless. It’s only because of this betrayal I can really see myself. I am somebody, with more value than I expected, worth a mountain of love and respect. I have the love and admiration of my child, she feels safe with me. I have good support, my own job, and a good future. I remember who I was, who I am, and not only am I worth it, I’m also the calculating bitch he always claimed I was, particularly when it comes to protecting the security and safety of our daughter’s future.

Chumpiest
Chumpiest
6 years ago

I can relate to forgetting who we really are, feeling nothing, nobody, worthless. But we rose from the ashes, because Mighty!

MightyMamaBear
MightyMamaBear
6 years ago

I’m not sure if this is mighty or the total opposite. I quit my job, I really wasn’t enjoying it and it was stressing me out worrying about going back after maternity leave. I have decided to concentrate on my children. I have had to go on benefits which isn’t ideal but the alternative would have been far worse. I plan on doing some training or similar to find a new career when they are both at school.

I would never have been able to do this if I had still been with cheater, we never even talked about the possibility with DS. I am gaining a life where I can put my children first, and I can be in charge of my financial future and not have to worry about someone gambling it away.

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
6 years ago
Reply to  MightyMamaBear

I don’t think there is anything wrong with a temporary use of benefits to get yourself into a better place in life. You have a plan and you just need a bit of support. Benefits provide that when needed. You won’t stay there, but there’s nothing wrong with using it to your advantage if needed.

Good luck.

Lost 220# Deadweight
Lost 220# Deadweight
6 years ago

I have worked tirelessly the last two months to get the house on the market to sell; it’ll be up in 2 weeks. The irony of all of this: I get 100% of the profit, I do not have to share a penny with him, but I HAVE to move. Always about power and control with Douchebag McGee. One of my friends said it’s because he doesn’t want you shagging another man in the house….check, already done. So on Mother’s Day I will be moving into my new place with my youngest. Memories have been taken to the local shred events or given away.

Exactly two years ago my ex was sending me a video saying how he was going to the beach, alone, to think about us and get himself in a place so he could be a better husband (UBT: I am fucking homeslice, be back when the weekend is over). When I found out the truth, I was devastated. I literally wanted to die, I never thought I would make it. Two years later, I am divorced, life is so much calmer and I am in a much better space. I still have some things to work through….bottom line is this has been traumatic….since I still have an emotional response when certain things happen, or like last week when he was driving on my street even though he lives 45 minutes away now. Still working through it, but closer to Meh.

For those just starting on your journey, if you can just get through the day you are mighty. Turned off the alarm and went back to bed? You are mighty for even setting the alarm (I stayed in bed for 6 weeks and cried……luckily I didn’t get fired). Don’t devalue the little things that you accomplish every day. It is hard, it totally sucks. But I promise that in 6 months you will be in a better place if you commit to being in a better space. For me, I journaled every single day. From some of the entries, I was a fucking trainwreck. And then it slowly got better….then many of the entries weren’t even about him any more, it was about me and my growth. And that was when I recognized that I will get through this. And you will too.

Sydneychump
Sydneychump
5 years ago

You guys are all so inspirational – I hope to be there someday soon, and being able to see the goodness and blessings in the new direction my life has taken after confronting my STBXW about her second affair.

Right now it is all I can do to get out of bed in the morning and deal with the kids (the days I have them).

I understand the whole trigger thing completely. 3 months after moving out for good, after 18 months post DDay, I still sometimes feel a need to drive down the street our house is on (I say our because I still half own it until she either buys me out or we sell); I am still sometimes hoping to catch the asshole APs car in the driveway or nearby etc. I don’t do it often as I take a different route to/from the kids’ care and school to avoid on purpose, but sometimes I do drive down the street and feel bad for it afterwards.

I also feel a sense of dread about bumping into STBXW on the train as we still live in the same suburb due to school districts etc. I don’t know how I will handle it.

Your collective mightiness has really inspired me though!

MotherChumper99
MotherChumper99
6 years ago

Lost #220, you are MIGHTY!!!!!????????????????

QueenMother
QueenMother
6 years ago

I love you people, ChumpNation, I really do.

Mehtamorphosis
Mehtamorphosis
6 years ago

This time last year I was deep in the wreckonciliation trauma chumps all know — hysterical bonding, obsessive marriage policing, no sleep, memory shot, making mistakes at work, and almost nonstop intrusive thoughts about my husband fucking his AP (my young niece). I left him, filed, and did all of the divorce work myself. Lazy rat bastard didn’t even get a lawyer, file his financials, or show up in court but the judge let it go so I could move on.

Today I am divorced, I’ve got a great new job directing a program in my field, I’ve moved to a new part of the country that I fell in love with on my Road Trip to Meh, and I’m in a new happy relationship with an amazing chump. I have my motorcycle helmet while the cheater ex is still waiting for me to answer the email he sent last week asking where it is, because I am No Contact forever now that our joint tax return has been filed. And I got a refund.

MotherChumper99
MotherChumper99
6 years ago
Reply to  Mehtamorphosis

Mehta, you are my hero!

ImAPhool
ImAPhool
6 years ago
Reply to  Mehtamorphosis

Road trip to Meh. It can be a long trip. But you’re on the right track. Happy for you Mehta

Mehtamorphosis
Mehtamorphosis
6 years ago
Reply to  ImAPhool

ImA, it wasn’t just a metaphorical journey to meh — it was also a literal road trip from Maine to California August to December last year. I visited friends and met chumps along the way and back while I ticked things off my Break-up Bucket List. Wonderfully healing.

ImAPhool
ImAPhool
6 years ago
Reply to  Mehtamorphosis

Sounds like a great trip. I don’t know how you met chumps along the way but it helps knowing you’re not alone. As we feel here. Proud of your progress forward

Tessie
Tessie
6 years ago
Reply to  Mehtamorphosis

So happy for you Mehta. It was great meeting you all in Tuscon. You deserve all good things and it sounds like you are rocking your new life.

Mehtamorphosis
Mehtamorphosis
6 years ago
Reply to  Tessie

Tessie, it was great meeting you too! I hope to see you again some time. And yes, my new life does rock : )

Lemonbirch
Lemonbirch
6 years ago
Reply to  Mehtamorphosis

Of all things. I am currently on my Road Trip to Meh. Listed and sold my beautiful house full of memories, realized I have no fucking clue what to do with myself or where to do it, put everything in storage and have been on the road for a month now. Am so battered and wounded by Cheaterprick’s intentionally cruel betrayal that getting through the day without crying is still an accomplishment. Trying not to cry takes up a lot of my cognitive processing ability so instead of trying so hard to figure it out myself every day I just hope a feather will fall from the sky with my new zip code on it. The Universe loves me and will not let me down, this I know.

Lost 220# Deadweight
Lost 220# Deadweight
6 years ago
Reply to  Lemonbirch

Lemonbirch- cry as much as you need to. There is absolutely no shame in that! You are going through it instead of around it and that is when we all truly start to heal.

Mehtamorphosis
Mehtamorphosis
6 years ago
Reply to  Lemonbirch

Lemonbirch — I listened to some really helpful audiobooks when I was on the road and practiced some techniques to redirect the intrusive thoughts. Maybe we should get in touch off the forum. If you want to, feel free to ask Tempest for my email.

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
6 years ago
Reply to  Mehtamorphosis

I love that he’s still wondering about the helmet.

Somehow that just tickles my funny bone, that stupid fucker.

Sydneychump
Sydneychump
5 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

My STBXW was so stupid that she didn’t even remove all of her personal files (birth certificate, passport etc) from my filing cabinet in the study before I moved out. She asked me for them 3 months later, even after she knew at least a month in advance I was moving. Needless to say I didn’t give her the kids’ passports etc.

UXworld
UXworld
6 years ago

I stood up in front of a room full of people (including friends from Chump Nation), told my chump story with Her Shittiness and Porkpie Soul Patch in attendance, then sat there and listened to her tell the room about meeting him for the first time and having “the BEST…SEX…I’VE…EVER…HAD” a mere 9 days after blowing up our daughters’ lives with a divorce announcement, while everyone in the room sat there slack-jawed.

https://youtu.be/8PF_6gdol6c

That’s some surreal mightiness, made possible in large part by the good people here in CN.

Sadsongbird
Sadsongbird
6 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Holy Cow, that was mighty! I’m 8 weeks past DDay. You described so much of what I feel, but haven’t found the words for. Thank you for sharing this, and what a very brave and honest story to tell. Your ex is just plain mean. Mean people suck (I know that’s cliche, but they really do!)

ChumpedToDumped
ChumpedToDumped
6 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

You are MIGHTY, UXworld. I hope that someday I possess half the grace and character that you’ve demonstrated. My situation is similar to yours. Someday’s if feels as if we are in a movie like “The Truman Show” where you question if anything about your life was real.

To paraphrase CL, remember that you’re real and your girls are real. You are a parent who defines what strong character is and your girls are very lucky to have you in their lives. You are a MIGHTY inspiration to me. Thank you for sharing.

Leavealyingloser
Leavealyingloser
6 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

What a fucking freak.

Lost 220# Deadweight
Lost 220# Deadweight
6 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

UXWorld- that is some badassery right there! I commend you!

CleotheFormerChump
CleotheFormerChump
6 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Uxworld, you and your story are mighty, and your ex is a narcissistic twit.

What is very impressive about your monologue– you take the high road. You don’t name call or slut shame. You are actually quite decorous when it comes to naming the behavior– “the thing that he had come to do in my house would not be happening”/ “the person he had come to meet” etc. I really love the way you deflect, just at what might be the “point” of the story–“But that is not the stranger…” Say what?

And then it is just beautiful. Because as justified as you would be in calling out her awful behavior and character, the examination goes inward. Your critical eye turns not to them, but to yourself. And out of that terrible moment comes self-discovery and recognition, a determination to stop spackling, stop pretending, stop lying to yourself. To banish that strange face from the mirror forever. Farewell to Chumpitude. It isn’t a story of revenge, or hate, or spite; it’s all about redemption, and how you saved yourself.

She’s such an idiot, she can’t even see that your piece isn’t even about her. So fitting that her “revenge” (or whatever you might call it) is to stand up in front of the same crowd and bellow on about the best sex EVAH. Talk about missing the point!

She shows he true colors. And you show yours: MIGHTY!

Smart Woman
Smart Woman
6 years ago

Wow that’s so true loved it

Smart Woman
Smart Woman
6 years ago
Reply to  Smart Woman

That went in the wrong place sorry

UXworld
UXworld
6 years ago

Thank you SO much for your kind and elegant words Cleo.

And . . . funny you should mention slut shaming, because that’s exactly what she thinks this is.

At the height of the #MeToo activity last year, amid all of the horrific stories coming out about actual sexual abuse and coercion, she posted the following on Facebook (I’d already performed a first ‘draft’ of this monologue at an earlier event; RPD was in the crowd and he recorded it on his phone for her benefit):

“My former partner slutshamed me to friends, family and in public forums. #MeToo”

horsesrcumin
horsesrcumin
6 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

My ex told our uni student daughter, when she said she didn’t need any money from him to fix a car problem, that Mum had sorted it – after no contact from him since he left about 6 weeks earlier – “thanks for making me look like an arsehole.” – Note he said LOOK like NOT FEEL like. All about image management.

My thoughts? Stop being an arsehole then…

kiwichump
kiwichump
6 years ago
Reply to  horsesrcumin

They’re so pathetic, it’s always about them, and they’re always projecting. Like you gave your daughter the money to make him look bad. NO! Just because Horsesrcumin is efficient and cares, nothing to do with what you look like, arsehole.

marissathechump
marissathechump
6 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

The OW claimed publicly on FB that I slut-shamed her because I called her selfish… Uhhhhh….. Just no.

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
6 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Well….don’t be a slut…

Duh!

Born Free
Born Free
6 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

My dad would facetiously say “How DARE you accuse me of doing the things that I have done!”. LOL.
UX your X is such bottom the shoe stickum.

Rebecca
Rebecca
6 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Wow!
Your video was amazing.
You ARE mightly ????

Current Chump
Current Chump
6 years ago
Reply to  Rebecca

I second that UX-
YOU ARE MIGHTY!

And I have to admit the “KK” moniker you gave her always makes me laugh!

UXworld
UXworld
6 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I can’t accept credit for that. Kudos to the mighty Chumpella De Ville, who attended that night and commented:

“…then she went back to sit with her twu luv…who was sporting a porkpie. Which is pretty much a soul patch for your head.”

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
6 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

I’m not particularly sophisticated, so I had to Google pork-pie hat and soul patch.

I’m dying. I now have a perfect visual.

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
6 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

That coupled with RPD and I’m in hysterics…

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
6 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

I’m literally LOLing at my desk and about to get into trouble.

Made. My. Day.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
6 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

SO many points!

QueenMother
QueenMother
6 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

What the hell!!!!???

Is she human???!!!

QueenMother
QueenMother
6 years ago

I like the the chuckles and shivers I get as I calmly respond to the question, “Why are you divorced?”

“Cuz he did a bad thing, and I told him to hit the road, Jack –”

“Ooooooo, hahahaha –”

“And dont ya come back no more.”

“Hahahahahaha!!!!”

It’s a Mighty, KickAss feeling.

Blee
Blee
6 years ago
Reply to  QueenMother

Nancy Sinatra

You keep saying you got something for me
Something you call love but confess
You’ve been a’messin’ where you shouldn’t ‘ve been a’messin’
And now someone else is getting all your best
These boots are made for walking
And that’s just what they’ll do
One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you
You keep lyin’ when you oughta be truthin’
You keep losing when you oughta not bet
You keep samin’ when you oughta be a’changin’
Now what’s right is right but you ain’t been right yet
These boots are made for walking
And that’s just what they’ll do
One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you
You keep playing where you shouldn’t be playing
And you keep thinking that you’ll never get burnt (HAH)
I just found me a brand new box of matches (YEAH)
And what he knows you ain’t had time to learn
These boots are made for walking,
And that’s just what they’ll do
One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you
Are you ready, boots? Start walkin’

QueenMother
QueenMother
6 years ago
Reply to  Blee

Yah, that song gives me shivers, too. Shivers, the physical reaction to Mighty, or a Badass.

ImAPhool
ImAPhool
6 years ago
Reply to  QueenMother

Love it. I may use that

Magneto
Magneto
6 years ago

#1. I started a creative Etsy store for a disabled homebound (but creative) person. Market research, banner, art work, technical know how, bank account, spreadsheet for accounting, product development and storefront presence all created.
Products are not all in the pipeline.
Sending out test runs for products, getting excellent reviews so far!
Planning on handing it all over to her, soon.

#2. Finishing same marketing/storefront promotion for another single mother Etsy.

#3. Creating a THIRD concept for sustainable online store for a yet unidentified woman. Locating enough source material, cost analysis before starting my third endeavor.

Apparently, I have a talent for doing this… … …

OutWest
OutWest
6 years ago
Reply to  Magneto

Magneto,

You have more talent in your pinkie than anyone I know! You are a huge inspiration to me. Your humor, your talent, your big heart! I’m so mad we went through hell to get here. However, you are one helluva woman and I’m glad I met you on this journey!

Magneto
Magneto
6 years ago
Reply to  Magneto

* products are ALL in the pipeline. {Not enough covefee}

OutWest
OutWest
6 years ago
Reply to  Magneto

Magneto,

You have more talent in your pinkie than anyone I know! You are a huge inspiration to me. Your humor, your talent, your big heart! I’m so mad we went through hell to get here. However, you are one helluva woman and I’m glad I met you on this journey!

Kathleen
Kathleen
6 years ago

I feel mighty as of yesterday.. after 2 years divorced from cheating narc I was informed I’ll be getting half of his pension. Monthly checks for rest of my life.

I was on food stamps while he was traveling the world with now dead OW. 35 years I thought was a good marriage.. quess I was wrong ????

But slowly getting better ????????

MotherChumper99
MotherChumper99
6 years ago
Reply to  Kathleen

Wow! Awesome!

Kathleen
Kathleen
6 years ago

MotherChumper99

Yes! Too bad he can’t feel the enormous pain he gave me… but at least I’m free of it now!

(HUGS). ????

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
6 years ago
Reply to  Kathleen

Yay! You’ve more than earned it.

Kathleen
Kathleen
6 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

Amisfree

Thank you…

Hugs to you????

Devastated New Mom
Devastated New Mom
6 years ago

The act of filing for divorce felt pretty mighty. The day before filing, I informed my wife and she begged me to give her sixty days so she could see if the other relationship would work out. Can’t make this up. She then left for vacation with the adultery partner the very next day leaving me with our one-year-old son. Needless to say I haven’t looked back.

Lost 220# Deadweight
Lost 220# Deadweight
6 years ago

DNM- 60 days….. I guess that’s how long to figure it out? Ridiculous. Makes me sick

ThenewNicole
ThenewNicole
6 years ago

I haven’t posted in here in a long time – but still stop by occasionally and always steer women I meet or know who are in the early stages of D-day hell to this site and to CLs amazing book! It’s been 6 years for me – six years of being a suddenly single mom (ex was too busy with the shiny new OW to bother with things like visitation or even the occasional visit) – working like crazy at two jobs to make ends meet – getting my oldest off to college – moving several times as rentals kept getting sold….to today. Today, I am happily remarried to a kind good man (he was a chump too!). We are making plans to purchase a home later this year after several years of hard work to repair our credit (we both lost our homes in our divorces). My youngest and his youngest are very good students and will be headed to college next year. His oldest just finished grad school and mine graduates college in December. Our kids have survived and thrived!! We are both on civil terms with our exes (and so grateful they are exes). We both have good jobs (my ex is unemployed as usual…). We bought a little RV to keep at the beach last year with plans to have a permanent beach retreat one day. We both sing in a worship choir and our spiritual life is full. Life is peaceful!! I don’t miss a single thing about my former marriage at all – what I have now is authentic and strong and forever. That is what I wish for everyone reading this post! Love to all of you mighty men and women who are creating a new reality out of the ashes of your former existence!

Sydneychump
Sydneychump
5 years ago
Reply to  ThenewNicole

> “… what I have now is authentic and strong and forever…”

So happy to hear that and can’t even begin to imagine what that might feel like. So inspiring! I hope I can find that for myself someday, after realising that the last 13 years of my marriage have been nothing but stress and chaos (with good times scattered between), culminating in my STBXW cheating on me and our kids for the second time. Glad to be rid of her but miss what I imagined my life was!

neverwouldhaveimagined
neverwouldhaveimagined
6 years ago
Reply to  ThenewNicole

Thanks for sharing your inspiring story!!

ozchic
ozchic
6 years ago
Reply to  ThenewNicole

That is wonderful ThenewNicole!!! I love to hear stories of peaceful triumph.

Nyra
Nyra
6 years ago
Reply to  ThenewNicole

????so happy for you!

Cancer Chump
Cancer Chump
6 years ago