As I like to say around here a lot — “the pain is finite.” The problem with most pain is, however, that you don’t know its duration when you’re smack in the middle of it. It feels endless. Will normal ever be normal again? Yes, I’m awkwardly segueing to the coronavirus. How is everyone holding […]
New Beginning Tuesday
Hi Chump Lady! On this day, seven years ago, my divorce became final. After the judge proclaimed it officially done, I sat in my car in the courthouse parking lot and wailed as if my soul were being ripped from my body. A 25 year marriage legally erased. On the other side of a vast […]
Omens and Portents
Happy Friday the 13th! The number 13 is auspicious in our household. In fact, Mr. CL — pictured here — is batty about it. He believes in life’s weird duality, that bad luck can be good luck. That calamity is often the catalyst to better days. (Of course, some things just suck with zero upside. […]
How Did You Overcome the Financial Blows AND the Cheating?
Dear Chump Lady, I found your site in 2017. I was pregnant with my fourth child. My husband and I had been together for 12 years, since we were 18 years old. The beginning of our relationship was rocky and I ignored some red flags but I try to be gentle with myself as I […]
Is Being Alone Worse Than Being with a Cheater?
Dear Chump Lady, Is being alone worse than being with a cheater, if by alone you mean something like “alone for at least the next 20 years”? Part of me thinks that despite my (wayward) partner’s flaws, the alternative is not to be with anyone at all. Not all of us are blessed enough to […]
Is This What Meh Looks Like?
Dear Chump Lady, I’ve wrestled with what Meh looks like for such a long time and I wonder if I’m starting to approach it now? I was married 17 years, been divorced 4, add about a year and a half of separation in between. I’m a mom to three kids who are now teenagers. I […]
How Cheap Is Your Cheater?
Once upon a time, GladIt’sOver’s ex presented her, apropos of nothing, with a half-eaten box of Wheatena cereal. As a “gift.” She told the story here and that telling detail has stayed with me ever since. It perfectly illustrates the Bounty for Me! Crap for You! narc dynamic. Today’s Fractured Friday Challenge is to play […]
‘I Fix Hearts. She Broke Mine.’
Hi Chump Lady, I read your book and I divorced my cheater, but I still feel like I’m not gaining a life. I’m a very busy cardiologist in a small town. In July 2018, I discovered my wife of 15 years (we had known each other for 25 years) had been having an affair with […]
What Are You Doing to Combat Loneliness?
Things can get a little lonely sometimes. New lives have their dry spells. (But remember, nothing is as arid and soul-crushing as life with a fuckwit.) I was writing to an Australian chump yesterday and sent a virtual ((hug)) and she wrote back thanks for the hug using the hashtag #combattingloneliness — and I thought, […]
Get Over It
Happy New Year 2020! Did anyone else fall asleep before the new year like I did? (It’s a holiday tradition around here.) Speaking of traditions, every Jan. 1, I run this column about those dreaded words “get over it.” Some days the struggle feels overwhelming, like life is only struggle, and persistence isn’t rewarded. […]
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