Time for More MIGHTINESS

superchump2Okay chumps, I need some uplift. This week it’s been abandoning daddies, abortion, and blogging. I think it’s time for another “Tell Me How You’re Mighty” post. I’m sure you’ve all been getting your mighty on since last I asked over a year ago. So fill me in — what have you done for you lately?

Look, I know some of you don’t feel too mighty right now. Perhaps it’s early days and your mighty is managing a shower and an Ensure milkshake. I know others of you have finished degrees, gotten remarried, and started lawnmowers alone. ALL mightiness is welcome! No matter how small, no matter how large, I want to hear about all the ways you’ve gained a life.

Inspire your fellow chumps. Lay it on me.

 

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Lunachick
Lunachick
9 years ago

Since last year I:

Filed for divorce! I hope it will be finalized by November (although he is not getting an attorney, so not sure how that will hurt or help me).

Kicked out my roommate for not paying rent and being hoarder-like disgusting and now no one is in my house but my two beagles.

I painted an old piece of furniture bright yellow.

Got a raise and I’m anticipated to get a promotion next year which will help me keep my house (and lowering the monthly payment in the meantime due to the refinance).

Told my STBX the exact comebacks from CL’s book when he broke into the house to say “sorry how things turned out.”

I’ve been continuing to go the gym, although that hasn’t helped my squigyness at all, oh well. πŸ™‚ I did complete two 5Ks though. Not fast, but I didn’t die.

I am learning electrical work so I can replace light fixtures with awesome ones.

Decorating my house the way I want it to look (that’s where most of my energy is right now).

That’s the biggie ones anyway. I’d love to read other mighty stories, especially in the love department! πŸ™‚

Happilyeverafter1959
Happilyeverafter1959
9 years ago
Reply to  Lunachick

Way to go…..keep on keeping on!

CC
CC
9 years ago
Reply to  Lunachick

“he broke into the house to say sorry how things turned out”.

That’s messed up

Lunachick
Lunachick
9 years ago
Reply to  CC

Ohhh yeah CC, he still had a key to the house so he just let himself in. I changed the locks quickly after that. He told me he left because he was depressed, and he said “well you were depressed too when you were diagnosed with type 1 diabetes” and I said “uh yeah and I didn’t fuck anyone else!” Chump Nation had my back that day, and y’all didn’t know it. πŸ˜‰

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
9 years ago
Reply to  Lunachick

Changing locks: Lady boner! Wooot!

Rumblekitty
Rumblekitty
9 years ago
Reply to  Lunachick

Wooo! Learning electrical work = lady boner moment. πŸ™‚

Triplefire
Triplefire
9 years ago
Reply to  Rumblekitty

LOL!

Lunachick
Lunachick
9 years ago
Reply to  Rumblekitty

Yeah RK! It’s scary but I figure if men can do it, so can we, right? πŸ™‚ And I say “lady boner” and “ladywood” too! hahahah

fiestypants
fiestypants
9 years ago
Reply to  Lunachick

Yay 5K! Good for you!

Lunachick
Lunachick
9 years ago
Reply to  fiestypants

Aw thanks fiesty! Never thought I could do it, but I did! I was super emotional when I crossed the finish line though so there are lots of photos with me doing the ugly cry, but ah, who cares! πŸ™‚

JJ
JJ
9 years ago

My H left me in the lurch in a foreign country with a 3yo and 6 mo old to go out and find his happy. No known cheat in progress, pure unadulterated selfish entitlement though.

After the first 3-6 months of marriage counselling, falling apart and fleeing to my home country (not the same as his), I’ve focused on rebuilding my curriculum and have applied for over 120 jobs. I have been offered about 15 so far. At this moment I’m working one as a short contract, whilst I sell the house in the country we’ve been living (completed yesterday). He is minding the kids during the summer vacation whilst I get my life in order. I’m about to accept a well paid permanent full time job back in my home country to start in 6 weeks or so. My biggest dilemma these days is which direction to take for me. I have job options coming left right and centre, and I need to decide the best choice.

This year has been full of highs and lows, all of the highs came about completely independent of H, he has always been a low. There is something in that. I am starting to be ME again and I love it. My kids and I have become a really tight unit and we’ve been happy. They no longer miss their dad, although they’re happy to see him, he has become “Uncle Daddy”.

The roller coaster is still there, but, Focus on YOU. CL is completely right, YOU are mighty.

Happilyeverafter1959
Happilyeverafter1959
9 years ago
Reply to  JJ

You are a force! Sounds like things are going very well….

fiestypants
fiestypants
9 years ago
Reply to  JJ

JJ- you’ve got doors opening left and right! Congratulations!!!! You are mighty!

namedforvera
namedforvera
9 years ago

Hey– they are talking about cluster(fuck) B types on On Point (NPR) radio right now. I just posted a facebook linky on their page to the blog. WE are mighty!

PS. They call ’em “the dark triad’ (narcissistic, antisocial, manipulative). check, got it!

LilyBart
LilyBart
9 years ago
Reply to  namedforvera

I love Tom Ashbrook — my local radio crush. πŸ™‚ I will definitely be listening to the podcast.

namedforvera
namedforvera
9 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Your wish is my command, oh great sane one! http://onpoint.wbur.org/

(But you must scroll down…I am not a doormat πŸ˜‰ )

Susan
Susan
9 years ago

I got my MIGHTY ON and bought an apartment all on my own! My STBX was shocked when I told him that little me found a place, got a mortgage and met the Coop Board and moved in and not once did I ask for his help! I surrounded myself with good friends and all of their friends and knowledge and I got the place painted for free and with the help of my daughters’ college friends, moved in! It’s MY space and I can decorate it just how I want. No one making decisions for me and that’s fine! He’s now seen it twice and is jealous! Sorry buddy, but I’m not waiting around and watching my money go nowhere! I’m a homeowner and proud of it! Next will be to take a vacation solo!

Happilyeverafter1959
Happilyeverafter1959
9 years ago
Reply to  Susan

Wooo HOOO!

Lunachick
Lunachick
9 years ago
Reply to  Susan

*thumbs up* That is awesome!!!

namedforvera
namedforvera
9 years ago
Reply to  Lunachick

yay Susan– as the great and weird Virginia Woof said, A Room of One’s Own is necessary, etc.

namedforvera
namedforvera
9 years ago
Reply to  namedforvera

erm, that would be V. Woolf. Ahem. Apparently I have dogs on the brain, as well as the floor, the sofa, and the bed.

This chump's name changed to protect the innocent (for now)
This chump's name changed to protect the innocent (for now)
9 years ago
Reply to  namedforvera

Hahaha. After reading that thirty times I finally got it. I may be mighty but I am SLOW this week. V Woof. Thanks namedforvera for the laugh. And that is totally something I would do too!

kimmy
kimmy
9 years ago

My divorce was final on April 21st! That alone was a huge mountain to climb. Becoming free from my exH was paramount to my healing. I sold our marital home (also another huge step in healing) and purchased my very own townhouse. I packed up 23 years of my life a total of 3 times (long story but there were difficulties with our sale) and moved it all in to my new place. I got a mortgage all on my own!!!! I cut my own grass……starting up my own mower is liberating (even if it is electric..HAHA)!!!

I love my new place!!! My two teenage daughters love our new place! All of their friends come to hang out too….they love it! My life is drama free for the most part now! I sleep soundly now!!!! EVERY NIGHT!!!!

I joined a gym close to my new house and I am concentrating on myself. I take day trips to the beach when I can and I enjoy my time with my daughters. I make a plan once a week to meet with a girlfriend to do something fun!

I am enjoying my life again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Couldn’t be happier!

TodoVa
TodoVa
9 years ago
Reply to  kimmy

Congratulations LL and Kimmy! My divorce was final on April 28th and I couldn’t be happier! It literally took CL’s slap in the face to even get out of bed some days and after 20 years and 2 DDAY’s, 8 years apart, my girls and I are FREE of phycho-babble! It feels so…AWESOME!

Everyone here is MIGHTY and I love you all for your strength, courage and resilience! I have learned a great from each and everyone of you and for that I am grateful.

**other than actually filing for divorce and going through with it, I think I feel most mighty for being able to change the locks on the front door. That stuff was challenging…arghhh. It was so liberating though, knowing my exH would not be able to come through that door! I still smile from ear to ear when I think back to that day πŸ™‚

Happilyeverafter1959
Happilyeverafter1959
9 years ago
Reply to  TodoVa

Yes…for changing the Locks! I did this as well, all on my own! It felt so good! However I forgot to change one lock. The one to the deck door that has no deck. He actually took a ladder and helped himself in 6 months after to do something on the computer system. I found out when my daughter asked me the next morning if I had been up in the middle of the night wandering around the house in the back part. I said no. And she said I thought it wasn’t you…didn’t sound like your walk. she Lives in the basement, her room right above the room with the computer in it. After that my private family email program ceased to work. He claimed he knew nothing about it, and chose not to look into why? Or he said he did and gave me no way to get back in. Just as well….he’s a computer whiz and can hack hos way in to most things. So I now have my own internet that he has no access to. That really pisses him off. You see we have servers for his business still in the house. I just had a new service put in for myself. So way to go with changing the locks….I recommend that to anyone!

Syringa
Syringa
9 years ago

I didn’t have to change locks because of my XH but I bought keyless entries for all my exterior doors. That way you never have to change locks again….just access codes. Schlage has some that are high quality and reasonable. I installed them myself along with new door hardware on all my interior doors. Yay me! I ran a drill!!

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
9 years ago
Reply to  TodoVa

I understand that smile! I also got that smile the first time some bill collector called for the ex and I could say “he does not live here”, corse since it was a bill collector I graciously gave home my ex’ cell phone number πŸ™‚

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
9 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

Gave HIM, damn autocorrect

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
9 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

Look how helpful you are! That’s awesome!

ANR
ANR
9 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine

Bwahaha!

LimboLand
LimboLand
9 years ago
Reply to  kimmy

Congratulations Kimmy!!!!! Mine was final April 3rd, after 19 years of marriage. We are strong and awesome πŸ™‚

namedforvera
namedforvera
9 years ago

Basically the mightiest-ness in my life? Remaining happily and in a healthy, connected relationship with my 22 YO daughter. Emotionally supported her all through high school, college (which sucked for her), told her to yes! go! follow her dreams… now she’s living in Germany with her beloved–but soon moving to her own place b/c she wants some independence πŸ™‚ an she got TWO job offers in her first week applying. After she finished her training course. Yay kiddo. You go Lady.

Parenting well is my mighty. And I have an awesome dog. woof.

ANR
ANR
9 years ago
Reply to  namedforvera

Alright, NFV! There is nothing more important than caring for our children

Happilyeverafter1959
Happilyeverafter1959
9 years ago
Reply to  namedforvera

It all counts….and you are the strong dependable parent!

13YEARCHUMP
13YEARCHUMP
9 years ago
Reply to  namedforvera

Congrats NFV! Raising a happy well adjusted woman who still speaks to you is indeed mighty! πŸ™‚ x

Marci
Marci
9 years ago

I’ve repainted the whole inside of the house by myself and it looks great.

I am managing to live within my means and save for retirement.

I have dumped some non starter boyfriends by paying attention to red flags. I have successfully employed NC with each of them.

I have accepted that while I may very well live alone to the end of my life, I can still have a lot of fun.

Happilyeverafter1959
Happilyeverafter1959
9 years ago
Reply to  Marci

Yes… Yes….don’t settle for less!
Alone can be freeing!
Do what ya want, when ya want!

Lunachick
Lunachick
9 years ago
Reply to  Marci

I repainted the whole inside of my house too! It’s exhausting but so worth the effort! Go you!!!!

Marci
Marci
9 years ago
Reply to  Lunachick

And the best part was choosing the colours I wanted this time.

Lunachick
Lunachick
9 years ago
Reply to  Marci

YESSSS!!! πŸ˜€

Marci
Marci
9 years ago
Reply to  Lunachick

It’s therapeutic, except for the ceilings…wear a hairnet or you’ll end up salt and pepper.

minime1224
minime1224
9 years ago
Reply to  Marci

Well if you plan on living alone for the rest of your life because I am afraid we all have lists as long as well very long lol then you might as well be in a house with the colors you LOVE . Im thinking I wont be finding anyone soon either maybe Ill paint πŸ™‚

Roxie
Roxie
9 years ago
Reply to  minime1224

I painted my living room purple, because I like purple and fuck him anyway.

chumponthemove
chumponthemove
9 years ago
Reply to  Roxie

Ha! I painted the LR of my new place purple, too and oh yeah, FTG!

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
9 years ago
Reply to  Roxie

Jedi hugs Roxie! I painted my living room purple too!! I freakin love it.

suddenly single
suddenly single
9 years ago

I don’t feel mighty but I am getting better. 2+ years since DDay. Divorce complete-check. Refinanced the house in my own name (ok, still using his last name, but it’s part of who I am at this point, ok?)-check. My kid is upright, 2nd year of law school done-check. Haven’t seen or heard from my ex in about 6 months. Maybe I have achieved β€œmeh”? There are days that I still find myself in tears but it’s less often and does not last as long anymore. I am still employed and have a full plate of friends and family to play with me. I have been dating a wonderful widower who loves me. Nothing in the house or truck has broken in 24 hours. I will figure out how to pay the bills tomorrow. Surviving my husband’s infidelity has been a sucky, hard journey. Wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy…but it is what happened.

Happilyeverafter1959
Happilyeverafter1959
9 years ago

These may seem like small feats to you….but you are well on your way to awesome! I am jealous…..

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
9 years ago

Uber mighty, suddenly single!

Dang, girl!

I am fairly mighty. I kept my ex’s last name, too. It matches my children’s last name. That’s something the twat troll cannot take away from me. I earned it, I’m keeping it, I’ll give it up when I’m damn good and ready.

ANR
ANR
9 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine

Good for you! But on the other hand, if there were a legal way to force my cheater to switch back to her maiden name I would be very happy.

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
9 years ago
Reply to  ANR

Maybe she’ll find a new sucker (hopefully one of our cheater xH’s?) and change it!

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
9 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine

Oh! I don’t mean that you’re a sucker! πŸ™

Well, I guess once upon a time we all were suckers….

Hopefully we’re all learned now.

ANR
ANR
9 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine

Why, I oughta … It’s OK — I am happy to own my suckerdom. Better a sucker than a con artist.

fiestypants
fiestypants
9 years ago

Ditto to CL, you are mighty!

Nicole
Nicole
9 years ago

In the two years since my Ex left and took up with his devout Christian girlfriend (sarcasm intended) I have:

–Moved twice and am now renting a beautiful 2700 sq. foot home that backs up to a nature preserve and provides my two teen sons with an entire upstairs complete with huge “man cave” room for their enjoyment! (Ex is living in a tiny apartment that smells like smoke and mold – my boys shower and change clothes when they get back from visiting him)
–Received a promotion at the organization where I have worked for almost 11 years now and currently am making more money that I ever have in my adult life (Ex is still working as a “consultant” doing Lord knows what??)
–Helped found a Divorce Care class at my former church and serve as co-leader.
–Started volunteering at a local homeless shelter making crisis calls to women needing shelter due to domestic abuse or abandonment (I have a human services degree)
–Discovered that I CAN manage my finances, life, home, etc. on my own despite 20 years of being put-down and criticized by my Ex for not being “smart” or “organized” enough.
–Gotten completely out of the debt my Ex saddled me with (taxes) and have managed to follow the Dave Ramsey “financial peace” steps all the way up to Step 3.
–Moved my tiny retirement account that the Ex did not get his paws on into a better investment vehicle and am slowly starting to build some retirement savings.
–Deepened my faith – I have learned not to place my faith in man but in God. I have decided not to date until I feel fully healed, but I’m getting there!!

Just typing all this out makes me feel mighty and ready for anything life throws my way! Thank you CL for the opportunity.

FoolMeTwice
FoolMeTwice
9 years ago
Reply to  Nicole

21-gun salute, man. That is freakin awesome!!!

Happilyeverafter1959
Happilyeverafter1959
9 years ago
Reply to  Nicole

Congratulations! Those are no small feats…the emotional abuse is a tough one to overcome. Karma is your side….

suddenly single
suddenly single
9 years ago
Reply to  Nicole

I am in awe!

fiestypants
fiestypants
9 years ago
Reply to  Nicole

Way to go! We’re hoping to get Divorce Care started at our church as well. It’s desperately needed. Getting out of debt is HUGE!!

MMBurned
MMBurned
9 years ago

I just got a another insipid request through the atty’s from my FUCKTARD HUSBAND who cheated on me for every moment of our delightful togetherness. I WANT THIS OVER. He’s now declaring bankruptcy which means I will have to file a stay in FEDERAL COURT to get a divorce settlement. And he wants to keep his artwork and his sportscar because they are more important to him than committing to help at all with his daughter’s education.

I am MIGHTY because I have not resorted to physical violence today…

Thank you very much.
Have a wonderful day.

Happilyeverafter1959
Happilyeverafter1959
9 years ago
Reply to  MMBurned

Rising above is so so hard to do! the hardest thing to do, is not to cave in….Keep fighting!

nutmegpixy
nutmegpixy
9 years ago
Reply to  MMBurned

MMB u r not alone! The urge to resort to physical violence is strong. Especially when the STBX fucktard in my case is a ‘lawman” and I the chumpee am a “law woman”. Were both police officers and physical violence is a regular part of our job. The grip is strong and mighty but I take it out on the bag when I kick box. I call it my cigarette!

FLBright
FLBright
9 years ago
Reply to  MMBurned

YES!! I had several days where I fell into bed at night and counted the primary success of the day that I didn’t kill anyone. Well Done!!

Donna
Donna
9 years ago
Reply to  MMBurned

some days, just the reminder of “Orange is not my color” is the best we can do! Keep it up! πŸ™‚

MMBurned
MMBurned
9 years ago
Reply to  Donna

Y’all are the best – I needed that.

MovingOn
MovingOn
9 years ago
Reply to  MMBurned

Your daughter is lucky to have you. Keep doing what you’re doing!

fiestypants
fiestypants
9 years ago

I will give a shout to my handsome husband, Mr. Divorce Minister. He can pull off a mile in less than 7 min, bench 350lbs and he started up a much needed blog calling infidelity for what it is from an evangelical minister’s perspective. We know his ex and her parents have seen his blog and I can’t help but smirk up the wazoo knowing that they know they’re getting called out (even if not by name). He’s a wonderful father and I’m so glad that his ex forfeited because it freed him up to marry me!

Happilyeverafter1959
Happilyeverafter1959
9 years ago
Reply to  fiestypants

Bravo! I need to check out this Blog…..

This chump's name changed to protect the innocent (for now)
This chump's name changed to protect the innocent (for now)
9 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Ok, this cracks me up. I was at the pediatrician yesterday for my baby’s wellness check and we were talking about different birth marks related to ancestry. The peds doc, who knows my story with my ex asked “Now what does your ex have in him again?” I blurted out “You mean besides demon?”.

fiestypants
fiestypants
9 years ago

lol!!

Divorce Minister
Divorce Minister
9 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

CL,

The proper Biblical Greek translation is “demonized.” And, yes, I have my suspicions that they need to address some serious infestations. But that would take humility unseen in them so far…sadly. “Not my circus, not my monkeys.” Ha!

fiestypants
fiestypants
9 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

HA!!!!! Subtle as a gun πŸ˜‰

Happy Hausfrau
Happy Hausfrau
9 years ago

(almost) Finished my manuscript and have an agent who wants to see it.
Got my second kid graduated, and am sending her off to college this fall (two more kids to go, woooot!).
Got an article published in a HUGE magazine…coming out in a couple of weeks!

Still haven’t found my prince charming, but I’ve also realized that I’m doing just fine without him.

ANR
ANR
9 years ago
Reply to  Happy Hausfrau

HH, you are impressive as anything. Congratulations! I’m not a Family Circle reader, generally, but I can’t wait to see your article. What’s the manuscript?

Happy Hausfrau
Happy Hausfrau
9 years ago
Reply to  ANR

Thank you, ANR! Manuscript is the memoir I’ve been threatening to write for a long time. Just have to get over the whole “I’m not good enough” thing.

And honestly, the only magazines I’ve read in the past few years are the gossip ones at the gym . The editor from FC approached me last year about running the essay. I will be buying multiple copies πŸ˜‰

Happilyeverafter1959
Happilyeverafter1959
9 years ago
Reply to  Happy Hausfrau

Good to see you here!
You are also one of my inspirations….
We all need to stick together….
A mighty force to be reckoned with!

Happy Hausfrau
Happy Hausfrau
9 years ago

Oh man. Thank you! Yep. There are so many like us. It’s overwhelming, really, when you step back and realize what an epidemic it is.

I love ChumpLady. And I love my “sisters (and brothers) in arms”.

DoneNow
DoneNow
9 years ago
Reply to  Happy Hausfrau

Don’t forget helped countless numbers of women feel less alone while navigating the worst time in their lives! Thank you Happy Hausfrau.

Happy Hausfrau
Happy Hausfrau
9 years ago
Reply to  DoneNow

Awww….they’ve helped me just as much. Thank you, so much!

This Chump medicated for your protection
This Chump medicated for your protection
9 years ago
Reply to  Happy Hausfrau

When your not shopping for a Mate your picker works better!

Sort of like when your pickup is about to quit and you don’t want to walk to work…

You’ll likely wind up with a lemon.

Happy Hausfrau
Happy Hausfrau
9 years ago

I love that. No more lemons, please πŸ™‚

Happy Hausfrau
Happy Hausfrau
9 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Family Circle πŸ™‚

And I just shared your response to Why Did Daddy Leave on my blog’s facebook page. THEY LOVE YOU.

Happy Hausfrau
Happy Hausfrau
9 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I think the official date is August 12th…I’ll be sure to scream about it on twitter!

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
9 years ago
Reply to  Happy Hausfrau

Happy Hausfrau, post here or in the forums too, I won’t see it on twitter and I can’t wait to read it! You are rockin!

Happy Hausfrau
Happy Hausfrau
9 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

Thank you, I will! πŸ™‚

Happy Hausfrau
Happy Hausfrau
9 years ago
Reply to  Happy Hausfrau

P.S. I also held my tongue when my ex didn’t bother to show up my daughter’s graduation. But I’ll say it here: ASSHOLE.

fiestypants
fiestypants
9 years ago
Reply to  Happy Hausfrau

Say it loud, say it proud!!

Tom
Tom
9 years ago

I am now coaching my son’s Basketball team as I did for my daughter years ago. This is very empowing, and just fun. All those happy 11 year old kid faces, and some of the teenage girls from mine amd my daughter’s teams in the mid 2000’s are helping me coach!!!

My daughter is in the Health Sciences Academy entering her sophomore year in High school. She passed the entrance exams for the local community College so this year she will start getting dual credit (High school/College).

Dad tries to live by “Meh” , mom is still flaky but it is so mush less impactual on the day to day family life. As long as one parent has a solid home and the kids ALWAYS know you are right there, it always works out!

We are strong, we are smart and we are mighty!

Happilyeverafter1959
Happilyeverafter1959
9 years ago
Reply to  Tom

One day at a time….or one moment at times….

Verity297
Verity297
9 years ago

I feel a profound level of happiness and contentment within myself.
I know who I am.

No sparkles, just me. πŸ™‚

Does this count??

ANR
ANR
9 years ago
Reply to  Verity297

It counts more than anything else, I think. Hope I get there soon.

Happilyeverafter1959
Happilyeverafter1959
9 years ago
Reply to  Verity297

That’s all it takes…
By you saying that, it makes me feel better.
Why? Because when mine was kicked to the curb, one of things he said to me in the days following was. “Now we can each finally figure out who we really are”
By jaw hit the floor and I responded with, “I know who the fuck I am, sorry you don’t!”
That statement he made was so inflammatory it still pisses me off to this day. But one think I know for sure….I have always known who I am! I am true to myself as well as others! He is not….

Donna
Donna
9 years ago

I went paddleboarding for the first time (I’m in LOVE!) yesterday AND did yoga on my board (more in LOVE!) without falling in the water-because I am MIGHTY!!!

LilyBart
LilyBart
9 years ago
Reply to  Donna

That’s amazing! I struggle to hold poses on dry land. πŸ™‚

anotherErica
anotherErica
9 years ago
Reply to  Donna

Donna – I went paddleboarding once last year and totally fell in love too! I really want to do it more once I get a little more time and $… hopefully in the spring if not sooner. I now live in a place that has a river and more classes and opportunities as well!!

suddenly single
suddenly single
9 years ago
Reply to  Donna

Bravo!

Cathy
Cathy
9 years ago

My husband also left me high and dry in a very foreign country months after I had moved kids pets etc. He’s still with the gypsy he ran off with. I ended up living a great life there. My kids now have friends and experiences all over the globe. And so do I. A common thread for expats to leave their spouses. But better to be left in an exotic land He still has the crazy OW. But at least I don’t have him. πŸ™‚

KitKat
KitKat
9 years ago

Since he’s been gone I’ve:

Gotten four paid photography jobs. Pretty good for my “silly little hobby”.

Run two half marathons and done my best times since I was in my mid twenties. Pretty good for someone who “doesn’t give a shit about health and fitness”.

Right after I found out that the ex would be keeping the house, I cleaned the pool filter all by myself (thank you YouTube!) and threw a pool party.

Everyone keeps saying that I have such a good attitude about moving out of the house and into my new life. I say – that is the choiceI have made. Just because some loser and his nasty ass ho girlfriend are going to be swimming in that pool from now on doesn’t mean I’ll never swim again! There will be other, better pools!

Kraft
Kraft
9 years ago
Reply to  KitKat

Well done KitKat. I ran my first ever full marathon at age 50 last month in 3h 44 min. It was a great way to move on in my life, even though I’m still going through the ugly divorce process with cheating ex wife. A highly recommended boost!

LilyBart
LilyBart
9 years ago
Reply to  Kraft

Good for you!

fiestypants
fiestypants
9 years ago
Reply to  Kraft

Good Lord Kraft, my first one last year was 5:46:08! And I’m still in my 20s! My 2nd one is in Oct and I’m just looking to be the first time! You could sign up for Boston with that time.

Kraft
Kraft
9 years ago
Reply to  fiestypants

Fiesty thanks. I’m in Australia and I ran it at the Gold Coast, but one day plan to run some international ones, Boston or New York are on the wish list! One day when I’m happily divorced and in the land of MEH!!!

RH
RH
9 years ago
Reply to  Kraft

Hi Kraft
I’m on the GC in Australia too. Glad to hear your story πŸ™‚

Kraft
Kraft
9 years ago
Reply to  RH

Hi RH. The GC marathon is an epic event in an epic location. Just fantastic. I live further north. Great to meet a fellow Queenslander here!

Unknowing chump
Unknowing chump
9 years ago
Reply to  RH
KitKat
KitKat
9 years ago
Reply to  Kraft

That is an amazing time for your first on Kraft! You are a mighty inspiration!

Kraft
Kraft
9 years ago
Reply to  KitKat

Thanks KitKat! Running is a powerful physical and psychological “revitalisation” after all the crap we’ve all been through. Power to all of “us” chumps.

fiestypants
fiestypants
9 years ago
Reply to  KitKat

As a runner myself, way to go on 13.1!! Rock it!

Oh I want to make another booby trap comment (see my comment to Flower below) but I guess I’ll refrain…but seriously…itching powder in the water or something…lol

KitKat
KitKat
9 years ago
Reply to  fiestypants

Yeah! I thought of something like that. πŸ™‚ I am going to have to proactively add extra chlorine for the cess pool it will become with those two swimming in it…

Dan
Dan
9 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Suggestion:

Since you have so many long-time followers, perhaps one of the Nation could put together the acronym list for you?

Off load a bit of your work.

I would volunteer but I’m new here and don’t know what half the things that stream by mean.

How about it folks?

Dan
Dan
9 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

yw.

I can’t wait. I’m ex-military (abbreviation crazy) and I can’t even keep up.

LimboLand
LimboLand
9 years ago

I stained my stair railing and bannister, all by myself!
I have maintained a garden this summer, with a part-time job and taking care of 3 grade school age boys!
I have slowly re-entered the dating world.
I feel like things are headed in a good direction.

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
9 years ago
Reply to  LimboLand

I envy you the garden and you are brave in the dating entry! Mighty!

minime1224
minime1224
9 years ago

Im Minime and I guess after only 4 mths Im maybe a little bit mini mighty. The day after March 16 when after 34 yrs I found out he was seeing somebody I took down all the pics of him and flushed the wedding rings (not expensive) down the toilet got a new bank acct and new visa the next day the next week had a new will. Went to work every day without crying. Didnt go on and on to my 31 yr old daughter who loves her dad about what a shit he is although lately Ive been very casually slipping in a few things. There are a few more mini mighty things Ive done but today isnt a good day and dont know why. sniff sniff But Im here and readying all the mighty things you guys are doing so I feel a little more mighty xxxxxxxx

TodoVa
TodoVa
9 years ago
Reply to  minime1224

Sweetheart…many of us here put up with this crap for years and years. I myself was paralyzed for months…you…after 4 months…you have my utmost respect! YOU are beyond MIGHTY!!!

Tom
Tom
9 years ago
Reply to  TodoVa

Well said TodoVa. Well said.

minime1224
minime1224
9 years ago
Reply to  Tom

thks guys Im sitting in my office that use to be his but I changed it around and to show you I still have a sense of humour under these tears last night in the dark I closed my computer rolled my chair around got up and walked into the window now that is Mighty stupid but mighty funny. 14 years the desk was the other way lol

LilyBart
LilyBart
9 years ago
Reply to  minime1224

Ha ha. I love it. I can totally see myself doing the same thing, too, minime.

minime1224
minime1224
9 years ago
Reply to  TodoVa

oooooooh thks. Not feeling too might today its raining and Im sad. Mighty sad πŸ˜‰

AnnieW56
AnnieW56
9 years ago
Reply to  minime1224

Breathe in; Breathe out and let the rain wash it all away. You are so mighty and your strength is in your will … will I do this today or that? Keep up the good work mini. Each day that passes you grow stronger.

Tom
Tom
9 years ago
Reply to  minime1224

Minime, You are very mighty!

minime1224
minime1224
9 years ago
Reply to  Tom

awww thks Tom read yours and you are mighty mighty πŸ™‚ As for the lawnmower and hedge trimming and cleaning the pool and bills and every other thing Ive always done them anyway before he left so I dont count that lol oh and Ive lost a mighty 40 lbs cause I hate doing groceries for one. πŸ™‚

Tom
Tom
9 years ago
Reply to  minime1224

Thanks Minime!!! I am funny in that I love grocery shopping… weird how some thing are empowering for some and chores for others… I hate Laundry.. ugh… it never ends..

lale
lale
9 years ago

I started dating someone I would never have gone out with before…someone I didn’t fall “head over heels” for in a few months (because he isn’t a manipulative liar who tells me what I want to hear, until he doesn’t anymore). He’s a very attractive guy – I just would have thought he was “too nice” before all this…it reminds me of this earlier post, which helped me a lot:
https://www.chumplady.com/2014/04/dear-chump-lady-so-what-does-a-good-relationship-look-like/
because he is NICE, he does what he says, he doesn’t make big crazy plans with me while we just started dating…there is no “roller coaster”. It actually takes some getting used to πŸ™‚ and I can’t say I trust it yet, but I’m learning what it’s like to actually be in a normal relationship.

I reached “meh” a few months ago. Not gonna lie, anti-depressant meds helped, a lot. As did my therapist. She thinks I had post-partum depression for years after my son was born. I never wanted to be on meds like that but now I recommend them for anyone who is really struggling and has been for what feels like too long.

With all that, I’m feeling like myself again for the first time in a long time. I’m reading a lot again, and getting more dressed up, playing more with my son; just generally taking better care of myself.

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
9 years ago
Reply to  lale

You are mighty, feels good to be off the crazy train doesn’t it?

lale
lale
9 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

Thanks D! It’s much more peaceful here on the ground πŸ™‚

Gowiththeflow
Gowiththeflow
9 years ago

I signed up to the new gym and attended spin classes 4 times in a week. Sweated all the toxins out. At the end of the day, I am so exhausted I fell sleep so fast without worrying about the world.

I also signed up continuing education classes for my profession. Till then, I am reading and watching DVD to expand horizon for what I can teach more for my clients.

Feels good just focusing on myself, not worrying about my a-hole boyfriend telling me a lie no.1001..

Gowiththeflow
Gowiththeflow
9 years ago
Reply to  Gowiththeflow

**my EX-ahole boyfriend that was!
**also changed my cat’s food and added suppliments, no more diarrhea for her!!!!!

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
9 years ago
Reply to  Gowiththeflow

Hah, that made me chuckle. No more bad shit from the ex, and not from the cat, either!

Dr. I Can't Believe I'm a Chump
Dr. I Can't Believe I'm a Chump
9 years ago

I reached “meh.”

That’s it. I really have nothing else to add.

“Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ubIpoPjBUds

Einstein
Einstein
9 years ago

I was in good shape last year, reconciled to the shit sandwich. This year, I’ve spent being meh. Being happy, content and at peace.

Meh is enough!

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
9 years ago

Reaching meh is mighty indeed!

Dan
Dan
9 years ago

Hah!!!!

I was reading these great accomplishments feeling more and more under-accomplished till I read this one. Yes, I’ve reached the ‘meh’ too.

In addition, I’ve started the unfuckupedness bootcamp.

Thanks Dr. I Can’t Believe I’m a Chump

Lisa in Joisey
Lisa in Joisey
9 years ago

In the eleven years since my divorce, I have: Fixed the plumbing under the trailer we lived in, sold that trailer and bought a Condo, put two kids through college, confronted my NPD mother, who is trying desperately to re-connect with me (thankfully,once I was away from the gaslighting bastard, I saw who was toxic for me and cut them all off), am writing a book and am in the process of getting side-work!

Also, I have collected child support that he is so reluctant to pay!

Lisa in Joisey
Lisa in Joisey
9 years ago
Reply to  Lisa in Joisey

Did I mention I filed for divorce pro se? THAT was my mightiest accomplishment!

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
9 years ago
Reply to  Lisa in Joisey

Fuck yeah!

Flowerlady
Flowerlady
9 years ago

Divorce has been filed, settlement reached through mediation and I am moving out as we speak . . .
I needed this post today, CL. Lot’s of mixed strong emotions, but glad to be moving forward. Thank You! Thank you for reminding me to remember that I am mighty!!
Gotta go load the car . . .

KitKat
KitKat
9 years ago
Reply to  Flowerlady

I’m moving out too… It’s hard but feels pretty good. Good luck with the move!

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
9 years ago
Reply to  Flowerlady

You are Mighty, handing you some virtual flowers to put in your digs πŸ™‚

minime1224
minime1224
9 years ago
Reply to  Flowerlady

wow moving out how do you feel about that I find that pretty Mighty. Im still going through mediation and the house will be mine but Im thinking I dont want to be here in it anymore. Ive only grown kids so need for it.

fiestypants
fiestypants
9 years ago
Reply to  Flowerlady

You go Flower! Now those blueprints of the booby traps for the ex to step on were placed where….I mean, blueprints? What? *Cough* No, these are not the droids you’re looking for….

FeralBlue
FeralBlue
9 years ago

In the days since the divorce I have;

1) Moved halfway across the country for my job.
2)Bought a house all on my own. (All I make is small frivolous sums of spending money, indeed. Take that!)
3)Started volunteering for and working at the local humane society.
4)Am supported by and joined in the volunteering by my recently new hubby.
5) Got remarried on July 5th 2014 to a man who supports my decisions (unless I’m being an idiot lol), treats me with respect and loves my sense of humor. Who knew life could be this good!
6)Have been taking care of my illness instead of letting it own me. Yes, currently I’m still the fluffy with a thyroid problem (a few other things going on as well) but I’m on the right medications now and feeling human again! And slimming down pound by pound, whereas before the meds I worked out like crazy, exhausted myself further and still saw no difference in the scale.

I AM MIGHTY!

FeralBlue
FeralBlue
9 years ago
Reply to  FeralBlue

Hmm “in the days since the divorce” makes it sound recent. I’m 7 1/2 years out from the first Dday and 6 1/2 years out from the divorce. Moved 5 years ago. Bought my house 4 years ago. Started volunteering 3 years ago. And “who knew life could be this good” kinda makes it sound like only since being remarried. Life was awesome after I threw the ex out of my life. I didn’t know married life could be this good.

Lunachick
Lunachick
9 years ago
Reply to  FeralBlue

You kick ass, FeralBlue! Loved reading this.

I am borderline hyperthyroid myself (I have “hot” benign module), and I am convinced that is the main reason why I’m fluffy too, but because I’m just borderline docs don’t see the need to put me on meds.

Hopefully I will get to where you are at one day! πŸ™‚

lovehonorcherish
lovehonorcherish
9 years ago

I have my first court date before the judge in a hour and I haven’t melted into a puddle of tears yet…I am looking classy and confident and I’m determined to ignore stbxh if he actually shows up! Does that count?

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
9 years ago

Damn straight you are mighty lovehonorcherish, how did it go? Many Jedi hugs to you.

lovehonorcherish
lovehonorcherish
9 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

It went well. Stbxh DID show up, he made a beeline for me and I swear to God, I think he thought we were going to stand around and shoot the shit until our case was called. I put my bitch boots on, stuck my nose in the air and ignored him completely! My attorney had a couple of surprises for stbxh up his sleeve…but the highlight of my day was seeing the expression on stbxh’s face when he spotted my Dad sitting beside me. PRICELESS : )

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
9 years ago

I’m enjoying my vision of you with your bitch boots on lovehonorcherish, glad things went well πŸ™‚

FLBright
FLBright
9 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

I LOVE that your dad was there – that’s a badass dad!

lovehonorcherish
lovehonorcherish
9 years ago
Reply to  FLBright

He sure is!!

This chump's name changed to protect the innocent (for now)
This chump's name changed to protect the innocent (for now)
9 years ago

Hell yes.

Witty29
Witty29
9 years ago

GOOD LUCK! πŸ™‚

minime1224
minime1224
9 years ago

Any of us who have to see the X even for one second is Mighty Mighty πŸ™‚ Good luck

Rally Squirrel
Rally Squirrel
9 years ago

I’ll tell you how I’m mighty. After the complete and utter mindfuck of discovering my husband’s (second) secret life with (yet) another woman – and that it had been going on for at least a year and a half – and his total blame shifting, I got the added heartbreak of hearing from my beloved only child that she also blamed me (β€œ100 percent,” she said) for the ensuing divorce. Even knowing that her father had a mistress. I am truly surprised that this shit doesn’t just kill a person. Because at the time, it was pretty much all I needed to finish me right off.

But it didn’t kill me. Instead, it taught me a valuable lesson. It offered me excellent practice in letting shit go. Understanding what it really means to let other people be who they choose to be, think what they choose to think, and not take their statements and decisions so incredibly personally. To not let their opinions define me. Plus, to know that I have freedom, too. Freedom to choose how I will respond, what I will say, how I will think about it.

I chose to keep being the same kick-ass mom I’ve always been. I chose to keep the idea of my teenage daughter’s best self in my heart for her. To have faith that she will come around, that one day she will see her extremely sparkly father with more clarity. Right now, she and her dad have a love-fest going. That’s really painful to me. But that’s what it is. I will get through it. I can even be happy that she has a close relationship with her father, and that he does seem to be a loving and devoted dad.

Meanwhile, I get to cultivate patience and equanimity while I take extra good care of myself.

The last four years have been very stressful. Not only from the infidelity and the divorce, but also because I have repetitive strain injuries in both hands from decades of computer work as a writer and editor. Did I quit my good job as a copywriter? Hell, no. I am Rally Squirrel, motherfuckers. You can push me down, but you can’t keep me down. This is the mantra that gets me through hard times.

I got an awesome voice-recognition program for my computer, and now I β€œtype” by speaking words into a headset microphone. Neither my co-workers nor clients know the difference. My work is still high quality and well respected. I got software that automatically clicks my mouse for me when I position the cursor where I want it to be. When I developed focal dystonia – probably a permanent disability – in the thumb of my dominant hand about a year ago, I taught myself to write left-handed.

I paced myself with home-improvement projects around the now-too-big family home that I now own, after buying out the ex-husband. I have painted six rooms in colors that I love. I am restoring my old fireplace facing and hearth. It isn’t perfect by any stretch. But it’s absolutely better than it was. That’s what I’m going for these days. Progress, not perfection.

Sitting at a computer all day is something that I won’t be able to do forever. And I don’t want to do it whole lot longer. The older I get, the less time I want to spend writing what other people want me to write. So I have been thinking about what else I could do. Something I’m passionate about. One day I want to be a food photographer. I want to write children’s picture books in my spare time. So this fall, I will take a photography class at my local community college. One small movement in a new direction. It’s how you begin to turn the wheel onto a better road.

KitKat
KitKat
9 years ago
Reply to  Rally Squirrel

Great post Rally Squirrel! I am an aspiring photog myself and learned from a friend who works in the corporate office at a big chain restaurant that food photogs can really make the big bucks. Good luck!!

echo
echo
9 years ago
Reply to  Rally Squirrel

I want to change my name to: “I am Ralley Squirrel motherfuckers”!

thensome
thensome
9 years ago
Reply to  echo

Awesome!

NorthernLight
NorthernLight
9 years ago
Reply to  Rally Squirrel

Good for you for getting creative and finding ways to continue to do what you love.

(And I am also curious about the voice-recognition software.)

Rally Squirrel
Rally Squirrel
9 years ago
Reply to  NorthernLight

I have Dragon Naturally Speaking Home Edition, version 12. And the Professional version 12 at work.

The key to getting much better accuracy out of the software, though, is the quality of your headset microphone. Don’t use the crappy one that might come with the software. I use the Andrea Anti-noise headset:

http://www.amazon.com/Andrea-USB-Fidelity-Monaural-P-C1-1022300-1/dp/B00206WJ42/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1406895191&sr=8-1&keywords=andrea+nc+181

It’s about $50 and worth every penny.

Using voice-recognition software takes some getting used to, for sure. And you have to be extra vigilant, because like auto correct, it will take guesses at what you meant. No big deal in a personal email or a blog comment, but a huge deal if you let it get into a printed brochure! :O But the program – especially the professional version – is impressively accurate, I find. The only thing it won’t consistently do is cuss on command. For instance, here is what it thinks I’m saying right now:

I am Rally Squirrel, mother fathers.

Yeah. It’s gonna need more training. πŸ˜‰

Syringa
Syringa
9 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I work with students with disabilities and train students how to use Dragon Naturally Speaking. It does take some getting used to but once you do it works very well.

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
9 years ago
Reply to  Rally Squirrel

Thanks Rally Squirrel, I did buy a good headset to go with Dragon – I am just frustrated with the training process I guess.

Eilonwy
Eilonwy
9 years ago
Reply to  Rally Squirrel

I love your line, “progress, not perfection.” I think I need to paste that one up around the house in all sorts of places to remind myself of how well I’ve done. It would be a nice counterpoint to the “to-do” lists I tend to make.

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
9 years ago
Reply to  Rally Squirrel

You rock it. “Did I quit my good job as a copywriter? Hell, no. I am Rally Squirrel, motherfuckers.” Damn right you are πŸ™‚

BTW, mind telling me voice recognition app you are using? I’m having hand issues and bought Dragon but wondering there is something better.

NorthernLight
NorthernLight
9 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

Ha, and that makes me want to start saying “mother fathers” but people would probably think I was a little off because I would crack myself up and no one would know why…

NorthernLight
NorthernLight
9 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

Thanks, Rally Squirrel! I made a note of that, in case I needto switch to that method of “typing” in the future!

moxie
moxie
9 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

Rockin’ post, Rally Squirrel, rockin’ post πŸ™‚

Justine
Justine
9 years ago

Hmmm not sure if I’ve been mighty… I’m five and a half years separated and have spent the last nine months fending off my narc XH who has”changed, grown up and wants his family back”. Just to show how much he’s grown up I am currently enduring another bout of his sulking and refusal to speak (even “hello”) when we meet to hand our child over.
Sigh.
But on the other hand I have just had an awesome holiday with my two girls full of action and fun!

Justine
Justine
9 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Thank you!I’ve been discussing with my counsellor about bringing up the divorce and we agree I need to wait until he’s got a new girlfriend to take the heat off me so he doesn’t lose it again (big mental issues). He has major ownership problems (ie he “owns” me and our child). Anyway onwards and upwards, I can handle sulking!

Susan
Susan
9 years ago

I also needed this post today.
Since Dday 6 months ago I

1) wrote my own mutual agreement for divorce and had him sign it (I am a lawyer)
2) traveled to five countries for work
3) had many flirtatious compliments from male friends I hadn’t seen in years (but not ready for more than that yet)
4) lost weight and feel better than I have in years
5) slept through the night
6) disciplined my children and did house work in my own way and survived very well thank you (he always used to say “how could you have lived without me?” in reference to my supposedly bad housework and mom skills)
7) learned that “you can’t unfuck the fucked” (a take on “trust that he sucks”)
8) best of all: lived without the stress that it takes to cater to a cheater

Meg
Meg
9 years ago
Reply to  Susan

learned that β€œyou can’t unfuck the fucked”

Love this!

nic
nic
9 years ago

oh how I need to feel mighty. I’m back in my wonderful own home in my home country for 4 more weeks before I have to return to H with the kids. It’s making me so weepy to have to leave here when its my favorite place and where I want to be. I have to find renters (the last one screwed my over for 4 months rent and I’m having serious money anxiety today. Like vomiting. My dad’s bday, kids are summer time happy – must put on brave face.

To all you mighty chumps: I’ve been out of the work force for a long time – I work but it’s no career, I need more financial independence. What is my first step to re entering a career? On days like today, I feel like I have nothing left to do but stay in this situation and remain dependent and stuck. I know I’m extremely capable, but I don’t know where to start. You’ve inspired me before, so bring it.

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
9 years ago
Reply to  nic

My reply was eaten by the internet. Nic, if you are rusty there are lots of free resources where you can bone up, no matter what your skillz there is probably a place you can volunteer and thereby get recent experience. You might want to post your question in the forums with more specifics. BTW, you are making decisions and moving forward, you are mighty!

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
9 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

Lol, no it wasn’t eaten, double post

nic
nic
9 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

thanks everyone. Very tough day – h told me my not forgiving him (by allowing him to work on the marriage, prove himself, etc) is how I always handle difficult relationships – I toss them away. Well, ya. Never considered it a character flaw, thought it was protecting myself. TBH, h is doing everything right, I’m just not feeling it. Not feeling protected or safe emotionally, do not feel he has my back. Aaargh, a really bad weepy day. Heres to tomorrow, thank you all so much for the cyber hugs and pep today, so needed!

Rosie Boa
Rosie Boa
9 years ago
Reply to  nic

Nic – lol, right, he’s the person who blew up your relationship, used you, lied to you, cheated on you, stole your reality, you sanity, your peace and your precious time – but you’re the bad person because you won’t forgive him according to his little schedule?

I hate it when they pull that shit.

He is NOT doing everything right – he is acting entitled to your forgiveness and turning it on you. You are mighty, even on the days you’re not feeling so mighty.

lovehonorcherish
lovehonorcherish
9 years ago
Reply to  Rosie Boa

Nic, listen to Rosie Boa please! She is hitting the nail squarely on the head. Hugs to you!

Finally realized
Finally realized
9 years ago

Yeah, Rosie said it. “he is acting entitled to your forgiveness and turning it on you.” It’s all about him.

I’ll bet he has never gone through the Hell he has put you through.

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
9 years ago
Reply to  nic

Big hugs, nic. Some days you’re down, and you get back up again.

Go for a nice long walk to clear your head! I’m back to walking again and it is doing wonders for my angst!

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
9 years ago
Reply to  nic

Nic, don’t let him mindfuck you, people with healthy boundaries cut toxic ppl out of their lives when those ppl keep fucking them over. Don’t let anyone tell you different. +1000 Jedi Hugs, you are mighty, don’t you forget it!

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
9 years ago
Reply to  nic

Nic, whatever your skillz there is usually some org that would appreciate a volunteer and it gives you recent experience. If you are rusty there are so many free online resources where you can bone up. You might want to post your question and more info in the forums to get more specific suggestions. And quests what, you are making decisions, you are moving forward, you are mighty!

anotherErica
anotherErica
9 years ago
Reply to  nic

Nic

I was out of the workforce as well and decided to go back to school before re-entering. I spoke with another single mom who practically got paid through grants, etc. to go back to school. (though I know nothing about those details) I think some classes at least could be helpful and expand your network. It also just helped me to realize that my brain DOES still work and give me the confidence that I can go out there and get a good job and perform just as well and even better than others that are younger than me. Unfortunately, I haven’t quite landed the perfect job yet, but I am also being picky about what I am applying for.

JJ
JJ
9 years ago
Reply to  nic

Hey Nic, Is there some way we could chat privately? I teach people on professional development, would love to be your cheer squad on the road to an enriching career.
JJ

nic
nic
9 years ago
Reply to  JJ

yes I’d love that.
nbannerman@verizon.net

MJD
MJD
9 years ago

In the last 7 months since Dday:
-I have the house in MY NAME and it has since appreciated
-Won my roller derby league championship!!!!
-Rescued a dog (she has saved me from wallowing in lonely nights alone) and has helped me make new dog park friends
-Have further strengthened my female friendships beyond what I thought possible
-Lost Dday 15lbs and kept 10 of them off
-Just started dating again (keeping boundaries and prioritizing “me” time over dates)
-Have finally had really great sex with a new guy, and the trauma and memory of cheating betrayal has finally worn off. Sex is not a hurtful thing anymore.

On the horizon:
-A european girls trip
-a promotion

Would I rather have a partner? Yes. But since that’s not happening, you gotta make do, and I feel really great about where I am almost a year from where I was –which was gaslighted, depleted, uncomfortable, tired, feeling unattractive and brushed aside.

KitKat
KitKat
9 years ago
Reply to  MJD

Yay for roller derby!

This chump's name changed to protect the innocent (for now)
This chump's name changed to protect the innocent (for now)
9 years ago
Reply to  MJD

MJD, roller derby? Mass respect. And dog parks are the best. Dog parks make me happy even when I am dog-less. I am in absolutely no hurry to have sex anytime soon and with a four month old it makes it even more complicated but I can not wait until my point of reference for sex is not my ex. Especially his push your boundaries, yes this is all normal, you’re just a prude, subtle undermining of my sense of sexuality.

TimeHeals
TimeHeals
9 years ago

Horn tooting time, is it?

I continue to wear out shoes walking these two dogs. They were lucky to get a couple of short walks a day pre-divorce, but they average about 2 x 1.5 miles per day now, and it’s one of their three favorite things πŸ™‚ Almost time for a new pair of 993s again.

My “office” upstairs is slowly transforming itself back into a home studio (something I abandoned/neglected entirely when I started dating the ex), and I’m slowly building up my sampler libraries and have begun my first explorations into the world of orchestration. I have a long way to go (and my day-job that pays all the bills slows things down a bit), but I’m actually learning new things and excited about something creative again for the first time in a long time.

And I am just happy. Forgot how that felt. It had been so long since I was really happy, it just felt wrong at first πŸ™‚

ANR
ANR
9 years ago
Reply to  TimeHeals

I guess time really does heal! The home studio sounds really exciting! And the happiness — love to hear that.

Kara
Kara
9 years ago

My husband and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary!

I have been with my husband for five years and a month. We celebrated our five year anniversary and exactly one month after that, we celebrated our wedding anniversary. (We got married a month after the anniversary of us getting together because we didn’t want a June wedding. So we got married in July.)

We went to the Shedd aquarium (I LOVE sea creatures.) This was the first time either of us had been there and we saw some of the doofiest looking fish ever. Took pictures of course. We also went to the sting ray touch pools. He was weirded out by their texture at first, but he got used to them and then decided it was very peaceful. Then we saw a beautiful pacific octopus. (Octopus are my FAVORITE sea creatures. I even had a new pair of shoes with octopus on them. I call them my octoshoes. They have green tentacles and glittery blue heels. And I have matching socks. Of course, because who wears octoshoes without octosocks? XD) We also saw a lovely anaconda at the Amazon exhibit. And there was a special jellyfish exhibit, which was perfect because we went to the Monterey Bay Aquarium for our honeymoon and they too, had a jellyfish exhibit going. It’s like everything came full circle.

Then we went to a bar and grill that had, as my husband put it, “The most delicious wings I’ve ever had inside me.” They were their special “Cap n’ Coke” wings. They had this sauce on them that tasted like barbecue wings and funnel cake had a baby. XD

We went home and watched The Conjuring (something we tried to see TWICE on our honeymoon, but both times it was completely ruined by people talking in the theatre through the entire movie…)

Then, we changed clothes and went out to a few bars. We tried a bar we’d never been to before and they have these specialty cocktails to die for. He had an alcoholic cherry limeade and I had this thing with pear juice, St. Germaine and citrus vodka. We went to another bar and ran into some friends of ours who bought us tequila shots. And the coolest part is they were Don Julio shots. I like Tequila, but I’m really specific about what kind and how I drink it. I only drink it straight and it has to be Don Julio at the very least, because cheap tequila is just…dreadful. So I was pleasantly surprised that our friends had spent that kind of money on shots for us. It was nice. The bartender put on our wedding song, so we danced to it in the middle of the bar.

The next morning, we rolled out of bed (slightly hungover I admit) and strolled to the diner for a pancake breakfast. He had to go to work, but I had nothing to do so I got to sleep all day, snuggle with our cat (who was overjoyed to have me home with her all day) and watched a bunch of How I Met Your Mother.

Best. Weekend. Ever.

I just want to add, that I realized I’m in such a better place with my husband, and just in life altogether, that my ex barely even crosses my mind anymore. He could have died last week and I would not only have no idea, but I wouldn’t care. I just don’t think about him anymore. I’ll never forget what I’ve learned from that terrible relationship, but him? I just don’t care anymore. It’s great.

Kara
Kara
9 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Yes! We do. We moved here right after we got married.

Witty29
Witty29
9 years ago
Reply to  Kara

Congrats πŸ™‚ That’s lovely!

ANC
ANC
9 years ago

You all inspire me.

Nothing mighty here. I am getting honest with myself : denial, fear, uncertainty.

Getting ready to run a 5k and I was never a runner. Personal goal is an 8 min mile. So far I’m at 9. Working with local small bus association to start a small import venture. Getting my financial shit organized. Working on not feeling overwhelmed and paralyzed.

That’s the short term stuff.

Einstein
Einstein
9 years ago
Reply to  ANC

I gave up housework! And I LOVE it!

But all you guys’ accomplishments are making me feel a little unworthy. I’ll have to positive it up.

NorthernLight
NorthernLight
9 years ago
Reply to  ANC

Honesty is very mighty.

Flowerlady
Flowerlady
9 years ago
Reply to  ANC

ANC, overwhelm and paralysis come with the territory. No way around it but through it. Baby steps can feel like jumping off a cliff when the future is an ocean of question marks. Keep up the good momentum.

kb
kb
9 years ago
Reply to  ANC

Sometimes mighty involves facing the denial, fear, and uncertainty. It’s challenging the status quo.

Also, awesome on the training for the 5K. πŸ™‚

namedforvera
namedforvera
9 years ago
Reply to  ANC

ANC, you rock. I cannot even walk a 30 min mile anymore! I think you’re doing great. I love your posts. Don’t undersell yourself (just b/c your cheater did).

Witty29
Witty29
9 years ago

It’s been 5 years since I left him…. and finally I think I’m falling in love with someone.

Never thought it would happen ever again. More exciting than mighty πŸ™‚

LilyBart
LilyBart
9 years ago
Reply to  Witty29

πŸ™‚

Lunachick
Lunachick
9 years ago
Reply to  Witty29

May I ask how you two met? I am only a year out and not divorced yet but I waver between looking and throwing in the towel. πŸ˜›

Witty29
Witty29
9 years ago
Reply to  Lunachick

Match.com….. online dating is not for the faint of heart, that’s for sure πŸ˜‰

marcie
marcie
9 years ago
Reply to  Witty29

I’ve been happily remarried for 9 years. Met my husband on Match.Com! Everytime we see one of the dating site commercials we are faux horrified – “who would do that? All those axe murders and perverts.” πŸ™‚

Lunachick
Lunachick
9 years ago
Reply to  Witty29

No, I can’t imagine that it is for the faint of heart, it’s all about the right attitude.

My mom wants me to go on Match when the divorce is finalized…I might go for it, but I admit I’m feeling the “who would want me” feels, which I know is normal. Through it, not around it!

witty_29
witty_29
9 years ago
Reply to  Lunachick

You would be surprised – I felt the same way…. but it’s actually been a great ego boost πŸ™‚

The attitude I would recommend is “it’s a numbers game” – by the law of averages you’re going to hit the one. It’s happened for 2 of my friends within the last 12 months! It will likely take a few frogs to get there, but at least you’ll have some funny stories to tell at dinner parties πŸ˜‰

Lunachick
Lunachick
9 years ago
Reply to  witty_29

Indeed! Thank you for the encouragement, and congratulations to you! πŸ™‚

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
9 years ago
Reply to  Witty29

Mighty Witty that was πŸ˜‰ and yer right about online dating…

witty_29
witty_29
9 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

lol thanks πŸ™‚

Syringa
Syringa
9 years ago
Reply to  witty_29

You have to have skin THIS thick for online dating. Not take anything personal, let it all roll off your back like water off a duck. Remember most men are looking for a Size 2, maybe a 4. Not all, but most. Just saying. That has been my experience anyway and I’ve been at it a long time. I’m a size 12 and all most all the time never hear back from them. I’m attractive, educated, stable, fun and funny. I don’t get drunk and fall into salad bars. I don’t let any of it bother me anymore. I know my worth.

MovingOn
MovingOn
9 years ago
Reply to  Witty29

Love it!

MovingOn