UBT: What Sleeping with Married Men Taught Me About Infidelity

Oh Modern Love, what-the-everliving-fuck? A bazillion of you sent me Sunday’s New York Time’s ML column — a look at relationships from the point of view of a 49-year-old woman who screws married men. Because… well, you know how it goes after divorce, when you create Tinder profiles for no-strings-attached sex, and lonely, tragically misunderstood, sexless men reply by the dozens, and you fuck a few, and it confers relationship expert status upon you. Yeah that.

I always enjoy being condescended to about how my relationships need honesty and  intimacy from someone who prefers clandestine NSA hook-ups with guys named SpankyBoy57.

I’m not sure it’s possible to justify my liaisons with married men, but what I learned from having them warrants discussion. Not between the wives and me, though I would be interested to hear their side. No, this discussion should happen between wives and husbands, annually, the way we inspect the tire tread on the family car to avoid accidents.

Don’t mind little ol’ me fucking yer husband there. You two just discuss my Learned Insights amongst yourselves. They warrant discussion. Unlike your feelings about it, which warrant no mention at all. #fuckingURhusbandmakes meanexpert #gravitas

Yes, Karin Jones would like to hear from those wives on “the other side” but alas, the NYT has conveniently disabled comments, so she’ll just have to imagine all your hearts and kisses.

The important takeaway here is that keeping your husband faithful is much like inspecting your tire treads on the family car… that is, if your Goodyear radials were missing and hiding on someone else’s Buick.

Anyway… Karin has written an essay entitled “What Sleeping With Married Men Taught Me About Infidelity.” Let’s guess.

Crab lice?

That “sleep” is a euphemism? (Unless you pay for the girlfriend experience.)

That everything you “learned about infidelity” you learned from a liar?

A few years ago, while living in London, I dated married men for companionship while I processed the grief of being newly divorced. I hadn’t sought out married men specifically. When I created a profile on Tinder and OkCupid, saying I was looking for no-strings-attached encounters, plenty of single men messaged me and I got together with several of them. But many married men messaged me too.

Imagine that. Many men — married and unmarried — replied to an online profile offering no-strings-attached sexual encounters. Wow. Way to gain a following, Karin. Russian Twitterbots have nothing on you.

And I totally get where you’re coming from on the sex-only thing, which is why you date married men for “companionship.”

After being married for 23 years, I wanted sex but not a relationship. This is dicey because you can’t always control emotional attachments when body chemicals mix, but with the married men I guessed that the fact that they had wives, children and mortgages would keep them from going overboard with their affections. And I was right. They didn’t get overly attached, and neither did I. We were safe bets for each other.

I blame the body chemicals, Drak Noir and Fancy Feast. I also blame the mortgages. The men would go overboard with their affections, were it not for those mortgages. Wives and children can be replaced, but a 3.25% fixed rate?

I asked him: “What if you said to your wife, ‘Look, I love you and the kids but I need sex in my life. Can I just have the occasional fling or a casual affair?’”

He sighed. “I don’t want to hurt her,” he said. “She’s been out of the work force for 10 years, raising our kids and trying to figure out what she wants to do with her life. If I asked her that kind of question, it would kill her.”

I asked him: “What if you left your wife for me, then we could companion all the time! And you and me and Fluffy and Snowball could be a family! And sit on my sofa and watch Father Brown reruns! And you could take me to that wedding and introduce me as your cousin!”

He sighed: “You’re just an orifice to me, Karin. My wife has been out of the workforce for 10 years, raising our children. Her economic vulnerability gives me carte blanche to fuck around on her. Why would I trade alimony and child support for your cat hair-covered ass?”

But sex is basic. Physical intimacy with other human beings is essential to our health and well-being. So how do we deny such a need to the one we care about most? If our primary relationship nourishes and stabilizes us but lacks intimacy, we shouldn’t have to destroy our marriage to get that intimacy somewhere else. Should we?

Karin had to do it because those men WEREN’T GETTING SEX!! Not a smidgeon! Not even a fleeting glimpse at wifely ankle! And how does Karin know? Because cheating men who created anonymous dating profiles on the Interwebs told her so. They were also misunderstood and please don’t call them on the weekends because Bible study.

These men shouldn’t have to destroy their marriages because you won’t put out, Wifey! Have a conversation! Kick the tire threads! Suck a dick occasionally! Karin Jones is now an authority with a voice in the New York Times because you’re frigid! And that’s tragic. She doesn’t want this kind of attention, but she must Share What She Learned so preventable bald tire/bald man-slut accidents don’t happen.

And just to be fair, it’s not the women who are all frigid, causing their men to cheat. Men, some of you are a little less than adventurous. Put down that stamp collection and listen to Karin.

If you read the work of Esther Perel, the author of the recently published book “State of Affairs,” you’ll learn that, for many wives, sex outside of marriage is their way of breaking free from being the responsible spouses and mothers they have to be at home. Married sex, for them, often feels obligatory. An affair is adventure.

If you read the work of Esther Perel, you might want to boil your head like a Christmas pudding and stick a spike of holly through your cranium.

Men, fucking you feels obligatory. Your wives need adventure. You don’t get adventure, you have stamps.

She needs the kind of positive affirmation and adventure that can only come from antibiotic-resistant gonorrhea. Fucking strange is never obligatory, unless you’re Karin Jones, in which case it is. (THE SEXLESS MEN NEED SAVING!)

And antibiotic-resistant gonorrhea cannot be cured, unless you’re Esther Perel, in which case it’s invisible. Unlike Esther Perel who is all too visible and inspiring stupid articles like this one in the New York Times.

I am not saying the answer is non-monogamy, which can be rife with risks and unintended entanglements. I believe the answer is honesty and dialogue, no matter how frightening. Lack of sex in marriage is common, and it shouldn’t lead to shame and silence. By the same token, an affair doesn’t have to lead to the end of a marriage. What if an affair — or, ideally, simply the urge to have one — can be the beginning of a necessary conversation about sex and intimacy?

What these husbands couldn’t do was have the difficult discussion with their wives that would force them to tackle the issues at the root of their cheating. They tried to convince me they were being kind by keeping their affairs secret. They seemed to have convinced themselves. But deception and lying are ultimately corrosive, not kind.

Gee, I wonder why these men and women won’t have this conversation? Isn’t it amazing that they can craft dating profiles, and get naked with strangers, and yet lack the courage to TALK honestly? Mind. BLOWN. It’s almost like… like… they don’t want to be honest.

Tut, tut. Deception and lying are corrosive and unkind. Fucking your husband? Not so much.

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Soldiering On
Soldiering On
5 years ago

I have come to wonder what happened to the soul of the NY Times? It’s stuff like these articles that keeps me from subscribing to that paper.

Rumblekitty
Rumblekitty
5 years ago
Reply to  Soldiering On

This is the same paper home to David Brooks. (CL wrote about him a few times.) I canceled NYT last year. They’re not the only game in town.

Trying for Mighty
Trying for Mighty
5 years ago
Reply to  Soldiering On

The NYT disables or doesn’t provide space for comments on certain stories because they know that they will get pushback. It’s a way to ram social engineering down our throats. I teach at a university and see the same thing here: liberal orthodoxies that cannot be challenged. And it pains me to say “liberal” orthodoxies, because I’ve always been one. But let me tell you, over time and with experience–living in a black neighborhood, losing a family member to the war in Afghanistan, having my spouse decide he’s “transgendered”–I have come to have a far more critical and nuanced take on the soft racism of low expectations, the deleterious effects to our democracy of absolving 99% of the nation’s citizens from any civic responsibility, and the insanity of declaring that one can “identify” as the opposite sex or “be” that opposite sex just by declaring that one has. I almost shudder to think what life lesson I’m going to forced to learn next. But I sure I hope Ms Karin gets a chance to learn one about sex with cheaters soon!

Diana L
Diana L
5 years ago

Trying for Mighty – You are right, your husband is not in some magical way really a woman. However, they may be experiencing real dysphoria and unhappiness living as a man and feel a strong urge to be a woman. Transition may be the only thing that will work for them. And the bottom line is you can’t stop them.

What is very confusing is that some trans women are not particularly “feminine” before they transition and may live as men and act like typical men in our society. We don’t understand why this is, but there are some people who develop gender dysphoria at puberty. The model of transgender people being “women trapped in men’s bodies” just doesn’t apply to everyone.

Also, you have every right to be upset if they didn’t tell you about this before you got married.

This whole thing totally sucks for you. You are losing a marriage and someone you loved and you aren’t gaining anything from it. It depends on your friends, but sometimes family members of trans people find that people don’t get that you need support. People who are liberal sometimes don’t get it at all because they are trying to be supportive of the person who is transitioning and can’t figure out how to support families, too.

It’s not unusual to be deeply depressed. I hope you are getting the support you need.

Anyhow, here are a few links you might like:

https://www.amazon.com/Sex-Changes-Memoir-Marriage-Gender/dp/1250031605/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1523560194&sr=1-1&keywords=christine+benvenuto

https://www.thecut.com/2015/09/trans-wives-transitioning.html – This one has a lot about women who stay with their husbands/wives, but it also has discussion of some of the difficult issues.

https://christinebenvenuto.wordpress.com/

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
5 years ago

Understandable you are upset about what your spouse did to you ref deception. But please don’t diss our LGBTQ community. Not cool. All Chumps are welcome here.

Diana L
Diana L
5 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

Datdamwuf – I think this is a very difficult issue. Family members of transgender people often have their sense of reality denied when it comes to what is going on with the person who is transitioning.

It’s very hard for our society to listen when a relative questions what is going on with a person who develops gender dysphoria, but I think it’s important to listen and believe what they are saying.

Polly
Polly
5 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

Datdamwuf: TfM is not commenting on trans individuals or any true medical diagnosis or treatment for gender dysphoria, including the option of transitioning via surgery, hormones, and living ones life out as the opposite sex.

TfM is commenting on the pseudo science being put forth by “activists” about the nature of biological sex and how it relates (or doesn’t relate) to gender identity. In short, it’s a political agenda being pushed by certin interested parties who want to socially engineer society, no matter how anti-science or how repressive their positions are to other people (like forcing some people to use certain words by law). People who push back or argue against certain “facts” circulating in the ‘activist’ community are conflated with transphobes.

Everything stated above has nothing to with any persons freedom to live their own best life according to their own choices (and medical treatment options), being protected equally under the law and having the same rights as everyone else. It also makes no judgments on those who have been deceived by a spouse or partner.

CurlyChump
CurlyChump
5 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

thank you for speaking up

DrFormerChump
DrFormerChump
5 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

Here, here!

NotANiceChump
NotANiceChump
5 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

Thanks for saying this. The comment got to me too. People in the throws of trauma deserve a lot of slack, but…yea, transgender doesn’t work that way

Diana L
Diana L
5 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

ChumpLady, have you tried to get a piece published in the NY Times? If people can’t comment on the article, why not at least present a variety of viewpoints – there are so many topics here on your blog – the real pain of being cheated on, the lies cheaters tell to the public, the feeling of betrayal by friends who don’t want to take sides, the bad advice of some therapists, cheaters who forgive themselves, etc.

What if for every letter from an OW, there was one from a chump giving alternative advice?

NotANiceChump
NotANiceChump
5 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I understand why this is not the best forum for trashing the NYT, but they publish this shit all the time and as someone else pointed out, there is a social engineering component here that we are all fighting. This editorial underscores our society’s acceptance of cheating, actually its endorsement, being promoted by a major news source. NYT could publish any number of amazing things–yet here it is.

I just read the worst ever editorial today on NYT about an older woman’s disillusionment with marriage and relationships and what can only be described as her willingness to settle again and again and again. And how even after the death of her man-boy husband, she is yet again settling into a kind of sad acceptance of her irrelevancy. Maybe I’m just too optimistic for the NYT, not edgy enough…too Californian, but why in the world would they use their platform to promote female subservience and irrelevancy in this way?!? Why promote cheating? So yea, I think they suck a little.

ItsAJourney
ItsAJourney
5 years ago
Reply to  NotANiceChump

“Like”

Lulu
Lulu
5 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

It’s not just one article, Tracy. They had a piece a few years ago in the wedding section about a couple that had an affair and left th it spouses for each other. There was another Modern Love piece where the wife decided not to “accept” her husband’s claim that he wanted a divorce; it was obvious he was cheating, but she just keeps her mouth shut until the affair probably cooled off and he changed his mind about divorce.

And let’s not forget the Op-Ed on why we should be more understanding toward pedophiles. The NYT’s Editor’s Choice comments didn’t include any of the critical comments.

mitx
mitx
5 years ago
Reply to  Lulu

very true

QueenBee
QueenBee
5 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Agree!!

dslak
dslak
5 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

That they’ve turned off comments shows that they also know they are better than this.

Char
Char
5 years ago
Reply to  dslak

Bingo!

mitx
mitx
5 years ago
Reply to  Char

yes

chumpapalooza
chumpapalooza
5 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Wow CL-I didn’t know that we aren’t allowed to comment how we please for the most part here. You are TELLING us we cannot dissect or even discuss the NYT? Ugh

Buddy
Buddy
5 years ago
Reply to  chumpapalooza

I think it is fair and reasonable for ChumpLady to ask us to stay on topic. Reading the straying replies to her request affirms the reasonableness of her request in my opinion.

There are other forums for discussing Hillary vs Donald, NYT vs Fox, Men vs. Women stereotypes, rap music lyrics getting a pass on misogyny, etc

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
5 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Oh, sorry…shouldn’t have dragged my feelings about current NYT here.

Creativerational
Creativerational
5 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Main summation: ‘Well if you got cheated on you failed; your husband just needed more. You’re great you’re just… not great enough. I’m great enough though. Go me!’

The writer is trying to feel better – I think she sees that she’s a sad vacuous hole, little better than a flesh light or blow up doll. And like clockwork, this article shows that she’s likes to get paid to put out. (in accolades or comfort or physical response or in the case of this article, hard cash).

Frankly NYT are no different from others-they pay for clickbait garbage articles from cheap (apparently deluded) contractors on all subjects to use up our monthly ‘free articles’ so the actual news is only a subscription away! Times are tough in the news industry.

2nd Gen Chump
2nd Gen Chump
5 years ago

Did the article state why HER marriage failed?

Katherine
Katherine
5 years ago
Reply to  2nd Gen Chump

Good question

Kettle
Kettle
5 years ago
Reply to  Soldiering On

Because articles like this tell cheating men that it’s their wives’ fault for not putting out. Men Need Sex you see and who cares if running around after three kids and picking shit-stained underwear off the bathroom floor has murdered their wives’ sex drive? And the cheater in this example is *trying* to spare his poor tired unemployed wife’s feelings, he can’t tell her “I want to fuck around with other people”, that would *kill* her, poor sausage simply can’t bring himself to talk to her about his needs etc.

Tom
Tom
5 years ago
Reply to  Kettle

Why would a wife who has no sex drive care if her husband is getting his legitimate sexual needs met outside the marriage? Obviously, sex must not be important to the marriage (otherwise the wife would be “putting out” as you say). Why should she care if he does that “unimportant thing” with another woman?

Diana L
Diana L
5 years ago
Reply to  Tom

Tom, I don’t think men tell the truth about this when they are trying to get a woman in bed with them. It’s basically ridiculous that a woman who had no-string attached sex with strangers thinks she can comment on the marriages of these guys.

Julie P
Julie P
5 years ago
Reply to  Tom

Don’t assume anything, because you don’t know their minds. Lack of communication is a killer in relationships.
In Marriage… If you can’t tell your Spouse that you’re unhappy with the sex/intimacy, then you need to find your voice, and tell them. If you have told your Spouse, but they don’t care to acknowledge the loss/rebuild that connection… Find your way out.
Seriously, go… Because staying and cheating is disrespectful to you, your Spouse, and especially children.

Vastra
Vastra
5 years ago
Reply to  Soldiering On

Absolutely – in fact this pathetic piece is the final straw, I’m cancelling my online subscription. I can’t believe this is the same newspaper which publishes such great political commentary and quirky articles like one on the beautiful use of semi-colons (complete with commentary from Noam Chomsky!)

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
5 years ago

Once again, Chump Lady nails it. This sentence is the doublespeak climax of this woman’s argument: “”I believe the answer is honesty and dialogue, no matter how frightening.” The fact that a NY Times editor got to this sentence and still printed this piece of garbage says all you need to know about the NY Times.

This woman already knows that married men answering this ad and others like it means they are already lying by omission and prepared to lie in specific and in earnest to their wives. The very act of infidelity rests on lies and more lies. Karin seems to understand that the wives of these men will be devastated being betrayed (after all, the men acknowledge that knowing the truth will “kill” their wives), although she is a champion minimizer. After all, she’d be “interested to hear their side.” Because, after all, what’s more delicious to a narcissist than hearing how central you are to someone else’s marriage?

As CL points out, the giant logical hole in the argument is that the article assumes that the men who are lying to their wives are being honest with her about the state of their marriages Either the writer is gaslighting us, because she knows very well that these men are lying to her about the sad, sexless state of their marriages, which suggests that the NY Time is gaslighting us, too. Or she’s so stupid it’s never occurred to her that she’s sleeping with people who have no operational acquaintance with the truth, which suggests that the NY Times editor who let this piece of garbage pass is also stupid.

At a deeper and less obvious level, it’s not just that she was willing to pursue sex with married men. She spent time chit-chatting with them on the phone. The sex is the sparkly aspect of the triangle, the one that gets Karin published in the Times. But the chit-chatting about the wives and the kids, the “friendship” with the men she’s having sex with, the intrusion into even the emotional intimacy that the spouse relies on is just as destructive and chilling.

I have other very serious critiques of the NY Times that mean I don’t subscribe and only read to see the damage that perhaps once-great newspaper is doing to the country. But articles like these confirm that there is something very wrong at the highest levels at that paper. And they know it, hence the absence of a comment feature.

Sharylk
Sharylk
5 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

Bravo LAJ! You and CL should be writing for the NYTimes.

ivyleaguechump
ivyleaguechump
5 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

”I believe the answer is honesty and dialogue, no matter how frightening.” The fact that a NY Times editor got to this sentence and still printed this piece of garbage says all you need to know about the NY Times.”

The fact the NYT would not allow dialogue in the form of comments comes across, as, uhm, hypocritical? I think they were well aware of the pushback they would get, and didn’t want to hear it, because it doesn’t feed the narrative they want to jam down our throats.

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
5 years ago
Reply to  ivyleaguechump

Well, if you want to leave a message with Ms. Karin Jones herself, you can do so at relationships@ermagazine.org

Her profile is here

http://eroticreviewmagazine.com/relationships/introducing-the-love-doctor-lets-talk/

You might want to bring a barf bag before reading her stuff.

Letitsnow
Letitsnow
5 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

Love the word juicy, oh your world isn’t?

violet
violet
5 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

I subscribe to The NYT and read it daily, as I find it to be one of the best newspapers in the country. One opinion piece is not going to cause me to cancel a subscription, particularly given what is happening in the world today. It is far, far from a rag. In fact, it has one of the best news departments in the country.

I do not agree with the basic premise of this woman’s argument, however, which is that the cheaters she has “slept with” are telling her the truth about the state of their marriage. Don’t all cheaters claim they aren’t getting laid at home? If a cheater is lying to his spouse, the person who they are supposed to love, what makes this woman think she is getting the truth? Cheaters are liars and anything that comes out of their mouth is a lie.Therein lies the fundamental flaw in this woman’s opinion.

Ginger
Ginger
5 years ago
Reply to  violet

What reasons would they have to lie to her? Generally, human beings do not resort to lying when nothing is at stake. It is a bit shortsighted to assume that someone who lies to their spouse would do the same to someone they were having a casual affair with. The very real fear of losing one‘s family and entire life is reason enough to lie, but there are no reasons at all for lying to to someone that has no part in your everyday life. This is why many people feel more at ease talking to strangers about their emotional states than to those close to them. No repercussions, no reasons to lie.

Gabriel
Gabriel
5 years ago
Reply to  Ginger

dear Ginger, the answer is: they wanted to fuck her. saying “i’m just cheating on my wife for kicks and i have sex once a week at home” does not trigger the “oh, poor man. he is a good husband with needs” feeling.

new info for you: men lied to get her into bed. because, even in the “no-strings-attached-sex”, it’s easier to ‘bang’ someone that does not think you are a total jerk. 😉

stillfedup
stillfedup
5 years ago
Reply to  violet

My late father worked for the NY Times for forty years. It was always a liberal paper but it has gone to the extreme. I agree that it used to be a NEWS paper. It is no more than a propaganda sheet. My father is rolling over in his grave. (He used to do the crossword puzzle with a PEN)

violet
violet
5 years ago
Reply to  stillfedup

I disagree, but this is not the forum to discuss the merits of the NYT. The propaganda I am worried about is that coming from alt-right “news” sources, not the factual reporting usually found in The Times. This opinion piece is nothing more than fluff, and certainly does not change my view of its otherwise outstanding reporting.

struggling
struggling
5 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

Disabled the comments? WTF is up with that?

Nancy
Nancy
5 years ago

The NYT is trying to normalize sociopathic behavior.

paigeup
paigeup
5 years ago
Reply to  Nancy

Nancy is reading my mind. I’m so tired of the normalizing & promotion of the “option” of an affair. Like our society isn’t already in the hand basket enough speeding toward hell. What’re the chances of my last love not being the cheater?

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
5 years ago
Reply to  Nancy

Whether they are trying to do so or it is just a collateral effect of their apparent need for clicks, having this garbage published by NYT absolutely supports cheaters in viewing their behaviors as modern, chic, edgy, sophisticated … pick your adjective. I am more upset at NYT than Karin because my expectations were higher. Oh well.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
5 years ago
Reply to  Nancy

That runs across the board at NYT.

Kathleen
Kathleen
5 years ago

This Karin Jones is nothing but a hooker on the corner.
How NY Times can publish her article & pay her for it is mind boggling!

One reason I don’t subscribe to the rag.

Rabbit007
Rabbit007
5 years ago
Reply to  Kathleen

I agree on her being a corner hooker, we should rename the New York Times to N.Y.H times. She gets it all the time, never good news, always bad news. ????

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
5 years ago
Reply to  Kathleen

I would like to save this link to send to people who argue in favor of legalizing sex work to illustrate how there’s no need for people to pay for sex, because, hey, Karin. ????

Any person who advocates sex with a person who is known to be lying to a partner is, by default, advocating assault and risking advocacy of manslaughter.

Ugh no...
Ugh no...
5 years ago

Oh Karin. I sucked dick like a unhinged inhabitant of whore island AND had bold, many positioned sexual escapades with my husband right up until he got caught in a weird relationship with another gal. Who apparently had “sexual issues”, so she was fragile and couldn’t perform properly without being “properly loved”.
Turns out she was nuts and frigid and many assorted other things- but that’s not my problem now. We had many “conversations” – it didn’t stop my ex from savoring the delightful joy of deceiving his family and “winning”.
Oy.

persephone50
persephone50
5 years ago
Reply to  Ugh no...

I can’t read that first sentence enough.

NWBiblio
NWBiblio
5 years ago
Reply to  Ugh no...

EXACTLY this! If we were sexually adventurous, then they jumped ship for someone who was fragile. If we were young, they were old. Or vice versa. Or they used Head and Shoulders shampoo instead of our Pantene. — There’s always a fucking excuse “why” this “Other thing” was better. The specifics of the excuse are utterly irrelevant, which is something Karin has failed to pick up on because she only knows what she’s told from exactly the sort of person who would do this sort of thing.

Born Free
Born Free
5 years ago
Reply to  NWBiblio

This ^^^^

Creativerational
Creativerational
5 years ago
Reply to  Ugh no...

Yep. I’m a freak in the bed when given the option. But instead I got a guy who begged off that he was ‘tired’ allllll the time and thought it was more worthwhile to jack it to online garbage or some slut from work.

Now I have no desire. My girly bits are broken and sad. I am the literal definition of no-fucks-togive.

Drew
Drew
5 years ago

Creative, I believe most of us were great in the sack. Where it started going south was the fact that our spouses were lying to us (even when I couldn’t guess what X was up to ie “at the club” or “working late,” my body knew and yeah I didn’t find him too attractive then either), or were jacking off to porn (mine did this when I wanted sex! ‘cause it’s easier to just please yourself rather than “work” at pleasing another but again these people and intimacy never go hand in hand anyway), hooking up on line (oh! the joys of anonymous holes), or just tiptoeing around with an affair partner. I do believe “secret”and “new” is the preferred norm for the disordered because they are wired that way. Cheaters get off on the fact they are sneaking around, deluding people, and feel entitled (“no one is the boss of me!”). No matter how hot, adventurous, etc,etc, etc! we all are, when someone chooses to cheat we are no longer playing a game we can win. Funny thing though, when I married I knew what my vows meant. I was married for twenty years and sex never grew old. Sex never grew more intimate with X (red flag) and I didn’t get enough(another red flag!) and yes, he was selfish…. I was all in, until he wasn’t. Then sex was crap. I know now he was fucking us both, sans protection a la Trump, but I digress…. IMHO, Honesty is a turn on, respect is a turn on, growing old (and more intimate) is a turn on, but these truths never work for the disordered. There is no communication or great sex in a marriage when one partner is being dishonest. X secretly fucking others wasn’t so great for my marriage either.

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
5 years ago
Reply to  Ugh no...

“…an unhinged inhabitant of whore island..” (I’m crying from laughing so hard!) Hahahahahaha!

ivyleaguechump
ivyleaguechump
5 years ago
Reply to  Ugh no...

The problem, as I see it, is that my mouth and other orifices all belonged to just me, and no matter how often they were offered up, it was the same meal, and he wanted a buffet. So he convinced himself (I believe this!) that he was entitled to steak, and was only getting cold sandwiches at home. God only knows what he told the OW and others. And yet, when he hears I have told somebody, he jumps in with, “there are two sides to every story!” and wants the opportunity to tell his. From the guy who spun whatever lies he could to keep his kibble supply intact. Nope. His turn to eat the shit sandwich.

Karin, we had been in MC before. His “open dialogue” included hiding from me and the MC that he was having a primary affair with the OW, and also engaging in hookups on Craiglist and other dating sites. Who knows? Maybe Karin was one of them. Hey, Karin, get checked for HPV!

LL
LL
5 years ago
Reply to  ivyleaguechump

OMG. I read this amazing book by a woman who thought she was in a happy marriage only to have her husband tell her he was not happy. Then he admitted he was having an affair. Then he was going back and forth between her and the other woman. Finally, she told him she couldn’t take it. He moved in with the other woman.

So, I looked the author up, I looked the ex husband up, and I looked up the other woman. Turns out, the ex and the other woman have been married for over 20 years now. And the other woman was the author of a piece in the NY Times that had actually made me scream in frustration.

But the part that blows my mind is that the man in question, the one who moved from one wife to the next, has the gall to say, “there are two sides to every story” whenever anyone mentions what he had done to the previous wife.

I believe that there ARE two sides to every story. But for fuck’s sake how hard is it to end the first relationship before starting the next? And what difference does the other side of the story make in cases like this?

2nd Gen Chump
2nd Gen Chump
5 years ago
Reply to  ivyleaguechump

To tag onto your analogy… I stopped wanting to cook after my husband tried putting his roast into my cold oven one too many times. “What, you need foreplay AGAIN?”

Phillygirl
Phillygirl
5 years ago
Reply to  2nd Gen Chump

I stopped trying to cook after the 10 millionth argument about how YES he had to wear a condom since kids weren’t an option right now. And NO I can’t go on the pill, it makes me fat and moody.

C.J.
C.J.
5 years ago
Reply to  Phillygirl

Interesting that the male pill works except it makes some men depressed. No one seemed to care about the female pill that had “side effects”. Somehow there is something odd about that. Some women reported that they lost sex drive on a bc pill. To my thinking it is like somethings not right.

struggling
struggling
5 years ago
Reply to  Ugh no...

Oh Karin. My ex’s affair partner looked him right in the eye and asked if he was having sex with me, and he looked her right in the eye and lied. You see, he felt he had a duty to protect her feelings while he was fucking both of us while trying to decide if he should torpedo his family. She doesn’t need to decide for herself if she wants to keep fucking a married man who’s still fucking his wife… gosh, that might hurt her! Gee maybe some honest conversations would have stopped her from stealing then marrying a lying cheater. Wait I must have this wrong, because he would never lie to HER, right? ((Karin you dumb fuck you are being lied to as well! You know you’re fucking liars! Why do you think they’re not lying to you?))

TKO
TKO
5 years ago
Reply to  struggling

Yes, and oh Karin, what you may not be aware of, as you pontificate to us from your bent-over-the-podium position, is how many millions of us have not only had countless “honest and intimate conversations”, they have done so at great cost and with the aid of so-called experts, they have done so drawing on their very deepest reserves of commitment having already been blindsided by betrayal and devastated by deceit, they have done so even having endured indescribable degradation of themselves and everything they hold central in life – only to be deceived, betrayed and degraded all over again, often literally as these conversations took place.

A prerequisite for the arrogance of NPD, the kind Karin displays here, is a level of obtuseness that would choke even her capable throat. Narcs are quite literally always anointing their own thoughts as glowingly brilliant because in their obtuseness they receive no cognitive hint that they are utterly out of their depth. They have no ability to grasp any context for themselves beyond themselves. They are always and forever their own complete context, happily skating about on the thin ice of their unsensed ignorance. And so, an online skank, being fucked for free by a bunch of lying pieces of shit, can fancy herself the font of wisdom on anything.

Langele
Langele
5 years ago
Reply to  TKO

Fine piece of writing

ebwrite
ebwrite
5 years ago
Reply to  TKO

Agree, agree, agree. Read the article and felt like I was spitting fire. WHAT A PIECE OF SHIT. The article, the cheating men, and the particular piece of crap who wrote the article and is totally deluded. Does she think she is doing a public service or does she realize that she is just a cum receptacle? Sorry to be so gross but this article was grossly lacking in conscious, ethics, reality….

Yessiree
Yessiree
5 years ago
Reply to  TKO

Nicely done ????????????????

Morse
Morse
5 years ago
Reply to  Yessiree

That’s it! TKO says it all. And Karin you’re a skank.

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
5 years ago
Reply to  TKO

Okay … I believe we have a winning response here!!!

Lucky
Lucky
5 years ago

Hookers are smarter than her. They know how to run a business and turn a profit from stupid lonely men who just aren’t understood and need “companionship”. I have more respect for an escort than a run of the mill two cent slut like this one.

If any one of these flaming assholes put half of their energy back into the marriage instead of spending their free time trolling for pussy their lives might actually be worth living.

Instead of dating sites try coaching your kid’s soccer team?!?! Instead of hooking up with other lost souls from the land of ME, help your wife around the house / I bet she’ll be excited and put out!!!

If this is the best that the NY Times can come up with, it’s a sad day for journalism. I felt like I was reading FB fodder.

Need more coffee…

LL
LL
5 years ago
Reply to  Lucky

The part I find galling is if they are not getting sex at home and this makes them miserable, why the fuck don’t they talk to their wives about it? If something medical happened and the wives don’t or can’t have sex, why not communicate with their wives? That is even assuming what they are saying is true.

I find Dan Savage to be really funny, but I HATE his advice to people in sexless marriages to have sex with other people. He seems to say that is better for the 2 people in it than exiting it. But I can’t help but think that one person’s choices are taken away.

Lady B
Lady B
5 years ago
Reply to  Lucky

Like a use to say to ex ‘forplay starts at breakfast’ reply, blank look.

ImAPhool
ImAPhool
5 years ago
Reply to  Lucky

LoL. Yeah this ones basically an unpaid hooker.
What a dumbass

unicornomore
unicornomore
5 years ago
Reply to  Lucky

“If any one of these flaming assholes put half of their energy back into the marriage instead of spending their free time trolling for pussy their lives might actually be worth living.”

Lucky, old friend…this is the truth that I live and process here at CL/CN.

My nowdeadcheater hated life and hated marriage and was sure his misery was my fault since I was the person he was married to. From what I have been able to reconstruct from the disaster scene which was his short life, your words were the singular key that he never considered.

I took a HUGE toke off of the hopium pipe shortly before he died when he interacted with a couple who had a great deal of love between them…he told me that he admired their relationship and I immediatly had visions that he would learn that devotion and commitment come first and the fruits follow and he would be “that guy” and we would be so happy and bonded… but alas, he lost interest in that whole idea in minutes (or perhaps remembered that his years of cheating were a stumbling block to real intimacy) and forgot the whole idea.

duped
duped
5 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

unicornnomore
I have come to realize that you will never know what was running through his head. My now dead cheater, the plot just thickens more and more everyday. Each day I live I uncover other deceitful things. I blame myself sometimes because this whore was a howorker so naturally he must have thought (there I go again trying to get into his head)she was just a woman of substance and intelligence when it could have just occurred to him that he already had a beautiful wife with class style intelligence and substance. So I will never ever understand it. THen I have to stop and think and ‘console’ myself that he must have been a narcissist and there is no explanation for the behavior no matter how I try to unravel it. And in the end, the big whore thought he was HER man. That’s the humiliating part of it. That bitch thought she was his woman. How disgusting. I cannot even imagine why that no good average looking whore injected herself in my marriage. But I guess I cannot cry over what could have been.

Lucky
Lucky
5 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

Hello Unicornomore XOXO….

So HAPPY that you finally have the life you deserve. It’s been a very long haul for many of us xoxo

Just an update. Bought a little fixer-upper at the beach. Kid’s love it.

Finished school and slowly building up my own business.

Taking things one day at a time ????

unicornomore
unicornomore
5 years ago
Reply to  Lucky

Love love it ! So glad to hear you are doing well. I never thought it would take SO LONG to work all this through. I just returned from 2 weeks in Europe with husband2.0 (improved version).

Lucky
Lucky
5 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

Fantastic!!!!

It helps us all to know that there can be happy endings for all of us.

You deserve your wonderful life with Husband 2.0 ( and the first one is probably stuck in pergatory watching it all…)

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
5 years ago
Reply to  Lucky

I don’t have more respect for an escort. I don’t care whether or what people exchange. Deliberately participating in deception is what it is whether money changes hands or not.

persephone50
persephone50
5 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

Amiisfree, you are spot on! I kinda think that escorting is worse. Granted, there are many, many involuntary and trafficked sex workers out there. My opinion does not apply to them. However, all of the escorts my husband fucked were independent providers who promoted themselves as intelligent, classy, willing participants who were empowered by their choices and who loved the sex they had with their “clients.” They offered themselves up as fantasy made flesh: physical and emotional salvation. My husband actually believed that they were his friends. He reached out to them for support and solace even AFTER we reconciled. They convinced him that they cared, then they took OUR money. I was the one who had to break it to him that they cared because he paid them to care, not because they actually liked him. I think he was genuinely hurt and humiliated to finally realize it. He was (is) and idiot and a narcissistic asshat. But I digress… Those kinds of escorts are not stupid women. They choose to profit from human pain and misery, and in turn, they ensure a steady income stream by helping to generate even more pain and misery in their clients, and their client’s families.

struggling
struggling
5 years ago
Reply to  Lucky

“Instead of dating sites try coaching your kid’s soccer team?!?!” OMG you nailed this

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago
Reply to  struggling

Didn’t someone’s spouse on here already try that and ended up fucking the assistant coach? Nothing stops a cheater.

twiceachump
twiceachump
5 years ago

Raising my hand here for that one CIR. Almost 50 year old Dr. Cheaterpants volunteer coaching DD14 in our kids’ Catholic High School. Decided to run off with 20-something asst sports coach into the twu wuv sunset. No shame, no morals. The previous asst was a lesbian, although he did become her BFF. She used to joke she never thought her best friend would be a 50 year old man. He also befriended a male coach in his early 20’s. I was the designated driver while old man and 2 young adults (prior to this schmoopie) went out drinking all night.
I never could grasp why he always hung out with all these young folks. NARC!!! He needed these people to look up to him and admire him.

The first schmoopie that I knew about was when our kids were 2 & 4 years old. Howorker, twice divorced, history of cheating on both husbands, nicknamed ‘crazy’ by her coworkers. I didn’t know about her, but she did about me. Dr. Cheaterpants and I work in the same hospital, same dept, different divisions. We use all the same support services. Isn’t he a special sparkly dick? As I type this, I was such an idiot to ever take that fucker back!!

Hopium4years
Hopium4years
5 years ago
Reply to  twiceachump

twiceachump, the idiots-who-take-them-back club is big. The 4 years in my name tells you how long between D-Day #1 and #2.

Please be kind to yourself. Many of us did the same stupid thing. We didn’t know better then.

I’m so sorry for what that asshole Dr. Cheaterpants did to you! Hoping the karma bus hits him hard in his nutular area (that’s medical terminology).

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
5 years ago
Reply to  struggling

Eh, we have chumps here who can verify that cheaters will find people to cheat with as they coach the soccer team or the basketball team or the drama club. Cheaters cheat. That’s the real takeaway from Karin Jones and her drivel. None of this cheater drama is really about sex. They lie. They can’t commit. They dirty what they touch.

duped
duped
5 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

Skanks like Karin all think they have the golden twat, they really think it’s something more special than the guys wife. They really think that the load of bullshit he’s feeding her must be real and she must be really really really more special than the wife for him to want to give her his waffle mix (sorry I heard this on a comedy channel) lol… I think I like the other poster comment better “receptacle”. Because Karin someone on a youtube channel said it best 1) if a guy has steak he does not want the asparagus (affair partner) 2) a guy can screw you and not remember your name later….so you really really aren’t that special to him. While you now wonder if you can screw your way into his heart, he, on the other hand could really give two shits he just wants sex and he will go on with his life after he dumps you as if you never existed…..chew on that Karin

no-way
no-way
5 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

Yup, scout leader. 20 years with me and 2 kids, plus his 2 whore’s on the side and setting up a business with one of them using our kids savings…… Then he stole my boots to give to his most gillie slag for Christmas. She knew and still helped him break up his family…. Getting to meh!

Crazy lady
Crazy lady
5 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

Cheaters lie to everyone! I find it funny that Karin would think these lying, cheating husbands would be honest with her. Maybe she isn’t as intelligent as she thinks she is.

MyRedSandals
MyRedSandals
5 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

LovedaJackass:

Yep, you’re right on! One of the 14 AP’s my XH was boinking was our triplet sons’ soccer Team Mom! She gave the boys Rice Krispies treats and Gatorade, and the coaches (XH was a coach) hot pussy on demand.

Leavealyingloser
Leavealyingloser
5 years ago

Is this Karin, the computer wife of Plankton, from Spongebob Squarepants?

PrisonChump
PrisonChump
5 years ago

He he he! Good one!

Current Chump
Current Chump
5 years ago

THIS!
“Is this Karin, the computer wife of Plankton, from Spongebob Squarepants?”

Early morning Coffee Snort!

Thanks for the much needed laugh

struggling
struggling
5 years ago

Awww I wish we could add pictures lol

Valerie
Valerie
5 years ago

Karin is like a prostitute who is giving it out for free. What scum bag wouldn’t contact her? It just boggles the mind that there is such trash like her out there. And not only that, she thinks she has important life lessons to give to all those cold, frigid wives out there. Delusional. She’s just a pathetic joke.

Excellent UBT as usual, Chump Lady.

MidlifeBlast
MidlifeBlast
5 years ago
Reply to  Valerie

Like

Rebecca
Rebecca
5 years ago

My only comment:
????

Nikki Lynn
Nikki Lynn
5 years ago
Reply to  Rebecca

^^^^^ This!

MidlifeBlast
MidlifeBlast
5 years ago

I’m just going to add that I’ve always had a high sex drive and have had lots of conversations about how I could get more sex from my husband, eg creating private time, trying not to rush, spending the night away, taking supplements (for him – seriously) blah blah blah, I’m a problem solver and I like sex, loads of it, and I still got cheated on.

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
5 years ago
Reply to  MidlifeBlast

me also, exasshole withheld sex from me, it was part of the abuse. Excuse me, he had a problem – he said it was physical. Not so much, mental and partly due to all the porn – imagine his surprise when he had the same problem with his OW…asshole.

torontoChump
torontoChump
5 years ago
Reply to  MidlifeBlast

… and I have two dear girlfriends in their early 50s whose husbands are simply no longer interested in sex (I’m pretty sure these are good men ~ not lying asshole cheaters ~ whose libidos have simply dropped through the decades). My girlfriends are, understandably, bereft: have tried conversations, got their husbands to sample various medications, gone to couples’ counselling, etc. but to no avail. And, y’know what? These lovely, sensual, sex-starved women who could easily have picked up some hot guy for a fling Do Not Cheat, because they are individuals of fine character who are dedicated to finding a solution with their partner (and who knows – they might some day divorce, or together agree to an open marriage).

Creativerational
Creativerational
5 years ago
Reply to  MidlifeBlast

Bingo.

The cheater got off on withholding from me and getting some for him. It was part of the mindfuck.

Letitsnow
Letitsnow
5 years ago

Ditto, I lived that. Fucker.

duped
duped
5 years ago

bingo. It’s all about them. They are played out from all the extracurricular activity. I’m sure their whore is a nympho because after all, she is trying to F her way into his mind so that he never wants anything from the wife.

no-way
no-way
5 years ago

Yup. And this. I’m practically begging him and nothing. Coz he’s getting it elsewhere? She can’t be as good as me. He admitted she wasn’t. Still wasn’t enough. He went to the 2nd girl with the Ben Wa balls thinking this was the height of sexual antics. I laughed my head off….

Attie
Attie
5 years ago

Ok so these men are just in sexless marriages and she is just doing them a favour. And of course they only need to talk to their wives and everything would be all right. Not so sure how spending marital assets on the tramp fits in there.

BTW, I think that has to be my all time most favourite cartoon.

Luziana
Luziana
5 years ago

‘Well, some married men MESSAGED me so now I have to go and fuck them. And although they made the effort to actively deceive their families with this here Tinder profile, each and every one of them is being completely forthright about the state of their marital union.

Anyway they messaged me and to have any kind of standards would make me a Mean Lady. So let’s get to sprinkling my Magic Pussy Dust amongst the Deprived. I’m like Mother Earth, but you can stick your dick in me.’

No Shit Cupcakes
No Shit Cupcakes
5 years ago
Reply to  Luziana

So let’s get to sprinkling my Magic Pussy Dust amongst the Deprived. I’m like Mother Earth, but you can stick your dick in me.’

This is the best!

Den67
Den67
5 years ago

Bahahaha!!! Love it!

ImAPhool
ImAPhool
5 years ago
Reply to  Luziana

Hahahaha. You’re an angel sent from the heavens

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
5 years ago
Reply to  Luziana

This!

Tempest
Tempest
5 years ago
Reply to  Luziana

“I’m like Mother Earth, but you can stick your dick in me.”

Priceless, Luz.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
5 years ago
Reply to  Luziana

That’s funny, Luziana.

Whatringofhellisthis
Whatringofhellisthis
5 years ago

This woman is a slut of the uppity version. So we need to check in with our husbands once a year? ok so what to do with the man that’s cheating in your first year of marriage? I was still picking out wedding photos to print and hang on the wall. I was banging him every night. Love notes and dirty messages in his fucking lunchbox. There were no children in my home taking my attention. My whole day revolved around him. There was nothing sexless or boring about me, Karin. Oh! but then if there was nothing wrong with ME! the WIFE, then that would just make you a regular ‘ol whorebitch with no morals. And that’s not possible for you to comprehend because you need to be the savior-whore… not just a run of the mill whore. You know who makes up reasons and blames others for their behavior? Narcissists. So Karen is a special narc whore who is banging all the lying narc husbands and pretending it’s someone else’s fault. I hope her vag rots off.

Born Free
Born Free
5 years ago

Must be difficult to screw so many husbands while she’s hanging on that cross!

brit
brit
5 years ago
Reply to  Born Free

Let’s not be close minded here, just imagine…, **What if,**
All marriages could use a great ice-breaker, you and your partner are getting ready to turn in for the night,
Hey hon.., I know things have been a little dull in the bedroom, so I fucked your best friend’? or the whore next door to save our marriage so we could become more intimate. ” a beginning of a necessary conversation. I only did it to bring us closer..
Marriages would be salvaged across the land..

**What if an affair — or, ideally, simply the urge to have one — can be the beginning of a necessary conversation about sex and intimacy?**

duped
duped
5 years ago

whattheringofhellis this

LOL …great comment. The old whore OW thinks she is just so great. Side note, OW whore has gotten her self some degrees, has gotten on the boards at some schools and churches to make herself look stellar and then she has no problem climbing and blowing a married man. None whatsoever. She is able to appear like the put together entrepreneur complicit with her secrets and colluding with someone else’s husband yet has this phony image. Me thinks this whore would be known as a Narc as well.

NWBiblio
NWBiblio
5 years ago

Also, again (Again? AGAIN!!!!) it is up to US chumps to ONCE AGAIN shore up our marriages!!! How is it NEVER the fucking responsibility of the man-who’s-not-getting-his-needs-met (or whatever) to fucking SPEAK UP and voice his dissatisfaction in the marriage, then work WITH his wife to make things better??? — This particular aspect of the whole deal still makes me incandescent with rage, obvi.

Nope, according to Karin, I was supposed to be following XH around & asking him every five minutes, “How about now? Are you happy now? Hmm? …. And now? Still happy? Still okay? Are we still okay? Do you want to be fucking other women? Should we be talking about that? … How about now?”

Fuck. That. Shit. The next man will have to be a fully formed human being or there will be no “next man.”

Whatringofhellisthis
Whatringofhellisthis
5 years ago
Reply to  NWBiblio

Agree to everything you said!
I’m not the dick whisperer. Never again!
And honestly if he told me he needed a herd of whores to be happy in the marriage I would have divorced him. He knew that. He would never have told me the truth because his image is what allows him to get his victims. And he’s jealous and controlling and didn’t even let me out of his sight. If I knew what he was up to then his thinking is that I would get revenge and cheat. Because he gets revenge.
There was never going to be an honest conversation. When I tried all I got was brutal devaluation.
I’d ask what is wrong? And he would say “can you handle the truth?!” I’d say yes I can in order to make you happy please tell me. He then would tell me I’m a lazy sack of shit that is a non-wife child that is stupid and disgusting. That if I were a better whore then he wouldnt ignore me. If I pulled my thumb out of my ass and acted right maybe I’d have a friend since everyone thinks Im crazy and evil looking. If i tried harder I would have a husband that’s wrapped around my finger.
Then he would say now look what you did! You made me tell you the truth because you can’t just keep your God damn mouth shut. Always trying to figure shit out. Maybe you didn’t comprehend the 19 fucking times I already told you.
So yeah. Good talk.
Karin is really a genius. Kick those tires!

Langele
Langele
5 years ago

Im not allowed to post what I think should be done to him.

Fern
Fern
5 years ago

Oh Whatring I’m so sorry to hear this. I can feel the rage rising in me on your behalf. No one should be subjected to that kind of shit.

Fuck Him.

Whatringofhellisthis
Whatringofhellisthis
5 years ago
Reply to  Fern

Thank you Fern ???????????? I wish I could wash my brain. I don’t want to remember anymore.
And yes Fuck him.

Oddot
Oddot
5 years ago

BOOM. Drop the mike!

Chumpawumpa
Chumpawumpa
5 years ago

PREACH. As another commenter said, cheating for Cluster B personalities isn’t about sex or love – it’s about power and the thrilling (and sick) dopamine high that comes from “duping delight.”

RockStarWife
RockStarWife
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumpawumpa

Also, I think it’s about the entitled feeling as though ‘Everybody loves and adores them.’

Kettle
Kettle
5 years ago

HMMMMM i wonder why she got divorced

Zell
Zell
5 years ago
Reply to  Kettle

Bingo

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
5 years ago
Reply to  Kettle

Good question, Kettle.

Jamie
Jamie
5 years ago

???????????? This!^^^

susan devlin
susan devlin
5 years ago

I think she’s in denial, she’s actually being used or the om/her are using each other. The cheater/cheated on, have differing opinions, on the actual events, the om/ow doesn’t actually know what’s happening in the relationship. She actually thinks she’s helping people, how misguided is that. My ex had a sti, if he passed it on to me, its like saying he’s doing me a favour!

NWBiblio
NWBiblio
5 years ago
Reply to  susan devlin

That’s the arrogance, right? If she wants to live her life the way she wants to, that’s her business. But for her to trot out her soapbox in an effort to be “helpful” to us chumps, well, that’s precisely the sort of attitude that makes me want to drag her into a dark alley where there are bunch of other angry chumps waiting for her.

nomar
nomar
5 years ago

So, the cheater is telling me, “The answer is honesty?”

Alex, I guess the question is, “Name a concept Karin-with-an-I doesn’t understand.”

Like having Jeffrey Dahmer tell me, “The answer is Vegetariansm.”

#nojustno

Yessiree
Yessiree
5 years ago
Reply to  nomar

????????????????

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
5 years ago
Reply to  nomar

????

JC
JC
5 years ago

What if…affairs SAVED marriages?!? Then I, as the OW, have saved scores of them!!

Our modern society has gone overboard to embrace “The Counterintuitive.” From Freakomnimics forward, everyone wants to claim that what you thought was true actually wasn’t, and that up is down and black is white.

But it just ain’t so. Some truths are just that–truth. Yes, a fleeting few affairs may save marriages, but that doesn’t make affairs acceptable, and it doesn’t change the fact that so many affairs cause irreparable destruction.

If I bet my life savings on video poker, I COULD win big. But it’s much more likely that I go broke, especially given that the machine is programmed in the house’s favor. That’s an affair.

Chumpawumpa
Chumpawumpa
5 years ago
Reply to  JC

????????????

Leavealyingloser
Leavealyingloser
5 years ago

Everyone don’t be so judgy with Kariin. That lady is a real American hero. Taking one for the team! Thank you to all the Karins of the world. Now i know what my poor husband really needed was “intimacy.” Dang it, i never knew…i thought that was included as a package deal when we had sex. All. The. Time.

Whatringofhellisthis
Whatringofhellisthis
5 years ago

Yeah Karin is helping us. Why is everyone yelling at Karin? Our lonely sad husbands are shopping for holes and she’s a charitable hole distributer.
Free holes! Come one, come all! If we were better at life-ing she wouldn’t need to drag net everyone on Tinder. We did it to ourselves and if we were under the impression that it wasn’t our fault she’s here to tell us the truth of the matter. Husbands are on Tinder because they have unmet needs. Helpful Karin.

Chumpawumpa
Chumpawumpa
5 years ago

“Charitable Hole Distributor” !!! Ahhh that (a CHD) needs to be added to our lexicon here.

Sandra Brown
Sandra Brown
5 years ago

Didn’t Karin say she was getting over a painful divorce?!? Wonder if she’s getting revenge for her shitty marriage? She probably caught her husband fucking around so it’s her mission to ruin as many marriages as possible since hers went to shit and it wasn’t her fault. What a sicko!

Creativerational
Creativerational
5 years ago
Reply to  Sandra Brown

I read her neediness not as angry but more almost daddy issues. She wants to be seen as a charitable cherub, just doling love out on these incredibly burdened hapless men who bear the WEIGHT OF THE WORLD – and sexless to boot? Gawsh. We are all so lucky her legs were open because without this sweet humane innocent flower available to those titans of industry, the world as we know it would have probably stopped turning. Oh lands! She actually probably is solely responsible for saving the BEES! Her nectar is so sweet. Who knew.

Regardless of how her marriage ended, she seems to need someone to want to treasure her or validate her. She needs to be the darling princess the sparkle in the eye, and it’s all very condescending and infantilizing. Maybe her husband wanted to be partners instead of doting on her like some mindless collection of holes. It makes me wonder if she met them all with ringlet curls, babydoll dresses and large swirly lollipops in hand.

Frankly it’s a wonder she can type with such an innocence and juvenile likeness, I’m sure her keyboard is covered in jam and without all these people to fawn over her, she’s probably due for a bath. Dirty, cheap, and a shame to the female gender.

honeyandthehomewrecker
honeyandthehomewrecker
5 years ago

I think we need to be best friends. Damn if that wasn’t spot on.

Drew
Drew
5 years ago

Lol????

Trying for Mighty
Trying for Mighty
5 years ago
Reply to  Sandra Brown

Her ex probably caught her fucking around and divorced her! It fits her personality profile better.

JC
JC
5 years ago

I agree with this.

How many chumps do you know who responded to infidelity by doing the same? Those are few and far between. I don’t think she’s a chump.

nodancing
nodancing
5 years ago
Reply to  JC

The OW i know about was supposedly cheated on and that’s why she divorced. Idk what is true though.

honeyandthehomewrecker
honeyandthehomewrecker
5 years ago
Reply to  JC

I have an exception to that, sadly. My husband left me and our 2 babies in diapers for a stripper who had 2 children already from 2 different fathers. Ask me how it feels to share history and children with that man and that sordid story.

Last year, Honey ‘reached out’ to ask me to agree to reduce child support. He hadn’t paid a dime or explained why not or even asked how his kids were surviving for a year and a half at that point. So I said no. HomeWrecker was CC’d on the email and chimed in with ‘I don’t want to be an enemy but I forever will be in your eyes , and I don’t blame you one bit / I have been there with my kids dad’.

Sooo…let me get this straight. You were cheated on and left with a baby, and turned around and helped to bestow that gift on another woman?! And if I’m reading this right, did you just play the victim card, because you are the enemy in my eyes and ‘you don’t want that’?
Let’s be clear: you don’t give a F*** what I think or feel. I was an obstacle to you, nothing more.

In another message, she said ‘I knew all about you and your kids.I have plenty of videos from your house too.’

You don’t say.

Is one of them of my kitchen so you can get a feel for where I keep my large pots? Because nothing says ‘you’ll soon be enjoying some of my delicious rabbit stew’ like the words you just wrote here.

It’s even more enjoyable and creepy when I imagine you whispering it…

Tempest
Tempest
5 years ago
Reply to  JC

After D-day, my cheater tried to talk me into cheating, and referred me to Craigslist to try, because he thought we could then be “even” and I wouldn’t be upset about his cheating. I filed rather than take him up on that, um, generous offer.

What I discovered in the year after the divorce, when people would divulge lots more to me about his behavior, is that I would have had to have screwed the entire Dallas Cowboys team for us to be “even.”

LongTimeChump
LongTimeChump
5 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Ha! I got the same generosity from mine to go fuck around on him to “get even.” He genuinely could not understand why I declined his offer because, you know, ” all middle aged women want to fuck young boys”. I was disgusted but then I learned his married middle-aged main AP was fucking young boys on the side in addition to my cheater and her own chump husband. So if his AP did it then it’s what all women want, including wives.

When I asked my cheater what his AP’s chump husband thought of his whore wife, my cheater told me he thought the husband was gay. Otherwise how could he continue being with her.

Aah, I was trying to untangle this skein but higher mathematics would be easier.

Creativerational
Creativerational
5 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

The spouse suggested the same ‘would you want to do the same so you feel like things are fair?’

1)oh gosh thanks now I have your … permission?
2) no. Giving away my body for a cheap thrill in order to inflict pain isn’t my idea of a good time
3) you know about it so how is it the same?
4)fuck off and die.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago
Reply to  JC

Schmoopie’s ex also cheated on her. She then felt justified in fucking my husband and encouraging him to tear our family apart knowing full well how much pain that was going to cause me. She didn’t care who got hurt as long as she got what she wanted. Winning over someone else’s husband made her feel better about being cheated on herself.

I think this actually happens a lot.

UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
5 years ago

In my case, exh2 Owife was a chump too. Her first husband/kids’ dad left her/them the day after kid#2 was born. He left them for a Hooter’s girl he had met… No offense meant towards any Hooter’s girls here on CL/CN.
Her exh lives in Cali. with Hooter’s-wife and their two kids, so I’ve been told.
So, after dating a few weeks, and after her mom goes skulking on my Facebook that we have a mutual friend, who blows up then husband’s lies up, she not only dates him still but married him within months.
She was a mid-twenties single mom of two kids living with her parents. He was mid-thirties looking for new prey
She thought she had found her Knight in shining armor, I’m sure. Nnnnnnot.

torontoChump
torontoChump
5 years ago

Yup. I personally know two examples of this. Chump (understandably) feels lousy about herself after husband cheats so she “bolsters her self -esteem” (*gag* Eye roll*) by having another married man fuck her and tell her she is sexier/ more understanding/ cooler than his own wife.

JC
JC
5 years ago

Hmm.

IMO, it should cancel out: once you become a cheater, you turn in your chump card.

Vastra
Vastra
5 years ago
Reply to  Sandra Brown

That’s the impression I got – she was angry and hurt after divorce, and if she couldn’t have a happy marriage she could at least get some sadistic pleasure from having sex with married men, then gloating about it under the sanctimonious guise of giving helpful tips to the dumb wives.

Triumphafterterror
Triumphafterterror
5 years ago

So much for thinking that the NYT is a reputable magazine. Turning trash into news is pathetic, and this woman is the epitome of bottom-feeder-gone-psychotic, so let’s give her a platform!!!! What in the absolute fuck.
Thankfylly CL you nailed it once again!!!! Thank you for your insight & candor in addressing this monumental stupidity.

Got-a-brain
Got-a-brain
5 years ago

How self important that Karen’s trysts and lessons are publication worthy; because you know, those ground breaking revelations (honesty/ communication) aren’t anything faithful people don’t already know. Maybe I missed the part where the revelation of lessons, worthy enough to make her self important, also made her someone who follows her own advise? Is she a better person now? She hold the secret to good relationships, she must be right? Did I miss that part? Surely I must have!

I must have missed it, because i thought I read about someone who is void of the desire for commitment, divvying out advise about how to be committed. Surely no one would be self important enough to think their hypocrisy is important information for us every day monogamous idiots!

WisedUp
WisedUp
5 years ago
Reply to  Got-a-brain

Interesting point… yeah, similar to my cheater in one of our post DDay discussions, started telling me something like: “Yeah, WisedUp in your NEXT relationship,” and I shut him down instantly. Stop right there, I said. I won’d be taking any relationship advice from YOU!”

So Karin, an OW slut, whose own marriage ended, should simply STFU.

Got-a-brain
Got-a-brain
5 years ago
Reply to  Got-a-brain

Oops… wasn’t finished

I’ve ridden in a few dozen different cars, shall I tell you how to repair them? I’m an expert now you know.

I’ve vacationed in several different kinds of properties. That makes me qualified to manage them right? Need a property manager?

God, and to think that my worry about divorce and being a stay at home mom for 18 years had me all worried about getting a job. I’ll just tell prospective employers that Karen says my years nursing, chauffeuring, teaching homework, house cleaning, cooking, etc. makes me qualified to be a nurse, driver, teacher, chef.

I guess I could always run out and sleep with married men for more qualified work experience, but alas, that job market seems to be over saturated!

#IDIOT!

duped
duped
5 years ago
Reply to  Got-a-brain

there’s a whore that fucked my husband that is now “up for grabs” since my husband died. She will need to be screwed real soon because she must be dying for a lay now. She’s 52, she’s still a whore. She has two kids. No man in sight. Nobody seems to want her. Apparently she had the company of my husband all these years, did not bother to look for a single guy. Maybe her and Karin can join forces for their slut cluster fuck fest with married men

moominmamma
moominmamma
5 years ago
Reply to  Got-a-brain

Exactly!-“I’ve never met any of you, but despite that I can tell from here that you’re all frigid”. The arrogance of it is amazing.
My ex would never come to bed at the same time as me, ever. I would hover by his elbow while he played games on his computer, trying to convince him just to come to bed for a bit, you can play again later….begging him to show some physical affection while I was awake and up for it. But no, it was too important to save the world from alien attack. I got a hug and promise of ” later” which never came.

Nobody2U
Nobody2U
5 years ago

My POS coached soccer football softball and scouts and still managed to find time to bump uglies (and I mean uglies) with anything he could get drunk enough to fall down under him… just pure garbage from a rag paper I wouldn’t wipe my backside with..

Nejla
Nejla
5 years ago

Karin Jones wants a book deal ala Esther ???? Perel.
It’s all about the money. If they disabled the comments they already know that it will get a lot of play=more money in sales. It’s the equivalent of the way most tv stations put out crap and call it “news” then have the audacity to tell the public that WE want to hear it. This stuff (even in the Sunday issue) is why I do not read or watch mainstream “news”. It makes me feel like I’m being “herded” a little too much for my taste.

WisedUp
WisedUp
5 years ago
Reply to  Nejla

Yeah she and Esther, and Elizabeth Gilbert, whores all of them.

lovedandlost
lovedandlost
5 years ago

So what is at the root of the issue of cheating? Oh ya, THE CHEATING!

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
5 years ago
Reply to  lovedandlost

Ding ding ding!

Blindside
Blindside
5 years ago

So much self-contradiction – particularly the conclusion.

“They seemed to have convinced themselves. But deception and lying are ultimately corrosive, not kind.”

Karin’s next research project should be into something known as “projection”

NotANiceChump
NotANiceChump
5 years ago
Reply to  Blindside

LOL

JC
JC
5 years ago
Reply to  Blindside

Ha!!!!

Chumperchipcookie
Chumperchipcookie
5 years ago

Where does the NYT find such sucky writers? This is the worst. Cheaters are epic liars though she seems to want to help tell their sad story. My ex told women all kinds of things to make them feel bad for them. Sexless marriage (lie), I was controlling (lie), even I was a bad mom. ????

Beans
Beans
5 years ago

Controlling: The 21st century equivalent of calling a woman a bitch or a cunt.

AKA any wife/SO asking a male cheater to do ANYTHING. Get a job? Controlling. Pick up the kids? Controlling. Ask to see his phone because you accidentally caught him sexting a coworker before? Controlling. Not go out every night to whore around? “You’re so controlling.”

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
5 years ago
Reply to  Beans

The new c words-crazy or controlling

hollowbunny
hollowbunny
5 years ago

Why are you still bitter? Why do you act like the victim? I love when I’m asked these things, always by folks who walk all over people.

Interestingly, playing the victim “waah my wife doesn’t understand me. No sex. Not appreciated. Waaah” Sounds victim-y to me.

Calling one a bitter victim just hands the hot potato of responsibility from the cheater to the betrayed. From the bully to the bullied.

Dolly
Dolly
5 years ago
Reply to  Beans

This. I cannot count the number of times I was angrily accused of being controlling when I simply asked him to change a nappy, get the baby’s coat for me, put a liner in the bin… And if I begged him not to go out and get drunk and turn off his phone and stay God knows where overnight when my baby was ill or not sleeping I was apparently the devil incarnate.

WisedUp
WisedUp
5 years ago
Reply to  Dolly

and you shouldn’t have even had to fucking ASK.

Chumperchipcookie
Chumperchipcookie
5 years ago

*bad for “him”

Betrayed and Confussed
Betrayed and Confussed
5 years ago

This sociopath forgets her true motivation. Her marriage ended so now she doesn’t see the need to honor anyone else’s. Right, she didn’t get to live happily ever after so should anyone else. Maybe her husband fucked around and that was wrong but multiple wrongs don’t make it right. It’s not like she’s banging 25-35 year olds. She smashing with other 50 somethings, tarnishing other long term relationships. Hey Karin, think you’re the first? Think you’re special? No your the 59 year old divorcee who’s willing to accept all inputs but still keep her mouth shut. Nice work, very impressive. Do you tell your kids?

duped
duped
5 years ago

betrayed and confused
like I mentioned earlier theres a big HO that is 52 that needs to be laid right now. Send all these married men over to her. She will need to get a lay now because my husband died and she did not bother to find a single man, She saw my husband and wanted to F him but now he’s dead and her wonky pussy must need something. she was a leftover that had two kids and no man. But wow, what a good catch she is. Baby talk baby talk, sheer blouses and cow udders….

Ugh no...
Ugh no...
5 years ago

Some people just want to watch the world burn.
I will say this, I detest most of these modern love vomit fests- but this one is poorly written on top of everything else. The New York Times used to at least demand you could write worth a damn.

Stillfedup
Stillfedup
5 years ago

Trite garbage. “All the news that fits- we print” That is the New York Times today. Giving the immoral a voice and trying to “normalize” affairs and, as usual blaming the wife and a sexless marriage.

Betrayed and Confussed
Betrayed and Confussed
5 years ago

Sorry, this has just set me off. When x wife tried to give me some crap about how everyone cheats, except me, I asked if she wanted her daughter to cheat or how she thought is her son’s wife cheats on him (my kids are still very young) that shut her right the fuck up. When she said I had to own my responsibility I would ask So, what did your mom do to force your dad to fuck other woman. Again that shits the blame shifting shit right down. My X and this dumb slut are kidding themselves. I fucked a lot of woman in college. And it taught
Me one thing, if you are using them they are using you and in the end you feel devalued. That’s why I stopped and settled down. Like Chris Rick said new pussy doesn’t care about you. I wonder how many cocks X will have to ride before she figures that out. Cue the old tootsie roll pop commerial. Mr. Owl I think you’re going be here for a while

Creativerational
Creativerational
5 years ago

That’s a great way to turn it on her. The children. Then she can’t say she wants that for them. I’m sorry.

Leavealyingloser
Leavealyingloser
5 years ago

I think the first line of Karin’s gift to humanity says it all. Karin, you much like all cheaters, have more than justified your actions. You have done all of us on planet earth a great service. Your bravery is truly deserving of an article in the New York Times

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago

The comment section was disabled? I guess they were afraid that poor dear Karin might get her feelings hurt when hearing from “the other side”.

It really angers me that it is a common assumption that affairs happen because the marriage is sexless. What I have discovered from CN is that this simply isn’t true. Most of us were or at least tried to be intimate with our husbands (and wives, but I am guessing in those cases there wasn’t much intimacy because the cheating wives were in fact frigid). I admit to thinking that this was true myself. I naively thought for years that my ex wouldn’t cheat because I made a point of continuing physical intimacy in our marriage. That was one of the reasons why I was so dumbfounded when I found out about Schmoopie. “but I didn’t withhold sex, how could this have happened?” I have no doubt that ex told his schmoopies that our marriage lacked physical intimacy. Apparently having sex isn’t enough. It has to be the right kind of sex (oral, anal, painful, threesomes?) at the right time (usually at 3am after waking up from a deep sleep in my case). I did notice that he had been underperforming in recent years, but I loved him and didn’t go out seeking alternatives to compensate. Now I know he was underperforming because he was getting his rocks off elsewhere. In any case, if there is lack of intimacy in a marriage with a cheater, that is virtually always the cheaters fault, not the faithful spouse who is probably confused and hurt and trying to figure out why the intimacy is either no longer happening or doesn’t seem to have the meaning it once did.

And then there is the whole communication thing. Most faithful spouses are trying to communicate with the wayward ones but the cheaters only respond with abuse and criticism. Ms. Karin is a clueless, classless, emotionally immature slut who needs to go crawl back under her rock instead of spreading false narratives and throwing salt on the wounds of all of us who weren’t sexless and did try to communicate only to be cheated on anyway by spouses fucking losers like her. If there were not so many pathetic excuses for women out there willing to fuck other people’s husbands, then maybe they would pay a little more attention to their wives (and kids) and maybe their marriages would still stand a chance. People like Ms. Karin ensure that those marriages will either be destroyed or remain dysfunctional.

Disgusted
Disgusted
5 years ago

WORD. I also kept intimacy at the top of my marriage priority list, but it wasn’t enough. I also needed to go to the gym for 2 hrs a day to “keep it tight,” and keep my house SPOTLESS, and make more money to contribute to the household finances, and keep the kids involved in their select sports teams, and suck dick, and … and… and … NONE of it was enough. He still cheated. So fuck this woman. And fuck cheaters. They only care about their mutha’ fuckin’ selves.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
5 years ago

I have come to a place where I view any expression of a desire to want to do a specific thing sexually accompanied by a view that it’s important whether the sex partner wants to do that thing or not as a red flag. It’s objectifying and harmful.

Why would a person want to hurt me? Why would I volunteer to be hurt?

I have promised myself that I will never allow anyone to touch me in a way I don’t want to be touched or enjoy being touch ever again. I don’t need any relationship in my life where a person would enjoy harming me.

Trying for Mighty
Trying for Mighty
5 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

God, I wish I’d had what you wrote tattooed on my forearm when my stbx decided at age 58 and 32 years of marriage that he “wanted to be a woman and told me that in order to “be” a woman he wanted to “act like a woman in bed” and therefore had to be penetrated–because doncha know, ‘a being who is penetrated’ is the definition of woman!–and stop using his penis on me. I spent nine whole months accommodating his ever more bizarre desires, and any time I expressed any kind of regret or doubt I was told I was out of line asking him “to be more male.”

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
5 years ago

Totally. Some people’s assumption of centrality is amazing.

I feel I can confidently say that if I ever face an identity change of that magnitude, I will not expect my partner to change for me, I will never ask him to do anything he doesn’t want to do with his life or body, and I will honor his choice if he needs to change his participation in the relationship because his needs aren’t being met.

How do I know this? Because it’s the same behavior I give him now with this identity.

Maturity, respect, caring… All things cheaters lack.

Leavealyingloser
Leavealyingloser
5 years ago

And I’m looking forward to the next brave article entitled “Why i had to ditch my wife and kids to be me and what it can teach the world about parasites”

ivyleaguechump
ivyleaguechump
5 years ago

HAHAHA!

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
5 years ago

It’s not called the New York Slimes for nothing.

Tempest
Tempest
5 years ago

A missing condom several months after our wedding is the only evidence I have that Hannibal Lecher (HL) might have started cheating early (and I know I am not alone among CN in that respect). I guess here is how an honest conversation might have gone:

HL: Tempest, our wedding was really fun, and I know we are in honeymoon phase right now, but I really want to fuck strange. Academic conferences provide a wealth of opportunities; you wouldn’t want to deprive me, would you?

Tempest: Hannibal, we just got married and you know I expect fidelity!

HL: Well, I crossed my fingers during that part of the marriage vows, so it doesn’t count.

Tempest: How do you have the energy? We already have an active sex life! And I wear lingerie!

HL: Yes, but you’re pregnant now and the baby bump turns me off. At conferences, there are lithe, young graduate students eager to sleep with an esteemed professor.

Tempest: No!!! This is not what I signed up for.

HL: If it’s good enough for Henry VIII, it’s good enough for me. I should not be sexually harnessed! Oh, wait, that kind of sounds appealing…..do we have leather straps?

Tempest: You could give me a disease that hurts our unborn child, or that prevents me from having more children (author footnote: which he did, years later–HPV, which my doctor convinced me could have simply been dormant for years).

HL: You’re not the boss of me. It’s very bourgeois of you to think we can go decades of marriage without sexual novelty.

T: But it’s only been months!

HL: See, this is why I don’t talk to you about my sexual need to boink strangers and prey on graduate students. You’re so unreasonable.

UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
5 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I totally relate to this.
Three years now and my personal health, mental, all that has improved greatly.
Sex is great, but no longer a “missing piece” to me. I miss intimacy, but I have a dog that is a constant comfort to me.

LongTimeChump
LongTimeChump
5 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Only that we had a similar conversation in the midst of reconciliation when cheater told me I can’t really expect that he would be faithful after 12 years of continued affairs but I can trust that he would always have my back and be committed to me and son for at least good half of the year. He needs his own time also and he would understand if I also would want my share of personal time. Provided that I don’t bring fucks home.

NWBiblio
NWBiblio
5 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Yep. Just how DOES Karin think these conversations would go? I would love to read her script.

Mine would be a lot simpler:

XH: NWB, we need to talk seriously about our marriage. I’m unhappy, I don’t know why, but I found this other chicky-poo who really yanks my crank, if you know what I mean. Furthermore, she’s in a servile position, not all professional like you … doctor type person… so I get to be the big He-Man and she thinks I’m dreamy.

Me: Wait a minute. You know this is all new, right? and that after sixteen years, she’s going to be old hat to you, as well. Your lack of responsibility for anything ever is going to wear on her, as well, over time.

XH: … Hmm? … I’m sorry, were you saying something? I was off floating in the empty space of where my brain should be, so flooded as it currently is in a wash of hormones….
Oh, by the way, …wait, I have it written down here somewhere… Oh, yep, here it is: “I-Love-You-But-I’m-Not-In-Love-With-You.” So you shouldn’t feel bad. Because, see, I said “I Love you” still, there in the middle, see? [points to it on the paper]

Me: So there’s nothing you’re willing to do to try to save our marriage, you’ve already decided what you want and you’re just going to choose that. What I want, or the promises you made to me, our plans for a future life together, … none of that comes into play. It’s all just you you you you you?

XH: Pretty much.

———
See, Karin? That pretty much WAS the conversation XH had with me, so step down off your soapbox and learn a bit from those of us who actually lived it.

OneDaySomeDay
OneDaySomeDay
5 years ago
Reply to  NWBiblio

Haha thanks for that. Endured the similar story, roles reversed (as in she, XW). She craved something I couldn’t give her she said, the thrill of conquest. That a random stranger (on the fucking internet, wtf) would like to meet up with her for sex… Or someone hitting on her in the bar. She didn’t want to have an emotional relationship with them, just fucking some strange…

Yeah… Shallow, superficial. Now that I’m out, I just have nothing left for her. She’s not even attractive looking to me anymore, because the love I had for her is gone. She repulses me, just like this Karin… Barf.

ImAPhool
ImAPhool
5 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Darn. You really missed out on that honest conversation. If you could just turn back time ????

Chumptastic
Chumptastic
5 years ago

Karin, you ignorant slut!
These men were on Tinder!! They were not poor little celibate angels whose wives were holding out. They were actively looking for affair partners (fuck-buddies) and you provided the perfect orifice to put their “unused” penises. They were on freaking Tinder!!!!! Just think about all of the steps it took to create a profile and look online for the sluts, and they found you. OMG

UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumptastic

LOL, I just thought of old, old SNL skits, “Jane you ignorant slut”
Brilliant!!

lovedandlost
lovedandlost
5 years ago

Yes I loved Jane Curtain in SNL in the eighties. I was in Univ. and thought “that’ll never be me”. Well it is now. What I have learned from other women sleeping with my husband is that it can happen to ANYBODY! If you are still with your cheater- whatever variety- just go. You are in good company, you’ll be fine. Just go.

Long Way Home
Long Way Home
5 years ago

If there is a better writer out there than CL- I’ll eat some hay and my hat.

She kills it every time. Do you know how hard that is?

I am sending her article as a rebuttal to the Times. Let’s see if they have the stones to contact her, PAY her and run it.

wcchump
wcchump
5 years ago
Reply to  Long Way Home

When I first read it it irritated my on many levels but that God for CL. Thanks CL again for taking the time for another excellent translation so I can spend my time on the important task of rebuilding my life.

Mandie101
Mandie101
5 years ago

Look. I could not read her shit. I’ll try it this afternoon. Honest discussion my ass.

Mandie101
Mandie101
5 years ago
Reply to  Mandie101

Right. The devil is a liar and so is karin.

Letitsnow
Letitsnow
5 years ago

Yup Karin you got used, how does it feel?
You got taken by the oldest trick in the liars handbook
My ex blew two marriages apart with cheating, but it’s still everyone else’s fault
These men find you because you are the lowest of low, and they know they can pull on over on you
You are not “special”
Whatever.

Zell
Zell
5 years ago

The cheating spouse is a conartist- scamming everyone usually- the spouse, the AP, everyone. The have no boundaries- they lie like you can’t imagine possible.

and newsflash to APs- the person is actually having sex with the spouse also- that’s part of their weirdo ego boosting power trip.

RockStarWife
RockStarWife
5 years ago
Reply to  Zell

Zell,
Thank you for reminding me why I can’t go back–I will never know whether my exes are telling the truth.

Tessie
Tessie
5 years ago

And, don’t you just love how irresistible she thinks she is. “I pick married men because having mortgages and wives and all that crap will keep them from getting too attached. Of course, everyone knows I am so fabulous that they will fall hopelessly in love with me anyway.”

My guess is that being an older woman in this society, she has found that she is having trouble attracting the guys she thinks she should have. For her, free pussy is the leveler. The devaluation of the older woman, well she can just get around that by putting out. Easy peasy. Just ignore the fallout like STIs, broken hearted spouses and children, and crapping all over some other woman she has never even met. Only Karen matters in this scenario.

Narcissistic much?

Newlady15
Newlady15
5 years ago

Hey my cheater claimed there wasn’t enough sex but it was just gaslighting as we were VERY active sexually, especially after the first DDay when I was told I wasn’t allowed to turn down sex EVER and I didn’t because—pick me dance much? He still left 4 years later for a new schmoopie..

NotANiceChump