‘Cheating On My Wife Made Me a Better Husband’

Universal Bullshit Translator

Submitted to the Universal Bullshit Translator is this winsome bit of Ashley Madison propaganda from YourTango.com: “I’ve Been Cheating On My Wife for 10 Years and It’s Made Me a Better Husband!

Other YourTango.com columns include:

  • Pouring sugar in my gas tank improved my engine performance
  • Stepping in dog shit freshened my new Spring wardrobe; and
  • Bludgeoning migrant workers made me a better Christian

It makes me wonder if the Reconciliation Industrial Complex is in cahoots with cheater dating sites.

All the astounding ways cheating improves your life! Infidelity saves marriages! It whitens! It brightens! And it made this “cheating on my wife” nitwit, who didn’t leave his real name, because he’s a figment of the Ashley Madison marketing department, a better husband.

Go fuck a rando today! For the children!

Without further ado, a certain machine needs to earn its Lebkuchen.

As a serial cheater, I live a double life.

Let me mansplain serial cheating to you.

By day, I’m a loving husband and father. By night, I’m out there with different women, having the experience of a lifetime.

Like Batman. Only with Chlamydia.

In fact, I’ve been having affairs for so long now that it’s become second nature, almost normal, to me.

I’m a sociopath without empathy synapses.

Sometimes, the women I’ve dated and slept with are so stunning, so far out of my league, that I want to scream about it from the rooftops. I want to show their pictures to all my friends and exercise bragging rights.

It’s amazing what AI and Russian hooker chatbots can do these days.

cheating on my wife made me a better husband

But the trouble with cheating is that you can’t tell anyone, not a soul. Loose lips sink ships. It’s all about discretion. 

It’s all about deception.

Cheating on my wife made me a better husband — I just can’t tell my wife that.

This is why, in part, I decided to start a blog about it, anonymously journaling my adventures. It was an outlet for me and getting it out there felt like this incredible rush.

I also began writing about my journey because I wanted to help men like me protect their families from their cheating. I wanted to be able to guide these men in covering their tracks, playing it cool, and ultimately not getting caught.

I tell people how to cheat, to protect families. I’m like a doberman pincher. Or the Affordable Care Act. Such is my benevolence.

‘Cheating destroys lives.’

I acknowledge this, but my view is that what people don’t know won’t hurt them. And while there are many men out there like me who cheat regularly, it doesn’t mean for a second we don’t love our wives and kids. For many, it is a form of escapism; nothing more, nothing less.

My preferred form of escapism destroys lives. But destroying the lives of my wife and children doesn’t mean I don’t love them.

So, where do I start? Well, I’m a 40-year-old man, I’ve been married for just over 10 years, and I have three gorgeous children. Yet, I’ve been cheating on my wife since day one.

For the self-improvement, of course. And to protect families.

For me, it’s been less about the sex with other women and more about the chase, the sense of accomplishment and, above all, the attention. There’s something about attention from other women that is so addictive to me.

I feel no guilt for cheating, and I refuse to apologize for it.

A wandering dick never says sorry.

In the early days, I used to prefer flings and one-night stands. I would pretend I was single, and it would keep things simple. However, as the years have gone on, and the mistresses have come and gone, I’ve realized that the best approach with long-term relationships is to always be honest and tell them I’m a family man.

Yes, there are multiple women out there who are happy to be my long-term sidepiece! Because I’m honest with them. Trust Ashley Madison with your credit card today and live the dream.

I’m sure we could discuss all the reasons and insecurities that must surround me to be this guy, but for now, let’s focus on what I do: I cheat. A lot. And I’m really, really good at it. 

I’m a fascinating dark triad personality disorder. Discuss!

If I’m honest, I hate the word “cheating,” as there’s something quite sordid about it. But I don’t feel that what I’m doing is sordid.

It’s not sordid, I just can’t discuss it. Because you’re all too judgmental.

You see, I believe that cheating makes me a better version of myself…

…and I justify it to myself as a form of escapism mixed with therapy. I truly believe that it makes me a better husband and father — however, I still know cheating is wrong and I’m not here to glamourize what I do, or to encourage it.

I am here to glamorize and encourage it. Did I mention my blog to HELP OTHER MEN CHEAT? If you welcome that kind of cognitive dissonance, you too could be a cheater!

In all honesty, I’m sure a part of me is broken because I feel no guilt for cheating. It’s become such a big part of my life; the juggling act and living on a knife edge is simply thrilling to me.

Watch me juggle my children’s intact home life! Now throw a flaming knife at me!

Since a young age, I’ve been fascinated by it. I was a teenager when I watched “Goodfellas” for the first time. And while there are a million epic lines that stand out from that film, one in particular stuck in my head: “Saturday night was for wives, but Friday night at the Copa was always for the girlfriends.”

I always remember hearing that and being amazed that, in that movie, in that era, in that sub-culture of American Italians, it was just assumed that men had a girlfriend, a goomah. I wanted to be cool like them, too. But without all the crime stuff.

I admire criminals. Sign up for my services today!

I was the guy at school who was awkward, overweight, unlucky with women, and terrible at communicating. I didn’t even have my first kiss until I was 17.

I’m a schlub just like you.

But since then, I’ve done it all. I’ve had the most amazing one-night stands, exciting flings, and wonderful girlfriends. I’ve done everything from sex on a beach to joining the mile-high club — and everything in between. It’s been quite the ride.

A ChatGPT robot wrote this. Or I have a supernatural gift for stringing together clichés. Somewhere there is a robot trapped in a room of Penthouse magazines for the machine learning.

The first time I ever cheated, I was 19 and I found myself in a love triangle where I was seeing a new girl, while also still seeing my ex.

Even then, I was surprised how I felt no guilt at all, and how any negative feelings were suppressed with an overwhelming sense of excitement. 

The butterflies in my stomach were dancing like they were on acid, and I would walk around in disbelief that not just one beautiful girl found me attractive, but two. And ever since then, I’ve continued chasing that high without looking back.

But I’m not just good at cheating, I’m also good at hiding it.

Well aren’t you a clever boy? The UBT is growing tired. Go fuck an acid butterfly, you Douche.

And since getting married, having affairs has been a form of therapy.

Let me guess, you read Esther Perel. Or the ChatGPT robot does.

It’s helped me balance out the stress of being a business owner, being the husband to a demanding wife, and being a dad to three young children.

Anyone in my position would tell you that sometimes it can simply be overwhelming; life can be overwhelming. Cheating gives something to look forward to and makes the monotony of life bearable.

Oh the monotony of my gorgeous wife and children and their unknowing devotion to me. However shall I cope with the stress of it?

It isn’t necessarily easy to pick up women, and if you’re honest with them that you’re married, it makes it even harder to strike a match. As a result of this undeniable fact, I’ve been forced to become the best version of myself.

I knew that if I wanted to land other women, I’d have to up my game. The dad dancing and overeating had to stop.

Cheating has made me the 2.0 version of myself.

I’ve been forced to give up dad dancing.

For example, I hit the gym regularly, I box, I swim, I cycle, I exercise five days a week — and I give it my all. I learn from fashion influencers online what looks good and what doesn’t, and keep a revolving wardrobe of relevant and fashionable clothes. I read a lot. I meditate, I do pilates, I even did a skydive in Dubai recently.

HOW IS YOUR LIFE MONOTONOUS? Does the ChatGPT or the YourTango.com editors review this spew? Okay, right, you’re an international man of mystery who skydives in Dubai and has three children, a wife and oodles of time for a punishing workout routines AND TIME TO SCREW RANDOS. Sure, this is believable. And that stripper really loves you for you.

The UBT only wishes there was a picture of the revolving wardrobe of relevancy.

I look — and feel — better now at 40 than I ever did at 20.

I’m more handsome, fitter, more fashionable, and more confident.

And my dick works too!

And here’s what’s so amazing: knowing my personality, if I was married and had nothing going on on the side, I wouldn’t be doing any of the above.

I’d be a guy in Dockers who was faithful to his wife and danced like a dork. But Ashley Madison saved me from this fate. Now I have venereal diseases, $40K in hidden credit card debt, and an impending divorce summons.

Life has a habit of taking over, and with a family and a business, sometimes there are just not enough hours in the day. It would be very easy to put on weight, not care about my appearance, and fall into the simple trap of being bored and sitting on the couch watching television.

This is what faithful men look like — fat and boring! Who’d rather watch Netflix with their wives than jump out of airplanes in Dubai! Put down those cheese doodles and follow me!

But knowing that I’m competing, often with single, younger guys, has really made me up my game. Don’t believe me? Go on, ask me anything about face masks and skincare routines and I could tell you everything you need to know. That’s what cheating has done for me.

Cheating! It whitens! It brightens! AND IT CLEARS YOUR SKIN!

Tell me about your skin care regime, Dark Horse! Does it take away unsightly blemishes on your genitals?

OMG. It. Goes. On.

Having affairs has made me the best version of myself. It has given me confidence that translates into all aspects of my life, be it with the kids or at work. Does this make it right? No, of course, it doesn’t.

But did I mention my complexion?

Plenty of people do all of the above without having to cheat. Plenty of men out there dress well and exercise, without needing to do the cheating part. What can I say? I’m no angel. But the benefits are undeniable.

Cheating is an art. And yes, maybe one day I will get caught, but it won’t be as a result of me slipping up.

It would most likely be from bad luck — a wrong place, wrong time kind of thing. I cover my tracks far too well; I use a burner phone, I delete my browser history, I keep a spare set of clothes in the car, and so much more. I’m very practiced in this form of tradecraft.

Cheating is an art. A tradecraft. And you’ll never be found out. Because STDs aren’t real, and trips to Dubai and dates with hookers are free.

And in 10 years of cheating on my wife, a highly intelligent Oxbridge graduate, she’s never suspected a thing. I’m not just good at cheating, I’m also good at hiding it. Coupled with the buzz I get from having affairs, I doubt I’ll ever stop.

Do you have a highly intelligent Oxbridge wife? No? Well, then yours will be much easier to fool. And think of the buzz you’ll get from the misogyny of sexually humiliating an educated woman who has devoted her life to you. Monogamy for her but not for thee!

Maybe life as a spy would have suited me better, but I’m not sure I’d be having as much sex.

Maybe life as a urinal cake would’ve suited you better.

And I’d be silly to not acknowledge that many reading this will be judging me. I get that. Some of you will be muttering words like “creep” or “disgusting.” And that’s a perfectly normal reaction to have.

But my question to you is simple: if no one gets hurt, and cheating makes me a better boss, husband, and dad, what’s the harm?

But my question to you is simple: if bottlebrush wigwams fart pancakes, what’s Fahrenheit?

I’m sorry, the Universal Bullshit Translator is broken.

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143 Comments
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Starry-Eyed
Starry-Eyed
1 month ago

If your wife and family aren’t a good enough reason to develop yourself as a person or have something to look forward to in life, then no, you are by definition NOT a good husband.

Dontfeellikedancin
Dontfeellikedancin
1 month ago
Reply to  Starry-Eyed

💯

JeffWashington
JeffWashington
1 month ago
Reply to  Starry-Eyed

One of my parents was a serial cheater. There is still blowback from all of that to do this day, 30+ years later. How is permitting THAT to happen make you a good husband/father?

christineforme
christineforme
30 days ago
Reply to  JeffWashington

So was my dad, which is maybe why I married a serial cheater/sex addict. They were excellent at hiding it. But loved ones know something even if they don’t know everything. They know the something is off. That nagging feeling does not help a child feel secure.

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
1 month ago

Is the Reconciliation Industrial Complex in cahoots with cheater dating sites? How very Halliburton disaster capitalism!!
Remember how, 11 days before the Deepwater Horizon spill for which Halliburton was widely held responsible, Halliburton bought spill cleanup company Boots and Coots and then saw record profits?

Not sure how to neatly work out the analogy. If cheaters are the oil, chumps are, say, the oil-covered pelicans and RIC would be the purveyor of dispersants that are useless for cleaning crude off feathers and fins because they’re utterly lethal to aquatic life. Together, RIC and dating app companies make up “Halliburton.”

christineforme
christineforme
30 days ago

Totally agree with the Reconciliation Industrial Complex label (RICO). After D-Day, I was looking for anything that could help me think. It soon became clear RICO wants you to keep buying books and seminars ad infinitum. Chump Lady has been the best most consistent voice of the chumped over the years. And thank you Chump Nation. You all helped me stay sane.

Chump-Domain Cleric
Chump-Domain Cleric
1 month ago

Honestly, it reminds me of my sibling’s theory about purse companies and women’s pants designers. Why do women’s pants have such small pockets? To sell you overpriced purses!

While I’m a mini packpack person or a managable shoulder bag person because I like to be prepared (bandaids, fidget tools, comfort items, gaming devices and chargers), it’s a theory I genuinely believe. I can’t otherwise explain the faux pocket BS.

OHFFS
OHFFS
1 month ago

Another possible reason is that women who pride themselves on being fashionable don’t want a pocket to spoil the line of the garment. Sometimes they don’t wear panties for that reason.

If I can’t find acceptable pants with pockets made for women, I buy men’s pants and have the waist tailored in.

Chump-Domain Cleric
Chump-Domain Cleric
1 month ago
Reply to  OHFFS

I suppose that makes some sense. But wouldn’t that only be for, say, special events? I feel like most pants, especially jeans, should be able to make at least some sacrifice for pockets. And I’ve never worn anything where I would worry about panty lines, at least not for years (I remember one dress, as a kid, my mother making sure I only wore light-colored underwear beneath) – my skirts are more flowing or floofy, and my pants are comfy.

Either way, I still think most pants should have usable pockets. But I never considered the pockets as being something that ruined a garment. Hmmm.

OHFFS
OHFFS
1 month ago

Here’s where my experience with RTV comes in. Apparently, fashionable, shallow women (especially those who aspire to be celebrities) consider walking out the door the way you or I would consider a special event. They are always taking selfies to show their outfits off and hoping others will take notice of their outfits.

Chump-Domain Cleric
Chump-Domain Cleric
1 month ago
Reply to  OHFFS

Oooh! As an alt fashion enthusiast, I can understand the appreciation of clothing, but there has to be down days. And I think some sacrifices should be made for comfort, even on days you want to go all out. Then again, I don’t have to deal with paparazzis.

NoShitCupcakes
NoShitCupcakes
1 month ago

I have bought pre-made patch pockets on Etsy (I don’t have a sewing machine) and have figured out how to use them on the inside of my pants after pulling the stitches from the bottom seam of my pockets. It’s worth doing. The ones I use are 8″ wide and 7.5″ inches deep (effectively).

I’ve seen some designers who state they DO design pants with decent pockets for women, but the manufacturers want to save a few pennies, while charging absurdly high prices, and make them smaller or do away with them altogether.

It makes me grind my teeth in fury. I’m not and never have been a purse-person. If it can’t go in a pocket, it doesn’t go.

Mehitable
Mehitable
1 month ago
Reply to  NoShitCupcakes

Wow, this sounds brilliant!!! In the old pre-pants days when women wore long skirts (19th c and before) pockets could be something they could tie around their waists under the skirts and they they had slashes in the skirts so they could just reach into their enormous pockets (you can imagine the size of those pockets under big skirts!) and carry everything in there except maybe the baby. Women could also secretly pee standing up with split underwear, LOLOL!!! Our ancestors were more practical than us in many ways.

NoShitCupcakes
NoShitCupcakes
1 month ago
Reply to  Mehitable

If I can figure out how to link a photo of what I did with the patch pocket, I’ll post it.

@Tracy – is there a way to post a photo (anonymously)? I mean, it’ll be me but I don’t want the metadata or my privacy compromised. I’m a luddite in a lot of ways. Can I send it via my email?

NoShitCupcakes
NoShitCupcakes
1 month ago
Reply to  NoShitCupcakes

foUoeRY
wwYONL6
Ps6T5n6

Did this work? There are three photos.

NoShitCupcakes
NoShitCupcakes
1 month ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Thank you Tracy.

BeenThruIt
BeenThruIt
1 month ago
Reply to  NoShitCupcakes

I’ve been sewing since I was a kid, and if pants pockets are too short I just snip the bottoms of the pockets and then stitch more fabric on. I’ve recently noticed that there are blogs and YT videos with people demonstrating their methods for making skimpy pockets larger. Do a search – there are plenty out there. The manufacturers probably figure they are saving money with these itty bitty pockets – they cut costs wherever they can.

NoShitCupcakes
NoShitCupcakes
1 month ago
Reply to  BeenThruIt

I’ve done that but the material frayed and ripped. I find it more effective to buy the pre-made patch pockets that are made of MUCH better material and by someone who knows what they’re doing, has a sewing machine, etc., and then adapt the use to suit myself.

Mehitable
Mehitable
1 month ago
Reply to  NoShitCupcakes

That would be great – maybe you could use Imgur. I think a lot of people use that for anonymous photos.

NoShitCupcakes
NoShitCupcakes
1 month ago
Reply to  Mehitable

See above.

JeffWashington
JeffWashington
1 month ago

Hence, “Industrial Complex.” Some Venture Capital Dudebro saw an exploitable market. And well, people got exploited alright.

And in complete fairness, as a serial overprepare-r(helps with the anxiety), I think purses/personal bags rule, pockets be damned. Even with functioning pockets things fall out or get damaged(to say nothing of the footprint/fragility of what it takes to charge a phone anymore.)

NoShitCupcakes
NoShitCupcakes
1 month ago
Reply to  JeffWashington

Oh, the patch pockets I buy and sew to the interior of my pants are tough! I have BIG brick phone and it hasn’t destroyed any of them yet. I also put some of the pockets on the outside of my pants. I really can’t say enough good things about them.

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
1 month ago
Reply to  JeffWashington

Anything I carry in pockets gets lost or broken so I have this indestructible fourteen year old patent leather Mary Poppins mom-backpack that surprisingly fits all the basic supplies and implements that might be necessary to survive in the wilderness for ten years.

JeffWashington
JeffWashington
1 month ago

I keep different man-purses for different settings that each have the same basic loadout of supplies. For you know. Reasons. ^_^.

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
1 month ago
Reply to  JeffWashington

Hey, sometimes one needs pliers and duct tape, I get it. Working in intelligence and espionage involves a lot of gear. 😉

Mehitable
Mehitable
1 month ago

You know you’ve reached maximum capacity when you can fit the drone in there.

Chump-Domain Cleric
Chump-Domain Cleric
1 month ago
Reply to  JeffWashington

Exactly. Can’t keep a bottle of lotion in my pocket! Or antibiotic ointment!

Chumpolicious
Chumpolicious
1 month ago

Seems this is why fanny packs and cross over-body bags are now popular. They can look nice and add to your outfit. You dont even need pockets with a fashionable fanny pack.

Also coats and jackets with great pockets can make up for no pants pockets.

NoShitCupcakes
NoShitCupcakes
1 month ago
Reply to  Chumpolicious

Which is a perfectly reasonable alternative if you don’t have co-workers or people with access to the building/office who can then steal your items. It has to stay on me. Offices and lockers have been busted into and I’m not giving anyone access to my wallet. And my job requires me to either carry it with me or trust their “security”. So, patch pockets to the rescue.

Chump-Domain Cleric
Chump-Domain Cleric
1 month ago

This article has me frothing at the mouth this morning. I wasn’t prepared for this level of fuckwittery. IF YOU ARE GASLIGHTING YOUR SPOUSE, THAT IS ABUSE, AND YOU A BY DEFINITION A TERRIBLE PARTNER.

I’m not judging you as a creep, cheater, although you are one. I’m judging you as an abuser. You put your partner’s health at risk. You gaslight them. You humiliate them and insult them in tripe like this, as they aren’t good enough to motivate you to be better. You’re not just “no angel” but genuine scum. Also, you talking about the buzz makes you sound like someone with an addiction problem – it’s not appealing at all. You haven’t sold me on cheating, but instead, have made it even more unappealing.

And now that that’s out of my system…

To be honest, I highly doubt this was written by an actual cheater. I would bet it’s written by their advertising department. Just call it a gut feeling.

Mehitable
Mehitable
1 month ago

I think you’re right on all points here, CDC. This probably was written by the ad dept but I think it’s a pretty accurate depiction of what this kind of person is like. I’m sure many men recognize themselves in this POS.

Chump-Domain Cleric
Chump-Domain Cleric
1 month ago
Reply to  Mehitable

That’s true. Although, I think a lot of them would be a lot more disparaging about married life and their spouse – blameshifting, to shield the ego.

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
1 month ago

You’re probably right. It’s likely a fantasy composite created by these guys: https://images.app.goo.gl/FZTy14fNGgvAi7JX9

Chump-Domain Cleric
Chump-Domain Cleric
1 month ago

Now now, those look like respectable gentlemen who will teach you how to jailbreak your phone and recommend unusual restaurants. I’m getting more… ProJared-like vibes from this.

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
1 month ago

I think it boils down to different contexts and geography! Put these guys in Versace and they look like every former-highschool-reject-cum-raging/rapey-associate-producer In Studio City circa 1997.

Chump-Domain Cleric
Chump-Domain Cleric
1 month ago

Oooh, I can see that. Your artsy 90’s creep.

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
1 month ago

Altman’s The Player nailed the stereotype perfectly.

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
1 month ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Daaw, I’m so disappointed it’s not the Dos Equis dude! https://images.app.goo.gl/hZBw3uFTuEBSpihi6

Chump-Domain Cleric
Chump-Domain Cleric
1 month ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

That would actually make a lot of sense. I’ve never heard of YourTango at all!

GrandmaChump
GrandmaChump
1 month ago

From the “Takes Two to Tango” expression, don’t you think?

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
1 month ago
Reply to  GrandmaChump

When I worked in DV advocacy during college and for several years after, the short-form reference for victim-blaming was “tango” because of that stupid expression.

No aspersions on actual tango dance or music which I adore.

Viktoria
Viktoria
1 month ago

This is what my eX did to me, but without all the self improvement stuff.

Mehitable
Mehitable
1 month ago
Reply to  Viktoria

That’s the terrible thing, as we read on this site all the time there ARE guys who actually LIVE like this and do these terrible things to their family and I wish we could put these fuckers in prison.

unicornomore
unicornomore
1 month ago

I have a good friend (for like 13 years) who is married to a guy who came across as “Mr Goodguy Greathusband”. She called on day in a crisis panic when she learned he had been a long term serial cheater.

All my work in my head and heart and here to process this horrid experience… I thought it would make me the perfect friend to help someone but I did more harm than good…I tried to teach her truths it took me YEARS to learn and I spoke when I should have listened. She had to jump ship with having me on her team and I feel so bad about it.

She is also very private and while Im very curious about what all went down, but I have no right to ask. As of this minute, they are in wreckonsillyation. I hope she comes here and gains wisdom from those not so close to her situation.

I tell this story in part to reinforce the presence of men who seem like great guys but do all sorts of fucked up shit same as my Cheater did. I hate the fact that he had sex with others, but I also deeply hate that he chose to vilify me to justify betraying me. I was a really good wife to him and did NOT deserve to be blamed and mistreated.

Chumpolicious
Chumpolicious
1 month ago
Reply to  unicornomore

Cheaters throw us under the bus. Its their go to. Either badmouthing us to AP or to friends or family. If they told everyone what a fantastic wife we are and how they just want to use other women for their pleasure, women wouldnt line up to screw them, and friends wouldnt be sympathetic.

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
1 month ago
Reply to  Chumpolicious

It might cut down on the bonkable pool by a little but, considering that anyone who’d knowingly screw a married/committed person is already pretty bent, I suspect not by a landslide. I’ve lost count of how many times I or others have tried to warn certain women about this or that scary workplace douche only to watch the warnee quickly cuddle up into a furry ball at said douche’s feet.

Personally I think this and side-piecing relate to hybristophilia– a sexual attraction to liars, thieves, cheats, felons and killers.

Mehitable
Mehitable
1 month ago
Reply to  unicornomore

I assume she’s read the book LACGAL or at least you gave her the opportunity to? It’s such a mind fuck to spend, years – sometimes decades – thinking your spouse is one kind of person and finding out that he’s such a piece of….crap doesn’t even adequately describe it. It must be like an earthquake. My first cheater was a serial cheater but I knew he cheated at least some what (no, you never know quite how much till it’s too late)….I just didn’t have the self esteem not to put up with it. I thought he was the best I could get. That’s how fucked up some of us are. It can take a while to undo that, but she is lucky to have a great friend like you. I wish I’d had you AND CL/CN back then!

SortofOverIt
SortofOverIt
1 month ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Exactly. In my case, the FW waffles back and forth. Some days he takes full responsibility for what he did and says that I absolutely didn’t deserve it. And a week later he is back to blame-shifting.

I don’t know if he truly believes either. And it doesn’t matter. What he did is what he did regardless of how whether he feels guilty for it or not. But it is rather kooky to have him be so incredibly two faced. How do you fully acknowledge it is your fault one day, and then fully shift the blame to the victim the next? And he has done that back and forth at least 100 times.

Mehitable
Mehitable
1 month ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I don’t think the Chump even matters to them. It could be interchangeable Chumps. The Chump is like a stick figure – Chump Barbie. They just pull one head off and stick on another. It’s all about Cheater.

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
1 month ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Cuing my favorite criminal psych geekery! “Neutralization” or “reduction of self-punishment” is reportedly a common logical fallacy of domestic batterers and other serial offenders whereby they rewrite and alter the identities of their victims in order to justify their offenses.

It would probably follow that, the worse and more harmful the offense, the worse the effigy the offender will create of a victim. So basically if someone falsely tries to cast you as “pure evil” or “Satan,” it’s a pretty good indicator they’ve done some really, really bad things to you and were at least heavily fantasizing your grisly demise.

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
1 month ago

CL, you’ve outdone yourself.

If this isn’t just a promotional bot, I’m dying to dox this douche to confirm everyone’s gut certainty that, in reality, he looks like a stubbly glob of mashed potatoes with a spray tan and lipo scars.

Dontfeellikedancin
Dontfeellikedancin
1 month ago

😂🤮

LookingForwardsToTuesday
LookingForwardsToTuesday
1 month ago

Has it not occurred to the blogger that, were he to devote the time and effort that he devotes to cheating and then covering it up to his wife and children instead …. then his marriage/family life might actually be better?

Sadly, the writer is either a sociopath who gets off on boasting online about his dirty little secret, or he is a sad f*ck blogging about his devious fantasies out of his mother’s basement.

I can’t decide which he is … but either way he is a lsoer.

LFTT

Spinach@35
Spinach@35
1 month ago

Yeah. I was about to post the same. I’m getting incel vibes. Just seems too over the top. But then again…

Chump-Domain Cleric
Chump-Domain Cleric
1 month ago
Reply to  Spinach@35

I don’t think it’s incel – there’s no celibacy involved, much less involuntarily! And incels will often never praise a real woman, even ones for image management. The incel subculture is a very specific flavor of disgusting. I’d say there’s definitely misogyny of some kind involved, though.

Last edited 1 month ago by Chump-Domain Cleric
Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
1 month ago

The “incel” concept has expanded internationally to mean the creepy misogynistic manosphere in general, especially when associated to the violent radical right. I split time between the northern and southern hemisphere and, when south of the equator, I understand when women refer to “incel” that they mean any kind of violent politicized misogyny– in other words, every right wing third world dictator who ever lived.

I’m not sure self identified incels gave “permission” for the term evolution but at this point it’s unstoppable and no one gives a damn what incels think. Actually some incels might agree with the expanded definition since not-so-tangentially affiliated political groups seem to worship Pinochet.

Chump-Domain Cleric
Chump-Domain Cleric
1 month ago

Oh, nonono, I don’t get specific out of respect for the incels. I feel the need to specify because I find incels to be particularly concerning. Their hopeless rage and absolute hatred for women (and other groups) is disturbing. I can’t think of another manosphere group where there are serious discussions about female breeding facilities or direct femicide.

I use the term “manosphere” for the greater circle of misogyny (MRAs, MGTOWs, incels, anti-femininists, “nice guys,” PUAs, etc). They’re all still awful, and in some ways some are more dangerous as they’re less obvious about their awfulness, but it is… a less obvious awfulness, nonetheless. And it’s one I believe most can (and do) “rehabilitate” from. Most guys I know who are around my age had a manosphere phase, or at least consumed manosphere content, at some point (normally around the ages 18-22). They feel embarrassed about it now, often making fun of themselves and whoever they followed during that time. But I don’t know a single one who had an incel phase.

(Also, it’s probably partially AuDHD brain. I’ve struggled with taking things a bit too literally my whole life.)

That being said, I totally understand your point here. I don’t mean to be dismissive, and I get that in the end, it really is all misogyny.

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
1 month ago

Terminology can get out of the hands of its coiners and evolve. But even so I cringe at white media’s hijacking of “Karen” as a generalized misogynistic stick to beat any “uppity” woman or as cover for negative female stereotypes. For the sake of any egalitarian Karen out there, the epithet should at least be limited to its original BLM application: meddling racists who call the cops on people bird-watching/shopping/picnicking/etc. while black or minority. It’s even more effective when used in a unisex way.

But in contrast I thought it was hilarious when South Americans hijacked “incel” as a cover term for psycho misogyny because it’s so obvious the Andrew Tate types and rad right politicos hate being lumped together with that set– probably to the degree that there’s truth in the the generalization. I’m convinced that every chest-beating, hyper-macho womanizer I’ve ever encountered is, deep down, a mewling, personality-disordered manbaby burning with perpetual rage at mommy for failing to change their soggy diapers and meet their every need. As Greta Thunberg put it, it all has small dick energy.

Spinach@35
Spinach@35
1 month ago

I just meant that I think this is a hoax and written by someone who fantasizes about having affairs when in actuality he doesn’t even have sex or at least not the kind of sex with multiple women that’s described here. There’s something about this account and the writing that doesn’t ring true to me.

Obviously, I may be wrong.

If it’s real, then’s he’s a sociopath.

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
1 month ago
Reply to  Spinach@35

Well you’re not going to be all that wrong. The “stunning” women this supposed blogger claims to bang on a regular basis would likely be, in reality, pretty sad, tattered and desperate specimens.

I don’t want to name names (can’t afford SLAPP suits) but, as part of my former job, I attended quite a few A-list-star-studded muckety-muck events in NY and LA. It was routine that, sort of like getting a bouncy castle for kiddy birthday parties, there were always sex workers on offer. But even the “A list” version of that (apparently arranged by ex-Heidi Fleiss hookers on one occasion) was an absolute parade of misery. Even if they were instructed to dress and pose as regular industry guests you couldn’t miss them. RL sex workers just aren’t like in the movies. In their faces you could always see the long histories of trauma or just poverty and substandard childhood nutrition.

Everybody knew who the sex workers were and it used to make me despair of humanity how “legit” guest would mock them. It was like kicking stray dogs.

Anyway, I don’t think “world-class” beauties– much less anyone sane and physically healthy– would ever agree to play the thankless bangbot role.

Chump-Domain Cleric
Chump-Domain Cleric
1 month ago
Reply to  Spinach@35

Oh, absolutely it’s a false account. Based on the talk below, it seems like it’s from some cheating-flavored PUA, though. Which seems about right, the text is very salesman “everything is the best possible case and everything is positive, but even if it goes wrong, it’ll be fine! part of the risk!” and just… has that feel to it. It reads like every PUA salespitch ever.

ChumpDchump
ChumpDchump
1 month ago

What you don’t know won’t hurt you … like the arsenic your wife should be putting in your morning coffee.

All a Blur
All a Blur
1 month ago

It’s helped me balance out the stress of being a business owner, being the husband to a demanding wife, and being a dad to three young children.

Earlier: … living on a knife edge is simply thrilling to me.

Yes, you too can “balance out stress” by living on a “knife edge!”

Lead me to your facial cleanser, sensei.

Samsara
Samsara
1 month ago
Reply to  All a Blur

Only the ‘Oxbridge’ wife is “demanding”, not the business and not the three kids, certainly not the managing of a double life with all the imaginary stunning women he fucks in all the imaginary places he fucks them. I’m going for mostly in his head did all these things occur and only too in his mind does he is also fancy himself a pseudo James Bond 007 or Mi5 or 6 nonsense then too.
He probably still worships Hugh Hefner and watches in slow motion Wolf of Wall
Street on repeat. This guy is so many shades of desperate and so last century.
Misogyny and hatred of his wife who is clearly above him in education and social status is clear here — the whole piece could be boiled down to one entitled line:
No one is the boss of him.

FYI_
FYI_
1 month ago
Reply to  All a Blur

“Lead me to your facial cleanser, sensei.”

Okay, I legit LOL’d!

Mr Wonderfuls Ex
Mr Wonderfuls Ex
1 month ago

There isn’t enough time in the day, yet with new and improved cheating, he found time to spend hours working out and having ongoing fuckfests with randos. Who wants to put that energy toward the educated, “demanding” (like how he threw that in there?) wife he loves. She just educates the children, puts out, and pays the bills. She doesn’t suspect a THING!

The thrill is in the duper’s delight! Gaaaah… I hope his wife is setting up to divorce this flaming asshole. Klootzak could have written this. If this person is real, I’d chip in to crowd fund a hacker to expose the idiot to his family. I hope he burns in hell.

Skunkcabbage
Skunkcabbage
1 month ago

Divorced for 9 years and in my late 50’s, I am encountering way too many of these kinds of ‘men’. The good ones are already taken, sayeth the wise woman, and they seem right. Too many non-single men I encounter would drop their pants without a second thought if I so much as gave them a wink.

JeffWashington
JeffWashington
1 month ago

You know…if I didn’t know any better…I’d say this was a complete hoax(as all cheaters are, but walk with me on this one).

This reads like 90s internet humor sites. It follows the same formula.

“Here is a fact. Here is a mutually exclusive contradictory fact. (pause for laughter.) (change subject slightly, rinse repeat)”

“Maybe one day I will be caught. But it won’t be because I slipped up. It’ll be a wrong place wrong time kind of thing!” Pause for laughter. As clearly, “slipping up” and “wrong place wrong time” are completely separate conceptually.

You’ve already slipped up, Cocheese.

If this is real(and I am learning toward “no” based on the prose here), this whole blog thing is “evidence.” For you know, court. Like, for when you get divorced. And all of that goes away(your blog k-rad goes away when you lose half of it in the divorce, obviously.) And this is the internet: once it’s on there it doesn’t generally find a way to go away(see also: Streisand Effect.)

Like, FW Criminal Thinking Errors central here. “I haven’t been caught yet so I will not be caught.” Every step down the dark path is another breadcrumb toward discovery.

I mean, if it is real? D-Day/divorce proceedings are going to go down like a Scooby-Doo episode. “And I would have gotten away with it too if it weren’t for you meddling kids!” You drop the Chump Nation template on this and you see the entire formula: business trips, thinly veiled nights out, theft of marital assets.

If they are real and this isn’t some troll or ChatGPT…I feel really bad for those kids. The time he is fuckwitting around is time he could be spending with them.

On a more personal note-when my FW pitched the open relationship(read: wanted authorization for further fuckwittery guilt free), her stated goal was “to make our relationship stronger” and to make me “more confident”(was going through a lot of emotional stuff at the time, not the least of which was the first serious inklings that something was up and emergent serious medical concerns). To the surprise and awe of the masses, when I asked how that was going to to work, she told me that we would be reading a book together(“The Ethical Slut”-catchy, I know) and that me bedding another woman would make me appreciate her more. And no further explanation because “it will be in the book!”. I told her that I did not see how a double life, authorized or not, was going to make me more confident.

She was actually dumbfounded when I said “No, work on the relationship you have.”

Which she did. With Schmoopie.

susie lee
susie lee
1 month ago
Reply to  JeffWashington

I think for most cheaters (as well as chumps) the longer it takes before they get caught/discovery the more damage. Which makes sense of course.

Mehitable
Mehitable
1 month ago
Reply to  susie lee

And the crazier they get! I believe that if you spend a lot of time lying, it eventually will drive YOU crazy because you lose contact with reality and what the “truth” is. I think many of these people become so confused that they’ll tell one lie one minute and another 5 minutes later and not realize it’s not congruent. “I worked late….in the gym…..in a bar!”

susie lee
susie lee
1 month ago
Reply to  Mehitable

Oh I agree. I had mentioned before that I do believe when my ex was spilling it all when he left, he didn’t remember from one minute to the next what he was saying. He was just desperately trying to defend his actions and get out the door.

He said a couple things, then in the next sentence completely contradicted it. I don’t think he even noticed.

Chump-Domain Cleric
Chump-Domain Cleric
1 month ago
Reply to  JeffWashington

I know nothing about the book, but being an ethical slut requires that you’re up front with everyone about what is going on, everyone involved is down with that, and you’re honest about how involved or not involved you can be with any given partner at the time. I don’t think your FW knows what the word ethical means.

Also, sex doesn’t magically fix most things. Especially when you’re already apprehensive to the idea. Or physcially ill.

JeffWashington
JeffWashington
1 month ago

She said it was a miracle book that would help fix our relationship. I read the back copy and noped out. It was her reiterating the “we need an open relationship” point.(She got on this weird magical thinking thing about “read this book” toward the end about a ton of topics that were not necessarily about dick-wandering-which is interesting given that her reading comprehension blew what most scholars would term “goats.”)

And I will reiterate my previous anecdote-when I told my therapist about it when the spackle was flaking off of the dead relationship their exact response was “THAT FUCKING BOOK!” I guess it has helped kill more relationships than just mine.

Ethics were never her strong suit, either. Or boundaries either. I wasn’t willing to play ball after I had already said “no” so she kept on “doing her” as the kids would say until she ran out of uses for me. Or the guilt got too bad. Either way I’m glad that is all over with. And I know anybody that flops that book out in conversations that do not involve 451 degrees is probably not worth talking to.

CurlyTwirly
CurlyTwirly
1 month ago
Reply to  JeffWashington

I bought and read that book thinking that husband and I would create a new definition of marriage. I would get over my desire for monogamy, he would date men, and we would remain married. Thank goodness I came to my senses; I happily tore that book up and burned it in the firepit out back.

SortofOverIt
SortofOverIt
1 month ago
Reply to  CurlyTwirly

I’ve never read the book but understand the “gist”. The thing is, I think some people CAN create a new definition of marriage that isn’t monogamy and works for them. It’s NOT for me. And probably not for MOST people. And sure, we have all heard the failure stories of people that were in open relationships. But it works for some people and I won’t poo-poo what someone else does if all parties are aware and consent.

But I imagine that that trust and truth-telling become even more important in those scenarios than even in a traditional marriage. We keep seeing Chumps say “my FW wanted to open the marriage” AFTER DDay. Well, the trust is already gone.

These things won’t work as a band-aid on an already broken trust. It’s so goofy and transparent that the cheaters are just looking for a way to carry on, with permission.

Mehitable
Mehitable
1 month ago
Reply to  JeffWashington

I think a lot of really shallow people think that if you wrote a book….you’re an EXPERT….and everyone has to listen to an EXPERT…..because they WROTE A BOOK! So….you were getting expert advice from someone who wrote a book so why can’t you do what I want like this expert says!!!!!

Trying to bolster their crazy shit with something that looks like scientific data or a philosophical movement. There’s always a book.

Chump-Domain Cleric
Chump-Domain Cleric
1 month ago
Reply to  JeffWashington

Oooooh, so it’s infamous! See, I’ve never heard of it, and I run in circles where slut is reclaimed in a positive manner and being an ethical slut absolutely IS allowed. I suppose that explains why!

I’m glad it’s all over with, too. You deserve to have bigger and better things (or smaller and better – whichever you prefer) than whatever a FW can provide you.

Mehitable
Mehitable
1 month ago
Reply to  JeffWashington

“me bedding another woman would make me appreciate her more”

I wonder if she’s shared that with Schmoopie. What if you’d bedded someone else….and preferred THAT person? They never seem to consider that, LOL!

Chumpolicious
Chumpolicious
1 month ago
Reply to  Mehitable

What if schmoopie bedded someone else and preferred them to her!!!!

JeffWashington
JeffWashington
1 month ago
Reply to  Mehitable

Precisely! It was how her FW brain rationalized why it was a good idea. She was correct to make a sales pitch and illustrate the POSSIBLE benefits-it was just never going to “take.” She probably saw it as “best case I get what I want and have an exit strategy after a few months as he will have somebody else.” She was genuinely gobsmacked that my answer was “no.”

And yes, she did not foresee how in the backwards world where I would assent to such a thing that I might conceivably land an upgrade and do to her what she eventually did to me. It’s part of why when D-Day did come it was on the flimsiest possible logic that all screamed “self centered implosion.”

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
1 month ago
Reply to  JeffWashington

FWs do have the unfair insurance of knowing a genuine chump is in a double bind and could never– even if we wanted to out of revenge– “do unto” the FW as they do to the chump in a specific sense: be attracted to or get involved with the icky types who’d bonk a still-married person. They know that, as long as that ring is on the chump’s finger, the chump is effectively hog-tied.

I think they know this about us because I suspect it’s the exact quality for which we were initially chosen as extreme departures from the toxic character models FWs grew up with. On the face of it, it doesn’t really seem as if FWs recognize a moral pecking order but, in fact, no one is more keenly aware of that ethical hierarchy than the criminally inclined and, consequently, they’re perpetually at war with it. In a totally delusional sense, you could say criminally-inclined types are moral Marxists trying to eradicate a moral “class” system. In that analogy, marrying a chump ends up being a kind of “entryism” where the secret moral class warrior try to destroy the “moral elites” from inside.

But sort of like a class warrior who always secretly worshiped the upper crust, I imagine that, at first, the non-betrayer chump quality likely made us seem like shiny “safe bets” but, over time, the same quality becomes the irksome thing FWs “compete” with because it makes them feel tainted and filthy in comparison. I think it’s that very quality that makes many FWs angrily defend Schmoopies out of an assumption that we must naturally look down on the latter because, in reality, we wouldn’t knowingly touch that scabby, crazy poacher type with a thirty food barge pole. I think it also explains the post-D-day compulsion of many FWs to cop a dementedly “righteous” attitude when cruelly comparing chumps negatively to Schmoops, almost as if chumps were “classist” against the Schmoopie breed and need to be knocked down a peg for our “snobbery.” But, in their heart of hearts, FWs know Schmoopies– just like themselves– are the moral equivalent of someone who doesn’t know what to wear at a polo match, wipes their ass with their hand and belches at the dinner table.

Just regarding crudeness or grossness, I read a study about how adulterers tend to show a difference in a thing referred to as something like “biological revulsion response” that might relate. They’re just less “grossed out” by icky shit (and apparently icky people) than average. I forget the exact examples used in the study but it boiled down to people with low revulsion response being less likely to wash their hands after using a public restroom, less likely to use condoms during a rando hookup, more likely to eat spoiled, maggoty food, etc.

SortofOverIt
SortofOverIt
1 month ago

“They’re just less “grossed out” by icky shit (and apparently icky people) than average. I forget the exact examples used in the study but it boiled down to people with low revulsion response being less likely to wash their hands after using a public restroom, less likely to use condoms during a rando hookup, more likely to eat spoiled, maggoty food, etc.”

Obviously my singular person experience doesn’t negate an entire study but I found this interesting. My FW is highly revulsed by people that don’t wash their hands in a bathroom, and is super careful about food safety in a kitchen, he is really picky about germs in general. But he once got into a huge argument with me regarding condoms and sex workers. It was pre-D Day and I thought it was purely hypothetical discussion, in hindsight JUST NOW it occurs to me that he was likely seeing or considering seeing sex workers or he wouldn’t have had such strong feelings on the topic. I was saying that if a guy met up with a SW, and she didn’t require a condom, that would be a huge red flag because she is probably not doing it JUST for him, so now he is having unprotected sex someone who probably has a LOT of unprotected sex being as sex is her job. He was beside himself. Insisted that being a sex worker doesn’t mean you are more likely to have an STD. In fairness, I assumed most SWs use condoms and are careful about safety, but he was talking specifically about SWs that don’t use condoms. I have no idea who was right.

But he was really angry at my insistence that if you are sleeping with someone who presumably has a lot of unprotected sex, you should wear a condom.

JeffWashington
JeffWashington
1 month ago

If you find that study again I would be interested to read it!

Mehitable
Mehitable
1 month ago
Reply to  JeffWashington

It’s amazing to me that they’re SO in love with themselves that they can’t imagine that Chump might be happier – with someone else! Yet when Chump is forced out of the relationship and eventually finds someone new, that is such a COMMON result. Most of us DO find upgrades. And the sex is often better TOO! It’s not that hard to find an upgrade over a lying, cheating, deceiving, thieving, abandoner.

JeffWashington
JeffWashington
1 month ago
Reply to  Mehitable

Agreed. They keep us in the barrel so much we don’t see that we’re scraping the bottom with them!

MollyWobbles
MollyWobbles
1 month ago

Just reading the title of this one triggered me deeply. My exFW actually said this to me, in numerous ways, after coming clean about 30 years of cheating. He claimed that using sex workers regularly made him a better husband. He claimed that his one night stand with a ho-worker helped him realize how much he loved me. He claimed that seeing strippers helped him get rid of images of other women floating around in his head so that he could focus on me. The amount of swill this man swallowed in service to himself deserves an award. He actually sent me a pages long missive about how he went “above and beyond as a husband and father”. The sheer entitlement these type of cheaters feel is next level. It’s revolting. It’s abuse. And I hope this woman finds out about him and takes him for all he’s worth (if he even exists at all).

Leedy
Leedy
1 month ago
Reply to  MollyWobbles

“The amount of swill this man swallowed in service to himself deserves an award.” This eloquent sentence says it all. And living with a swill-swallower, even if you don’t yet know about his cheating, is toxic, as you just know something’s wrong.

SerenityNow
SerenityNow
1 month ago

I’m thinking about Ghostbusters “I’ve been slimed.” Eww. Clearly no amount of bad commentary would make a difference to this guy because his head is too far up his ass for it to sink in. He has a busy life with his business and kids and punishing workouts and having sex with strange women. Maybe his wife is “demanding” because she’s busy with her job and the children and the housework with zero input from the douche, who is never home. She may just decide to chuck him on that basis alone even without finding out about the cheating. I was separated from FW ex because he was never home and wasn’t helping and it was only then that I found out he’d been cheating on me for most of our marriage.

If this guy is real and not AI, I hope his wife finds out and kicks him to the curb. Thinking about this, he’s actually kind of frightening. The entire facade. He’s not normal.

Josh McDowell
Josh McDowell
1 month ago

I think this is his website: Cheater’s Handbook – Dating, Cheating, Loving, Relationships (cheatershandbook.com)

He possibly has a twitter account too.

Sounds like the guy might live in England, it would be a shame if his wife were to find out. Reading more of his stuff reminds me of the main character from American Psycho.

weedfree
weedfree
1 month ago
Reply to  Josh McDowell

ooh yes this could be a Dont F#ck With Cats doco with CL posters tracking down and exposing this douche (again, probably in his ma’s basement, or the ads department)

OHFFS
OHFFS
1 month ago
Reply to  Josh McDowell

We always said there was a Cheater’s Handbook, but we were joking. So there actually is one. Isn’t that special. 💩

Last edited 1 month ago by OHFFS
Chump-Domain Cleric
Chump-Domain Cleric
1 month ago
Reply to  Josh McDowell

Oh, this one has a website! Well, well, well.

Tell me, is it still full of him metaphorically sucking his own dick, just like he does in the article?

(Also, how do you figure? I can’t find a name attached to the article, and don’t see one immediately on the website, although I’m not looking too hard. Or do they go by the same moniker?)

Last edited 1 month ago by Chump-Domain Cleric
Josh McDowell
Josh McDowell
1 month ago

Possibly a moniker-there are numerous articles and interviews on the internet by “dark horse” that link to the website and his twitter account. It could be a human or a bot, it is very weird. He’s even interviewed for podcasts, so there may be a voice to the moniker.

Chump-Domain Cleric
Chump-Domain Cleric
1 month ago
Reply to  Josh McDowell

I would say it’s a person, then, and as I mentioned below – it screams PUA (Pick-Up Artist) to me. There’s all sorts of videos covering them. It’s a great laugh.

Mehitable
Mehitable
1 month ago
Reply to  Josh McDowell

This looks like a very professional site that an organization created, not an individual. Lot of money and effort went into this – it’s probably an Ashley Madison created site.

Josh McDowell
Josh McDowell
1 month ago
Reply to  Mehitable

If he is real, I wonder if he is using the blog to generate the money outside of his wife’s preview as he says he uses cash and crypto to pay for the cheating?

Josh McDowell
Josh McDowell
1 month ago
Reply to  Mehitable

An article of his says he had it set up by a professional agency, but he does not divulge who or how.

Samsara
Samsara
1 month ago
Reply to  Josh McDowell

Dollars to donuts it’s an Ashley Madison fake account that they set up for one of their high rollers so they can maximize their social media rollouts. Or it’s HG Tudor 😈

Chump-Domain Cleric
Chump-Domain Cleric
1 month ago
Reply to  Mehitable

Actually, it reminds me a lot of the pick-up artists that used to be so popular… just themed around cheating. It could absolutely be an individual dude, or more realistically, a small team.

And like PUAs, they don’t get near the amount of partners they claim.

This explains a lot about the article now, though. It reads like a lot of PUA sells.

Mehitable
Mehitable
1 month ago

Hmmmm…..now that you mention it, it does scan like a glossed up version of that kind of BS – “You too can get any woman you desire with just a few phrases of HYPNO-SPEAK!” I haven’t really looked at this cheater site too much yet, it’s really like a descent into Hell, but I wonder if there are subscription costs. “Learn the secret of conquering ANY woman!”

Josh McDowell
Josh McDowell
1 month ago
Reply to  Mehitable

Maybe AFF, looks like there are a lot of links to it. It does seem too professional; they do charge for coaching.

Mehitable
Mehitable
1 month ago
Reply to  Josh McDowell

Ahhhhh….that clinches it for me…..it’s a pro site for losers.

Dontfeellikedancin
Dontfeellikedancin
1 month ago
Reply to  Mehitable

Oh sign me up! I want to be Chlamydia Batman too! 😂

Chumped in KC
Chumped in KC
1 month ago

OMG. I about fell off the chair reading this post, both from laughter and how big of a douchebag of a person this guy is, but also because my FW cheater said the same thing about “protecting us.”

See, my husband was 53 and got canned from his job for f*ing up a bunch and was enraged, and decided to take it out on me by not only cheating, and sexually/physically abusing me, but by raging in my face and that of our our adult kids faces at times as well. That’s how it all started was with the rage fits of screaming and throwing stuff, like a little kid and a temper tantrum.

But after I caught his cheating, he spent a good moment thinking and then had the gall to say, “Well, in a way I was protecting you guys, because I started taking the rage out on the OW instead.” To which I promptly replied, “The texts you were sending her calling her your love, babe, and all the heart and kiss emojis was you taking your rage out on her? Nice try, but that’s BS and you know it.” To which he immediately applied the big, sad eyed, sad sausage look of “how can you not believe me?” Then I told him to cut the crap with the sad little innocent boy look, doesn’t work on me.

Can you believe the nerve that the cheaters have? Still blows my mind that they blame shift and come up with ridiculous confabulations and excuses that they fully expect us to believe!

They are liars and cheaters devoid of empathy and morals/ethics. This dude is repulsive, just like my FW. End of story.

Rarity
Rarity
1 month ago

Drunk driving is fine so long as I don’t hit anyone.

Telling a bank my property is worth three times what it is, so that I can borrow more money at lower interest rates, is also fine so long as I pay the loan back.

Rape is also fine so long as the victim remains unconscious the entire time.

And cheating is fine so long as I don’t get caught.

Some things are illegal, verboten, or just plain wrong because of their disastrous potential for harm. That a minority of people can engage in the behavior without technically causing the harm in question doesn’t make the behavior any less wrong.

I note that this idiot doesn’t say anything about what precautions he takes to not sire a kid with someone else or give his wife an STD. To say nothing of the money he’s spending on affairs without his wife’s consent or knowledge (hello dissipation). So he may actually be causing harm to his wife and she just doesn’t know it—yet.

Also, he knew he was a cheater at 19; so why get married at 30? He could have stayed single and kept ethically chasing a smorgasbord of ass. Humiliating and violating his wife is part of the game to him.

Mehitable
Mehitable
1 month ago
Reply to  Rarity

But if he stayed single people might ask questions about him and he needed to present a good front for himself. The wife and kids is part of his cover story….not his actual life. Also, this fantasy of never getting caught….they usually DO get caught…and now with cell phones there’s so many ways. Frequently it’s the smallest thing that can lead to the unraveling of their schemes and they often seem like Acts of God – like a spouse seeing a cell phone emoji – I know of one case where that unraveled a whole lot of shit – ONE CELL EMOJI started the spouse thinking.

Velvet Hammer
Velvet Hammer
1 month ago

Bookmark Dark Horse’s website:

https://cheatershandbook.com/

Whenever you get the urge to reconcile with a cheater, read here:

https://cheatershandbook.com/

Whenever you catch yourself thinking a side piece is better than you, read here:

https://cheatershandbook.com/

It’s unfortunate that cheaters and side pieces are not clearly labeled so decent people can avoid them. But like any predator, they disguise themselves so they can operate undetected and maximize the jollies they get out of hurting innocent unsuspecting people.

Including children.

Last edited 1 month ago by Velvet Hammer
Velvet Hammer
Velvet Hammer
1 month ago
Reply to  Velvet Hammer

Besides, the only husband rating that counts is the WIFE’S. If she has all the facts.

Credible ratings require insight, intelligence, and objectivity, qualities that Dark Horseshit obviously lacks.

It’s always heartbreaking to learn that a child has a wingnut douche for a parent.

Velvet Hammer
Velvet Hammer
1 month ago
Reply to  Velvet Hammer

Is there an IT expert in Chump Nation who can get his IP address and dox him? I feel the need to hunt him down and clue his wife in.

Chump-Domain Cleric
Chump-Domain Cleric
1 month ago
Reply to  Velvet Hammer

I don’t know if that would be ethical. And depending on how you get said information (basically, in any way that isn’t publically available), it could be illegal. This circus he’s running is absolutely garbage, and I believe in always telling the chump, but I don’t think doxing is the way to go.

Also, I wouldn’t be surprised at all if his whole story is BS. That’s really common for these types of salesmen.

Last edited 1 month ago by Chump-Domain Cleric
Josh McDowell
Josh McDowell
1 month ago

The guy is a psychopath who cannot cope with life, a main character in his own mind.

Mehitable
Mehitable
1 month ago

No where does this absolutely loathsome piece of crap even mention any time or activities he spends WITH HIS WIFE. I don’t see how he has time with all the cheating he does and the back up stuff he does to achieve this level of villainy. I know this is probably a piece written up by the denizens of Hell that work at AM, but there are plenty of guys who DO think like this and I have to wonder what the murder rate is among them. Because if I found out my husband was like this, there’d be a renaissance in ax murders at my house.

JeffWashington
JeffWashington
1 month ago
Reply to  Mehitable

I have greatly enjoyed our noble leader’s coinage of the term “spousal appliance” for cases like this.

Judgment day is coming for him, mark my words…

Mehitable
Mehitable
1 month ago
Reply to  JeffWashington

Spousal appliance is so…..right on the money. That’s exactly how they regard the spouse…..an appliance with child attachments. Kind of like a super vacuum for your life. It just fits in so many ways. And yes, if this is a real guy, or real guys use this….there will be a judgment day coming, there almost always is. No one can keep up a double life till death unless they have an early demise. There’s too many loose ends to maintain. One of them gives way eventually and leads to all the others.

Mehitable
Mehitable
1 month ago

How to play Russian Roulette with the lives of your family who believe in you and whom you’ve fooled into believing you’re a decent human being when you’re really a pile of St. Bernard shit. I’d laugh like hell to find out his wife cheats too because he pays no attention to her and she figured out years ago he’s checked out and is just a stick figure to her and the kids. You can’t hide that lack of interest and energy in your marriage. People like this will say….what harm does it do???? Well….aside from the complete lack of energy and work you’re putting into your marriage and family for decades, there’s the little problem of getting found out, which usually DOES happen and results in the destruction of actual lives. May the founder and every user of Ashley Madison burn in the lowest depths of the deepest Hell.

FYI_
FYI_
1 month ago

“Now I have venereal diseases, $40K in hidden credit card debt, and an impending divorce summons” — and three children who won’t speak to me because I’d rather be skydiving and skin-caring than take them to the park. What they don’t know won’t hurt them? They all know, you asswipe, and they’re all devastated.

OHFFS
OHFFS
1 month ago

I know I keep saying this is the funniest UBT yet, but this one really had me ROFL. Genius. Sheer genius.

I wonder if Doberman pincher is a typo or a nickname for an aggressive cheater on the make. It deserves to become part of the CN lexicon as such.

Last edited 1 month ago by OHFFS
ChumpDchump
ChumpDchump
1 month ago

Cheating is great! I find that cheating on my taxes has given me the extra money I need to afford that boat I always wanted! There’s no way this could have any sort of downside!

FYI_
FYI_
1 month ago
Reply to  ChumpDchump

What the IRS doesn’t know won’t hurt it!

CakeEatersDaughter
CakeEatersDaughter
1 month ago

“what people don’t know won’t hurt them”

And moon is made of green cheese.

This guy makes Baron Munchasen sound the Encyclopedia Brittanica.

Mehitable
Mehitable
1 month ago

Bernie Madoff investors all agree – what we didn’t know, didn’t hurt us!!!

nlc
nlc
1 month ago

Just this week I got a troll comment on another forum with this same dumb sentiment, where the person/bot sent me this article about Why So Many Women Cheat on their Husbands (hint: Esther Perel fan) and the women apparently sourced for this writing cite aspects which the troll labeled as “Emotional Labor”. Which, I’m sure there are women in relationships with unequal household dynamics, but wow, to say:

“The fact is,” one of these friends told me, “I’m nicer to my husband when I have something special going on that’s just for me.” She found that she was kinder, more patient, less resentful, “less of a bitch.” It occurred to me as I listened that these women were describing infidelity not as a transgression but a creative or even subversive act, a protest against an institution they’d come to experience as suffocating or oppressive

Yeah, OK. Narcissist says what?

OHFFS
OHFFS
1 month ago
Reply to  nlc

My ex seemed to believe marriage was oppressive. Funny how these turds could just end the “oppression” by getting divorced, but they choose not to. What they actually feel “oppressed” by is their own need to present a front or normalcy to hide the truth about themselves behind. If they admitted to and were upfront who they really are, nobody but other like-minded assholes would have anything to do with them, and those people aren’t dependable, not as good for using as chumps are.

Last edited 1 month ago by OHFFS
Samsara
Samsara
1 month ago
Reply to  OHFFS

This ⬆️ my exFW insisted — claimed!—- he was a great husband even after being caught in his affair. The cheaters love the IDEA that people buy the facade they’re selling, usually the one provided solely by the wife.
We provide the cover they require in order to be the vicious predators that they are. Like all the FWs this one brags about his accomplished Oxford / Cambridge educated spouse. He loves the image she provides him while he uses her womb to obtain children to adore him and uses every other willing vagina he can gain access to, to quell nay exterminate the nasty-on-the-inside and ugly-on-the-outside overweight flaccid boy with bad skin and no game. He takes out his rageful self loathing on the world and thinks he is Such A Clever Boy Now.

2xchump
2xchump
1 month ago

This is the note BELOW that cheater # 2 (now XHCheater)left on my door right after D day, but 10 days before I filed and change the locks. Would this break your ❤️ 💙 hearts??He was still gaslighting me, demeaning me,blaming me and still looking for another woman( the last woman took him to HR and he almost lost his job)..acting all entitled. But his WORDS were lies. There is another note about his love for Me also, forever love after 32 yearels..dont throw us away!!!!!. He was lying. He also cried fake tears on my feet and on another pair of shoes.. ON HIS KNEES CRYING FAKE TEARS !!!
So the promise To be better could last days weeks, months or years…but it is still lies.i just could not sleep with him ever again. Case closed. Cheating was my line in the sand. But there was lots of abuse that is never cured. Sad sad sad..
Here is the note, he had the wrong wife!👇👇👇
I don’t care the evil’s of this world that might come to eat me.

I don’t want my wife back! No No I

Want to earn my wife back

And have each of us better then before.

We are going to be burned in the fire through this journey together!

FYI_
FYI_
1 month ago
Reply to  2xchump

W
T
F
????

Why would you have to be better than before or get burned by fire? Ain’t no journey together no more, fool.

Crikey, these people.

2xchump
2xchump
1 month ago
Reply to  FYI_

It was a crazy 3 years…such a Chump I was and 2x men! I’m recovering!!
Crikey….what does that mean? Seems to fit perfectly…!!😄

OHFFS
OHFFS
1 month ago
Reply to  2xchump

🤮

PrincipledLife
PrincipledLife
1 month ago

This one makes me want to activate my cheater GPS and hunt him down in my stealthmobile with its handy hood-mounted harpoon. As he is lying impaled on the side of the road, I’ll hand him my new book “How Embezzling Money from my Company Makes me a Better Employee.”

It’s not he who is balanced on the knife’s edge, it is his wife and children. He risked exposing them to STDs, including ones that kill, in service of his dick and ego. But, oh the excitement of that, the way they all look at him with innocent, loving eyes like baby harp seals, while only he knows about the secret club he can slam down at at any moment…

I hate this psychopath. I hope his wife finds out and finds a better man, which happily for her should be an easy accomplishment, since she could pretty much pick the next guy who gets off the escalator, and statistically speaking, meet a man way better than her husband.

This is the guy who at age 60 heats a turkey pot pie up on Thanksgiving, all alone in his condo and pitied by the younger residents, while his ex-wife and her new husband, and the kids and grandkids, have a joyous family feast.

OHFFS
OHFFS
1 month ago
Reply to  PrincipledLife

“This is the guy who at age 60 heats a turkey pot pie up on Thanksgiving, all alone in his condo and pitied by the younger residents”

I see you have met my ex.

2xchump
2xchump
1 month ago

Thank you Tracy. Whenever I feel like I kicked my cheater out while he was” sorry” and didn’t mean any harm…I recall how entitled he was and how sorry he was not. It was only for cake. Keeping me and all the strange woman at massage places. Being involved with strangers kept our marriage intact because he was not in love with them. He was only using them due to his diagnosed high testosterone….how else would one wife cope with high testosterone?. He was doing me a favor.

Chumpolicious
Chumpolicious
1 month ago

Wow. Is that guy for real? He seems like the main character in American Psycho.

hush
hush
1 month ago
Reply to  Chumpolicious

Exactly, seemed like Patrick Bateman feigning a reservation at Dorsia.

Chump-Domain Cleric
Chump-Domain Cleric
1 month ago
Reply to  Chumpolicious

Yes and no. The account is most likely fictional, but he is trying to convince people to cheat – he sells courses! A cheater-specific PUA.

weedfree
weedfree
1 month ago

I think this one belongs in the fiction section. Some bloke living in his ma’s basement.

marissachump
marissachump
1 month ago

Must be nice to live in the magical fantasy land where STIs do not exist. Nor unwanted pregnancies. Nor his wife being a fucking human being who will know on some level she’s being gaslit and played at best.

Dontfeellikedancin
Dontfeellikedancin
1 month ago

Ew GROSS. This is how my ex husband thought of himself. He had to be the best at lots of things and couldn’t just enjoy them. Some things I just let go, like I couldn’t stand to work out or mountain bike with him so I just did physical activity separately. Others were intrusively obnoxious like only HE knew the RIGHT way to cook onions (as much as possible), and garlic (as little as possible), and pork (dear God, there is no such thing as medium rare pork but he would not hear it). But whatever, this tendency meant good things too like he would be a devoted dad and achieve in his career and be the most upstanding Christian Good Guy ever, right? Nope, that’s just the image he wanted everyone to have of him. He also wanted to be the most attractive and needed proof of that.

The ironic thing is even though people that didn’t know him very well thought he was Captain America, I found out after DDay that more people than I knew found him to be insufferable and a cardboard-cutout of a dad and husband.

I guarantee this smarmy Fuckwit (if he’s even real, I think Tracy is on to something) THINKS he is admired, but people are sighing and rolling their eyes and wondering if they should tell his wife that she can stop spackling and pretending he’s as great as he thinks he is. His article is insufferable and I bet his personality is too. Maybe his wife is happy he cheats so he just stops talking about Keto and his skin care routine and demonstrating how to cook pork and insinuating that she should be more awesome like him.

I hope both fws get intestinal parasites.

SortofOverIt
SortofOverIt
1 month ago

It’s as if someone said “how can we make the heads of 30,000 Chumps explode all at once?” and the answer was this article.

He at one point says if he was faithful in his marriage, he wouldn’t be doing all these self-improving things, he’d dress dowdy, dad-dance and be overweight. Now, let’s put aside that he could do those things in a faithful, monogamous marriage. I’ll take his word that he simply wouldn’t put in these efforts for JUST his wife. (Flip side being that the wife will love him despite his Dockers and dad dancing)

What he doesn’t mention even once is that he could be SINGLE and do all this without risking a family getting hurt. If being a pretty boy and having a plethora of women is so important to him, he can leave his marriage and be free to pursue that life.

He also starts it out by saying “By day, I’m a loving husband and father. By night, I’m out there with different women, having the experience of a lifetime.”

I understand that there is this male fantasy put out there, kind of the Playboy lifestyle, of loads of super attractive women. But I’m sorry, I don’t completely buy it. He’s having the experience of a lifetime? He’s just having sex with a bunch of different women. Is that REALLY that magical? Sex is great. But after the first 20 secret partners, is it really the experience of a lifetime worth blowing your life up over? (Assuming that he has a healthy sex life with his wife- not to say a bad sex life excuses cheating, but if he has none at home at all, I could see why making his way through the Playboy calendar would be exciting, still not ok)

This was one of the most infuriating reads I’ve ever slogged through. Thank god for the UBT.

christineforme
christineforme
30 days ago

I guarantee his wife is harmed even if she does not “know.” Nobody that self-centered is being emotionally in tune with their family life. For example, the wife is not likely to be successful when initiating sex. That happened to me, it was the biggest clue, besides the ED which eventually catches up with these sociopaths.