I’m in the unfortunate position of having to continue to work in a business with my ex. I know this isn’t ideal, but we work on opposing days and most communication is via email and purely business related. I’m hoping that we can sell the business and finally go our separate ways soon or that I can find a way to buy him out. I find great satisfaction in watching the business grow and prosper after all the years of hard work and sacrifice. Our employees have told me that without me here they wouldn’t stay because he is such an unreasonable person to work for. Business is booming and I’m enjoying the financial freedom of having my hard work pay off.
He seems lukewarm because he’s onto shinier things. I believe there are some mental health issues at play with him (understatement of the century but I’m not a medical doctor so…)
He recently went to the Phillipines for six weeks and guess what! Surprise! – he met someone else while he was there. He didn’t tell me this when he got back (whatever) but I saw an email to our business email account thanking him for instructing an immigration lawyer on this woman’s behalf. I saw an exchange where he wrote back explaining that his girlfriend is pregnant now and he’s trying to get her into the Country before the baby is born.
(I can hear you rolling your eyes from here … you don’t even know where to start to you?)
I’m actually surprised by how off kilter this makes me. I’m incredibly angry for so many obvious reasons, the most painful is that he’s estranged from our daughter and is making no effort to make amends for any of the awful cruel things he said to her during the whole discard of me and the family. I must have had some hopium left that after getting some distance he would realize quite how badly he’d messed up and try at least to give his daughter some peace.
I’m furious that he and this person created a new life… for what? – to get her a stronger case for immigration? He’s 53. He’s a shitty Dad.
I’m disgusted – for so many reasons – and appalled that he thought it was ok to use the business email for this shit.
I’m so angry I don’t know how to get rid of the anger and bitterness I feel. I KNOW he sucks but he’s pulled the rug out from me AGAIN.
Not many of us get to witness karma this up-close and personal. He’s 53? He’s known this woman for 6 weeks, and she’s already pregnant and he’s already retained an immigration lawyer for her?
You know this won’t end well, don’t you?
Okay, he used the business email… SO YOU COULD DISCOVER THAT HIS LIFE IS A DUMPSTER FIRE OF DYSFUNCTION.
I don’t know how to get rid of the anger and bitterness I feel.
Your feelings aren’t the problem here. It’s your proximity to the fuckwit that’s the problem.
Because your livelihood is intimately entangled with his, you’re still very vulnerable to him. All his stupid shit is YOUR stupid shit. He can upend your life at any moment with his wandering dick nonsense. I don’t care how successful your business is, it’s founded on instability — him.
You feel “incredibly off-kilter” because you’re still the hypotenuse. This is still primo cake-eating for him. You’re the wife/worker bee appliance. There (literally) taking care of business while he’s out screwing around. How wonderful for HIM. How awful for you and your employees. Alternate work days cannot spackle over how shitty this is.
I bet anything your business is successful because YOU work at it. YOU sacrifice. YOU show up. So move heaven and earth to buy him out today. Research this. Go see a banker and figure out your financial options. Do you have a friend, a family member, a generous aunt, someone who can be an investor with you? I think you could probably swing a cat and find someone better than your ex to run your business with.
And yes, you might have to take a loss. But remember, you built this thing while dragging the weight of a fuckwit! Think of how you will soar without the fuckwit!
But Tracy, maybe the fuckwit is really talented at something and contributes greatly to the company?
First, everyone is replaceable. Second, whatever his contribution, it doesn’t outweigh his “mental health issues,” his reported unreasonableness, and his coming drama tsunami (can you say “paternity test”?)
I must have had some hopium left that after getting some distance he would realize quite how badly he’d messed up
I think you must’ve had some hopium to agree to this co-working situation while going through a divorce. Why you didn’t divvy it all up while you had lawyers on the job. I wonder if there wasn’t some bargaining stage of grief going on, where you thought, well, we can’t be life partners, but we do sell auto parts well together… (or whatever your business is). And you agreed to this. And thought that as long as you played the familiar roll of Hard Worker to his Prima Donna Fuckwit you could at least Salvage Something. Not have to take on so much loss at once.
Instead, what hopium got you was MORE vulnerability and MORE upset to his crazy.
Face it, this arrangement is NOT sustainable. Let the new baby mama be the kick in the rear you need to break things off with him completely — in work and in your personal life. I don’t know how old your daughter is, but if you’re in your 40s or 50s, I imagine she’s grown or close to it. She can figure out her own relationship with her dad. You need to parachute out of this mess.
Once you’re clear of him? Watch the “anger and bitterness” disappear. No contact is where it’s at.