You Might Be a Cheater If…

cheaterqueenToday’s Fun Friday challenge comes from JenPen. Ala Jeff Foxworthy’s “You might be a redneck if…” JenPen suggests “You might be a cheater if…”

For fun and a few much needed laughs…we wondered how many cheater lines we could come up with…well, I just knew the chumps would all have a lot of ideas….and thought it might be a fun post sometime.

“If your Match.com profile shows a headless body…you might be a cheater!”

We’ve done this one for “You might be a chump if…” But now it’s time to give cheaters a turn!

You might be a cheater if:

…You can’t remember how many phone carrier plans you have.

…You do all your texting on the toilet.

…Your Girls Night Outs have no girls.

Your turn to play! TGIF!

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Thankful
Thankful
7 years ago

You might be a cheater if the photo you use for your match.com profile is a selfie of you and your mobile, taken in a toilet.

TOLEDO
TOLEDO
7 years ago
Reply to  Thankful

You might be a cheater if ……your wife and your girlfriend EACH post an obituary in the SAME newspaper. https://www.littlethings.com/two-obituaries-leroy-blast-bill/?utm_source=shemarm&utm_medium=Facebook&utm_campaign=obits

geekmom
geekmom
7 years ago
Reply to  Thankful

. . . and your legs are numb from sitting there so long!

60 Corvette
60 Corvette
7 years ago
Reply to  Thankful

…Have a photo of a woman in a little black dress your shirt pocket on Thanksgiving, but tell your wife you “Have no idea who it is, haven’t worn that shirt in years”
…Have a picture of you and a pretty woman on your cell phone, and tell your wife “she is a Stripper, and I was counciling her”
…Your wife remembers you said something like that to her decades ago
…You come home at 3:00 a.m. from an “Important Business Meeting” (after your wife ironed your shirt, shaved your neck, and styled your hair) You were late because there was “so much traffic!”
…You immediately erase all phone messages on your brand new iphone, but wife recovers erased message to hear a womans voice cooing “Oh,Gaslighter! I can’t wait to see you!” (Kicks your sorry ass out that very minute)
…After long separation and Gaslighting your way back into Wreckonciliation, you tell your wife you will be home soon, are at an early breakfast meeting with a big client and VP of a National Bank.
…but It is Sunday
…And Monday is Martin Luther King day, a banking holiday

…your wife of 36 years files for Divorce

Over and Out
Over and Out
7 years ago
Reply to  Thankful

and I’ll add:

…You pose shirtless and are wearing mirrored sunglasses. [men]
…You take an angled boob shot to highlight your cleavage. [women]

allfornothing
allfornothing
7 years ago

You might be a cheater if you “love your partner but are not in love with them anymore”

patty
patty
7 years ago
Reply to  allfornothing

your penis falls into your secetary

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
7 years ago
Reply to  patty

Haha, totally!

honeyandthehomewrecker
honeyandthehomewrecker
7 years ago
Reply to  allfornothing

Ah, yes. The universally applied cheater mantra about love vs. in love. Mine said ‘Wife, you’re my best friend, but I don’t feel about you the way a husband is supposed to feel about a wife.’ So true, just not in the way he meant. Husband’s are SUPPOSED to open their mouth hole and speak words about their supposed unhappiness and ask for counseling or a divorce, not bang a stripper for 5 months while I’m at home with our infant and toddler. A husband is SUPPOSED to protect and keep his wife safe, not intentionally hurt her more than any other human being ever has. And, a husband is SUPPOSED to be a man and take responsibility for his actions, not whine like a 13 year old little bitch and claim none of this was his fault, because his happiness = the only happiness that matters out of the four of us. Gag.

UXworld
UXworld
7 years ago

I feel compelled to point out that this is the exclusive domain of men.

My STBXW said the exact same thing — she wants to be someone’s decked out blonde on the Camaro with come hither eyes — and get the accolades that go with it — and put me through hellish emotional abuse in order to do it.

All on the name of (her words) ‘becoming the person I was always meant to be.’

So your vehemence might want to be altered to “What is it with all of these disordered PEOPLE?” (Or more accurately ASSHOLES)

honeyandthehomewrecker
honeyandthehomewrecker
7 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

You are right, 100%. I get used to using the cheater vernacular in the masculine, but it is certainly not relegated to men! As Chump Lady points out, it’s not a male/female issue, it’s a LACK OF CHARACTER issue. Best to you in recovering from the bad taste left by your Tawny Kitaen wanna-be!

NWBiblio
NWBiblio
7 years ago

Ho.Ly.Sh*t!

Honey&, I have NEVER heard anyone whose ex used the same line — exactly! — as mine, until now! THANK YOU for sharing your story!

honeyandthehomewrecker
honeyandthehomewrecker
7 years ago
Reply to  NWBiblio

Ugggg…what is it with these disordered men? Do they not understand that life is not like a Def Leopard video? No, I am not some half-dressed skank with giant hair on top of a Camaro giving you come-hither eyes. I just had your babies and I’m a sane, funny, intelligent woman who tolerates your laziness and praises you when you do the slightest helpful thing while I bust ass for both of us. It’s never enough somehow. They have to have that fresh, new attention. They want the fantasy of a stripper-turned-housewife praising their manhood and showering them with accolades. Well, mine sure got what he wished for! He’s married to his AP, and a stripper turned housewife is exactly what she is. Teenage boys with arrested development who never grew up. That’s what they are. Sad to hear we relate, but happy to know the cheater playbook can now officially add one more go-to cliche!
https://www.honeyandthehomewrecker.com is where you can read the rest of my story. Hugs!

Lldodd60
Lldodd60
7 years ago
Reply to  allfornothing

+1

Chumpfor21
Chumpfor21
7 years ago
Reply to  Lldodd60

Yep

Inthedark
Inthedark
7 years ago

You might be a cheater if you have deleted all the messages from that secret friend you have never mentioned.

jmcclure366
jmcclure366
7 years ago
Reply to  Inthedark

+ yet another one

willowchumpx30
willowchumpx30
7 years ago
Reply to  Inthedark

+ another 1

Marked711
Marked711
7 years ago
Reply to  Inthedark

+1

blessingindisguise
blessingindisguise
7 years ago

You might be a cheater if you change screens on your computer every time your family walks into the room.

divorcinganarcissistblog
divorcinganarcissistblog
7 years ago

or you might have a serious porn problem. haha

MehGloriousMeh
MehGloriousMeh
7 years ago

serious porn problem = cheater

Although it’s taking people a long time to figure out that virtual sex also constitutes infidelity. It took me over ten years to make that realization, after lots of gaslighting “It’s just to relax. Aren’t you glad I’m not doing it with REAL women? It’s not cheating!” But by the time I did make that call, there were multiple physical relationships as well so it didn’t matter much.

brit
brit
7 years ago
Reply to  MehGloriousMeh

Your wife is taking “your”coat to take cleaners and finds a receipt for porn movie rentals from the hotel room you were in while you were on a business trip, you deny it, then blame her for snooping. Throw out a few things changing the subject like she’s Bipolar, tell her you’re seriously concerned about her mental health, or I can never make you happy, ask her if she’s ever happy, to divert the attention from you to her.
If she won’t let it go, hey, sorry, you need porn to relax after that grueling, long hour flight.

Linda Bailey
Linda Bailey
7 years ago
Reply to  MehGloriousMeh

It certainly is infidelity.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago

or slam your laptop shut when the spouse walks into the study.

Beth
Beth
7 years ago

^This!

patty
patty
7 years ago
Reply to  Beth

soooooo this ^

neverwouldhaveimagined
neverwouldhaveimagined
7 years ago
Reply to  Beth

Yes!

mickeyblueeyes
mickeyblueeyes
7 years ago

You might be a cheater if…You can got your head so far up your ass you can chew your food again on the way down.

(Sorry)

Effie
Effie
7 years ago
Reply to  mickeyblueeyes

+1 — LOL!

geekmom
geekmom
7 years ago
Reply to  mickeyblueeyes

. . . or so far up your ass you have to unzip to see where you’re going.

Pearshaped
Pearshaped
7 years ago
Reply to  mickeyblueeyes

Damn, that’s an even better Stupid Human Trick than the simultaneous jerk-off/typing one.

Sunrise
Sunrise
7 years ago
Reply to  Pearshaped

You know you’re a cheater (and seriously disordered) when you’re jerking of to porn on the big screen TV while simultaneously reading the latest Clive Cussler on your iPad.

Annie Get Your Gun
Annie Get Your Gun
7 years ago
Reply to  mickeyblueeyes

Ah, so that’s where his head went. I would pass through the living room on my way to do some household chore and occasionally see him sitting there headless. It looked like he was sitting on a bowling ball, I just never put two and two together before. I was too fixated on why the glow from his cell phone light was reflecting from his rectum like a lighthouse beacon. I’m sure it wasn’t to find his way out, but get further in because he even thought his own shit smelled sweet.

Pagan 602
Pagan 602
7 years ago

Coffee just came out my nose. Thank you.

ClaireS
ClaireS
7 years ago

Okay, you two. You almost owed me a keyboard. LMAO.

mickeyblueeyes
mickeyblueeyes
7 years ago
Reply to  mickeyblueeyes

*get!!

comedy..its all about timing

Jill
Jill
7 years ago
Reply to  mickeyblueeyes

There is a medical term for that…. cranialrectumitis!!

Thankful.
Thankful.
7 years ago

You may be a cheater if you have, recently bought new out of character underwear, have taken up shaving your junk and are never home when you are meant to be because you always have a pressing issue to manage.

The Chump struggle is real
The Chump struggle is real
7 years ago
Reply to  Thankful.

Omgah! Mine did the same exact “new underwear” shopping spree right before I found out. He even took the liberty of modeling them for me (during which I admittedly chuckled through the big “show” with an, “Oooookay…???). Red flags were waving at full mast and here I was thinking he was just in a weird shopping phase. I was somewhat right in my assumption; he was shopping around for dirty whores, after all.

neverwouldhaveimagined
neverwouldhaveimagined
7 years ago
Reply to  Thankful.

All three! New underwear is how I knew for sure. My STBX is super cheap and his all had holes before he got am AP.

horsesrcumin
horsesrcumin
7 years ago

Or I bought all his (designer, imported) underwear, and actually every item of clothing he ever wore for over 25 years, just for her to tell him what outstanding taste he has, and how great his body looked in what he wore – especially his underwear. Ah, yeah! I have a pretty good eye! And like she’d know! Bought everything in mum-grey that was ever made…

Needless to say my habit of regularly surprising him by buying for him stopped. Immediately. Comical to watch him try to dress himself. Ditto the grooming (ear hair!) Just couldn’t be arsed making him look good anymore. Funny that.

Jeanny
Jeanny
5 years ago
Reply to  horsesrcumin

Omg funny…. when we met I said to myself “ok, wearing x and y is not a biggie… easy to change that”
15years of marriage- I was buying clothes for him, he looked good.
Last trip we took, I was saying nothing at all, focused on buying/ packing for myself and kids.
Pics tell all: an attractive, well dressed lady with cute kids and a man with a mismatched outfit.

Yep, go for it

Helen Campbell
Helen Campbell
7 years ago
Reply to  horsesrcumin

Me too. He always had compliments on his sartorial splendour. Nothing but the best, you know! Dress shirts, $ 150 but worth every dollar. I dressed him well. Now, he’s on his own and I hear his live in ” doesn’t shop ” so he’s back to buying $ 19.99 shirts like he did when
he was 16 years old living with his cheap dad. Not my circus, not my monkey anymore.

MidlifeBlast
MidlifeBlast
7 years ago
Reply to  horsesrcumin

She should have picked you instead. Bet she’s pissed when she realises she got the booby prize

horsesrcumin
horsesrcumin
7 years ago
Reply to  MidlifeBlast

She didn’t even get the booby prize, Midlifeblast. He had finished the affair before I ever had a clue. “Choosing” me. And I didn’t even have to do a Pick Me Dance! Awesome, right? She told me via text message about six weeks after he ended it with her, while we were at a friend’s birthday party that she was supposed to be at. How lucky was I? The Chosen One. Yup. So damn lucky 😉

mim
mim
7 years ago

Mine too!!!! I wonder if she likes his nasty hole ridden undies now…because we all know a leopard doesn’t change its spots and he’s back to his old ways.

MidlifeBlast
MidlifeBlast
7 years ago
Reply to  mim

Lol, I used to have to throw his holey underwear away for him and buy new ones.

newlifeahead
newlifeahead
7 years ago
Reply to  MidlifeBlast

OMG, mine went from totally white to all different colors! And yea I was still washing them and putting them away!!

Annie Get Your Gun
Annie Get Your Gun
7 years ago
Reply to  Thankful.

Yours wore Underoos too? Mine would come home with new shirts and come out asking me if they matched his pants. I’d look and say, “You’re wearing blue jeans.” His response, “Yeah, but do they match.”

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
7 years ago

You might be a cheater if:
You switch from tightie whities to plaid boxers

yep, he did that

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

or start buying extensively from Undergear.

Anita
Anita
7 years ago

You might be a cheater if You accuse your wife of being “jealous and insecure” of a whore you are dating behind her back.

patty
patty
7 years ago
Reply to  Anita

yup yup yup

Sunrise
Sunrise
7 years ago
Reply to  Anita

You might be a cheater if you and howorker get fired within minutes of each other.

Rose
Rose
7 years ago
Reply to  Anita

Your might be a cheater if: you give your wife the go ahead to have a “friend” after you called him out on his inappropriate “friend”ship! ?

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
7 years ago
Reply to  Anita

You might be a cheater if: You accuse your wife of cheating on you after you are busted

Susan
Susan
7 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

Mine did the same thing! When I went on a marriage forum after his affair was discovered, he started to accuse me of cheating on him now w strangers on line !!!

Sunrise
Sunrise
7 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

You might be a cheater if you go to the hotel near your office to “sleep off a headache” when home is 20 minutes away.

Doingme
Doingme
7 years ago
Reply to  Sunrise

Sunrise

You might be a cheater if you take a whore out to eat, get drinks at the casino, and get a hotel a mile away.

I called him on it when I saw his bank statement. Quickly, he replied,”what if I was too drunk to drive?”

My reply, “because you booked the HO Jo the day before.”

Why not own it? No, lying till the end.

Over and Out
Over and Out
7 years ago
Reply to  Sunrise

It gave me a headache to read that….

Over and Out
Over and Out
7 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

+1

VulcanChump
VulcanChump
7 years ago

You might be a cheater if you can justify kissing another man’s girlfriend by assuming you’re rescuing her from her “evil, evil, boyfriend”.

CeliA
CeliA
7 years ago
Reply to  VulcanChump

They think they are really fated for each other and that becomes The Justification for everything they do behind their SOs back.

With Brave Wings
With Brave Wings
7 years ago
Reply to  VulcanChump

The other women also truly think this as they are saving our husbands from us. So pathetic.

Doingme
Doingme
7 years ago

-zero can’t marry her be cause hel will lose his health insurance. Yet he assured me he wouldn’t marry her. He’s looking to hit pay dirt with the other OW. Phone records don’t lie.

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
7 years ago

Turns out OW are saving us from our hisbands.
He’s yours now!

mim
mim
7 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine

I wish I could “like” comments. I swear I’m going to send her flowers one day! They are looking miserable and I hear they fight a lot….waiting for just the right moment to send her a thank you bouquet.

Special snowflake ha!
Special snowflake ha!
7 years ago
Reply to  mim

Me, too! Once the divorce is final and they can get engaged. She can’t have him actually living with her until they are engaged or married (her divorce decree, cause she still has little ones….ha,ha,ha)

freddypagaga
freddypagaga
7 years ago

I discovered mine had already been engaged to Toothless the Whitetrash Whore for 6 months before I discovered the affair–his reply “Well her ring isn’t as nice as yours….” Needless to say I cancelled the 25 year anniversary party I was planning….

Roaring
Roaring
7 years ago
Reply to  freddypagaga

Freddypagaga, What. The. Fuck? He was engaged? Do you think these guys are idiots all along? How do they live?

nodancing
nodancing
7 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine

So TRUE! They do us a favor!

With Brave Wings
With Brave Wings
7 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine

Oh yes, in hindsight it’s a wonderful thing! The best karma is that she has him now…my past is her future, bahahahahahah! Good luck special snowflake.

lovedandlost
lovedandlost
7 years ago

…if your wife just doesn’t understand you and you have sooo much more in common with …pretty much everybody else!

With Brave Wings
With Brave Wings
7 years ago
Reply to  lovedandlost

LMAO!!!! Yep, everyone else on the planet.

brit
brit
7 years ago

Similar to the “I get along with everyone else but you,” what does that tell you Brit??

It tells me you’re full of shit.

Done4Good
Done4Good
7 years ago
Reply to  lovedandlost

^^^^^This!!!

Paintwidow
Paintwidow
7 years ago
Reply to  Done4Good

Yes!!!! Absolutely this^^
I only wish there was a prize, this would win.

mavis
mavis
7 years ago
Reply to  Paintwidow

+ 1
And the question “do you REALLY see us being together for the long term?” after 20+ yrs of marriage

oaktree
oaktree
7 years ago
Reply to  mavis

That’s fucking unbelievable. My stbxw told me (after 21 years married, 25 together) “I never really was the marrying kind.”

Carmella1722
Carmella1722
7 years ago

You might be a cheater if you complain to your girlfriend that your wife doesn’t trust you.

Darkstar
Darkstar
7 years ago
Reply to  Carmella1722

Love it!

Blogdramedy
Blogdramedy
7 years ago
Reply to  Carmella1722

Nice one, Carmella. In my case: you may be a cheater if you complain to your girlfriend’s HUSBAND that your wife doesn’t trust your “friendship” with his wife. This OW’s husband emailed the ex saying, “I don’t know how you can live with someone so distrusting.” Talk about ass end of the stick. This was shortly after I discovered the affair and the ex was madly scrambling to make sure I was portrayed as the crazy one. It’s been a year now and so happy I can laugh about everything that happened. Well, most days. 🙂

Carmella1722
Carmella1722
7 years ago
Reply to  Blogdramedy

Yeah, OW sometimes would text my H that they couldn’t meet up after work because her husband was driving her and picking her up, and that he didn’t trust her. My husband’s response was “you can’t live like that.”

Kay
Kay
7 years ago
Reply to  Carmella1722

Ha! Carmella. Hilarious. And sadly, very painfully true.

Annie Get Your Gun
Annie Get Your Gun
7 years ago
Reply to  Carmella1722

That’s funny 🙂

Brenda
Brenda
7 years ago

You might be a cheater If you tell your girlfriend that time you spend with your own child is “playing Daddy” and that you are ” bored” by it. And she then tells you what a “good father” you are. And of course, she’s a “wonderful mother”, whoring with a married man in front of her teenage daughter. Wow, it’s amazing when you write it down.

With Brave Wings
With Brave Wings
7 years ago
Reply to  Brenda

The kids are collateral damage and the cheaters are too selfish to realize it. They really do think that they are good fathers and it’s insulting to the actual amazing Dads out there.

CeliA
CeliA
7 years ago

Yep. Mine would fantasize of impregnating me just to get the OW jealous. Sick bastard.

nomar
nomar
7 years ago

You might be a cheater if . . .

. . . You’re in a “committed relationship” with several people who don’t know each other exist.

. . . Your idea of a “friend” involves swapping bodily fluids.

. . . You can greet news of horrific emotional trauma suffered by those who have sacrificed the most for you with the dead-eye stare of a week-old grouper in a fish market display cooler.

brit
brit
7 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Yes, I know the dead eyed stare, I called it reptilian, reminded me of the lizards I see in the garden or behind the glass at Petco. I can’t look at a reptile without thinking of him. X eye’s protrude, always reminded me go those big lizards whose eyes move in different directions. I like the dead fish comparison,good description like a dead fish, looking past me. From now on anytime I see a dead fish (Grouper) X will come to mind. Slimy like a dead rotting fish.

Thankful, I laughed at “any words spoken in reference infidelity deliberately being spoken in some distant tribal act” it’s weird how they’re able to go into a trans like state. X would walk around the house in a trans state months prior to his exit, occasionally he’d throw in a look of disdain.
When X did announce he was leaving he looked past me with with the grouper look as I was devastated and begging him to stay, or talk about why, he said he didn’t want to hear my drama. Asshole shatters my world and he doesn’t need the drama..

Blogdramedy
Blogdramedy
7 years ago
Reply to  nomar

That. So much that! I always loved his dark brown eyes but after discovering his affair and reading up on the commonalities of cheaters (so much the same, so very unoriginal) memories came flooding back of that dead stare and very little blinking. I just recently finished watching “The Fall” and wow, talk about flashback.

Chumpasaurus Rex
Chumpasaurus Rex
7 years ago
Reply to  nomar

“Dead-eye stare”-YES! callous and unfeeling when you are an emotional wreck…

Done4Good
Done4Good
7 years ago
Reply to  nomar

I also received (still do sometimes) the kicked puppy dog look. That is, when he can actually look me in eyes which lately, has become less and less.

Hesatthecurb
Hesatthecurb
7 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Once again, Nomar, you go to the heart of it……You summed it up for me!

Thankful
Thankful
7 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Oh, the dead eyed fish look, like a week old groper in a fish market window. love it!

I found that this was always accompanied with total deniability, as if all questions being asked in reference to any form of infidelity were deliberately being spoken in some distant tribal dialect.

your not accountable if you don’t understand the question.

you might be a cheater if you claim to love your wife but are un able to get it up majority of the time.

if your penis is crusty majority of the time

or if you have a log on to Ozzie frogs.com and pretend to spend hours looking at and communicating with others on the sight because all your spare time need to be spent communicating with other and sharing you love of broken-down crap box european cars. this was what mine was looking at overtime I entered the room when he was on the computer, yet

ooooooooh you might be a cheater if you have a need to keep clearing you browser history.

Confused123
Confused123
7 years ago
Reply to  Thankful

Crusty penis? Is that an STD?

Annie Get Your Gun
Annie Get Your Gun
7 years ago
Reply to  Confused123

It’s just another long-hair band from the 70″s. You know, old men with saggy balls who are getting back together for one last tour. Their opening act is The Easy Vaginas.

Confused123
Confused123
7 years ago

Groan!

Anita
Anita
7 years ago
Reply to  Thankful

You should have told him “there’s an app for that”. Clearing browser history I mean.

The Ex-orcist
The Ex-orcist
7 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Ba ha ha ha????

Done4Good
Done4Good
7 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Yep, I was on the receiving end of the dead fish look. That made me want to punch him in the scrotum.

Carmella1722
Carmella1722
7 years ago

You might be a cheater if you claim that the affair you insist never happened is over.

With Brave Wings
With Brave Wings
7 years ago
Reply to  Carmella1722

“SHE’S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!” *rolls eyes*

He got so mad when I called her his girlfriend because in his mind he wasn’t really having an affair. They were just friends that went on dates apparently.

Hopiumrecovery
Hopiumrecovery
7 years ago

Yep, I got the “she’s not my gf” bs too, ’cause that would make him a cheater and he doesn’t cheat. Even though he was screwing her and screwed others in my home while we were married and before we married. He denied it to the day he finally took his stuff and his mom out of my house two weeks after the divorce. He slipped up and mentioned the “three of them”. Then denies he is living with the slut puppet, who I know for a fact he has been living with for the past year. The crazy doesn’t stop.
So, you know your a cheater (and a sociopath) when you believe your own lies in the face of clear and absolute evidence to the contrary (photos of your pp in her mouth, in our home, for one of hundreds of examples).

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago

Same here…he was sure that he and Schmoopie had invented some new category of human interaction and when I referred to her as his “girlfriend”, he looked shocked and said “She is not my girlfriend” whereupon I reviewed the common usage of the word proving him wrong

Blogdramedy
Blogdramedy
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

I, too, referred to the OW as his girlfriend. His MARRIED girlfriend. Because she’s the wife of a couple we met while travelling. When I discovered what was going on (emotional affair, emailing, texting, Skyping when her husband wasn’t home, secret cell phone, and then banging each other when we travelled with them to Italy) and asked him to end the affair, his response was, “she lives in another country and is totally devoted to her husband and will never leave him, so what’s your problem?” I mean really, how do you respond to something like that? Other than head in the opposite direction.

ChutesandLadders
ChutesandLadders
7 years ago

Mine went ballistic when I told him, “Tell your piece of shit work whore to stop calling the house.” When he told me I was crazy, I replied, “Oh, that’s right. You are unemployed again. It’s just
piece of shit whore’ now. My bad.”

minime1224
minime1224
7 years ago

mine pulled the line before I even knew about chumplady I love you but Im not in love with you. that killed me. Then I said is there someone else and he said no and I said right then I said well whoever she is she must be some piece of work because nice women dont steal other womens husbands and he said she isnt LIKE THAT WTF

Lldodd60
Lldodd60
7 years ago
Reply to  Carmella1722

+1

ClaireS
ClaireS
7 years ago
Reply to  Lldodd60

+2. You might be a cheater if said formerly non-existent but now over affair still isn’t over. You’re just “trying to ease her down gently” or ” trying to break up with her slowly so she won’t go crazy — because you don’t want her to hurt your wife.”

Anita
Anita
7 years ago

I like a thing I’ve seen on Facebook, can’t remember it exactly. Something like

“If you wonder if hiding/deleting texts/emails/phone calls, makes you a cheater, you already are one.”

Sorry for the bad interpretation.

happily ever after
happily ever after
7 years ago
Reply to  Anita

Don’t be sorry for that quote speaks the truth.
You might be a cheater if you hold your phone a little too close to your body all the time.
You might be a cheater if your phone use is 5 times anyone else on the family plan.
You might be a cheater if you cheat….lie….steal….and pretend it’s all so innocent.

Susan
Susan
7 years ago

…and hide under the blankets and txt. Or run into the bathrooms w phone attached to the arm. If trying to hold or use their phone, OMG!!!! Yould think you were asking the impossible!

Having to ask spouse over & over if everything is ok w them. Having children ask the cheater if they are ok too…

Oh, I never want to go thur ever again living w all the early uncertainties.

UXworld
UXworld
7 years ago

If your spouse confronts you with incriminating evidence taken from your cell phone or computer, and your only response is “Well, it’s obvious that you can’t be trusted either,” you might be a cheater.

geekmom
geekmom
7 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

I got threatened with prosecution for hacking and invasion of privacy when I discovered his emails. On my own computer. On the Internet account in my name. The one I adminstered to set up his email. Ass.

Current Chump
Current Chump
7 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

when you accuse your wife of violating YOUR privacy when she catches you at an Asian massage parlor with hookers using find my iPhone app because you are late to your own fathers birthday party & keeping your entire family waiting!!!!

ChutesandLadders
ChutesandLadders
7 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Yeah, when he left his computer unlocked “by accident” and I found emails detailing how long they had been cheating, he accused me of “unlawfully hacking” into his private account. Then he threatened to have me arrested for it.

No lie.

Sausalito
Sausalito
7 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Oh yeah, I can’t be trusted now either, because I dared to open a new bank account in my name only…

Anita
Anita
7 years ago

You might be a cheater, if you put your secret Friend’s number in your phone under a man’s name. Oh, these cheaters are oh so clever.

Susan
Susan
7 years ago
Reply to  Anita

Geekman, Anita, current chump,Sausalito, etc… So right on!
Aunt Podger, I too had a control freak, but mine was w food. I could never have appetizers, dessert, cheese, pastries, ice cream, or seconds. He had such an eating disorder or that he refuse to recognize. We fought over food a lot, what I could eat and what I could not eat .

Friends would tease him and tell him he was gaining weight and then I was the one who suffered and couldn’t eat anything.

I would tell friends not to do this because I was the one that would be paying for it, but they thought it was funny because he was so anal about his weight gain.

He was determined to stay his weight that he was in college he was now down to 62.

Throughout my 40s and 50s I would hide eating food and only eat what I like when he was away working. My sister would watch and cover for me if we were out to a restaurant if she saw him come in we would switch plates.

I never gained weight and probably never would other than when I went into menopause and I would tell him believe me I will lose the weight because I like clothes to much.

Our 28th year he had an affair with a woman that was much heavier than me .

CAGal
CAGal
7 years ago
Reply to  Anita

This is funny – I was in the very last stage of “lining up the ducks” and I managed to get into his phone for the first time in a long time. Not going to change anything, but hey – why not? He didn’t even have the sense to change her name to Dave or something. Just her normal name and at 7:45 in the AM on Saturday they had already been talking about some sex dream that she had had. I was like doing the “face palm” in my head.

Aunt Podger
Aunt Podger
7 years ago
Reply to  Anita

I confess, my cheater was so pathlogically possessive of me, I labeled any friends or family members he did not approve of as “bank” (my mother), [landlord) (my college roommate), etc. I never called them without his express permission, nor did I ever speak to a person of the opposite sex without him in the room and listening to both sides of the conversatio. He had all my passwords. I had… a sham of a marriage.

I guess I deserved his affairs and abuse. I did lie to to him by secretly keeping the ability to call my parents, even if I never actually did so. Idevote my life to being better than that… and happily single forevermore

Loridachump
Loridachump
7 years ago
Reply to  Aunt Podger

Aunt posher I was starting to feel bad too podger! I had to hide any male contact I had under another name. He was especially insane about an ex of mine I broke up with amicably. 7 years before meeting him. We remained platonic friends. Talked on the phone if it had to do with Union matters, never met for lunch, coffee, rarely saw each other at work, maybe once in passing every 6 mos or so. Much of the secrecy I had around hiding friends numbers were to protect him. I never wanted anyone to know I was living like this.

He would read my texts, emails but never find anything. It was like being in the military and all of a sudden there’s a pop up inspection of computers and phones. He would demand I do FaceTime to make sure I was at work like I said I was.
Found out he was cheating on me the whole time. Even had a seperate apartment I knew nothing about….shit

Annie Get Your Gun
Annie Get Your Gun
7 years ago
Reply to  Aunt Podger

You deserve to be respected and treated as an adult and not have your life monitored by an overlord. That is abuse. Anyone who tries to manipulate you into isolation is an abuser. You deserve to have friends of your choosing and family. He can go right back to hell. Any time you feel the need to hide things in your relationship, it’s time to reevaluate your relationship. There’s a big difference between hiding your phone because you’re having an affair and hiding your phone because you called your mom. In both cases you were being abused and for that YOU are owed the apology. I am so sorry you had to experience that type of treatment.

Aunt Podger
Aunt Podger
7 years ago

Thank you. I needed that. I am crying.

ClaireS
ClaireS
7 years ago
Reply to  Aunt Podger

AnnieGetYourGun is spot-on, every single word. NO ONE deserves affairs and abuse. Please, he’s done enough harm. Don’t give him one second more help by taking one whit of responsibility for HIS cruelty and evil.

You are amazing for having survived. Know that, and if you don’t, or you falter, come back and read her post. I wish I could give you a hug. Airborne will have to do. {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

ClaireS
ClaireS
7 years ago
Reply to  ClaireS

Update: BOTH of AnnieGetYourGun’s posts are spot on.

Annie Get Your Gun
Annie Get Your Gun
7 years ago
Reply to  Aunt Podger

You have value. Don’t ever forget it. Look in the mirror and repeat, “I have value and demand respect.” Believe it. If anyone tells you differently or treats you unkindly just hold up your hand to cut them off and walk away. They are not worth one more second of your time.

4 a.m. 4ever
4 a.m. 4ever
7 years ago
Reply to  Anita

Yes – she was “Electrician” (he’s a contractor), and he was “Lori”.

mermaiddani
mermaiddani
7 years ago
Reply to  Anita

My ex-husband did that. That’s how I caught him. I asked him why he was texting “Shane,” telling “him” how “he” looked nice and asking about “his” Valentine’s plans. “Shane” was all alone on Valentine’s because “his” kids were with their fathers. (Yup. Plural.) Then, in the same conversation, he invited “Shane” over. “Shane” had plans with “his” girlfriends that night, but would be available much later. My ex invited “Shane” to come over when “he” was done with the Girls Night Out, but warned “him” to call him first. (My ex worked and lived out of town four nights a week.)

Azkadelia
Azkadelia
7 years ago
Reply to  mermaiddani

Do cheaters really leave the text evidence on their phones? My cheating husband wiped his texts immediately. Or did you have some other way of finding out…(and please, tell me what it was!)

Chumpy dad
Chumpy dad
7 years ago
Reply to  mermaiddani

Yep, Martin was only listed as M in her phone. I had to call in the FBI to decode that one for me. I never would have figured it out for myself 🙂

ANC
ANC
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumpy dad

Mine was Max. As in her last name, maxwell. But ironically used her dog as her “face”. The dog is waaaaaaay cuter. Should have used a horse head.

geekmom
geekmom
7 years ago
Reply to  ANC

ANC, the horse’s other end would have been more fitting.

Calmafterstorm
Calmafterstorm
7 years ago
Reply to  Anita

Ascher was really A…whore! Gotta give him points for alliteration though

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
7 years ago
Reply to  Anita

Yep. And tag it with your favorite hobby “tennis” just to add a layer of plausibility. Oh that person? Someone I play tennis with now and then.

Azkadelia
Azkadelia
7 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

In my case, tagged with “Accountant.” Why do you need to call the company’s accountant on her cell phone at 6:30 in the morning???

newdaydawning
newdaydawning
7 years ago
Reply to  Anita

Exactly!!!

Beth
Beth
7 years ago
Reply to  Anita

Uh huh.

newlifeahead
newlifeahead
7 years ago
Reply to  Beth

Yep, mine did that, of course it was the only contact in his secret phone!

mavis
mavis
7 years ago
Reply to  Beth

+ 1
brilliant, aren’t they?

Paintwidow
Paintwidow
7 years ago
Reply to  Beth

Same.
Preston was really elizabeth. Knew I hit rock bottom when I asked why he was texting Preston at 2am.

Beanie
Beanie
7 years ago
Reply to  Paintwidow

Yes! Sarah = Steve

Marisa
Marisa
7 years ago
Reply to  Beanie

my cheater and the OW call each other King and Queen. Gross!

Kar marie
Kar marie
7 years ago
Reply to  Marisa

Asswipe and whore juice called each other master and mistress and always called him sir. Also sickening.

HeatDeath
HeatDeath
7 years ago
Reply to  Marisa

One of the earlier D-Days for me was finding a list of nicknames Nowdeadserialcheaterwife and her “twu wuv” had for each other (this was before he cheated on her.)

“Husband” and “Wife” were literally on the list.

Even she just didn’t even try to gaslight her way out of that one. The cookie jar pieces were there on the floor at her feet. She just plead down to EA, and said she’d never talk to him again.

Yes, of course I bought it. Sigh.

This was within a year of marrying me.

ByeByeCheater
ByeByeCheater
7 years ago
Reply to  Anita

yep +1

Still a chump
Still a chump
7 years ago
Reply to  Anita

Anita +1

Bud
Bud
7 years ago

You might be a cheater if you disguise your adultery partners phone number in a second contacts entry of your friends name.

Kar marie
Kar marie
7 years ago

You might be a cheater if your spouse goes looking for evidence on a hunch, finds it, asks you about it, you deny say its only a casual thing thing, means nothing and why were you invading my privacy!

Chumpasaurus Rex
Chumpasaurus Rex
7 years ago
Reply to  Kar marie

Oh the classic “invasion of privacy”. I definitely got that one too!

Anita
Anita
7 years ago

Me, too, regarding the invasion of privacy. Oh well, he’s got all the privacy in the world now. Love it.

Current Chump
Current Chump
7 years ago
Reply to  Anita

Don’t you just love the “Invasion of privacy” bullshit?
When stbx gave me that crap statement on Dday, I told him that I thought our marriage was private?!

So happy to be rid of that assclown

Loridachump
Loridachump
7 years ago
Reply to  Current Chump

But I used to tell him he was invading my privacy. I hated that he would go through my phone and read my texts! Some of those texts were private conversations between friends ad myself not meant for him to see, personal situations, problems friends are having. I told him my friends text me not you! I tried to show by example and not do the same to him. Then one day I did . Every time I found something incriminating .

You may be a cheater if your partner finds a text in your phone telling a women how beautiful she is and you ask her on a date and your response to her is “what about you fucking your ex at work?” Even though you have no evidence to prove this ever happened…..and you continue to repeat this response until your partner ends up trying to defend herself against these false accusations….mission accomplished .

Chumpasaurus Rex
Chumpasaurus Rex
7 years ago
Reply to  Anita

Haha! Ain’t that the truth. Philander away, divorcee!

ChutesandLadders
ChutesandLadders
7 years ago

ditto

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
7 years ago
Reply to  Kar marie

LOL! It goes from “you are mistaken” to “nothing happened” to “we’re both married so we didn’t cross that line” to “it didn’t mean anything” … hmmmm

neverwouldhaveimagined
neverwouldhaveimagined
7 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

Yes, how could you snoop through my personal things (gasp)? Um, how about a more important question like how could you keep a love letter from your whore in your briefcase, you idiot? Oh, that’s old he said you know I broke it off months ago.

Well, did you read it? Because I did and she included the date.

ColdTurkey
ColdTurkey
7 years ago

You might be a cheater if you have a tube of K-Y jelly clearly visible in the mesh pocket of your bookbag that you place on the podium while you teach class.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  ColdTurkey

That is creepy and disgusting. I hope the teaching evals mentioned the K-Y jelly so the Dean’s office could address it.

willowtree
willowtree
7 years ago
Reply to  Kar marie

this

chris1731
chris1731
7 years ago
Reply to  willowtree

This

Kimhopes
Kimhopes
7 years ago

You might be a cheater if you spend thousands of dollars on credits for a dating site while still being married to your clueless wife.

Done4Good
Done4Good
7 years ago

You might be a cheater if your spouse points out the enormous amount of text messages to your “Friend” over the course of a cell phone billing period so you move said Friend to a texting app which your chumpy spouse discovers only to respond, “well I didn’t want to upset you with all those text messages when you pay the bill.”

lostntx
lostntx
7 years ago
Reply to  Done4Good

Dealt with that one for sure!

Other Kat
Other Kat
7 years ago
Reply to  lostntx

You might be a cheater if you justify hiding your technology with the excuse, “If you saw what’s in it, you would accuse me of cheating.”

BetterDays
BetterDays
7 years ago

You might be a cheater if … you complain your wife never wants to do anything with you anymore, but you’re a passive-aggressive shit to her on date nights … because you’re secretly comparing her to the other women you go out with and they’re “more fun.”

MovingOn
MovingOn
7 years ago
Reply to  BetterDays

YES– I remember the last date I went out on with ex-cheater shortly before D-Day. We went out to dinner, and I remember sitting there while he told me, in excruciating detail, all about one of his grad classes. It was like the social studies class scene with Ben Stein from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off: “Anyone…? Anyone…? Voodoo economics…?”

When I think about that, I have to laugh that he was the one who cheated. I can’t say that my final memories of our time together were filled with his romantic gestures or sparkling conversation. He clearly didn’t need to cheat to get away from me– he cheated to get away from himself. Only… oops. As Emerson once wrote, “My giant goes with me wherever I go.”

Springy
Springy
7 years ago
Reply to  BetterDays

Wow, thank you for this A-ha moment!

BetterDays
BetterDays
7 years ago
Reply to  BetterDays

One of the best things about CN is posting something you’re not sure anyone will understand … and then finding out you’re not alone and that move was right out of the Cheater Playbook. OMG!

And yep on the competition. When I confronted him about his behavior, I couldn’t believe that in his arrogant, entitled mind, I — his wife — was in competition with ANYONE, let alone his whores. Whores who probably believed that boring wifey just didn’t understand him anymore. I wonder if they got the message that if they weren’t fun and entertaining enough he’d put them in the same category as the old ball and chain. Kibbles, kibbles everywhere.

At first I was hurt and humiliated. Then I was furious for a long time. Now it makes me laugh because it’s another story of Cheese Fries’s asshattery. Hard to believe I used to think the mask was the real him.

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
7 years ago
Reply to  BetterDays

“Cheese Fries” is the best, disdainful moniker!!!

BetterDays
BetterDays
7 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

I used to call him The Entitled One which also fits. As I was processing our twenty-two-year relationship, I had to swallow the fact that I knew he what he was before we even started dating but I spackled like hell because the good times were so good. Back in college, he told me he and his friends used to have some ongoing bet about sleeping with different women — women who were in relationships. I don’t remember the exact details but the prize was Cheese Fries at the student union. And I knew he’d cheated on his long-distance girlfriend. I assumed he would grow out of that juvenile crap simply because I couldn’t imagine anyone NOT growing out of it. So now I call him Cheese Fries to remind me that he never changed, he’s still the guy I knew he was before I put my blinders on.

oaktree
oaktree
7 years ago
Reply to  BetterDays

My stbxw told me about the time she and a friend were in a club, and the friend dared her to go up to and seduce the hottest guy there. Which she did, and ended up spending several days on his sailboat, blah, blah, blah. Should have figured…

ByeByeCheater
ByeByeCheater
7 years ago
Reply to  BetterDays

+1 here too

mavis
mavis
7 years ago
Reply to  ByeByeCheater

You know you’re a cheater when you bring new sex moves into the bedroom & say “women like that’. I kid you not

Noelle
Noelle
7 years ago
Reply to  mavis

Mine did the same! I had to tell him that ‘spitting on your hand isn’t foreplay”. His response, “oh, I thought that’s what women liked”.

Loridachump
Loridachump
7 years ago
Reply to  Noelle

OMG!!! The spitting on the hand!! WTF???????

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  mavis

Wow, Mavis, your X sounds like a real treat (not). What a creepy fucker.

Mavis
Mavis
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

yep. Very creepy Tempest – thanks for validating

Calmafterstorm
Calmafterstorm
7 years ago
Reply to  BetterDays

OMG I lived that! It’s hard to compete with new and shiny especially when you didn’t even know new and shiny existed.

oaktree
oaktree
7 years ago
Reply to  Calmafterstorm

Bingo!

ColdTurkey
ColdTurkey
7 years ago
Reply to  oaktree

Yup.

Calmafterstorm
Calmafterstorm
7 years ago

You might be a cheater if you suddenly start taking herbal male enhancement pills but tell your wife it is to promote bone health. Boner, more like it.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Calmafterstorm

Ha! Yes, mine had Horny Goat Weed.

MidlifeBlast
MidlifeBlast
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I used to MAKE mine drink horny goat weed cos he was such a lame

BetterDays
BetterDays
7 years ago
Reply to  Calmafterstorm

Hahahahaha.

Done4Good
Done4Good
7 years ago
Reply to  Calmafterstorm

LOL!

Little Mighty Me
Little Mighty Me
7 years ago

…If you can’t muster the hand-eye coordination required to change a baby’s diaper or fold a load of laundry, but you can easily sext long Penthouse Forum type paragraphs one-handed while jerking off with the other.

Pearshaped
Pearshaped
7 years ago

Too bad David Letterman isn’t on anymore. That’s a great Stupid Human Trick!

FreeWoman
FreeWoman
7 years ago

Eeeeww!

Calmafterstorm
Calmafterstorm
7 years ago

You might be a cheater if you think the classic movie “Gaslight” is an instructional video.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
7 years ago
Reply to  Calmafterstorm

Brilliant!!? 😀

lldodd60
lldodd60
7 years ago

you tell your wife how luck you are that you have two best friends, her and the woman young enough to be your daughter that you hide texts from because she signs them xoxo.

Smarter now
Smarter now
7 years ago

4 weeks into your marriage you ask your spouse if they have anyone they “regret” not being “with”.

6 weeks into your marriage you secretly cash out the honeymoon funds from your wedding.

Annie Get Your Gun
Annie Get Your Gun
7 years ago

You might be a cheater if:

1. You buy condoms and your wife has had a hysterectomy.
2. Your cell phone can’t be more than an arms reach away and always face down.
3. You go out with the friends that you don’t really have.
4. You send a text to your girlfriend declaring your love but your wife gets it.
5. You have to look up the word “defendant” when you get served.
6. You’re a Fucktard.

Other Kat
Other Kat
7 years ago

Having to look up the word “defendant” cracked me up–mine hated being referred to as the “respondent,” especially when it meant he had to sit behind me in court with a big sign in front of him. It also reminds me of my neighbor, a man I strongly suspect is a narcissist but I don’t know him well enough to be sure. The other day when we were out in our yards chatting, he and his wife started arguing about whether or not they’d both been deposed in a lawsuit between other neighbors that happened a few years before I moved in. Clearly hubby wanted to be right but obviously had a shakey grasp of the facts, and his wife refused to back down on her insistence that she had, in fact, been deposed. He got angry and exasperated and finally said, “All I know is that they did not deport ME.” She came back with, “Well, you should have been deported. But the word you were looking for is ‘depose.'”

Sausalito
Sausalito
7 years ago

Hey, at least yours used condoms. That’s a rarity in Cheaterville, you must have gotten a special one!

Digbert
Digbert
7 years ago
Reply to  Sausalito

Yes, but not always – I was pissed about the condoms because:

A. There was no chance of getting pregnant
B. I was infertile due to an emergency op and nearly died during the procedure so to bring condoms ( flavoured) into the bedroom 2 mths later was a bit of an insult!
C. He wasn’t consistent – maybe my vagina wasn’t always angry …… enough ???

Either way, infertility with a cheater sucks especially if you invest a long time with someone and find yourself at 40+ childless, homeless and wondering who the hell you have been living with half your life .

The only advantage is that you have not procreated with the fucktard so no contact is possible from the start.

Digbert
Digbert
7 years ago

Yes!!! This I knew it was not just me with the condoms, in my case XH periodically insisted on using them in the bedroom post hysterectomy because my vagina ‘irritated’ him – maybe ‘it’ knew something I didn’t ???

I also bought the periodic ‘ man scape’ explanation as male grooming gone overboard ?

Kar marie
Kar marie
7 years ago
Reply to  Digbert

Man scaping is just vain and gross! Ewwwww! Not very manly if he wants to do this. Asswipe did it cause of the whore he is a pretty hairy guy. I told him want to look better for the whores? Shave your back and butt hair. A slong is supposed to be manly not pretty you whiny little bitch!

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
7 years ago
Reply to  Kar marie

The Coward left an enormous mound of gray pubes, unflushed, in the master bath toilet before BD. Aside from being gag-inducing, it was another giant “fuck you” to me. And he looked ridiculous. I hope it itched.

Kar marie
Kar marie
7 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine

It looks like a young boy its just gross and very creepy. Turn off for me.

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
7 years ago
Reply to  Kar marie

It looked like he had taken a weed-whacker to his tallywhacker. It just looked horrible.

Bahahahah! The more I think about it. Bahahahahah!!!

Kar marie
Kar marie
7 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine

Asswipe always referred to caveman mentality when speaking of the relationship roots. My only comment was im sure cavemen didnt shave their pubes to empress whores. He shut up always referring to cavemen but uh wake up dude its 2016, where are all your tribal tattooes and piercings? Asshole. Cavemen is no excuse for cheating. What an idiot?!

Kar marie
Kar marie
7 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine

I busted out laughing and said it looked like a boys and not a man. He asked me doesnt it look trimmer and neater? No i said it looks stupid your supposed to be a man. Turns out the whore liked it and also the beard he grew. I hate a beard on him it doesnt make him more handsome, less handsome, some guys just dont look good in beards and way older. But some guys are just plain stupid. No offense to all guys but if you manscaping dont. Ewwww!

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
7 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine

Ohhhhhhhh, you guys are so hilarious!!

Annie Get Your Gun
Annie Get Your Gun
7 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine

Too bad he didn’t.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine

I’d be happy to use a weedwhacker on any cheater looking to manscape/womanscape. No cost. Feel free to offer my services to your X.

Annie Get Your Gun
Annie Get Your Gun
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I’ll hold your purse (or him down, whatever is necessary).

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago

Thanks, Annie, I knew you’d have my back (or my purse, or spare weedtrimmer twine).

ClaireS
ClaireS
7 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine

I hope he nicked his scrotum. A couple times. (Sorry, guys here.)

Annie Get Your Gun
Annie Get Your Gun
7 years ago
Reply to  Digbert

My vagina “knew something I didn’t.” Now that’s a cartoon I don’t think Chump Lady can post, but the mental image caused me to choke on my coffee. I’m laughing so hard tears are running down my legs.

Digbert
Digbert
7 years ago

Looking back ….I am kinda proud I had an ‘angry vag’

oaktree
oaktree
7 years ago
Reply to  Digbert

+1

Paintwidow
Paintwidow
7 years ago

Geez…I almost just choked on my yogurt.

SandD
SandD
7 years ago
Reply to  Paintwidow

You might be a cheater if your husband had a vasectomy 3 years ago and you get an IUD

mickeyblueeyes
mickeyblueeyes
7 years ago
Reply to  SandD

You might be a cheater if you pressure and guilt trip your husband into having a vasectomy, whilst having an affair. (I was that husband!)

Digbert
Digbert
7 years ago
Reply to  mickeyblueeyes

Very heartless woman Mickey, you are well rid ?

mickeyblueeyes
mickeyblueeyes
7 years ago
Reply to  mickeyblueeyes

Although according to her version of events she was only texting him at the point of my vasectomy..the physical side of things only began 2 months after my procedure…so that’s ok then!

Kar marie
Kar marie
7 years ago
Reply to  mickeyblueeyes

Big hugs mickey blue that is just so wrong.

liveandlearn
liveandlearn
7 years ago

You might be a cheater if you are using private windows while browsing the Internet.

You might be a cheater when you arrive at the restaurant for a family dinner and cannot look your spouse in the eyes for fifteen minutes. And when you do, it is with a grimace.

HeLovesMeHeLovesMeNot
HeLovesMeHeLovesMeNot
7 years ago
Reply to  liveandlearn

Yep!! Always used the private browsing, and each time I confronted him? “I didn’t know it was set on that”. Uh huh, along with being set to delete the history after each session. I’d change the settings without telling him and lo and behold the magical computer would re-set itself to his preferences late in the night.