You might be a chump if…

If you’re a chump, you were completely blindsided by cheating. I was. I mean it never occurred to me to ask if my cheating ex if he had a 20-year long affair, a kid, dodgy financials, or P.O. boxes. Whoddathunkit, right?

But like all chumps, in retrospect I could kick myself for being such a trusting chump.

So today, it’s time again to ask — in the vein of comedian Jeff Foxworthy’s You Might Be a Redneck If … —  how you might be a chump. What are the signs? (See the clip for inspiration. If you’re a redneck chump — double bonus!)

Ever wonder what quirks are particular to chumps?

You might be a chump (YMBAC) if … instead of a happy marriage you have 80 perfectly tended rose bushes.

YMBAC if… you’ve bought the entire infidelity oeuvre on Amazon and underlined passages for your cheater, only to find them unread.

YMBAC if… you actually sort of believed he was sleeping in his car in Vermont in January.

YMBAC if… you received a tie-dyed license plate cover for Christmas… and that was the best present.

If your cheater has three cars, three motorcycles, four kayaks, and more boxes coming from eBay each day…. and his gift to you is a tie-dyed license plate cover? YMBAC.

If your children don’t really look anything like you… YMBAC.

YMBAC if… you book all your marriage counseling sessions… and pay for them.

Your turn chumps! I’m sure you’ve got material.

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Linda Reed
Linda Reed
6 years ago

YMBAC if… he calls to say he has a migraine headache, but feels it is best treated by secretly meeting a “coworker” (Schmoopie) for dinner in a crowded and loud restaurant…and, as the loving wife, your alarm bells go off, but you still trust him.????

Dandoopy
Dandoopy
6 years ago
Reply to  Linda Reed

YMBAC
If …
Psychological symptoms manifest in your mind that seem unrelated to cheating.

I couldn’t sleep the last 7 years of our marriage, was always having nightmares about him cheating. I would confront him in the morning and he always told me it was my imagination. I believed him.

This, along with the fact that he had a wondering eye. Now there’s a difference between the way different men look at women. It always made me feel very uncomfortable and jealous the way he focused on other women in public. His attention was always elsewhere.

Also, I became a bit paranoid, not trusting my instincts about him, but at the same time complacent.

D-Day was very difficult, but almost immediately after my husband left the house, I was able to sleep again.

I know now that my instincts were accurate about him and from now on, in all walks of life, I listen to my feelings and impressions about people and situations above what others tell me what to think. In this sense I am much stronger and certain.

I’m now dating another guy whose trying to gaslight me. ONLY this time, i recognize it. I’ll let the Narcissist go. Not sure how someone could enjoy having lots of lovers going on at the same time, but apparently, it feeds his ego. Being with this new boyfriend has made me understand the Narc personality dynamic. They really do crave shallow, meaningless attention from many women because they are unable to sustain deep comfortable committed relationships.

I get the death stare in private.
He talks down on me in private and is emotionally abusive.
He’s always going out on lunch and dinner dates.
Always texting and on FB
In addition to his longing for the other women and the emotional turmoil he’s caught up in with them.

Actually, my heart has already been broken by my ex husband and it truly doesn’t hurt as much as it did.
First cut is the deepest.

Just this afternoon, sitting in a conference with him and catching him flirting across the room with a coworker. I told my new ‘soon to be ex’ that being with him was like going to the 32 flavors ice cream shop. And he asked what does that mean. I replied, “It’s 32 Flavors of Fucked up” Felt good to say that.
Thank you Chump Lady and Chump Nation for all the VERBIAGE. Having words for all these yucky things puts definition to the messed up emotions and helps us to understand out situation better.

My Mom says for me to take responsibility for the type of man and relationship dynamic I fall into. There’s a pattern with the type of men I choose and knowing this makes me feel like I have control over choosing a good man for me who builds up the relationship. All the men I’ve been with have been cheaters. Going to change the type of man I go for.

Then again, sometimes, someone will cheat on one spouse and not the other. Not all cheaters are serial. Some are looking for something different in a romantic partner and are looking to get rid of the previous.

Good to let them go.

Hope49
Hope49
6 years ago
Reply to  Dandoopy

Dandoopy, I am glad that you recognize that your new boyfriend is a chump. Get rid of him now- not later. You said that not all cheaters are serial cheaters. How can you be sure? The ONLY thing that ‘may be’ slowing them down or driving them further underground is the thought of paying out 1/2 of the marital community again etc. I wouldn’t attribute any character reformation here. Nope…

Wrecked but alive
Wrecked but alive
6 years ago
Reply to  Linda Reed

YMBAC when your husband calls you tell to you that some guy called him and is threatening to call me and tell me that my husband was sleeping with his wife. My stbex claimed to not know who the guy was and it was a case of mistaken identity. Still I trusted.
YMBAC when you get a text of a pic of a naked man jerking himself off that looks exactly like your husband while he is away on “business”. Still I trusted.
4 years later I woke the fuck up. I trust I deserve better.

Mally
Mally
6 years ago
Reply to  Linda Reed

YMBAC if you believe he’s staying over at a friends – coincidently a friend you have never met- but you believe he needs a weekend away as he works hard – when he is actually organising, participating in, videoing and streaming live to the internet swingers parties in a local travelodge.

PS, you KNOW you’re a chump when you accidentally come across his sex tapes and therefore find this all out. All his sex tapes. All 250 of them. Yeah. What a bitch.

Waffles
Waffles
6 years ago
Reply to  Mally

Good grief, Mally. I’m sorry, that had to have been a nightmare.

Mally
Mally
6 years ago
Reply to  Linda Reed

YMBAC if he sees you sorting through shoes your friends passsed on to you before donating them to charity and when he claims the bright pink heels for one of his pupils ( he’s a driving instructor) you let go the fact that it’s not appropriate for a 50 year old man to give a pupil shoes of any kind. BTW….. He didn’t give them to a pupil. He added them to his collection of women’s shoes ( I discovered hidden in the garage) which he alternately used to dress up his hookers in or cross dress in himself. And you think you know a guy after 24 years… sheeesh.

Hopeful49
Hopeful49
6 years ago
Reply to  Mally

Oh Mally…that is pretty bad. I am just imagining him leering at his young pupils and asking, “So are you a size 7 medium shoe for women? 6 and 1/2? Ugh…

Nobody2U
Nobody2U
6 years ago
Reply to  Linda Reed

YMBAC if you believed that woman let him live in her home rent free for a year while you were apart at school just because he was such a trustworthy guy….he stayed the night at your best friends house because he had too much to drink and he is just that responsible…he took that picture with that girl he said was a pen pal sitting on the hotel room bed because she was just passing though town on her was to Florida…and he was just being a nice guy…he had to meet his coworker at the bar once a week to do his fantasy racing league picks because the whole team was doing it…but nobody else ever showed up…including her husband…he took lunch to that friend of yours at her work but never bothered doing that for you cause her husband was overseas and your such a great buddy..

StarStuffGoddess
StarStuffGoddess
6 years ago
Reply to  Nobody2U

Oh yeah!! I almost forgot that one.

When I threw him out on D-Day, he went to live with his longtime friend and co-worker, a Lesbian. He lived with her for over TWO YEARs, rent-free.
I thought she was my friend, too.

It was only later I started to think it was weird.
Turns out–he has to move out, because she NOW HAS A BOYFRIEND.

Yep. YMBAC…

Whodoesthat
Whodoesthat
6 years ago
Reply to  Linda Reed

YMBAC if (while diligently doing the vacuuming) you get the death stare and ask innocently “whats up. Why are you looking at me like you hate me ? ….( in all honesty) … you should tell me what youre thinking because i dont want to wake up one morning and you’re half way out the door saying you should have known what was wrong. ” …. fuckface answers ” i dont know what you’re talking about this is all in your head” …. so now i know im a chump when 18 months later that literally happened word for word. …and he managed to tell everyone we knew in the meantime what was going on in his head but decided to tel ME i was mad. WTF

NoMoreNarcs
NoMoreNarcs
6 years ago
Reply to  Whodoesthat

Death Stares.

Seriously, WTF?

YMBAC if Death Stares feature in ANY part of your domestic relationships.

Chumps – we deserve better than that (even from the teenagers we are trying to raise)

Helena
Helena
6 years ago
Reply to  Whodoesthat

I got the death stare over the kitchen counter daily for a week and when asked what was wrong cheater could only glare some more. Only took him till the next week-end to dramatically declare that he couldn`t live this way anynore. Three weeks later he was out the door with garbage bags of clothes in hand straight to ow

violet
violet
6 years ago
Reply to  Whodoesthat

YMBAC when, during a heated argument, created solely to allow him to leave for a secret rendezvous with OW you ask,”Do you even love me anymore?” and he responds,”I don’t right now.” and you STAY, convincing yourself that he meant at that moment in time. No, he meant he doesn’t love you. Period.

StarStuffGoddess
StarStuffGoddess
6 years ago
Reply to  violet

Oh yeah… the argument from out of nowhere that justifies him storming out of the house “to drive around and think (about how horrible chumpy me must be!)” for HOURS.

Later finding long phone calls and tons of texts to OW around and during these arguments about nothing I could ever figure out.

Yeah. YMBAC….if you don’t think something’s up. I had no clue. I just thought he had a brain tumor or something.

GracieD
GracieD
6 years ago

Yes, those beautifully scripted one sided arguments, that end with him having an excuse to slam out of the house, and make out that it was all your fault. So rehearsed that he doesn’t even notice that you didn’t open your mouth once, and thinks that he ‘provoked you’.

Longtimechump
Longtimechump
6 years ago
Reply to  Linda Reed

YMBAC.. if he tells you he is off to a 3-week business trip overseas (what kind of 3-week long business trips are there really unless you teach or go for a training?)…if he tells you he then will meet with his friend for a guy’s time together and you let it go. And you justify it in your head thinking the man is overworked and needs time off.

YMBAC if he tells you he desperately needs to go to Mexico alone to visit the pyramids and contemplate about his/our future because he is oh so depressed with the political and economic situation in the world. Then, when you find a hotel booking for two persons in his laptop case, he convinces you that it’s just a double bed room…all hotels these days have double beds, you know…(slap on the forehead!)

YMBAC if he justifies his constant texting/skyping with his ex’s, new’s, potentials and just other women in front of you by saying they all need his help, he just helps them solve their problems and he is their “soul therapist”. And you? You don’t really have problems because he solved all your problems for you. So what that he chooses to live in another country (for the multitude of reasons) and let you raise your son by yourself and see his family twice a year – it’s enough, and you know, chump, many families live like this and they don’t complain! 2-3 months of face time per year is more than enough for a wife and son.

YMBAC when you have a planned C-section and your husband can’t change the “sudden business trip” dates and he absolutely needs to be in UK and then since he is there already he can also go ski’ing in Austria “with friends”…why not….while you give birth to your child and wait for your beloved husband to come home for 10 days.

Sigh….

Why was all of the above not enough to kick his ass out? Why are we so afraid of loneliness that we accept being treated in this degrading way? Why did I have to find out about a long term AP, then short term one-offs, then still reconcile with him? Why was I done only after I found (6 months ago) another email he wrote to her 6 years ago proclaiming his love and committment to her and proposing to live together? If she agreed he would have left us in one day. She chose to stay in her country, pursue her government career and let chump rich husband pay for her whims. While keeping mine for passionate hookups during their “business trips”. That’s the only reason he did not exit but he also was happy living in another country free of all responsibilities and “playing” a husband and a father 3 months a year. That last email I found was when I realised he had no love for me ever, this reconciliation is as fake as he has always been…she was always in the background all throughout our dating and marriage which turned into a long distance one after 6 years.

On the road to a new life now.

Mario D
Mario D
5 years ago
Reply to  Longtimechump

My severely depressed wife travelled to Mexico alone to visit the pyramids… six times in one year.

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
6 years ago
Reply to  Longtimechump

LTC,
I hate your cheater as much as I hate mine. They are sooo alike. Bastards. Your c-section item takes the ymbac trophy, I gracefully step aside with my consigned loan.

Longtimechump
Longtimechump
6 years ago
Reply to  ClearWaters

ClearWaters, I follow you story and you are right….they are alike. But they are also like many others here. Utterly heartless but at the same time blaming us for being too pragmatic, too cold, too rational, too boring, too controlling with no sparkle. I was sooo hurt to hear all this constantly and engaged into useless debates trying to prove him wrong.

Now? Crickets. He sends a text once in two weeks asking to face time with son. I give him the phone and step out. These conversations don’t usually go over the 10-15 min limit – this is as much connection as he can handle with his 9-year old and frankly, the less of it the better.

I still have to go through separation/divorce legalities but not claiming anything. He can have it all. I just want to raise my son and break that vicious gene that has been going though generations in cheater’s family. Lawyered up and moving forward.

P.s. when he visited us in Canada in the summer (stayed over at his mom’s) he insisted on a few meetings to “discuss the road ahead of us”. In one of the conversations he told me that he is generous enough to leave me an open option of returning to live with him in his country (where I lived for 6 years before moving to Canada). I laughed in his face. “Why? Do you want me to stick a gps sensor into your ass and follow you with a whip?” He said, “LTC, why can’t you just be more trusting? You always had trust issues and they go back to your other relationships”…hahaha!

He added that he gave me his ultimate token of committment – a marriage contract! I am his wife on paper! I thanked him but declined the offer.

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
6 years ago
Reply to  Longtimechump

You’ve got to be more trusting!? TRUSTING?

Who does these idiots think they are?

My cheater told me in front of the court mediator that I could trust him…. When I asked him how one goes about trusting a cheater there were snickers and his lawyer looked down at her lap.

kiwichump
kiwichump
6 years ago
Reply to  Longtimechump

LTC your ex is a champion bullshitter and I hate him. I drank the cool aid of the Traitor’s cult too, and licked the bottom of the punch bowl, many times.
It is easier for them to deceive us when they play the cultural differences card as well, been there.

Chumpedbythelake
Chumpedbythelake
6 years ago
Reply to  Longtimechump

Wow, Longtimechump, none of my ex’s betrayals were quite as dramatic as that, though they were bad enough. One of the things you wrote really stood out: “You know many [people/spouses/families] do this and they don’t complain.” Boy, when that rationalization comes out, you have to know you’re in trouble.

Gonegirl
Gonegirl
6 years ago

YMBC if you believe for THREE YEARS they are “just friends” and said “friend” is seen everywhere in our small town with him AND she is invited on family vacations because “she doesn’t get to go anywhere and the kids love her.”

Yes, I ate loads and loads of shit sandwiches.

geekmom
geekmom
6 years ago
Reply to  Gonegirl

Hell, I believed the “we’re just friends, I’m helping her out because she has no one else” and, when caught with the Craigslist “Women Seeking Men” tab open on his laptop, the “I just look for laughs!! It’s fantasy. . . ” for 10 years.

Color me chumpy.

Never, and I mean NEVER, again will I be so complacent. I will trust, but verify.

OneDaySomeDay
OneDaySomeDay
6 years ago

YMBAC if you asked for a second chance and to try reconciliation

TiredChump
TiredChump
6 years ago
Reply to  OneDaySomeDay

You are definitely a chump if you offered to try reconciling – and asked cheater to end contact with AP – and then gave them time to “make up their mind” – all the while falsely taking on “blame” for your own role in affair – and keeping it to yourself so as not to ruin their reputation – because you thought they would “come to their senses” and try to save a 30 year marriage with 3 kids vs staying with a disordered 28 yr old

You are a recovering chump when CL helps you understand you are an addict – and must kick your multi-year Hopium habit – by kicking the cheater to the curb

M
M
6 years ago
Reply to  TiredChump

Tired Chump – be my friend please?

slowtolearn
slowtolearn
6 years ago
Reply to  TiredChump

Yup, YMBAC if you spend any time at all doing the “pick me dance” or waiting for them to come to their senses.

You begin to take back your own life when you finally come to YOUR senses and realize what a terrible person you are married to.

longtimechump
longtimechump
6 years ago
Reply to  slowtolearn

“You begin to take back your own life when you finally come to YOUR senses and realize what a terrible person you are married to.”

Isn’t this the most difficult thing to do? To believe that s/he was terrible? To accept that you chose this shitty person as your partner and endowed them with all the nice qualities? To trust that they suck? I find it the most difficult part.

I am taking the steps to “mighty” but I still get the blues quite often and they suck although now I understand that I don’t want the life I had because all in there was false. My cheater had a gift to show his love and affection towards me in front of family and friends – hence, I always heard from others how much he loved me, how sparkly his eyes are when he was with me. Heck, even when he visited friends overseas without me I heard from them how he was proudly talking about me making it in two different countries, finding a job, doing a career, being a great mother, etc. Wives of friends would then have an argument with their husbands because they “never talked about their wives like my cheater talked about me!”. I heard these anecdotes here and there and yes, he was exceptionally warm in front of others, but once we were together there was that dead stare and the wall and his silent attitude and sulky moods.

I miss him warm and generous but then I realize he was never like that when we were just the two of us together, when he did not have to perform his role and do the image management. And what I had with him behind the closed doors – I DON”T MISS AT ALL!

And understanding this dynamics was really after I found the CL and CN. Before that I was a typical RIC-addict. Thank you, all, from the bottom of my heart.

brit
brit
6 years ago
Reply to  longtimechump

Yes, longtimechump, one of the most difficult things for me was realizing what a horrific monster I was married to (unbeleivably).

X had me convinced that he was a man of integrity. I was to blame for his unhappiness.
His favorite topic of conversation was, of course, himself including how much better he is than everyone else, most educated, had a more prestigious job, best physique. My brain was programmed to accept what he said as truth. In my mind I was fortunate to be married to such a great guy. It’s a form of brainwashing and it takes work to take back your brain to see the truth, quit eating the shit sandwiches and value yourself .

RML
RML
6 years ago
Reply to  brit

Brit,
My marriage… exactly. Ty for stating it so succinctly. Your experience is helping me along to MEH. It sounds like we had a very similar experience. Love your strength.

Perfectlife
Perfectlife
6 years ago
Reply to  brit

They do suck! Mine was the same – had me convinced I was lucky to have him and was worthless. I had no friends and was paranoid. and crazy. Had me upset , depressed, and at the point of suicide. Has told my kids I am crazy…..no fucktard!! You’re fucking crazy! Sitting in church and acting like the great Christian guy and wonderful husband and father- while you fuck the grossest people on Craigslist, cheap as hookers, get blow jobs from random Glory Holes operated by two gay guys—now that shit is crazy!!!

StarStuffGoddess
StarStuffGoddess
6 years ago
Reply to  longtimechump

I got the same. Talked me up to others, talked me down to me.

I think it was all Image Management.
If he managed to score a great, loving wife, it was a feather in his cap.

Did he VALUE said “Wife”?
Not in the least.

Jo
Jo
6 years ago
Reply to  longtimechump

Me, too. He bragged about my awesomeness to everyone for years, then boom— he discarded me and he suddenly and nonsensically informed everyone I’m supposedly mentally ill and that he’s been unhappy for years. The mindfuck runs deep! When we were alone together he was not really there, but it was extremely subtle. No real emotions from him at all. It was, and is, ALL image management. They suck baaaaad!!!

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
6 years ago
Reply to  TiredChump

Yup. You’re a chump if you think all you need to do is wait for him to get his head out of his ass er I mean “come to his senses” and come home.

Jgirl
Jgirl
6 years ago

If he keeps his cell phone in his pyjama pocket…and sleeps so close to it that it reminds you of a dragon keeping guard to a secret treasure chest.

If he always has different reasons to excuse the presence of each different woman around him.

If he justifies being secretive using concepts like “privacy” or “shame”.

If you find yourself obsessing about feng shui or renovating or perfect housekeeping in subconscious (or conscious!) hopes of fixing your marriage.

If you develop weird mental symptoms that have seem to have no connection to your reality (OCD, anxiety, etc.)

If he asks for your “permission” to go out without you.

If you think “oh, he would never do that”.

sweetChumpgirl
sweetChumpgirl
6 years ago
Reply to  Jgirl

I had so much blind faith in him that each excuse never made me think he was cheating. Even the time he came home from a bar after work and had glitter on his shirt. He told me that my daughter hugged him when he got home and must have done a school project with glitter on it. I’m a huge chump! sweet xoxo

FarBetterOff
FarBetterOff
6 years ago

YMBAC if your husband comes home with traces of glitter all over his face and shirt, repeatedly, for years, and you believe him when he says “I have no idea where that came from!”

sweetChumpgirl
sweetChumpgirl
6 years ago
Reply to  FarBetterOff

Ironic that I just posted above your post about the same thing lol

Whodoesthat
Whodoesthat
6 years ago
Reply to  sweetChumpgirl

Yeah that stripper glitter is a dead give away. I think they (strippers) do it on purpose to warn the chumps !! . I even tried to reason the bullshit with fuckface in context with his own (comparable) daughter being leered at by a man old enough to know better. He didnt get it. They are in their own universe

Whodoesthat
Whodoesthat
6 years ago
Reply to  FarBetterOff

Haha this actually happened to me and it took hours of dead end ” nothings up ” before i made him look in the mirror and all he could say was “the bouncers wouldn’t let you touch the girl’s so couldnt have happened. … ( in his reality )

ChumpOnIt
ChumpOnIt
6 years ago
Reply to  FarBetterOff

Ah, glitter, the herpes of craft supplies (and unfortunately an extremely apt description for these incidents)…

kiwichump
kiwichump
6 years ago
Reply to  ChumpOnIt

“Ah, glitter, the herpes of craft supplies”
Thank you ChumpOnIt, I need a good belly laugh today!!

ChumpyKindofLove
ChumpyKindofLove
6 years ago
Reply to  FarBetterOff

Oh yes…. I got that one too. Often.

knittedrobin
knittedrobin
6 years ago
Reply to  FarBetterOff

where did it come from?

Jojobee
Jojobee
6 years ago
Reply to  knittedrobin

Strippers are notorious for dusting their face, neck and decolletage with glitter.

Hopeful49
Hopeful49
6 years ago
Reply to  Jojobee

Well then he probably had a glitter asshole too to go along with the glitter balls, dick and turds. He had the complete package!

FarBetterOff
FarBetterOff
6 years ago
Reply to  knittedrobin

I don’t know but I’m sure if I had checked, he probably had glittered balls too! Glitter balls! ????

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
6 years ago
Reply to  FarBetterOff

A great addition to Sparkledick.

MovingOnChump
MovingOnChump
6 years ago
Reply to  FarBetterOff

It’s the “if I had checked” vision that has me laughing!

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
6 years ago
Reply to  FarBetterOff

I guess it’s not just the turds that are sparkly.

GoWithYourGut
GoWithYourGut
6 years ago

This is too funny! Glitter balls and sparkly turds… LOL

lyndaloo
lyndaloo
6 years ago
Reply to  FarBetterOff

“Glittered balls” that’s priceless!

SoManyTears
SoManyTears
6 years ago

YMBAC if you believed in Fairy Tales.
YMBAC if you believed good things happen to good people.
YMBAC if you believed there was good in everyone.

kiwichump
kiwichump
6 years ago
Reply to  SoManyTears

“How to be a Chump Handbook” is a very short book indeed, SoManyTears.

Mehtamorphosis
Mehtamorphosis
6 years ago
Reply to  SoManyTears

And from this short list flows all the rest…

Nobody2U
Nobody2U
6 years ago
Reply to  SoManyTears

Yep…I always focused on the good in people and believed everyone had the best of intentions….because I would never hurt anyone intentionally…my mistake!

crushedfifi
crushedfifi
6 years ago
Reply to  SoManyTears

Totally agree. I used to think I got karmic points for being a good person

ChumpOnIt
ChumpOnIt
6 years ago
Reply to  SoManyTears

Despite being pegged as a “pessimist” by cheater, I tried my best not to write people off and look for signs of good character, thinking that for most people there is at least something. Despite my somewhat cynical nature, I still somehow missed a huge freaking troop of red flags with one person in particular! The karma thing also (because there has to be SOMETHING out there to make sense of some of this shit), i.e. good things happening to good people (and the opposite). Not on the forefront of my mind, but still, I will be forever waiting for that karma bus…

GoWithYourGut
GoWithYourGut
6 years ago
Reply to  ChumpOnIt

As STBX is now living with his Schmoopsie, after she got kicked out by her husband, I am really praying the Karma bus comes much sooner than later for them.

MrsJackass
MrsJackass
6 years ago
Reply to  SoManyTears

Agreed. This is very true.

JesssMom
JesssMom
6 years ago
Reply to  SoManyTears

Right to the heart-and-soul of it. Well stated.

Carry On My Wayward Nerd Girl
Carry On My Wayward Nerd Girl
6 years ago

YMBAC.. if you took his almost daily ‘helpful visits-because no one else cares!’ to his friend who suffered a stroke as a sign of his caring personality…and didn’t think twice about the man’s sister always being there. Always. Even when the other man was not.

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
6 years ago

These cheaters who play the good samaritan… Jesus!

Azkadelia
Azkadelia
6 years ago

YMBAC if you see the same phone number on his cell records at 6:30 morning and 5:30 at night, and you believe he’s “checking in with his boss” because he works off-site.

JC
JC
6 years ago
Reply to  Azkadelia

Yup. My XW pulled this one. And in response to my protests: “But he works nights!!”

But you don’t, cheating wife. And yet you keep insisting that you MUST reply ASAP.

FarBetterOff
FarBetterOff
6 years ago

YMBAC if your husband gets a call from HR questioning him about inappropriate comments he said to subordinate female coworkers, and you hand him a piece of paper with the words “disgruntled employees” on it so he remembers to use them

Jo
Jo
6 years ago
Reply to  FarBetterOff

This one really breaks my heart for some reason. Very eloquently said. We all here really got epically duped.

GrumpyChump
GrumpyChump
6 years ago

YMBAC if you APOLOGIZED to the cheater when you found out they lied, cheated and lived a double life for years.

this cant be real
this cant be real
6 years ago
Reply to  GrumpyChump

Yes!!! I did this too, at least I can say my conscience is clear. He CANNOT.

JC
JC
6 years ago
Reply to  GrumpyChump

Of course! I initially started conversations with “I know I’m not the perfect husband, but…”

How weak! How deferential! How chumpyyy!”

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
6 years ago
Reply to  JC

Our last anniversary just before DDay when he had been treating me like dirt for months, I gave him a card that on the outside said “I may not be perfect but…” then on the inside it said “Actually, I am perfect. Aren’t you lucky to have me?”. I felt arrogant giving it to him at the time, but now I am so glad I did. It didn’t do any good, but it was at least one small moment of me sticking up for myself, something I didn’t do nearly often enough.

I wish you could have had a card like that to give your ex. We all deserve more respect than we got from our cheaters and in many cases ourselves.

GoWithYourGut
GoWithYourGut
6 years ago
Reply to  GrumpyChump

YES!! Can’t say how many times I’ve apologized to him, when it should have been the other way around. But couldn’t possibly have him feeling so miserable, now, could I!?! After all…he is broken down crying like a baby! There, there, baby…it’s ok. I’ll take all the chumpy-blame for you. No problem. You continue on…no harm done.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
6 years ago
Reply to  GoWithYourGut

Oh my gosh, you describe it so well. Even on those occasions when he might have felt some modicum of remorse, I would instantly turn to don’t want him to feel bad about himself mode. We wouldn’t’ want to hurt his self esteem after all. I am starting to think I did him a disservice with that. Oops. Still blaming myself.

GoWithYourGut
GoWithYourGut
6 years ago

It’s disgusting when you think about it. All those times, most of us belittled ourselves for the sake of “love.” Why should I be responsible to make him feel better about himself, when he almost never did that for me?

Nobody2U
Nobody2U
6 years ago

I did the same thing…when I finally called him out and got him to fess up to having a 3 way with my best friend and her husband he was crying so hard I actually hugged him I felt so bad!

Geode
Geode
6 years ago
Reply to  GrumpyChump

You might be a chump if prostitutes in your bedroom are not THE deal breaker.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
6 years ago
Reply to  GrumpyChump

Yes. And that preceded DDay. Somehow whenever I went to him with a complaint about anything I was always the one who ended up apologizing.

crushedfifi
crushedfifi
6 years ago
Reply to  GrumpyChump

Yes!!!! After I caught him by checking his phone somehow he turned it around with blame shifting that I’m lucky anyone would put up with me. That I was the bad/problem/cause of dysfunction and I ended up begging him to stay and apologizing profusely.

ChumpOnIt
ChumpOnIt
6 years ago
Reply to  GrumpyChump

Not sure if I apologized, but I certainly felt bad/sorry for him and tried to work with him on his issues. Thought the sex thing was my fault. It’s seriously nauseating to think about…

Whatringofhellisthis
Whatringofhellisthis
6 years ago
Reply to  ChumpOnIt

Yep. How did I ever let him blame me for his cheating induced ED? After all these years i somehow forgot how to turn on my husband? ???????? YMBAC if you don’t even have a schlong and you’re apologizing for disfunctional schlongs.

Current Chump
Current Chump
6 years ago

I got blamed for the ED too! I was not skinny enough, pretty enough, young enough etc….that’s why the dick didn’t work (you know the drill). Yet he wouldn’t leave. Then would tell me no other man would ever want me yet still wouldn’t leave. What he forgot to tell me before we got married was that he was addicted to Porn & barely legal/Asian hookers and just needed a good, unsuspecting Chump as a cover.

After we were married he had every excuse to not have sex-he was tired, stressed, he wasn’t 18 anymore, upset that the house, garage etc wasn’t cleaned to his liking………..he even told me one time that he didn’t want to have sex with me because then I would want to do it more?! WTF-we were married! I just didn’t know his version of married meant no sex and I would be at home alone why he was off with his hookers, porn & Craigslist hook-ups! I wandered around in desolation in the ‘dick desert’ for years!!
Can’t believe that I put up with his crap for so long

StarStuffGoddess
StarStuffGoddess
6 years ago
Reply to  Current Chump

Mine went very quickly from dating:

“Not more than once a week”.

To Newlyweds:
“Not in the morning”

Later married years:
“Not at night”

Asshole had a “window of opportunity” for his limited sex play every few weekends in the middle of the dang day. I was supposed to drop whatever I was doing, and get ready. No lead-up, no foreplay, no nothing. And he considered himself a “good lover”…
YMBAC if you didn’t want to HURT HIS FEELINGS by saying this wasn’t satisfactory to you!

Prior to D-Day:
No sex at all for years. Turns out he was giving his “all” to webcam whores, streaming porn, and other partners.
But told me it was because I wasn’t “attractive enough”.

Take a look in the mirror, pal. He is almost ten years older than I am and not winning any Beach Body Contests!

Mehtamorphosis
Mehtamorphosis
6 years ago

OMG Whatringofhellisthis you are so right. Mine didn’t blame me, for the ED though — he blamed “getting older ” (he was only in his early 40s when the O’s started “going past” him now and then, when I later learned he was having emotional affairs with married women). After that it was “low testosterone” (when the trouble became chronic). Lo and behold, during the hysterical bonding he was like an 18-year-old and it became clear that he’d been wearing himself out fucking my niece.

Whatringofhellisthis
Whatringofhellisthis
6 years ago
Reply to  Mehtamorphosis

Mehtamorphosis I’ve been following your story for a while and it has me speechless. It’s unreal and absolute nightmare you went through. I’m so sorry and I admire you for your strength. So Yep. Those oh so innocent “just friends” emotional affair obsessions suspiciously coincide with the ED. ???? then the complete inability to have sex at all… I find out a year later were because of prostitutes, EA, porn and Tinder whores. But he told me that while he’s having sex with me he’s thinking how repulsive and disgusting I am and that’s the reason. Got off me and left me there in shock. I blamed myself. But interesting that he texted me that morning asking me to be ready to have sex with him when he got home. And he was all into it and excited. I put on a fabulous sexy naughty outfit did my hair and makeup heels. It’s like he waited until I was as perfect as I could be to slam me right into the ground. He’s a sick f@ck.

brit
brit
6 years ago

You might be a YMBAC if your husband looks at you and says “No one in their right mind would want to fuck you,” and you ignore his remark thinking it was maybe a poor attempt at humor and you don’t confront him because you don’t want to be accused of never being happy, or looking for something to argue about.

Jo
Jo
6 years ago
Reply to  brit

Oh my goodness, that is so incredibly hurtful and abusive. He was really saying that about himself, as narcs do when they project their own feelings of worthlessness on to their intimate partners. No one in their right mind would want to sleep with him if they could see his ugly true self. Ugh! Narcs are so destructive and toxic. I wish you healing and health, Brit.

Tessie
Tessie
6 years ago

Every once in awhile I hear something that makes my blood boil
What an evil asshole. That’s just mean. I am so sorry you had to go through that. I hope his dick falls off.

Whatringofhellisthis
Whatringofhellisthis
6 years ago
Reply to  Tessie

Angry rats and then it falling off sounds fair ????????

kiwichump
kiwichump
6 years ago
Reply to  Tessie

But first, I want rats to chew on it.

Mehtamorphosis
Mehtamorphosis
6 years ago

WhatRing, I’m disgusted and repulsed by your X and I’m betting you were and are a very sexy naughty fun lover! I hope that fuckwad didn’t damage your self-esteem.

Even though I often feared that my STBX was turned off by me, he never ever said anything mean like that and always made sure I was satisfied me in other ways. He took pride in being a good person, good husband, good lover. In reality he was a good faker.

Whatringofhellisthis
Whatringofhellisthis
6 years ago
Reply to  Mehtamorphosis

Thank you ???? I’m kind of pretending I have self esteem so no one knows I don’t. If that makes sense at all. Fake it til you make it? ????my new strategy lol. I’m glad you didn’t get nasty things said to you like that but your cheater is still one of the worst in my opinion. Who sleeps with their niece! Ugh!!

ANC
ANC
6 years ago
Reply to  ChumpOnIt

Yup. You are not alone

Feelingit
Feelingit
6 years ago
Reply to  GrumpyChump

Oh yes THIS, THIS, THIS!!!

OneDaySomeDay
OneDaySomeDay
6 years ago
Reply to  GrumpyChump

Ah yes. I did that eventually during all the blameshifting. I did though only apologize for my part in the state of what our marriage was at that time (twin girls, first time parents, work hard to make ends meet, not so much time for each other for a while).

Jessica
Jessica
6 years ago

YMBAC if he tells you the girl he keeps texting is a lesbian – so no worries. And you sort of believe it.

Waffles
Waffles
6 years ago
Reply to  Jessica

Or YMBAC if you think/suspect/”know” he’s banging your obese, obnoxious, horse face lesbian ‘friend’. But let your best friend talk you out of that thought cause … uggh, he couldn’t possibly get it up for Dumpy. For 2 years. As she becomes increasingly hostile toward you, until you end the friendship. But he won’t. Yep, I was a real fucking genius there.

Lady B
Lady B
6 years ago
Reply to  Jessica

Or she’s 50 and really fat, both false.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
6 years ago
Reply to  Lady B

And even if she is 50 and fat that doesn’t necessarily mean nothing’s up.

Danette
Danette
6 years ago
Reply to  Lady B

My ex-husband actually had three of these – all at the same time.

Rebecca
Rebecca
6 years ago
Reply to  Jessica

Yup. The kids and I thought his law partner was a lesbian (never a boyfriend or date). No reason to worry about all the late hours at the office, business trips and on and on…

JesssMom
JesssMom
6 years ago
Reply to  Rebecca

That was one of STBX’s things … any time he had to tell me about a female co-worker (I figured out later, he tried not to tell me anything about them) … they were always frumpy, old, and ugly.

Given the length of time between the mention of female co-workers, and my ignorance about the number of women in his industry, it didn’t occur to me until the shit hit the fan how he had lied about them ALL to keep me blinded (from what I know, which is not everything, almost all of his affairs were with co-workers).

NotMyFault
NotMyFault
6 years ago
Reply to  JesssMom

My ex went the opposite route. He talked about HER all the time, for years! It’s almost as if I would have become suspicious if he didn’t talk about the details of her life…i.e. she’s getting a divorce, she’s not making enough money (my ex made sure she was the highest paid in the department), she’d having problems with her sons, she bought a Honda CRV because it looks so much like her dream car (our Volvo XC90), her nephew lives with her (and my ex got HIM a job), and on and on. I feel so stupid!

JesssMom
JesssMom
6 years ago
Reply to  NotMyFault

I promise — you are not stupid.

But, I honestly get the feeling. Being duped, I think, lends itself to such a conclusion by the victim of the duping. The problem isn’t that we were stupid. Maybe we were a bit willfully blind, but that was based on circumstantial, partial, or conflicting evidence. And at least (unlike with the cheaters) it was well-intended.

At the end of the day, only “fault” wasn’t really a fault at all; we trusted someone we should be able to trust. No reason to bash ourselves for that.

FarBetterOff
FarBetterOff
6 years ago

YMBAC if your husband insists you and your kid go away on vacation for a week without him, when you get back you find the house is kinda messy but your bedsheets have been freshly laundered, and you give him a BIG HUG and thank him for doing housework. ????

13 Years a Chump
13 Years a Chump
6 years ago
Reply to  FarBetterOff

Or YMBAC if every time you have a chance to attend a conference out of town, he is more than willing to stay alone with the kids all week, and then never calls you while you are gone to say he misses you.

My cheater’s M.O. was to claim to be a single dad who lost his wife to cancer or who was abandoned by the ex-wife or such BS. The pity card is easier to use when you have a kid with disabilities. Oh, and if you are widowed, then you don’t have to take down the pictures of your wife in the house when your OW visits.

IDeserveBetter
IDeserveBetter
6 years ago

Omg What a monster!

JC
JC
6 years ago
Reply to  FarBetterOff

I got the bedsheets changed, too!

I did the laundry in our household. I changed the sheets right before I went away for five days. When I got home, wifey was putting a freshly washed set of sheets on the bed.

Her Blondeness
Her Blondeness
6 years ago
Reply to  JC

OMG, me too! Came home early as a surprise for Cheater #1 and he was just throwing the sheets in the washer as I came through the front door. Only time he did laundry in TWENTY years of marriage. In hindsight, I half think that his OW was slinking out the back door as I came in the front.

ChumpOnIt
ChumpOnIt
6 years ago
Reply to  FarBetterOff

To think of all the chores I did because I was the only one with the vision/involvement to see things that needed to be done around the house…this one would have probably gotten me too. I would have had a church choir behind me to help me sing praises. Such a rare thing that would have been.

Nobody2U
Nobody2U
6 years ago
Reply to  ChumpOnIt

YMBAC if you take the kids on yet another vacation alone and the house looks exactly the way you left it only with a fine layer of dust everywhere….apparently he took his own vacation and just forgot to tell me..claimed to only get 1 week a year but cashed in 160 hours when the contract ended….I am just that stupid…

UXworld
UXworld
6 years ago

YMBAC if you agree to your wife’s request for an open marriage, then write her a note telling her how glad you are that she’s finally found something that makes her feel good about herself.

ChumpOnIt
ChumpOnIt
6 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Contemplated (agonized) over X’s “revelation” that he was polyamorous. Even went so far as to be “okay” with him going to local informational(?) meet ups. Found flirty texts on his phone with chick he met there not very long after. He didn’t understand how this was inappropriate, given that I made it quite clear that I was only fine with the “information only” part at that time. SMDH

UXworld
UXworld
6 years ago
Reply to  ChumpOnIt

Ah, yes — the “polyamory revelation.”

KK: “I’ve made a discovery. I’ve discovered that I need to open myself and give of myself to others. Love is not like a pie, where there’s only a certain amount to go around, and giving one person a bigger piece means someone else getting a smaller piece. It’s possible for me to give you just as big a piece and still have others left over for others.”

Don’t know how that’s working out for her now with RPD, but clearly she’s not self-aware enough to understand that providing pie is wholly dependent on how much cake she receives for herself.

Jgirl
Jgirl
6 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Very early on, we were 20something, when I expressed my discomfort with ex gf sticking around for birthday wishes, we had the exact conversation about pies. I told him I wanted the whole pie, not slices , and he said everybody got their our own pie with him. Compartmentilization, if I knew.

I was not okay with this and he promptly chucked her to the curb.
This was weeks after his grand statement of “no woman will ask me to not be friends with my exes”

StarStuffGoddess
StarStuffGoddess
6 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Maybe they do have enough “love” to give away; I guess that can be fairly unlimited in the sense that it’s just a feeling.
I can love my sweetie, and my mother, and my dogs, and stray kittens, and hummingbirds and Mother Earth. I can love my best friend and I can love the guy who fixes my favorite sandwich at the deli.

It’s the taking the time, effort, energy, money, and intimacy away from your primary partner that are the problem.

Oh. And the lying, sneaking around, backstabbing, dishonesty, and putting your partner’s health and well-being in jeopardy that are the other problem!

ANC
ANC
6 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

C’mon!!!

That is one of the most outrageous and gross things I have heard. I am SO sorry for you, UX. What BS. There would never be enough Purell on the planet the suffer that shit.

(…your serial cheating skank TOLD you about having enough pie for other buddies… my serial cheating skank just did the deed with many, gaslighted me and infected me. Not looking to score in Pain Olympics. I think if he had said such shit to me, I would have been woken up to his deceit.)

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
6 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Of course that attitude doesn’t seem to work when your spouse is forced to share the pie with his/her own children.

OneDaySomeDay
OneDaySomeDay
6 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

And also write this in the same letter: “I’ve still got so much love to give to you”, and never hear back from her on that letter.

50 Chump
50 Chump
6 years ago

YMBAC if you believe your wife(spouse)needs a second cell phone to call her(their) sister.

Laughed my ass off on that one
!

JC
JC
6 years ago
Reply to  50 Chump

YMBAC if you give your wife password access to your shared Verizon cell phone account as a good-faith effort to rebuild trust and stop snooping…

…and her response is to immediately head to a Verizon store to put her cell phone on a separate account (so she can keep sexting without any more awareness from you)!

Blindside
Blindside
6 years ago
Reply to  JC

That’s exactly what my wife did. She removed her cell phone from our joint account (thereby doubling our monthly bill) because she “wanted more control over her life.”

Umm ok, how about you make your own car payment while you’re at it……alas she apparently didn’t want that much control.

lyndaloo
lyndaloo
6 years ago

YMBAC if you let your husband go to a bridge tournament with 3 senior women trusting that as seniors, they were only interested in the bridge game. Dah!

lyndaloo
lyndaloo
6 years ago
Reply to  lyndaloo

And even joked with him before he left that he behave himself, never for a moment thinking, the jerk was actually trolling these old dames! Yuck!

Jojobee
Jojobee
6 years ago

YMBAC if you have never received a birthday present.

YMBAC if you believe that “spouses aren’t allowed” at any company functions.

YMBAC if you accept that her number is all over the phone records because “she’s running the football pool at work.”

YMBAC if you believe the number you found in his pocket after going out without you belongs to “a DJ he’s thinking of hiring.”

YMBAC if you go back to work 6 days after a cesarean because you need the money, but he takes off two weeks to go on a “hunting trip with the guys” in another state.

YMBAC if you go to a biopsy alone.

Nobody2U
Nobody2U
6 years ago
Reply to  Jojobee

YMBAC if you go have a complete hysterectomy alone because he didn’t think he needed to be there…but I missed a weeks worth of work when he had his nose job done..

Lady B
Lady B
6 years ago
Reply to  Jojobee

Oh Jojo my heart goes out to you, what a bastard. Hope you are free and happier now.

Jojobee
Jojobee
6 years ago
Reply to  Lady B

Soooo much happier!

chutesandladdders
chutesandladdders
6 years ago
Reply to  Jojobee

Jojobee, must be out of a cheater handbook, as I can relate to ALL of them. I am a chump!

Jojobee
Jojobee
6 years ago

They are completely unoriginal.

TheBestMe
TheBestMe
6 years ago
Reply to  Jojobee

Jojobee, I could have written this list except my EX use to put his women in his cell phone under the names of guys he worked with and would tell me they have two contact listings because one is his desk phone and one is his mobile phone… sounded about right to me except it really does not work that way, one contact can take two numbers… duh

I found out about AP on my way to my first biopsy alone, then drove 2 hours to see him at his new job. He let me carry my luggage up the stairs alone (it was our anniversary and I was suppose to stay with him) he later had a 5 hour blame rage at me letting me know it was all my fault and I sat up all night, physically ill from doing too much and heart sick because my husband thought I sucked as a wife. And defeated because he told me I had to give away the family pets and he may consider working on us. sadist.

YMBAC if after all that it still took you 7 months to file for divorce.

Waffles
Waffles
6 years ago
Reply to  TheBestMe

It’s a shame you couldn’t take him to a same day kill shelter & keep the critters. Fucknut douchenozzle.

Jojobee
Jojobee
6 years ago
Reply to  TheBestMe

They are all the same.

Beth
Beth
6 years ago
Reply to  Jojobee

YMBAC if you’re reading Jojobee’s post about spouses not being allowed at company functions and thinking “Wait, what? That wasn’t legit?” Hahahaha That’s one that it didn’t occur to me to question, even with all I know now.

Oh and I second Unicornnomore – there’s a special place in hell for your cheater because of the C-section AND the biopsy. What a complete and utter asshole.

DOCTOR's1stWife&Kids
DOCTOR's1stWife&Kids
6 years ago
Reply to  Beth

YMBAC

if you hate writing all of them out, b/c it makes you feel sick. The more time that passes and the more I look back at my 35 year marriage

most of which I felt was strong and solid and rewarding, the more I feel duped.

So YMBAC if you feel increasingly duped.

I need to write the rest of this “novel” and reframe my life.

ChumpDiva
ChumpDiva
6 years ago

Doctors1st, thank.you..
I want to post, but I’m having a bad day emotionally…realizing that friends – who I THOUGHT were friends – are continuing to hire my fucktatd STBX for home repairs, etc, even though they know what he’s done to me. Is NO ONE loyal?
YMBAC if you believe those women have not been more notches on the old toolbelt.
YMBAC if you find unexplained floral bill and fwit tells you it’s for an employee wjo was sick bc “her husband is an asshole.” Funny, mine is too! How many OTHER things do we have in common?

Cancer Chump
Cancer Chump
6 years ago
Reply to  ChumpDiva

A little piece of me gets angry every time I see one of my family members liking the STBX’s facebook posts. Why? Do you not know the pain he has caused me?

DOCTOR's1stWife&Kids
DOCTOR's1stWife&Kids
6 years ago
Reply to  Cancer Chump

CANCER CHUMP, as soon as my divorce is final I will absolutely request my family (34 of us) unfriend the DOCTOR>

So far I’ve needed the “intel” for the divorce and my niece sent me a copy of the FB post of the DOCTOR working at a surgery center and how “great the DOCTOR is”

Guess the fb patient did not know my husband the DOCTOR’s story to ME and our family was that he “RETIRED” months ago and so HE COULD NOT PAY ME ANY spousal support

AND he cut off our youngest college tuition. “Doesn’t earn enough.” So the intel from FB will probably win my case for me.

After that, he can say good bye to my hilarious and educated family and friends who have known him almost 40 years.

And he can replace all of us with Schmoopie and her kids and their friends, who will be less intelligent, less educated, and a hell of a lot less hilarious.

My son sent me Rihanna’s song as my new anthem. In context it’s hilarious

BITCH, BETTA GIMME MY MONEY….

ANC
ANC
6 years ago

Yes to this.

Arghhh

Feelingit
Feelingit
6 years ago

DOCTOR’s 1st wife and kids thanks for “if writing this makes you feel sick”, it ties in perfectly to the comment later by free vix YMBARC if you trust that “meh” exists, even if you’re still on the road to it.

Jojobee
Jojobee
6 years ago
Reply to  Beth

I still have these revelations when I read here! Like “Oh, yes but that…hey! wait a minute…”

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
6 years ago
Reply to  Jojobee

Me too! Ymbac to the tenth!!!

Help, I STILL am discovering what a Chump I was!!!!

At times like this it is crystal clear the need for CL to be obligatory reading for young human beings

Faith2
Faith2
6 years ago
Reply to  ClearWaters

YES!!!!!! I have 18 & 20 yr old daughters who were affected in profound but very different ways by their stepfather’s mindfuckery. They were so young when he love bombed our lives and for a decade his games, anger, immaturity etc. etc were their only sense of any dad. And then, suddenly …poof. We learn he’s not real, he’s leading a double life etc. It’s been NC for about 3 years now, which is a relief as he was a difficult person to love. Still, his imprint remains.
How do we get this info out there to the ‘young human beings’ so it is a real help? …And are there any CN groups about living in the aftermath with often acting-out kids/young adults?

JC
JC
6 years ago
Reply to  Jojobee

Yup!

My XW—a quasi-public serval—had a lot of public night meetings…not getting home until after 11:00z

It wasn’t until after my divorce was finalized that I realized that maybe 1 in 5 of them were real; the rest were probably bogus…especially given her OM was a colleague.

Free Vix
Free Vix
6 years ago
Reply to  JC

And I speak from experience that the meetings don’t run that late anyway. Not even close.

unicornomore
unicornomore
6 years ago
Reply to  Jojobee

Oh crap Jojobee…the Csection….damn. There is a special place in hell for a man who does that.

Jojobee
Jojobee
6 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

His hell is living with the disgusting hag that would have an affair with a man who has heavily pregnant wife.

FedUpChump
FedUpChump
6 years ago
Reply to  Jojobee

I hear ya on that one. I have a deep hatred for my cheater for leaving me alone and pregnant to care for our small toddler so he could explore his vaginal options.
He tries to “make things right” by doing virtually everything except tell me the details of the affair (ie her name and when it started/ended) and I hate him for it. Admittedly, I am appalled by my own behavior as a result of such betrayal.

Peacekeeper
Peacekeeper
6 years ago
Reply to  FedUpChump

Ahhh, FedupChump,
I am sorry to say that years later I still know no details, name, start, ending, noth ing!
Very occasionally, I will bring her up, because I want, need, to know.
He says things like….”Oh, that was sooooo long ago, I forget”
I say, ” How would SHE feel, being told you forget all about her!”
He replies to me that I am cruel and mean to bring it up!
I,I,I, am mean and cruel!!!
It just makes me feel worse, so mostly I don’t bring it up.
I try hard to go about my life, holding my head high, loving and respecting those who love and respect me.
Him, not so much.

(((Hugs to you FedupChump)))
I know it is heart breaking.

FedUpChump
FedUpChump
6 years ago
Reply to  Peacekeeper

Thank you, Peacekeeper. I am sorry you are still looking for answers. I know I’ll never get them. I suffer debilitating anxiety every time I show my face in town. Whenever I see a woman who fits my cheater’s “type” I wonder if it’s “her”. She must know who I am. I feel like the butt of a terrible joke. He’s put her and their affair above me and our children and expects me to just move on.
I can’t.

Peacekeeper
Peacekeeper
6 years ago
Reply to  FedUpChump

FedUpChump,
I am so sorry that you are faced with the possibility of actually seeing her, bumping into her and not knowing who she is, this bitch OW.
My story was different in that cheater’s affair was in another city. I had no chance of ever seeing her and he protected her at all costs. Even if I had chance to see her ever, he would have protected her. I know him.
To this day a biggest regret I have is that I lacked the guts, the sense, to hire a PI to find out who she was.
Is there anyway possible you could do this? I know the cost is a concern for something like this, but if it would give you some closure, some piece of mind, could you possibly do this? Could you borrow the money from a parent or a trusted friend and pay them back in time? Someone you can trust and who would understand how important this is to you.
PI are trained for such a job and could do it without your cheater or the OW knowing????
Hold your head high, you did nothing wrong.
Cheaters don’t understand how we Chumps are not able to just forget when they have tore the very heart and soul right out of us. They can cheat, pull up their pants and jthey st carry on.
I am so sorry.
You are young and I want some closure for you, with all my heart I wish this for you.
( even if he is not currently carrying on the affair I believe a PI has ways to find out “stuff.”
It wouldn’t hurt to secretly talk to one.
Fingers and heart crossed for you!

AussieChump
AussieChump
6 years ago

YMBAC if you apologised to him for being hurt when he flirted with every woman.

YMBAC if you believed that his cheating was partly your fault.

YMBAC if you thought he would ‘never do that’.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
6 years ago
Reply to  AussieChump

Add to that:

YMBAC if you believed it when he said he would never cheat because keeping it a secret would be too stressful.
YMBAC the fact hat he didn’t say “I would never cheat because I love you too much and wouldn’t want to hurt you” and that wasn’t red flag right there.

Nobody2U
Nobody2U
6 years ago

YMBAC if when I asked if he had also screwed another friend of mine he says of course not…I didn’t know her well enough..and I actually felt relieved…wait..what!? You have to take the time to get to know them but screwing the first friend of mine just happened spontaneously…..hmmmmmm

Feelingit
Feelingit
6 years ago
Reply to  AussieChump

Aussiechump- super concise list that encompasses top 3 chump traits: trusting, empathetic and responsible.

mavis
mavis
6 years ago
Reply to  AussieChump

^ YMBAC if you accepted the excuse that he looks at ‘everyone’ not just pretty women

YMBAC if you stood beside him while he flirted with other women

YMBAC if you definitely thought he would never do that & believed that it was ‘just coffee’

IDeserveBetter
IDeserveBetter
6 years ago

YMBAC if your husband has a number of sexual harrassment claims but you believe that he was just being friendly and they don’t know him like you do.

Traffic_Spiral
Traffic_Spiral
6 years ago
Reply to  IDeserveBetter

Ah, the ‘You Don’t Know Him Like I Do!’ Funny how it so often turns out that the YDKHLID person is actually the one who doesn’t know.

Feelingit
Feelingit
6 years ago

YMBAC if upon learning you need an immediate hysterectomy in order to avoid a blood transfusion, you arrange for a friend to drive you home from the surgery so your husband doesn’t have to miss his birthday week end fishing trip with “the boys” in the Keys.

YMAC if you regularly send husband amazon links to items needed for the family because he won’t give you his amazon password.

Nobody2U
Nobody2U
6 years ago
Reply to  Feelingit

YMBAC IF you didn’t know he had an amazon account, a PayPal, eBay, Craigslist account, no access to bank or credit card info and never got to see a pay stub..investment papers etc but still believed he had your best interest at heart…

Jojobee
Jojobee
6 years ago
Reply to  Feelingit

Mine has his computer locked up like Ft. Knox…but he got sloppy/arrogant eventually…

IDeserveBetter
IDeserveBetter
6 years ago

YMBAC if he says he is helping a girl move with his truck…when he has never offered to help family or friends before.

ChumpyKindofLove
ChumpyKindofLove
6 years ago

YMBAC if your husband has a business trip that he stays over not only on Friday night but on Saturday night because he quote” needed to catch up on his rest”….and then you say (Because he demanded you say it) “honey in glad you got a chance to catch up on your sleep”.

*face palm*

IDeserveBetter
IDeserveBetter
6 years ago

YMBAC if he takes another woman out on the jetski while you are on your honeymoon.

YMBAC if after oral surgery he takes you home puts you to bed and goes to the football club…months later you find your painkillers, antibiotics, anti-inflamotory medicine on top of the fridge unopened.

YMBAC if after a miscarriage he says well there isn’t anything I can do to help so I’ll just go out.

YMBAC if he flirts with every woman he meets and you think it’s nice he makes people feel “special”.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
6 years ago
Reply to  IDeserveBetter

If you get the feeling that he is blaming you for the miscarriage (maybe not directly but that was definitely the vibe).

Waffles
Waffles
6 years ago

I’m so sorry he’d be that horrible while you were going thru that. When it happened to me, I blamed myself. I’d lose my mind if HE blamed me. Your H is a complete ass who doesn’t deserve you. ((CIR))

Feelingit
Feelingit
6 years ago
Reply to  IDeserveBetter

Ymbac if after a miscarriage, you are talking and crying and he rolls over and puts a pillow over his head and says “I can’t talk about this anymore.”

ANC
ANC
6 years ago

YMBAC if you listen and believe the cheater’s manipulative lies when you KNOW, factually, the words out of their mouth are not even plausible let alone aligned with the facts at hand.

YMBAC if you have an Olympic-sized trowel to spackled the ^^above^^ shit over and carry on, creating crushing Cognitive Dissonance.

Nobody2U
Nobody2U
6 years ago
Reply to  ANC

YMBAC if the stories he tell you look like an Escher stairs painting and you still believed them..seriously…Dr. Seuss made more sense

So Done
So Done
6 years ago
Reply to  ANC

^^^This. Over and over

Newlady15
Newlady15
6 years ago

YMBAC if he destroys you with a one year affair with a friend of yours( after claiming it was a one night stand) and you still take him back and put up with 4 years of abuse of every kind before he leaves you for someone else.

IDeserveBetter
IDeserveBetter
6 years ago

YMBAC if you see all this spam for hookup and dating sites popping up his email and you believe it when he says it must be from the music sites he visits….WARNING Chumps…the internet has cookies and knows what they like. Those spams are not random.

Aeronaut
Aeronaut
6 years ago
Reply to  IDeserveBetter

Not that he merits defending, but the internet does weird things. Some time ago, I started receiving spam for breast enhancement surgery. Odd, given that I’m male and have zero interest in having breasts. I have no idea why that happened – fortunately, it stopped after about eight months.

Hugs. Strength. Peace.
aeronaut

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
6 years ago
Reply to  Aeronaut

Maybe she was using your computer account?

I can relate though. Back before e-mail had filters I used to get porn photos going directly to my inbox. I had to click on it so it would show up in my preview window before I could delete it. I was afraid I would get in trouble because our company had a no porn policy. I was so relieved when the spam filters were installed. I don’t know why I was getting those. It was all girls and I am definitely not a lesbian so I didn’t even enjoy it even a little.

chumpaz
chumpaz
6 years ago
Reply to  IDeserveBetter

Ahhhh why yes the proverbial “I have no idea” how that ended up there…

YMBAC if after 14 years after inowubg the mistress was a computer you still stayed. Only to watch him exchange phone numbers on Plenty of Skeeze then you test negative at the yearly OBGYN appt; but chumping at a new level makes me vulnerable and I’m intimate with him. You know the end of this story. Magically test positive after said intimacy with STBX.

BEST part being the fine proud chump I am. I believed him initially that he never did anything because he “only has online issues”.

Yeah I’m a chump

unicornomore
unicornomore
6 years ago

YMBAC if you learn on DDay that he “shared rooms” at hotels with Susan of Seattle on business trips but didnt call him on his shit when he claims that they “never had sex”.

YMBAC if, for years, you are totally blind to little clues to cheating but it LITERALLY NEVER CROSSED YOUR MIND because you truly believed something like that was outside the realm of possibility.

YMBAC if the ever increasing demands from your spouse during his monster phase led you to scrub the kids bathroom floor at 11pm when you are waiting for him to return from a business trip because he will inspect the house and rage at you for any mess he finds. While on your hands and knees scrubbing, you realize that you are genuinely afraid.

Soldiering On
Soldiering On
6 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

“While on your hands and knees scrubbing, you realize that you are genuinely afraid.”

Oh God, I can totally agree with this. I’m so glad you are out and safe.

cashmere
cashmere
6 years ago
Reply to  Soldiering On

Oh, gosh, yes. The cleaning, straightening, fixing frenzy to prevent rage, but they still always rage within the first thirty seconds of arrival.

So relieved to be free of that.

Nobody2U
Nobody2U
6 years ago
Reply to  Soldiering On

Damn..I am learning so much today about myself..I am definitely a chump…I would run around frantically cleaning things up so the house he never helped me with would be perfect…me and kids ate dinner in a separate room because I didn’t want to upset Mr. God when he came home from work but he raged anyway…got to where even the kids didn’t say “dads home” without a tinge of fear and apprehension in their voices. So terribly sad.

unicornomore
unicornomore
6 years ago
Reply to  Nobody2U

He didnt start out like this but I think that his bad bouts of surly nastiness coincided with his rounds of cheating…he felt guilty so he picked me apart to prove to himself that I deserved it.

His behavior during his “biggest” affair was somewhat insidious…it got incrementally worse…slowly enough that I was a bit of a “frog in a pot” and didnt sense his escalating hostility. That moment of scrubbing knowing that ANY mess would result in abject rage from him was terrifying. He didn’t hit us but he berated be unmercifully.

If I have my mental timeline correct, his return from that trip was preceded by me BEGGING the kids to make sure there was no dog pee in the basement…I knew that would set him off. The next day, he found a bit of pee and started to throw things and scream and tell us that he didnt have to put up with shit like this anymore.

I was sitting in art class the other day chatting up with a classmate the other day and when she asked about dead husband, I said “he was a bastard”. She asked “booze or rage?”

Pret
Pret
6 years ago

YMBAC if you see her name on his phone and he tells you it’s probably an old contact ( and you believe him).
YMBAC if the same name is on his computer screen 6 months later and he tells you “she’s just a friend” ( and you believe him)
YMBAC if after you see the Viagra pill in his wallet…you still don’t believe he’s cheating on you
YMBAC if you have to physically force him to take his passwords off all his electronic devices and unfriend her ( and this still doesn’t send off alarm bells in your head)
YMBAC if a week later he puts all the passwords back on ( and you eat that shit sandwich)
YMBAC if you catch him cheating on you a second time- he tells you he and the mistress sat down and “planned” on a day he would leave you and his only child…and you still take him back!
YMBAC if your entire apartment is surrounded by 3 feet of water during hurricane Irma…the water starts to come into the apartment and you lose your shit and…..you call him crying hysterically because you’re scared and he’s the only man you’ve ever been with your entire life…
YMBAC if after all is said and done…you still hurt like a motherfucker over someone who doesn’t give a shit about you or his only child.

So Done
So Done
6 years ago
Reply to  Pret

YMBAC when STBX tells you that the reason that his AP’s contact info is still in his phone 5 years after his affair was supposedly over is that he doesn’t know how to delete it because it’s “in the cloud.” And you stay.

YMBAC when, after DDay #1, STBX does not give you access to his phone or email accounts and defends this action by saying (1) it’s not appropriate for us to have access to each other’s phones; (2) we are each entitled to our privacy; (3) he doesn’t ask for access to my phone; and (4) he is not a child and will not be told who he can and cannot communicate with. And you stay. For 5 more years.

K
K
6 years ago
Reply to  Pret

Pret, YMBAC if you believe him that the Viagra he packed to go to a conference out of town without you was for masturbation purposes only. And then believe he has trouble “talking about how my ED makes me feel like less of a man.”

Lady B
Lady B
6 years ago
Reply to  Pret

Prize fucker that one!

IDeserveBetter
IDeserveBetter
6 years ago
Reply to  Pret

Yes especially that last one.

srfrgrl
srfrgrl
6 years ago

YMBAC if… you suspected a brain tumor might be causing their abnormal behavior.

YMBACx2 if… you begged them to get an MRI.

chumpintraining
chumpintraining
6 years ago
Reply to  srfrgrl

the brain tumor rationale so resonates – I think that was also referenced in one of the garbage RIC books I bought. “Treat him as though he has a brain tumor. This is not your husband. Something has overtaken him, and this is not his true self.” Or as my therapist put it, it’s like his brain has short circuited, and if we could just switch the flip back, he would be the person I married. It took me a long time to realize, this is no brain tumor. There is no tumor. This glitch in his wiring is not a new thing. This is who he was all along – like a house built with shoddy workmanship, an electrical fire was destined all along.

cashmere
cashmere
6 years ago
Reply to  srfrgrl

YES! I seriously considered this.

coolbreezeout
coolbreezeout
6 years ago
Reply to  srfrgrl

Mine had a small brain tumor. And, used his trip to the doctor out of town to also have hook ups with prostitutes at local message parlors. Here I was at home fretting over the results of the benign tumor – while he was getting is ineffective little man parts swallowed. Never questioned why it took him an hour to go get something to eat at night. That Burger King drive through takes a lot longer when you have to stop for blow jobs on the way.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
6 years ago
Reply to  srfrgrl

Hmm. I never suspected a brain tumor but I was wondering if early dementia was setting in.

MotherChumper99
MotherChumper99
6 years ago
Reply to  srfrgrl

OMG !!!!! I still think he has a brain tumor and many others do too.

YMBAC if you wish your beloved husband of 25 years did have a brain tumor causing this behavior.

TheBestMe
TheBestMe
6 years ago
Reply to  srfrgrl

I blamed the Cialis he started taking when he started seeing coworker. I of course believed he was taking for us… He was raging and physically abusive so it must be the medication making him crazy. Chump

Feelingit
Feelingit
6 years ago
Reply to  srfrgrl

Wondered that too! It had to be!

Got-a-brain
Got-a-brain
6 years ago
Reply to  srfrgrl

Bahaha! I literally wondered if ass-hat had a brain tumor as well! What else could explain such outrageous behavior? Unfortunately is was my realization that he wasn’t who I thought he was, and my withdraw from hopium… not a brain tumor ????

Waffles
Waffles
6 years ago
Reply to  Got-a-brain

I wonder if I had a brain tumor believing his shit.

Kellia
Kellia
6 years ago
Reply to  Waffles

THIS^^^^^ We are the ones with the brain tumor eating the shit sandwiches…

KrazyFool16
KrazyFool16
6 years ago

YMBAC if you believe all those late night texts were from his kids!

YMBAC if you initially believed him when he said it is an “inappropriate” but not “sexual” relationship.

YMBAC if he tells you that he only really wanted to be with you! The next day, he is having sex with her. Oh but “It was only Oral sex” and “he always drunk”.

Rae44
Rae44
6 years ago
Reply to  KrazyFool16

When i came to my senses and faced reality i got the “Inappropriate but not sexual” line and believed it.

After Dday #1 i got an email from the OW’s husband, telling me about a particular “encounter” and H’s line to me was “oh that? That was nothing just a silly little thing”. I actually used ChumpLadys line that she must have tripped and landed on his cock! Apparently not ‘finishing’ during the penetration but by hand after wasnt actually anything just a “silly little thing”….who knew??!!

Got-a-brain
Got-a-brain
6 years ago

YMBAC if….

you believe that email you found confirming his subscription to adult “friend” finder is “Simply curiosity, about real women’s sexual preferences, not fake acting like porn, and means nothing about their intentions of faithfulness”

You believe any trip outside the home includes a chronic lateness of “hours”

All issues you bring up lead back to “this is your problem” road. “You need to fix your insecurities”

You grow into someone afraid to speak up for yourself, because the deflection to your own flaws has turned you into a self reflection, second guessing, I must be the problem person.

You believe cheating isn’t a character issue, and won’t carry over to other deception, like finances, smear champagnes and poisioning the kids with lies.

Your integrity to maintain “being a good person” comes before consequences for boundary violations.

You listen to words even when they do not line up with actions… aka, you’re addicted to hopium!

The minute your intuition is telling you there’s a problem you start looking for an alternative explanation

UXworld
UXworld
6 years ago
Reply to  Got-a-brain

All issues you bring up lead back to “this is your problem” road. “You need to fix your insecurities”

YES YES YES YES YES

Got-a-brain
Got-a-brain
6 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Yep, and in hindsight I had very few insecurities when we started dating. It irritates me that the standard explanation for issues inside the marriage are “this is something chumps bring into the marriage” not something that is a result of the marriage, but it seems to work in reverse for the Cheater… their cheating is a result of the marriage, not something they brought with them. WTF? Who comes up with this crap?

UXworld
UXworld
6 years ago
Reply to  Got-a-brain

I got: “I’ve done 1-on-1 counseling. I’ve done the self-reflection. I’ve done the work. Now its your turn. You brought your own issues into this marriage that need addressing. You need to do the work.”

Me: “What issues are you talking about?”

KK: “You’re very controlling.”

Me: “In what way am I controlling? I’m agreed to this open marriage that you asked for — how am I controlling?”

KK: “Look. I’m not here to be your therapist. You’re not perfect, and you have things you need to work on.”

And like a true chump, I walked away and thought for days on whether or not she had a point.

hollowbunny
hollowbunny
6 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

We all hope it’s our fault because we want so chumpily badly to fix the problem. And being chumps, we get started right away!

IDeserveBetter
IDeserveBetter
6 years ago

YMBAC if he comes around to see the kids and you begin to feel sorry for him.

Chumpfor12
Chumpfor12
6 years ago
Reply to  IDeserveBetter

My STBX had his first visit with our kids since the divorce was filed back in August. He had plenty of opportunities to visit before the weekend, but he preferred running with his mistress/employee on the weekends. He was full of fake tears this weekend, but all I could think was, “were you crying while running?”. Not likely. I feel sorry for my kids, not him.

GoWithYourGut
GoWithYourGut
6 years ago
Reply to  IDeserveBetter

I completely felt sorry for my STBX when his Schmoopsie decided with her chump husband to try again to work things out. So my STBX was basically dumped…and I felt bad for him! Kicking myself in the butt, because one month later they’re back together, living (temporarily) right next door to me, and I have to see them every. single. day. It’s like a 2X4 across the face repeatedly!

I can’t believe I’d ever allow myself to feel sorry for him!

insistonhonesty
insistonhonesty
6 years ago

-If your husband never gives you a Mother’s Day card because *you* are not.his.mother,

-If you get a funny feeling about his car-pooling buddy but dismiss it because she’s older than your mother, married to a very successful surgeon, and is about to have an empty nest, so how could that even happen,

-If he starts using the downstairs bathroom in the middle of the night and when you, worried, still can’t find him… and he ends up saying that he went for a walk,

-If women in public places look at your husband funny while you’re out with the children, and question, “? I didn’t know you’d settled down… how… nice for you!,”

-If he thinks of every moment of every day off as his “down time” and doesn’t want to do ANYTHING with his family and can rarely even be guilt-tripped into doing it,

-If he says it’s IMPOSSIBLE to cheat because you two have sex almost everyday so “of course, I’d have nothing left for anyone else! lolzzzz,”

-If, on the rare occasions you go out without the children, you take more than 1.5 hours to complete days of errands, your husband calls and acts like you’re up to no good,

You might be A Chump.

Out West
Out West
6 years ago

I forgot about the sneaking out of the house and finding him in the shower at 3am. GAG

insistonhonesty
insistonhonesty
6 years ago

You might be A Chump if-

The nurse asks tepidly asks IF your fiance will visit (3 days after a traumatic, 21.5-hour labor that ended in an emergency c-section) because he needs to sign the birth certificate.

You message him for those 3 days, because now the nurse is saying she needs to send the certificate off by tomorrow and he doesn’t come.

Your mother packs up her own 5 children, shows up at our apartment, and cheerfully, skillfully TELLS him he’s going to visit me and the baby (and to sign the BC).

He can’t be there to pick you up (mother has to do it) because he can’t get time off.

The next week, you wonder why he has no paycheck and he has no recourse so HAS to tell you that he took off the ENTIRE 6 days you were in the hospital (“feeling lost with his partner”) and went back on the day you came home.

****

I feel ill now. Ugh. What a piece of shit.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
6 years ago

I’ll second that “What a piece of shit”

insistonhonesty
insistonhonesty
6 years ago

You might be a chump if you answer a call he’s ignored 4 times in a row on his phone and the other person disconnects immediately after you say hello.

You might be a chump if you call that person back, with her answering after he third time, and she says launches right away into a tirade of how you won’t let your husband even have a FRIEND.

You might be a chump if, after you implore this FRIEND to stop distracting him with her personal problems because your pregnant with your third child (all three with him, in 2 years), that FRIEND says that you should shut your g*ddamn legs already… and then says only whores put out that much.

You might be a chump if your husband doesn’t get furious with that FRIEND, having heard the whole thing, and continues being FRIENDS with her.

You might be a chump if your husband promises to cut the FRIENDship after you move, because then she won’t know where you live anymore and be able to knock on the door as a threat.

You might be a chump if you actually believe that a Clingy, Vulgar Female Friend and a husband who “cares too much” is the only problem… and that if she’s out of the picture, everything will be fine.

You might be a chump if you push down the nagging question: Why does he care so much about HER problems when he could give a shit about mine?

insistonhonesty
insistonhonesty
6 years ago

You might be a chump if, 5 years later, he’s friends with his ho-worker/carpooling buddy – a woman older than your mother – and she gleefully brings over her daughter’s hand-me-downs for your children. And you’re GRATEFUL for those lovely, only-child quality hand-me-downs and make her pumpkin muffins and your special, homemade Irish cream.

You might be a chump if your husband buys his carpooling buddy a $50 gift card for Christmas as a thank you (even though you split the rides equally) to THE art supply store you’ve begged him to go to with your own daughter but he said was too far out of the way. And he gets MAD that you’re annoyed, even though you’re skint and it would.have.been an AMAZING gift for your own daughter.

You might be a chump if you choke down your sorrow that even after hearing this, he still didn’t get your daughter the same gift he gave his carpooling buddy.

You might be a chump if his car-pooling buddy gets you and your children lovely feathered angel ornaments and little gifts for everyone and you hang them on the tree… because it’s not HER fault that your husband is an inconsiderate piece of shit.
************

You MIGHT BE MIGHTY if, after D-Day, every time you see that “carpooling buddy” in public, see the horror plant in her eyes, watch while the terror spreads across her face, she begins to RUN (through Target, through the park, away from the ice cream stand, et al), I YELL after her, LAUGHING, “Yeah – you’d better run, Huli Jing!”

(She’s from China. It’s basically calling her a DESPERATE, OLD WHORE.)

Kathleen
Kathleen
6 years ago

YMBAC. .If he says he’s going skiing to Vermont for the weekend, son & I help pack the car, skis, clothes, etc.

Then noticing when charge card statement comes .. dinner, alcohol,gifts & hotel receipts all taken place out in the island (Long Island, NY)

When confronted he said he won a free room & wanted to spend night drinking so not to drive home . Didn’t want to tell me “So I wouldn’t get wrong idea”!

WTF?

I was in denial…. how stupid was I??

DeAun
DeAun
6 years ago

YMBAC if you point blank ask your husband if he is having an affair with Schmoopie and his response is “No way, she is 10 down on the list of women I would have affairs with”

YMBAC if on D-day 4 you find an email to Schmoopie that asks her to join the mile high club when he is flying first class. And then you remember he asked you to join the mile club too….on the exact same day!!

hollowbunny
hollowbunny
6 years ago
Reply to  DeAun

Ugh. I got “have you seen her? If I’m going to cheat I would have higher standards than that!” And it fucking made sense to me at the time. I had insulted him by suggesting he was sleeping with the ugly woman he was sleeping with.