I’ve always been a big fan of yours. Coining the acronym for Dump the Motherfucker Already (DTMFA)? Brilliant. Creating the “It Gets Better” campaign to end the bullying of gay children? Heroic. Renaming Rick Santorum as a frothy byproduct of anal sex? — a grateful nation thanks you.
But Dan, I want to bitch slap you into next week when it comes to “monogamish.”
This state of affairs—couples who experimented with nonmonogamy and wound up divorced won’t shut up; couples who experimented with nonmonogamy and are still together won’t speak up—allows smug and insecure monogamists to run around insisting that there’s no such thing as happy, stable monogamish couples.
“You know lots of couples who have had three-ways and flings who aren’t divorced,” I told the skeptics a few weeks ago, “you just don’t know you know them.” In an effort to introduce the skeptics to some happily monogamish couples, I invited coupled people who’d had successful flings, affairs, three-ways, and swinging experiences to write in and share their stories.
Three-ways and swinging experiences? Break out the Barry White tunes and go for it. No judgement from me. But when it comes to flings and affairs? You are NOT on the side of the angels here.
Three-ways and swinging require a partner’s consent and participation. Flings and affairs are based upon deceit. To happen, they require duping your partner.
I fail to understand how Dan Savage, hater of all hypocrisy, is totally down with cheating.
If I’m in a relationship or marriage with someone, I damn well expect them to inform me that they want it to be OPEN so I can make an informed decision about my sex life and my health and if I want to stay in that relationship. I don’t want a “loving” partner making unilateral decisions about my life, courting STDs, and bringing them home. I don’t want to be someone’s fool. Does that make me smug?
You know what’s smug? Not having empathy for people who’ve been shattered by betrayal.
Why would you support people having affairs? Aren’t you about openness and honest communication about sex? Don’t you hate hypocritical assholes? I can’t think of anything more hypocritical than taking a vow to be faithful, presenting a false self to your spouse, and fucking other people on the side.
Rethink this one, Dan.