Hi Chump Lady,
I bit the bullet and joined Match.com. Guess who is a 95% match with me? The ex…This is the guy who says he’s “the happiest he’s ever been” with his new love. Who constantly rubs my nose in how great things are between them. On Match, he’s presenting himself as a single guy who “is new to online dating and is dipping his toe in the water.” I have Ashley Madison, iFriends, datehookup, CougarLife and mingle.com screen shots that tell a radically different story.
So – the good news for chumps is that they WON’T be better for someone else. But that’s the bad news for the rest of humanity – he’s on the loose and is as sick as ever.
I’m slightly tempted to tell the new chick, but think she’s getting what she deserves by not taking the time to fix her picker before jumping into the next thing. She’s also spending the night at ex’s house while my son is there (despite the fact that she lives two doors down…Yes, the recently divorced neighbor is ripe for the picking by a guy like my ex). My son is conflicted about that, and I’m sure her 4 year-old daughter is confused, too.
What do you think – tell her or don’t?
Only “slightly” tempted? Oh, I would totally tell her. Especially if she’s not an OW. I can’t tell from your letter. If she’s just a sad person who didn’t, as you say, fix her picker before shacking up with her neighbor, she deserves to learn this hard lesson soonest. Give her the screenshots, tell her you divorced him because he’s a cheater, and you’re passing this info along, not because you want to hurt her, but for the Universal Sisterhood.
If she is an OW? Tell her anyway. Okay, it’s not very “meh”, but who could resist such an opportunity? I couldn’t. I didn’t — same exact thing happened to me. And I sent her all the profiles with the email subject header “Your boyfriend is on Match.com.” Apparently it pissed her off hugely… and then… she kept seeing him. I mean, she’d been seeing him for 20 years at that point, through three marriages. She knew he was a cheater — she just didn’t want to be reminded of it. Yeah, it’s a special kind of fucked up.
So, go ahead and tell, but don’t expect that this woman will stop seeing him. She might be more damaged than you know. Hopefully, she’ll dump his ass, but she may not. In either case, your conscience is clear. Tell.