Anyone see this on HuffPo?
Why do women cheat? A new survey from Victoria Milan — a dating site for married people seeking affairs — suggests it’s because they find their partner really, really annoying. (And apparently, the only way to cope with that is to hook up with another dude.)
The website polled 6,000 women on the site and a whopping 73 percent of the ladies said the chief reason they cheated was because they were annoyed by their partner’s character flaws and behavior. The number one complaint the women brought up? A lackluster sense of humor, at 19 percent.
Unsurprisingly, more than half of the women admitted they were looking for a lover who did not possess the trait they found so obnoxious in their partner.
Below, the 10 most irritating behaviors that the women cited as excuses for cheating:
1. He lacks a sense of humor (19%)
2. He’s not understanding enough (16%)
3. He’s not good in bed (14%)
4. He lacks good manners (11%)
5. He’s lazy and doesn’t have any life plans (10%)
6. He doesn’t care about his appearance and has poor hygiene (9%)
7. He’s not successful (7%)
8. He doesn’t pay enough attention to details and social obligations (5%)
9. He’s unable to clean up after himself and he’s a mama’s boy (5%)
10. He’s stingy (4%)
Where to begin? I love that cheaters are annoyed by “character flaws” — that’s a hoot! And I’m also wondering why every “married dating site” (cough) is named like some Harlequin romance character — Victoria Milan? Ashley Madison? They never name these things Cheryl Schultz. No, Victoria Milan is a classy hooker with a heart of gold. Ashley Madison is a plucky real estate agent with a fondness for garter belts under her business attire. Seduce her right and she’ll go spread eagle at the title and loans.
These married dating site PR people sure know how to pitch. To the idiot women who want to live a Harlequin romance fantasy (I‘m not a Martha — I’m an Ashley!), and to all the men avoiding the Cheryl’s in their lives. Those drab women who get shit done.
Oh, and “married dating sites”? That’s like saying “gambling den savings” or “peaceful flame thrower” — it’s an oxymoron, you moron. You don’t “date” while married. That’s called “cheating.” But I guess “cheating site” doesn’t sound as sexy, even if you name it Victoria Milan.
Anyway… why women cheat.
Because, guys, you don’t have a sense of humor.
I know, I know — there you were being a grown up, working a job, paying bills and cleaning the gutters. It wasn’t a chuckle fest. It’s hard to be witty when the baby wakes you up at 3 a.m. But work on it, okay? Maybe you should consider an improv class. Or juggling. Or maybe one of those bowties that squirts water?
Could clown college affair proof your marriage?
Just throwing out suggestions — because if you don’t keep things light and breezy around here, she’s going to be boinking her co-worker Chip. Fail at the funny and there are reasons 2 through 10 to cheat on you as well. On your toes, gentleman! Don’t annoy the ladies or its chumpdom for you!
Did anyone notice that most of these items are pure projection? Not understanding enough? Lazy and doesn’t have life plans? Doesn’t pay enough attention to details and social obligations?
Really Victoria? How many social obligations are you attending to while you’re off fucking Chip? Huh? Do you find yourself attending to the details of childcare while you are conducting an affair?
And good manners? Seriously? A guy doesn’t hold open the car door for you and you’re liable to fuck his best friend? You think THAT is mannerly? You think Emily Post has a section of etiquette for whoring around on your husband? Put down your seafood fork and think for a minute. Cheating is BAD MANNERS. No, hit yourself with the seafood fork. You are bad! Bad! Bad!
Stop making excuses for your shitty behavior. His untrimmed toenails did not drive you to cheater dating sites. Your entitlement did. Your inability to deal like a grown up with the little disappointments and imperfections of life. God knows there is some faithful chump somewhere putting up with your shit — your hair in the drain, your lazy ass on the sofa, and your inability to find Will Ferrell funny — and he’s not cheating on you.
For the love of God, get a divorce. We could use some faithful guys in the dating pool. And you can continue your eternal quest for a characterless cheater who makes you laugh.
Best of luck, idiot.