Pity the Other Woman. Her furnace dies. Her car needs jump starting. Her self-esteem is in tatters. Her progress reports languish without benevolent copyediting. She can’t make the rent this month. No one sufficiently appreciates her potential.
She simply Cannot Manage without a fuckbuddy to rescue her from…
An uncaring husband.
Life’s banal chores.
Far from being the iconoclastic, trail-blazing sexual revolutionaries they imagine themselves to be, Other Women seem like some anachronistic feeble ideal of womanhood. Helpless little missies, dropping their handkerchiefs to get a man’s attention. Fragile creatures succumbing to vapors. Dimwits who can’t screw the lids off their mayonnaise jars.
Of all the Stupid Shit Cheaters say, one refrain comes up over and over again:
She needs me.
She’s in some sad, hopeless, crisis state and she just needs the attention of a cheater.
Of course, cheaters say this to make cheating seem like some noble mission of mercy, instead of a quick fuck at the Motel 8. And of course Other Women are no more helpless than a swarm of barracudas. But cheaters seem to suffer under the delusion that they Need Each Other in some super special way that transcends the needs of their ordinary families.
Why, he isn’t a calculating cheater, he was there changing her spark plugs and It Just Happened! She isn’t a manipulative con, she was just having a Really Bad Day and there he was to make it all better!
You must understand, they never intended to hurt you. Spark plugs need changing. Shit happens. You can’t be angry with them. Can’t you see they were Just Trying to HELP?
Meanwhile, chumps labor without assistance. They do their own car maintenance. They eat dinners alone. They raise kids without an invested partner.
Stupid Shit Cheaters Say #174: “You were so independent, I didn’t think you needed all of me.”
Your very capability will be used against you.
So set the benevolent missionaries free, I say. Let them manage together without your assistance, finances, and logistics on the home front.
Nine times out of 10, they circle back for cake.
“But I need you!”
Too bad. So sad.