Stay in Touch

Check out CL's Book

Etiquette for Mistresses?

Share on twitter
Share on facebook
Share on reddit
Share on whatsapp
Share on pinterest
Share on pocket
Share on print
Share on email

A alert chump sent me this trailer for a cinematic pick-me-dance blockbuster in the Philippines, “Etiquette for Mistresses.” The film is based on the best-selling book by Jullie Yap Daza, “Etiquette for Mistresses: And What Wives Can Learn From Them.”

So much, Jullie. So much. Such as “It’s okay to leave your thong in other people’s beds.” Or “STDs are imaginary when you only sleep with Good People.” Gosh, I learned so much from the Other Woman. Why, if it wasn’t for her, I never would have known my husband was cheating on me! I should send that bitch flowers.

Anyway, the movie… “Etiquette for Mistresses.” Let’s start with the premise — etiquette? Seriously? Etiquette is the language of good manners. Respect, consideration, and kindness are at the heart of good manners. The whole point is not to offend others.

So what is “Etiquette for Mistresses”? Fucking my husband with your pinky extended?

Jullie, what’s next? Honor for Thieves? Thank You Notes for Sociopaths?

There is nothing kind or considerate about screwing other people’s spouses. But I suppose it’s a clever gimmick if you want to set the women’s movement back in the Phillipines by a hundred years.

Little girls of the Philippines — when you grow up you can be a doctor, a lawyer, OR a mistress! Let some paunchy old businessman foot your bills, while you shop at Chanel all day and hot wax your genitals. Those girls who grow up to be doctors and lawyers, let them be chumps! (More household income = more Manolo Blahniks for you!) Who needs differential equations when you can have blonde extensions and peek-a-boo underwear sets! Get out of school now while your tits are still firm! Find a sugar daddy today!

(Somewhere Elizabeth Cady Stanton is weeping.)

So what are the rules of being a Phillipino mistress according to Jullie Yap Daza?

  1. Avoid the wife.
  2. Don’t complain.
  3. You will never be #1.

You’re a side dish fuck and that’s all you’ll ever be. So suck it up, avoid the Mrs., and hope you don’t age out of the system before you get that apartment paid for. Hey, you might be a pathetic little blow up doll with Daddy’s charge cards, but you have a lot to teach his wife!

So chumps, I put it to you — what can mistresses teach us?

No blow jobs with your elbows on the table?

Never wear latex after Labor Day?

The whip goes to the left of the seafood fork?

Help Jullie out. 
manners

Share on twitter
Share on facebook
Share on reddit
Share on whatsapp
Share on pinterest
Share on pocket
Share on print
Share on email

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • This is in such poor taste it’s breathtaking.

    About the only thing my STBX’s whore taught me was about the character of my STBX. To this day I still struggle with it because he was the love of my life, my college sweetheart, my best friend and the person I figured LEAST LIKELY to hurt me in this way.. so it was a shock, but if not for the slut, I guess I wouldn’t have known.

    So for that I guess I should thank her, in some fucked up way. I still hate her, I can’t help it. Maybe one day I’ll be able to let go.

    As for these women who think fancy clothes, apartments, cars and shopping on the dime of a married man leads to happiness, I feel very sorry for them. Happiness doesn’t come from things, or from being young, or from fucking random people, it comes from within you. I think a lot of these OW and OM frankly are messed up people. If you think about it, you’d have to be pretty screwed up to fuck someone else’s spouse. Or even to mess around with someone else’s spouse (my STBX claims there was no sex, only friends, yet he went to major lengths to see her and lie about it). That’s a leap most decent people would NEVER take. I think this movie (although fiction and clearly silly) does show how messed up these women really are. It’s sad. It’s pathetic there are some women who would settle for being second fiddle to some sparkly cheater turd. It’s amazing to think how many of them there are.. and how common it all is.

  • Holy. F*cking. Wow.

    Just… Wow.

    The steps this took just to get filmed… someone had to pitch the idea, it had to get accepted, funded, idiot mistresses located and probably paid… People are dying for lack of potable water, and yet good money is spent filming this, and the people responsible for it probably still live.

    Weep for humanity!

    • Amazing to me people are so utterly selfish and narcissistic. The general mistress/OW/OM justification goes something like this…

      It’s not my fault he/she isn’t happy in their marriage.. if their spouse was treating them right, they wouldn’t need to cheat.

      Or..

      It’s twu wuv and he’s going to leave her for me.. yeah, I WIN! I’m SPECIAL. (typically women do this.. men who fuck married women generally aren’t interested in real commitment)

      Of course, So many fallacies in these justifications.. but they are designed to help the cheater avoid responsibility for their role. Ie.. it’s all the SPOUSE or the CHEATER… as if they have no active role in this. As if they too, didn’t make an active decision to involve themselves with someone else’s mate. Makes me sad there are so many people who think so little of themselves that they would demean themselves in such way. I honestly feel sorry for them. They destroy lives, families, finances, and they don’t seem to think they play a real role, always someone else’s fault. They really are very screwed up in the head.

      • They destroy lives, families, finances, and they don’t seem to think they play a real role, always someone else’s fault
        And isn’t that the truth. Like the cheater, it’s not their fault. and that’s why they are perfectly suited for each other. They have the same values. They are both dishonest, liars, cheaters and amoral people. They feel comfortable living a in denial..
        CL you really gave me a good laugh this morning, I needed it.

        • I agree NewChumpAtl. My Ex’s then MOW not only destroyed my marriage, but her husband divorced her in less than 6 weeks after confirming she was cheating! I truly believe that her Ex was well aware of her “hobby” that she had while he was out of town working. I think this wasn’t her first time at the rodeo! He was just able to put a name on the guy who was screwing his wife and he wasted no time at all ridding himself of her cheating ass! Once she was dumped by her husband she went full steam ahead trying to get my Ex feeling the guilts over her broken marriage! She blamed him totally!
          I am still a bit away from Tuesday and Meh, but the more I read CL and listen to these horrendous stories of heartbreak, I also am very thankful that I have my peace and tranquility back! I NEVER have to look at, listen to or put up with the horrible chaos that these two cheaters brought into my life! I am free to conduct myself anyway I see fit and control my own destiny. It was exhausting being married to my Ex even before he started cheating. Having to carry the contractor sized spackle barrel around and “fix” his stupid mistakes was getting downright cumbersome. I’ll let her have what is left of his crappy life and leftover spackle. She’s going to need it! BTW, her Ex, who is very successful and good looking to boot, has a FaceBook page and he is having a blast! I’ve never seen anyone so happy since he dumped her ass! This guy seems to be all over the place and doing some wonderful things in exotic locations. I know she’s probably seen it too. But too bad, she now has to sit at home and take care of her very sick, limp dick, aging Romeo! Excuse me, gotta go LMAO!

          • The last slapper had a really great boyfriend-better looking than my ex,had a job etc.Guess who I ended up with?.Flowers every Friday at work.? .Unfortunately that started slapper stalking me(sadly?, the great romane only lasted a couple of months,he had a whole lot of other girlfriends?)

    • That was actually my first thought!
      It wasn’t what poor taste or how horrible and triggering is this storyline.
      It was this song? Really? this song?

    • That song reminds me of my ex who definitely thought he could tell me what to do and what to say. Or rather, what NOT to say. And even how to think. When he couldn’t control me he’d rage and then pout and sulk with resentment when I wouldn’t give in.

      I won’t waste my time watching that mistress clip, but I’m increasingly feeling glad that I’m out of the whole relationship scene. Not that I wouldn’t have loved to have a marriage that lasted till death us do part, but it didn’t happen and I don’t think I’m up to starting over.

    • MY all time favorite Leslie Gore song…I refuse to allow this fucked up film to take a song that all wives should have on their cell phones for support and turn it into a song for women who cheat with married men.

      It just the opposite for mistresses, take out the “don’t” and “not” the you have their song: You OWN me.

    • Made me think of the movie “First wives club” I loved that movie, no wonder why I did, I related to it way back then lol.

      • Kate50, I absolutely loved that movie also. The great part of all this mess he created is that I actually am living the life I always dreamed I could! But unlike the women in the movie I don’t need to seek anymore revenge because I got EVERYTHING Iin the divorce and his health took a very nasty turn in less than a month after moving in with his dream girl. Now she gets to take care of him while he dies of a painful Cancer! It’s just sweet karma! I love my life now and I really don’t miss him at all! I hope she is happy with her “prize”!

        • Just one more thing. I hope she doesn’t have any joint accounts with him because the IRS is fixing to freeze his assets for non-payment! Nuff said! Hope those two Wuv Birds are happy!

          • Roberta,

            You hit the motherlode of Karma! How they treated you was so foul they are only reaping their own foulness – in spades!

            I may never see any karma or reaping of the sowing for my ex, so I will live vicariously through you.

          • Roberta, the end of your story is magical, a fairy tale for chumps. Dreams really do come true! Yay for you!

            I don’t know your full story, but I’m going to the archives asap…

        • Every time I read your story Roberta it just warms my heart that sweet Karma has found the two of them so fast. I love even more that her ex is having the time of his life! I hadn’t read that before. I’ve always said that Karma doesn’t always work on the timeline we would like but I am confident that eventually it catches up with them.

          • Cheaterssuck, just imagine if it warms your heart what it does for me! I really have to tone my “enthusiasm” down some when I’m asked by some folks about him, but for the most part everyone believes that they got what they truly deserved! I used to tell my Ex all the time that I hoped he would get everything he had coming to him! I’m sure he has probably given some thought to his present situation as Karma, but he’s far too stupid to admit it to anyone. I just want most of the chumps here to know that these stupid asses WILL eventually suffer for the pain they caused the truly loving people in their lives. They have to live with themselves day in and day out and I believe they are acutely aware of the POS they have become, but they repress it and act like they are happy! They are too egotistical to admit they’ve made such a mess of their lives and destroyed their loved ones in the process! All I know is that I did all I could and he had many opportunities to stop his nonsense, but he continued to lie and cheat and I just had to boot his ass to the curb! He is her problem now and if she dumps him then he will be totally alone and it will serve him right!

              • I’m flattered, but I draw most of my strength from all you chumps here at CN! I’m in awe of all the smart, sassy, strong men and women here! There’s an impressive group of talented and accomplished people here at CN who are truly courageous! I’m just a hard headed woman with a bad temper when I get pissed, but I am able to focus that anger into something that benefits me. I just refuse to give up when I know I’m in the right!

            • So true, Roberta. I gave the ex chance after chance. The more chances he got, the shittier he acted. I got tired of it and gave him the boot too. They start believing the lies the whores tell them. News flash, saying it doesn’t make it so.

              • Anita, it’s like these cheaters buy into all the BS these Schmoopies whisper in their ears! I know my Ex well enough to know that he’s living with regret over his choices. Nobody hears from him at all. He knows he is shunned by his own siblings as well as his adult children. All he has now is Miss Golden Vajayjay who promised him it would be one big sex/Twu wuv fest once they were free of us boring spouses! Wonder how that’s working for Mr. I can’t get it up? Yeah, I imagine little miss attention seeker will be trolling FaceBook soon for her next conquest! But he’s cooked here so he had better have a good plan for when she boots his ass out cause I’m not going there again! I want to be with a real adult who can cope with real life and respects me and the Ex ain’t in that category!

  • Wearing white while fucking someone else’s husband makes it “innocent fun.”

    When calling your MM, let the phone ring once (“Private”) to signal him that it’s you and then he’ll call you back if it’s “safe.”

    Shun/be a bit of a bitch toward him when he’s with his wife, so his wife will complain about you to him later. He’ll find himself defending you, in his own mind, and harden himself even more against his wife for being “so wrong.” (Even though obviously, people make judgements about others based on what they experience.)

  • Hmmmmm….what can a mistress teach me?

    Well, I learned that someone always wants your man, no matter how underemployed, pathetic, unkept, self loathing, unfaithful he may be. There’s always someone out there willing to buy into the pity tale and create a fantasy world with a man who’s as far from Prince Charming as possible.

    I also learned that infidelity is sexy to some people (affair partners), seriously, I had no idea that there were people who were turned on by that….she helped me out of naivety.

    That’s about all I can stomach right now. Lol.
    Thanks, OW!

      • ^^^^ Anita…. my husband’s gf text me that I was “jealous I didn’t know how to suck her man’s dick”…..
        Ummmm no….not jealous. And it when he was my man…he didn’t need blue pills to help him out….
        Jealous….. no….not. thankful I am about to become quite wealthy and debt free…..it sure does suck to be him.

        • Lol, Tracy. In our one encounter the whore said “it sucks to be you.”. Wrong, slut, I don’t accept guys who fuck around on their wife and family, but YOU do. Loser ass bitch.

    • Well, I learned that someone always wants your man, no matter how underemployed, pathetic, unkept, self loathing, unfaithful he may be.

      Ain’t that the truth. My godfather who was an alcoholic once told my mother that during the period where my godmother kicked him out (she was mighty) there was never a shortage of women who were willing to try to pick him up and “fix” him. He was in terrible shape, a drunk, a mess.. yet, there was always a woman who wanted to mother him.

      I think what we chumps need to realize is that we have some of these characteristics.. or at least I did. I wanted to take care of my STBX, to an extent, when we were younger.. but as we get older, it gets less romantic, doesn’t it? So they find a fresh schmoopie who won’t nag them about keeping a job, or doing the dishes, or being judicious with money, or dealing with the kids. It’s such a pathetic story but it’s the same one over and over.

      I have never forgotten my godfather’s comment or how relevant it is.

      • We are forced, FORCED into a parent roll with these cheaters! I hated that part, my needs as a woman could never be filled by him, it’s a relief OW took over that roll, it drains you and consumes your life until you have no life left. So yes, thank you OW.

  • I actually think the three points you highlighted are spot on. Of course, there’s so much more to write. But lets look at each one.
    1. Avoid the wife. One of my exh’s OW contacted me and did all she could to force an end to our marriage. I was supposed to throw him out and he would go running to her. That didn’t quite work out like that. He dumped her and she lost her expensive dinners, her bills stopped getting paid, and she lied about being pregnant to get money out of him. Not too happy an ending for her.
    2. Don’t complain. The first OW of exh’s started complaining. Exh felt she was becoming a drag and didn’t want to hear her bitching. So he dumped her. Clearly, her complaining tanked what would otherwise have been a most perfect relationship.
    3. You will never be number one. No shit, huh? Lolololol. This one doesn’t even need explaining, but I will go on about it for a bit. When your MM is on vacation with his wife and children, when he’s with his family on every holiday, when his wife gets the assets, alimony, and child support….the OWs can bet their asses they’re not number one. When that realization hits is different for each OW, but it does hit sooner or later.
    This is great advice for the OWs. OWs are some of the stupidest beings on the planet, though, so nothing can really help them.

    • Stupid or arrogant, or both? My X’s main OW was a grad student trying to sleep her way to the top of the profession. She thought she could pressure him to leave his wife, 10- and 5-year old daughters for her. I’m sure she was on the top of the world for that week it looked as if it were going to work, and then he dumped her unceremoniously. She ended up being a nice piece-of-ass for him, it derailed her graduate career for a while, led her into a hasty marriage (which ended quickly), and now people in the profession know about the tawdry episode. Congrats, OW–was it worth it?

    • I agree overall, but I’d rearrange the numbering like this: 1) You will never be number one, so 2) don’t complain, and 3) avoid the wife.

  • As usual I’ve probably gotten the wrong message out of the demise of my marriage. I’m sure I was supposed to learn what a soul crushing bitch I was and that I should have been nicer to the narcissist.
    Here is what I have learned from the whore……

    – I am stronger than I ever knew
    – I have more friends than I ever conceived
    – I laugh, a lot, when I’m not stymied by the HasBeen
    – I can be happier without him, actually much, much happier
    – I can cook
    – I am still attractive to men
    – I can mow the grass (the only chore he really did) myself
    – I can have dreams that might actually come true now
    – I AM MIGHTY!

    Pretty sure no one intended for those to be the lessons but here we are.
    Hopefully I am not the only one who feels like losing their spouse to a whore actually made them a happier, more content, thoughtful, achieving human being!

    • You’re not !!
      Someone made a great point to me a few days ago, she told me that I look amazing and truly happy, and then added “that’s what happens when you and your kids pull yourself out of that deep hole he had you in, you did it, you guys are free !!!” I honestly NEVER looked at it that way.

      The main thing the AP taught us ? …… He never loved us…..We NEVER meant anything to him.

      Now, we surround ourselves who love, care and want us in their lives, even if the only thing we have to offer is ourselves…..and cut loose the rest.

      • ‘The main thing the AP taught us ? …… He never loved us…..We NEVER meant anything to him. ‘

        THIS was the painful lesson that it took me 15 years to learn. I finally listened to his behaviour, rather than his words or my stupid chumpy brain or my dumb chumpy heart. I finally saw the reality, thanks to the AP. (I wouldn’t even say we never meant anything to him. But we sure never meant much, Nowhere near what a loving spouse and children should mean. His bad.)

        • KarenE, you have a beautiful heart and a brain to match. Don’t ever let the ugliness that resides in narc’s change how the rest of the world sees you. The people who value and know your worth are the ones to keep close and in your life… The ones who don’t ? They don’t deserve you… Cut them loose.

          • Thanks for the encouragement, Kathy! I do have to remember that there are people out there who deserve and value my heart and my efforts! Those are the ones I will let in close and keep close, from now on.

      • Kathy,my friends and family have all said exactly the same things.Even going as far to say ” thank god your back”. Like I had completely disappeared amongst his cold personality.My 12 year old has developed a totally different sense of humour simce his emotionally retarded dad left too.I never realised the negative environment that we all lived In.still feel hurt but battling my way head on into MEH. X

      • ‘The main thing the AP taught us ? …… He never loved us…..We NEVER meant anything to him. ‘

        Yes yes yes yes yes

        I found a anger management self assessment he took (most likely after one of his horrible abusive rages) and in it, he said that he never loved me. There it was, my very worst fear. Mind you it was at the exact time that he head was fully inserted into OWs ass, but this was his mindset for much of my marriage.

        So he never loved me. and now he’s dead

        I have some living to do

        • UnicornNoMore–I know it’s hard, but don’t take it personally. These MFers don’t love anyone. They want praise and adoration and strange genitals, but that’s really the extent of their depth.

        • AMEN UNM. What did the AP teach me? That he didn’t give a shit about me. It took 7 humiliating years of ‘reconciliation’ for me to finally drop the hopium pipe and join the dots.
          Even now during negotiation, if I try and get him to connect on an emotional level he is VICIOUS (being fair financially, thank God).

    • AllOutofKibble, you nailed the list I was thinking about as I was reading this post. The only thing I will add is that I learned so much about the psychologically disordered and how toxic a relationship with them can be. My eye are open now and I will do everything possible to not allow myself to be in a situation like that again.

    • AllOutofKibble – Great list, thank you!

      Etiquette for Mistress and STBX? NC, and redirecting my energy toward building my best life.

  • As you all have seen or experienced, in many areas of Latin America, Phillipines, parts of Asia etc., being a side dish fuck is a major step up. Being in-service to a Patriarch-Sugar Daddy over on Western shores is a dream come true. All that subservience and doting is the currency of their survival. Pair that with an NPD, it becomes a match made in heaven. The betrayed spouse can’t even hope to match that behavior, and for their own mental health, should not even try….

    • No offense SeeTheLight, but the glamorizing of mistresses is not unique to poorer countries if that is what you are insinuating. I have seen plenty from movies, sit coms, soaps, literature, etc coming from the so-called “West” (by the way, Latin America is in the same hemishphere as North America)…that having a rich lover is portrayed as glamorous and cool everywhere! I bet you that many uneducated, inner-city, teenage single moms in the U.S. see hitching a wealthier man that supports them as a possibility of a better life. I think this is a problem also related to poverty, gender inequality and lack of access to good education that occurs in every big urban environment anywhere in the world today (not that I am justifying the mistresses, but that the Phillipino movie exemplifies what is still being portrayed to women as the only possibility their brains and bodies are made for: living off of or depending on a man for happiness and success in life)

      • The Sad Sausage found himself a 25 yr old hispanic who has an illegitimate child as well as a child (deceased) from a pregnancy at the ripe old age of 16. She is so far down the food chain that he looks up to her. She sees $$ and he sees a fine ripe thing. Mark my words., she is going to make a complete fool out of the 65 yr old idiot.

        What did I learn from this Trashican? That some people will stoop so low to pick that low hanging fruit. She fed me all the information on their affair including leaving a bra in my house. Good luck honey!

        • There’s nothing wrong with having an “illegitimate” child or being Hispanic. That makes her “so far down the food chain”? If she was white and her child was born within a marriage him leaving you would have been easier to take?

          • Screw this politically correct bullshit. She’s just saying it how it is. Is there a problem with that, rhobda?
            And I agree. Theres a lot of third world trash which see it their moral duty to snag a ‘white guy’. Just ask Maree her story. Pushy, entitled pricks who then claim its ‘culture’ to do so.

            • Those women make 1% of the population, shall we say. 99% of poor women here in the Philippines don’t aspire to marry old fucks from the West. I look everywhere and see poverty, but the majority of these women stay here and marry here, and have poor children they can’t send to school or feed. Even if I were poor, I wouldn’t try to break up a marriage and be with someone for money. Source: I’m Filipina living in the Philippines.

              • You sound like a wonderful lady, starlight. Thank you for letting us know how the divorce situation is in the Phillipines. I’ll be praying for y’all and spreading the word. Stay strong.!

          • Oh, give us a break with the right-on superiority, rhobda. That it shouldn’t be mentioned she is ‘hispanic’ doesn’t make the pain and the fallout any less. Two despicable manipulative character disordered people, causing the same heartbreak and trauma, trumps delicate socio-economic considerations.

        • I’m from the Philippines and it makes me sad to read this. There are more decent women here than those horrid examples–I want to remind everyone of that. I’m a chump too, in fact most married women I know here are chumps (and still married). It’s all a part of a horrible system that encourages shit behavior from men, and women to accept the worst from their partners. Now that our economy’s picking up, I’m hoping this will change. I’m deeply sorry for those who have been chumped, but I’m a chump too, and it all boils down to morals and sociopathy of the fcktards that we married not necessarily ethnicity or geography.

          • Yup, ethnicity does not matter. I am black and 36. My stbx is hispanic and 37. He left me and our four boys for a 26 year old white girl from Pennsylvania that comes from money. All it boils down to is lack of character and having no integrity.

      • I actually never thought in terms of any “glamour” aspect. To many of these woman it is a survival technique when awash in a machismo-patriarchal environment where women are oppressed, repressed, suppressed, whatever. It is just a step up for them and they are geared to cater to the male, so why not in a “better” (and I am being subjective) environment? If I hadn’t seen this first hand in several friends’ lives whose spouses were taken in I would not have seen this trend, stereotypical it may be. My cheater was into domination of usually trashy, downtrodden types (downgrade) but his biases kept him away from some of the more exotic species…it made no difference to me: cheating is cheating.

    • Yes. My Ex couldn’t get enough of travel to Asia once he really went off the deep end. Those young women made him feel like a king. Some of them were prostitutes, or paid companions. The last OW now girlfriend fits the type. Will it work out? As long as she doesn’t find a better meal ticket, it might. Do I miss any part of trying to make him happy? Hell no! She can have that job. I never wanted to compete with that, and never will.

      • DoneNow, my 63 year old ex is shacked up in Cambodia with an ex prostitute who is 23 years old and her 2 boys of 7 and 5 and she looks like she is about 12 years old, which makes me think that he is a borderline paedophile. I have always had my suspicions. He is the happiest I have ever seen him and he is bragging up a storm on Facebook. He even speaks differently to when we were married and that was for 35 years. I have known him for nearly 46 years and that bloke who exists today is not the bloke I thought I knew. He had me fooled big time. He does everything for her and the boys and he will be bringing them back to Australia once certain paperwork has been completed. He never took me or our now 2 adult children anywhere. I still shake my head in disbelief but this young woman has his so called manhood firmly in both hands and she is not going to let go anytime soon. I hope is drops off in her hands!!! 🙂

        • We were actually married for 37 years but he planned my exit and pushed me out at 35 years, so I tend to forget the last 2 years !!

        • Maree, any chance you can tip off Aussie immigration to say shes an economic migrant or intending to overstay, before the whore comes here? That would cut the whore’s trip very short – to the point of it never happening. We don’t need more leechers in our country, after all!

          • Lana, his home is now Cambodia. These are just trips to visit my kids and for him to catch-up with what few people he knows. You see, eventually the associations and connections he has (apart from our 2 kids) will eventually fade. He is so in love with this tramp I feel sick. He is paying for everything for her and her boys and I was lucky to get a bunch of flowers.

              • Its no problem at all. 🙂
                He’s not in love with this tramp, that I can assure you – despite all words to the contrary. He can’t even have a meaningful conversation with this whore, unless he’s somehow learned Khmer – which I doubt. Disordered fools would think that was too much effort.and he’s only interested in having his dick polished by her mouth. Don’t be sickened by him falling to the lowest common denominator – that scumbucket isn’t even fit to even walk the same path as you.
                What sort of life is he leading, really? Not being able to communicate with anyone there, being pushed and shoved around, and when he speaks to people he can actually communicate with, its disordered loons that are his spawns and sure as hell take after him and will undercut each other in a race to the bottom. Its a fate worse than death, really. And something which you are the direct opposite of.

    • Seethelight — lousy character comes in every color, creed, and socioeconomic status. I’ve known Oxford-educated OW. The long-term OW in my story was white with a law degree. The only thing you need to be an OW is dimwittedness and the desire to feel “special” without regards to people you’re hurting.

      • ahem – ‘without regard for people you are hurting’…
        thanks for that CL. That helps me put a finger on why I hate her as much as I am devastated by him: she didn’t care that she was hurting people. She didnt care at all, even though she was in my house looking at pictures of my family. He has to pay, but that she just waltzes off into the sunset completely un-named and not a penny of her money touched, just burns my ass, to this day.
        Him? He is paying the consequences.
        Me? Everything about my life is trashed. Everything, from official documents to address to social life to sense of self to tax bracket.
        Kids? Innocence, sense of safety all replaced by shame and cynicism, intact family, family home

        How I haven’t arranged to have her completely exposed or slowly killed can only be down to some mixture of inherent goodness, self control and thinking about consequences!

  • Do you know what I learned? Probably what every one of us chumps will learn at some point…
    That we have worth. That is what was stolen from me with the end of my marriage and the train wrecks that my eh paraded in front of me. I HAVE WORTH!!
    And I am no longer afraid to sit alone.

  • “What can mistresses teach us?”

    Eh . . . there’s nothing that woman could have taught me. If anybody going to learn some lessons, it’ll be her later. All she has to do is look at me . . . my past is her future.

    I hope she enjoys “winning” my husband, because when he throttles her like he did me, oooo that’s gonna stinggggg . . .

    • Right on Rumblekitty…’her future is my past.’ Why the Skank Woman thinks she’s ‘special’ has always been baffling to me. My XH is a Cheater and has been his entire life on all his past wives and girlfriends. He cheats on her and she knows it and STAYS. But when you look and act like her I guess that’s more than likely her only option. She has steadfastly refused to marry him though. LOL!~ He has scary medical problems now and that is her problem.

      What did I learn from the Other Woman? I learned that there are lots of skanks out there that will spread their legs for a married man. I learned that she is the grossest POS I ever met and I’ll hate her guts forever. Would love to hear the Karma Bus showed up in her culdesac. If I read in the paper tomorrow that she died I wouldn’t feel a thing. I could never figure out why someone would do something so horrific that would make another human hate you THAT bad. It’s just got to be bad juju in the universe. I realize she never made vows to me but she fucked my husband knowing full well he was a married man…married to ME!

      In the meantime, I’m pretty much all the way to Meh as I have met a real man who is hundred times the man my ex ever was. The other night when I was snuggled up to him in bed, listening to him sleep and feeling so dang grateful, my past life with XH flashed before my eyes. How he used to get drunk and so damn stupid. Every party we ever went to I had to skid him out the door at some point. How he’d get so drunk he’d fall off the toilet late at night. Once I had to unwedge him from between the toilet and wall. Bleeding from his head and knee he stumbled back to bed. Now Skank Woman gets the pleasure of things like that!

      I told my boyfriend one night that I should thank my XH for leaving me and he said ‘No, that’s MY job.’ Believe it or not Chumps the pain is finite and life does gets better. I never thought I’d be where I am today. I’m 60 and met the love of my life. Someone (a fellow chump) who has the same morals and values as I do. He makes me laugh so hard every day. He’s the funniest and kindest man I’ve ever met. He’s clear of eye and fit as a fiddle and gorgeous. We have tons of sex and go to fun places every weekend. I’m in heaven. We are getting married next summer. I can honestly say now, that I’m glad he left and I’m glad Skank Woman has him. Goody on her.

      • Syringa-
        I am very happy for you and thanks for your inspiration. I hope to be where you are at some day. That includes my stbx having ‘scary medical problems!’ I can’t beleive he doesn’t already (of course cirrhosis is usually detected when it is too late – so cross your fingers…) I can relate to the drunken episodes on a weekend basis. During the week he keeps it at a six pack (usually – except for my birthday when he was puking off the side of the bed at 4 a.m.). Such fun….

      • Syringa, this is a lovely ending to your sad cheater story 🙂 As an aside, I have been trying to find you bc Tempest told me we are in the same state. So hello, from, uh, here. I am LMAO about your ex being wedged between the toilet and the wall. My first husband (before we got married, stupid ChumpyElf!) once got so drunk at the fraternity house that he vomited all over my cousin’s new leather seats (car was loaned to me) then in my parking lot (apt complex owned by my relatives) and in my apt. I threw towels on him as he puked in the bathroom and woke in the morning to find he had crawled into bed with me AFTER having shat himself and fingerpainted my entire bathroom with, er, it.

        Rumblekitty, I, too, agree with your statement about her future being your past. I do think the OW in my case really believes she is shiny, new and it will be a whole new life. Asshat is in his 40s, not a young kid. The sheer idiocy of these cheaters is laughable.

          • I have the feeling that I am in the same state as u 2 since it’s 99 with a wind chill factor of 120. So if “y’all” ever get together deep in the heart, let me know. Ready willing and able.

            • Hmmm, Happily never after, I think you are in the same state as Tempest. I think Syringa and I are somewhere not so hot, right now, at least 🙂 Tempest was just coming to the rescue a few weeks ago when I was bemoaning the fact that I thought I was the only chump here.

            • Oh, and, check the Private Forums. I think there is something stirring down your way (I get it’s a big state) in a couple of weeks. Maybe some chumps are already getting together and you can join them 🙂

              • Oops, Tempest. Having internet problems and didn’t see you posted already…. While you’re here, I will get a chump email address and then can I email you to get Syringa’s address?

  • Sorry Philipino Film Makers. I already know how to spread my legs, suck a dic, and get nothing in return. Which is all most “mistresses’ get. If the men are paying for it, they are either too gross or too lazy to get it for free. Some gross old guy like those on Ashley Madison slobbering all over you is worse than any job.

  • I learned a lot from the skype chats between the OW and my X such as:

    – always keep him a bit jealous. act like you can leave him at any moment for another married guy that might be better than him BUT make sure he does not sleep with his wife or flirts with anyone else, Be suspicious of any woman that comes near him (after all he fell for you, a downgrade from his wife)

    – ask for sexy presents such as anal vibrators, or panties with a slit in the middle so he doesn´t even have to make the effort of taking them off for you…these requests will always keep him interested and showing how you are so much sexier than his wife

    – make sure you act as the No. 1 when his wife is travelling for work. Make his wife look like she disregards her husband and is selfish for being succesful and making more money than he does. Show him that you do need him, and that you will never overshadow him, you will always need his help to be succesful, not like his selfish wife.

    – give him oppotunities to save you, to be your hero, like when you are about to lose your job, ask him to help you out with recommendation letters or money, if your child is sick ask him to help you the way he would with his child,

    – make him feel connected to your family, get your child to start identifying him as a father, invite him to meet your parents, share stories about bringing up kids and how difficult it is…, make him feel like he is the best dad in the world, make him think that he would be so much better dad for your kid than the stupid husband you had

    -once you are sure you have him addicted to you slip in some little and big mistakes so he gets caught, like wear tons of perfume, get his shirts dirty while making love, or even better, get him to go on a trip with you during a time that will be totally suspicious to his wife, for example, during the Christmas holidays

    But the most important lesson I learned is that a cheater is a cheater no matter who the mistress is or the opportunities that arise. They will cheat with whoever is available, it is in their character and it has nothing to do with how beautiful, nice, smart, wealthy, loyal (or all of the contrary) their spouse is.

    The other big lesson I learned is that mistresses (or OMs) come in all shapes, sizes, IQs, economic conditions, and sexual preferences. So if that “good friend” of your spouse is married, has children and is uglier, fatter or makes less income than you do, it does not guarantee that your cheating spouse will not be f*cking her/him. CL is right…in the end, its all about character (or the lack of…).

    • So true, all of it but particularly the last paragraph. My STBX’s whore has a good job, but otherwise she’s a total downgrade. She’s a POS in every way.. not too bright, for one thing. A few times I think she did things on purpose so that he would get caught.. for example going weeks without calling his cell then one day out of the blue calling it. She was probably angry and demanding he get off the fence. I think she played with him because now that we are split it seems she’s bolted. How predictable.

      It’s sad these guys (and gals) get taken in by such operators, but you know what they say.. lay down with dogs.. get fleas. If you think a person who would mess with someone married is good relationship material, then I guess you get what’s coming to you.

      Too bad, I would have loved him all my life.

      • ‘ If you think a person who would mess with someone married is good relationship material, then I guess you get what’s coming to you.’

        This one made me laugh! My ex threw away everything, not only me but all our family friends, our beautiful home, and in the end, even our kids, for a woman who broke up her own marriage (and her own kids’ intact family) by cheating, then later thought it was a great idea to actively hit on him, a married guy with kids, who was out of town for work.

        Then surprise surprise, she dumped him for another man, TWICE! Oooooh, I guess Twu Lurv isn’t so great after a while ….

        Just like they don’t recognize our value, they don’t recognize other people’s lack of it. Guess they can’t, ’cause if they did, they wouldn’t be able to look in a mirror.

      • So true! My STBX lies to me, our kids, and his family but his OW believes he will never lie to her. The OW had no problem flirting with a man she knew was married, staying late to spend time with him after work, and inviting him to her house (which of course led to them sleeping together). They are both liars and cheats but they both believe they have found “true love” and will be together forever! My STBX thinks his OW is perfect relationship material and she thinks the same about him. I think they are both nuts!

    • Chumpnomore, I can totally relate to some of these.

      – give him oppotunities to save you, to be your hero, – Check! She was always calling with tales of woe. Her cats iz sick! She lost another tooth – where should I go for dentures? Help meeeeeh! Sob, sob. My husband is not a veterinarian, dentist or toothless but he was apparently the man to solve all the problems. He probably solved the cobwebs in her retched vag problem too.

      – make him feel connected to your family, get your child to start identifying him as a father – Check! They’d go on family friendly dates. Her barren self, my husband and three small children palled around occasionally. One was even on our 9 year wedding anniversary. The whole crew went to the Farmers Market while I did college school work. They’re so thoughtful. They’d invite me at the last minute so I couldn’t complain or put 2+2 together sooner than I should have.

      -once you are sure you have him addicted to you slip in some little and big mistakes so he gets caught – Check! although she was a little more passive aggressive in this area. She called me drunk at 6 pm on a weekday night because her and I are “friends” too…crying…what about? Not sure, but she sobbed for 2 minutes welping that I’m so lucky. So, so lucky to have HIM and my kids. Then she said at the end of the 2 min sob that he’s lucky to have me too. This was a bigger sign than I had originally thought. She definitely nailed it a month later when she Facebook messaged me out of nowhere telling me to F*ck off and that she’s going to report me to the police for harassment.

      But the most important lesson I learned is that a cheater is a cheater no matter who the mistress is or the opportunities that arise. They will cheat with whoever is available, it is in their character and it has nothing to do with how beautiful, nice, smart, wealthy, loyal (or all of the contrary) their spouse is.

      The other big lesson I learned is that mistresses (or OMs) come in all shapes, sizes, IQs, economic conditions, and sexual preferences. So if that “good friend” of your spouse is married, has children and is uglier, fatter or makes less income than you do, it does not guarantee that your cheating spouse will not be f*cking her/him. CL is right…in the end, its all about character (or the lack of…). – Check! She’s definitely a downgrade in looks, smarts, kindness and character.

      I think the cheaters are looking to get away from it all. They don’t want someone who reminds them of their spouse, or their responsibilities.

      The OW however, would give anything, just anything, to be US.
      The thing is, they never will be, even if they are swapped in to our “spot”

      • On that particular wedding anniversary and probably others, my STBX bought sex to forget about his affair partner, with whom he was having relationship problems–so many levels of screwed up!

  • What I learned from the mistress:

    If you don’t call it an affair, it’s just a morally gray area.

    She wasn’t really his mistress. She was just “his”.

    The best way to convince your married partner to sign the divorce papers is to threaten to set all his possessions on fire. Twu luv is so hot.

    She is special and I’m some akward tall chick with small(er than hers) boobs that just looks weird with a shorter guy.

    And finally, I (as the shockingly patient wife) treated her nicer than he did the entire time they had been together prior to Dday. ( remember comforting the OW who was puking in my toilet because she was so upset that the ex was crying over me telling him we were done and to get out)

    OW showing up actually taught me a lot about myself and what I was capable of. Not her personally, but her presence.

    • I wonder if you can report a threat of arson? Florence’s threats to ‘punish’ Asshat have been to direct threats at me. Not sure how that is going to bring about the divorce she so desperately wants. It has taught me that Asshat is impotent in all areas of life. He could make her go away in a more concrete way, or at least try harder than texting her to leave me alone. He claims she hasn’t tried to demand money. Because, you know, she’s not like that. So what is she wants? The diabetic, obese dude who sheds more than my cat and leaks out every orifice? Ha!

  • So, what’s the male equivalent to a mistress? Does that title stay when they leave their spouse and move in with these low life’s?

    All I can say is they got their milk paid for by someone else, after the marriage crumbles, that cow ain’t free no more.

    • We do need a word here, don’t we? How about Manwhore?

      Seriously they are low lifes. Just like their female counter parts, they are selfish, narcissistic and broken.

      I think by and large.. men who fool around with married women don’t do so with commitment in mind, whereas women are almost ALWAYS looking for an upgrade from their present situation (my STBX’s whore’s H wasn’t an earner.. so I am sure she saw mine as a financial upgrade for a time). Of course those upgrades look less sparkly when the reality of losing half the assets, child support, alimony, etc. hit.

      That said, they are all out for themselves. They are playing dirty games, in dirty ways, hurting innocent people.

      And your last statement hits the nail on the head why these affairs nearly always implode. Some may last a while, but very few last long term. So dumb, throw away your family on something that has such a SMALL chance. It’s just nonsensical.

  • My lesson…..No matter how ugly, uneducated, and stupid a woman is she can be a mistress. Some limp dick coward will want to bed her …….while his attractive, educated, and smart wife is waiting for him back at the family home place. Those aren’t balls hanging under that limp dick, it’s their very tee tiny brain.

  • I don’t think the OW had anything to teach me, either. What I always wondered was “What did you think would happen? You are cavorting with a married man who has children, and his wife co-owns property and retirement funds and bank accounts. What do you think will happen when you stop being fun? What happens when you are alone on holidays and he’s off on vacations with his family, and the sex becomes routine? What if he does divorce and marry you? Do you actually believe he won’t have another side dish? Do you actually believe you are SPECIAL?”

    I do not understand why people believe it is the spouses behavior that “causes” a character deficiency in the cheating spouse? Really — if the spouse is that bad, do the honorable thing and DIVORCE. Cheating doesn’t ever solve anything, it opens up a whole new mine field of problems and potential disaster for everyone involved. Selfish and Short-Sighted and Stupid — the trifecta of Marital Dsyfuntion!

  • The only thing a mistress can teach is how to fuck a man who already has a partner. No thanks.

    Cheaters and mistresses deserve each other. They are both POS low life scum. We are well rid of them.

    • Agreed. The only thing the OW taught me was how to be a dirty, stinky (yes – she smelled bad) whore. Righhhhhhtttt…thanks for the lesson bitch – I’ll pass….

  • I know this movie based on a book but in a way it is not. This movie/book just proves how mentally disordered these so called Other “Women” are and no doubt the same with the Other “Men”. I use the term “Women” and “Men” very loosely because we all know they are the lowest of the lows when it comes to the human race.

    This also proves to me these AP have no self control at all and they are still at a rational level of the thinking process around a 2 year old even if that high. Also the fact that they breed in society and we have more like them walking on this planet . Really I wish they would use birth control or just fix themselves to prevent more of their kind on this planet. Also how they live their lives when having these affairs is a half life and when or if these AP end up with cheater and they create a future with each other (meaning cheater leaves the spouse for the AP) there is no way it will be a full life also. How their relationship started by lies and cheating and sneaking around is how their relationship will end. These AP have no etiquette at all. They are the same as the cheater no morals, no respect for anyone including themselves, no character, just empty souls. If the author calls that etiquette then she really needs to learn how to read and write again. Most likely this author is a OW and she is pure trash as the rest of AP in this world.

    What I learned from the ex’s OW….nothing. What I see within her (all AP) is that they are so empty and shallow and so disordered that all they can do is destroy. They don’t offer anything to this planet. They have no empathy and so self-centered that really in some way I do pity her and the rest of them and his followers. They act and think like toddlers well toddlers are better acting than them. She has so many mental health issues that one day maybe not today but one day everything in their lives will explode. Now she is stuck with someone (the ex) that doesn’t love her and the kids. Plus he is stuck with her also because she doesn’t love him. Typcial Cluster-B Personality Relationship Cycle. When or if the marriage ends he will take those kids away from her and prove to the world that she is the mental ill person. Her life with him is based on lies and a cycle that will not end good at all.

    I thank god or whatever higher being out is there that I didn’t have kids with the ex. I always had this little voice telling me no matter what DO NOT have kids with him. I got close to it a few times but I had some miscarriages. I am so happy I was able to walk away from the ex and his followers and rebuilt my life like I have and on my terms. It wasn’t easy. I have learned that I am a very strong and independent person than I thought I was. The ex hated that. My life is so much better now. Also I have educated myself about Personality Disorders which has helped my healing process and gave me the answers I needed and also I know 100% that I was not at fault for what happen. I should have really listen to the red flags I had about the ex. I see that now.

  • Totally agree with Deloris. I never realized what a man boy I lived with. Because I was blind. Him and his whore deserve each they don’t care who they hurt or how much. My man boy prides himself being a man of character, integrity and keeps his work. Hates being lied to detests it but has no problems at all lying. This man boy has deep seated mental problems he acknowledges but refuses to do a damn thing about. Least he could do is help himself to be a better father, brother or or my god, yes a man. This man boy lost his beloved mother when he was 16 and he has hurt punished every woman he has loved cared about or been intimate with since including his sister, daughter and including the whore. I as a chump, keep chumping myself. Why? He’s a selfish prick who wants it all. I’m not allowed to grieve and mourn in my own way because I’m not normal he claims. I should a fucked and married the first guy that came along to alleviate his guilt. This man boy can’t face his own fears and demons but I am supposed to live my life what’s left of it according to how he thinks I should along with the whore. She wants me to go along with what he wants so they can be happy. Put me in a home where he knows I’m safe and warm and satisfy our kids see I’m taking care of her! What he says and what he does are two different things. He keeps acting like he can’t let go!! I think what gets me the most about any and all of this for me or anyone in this position is TELL THE GOD DAMN TRUTH! Don’t keep lying. I’m a grownup I’ll take the truth any day even if it will hurt me. If he would have been a man faced me and told me the truth he still won’t. He’s a man boy who wants the cakes and handing out of shit sandwiches as well. His own son told him to get screwed when he told the 28 year old be honorable, keep your promises and don’t lie. The boy says yeah right dad just like you did with mom. Son only calls to hit dad up for money. Manboy claims h is a great father. His daughter last texted him fathers day she refused to call him. She’s been waiting for him to call or text her first that was Junenow sept. I honor truth honesty and loyalty above all. And through all of this his whore doesn’t encourage him to call or contact them. Speaks volumes to me. I don’t care how nice or fun she is. Only pigs and slime lay down with married men or women and help them destroy a relationship, family and friendship and of course its no big deal…. These are sick fucks who don’t care who they hurt. I’m going to have to give up my friendship with his sister because this puts her in the middle and now I’m no contact he calls to pump her for information about me, tries wheedling her for info and gets angry at her when she won’t tell him anything. I don’t want her hurt by something she had nothing to do with she’s a great person wonderful an angel but apparently she’s supposed to hate me now. I told her best she’s knows nothing about me and what I do so he won’t badger her. She cried like a baby saying he was stupid enough to lose a great friend why should she? And man boy got nasty at me for causing shit between him and sister and again the whore chimes in his ear. Yes mistresses are wonderful warm homey destructors of lives. Bless them!

  • Oh dear! Such fertile ground for replies.

    (Putting my history nerd cap on.) The word Etiquette originated in the era of Louis XIV. He was unable to keep guests at his gardens at Versailles from stomping around and smushing his delicate flowers, so he had signs posted in French called Etiquette – which roughly translates into the cliché battle cry of older gentleman in movies, television, and sometimes in real life: “Get off my lawn!”

    So, in the spirit of France’s “Sun King”, who, though twice married, had at least 11 documented mistresses and numerous children by them, I submit, for your approval, a contribution regarding Etiquette for Mistresses:
    * After performing oral sex, a mistress should always blot her mouth and face with a proper napkin, preferably fine linen. A swish of Château Lafite Rothschild would provide a felicitous finish.
    * Changing the bedding after banging another woman’s man in the bed he shares with his unsuspecting partner, is mandatory. A sprinkling of rose petals is a passive-aggressive option.
    * Provocative selfies sent to the cheating husband or partner must, at all times, be channeled through clandestine sources, such as alternative email addresses, or unknown, hidden cell phones.
    * This one is important, so please pay attention novice mistresses: Anal beads must always be warmed (or chilled) to the temperature agreeable to the, shall we say, licentious man you decided to claim as your bed partner. Or, if you prefer another term (and suffer from delusions): “twu wuv”.

    • “A sprinkling of rose petals is a passive-aggressive option.”
      Great, now I have to figure out how to explain that I just laughed and snorted in the office.
      Thanks Boudica 🙂

  • 1. Sucking up to the chump at a public event is not likely to make either your MM or the chump feel especially happy with you.

    2. Be sure to use proper titles when publicly dissing the chump (“Dr. Chchchchump obviously pays no attention to him.”)

    3. Be sure to use proper salutations (“Dearest, darling Fucktard,”) and closings (“Hornily yours,”) in your emails and letters. You don’t want to appear uncultured, do you?

    4. If contacted by the chump after D-day, be sure and tell her that you “lover” her- as a natural side effect of ‘loving’ the Fucktard.

    5. If, as a strategy to ‘get him back’ after he dumps you post-affair, you are going to claim he got you pregnant (and that you had a ‘convenient’ miscarriage), it is more polite to do BEFORE he takes out an order of protection against you, rather than after.

    • Number 5 is scary! Like Hand That Rocks The Cradle freaky. I did envision Florence trying something like that but surely in their year plus together she would know that isn’t possible since he probably convinced her to hump au naturel since he’s been snipped. I would lose my lunch, if I had actually eaten anything.

      • It was especially bizarre, since she had an IUD put in right after their very first fuck. (she had a bit of a scare because she assumed he’d been snipped.) At least, she CLAIMED she did, in her emails describing her cramps and bleeding from the procedure. And since IUD’s have a lower ‘failure’ rate than tubal ligation(!) she did not come off as very convincing on that one. And her an M.D., go figure.

        (according to my mole, who was at the hearing where she contested the OP, she came off as a real lunatic, even the judge was observed eye-rolling. A popcorn-worthy performance by all accounts.)

        • For heaven’s sake what a looney toon! They really are that pathetic and desperate. Florence is a nurse (Asshat’s the doctor). She ought to know better but I question her mental stability so I thought she might go for that angle, just to stir up trouble. God, please let her have violated HIPAA. Please. Of course no judge will prosecute either for adultery (what does felony mean, then?!) so this could be my last chance to be on the offensive. I don’t think there is anything else but sitting and waiting for a mediator or judge to agree on what lawyer ultimately hash out 🙁

  • Okay then! That whore can’t TEACH me anything because I am not and never will be that stupid, ignorant and bold enough to climb into bed with a man I met on Facebook, or anywhere else for that matter, if I know the guy is married!! Hello dumbshit, it means he has a WIFE and no doubt CHILDREN! The only thing I observed her doing was destroying her own marriage to a guy who was providing her with a beautiful, enviable lifestyle and she went for my moderate wage earning Ex! Smart? I think not! She showed me that any ugly, unfortunate street HO can bed my idiot Ex as long as she has a great bank account. Wonder what she thinks he’ll do with her once the money is gone? She showed me that your brain and any bit of common sense goes out the door the minute lust takes over! But best of all it showed me that my Ex and Schmoopie place their genitalia before anything else in life that is valuable and they have NO IDEA what real love and commitment is!

    • Roberta – this > Wonder what she thinks he’ll do with her once the money is gone? – so true. In a lot of cases, the cheater is funding his affairs from joint accounts and assets. When the chump catches on and eventually pulls the plug on the marriage, cheater is left with much less to spend on schmoopie….

      And the flip side for those special serial cheaters like mine – when they get caught is that they no longer have joint funds and assets to wine and dine many women or pay prostitutes. So now they’re just a broke guy who has to rely on his greatness to get women in bed for free. I’m sure there are plenty of ho’s that will oblige though. They can have him!

      • Bye Bye Cheater, well, I pretty much tied up all the assets in a Temporary Separation Order so his Schmoopie was taking care of him out of her money that she managed to get from her Ex. She certainly did not earn it as she hasn’t had a job in years! Unless you count sleeping with men off FaceBook a job! I suppose she thought he would manage to get at least 50% in the divorce, but again she was so wrong! He literally got 20,000.00, his crappy car, his clothes and jewelry and his military memorabilia! Al useless shit! Here he is at 60 years old and I have an 18 year old niece who has more net worth than he does! Guess he figured that he was so sparkly that she wouldn’t mind using the money her Ex gave her in her divorce! I don’t know about you other chumps, but I wouldn’t support anyone just to have them around! Now he has a terminal cancer and she gets to take care of him!
        I’m going to go out on a limb here and declare myself the winner in this situation! I’m pretty sure she’ll put up with him just long enough to find a suitable replacement then he’s on the other side of her door! Just sayin’!

        • Roberta, your ex sounds similar to mine except mine didn’t have a particular schmoopie to foot his bills. But I’ll bet he’s out looking for one now. I declare myself a winner just like you!

  • Oh my. Where does one even start? I’ll settle for the bottom line: Selling yourself for money is okay if you are really, really well paid and have only one client at a time.

  • XH’s MOW made up her own rules (imagine that). she would not accept #2 role. as the post DDay truth trickled out, 2 yrs.post divorce, she cunningly got her man. might i add it is her 3rd husband ( that i know of). at least 2 were married when she employed her wiles.

    mistress etiquette is not a one size fits all. XH’s MOW main objective was:
    become #1 at any cost, no matter who is destroyed. Chumpette has cancer during secret affair? oh well. her two amazing daughters leveled? collateral for now…”once they see our love, everything will be ok” (actual post DDay text from MOW to XH.)

    now for the etiquette of XH’s mistress (said in her voice)
    –when Chumpette’s husband won’t leave her, tell my most recent married xboyfriend to make him jealous, so he will then tell Chumpette
    –have sex any way at any time with Chumpette’s husband, don’t use my contraception, tell him i am suddenly pregnant a week after DDay while he is trying to end affair with me, then make all sorts of threats, then claim miscarriage after i hook him into meeting with me again again about my threats
    –capitalize on Chumpette’s meltdowns during wreckonciliation…be calm, alluring, sensible as i pick up XH in $80K car for lunch
    –keep telling XH and everyone “I AM NOT A HOME WRECKER” until people start to believe me. especially XH. also keep highlight that Chumpette is so awful, look how unstable she is now…keep telling XH I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN MAKE YOU HAPPY (other post DDay texts)
    –don’t tell my husband or kids about any of this
    — a year after Chumpette’s divorce, when someone else tells my husband, blame Chumpette and make her XH believe ME! see how awful she is!
    –wait a respectful year for my kids, get my divorce, move in together, take family vacation to Paris
    — assume #1 position

    I could go on but i don’t want to. and yes of course XH is the main perpetrator. it is all evil in my opinion.

    so grateful i am not their hypotenuse anymore. well, they may think i am based on XH’s recent legal moves, but….
    I AM NOT THEIR HOMEWRECKER!

  • I actually had a two hour chat and glass of wine with my husband’s mistress after she sent me a lengthy “you should know” email ……

    I learned that mistresses:
    Lie to themselves about absolutely everything
    Are desperate to believe that their AP has “never loved anyone the way they love me”
    Expect you to forgive them, because they are in love, and “doesn’t everyone deserve to be happy”
    Are young (28 vs. 55 in my case) and quite sexually adventurous
    Have no respect for years together/ marriage as an institution because everyone they knew got divorced when their kids went to college and are “way happier now”
    Don’t think news of the affair will affect 17-22 year old children of affair partner, because after all they are “adults.” and understand adult relationships.
    Seem to lack grounding in the real world – and have had long histories of poor relationship choices
    Don’t care about money – ha – biggest laugh of all
    Really want to get married and really want to have babies……with their “true love”
    Can’t even comprehend that they are doing anything wrong

    I also learned that mistresses are like crack cocaine – with cell phones – and that cheating husbands are like addicts who can’t resist that fix, especially when it calls or texts.

    But the lesson the mistress taught me that has taken ME forever to learn is that :

    MY HUSBAND IS A LIAR AND A CHEATER AND HAS A GAPING HOLE IN HIS SOUL THAT I CAN NOT FIX. HE IS WILLING TO LOSE EVERYTHING RATHER THAN FACE AND FIX THE EMPTINESS HE FEELS INSIDE – WHICH APPARENTLY HE CAN ONLY FORGET WHEN HE F@#%S THAT SLUT

    From,
    The slowest learner on this board — Tired Chump

    • You are not the slowest, and these assholes are very good at using us to fill that empty hole, lying and manipulating so they can get others to fill that gaping hole. We escaped them but they will never escape that emptyness, it defines them. Jedi hugs!

      • Dat, I take great comfort in knowing that they can never fill that emptiness in them! I hope it destroys him along with his Cancer, but SLOWLY! I want him to eventually have to look in the mirror and his own reflection sickens him! I know it’s mean, but he put me through Hell and I so want to return the favor!

    • TiredChump, no way you are the slowest learner. Don’t beat yourself up. I think you know you are getting there. You will figure this out. Really, it would be better for all of us if we hadn’t been chumped but here we are. Towanda!

    • You aren’t slow TiredChump.. but I am SO GLAD you made it to that conclusion. You are RIGHT ON. You can’t fix him.. and the OWhore isn’t the problem. She’s just a stupid girl. I mean, she’s old enough to KNOW BETTER and she certainly had no morals, but she’s inexperienced and if she thinks banging a 50+ year old man is going to lead to picket fences and motherhood, she’s in total la la land.

      We should actually pity her. “Everybody deserves to be happy”.. such a self absorbed, entitled statement that is. Sure, we all deserve pixie dust and fairies but that isn’t LIFE. If a man is married, that means he’s NOT AVAILABLE. How STUPID do you have to be to fall in love with someone unavailable? I mean, really. It’s insulting. “We were in lurve”. No- honey, that’s not love. That’s manipulation and being used.

      TiredChump, you, on the other hand, are mighty. It’s like my Dad said.. these liars are GOOD.. they snooker people. So there is no shame in that. You loved deeply, you did what a wife is supposed to do, you were a mother, okay so you aren’t into anal beads or crazy sexual positions.. so what.. is that what life is? Is that all there is to life? Is all that kinky sex (which wears off with anyone by the way, even 20 year olds) worth all that is lost with your family? The love of your kids? Their respect? Your integrity? Your reputation?

      Your H is just like all the rest of them.. immature, entitled, selfish and narcissistic. You on the other hand are a gem, and there are men who will appreciate you! But first you have to appreciate yourself. You are getting there Tired!!! SO proud of this post. XOXO

    • great description of mistress-think, tiredchump.

      i think our chumpy “slow learning” is actually called trusting marriage vows…

    • Doesn’t matter how long it took Tired Chump, you made it here and we’re glad that you did.
      I just wanted to say, WORD! this about covers it:

      But the lesson the mistress taught me that has taken ME forever to learn is that :

      MY HUSBAND IS A LIAR AND A CHEATER AND HAS A GAPING HOLE IN HIS SOUL THAT I CAN NOT FIX. HE IS WILLING TO LOSE EVERYTHING RATHER THAN FACE AND FIX THE EMPTINESS HE FEELS INSIDE – WHICH APPARENTLY HE CAN ONLY FORGET WHEN HE F@#%S THAT SLUT

  • The only thing I learned from my Cheater’s OW is that I should have left him a very long time ago. It seems to have only taken her two years to learn that he’s useless. I was with him for sixteen years and it was only his cheating with her that caused me to finally stop spackling the abusive parasite and see him for who he really was. Apparently she learns faster than me.

    • Ha! God, yes, the unbelievable stress of juggling two women. The nerve that either has the gall to expect anything! If it isn’t the wife demanding he actually be a man/husband/dad, it’s the OW, demanding he use the giant bucket of Viagra and Cialis she bought him for Christmas ;O

    • TheMuse, if the OW figured out the crapweasel in record time it is because said crapweasel didn’t bother grooming her for years to slowly accept his ways. He thought he could replace one wifepart with a newer and shinier one and carry on as before while she tried to get a handle on the extent of your former responsibilities and his unexpressed expectations. Rest assured that her two year tenure probably felt like sixteen years.

      • Yes, Survivor… I think you are right. His main “expectation” being a Sugar Mommy to keep supporting him… and from what little I know about her, I think she is a lot more independent and less chumpy than I am too. Word on the street is she dumped him. I take some credit for helping her see the light, because I employed “starve the beast” strategy by not giving him any more money from the day I kicked him to the curb. He probably kept telling her he was poor because Evil Muse was depriving him of his rightful $$$, till she got tired of waiting. Ha!

        • My ex also wasted 16 years of my life and the replacement spousal unit lasted about 2 years. I’m guessing she wasn’t keen on his ideas that she should pay half the bills regardless of disparity in income, be responsible for all housework and gardening, handle gifts, card-sending and entertaining, and put up with his everchanging rules. Or maybe she got tired of cooking all meals, but only his preapproved vegetarian menu choices. Perhaps it was coming home at night after a 12 hour workday to find him on a massage table in front of a pleasant fire while a masseuse worked out all of that inordinate stress he accumulated while working his 4 hour day. Maybe he cursed her out because there was no goddamn sour creme in the fridge. Offloading an a-hole like that felt like retirement. It did.

          • Damn, I just got tired reading this.

            I would say you got a reprieve from the governor on this one, Survivor.

            Cheers to the OW. She deserved him fair and square.

    • Ha Ha. Well of course, if you were any sort of man, you would realize all that deception, lying, financial trickery and cheating was causing MORE complication to your life than it’s worth. So why do it? Why not be a stand up man, father, husband, friend, son…. why not put your energy where it should be.. with your FAMILY!!!!!!

      As for being sexist.. plenty of male chumps on this board whose wives do this crap. Cheating and entitlement isn’t a gender specific thing.. it’s a character thing. Plenty of women lack character too.. thus all the OW out there willing to fuck our spouses. It goes both ways.

      It’s a tragic waste all around. Cheating never leads to good things. There is always a price to pay.

      • OOPs, I guess this was satire. If so, well done HH. I bet these cheaters really think this way…. it’s all about THEM.

        • Yep. The Cheaters think it’s about them. My STBX comes home and complains, and then bemoans his sorrow with the line, “not that anyone cares.” Yep. I absolutely do not care. 🙂

          • Ha. We get the whiners. If he was gonna cheat, why couldn’t I have gotten the overcompensating kind who sparkled more (to hide the affair better)? I just got increasingly cheap and offensive presents. Now, in suck up repair mode, he got me a spontaneous gift of nice treats/food but I can’t eat normally. And last week he brought me some novelty hot sauce keychains. Wow, I feel like a newlywed ;O

            • During his affairs, mine was major meanie; roses would have been a step up instead of the constant devalue. Gifts out of guilt? Count yourself lucky. Hah! Mine DESERVED to cheat because I was so inadequate. No narc supply from Tempest, he would get it elsewhere.

            • Asshat would rip me a new one a few times a week to remind me how awful I was. I would dance, beg, plead and make a general ass out of myself. Then he would feel bad Christmas Eve that all he’d gotten me were some socks so he would rush out when Little Elf and I wanted to spend time with him and get me some random crap. If Asshat gave me roses now i would stuff them where the sun doesn’t shine. I would share my Sriracha keychains with you though -it’s a handy set of 2. Mothers Day last year he got me slippers that didn’t fit. I mean at noon on Mothers Day. He swears he didn’t spend money on Florence but I know his gold star sucking showoff ass better than that. I really, really trust that they suck!

  • Definition of MISTRESS – Webster dictionary
    1
    : a woman who has power, authority, or ownership: as
    a : the female head of a household
    b : a woman who employs or supervises servants
    c : a woman who is in charge of a school or other establishment
    d : a woman of the Scottish nobility having a status comparable to that of a master
    2
    a chiefly British : a female teacher or tutor
    b : a woman who has achieved mastery in some field

    A woman who fucks married men has no right to this term. I suppose under “c” you could call Saddams AP a “Mistress” because she was an elementary school teacher and under the Brit definition she had mastery over a skill; convincing herself Saddam was her soul mate, unbeknownst to her he didn’t agree…

    If anyone has a right to use the term Mistress it’s a chump, Course you have to dump the dick to get your power back…

  • I can’t speak to mistresses, but the parade of men that have had short lived flings with her has reaffirmed that she is no prize and that I’m better off without her.

    It seems strange, but in a way, the sheer mediocrity of her affair partners was helpful in keeping me humble. Curiously, on the other hand, it also reassured me that whatever drove her to cheat was her problem, not mine.

    Some people have commented that OM don’t normally get as involved emotionally as OW. I don’t know for sure, but I think that is probably true. I suspect they tend to move on if things get too heavy.

    • It seems strange, but in a way, the sheer mediocrity of her affair partners was helpful in keeping me humble. Curiously, on the other hand, it also reassured me that whatever drove her to cheat was her problem, not mine.

      That’s what you should take from it. The cheating is not about YOU at all. It’s about her and her delusions. Her inadequacies. It’s sad because we cheaters are the ones that get therapy but they are the ones who need it.

        • Hey now, let’s not be hasty. If we chumps had done enough therapy to accept our cheaters the way they are, and not expect so much from them, then maybe they wouldn’t find themselves in these unfortunate situations where they are basically FORCED to cheat on us! After all, it’s not like cheating is, you know, a CHOICE. Far from it, they are actually the unwitting victims of circumstances beyond their control. But it is within our control to be OK with their shoddy moral compass, so we should just chump-up and keep on giving them treats so they’re not forced to confront their shallow belief system. After all, it’s not easy being sleazy!

          • That’s right Bill. And we can’t ask THEM to do therapy, after all they are timid forest creatures. It’s all uncomfortable and stuff. LOL!!!

      • The man boy has admitted to needing help for two years. Does nothing about it. Also admitted since he was a teenager he has all this anger and rage bubbling inside of him he knows this and does nothing. He whore did a dirty junior high trick to me to hurt me and when he found out he choked her unconscious, thought he killed her. Four stitches for her. She came to to find him sitting in the chair with heart pains and began to baby him!! She knew him only 8 weeks. He needs serious help he’s alienated his sister and our daughter from him. Cause you know they are not supposed to like me anymore. I’m to be hated. But I’m the one who is crazy!

    • I hear you, Chumpguy. “Sheer mediocrity” is putting it generously, I’d guess, based on my experience with my ex-wife’s affair partners (one was so into “sustainable living” he quit his job, cooked on a Coleman stove in his backyard, and apparently never bathes). I suspect that most cheaters are shallow, the difference being that male cheaters are attracted to women with stripper looks while female cheaters are attracted to men who are easily manipulated.

      • Ew to the not bathing. I have had no hot water for a week and I just took cold showers, albeit really fast ones, when I was too lazy to go to the gym (to use the locker room, not to actually work out).

        I think you’re right. Florence found an easily manipulated man in Asshat. I don’t really know what strippers look like IRL but if Florence looks like a stripper, she’d be working a truck stop in the middle of BFE. By the same token, I would never be a suitable OW ’cause I’m certain I don’t look like one. That and my propensity to want to nail my cheater’s nuts to the front porch might give away that I am not into that sort of thing ;O

        • But chumpyelf Florence is a fine looking Mistress if your sexual deviancy is ‘shagging the elderly with helmet haircuts’!!!

      • Hmmm…I don’t think they’d give XH’s whore a job as a stripper. I don’t think anyone would pay to see that beast take it’s clothes off….she’s THAT ugly.

  • I learned a lot from the OM. Specifically, CBS (chronic bitch face) would rather fuck random much older douchey potbellied hipsters with crumbs in their mustache that she met online, rather than her naively loyal chump who stuck by her through years of personal turmoil (and who is a much more fit physical specimen). I also learned from confronting them both that cheaters and those who enable them are blank-eyed vapid shells that project an image of sparkly awesomeness to make up for their absolute lack of character and substance. In short, perfect for each other.

    • What is it with the DOWNGRADES? It makes literally NO sense. My STBX’s whore was not even CLOSE to me. I was a model in my youth, 5’10” and thanks to the chump diet, now weigh what I did in HIGH SCHOOL.. was always fit, do my hair, makeup.. I look pretty damn good for being in my 40’s compared to the other desperate housewives around here… and I work a JOB.. and take care of his KIDS.. handle the HOUSEHOLD. And I manage to shave my legs, pluck my eyebrows and keep myself in shape. Geez you’d think I’d get some CREDIT!!!

      Yet he takes up with some dim witted dumpy TWIT who has bad skin, wears far too much makeup, isn’t a mother, not to mention isn’t too bright, etc. I just don’t get it. I was HERE every night.. with our family.. supporting his ups and downs, every one of his job changes, crisis after crisis… loyal to a fault.. but because I was tired at the end of the night after working a job and taking care of two kids (one a toddler) and didn’t want to wear stripper shoes.. he just HAD to get his jollies somewhere else. I wasn’t “fun” and “exciting” enough. Too busy living in the real world over here!

      Boggles the mind. But I doubt she’ll be there for him in the next crisis. Too bad, so sad.

    • Yes, Bill, my ex and one of his AP’s (who he married this past summer) are perfect for each other. Both desperate, empty, vapid, and somewhat creepy sociopaths who care only for themselves.

    • Perhaps then a mistress is just a prostitute who is so stupid she takes I.O.U.s (as in, “I promise I’m going to leave my wife as soon as my kids are out of school,” etc.).

      • Yeah, I read a blog that listed some of the instructions, like:

        “If he tells you he loves you more than his wife, don’t let it go to your head. As a rule, men are liars.”

        and

        “Perish all thought that someday you’ll be No. 1”

        and

        “A man with a mistress lives a double life, a mistress lives a half-life.”

        And many more. Sure sounds desirable!

      • I don’t know what Asshat promised Florence but whatever it was, she is majorly PO’d at me bc he hasn’t divorced me yet. She even tried to send me a ‘I want a divorce’ letter. The OW taught me that I can be just as sneaky as the next person only I am protecting my and my child’s interests. This has nothing to do with self gratification. Just like I think she would be a third rate stripper, Florence would be working an abandoned truck stop.

        • Interesting about the promises that cheaters make to their “mistresses”. I wondered in the days after d-day why the OW was so angry at me. After all, upon discovery, I summarily threw him out of my house and suggested he go live with her.

          I guess this action on my part didn’t fit into their plans. They had beeen involved for over a year, while I supported the lazy bum, fed and clothed him at my expense…acrually treated the poor sausage very well. He spent his free time courting her and indulging in kinky sex, minor scams, and sitting around boozing it up while I was working a full time professional job.

          Her raging emails to me…that I was cruel to simply throw him out, that she would soon own part of my house, that she would have my car…this all must have been because he told her he owned this stuff. He certainly did not. He was penniless with a minimum wage job (OK so why was I with him, that scenario wont happen again) and we were not married. I even had him sign a tenancy agreement so he could not claim any sort of common law situation…gee, I guess I never did trust him. Imsaw him as down on his luck and someone with potential as an artist. NOT!

          • I suspect most cheaters do not tell their AP spouse wants a divorce. Saddam did not tell his OW, he kept sneaking and pretending I wouldn’t let him go, he didn’t actually want a divorce, he wanted both…

      • My STBX went one better.She actually ended up “lending” her married paramour (who was also her boss) over $200k. Of course it was never and never will be repaid. If it wasn’t money her mother worked hard to leave her I’d be laughing my ass off.

  • A few “etiquette” rules to add:
    Quit simpering around like you’re the wronged party. You are a cheap slag who lost her marriage and friends through your own stoooopid decisions, choices and actions, not anyone else’s.

    Quit lying to yourself, your kids and, well, just about everyone else. We have all figured out you’re a liar more than anything else you proclaim to be.

    When you make those preposterous proclamations, please do a fact check. E.g., when you proclaim to be a good Christian wife, you might want to remember those basic Christian tenants called commandments. Especially the ones that refer to bearing false witness, coveting thy neighbors spouse and property, and, oh yeah, that one about *not* committing adultery.

    Quit fishing to start the relationship up again. It’s as dead as your marriage, which was declared null and void last summer. Which reminds me:

    Come up with a better Plan B. How does it feel to be without a house, a companion or spouse, friends and the respect of others? Should’ve thought of all that when Plan A began to implode.

    But I don’t even know why I’m bothering. Someone posted upthread that all this slags do is delude themselves anyway.

  • A bit of adultery etiquette his whores used was:

    “You can go to his military retirement ceremony but not his funeral”

    2 of his whores (maybe more) were at his retirement (he was only 42…people sometimes retire from the US military relatively young)…neither came to his funeral.

    I hope they were broken up beyond all words when they learned he died…I hope they saw him as the great lost love of their life. Even though the truth is that I was VERY low on his list of priorities, I hope they think that I was #1, the Queen, forever honored alongside his memory. I hope they cry over him when they are old women. I hope they both learn that I have a wonderful subsequent husband who has more money and status that he did.

    Im not a bitch about many things, but I am a “grade-A Bitch On Wheels” where this is concerned.

  • Seems pretty blatant, doesn’t it? I almost see this as a brainwashing tool to groom the next generation of mistresses.

  • The only think I learned from “Other Women” is they are not the glamorous sex kittens that our culture portrays them as (or that they fantasize that they are). In reality, they are sometimes fat, or boring, or plain, or middle aged, or stinky, or whatever. The only thing for sure is that they are ugly on the inside, have a broken moral compass, have the same disordered thinking as our cheaters and are, in general, pathetic human beings.

  • There are really only two things a mistress can teach us:

    1. You have to be a pretty sad human being to settle for the scraps that a married man is willing to give you. Case in point: I may have stuck around to do the humiliating dance of pick me for three years but in the deepest recesses of the OW’s (recently promoted to Owife) soulless being, she has to realize that she was never number one. She had to actively pursue a married man with children; he dumped her when I told him I wanted to work it out; he took her back when I dumped him but if she didn’t have a significant amount of Benjamins to entice the ex with, he would’ve moved on to the next highest bidder.

    2. Since I mentioned the pick me dance it’s only fair to point out that mistresses are forever stuck in “Pick Me Dance” mode. They start dancing before the affair; continue dancing all the way through it and if they turn out to be the ‘chosen ones’, they have to dance til the day they die because they know just how easily they WILL be replaced.

    Actually I take that back. The only thing that can be learned from a mistress is that no one with any self respect should ever want to be one!

    • Spot on, Cheaterssuck! These cheaters and their AP(men and women) are the most ugliest, disgusting, vile, empty shell of the living race walking this planet. Even zombies in the movies and tv shows have more intelligence than these cheaters and their AP and much more class also. There are pure scum!!!!!

  • How unfair, what about the Mantress

    Tips for a Mantress

    Tight underwear and no job

    A tattoo or two

    Unattractive, no problemo, just be a fast texter sexter.

    Std, deny, deny, deny

    Dick picks, manscaping a must, and save those pubes for a hair transplant for those bald spots

    White shoes and a tan leather jacket

    exchange your money for dollar bills so your wallet looks fat

    Google lame poetry and remember it’s plagiarism in the name of love

    You’re not a garbage man, you’re a waste engineer

    Quote Esther Perel

  • What I learned from my ex’s mistresses?

    1. There are very bad people in the world.
    2. People of the lie are profoundly offended by those who are good or kind, and play cruel games to try to “even” the score
    3. The only way to win with cluster B’s is not to play
    4. Sociopaths suck.

    • Well described, Kelly. I would love to send that to my OW, although I know I won’t grant her the attention.
      She blogs about how “lonely” her life is and how people she thought were friends just don’t call her any longer.
      I never have to wonder why. Most people know a Cluster B when they observe one.

      • Marci,

        I can understand how you feel. We both know like you wrote above it will not do any good. Just one of the most interesting things with these disordered things is that they just don’t get it. Their minds are not wired the correct way to understand a single ounce of any type of common sense what they are doing (including the cheater) is wrong. Too be honest with you I am shock they can even read and write with how many things are wrong in their brains. With what I have learn with Cluster B Personality Disorder no matter what they just will never get it.

        Also I am 100% sure no doubt in my mind that these AP (men and women) are much more worse than the cheater when it comes to their disordered minds. It’s a vicious Cluster B Personality Disorder Relationship Cycle that will never end in a good way. Both are not able to have a real connection and they are not able to love anyone or anything if fact they hate themselves so much that it just bleeds out in their daily lives.

        • Marci and Beth, I stay far far away from ex and his now-wifestress. They are probably among the most profoundly disordered people I have ever come across. It has been a hard road just to come to the place I am now–> to know that I will never understand them or what they have done, and to know that they are quite evil and in the end destroy anything good that they touch.

  • My darling daughters who are in their 20s and I learned from the MOW is quite a bit about narcissism and narcissistic rage. Yep, the MOW would scream at my girls telling them they were ” drug addicted sluts just like their mother.” She did this in my house, in front of my STBX. What did he do to protect his daughters? Nothing. MOW was drugged and drunk usually. She’s a peach! A real upper class NYC socialite. Photos all over the internet. Sits on boards. Oh the awful behavior and rages she displays are now our family jokes!! Oh my ex snared a fabulous partner! He certainly affaired down!!!

    • Santafe,
      I think you can be quite sure that any distress he will feel at having to live with THAT will far surpass any distress you endured as a result of your chumpdom. It’s almost like the karma bus in your case has red flashing lights so you can see it coming a mile away.

  • What I learned from my ex’s affair: crap people will always show you who they are. Ex’s AP is so fucked up that she posts pictures of herself on HIS social media websites, she doesn’t yet realize that he can chase plenty of tail at work. What it really boils down to though is that these stupid fucktards are with those they deserve. Frees us Chumps up to live Happily Ever After.

  • I learned that it is possible to use a university research grant to meet up with a married man, including flying to New Orleans to stay in a cheap hotel but not to party because he doesn’t want to be seen in public with you. And that with certain men (Brits) who don’t care about lingerie an ill-fitting padded bra will remind them that they might as well be somewhere else.

    I learned that it is possible to be entirely dull and yet still attract some faithless idiot through the medium of salsa dance and to do this you need only have ‘willing and available’ tattooed on your forehead in the permanent marker you’ve been using on your teenager’s gym kit. I also learned (and I don’t need this advice since I have flawless skin) that it is vital to exfoliate your butt because having a spotty bottom is a real passion killer. What else did I learn about her? I forget in all the excitement.

    Anyway, gals; well-fitting corsetry and immaculate skin will not make up for the yawning chasm in your self-respect but if you’re knocking fifty and even your research subject is unattractive you cannot afford to skimp on grooming. Exfoliate, exfoliate, exfoliate and eventually you might get down to something resembling a human soul.

  • Oh dear Lord, I’m from the Philippines and an avid reader of yours at that. This kind of shit is embarrassing. I don’t watch PH films or tv (or just tv in general)–does that make me better? I don’t know, but it sure as hell shows me the enabling system that’s going on here. Did you know that the Philippines is the only country in the world where there is no divorce? It’s doubly hard to get rid of fcktard STBXs here, and you would not believe the stigma still linked to having a failed marriage. And here’s more: we have slim pickings for post-marriage partners, because most people would remain in shitty marriages than go through the extra-long and expensive annulment process (unless you can pay off the courts, of course). And as far as I know, there’s no legal system for child support and alimony. Women eat a lot of shit sandwiches here, and most men are incredibly un-enlighted and just fcking spoiled in general. I can’t wait for the day when we get divorce here, so we can end the tyranny of deceit. Justice for all the women of Ph.

  • What I learned from my husband’s MOW:

    1. Dressing in form fitting, ‘young’ clothes with heavy make-up is all part of her mask while using her little girl helpless voice. This allowed her to sucker her chump husband into marriage so chump husband could take care of her kids from her 1st failed marriage and put a roof over their heads.

    2. MOW with kids don’t give one ‘shit’ about you Chump. They will lie and manipulate to get what they want. They will go out after work, drink and smoke cigars with your STBX. They have no qualms about fucking your STBX. The fact that you are a new mom means ‘nothing’ to MOW. Your dreams, efforts and hard work and goals to be happily married and raise your young baby boy don’t mean shit to her. They also don’t mean ‘shit’ to your STBX.

    3. After the affair ends, MOW will have to ‘justify’ her quitting working for your cheater pants STBX. She will not hesitate to file a phony sexual harassment claim with the Human Rights Commission, and a claim for unemployment alleging that she worked in a ‘hostile environment’. She will call 911 to say that she is being harassed thereby causing criminal charges of telephone harassment to be filed against your STBX Additionally, she will be bold enough to contact a lawyer and demand a settlement of $10,000.00 for the stress of working for your STBX. After all she MUST do all this so that her husband will not get wise to what she was doing.

    4. MOW thinks she’s bold to do all this but underestimated me- the lawyer Chump wife who successfully represented her STBX on all matters. As painful as it was for me to represent my cheater pants STBX there was NO fucking way that I would allow STBX to pay one penny to his slut! So, the MOW didn’t get one hot penny. The facts all came out in the Employment Security hearing before the administrative law judge and her former co-workers testified about what they saw indicating she had a consensual affair with my STBX. Yes, MOW I may be a chump wife but -I was a chumpy wife who had years of working as a prosecutor. I understood the importance of chain of custody and promptly secured the bed sheets with your and my STBX’s body hairs. Yes, I was smart enough to hire a forensic expert.

    5. I learned that MOW was stupid. MOW learned that the next time she fucks a married STBX- she’ll make sure that his chumpy wife is NOT a lawyer!!

  • I’d be more inclined to be courteous to a woman who was a mistress without knowing. Men who lie are predators.

    Still, Here’s my etiquette lesson to the bleach-blonde, cross-eyed skank who knowingly fucked my husband:

    1. You’re more stupid and delusional than I imagined if you thought for one second I would “friend” you on Twitter. It’s called Twitter, and it’s not for twats like you to use as a window to continue to covet my life. You will NEVER be anything more to me or my sons than a steaming pile of pig shit. Fuck off.

    2. You and I are never going to “co-parent.” My sons think you’re the butt of a sick practical joke and have as much respect for you as one would for someone who deliberately blew up their lives for shits and giggles and then thought she could infect what was left of their ripped-apart childhood. Fuck you.

    3. Remember, noreturns! When you figure out you’ve bet it all on a loser, you’re on your own. You two are the perfect couple of losers. Enjoy!

  • >