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UBT: “Loving Your Husband Hurts ME Too!”

OWsadThere is no sadder sausage than the Other Woman and her unrequited love. An alert chump sent me this submission, YourTango, “Loving Your Husband Hurts Me Too“, for the Universal Bullshit Translator.

After all this time, I still hope he leaves you.

I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine.

Except for his pesky wife.

We sit across from one another at the Greasy Spoon diner, reaching over the table to touch hands, caressing thumbs with the tenderness of a violin player. We must be touching, always touching.

Ours is the kind of love that can only be venerated in greasy diners. The kind with the rotating dessert displays. You know, the classy kind.

I caress my Beloved with the frenzied pizzicato of lust. We are tender violins. We swell. We vibrate. We order waffles.

We joke and laugh, we talk, we sit in pure adoration. I know every inch of his face and he knows every inch of mine.

It’s my face he’s interested in. Really. 

I order his food (one Belgium waffle on the soft side, a plate of crispy bacon) and he orders mine (a short stack, no butter, a bowl of fruit, a side of extra crispy bacon). We sit, together in our love, relishing every second.

I’m a few pancakes short of a stack. He is a flaccid Belgian waffle. But we share a deep mutual love of crispy bacon. 

A car pulls up outside and warrants his cursory glance. The glance holds on a bit too long. The couple in the car comes inside and he follows their every move. They sit two booths behind us. He stares for a moment, then snatches his hands back from the table.

The divot in his ring finger catches the light, reminding me of the torture I so often hide when we’re together. He fumbles in his pocket, quick with fear, and slips his platinum wedding band back on his finger. My heart is in shambles. We get the bill and pay for our unfinished food. Outside, he apologizes. I say nothing and drive home alone in tears.

Is this the thanks I get? A half-finished waffle? I ordered your bacon correctly! I took charge of the menu! I caressed your thumb! And you ask for the check?!

Yes, it’s that special can’t-be-seen-with-in-public-together kind of Love.

You would think after three years of dating a married man, I would be used to this. 

Apparently, you’re a slow learner.

But it still stings just as much as the first time we ran into a relative of his and I had to “hide behind the oranges” in the grocery store. In truth, this was an infrequent occurrence.

Because sometimes having to hide behind citrus fruit is completely acceptable in a relationship. Just so long as it isn’t frequent.

Maybe that made it worse? I’ll never know for sure. I suppose the fault is mine.

Okay, so I pelted your cousin with a tangerine. 

If I had never let things progress, I wouldn’t feel the hurt tugging on my heartstrings when we needed to disguise our relationship or feel the jealousy when he went home to his wife, as he always did.

So why did I do it? Why does anyone do it? At the start of it all, the perks of the situation swam happily in my mind. Imagine the freedom! Imagine the absence of committed responsibility!

Imagine hiding behind oranges!

I was a secure, confident woman and was not willing to compromise my life for a relationship and everything that came with it.

Like reciprocity, morals… or self-respect.

Like most modern women, I felt I only needed a man for one thing, and a coupled lifestyle was not that thing.

I’m not narcissistic. I’m modern

Yeah, you’re so not interested in being “coupled” that you’ll hide behind oranges or run from half-eaten breakfasts to maintain some simulacrum of a man’s attention. And you want us to think you’re a modern woman?

Somewhere a suffragette is spinning in her grave.

So I figured, who better than a married man? Moreover, a married man with kids!

I’m sociopathic too. The total package, gentlemen. 

He had his responsibilities with his wife and family. There would be no awkward morning-afters, no constant phone calls or texts. I could have all the space I wanted and I would hear no complaints from his end. It would be easy and stress-free.

But what started out as a simple, no-strings-attached relationship (or at least the illusion of one) evolved into much more. You can never have your cake and eat it too.

Sometimes you have to get up from the half-eaten plate of waffles.

Maybe it was the jolt of electricity we both felt when we first met and shook hands or maybe it was our mutual understanding of the other’s troubles. Either way, we grew to rely on one another. We became each other’s go-to when one of us needed support.

He was just a supportive friend. A pal. The person you’d call if you were on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire and the host asked, “What is the capital of Burkina Faso?” You unsophisticated, judgmental hicks might say something stupid like, “Ouagadougou.” But Modern people like myself and my Beloved know it’s a trick question. There’s no such thing as Burkina Faso! 

And the casual friendship-with-benefits morphed into a caring, loving relationship. I could see the aurora dancing in his eyes when he saw me, and he could see the sparkle in mine. We knew each other inside and out, our lives so intertwined we were hard to tell apart.

[The UBT needs a moment to vomit….]

I could see the rings of Saturn frolicking in his trousers, and when he saw me, he could see sassy frauleins clogging on tables, with their naughty ankles and woolen knee socks, edelweiss falling from their buck-teeth. Our eyes met and it was earflaps. We knew each other catatonically. Deeply septuagenarian and intertwined, like obstructed intestines. Or pickled sideshow calf twins. In a Jar of Longing. Because aurora sparkles.

[I’m sorry the UBT appears to be malfunctioning. Let me whack it…]

But I didn’t count on the pitfalls of this type of relationship. 

I thought I had it all figured out. I didn’t expect to grow to need him. I didn’t expect to miss him when we weren’t together, I didn’t expect to become so attached to his children that they felt like family, and I definitely didn’t expect to fall in love.

Or for him to fall in love with me. What I thought could be something simple ended up being a stressor. We had to hide. Our time together was constantly cut short so his wife wouldn’t find out.

But it’s okay for the kids to know. The wife? Fuck her. Children LOVE to keep secrets like “Daddy Has a Girlfriend.” 

I was jealous and angry and crazily in love, and at times, so hurt I could barely stand. I hate being second in line, yet I was. He would tell me grand stories about how we’d be together full-time someday. He would leave her and be with me. A small part of me believed him, but the rest of me knew better. Yet still I stayed. We had such an intense connection that I was convinced living without him would be so much worse than enduring the agony of sharing my man.

My self-inflicted agony is the only agony that matters.

Like most everything else in my life, our relationship became punctuated by song lyrics I felt described our situation.

Sugarland, “Stay”: It’s too much pain to have to bear / to love a man you have to share.
The Wreckers, “Leave the Pieces”: You say you don’t wanna hurt me, don’t wanna see my tears / so why are you still standing here just watching me drown … You not making up your mind / is killing me and wasting time.
Nickel Creek, “I Should’ve Known Better”: Your love meant trouble from the day we met / you won every hand, I lost every bet.
Zac Brown Band, “Colder Weather”: And wonders if her love is strong enough to make him stay / She’s answered by the tail lights / Shining through the window pane.

Listening to them made me feel better.

Well, it’s doing bupkis for the Universal Bullshit Translator. Please, please don’t feed the UBT Nickel Creek.

I’m so glad you’re a sad song lyric and not a real person inflicting harm on innocent children and a trusting chump. The UBT is relieved to know you’re just a figment. An undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of an underdone potato…

Holy Marley’s Ghost! Please tell me you’re just click bait and are not REAL.

It reassured me someone went through the same things I did, that I wasn’t alone in my torture. But even through the music, I could feel things starting to fall apart. I began to obsess over his life with her. What were they doing? Where were they going? Was he having more fun with her than with me? What was so great about her anyway? Our love for each other stayed strong, but the relationship had collapsed. I knew what I had to do, as much as I tried to ignore it.

On an unseasonably warm March evening, I ended it. 

The chill had left the air and incoming Spring filled me with the power and motivation to do the hardest thing I knew I needed to do. My tears fell as fast as the first thunderstorm of the year.

“What are you saying?” he asked me. “I think I’m breaking up with you,” I said.

“Maybe you should think about it more,” he pressed. I told him, “I won’t come to any different conclusion. It’s over.”

And that was it. There was no pomp and circumstance. Just plain cold truth. We spoke sparingly over the next few days and it eventually faded to no communication. In silence, my world was ending. I gave up on love, on life. I stayed in bed all day and didn’t eat.

My world was ending fast like the first thunderstorm of Detroit. I gave up on muffins. There was no baton-twirling midget, no confetti-farting rhinoceroses, no candy. There was just rhubarb. And Silence. 

[Sorry. The UBT is really having a hard time with this one. WILL IT EVER END?]

My friends and family were stuck. They didn’t know what was going on; all they knew was my seemingly unnecessary depression. I trudged back and forth to work amid discussions of counseling, tentative hugs and attempts at forcing me to eat. In the end, I was still broken. The only thing worse than bearing that heavy a weight alone is carrying it yourself.

WTF? The only thing worse than carrying something alone is carrying it yourself? Do you read yourself? Do you proof this bullshit?

And then he called.

Kibbles!

He wanted me to know his wife knew everything. That he loved me and couldn’t function without me. But he wasn’t ready. Could I wait, please. He needed me. He would be with me when his kids started school again. He would be with me in September. Yes, of course I would wait. He was my love.

I didn’t mean what I said about rhubarb. 

The next few months were a whirlwind of elation and doubt. We were together nearly every day, as together as a hidden relationship allows you to be. He talked of long-term dreams, about our future house and trips we would take and having kids eventually. My heart longed for it and wanted to trust him. My brain knew better.

I sat by, clinging to hope, and watched him as he bought new furniture with his wife. They got a new car.

I got waffles and extra crispy bacon. I’m the one he really loves.

He hired a landscaper and started repairs on his house. I became a Monday through Friday, nine to five girlfriend.

For those forty hours a week that his wife was working, he was mine.

Because she’s the breadwinner?! Because he’s available while HIS WIFE WORKS and you think YOU are the MODERN woman? But that chumpy wife, she’s just an obstacle to your happiness, what with her JOB and FAMILY and all. Boy, you got a gem there.

He loved me and worshipped me and spoke of our future. But September came and September passed. The sun and moon rose and fell. And I was still alone.

He told me we’d be together in September. So every first of September, I wait. I go to the same Greasy Spoon diner and I wait for him. For my love. And as the years go by, my hope does not wane. It naively stays strong. Maybe one day, after all the lost time, he will join me and my September will come.

I am the Lady of Shalott. His waffles are getting cold. I will wait.

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • Gosh I hate it when the UBT breaks down!
    “And as the years go by my hope does not wane” really? Really? Really? Next time order a clue with that crispy bacon!

    Like many here my biggest surprise is that her fixed up the house he shared with his wife. Or is that just the biggest clue this is click bait?

    Up at 4 am because my brain just put the pieces together that he’d had more than one affair. Back down the rabbit hole I go.

      • Can I say something Tracy, you are a master at writing, And this is not empty flattery, I really mean it!! I mean today’s post had me laughing outloud by myself like a simpleton in front of my office computer! The imagination you have and visuals are priceless, I would read your blog just for shits and giggles: The Lady of Shalott waiting eternally for her love at the waffle house, such poetry lol. “Like the first thunderstorm of Detroit. I gave up on muffins. There was no baton-twirling midget, no confetti-farting rhinoceroses, no candy. There was just rhubarb.” PRICELESS!! Where do you come up with stuff like that??? It’s too funny, you really have a gift. Lovvvvve it. Your friends are lucky to have you in their lives, you must be hilarious in person as well!! :)))) BRAVO

        • Chump Lady has been blocked by the tech department at my work, which is certainly within the rights of the private organization that employs me. However, I do find it interesting that several people were apparently using their work e-mails to register at AM and AFF, at least according to hack details.

          Hmmph! I can still read on my phone.

          • Same here!!!! I can access all kinds of useless crap on my work internet, but ChumpLady.com?! Oh, no!!!

        • My favorite was, “Somewhere, a suffragette is spinning in her grave.”

          This reads like a bad Good Housekeeping short story.

    • Sorry, AllOutofKibble, that hurts. I can relate very well to your pain–I divorced mine on the basis of 1 affair from years ago. Before the divorce was final, I had confirmed a second. After the divorce, stories rolled in from friends about affairs at conferences, overt flirtations with other students, fucks with strangers in the middle of the day that he’d picked up from adult web sites. Awful, awful, awful.

      The silver lining is, as CL says, that you can now trust that he sucks. He sucks MASSIVELY and you now know there is NOTHING you could have done to save that marriage. You were wedded to a serial cheater, and it’s all on him. And the shock will wear off in 2 weeks, anger will take over, and anger brings disengagement. Hugs to you!

    • Dear AllOutofKibble, I’m so sorry you have discovered that you’ve been victimized by a serial cheater. CL and Tempest are right, when the shock and grief lessens, the anger will arrive, and that will help you become even mightier than you already are. I’m sending hugs to you – I know how much this hurts right now.

      When I discovered the first OW (and thought she was the only one), I choked down his false remorse and tried to make it work. Several months later, sequential APs started floating to the surface like turds in the punch bowl, and I was livid. It was the anger that fueled me to move out and start my new life without the empty, vapid POS I was duped into marrying.

    • Thanks all. Divorce was finalized about two weeks ago so nothing left to do now but accept that it happened and move on. So thankful he is gone and I only have to engage him about once a week regarding the kids. Even more thankful I have the support of CN. It will help me move things along quickly.

      • Same thing here . . . I only knew about the one affair which ended our marriage. As I put things together, she was definitely not the first. I was shocked at first, later not so much.

        One day the new wife will find out exactly what I found out about him. But that’s what happens when you roll around with a snake.

        Congrats on the divorce!

        • AllOutofKibbles – congrats on your divorce!

          Like Tempest, Rumblekitty and you, I keep uncovering unsavory things about my STBX… It sucks balls, the shock waves are there with each discovery… So I have put together a ritual…

          (1) I read CL’s post on untangling the skein of fuckedupness – http://www.chumplady.com/2012/06/untangling-the-skein-of-fuckupedness/
          (2) I remind myself that it could be worse. Yes, I invested 13 years, but I could still be in love and living with a lying cheating coward
          (3) I savor the karma bus doing its work… My STBX has considerably aged since I dumped him last year and as time passes, his outside image is going to look more and more like his ugly insides.

          Then I watch Mr. Chow’s TOODALOO from the hangover (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zjDfHQDyxTM) and move on to building my cheater-free life.

    • AOoK,

      Welcome to my little corner of Hell that i don’t plan to stay in long. One thing dead husband never said after Dday was “Ive never don’t this before!”..somewhere in my brain I thought he would since I was SURE it was his first go-round. Learning that there had been others shook the foundations of the ground I stood on for 26 years.

      Im trying to understand what my life was

      and yet CL said it well, in the end we just need to know that they sucked

      but its hard when people are telling me what a great guy he was.

      I know you had to go down the rabbit hole..there you found me,,,we should leave soon

    • They’re all sadly and sickeningly the same AllOutOfKibbles, you know, like roaches, if you find one affair there were many many more. Been there done that. The realization of other (spectacularly) chumpitudinous moments with ex have even come to my mind after I was (happily) remarried last year. These cheaters suck. So when knowledge of another affair or chump-worthy moment hits you, just repeat: “it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter.”

      • so true…even in my happy new marriage, I will be walking along a street and suddenly have a memory that (in the light of my new knowledge) makes me realize that a situation I thought was “odd” and quickly dismissed was actually classic chumpdom…OMG. he is lucky I haven’t paid a stone mason to carve “Serial Adulterer” on his gravestone.

  • What a crock of shit from an absolute nut bar. I bet she sat in front of a mirror to write it so she could see how tragic she looked. Freak.

    • For all the times that the OW winds up alone, there are probably just as many times that the wife winds up alone.
      The OW truly believes she won the game, although her only prize is the pathetic liar.
      The OW now living with (or married to?) my ex was very involved in my children’s lives; I’m sure she and the ex thought the kids would just accept them.
      Truth is, while she was very present in their lives, she didn’t give a damn about them or have a clue what it meant to be a real parent.
      When they got what they thought would be a wonderful life, the reality kind of sucks.
      Now she has his crappy family, a broken man and still has to stay in the shadows because they work together.
      She can have that pile of limpy bacon!

      • This is what’s happening here. He’s living with the OW now thinking the kids will accept her and her children. My kids tolerate it all simply because they love their dad and want to see him, but resent that she is always around. She picks them up for him and keeps them for him while he works. She takes them to do things and is trying so hard to “win”. She can’t beat me. Knock yourself out, hunni! There’s no way she cares about my kids….how could she? How can you help break a family apart and still be a good person? That’s what I think…she can have his crappy family and broken down ass…I’m so glad it’s not my reality anymore!

          • Asswipe thinks he can win the kids over but the only thing whore juice would ever be is the woman who helped break up their parents marriage. They are decent to the thing only to be near their dad and very sparingly as he’s ignored them for over two years realizing her family became more important to him then they are. As time goes on they will see him less and less. If their father wasn’t the cheating lying bastard he is and he did not try to destroy me maybe they would feel different. My loving daughter wants me as far away from him as possible. If the kids are in front of him he pays attention other than that not much. My daughter says out of site out of mind. He truly is fucked up. They refuse to attend the wedding should him and the thing get back together. Both said OK dad be happy but we will not share in the “love and joy” that destroyed our family and almost destroyed mom. Good kids that are so dissapointing to him. Mostly he just talks about how beautiful they are! Never who they are. Wrong is wrong and that stupid man handled all if this very badly. Gee damn near thirty years and I never really knew him. Never again.

          • I shudder to think how excited Florence was when the only time Little Elf and I saw her, he was in a chatty mood so answered a few questions for her. She doesn’t even like kids and when I pointed that out to Asshat, you know months after she ratted him out, he said, “Oh no! She likes kids!” Fuck ’em both.

          • She can try till the end of time, but my kids are always going to feel nothing but contempt, ridicule and disgust for dear old dad’s cross-eyed, bleach-blonde, skanky fuck hole.

            It recently dawned on me that the only reason X still tries to connect with his kids – albeit sporadically and only on his terms – is to appease her false belief that he’s a wonderful father and I’m the monster who keeps them from him and her.

            It must be weird for him to not get the applause and kudos he expects from his children.

            They think he’s a big joke.

        • If he’s really working. You know the ap/wife will always wonder. Or at least she should. Screwing around while your wife keeps the kids is the oldest cheater trick in the books.

          • And most cowardly and vile. Especially when the wife is then accused of being too busy for the POS, as compared to the OW, who always has time for him.

            FUCK! YOUUUUUU!!!

            What a complete POS!! Which only makes me more glad to be rid of him.

    • She wrote it on looseleaf with an inky pen so her tears would run down and stain the pages… Her editor could barely manage to read them…

    • Justine, so true! I bet she donned a civil war era gown and gloves and penned this letter with an antique quill & paper, then sat at her mirrored writing desk to observe all the cinematic style emotions as they came. What a f*ckin looney!

  • Ugghhghghh. Do these people not understand that if you want it, you can have a casual, no-strings-attached relationship with someone who ISN’T already committed to someone else?? Or do they just not care? It boggles the mind. And how come they always write like this? Put down the Harlequin romance novel, honey, it’s not the real world.

    • Because for the disordered sparklers, it’s not exciting unless there is danger, immorality, illicitness or dirtiness involved. Sex with someone who has no strings attached is boring.

  • Oh well, I wondered how these OW would fall for a man who is not available, I got my answer. It is pathetic. Similar to texts I have read on a breakup site, where OW flock, hoping to get the sympathy of heartbroken members, chumps included. I would summarize it like this: lady does something really immoral and disgusting, all the while dreaming and speaking of knights on white horses and unicorns in rainbows.
    She is wallowing in green pond scum, covering herself with greasy black smelly silt, but in her head she is on a white sand beach with clear blue water. It looks very much like mental illness.

    • And THAT’S why these two are attracted to each other! Hellooo- I see a nut as crazy as me! And she’s immoral, too, goody!!
      The Chump is the only sane one of the group!

  • I have to agree what a fruit loop and yes have some pride in yourself and leave married men alone you bitch and that’s me being nice!!

  • “There would be no awkward morning-afters, no constant phone calls or texts”
    Besides, in what way is it annoying to receive calls and texts ? You’re supposed to enjoy these, when they come from someone you cherish… And there is no need to jump into bed with that person when it is too early and therefore “awkward”…
    The over-the-top gobbledygook is definitely not modern, it’s very girly, weak and even a bit ridiculous

    • Asswipe told me recently if he can’t get the “panties off” by the second date or be serviced by the woman he loses interest and goes on to the next one who will spread them. Ewwww! I dated him for two months before he got any! Apparently he is the biggest badass stud on the planet. Can have any woman in the room can take wife’s away from any man. Wow what an ego. I knew it was huge but not like that. In the neighbor hood I grew up in poor working, his middle class, he’d had his ass drawn and quartered for that. Kids in my neighborhood tough and above all loyal. I don’t condone violence but this guy needs a serious ass beating.

      • In a way, people who pull that “If I don’t get sex by the second date” crap – they weed themselves out of the pool of decent people.

        • Definitely, he claims they say he’s got some hold or spell over them and they can’t say no or they definitely want to see him again. They have no idea! And only skanks spread on the second often he got them on the first. As in my name is asswipe, your beautiful, wanna fuck? What man who is a really honest loving man pulls that shit. Thought I knew him, I didn’t. Not at all.

  • This freak not only doesn’t proof read her shit – she has trouble with pronouns. “MY man”??? The correct pronoun is “HER” man, you psycho skank. Why was I not surprised to read song lyrics in this little missive? Just like a thirteen-year-old girl, listening to songs on repeat about unrequited love.

    I loved the part about how lover boy slipped his wedding ring on when he saw people he knew. Does platinum make you invisible? That could explain why my jackass barely spoke to me during his affair – I was wearing my platinum wedding ring!! He couldn’t see me! Mystery solved!

    His children are becoming like family? This bitch is just like Ed Gein – the serial killer that made masks from people’s skin. Sounds like she wants to skin his wife and wear her like a wet suit. I don’t think the wife knew “everything”. Had she known that the douche let her children meet this whore, she probably would have set her on fire.

    It is chilling to know there are adults out there in such a state of arrested development. Who better to charm a narcissist than an adoring pre-adolescent? These idiots drive. And vote. And can buy handguns. And have children. It scares the shit out to of me what it will be like when these kids are grown and in charge. Gen X? Gen Y? How about Gen WTF?

    One last thing: when you saw the auroras spinning in his spastic eyes, he wasn’t seeing the “sparkle” in yours. He saw the “SPAKLE” and knew you were a keeper. Keep waiting for that unicorn, honey. I’m sure he’ll be along next September. That is, unless he and his wife buy that boat they’ve been eyeballing. Hmmm . . .

      • Platinum makes you invisible, she wants to skin his wife and wear her like a wet suit!! Gold, uneffingbelievable! So true that an adoring pre-adolescent is perfect for these idiots. Who else would not smell the stench emanating from these shit sandwichs?

    • Well guys and gals. This could have been and probably was written by my 65 yr old ex’s twu wuv. Who is 25. I found basically the “rough drafts” of this in my attic. All morning I’ve been composing chapter 2. And it goes something like this:

      It was a bright clear September Saturday morning. FREEDOM! FINALLY! Yes, he was now free of the bitch that I so carefully orchestrated the breakup and divorce. “What? You didn’t get half her retirement?” She said with folded arms over her chest and lower lip protruding. “That’s not fair!” But the dreamy haze in his eyes said more. “What? That’s cataracts?! Well let’s go to our greasy spoon for old time sake.”

      He walked in and said “have I been here before? “. Oh no she thought. The Alzheimer’s that runs in his family is rearing it’s ugly head.

      Later on she said a bunch of us are going clubbing, come along you’ll fit right in. “What are you doing falling asleep at 9 PM???”

      The only song she could think of now was Gary Allan “life ain’t always beautiful”.

      Sty tuned for the next chapter of how I ended up with my own shit sandwich…….

  • I relish the idea that my dead husbands OWs might think that he was the great lost love of their lives…that they would have have found happiness IF ONLY he had recognized their wonderfulness and left that shrew (who didn’t know him or appreciate him like they did) of a wife.

    He isn’t here to age or blunder or act like a jerk to them and prove their theory wrong. I hope they get to old age keeping the story in their hearts like the old woman on Titanic. Of course for them it will be a deep dark secret because he was married with kids. and his sudden and unexpected death tore asunder their dream that they would ever eat waffles with him in the open.

  • “I could see the rings of Saturn frolicking in his trousers, and when he saw me, he could see sassy frauleins clogging on tables, with their naughty ankles and woolen knee socks, edelweiss falling from their buck-teeth. Our eyes met and it was earflaps. We knew each other catatonically. Deeply septuagenarian and intertwined, like obstructed intestines. Or pickled sideshow calf twins. In a Jar of Longing. Because aurora sparkles.

    [I’m sorry the UBT appears to be malfunctioning. Let me whack it…]”

    Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha…………

  • It took me a while to stop laughing…okay, giggle-snorting so hard I could barely breathe.

    Why, oh why, do the OW wax so poetic about this shit?

    My ex’s OW was like this. Poetic pining for someone else’s husband at its finest. Must have helped her feel better about herself.

    SHE wrote poetry. SHE was artistic and eclectic and modern. SHE was a better cook. Better housekeeper. Better arm candy… Etc.

    She turned out to be a better chump than I could ever ‘hope’ to be. *snort*

    Will read the actual article later when I have time to laugh myself breathless again.

    • So was my X’s Trollop. She sent him a long email that started – WAKE UP!!!!
      Then it went on to outline all they had together, that was So Special. He and I were living in another state for the summer, LOL! She also sent him packs of Lortabs and Xanax, and collages cut from magazines, of pictures of cocktails, and women in underwear . OMG she was nutz.
      I loved this part of ‘Loving Your Husband…’
      He would tell me grand stories about how we’d be together full-time someday. He would leave her and be with me. A small part of me believed him, but the rest of me knew better. Yet still I stayed.
      Grand Stories?? Otherwise known as ‘Lies that lead you on, and make you stick around’. Some grand stories, more like a Grimm Bros Fairy Tale!
      Tracey, you are killin it today!

        • Yes, they are edgey. Doing ALL the wrong things. Unlike the wife, being all boring taking care of daily business.
          So PHONEY, is what the pill-poppers are!

  • Whether it’s click bait or not, it sickens me that stuff like this is increasingly being put out there as being daring or edgy or – gag – “modern.” Thanks for this great post, and to all of CN for the just as great comments .. and the reminder that these OWs are idiots and assholes. There is really still no such thing as “dating a married man.” No, you simpering idiot, you are NOT “dating” him, you are assisting him in deceiving someone. End of story. Assholes. Both of them.

    • Muse – its become rampant around people my age. Obsession with ‘reality’ tv, celebrity nonsense, and making yourself as fake as possible.
      No wonder I am thought of as ‘weird’ because of being the exact opposite to that garbage. I’d rather know the capital of Burkina Faso than to have $500 of fake plastered all over my skin and think I’m ‘hot’ for it.

  • Nah. Just desperate, fucked up and kind of stupid really. These people are just superficial narcs riding down the road of “me, me, me, meeeee” and live in “my one and true lhuvvvvvve who happens to be married with kids” fantasy land. They have no clue about commitment, responsibility and consequences for their actions no matter what they say or how they feel about themselves. But I surely hope they find out soon enough by marrying their one and true lhuvvvvve once the spouse sets them free with a kick in their butt.

          • Thanks. It reflects the process I am going through. I have been a chump for a long, long time. Chumped by my ex-cheating husband and some of our so called friends. But hey, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I am 10 months post D-day and 3 months post divirce. I am mighty and will navigate this shit storm to safer lands and a better life for me and my kids. This site is amazing, Tracy is spot on and her writing is above and beyond helpful. And hilarious. And you chumps ROCK!!!

            • Welcome, UCM!

              Yep they truly deserve each other. My psychologist pal reckons my ex probably had A.N. Other Woman lined up within weeks of my catching him with Schmoopie, who moved in with him pretty darn quick as well. Plus, Mr Fab is her ex’s brother, so, you know, she’ll fuck anything.

              Just be grateful to be out of the toxic cloud of dysfunction. Sooner or later, the Karma Bus will hit ’em.

              x-Love to all in Chump Nation.
              Meh

  • This was just… depressing. This is all this woman wants from life– a man who doesn’t really want her? A man who is enjoying her as cake while she stupidly thinks he’s in love with her? I bet that if he did tell his wife, there was some major spackling involved, and they thought that fixing up the house and “starting fresh” was the big answer to “fixing” their marriage. This isn’t romantic. It’s desperate and sad.

    Of course, he ran right back to Sparkly Waffle for kibbles. Not surprising. What is surprising to me is that, in this day and age, any woman believes that her AP will leave his wife and his cushy lifestyle. Sounds like the wifey is supporting him; why would he ever give up this situation? My ex wanted to work things out as well; though he might have continued cheating, I don’t think that he ever would have left me for her. He had it great– someone who took care of the home and kids as well as provided sex and someone who just provided sex! I left him, and since he’s needy and pathetic, he went back to the AP because she was his soft place to land.

    I know of someone indirectly who thinks she’s a sparkly waffle. She thinks that her much older AP is going to leave his wife of 25 years and their two teenage kids for her. He keeps telling her the same things– “I’ll tell my wife after our family vacation… I just want to get through Christmas without hurting anyone…” I told the friend that we have in common to pass on that he will never leave his family. He’s enjoying the validation he’s receiving from his younger AP (who has two little children… I’m sure he’s excited to go back to that stage of parenting), and he’s also enjoying the stable family life he has with his wife. What would ever compel him to leave that situation? Oh, wait… twu wuv… *eye roll* Yep, just desperate and sad.

  • The OW in my case – has recently had a case of “guilt” I assume – and she reached out to me, because she is so sorry, I shouldn’t have responded, and I won’t bore you with my reply to her first (but it was soo sooo good) – but this was a her final reply to me – which I never bothered to reply back. The UBT would have fun with this one too. Here it is exactly as she wrote it:

    “You want to know the “why?” I was in a dark place in my life, I got married to young and expected more from my husband and wanted what your husband was doing for you and your family. It’s not that I wanted to take your place, it’s sick and twisted but honestly just attracted to who he was as a person. It’s hard to explain. Like I said , sick and twisted because I did care for you but was fucked up what was going on. I will never ask you to understand but I am deeply sorry for the hurt I cause. There’s not a day I wake up or night I close my eyes thinking about the hurt I cause to your family. Im sorry if I don’t write the way you want me to. But I was never good with my words.

    I didn’t want to go back and forth on my feelings because I know you would just go back to him, tell him what I say, he deny shit or tell a different story and then you come back to me so it would just turn into a “he said she said” type thing and just turn into an argument that ended up know where.”

    • “I was in a dark place in my life, I got married to young and expected more from my husband and wanted what your husband was doing for you and your family.”

      Yes, it’s not that I wanted to take your place, but I wanted what you had. Um . . .

      Well that just about says it all right? LOL! What a fucking dirt-bag.

      • Yeah I really couldn’t believe that she actually said that.. I had great pleasure in sending that to her husband via FB message. He has never responded, but read it.

    • I love trying out the UBT!

      “I was in a dark place in my life, I got married to young…”

      I didn’t get to spread my legs nearly as much as I would’ve liked.

      “and expected more from my husband…”

      That kibble supply was running out.

      “and wanted what your husband was doing for you and your family. It’s not that I wanted to take your place…”

      I totally wanted to take your place. If given the opportunity, I would’ve dumped my useless sack of a husband and taken your house, your car, your money and family.

      “it’s sick and twisted but honestly just attracted to who he was as a person. It’s hard to explain. Like I said , sick and twisted because I did care for you but was fucked up what was going on…”

      It’s sick and twisted because that’s the kind of person I am. It’s hard to explain because I’m a liar.

      “I will never ask you to understand…”

      (But I’m going to badger you with e-mails anyway)

      “but I am deeply sorry for the hurt I cause.”

      I’m feeling really sorry for myself.

      “There’s not a day I wake up or night I close my eyes thinking about the hurt I cause to your family.”

      I’m miserable because I don’t like dealing with consequences and I just wish you would just accept my apology so I don’t have to feel so bad about myself.

      “Im sorry if I don’t write the way you want me to. But I was never good with my words.”

      I’m an idiot.

      • Asswipe has told me repeatedly the whore feels such compassion and sadness for me and wishes so badly for us to be friends and cheer me up, maybe find me a guy so I wouldn’t be alone, how her and ex’s true love just happened and she is so very deeply sorry. Hahahahaha! And as swipe believes this bullshit. This shit doesn’t just happen they made it happen. She is just telling him this shit to make herself look good. The roses will fall off the twat and he will go looking again for something “different”. Other women and men home wreckers get what they deserve. The prize a cheating, lying, no empathy narcissistic fuck face!!

    • Ugh, BetrayedFriend–was the OW someone you knew? The “poor me” strategy just pours off her pen, and she obviously wants absolution from you. Sorry. not sorry.

      • Tempest, yes, she worked with my EX, and befriended me right at the beginning of their “friendship” – she came to my house many times for dinner, sometimes invited, sometimes she was “in the neighborhood” 19 years younger, 5 fit taller – LOL, no kids and a husband that worked very late – had plenty of time to spend with my EX at work, but guess that wasn’t enough so hanging at my place for extra kibbles was necessary for both of them. BTW – they didn’t last more than 2 months after he finally left. I may or may not have sent her the Text messages that he had been sending me “I miss you” LOL

        • I used OW’s raging jealousy about me to keep the stbx(at the time) away from me and my home. Every time he stopped by, I’d call her and tell her to come get him. Dont know what all excuses he told her about being at my place, but the fallout was spectacular after the divorce when I forwarded her ALL of his texts, emails, MySpace messeges and voicemails to her the day he signed the decree. (he only signed because OW was standing over him in the lawyer’s office demanding it. LOL) Apparently he hadn’t told her the same things he told me when he stopped by (to harass me. Definitely unwanted attention)

      • Oh she most def. wants absolution from me. But she’s not getting it. I got her to at least admit in writing all that bs – then I copied it and finally sent it to her husband, who did not believe me and thought I was crazy – ok then!!! (yes, she stayed with her BS, and had a kid) – but I guess sweeping it under the rug must not be working out for them after all, if she is in all this “pain”.

    • “Being in a dark place” – yet you make that oh-so-light by fucking a married man who isn’t your husband. That’s REALLY going to make things lighter, genius.
      Jesus these twits are all the fucking same.
      The copious use of “I, I, I” tells me who she really thinks highly of. Its certainly not the wife.

  • I think I threw up in my mouth few times…

    Who does she think she is? She KNEW he was married with kids and still pursued the relationship! I have a friend who dated a man twice, fun out he was married and immediately dumped him and threatened to tell his wife if he contacted her again. I have the utmost respect for her.

    Since when being “modern” equates being a self centered, narcissist side piece? I would much rather be “old school” with a set of morals.

    The wife needs to boot his hind end and join the chump nation!

  • Urgh, sometimes the UBT really makes me lose my faith in humanity. There are just so many unequivocally shitty people out there. I think I might need you to rerun a “better on the other side” post CL.

  • Now I can laugh at this CL. From the other side I now know why WE couldn’t go to certain places, why he never walked WITH me, and was always so broke. The dreams were never real and there was no future with him.

    I don’t believe he wanted to be with her full time living in her dumpy apartment. t’s what he got when I stopped doing the pick me dance, went no contact, and filed. Living with the skanky whore became a reality. All those dive bars, sitting at the casino nightly, fucking ugly, and losing the respect of his children was the gift I gave back. All that excitement and the thrill seeking led a 58 year old limp dick to living the lie. It’s pure karma.

    We gain a life and stump the narc. What a grand finally it is when they are stuck with it. Love this post.

    • “It’s what he got when I stopped doing the pick me dance, went no contact, and filed. Living with the skanky whore became a reality. All those dive bars, sitting at the casino nightly, fucking ugly, and losing the respect of his children was the gift I gave back. All that excitement and the thrill seeking led a 58 year old limp dick to living the lie. It’s pure karma.”

      Yes, once I kicked ex out, he quickly ended up with one of his AP’s. He had kept her on the side, along with her best friend, for over 15 years. Once thrown out of our house, he immediately went to AP#1 and she left her husband and two sons to be with him, because they were “the love of each others’ lives.” Her youngest son had to be DNA tested (luckily it he was not my ex’s). AP#1 looks literally like Miss Piggy and is just an awful human being. Our children refuse to see my ex or AP now. They married this past summer in what sounds like a very flamboyant event. AP also posted public photos on her work web-site but I will not look, and I unfriend anyone who mentions them or even attended their wedding (very few thank goodness). They have no shame.

      As my counselor said to me in a session after all of the facts starting coming clear- “I hope they end up together, they deserve each other.”

  • Holy cow! That must have been written by the Mary Kay delusional MOW. What kind of idiots are these people? Sometime soon I will publish the MK MOWs heartache for the UBT in the forum.

    These two assholes deserve each other over their soggy waffles and burnt bacon from IHOP.

    • Awwww nooo don’t say that… I LOVE IHOP !!! I can’t have any. There is not a single IHOP in my country.

  • CL, your UBT had to work overtime on this one.

    A side dish of crispy bacon at a greasy spoon
    A wilted waffle
    The platinum wedding band in a pocket
    Hiding behind a stack of oranges in a grocery store
    Crap love songs
    Violin thumbs
    Electric Rhubarb
    Vomit break

    I can’t stop laughing….

  • The saddest thing is ( as much as she is a Narc ), that she does not value herself.

    Her entire self worth evolves around an under employed, soggy waffle loving jackass who is taking her on fabulous dates to the grocery store to squeeze the Charmin???

    He throws her crumbs and she pledges eternal lurv ?!?!!

    Such a twit. What a wasted life.
    Dumb as a bag of hammers.

    I agree – the best revenge is setting these cheaters free to have their AP and all the sparkes that go with !!!

    • Yeah, right?

      And she thinks, for some reason, maybe by reading too many women’s fashion magazine articles, or something, or going on OW forums, that she need not excel, need not have any self worth, need not achieve ANYTHING, and still she can be a “modern” woman–some icon of feminine heroism, hiding behind the oranges, poisoning innocent children.

      What a Vapid Whore. And, aren’t they all? Vapid Whores–all of them.

      They’re perfect for the sort of coward who doesn’t want to be challenged to rise up to his good wife’s standard. She works and pays all the bills? He’ll teach HER. Nobody is the boss of him!

      Same as the story of my marital disintegration: Vapid Whore meets Idiot Coward. And the rest is more cliche.

  • Modern *cackles* it’s modern to pine ridiculously after someone you can’t have? I guess Wuthering Heights, Madame Bovary, and the Morte d’Arthur were terribly ahead of their time! She should be glad the wife didn’t go Medea on her.

    Also love how she quotes the Bible on love…and conveniently leaves out the commitment part. Perhaps “modern” actually means “lacking in reading comprehension skills”?

  • “My friends and family were stuck. They didn’t know what was going on; all they knew was my seemingly unnecessary depression. I trudged back and forth to work amid discussions of counseling, tentative hugs and attempts at forcing me to eat. In the end, I was still broken. The only thing worse than bearing that heavy a weight alone is carrying it yourself.”

    UBT: My friends and family are nothing more than backup ego-kibbles and I knew I could get an alternate source from them… as long as I was.so.affected by my “tragedy” that I feigned to not even be able to TALK about it. Because who’s going to feel bad for a sad, sausage-slut of a mistress? Breaking up with him with so STRONG of me but no one else would GET how hard it was. I knew that if he saw how self-heartbroken I was, he’d come to me… I HAD to set up the Pick-Me dance for MYSELF in order for him to pick me as second *a little better than before.* (Because I love the drama of being Second… but I want to be a better sort of Second.) In the meantime, my narc-supply of “friends and family” would fan the flame of my ego, as long as they didn’t know why I seemed so distraught. It ensured a smooth, constant stream of concern from them… I had to be vague about why. And I quietly fed on their worries about me- alone.

    • You nailed it. It’s a beautifully crafted piece of manipulation and mind fuckery on her family and friends.

  • Look. This is a woman who identifies with Nickel Back and keeps cold waffles company. I cannot take this seriously.

    I am heartened, however, to see all of the spell-casters eager to help her in the comments section.

    • I also don’t believe “she” is a real person based on her breadth of articles regarding marriages, affairs, and telling her husband she has herpes. Too inconsistent.

      • It’s a stage name for multiple shitty people. Can’t decide if that’s better or worse. There’s more of them. *shudder*

  • They know how to pick em…she settled for the Waffle house. The Cheaters pick the ones who are willing to be the sloppy seconds. You would have thought that she was writing about a cafe in Venice. Reality check Bitch….your ass is stuck to the plastic bench seat and you smell like yesterdays hash browns. Thank God he brought you to the produce section at the Piggly Wiggly for a change in scenary… Oh should I say a stroll in the orchard.
    Cheaters rely on this mind set.

    • TheClip, a WaffleHouse (or a IHOP, my favorite) is a very exotic dream destination for someone who lives close to Venice. 😉

    • So true, TheClip! They find an AP that’s better at delusional thinking than the spouse. What a compliment; “yes, yes, you will do fine…you are much better at lying to yourself than my spouse.”

    • I’m about to wet my pant from laughing TheClip, which is a typical hazard for a middle-aged woman like myself. You know, the reason she may have been writing about the culinary rapture she found herself in was because her earlier excursions with him involved the drive-thru. Nothing says twu wuv like getting super-sized.

    • Yes, it is amazing how little this woman was willing to accept. Burnt bacon and half-cooked waffles at a greasy diner is her idea of a romantic meal? And I am calling the bullshit card on meeting the kids and grocery shopping with her AP. Those are two things that mistresses don’t get to do. My X did bring AP to our house once and my kids nearly ate her alive! They didn’t know X was screwing the slut, but still took a immediate dislike to her. She started her poor church mouse schtik and my kids went in for the kill; she couldn’t leave fast enough! Afterward, my youngest daughter, who is fierce, took her dad to the woodshed for bringing the skank to our house. She never came anywhere near us again (the affair went underground). To this day, the skank still tells anyone who will listen how afraid she is of my daughter. Of course, this is the same daughter who ,upon learning of the affair drove to skank’s house, and revealed details of the affair to AP’s own kids! Have I mentioned how much I love my daughter?

      • Florence was in my house more than once. You know, it was to save Asshat bc he had collapsed from an illness. Whateverthefuck. We had friends, also medical professionals, trying to help him (I could not bc he abandoned us in another country to make our way home bc he threw a fit over nothing). He chose a woman he supposedly barely knew, but couldn’t stop talking about, with an unreliable car. I may have threatened to skin him alive if I ever found out Little Elf met her anywhere but the one time at the doctor’s office.

        The few friends of mine who know about the affair swear they never saw him out, ever. Really? Were they eating microwave popcorn and Netflixing it for over a year? She was constantly throwing shade at my gross spending (I don’t spend that much) bc she was jealous. I was never taken on dates. What the hell was she jealous of? My doctor told me a funny story about a doctor-nurse (cheating) couple. She ran into them at Costco, 8 miles from the town where they were working, holding hands. She said, “Really? That was their romantic getaway? Holding hands at Costco and being stupid enough to remember that everyone goes there.”

      • Violet you got one hell of a kid. My daughter went and had a chat with OW, who is 2 years younger than her. Yep my girl wanted to remind her that she had “daddy issues.” Yes the X assclown is 29 years younger then him .

    • Hey the waffle house is a big step up from a quick ball or blow job in the back of the minivan, which is what lots of OWs settle for.

      • Yes, Glad it’s Over, since when did finding someone to fuck you with no relationship commitment become the gold standard. When I was dating, we ran from that, not to it. Idio

      • His FIRST hookup was dinner at a restaurant that we went to years ago, the casino to get drunk, and to a HO JO hotel, and the Waffle House for breakfast. Lol. This was May 18th, 2014. It sealed the deal. He told me be found someone and wanted a divorce six days later. I checked the receipts he put in the garbage and they frequented a bar so sleazy and full of crack whores no decent woman would go there. Just gross.

  • She is obviously a narc herself. It’s all about HER feelings, the world is revolving around her. She is a love-struck heroine in a romance novel, where the waiting is epic and part of the plot that is all about HER, of course.

  • When you get inside the mind of the AP, or the cheater, the bottom line is always that the way they feel, or the pleasure they experience is ALWAYS more important than anything or anyone else. Other people’s pain is not as real as their pain, other people’s dreams are not as important as their dreams, promises made to others are meant to be broken. The only truly worthy person for all the sparkles of life, is of course, them.

    They never see the reality — sneaking around looking for a place it is unlikely to run in to anyone you know becomes “our special rendezvous”. Removing the wedding ring – “he cares enough not to hurt me with reminders of his other life.” Hiding behind the oranges becomes “our close call to exposing our wonderful secret life.”

    Evidently even the realities of sex become different when interpreted by the mind of a cheater and an AP. Impotence is a very real condition, and no amount of spackle can change the reality of what one is able to do. In my opinion, putting on a slutty wardrobe ordered straight from the pages of Porn Fashion Plus catalog is not going to change obvious body flaws, either. But still they insist that the sex is spectacular and the other lover is enhanced by twu luv. Later on, when the new wears off and their twu luv has to weather the realities of paying the bills and taking care of the children, they may be amazed by how much their “secret” love has suddenly changed. Is it any wonder that happily ever after does not really exist? Are they not entitled to seek out another Twu Love? Don’t they deserve to be happy?

    And so the cycle goes — Entitlement, Delusion, Deception, Illicit Activity, Disappointment, Blameshifting, Lying, and moving on to the next, and the next, and the next. Believing happiness is something someone else is withholding from you — not something you must find within yourself — this is madness at its best.

    • Bang on.

      Whenever some whiny little whore in the blogosphere starts going on and on, they’ll sometimes say something like “Even the Constitution says we have an unalienable right to happiness!”

      Erm… NO. You have the right to PURSUE happiness. (And FYI – you’re not going to get it, this way. You don’t even know what it is!)

  • Cheaters are cheaters and they deserve everything they get including the people they cheat with also cheaters. Now asswipe and his whore both know neither one of them has a problem cheating on the other one. She didn’t care he was married til she did. They fell in love instantly you see. She used tactics a Jr. High school girl would use to hurt me so I would throw him out. She got her wish. And almost killed by a servere beating from him for hurting me. Two weeks later another beating same reason. Great way to start off s relationship right, wrong. She thought her antics were funny he didnt and damn near killed her. Off he goes for almost two years and comes back to me dumb ass I am I let him big mistake, just say no. While I watch him mourn and moon over whore juice who leads him on for about six weeks. She dumps him hard and cold and trots off with another guy. Ha! He cries for the loss of his new family never shed a tear for his own family. She’s playing him for a fool and loving every minute of it. I finally realized he is just one of the guys in the world who can’t rather won’t be monogamous. Good riddance. When I asked him why he said she is not better than you just different. Fuck these people who just hurt and maim and not care one wit the destruction they leave behind. Asswipe did not think for one second how it would hurt me or his family. Did. Not. Care. Just did it cause that’s who he is and everybody better accept it and everyone cheats! Fuck fuck fuck fuck all of them! With there was a letter a big c could be pasted on their foreheads as a warning. Can’t wait to be free of mine. But karmarie your still my best friend, right? We will still be really close friends, right? Sure you two can fuck in my bed if you have the urge when I invite you two to dinner oh that’s right you already had sex in my bed with the skank, that’s why I out a new bed on your credit card you fucker, not a chance pal, not a chance!

  • Favorite line:

    I’m a few pancakes short of a stack. He is a flaccid Belgian waffle. But we share a deep mutual love of crispy bacon.

    This had me snorting. Well done UBT under dire provocation!

    • Asshat has the morning off so I came up to check on MightyCat (um, she’s old and was acting funny this morning -not really) to avoid having to sit near him. She sat beside me as I giggled silently. I love this line, too! 😀

      Oh, and I can think of someone I would love to pelt with a tangerine. Fuck that, i’m going to start walking around with a pomelo in my backpack so I can wing it at Florence’s freaking head if I ever see her.

  • “He told me we’d be together in September. So every first of September, I wait. I go to the same Greasy Spoon diner and I wait for him. ”

    Seriously? for years? Getting a fucking life. Try bocce, or square dancing, or bingo, or crocheting blankets for premature infants in third-world countries. Or better yet, sign up for Habitats for Humanity so that you can build homes, rather than wreck them.

      • To think I wanted to whack myself with a 2×4 after staying 2 years in a dead-end relationship with a SINGLE guy. Wow some people are much, much worse at performing self-sabotage.

  • This lady is her own worst enemy. Yes, the self-involvement and justifications and plays for sympathy are sickening, but if there’s any truth to this, look where she ended up. Abandoned by the man who “worshipped” her, no kids, no house, nothing of the life she decided she wanted after all. Instead, a life-killing limbo where she thinks waiting for this bozo is tragic and admirable somehow. Her love is so strong it can’t die. Any sympathy she garners will just reinforce the dysfunctional holding pattern that is now her life.

    You were played, honey. Big time. And you’re even worse off than the chumps because eventually, a chump tends to wake up. Way to waste your life. In this case, the punishment appears to be bundled right into the crime.

    This doesn’t even the scales or erase the harm she did, but it feels more just compared to when they ride off into the sunset together. The real victim, of course, is the wife who apparently still doesn’t know what a POS her husband is.

    • The more I think about it, the more this story belongs in a collection called Dead End Life Choices.

      With copious UBT explanatory notes for the slow-witted and self-flagellant.

      The resources section would include contacts for Habitat for Humanity (thx Tempest) and involuntary third world service trips courtesy of TheClip.

      It might help to cut back the supply of OW/OM.

  • Ugh, gross, this whole thing reads like linguistic masturbation.

    Because clearly, her dearest aurora-casting partner can’t be counted on to meet her needs, so she’s going to have to meet her own.

    Maybe if she just dresses her mundane, everyday sleazy-ass affair in enough flowery, pseudo-intellectual language, she can pretend that she has made an informed, mature, MODERN choice. She can pretend what they have is special and REAL and not destined for perpetual, circular failure.

    I mean, it’s not like she had a CHOICE in partners, she HAD to choose a married man with children and (apparently) no job. Right? Oh, wait…

    No, wait, her PAIN, remember her pain! She was so sad! Don’t you know how sad? Even her coworkers noticed! They tried to get her to eat! Because they could see she was so sad? Gee, wife of the man she’s boning, why can’t you be more like her coworkers?

  • Well, another September’s come and gone. As if we’re supposed to feel sorry for her. It’s like she’s trying to be Linus pining for the Great Pumpkin. Well, she failed to tug on these heartstrings. So pathetic.

  • I’ve often wondered what OW#2 was thinking as she sat beside me at dinner parties in my home, across from me at the breakfast table as a weekend guest at my cottage, talking with her at my EX’s work parties…(you get the picture). Was she suffering from her love? So much delusion. So much spackle!

    Honestly, there should be a “Spacklers Anonymous”. I have already worked through the 12 steps!

    CL the UBT made me laugh out loud today especially: I’m a few pancakes short of a stack. He is a flaccid Belgian waffle. But we share a deep mutual love of crispy bacon.

  • When are all the mistresses out there just going to realise that 99% of the married guys who boink them are simply taking advantage of an opportunity for sex, intrigue, drama…whatever gives them their woody.

    And like most crims, the guys believe they will not be caught. It’s only when a feisty chump tosses them out that the real hell begins for the guy. Imagine, really, what it must be like to one day wake up from “cheater denial” and admit what you’ve lost.

    • marci, exactly. In fact, my sad sausage actually said to me in his own defense, “All I did was take advantage of an offer someone made.” Till I told him to GTFO, then he started saying it was twu wuv and they were mean to be and OW was speshul. Barf-worthy nonsense.

      • Kind of like getting a free toaster for opening a new bank account, eh, TheMuse? Or picking up the free matches at your favorite restaurant. If they didn’t do so much damage, I’d think cheaters were put on earth for comic relief.

        • In my fantasy convo with OW (which I’ll never have) I imagine telling her this, that she was just a blue light special in aisle 4.

  • What does that Kermit photo say?
    So, you will not date a man that lives with his mother? But you will date a man that lives with his wife?
    But that’s none of my business.

    This is vomit worthy. She cannot have her cake and eat it. BUT HE SURE CAN

  • Spot on, as usual, CL.

    I love the writer’s mix of taking responsibility (“a secure, confident woman”) and passive-aggressive avoiding of responsibility (“evolved into much more.)

    You’ve got it reversed, tramp.

    (1) Affairs don’t “evolve;” they develop through direct effort and attention. (My ex used the “evolve” word about her relationship with her AP, too).

    (2) You’re confident, but that’s only due to how blind you are to your lack of character. And in no way are you “secure.”

    • Yes. Consensual sexual relationships do not evolve between acquaintances. They are cultivated. But it’s so much more romantic and exhilarating to think of an affair as an unstoppable force of nature rather than a deliberate act of betrayal. This excuse has always really bothered me.

  • I wanted to respond to this until I checked out all the other “articles” by Alex Alexander. Girl is all over the map. I think she’s just a supplier of click-bait.

    • Yeah, i looked at that too, it would be a tall order for one person to have had all of those “life experiences” in such a short space of time. (short as in an entire lifetime) Don’t you love how the poor heartbroken girl in the picture is oh so young and pretty? very realistic ahahaha!!!!

  • I’ll have s side of moral turpitude with that crispy bacon

    Gag.

    This is all the more sickening in my case because the OW/EA is caterwauling how hurt she is about HER ex cheating while my STBX moves in on her… How does she not know she’s caused ME many more times the hurt her ex caused her? (I’m basing that on her marriage being a mere fraction of the time I’ve been married to mine…)

  • I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. Disgusting. Vommit. UGH!!!!

    What is with all of these self righteous mistresses coming out an writing all of these horrendous articles?!

    Like what in the actual fuck…

    YourTango’s articles ALWAYS make my skin crawl.

  • She picked the wrong fruit to hide behind. I’m sure the bananas would have been more comforting to her.

  • I so wish cheater´s wife finds out about the affair soon so this idiot OW can keep his unemployed ass 24 hours a day, and our fellow chump can be freed of the cheater before she unknowingly shares her family for another year with the world´s stupidest woman.

  • Just further proof these whores really are delusional. I’m unsure who was stupider, the ex or his whore. She was a single chick as well. Convinced him she didn’t want a real relationship, when in actuality she is not relationship material. Gets dumped every single time, lol. This article by the other woman sounds like it was written by a middle schooler. Oooh, we eat bacon and stare at each other. Don’t take much to please these people. That must be the REAL draw of the cheater. Low standards.

  • That piece sounds like it was written by my XH’s mistress. From her blog post on dumping my husband (just over a year ago):

    “It seems to be a truth universally acknowledged that love conquers all. That all you need is love. That love makes the world go ‘round.

    “And yet, in my little universe as of late, it has become painfully obvious that there are situations in which love isn’t enough.

    “This has resulted in the necessity of making difficult decisions. And when I say ‘difficult,’ I mean heart-wrenching, gut-clenching, sobbing, curl-around-a-pillow-on-your-couch-and-never-want-to-get-up kind of HARD. And I had to do this twice in the space of but a few weeks.”

    Oh, you cried your heart out over ending your affair with another woman’s husband, and something similar happened in the space of “but a few weeks”? (Seriously, who writes like that?!) You poor, poor, sad little sausage. Did you ever think that if you stuck to single men, you wouldn’t have to cry so much? Or that if you played a little hard-to-get and didn’t tell men “I love you” after less than two weeks with them, you might meet some better guys?

    Poor baby.

    • That is utterly pathetic. I think half the time these idiots settle for married people is because nobody single and available will want them. You have to have very low self esteem to fuck another person’s spouse. To actually put yourself in the position of number two speaks volumes about how they feel about themselves. But, I have zero pity for them.

      If you want to feel better about yourself, you work on yourself. You don’t fuck other people’s spouse.

    • Rarity, I think these letters and posts represent the truth of a significant percentage of affairs, and my stbx could have easily been the author to the Your Tango piece. Many of our cheating spouses are also APs to someone else’s family. At least my stbx was – she was a mistress to another family (frigg’ng SICK SICK SICK). And during my snooping phase, I found plenty of writings that were just like your XH’s mistress’s and like the Your Tango post.

      These folks really think their “love” is better and more important are more artistic and more spiritual and deeper and more authentic than your love. They use their entitled sense of “true love” to justify so many destructive, abusive and narcissistic behaviors.

      These letters illustrate the truth: they are pathetic, entitled, narcissistic, uncaring creatures, who are too weak or special to work on themselves. But not too weak to fuck other people’s spouses? – makes no sense to me.

  • I also think he led to her about his wife finding out about the cheating, so he could put even less effort in for the other woman. If that’s possible, he’s already at rock bottom.

  • I love how she repeatedly uses the word “modern” to describe herself and her situation, when, in fact, married men keeping pining mistresses tucked away in the shadows is about as old-fashioned as the pyramids.

    When I was young, single and more interested in casual flings than serious relationships, I sought out like-minded single men… it wasn’t like there’s any shortage of those! Morality aside, what use would I have for a married man who could only see me during brief windows of time that were only convenient for him and couldn’t even be seen with me in public? And why the hell would I want to risk getting shot dead by a betrayed wife or shamed as a whore by my family and friends?

  • CL – your UBT should be patented. When I read just your intro I saw stars I was so mad at the gall of this woman. Then I was reduced to fits of laughter. Thank you thank you!! This twat waffle is our “competition”??? These cheating fuckers deserve each other. Karma karma karma is already in who they chose to fuck with. Sit back and enjoy the shit show knowing you are free from it!!

  • OW’s ‘woe is me’ monologue is vomit-inducing. Exactly what I need after being verbally abused (publicly screamed at, blamed, accused of cheating on him and denying him his rights, instructed on parenting) for ten hours by my STBX, the master of deceit and projection, face to face at kids’ school in front of kids and through text. (Fortunately, I’m too busy studying, seeking work, raising kids, washing laundry, training for a race, and all the stuff typical chumps to do more than skim through STBX’s garbage.) How I wish that I could go No Contact with my cheating abuser!

    I feel sorry for the chump and her kids in the scenario described (and so many like it).

  • Last night as I was cleaning out some drawers, I found a lot of pictures and cards that I had kept. I had a fire going in the fireplace, and burned all of those of him. Here’s what was written on one of the four cards I found, the others are just as poetically written. Empty words that I now know were written to me while he was on dating sites and screwing hookers on the side. I think he needs to meet up with this mind numbing whore. Their love would be so poetic….

    The card: My wife, everything that means anything. That’s what you are to me.

    He wrote: “Always and forever you have meant and will mean the world to me. Soft, warm breezes, chilled wine, an easy summer sun and the crackling intensity of city lights awaits your beauty. I love you… x”

    I was going to burn these too but then I thought, no, I’ll save them for the deposition, along with the emails that go back for years where I was confronting him about his browsing history and our sexless marriage, and his responses denying my suspicions. I think it shows more proof of the emotional abuse he caused along with him being a pathological liar and serial cheater.

    Yeah…he’ll love me “always and forever” until the day I caught him and then I was abruptly discarded and erased from his Hallmark version of our “marriage”.

    • If I had a dollar for every sappy card I got from my X I could open a Hallmark store. Let’s see:

      * Without you baby, I’m not me.
      * I love you more than life itself.
      * If you weren’t in my life, I would not be able to go on.
      * Various quotes from lame country songs like, “God bless the broken road, that led me straight to you.”

      Yep save them all for the deposition. After that, torch it. 🙂

      • I never gave my ex sappy cards, though I did regularly tell her “thank you for being you” and tried to compliment her more when she said I wasn’t doing so enough. I tried to act my love instead of saying it, which leads me to wonder if it’s better to say it and not mean it (even if cheating isn’t involved) or not to say it but to really feel it. I realize the best thing would be to both say and mean it, but I’m not that expressive a guy. I guess it’s down to individual preference and that whole love languages thing.

        • WWDSG… I would much rather have had him show me he loved me rather than just saying it. He would say all these things but then wouldn’t show the intimacy his words would proclaim. The same with gifts. I had told him, I don’t need “things”, I just need trust, honesty and to feel that you love me. I had shown my therapist some of his cards and notes and asked her “how can a man write these things and then go be with other women”? She said that he knew the *words* but he wasn’t capable of feeling them. He’s basically incapable of truly loving anyone but himself. Sad.

          • Loser stbx told me he didn’t need to show me or tell me becuz he already proved it being married to me. I should have been the one to cheat none of my needs were being met. He also told me it was more of a turn on for other women if he wore his wedding ring and that’s why he didn’t want to wear it. Fucking asshole. Caught him sending disgusting high school girlish text to his ow and the ones she sent him were candy ass so sickening they made me laugh. Pathetic

    • This shit is crazy isn’t it? My ex professed his love for me even after I kicked him out. He called our two teenage daughters and CRIED to them once he was in his apartment. He told them how much he loved me and them and how he wanted them to “talk to your mom” and tell her I want her back. He told them he wouldn’t stop trying until he “won” me back. He was STILL TALKING TO OW!!!!! Two weeks later he was on a lunch date with OW. The same OW who has now been living with him for two years.

      He not only mind fucked me but my daughters as well! He’s a sick ticket!!!!!

    • HeLovesMe…Not: you should have divorced him years ago for bad prose. “Soft, warm breezes, chilled wine, an easy summer sun and the crackling intensity of city lights awaits your beauty.” eek

      • LOL…Ain’t that the truth! Sounds like something from a really bad romance novel, or an Ashley Madison profile.

  • There is not one single sentence in the entire OW article that is not delusional. Just absurd, willfully ignorant prevarications. False premises, faulty conclusions, artless. The emotional maturity of a rabid squirrel. Tacky, trashy, icky.

    Do you think there’s any hope for such people? Even if this example is only clickbaitishness, they do exist. Can they be redeemed? Maybe like carrion-eaters, they could serve some useful purpose?

    • People like this definitely do exist, because my ex is a prime example. As for their purpose, no one says it better than the Despair.com company: “It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others.”

  • My guilty pleasure is an on line forum for the care and support of cheaters. There are probably 100s of reasons that this isn’t good for me, but fuck it. It’s crawling with “only real soul mates” who are “meant to be” constantly encumbered by cock blocks, I mean stupid wives and children whose sole goal is to keep the true love birds apart. They bemoan the Facebook photos of smiling families, boo hoo hoo. The betrayed wives only post those because they’re desperate to keep their husbands on a leash. All the men are on short leashes. The married cheaters only ever lie to their spouses, never the ow (a lot more women than men on the site), natch. And every time there’s a dday, the mm always chooses the wife and family because he’s been threatened and forced to deny the real love of the ow. The betrayed wives are shrews keeping these people apart. Always. Because we know that dday only ever involves the bs begging the cheater to stay, it means desperation day! And of course, the ow all know for sure that there’s no sex in the marriage to those cold bitches. They know because the mm told them so. Oh and the agony of the long weekend! Damn you Canadian thanksgiving and Christopher Columbus! There seem to be a lot of song quotes by nick jonas, who is what, 19 yrs old? Anyway, I’m a non participating member strictly for the anthropological shits and giggles. It’s keeping me occupied now that I finished Dr Foster.

  • Btw…today is his 61st birthday. I don’t think Hallmark has one that expresses the sentiments I feel.

  • LOL, I literally laughed out loud at the ending where she sits and waits for him to join her in the diner every September. She sure sounds “modern” and “self confident.”

    Her over-the-top writing style makes me think of my ex, who once wrote that he “walks rainbow beams of balance through life.” Maybe he can join this OW at the diner some day. They would be perfect for each other, waffles and all.

  • The second stupid bitch stbx cheated on me with ( that I discovered any way) texted me to enjoy my “sloppy seconds” when he ” broke it off” with her. During fake reconciliation I found out he cheated with yet another sucker which is when I kicked him out for good. So stbx went back to the 2nd dumb bitch ( 3rd one wanted nothing more to do with him) it was all I could do not to text her to enjoy her Petri dish of leftovers.

    • Stupid jerks!

      My cheating STBX referred to my chump boyfriend as my boyfriend’s cheating ex-wife’s ‘sloppy leftovers.’ Unethical, immoral, and mean, these cheaters.

  • The final OWhore – The Despicable Dr. Literary Genius (DDLG) – wrote tons of this kind of poor pitiful me stuff to Fucktard during attempted R – some excerpts:

    “I have no choice about being committed to you. I have no more choice than you have choice in being committed to your daughter. I’m committed to you for as long as I live the same way a sky diver is committed to the jump when he’s twenty feet below the plane. There’s no going back. There’s no changing my mind. I’ve tried. With all my strength I’ve tried.

    There are situations where the person making a choice has been drugged. Can she really be said to be having sex of her own free will if she was drugged into a state where she’s conscious but not really able to make rational decisions? That’s what this relationship with you feels like to me.

    Fucktard, I’ve seen pain before. I’ve told people their parents or spouses or siblings are dying (She’s a former MD – fired for gross insubordination? – and now training in a different medical profession, God help us all). I’ve told people they would never walk again. I’ve told parents their child is dead. But I’ve never seen pain more intense than your reaction when I asked, ‘How is it when you make love with your wife?’ (She asked him this while massaging his arm. At that point in time it was all ‘innocent’, i.e., they weren’t yet fucking, but it was after they started meeting out of public view to “chat”)

    Tell me, Fucktard. Tell me what all the years of that has done to you. What fruit has it born in your life? Tell me. Tell me about the fruits of your marriage with Chchchchump.

    I’ve been showing you the burden I bear. I know, I know that I belong with you. In the core of my soul, the soul I didn’t know I had, I know I belong with you. The . . . the bucket of . . .calm dumped over my head that I felt in your arms the night of that first dance, of . . . of rightness, of appropriateness, of duration that I felt pour over me like a bucket of water, the small fragment of light, the small serenity I could cup in the palm of my hands in the weeks I was with you. The glow that I could reach for and then step into . . . I know that your union with Chchchchump bears ugly fruit. I know it bears pain and struggling and deceit and lies and death and pain and pain and pain. It bears pain to you. It bears pain to Chchchchump. I know it will continue to bring pain.

    I know . . . I know that I’m supposed to be with you. If I’m supposed to be with you, doesn’t it stand to reason that you’re supposed to be with me? You’re making the wrong choice. There’s nothing I can do but wait.

    This summer, I was bound to you. I was bound to limited time, limited space interactions. I could see you all and only in places where we couldn’t be recognized as an inappropriate couple. There was no chance to build a life with you. There was no chance to go to a theater. No chance to go to your church. No chance to share our friends with each other, to develop a community as a couple. There was no chance to spend evenings growing with you, nights in your arms, so that I had time and attention to spend on any of the normal, routine activities of daily living.

    I’m supposed to wait. I’m waiting for you. You’re choosing your wife. It’s the wrong choice, but there’s nothing I can do about that. It’s the wrong choice.”

    He dumped her almost immediately after attempted R.

    • Wow, she actually compared her affair with him to being raped while under the influence of roofies? Yeah, that sounds like true love to me. Actually, all of her rantings are scary. She’s a bunny boiler for sure.

      • He had to get an Order of Protection. She started ambushing him at his day job.

        She appealed.

        At the Hearing, my mole told me she claimed all kinds of zaniness, like: He got her pregnant right at the end (while having an IUD), and she “lost the baby” right before the OP; she invented stories about him spending hours with her – while he was demonstrably somewhere else; she told about fucking him on the floor of our mutually owned business (“my blood and your seed are on the floor there!”) – at a time when the business was open(!)

        ABsotively POSolutely NUTS. And not my circus, not my monkeys anymore.

        😉

    • This is actual verbatim ChChChChump? From someone who actually graduated med school, did rotations and passed the freaking exam? She writes like a 12 yr old. I dunno, she’s not screaming surgeon material to me. I’m not even considering her poor impulse control as an adult. She sounds plan stooooopid.

      If anything this letter reinforces the need to get multiple second opinions from other MDs when addressing serious personal health issues.

      • Those are excerpts, but yes, actual verbatim excerpts. And they are not the worst excerpts.
        How about:

        “And the pieces of me that were sheltering in dark caves . . . the recently formed clots, sealing in the blood broke loose and they began to ooze. The pain swelled inside them until they cried out. The sound was too big to be contained in their caves. The pressure of the sound echoing forced them out into the open. They lay there, in the center of my consciousness oozing and moaning And you didn’t come. And you didn’t call. And they quivered in their agony, and the moaning became wailing, and sometimes shrieking. And I picked up my phone a dozen times to text you or to call. I checked my email compulsively, to see if you’d written. And the ugliest of the pieces of me quivering and moaning and bleeding, out of their caves in the raw air, were saying, and then shrieking, that you weren’t mine any more. The reason you hadn’t come to see me was that you weren’t going to You were deserting me. ”

        Big on blood, that one.

        • WOW, just wow. See, that’s what’s so scary about the genuinely disordered — those with diagnosable borderline, narcissistic or antisocial personality disorder — they are good at hiding their disorder and pretending to be normal. Jesus, this woman graduated med school and is a doctor? So she can play normal just fine, but prick the surface, and the insanity and stink of disorder come bursting forth like pus out of a huge, hot infected boil.

          And what’s that about blood and seed all over the business floor? I hope your ex got someone to mop that up.

        • Sounds like she was writing while watching the Princess Bride and reading Shakespeare and got it all conflated together and totally fucked up.

          Lord! Keep this one away from sharp objects and get her one of those jackets with the arms that tie in the back.

          • In another email, after Fucktard had written something about enjoying reading one of her 20-page emails, she wrote:

            “You love reading my prose? Prrrrrrrrrrr! But if you think that’s good, you should try reading my poetry some time!”

            Vogons! Noooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!

        • I’m actually laughing, cringing, and almost crying in agony all at once reading that sludge. Just verbal evidence of profound illness, disorder and perversion. Yuck.

    • Wow. At a former job, my boss was being stalked by a woman he may or may not have cheated with (but yeah, probably). At a deposition, I saw the letter she wrote to him. “Society is making you stay with your wife and children, even though we both know you belong with me.” “I only turned you in for sexual abuse to get your attention. I knew it wouldn’t really hurt you.” Not to mention all the soulmate, former life shit.

      Scaaarrry women.

  • I am dumbfounded! It’s like a fun house ride through the mind of the disordered! How poetic that your x had to deal with the craziness he invited into his life. I bet he felt like a skydiver who was 20 feet too late to get back on the plane, lol. Seriously, these are very disturbed.

  • Yes, Glad it’s Over, since when did finding someone to fuck you with no relationship commitment become the gold standard. When I was dating, we ran from that, not to it. Idiot

  • That article made me sick, she’s HURT???? OMG, please, have him already, you’re both pathetic and deserve one another. She can have MY leftovers, he’s getting old anyways, I’ll find someone new and shining for myself, problem solved! LOL

  • Sounds like some of the ridiculous emails between Skank Woman and Cheaterpants. Their first secret lunch was at Red Lobster and she made up cutesie names for all the drinks on the menu. Wish I could remember some but I’m at Meh. Then when I dropped my husband’s lunch off at work one day they almost got busted and hid behind a beer truck. She was going to say she was thirsty if I saw them. Isn’t that flipping hilarious? But she did win!! She has my husband. EX husband now. But she won’t marry him now. Maybe she figured out it would be his seventh time down the aisle. Now there’s a guy who takes his wedding vows seriously. He told me I was his SECOND wife, I was his FIFTH. He loved me SooOOOooo much he married me twice, had me repeat our vows on our anniversary. Gawd, what a fake life I had. Unfuckingbelievable. Yes sir-ee she certainly won. She won that drunk with bad credit. Who put my name on his life insurance and retirement. The only thing he has to his name. And by a court order can’t take me off. She didn’t win jack shit but don’t tell her that folks. She still might be living in delusionville.

    And me? I just designed the most beautiful engagement and wedding ring set from my mother’s diamonds. I still can’t believe it turned out like this. That I’m the ONE that will live happily ever after. I wish I could have known that when I was dying a million slow deaths after Dday. Hugs to all you chumps.

  • Right. Because you’re the OW – you automatically lose ALL privilege to having your ‘feelings’ (cuz they aren’t real feelings, you whore) validated, because you brought this upon yourself. Should have thought about this before you fucked a married man, right? No sympathy.
    You pull the “Buuuuuuttttt I neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed him!!” His children need him more – yet you seem to not give a fuck about that. Putting your needs above children? Thats fucking pathetic – but it shows how you think everything revolves around you.
    Anyone who quotes song lyrics to that extent and pins them to their own life is disordered. No ifs ands or buts.
    How about the wife not being silver medal to your fuckwittery? Ever thought about that? No, but you are MENTALLY INCAPABLE of that, skank. Because, once again, its all about you.
    You do have some semblance of having an inkling of the outside world, though. Your quote: “The only thing worse than bearing that heavy a weight alone is carrying it yourself” is something that applies to his wife. His wife, who I hope comes after you with a rusty pitchfork to skewer your arse.
    See you in hell, bitch.

    • She is a psycho. My ex-cheater described his OW to ME as “a completely altruistic person that puts other’s people needs – translate my cheating ex’s because she would fuck him in his “business” trips – above her own”. I was dumbfounded. Really? Did she put our kids’ needs above her own? Mine? WTF. No, she is just one cold hearted, selfish bimbo bitch who puts HER needs above everyone else. It really is all about them. They are whores, both of them. Whoever abuses your trust and kindness and goes and stabs you in the back is a whore. Full stop. Sadly the world is full of them. On the other hand there are plenty of good people out there as well. Our focus should be on educating ourselves on disordered individuals in order to spot them and avoid getting involved with them. Then going out and finding and cherishing the good folks.

  • It can’t be any more real than the comments section that came with the article.

    It was full of “My name is Jenny Smith and I have had all my love problems solved by Dr Maguda’s magical spells. Contact Dr Maguda now for extra special magical spell for love, money, love, money, sex, money, love, money. Send bank account details to Dr Maguda who is not Nigerian and has inherited eleventy billion dollars and will cure your love woes.”

    So we have automated responses talking to a clickbait article.

    Perfect!

  • I have to say that it’s great karma that ex found a schmoopie exactly like this. Only he didn’t know that she had written this to and for many, many other f*ckwits. Poor, sad sausage. Kicker is, is that he is not alone after or during divorce, once in a great long, long while I feel sorry for current gf, but not really, she was in the picture a few months before the divorce was actually final. I’m sure that the three of them are very happy with each other. Yay me. I don’t have to be the hypotenuse.

  • It was born of true friendship
    Friendships grow and grow…

    In answer to the question: so why not keep your knickers on?

    Because that is how big it was…friendship, attraction…electrical attraction…
    This thing was BIG

    and there was me thinking it was mainly a series of fucks in a lay by!

  • I laughed so much I cried! Sounds like my STBXW and her skanky OM. Tracy, your UBT always has me in stiches. Best line..

    “Kibbles!”

    Second best line….

    “Ours is the kind of love that can only be venerated in greasy diners. The kind with the rotating dessert displays. You know, the classy kind.”

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