I found this obnoxious piece of dreck “17 ‘Other Men’ Explain What It’s Like To Have An Affair With A Married Woman” by Jessica Winters because it was linked to Chump Lady. (Item #4) A clever piece of click bait, it’s simply an aggregate of whinging Other Men found on Reddit and elsewhere. Why “Thought Catalog” thought to include a byline baffles me. Guess it must be that New Journalism I’m too old to understand. (Back in the day, Jessica, we had to write actual stories to get a byline!)
Anywho, the Universal Bullshit Translator thought it would take a crack at the sorrow of Other Men. But only 7 of the 17. (Even the UBT has its limits.)
1. IT’S THE BEST SEX I’VE EVER HAD
“I’m a 30-year-old single male and I have been having an affair with a married woman, aged 32. She said the life went out of her marriage a long time ago but she hasn’t left her husband. I don’t love her but it’s the best sex I’ve ever had. Is it her, or the illicitness of the situation? I think I’m addicted to it. My friends are settling down but I’m happy with this—is there something wrong with my attitude to love and sex?”
Oh, right, the UBT translation.
I can’t get it up unless I’m fucking another man’s wife. Does that make me a douchebag? No! It was THE BEST SEX I EVER HAD! And that makes everything okay! ThoughtCatalog could run an article about me fucking endangered rhinoceros, but as long as it’s the BEST SEX I EVER HAD, I get a pass!
I had lovely orgasms, and isn’t that what really matters?
2. I FEEL SO ALONE
“I’m the other man. The worst part about it is that I can’t tell anyone. No one knows what’s going on inside. I put on a strong act, though no one can tell the hell I’m going through….I feel so alone…alone as a single solitary star in an otherwise cloudless night, alone yet surrounded by so many people who might as well not be there. The only things that keep me warm are my memories of her and I acting as if we’re together, all the while knowing it wasn’t true.”
I am a single forlorn snowflake, alone on the frozen tundra of desire. No one knows of my suffering. Surrounded by so many other snowflakes, who might as well not be there, such is their ignorance of my sorrow. Woe! Woe! I cry out to the silvery indifferent moon! Why must I be alone? I weep on the permafrost. I hear the baying of the snow weasels and the bickering of eskimos. The only thing that keeps me warm are my memories of Her. Oh no, I’m melting!
3. I KNOW SHE WILL NEVER BE MINE
“I love this woman and she says she loves me deeply, she tells me we are in love. I walk on clouds, she makes me feel great and I her — we speak all day every day via text — at night she calls me from her bedroom with hubby downstairs, we speak for hours — he doesn’t seem to give one fuck about her!!!…I LOVE this woman, she LOVES me (I don’t doubt that she does), but I know that I can NEVER have that happiness we have when we are together full time — I know that she goes to sleep every night next to him and not me. I know she will NEVER be mine — and it fucking kills me. It hurts me so bad.”
We speak all day via text and at night she sleeps with her husband. If we were together full time, I could NEVER have happiness. I LOVE THIS! Knowing that this is the deadest of dead ends makes me WALK ON CLOUDS!
She makes me feel great — and it fucking kills me.
Dispatch with yourself at once and end the suffering.
4. I WROTE A LETTER TO THE HUSBAND
“I don’t know if I did the right thing, but I wrote a letter to the husband. I felt betrayed and lied to. I still believed in her “love” and that she was stuck. I wanted it all out on the table. She had told me that he knew everything about our relationship after he found the letter. Well, what I received was the most painful, hateful letter from her that she does not love me, will never love me, can’t believe that she thought she did, does not have one ounce of respect or love for me, will never forgive me, don’t ever contact her again, I destroyed her family because she “fell into” a life of self-destruction and evil….Oh, and when I sent the letter — the husband called the police on me for stalking….Our relationship went from 100,000 I love you’s, wedding and family planning, to nothing. It’s been no contact for 19 days. I go from missing her to feeling deceived and wanting revenge.”
You knowingly fucked another man’s wife and YOU feel “betrayed and lied to”? You’re lucky that chump didn’t come after you with a threaded pipe and beat all the victimhood out of you.
5. JEALOUSY IS A HORRIBLE CONDITION WHICH EATS AWAY AT MY HEART
“I’m 60 and as the ‘other man’ I have no right whatsoever to expect the woman I’ve loved since 2012 to break the powerful ties that bind her to family. She lives in a lovely home with her husband and believes he would not cope with a break-up, as they have been married for over 30 years. They have two grown-up children and she is racked with guilt….Jealousy is a horrible condition which eats away at my heart. From time to time the most elaborate plans can come unstuck at the last minute. Imagine my sadness after booking a hotel for a weekend break which didn’t materialize….There are no easy answers to surviving a relationship as the ‘other man’ but I believe it is better to have the friendship and companionship of the woman I love rather than not having her in my life at all.”
Imagine my sadness at having a horrible self-inflicted condition that eats away at my heart and causes unfulfilled hotel reservations. I will never get my Starwoods Reward Points now! But better to have the friendship and companionship of a woman who prefers her lovely home and intact finances to me.
6. THIS IS KILLING ME
“I’m in love with her but she won’t leave her husband who she says she doesn’t love anymore. I am ready to leave my gf to be with her. I feel like she wants me and her husband; this is killing me; I just want to be with her more than anything. Why can’t she leave him when she says she is not happy with him and wants to be with me?…I find it hard to stay away from her but I think I need to remove her from my life.”
Question: Why can’t she leave him when she says she is not happy with him and wants to be with me?
Why don’t you leave your girlfriend to be with your Schmoopie? Oh right, you’re using her. Schmoopie is doing the same thing.
7. I’VE NEVER FELT THIS MUCH LOVE FOR ANYTHING BEFORE
“I met her at university, and was instantly attracted to her. We exchanged numbers and subsequently I found out she was married (from her). We’ve still been talking on and off ever since and we’ve connected on such a deep level, emotionally and spiritually. We’ve both fallen in love. However much I’d like to dismiss these feelings for her, I can’t. She’s smart, funny, loving, kind, friendly, generous, artistic and beautiful. I’ve never felt this much love for anything before and I am highly doubtful that I’ve deluded myself….We’ve both confessed our love for one another and I’ve woken up in the middle of the night, dreaming, as well as thinking of her. This isn’t some tryst involving two idiots that haven’t any regard for other people. This is really about two people accidentally falling in love after one has been married.”
The UBT just hates it when that happens! Just the other day the UBT fell head over sockets for a toaster. (But it got burned… you saw that coming.) As much as the UBT sympathizes with your accidental love (stay away from those appliance sales! Remain pure!), yes you are two idiots who have no regard for other people.
You’re an asshole. And the UBT means that insult on a deep, emotional, and spiritual level.
This article eats away at my brain, leaving only one brain cell like a solitary star on a cloudless night.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I wish I could muster this kind of humor every single time I catch myself feeling loss. I did find this link and it makes me laugh while simultaneously reminding me that STBX is a ridiculous cliche: http://www.theonion.com/article/asian-teen-has-sweaty-middle-aged-man-fetish-2649
Awww she can run her Barbie lawnmower over his back hair!
I can’t stop laughing, your comment is the funniest thing I’ve read all day. I echo Roaring — HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I got instantly furious at #1-It was the best sex I ever had…I guess I’m not to meh yet ?
Same here. I heard from my XW that he was so great in bed. That was the reason she was leaving me (and our kids)
So NOT the TRUTH. Looking back I knew there was always something not quite kosher about our sex life. Too much, too little, sixteen thousand positions, major disengagement, little spontaneity, and fun? Uh NO. Hell Cheaters don’t even talk to their spouses about life, let alone sex! How can you change something when it is never properly addressed!?! I think the point I am trying to make is this: Chumps, you are and probably were ? great in bed, you just weren’t someone NEW. Cheaters are known to have intimacy problems, in and out of bed, and they just always need that third party. Not like us for sure. What we need to find now is someone who “gets” monogamy.
Best sex he’s ever had, eh?
Thats because his standards are so fucking low than you could trip over the bar, regarding them. Jesus almighty.
Sex is ‘boring’ ‘unfulfilling’ and so thought because cheaters AREN’T FUCKING MAKING IT INTERESTING.
So on, rather. Had a brain fart there!
those people cant handle stress or any kind of disappointment. i am actually pretty venturous with sex. i introduced to a whole lot of new things he never even dreamed of. i had to be the one who initiated sex all the time, after 10 years it was kind of a drag for me, so i told him he needed to step up. of he didnt. and i did not run out and looked for someone else either.
and as soon as life got hard, and i was too caught up in taking care of everything plus dealing with depression and feeling like my head was under water after my daughters death, he ran off to find someone else who initiated sex.
so i have no doubt in my mind that as soon as life starts getting hard and she gets overwhelmed that he will bail on her too.
it is really sad how he just gives up and runs off to find something easier. instead of sticking with it and holding on to what he has. i thought we were good but apparently he thought otherwise. i am doing good now. it is his loss.
Wow! Am I glad to learn I’m not the only one who heard, “OM/OW was the best sex they ever had!”
…and he really expected me to have sex w him again after such a stupid comment to make? Duh??
It was ‘the best sex he ever had’ and he expected you to have sex with him? Yeah, ummm..duh. Mr Casanova – NOT. Filthy dick!
Me and Mrs., Mrs. Jones, Mrs. Jones, Mrs. Jones,Mrs.Jones…..we got a thing, going on….
We both know that it’s wrong…(but we’re entitled to kibble and kibbling).
Snow weasels, eh? Why do I like the soud of that? I think Anthony Weiner is a snow weasel ( Kosher, of course).
I took the bait, I clicked on the link. I saw exactly what I thought I’d see. Just a bunch of self-serving nonsense and self-pity. I’ve come to the conclusion that personal responsibility is just a foreign concept to these folks.
I did too, I wish I could get the time I wasted on that back.
So what’s so different about these words? NOTHING!!! All cheaters say the same BORING things… All amounts to SELFISHNESS and ENTTlEMENT!!! Oh and no boundaries or morals!!!
It was the same thing 7 times, I stopped reading after the second one and just looked at the titles.
But it all said the same thing
ME ME ME ME ME I want cake ME ME ME ME
There is only one response to all of this ME ME ME ME, if you are that un-happy get a divorce.
I think CL said it many times, some people think life is what Hollywood shows it to be. Real life can never compete with a fantasy. Real life is about getting up early in the morning to get the kids ready for school. Real life is about making a grocery list so you can save time at the super market. Real life is planning a budget to pay the bills and saving money for the vacation.
Real life is not, evenings at the Ritz while sticking your secretary.
Real life is not, borrowing tons of money to impress the OW (or OM) with no concept of how to pay for it
I could go on but I have to get back to work. Real life can never compete with a fantasy and when people try to make the fantasy real it always ends in disaster.
I’d like to borrow that quote Lothos. “Real life can never compete with a fantasy and when people try to make the fantasy real it always ends in disaster.”
To late I just copyrighted the quote, please mail royalty fees to 555 Mockingbird Lane 🙂
Just up the street for Herman and Lily,Lothos?
Someone got the joke 🙂
Absolutely right Lothos, they never have to deal with the responsibility of real life because mostly us chumps have shouldered the brunt of it as they never would. They get their gratification outside of the family and home. Entitled and selfish assholes, all of them.
Because, in actuality, real life is WAAAAYYYYY better than any fantasy!
That is, when you live a real, authentic, honest, loyal, kind, sincere existence. Then, you have others of the same caliber in your life and “it don’t get no better than that!”
I will take real life any day! (Especially on Tuesdays!)
Forge on, Great Nation!
yep, i hear you. i keep thinking of that saying “Look at all you did with someone who did not love you, just think of what you can do with someone who does” or something like that. i did a lot. i have a lot. all that with a loser like him, i know i could do so much more with some one who has the same morals, values and standards that i do. problem is i dont think there will ever be another Mr Vain. the available men in my small town are not anything i would be close to dating, all the good ones are taken and all the ones left over are losers that nobody wants. explains why the troll went after my husband so hard and made sure she clawed him away from his wife and children and her standards are not even as high as mine. she was and had been scrapping the bottom of the barrel when my unhappy and sad sack loser happened to cross her path. i bet she feels like she won the lottery because at least Diablo works. a step above all the other losers she dated.
so i am ~forever alone~ while she has a broken in and trained boyfriend. how nice. but at least i dont have to be chasing my husband down and dragging him back home, at least i dont have a man lying, stealing from me and hiding shit behind my back. at least i dont have to wonder where my husband is and who/what he is doing. or worry about losing the house, children, and everything else i worked so hard to get either because he gets into a dwi wreck or pulled over or because he pissed off some other loser drug dealer or something.
i happen to like my boring, but peaceful life.
I completely agree! Affairs are a fantasy, a pretend world where no one has to worry whether the mortgage has been paid, the homework completed, the garbage taken to the road, the dirty laundry washed. At least in my experience, affair partners hype the fantasy. My X could barely walk, much less “perform”, but his affair partner had him convinced he was the cock of the walk. Meanwhile, I was washing the skid marks off his underwear! How is one to compete with a fantasy? I stayed with X despite what age had done to his body. When I looked at him I did not see an aging old man; I saw him as all the ages he had been. That wasn’t good enough. He wanted to be the stud that she told him he was. It is such a shame that he did not love me enough to see through her lies and accept us for what we had and would become. Aging really fucks with narcissists…they just cannot accept getting old with grace.
Aging is brutal for those fixated the flesh. My stbxh is trying every crazy gimmick to stop his inevitable hair loss. He’s also using injectable steroids from a questionable source to build his muscles, and preserve his youth. Meanwhile, he looks horrible; his skin looks thicker and more leathery, and he has the posture of an old man… hunched over and always looking at the ground. His facial features even seem more hardened, if that’s possible. I was all in… through sickness and health, as long as we both shall live. However, it looks like he’s chosen to spend the rest of his life chasing young pussy, and massage parlor whores, and making himself feel like a “boss”. It’s sad. He traded something very real for an illusion.
Pathetic. No fool like an old fool, eh?
Violet! Couldn’t have said it better. “I looked at him I did not see an aging old man; I saw him as all the ages he had been”. Truly, this resonates with me. I was so happy to be aging with my STBXH, creating a legacy for our children, making memories, content in our life together. But he apparently was unhappy with real life and wanted that fantasy shit to make him feel better about getting older. So he decided that fucking his married with kids Ho-worker was the way to fulfill his “void”. Makes me angry and disgusted. An educated man doesn’t see the dysfunction in his choices. Calls it “true love” and just a “mistake” – yea, a 4 year mistake. Give me a fucking break. Disgusting.
He was and still is completely terrified to get older. He’s a sad sausage that thinks that if he just acts like an immature prick he’ll stay forever young (the balding and wrinkles apparently don’t count). He has no regard for the people he hurts along the way- including his three children. The level of entitlement and selfishness that he exudes dumbfounds me. Just completely lacks empathy or concern for others. He is priority, he is number one, he is the most important…
You really hit the nail on the head: “Aging really fucks with narcissists…they just cannot accept getting old with grace”. He’s on constant image management and desperately grasping at ways to make him appear or seem young. What a joke. My theory: age gracefully, embrace the wisdom that comes with getting older and enjoy REAL life. It’s a way better approach than a life of deceit, lies, betrayal and FAKING SHIT.
Heading towards Meh…authentically and gracefully.
Hey, LemonSqueezy. I hear ya. In fact, you essentially wrote my comment. Nothing different with these douchebags. Nothing original, just that they each think they’re the first ones to screw a married-with-kids ho-worker and find “love.” And they do this without a care that they’re destroying the family lives of the amazing kids WE gave them. They will never admit they only found someone as slimey and base as themselves. F-them all; they all suck.
Anyway, since you mention “Meh,” I shared this photo with CL this weekend, but thought I’d share with the rest of Chump Nation. Saw it at Forever21 while out with my daughter.
I also hope each of you goes here to get a more reasonable $10 “Meh.” t-shirt. They have all sorts of colors and a women’s cut, too. http://www.fivefingertees.com/meh-t-shirt.html
(((Hugs to you all!)))
i hate that fact!! i hate that i gave so much to a man who could just turn his back and walk away. i hate that he took all my memories of my deceased daughter and the boys first years. i hate that i wasted so much time with him and he took my younger days away from me. i hate that anyone i find now will never know what i looked like before i had kids and remember the crazy, carefree, fun loving thin and sexy MrsVain. i hate that i will not have someone to sit alone with after the children grow up and start lives of their own and talk/remember the past with. i hate that by taking down all the family pictures with his face in it because it hurt so bad to see him there i was also taking down pictures of my beautiful wonderful loving daughter that died and i cant get any more pictures of her. i hate that i will not have someone to share stories with or to complete my stories when we have a family gathering like my parents too. i hate that i dont have anyone to tease me about that one time we pulled over on the side of the road for some wild sex and a cop pulled over to see if we needed help and my pants were off and i was sitting there trying to look innocent in nothing but a big tshirt and my underwear. i hate that my children’s children will not have a grandpa who can talk about their daddy and tell them stories about when their daddy was a little boy. he took all that away from me when he walked out the door.
their selfishness is just so super unfair and painful. but they act like they dont have a care in the world. i find it so strange how someone who horded all sorts of material things and acted like the world was coming to an end if someone borrowed his shoes, could just walk off like his children and the woman who stood by his side meant nothing to him at all.
i wish i never met him. the explosion and devastation he left behind him was way to painful. i almost did not make it through it while he is completely unscathed and carefree. fucker.
i know one of these days, he will crawl back with apologies and wanted to rebuild his bridges. and it will be my turn to turn my back and walk away.
Hi Mrs Vain13,
I am sitting crying reading what you said because I feel the same way you do. I just wish I picked a better man to be my kids father, I told him some men shouldn’t marry and have kids (my husband is one of them) My X is a alcoholic and is slowly killing himself but NOTHING excuses infidelity.
The STBX drives around in his mother’s car. Need I say more about his real life? The cows around here eat it up. He could have money! I wonder if they know he has more collars than Michael Vicks kennel. I hope to still recognize authentic and honest when it comes along, the memory is quite fuzzy.
Agreed. Ex never lifted a finger to help me with real world things despite my efforts to involve him so he would have a clue what was going on in our lives. When I kicked him out, he had to take care of his stuff himself. He drug his feet on most things so he could leave me with them as long as possible but I cut ties as I could. He made sure to let me know that online banking is easy – just his way of trying to get back at me. Of course it’s simple once you actually do it! However, D told me once that his card was declined while he was traveling so I guess managing his money isn’t as easy on his own as he thought – LOL! He kept coming up with excuses as to why he wasn’t taking his car off our insurance policy so I took mine off and changed the address on the policy to him – done. He can live in a fantasy world if he wants now once he finds someone to take care of the real world things for him – it certainly isn’t me anymore!
ByeBye- I totally get this. I did it all until Dday. Gave him the list of his accounts and passwords and what items were being cancelled (I refused to pay for his “new life”). I am still getting magazines (which were ordered months after he left- and not by me) and he hasn’t updated his contact phone numbers so I still get voice mails for him. He will just find another chump to leech off of – but not this chump.
YES! Mine would not change his address at work or on other things even though he’d moved out. His excuse was that he couldn’t change his address at work until we were officially divorced. Then when the divorce papers were final, his excuse was that he had to wait until his YE benefits enrollment to change his address. In the meantime, the marital house sold and I have my own new place (YAY!) but his mail is still forwarded to me. I’ve started shredding it!
How do you stop having them use your address? X has a PO Box and has everything sent to it. Yet he keeps the mailing address as his orevios to save money fior insurance and taxes for his business. Nothing comes to my home but he didn’t change anything to whores address and has been living with her for a year and a half. I have no idea hoe to stop this.
My XH moved out, got drivers license & voters registration changed to OW’s house in a state that doesn’t have state income tax. Then after 3 years moved in with OW2 in CA but keeps his address on FB and linked in as the state with no income taxes. One of these days the karma bus will run him down!
Doesn’t #4 come directly from a letter sent to you, Tracy, in the past? I definitely remember seeing those exact words in one of your archives.
It’s always hysterical when OW/OM send you letters or come on here to comment (as an OW did yesterday) because they consider themselves to be chumps.
Yep. The link is the number 4.
Well….we all KNOW how “SPECIAL” and different their magical love and existence is. We’ve all heard some fucked up variation of this drivel. “It’s not LIKE that….it’s REAL….it’s true wub.”
They’re all the same, pretentious assholes, they all think they are so special.
An accident cracks me up. WTF
Is it me or do they sound like little girls ?
Ha ha! Nailed it!
Haha This Chump! That is exactly what I was thinking! It sounds like the cheating “Drama Queens” come from both sides of the fence.
As has been pointed out in the past by many in CN, Cheating appears to be one of the few. if not the only plate they are stepping up to! Helplessly caught up in a love only the great poets would understand! Sounds like fodder for a teenage sleepover.
I believe the funniest part is when they choose the OW/OM for the long term (or it is chosen for them) and they find out that Real Life is hiding right around the corner again! Damn that Real Life thing sure is an inconvenience.
Hey don’t insult little girls! 😉
Little whiny bitches is more like it. Asswipe sounds like this every day between his aches, pains and how much he fucked up his life. Boo hoo!
These guys are douchebags.
Like a bad french film, beret wearing, double knot scarves wrapped around their neck in their cold 200 square foot apartment, smoking a cigarette as they lather chocolate on their baguette. These dudes fuck married women, they feel to feel and feel full of feelings, feelings….deep drag of a cigarette and off to take sit in a cafe and drink wine and write poetry about fucking married women. They can’t afford a real woman, a real woman can’t live on chocolate and Gitane cigarettes forever.
As for the married women, they fart, they have morning breath, they sleep in old pajamas, they like that roof over their head and hubby doesn’t see the goddess that she is. OM will not see the real her, her feet get blisters wearing those 5 inch stilettos, the thong irritates her hemorrhoids, and it hurts to hold in farts while with her Looover. Nothing like getting home to put on those big underwear, pajamas and fart.
“the thong irritates her hemorrhoids, and it hurts to hold in farts while with her Looover.”
^^^Hysterical PF, thanks for the laugh!
Hahahaha lol I can just hear the accordion playing while the flatulent “goddess” picks at her roids. Lovely
HAHAHAHA. This is T R U E ! Why is so hard to see the ridiculousness in our own situation?
There is a LOT of truth in that post. Yet I don’t know which bad movie has berets and double knot scarves in it. Usually, it’s a balding fortysomething, who is jobless, or a failed writer. Or he can have a better job, but be terribly bored at this point in his life.
The audience is supposed to be interested because that’s exactly their situation, life does not provide any excitement any more, boohoo, and the balding man is soooo, so deep, you see, he has to fuck a waitress or a bartender or a married woman, and the excitement comes back, a whirlwind of romantic feelings, good and bad, he doesn’t know what to do, continue or not, is he really in love, the sex is so hot, close up on his dumb eyes, cigarette smoke, and I turn the TV off because I want to barf.
(Meanwhile, the American equivalent has men hiding in a warehouse and shooting bullets, bang bang bang).
Reminds me of ‘Sideways’.
1. “I’m a scum-bag.”
2. “I’m a scum-bag.”
3. “I’m a scum-bag.”
4. “I’m a scum-bag.”
5. “I’m a scum-bag.”
6. “I’m a scum-bag.”
7. “I’m a scum-bag.”
I’m so happy about the comments today. They are wicked good.
This shit is almost as bad as the poems my husband wrote to his schmoopie…..
Retch, hurl, gag
Arlo, I’ll bet my Ex’s bad poetry could beat your Ex’s bad poetry! I say any chump who has that drivel should put it on CN for a contest! Anyone else like that idea?
I’ve got a doozy but its not nice at all.
Roberta – I’d take you up on that but glad I didn’t see any of that shit. What I heard though, very clearly and it was emailed….”but, hey – I can love a lot of different people at one time”.
I should make a t-shirt for him.
I just found a letter/poem that the OM sent to my wife a week ago. Makes me want to barf, but what did I expect? My D Day was Oct. 25, and she is planning to move out mid-january.Just brought our oldest daughter back from College for Christmas Break – it’s going to be so much fun.
Hang in there oaktree! You got this! We got your back! Trust that your stbx and her ap SUCK!
I am 10 months from divorce from satan…4 years out from the beginning of my journey away from the narc chaos and abuse and I still have DAYS…it used to be CONSTANT…with each breath…the fog is lifting and the sun is shining and I am conscious of the LIE that he is…you will get here! Give us your hand and we will help you out! Come on out to the BETTER life you were meant to live!!!!
HUGS TO YOU!
Beep Beep Jeep!
Support going out to Oaktree!
Hold on, it will be better!
Can you hear the violins and the saxophones? Ah the romance when two selfish people find each other…gag. Barf Dopamine addicts yearning for their next fix. They have no clue whatsoever what love actually is.
#7 really creeps me out. He’s never loved “anything” this much?!? Ewww. I guess he missed that lesson in Kindergarten about loving people and using things.
I caught that too and my stomach turned. Yikes!
PF, that is hysterical!
All these saps pining for ‘being with their schmoopie full-time?! Guess what, if you were with her full-time, she would be fucking another guy, just like she’s doing right now.
And the guy would be fucking someone else, too.
satan said these same things about his married ho when confronted with the truth…she loves me…she is an abused wife…she is sooo sweet!
…fast forward to a month before MY divorce would be final…met satan in a crowded restaurant to beg the disordered asshole to stop delaying the divorce…satan talking out the other side of his face now…(probably really tired of TAKING CARE OF HIMSELF – laundry, cooking, cleaning, LAUNDRY…you get it – REALLY missing the wife APPLIANCE) – I love you Jeep! (MAJOR croc tears) I couldn’t replace you if I tried! I would like to come home if you can let this go! (more fake tears and heaving sobs) Why don’t you go live with your ho? I heard her husband divorced her…and you said she is so, so sweet! Go live with her. (Fake tears INSTANTLY replaced with bridled RAGE – thank goodness we were in a crowded restaurant! AAAAHHHH!!! THERE HE WAS AGAIN!!! THE REAL SATAN!) Snarling and growling he said, “She had her moments!”
…musta got really REAL when her hubby and I were outta the way!!! LOL!!!! OOOPS! Reality of the twu wove musta really SUCKED!!!
LOL!!!!! HEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!!! SEE YA SATAN!!! Or NOT!!!!!
Too much of the similar story here Jeep.
Every time Narkles the Clown starts down the “my life is so hard” road I just end up pleasantly saying…… Oh, Go Fuck Your Whore! and then, as you guessed…rage.
Truly AllOut they are like spoiled 3 year olds that desperately need a time out and a nap!!! LOL!!!!
Oh shit AllOut!!!
Narkles the Clown!!!! LOL!!! He and satan should have a sleep over and whine to each other!!!!
Cracks me up thinkin bout it!!!!
I’m sure satan is whining to EVERYONE…my REAL friends tell me so. Sad Sausages!!!! Love that!!!
The RAGE….gotta love it when they hit that switch, that’s when you know you’ve hit a nerve. The night before X-hole left I started reciting their ridiculous text messages to him, bwahahaha….pissed him the f*ck off. I was completely amused, alas…he was not. Boo hoo.
Her most RIDICULOUS pitch…”I was voted best dressed in high school”. Seriously bitch?? How old are you?? 42 or 14. And yes, this is truly what she said to him…100%. Weirdo.
i cant wait to tell Diablo that…. when he comes crawling and crying about how hard his life is and how much his misses his sons (cue sobbing and fake tears) and how it all was a mistake….
i cant wait to tell him, it was NOT a mistake, you did all of this on purpose and Go fuck your troll.
That last one really triggers a massive pet peeve of mine… using words that denote things as people and people as things. AND when animate language is used to describe inanimate objects. However, I REALLY enjoy using the misuse as a character-rating tool.
He’s never loved anyTHING more than her? Uhh… Hello, Freudian slip! It’s anyONE. She’s a person. You’re using WHAT she gives you to feed yourself… that’s why you said -thing. If you loved her, and not just WHAT she gives you, you wouldn’t encourage her to make choices that will harm her, even if she’s choosing to ALSO harm herself.
Is thinking of her as a person something that makes it all too real so he avoids it? Thinking of her as a person, married to another person, with other family-people interacting with them as a couple… that makes it all too real for him? So he says -thing instead.
She’s the woman who (not “that”) is betraying her husband and their families and friends. But that’s not what he wants to admit.
If she’s simply the woman with the THINGS that he wants, the mirage is still protected.
This dick doesn’t know what love is. He thinks people are just things to be appreciated for their use. Nice.
“If she’s simply the woman with the THINGS that he wants, the mirage is still protected.
This dick doesn’t know what love is. He thinks people are just things to be appreciated for their use. Nice.”
But that’s the thing (excuse the pun) insistonhonesty. Cheaters don’t really “love” their affair partner; they only WANT them! They confuse “want” with “love”.
But CL I do wish you had UBT’d #17. That was one mighty chump in that story.
It was a mighty chump, so quick and decisive too!
What I enjoyed about that one was that he seemed to thing being together for 10 years was some sort of proud victory. Clearly someone in that relationship got hungry for cake.
“You’re an asshole. And the UBT means that insult on a deep, emotional, and spiritual level.”
It’s nice to know the UBT and I speak the same language.
Yes! If only I had 17 middle fingers…
Self pitying, oblivious, self involved, narcissistic, selfish, dead-inside, non empathetic piles of shit with nice haircuts. Otherwise totally nice guys.
Chumpion, I’m laughing so hard right now, you couldn’t be accurate, you’re describing my X!
I’m going to write this down for future reference.., if anyone should ever ask me to describe him.
Otherwise totally a nice guy.., just ask him.
Diablo was always the nice guy, so willing to help everyone move again for the 4th time in 2 months, and to work on everyone elses car except his wife’s who transports his children everywhere and was oh so willing to lend some money to someone who couldnt (wouldnt) pay their electric bill because they have a baby in the house but wouldnt pay his own electric bill for his own babies. (that was MY job, dontcha know). he would rather help out his druggie loser cousin by paying him a few bucks to cut the grass and expose his family to a man who was accused of rape then to keep his family safe and cut the grass himself (no kibbles if nobody knows you are doing it yourself)
God, i so do not miss any of THAT shit!!! doing everything for everyone else because it made him “feel good to help other people” (yep, his words exactly) but he couldnt understand that helping your wife and kids were more important then helping strangers, and loser cousins who refused to get a job. And he NEVER could understand why i felt that those people were taking advantage of him…instead i was just mean and “think you are better then everyone else” (his exact words again)
nope. i dont THINK i am better i KNOW i am better.
Hahaha! This reminds me of my idiot exWH. He made a website during our divorce looking for contract work and his description of himself is: marketer, project manager, content strategist, editor, and all-around good guy. Hahahaha. “All around good guy” does not mean what you think it means. All around good guys don’t fuck their married coworkers and break up their families and run off into the sunset together.
Honesty, trust, loyalty, integrity almost gone in the world. So many lie, so many cheat. Fuck all of them. Should have found single people. Funny, if I had cheated on asswipe most likely I’d be dead. But he does it no big deal. Double standard for the almighty limp penis. Oh boo how on all if them. Entitled motherfuckers. End it honestly and with respect.
May I just say Boo Fucking Hoo. I didn’t think anything could be more disgusting than an other woman, but I was wrong. The Other Man. What fucking losers.
It’s still all about an easy, no commitment fuck.
On a journalistic side note….Dear Jessica, who the hell picks out your visuals. WTF is that picture supposed to represent? How do legs, feet & snow further my understanding of this so called “story”
That one snowflake over to the left, its a special snowflake….
not enough likes for that!
Here’s the thing for me about all this drama and romance — We program our minds with this crap from early childhood when we read fairytales, and we grow up and read romance novels and watch soap operas. It is ok if we accept that this is all fantasy and just pretend. It is not ok if we believe that real people anywhere behave that way.
I am all for courtesy and civility. I may do things when I am by myself that I don’t do in front of anyone else, even a close girlfriend or my former husband. I desire privacy, and I am modest about some things. Yes, even after having two children by C-section, I appreciate that almost useless piece of clothing, the hospital gown. People need dignity, and just a little politeness. I would think a partner would appreciate it if you go into the bathroom, and CLOSE THE DOOR, and take care of things you need to do there privately. I sure do. I do not appreciate public displays of what should be private behavior. It is not that I don’t know those things are normal, bodily functions — it is just that I don’t feel the need to share them, and I prefer that they not be shared with me.
What we have to understand is that familiarity does change those boundaries, and that forbidden fruit may seem to taste better. We need to quit believing in “SPECIAL” entitlements. We need to quit drinking the Koo-Koo-Kool Aid. People that become involved with others outside of what is supposed to be their primary relationship have already changed the primary relationship. It is just a matter of time before a consequence is going to occur as a result of breaking the agreed upon rules. If we think we can change this because we are special, if we think we can mend this once it is broken, we are fooling ourselves.
These guys don’t have any special love. They just have different. If they ever became primary, they would soon find they are just as ordinary as the current primary is. We are all better off when we are done with a pretender — it may be painful to end it, and devastating in many ways – but it is peaceful and soothing to live a truthful life. Fantasy is exhausting. No matter how much you want to believe in the fantasy, it will never be real. Relish what is real, believe in what lasts and builds a future. All this other stuff is truly destructive and costly. Real people live in the real world, and don’t waste their time, money or reputation on trying to live a secret fantasy life.
Standing ovation with a slow ::clap:: Well said Portia!
As a guy who was faithful to a tee before my ex wife became a super slut, I find ZERO sympathy for any cheater whether it be a guy or girl. A dumbasses you met each other while one or both of you were married, good luck on ever building any trust in that relationship if things ever get rocky. I called it the “Cheater’s Mantra” and cheaters are doomed to always be looking over their shoulder.
Yes Garym, that was my response too. If there is an “instant attraction” between 2 people, which we all have from time to time, that is your first clue if you are i another relationship to make sure this does not escalate and make it your duty to do so. And guess what, it is easy to do. Say you are committed and act committed. Game over!
When stbx gave me the “it just happened!” we’re-so-magnetic speech, he also threw in that, “What right do I have to be married to you when I feel this way about someone else?” I reminded him that that was the wrong question (which is the problem, I guess). He falls back on that question to rationalize what he’s doing instead of saying “Hmm, why do I feel like this WHEN I’M MARRIED and how can I address what I’m feeling with myself AND WITH MY WIFE?”
Hello you with the gross stbx! You hit the nail on the head. Here’s what I got: “We connect.” “It’s a symptom.” Perhaps you should diagnose that symptom with your WIFE of almost a quarter century before fucking someone else who is also married. Lots of symptomatic disease going around and the only ones who suffer from it…the betrayed spouses and children. So glad he took care of his symptom and left the rest of us sick with pain.
^^^This!^^^ Perfectly expressed garym6059!
Ah, the UBT had a field day with this dreck. 🙂
My UBT also is in overdrive, which is odd as I’m not a terribly cynical person.
#1–I don’t love her but it’s the best sex I’ve ever had. Is it her, or the illicitness of the situation? I think I’m addicted to it. My friends are settling down but I’m happy with this—is there something wrong with my attitude to love and sex?”
Yes. You’re not interested in love. You just want sex. Don’t confuse the two. Sometimes they go together, but other times they don’t. Confess now. You’re just using the married woman as a blow-up doll. She’s a thing to you, not a person. Oh, and she’s using you as a vibrator. Both of you are interested in cake. Both of you are despicable.
#2.–I’m the other man. The worst part about it is that I can’t tell anyone….The only things that keep me warm are my memories of her and I acting as if we’re together, all the while knowing it wasn’t true.
So, you’re fucking someone else’s wife. I guess that having an affair means you can’t have the water cooler conversation of, “Hey Nate, guess what? I’m with this amazing woman, you know, your wife. God, I wish I were with her.” Get a clue. This is the 21st century. Divorce is not that hard to get. Be honest with yourself; you love the fact that you’ve got a secret. It’s what gets you up in the morning. Oh, and your cheater girlfriend? She loves the secret, too. If the two of you really wanted to be together, you could. See Divorce for Dummies for details.
#3.–I LOVE this woman, she LOVES me (I don’t doubt that she does), but I know that I can NEVER have that happiness we have when we are together full time — I know that she goes to sleep every night next to him and not me. I know she will NEVER be mine — and it fucking kills me. It hurts me so bad.
Uh, you’ve heard of “divorce”? Assuming you are in a western democracy, divorce is a relatively straightforward process. If this woman loves you, she’ll get one. Oh, she’s not getting one? Well, that just means you’re a side-fuck. Get some self respect–probably through therapy. You’re pathetic (and a user), and she’s pathological (and a user). Oh, and also check for STDs. You have no idea how many other longing Lotharios she has in the wings.
#4–I don’t know if I did the right thing, but I wrote a letter to the husband. I felt betrayed and lied to. I still believed in her “love” and that she was stuck.
Yes, you did the right thing in writing to the husband, but for the wrong reasons. You feel lied to and betrayed? Imagine how her husband feels. Yeah. That’s right, and you’re responsible. A married woman who fucks someone else beside her husband is a turd. A person who fucks another man’s wife is also a turd. Liars lie and cheaters both cheat and lie. What? You thought you were “special”?
#5–I’m 60 and as the ‘other man’ I have no right whatsoever to expect the woman I’ve loved since 2012 to break the powerful ties that bind her to family.
Actually, yes you do. Either she wants to honor those ties or she wants to fuck you. She can’t have it both ways. If she’s fucking you, she’s already breaking those ties. What you’re not getting is that you are the side piece. Welcome to second place! If that bothers you–and it should–then stop fucking other people’s wives. Get a spine and grow up!
#6–I’m in love with her but she won’t leave her husband who she says she doesn’t love anymore. I am ready to leave my gf to be with her.
Let me get this straight. You have a girlfriend, who presumably thinks she’s in a monogamous relationship, and you’re having an affair with a woman whose husband thinks (naturally) that he’s in a monogamous relationship. You’re both cheating assholes! Look, either tell your girlfriend that you’re not that into her or tell the cheating wife that you’re not interested in settling for the side-fuck role. What’s that? You like having sex with two women? Thought so. Oh, and the reason that the woman won’t divorce her husband is that he makes more money than you do, so she’d lose boatloads in the divorce. Your dick isn’t worth it.
#7–This isn’t some tryst involving two idiots that haven’t any regard for other people. This is really about two people accidentally falling in love after one has been married.
Actually, it is about two idiots who haven’t any regard for other people. If you two fell in love for reallies, then she needs to file for divorce, and you need to go No Contact until she is freely available. As it is, she gets to have the fun of what sounds like an emotional affair. What a prick-tease! You? You get to go to sleep after having some really great fantasy sex. The reason you don’t insist on a genuine relationship is that you know that the two of you don’t actually have all that deep a connection. Texting each other in the middle of the night is not a substitute for actual conversation, dealing with morning breath, cleaning the house, or nursing the kids through a cold. That’s the connection that her unwitting husband has with her. You are pathetic, and you also suck. She also sucks, and I hope that her husband finds out.
I’ll just hand the UBT over and take a day off. Well done! 🙂
Well written kb! Mine XH personifies #2. Hmm…that phrase works on so many levels.
My favorite line, pertaining to #6….
“Oh, and the reason that the woman won’t divorce her husband is that he makes more money than you do, so she’d lose boatloads in the divorce. Your dick isn’t worth it.”
LOL garym6059 !!!
Rollin on the floor laughin!!! Thank you!!!!
Why can’t people just watch reruns of Dawson’s Creek when they want dumbass drama. For realzzzz. What a whiny ass person. ‘Marsha Marsha Marsha!’ It’s not complicated. You suck. That’s the answer.
I’m nauseous. That is all.
I can’t rationalize the “Other Man” knowingly getting involved with a married woman with kids. They have no morals and no boundaries, and neither does my ex wife.
My ex wife is now openly with the OM (her work colleague) and when I see photos posted on social media of them, and “friends” commenting on “What a lovely couple” they make, it makes me sick to my stomach. Do these “friends” just gloss over the fact that my ex-wife had an affair with this guy, and he had no problem with breaking up a family? I just don’t understand it and can’t rationalize it.
But hey, you can’t stop love… and I’m the one with the problem.
It doesn’t “affect” them so they pretend, never ceases to amaze me how many people KNOW the truth and it just doesn’t matter. Me? I have no room for self-serving assholes in my life, I have enough to deal with. No more liars and manipulaters. F off! Who NEEDS “friends” like that? X-hole can have them, they are obviously his “kind” of peeps.
Yep, they are birds of the feather….
My cousin tried to friend me on Facebook a couple months ago. I found out she cheated on her husband last year so I rejected her friend request and told her that I’m not friends with cheaters. Some people felt it was harsh. I want only quality people in my life, I don’t think that is harsh. Sometimes blood isn’t thicker than water.
It was honest, good for you!!
I agree. Kicked a girlfriend I had for fifty years to the curb for calling me and bragging about her cheating on her husband with a married guy. They are having fun! No big deal! Nobody gets hurt. She’s on her sixth husband. Kicked her to the curb. What I’ve gone through she brags about doing! Stupid bitch.
Nothing wrong with you North London. Fuck her and her stupid enabling friends. These people just piss me off.. not wanting to “rock the boat”.. so they go along. Switzerland.
Don’t let them get you down North London.. their time is coming, BELIEVE ME. Karma catches up with all these assholes. But by the time it does, you won’t care a bit!
It’s exhausting to hear all this OM entitled, whiny blather. These cheaters are so weak- constantly needing propping up, soothing, coddling, always in the face of their own self-inflicted horrors. They are nasty, perpetual infants.
I’m going to agree with the folks who posted that real life can’t be the same as thier magical affair! Bouncing away on the sheets that the minimum wage maid changes everyday! No responsibilities for getting kids off to school, making grocery lists, hunting coupons!!
I know these things to be FACT! My wayward Ex returned to my doorstep with his “woe is me, it was awful!” Stories after our divorce. He moved in with his Schmoopie and everyday life tore thier “soul mate” love to shreds! It was actually a laugh fest for me sitting and listening to him whine about how “mundane” thier lives became! And OMG…. They were expected to deal with the “icky” aspects of everyday life! Boo fuckety hoo! Once the “special” hotel beds were gone, the beautiful restaurant meals disappeared, and the clandestine nature of thier special lurve disappeared they realized it was not really true love, just true lust, lies, deceit and a big mess that resulted in both of them being broke and not so special after all! I must admit it was enjoyable to listen to him go on and on about how it all fell apart! Suddenly she was just a demanding bitch that he couldn’t satisfy. She was a jealous shrew that wanted what few assets he had left from the divorce! He couldn’t “get it up” cause he then couldn’t deal with the one and ONLY aspect of thier relationship that actually bought them together….sex! These guys crow about the great sex and the special love they have NEVER experienced with anyone else! Bullshit! You have a controlled environment in a hotel room, back of a truck, etc. and all you have to “care” about is sticking it to your Schmoopie so she’ll swoon and your orgasm will be epic! Of course it’s great! There are absolutely NO responsibilities other than making your lover “happy” with a good screw and sweet, sweet lies!
IMHO, give these fucktards the divorce they want and let them have thier “cupcakes! ” A steady diet of that shit gets old really fast! And it serves them right! I gave my Ex’s “true love” six months and guess what? It fell to shit in 3 months! The remaining few weeks he was planning his exit from her life! What a prince!
Oh, Roberta! ” Boo fuckety hoo!” is Phrase of the Day! LOL, thank you.
Excellent summary of the truth Roberta. Excellent.
NO kidding. Try having awesome sex when a 4 year old is banging on the door!! It’s easy to have sex with schmoopies when there are no responsibilities to take care of. It’s PURE FANTASY. What’s amazing is that these idiots don’t know better.
Bahahahaha! “Woe! Woe! I cry out to the silvery indifferent moon! Why must I be alone?” I do so love CL in the a.m. This is the right way to start the day.
All these people belong in the Garbage Dump of Life. You fail! Everything good about love, and togetherness, is what you do not have, and will never understand.
These just can’t be for real, moaning about ‘Why won’t she leave her husband? She doesn’t even love him, Waaaahhhhh!”
One thing I’ve learned -do not click on the clickbait! You will be sorry if you do!
Well my Other Man was 26 her 40 at the time of first ugly bump. He did tell her she was the best sex he had ever had. But it was not a love affair she just allowed him to treat her like a porno queen. These people and their entitlement to other peoples spouses just kills me. All the above shit just makes me ill. I know what it is like to be the dumbass at home stable paycheck guy….. once you learn thats what you are it does get easier.
Yeah, the husband who can barely pry her legs open finds out in her double life she is a porn queen!! Nice!
Plenty of women out there would be real happy with a stable paycheck guy!!!!
Well that would be nice to find one….. After all during her work travels, I raised two kids, cleaned, cooked and did laundry along with paying the bills….. And she always said, sex was not her favorite thing or important to her….. but put it on the youngster over and over…. oh well…. as they say it is what it is!
#’s 1-7 can all just go fucking die, your all assholes. The married women you carried on with can all go fucking die too. Of something very lingering and painful.
I feel ya. Fuckers! So disgusting.
Accubonded love the way you think!
“Question: Why can’t she leave him when she says she is not happy with him and wants to be with me?
Why don’t you leave your girlfriend to be with your Schmoopie? Oh right, you’re using her. Schmoopie is doing the same thing.
Hilarious! Just love Chumplady’s UBT.
In reading all this drivel from OM, it strikes me that none of these guys knows what love is. They’re all addicted to fantasy. My ex was also addicted to his fantasy that married coworker OW would leave her ex and live happily ever after with him. He was “planting seeds” to break up her marriage, ingratiating himself into her family’s life. Her kids call him “Uncle” and I hear he coaches her son’s team. These guys all live in Fantasyland. I think my ex is actually happiest when he’s pursuing a goal. Once he achieves it, he gets bored.
And cheaters believe their fantasy is enlightened, authentic, deep, true love, and they believe this form of love is truer and more meaningful than your love. They believe they are masters of passion and intimacy and that you are provincial and boring.
But it is all a lie – all a fantasy. They are hypocrites. They lack courage. They are afraid of intimacy, so they choose to be intimate with someone who is not really available. That is not courage or intimacy – that is fear and avoidance.
Reality is too hard for them. Being truly open and vulnerable with their spouse is something they are afraid to take part in, and so they rationalize their avoidance with thoughts of how much better they are at love than you and by living a fantasy life.
I am projecting from my experience – I suppose some OM on rare occasion marry their APs, but that wasn’t my experience.
Yep, that is the truth Buddy! I had to hear how ultra smart and wonderful Schmoopie was…… Until he actually had to live with Schmoopie and the fantasy turned into a nightmare! He got very sick, but she demanded he walk to the beach every night to watch the moon and make out in the sand! Then he had to tuck her into beddy and hold her till she fell asleep!
He had a major operation for pancreatic cancer yet she demanded to crawl in his hospital bed! Ain’t lurve grand?
I’ve read that research shows people with insecure attachments as children are more prone to having affairs. They never felt that close to their parents, which is the case with my ex. He was actually more attached to his brother than either of his parents. One of the sad sausage tales he told when I met him was how left out he felt being the middle child in a big family.
Nah Lyn. Sorry, but cheaters seem to cross all logical lines. My X was brought up in a great family, feared God, had great work ethic on the farm and a great Dad and Mom to show them right from wrong. X was the oldest. The Golden Child. And, the one that turned his own reputation with his family completely upside. So many nieces and nephews that looked up to him. So sad, too bad. Love is MORE than just your wife. It’s so much history and cultivation of friendships/relationships. It all just still amazes me anybody would do this. Especially after 35 yrs.
Avoidance is X-holes specialty, can’t help but wonder how long until he crashes…..it’s got to be coming. Avoids EVERYTHING including legal issues, tax issues, child support issues….he is a walking disaster. She can have him, some prize….a financially and emotionally inept cheater. Have fun with that!
I have to say that I wanted my XH to stay in the fantasy of Life with Schmoopie. My greatest fear during the entire divorce process is that they’d break up, and he’d try to hoover me back in. Thankfully, that did not happen. In fact, not even 10 days after the decree was finalized, they became engaged. Sadly, we have to co-habitate til the settlement goes through, but this has afforded me time to be further amused at how reluctant they are to slap some reality into their fantasy.
If I’m lucky, he spends a couple of nights a week over at her house. Why only one or two nights? Well, he’s enrolled in an online class that has actual homework and accountability built into it. This means he has to turn his work in or get a bad grade. He does his homework over at our house, and it takes him at least a couple of hours per night. Then he’s tired and goes to sleep.
I give the marriage about 5 years. Then she’ll cheat with someone else, and he’ll be banging the next woman at work.
What a bunch of clickbait bullshit. Is Ashley Madison trolling for paying customers again?
I asked my wife what made her cheating BDSM boyfriend such a lovable and wonderful guy (married with a kid and cheating with several other women at the same time). In a moment of clarity, she admitted it was all just a wild fantasy to her. He made her feel special. She could escape the everyday grind of reality. But she also knows there is no way she would ever want to actually be with the cheating piece of shit asshole in a long-term relationship.
It really is all about feeling special-er.
Yes—and their own happiness and satisfaction over all else, however transient or superficial. My dad described my stbx’s behavior concisely: he was content until he wasn’t, and when he suddenly decided that things weren’t good enough for *him*, he bailed without so much as a conversation about his concerns beforehand. End of story. Tells you all you need to know.
That’s two posts you’ve made in one day that resonate with me. Bailed without so much as a conversation about his concerns beforehand. You’re right. Tells you EVERYTHING you need to know. That’s what has been getting me closer to healing lately. It’s the fact that even though I loved, trusted and raised children with this man for the last two decades, the fact that he was capable of ending our marriage the way he did means that he’s really not a good man. Now I have to come to terms with a) the man I married is not a good man; and b) my children have a father who is not a good man. He minimizes what he did by saying he wasn’t happy; and he admits to making mistakes. But in the end, he wasn’t strong enough to put the brakes on what was happening and have a difficult conversation.
OMG yes ^^This^^ I never did get a ‘reason’. Guess I was one of the luckier ones that was only told that 1) I looked old, 2) I’ve never loved you, 3) I am capable of loving others. Goodbye. No discussion whatsoever about any marriage problems. Boy, was I blind or what? He was a great husband until he started the affair. That’s all I know. A man I don’t know anymore and never want to see again. DONE and wiping hands. Meh! Yeh!
“Woe! Woe! I cry out to the silvery indifferent moon! Why must I be alone? I weep on the permafrost. I hear the baying of the snow weasels and the bickering of eskimos.”
I thought I’d try my hand at a few OM stories CN could sympathize with:
I am homeless. I wish I didn’t need her half-eaten burrito or cold French fries but I’m starving here on the street. She works at the soup kitchen and says she’ll get me banned if I don’t put out. She farts on my face. Help. How much lower can I sink?
In my galaxy, we learned of your planet from TV. But why does she keep latching onto my waste chute whenever we’re alone? This is love? She hides it from her mate and family. Of course she is ashamed. Then why does she want to grip me with her vagina all the time? This place is the lunatic asylum of the universe.
I am a dog. I love to eat rotten carrion and even I know it’s wrong. ::brief interlude to lick balls:: Don’t judge. I have no rights. I’m a dog. Please, someone call the ASPCA.
Oh yeah, my narc ex traded me and our children for the rush of NYC society. I was back home in Ca, while he worked on Wall Street. He matter of fact told me ALL Wall Street executives have mistresses. WTF? So he trades me in, thank goodness I’m free, for a whacked out NYC married, socialite. She’s childless, parties with all the “right” people. Photos all over Internet. She has temper tantrums constantly in front of my children, or she’s devaluing my children in front of the narc ex. Oh but this is fine with him. He’s living THE LIFE! Lots of narc supply. Amazing double apartment on the right street. Good luck to them. She can supply him a grandiose lifestyle. Me, I’m free! Happy happy happy. Cheater free! Just spent a great Thanksgiving with my family, the one he devalued!! Freedom from a narc is sweet! Hang in there. It gets better and better. Things do turn out for us Chumps. Read ChumpLady for info and strength.
Asshat is definitely focused on his special love with the childless MOW. They even have a Broadway play that bonds them, Once. A tale about two magical lovers, one trapped in his commitment to his wife and the other lover the essence of special.
Her mantra is something trite, pinteresty like , though we are miles away, we are under the same stars…. (Sad weepy face inserted here).
Probably the common thread amongst these assholes is that their “love” is so much like a middle school romance. Problem is, these idiots haven’t been in middle school for 40+yrs. FACT: my soon-to-be 12yr olds have more emotional maturity than these assholes combined.
ANC I couldn’t agree more, the text messages between X-hole and OWhore were so juvenile in nature that it was literally dusturbing. They sounded like they were conversations between a couple of 13 year old kids. Just too weird, not sexy at ALL, just stupid.
Same here, NC Stevie. I just can’t participate in something that stupid. And how can people do the sexting/crotch pictures sharing. That’s just so disgusting. You have a dick? Wow, so does half the population.
I know right?? I told him that too…. “fantasy?? That dumb shit?? It’s so juvenile it’s comical, I’d be fucking embarrassed!” Grown ups do NOT talk and behave like that, only the disordered. I never found any dick pics or any of her parts either, I would have been starring in an episode of Snapped. Anyone sends me dick pics gets “eliminated” from the dating pool. Idiots.
Seriously, I only saw one guy jack-off once when video first came online, back in 97 or so. I laughed and, as a woman, it was so juvenille and sickening to me that I shut that shit down. He was proud of this? How many women do you know like to see the picture of a dick? lol – surely not me. How does this turn a woman on again? Horny men are everywhere, it’s actually been pretty sickening since I was 17 yrs old. Please save me from that insanity and I’m done with wanting to see another dick in my life again, anyway.
Well…my family tells me never to say never..
Ha ha…mine too. Me….Dating…not interested. Sex….not interested. Relationship….not interested.
I had my heart and soul ripped out and handed to me. Don’t know if I have the capacity to put myself in that position again after finding out how deceitful some people can be. I still figure things out that make me bang my head.
Totally agree ncstevie, I’m 60 I will never ever trust another male again, I’m way too old for this shit. Few months I will officially be out of here on my way to a new and better life and hours away from the asswipe who still won’t quite let me go. He wants to stay real good friends and still have sex while getting back with the whore. OMFG! I’m sure it will make him feel better about himself. Fuck no all about my sanity and happiness now the stupid fuck has done enough damage. With me out of the picture the dumb whore will get him full time 24/7! Haha! See how that works out. I’m playing the great actress til I’m free. He’s getting the finger both hands and a tail shake as I drive away. These assholes want it all. This piece of cake moving on!!!!
Chump lady is right absolute only way is no contact. Only way to truly heal.
Yay for you kar marie, here’s to you and an asswipe/cheater free life. I can only DREAM of “no contact” since we have a son together. I have however, in the last week, decided to refuse any further phone contact unless it’s an emergency. All correspondence is now via e-mail. We are NOT friends asshole.
Number 7 can take his connectedness and shove it straight up his selfish clueless ass. My nowdeadhusband used the word “connected” over and over when describing schmoopie. Well you wouldnt be fretting over finding some unexpected connectedness with your coworkers if you were using your finite energy to be a husband and father instead of sidefucking the vendors.
Unicornnomore, they were “connected” all right, but then old boy couldn’t make that “connection” that empowered the magical, mystical love they had anymore! Translation: he got sick and couldn’t bang her anymore! True Love dried up in a heartbeat!!!! Bwahahahaha! Connection my ass!!!!
I think that’s an awesome idea for a thread. ☺
Hey, how’d this wind up all the way down here? I was commenting on Roberta’s idea for a contest on cheater/OW/OM poetry and love letters. I’m sure we all have a few doozies to share.
All of these men fail to realize that they’re just next in line.
I was them — not a cheater, but a man high on the “once in a lifetime”/”soul mate” love that I thought I’d found with my wife. Our love was special! It was better than other people’s love!
…and then it wasn’t. When the reality of day-to-day living finally won out, my wife wasn’t there. She was out fucking another man, making HIM believe that their love was special, unique, and better.
And what do you think will happen once she gets bored with him?
“…and then it wasn’t. When the reality of day-to-day living finally won out, my wife wasn’t there. She was out fucking another man, making HIM believe that their love was special, unique, and better.”
^^^THIS^^^ I have to change she to “he” but this is it in a nutshell JC. Absofuckinglutely right…..and then it wasn’t.
Wicked funny – you are on a roll today CL ha ha ha
All pro adultery tripe like this has a purpose of trying to make you doubt what you know to be true. There is one truth.
Cheating is Wrong. Always.
Crap like this tries to bring in rationalization that is supposed to make cheating OK. It’s the best sex! It’s the loviest love! It can’t be Wrong.
Sure it can be wrong. And is. Once you know your truth you don’t even consider any of this garbage and see for exactly what it is. Garbage.
Douchebag Extraordinaire had three OWs that I know of. I am now convinced there were a lot more. Years ago, he told me that if I didn’t stick by him (that was after the second OW), he said he would have been married 6 times by then. I asked for an explanation and he quickly said he was kidding. Chumpy me didn’t push for him to clarify – more like afraid to face the truth. Looking back, he probably would have married the OWs had I divorced him. Eight months after the divorce (I filed), he still tried to reconcile after the divorce, and when I said no, he married the final OW 6 months later. Any ship in a storm, I guess.
Reading today’s blog reminded me that these cheating assholes are simply in love with themselves.
Why do they marry ? What hypocrisy marriage has become…
My H said his howorker(married with 2kids)told him that he is a man she thought doesn’t exist anymore, she thinks about him everyday, because he is so calm, so generous and deep, that made my H so happy, stroke his ego so much, then he just went along with it. I heard someone said if women give men(or the other way around) enough compliment and attention, no marriage can survive, even a strong one. So far from all the stories i heard, it’s all true.
I could stroke his ego all day long but he didnt value my opinions on anything – including what I thought about him. He wanted kibbles from work associates…if THEY admired him then he must be good. Nothing I ever did or said would have ever been enough…which is why I would like to take all the “Affair proof your marriage” writers and simultaneously smash thier heads together
Sadface 🙁 ‘I heard someone said if women give men(or the other way around) enough compliment and attention, no marriage can survive, even a strong one. So far from all the stories i heard, it’s all true.’
That makes me very sad and, for me, this was what happened. We had a strong marriage and she pulled out a lot of stops to impress him, as we were a close couple – her and her husband.
I really wonder what he’s thinking now. How much he lost?
Most of his family and all our friends.
Have no idea if they’re still together. Don’t care.
What a loss for a guy who didn’t particularly like sex – so that hurt me even more.
Yeh – Meh!
I remember my ex MIL telling me soon after DDay and after meeting the OW (now the OWife) – “She tells him everything he wants to hear.” They are now married, living in a gorgeous home with fancy vacations but I found out that they are buried in debt (like ridiculous amount) and ex is losing his hair over stress (not natural balding). ‘Til “debt” do us part may be next. LOL.
I’ve been told that’s what the Russian women who want to change their lives are good at: telling men what they want to hear, through those forums and social networks. And practicing sexual techniques. That’s how they get married quickly even if they are less than average.
Once the devalue and impending discard have begun they are already on their way out. We’ve already become disenchanted with their “specialness” and we are not overlooking the bad shit the O-holes aren’t dealing with yet. I complimented X-hole a LOT, it just didn’t matter because I already no longer had value or mattered to him. Asshole.
My ex did this too. Worked hard at his (underground)affair while devaluing family(me, his wife of twenty years, and those money sucking young adults of ours?). What is karma? He married his POS AP. I believe my ex needed kibbles because he failed at things that really mattered. He was never there when our family suffered a loss/crisis. His pattern of behavior never changed. He was selfish, what he wanted mattered above what others wanted, timing was always in his best interest, and he always ran away from life’s challenges. Hard to fix that.
Yep, mine failed at everything normal adults accept as the responsibility of being a grown up. If it wasn’t fun or pleasant he avoided it and still does. We had no future because he destroyed himself financially and refused to do what was necessary for me to save us which was relinquishing control of the finances.
He has no future, he can’t finance (or even rent) a house or a car because of his failure to report income/file taxes. He does not pay ANYTHING in full or on time ever, never has. He sees dollar signs and an opportunity for himself so he jumped ship and took the only lifeboat. Right now she is enamored with his physique and his dick, that will pass (soon I hope) and when it does I hope she cheats on him with some young stud from the gym and her cheating ass dumps him on his cheating ass.
Not fixable. Period. My sister said it right from the moment of discovery…. “he is NOT redeemable! “
Any relationship falling apart because of compliments from others? Thats a crock of shit. Any decent self respecting person will immediately shut down any compliments meant in any form towards inappropriate conversation. I know I do. In fact, if any man not my partner even professes any sort of affection, I shut that shit down within 0.01 milliseconds. And if they continue, I cull their friendship. I haven’t got time for that sort of bullshit.
GD it! Drew. Suddenly I feel like writing the X at 11pm here and asking him WHY he never attended either of my parent’s funerals. My old Dad made a very hard long trip to show up at his dad’s funeral. Why didn’t one of his family members even show up for my Dad’s? for respect. Again, these two families were very respectful of each other. I should have smelled a rat when he made excuses to not to
show up at my folks’ funerals. I want to blast him right now. Hitting my rubber band on my wrist. arrrrrghhh
My Dad loved him to death, as did my Mum.
Oh yeah…he had to work. That’s right.
Blame all this on the myth of Romantic Love. So many screenplays and books lead us to believe that love is the exhilaration that follows an encounter with a special someone. This thing does not resist daily life. The real love you are speaking about is a choice, not a feeling; it stands the test of time.
There used to be two different words.
I’m the guy in #4. To my defense, I didn’t know she was married. She told me she was divorced and I believed her. At that point in my life I never dated a liar or cheated. She lived on the east coast and I the west. She invited me into to town and that’s is when I discovered her cheating. I immediately wrote the letter and informed the husband. I was not knowingly having a relationship with another mans wife. That letter ended their marriage and I felt it was a moral obligation to tell…not just walk away. I would want to know if I was being chumped. I was being played and I did the right thing right away and have a clear conscience. I was deceived and played so my feelings of betrayal were real.
These men’s confessions don’t sound like what a man would write, a women wrote them.
Braveheart; You may have a point here. I re-read this and I know being a man you would have an much better idea than I. Even a romantic & sensitive guy might have a hard time putting names to all these emotions. (and might not even be the ones a guy would have as you pointed out).