Unfortunately, I have to text my Cheater every couple of days regarding logistics with our son, and divorce issues.
What’s up with him ignoring or deflecting direct questions? He will either answer another question, or just ignore them. Why doesn’t he at least give me a yes or a no?
Yes and no are so definitive. Where’s the power in that?
Highview, you’re looking at this logically. Son has need. Both parents try to meet that need and share need-meeting responsibilities. Communication ensues.
Wrong. To a freak it goes like this:
Son has a need. (Yeah so?) Ex has a need. (Who the hell does she think she is? Not the boss of ME!) I don’t address needs. I don’t share responsibilities. You wanted a kid — YOU parent.
As it is, I have to do So Many Unfair Things! Pay court-ordered support. Actually SPEND TIME with my child (although there is some upside here, as that deprives you of the child, and that really seems to irk you.) But children are so needy. Little logistical nightmares, what with their birthday parties. dental appointments, and sports schedules. You want me to answer QUESTIONS that YOU decide upon? I’m not your little bitch, Highview.
You want a question answered. He sees answering questions as relinquishing some sort of power. He’s not going to be party to your perverted agenda!
Does that make you insane with frustration? Does it keep everyone waiting on him, conferring centrality and kibbles? Does it just make you try harder? (And confer yet MORE kibbles?) WINNING!
Obstruction is for WINNERS! Cooperation is for LOSERS.
I hear you, Highview. But, but… we’re partners! We created this little human together. Surely we can put aside our differences for the welfare of our child?
There is only one child — your ex. He is the center of his universe and you are peripheral, except as caregiver to His Needs. You used to be of some use, Highview. But then you did the unthinkable and are DIVORCING HIM.
The divorce was his idea? Doesn’t matter. You’re supposed to just understand what he wants without him ever having to communicate it. You failed to receive the unspoken message? You shall be punished.
The divorce was YOUR idea? How dare you have agency! How dare you quit being of use to him! You shall be punished.
The child? Children don’t need answers or schedules or predictability. If cheater freak is happy, the child-extension will be happy too. If child is not happy? If child failed to received the unspoken message that said “I am NEVER wrong! And my happiness is paramount!” Child shall be punished. Or at least ignored because his needs are inconvenient.
Highview — he’s getting off on thwarting you. It’s just what these fuckwits do.
If you think I’m being harsh — try and come up with a reasonable alternative for his stonewalling. He really doesn’t have the answer? He’s got short-term memory loss and forgot what you asked? He’s got dementia and forgot you two exist?
If he doesn’t know — he can say “I don’t have an answer to that, but I’ll find out.” Or he could state a need or express a feeling. “I’m really angry with you and I don’t want to tell you.” He could give you some kind of information to WORK WITH that acknowledges the importance of the relationship — with you as a co-parent, and with your child who is effected by his answers.
But the fact that he does NOT help you, that he withholds and thwarts, means he values the kibbles of obstructionism over everyone else’s welfare.
I suggest that you don’t try to co-anyting with this guy. Get a court order for custody and ABIDE by it. Document every time he fails to respond, and what effect that has on your child’s welfare. Use scheduling software and only communicate with him by email (which is time-stamped).
Eventually, you’ll probably have to be back in court with him, but at least you’ll be armed with a load of documentation that demonstrates his REFUSAL to co-parent.
Try to do everything humanly possible to not involve him or need him to perform ANY parenting role that is not court-ordered. Does that mean more work for you? Yes. Suck it up.
His non-responses and subterfuges mean one thing — you’re in this parenting gig by yourself. Wake up to that reality. No amount of nag-by-net reminders are going to change that. You bred with a fuckwit. We feel your pain.