Stay in Touch

Check out CL's Book

Snappy “I’d Rather” Cheater Comebacks

correctToday’s Fun Friday challenge, by popular demand, is to come up with some snappy comebacks about what you’d rather be than what the cheater accuses you of.

“I’d rather be “unforgiving” than be without remorse.”

“I’d rather divorce than cheat.”

“I’d rather be me than some bloated, limp-dicked, man-child with all the moral sense God gave dryer lint.”

Let’s put it in perspective here, chumps. And TGIF!

 

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at [email protected]. Read more about submission guidelines.

  • I’d rather be divorced than deceived.

    I’d rather have my dignity than your ring.

    I’d rather eat a year’s worth of ramen noodles from Costco than one more shit sandwich from you.

  • I would rather stick my hand in a wood chipper than meet with you to go over “what went wrong.”

    • What went wrong talks are always always about how we made the cheater cheat.

      • No shit…I made that mistake soon after she left..that just opened the floodgates of all my faults as I listened chumpily, assuring myself it could all be fixed.

      • Me, too. I was accused of “not being able to stand him” because I wasn’t sure we could afford the new car that he sprung on me (he was projecting on that one). Of being the reason he didn’t talk to his fucked up family anymore and that he was all alone. Of flying off the handle at the slightest remark (again projection). Of being the reason he couldn’t talk to me anymore and had to find someone to have an “emotional” affair with.

      • My ex said it was my fault that he sexed ugly women. Yep that’s right he blamed me for his bevy of trolls.

    • THIS!!!!!! Before I went NC I must have listened to his versions of “what went wrong” a million times. It was always me! The two biggest whoppers: “I never accepted him” yeah right! In truth, we were happy enough for 25 years, 4 gorgeous kids, we were best friends (I thought!), never fought, and had fun and laughed all the time — I loved you, douche! I never cheated and abandoned you! I accepted you even after DDay #1, 2, 3….. I let you stay! I went to MC and let you blame me!!!!!
      Guess what? YOU didn’t accept ME!
      And
      “You told me I didn’t earn enough money.” Ugh, nooooooo, I suggested you see a headhunter when you were making 80% less than market and hadn’t had a raise in 8 years! You followed my suggestion and had a job making 100% more within a month!
      FUCKER!!!!!

      NC is the only path to truth and peace.

      • She actually accused me of not being over a girlfriend I had before we met…25 Years Ago!! You cannot reason with a cheater who clearly wants out. ..i still scratch my head over that one

      • You didn’t “accept him”? What, exactly, then, were you doing for 25 years? Secretly twiddling your thumbs and sending out telepathic rejection messages? Or, as you pointed out, what does he think you were doing after 3 affairs? Whopper is right! Worse, it’s navel-gazing selfishness and heartlessness couched in jargon designed to invite you to feel like shit and to make a therapist believe he has self-esteem issues. And poor thing, your wife believes you’re worth more than you’re getting professionally, honestly says so, you ACCEPT and ACKNOWLEDGE her belief in you by taking action, and then you’re making double in 30 days? If you felt so rejected in that instance, why the hell didn’t you say something? Answer: ex post facto scrambling for anything to blame shift. What a mindfuck. I’m so sorry. I hope he chokes on his vile-cloaked-as-rational spew.

        • Whoops, close in time posts, kbchump. I was responding to MotherChumper99, obviously. That said, kbchump, I’d scratch my head too, even at the very base level of, “Really? You aren’t smart enough to hear how stupid you sound?”

            • Our daughter (who lives with me as she left both of us) was like WHAT? when I told her that bullshit..she’s an adult and knows who the sane parent is…NC Is sooooo the way to go with these narcissistic nut jobs

    • The wood chipper would be less painful. Amazing how “what went wrong” is nothing but a vicious assault of YOUR character as far as a cheater is concerned.

      • Yeah, it is an unnecessary conversation considering the cheater only needs to consult the Ten Commandments to figure out “what went wrong.” Talk about anything else is merely blame-shifting and trying to justify the unjustifiable.

        • This. This. A thousand times this!!I will definitely repeat that if he EVER brings it up again..not that I have much contact with him anyway…

    • God, yes. Apparently it’s my fault he’s depressed and cheating because I never agreed to move to the Midwest, leaving my family and support structure, even though I knew there was something missing from our relationship. So glad we got that cleared up.

    • Yep! but if he had any appendages dangling near that wood chipper, they might go in first!

  • I’d rather be single than be cheated on or lied to by you ever again!

    • I’d rather be ‘unable to let it go’ than be a family-abandoning douche-canoe.

      I’d rather bust my ass as a single mom than be with a lazy, Call Of Duty-addicted man-child with a penchant for deleting browser history.

  • I’d rather live alone with two cats than live with someone who cannot be trusted.

    • A family member once joked that I was on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady because I had three cats and wasn’t married yet. Well I married late in life thinking I had waited for the “right one.” Now, I’ll take crazy cat lady over marriage police any day.

    • I’d rather live with a semi-feral dog with aggression issues who marks his territory inside the house and shits on the carpet, than live a single day with a pathologically lying cheater.

        • You can also neuter a dog. Hey!

          I’d rather see you neutered than……nope, that’s it.

          • lmao–thanks for my new revenge fantasy, Annie! (add “with a dull butter knife”).

            • I used to tell fuckwit that if he ever cheated….I’d cut it off with a dull, rusty butter knife. But come d’day, what was the point? He’d started weekly testosterone shots, had ED, diabetes and high cholesterol…..she has to work extra, extra hard just to get his up. Let him keep it…it never did anything FOR me anyways! Lol!

            • I was actually thinking of using toenail clippers to take those balls off one little snip at a time. I’d have to find them first. Probably hiding behind his wee little dick.

              (Sorry to all the male chumps, I know you cringed a little)

              • Sorry about the posting as Anne. I didn’t realize it until much later. I had to go back and get my guns. Can’t be coming here without being fully loaded. Even if he’s not worth the cost of a single bullet.

              • Now you have more than one gun. 🙂 Can you shoot with both hands? If so, maayyybe you could aim at both knees … or at another pair about a thigh’s length upward and closer together.

    • I’m allergic to cats (and hamsters and rabbits), but not dogs! So, I’ll be the crazy dog lady! 😀

  • I’d rather be happy with all of my own imperfections than kill myself trying to be perfect enough to “deserve” you.

  • I’d rather be a (40 something year old) child who never grew up than a passive aggressive, emotionally abusive pathological liar with a skateboard fetish.

  • I would rather pull the knife out of my back than the one who forced it in there.

  • I’d rather work on myself alone than live with a monster

    I’d rather wake up listening to my granddaughter singing than wake up to an illusion

    I’d rather live with options and possibilities than a man without conscience.

    I’d rather live alone than live with a lie.

  • I’d rather be your history than your cruel joke.

    I’d rather live in reality than in your ridiculous, dysfunctional fantasy world.

    I’d rather live in my own home than your secret whorehouse.

    I’d rather spend my whole life empowered and single than spend one more second getting screwed over by your juvenile ass.

    I’d rather be a stereotype than a statistic.

    I’d rather have a good life than have anything at all that has you in it.

    • I’d rather have safe, satisfying sex with myself than dangerous, boring sex with you.

      And…

      I’d rather have a healthy partner or a dog living in my home than a narcissistic sociopathic teenager with no self control.

      • What is it with the cheaters being so sorry in bed?? And I mean from the get go, not just when they are cheating.

        When ex told me whore was “in love ” with him, my first thought was “She can’t possibly have had sex with you”. I mean, I was with him cause I thought he was a decent person. But she knew he wasn’t so it would have to be something outward like sex, looks, money, etc. and he sure would not have been my choice based on those things. Lol, bite that, mofo.

          • For sure Anita! Schmoopie had ulterior motives, but so did he! It was in this order, sex, money and the thrill of triangulation! Then his dick stopped working and his meager money ran out. She HAD money till he started living off of her. And of course the triangulation ended with the divorce. Then the “reality of life” set in for these two idiots! Love affair ended in four short months after nearly two years of torturing me!

            • Funny that for Xdouchebag and one of the whores he told her he was leaving me and it was the triangulation, her massages and attention, and lastly sex. Whore face was thinking (based on what he told her) money, triangulation (she was still married and her X was dancing very hard, wish he told me I was still in the dark) and prestige (Xdouchebag was bragging about his association with our Prime Minister and other wealthy connections because that’s what matters).

              Well the sex went (he couldn’t keep it up), she found out he lied and there wasn’t any money and then the bragging was embellishments. Oh no Prince Charming wasn’t so bad. She then realised she’d made a big mistake by throwing over her X husband and he had stopped dancing seeing her for what she was a nasty, lying Cumdumpster who cared only for herself. Her girls and he ran very far from her.
              For Xdouchebag it went bad as the sex did and he realised massages weren’t the be all to end all and finally it all blew up when a friends ex-boyfriend busted them and being the stand up guy told me straight up that my husband was a Dickwad!!!

              I’d rather be “Boring” then a lying, whoring Dickwad Douchebag like my X!!!

              • This Dickwad Douchebag is the boring one. Sounds like he spouted a lot of *yawn* drivel.

              • Draginlady

                All the embellishment and lies are the hook. Are they really this dumb to think they can continue the performance once the show is over?

                The truth has to surface at some point. I wonder how he’s explaining her need to carry him five months a year after saying he had to support ME. It unravels. She thought he was her ticket to splitting the bills. Brainless cows.

        • I know that many of us have been married to people who either beg off sex or are insensitive to their spouse’s desires for types of bedroom activities. Heck, I was married to a man who, when I told him that something felt good, actually stopped!!! But I also know that other chumps were completely dumbfounded when they discovered their cheaters’ affairs, as they’d always felt their great sex lives somehow guarded against the affair.

          My cheater? Not so much. I laugh when I remember that he had kidney stones about a dozen years ago. When we went to the urologist, one of them commented that sex a couple of times per week was good for the old tubes. At that time, CheaterX had a hard time with once per week. It was sex when he wanted it or no sex at all.

          He had great sex with Schmoopie because they could only hook up once a month or so. He could spend his time fantasizing about it. Now he’s married, and she’ll expect him to perform.

          Yep, she’s a high sex-drive kind of gal with very expensive tastes.

          I do not foresee the marriage lasting long. I suspect that his inability to address the sex and money issues will drive her into the arms of someone who can better address her basic needs.

          • KB, absolutely! These cheaters are done with each other once the honeymoon phase is over or the old boy gets ED! I feel you on the less than glowing sex life. My ex had the balls to claim in his petition for divorce that we never had sex and we didn’t communicate anymore! That was news to me. Wonder who was actually in bed with me? His twin? And it’s even harder once you realize they are getting thier rocks off with Schmoopie at the local hotel and as far as communication is concerned, he has his attention on his computer on Facebook messaging with Schmoopie all the time! He barely noticed me and I would be sitting directly in front of him! Doesn’t matter for him now anyways. He is alone and sick and broke and she, no doubt, is zeroing in on a new Facebook love affair! Shallow as a puddle these idiots are!

            • Roberta

              I laughed when his whore texted me he was the best lover she ever had.

              The previous AP said,”you call THAT sex after I told her we were still married.

              They are needy pigs who are not interested in intamacy. It’s the pig meets the illusionist con man.

              He had to live the lie when I filed. He’s stuck in a disgusting shitty apartment with her working part time from home. She is ugly, bitchy, and controlling. He’s sneaking out once a week to hook up with another other. Isn’t that special.

              • Doingme, they deserve all the misery they get! God knows they heaped a ton on us! All this crap about blaming us for thier poor sex lives is utter bullshit! His ED problems got worse once he was with Schmoopie, but he could NEVER be honest enough to admit that HE was the one who really didn’t quite measure up in the sack! It just had to be my fault! I hope he looks at his dead dick today (that nobody wants) and realizes what a delusional ass wipe he was and is! I happen to know he got a prescription for Viagra while with the whore cause he was having some difficulties and even THAT didn’t work!!!

        • It’s because narcissists don’t give two craps if you are enjoying yourself or not. It used to be good, but then it wasn’t. He really believed he was better than he was. What’s a girl to do. You can’t tell the man you love that he really isn’t that good. I asked if he liked this or that or what he wanted me to do and he’d say “whatever.” I’d express my needs explicitly, and he just look at me like I was strange. And just for the record, it wasn’t strange, weird, or unusual stuff, I was just trying to give him a damn owners manual and he tossed it aside and thought he would work it on his own. Not!

          But, I accepted the whole package so I worked with what I had. It’s interesting that before I new about the OW I often thought to myself after sex, “This is it?” I mean, it wasn’t like we had small kids anymore and had to rush through because our time was limited or we were tired, or whatever. I desperately wanted more, but with him. I did not consider looking for it elsewhere.

          • All this talk about bad sex hits a nerve with me. The cheater ex would not engage in oral sex. EVER. One time I tried to go down on him, he pulls me back up and says to me, “Don’t do that, it’s dirty.”. What???? What man denies himself that pleasure???? Needless to say oral sex on a female is even dirtier. That never happened. EVER. I too wondered what he and the homewrecker did. They both like boring sex? And the nerve of him to tell me to my face that “the sex was just going through the motions”. That was on YOU buddy!! Asshole! I’ve been sex starved for years and stayed in my marriage because I said vows and meant them. He would actually laugh at me when we finished having sex (1 min) and say to him, “I didn’t get mine”. He didn’t care then and had the nerve to try and blame ME for it.

            • Conniered,
              Perhaps he was gay? It’s true..most men will take a BJ if they are on their death bed. Or, was he just being an asshole jerk.

              Talking about sex hits a nerve with me as well, but for the other side of the coin. My X was fantastic in bed. He was kinky but he truly cared about pleasing me.Or was it just to fool me? 🙁

              Either way, having sex with him was one of the greatest joys of my adult life. We had the intense eye contact, lots of kissing, l love yous during the act….it breaks my heart. I am shattered.

              I hope and pray that someone will be as attentive and skillful as him. I now realize he was a male slut, hence the mad skills. He really knows how to make a woman feel good physically. A tool in his arsenal.

              Mentally….no. His cruelty was astounding, scary, scar inducing.

              This is an odd twist, however. The longer we were together, and he saw how much I loved sex with him, he would play games with it.

              I have such a vivid memory of us driving into town, and we were holding hands, and I said, Can we have sex tonight?

              And he said,

              If you are a good girl.

              Was that sex talk, foreplay? No. I think it was control, domination, humiliation.

              I don’t know. I know I hate Friday nights. I see it as a night for lovers. But, I am watching Scrubs DVDS, because they are silly and light, with my pack of dogs and my fat face goofball cat Ernie, have a baked ziti in the oven, and turned down a date with a man, because I am just too sad, low energy to pretend on a date right now.

              I am still in active grief, and I miss the sex and him ….it makes me want to howl…but I will NEVER settle for a cheater.

              He could not believe that I ended it. I think so many other women have accepted his appalling behavior. I will be alone before I am his chump.

              We can find better lovers. We can find real love. Don’t let this upset you….there are men out there that want to have sex and will stand on their head to please you. I had a date with one last week, and he was highly interested in sex. I did not have sex with him yet (free milk thinking dies hard) but it is nice, knowing there is the option and that he wants to please me.

              When you ready, get on the dating sites and you will have so many to choose from. Some will be absolute horrors but there are some that are okay, especially to help get over this trauma we have experienced.

              *I would rather spend Friday night alone with my baked ziti than spend a decade of Friday nights with a man who had more than six whores texting him and he called all of them Darlin’

              Lying mother fucker.

              • Sylvia,

                I can relate to the good sex. Sex was good with the STBX for many years. He took good care of me in bed and vice versa. Then one day, it just became like a chore to him and I had to practically beg for it. He became mean about it. Withholding sex. Like a power trip. I missed it and him like crazy. I don’t even think there was another woman in the picture at that point. I think he just liked being mean to me for whatever reason. At first I was depressed, then I became angry and resentful which he then used against me. I mean, who wants to have sex with someone who’s hate-filled and angry, right?

                He later told me in MC that I had become too unattractive to him for sex. I said well I can’t stay 20 forever. Jerk!

              • Oh, and my Friday nights are spent doing homework as I complete my MBA or on the nights I have my daughter, we have movie night at home on the couch (usually Disney) so date nights are a far off possibility for me right now LOL.

          • I’ve had much better lovers when I was single, but they weren’t “the one.” Well, I did all I could except create a damned Power Point presentation complete with diagrams.

            Then one day, out of the blue, he does something different. I should have fucking known where he learned that from. Emotional affair only my ass.

        • LOL! One of the things I told the other woman was, “You’re welcome to him. He’s at least 300 points, can’t get it up and is dead broke. Good luck with that.” (We stayed together, but it’s not feeling so “together” lately.)

  • I rather live in a box under a bridge then one more day with a lying, cheating, nut job.

    • Or “in a van down by the river” with a nod to that wonderful SNL skit.

      • Ha! that is even better! I would rather live with Matt Foley “eating a steady diet of government cheese, thrice divorced, and living in a van down by the river!”

  • I’d rather you ride off into the sunset with the bunny boiler than spend one more second listening to how it was me that pushed you into the arms of said bunny boiler.

    • Can I get an Amen? A full one-third of my profound anger at my X is due to him trying to blame my own victimhood on me. Fucker.

      • So true.
        I rather spend eternity alone than spend one second in the shoes of your red headed whore.

      • AMEN from me, Tempest!
        Seems to be a standard ‘lesson’ in the cheater ‘How-To’ book. Plus, the other people who know you as a couple and join in with the blame-game. (worse if some of those said ‘people’ are your ‘counselors’!)

        • I think it’s on p. 35 of the cheater handbook, “Blameshift your affair onto your unwitting partner.”

          I’d rather validate a chump’s pain than say “What did YOU contribute to the demise of the marriage?”

          And fuck blame-game counselors.

          • Tempest I was blamed for everything under the sun by my ex and 2 kids and people who weren’t in our family circle and I would rather be alone than to be cruelly blamed for my ex’s choices. It wasn’t what he did do but my reaction to what he did.

          • Amen Tempest.

            In the end you will outlive him.
            He’s older.
            He’s divorced,
            He’s in denial of aging.

            His assets will go to his children.

            I say we have a chump sending off party in the Mansion when he croaks.

          • Actually it starts on p. 34 with how to shock & awe with the new and secret organizational flow chart. This leads to the semantics diagram that ends at the fault-tree analysis.

            • I think he skipped right to page 69 for Tips and Tricks for the double life serial cheating porn addicts who have nothing to offer emotionally and financially with shrinkage issues.

            • AnnieGetYourGun, *gasp* good hell that is funny. (I admit I had to read it twice because it’s so sophisticated, but it just keeps getting funnier and funnier.) Wickedly brilliant!

              • Thanks. I got the idea from Beth posting on her cheater’s “Excel spread sheet for porn star stats” I’m still giggling at the double entendre.

          • That blameshifting is so true. My husband blamed me for being clinically depressed and said he was just with the other woman “until you got better.” Gee, thanks, fuckwit.

  • “I’d rather have a colony of fire ants take up residence on my junk than do pretty much anything that has to do with you.”

  • I’d rather be a housewife than a whore.

    I don’t know where I read that but it cracks me up.

  • Even if I die a lonely old lady, eating tuna fish and watching lifetime television all by myself…I’d still be better off than being with you.

    • Haha Frances

      The whore is worried I will die a frigid cunt.

      I’d rather die a frigid cunt that have a palate for picking up married men and calling them DADDY any day.

  • I’d rather sew it up with a rusty needle than ever have sex with you again.
    I’d rather juice my dog’s anal glands than help our daughter get you a Father’s Day gift.
    I’d rather give Donald Trump a pedicure than spend one minute with you.

    • Tania, hahahaha: “I’d rather juice my dog’s anal glands than help our daughter get you a Father’s Day gift”

      This is hilarious.

      • I’d rather gouge out my eyeballs than read another book referencing Patrick Carnes, the most pathological “sex addict” of them all.

        • In Carnes’ defence, The Betrayal Bond is actually a very good read for people like me who have been in a serious of trauma-bond relationships. It helped me to identify a pattern and also to explain why I fell for the Sinister Minister’s particular pathology.

  • I would rather have to watch non stop WWE Wrestling than hear 1 more if your lying liar hole lies.

  • I’d rather drink an entire bottle of acid, get shot by a round of bullets, and then run over by a speeding train, yet all this would still more pleasant than being with a cheater. 🙂

    • Kellia, I’m laughing for two reasons: because those three are some seriously painful deaths, and I’d LOVE to see you deliver that line to a cheater … and because I can see a cheater do the Detail Diversion Dance, earnestly noting that you might never make it to the tracks in your imagined order. At which point, gathering from your posts here, you’d not skip a beat and reply coolly, “Easy enough –I’ll stand on the tracks, get shot and felled by said round of bullets, drink poison while prone, and get run over by train. Yep, all better than being with YOU!”

  • I’d rather be “too loyal” than a fakebook attention whore.

    (Yes, fellow chumps, when my ex announced to me rather out of the blue he was leaving, I was upset. He complained to me I was TOO LOYAL. Didn’t understand at the time because I had not found out yet about Schmoopie.)

    • Your ex and my ex must have gone to the same cheater school because mine told me I was too old-fashioned as in, not lying and cheating on my spouse. Okay then……

      BTW, your user name is hilarious!

      • Mine said I was too “bourgeouis” and he wouldn’t have cared if I’d cheated.

            • How ironically “bourgeoisie” to call someone bourgeoisie. For crying out loud.

              • Kay, you read my mind! Think he understands enough to know that the New Left holdovers have banished parasites who live in mansions?

        • “Wouldn’t have cared if you cheated” He’s not even low class. He hasn’t an ounce of class.

        • Tempest, before DD I was also told that he wouldn’t have cared if I’d cheated, as it wouldn’t change who I was as a person. I was flabbergasted at the time. Now I think, “Yes, it would. It would make me like you!”

    • Thanks, D4G!!

      Tempest, they play that “I wouldn’t have cared” game but that’s so convenient since we didn’t. I guarantee if we had they would’ve gone insane.

      They already are insane, but still.

    • +1 The sick attention I seeking narcissistic piece of shit couldn’t stay the f-ck off Fakebook. That was more important than his loyal real live wife sitting right next to him!!!

  • I’d rather be a sensitive, over-analytical, wacko, paranoid person (his words), than a lying, Peter Pan, POS A-hole cheater and… I hope your d*ck falls off!!!

  • I’d rather be able to look at myself straight in the eye in the mirror knowing that ive tried to live my life with integrity, than be you who is hollow because deep down under the flash facade you know you’re unworthy

  • I would rather miss the relationship we once had than stay in the one we have now.

  • I would rather eat spiders than have to lay eyes on your hairy-backed, shrivel-dicked, tiny-footed, knuckle dragging body or hear the nonsensical drivel that spews from your stupid, thin-lipped, entitled pie hole.

  • I’d rather have too much ambition than be a stinky Doritos munching bobble-head planted to a recliner watching TV wastrel.

    I’d rather be a “strong” woman than be a weak spineless bastard.

    I’d rather be too honest than someone who couldn’t speak the truth if he had it on flash cards.

    I’d rather be an emotionless bitch who uses logic, reason, and persuasion than a ranting lunatic who can’t confront anything but is passive aggressive until the explosion.

    I’d rather be besties with Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump (gag) than have any kind of friendship with you.

    I’d rather have sex with Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump (double gag) than have to even see you naked again.

    I’d rather be me than the OW.

  • I’d rather go on a singles cruise than sit at at a dive bar having a whore pay for my 1/2 priced buffalo wings.

  • I’d rather be single, lonely, poor and sexless than live in constant fear of STD’s, deceit, cheating, intimidation and abuse. Nothing is worth that kind of life.

  • I’d rather of turned to stone and broken in a million pieces after discovering my wife’s infidelity than…..having to live a life with beautiful tresses – that are really snakes – awaiting a sharpened sickle to have my head sliced off at ANY.GIVEN.TIME.

      • Yes Annie, “The Medusa Reaper” aka Karma – comes in all shapes and sizes and is a real bitch when it corners you in your life or your after-life.

        It cuts first then asks questions second.God then sorts out the cheaters.

  • I’d rather pass the torch to the mentally ill whore than EVER waste another moment thinking I wasn’t good enough. #hemusthavecateracts #hecantgetintelligenceorbeauty
    #yourstuckwithithahahaevillaugh

  • I have the pleasure of sharing my life with three beautiful canines who love me and i love them. Never ask for money, never bitch or complain, are a constant source of amusement and laughter, are way better company than asswipe ever was, dont care how i look, dont care how much money i have, i come home to butt wiggles and kisses and they are not bitching they are bored, plop on the couch like a beach whale watching endless tv. They dont tell me what kind of life they could have had if they had different family, i understand their wants and needs, they are open about it. They play snarl, if they have a spat the older one puts a stop to it and the puppies kiss and make up. They are hinest, open, loving, caring entertaining and cant love me enough and i them. Cheaters pods have none of these qualities and i would rather be a crazy old dog lady than spend another second wasted on asswipe.

  • I would rather feel this deep well of pain and betrayal vs. being more shallow as a puddle

  • I would rather raise my son to be truthful and respect women versus having him think it is ok to lie and cheat on your wife.

    • Amen to that!!!! I walked away with my character and integrity intact. My son will seek out a woman like me…and he’ll avoid a woman like the OW.

  • I’ll take a frozen margarita over Mr. Sparkles frozen heart any day.

  • I would rather throw a fabulous party for my chump lady compadres than spend one more second of our precious lives on any of these waste of skin fucktards ?

  • I would rather be blindsided by your deceit than charmed with your false words

  • I’d rather be have a frontal lobotomy than have one more moment where X takes up my mental space.

  • I’d rather be accused of vindictiveness than rescind the protective order
    I’d rather have a sexless single life than a sexless married life
    I’d rather go to your funeral than ever see you again, stop driving by my house asshole

  • As REM said, “I’d sooner chew my leg off, than be trapped in this”

  • I would rather lie awake every night worrying about our three children then discard them to “move on to a family that loves me.”

  • I’d rather have loved and lost vs staying with a douchbag for the rest of my life

  • I would rather forgive you than allow you to continue to take up space in my head

  • I’m barely awake and can’t think of anything original, so I’ll just quote Weird Al from his tender ballad One More Minute:

    I’d rather rip out my heart right out of my ribcage with my bare hands
    And then throw it on the floor and stomp on it til I die
    Than spend one more minute with you

  • I would rather be your widow than your wife.

    and I didnt choose this…you and God now have an eternity to work your shit out

    • Unicornomore, well said! My husband was worried to death that the other woman’s husband would harm him (I was looking for the man to spill the beans). He fretted, “But Effie, he will KILL me.” My head snapped around and I told him, “Then I’ll mourn your dumb ass.” We didn’t have a repeat of that conversation.

  • I would rather be healing on this Chumplady site than basking in ambiance on cheater sites.

  • I would rather listen to an endless loop of KanyeWest songs and the theme song from the Teletubbies than ever again hear you espousing how wonderful you are.

    I would rather read ingredient labels in perpetuity than be subject to your literary allusions to Shakespeare and Tolstoy explaining why I should have forgiven your infidelity.

    • OOOhhh “Literary Cheater” I bet he fancies himself above the garden variety “Jesus Cheater”…how evolved of him.

  • I would rather scrape the litter box with my bare hands than shovel another load of your horseshit, you deluded ape.

  • I would rather be divorced in reality than married in name only.

    I would rather attend your funeral than your next birthday party.

    I would rather be Miss Me than Mrs. You.

    I would rather be me on judgment day than be you or your whore(s) on judgment day.

    • Sylvia you were never stupid. It’s so painful we are conditioned to accept the blame. It’s not on you.

      I’d rather be single than with a stupid cheater who couldn’t appreciate my selflessness, kindness, and love.

      • My eyes filled with tears for you writing that. Thank you. It is just so entirely awful. I would like to put a good spin on it and wish I could say something good came out of this…but I can’t see it.

        I am having one of those days where it just BLOWS my mind that he does not miss me.

        I brought my A game, you know? I was loyal and kind and took care with my appearance…you know what I am saying. If it was attractive to a mate, I did it 10 fold.

        It makes no sense other than just that he sucks. He does believe he is such a stud that one woman is not enough for him. He would have stayed right with me, with his sick double life (x 6) and texting and sneaking. What breaks me is that I did not want to cheat on him. Not a drop.

        Please let some misery come his way. I know that sounds petty, but I need it.

        • Sylvia: It is baffling how they could do to us what they did. Over time, the pain recedes, but I find I’m still left with the “Huh?” sense of disbelief that someone could blow up a relationship, a family, a loving partner over the quest for novel sex. They just aren’t like us.

        • Sylvia Is Sad, don’t be down on yourself Sylvia. You did your very best and the problem isn’t you. It’s a cheater who feels entitled to more. They are delusional and always believing they deserve better and they really don’t! Remember this, the enemy of best is better!

        • Sylvia,

          I read your post as you were sad and he was stupid. It’s the truth. He is stupid. There is no other reason but they are entitled stupid narcissistic assholes that suck (gender neutral to fit women too). You trusted, loved, and gave everything you had. It would have never been enough. I no longer miss Fucktard. I really don’t. I am still at WTF and huh? I still think about him, but not as much as I did last week, last month, or last year. I never think about him in a good way, but with a bone-deep contempt. But I don’t miss him. It gets a little better each day.

          I enjoy going out with my friends, working on my house, reading CL, eating what ever the hell I want (I could use some of your lasagna because I don’t cook), and just going back to the person I was meant to be. I finally think I’m ready to start dating again. I was asked by a few friends if I wanted to go to the Gay Pride festival to support them. I asked what they thought my chances were of finding a straight man. They didn’t give good odds. Best of all, I’m discovering that life can be fun. Can you imagine? He almost made me forget that life can be fun and that people can be good. Isn’t that a shame?

          • I wish I could find contempt but I’m not there. I’m still wondering what happened to turn my once wonderful hub into a lying cheating pig. I look good, work out, made him feel like he was the most wonderful man in the world-and he destroyed me and our family. After 25 years, it’s like he disappeared and turned into someone else who “fell in love with his soulmate” after TWO WEEKS. Extreme ED, I wonder if he thought someone else could make it work. Oh well. A shell of a man who now cries all the time but still can’t figure out if he wants to stay or run. I guess I’m stuck at WTF. At least that rhymes.

        • Sylvia, I’m so sorry and completely understand. Man, do they suck.

        • Sylvia i dont think the sadness ever quite goes away. But it gets better. I know how you feel we all do. Think only of you every time he comes to mind think of a piece of shit cause thats what he is. Hes not a good guy. He is a lying cheating self centered pod bastard just like my former asswipe is. You are not stupid you are a loving caring woman who deserves better. Three years out for me still hurts but as i watch him destroying himself and pushing his family and his kids farther away i know i didnt cause this he did. Hes stupid. He will be left in tatters soon enough as he is showing his true colors to everyone and his new chosen lifestyle will kill him eventually he thinks hes still 18 and invincible an asshole. You are mighty and i wish i was there to talk with you through the night and give you a big hug. The site and these wonderful people here gave me an insite i never had and saved me from myself. Big giant hugs sylvia from me to you!

  • I’d rather be alone in bed,spreadeagled comfortably, than listen to a callused, flat footed copious pisser in the night rising after bouts of snoring like a donkey.Not to mention the sulphurous farts.
    Lucky OW.What a prize.

    • OMG, the farts waking me in the morning as he gleefully flapped the blankets to release that foul smell. I’d rather sleep with anyone but him.

      • Wow. That is so repulsive. And the least sexy thing in the whole world.
        Grasp the lack of insight and respect that someone who would do that lacks. Do think they would do that with their AP? I hope so.

        But thank you both for making me laugh and being so honest in writing that!
        I had surgery in 2000, and they told me I needed to “toot” (I like that word better) in order to show my intestines were moving.

        There was a nurse and my boyfriend at the time in the room (a Non Cheater, G-d bless him) and it happened.

        I almost died of shame. I slid down under the sheet, mortified. Think of person who is like ” loud and proud”…..with the person that is supposed to have sex with them? Be romantic? In bed.

        This is a blessing…to be free of critter that would subject you to that. I would rather sleep with a rabid woodchuck than someone that nasty.

    • I’ve been watching “Supernatural.” Apparently sulfur is a sign that a demon has been there. You were lucky to escape his sulfurous farts.

    • I would rather pay my bills on time and in full than owe money or stiff people I do business with.

      I would rather have an excellent credit rating than a 540 score and be drowning in debt.

      I would rather be the loving Mother who taught the importance of kindness, empathy, manners, honesty, and the value of a Man who is good to his Word to my adult sons, than leave a Legacy of pathological lying, serial cheating, fraud, multiple lawsuits, alcohol abuse and mountains of debt.

      I would rather hold my head up high, and not be ashamed of being so trusting for 38 years,
      than looking over my shoulder, covering my tracks, and be conning Widow Schmoopie.

      I would rather have people say “Thank God you are away from him” rather than “Be very careful of your money and your relationship with Gaslighter” (Learned that this was recently said to Schmoopie, who responded with “You’re not the first person to tell me that.”)

      May I suggest we next do a “What Did She “WIN” topic?

  • I’d rather have the respect of our daughters than your million-dollar mansion.

    I’d rather have integrity than your 20-year younger GF/AP (referred to as “Fetus” by someone who thinks you look ridiculous with her).

    I’d rather have the friendship of chumps than your tres-sophisticated cheater friends.

    I’d rather be mauled by tigers, have my fingers chewed off by chimpanzees, and be attacked by pit vipers than be friends with you.

    • “I’d rather be mauled by tigers, have my fingers chewed off by chimpanzees, and be attacked by pit vipers than be friends with you.”

      I can’t stop laughing. This is so therapeutic.

  • I’d rather have the man I thought I married, vs the shallow, pathetic man I am divorcing

  • I would rather clean up a serial killers house than watch you pull one of your own teeth. Again. You nasty little redneck racist asshole.

      • Yep. We were truckers for awhile. He’s driving down the road, working on a bad tooth until he got that sucker out and threw it out the window. I was both horrified and a little impressed. Not something you see every day, or even once, if you’re lucky.

  • I’d rather be a chump than an unknowing participant in your fucked up, twisted need for secrets and triangulation.

    I’d rather endure silence for the rest of my life than have to listen to the sound of your authoritative, snooty voice regurgitating something you heard on talk radio and insisting it is your original idea.

    I’d rather be alone than lonely with you.

    I’d rather be on this side of our miserable marriage than still in it.

    I’d rather you keep your money than have to fight you for child support. Our kids now know you’re a cheapskate and a lying douchebag sitting on millions and refusing to even feed them on your visitation.

    I’d rather be the ex wife than the dimwitted skank who is supporting you now. My trash; her treasure. Good luck with that hahahahahaha!

  • I’d rather be the single parent, pretty much carrying the load by myself, than expose our three children to one extra second of your selfishness and your Brady Bunch delusions with your cheater partner and her two kids.

  • I’d rather do 100 percent of the parenting, housework, and yard work knowing you live in another state than do the same knowing your lazy ass is sitting in front of my television.

    • This is so true. When I go out in the yard to pick up dog poop, I think to myself, “At least his lazy ass is no longer just sitting inside watching some mindless TV show.” Actually, now that I think about it, the last time I picked up dog poop, I was thinking how stinky it was. I wasn’t thinking of him at all. Progress!

    • After 27 years, I finally bounced out Dudley Do-Nothing and now he’s mowing HER lawn and going to HER sons’ sports events. I would still rather have 16 mammograms in a row than take XH back but the injustice sticks in my craw.

      • Eve, they are never “better” for the new whore. Once the allure of the new crotch wears off, it will be business as usual. Plus, he’s putting on a show for the new neighbors, friends, co workers etc

      • Countdown to Dudley Do-Nothing turning back into Inertia Man in 10, 9, 8, 7…..

        Injustice is the currency of fucktards. Thankfully our travels require new currency….

      • Eve, -Zero mowed the lawn smoking a joint. My son and I have been doing it for over two years now.

        I have found that over time the only time I miss him is when I run out of toilet paper.

        Cheater’s take their shittyness with them. No one knew about the abuse I put up with. He was way ahead with his pitty me narrative for years. Once we no longer make them look good they are on their own.

        Sure it looks like they are happy. Don’t believe it for a minute. All those free passes are gone. Remember, the OW knows he is a cheater. They are posessive as hell. It’s like wearing an ankle bracelet.

    • ‘I’d rather do 100 percent of the parenting, housework, and yard work knowing you live in another state than do the same knowing your lazy ass is sitting in front of my television.’

      OMG!!!! This. My life with him was about the same as my life is without him. I have ALWAYS carried the load in all matters while he sat and scratched and watched hours of endless TV. Actually, there’s LESS work now, because I don’t have to follow around after him and clean up his thoughtless trail of wrappers, dirty clothes, and setting down of random things that should go back to their places (a tool in the bathroom, a tube of muscle rub on the coffee table, times 1,000,000). He never put anything away. Ever. I always used to say, very nicely, ‘Look, you have it pretty easy here, I’m not even asking you to mop or clean or vaccuum, but IF YOU’RE NOT GOING TO HELP ME, AT LEAST PLEASE DON’T HURT ME BY MAKING MORE WORK FOR ME.’ It never, ever sunk in. Ass hat.

      Looking back at my heart and mind back then, I ascribed so many nice attributes to him that were not deserved. I was blind. The biggest illusion I had about him was that he brought us security and safety as the man of the house. But it was an illusion just like everything else was, because he caused more harm to me and our babies than any ‘bad guy’ ever could. He stole more from us than any burglar ever could, violated more trust that any attacker ever would, and cheated us out of more security than any con-man ever could. And as the cherry on top, he left us with unending nightmares and trauma from his shitty, weak, drop-the-mic-and-walk-out exit.

      I would rather give birth to a fully grown porcupine than ever pick up his goddamned wet towel from the bathroom floor again. Fuck. That. Noise.

      • “I would rather give birth to a fully grown porcupine than ever pick up his goddamned wet towel from the bathroom floor again. Fuck. That. Noise.”

        BRAVO.

        And I agree. There’s not enough money in the world to justify betrayal and abandonment and mindfuckery … nor to unbreak hearts, to undo cruelty, to neutralize shittiness and weakness.

        There is, however, now a possibility for you and your kids for a life without abuse, and without abandonment menacing on the horizon, whether or not you knew that the threat was there. It sounds like he got worse as time went on. You all deserve better.

  • I’d rather clean up after loving cats who piss all over the house than clean up after an asshole who pisses all over my life.

  • I would rather slide down a razor blade naked and land in a pile of salt than allow you to stick your filthy, crusty vagina-breath tongue in my mouth ever again.

  • I’d rather sleep on the couch for eternity than in your whore bed of lies.

  • I’d rather eat my own vomit than eat any more of the kibbles of “love” that you’ve been feeding me

  • Best line from a song
    Fuck what I said it don’t mean shit now
    Fuck all those presents might throw em out
    Fuck all those kisses they didn’t mean jack
    Fuck you you Hoe I don’t want you back
    Eamon, I don’t want you back

    • Manchump, true! — Your words reminded me of an old Riskay song I used to listen to, “You Ain’t Shit Without Me.” It’s vulgar and wonderful. Still on youtube if you want to look it up. Enjoy!

  • I’d rather be the boring, faithful spouse you won’t give five seconds of attention to after 41 years of marriage then a low rent cum dumpster with the morals and ethics of a common alley cat that you seem to prefer!

  • I’d rather not share custody with a fuckwit but the law protects cheaters and their whores.

  • I’d rather be your supervillain arch-nemesis in court than your side-kick in marriage.

  • Not snappy, but honest . . .

    I’d rather tell the story of your cheating and dishonesty in front of a judge and risk not getting primary physical custody of my girls than to simply roll over and agree to what you and your attorney think is fair.

    I’ll need to look at myself in the mirror for the rest of my life — I cannot and will not take the easy route.

    • I know that is a hard and a very expensive route!! Going through all the legal mess right now too. Cheering you on, hope you get a judge who sees through his bullshit and lies!! ??

    • UXworld,

      I’m pulling for you. Cheaters make shitty parents regardless of their gender. Dads can be just as loving as moms and in this case, the better parent.

  • I’d rather talk to my dog than attempt to have an authentic conversation with you.

  • I’d rather be “boring” me than the woman in the fake profile I created whose ad you answered, including a picture of your smarmy grinning face, sucked in paunch and flexed muscles. Gotcha motherfucker!

  • Ok chumps-I have to brag here for a sec because I’m so proud of myself-today is my one year d-day anniversary!!! Yay me. If you told me a year ago I would be nearly meh and would be at peace, I wouldn’t have believed it. New chumps: it’s true!!! Hang in there.
    Having said all that, I would rather live in my boring world hanging with my 5 dogs, 4 cats, and 3 horses. I would rather look outside and actually be able to acknowledge the beauty and awe of our world. I would rather read a book, or take a bike ride, or go for a run, or go to work, or plant flowers, or sleep in, or fix my own car, or remodel my house, or live frugally within my means, or feel joy again, or direct my compassion to good causes, or go kayaking, fishing, fix stuff, hang out with my hilarious friend Ed, or do just about anything else than ever hand over my life to a mindfucking abusive cluster fuck B sociopath ever again.
    I would not change a thing about his attempt at revenge on me. The nicest things he ever did in 18 years?1) get me fired from my job cuz I got a new better one I love instead of hate.
    2) start fucking the dumb drunk cock slobbering bitch
    ✌️Karma Bitch. I win?

  • I’d rather have the awful teeth you say I have than to have you back – at least teeth can be fixed.
    I’d rather be alone than have your so-called love.
    I’d rather have a quiet and happy relationship than constantly having to wonder what you’re gonna do next.

  • A deep cut from Weird Al, “One More Minute,” has a truckload of these. Pick your favorite!

    Mine is: “I rather dive into a swimming pool full of double-edged razor blades, then spend one more minute with you.”

    • Omg I can’t comment on every comment but you guys are hilarious????
      Tic Tac Balls????

  • I’d rather play “pokemon go” than watch you, an arrogant, lying coward, and your emotionally incestuous monster mother protect each other from being honest.

    • I’d rather BE Pokemon than cheater ex or his enabling passive-aggressive mother.

      • okay, not done.
        I’d rather actually download Pokemon Go than listen you and your mother’s saccharine prayers for all the people you’ve insulted and critiqued behind their backs.

        • New Game: Faux-ke-mom. First two characters: “Jesucrit” evolves into “Blesstheirheartless.” Power: backstabbing.

          • Next two characters: Mamasboy, powers: supersonic nasal whining of “I didn’t mean toooooo” or “I couldn’t help iiiiiiiiit” until the chumps head explodes. Evolves into Manchild, which evolves into… nothing, ever.

    • Diane

      Developmentally they were stunted by these mothers who regardless of their behavior want their sons to be incapable of being accountable and honest.

      The EX MIL was repeatedly interfered from the get go. This passive aggressive asshole was pissed that I spent the money I earned to send my children to private schools. She allowed her son to have the OW in her basement years ago while we were seperated.

      Now he’s waiting for her to die so he can buy a house in florida. I hope she lives a long time.

  • I’d rather do Donald Trump’s bouffant comb over and spray tan,while he stands in a thong, than spend another second of my life with you.

  • I would rather be alone and clothed than posing in near undress on a bike that the 64 year old ex bought for his 24 year old now wife and then post it on the internet to brag to the world what he has, lucky him. I feel sorry for our 2 adult kids, I really do.

  • I’d rather dive into the scary unknown of a brand new life than continue on in the familiar hell that was marriage to you.
    Actually, I DID take the dive and thank God for that.

  • I’d rather keep doing without the court ordered spousal support you stopped paying than go to court again, having to break sweet No Contact!!

  • I’d rather live under a leaky roof than with a lying, cheating husband.
    I’d rather toast myself alone than to have to share my bottle of wine with you.
    I would rather deal with our 15yo daughter’s teenager behavior than have to deal with your 47yo teenager behavior (entitlement, pouting, moodiness …).

    And as someone else said, I would rather be alone than lonely in my marriage (because you “couldn’t” talk to me anymore).

  • I’d rather find my dignity than my old college lover.

    I’d rather be alone and know that you don’t love me than together, thinking wrongly that you do

    • “I’d rather be alone and know that you don’t love me than together, thinking wrongly that you do.”

      Soooooo true!!!! I second that!

    • I remember when XH told me for the first time that he did not love me, and I was shocked. I had been feeling like I was being used by someone who didn’t love me so I asked him to have a talk about our marriage. I felt surely that once I explained how I felt, he would say, “Oh, I’m so sorry that I haven’t been showing you that I love you. I do love you, and I will start showing you.” Instead, he refused to have a talk about our marriage, and physically attacked me, putting bruises on me. When I asked him how he could put his hands on me if he was supposed to love me, he said, “I don’t love you. I hate you. I’m just using you for your money.” I said, “Well, how could you come on to me for sex after this?” He replied, “I don’t want to have sex with YOU!” He told me that, and one year later he showed me that there was someone else that he DID want to have sex with, as our new car seat was damaged in a way that could only be explained by sex. He denied it of course. Regarding his statement about not wanting to have sex with me, he said that he just wasn’t going to have sex with anyone and didn’t want to have sex with anyone. I’ve now come to believe that he was probably cheating on me at the time he physically attacked me, and that was probably technically a discard. At the mid-point of that year, his sister-in-law saw our truck at this mother’s house when his mother was in a nursing home, and she complained that she knocked and “we” didn’t answer her. At the time, I bought his story that sister-in-law was a lying, jealous troublemaker. Now I believe that he was in his mother’s house with OW cheating on me.

  • I’d rather be “Trapped in a Closet” with R. Kelly than listen to the crap coming out of your mouth.

    • I had to look up R. Kelly. I saw the video to Backyard Party. Everyone was wearing a family reunion shirt but looked like a family filled with incestuous dill-holes. Wow, but yeah, I’d pick closet too.

  • I would rather tell people that I am a widow than admit that I am married to the person you have become. Because really – you did kill him.

    I would rather spend the rest of my days with my battery operated buddy than to be blamed for your premature ejaculation problem because even after two children I was too tight.

    I would rather be me than you,your whore, and all your enabling friends and family because I have integrity.

  • I’d rather be alone and in control than be lonely with you in the same house.

    I’d rather face uncertainty by myself than face the certainty of you fucking me over repeatedly.

    I’d rather be alone and overwhelmed than coupled with you and listen to you use the pronoun “I” instead of “we” to discuss our accomplishments to friends.

    • Exactly this! You would think everything we had came from him. Even two of my kids believe that. I supported everything financially and he took all the credit. Asshole

    • Yes!! All about him, all the time. Even if I was standing right there I “wasn’t there.”

  • I would rather enjoy my dinner alone rather than dread you walking back in the door at 5 o’clock.

  • I’d rather chew broken glass than come back one more time on account of your sloppy, tear-streaked begging, one day after you last made me your chump.

    I find much of what you write about the AP character disturance and the chump’s disengagement process from the mindfuck and eventual escape to be apropos to the rollercoaster faced by those getting out of abusive relationships. As far as I know, none of my partners has ever cheated on me, and I am married to my first (and god willing, only) husband. But, I DO have experience dating an abusive Narcissist and his manipulation MO and gaslighting methods were largely the same as that of the serial cheaters that you describe. I have no doubt that, had I extended what was a short, 11-month dating relationship, he would have had no qualms cheating on me and being okay with it. Perhaps he would even do it openly, in my face, if he felt he had ground me into the ground hard enough with his boot. I really had no real feel for how evil some people out there are until I was finished with this guy. I guess I was the chump then, and this guy de-chumpifed me.

    By the way, I wandered over here two days ago for the first time and my god, LOVE THE WRITING. Hilarious! Insightful! Smart! Lucid! A gem.

    • Interesting.
      I was involved with a piece of .. work of a narcissist – he was my first. I could not understand what happened to me, so I stopped thinking about it. Years later, when depression hit and I finally realised what kind of monsters are lurking amongst us…that’s when I discovered my husband has been leading a double life! That breakdown had me prepared for this. I can’t remember crying one single tear for the cheater, that’s how well prepared I was. Life has it’s strange ways.

      • I wept buckets and buckets of tears over my nowdeadhusband over the years…no shit. The day I learned he was a long term cheat, I didnt squeeze out a single tear…I was PAST it. I cant even find words for how I felt, but I didnt cry…I dont know that I have cried about that since I learned the truth, Im just angry and disgusted. I wasted too many tears on that person.

  • I’d rather be the circus knife-thrower’s assistant than to be conned again into jumping through endless mindfuck hoops and being knifed in the back by a narcissist… At least that way I would know what was coming!!!

  • I’d rather be a survivor than a perpetrator who insists he’s a victim.

    I’d rather eat ten big fat green rats, raw, than endure one more monologue from a colossal parasite who lectures in incoherent psychobabble and believes I’m actually buying it.

    I’d rather tell him to go take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut than have to keep strategic silence for one.more.second.

    I’d rather try to explain the intersection between tax law and quantum physics in Navajo than try to explain to a now-fired MC, whom I secretly believe co-founded Zur Institute, that Fucktard is LYING.

    http://www.zurinstitute.com/infidelity.html

  • I’d rather be me, at age 64, than a married woman tearing apart the lives of her kids for a cheating Jackass who will eventually cheat on her, too.

  • I’d rather be a boring wallflower than ever compete in the pick me dance again.

    Oh BTW. In case nobody suggested this before or I missed it. Tracy…when you do celeb chump/cheater stories, you should totally title those posts “Pick Me Dancing with the Stars” 🙂

  • I’d rather die from my cancer than live with the disease that is you

    • Mighty Chumptothe9thdegree – Sending you good thoughts for a full recovery from your cancer and many many great things in your cheater-free life!

    • Ctt9d: You will survive both the cancer and the trauma of betrayal, and thrive afterwards. Hugs!

  • I’d rather laugh hysterically and have endless meaningful conversations with my 3 beautiful 20-something kids than have you repeatedly snort yourself awake on the couch every.single.night and tell us to be quiet. I’d rather hear them proudly say “you’ve got this momma!” than sadly murmur “it’ll be okay, momma.” I’d rather wrap my arms around my pups for joyful slobbery kisses than cry silently into their fur. I’d rather sing in the shower than sob. I’d rather be a grandbaby-sitter than the marriage police. I’d rather see a pleasantly plump, smart-assed, funny, mature woman who remembered what she wants and what she doesn’t when I look in the mirror, instead of the old, fat, boring, doormat you almost had me believing I was. I’d rather live instead of just existing. Finally, you miserable, misbegotten, misanthropic misogynist, I’d rather you forget all our names and disappear into the soul-sucking vortex of self absorption that took the place of your heart or the black hole of stupefaction that is your cheater brain.
    (What? Too much?)

  • I’d rather be ‘bitter and self-righteous’ than to continue to collaborate in your delusions about who you are and what you deserve.

  • El cheator pasa

    I’d rather be chumped than a cheat
    Yes I would, if I could, I surely would

    I’d rather feel your guts beneath my feet
    Yes I would, if I only could. I surely would

    Away, why don’t you go awaaay
    Like satans spawn, that’s here and gone

    A chump gets tied up to the ground
    Gives the world its saddest sound
    Its saddest sound

    I’d rather be single than a chump
    Yes I would, if I could, I surely would
    I’d rather be the one to do the dump
    Yes I would, you found out I could! I surely could.
    Mmmmm mmmm

    • Brilliant! I can hear the mournful pipes soaring from all the way up here in the Frozen North!

  • I’d rather live with the certainty of truth and betrayal than the mind fuck of lying and gaslighting.

  • I’d rather go it alone than continue to carry you while you were harming me.