Have you guys seen the latest Trivago guy ad? For those of you blessed enough to not get the Trivago ads, it’s this rumpled, stubbly dude pitching a travel site. He’s your average aging man-child. He telegraphs “My hair is gray and I’ve never ironed a shirt, but I’m hitchhiking through Nepal next Thursday!”
Anyway, the latest ad shows him in his boxer shorts, upset, saying, “Has your girlfriend ever kicked you out, just because she checked your browser history?” Then he harrumphs and looks for a hotel online that has wifi. (Using Trivago, get it?)
Clearly Trivago is going for the douche demographic.
Got thrown out for cheating and need a place to crash? Trivago! Need a cheap hotel to fuck your Schmoopie? Trivago! How about wifi to cruise for more fuckbuddies? Trivago!
Yeah, getting caught cheating is just hilarious for everyone involved.
Apparently Madison Avenue thinks so. Or figures cheaters have deep pockets and make up a significant revenue segment. The Trivago ad is right up there with the woman who comes home from her girl’s weekend in Las Vegas and shows her husband her sketchbook of the trip instead of photos. Las Vegas tagline: “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.”
Instead of mulling on our narcissistic society and chumps being the butt of cheap marketing jokes, I’m going to instead imagine my own endings to these ads.
Trivago guy wanders around pantless forever and never finds a hotel. (His wallet was in his pants.) He presses his face against the window of other people’s glowing, warm houses. Happy intact families sitting together by the fire, enjoying wifi, while he shivers in his boxer briefs. Oh Trivago guy! What have you been reduced to? Sleeping alone in boxes by the railroad tracks, your sexy stubble grown-out into a scary, feral-man beard. You stink of rejection and dirty, unchanged underwear. Your girlfriend is happier now. She’s booked a two-week Greek island cruise with her new boyfriend Sven, using Travelocity.
Las Vegas girl? While you were away, your husband was preparing an album for you too! He drew a picture for you. A divorce summons!
“Tri-vago,” from the Italian, meaning a man who can only be happy with easy access to “Three vaginas.”
Shitty character is not attractive. Even when packaged in firm abs and expertly tousled hair.
What an absolute dick-dribble. Corporate advertisers are betting that a nation of middle aged women will never fix their pickers. #ucandobetter
LOL, “three vaginas.” Thanks for the before work laugh.
When you act like these dick-dribbles, those three vaginas are more likely to be attached to blow up dolls. Perhaps, their new ad should feature state-of-the-art blowup dolls?
You nailed it right there Nomar!
Wicked hilarious, nomar!
Lol. I’m not sure three is enough, but I know he can’t have mine.
“dick-dribble”! I love it!
One of these days I’m going to ruin my computer with spewed coffee and I suspect Nomar will have something to do with that!
I don’t always watch cool ads like Virago but when I do, I think of “dick dribble”. Yikes!
Whoa, cheaterssuck! Gentle and loving correction. Trivago . . . . NOT Virago. I had to do a math problem early in my day to Log In re this matter!!! I want no future connection with thoughts of “dick dribble”.
I wouldn’t mind being a cool ad. MoFaux once muttered that I was a sad tool. Maybe he really meant, or in the spirit of true mindfuckery, actually said “cool ad”.
Oops sorry about that!
Magnificent jest. Apology not required.
CL, you did a nice job (as usual) on this post, but I am sadly all out of antinauseant medication.
cheaterssuck, you have it right. Dick dribble image and ad.
I love it when someone can translate the real meanings.
I’ll never see “Trivago” again. It’s like when I used to drive a Nova — y’know, No va! (doesn’t go), right?
Besides this guy isn’t interested in middle-aged women. So he can fill that rucksack with hair product and hire a Sherpa to haul it halfway up Everest. I could give half a shit.
(Sorry that’s supposed to be “Never see ‘Trivago’ the same WAY again.” — Early morning fail.)
Trivago – Australian for kangaroo-fucker.
(I did not know that female kangaroos had three vaginas. Two side vaginas are included. See diagram below.)
And here is Trivago guy tryna get some hot kangy action
Gotta say, the word-nerd in me finds the most exciting part of this whole debacle to be the discovery that the plural of “uterus” is “uteruses,” not “uteri.”
#NerdOut
Both used in Medicine, Ian, though seldom necessary as there are so few kangaroos in the treatment room. Nice to know that you are right every time, eh?
Ducks, on the other hand, grow a new penis every year. That would be a lovely adaptation for men. AND women, of course. Although it might be a painful process.
Who knew all that was to be learned on an ordinary Wednesday?
And then there are the spiral duck vaginas, that give the female duck a choice over whether a given male duck rapist gets to fertilize her. So it’s so much a rape as an audition. http://www.livescience.com/4426-ducks-wage-genital-warfare.html
Typo correction “So it’s *not* so much a rape as an audition”
And lizards with two pensis anyone? http://www.inquisitr.com/1589557/male-genitalia-why-evolution-gave-lizards-two-penises-and-humans-just-one/
Anyway, back to humans…
I’m an Aussie and did not know about the reproductive curiosities of the roos, thank you Ian for this new knowledge! I used to work in Emergency and no roos were treated, although one suburban unit had a local brush tailed possum that wandered through the department at night as if she owned the place.
Your roo is being very polite rejecting Mr Trivago the man-child cheater, he deserves a full on kick in the face with those legs, followed up by some claw scratching!
She may have 3 vaginas but she also has 2 fists!
This is so good!
I also love the one where that fool hunter applied deer musk to his body and that big deer comes over and starts kicking his ass. I can’t get enough of that video.
Roo slapped ! Even she knows what he’s after and isn’t going to fall for it. This guy is the poster child of douche bags .
But this:
“Shitty character is not attractive.”
This is what I love. CHARACTER is what determines your fate. Character is what counts!
I always think about Ripley from Aliens. (I love sic fi). Her character is what makes us cheer and cry for her. Imagine if when the Alien snatched Newt, she had said…Yeah, we had just better get back to the ship. I hate that. Poor Newt.
But that is not what Ripley does. She amours up, fights like hell, and even says: Get away from her, you Bitch!
Bravery is Beautiful! Fighting for what you believe in….not skulking around texting like an acne riddled 7th grader, furtively jacking off in the basement…..this is the opposite of a good man…a brave man, a man with character who values his wife and family.
Nomar, we must look into having you cloned.
Character is what should determine your fate, but it didn’t do much for me. I was faithful, loyal, honest and all that shit for 30 years. My fate sucks.
Didn’t do much for me either, neither did honesty, loyalty and being a supportive wife.
I sacrificed my career, my life, my future. Thinking about my wasted life makes me physically ill. I should have a capital L for loser tattoo on my forehead.
That’s my fate.
25+ years down the toilet.
I am so sorry brit. That is EXACTLY how I feel too. We both need to focus on the time we have left rather than the time lost. But it really hurts some days.
Brit-believe me, there are moments I have had those thoughts. But two things deter me: You and I still have about 1/3 of our lifespan left. Plenty of time to do wonderful things. Secondly, most of us came into our marriages thinking abnormality was normal because of FOO issues. For some of us, then, if it hadn’t been our cluster B cheater, it would have been another cluster B jerk until we worked through our issues. And presumably, those of us in long-term marriages stayed for some memorable moments. Those memories aren’t the same as they used to be, now that we know we were married to imposters, but OUR experiences were real.
Hugs!
Wow, I never thought of it this way, Tempest. You are right. If I didn’t marry Jeffrey Dahmer, I would have married Charles Manson. I have never ever had a healthy male/female relationship. Everyone I ever dated eventually turned out to be self-centered and entitled. And as for the memories — I have tons of great and fun memories with my ex and our family we made together. All the memories were real to me even though he was acting his way through the whole thing. Like you said, I don’t look at the memories the same way anymore, but I was real in all we were doing together, so that’s all that matters. Thanks for the “aha” moment this morning, Tempest.
come on ladies, do you actually believe what men tell you? oh i love you baby, i want to to marry you. the only thing this mother fuckers love about women is ass, tits n pussy. and not only yours but all of the women. no man is worth throwing your life away.
I feel the same. It was ten years but I was happy and in love. I thought I had all my answers and that the future was full of fun and adventure together and so many good things to come. And now I’m empty and broken and sad and alone. Everything we built together done whoremat has torn asunder. ??? I’m only 32 so hopefully brighter days ahead with someone that actually loves me. So sad when I look back at all the good things. He was sorting through paperwork before he moves out and he was crying over the receipt from paying for our marriage license. How can this be? Why isn’t he a ?
Word. What “should” be and what is are often worlds apart.
I think that is what makes tangling with a narcissistic mutant so bleak. You give them your everything, and they give you nothing but pain and lies.
My best friend married a man that the world would not find “attractive”. She said:
I don’t care what anyone thinks. I am going for character. Exact quote.
16 years later…good marriage. And I always thought his kindness made him sexy.
(He got my cat out of a tree! And never made me feel like a third wheel if I tagged along).
It does hurt more some days. Today is a bad day. The looming question:
How can he not miss me?
Yes indeed how can they not miss us? It shows how disordered they are that they throw away the most precious people in their lives–their wife and often their children. ..
When you go on vacation and stay in a hotel, do you miss your refrigerator? No, of course not–you can function very well with the small refrigerator in the hotel room. Not as nice, or high status, but it keeps your drinks cold.
They have moved on to other refrigerators. Sad, but true–that is how they think of us. We should all just get “Frigidaire” tattooed on our foreheads (except we’ve learned not to tolerate refrigerator status ever again. Ever.)
Nomar, that is so freakin funny! Lmao
Nomar,
Thanks you for the cheater language lesson, it lifted my day.
That’s hilarious. I can now never use Triple Vagina for my family travels LOL
This guy utterly creeps me out. Looks like a guy who needs Viagra. In fact he should do combined commercials for shitty hotels and whores (forgive my use of this term, no intent to hurt those women).
Under the add there is a line explaining the add. It says:
Mood: Funny
UGH, I haven’t seen the ad yet but now I will not be using that site. Gross. Plus he sort of looks like my ex, so Double-gross.
“You stink of rejection and dirty, unchanged underwear”
I know this smell! It’s an awful combination.
Thank god I’m not the one laundering the undergarments these days- his new gal gets that honor.
lols my deadbeat uncle smelt like that. he thought it was perfectly normal for a man in his his 50’s to only be satisfied with women in their 20’s and he had no where to live so he stayed in my dinning room, stinking out my whole house till he got kicked out.
This is why I’m so glad I don’t have cable.
On the bright side he did get thrown out by his wife. #tonightthreeviginastomorrowmomsbasement
Welldone, DoingMe!!! great hashtag!
Once again, they make the problem about getting caught and not the cheating in the first place. He has too find a place because he is a cheater and NOT because his gf checks browser history. An innocent person has nothing to hide.
Well said, DM!
Yes, preach it. Crappy character is the problem which causes the troubled girlfriend and results in getting kicked out.
And bless his GF for checking browser history and standing up for herself. Most of us would have loved to have that resolve in the early days. I know it took me a few years after dday #1.
Add it to the list!
It can go right under Reebock on the list of places I won’t spend my money. You won’t find a single product from them in my home after their cheat on your girlfriend not your workout ad debacle.
I can hold a serious grudge too. I refused to purchase anything from Guess? After their Anna Nicole Smith campaign made me horribly uncomfortable. That was like three decades ago. Like a lot of chumps, I can play the long game.imagine how much money that will be over the course of my lifetime not being spent with these businesses.
I totally agree with you. The only thing corporate types understand is money. I, like you, speak by not spending my money with company’s that portray values against mine. I didn’t know about reebock but I haven’t spent money with them in decades. Stay strong and hit them where it hurts.
Exactly. My first thought was: Boycott.
And let the sponsors know why you’re boycotting them.
Here you go, Chump Nation; the revolution has begun. If everyone calls customer service today I’ll bet we can get them to take the ad down:
212-208-1439 Virago customer service.
Boycotting works. Look what happened to Targets stock values.
Except it has an 87% approval thumbs up rating. Go vote “boo.”
https://www.ispot.tv/ad/AjBv/trivago-kicked-out
Done.
Boo-ed.
Come on everyone, lets give them 3 million boos!
Done and approval now under 60% – Keep the down votes coming!
Done – voting is now 51:49
Ha! Now at 42%
Approval rating for the Trivago Sad Sausage Cheater Ad now stands at 10.39%. Who’s going to cast the vote that takes it down into the realm of single digits???
Done. It’s down to 8.5%
Approval rate dropping fast – now 51.5 % and dropping. I reloaded the page from both my computer and i pad and keep hitting “boo” and posted a comment with my disaproval, but wholeheartedly congratulating them on branding Travago as the “Douche” travel site.
Oh, and added a p.s. to look up the meaning of tri vago in Italian… Then saying, but you alreday knew that.
Woop! Approval rate now 28% and Dropping. Go Chump Nation!!! Here’s my comment to CEO:
ATTN: JON EICHELBERGER, CEO U.S. OPERATIONS
Dear Jon,
I found your “Kicked Out” ad so triggering that I took time out of my busy day to send you feedback. This ad is disgusting. It trivializes cheating, and minimizes the real damage and devastation it causes. After discovering my husbands affair, I checked out his browser and found the affair was only the tip of very big iceberg. Blew up a 38 year marriage, family, property, friendships, a lifetime. I had to be checked for STD’s. It’s not a laughing matter. Perhaps I should send him a link to Trivago. He’s your target market. Oh, but he has no money for the vacations he used to enjoy, he’s spending it all on alimony and legal fees…
Is this the Branding Message you want to send? Very short sighted.
That is a powerful letter, Chump Change!
Well done.
WOW, well said CC!!!
Very nice, Chump Change.
http://company.trivago.com/feedback/
I wrote a comment too. I informed them of my status as a platinum-elite business traveler aa well as my demographics: Over 45, professional, mid six figure income, and book all travel online. I said I would never use their site because I’m so disturbed by the ad in question.
I’m going to do the same thing.
As an international traveler myself as a woman, I am highly offended by this ad.
I only stay in nice hotel rooms when I am alone overseas and I am often in Australia on business and the extra-curricular activities diving the barrier-reef and visiting nearby countries.
Not to mention traveling constantly to cheap motels for dog-shows.
I will not be using their site as I have never used a motel room for cheating.
Sound good? I think I’ll use that as my letter.
That was awesome, Chump Change!!!!!!!!
Done, now down to 11% HA!
Thanks I just voted, it’s down to 27%
not anymore
– down to 16%
Done, the ad is at 8% approval this am.
Done, downvoted and commented on. Yuck.
Hi Tempest, is there an email address too? Trivago are running a lot of ads here too but not this one that I am aware of. Still an opportunity to get a campaign going. Start the revolution.
Indomitable posted this below:
http://company.trivago.com/feedback/
Tony Robbins who I thought was the perfect motivating mentor until I realized he was being motivated by a twuluv and left his wife! Wow
I did not know that! I used to love him. I have some of his books and audios.
Big Dummy.
I just watched an interview with Tony Robbins and his new schmoopie on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday. Although Oprah’s questions weren’t to interrogate him, Tony did justify what he did was soulful. My thoughts of Mr. Banana hands just went down the shitter after witnessing that drivel.
And I just looked on his Wikipedia page and though he got married (the first time) in 1982, he seems to have had an out-of-wedlock child with another woman in 1984. His poor (first) wife probably spent years doing the pick-me dance. He divorced in 2001 and very conveniently got re-married in 2001. Overlap, anyone?
So sick, these narcs!!!! Tony Robbins is definitely a narc, needed some new supply. Blech!
You know, I saw a bit of that ad and remember thinking something was off. I need to rewatch it, luckily I haven’t seen it again.
And all that crap for Las Vegas is just disgusting. And they simultaneously try to sell it as a “family destination”. Bleggg.
and how about this for the next Trivago ad:
“Like fucking underage girls? Even younger than 10? Use Trivago to book your next trip to SE Asia!”
Virago? LOL, I think you mean Trivago… Virago’s travel website (if it existed) would be marvelous.
Oops–corrected!
Thanks, Cupcake. I appreciate your endorsement. Even before the business is born!
It was correct here but Tempest referred to Virago Customer Service above. Heh . . . I could have fun with THAT. Perhaps an idea is gestating (to continue the uterine reflections).
I think you could have great fun with that; several of us have mistakenly accessed “Virago” (a great name) instead of Trivago (awkward & unwieldy). You could pretend to be the travel site, meanwhile dishing out trivia about the number of penises or vaginas of various species, and the correct Latin plurals for anatomical parts. That would clearly confuse people like the Trivago guy (who can’t even button his shirt properly).
Vegas…the whole place throbs with cheating. When you can’t walk down the street without semi homeless people passing out CARDS with escort ads on then, you know you have come to the wrong place.
They act like they are passing out Chinese take out menus…..for HOOKERS.
And the gambling-If I want to go light some money on fire, I can just go do it in my back yard with a bon fire.
This is more evidence of the calculated evil of corporate American (Trivago, etc). Flights into Vegas are also much cheaper than flights out. They want to get you in there……easy, cheap and quick. But the flight outs are usually a couple hundred dollars more. It is like you are trapped.
I agree, Sylvia. I know I am a recovering chump, and way too naive for my age, but the one time I was in Vegas I actually thought that the billboards for the “Bait and Tackle” shop were for fishing. I remember wondering where the lake or river was. Almost all the litter on the sidewalks were these escort calling cards and peep show flyers. Me, I’m heading out to do some fishing for real fish. With gills and scales.
That is so cute! You just wanted to fish.
Yes….can you imagine people going there to GET MARRIED? Taking a holy vow, to forsake all others…..bonded for life….you are so in love…wait…there is something stuck on your shoe…it is a card for Natasha, the Triple D hooker who does golden showers. (I saw that ad there).
In England in the 90’s I was grabbed and thrown out of a phone box so that a couple of very large thugs could plaster the phone box with prostitutes cards. Took them about 15 seconds and then they shoved the two big bullies shoved my little 50kgs back in. This was on a very busy shopping High Street in North London, nobody batted and eyelid. The rot has been with us a long time!
In England in the 90’s I was grabbed and thrown out of a phone box so that a couple of very large thugs could plaster the phone box with prostitutes cards. Took them about 15 seconds and then they shoved the two big bullies shoved my little 50kgs back in. This was on a very busy shopping High Street in North London, nobody batted an eyelid. The rot has been with us a long time!
Yes, it has! I think back in the day (the 50s) it was more brown bag, bottom shelf….some shame. Now, it is loud and proud. Think about it: Kim Kardashian became FAMOUS for a porno video. Something big shifted in the zeitgeist , and it ain’t good.
The last time I went to London, I left sooner than planned because I was ….bleeding money. That city is so expensive- they can have it. The pounds trips you up….3 pounds for cinnamon roll…that is $6 DOLLARS, essentially.
Makes me wonder about the Madison Avenue “culture”. Cheating is funny….. a window into the prevalent mind set there? A wee bit of projection perhaps? Selling it all as the cool people cheat.
Very uncool in my book.
Blessed to have not seen it! Marketing in this world has just gotten warped. It’s why I no longer read the news or watch cable. I guess i’m “old fashioned” and I just don’t care.
I honestly stopped watching after 9/11 lostntx. It’s all scare tactics and garbage. This is just one more example!
Take a minute today and let Trivago know what you think about .cheaters as a business advertising theme.
http://company.trivago.com/feedback/ Ask for your complaint to be addressed to Jon Eichelberger, CEO of U.S. Operations
Thanks! I posted the phone number above, but the on-line complaint is easier.
Here’s what I sent to their feedback link…
Your advertising campaign is disgraceful. Given your stance on the topic of infidelity, get ready for the day your son or daughter comes to you in tears because their partner blew up their vows and family life. You can just shrug and tell your child and grandchildren “Shit happens. Take a vacation with Trivago.”
– CL Sunshine
Just sent this feedback to them.
Your Kicked Out ad
Now that I have seen this ad I will never use your service. Cheating, which is often discovered when checking the browser history, is emotional and psychological abuse. Ask the millions whose families and lives are destroyed every year by cheaters and online porn and hook-up sites. The cheated partner’s health is at risk of STD’s which can cause infertility and even death. The cheated partner does not consent to having sex with someone who lies to them and puts them at risk, they are lied to and abused. It is a form of rape, no better than using a date rape drug. The drug is lies. Shame on you Trivago.
Let’s swamp them and make some waves!!
Bravo!!!??
Just added mine!!!
Done. I’ll call later too Tempest.
DONE. With a link back to this post.
done!
Thanks for the on-line complaint link. Done – easy – and satisfying to express my feelings. When any of this nonsense pops up we should note it and respond.
Done. Thanks for posting the link.
Done.
I have ALWAYS hated this ad campaign. Even before D-day I could tell this guy was a jerk. My disgust and hurry to mute amused x.
Go figure.
I agree that this ad campaign blows. My kids and I were watching TV the other night and one of these Trivago commercials came on. When it ended, I looked at my son, my son looked at my daughter, my daughter looked at my other son, we all looked at each other, then…….crickets.
Our natural instincts couldn’t connect with the message they were trying to send. Same goes for those Matthew Mcconaughey Lincoln SUV commercials.
Me too! Always found something “off” about that guy. I see those ads and think Ick! Ew! Creepy!
Doesn’t Nepal have tigers? Let’s hope they like non-ironed shirt guys.
I haven’t yet seen this particular ad, but this particular spokesman has always hit me as strangely repulsive. He looks like an alcoholic drifter with bedhead who just got “cleaned up” long enough to do the ads and then crawled back into the bottle. When I said that to my daughter’s boyfriend he chucked and said, “I see what you mean.” I’m glad I’m not the only person who thinks he’s Gross. Whoever hired him must be blind.
Yeah, I found him to be repulsive, too, when I first saw him in the commercials. He looks dirty and unkempt. And now he’s a cheater and possibly a porn addict. And he has no pants on and no home to go to. Yeah, just the kind of guy I’d listen to.
Nope. Not blind … intentional. Marketers do endless research to test their ads to ensure they are reaching the intended market. Their intended market IS douche bag middle aged guys who want to find cheap motel rooms for hook ups. It is a large profitable niche market. And it is gross.
Yep. There are some gross marketing tactics nowadays. My ex used Adult Friend Finder to cheat on me. Now, we’ve got Ashley Madison. I’m glad I work in advertising for a decent, family owned retail company instead of someone marketing to douchebags.
I have to agree, thanks for putting an apt description on it. The guy is so slimy, and I remember pointing this out to a group of people when watching a show, the whole lot chimed in on how gross they found this “dude” ! LOL!
“Alcoholic drifter with bed head”…..that is so hilariously accurate. And the way he slumps and slouches off with bad posture at the end.
I think, too…it is making fun of the “innocent” habit of looking at porn. Girlfriend checking the browser history. It is some sexual betrayal that is the theme of their ad…it’s just some harmless man shenanigans!
And note…even though he has gray hair…it is girlfriend. As CL said, Man-child. He is too cool to be married.
To my mind, looking at porn is cheating. Watching it on a screen….what if I just went and found a random man in Starbucks, took him to a hotel, asked him to take his clothes and watched him do things naked….but never touched him…how is it different?
(Not that this would EVER happen. Retch).
I am no prude….just the opposite. But there is something about pornography that is insidious on every level.
Gratification=no responsibility
People are pieces of meat.
This is the about the 3rd time I have written this, but everyone should read the book: Pornified.
It talks about how watching Porn actually rewires the brain and normal naked adult behavior no longer works to make the regular porn user turned on.
They have to keep upping the ante, with more bizarre and unnatural images to get turned on at all. It is a relationship and marriage killer. And, instead of enhancing your libido, it kills it.
I agree and I will definitely read that book some day!
Hi Martha
I wonder how many chumps here mutant X’s looked at porn? How many of the cheaters looked porn?
Even though my X said, “I can’t keep up with you sexually” (drug use) he looked at porn.
Disgusting porn.
It broke my heart. Who has 4-5 hour sex sessions with their girlfriend and when he is away from her for a few days…still wants to look at dirty porn?
Raising hand here. The X started looking at porn decades ago, and I looked at some of his search history, a lot of them had degrading titles. Over the years they got worse (at least it was adult porn). I know he treated me with huge disrespect, and I do think the porn fed into that mindset. Certainly doesn’t encourage a guy to appreciate his wife, and return her love! It seemed like he spiraled down into a filthy life, and sure, porn was part of that, not just ‘having fun’ where ‘it doesn’t hurt anyone’!
FreeWoman, it was part of the devalue, wasn’t it? Women are bags of meat who exist to fulfill base needs. Don’t like the look of that one? Keep searching endless choices to “get off”.
I bet almost all the chumps on here….the cheater looked at porn.
It might seem to hard line and way out of our “culture”…but I believe it is cheating and a deal breaker.
(and that is why I may end up alone.)
Ha, yes, good luck finding someone who dislikes porn. Actually, that’s just my cynical self talking, I have no statistics on that!
I need to keep telling myself- most men are not Pigs. My sons are fine people, there’s three examples! Must try to be idealistic, but it’s getting harder.
Robert Jensen was one of my feminist mentors when I was an undergrad. He has been doing work on porn for years. Here is one of his publications
https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Off-Pornography-End-Masculinity/dp/089608776X
No, I think you are right. I don’t think I will find any man who does not like porn.
Most have been smart enough to “act” like they don’t like it with me.
Even my X…gave me the old…Someone else was using my phone!!! That was not me! He stuck to that lie like glue.
He told me…You are so old fashioned, I love that.
However, he much he gave lip service to loving it, he just went underground with his deviant behaviors.
Here’s a nice summary (shorter than the book):
http://tedxtalks.ted.com/video/Growing-Up-in-a-Pornified-Cultu
If the link doesn’t work, it’s a Ted Talk by Gail Dines titled “Growing up in a Pornified Culture.”
I found it quite disheartening.
Good sex 3-4 times per week with me, online sexting, happy ending “massages”, prostitutes in hotels, hookups at our other home, occasional get together with l-t affair partner in the city. And porn. All in our first year of marriage.
Geode,
It leaves me stunned. How did he find the time?
I am sorry. It is abuse.
Silvia is Sad, I totally agree!! I think many of our cheaters probably started with pornography before they actually cheated. I think it’s like a “gateway” drug. It really just makes women into objects to use; to the men using porn, these women have no backstory, no personality, no worth. There is no emotional connection and the women are just there, naked and willing to be used by men. Sex is intended to be a way to connect, and if a guy is gratifying himself while watching porn, who do you think he is connecting with? HIMSELF! And these Narc types don’t need any help in that department, so it really just exacerbates the problem.
After a while, the porn isn’t enough, so they have to look for a way to escalate the thrill. Cheating is the obvious answer. And even with cheating, it’s been proven that the type of cheating gets more and more perverse. What was once satisfying is no longer enough, and so off they go looking for the next level or perverse. In my opinion, it is no different than a drug.
And I agree with you that it is a form of cheating. I would rather be alone than with a man who has any interest in pornography. I’ve already been down that road once, and obviously it didn’t end well!
Totally with you guys on the porn. It seemed fun and innocent in the 70s but over the decades the damage is immense. I suspect it even had something to do with the declining sperm counts in the West. And all these men saying they feel emasculated. They blame women and feminism, but they’re on the wrong track. I think porn not only degrades women, it emasculates men. Make believe permanently available sluts takes away all incentive for men to make an effort, be manly, challenge themselves, compete and achieve. What better way to diminish the male gender and destroy a society?
That is remarkable critical thinking….spot on.
And if you are single, and the other person is single…whatever happened to going to a bar and buying someone a drink, and seeing if the sparks fly.
Natural Chemistry.
They even have porno apps…Come on!!!
I was watching a documentary on Elephant Seals. And it showed all the WORK the men had to do to mate. I think there is something to that. The release of sex should not be as easy as tapping an app.
But, we are fighting the rising tide. Porn is not going anywhere (except in Utah! I believe they made it a public health crisis, or something).
Not to mention that a good bit of the international porn is being conducted with men & women in the sex trade operation. Exploitation on so many levels.
That’s right. Real slaves.
When I worked for the U.S. Federal government, we had to watch a program on the sex trade and slaves and how to spot the victims. They are in the States, these victims.
Women who are kept locked up, and their passports are taken, and they have to perform or else. A living hell.
Porno- not so funny or harmless after all.
Exactly Chump Mama! See my post above.
Sylvia – ‘Women who are kept locked up, and their passports are taken, and they have to perform or else. A living hell.’
I’ve read about this many times in the States.
What a disgusting reaction to watching so much porn on a computer screen to actually up the ante by having your real, true, own-life sex slave that you can finally do anything you want to, without paying a pro. So many kidnapped 9 yr old little kids never seen again. Or younger.
I just puked a little.
Hi Sylvia
Yeah, my ex looked at porn, but denied it of course. Twice I found a “used” tissue in his den. The first time was under his desk. The way it was closed up after used did not look like what a used snot tissue would look like. It looked very tidily folded up. The second time I found a used tissue in his den, it looked the same, but this time I found it in the desk drawer; hiding the evidence quickly I guess?
One time I took the kids on a week trip back to my home state to take care of my mom who broke her arm. What did he do while I was gone? Well, the lubricant that we used for the toys was open and spilled inside my nightstand drawer. Also could tell by looking at the DVR history that he watched a few soft porn movies while I was gone.
My ex actually said to me once, “It easier for me to masturbate then spend time getting you in the mood.” Those are not his exact words as I don’t remember exactly what he said, but that was the meaning behind what he said. Can you say selfish much?
I have no doubt in my mind that he has a secret porn life.
Wow. It is monstrously selfish. I understand men need to masturbate, but getting your wife in the mood…that is called FOREPLAY, you weirdo whack a doo. He is grotesque. To verbalize that takes some real gall.
My X was into sex toys, too. I wonder what they means? I *never* had any other man even broach that subject. But, my X spent mega bucks on all kinds for me.
Is it their deviance? Jadedness?
Yes, Sylvia, him saying that to me should have been a big red flag to me, but chump me just took what he said and of course TRIED HARDER.
The sex toys were actually brought up by me. Just trying to keep the spice in our sex lives. It was never anything really bad or kinky. Just some extra things that I bought that I thought would add to our sex life. Once again, me putting in all the effort.
In all the years we were together, he never once bought me any lingerie. I even hinted at a purchase when we were in Paris years ago while walking past a shop — “We should go in this shop and pick out something sexy!” Crickets from him. It’s sad I wasted my best body years on such a selfish fuckwit.
OMG Martha – your comments really resonate with me!
‘It’s sad I wasted my best body years on such a selfish fuckwit.’
Me too! Same exact thing.
When we were first married and was in 21 yr old excellent shape and worked out all the time.
On our honeymoon I wanted to buy a new string bikini really bad (it was my b’day) and he refused saying we couldn’t afford it.
(I thought I made a huge mistake marrying him right then and there and he never did get me a b’day gift)
So, I went on the honeymoon with the same old ugly 2 piece that I’d had already worn for 2 years.
Didn’t make any difference to him it all if he saw me in something sexy or not.
Just, no reaction.
I stayed with him….Why? Again???
SheChump, That is just so sad he wasn’t excited about seeing your sexy young body in a new bikini! My ex was the same way. Just didn’t care either way. I excitedly bought several sexy negligees from Victoria Secret before our honeymoon. He liked them on our honeymoon. Not super excited about them, but liked them. Came home from our honeymoon and I’d wear the sexy negligees to bed and he’d just go to sleep. He turned into a different person as soon as we came back from our honeymoon. I used to cry myself to sleep. And this from a man who said he was up for sex at anytime! I was on antidepressants less than a year after we got married. He was able to keep the mask on before we got married, even though I saw it fall a few times before we got married. But he wasn’t able to keep it up once we got married. It was too much work to keep that mask up 24/7.
There is also a great Ted talk on porn, as well.
How 10 yr old boys get started and it re-wires their young brains.
The link on youtube Ted Talk – The big porn experience is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSF82AwSDiU
So douch-y how he shouts indignantly “With Wifi!” at the end, before walking off. As if Wifi is some great prize to be had. Waaayyyy better than a loving girlfriend and a warm house, clearly.
I wonder how triumphant he’ll feel after the 8th, 9th day in that same hotel, cause his girlfriend still isn’t taking him back. Even Triva-ho’s cheap rates add up after awhile.
If he’s anything like my cheater, he will charge it to the joint credit card.
That’s why the very first thing I did on DDay, before even calling his cheating ass to confront was to take his name off the credit cards. By the next day when we both got paid, I took all the money out of the joint account that was needed to pay the bills (aka. Almost all) and opened a new account with just my name on it. He tried to use the cards that day to get a hotel room and was instantly turned down…tough nuggies you fool, you wanna whore around, pay your own way!
He used martial funds to buy hotel rooms to cheat? You see, Kurleegirl, you have amazing superpowers. To have not murdered him. I am not joking. You have Ghandi like powers of patience and non violent tendencies.
Because that is so horrible, so evil…..it stuns me. I am sorry.
My X never did me wrong with money. Not even close. Perhaps that is why he is still alive and I am not frantically working on my appeal for my several life sentences.
My ex also used some marital funds on the mistress. When I finally got the cahones to give him an ultimatum to either stop cheating or divorce, he decided that we should try separation. But, we could both live in the house. I decided that I would cut up the joint credit card and cancel it. I also decided that I would transfer half our life savings into my own personal savings account. To top it all off, I decided to contact an attorney and file for divorce a couple of weeks later.
Later, I found out that I had high risk hpv and my ex had been my only partner. I’m glad for my freedom’s sake that he was not around me when I found out he gave me an std.
Perhaps we are jumping to conclusions. There are all kinds of objectionable things that could have been in his browsing history and got him kicked out. Hmmm, let’s see:
— google search on cubic zirconium engagement rings that pass for REAL!!!
— divorce strategies for common law “marriages”
— home remedies for crabs
— how much rat poison would be toxic to humans?
— white pages phone number look up for old girl friend
— gay porn (my personal favorite)
See? No cheating!!! We need to give Mr. Cheap Hotel Room (for just 15 minutes) Douche Bag the benefit of the doubt.
#reallyonlyneeded2minutes
+1
Don’t forget the Back Pages!
I found that in my X’s google search history.
Ahh…the memories.
I agree, it could be things not related to cheating. But…. whatever the offending browser history, Triva-ho guy isn’t sad, he’s indignant. Seems like an indication of how the discovery conversation went with his girlfriend (Man-child: “I’ll look at whatever I want to! Hmmmmmff! You have boundaries? How dare you!) It’s the Peter Pan behavior and self-centered way he talks about what ultimately hurt his girlfriend’s feelings, that bothers me.
Y’all, don’t blame the actor for the douchey character he’s playing. I looked up the guy on IMDB. He’s from Texas, but speaks fluent German and does a lot of work in Germany. He sounds like an interesting guy. This actor was hired because he has a great speaking voice and the decision-makers like his look. National ads pay well, and it’s hard to make a living as an actor.
Yes, absolutely blame Trivago and their advertising agency. They’re assholes if they think this stuff is funny.
He still looks like a feral beggar who hangs out at the methadone clinic.
They have styled him that way…to look like a rumpled man child, who gets “caught” by the mean Mommy girlfriend when he was up to his secretive behaviors. She had to then “punish” him.
I am not worried about the Trivago actor’s feelings. He will be just fine.
I get your point, but I have to wonder about the character and principles of the actors who take these rolls. It’s not like playing the villain in a play. I tried to think of it that way, but a commercial is trying to send a specific message and has to find an actor willing to get that message across. He’s going to get a little slime on him.
Here is an add with very NON-douchy actors who seem to understand cheaters quite well.
This ad is sensational for many reasons:
1) My man Freddie Mercury!
2) the beautiful dog
3) the landscape and scenery
I think my ewes know Bohemian Rhapsody, I know my oldest dog does and she can howl with it!
Kiwi,
Is New Zealand as beautiful as The Lord of the Rings made it look?
That guy’s got some ugly-ass chicken legs. Barf.
You asked for it Ian, show us your legs !! I have always liked a man with solid legs and my ex’s were the skinniest of all. Otherwise he is perfect in every possible way. Show us your legs Ian…. PLEASE. I asked nicely.
Hee Hee!
Leg shot!
My X had sort of skinny legs, and I thought they were perfect. That is love for you.
But, he did have broken veins…which I thought was odd for a man. Is that odd? He said, one time, Look, you don’t have one broken vein…it is because I have never had children.
(As time went on, the compliments turned to criticism…however)
I said, Why do you? And he said it was from jumping off trucks. I think it was from drug use?
I have NEVER seen a man with spider veins…46 years old?
What does it mean?
Sylvia, I am in the process of having a medium vein treated with laser and my doctor stated that it is due to the valves in the vein not working properly. My ex did have a few spider veins but I simply just thought it was him. However, I take after my mother and just happen to have a small grape like vein on my left calf which I hope will be gone as of Monday. At least I hope so.
Ian, if I know your sense of humour you will post a cartoon picture of a chicken with skinny legs !!
Thank you! It must be poor circulation. My X was a CHAIN SMOKER! Had no plans to quit, either.
I think that is what Ian will post as well.
Something hilarious.
Sylvia, you ex will get lung cancer and if not, his skin will sag to his knees. Smoking destroys much more than a bank balance. I say bank balance because here in Australia you could buy decent healthy food for the price of one packet alone. Give me my food any day of the week.
Maree,
I think he already has it. Are you ready? He has been smoking since he was 5 years old. I have confirmed this with family. He is 46. He would go around as a little boy and steal cigarettes and smoke them. He also used to huff gas as a little boy.
I don’t even know what that means..except maybe has has brain damage.
He would get winded when we would have sex unless he had some drug to artificially prop him up. I don’t drink, don’t smoke, nothing. He would say…No human can keep up with you. You are the Energizer bunny. I would say, No, I am just not a walking bag of chemicals and drugs. I eat a lot of dirt candy! (Veggies and fruit). He ate CRAP. Like processed crackers and fast food.
I wondered where you were, Maree. I may have to use some of sky miles to come and see you!
Sylvia – ‘I have NEVER seen a man with spider veins…46 years old?
What does it mean?’
Mine had too in his forties.
His ankles were all purple with exploding veins and often swollen.
I think he drank too many martinis every night and gained and lost weight constantly.
Also, I think it’s heart issues. (he didn’t do drugs)
All signals to clean up your lifestyle.
Maree – ‘Show us your legs Ian…. PLEASE. I asked nicely.’
Naughty Maree – lol.
Ian’s picture is right there.
I sort of figure that I’m not sure I want the visual of his hairy legs.
Besides, he might get generous and also show us his hairy back.
Shechump, Ian may not have hair legs or back!! Manscaping may be part of Ian’s grooming. Just a thought !!
sorry, y’all. i got bad news from two different lawyers in two different legal matters. match girl continues her campaign of obfuscation. like sylvia says: (tolkien i believe) “show them no mercy, for you shall receive none.”
Sorry, Ian. Match girl is the gift that keeps on giving. (see if we can help in the forums)
I am fighting an insane urge to mail my X a letter about how badly he hurt me. And what a bad person he is. All that stuff.
I know it is a fool’s errand. I can’t do it.
I typed it out. That is enough. I have done so great on the NC.
He called me three weeks ago and I mailed that phone to my mother. But, like any good addict, I have been calling and checking the voice mail.
Sylvia, I understand your compulsion to make him understand, but don’t do it. It won’t help, it will only end up making you feel worse for breaking the NC vow you made to yourself. It will open you up to more pain and you have to protect yourself. Stay strong!
Compulsions can be tamed! By all means, write out your thoughts, feelings, invectives. But do.not.send.
Lyn is right–there is NO way to make a cheater see reason, nor your perspective. If they could do that, they wouldn’t have cheated. “And for my next magic trick…..”
That is why I posted that. I needed my beat down. THANK…..YOU.
Lyn and Tempest… real fairy god mothers, not exaggerating.
I remember going through wanting to make him understand…it’s a real longing but the feeling will slowly fade away if you give it time. You’re doing great. By the way, I love your writing. You have a real gift.
Thanks! And English is my THIRD language! THIRD. That is why I make some mistakes.
Your compliment means a lot of me.
Your support means more to me….than food in my cabinet.
I have to move on past this fool. Tempest, when she said it was like Truman…that was it. I was duped. He was my life. (Perhaps first mistake).
So, I have this urge….mania…to TELL HIM WHAT HE DID TO ME. But he knows. He just does not care.
That is what is so hard to accept. He blew me up….Ho Hum.
Oh boy.
Sometimes the simplest explanation is the best: he is an asshole.
When someone becomes your whole world, it doesn’t leave you with much when they disappear. Perhaps that’s the lesson in all this.
I’ll never again sacrifice my dreams to support someone else’s.
I like the way you said that Sylvia… “He blew me up…Ho Hum.” That sums up his mentality riggggght there. It’s beyond sickening…….
I was just talking with someone whose friend is a serial cheater. Cheater has known the AP for 20 years and he says he loves her. I almost passed out! How is that LOVE????? If you love someone, they are 2nd best to no one! I also said that they would be together if he really loved her! He doesn’t love the mother of his child, nor does he love his AP. It’s his other head talking. How people throw around the word love just absolutely KILLS me…
Me too! It does KILL me. If this person stays with that Cheater, I truly feel pity for them? Some emotion that expresses amazement.
Because I broke up with my X. He did NOT think I would.
How would that work?
Hi, how was your day?
Good.
Did you see your other woman?
No, she had to work.
Oh. So, what did you want for supper?
HUH???
How would someone live like that? The disconnect…I love you…and Her!
Sylvia, he does not deserve to know what he did to you. He might like to hear what a strong and powerful destroyer he is, but he does not deserve that. What you should give him is silence, crickets, nada. Don’t give him the satisfaction of rating his ability to cause you pain. Don’t let him catalog the best ways to accomplish that. Don’t feed the Dragon. Back away from the Shitweasel. Look in the mirror and wonder at your incredible strength, and smile and go find something productive to do. Have coffee with a friend. Read a book. Pinch yourself to understand that you are still standing, and stand proud. Disordered people don’t feel bad about hurting people, they revel in it.
Survivor,
Yes, this is very supportive. He is so damaged and…has a mean streak like a shitweasel (good one!) …..it might give him pleasure to know how much he hurt me.
Actually, I think it would.
I don’t know him anymore, and I realize now- I never did. I just have to remember that “crickets” as you said, is the best way. I know we are not supposed to care about how it affects them…but I can’t help but want to have a small ego win.
And I think not hearing from me is a small ego win. Considering I once called him 100 times in row….tragic.
But I do know it has shocked him that I have not contacted him. He is just too cruel to risk it. Thank you for responding. It is so appreciated. You can’t imagine.
I went through a big stack of bills instead and made home made french fries and watched an Iranian film.
Small pleasures.
Me too! I love(d) him so damn much and he turned me into nothing. He calls me wife when he talks about me he still wears his wedding ring but I’m nothing to him. Less than the whoremat. Ten years and he can drop me like a bad habit. It has broken my heart that he could throw away my love like that. I couldn’t treat my worst enemy this way let alone the person I promised to spend my life with. He says he knows what he did and that’s why he’s leaving because he can’t live with the guilt of looking at me (all about him of course) and has to get out. He destroyed me and our life and I am devastated.
SIS, I’ve had the same urge. I have to keep reminding myself that she doesn’t care, never had, and believes she didn’t do anything wrong. There is no way their type (the disordered) will ever understand. They are incapable of it.
Marked711,
Yes…it is like we are trying to understand the aliens.
Do you think they do UNDERSTAND or that they don’t give a toot?
We, our feelings…just don’t matter.
What does it mean…someone saying, with intense eye contact : I love you so much I don’t want to let you out of my sight.
Then the next day…he abandons you for a drug addict and spends two weeks with her. In motels. Doing drugs. This happened to me.
One eye opening moment for me was when I was trying to explain to my mother how my ex just didn’t understand that he was hurting me…when she interrupted with, “He understands, he just doesn’t care.”
Exactly… They don’t care. Tried for 7 years to explain why his flirting/crossing boundaries, cheating, etc was hurtful to the XH… It’s ironic, after I decided for the D, he tried numerous times to salvage the relationship. Just made me shake my head how they just want the relationship with no effort or concern for the other person!
Yes, your mother spoke harsh truth. Was that shake your shoulders moment for you?
My mother (truly hard to deal with but sometimes smart) kept telling me:
He is just too damaged. He is the most selfish person I have ever seen. He only cares for his own needs.
My mother saying he just didn’t care about hurting me was definitely something I’d never considered. I’d always told myself that he wasn’t an emotional person, he was more scientific and logical, so he didn’t understand feelings. It had never really occurred to me that he knew what he was doing but didn’t care. Writings I discovered about a year later confirmed that he was all about acquisition. He didn’t consider her children’s feelings when he befriended them while he was secretly “planting seeds” to break up their mother’s marriage. It was sick.
Anyway, here’s an article that might be helpful:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/schlepping-through-heartbreak/201609/i-just-can-t-get-over-him
I’m never sure what it says about me when I identify with women who love too much or someone with a runaway husband. I don’t know if these authors intentionally leave out men, but it certainly makes me feel like a freak for apparently being so unlike the rest of my gender.
At any rate, I do identify, and I appreciate the article link very much. I’m in that same boat.
WWDSG, I’m in the same boat as you, but I just read it as gender neutral. I’ve personally concluded that men and women are equally represented (as many evil women as men), but women talk about it while men generally don’t. This makes it seem like it’s mostly the women getting hurt (and therefore articles geared towards them). Many men may just suppress the pain longer. I don’t know.
I like the way the article says:
“You have to fight for your happiness”
!!!
Syl, your compulsion to make your abuser understand comes from your basic humanity. And a basic human could hear you and feel remorse. Your cheater lacks this basic humanity. They simply cannot relate to another human this way. Humanity is wasted on them. It keeps you stuck. Forgive yourself. Move on. (((Hugs)))
No, no, no, do not send, talk, express to him your thoughts.
You are just giving him ammunition to shoot you with.
They are incapable of empathy, emotions. They copy everything, behaviours, reactions, every bit from other normal people.
Example:
You tell him “I don’t know who you are”
Next thing he will accuse you of, say about you is: “I don’t know who you are”
You tell him: “I don’t want to see you again”
He will block you and tell his lawyer and everyone else that he doesn’t want to see you.
The 2 above are not just examples. These were my 2 mistakes in handling my SBXH.
Don’t give him bullets to shoot you with! Don’t try to keep him accountable. Abandon hope of getting closure.
Yes. Thank you so much for giving me support.
My “friends” here have single handedly stopped me today. “Abandon hope of getting closure”. It is like dealing with another species.
The article was very helpful, Lyn. Sometimes, I feel like a fool but NoMore Narcs, your words comforted me, regarding basic humanity. I wonder: where did all the feeling for me go?
You know, he held my hair back when I was sick, he unclogged my toilet, he held a Kleenex for me to blow my nose when I had the flu, he brought me meds, he put my sexual needs first, he brought me my favorite treats, he listened to me so carefully, he gave me money……and on and on and on….
does
not
matter.
I reach back, and it is just the mist, fog, air, empty words and deeds.
Oh my gosh, Enraged, that’s EXACTLY what my STBXH would do!!!!! Whatever I would say, he would later say word-for-word what I said back to me like HE came up with it. It was so creepy and disturbing. He was always mimicking me and feeding it right back to me. He never had his own thoughts….smh
Sylvia – ‘I am fighting an insane urge to mail my X a letter about how badly he hurt me. And what a bad person he is. All that stuff.
I know it is a fool’s errand. I can’t do it.’
OK, I know it’s against the grain on this site but, it took our massive house over a year to sell which we were constantly in touch over upkeep, pricing, auctioneers, real estate agents and I blasted his ass every single chance I had. I’d be sweet and business-like at the beginning and end it it vitriol about how he had no integrity, etc. (he wanted to sell the house as-is and I wanted to fix a few things for the buyers-doh) Always an argument over that topic and he kept owing me money I paid out of pocket to repair the house.
But, there was a LOT of shit that never got said during the marriage and the divorce proceedings, so I got it ALL off my chest! Every bit.
Now, he made this quite easy because I truly think he was remorseful but he never disparaged my venom, but he obviously read all of them and didn’t block me. (I would have) He would often reply very kindly, ‘I wish you’d get over your anger for your sake – I worry about what that will do to you”. HA, that would start all new venom. He couldn’t say anything right.
I admit, I don’t regret ONE of those awful emails. I pointed out 3 possible affairs I figured he’d had before this last one. Sent him STD articles all the time, and couldn’t wait to tell him of another friend I told about his cheating. You name it.
Anyway, guess I’m saying, unless you know the guy – and I did – go for it if he’s confused about why you divorced.
They are the ones that need counseling.
SheChump,
I hear you! I love getting advice. I need it. Your X sounds much more lucid than mine. The problem with sending him a letter, or emailing or calling my X…is that if he is high or partying…he will not read it. Or he may not remember it. Or he might act insane.
Isn’t that sad? It shows how bad it got. It was not like that in the beginning.
Or (holding my heart) if he has a woman with him, and I called…it would set me back eons. I would be wild again.
Your X actually took the time to listen to you. Mine…I have *no idea* what he would do. Listen?
Hang up?
Say nothing?
Call me crazy?
He is just so unpredictable. He could be kind, he could be cruel. There is no way to know.
I wish I could let him have it. But it might be like talking to the wind.
But, I am so glad you got to have that release! It would feel so great. My X though….he is a true X variable unknown. I have no idea what he would do or say.
Great choice in a life partner, huh??? I was knocking that one out of the park….NOT.
Sylvia, sounds like you need to be heard and reassured that you are not crazy.
Is there anyone you could ask to just let you vent and cry with for an hour? Get it out of your system but don’t contact him.
Seriously. This itch passes. I promise.
I think I will go to a therapist, and not online or on the phone (The Institute through Sandra L. Brown was all on the phone) . My mom has no sympathy and my friends do not understand. They try…but they have not been chumped. They listen…but you know this response: “Get over him…he was a loser! Join Match!”
I have cried and cried, sobbed, wailed. It concerns me a bit…I thought after not seeing him since Mother’s Day I would be further along. But, I am going to ride this itch out.
I am not going to contact him. It would be like sticking my hand under the lawn mower blade. And you know what? That mofo has my email, my address. He is not contacting me. He is probably (wave of nausea) already living with some whore. Hell, he already was. TWO OF THEM. He is one for the books. He was living with two women when we were in our death throes. He had two.
Thank you Roaring! Just you responding helps me more than I can put in words. No kidding. THANK YOU. You gave me a shot in the arm to make it through the night and walk away from that phone.
(((Kiss to you)))
Roaring like a Lioness!
Sylvia, I was just thinking you might keep in mind that you are a highly intelligent person who is processing at a million miles per hour and you’re exhausted. The good news, this is actually part of the healing process. You’re in the ugly thick of it and it’s the scariest part but feeling it and exploring and expressing is really the only way out. You’re doing great – like gasping for air at the top of Mt. Everest (you’re almost there but you feel like you’re dying. but you’re almost there.) Let it rip.
After being on this site, and meeting in person two A M A Z I N G Chumps (seriously: brains. beauty. wit. style. pathos.), I’m convinced that this happens because cheaters are dumb. Even the “smart” ones = Neanderthal brains. It feels like a choice they’ve made, but it isn’t. They’re just dumb. And not very nice either. Odd, I never noticed that about x before – he’s a chameleon. Wherever he is he is obsequious and playdoh (allowing others to think They are the only ones who have ever understood him – all these memories are flooding back where women would make a point of telling me ‘x is in my tribe.’
I’m pretty woo-woo, but that is just bullshit. I can’t tell if talking about all this is keeping me stuck or healthy.
Sylvia – ‘My X though….he is a true X variable unknown. I have no idea what he would do or say.’
By no means contact an unknown X variable.
Yes, I was lucky with mine and I still wonder why he took so much of my wrath, ‘like a man’ (didn’t retaliate), and kept saying he was sorry.
But – fuck – I KNEW him and he played hardball through the divorce with financials.
But, I was better at it. He wanted to be friends before we went to court.
I became Ms 100mph baseball at his head through my tough lawyer.
It was rare he had a reaction like that, on this site in that he didn’t blame me for anything. (I feel bad for so many other chumps that went through that) And nothing like you are going through, SAD. Your X sounds scary, but aren’t they all. (I just got another giant dog to protect me, so I know I’ll never have an issue)
The truth that keeps us both away from each other is – we would eventually destroy our lives.
That is a good enough reason to stay away from the X, no matter how much you want to be friends.
It just can’t happen. (but, Sylvia, I will say, if I hadn’t have spouted off every disgusting thing to him I ever felt thru all the deception, I would have been harboring it in my brain forever – so I will never regret it)
Sylvia – you can write out your comments to C/N, instead of your X and we will all respond in all our quirky ways.
Cheer up, Sweetie.
Eventually the entire situation looks incredibly silly (what they tried to pull) that it makes for a good therapy session here on C/N.
And, I hope that doesn’t sound insensitive. But, so many times I’ve written down about how crazy things were at the beginning of Dday, and, looking back after meh – it’s actually fun to poke fun of it – altho there is nothing fun about it when it happens.
I never believed for a second that I would get to meh 3 yrs later (well, may 90%) but it’s talking it out, on this site, that did the most for me to figure out a brand new life. And, I’m damn happy. I wish the same for everybody that leaves here eventually. (or, like me, will stay on C/L the rest of my life just because I can)
What a great post! The Trivago guy has bugged me since I first saw him. He reminds me of one of the guys my wife cheated on me with. What I always considered to be a little shit “tough” guy wanna be. One of those things I thought only I would see that way because of who he reminds me of. Nice to know its a more widely recognizable type. I sort of wondered why that guy worked for an ad for a hotel app. I thought it was just in my traumatized head that he appeared to be a model of a shitty bar troller, the kind who offers traveling women a no strings attached night with a smoker-voiced squinty cool guy, and therefore needs a hotel room-finding app. Now someone else sees it that way! They really are advertising this toward the cheater types! Makes me want to go to Nepal and wait in his hotel room so I can beat the shit out of his weany ass when he shows up.
“Makes me want to go to Nepal and wait in his hotel room so I can beat the shit out of his weany ass when he shows up.”
-that is comedy gold.??
You can beat him with his tattered Lonely Planet guide and his mandatory frayed bracelets they all wear that smell like mildew. He is only missing his man bun.
Those ??? are little icons. They did not translate.
On another note I must share something that made me laugh today. I was reading a hysterically funny thread on Mumsnet where women were cheering themselves up reminding themselves about the awful things/habits of their exes that that they are not missing. The one I really loved was
“the way his lungs kept filling with air. Drove me mad.”
Love that one!
Jo – the worst thing you hated about your spouse –
‘“the way his lungs kept filling with air. Drove me mad.”
Bwahahaha. Now that is damn funny!
Couldn’t find the video on Ruthless People with Danny DiVito and Bette Midler, but when he animates her snoring, it’s hilarious.
He really hates her!
[about his wife and his plan to murder her]
Sam Stone: I had to live with that squealing, corpulent little toad all these years. God, I hate that woman. I – I – I hate the way she licks stamps! I hate her furniture! And I hate that little sound she makes when she sleeps.
[Sam imitates a whining nasal sound]
Sam Stone: Ugh! And that filthy little shitbag dog of hers… “Muffy”!
Carol: Aren’t you scared?
Sam Stone: Scared? Hell, no. I’m looking FORWARD to it. My only regret, Carol, is that the plan isn’t more violent.
I bet we all have quite a list of what we hated about our exes.
– I hated the way he would hide beef jerky in his mouth and use his tongue to push half eaten beef jerky into my mouth when I kissed him
– I hated the time he thought it was funny to aim a rubberband at my ass
– I hated the way he would talk rudely about other people when they might have been close enough to overhear him
– I hated his serial cheating
– I hated his being rude on purpose for an extended period of time in an attempt to get me to leave (too bad I valued the vows I took)
– I hated his spending our money on the other woman
– I hated his cutting me down and saying cruel things to me when I found out about the last dday (I can still see the room and remember the exact words he said)
– I hated the fact that he refused to go to counseling but said none of this would have happened if we had gotten help sooner.
– Last, but not least, I hated the fact that he gave me hpv.
I think my decision to finally leave was one of the wisest decisions of my life.
Oh my – it’s clear my picker is just not fixed. I’ve had a secret thing for the trivago guy, probably because he’s my ex’s doppleganger.
My ex H after 17 yrs of marriage:
Aging man child? – check, double check
Dashing and greying around the edges, but only wants to date 20 yr olds – check
Rumpled, tousled appearance, never ironed own shirt – check
Will be backpacking in Nepal? – why yes! He has important anthropological field work to do! And students to fuck.
Looks like he could be methadone clinic client – check, quite burnt over from lifetime of drinking
Arrrgh.
I feel you, Chirral. My X was rumpled, too. Very man child. But I think it was cultivated as part of his awww shucks routine.
Drinkers eventually hit their wall. Their livers just start waving the white flag.
The Jaundiced look is not sexy. Just wait.
I suppose if Trivago is a for-profit company, they can’t be faulted for going after the cheater demographic. After all, didn’t someone on here calculate that based on statistics, there must be a total of 780 million sociopaths/psychopaths on this planet? It would be marketing suicide to not find a way to relieve them of their money!
It is kind of funny though that the actor they chose to represent the average cheater comes across as a douche.
Yes, there are millions of cheaters. But there are millions of chumps too…and people who dislike cheaters… even cheaters who are disgusted by other cheaters. Surely there is no need to make light of betrayal. There is nothing cute or funny about it! On another note…this guy does not make Trivago look good. He looks like he sleeps in his clothes…in his car! A slob.
My Former Chump Boyfriend (FCB) is waaaaaaaaay cuter than the guy in the ad. But more importantly, it never occurs to me to even consider his browsing history. Cuteness and trust. Life saving stuff…
Thanks for goofing on the Trivago guy. Even without this latest douche-powered ad, I’d say fuck that guy anyway.
sent Trivago the following:
Thanks for using infidelity as a joke in your latest ad.
A guy whose girlfriend kicks him out after checking his browser history means he was cheating or trolling for porn.
Does your company want to affiliated with the negative image that your spokesperson portrays? Sorry, not funny. I won’t be using your website.
You have really offended me.
This is extremely powerful! Succinct and strong. Like a shot of expresso, Starbucks Gal!
Expresso is my drug of choice
We love you, Chump Lady! You tell them well, CL!
I get a Trivago guy. He is dressed and speaks Swedish. No idea what he says. This is not Sweden!
Few years back there was an ad in my country:
the guy shows his wife-appliance, the washed out Ana, who is doing the laundry using some washing machine.
Then he shows his side chick, a big tits, heavy make up, wearing lace and satin, sitting on the passenger’s seat in some car.
It doesn’t matter what the ad was for – probably finances.
Nevertheless, that ad got printed in my memory. Having been through what I’ve been through, I dare to ask: is this the normal we want to see?
Are they telling us that having a side chick, a double life is ok?
And why do we let them say such profanities?
WTF?
I just wrote Trivago “that I didn’t find cheating or looking to cheat on a girlfriend, boyfriend, or spouse funny. Also trying to make it cool to cheat is also not funny when the unknowing spouse or girlfriend or boyfriend gets a life threatening STD such as aids, cervical cancer etc. I said what is really cool, hip , sexy and attractive is someone that respects their partner. This actors character is a loser like the Ad.”
Chumplady this is my first time writing and I was blessed to find you and this beautiful group of people with big hearts that are doing the right thing. I have been divorced since last year after 37 years of marriage to a narcissist. I was set free by his cheating after my HPV test came back normal after 3 years of testing positive. I felt he had punished me enough for not being a complete doormat and laughed when I found out he was cheating, “that I was just mad he had humiliated me.” I told him he humiliated himself and now he is cheap. No class.” Chumplady again thank you for helping us to know the best way to gain a life is to leave a cheater. I knew I was done when I found out about the cheating but I was done with the devaluing, financial control etc. The cheating made me move faster as I was waiting for my last child to graduate from College and had major health issues. I didn’t wait when I found out about the cheating and filed. Life is truly beautiful and as an artist my paintings have even more color if that is possible since I never met a color I didn’t like. Love you Chumplady and all you strong Chumps.
signed ,
Blessed 10
Welcome, Blessed, though I’m sorry you’ve had reason to become part of this merry band.
“Life is truly beautiful and as an artist my paintings have even more color if that is possible since I never met a color I didn’t like.”
What a wonderful sentiment. Life ***is*** more colorful without the cheater in it. And your quote reminded me of a wonderful Golden Book my parents read to me when I was small and I read to my (now grown) boys when they were small, “The Color Kittens” by Margaret Wise Brown. Do you know it? Because I think perhaps you’ve lived it.
I miss the Innocence of the Golden Books.
Did anyone ever read a book:
“Bread and Jam for Frances”
She was a little badger who only wanted to eat bread and jam. It was priceless.
I remember the Frances book. It was really cute.
Love that book. Still have it!!
Welcome Susan! I hope your divorce settlement keeps you in all the colors of paint you could ever want!
Re: that Trivago guy now I get. They I have him because is the model of “cheaters” Aha! Since the cheaters are so dumb he has to show his underwear so the company can get more cheapy cheaters!
Re: that Tony R. I was watching a
documentary about his “empire” since I am not from the US he looks to me kind of a faker,people paying over $3000 for seminars.. the first wife looks sad & quiet in the documentary (maybe was holding on or in the pick me dance) He was very skinny and now he is all puff with muscles . I was thinking he should be in the cheaters stage.. & Voila! Did not know about the divorce…
Okay, I can’t figure out why does this guy have a *packed bag* but no pants?
Does he always have a packed bag ready to go? What’s that about? OTOH, if he was in a rush being thrown out, why would he pack everything but forget his pants?
Mysteries…
because he had been wanking off to porn just before his GF threw him out. Grabbed his suitcase and ran as she chased him with a fire poker.
“I can’t figure out why does this guy have a *packed bag* but no pants?”
Typical back-assward cheater priorities. I’d guess in his bag dude has remembered: black Calvin Klein t-shirt (one size too small), “collectible” Star Wars action figures, sex toy for AP (unwashed), and Pierre LeCoq Bio-Thermal Green Tea Exfoliating Facial Scrub for Men ($189/1.7 oz.).
Forgot to pack (in addition to pants): statins, money, health insurance verification card, his soul.
He looks like he started smoking cigarettes when he was 11.
LOL!
Very irritating.
I misread Trivago as Truvada