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Dear America, You’re in an abusive relationship

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flag over the Seneca lake shorelineDear America,

You’re in an abusive relationship. And I should know… I’ve been there. Like you, I was infatuated at first. Swept off my feet at his bravado and direct straight talk. He wasn’t like the other guys — he got me. Like, if I was into art museums? He was into art museums.  If I was into obscure, lugubrious singer songwriters? He was into obscure, lugubrious singer songwriters. It was so refreshing. I totally fell for it.

When I met him, I wasn’t in the best place. I had a hard job, I was a single parent, didn’t earn much money. I’d had a series of traumatic life events — a divorce, a friend’s suicide, a custody battle. Frankly, I was weary and unsure of myself and he made me feel like a winner. Where I was feeling aimless and lost, he knew exactly what he wanted — me. He held out a vision — we were going to get married and have kids and move to the country and I could go back to freelance writing. Okay, he wasn’t real clear on the specifics of how we’d manage to pull all this off, but what he lacked in specifics, he made up for in ardor. He was going to make me great again.

Shame on me. I should’ve believed in my own potential and not needed the validation from this guy. But it was so seductive.

I was special. I understood him in ways no one else understood him. And we had a common enemy! His ex-wife who was really awful to him. And then later after we married, we had another common enemy! The woman he was cheating on me with. Okay, he had a lot of enemies. A lot of people misunderstood him and railroaded him.

But I believed in him. I believed in US. He succeeded in convincing me in that way sociopaths do — he knew I hungered to believe. And when he was blustery and rage-filled? Hey, it was directed at other people. People who deserved it. Who had harmed him, had harmed us really. Okay, so sometimes he was a bit alpha. I thought I could work with that. I never thought he would abuse me. Until he did.

Let me tell you how this all unravels… This is what’s going to happen if you stay with him — he’s going to put a belt around your neck and “joke” about killing you. He’s going to isolate you from your friends and family. Worse still, he’s going to project all his crimes onto you and accuse you of what he is — a liar and a cheat.

And when you object? When you say, no, I’m not the terrible person you say I am? He’s going to get to the narrative first. He will undermine your credibility and surround himself with Switzerland friends. People who say things like, “You never really know what goes on in a marriage” and “You need to accept your part in making him hurt you,” and “I don’t want to judge.”

Except they do judge you. They’re just too chicken shit to admit it. And really, who would they rather be aligned with? A sparkly winner like him or a pathetic chump like you?

There will be a terrible reckoning, America. You will lose yourself. All those things that made you beautiful, that you never sufficiently appreciated — equal protections under the law, a free press, diversity — you will suppress just to please him. This relationship will not bring out your best self. You’ll become paranoid, insecure, and off-balance — and if anyone challenges your relationship? You will defend him. Because to not defend him is to admit that you’ve made a horrible mistake — that you’ve invested in a fraud. That you were never special — you were just of use.

One day America, after you’ve stuffed down one indignity after the other, and made excuse after excuse, something inside you will break. He will go too far. He’ll hurt your children. That could scare you straight, and in that moment you won’t care about your sunk costs and all the self-serving lies you told yourself — you’ll run for your life.

Don’t take his calls, America. Don’t let him make promises and cry and plead and tell you he’s changed. Because he’ll just build the wall higher the next time, so you can’t escape. We can’t have you rebelling and making him look bad. You’re an extension of him. You are of USE.

There is only one way out of this, America. Know your worth. Know what your values are and fight like hell to defend them. It just kills me to see you with this guy, who is so beneath you. You deserve better.

Your citizen friend,

Tracy

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  • CN — I’ve gotten through this election without writing about Donald Trump. Which is amazing considering the material — a serial cheater, misogynistic, malignant narcissist. All the things I write about.

    Well today I made an exception. And maybe you won’t read my stuff again, or feel safe here, because I have a contrary political opinion to yours. If that’s the case — SKIP IT TODAY. Skip commenting. Skip with the hate.

    Do what I’m going to do for the next four years — SUCK IT UP.

    Tomorrow we will return to civility and higher values. And you’re still welcome here. We’re all still family. I still have to face my Republican family members — and you’ll have to deal with our inchoate rage.

    But today, I’m in pain. I see what’s ahead and I’m scared for my country.

    • Thank you very much for this post, Tracy. Unable to settle down to sleep. Sending you hugs and wishing us all a world of courage.

      • I feel the same as you DoneWithNarcs, I can’t look at my fb. I’m stunned.
        Very little sleep last night.
        Helps knowing I’m not alone.
        Thank you . . .

        • brit, hope you’ve gone to bed already and will get sleep better tonight. Let’s take care of our health so we can fight the good fight.

    • Well I’m hoping things only come in threes. I’m a Brit. So these last few months I’ve had Brexit, filed for Divorce and now Trump.

      Slightly nervous about next year…….

      For now I’m on a complete news fast, am practicing my ostrich impressions and deliberately camping out near that long river in Egypt…Da Nile….

      Sorry. It’s the best I can do other than I have one spare room….?

      • I am with Capricorn. I live in Scotland and the Scottish people did not vote for Brexit. I watched that saga unfold in tears. And now this…..the world is reeling from this news and cries with our brothers and sisters across the ocean.

        • Hi Scottish Lass
          I was a Remainer too. It’s so painful isn’t it. My whole world feels upside down. Keep Edinburgh warm for me. I lived there before and plan on coming back!

        • Which is precisely why I am looking into moving to your beautiful country, which I was already contemplating before all this mess.

      • Pfft! Brexiteer here.

        Solely on economic considerations, it was reading an interview with James Dyson that swung it for me.

        Why are we obsessing about a sclerotic over-regulated market that is just about to collapse, when there are far bigger markets, China, India, Africa to focus on?

        And going from back of the queue with Obama, we are now front of the queue with Trump for trade agreements.

        • Ideally one would be in the back of the line for Trump deals…he famously changes terms of the deal from agreed upon to his new rules in his favor, takes delivery without paying what is owed and threatens workers who expect to be treated fairly or utilize the laws protecting jobs/work/safety/ non-discriminatory practices and financial fairness.
          His deals are all about maximizing his personal victory anddealing as much defeat & failure as he can dish out to the other party. Avoid at all costs.
          Obama was, IMHO, just clarifying that Brexit brings a very different position to U.K.in line forever as result of leaving the EU..
          I love the U.K. very much, I am hoping the best for you all. Your country has remarkable strength and beauty. I think your care for the vulnerable is an example for other countries. I hope your future is bright.
          To your health, cheers!

    • Thank you. This is my special place but I very much want to share this post with everyone I know. I woke up this morning feeling very much the way I felt on D Day.

        • I was one of them. Today I spend trying to get my ducks in a row to get out of the US. And I feel very much like I did in the days after D-day: exhausted, strung-out, disbelieving, and yet still must soldier on. I’m looking at Canada, UK & New Zealand. And I really am leaving. Sometimes I feel like I always knew he was going to win, maybe mostly because of the stuff with XH since Dday, seeing the seemy underbelly of people’s true nature. Others underestimate DT (still) and what he can and will do. It will come as a shock to some but not me.
          I feel a coward for leaving but I must save myself first. I will do what I can to fight, but from afar.

            • A beautiful Aussie summer is here. Best beaches in the world and a diverse and huge country to lose yourself in. Your all welcome here. And here’s to hoping some sensible republicans will keep Ole Trump in line. There’s some Chumpiness for you.

              • Dragonlady – How kind of you to invite us all to your beautiful country!! I’ll bring my sunblock, a beach towel and some great books! Cheers to The Land Down Under!

          • As someone who grew up in a totalitarian country, I don’t think it is possible in the US. Everything must go through Congress.
            I don’t think Trump will cause fascism either, even though I did not vote for him. Hillary gave people enough reasons not to vote for Trump, but not enough reasons to vote for her, which is why she lost. Being a Democrat, I think the Party screwed up the nomination, and Bernie Sanders would have been a better choice.

            • Alas, our Congress is also right-dominant, and the Supreme Court is about to become so.

              As for the UK, it’s on my list. For some time now, there’s a message in my inbox every morning with Job Listings in Scotland. I just want a little dignity and humility back in my life.

      • I looked at some of your real estate websites last night and it’s kind of expensive to live there.
        Trust me, if I weren’t cold most of the time living in Florida and I didn’t have to sell off everything u own to afford it, I’d be there in a second.

      • I love Canada, but it’s too cold. 🙂

        But, also: I live in a blue state that just passed a couple of propositions that give me hope for the future. And I’ll be damned if I let the ignorant or misinformed run the show. The world is changing, people are scared, and they made a bad choice. A really bad choice.

        Half of us (or more) didn’t want this outcome. But here we are. We need to take a breath, disengage from the madness, reassess our options and keep pushing forward.

    • I’m so sick with disappointment I can’t get out of bed, I’m scared for our future, how could anyone buy into his bullshit ?

      • That’s was wondering, too, hell no. That many people bought the bullshit and drank the Kool-Aid??!!! Unbelievable…

    • You write because you’re in pain, I get it. But it’s unfair to ask others to skip comment. I think it’s unfortunate when politics spill over into otherwise unified forums. But unlike some celeb at an awards show who grabs the mic for a political hit & run (away) from replies, you plopped this in front of of friends who have ‘coffee talk’ with you every day. Expect responses.
      Mine? I’m going to steal from my artist sister who drew an awesome cartoon (which I won’t share due to copyright), the caption read : Roses are red, violets are blue. My candidate sucks, and yours does too.
      Bingo. Clinton ran largely on why we should vote against Trump, not *for* her (and her supporters parroted that). A corrupt self-serving liar who wags the finger at one disgusting philanderer while using/ riding her own flying pig as far as he could take her. In fact, I believe it was that ramped up hypocrisy late in the game that pissed & motivated enough undecideds to close the gap & push Trump to victory. I almost did.

      But, for the first time in 30 yrs, I refrained from voting in a presidential election. I simply couldn”t stomach either candidate. There were far better choices on both sides but Americans chose name recognition & extremes.
      The chips fell & landed here.
      Let’s move on.

      • Unfortunately, we can’t just ‘move on’ because our lives and the lives of billions of people and animals and the environment will change as the result of this election. Saying ‘Just move on,’ the day of this event is a bit like telling am abuse victim who has just been hit with his/her first D-Day to ‘just move on’–it minimizes the enormity of the event and the feelings and needs of the chump.

        • No, it does not minimize it in any way. If we”learned anything here on CN, it’s we have to play the hand we’ve been dealt & move forward. It doesn’t downplay the disappointment & despair, it understands it but says “be mighty” thru it.
          Although I refrained from social media/ political discussions throughout this process, I saw enough blame-gaming & name-calling on both sides that amounted to little more than schoolyard bullying. If you support Trump you’re a racist (Hitler!!), mysogynist, etc.
          Same thing/different names for Hillary supporters. Essentially, each side telling they couldnt possibly know what they’re doing, ie, STUPID.
          Relating the election to an abusive relationship, we need to be careful not to head down that path of blaming the “chumps” (not saying that’s the case here). Understand there would be/is equal disappointment & despair if Hillary had won.

          • I don’t think those that support Trump are those things, I SEE the Trump is the bigot, misogynist, narcissistic man. I see him prey on people I grew up with, people in white, isolated communities who believe him when he points the finger at the “other” and blames them for America’s problems. I see his third trophy wife. I see his bold-faced lies about Hillary “laughing” while discussing a rape victim (are you fucking kidding me? That tape shows nothing but her support for that woman and her anger at the justice system).

            I have always respected the other political side and have voted for both democrat and republican presidents. This man is not respectable. He is not a good person.

        • Exactly. Cry for the polar bears, the penguins, the people living on islands. Those who will lose medical insurance. Those whose lives will crater when they crash the economy again running the Wall Street casino. Cry for the legal immigrants who fear deportation.

      • Thank you, ChumptyDumpty, for having the guts to say, politely, what needed to be said about today’s post. There were a lot of people crying 8 years ago too, so we can empathize with your feelings of despair and anxiety, and would hope to get the same in return. (Full disclosure: I didn’t vote for either of the main candidates this time. To me it was a choice between horrible and terrible.)

        • The people crying 8 years ago were not in fear for their lives, their safety, their marriages or their civil rights. We just elected a man who sexually assaults women and excuses it as “boys will be boys.” The KKK literally threw a parade to celebrate his election. Black churches are being burned, swastikas have been painted in public places, women in hijabs are being assaulted, and someone felt free enough to say to my cousin, “It’s our time now, you ni***r.” Certainly not all Trump voters are racist, misogynistic, islamophobic bigots, but enough of them are that it terrifies people who are are black, Latino, Muslim, Jewish, gay, lesbian, transgender, or in any other way on the Trump list of targets. Obama didn’t run a campaign that directed people to hate “certain groups” in “certain areas.” So no, this is not the same at all.

      • I know a few people who did not vote. Not voting, in my opinion, is a passive way to vote for who you don’t want to see in office.

        Don’t spackle run and hide. You must make a decision, even if it means writing in a candidate. Voting is a privilege.

        The results reflect a loud group of people who want to be heard. Unfortunately they attached themselves to the sparkle of a sociopath.

          • I’m glad you did. And I really do not care about which party you voted for. Every voter has their reasons to make their own decisions. I’m more confused with the people who threw their hands up in the air and did nothing.

        • To follow your logic, a write-in would also be a passive vote.
          No, I’m more concerned with standing on principle. Neither candidate was worthy, so neither got my vote.
          That’s just how I roll since dumping my cheater.

          • I also know people who campaigned for candidates in other parties. At least these people supported someone. Was it an act of aggression to get one of the two main candidates in office or a personal conviction based on hope that the under dog could actually win. I have no idea. At least they didn’t run around and do nothing.

      • The more I think about this, the less I think it was necessary for this post to devolve into political arguments.

        Factoid: This is Tracy’s blog; not our blog. If she wants to write about something that dismays her, especially when there is a link to the blog topic, and commiserate with people who agree with her, that is Tracy’s right.

        You’re incensed she asked people to skip today’s post if they’re offended, and not to comment? Boo hoo. Let’s say that I saw several conservative neighbors commiserating on one of their lawns when Obama was elected. Would I have some amorphous “right” to yell from the public sidewalk, “Suck it up! Will of the people and all. Your candidates sucked in ways X, Y, and Z.”

        Maybe, but why would I want to do that? I could just continue walking my dog down the street, let the neighbors discuss their sadness at the outcome of the election, and then resume normal conversations with them the following day. Would it really make me feel better to gloat at my victory over their loss, or have in-depth policy discussions to show them the error of their ways? No, it would not have made me feel better (but I guess it must have made some here feel mighty to do so).

        And as for posting a blog which Tracy knows not everyone at CN will agree with. I would say 90% of the specific comments made here on a day to day basis are not ones every single person agrees with–whether to tell children the truth about infidelity, whether to play a long game for the best settlement or terminate relations with a cheater immediately; etc. etc. We don’t have to agree with others (or even with Tracy) 100%.

    • Thank you so much for your post.I have been crying all night, in between reassuring that my daughter that we are better than this and that things are going to be okay, and taking care of my mom who has dementia. Having worked the civil rights field my entire life, I am afraid that all of my efforts have been in vain. I have tried to avoid expressing my fears in this and other forums, but no more. I intend to do everything, consistent with my ethical and moral values, in my power to see that the bigotry and hatred, that is so clearly part of this country’s fiber, is challenged and defeated.

      I don’t talk about this often, but my father, who died just one year ago, witnessed both the brutality of the Nazi death camps immediately after their liberation, and the horror of Hiroshima after the bomb was dropped there. In fact, he lived in Japan for two years after the war. He taught me that the measure of a society is how we treat those less fortunate than ourselves. He fought for civil rights in the deep South when I was a child and vocally supported same sex marriage. He often told me how much my work worried him, AND how proud he was that I continued the fight that I saw him begin as a child. HO i wish he were alive today to comfort me, but I am not sure he would even be able to tell me this is going to turn out well.

      I am sad and more scared for this country than I have been in a very long time. We have allowed a man full of hate and bigotry to hold the highest position in this country. I am worried for my children and their future. As my college-aged daughter called me in tears, afraid that her Jewish heritage is now a danger to her safety, I have tried to stay strong. When she was in high school, kids would throw pennies at her and tell her she was going to hell because she was a Jew. And now she is supposed to be okay that the majority of American voters support a man who boasts about deporting people because of their religious views?

      I have the means to leave the US, or even move to a state like Oregon but, damn it, why should I have to? I am more than willing to “accept” the results of this election. What I am not willing to do is remain in a place where a monster like Trump is viewed as an acceptable choice for president. This is indeed one of the saddest days in the history of this country. I do not think my tears will end soon. Peace to all of you.

      • I am immensely grateful that my daughter lives in Germany, which is, ironically (now) a civilized country that takes care of the mentally ill, the poor, the refugees; has outlawed hate speech, ensures that all citizens have access to public goods like healthcare, housing, transportation, and education… I miss her like crazy, and I would join her if I could.

        What a world. I Hope You’re Happy Now, Elvis Costello: ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zdSADksmte4 )

    • I agree wholeheartedly. It’s embarrassing for our country to stoop to so low to cling to the past. Like in relationships, it’s the people who cannot let go of the past who hurt themselves the most. I know a woman who has prevailed thru numerous trials, a horrible marriage and divorce, death of her beloved second husband and nursed him, both of her parents and her brothers to their deaths. When I ask her how she is happy and “whole” she always says you have to allow life to evolve as hard is that might be. What we saw last night was nostalgia. Nostalgia for a time when the rest of the world and the neediest people in our country did not matter. Trying to live life looking in the rear view mirror is a sad method and it’s exactly what we restarted last night. I have to hope that we are a respectful people and deep down interested in more than our median income which is already higher than most everyone in the world. We will just have to hold our heads high and keep working on the good inner core I know is there somewhere.

    • 48% of the country voted for the new president-elect. Maybe there are reasons the President, House and Senate are changing over. Now many here are acting like a victim of the election. We are fortunate to be able to vote in our country, especially women. We need to get on board and support the new President. If we spend the next 4 or 8 years complaining, we really aren’t doing anyone a service but breeding more contempt. Let’s embrace what was put to a democratic vote in this country and not act sour grapes. And to those that threaten to move out of this great country, try moving to a country where they live in real oppression and violence daily. We are so very fortunate to live in a wonderful, free, country. Notice I didn’t say I voted for or against Trump, it’s irrelevant. Regardless who won yesterday, time to suck it up and look for common ground.

      • Never. I will never support someone who says I am a pig or a dog, or to treat me like shit, or grab me by the pussy.

        Been there, done that.

        eta: I like pigs & dogs.

        • Dear Exchumpnomore just my 2cents worth… An Aussie here so been following you guys as was all the rest of the world. My commiserations to all of you who feel devastated by recent events, but with all due respect thank you for your contribution , a voice of reason. America, please calm down and give these new people a chance. Ps for those who cannot accept the outcome…. Please please consider emigrating to this great country of ours. We LOVE our US buddies.

      • I will never, ever “get on board and support the new president.” do not support racism, sexism or religious tolerance, nor will I “suck it up.” What I will do is everything in my power to make sure his form of intolerance is rejected at every opportunity! I am not a victim and certainly do not need a lecture that I should look for common ground with a man who represents the worst of our bigotry.

        • Nor will I ever tolerate sexual harassment and the entitlement that women are objects to be taken at will. I didn’t tolerate it when Bill Clinton did it, won’t tolerate it as acceptable now.

        • It’s the height of hypocrisy for Trump supporters to say their opponents should fully embrace Trump’s agenda, when these self same persons beginning with Mitch McConnell and Lindsay Graham were actually having a meeting the day of Obama’s inauguration, plotting how they planned to oppose him Every.Step.Of.The.Way.

          The same hypocrites who were prepared to riot in the streets demanding Hillary Clinton’s head and claiming our system is “rigged,” now laud our wonderfully fair system as it elected their candidate. Just like the FBI was “rigged” when it found no criminal charges were in order due to “email gate” then when Comey stuck his head in, regarding A Wiener’s laptop, suddenly the FBI is a wonderful competent instutition!

          All of this has been so triggering for me. After going to bed already in disbelief I woke up with a jolt at 2:47 a.m. and grabbed my phone to see Trump’s victory speech beginning. My gut was screaming this must be a NIGHTMARE, it’s not real!? right?? EXACTLY LIKE DDAY NIGHT three years ago. I woke up crying. I have been depressed all day.

          So we have elected a pervert who has an active lawsuit pending against him for molesting an underage girl; who was recorded describing his molestation of married women, has cheated on his first two wives; rolled his eyes and devalued the women who came forward to claim similar abuse by proclaiming they were TOO UGLY TO BE BELIEVED. Where does this leave me as a 61 year old average looking woman in America? Obviously I have no value.

          CL’s post is spot on. This man is so high on the Cluster B spectrum that Dr. George Simon wrote about studying him as a textbook case with his students.

          He projected all his own faults — “corruption” “nasty” “lying” onto Hillary Clinton and America lapped it up.

          The only thing keeping me sane right now is faith in my three young adult children. One of whom has spent the last two years registering immigrants to vote; one who believed with his whole heart in Bernie Sanders; and one who is a young gay woman who teaches immigrant children how to read and write and speak English. That this election galvanized them into deeper engagement in their communities and in the political process. Their generation is our future and I’ve got news for the “wish it was still 1950” crowd. It’s coming whether you like it or not. These young people don’t care which of their friends is gay, or asian, or trans, or whatever.

            • thanks. I was depressed all day. tonight I’m angry. If I see one more Facebook post saying, “all that matters is that we be kind to each other” and “don’t hate!” after months and months of seething hate towards Clinton whom I didn’t support in the first place- it drove me to support and vote for her.

        • Agreed. He is NOT my president in any way. News today says Hillary got 2 million more votes than he did (and still counting). The people have chosen, but the system is rigged because the right-swinging, antiquated electoral college ignores the votes of millions of individuals. We need to contact our Reps and tell them to abolish the electoral college and make it a true free and fair democratic election. When millions of people’s votes are ignored there is something seriously wrong with the system.
          For now… those of you who agree, please sign the petition to get the electoral college to do what it was intended to do; stop a madman who is completely unfit to serve from becoming president of our great country: https://www.change.org/p/electoral-college-electors-electoral-college-make-hillary-clinton-president-on-december-19.

          Never stop fighting for what’s right. The recent horrific acts of racism around our country are in his name and he doesn’t even denounce it. Small-minded, ignorant, violent racists feel empowered to behave this way now. They’re crawling out of the woodwork. The KKK is having a parade to celebrate his win?!? We are taking leaps backward into our ugly, shameful past, and it’s only been a few days! Is this the future we want? Something is terribly wrong. I will never “just accept” a racist, misogynistic, bigot as my president. We are far too good for the likes of a bully. I am fine with a Republican president- JUST NOT HIM. He is unfit, unqualified, and extremely dangerous.

      • ExChumpNoMore – as of about an hour ago, Hillary Clinton also got 48% of the vote. she actually beat him in the popular vote by almost 200,000 votes. He got more electoral votes (which is ironic because many of his supporters were calling for the abolishment of the Electoral College before yesterday!). And I will not mindlessly back a madman because other people elected him. Kind of like how all republicans embraced and worked with President Obama. Tea Party, anyone!?!

      • I am unable to find common ground with an abusive, sociopath, bully. I thought I escaped abuse when I divorced Durtbag, now we will have someone just like him as our president. Thank you, bigots of America.

        • Except people conflate Hillary with Bill, so some how Hillary is tarred with the unfaithful brush. In their demented logic we now have first hooker Natasha (as in Boris and Natasha) as the FlOTUS and a serial molestor, mobster, madman who wants to build a wall and deport 11 million . I am not saying Kumbaya, I see the people who voted for Trump as the same every day people who were capable of killing 500,000 of their neighbors in 90 days in Rwanda. I see them as the people who marched villages to the mass graves in Bosnia, burned villages, sheltering in their churches alive in Guatemala. I see them as ISIS’s wimpy yet murderous cousins. I am not going to Kumbaya. It doesn’t take much to set of a fire of ethnic and political clensing. Don’t think that the USA is not capable of it. We are.

          • Yes. The truth stated articulately and clearly. Cogent and succinct.

            For all of Trump’s Doomsday declarations, what you’ve described is very real potential outcome.

            We should be learning from history, not repeating it. Fool me twice, and all that.

        • Yup, this. I have spent four years escaping an abusive relationship and am still recovering from being chased through a parking lot and threatened by the wifestress, just last week. I have not liked Trump’s foulness since I was 15 and I’m 40, now. This is not the life I want to live and it won’t be.

      • Why would I support someone who abuses and discriminates against the innocent and enthusiastically condones abuse and discrimination against the innocent?

        • Democracy (or more correctly, a republic) doesn’t mean we have to fall lockstep behind a presidential (or any candidate). The first amendment gives us the right to protest, and the right to free assembly–in other words, to work within the system for change. None of us needs to throw up our hands at a Trump presidency, any more than conservatives did after an Obama presidency.

          Dissent is one of our rights, and one of the ‘checks’ within our political system.

      • 48% of the country did not vote for either candidate. Trump was elected by 26% of eligible voters. Hardly a mandate.

        • By that logic, no US President has EVER had a mandate. Here in Canada, our governments tend to have a majority of seats in Parliament with 40% of the vote and a 60 to 70% turnout. Often, entire regions are left unrepresented in the government. Your system may need to be changed, as may ours, but I think an election victory needs to be treated as a mandate.

          • An election victory, by itself, does not constitute a mandate (especially when a candidate wins by electoral votes but loses the popular vote).

            If one looks just as discrepancies in popular & electoral votes among those who *did* vote, plenty of U.S. presidents have had mandates (including Obama in 2008):

            http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/data/mandates.php

            • Well, I was responding to the thought that only 26% of eligible voters voting for Trump means he doesn’t have a mandate. The logic of that is that if most people who could vote for you don’t, you have no mandate. So I stand by my statement: By that standard, no US President has EVER had a mandate.
              If you win an election but don’t have a majority, or even a plurality, do you have a mandate? I think you do, since nothing in law restricts your acting like any other President: the Constitution doesn’t provide for a President (Second Class). If you win the office, you’re entitled — obligated, even — to carry out its duties to the best of your abilities in accordance with your own best judgment.

              • True; our voting rates suck by any standard. But a mandate means a sizable percentage of the people have charged you to carry out the policies outlined in your platform; one can hardly claim that if a candidate doesn’t even win the popular vote.

    • I love you, Tracy. Sincerely.

      Last night I couldn’t sleep. I felt the same body-shaking adrenaline, horror and despair I felt on D-Day and afterwards. Thanks for posting this. I know a lot of people are tribal about politics and a lot of people feel impact of crony capitalism’s sickness, but we’ve elected a monster, and we should all know it because of the lying and gaslighting and abuse of all sorts of people, that he carried out right in front of us.

      We know the road to sanity. We have to disconnect from the mindfuckery of mainstream media, go “no contact” with those feeding us lies, and set about rebuilding from within. The country we thought we had, like the relationships and marriages we thought we had, is gone forever. Those who voted for this monster will see that soon enough, unless at their core they need the strongman, the authoritarian. Maybe the country has to hit rock bottom.

    • We survived Bill Clinton – who is also a “serial cheater, misogynistic, malignant narcissist”. We will survive Trump as well. (And, no, I did not vote for Trump). Honest folks with integrity and strong moral character don’t go into politics.

      • I’m sorry, but I’m sick of this bullshit equivalence. Bill Clinton was/is imperfect, but he did not tell the rest of the country that it’s ok to deport millions of people, ban them from the country based on their religious views, or incite violence at his political rallies. He didn’t suggest multiple times that people should shoot his political opponents. He didn’t support discrimination based on sexual orientation. The tenor and tone of the Trump era is 1000x sicker and more skewed and uncivil than it was under Clinton, and I think that’s obvious to anyone who really looks at it with open eyes.

    • So much this!

      Haven’t met a single non-American who doesn’t feel sick. And plenty of my American friends feel even worse. The level of dumb – ignotance of world history, and outright hatred in the States astounds me! Vile, hateful things that the President Elect and his disgusting offsider VP are. Perfect analogy, Tracey. CN knows this feeling only too well…

    • Thank you, Tracy!! You have expressed exactly what I feel! Last night my kids and I sat shocked and saddened as we watched the election results roll in. How could so many people vote for a man who has been so brazen in his hatred, bigotry and contempt for women? To me, this election wasn’t even about politics. It was about standing up to a narcissist who thinks he is entitled to do whatever he wants and abuse whoever he wants.

      That being said, though, we are all mighty and we will survive. If my situation with Cockroach taught me anything, it is that there really is a battle between good and evil in this world. The evil within Cockroach and the other cheaters I have read about here is terrifying, but the love, support, humor, intelligence, strength, and humanity of the chumps here is beautiful, and I feel honored and privileged to be on the same team as all of you! Evil may win the small battles, but in the end, my fairytale-loving mind still believes that good will overcome evil. While I only occupy my own little corner of this world, I will live my life with as much integrity as possible, I will spread as much love as I can, support the groups that Trump has attacked, be a good role model to my kids, speak out against injustice, and stand up for what is right. We are not powerless because of this loss. It really is not so different than what we’ve all already been through. We simply need to find our voices and forge on.

    • I love your site. I love what you do. I love that I voted for Trump. This is America. If we all thought about everything the exact same way it would be one hell of a boring existence.

      • Nice to know you hate me, and feel so much contempt for me, and my daughter, and all the women here. Grab us by the pussy, eh? pigs? Digs? Have to treat us like shit? or are you into the White Supremacist shit? Or hate Muslims? Or Jews? a buffet of hate…

        Everyone except white men. them, you don’t have to hate. Ugh.

        • I’m still processing the election results. I think Houston Dad represents a large population in the nation who do NOT hate women, who are NOT supremists. This population has wanted change for a long long time. This group is frustrated from getting squeezed to pay more taxes, their quality of life has decreased and yet they qualify for none of the benefits given to the top tier or the lowest tiers.

          They wanted change. I believe change is always good. Where the RNC sucks is that they didn’t stop the train wreck that is Trump. The guy is a liar, thief and a cheat. Documented. He is not intelligent. Documented. He doesn’t lead. Documented. That nation basically voted in a kardashian. (I’m betting 99% of CN gets that reference.).

          I believe the group of people who will suffer the most from Trump are the people who voted him in. They have been duped and may need to up their Hopium.

          • ANC – Exactly. The middle class working whites are the ones who’ll suffer. And they were the ones who’s backs he rode all the way to the White House. Hope I’m wrong, but I think that’s the way it will go.

            • Yes, middle-class whites will suffer. As well as non-whites, women, planet Earth, the environment, etc etc.
              We’re already seeing the hateful attitudes that people now feel is ok to spew at women and non-whites. Our new leader has done it all before, so it must be okay!
              I worry for freedom of the press now, and for any of us who speak up publicly against Trump and his agenda as well.
              After hearing Trump voters post-election, not so sure *many* of his voters really grasped the level of hate and destruction a Trump&Cronies leadership could reach over the next years.

              I agree about change, completely! I’m so sick of the system feeding off of hard working, TAX-PAYING people here. But, this guy is just way too risky and volatile to be our nation’s President.

              Well, onward to working extra hard to keep our rights and protections as intact as possible over the next years…

          • What about that guy getting beaten in Chicago for supposedly voting Trump? And all this destruction? Many passionate Clinton voters hate this violence. Trump’s daughter, son-in-law, grandchildren and one daughter-in-law are Jewish. The press is largely liberal to the core. This Armageddon hysteria seems unhinged. I think many of us from CN have PTSD and are associating Trump with our abusers. He can’t get to you that way. We aren’t marrying the President. But do whatever you need to do to handle the PTSD.

      • I would much rather have ‘a boring existence’ (which I never have) than know the president of my country is abusing and discriminating against millions.

    • Bravo, Tracy, bravo.

      I only wish I had headed over here early this AM (when I was hoping these election results were a bad dream!) to read your post.

      You always NAIL it!

    • Not everyone feels unsafe. Especially people who have had their constitutional rights violated for the past 8 years, which is what we/the other side, have been doing the entire time. Sucking it up.

      • ACdF – Could you please expand on what constitutional rights you feel were violated? I honestly don’t understand what you’re reffering to. Thanks.

    • I did not reply on Nov. 9. I was taken back by the depth of despair of most on this site, and wanted to wait.
      I am white, female, ex-military, atty. and a chump! I did vote for Trump, but in Boston, it did not matter. This is the way I see it- men and to a certain extent woman, who served in Vietnam, Iraq and Afghanistan, with military units that might have been 30% African-American, hispanic, American indian, and yes, muslim and jews, all Americans, brothers and sisters, came home, could not find jobs or were under employed, serviced by a broken VA which could not be fixed in 8 years, Obamacare fees that are outrageous, were forgotten. Then, if you support Trump, you are homophobic, racist, undeducated, married your sister or bros., totally denigrated, etc, called so by the MSM , which BTW, is not 30% diverse. Maybe he is a shaman type, but the last 8 years for some of us have been a travesty. BTW, Happy Veterans’ Day to all. The sun will come out tomorrow and it is only for 4 years. I choose optimism!

    • Me too. Devastated. Couldn’t sleep….But…trying to look at the bright side….peony….maybe he can turn the economy around. Then we will be rid of this FUCKWIT! (Love this word! Thank you!)

    • Just read this again over two years later. It was bang on then and scary bang on now. Still more horrors to come unfortunately.

  • I feel completely destroyed. My family has shattered into pieces. I don’t think I can bear to watch what’s coming on TV and social media. I grieve for all of my friends who will suffer over this change. I grieve that I learned just how hateful people are, because it sure wasn’t as blatantly obvious as it is today. I don’t know who to trust.

  • Here I am, wide awake in Western Canada, worried about my country’s best friend, who just married a sociopath. Sending warm wishes your way, Tracy, and all Americans.

  • CL, you are amazing! Abusive relationships was the first thing I thought about this morning after finding out the news. I feel violated and I’m not even American. Hang in there <3

      • That’s what I can’t get past, Tempest. Partisan politics aside, I believe you’d be hard-pressed to find very many politicians who don’t exhibit narcissistic traits (it’s almost a requirement to run in the first place), and we’ve had a number of likely narcissists occupy high office in this country. But we have never elected to the presidency a candidate whose malignant, sociopathic, off-the-chain, clearly diagnosable narcissism was on such technicolor display for all to see.

            • And a fucking marching band!
              Being Chumped means you see through all the Clusterfuck B types in your world. (For scifi B movies geeks, it is like something out of They Live!)

              But others cannot. People vote with the candidate they can identify with, and for rural, white, impoverished people, that is Trump.

              The only people who have done well out of the past ten years of economic developments are the salaried class. Even they who live off investments have had a bumpy ride and welfare always sucks. The people who work for an hourly wage haven’t had a raise since the 60s, and have seen all their jobs go abroad (the American bosses make even more money that way).

              It’s the economy, stupid….not that misogyny, racism, transphobia and xenophobia are canards, far from it…but when our entire economic system is built on rewarding the sociopathic (Gordon Gekko, anyone), then Trump’s election makes sense, in exactly the way Tracy describes-as an abusive partner maintains their power by controlling the narrative they spin to those they exploit.

              Sounds Marxist, huh?

          • Maybe not. But, had there been the current level of scrutiny, it would have shown up. I still do not get how Hillary could have stayed married to a serial cheater like Bill. That guy is evil incarnate. I need to take a shower just looking at him.

            • Check out Christopher Hitchens take on the Clintons on YouTube. Check Sam Harris on Trump.
              How could these two be the best their parties could put forth?

  • I am not an American but I am horrified that such a creature has become President elect of the US.A vile,misogynistic,xenophobic,narcissistic,racist.
    And your post is spot on Tracy.Wonderfully expressed.It’s a scary day.

    • Historically,we have had slave owners elected, bigots, adulterers,draft dodgers,morons,paranoics who talk to pictures or who think a God talks to them,alleged rapists,plagarists and on.
      Why so upset this time?

      • Arnold – Because it’s 2016 and we’ve progressed beyond owning human beings. When electing other presidents that were afflicted by things on your list, said afflictions weren’t obvious and the candidate wasn’t proud to be a paranoic, etc. Trump had been very honest about his misogyny and bigotry, I’ll give him that. What upsets me most is that Americans were aware of this and chose to vote for him. That confirms that there are millions of Trumps in this country which illustrates that we haven’t progressed much beyond owning human beings.

  • I am not a huge fan of Trump, however, I am not all that worried. I know he ran a campaign that appealed to the “Angry American “, but I suspect his actual policies will be more moderate. Here’s to hoping he will surround himself with decent advisors.

    • He doesn’t seem like the type who would surround himself with people who would challenge or contradict him.Narcissists like to get their own way.I am worried,very worried for the world.
      A man who mocks disabled people,thinks he’s entitled to grab women by their genitals is president elect of the US.
      Perhaps I feel so bad because some of his character traits trigger me and remind me of the sociopath I tangled with.

      • Same here. I don’t even live in the USA and I’ve been feeling sick all day. It’s like narcissists and sociopaths run the world now.

      • Agreed. I’ve told the same thing to people, this is not a man who wants to be challenged or surrounded by the more intelligent or ethical. Pence, Christie (I’m in Jersey, he’s a disaster) and senile Rudy Giuliani – that’s the caliber we are looking at.

        • I worked in NJ for 9 years, so know a bit about the politics there. As awful as Christie is, I’d take him over Trump in a NJ minute.

            • I know. I’m ok with that.

              Someone can remove it, I’m sure. I’m ok with that too.

              I don’t think it’s any more offensive or shocking than what the new president-elect has said from stages all over the country this year, or what his supporters have said, either. And I don’t see a need to be nice about it.

              At the same time, I’m not interested in hurting anyone. It was sharp dark humor and if it missed the mark here, my bad.

              Carry on; nothing to see here.

              • Trump isn’t the only narcissist around. We’re not entitled to have everyone think in lockstep with us. Most other countries tightly control immigration. 29% of Latinos voted for Trump; 13% of black men. Are they racist?

        • Why would it hold? Republican congress and the Supreme court about to tip Republican? No checks. No balances. — I’m terrified.

            • I’m terrified of the Justices who will be appointed. Can’t vote them out. This will set our laws back to the Stone Age. Get your aprons ready, girls!

              • aprons and coat hangers.

                I am hoping for an underground availability of Misopristol, at least for early term. They can’t stop that.

                But I had to have a late 2nd term termination for medical reasons–and I promise you, nobody wants that. Nobody. I was catatonic with grief. I grieve now for the women who will not even have that option unless they can afford to leave the US.

                Barbaric.

            • I will help run an Underground Railroad before I allow women to go back to using coat hangers!

              My mother fought hard for a woman’s right to choose a legal, safe abortion. She had a back alley abortion in the 60’s. She continued to march and protest in DC in a wheelchair and Depends!

              The changes made to the Supreme Court are what of upmost importance. The empty seat plus RBG (how long can she hang on?).
              These nominations will impact generations to come; not just 8 years!!!

              I’m not praying or looking for fault or blaming one group or another…I’m getting my hiking boots ready to march and my dollars ready to help Planned Parenthood and my will to make sure women stay safe. We all have our issues and this is mine

              • Abortion is very emotionally traumatic. Choice isn’t going anywhere. Why not choose to have the baby and give it up if you can’t raise it. This desire to shove partial birth abortion down everyone’s throats was a bridge too far for some. Maybe CA can secede and live as it wishes.

      • Same here deedee.
        I am an American, my family immigrated from Ireland and Italy in the early 1900’s as did half of Americans living here now. Most of us are immigrants. I feel so sad for my Country.
        Watching the debates made me hyperventilate because I could see the pattern my ex used on me clearly and it triggered my old feelings of hopelessness, frustration and lifelessness.
        I am so disappointed with angry men and women who harbor bigotry, ignorance and refuse to evolve. Some just don’t want a woman holding the highest position in our country so they voted in a narcissistic sociopath instead. I am saddened by the jubilation people feel, hoping that this flim flam will fix the country and make it great. All of us here know he will do nothing of what he promised, unless kibbles are forthcoming, he will continue to gaslight the disputes and facts of his behavior. The media will begin to overlook his behavior as we did our narc partner. He will do whatever he wants with no regard for this Country and anyone in it but himself.
        I will start working hard to peacefully oppose his negative toxicity and hope the harm he will do will not be too lasting.

    • “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.” Anyone who voted for Trump thinking he is going to be anything other than what he has promised to be will find themselves duped by a con man and a racist.

    • This sort of “he’s harmless” talk is what got him elected in the first place. And it’s what all us chumps here have heard and been fed and had to swallow, from cheaters, and cheater-apologists, and Switzerland friends.

      “When people show you who they are, believe them.” We say that here, right? Why would he change his ways (which have been consistent through decades, not just this election) when he’s just been rewarded for it? That’s not how animal behavior works. And if anyone thought letting this vicious dog off its leash, that he’d only go after the “bad guys”? then clearly you’ve never worked with animals.

    • I was smoking the hopium pipe EXACTLY 2 years ago this day at the direction of the sex addict therapy industry. And you know what? After faking “recovery” for 6 months, Dr. Crazy only got more abusive. And he continues in the divorce proceedings.

      Trump showed us who he is. Over and over. This morning I woke up to the news and vomited. I don’t know how yet but I’m going to Mother Jones this thing the best I can, not just for my teen daughters but my son as well. I’m not going to get high again.

  • Thank You Tracy.

    I fell asleep and woke up to his victory at 330 this morning. My instinct was to to say, “I can’t believe it.” That was the old Donna speaking.

    The new Donna knows what she can and cannot control. I’m no longer in an abusive relationship, focus on my potential, and know my worth.

    The change is often times forced upon us without notice. Knowing we can change equipped with the knowledge and recognition of malignant narcissists, serial cheater, misogynistic assholes is powerful.

    We have that.

  • I came here this morning to see what you would have to say because this is exactly what I was thinking. God help us all.

  • While the amazing diversity of our nation (and ChumpNation) makes us great, it also makes for a variety of beliefs – political, religious, personal.

    Wherever CN cannot agree, we should remember we CAN agree on mutual respect and kindness for one another. We can agree you give sound relationship advice. We can also agree on expressing personal opinions on beliefs we hold dear through thoughtful, articulate writing, such as your post today, is a real gift to others and a right many don’t have or won’t use.

    Thanks for your pov and your insight. Your courage to speak your mind is inspiring.

  • I am only 28, married to a fucktard, we have two beautiful kids together, 1and 3. First d-day was before we got engaged whilst pregnant with our young one, told his parents and they say they spoke to him and he said he would change. 2nd d-day was shortly before marriage, his parents spoke to him and asked if he wanted to get married and he said yes. A year later found that girls number, stored under a different name, and a phone call 8 minutes long. Asked him about it, he denied calling or even having the number. Called the parents, he denied and suggested that I table proof. I don’t have proof, he deleted the records. The only way to prove is to get his phone records. I’m so done. His denial is evidence enough that nothing will change. We are still going to meet with both his and my parents, but I made it clear that I have no intentions to stay to my parents. My kids are still young from the children are resilient post one learned that it’s more difficult to go through divorce when the kids are older. Now is as good a time as any. Please advise

    • DoneandDusted,

      Please leave now. He won’t change. I saw evidence of cheating before we even go engaged. Of course he denied any wrongdoing and I stupidly believed him. When I was pregnant with our second, he had some type of affair with a ho-worker (PA or EA, I’m not sure which one, but something was definitely going on!). He even said when I was pregnant with our second, “You and the kids will be fine finanacially without me.” So, he was obviously involved with someone and wanted out of the marriage. I was so afraid and heartbroken at the time. I did not want to be a single mom with two kids under the age of two. Long story short, I stuck it out. But he continued to lie and sneak around seeing women behind my back the next fourteen years. To this day I don’t know if he ever actually had a PA, but all the lying and EA’s broke me down emotionally and psychologically. I wish to this day that I would have left when the kids were babies. I could have moved back to my home state (he obviously had absolutely no interest in the kids when they were babies — he was jealous of them — he’s a narc) and I could have started my life over as a much younger woman. Also, the divorce came as a horrible shock to not only me, but my dear children who never saw it coming either (narcs final discard are horribly cruel, cold and calculating.) They were devastated and to this day, they are still not the same. I don’t think they’ll ever be the same again. Do yourself and your kids a big favor and leave right now. I’m truly sorry you are going through this. I know how hard it is and I’m sending you are big ((((HUG)))). You can do it! Get out and get away from this cheater! HE WILL NEVER CHANGE!

      • Thank you Martha, I’ve seen enough to know he won’t. I refuse to stick around hanging on to hopelessness. CN has kept me strong and I’m very lucky to see this site at a young age because I read of people that stayed for 30+ years only for the narc to walk out on them… I’m strong because I found this site. CN saved me from wasting my youth any further.

        • D&D, you are young and do have a life ahead of you. For your children as well. You are strong and you can leave him. I polished a relationship for 28 years until the X decided it was over. I look back and have to forgive myself. What could it have been like with someone that had my values? The main reason I regret it now is because my kids have a fucktard for a parent. My youngest actually made a doctor appointment yesterday to see about getting on anti-depressants. Why? Mainly because the X has lost her mind and my kid is worried about her! Get away and let your kids have a sane parent lead them through life! Chump Nation is for you!

        • Leave. Just leave. He is destroying himself and he will turn on you in due course. Your story mirrors mine. I even spoke to both our parents. He was always a cheat. I’m 37 with two kids. He was cheating from the get go. My one mistake was staying.

    • Don’t stay, Done & Dusted. You’ll only get weaker from the covert abuse and it will be harder to leave next time. You sound courageous now; leap. Big hugs.

    • Wish I had this site at your age! When you need a good smack upside the head, please come here. That’s what I did and I’m so thankful! Your gut is the only thing that you have to guide you through life. USE it to protect yourself and your children. He is wayyyyyyy too much for you to have to deal with. Time to find someone who is serious about commitment and not just getting his jollies off at your expense! He’s screwing other women. Repeat this to yourself several times when you feel like you want to stay with this loser jack-ass.. “He doesn’t love you, he doesn’t love you, he doesn’t love you…” Anyone who cheats on you does NOT love you. Look at his actions. He is a piece of shi+. GET ANGRY and leave this DOUCHEBAG.

      • D&D

        Right now you have a support system. Regardless of our age there will always be challenges to face.

        Trust your instincts and don’t allow anyone to sway you into believing he can change or that your children are better off with an intact family.

        My house was on fire and I kept trying to douse the flames. I can’t think of any good reasons to tolerate abuse. RUN.

    • DonesndDusted,
      My ex and I have been divorced for 8 months, separated for 1 year. He just told me yesterday that I can’t PROVE that he did anything wrong. Who says that except a child in a man’s body; he’s 46. Asking for proof is so wrong on so many levels. 1. If I could prove it, then what? He’s only remorseful if I can prove it? If I can’t prove it then it didn’t happen?
      2. If I can’t prove it does that mean that it’s ok for him to cheat and get away with it? 3. If I can or can’t prove it, does that change the damage it did to me? 4, Does that change reality. 5. Are we in court? — why do I have the burden of proof. Chasing proof is like chasing unicorns. What a mindfuck.

      What he didn’t say was this: “I did not do it; I’m not a cheater; I would never cheat.” What cheaters don’t say is as important that what they do say. Fuck proof, trust your gut.

  • I’m so conflicted. I wanted change. Just like I wanted change when I left my narcissists parents as soon as I graduated hs. Then I married into another narc family. I soon realized that and got the hell out. I wanted change. Worked on myself for a couple years till a covert narc chose me. He love bombed me for 3 years, while analyzing my family and friends and slowly isolating me from them. The discard and devaluing started almost as soon as I said “I do”. I wanted change. So I had a baby. Things were not good. But I stayed because he loved me and would never cheat on me. I had another baby. Things got worse. But I stayed because he was a good provider and everyone (except me) thought he was a great guy. With my spackling – he looked like a great dad and family man. I hide my miserable life from everyone. He was emotionally abusing me and I had no one to tell- I didn’t want to lose my children to his narc family (or mine). So I stayed. Years of mc didn’t help. We told our family we were going to the accountants office. More spackling on my part. I was just trying to fix it. But I wanted change.

    One sleepless night, I found a listing for a book on amazon (leave a cheater, gain a life) I bought a digital copy and started reading. I was finally getting answers to all the questions I had had for years. I followed the advice I read and found a jewish woman therapist who encouraged me to use whatever language I wanted (swearing) to help me see things clearly. I wanted change.

    I got brave and lined up my ducks and went to see a lawyer. I filed for divorce before he could talk me out of it again. I found a house for the kids and I and I left. I was fortunate enough to be able to do that on my own. I had no family or friends to help me. He had turned everyone against me with his lies and my narc family wanted me to stay -not to change anything and just “keep my marriage commitment”. Nobody cared that he didn’t keep his commitment to “forsake all others”.

    My life has changed for the better. I’m still in therapy, I’m modeling healthy behavior to my teens and I’m stopping this narc behavior that has surrounded me my whole life. Im staying the hell away from their toxic shit. And yes, I would like some change in politics and after all that I’ve been through-I can deal with 4 more years of narc behavior. Sadly, I know what they do and how to avoid them. Staying no contact works. Trust that they suck!

  • Question is whether the breaking point comes after 1 DDay or years of mind twisting devaluation, although I think the gas lighting has been going on for years anyway.

    How do you go No Contact with the country you live in?

    • Excellent question, Finally Awake! In fact, it’s so good, I’m going to ask it several more times:

      How do you go NC with the country you live in?

      How do you go NC with the country you live in?

      How do you go NC with the country you live in?

      • Leave. That’s my plan. But I have only one sister (and friends) here — nothing to hold me to a country that has drifted so far from my own set of core values, like dignity, humility, social responsibility…. I wrote a blog post about it (“Dear America, I’m Breaking Up With You”) even before the election, but it’s even more relevant now.

        • Ian, I am with you! My generation was the first in the family that did not join the armed services. BUT, I will stay and fight for and with my American family!

        • My 15 year old daughter has been texting me the horrible comments from the smug satisfied Trump supporting teens in her school. This is what we’ve given our children.

          Thank you Ian. For stating it so simply.

        • And a fucking marching band!
          Being Chumped means you see through all the Clusterfuck B types in your world. (For scifi B movies geeks, it is like something out of They Live!)

          But others cannot. People vote with the candidate they can identify with, and for rural, white, impoverished people, that is Trump.

          The only people who have done well out of the past ten years of economic developments are the salaried class. Even they who live off investments have had a bumpy ride and welfare always sucks. The people who work for an hourly wage haven’t had a raise since the 60s, and have seen all their jobs go abroad (the American bosses make even more money that way).

          It’s the economy, stupid….not that misogyny, racism, transphobia and xenophobia are canards, far from it…but when our entire economic system is built on rewarding the sociopathic (Gordon Gekko, anyone), then Trump’s election makes sense, in exactly the way Tracy describes-as an abusive partner maintains their power by controlling the narrative they spin to those they exploit.

          Sounds Marxist, huh?

  • Oh, thank you.
    I live in Australia and spent the day watching the election results with my 14 and 12-year-old girls. I have also spent part of today talking them about abusive conditioning as their father has upped his mind games to gain control over them now and long term. I had just sat down to my computer after class to look for something to post on how you know you are in an abusive relationship and up came today’s post. I laughed so hard I cried, and that resulted in my reading the post to my 14 yr old as she was concerned I was upset. Now we are sharing the laugh………. thanks, Tracy, timely as ever.

    • Sorry I feel I must clarify that I do not find being chumped funny.
      I laugh because they all use the same handbook. and unfortunately, I laugh when I express uncomfortable emotion.
      Everything in this post is how my husband got his hooks into me and his new wife. He is an abuser how else does a closeted gay man manage to marry the only two women he has ever dated. And have them buy that he is straight.

      • Of course — no clarification needed. I can’t laugh yet, but it’s “gallows humor,” sometimes if you don’t laugh, you cry. It’s so absurd as to be nearly impossible. And yet, it’s not impossible and here we are. The people of the US (my soon-to-be-ex-fellow-Americans — would that be STBXFAs?) are about to get a harsh lesson in narcissism and sociopathy.

  • I feel sick. I can’t even believe this is happening. And you are right – it is just like our marriages! All smoke and mirrors until we’re trapped and he pulls back the curtain and we understand the hell we’re trapped in. How can this be?

    • But we – I mean the country – had PLENTY of DDays prior to accepting his proposal! We KNEW he was misogynist, racist, xenophobic, inciter of violence, etc. And more than half the voters said “I do!” And now, we have to live in a country full of people who think he’s OK. So I ask Finally Awake’s question one more time:

      How do you go NC with the country you live in?

      • There are several presidents during whose terms I refused to watch press conferences, refused to read their missives, basically put my fingers in my ears (lalalalalala), and hoped that the brilliant system put forth in the Constitution would maintain sanity. That’s the only NC you can get (but still vote in elections for the next 4 years! Never go NC that way.)

        • This is exactly what I plan to do for my own peace of mind and sanity. With a resounding victory and control of all three branches of government, 50+ million people’s values will be ignored or repealed. I don’t want or need a front row seat to that. So glad my state legalized weed. I’m gonna need something a bit stronger than wine.

        • I’ve been surprisingly calm about the election. Something about going through the horrific experience of being discarded after a 36 year relationship taught me that I’m not in control of the universe. I voted my conscience, but I have friends who feel as strongly they voted their conscience for the other candidate. Today I’m choosing to listen to relaxing music, I’ve invited a new visitor to our church out to dinner. I think she’s a single woman as well, maybe she could use a friend. I’m going to continue to work on being the best person I can be, and encouraging those around me whenever possible. What more can any of us do?

        • “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.” Anyone who voted for Trump thinking he is going to be anything other than what he has promised to be will find themselves duped by a con man and a racist.

        • And in the meantime fight to abolish the electoral college, you know that “checks and balances” feature established in case the uneducated unworthy populace didn’t vote the right way.

          • Yes. I signed a few petitions today. Here are links ;
            http://petitions.moveon.org/sign/abolish-the-electoral-6

            https://www.change.org/p/u-s-senate-abolish-the-electoral-college

            https://www.petition2congress.com/3675/remove-electoral-college-voting

            I’ve gone thru most of the shock and disappointment so far today. Already panicked then vomited and cried. Went for a run. Washed my dog and gave him extra love.
            Tomorrow I’ll start checking in with the environmental groups I’m with, and figure out how to be more active locally. I’ll continue to support fairness and respect with my daily choices, attitude and of course, my dollar.
            Signing petitions, staying involved and informed, smiling at strangers, donating time, buying organics, volunteering for park and water cleanup org’s… ETC ETC ETC.

            As far as No Contact? I plan to not pay any attention to this disrespectful person who was just appointed. My attention will go toward fighting for women, immigrants, a healthy environment, equality for all. This is a wake-up call to RISE and SHINE. I wish things had turned out brighter last night, but I’m ready to be part of the future solution. Bring it.

            • That said, I read earlier today that my city’s schools are offering counseling to the 74% of students who are in immigrant families – because the children are petrified that their family and friends will be deported soon. This is so wrong. No idea how people feel good about this decision.

      • You go no contact by shutting down the “glass teet”. (Stephen King’s reference to TV) There was nothing intelligent on it before and it didn’t get any better last night. Stay off social media and yahoo news and go on with your life, hoping that the checks and balances work. Focus on your life and making it better instead of the thing we now have no control over.

        Make sure you vote in every election since that’s the only control you have and the rest is gravy. Chump Lady’s advice works in most every situation!

        • I gave up TV and my beloved public radio station for 8 years because I couldn’t bear to listen to GW speak.. he was so painfully inarticulate. I’ll have to tune out again for the next 4 years.

          • That’s how I was during “W’s” reign. I was anxious and unsettled the entire 8 years and last night brought it all back to me. It’s like the nightmare we probably all have occasionally that we walk back in out house and there’s our Narc ex, as if we were still married to them and we wake up in a cold sweat and yell “Phew!”

            Last night was similar. I didn’t realize how anxious I felt during W’s reign until he’d been gone a few years. Not that I necessarily feel W was a Cluster B, but he “shot from the hip”, didn’t know/understand the issues, and was more concerned with his ranch than America. I fear we’re in for worse.

            I said to friends last night, “In what alternate universe did people wake up and say, ‘You know, I miss the destruction that W wrought on this country. 9/11, Iraq, The Great Recession. I MISS those! Let’s do that again, only WORSE!”

            • I had those exact same thoughts last night, chrisw; that the damage will be much worse than what GW had left us.

  • I think many people who voted for him recognized that he was a sociopath. I live in a red state and had some difficult discussions with my Trump voting friends. The problem is that they believe that Hillary is a sociopath as well.
    She lost her soul when she stayed with Bill in exchange for that Secretary of State position. She could walk out and re build but she accepted what he did and accepted a lot of other things and none can look at her the same way. If you stay and accept that people associate you with him bc it’s ok for you. Plus all these emails and fraud with clinton foundation and money poured there by Muslim countries into the pockets of Clintons. So really people look at this like it was a choice between two sociopaths and that’s why he won.

    • So blame the victim?

      She was attacked as his wife for not being feminine enough and not “First Lady Like”
      Attacked for changing to help his career.
      Attacked for believing Bill would change.
      Attacked for accepting who he was.

      It’s a no win situation that we are all familiar with.

      We obviously have a lot of educating to do

      • So… Why I’m not boohooing….they really are both abusive sociopaths. I voted Clinton just because she’s slightly less likely to get us nuked. But she is just like the post as well. Her antics of abuse and her covering of bill Clinton’s affairs and sexual abuse by destroying the lives of the victims are well known. Trump outbranded her ….this is about America voting against public sector and for private sector.

        • She could not attack Trump convincingly on the misogyny because she stayed with Bill. And Huma’s sticking with Weiner did not help.

          That’s not the whole of it. And it’s hideously unfair to blame her for her husband’s infidelity, but the price of sticking with him and eating the shit sandwich is that she is forever perceived as inauthentic. That’s she’ll do anything to win. That her image and ambition means more than her self worth.

          She could not attack him or take the moral high ground on the philandering, and perhaps even the sexual assault (although Bill Clinton only had consensual affairs).

          But would it matter? People don’t like her. It’s UNFAIR but it’s perception. I think Bernie Sanders struck a nerve because even if you didn’t agree with him, you admired his pluck and his passion. The voters wanted to wave a big middle finger at The System.

          The uglier ones wanted to throw a molotov cocktail at inclusion and progression and WTFever they perceive as UnGreat.

          There are REAL grievances here from those left behind, and temper tantrums from those losing privilege. Bernie’s been warning about the declining middle class for YEARS. People wanted a change, and so they went with the con man, the sociopath, the promiser of greatness. And we will all regret it, IMO.

          • The reality is that this will put a lot of people like me out of business. Guiliani is a rabid dog and if he becomes AG, this will really seal the coffin. It’s amazing how ‘change’ worse the guise of a man with: no morals, no character, no self control, no business acumen (all of his businesses went other. he only started to do great when he began marketing his own name after going on The Apprentice- Trump buildings all over the world ARE NOT OWNED BY TRUMP-he licensed his name to them. His last business venture in or about 1998. he sold public shares of one of his companies and paid himself 44 million. The banks and shareholders all lost money when it went bust but Trump made sure he got paid. Don’t believe me? Look it up) He is a complete liar and woman hater. But the worst thing- his hand on the nuclear button(s) coupled with his unstable personality may lead to World War III. I am very concerned. Why didn’t his voters realize that this was not the guy- he cheated thousands of small contractors who provided goods and services to his companies- why didn’t the voters realize that he cheated people just like them. And no, Hillary is not like him. I don’t love her either but she has her head about her and wasn’t screaming about Rosie O’Donnell and a fat Miss Universe. Oh, and I sincerely doubt that she felt entitled to grab anyone’s ***sy.

    • The Clinton Foundation has the highest rating possible on Charity Watch. Saudi Arabia donated the same amount to George W. Bush for his presidential library as they did to the Clinton Foundation for the William J. Clinton library.

    • I would recommend looking at the nonpartisan FactCheck.org to clarify the lies and nonsense about the foundation/public charity. Over eighty six percent of the revenue goes to worldwide projects.. it’s pretty amazing. Better than most charities that size. You’ll find out so much more.

      • Armchair – The Clinton Foundation has the highest rating possible on Charity Watch. People are throwing fits because the Saudis donated between $10 and $25 million for the William J. Clinton Presidential Library. They also donated the same amount for the Goerge W. Bush Presidential Library, but no one sees that as a problem. It’s ridiculous how people just invent this so-called corruption.

        • That would be Prime Alwar ben-Tahid. Who is donating the same amount to Edinburgh, London and myriad other cities worldwide to preserve and promote knowledge.

          Much of the world’s kickback is in rubles these days.

          • Yes. Thanks for posting this here. People ran with tidbit headlines of judgement but didn’t check facts. Now we pay.
            Solution? Get people interested in truly understanding laws and policies and the people behind their vote. It’s always hard to see people go into an election without fully understanding the agendas or even the local props up for decision.
            Power to the people got lost because too many people believe the entertainment and the show. We treat our debates and elections like sports playoffs and we don’t teach our kids enough about the real power of their voting rights.
            Preserve and Promote Knowledge!

        • Unbelievable is right. I was in awe at the way people latched onto these outright these lies without question. Heard someone say they didn’t trust Hillary during the election because of “her smile”… ugh. Never mind the double-standard, that’s just depressing.

          • I’ve heard more than one person say they voted Trump because he’s unfiltered and says what he feels. Well, too bad he’s also threatened free speech for media who questions his agenda! Yes, double standard.
            We need to pass a strong federal anti-SLAPP law real soon. Like, before January.

  • Universe help us all. While she was no walk in the park i wouldnt want to walk anywhere with him. Sorry to the repubs here but the whole nation chumped now. Sigh!

    • And on a lighter note,he’s orange with a weird bouffant comb over.
      Wonder what it was that attracted Melania to the billionaire (allegedly) Donald Trump?

      • Sorry to raise this but did anyone notice how awkward she was today, especially when she handed off that cookie Trump bought before voting to a member of the security detail.

        And what was with Trump looking over her shoulder to check her ballot paper?

        • Her facial expressions during her interview led me to believe that Melania believes the accusations of sexual harassment. So she’s probably thinking, “Shit, now I need to stay with him 4 more years.”

      • Melania was Slovenian and the Balkans were at incredible war. Like, with genocial rape camps. And a shithead like her husband now in power. Melania came in some respect to escape the terrible abuses that were happening in her own homelands. Even if the war was not in Slovenia (at that time), it was less than a day’s drive away.

        What attracted her to DT was probably what attracted anyone to him. And citizenship and money probably didn’t hurt either. Her homeland region was in wartime.

        But, to me, she’s the other woman. And she’s undeniably hot. And men keep telling me she’s incredibly smart — like, huh? Oh because she speaks 4 languages. Or because she landed the guy with the most money. What now? I couldn’t hear you; I was looking at her naked pics.

        Our First Lady is like some “exotic” my jackass X would jack off to. Or has done. And I can’t parse this; my head is broken. DT in the White House is one thing, bad enough, but the exotic slinky “so smart” FL is just breaking me.

  • Thomas Jefferson, Franklin Roosevelt, John Kennedy, Bill Clinton…. hmmm…. seems lots of White House occupants wear that label. Have we forgotten? I say Bravo…. got rid of an evil woman. and she IS evil. The beauty of America is the freedoms we have. We should be rejoicing. And yes, hold him accountable.

      • He will not be able to act on his own. He isn’t even in office yet. If we respond emotionally we know what happens. It’s time to take a breath and wait. And don’t forget, he can be impeached. Let’s just wait. Nothing can be done at this point in time.

        • So no response then?

          Like the girl who finds out her fiancé cheated, desperately wants the big wedding, the white dress and the fairy tale. ( plus everything is paid for) and claims that “everything will be different when we’re married”.
          And after the second discovery, finds out he was doing it again, but well, she’s pregnant now and everyone tells her that fatherhood will calm him down.
          And after the third discovery, now she’s getting it but has 2 kids, no income and her support system is gone.

          Hate to paraphrase Dr. Phil but ” how’s that worked out for you?”

          Accountability has to happen immediately. Remember Boundaries? Boundaries means making him accountable for his actions as they happen – that was during the campaign phase. Not wait and see now you’ve got the ring on your finger.

          • Then we hold him accountable as soon as he is in office. What, exactly, can he do now? He’s a political leader who needs to keep his promises. How many political leaders have let their countries down? Too many to count. This is the way it usually goes. And if you must know, I’m not even a Trump supporter. I did not vote for him. All I know is that he won and we must now hold him accountable, like him or not. What do you suggest?

            • Unfortunately, his staff will be peopled with some of the worst of people: misogynists, racists, bigots.

              And the entire legislative branch is loaded with the same.

              I weep for our country.

            • Heather,
              He is not a political leader. He has NEVER done any public service, to my knowledge. (He didn’t even attend West Point or Annapolis and wants to equate wearing a fake uniform at an all-boys highschool gives him military experience??! )

              He IS a grifter and a con-man. He IS a naropath. The people that voted him in will be punked the worst, IMO.

              He ran his business into $900+ billion in debt. He plays shell games with his creditors. When HAS he supported this country via his tax dollars? He blusters and bullies. I could go on and on and on. We all know the facts of this clown. I understand how seductive it is to want a “business person” as President of the US. We also know factually that the best CEO’s are narcs. However, this asshat is NOT a successful CEO by any measurement of business. If the population wanted a successful CEO in charge as President, we should have rallied behind people like Warren Buffett or Bloomberg- or at least wrote their names in on the ballot.

              • Yes. You are right about your assessment. But the fact remains that he will be the the President. the office of President has had many narcissists, cheaters, and nefarious men sitting in that seat. I think we need to be honest. Politics is dirty. Why do we heap coals of fire on his head alone? what about Kennedy, Roosevelt…let’s call them all out!
                I’m very sad that this article has triggered such sadness among so many.

              • I heap the coals on his head based on his historic performance as a business person. He used these notions as the basis of his platform. And they are false.

                I would heap these coals on anyone’s head who claims they alone are the experts and then parades their failed business model as their proof. This is glitter on a turd in ChumpSpeak.

                I’m not attacking this guy because he has zero experience in politics. Obama, having never before held a public office, had a token political position in Chicago for a year before he becamce President.

                I’m highlighting that the business facts related to his platform rhetoric do not jive. To paraphrase, his experience as a ‘successful’ business person will make America Great Again. I’m not opposed to a business person running for office. I am opposed to a documented business failure running the country like he ran his ventures. And when was the last time he financially contributed to this country?

              • And I already mentioned in my earlier response that it is a fact the majority of successful leaders are narcs. I’m not even going into that. I’m focused on the facts of this dude’s performance as a business leader. That’s how he developed his strategy.

                How does a successful business leader create over $900 Billion Dollars in debt? This magnitude of mismanagement is relevant as well as his on-going creditor situation. He used his brand as his platform. His brand is a glittered turd.

              • ANC

                If people had only read these facts- that he was not a successful businessman and he repeatedly cheated the small businesses who worked for him- but people don’t like to read and hey- he has orange hair!

              • Heather, it wasn’t this article that elicited such sadness among so many here – it is that so many Americans are willing to accept a vile, racist megalomaniac – not to mention science denier – as our leader. We are sad for what will happen to our families, friends, and our environment. I am sad you don’t see that.

            • How do we hold half the voting population accountable Heather? It’s not just him, the Congress, the justices he’ll appoint. How about all those hidden racist misogynist sleeper cells, male and female, who chose him yesterday but who didn’t show up in the pre-election popularity polls? Who’s going to keep an eye on them?

              • This is politics! It happens every election year. If Trump breaks the law he faces impeachment.

              • I would like to point out that in addition to trying to improve people’s lives as a Community Organizer, Obama was Harvard Law Review, a University of Chicago Constitutional Law Professor and spent years as first a State and then a U.S. Senator. So, the argument that there is any similarity between his preparedness and that of a self absorbed failed businessman does not hold water.

                Also, I believe the majority of Hillary’s “image problem” was generated by media whores who fomented hate and false equivalence for their own purposes. I did not just vote against Trump, I assertively voted for a woman whom I know to be a dedicated and empathetic public servant. In fact, I went to a neighboring state just last weekend to canvas for her.

                Furthermore, along with everything else wrong with Trump’s coarse and fact averse reality, he has proposed one of the foremost climate change deniers as a lead on environmental issues and has prioritized removing any and all constraints. There are some things that can and will happen in “just 4 years” that cannot be reversed or rectified. It is terrifying.

              • Done as dinner,
                Obama did community service, yes. But living her in IL, I voted him in as a senator thinking he would develop his political chops here for a few yrs. He obtained his Senate seat and did nothing but prep for running for Pres in 2004. I think it was also noted that when he was acting as senator on various committees he voted on nothing. I don’t know if he was counseled in his prep for the Oval Office to stay vanilla, but his track record was weirdly blank. Prior to his senate position he worked at UC and a non-profit. Not years for the state and certainly not any length of reasonable time in the senate to gain depth of knowledge.

                I’m not angry about the bait and switch regarding him being a senator for a nano second any more. He was the better option for that slot. I think Al Sharpton was running for it too. He did well and has always been well regarded. The guy voted in yesterday, not so much.

              • ANC–Love your comments, but you might have been swayed by Obama’s opponent’s talking points. He had 4000 votes while in the Senate, and only 3% were “present” where he did not take a stand:

                from http://www.factcheck.org/2008/09/obamas-legislative-record/
                “Here are the facts: According to reports by both The New York Times and the Associated Press, Obama voted “present” 129 times as a state senator. The AP reported that Obama said the votes represented a small portion — a little more than 3 percent — of the “roughly 4,000″ votes he cast as a member of the state Senate.”

              • My comparison stands on his political preparedness though. I’m not talking about competency. I think he has proven his competency.

                Obama had zero applied political experience prior to the senate position, and in that brief time in that position he was getting ready to run for the presidency.

                I’m not disagreeing about Obama knowing the law, teaching con law and practicing the law. I’m not disagreeing on his public service and dedication to the underserved in non-profit.

                Those experiences are not the same as working on Captial Hill as an elected official for a period of time before assuming an active campaign to run for the highest office in the US.

    • Rejoicing that a racist and a bigot, who wants to depart people based on their religion just conned his way into office? No thank you.

    • Heather – I don’t think you want to hold an Evil contest with Trump. He’s a sure thing. And I’m with Finally Awake – shall we hold him accountable to build a wall? Or deport Muslims? Or treat women like toys?

  • I feel as though my beloved country just gave a wink and a nod to the emotional, and financial abuse my ex husband imparted on me and our children. Boys will be boys!

    We’re back to privileged, white, misogynistic, xenophobic, dirty old men deciding our “American Values.” WTF?

    • Strange, but I feel my beloved country just gave a wink and a nod to the emotional, and financial abuse my stbx WIFE imparted on me and our children. Assholes will be Assholes!

      Not to discount the misogyny involved in this result. Hillary has been a victim of that since day 1, but there’s also just a whole acceptance of assholery in this country that doesn’t care about gender.

  • A skilfully written piece that, with each sentence and parallel, evoked new layers of sadness. I feel for what you’ve been through Tracy, and for what the USA will feel these next 4 years.

  • I live near DC so politics is a big thing and I begged my friends to not do this. I had voted Rep for 30 years but became a “neverTrumper” and tried to get people to go along with me. There was so much talk about 3rd party and I voted 3rd party…apparently I was alone. My Dem daughter is heartsick.

    Im heartsick too. Tuesday I have to go to Capitol Hill on Tuesday to work on a project and I am fascinated to get a sense of the vibe I will feel.

    I hope that I am wrong about how big of a mistake I believe this to be.

  • I have such a heavy heart this morning. Your comparison is exactly right, Tracy. Trump successfully gaslighted everyone who voted for him. I hope and pray that he is able to inflict very little damage during his term. This election proves that we care more about entertainment than facts and that we can still respect a serial cheater while harshly judging a chump. May America figure this out, leave the cheater, and gain a life.

    • “This election proves that we care more about entertainment than facts and that we can still respect a serial cheater while harshly judging a chump.”

      Very well said.

  • Thanks, Tracy. I was awakened by a text from my teenage son asking if we can move to Canada for the next 4 to 8 years. Luckily, I was awake enough to tell him that as Americans we must find a way to work together–promote tolerance, kindness and show the world we are committed to doing what is right. That my hope is that our county will not be further divided by the outcome of the election. Chump Lady has taught me that I can only control what I do, and now I will teach my son that we can make a difference by what we do in our community.

  • President Obama reminds me of my ex-husband. Very charming, witty and smart with words. He can fit into any social situation and everyone thinks he’s a “nice guy.” He has no problem lying to your face, but in the background he’s doing the opposite to advance his agenda.

    President Elect Donald Trump reminds me of my high school boyfriend. Brash. No filter for his words that come out of his mouth. A womanizer. A cheater. Lots of followers. Intelligent in his own way.

    Secretary of State Hillary Clinton reminds me of my best friend in high school. Very smart. Can smile in your face and tell you what you want to hear (flattery and lies), but behind your back she’ll talk bad about you and stab you in the back. She’ll offer “advice”, but the advice will work in her favor. She’ll also covertly undermine what’s best for you. She’ll also lie about you and withhold information to make either you look bad or make herself look good.

    I will not share who I voted for, because I do not wish to fight with my friends at CN! 🙂 To me, all three of the above people are cut from the same cloth. They are all narcs. People in power tend to be narcs. I’m trying to get away from these types in my own personal life, but I’ll never get away from them totally, because someone has to run the government. My life wasn’t over when President Obama won election and it won’t be over now that Trump will be present. My life will go on.

    • The problem is that Trump has possibly empowered some very scary types — and that is what makes this election different.

      • I think you gave a good bio for each and it seems to be accurate. This country reached a new low this election year.

    • I think you gave a good bio for each and it seems to be accurate. This country reached a new low this election year.

    • Im not ashamed to say I voted for Trump. I have to be honest. Ban me if you like. You may not like what comes out of his mouth but at least he is not a phony, telling you what you want to hear and doing the opposite. Sorry. I cannot trust someone who destroys subpoenaed evidence, sells american uranium to the russians, betrays americans, and lies so.damn.much.

      • Yo – congratulations on your candidate winning. CL would never ban you from this site for having a different opinion. That’s not the way she rolls.

        Very respectfully, I’d like to know how you know that Donald Trump will do what he says he will do and that he’s not phony? He hasn’t even been sworn in yet.

        • When he has been called out for stupid things he has said, he admits making those ignorant statements and apologizes. He doesnt try to deny it or cover it up.

          • He DOES deny and cover it up! Did you not watch the debates? When Clinton said he said or did X or Y (which we have video footage of him actually doing), he leaned into the microphone to interrupt and say, “Wrong” or “No, I didn’t.” — It’s inaccurate to an extreme to say he doesn’t deny or try to cover it up.

          • So it’s ok for a man who cheats on and promotes the abuse of others through deprivation of their rights to run the nation?

          • You must not have read or watches a single remark of his. he apologizes for nothing and in fact, brags about his hateful comments. Anyone who brags about voting for trump deserves everything he is going to give them, including another wrecked economy.

          • If you consider saying someone else is worse is an apology, I guess he has apologized. He is what he is, a 70 year old serial cheater.

            • yo, did he apologize for saying he would ban people from the country based on their religion? did he apologize for inciting violence at his rallies, and subtly (or not so subtly) encouraging his followers to shoot Hillary? Has he apologized for denying the science of global warming? has he apologized for saying he wants to deport millions of people from this country? NO. why not? because he means to do these things – it’s terrifying. if you think that’s ok, we have nothing in common.

              Reminds of the cartoon of the wolf’s political billboard, where he boldly proclaims “I am going to eat you,” and the stupid sheep say “At least he says what he means.”

      • Phony university, hidden tax returns, cheat tradespeople, file bankruptcy, keep repeating a lie until you think people believe it and then start telling a new one, pull data straight out of your ass and bully educated people when they call you out on it, claim conspiracy whenever bullying doesn’t work. if he’s NOT a phony then what is he? Even sociopaths learn how to say “I’m sorry” at a young age and then get back to the business of being a sociopath for the next 50 years. Just ask my husband’s sister.

    • Tell that to the thousands of same sex couples worried about whether their marriages will be recognized, or the hard working Muslims fearful they will be deported because of their religious views, or women who have now been told that a sexual batterer is our president. You survived Obama? How special for you, as our unemployment declined, our wealth grew, and our standing in the world skyrocketed. Trump traffics in hate. You may “survive.” The rest of us will live in fear that the freedoms we have spent our entire lives fighting for will be stolen from us. Trump lies and covers up on a daily basis about even the most basic things. He is a clear and present danger to our democracy and anyone who fails to recognize the evil traffics in is willfully blind.

      • These are your opinions, violet, to which we’re all entitled. It’s tough not to go over that line where we are calling people who disagree with our opinions “willfully blind” or worse, because of the emotions involved. But I wish we could manage it somehow.

        • Oh, hahahaaa! I made it sound like we’re all entitled to violet’s opinions! I know today isn’t funny but I can’t help but laugh at myself trying to be so careful about how I put things and then telling violet we’re all entitled to her opinions. 🙂

    • Tell that to the thousands of same sex couples worried about whether their marriages will be recognized, or the hard working Muslims fearful they will be deported because of their religious views, or women who have now been told that a sexual batterer is our president. You survived Obama? How special for you, as our unemployment declined, our wealth grew, and our standing in the world skyrocketed. Trump traffics in hate. You may “survive.” The rest of us will live in fear that the freedoms we have spent our entire lives fighting for will be stolen from us. Trump lies and covers up on a daily basis about even the most basic things. He is a clear and present danger to our democracy and anyone who fails to recognize the evil traffics in is willfully blind. You have bought into his greatest lie, namely , that he is not exactly who he has told you he is!

      • As I wrote above, partly in reply to ANC’s misstating Obama’s experience, along with everything else wrong with Trump’s coarse and fact averse reality, he has proposed appointing one of the foremost climate change deniers as a lead on environmental issues and has prioritized removing any and all pollution constraints. There are some things that can and will happen in “just 4 years” that cannot be reversed or rectified. It is terrifying.

    • Bravo! And to those who say a vote for a non contender or refraining from voting at all is a vote for X or Y, bullshit.
      Don’t trivialize another’s vote to suit your argument. There are others out there like me who could not in good conscience approve either candidate.
      We opted to let our peers decide & accept the results. I wrestled with the decision for sure but ultimately I couldn’t sacrifice my own values just to put one sh*t sandwich on top of the other.

      • I dont trust anyone until they give me a reason to trust them. May not work for everyone but it works for me. I dont trust politicians at all trump will be president i hate that but i will respect the office and give him a chance yesterday i mourned shook it off in january i will say to the tube come on big boy show me something. Im huge on apologies sincere ones, not sorry not sorrys. So we will see. He wants to impress me second take the lilly leadbetter act and enforce it! And apologize. Acts of congress i screamed at the tv to that douchbag who doesnt get it. He is still gonna be working with a do nothing congress. My rant for the day.

    • I think it’s obvious who you voted for. — I agree that very few (if any) people who ascend to those levels of power get there in a squeaky clean fashion. I’m not wild about the greed that seems to insidiously permeate Clinton’s agenda, but I still feel she would have made a good leader. But I must disagree about Obama — I think he’s done some genuine good for this country in the face of tremendous opposition from Congress (won’t even grant a HEARING on his Supreme Court nominee?). People seem to forget that POTUS is not a KING, he can’t just proclaim something — there are checks and balances, so anything that comes from that office has already been adjusted by others. That’s why it was unfair to say Clinton should have done something about the IRS loopholes that allowed DT not to pay taxes for twenty years — she doesn’t do it alone. — Yet another scary aspect of DT: he thinks he does it all by himself, whatever he decides, goes.

      DT is a whole other category of animal, and the US is about to see exactly what that entails, I’m afraid. But I resent the comparison to Obama and Clinton. Just my opinion.

    • I’m with you, Martha. I don’t like any of them. Unfortunately, the honest and good people don’t seem to stand a chance in politics in this country.

      I projected my values onto my STBX and continued to believe that deep down he was a good person and would tell me the truth. That kept me from seeing the truth. After everything blew up, I discovered countless lies of omission (he hid things from me for years), numerous partial truths (just enough truth that if I ever confronted him, he could claim that he told me the truth), and outright lies (when it was not possible to find even a shred of truth he could convey). Kind of a combo of all 3 described by Martha. I don’t trust any of them anymore than I trust STBX anymore.

      The one name he mentioned that did not go with the others was Ben Carson.

      • Yes! I’ve been given a lot of grief here. But I stated early on that I did not vote for him. I do not like him. But no one seems to read that. I am simply stating what we face. Politics is dirty. So why sling mud at me? Hillary lost. It happens. Trump won. It happens. All of us here know that we don’t always end up with things going our way. there has been enough crap in my life. I chose not to add Trump to that for my own sanity.

        • I heard you, Heather. I don’t like Trump either. But complaining about something I can’t control will change nothing. We get to vote again in 2 years to hopefully balance out the power a little more in Senate and House races. I refuse to let it determine my outlook on life. It is finally starting to feel better for the first time in years.

          “The greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not our circumstances.” ~ Martha Washington

    • Execpt how many people list their homes, their retirement, their savings, their jobs #killed in Iraq. Life doesn’t always go on. For some people, the elction of a president is a life and death decision only they don’t know it because they cannot conceive of the damage they are capable of reigning down on our world.

    • Interesting thought, but these aren’t your high school friends/ex’s. Two of those individuals have a track-record of actual public service. And they are quite impressive once you step out of the sound-bytes and 24-hour news media.

  • Yet another person being rewarded for bad behavior (and on a grand scale)… Seriously, I don’t know how much more of this sh-t I can take. Somehow, it feels personal. 🙁

    • I agree NoMoreEvil, my stomach is sick from this. It feels like I’m living DDay all over again, as well as the realization of how many “friends” had no problem with what he did. How did the bar sink so low as to who is elected to the Oval Office.
      I might not have agreed with policies or previous presidents, but never have they been so vile, hateful, and disgusting about so many groups of people. How can being so abusive to women before you’re even elected be overlooked?
      Right now, I’m taking a no-contact status for a little while with relatives who applauded everything he has said. Right or wrong, I need to get over my feelings of sadness, hurt and shock before speaking to them again.

      • Kathy, I’m lucky that the only people in my family (or friends, for that matter) were my stbx’s family. I got thrown out of Trump rally in the spring for politely and quietly protesting what he was saying on the campus where I work, and my stbx’s family took the opportunity to let me know how foolish I was. I don’t deal with them anymore, and will go as NC as I can with any and all people who find his vileness acceptable.

      • Yes, this is not about policy disagreements, it is a referendum on basic respect, decency and civility as well as recognizing the difference between facts and beliefs. I still do not understand how so many Americans want Trump to be President. It is sad on many levels.

  • As much as I sometimes wish there were laws to regulate morality (though I’m not sure he has any to regulate), I take comfort in knowing there are laws to regulate policy. Thankfully we live in a country that has a check and balance system. His tantrums, ego, and lies will do nothing to give him free reign.

      • Yeah, the checks and balances argument doesn’t work. The government is controlled by a single party, many members of which couldn’t manage to make their un-endorsements stick. The entire system just saw how well rewarded they’ll be for gaslighting, blame-shifting, and bullying their way through a campaign.

  • I knew Trump was going to win months ago so I did not watch the results come in. I hoped the democrats would take the house. Unfortunately they did not. Now we have an asshole in the White House and he’s got a full house. The Republicans will line up behind him. If only he will do something early on that isn’t too damaging, but is impeachable. AND he will now be filling the Supreme Court position, who knows if our more elderly Supremes can hold out for the next president…I’m sick to my stomach.

    • Me, too, Dat. I’ve said from the very beginning I thought he was going to win. The same people who turn their head with XH’s behavior can just as easily dismiss DT’s sociopathy as “quirks.” Alas, I don’t think very highly of people in general, so I am not at all surprised, but still (like you) I have that same ball of stress sitting in my stomach this morning.

    • I thought about Trump being impeached, sentenced to jail and any number of other fates but, sadly, Pence is much worse than Trump in many important ways and he also has that mask of reasonableness that can make him more dangerous than someone who wears his sociopathy on his sleeve like Trump.

      • Yup, and Pence could even make it look like the govt was running with in the normal range. Douchbag, not so much.

  • Ok CL, you opened the door. So now I get to vent! I am so sickened by the politics of the US. How did we get here? This election is like the most brazen insult to the average american. I mean the working men and women that have some values. I honestly didn’t even vote for the 1st time since I came of age. I couldn’t select either of the candidates. The are both horrible people with no values or morals. They represent the power hungry, walk all over attitude of the special interests of this nation. I honestly don’t think there has been a good president since I was born. Jimmy Carter seems to be the only decent human. He has shown that more since he has been out of office than before he was in it. He helps out not wanting a single bit of recognition. I hope this election stirs up this country. It’s time we demand candidates with no hidden motives or agendas. It is about time we put people in office based on values. Not who has the most money backing them up. Not who the media backs. It’s time for people to choose leaders and not allow them to be chosen for us. If a party doesn’t put up a good candidate, then we should let them know. Speak up America! Take control back.

  • Before I logged on I was thinking of the changes that are coming. My dad died last December at the age of 91. He loved this country but even in the end of his life he was worried about the future of his family with this election. I wish he were here to advise me and give me his wisdom. I lived with a person like this 33 years. Fat wallet, a user of people including his family. I don’t know rather to thank God so many people haven’t been hurt by a Cluster B and are unable to recognize One or cry because I know the ineviatible harm that is in our future. His mask must be made of kryptonite.

  • The first thing that came to mind when it became apparent that the unthinkable was happening was SPACKLE. I have never in my whole life seen such a degree of spackling. This whole election process has been a symphony of SPACKLE.

    Let me first say that it is not my intention to personally offend anyone, but I probably will. For that I apologize.

    Spackling from christians – The president-elect has spewed hatred for just about every minority group there is. He has mocked the disabled, he has clearly shown that he has no respect whatsoever for women, he has spit on other people’s religious beliefs, he has denigrated those who come to this country to do jobs that no american is willing to do. But, because he says he’s Pro-Life, christians put aside everything else that Jesus urged them to do (love othes, help others, feed othes, accept others) and put on their blinders to how hateful he is because their church tells them that no matter what, you’ve got to save the fetus.

    These people are not Pro-Life – they are Pro-Birth. They want nothing to do with the raising of the child they want to force to be born. Sometimes it’s hell on earth for those children, but it’s no longer their problem. In the president-elect’s heyday, do you honestly think he was never responsible for and/or paid for an abortion?? I know, I know – that was years ago when he was checking out naked teenagers at the Miss Teen USA pageant.

    That is how this buffoon got elected. People on my facebook feed actually said they needed to vote “biblically”. I suppose they cherry-picked from the bible what they consider to be christian actions. Christians are being used for political gain. SPACKLE.

    Another form of spackling? People lose their effing minds over a transgender male being in a restroom with their precious wives and daughters. But a man who is running for president who admits to sexually assaulting women and purposely walking in on beauty pageant contestants while they are not dressed because he’s the owner of the pageant and it’s his “right”? Just as long as it’s not YOUR wife or daughter it’s okay by you. SPACKLE.

    The last eight years have been the only years of my life when I’ve been proud of our president. Now we are faced with the yawning abyss of a Narcissistic Sociopath being the leader of the free world. I was abused by a Narc for years and now I have to sit back and watch a Narc abuse our country, my child’s future, and every minority group that is not a Angry White Male.

    I had to explain to my son this morning why Americans would elect a madman. It wasn’t easy. But I came up with something to give him hope. I told him that the people who hate others because they’re different are going to die off soon. And in their places will be broader-thinking, inclusive, there-is-enough-for-all politicians that understand and appreciate that all of us just want to live our best lives and that that can be accomplished without crushing others. It made him smile. I hope I’m right.

    • I hope you’re right too. But I’m sad to say that I think hating others because they’re different isn’t a cultural trait that is dying out, but a persistent human one that has to be struggled against in every place and time.

    • Thank you Uneff.

      After what I witnessed by some friends on social media last night I was beginning to feel alone and crazy again like in my early Chump days. I might have to avoid FB for awhile. Too much spackle for me to handle.

    • I had to figure out how to explain Trump’s win to my son too! He was just as devastated as I was over the election results. I love your explanation and will use that too.

      I told my son that this was a lesson about life that he gets to learn at an early age (10 years old), which is life sometimes throws us a curve ball and it’s our job to remain grounded when it happens. Grounded in our values and to live with integrity, even if our “leader” is not doing it. I told him this a test of our character, to remain strong and grounded in these difficult times.

      My divorce from narc will wrap up next week. Election results felt like “round two” of this ish.
      Time to spiritually armor up (again) to make it through the next four years. Hoping that a better life for this country awaits us on the other side.

      • Resilient – you make such excellent points. Good luck on bringing your divorce to a close. Too bad you couldn’t get rid of two Narcs in your life.

    • Thank you, Uneff — I agree completely, and I’m sure there are those who disagree here at CN. But I had to say this: “These people are not Pro-Life – they are Pro-Birth. They want nothing to do with the raising of the child they want to force to be born.” — I agree here, as well. CN isn’t the place for it, but I just had to tell you that I had a back & forth with a FB-friend last night for about an hour about this exact topic. You’ll probably catch some heat here, so I wanted to comment in support in case you get raked over the coals.

      • I am going to disagree with this statement. There are some people out there that would fall into this category, but I have been involved with NUMEROUS organizations that do just the opposite of your statement. From providing housing to basic needs to helping mothers learn parenting skills to finishing their high school degrees to providing scholarships to get a higher education or getting a job to helping parents tap into government programs, etc., There are a TON of people who are pro-life beyond the birth. They help care for both mother and baby.

        If you have encountered people who stand on their high horse without follow up actions, that is an unfavorable light on those individuals, but to make a blanket statement such as yours just promotes bigotry and is untrue. Not much different than claiming that all immigrants are free loaders or all Muslims are terrorists.

        • Or, that women just get abortions as a means of birth control because it’s convenient. This is also a broad-sweeping generalization that, in my personal experience with real live people, is untrue. No one I’ve ever met considered it as a light-hearted decision.

        • GetMeFree – Thank you for all you do to help people. The individuals that benefit from you work are very fortunate. What I was trying to say is that politically people who are Pro-Birth are also anti government programs that help the poor and disadvantaged to survive. It is the definition of a dichotomy.

          It would be my greatest wish that every child conceived were wanted and that its mother AND father would be able to raise it unaided by the government and that there would be no need for abortion. But we have to choose one or the other. Allow abortions or have our government help raise the child. And that goes against republican politics.

          Yet another example of Trump’s misogyny was when he said that a woman who got an abortion should receive some kind of punishment, if it were illegal. She did not get pregnant by herself – there was a man involved. Where is his punishment?

          • You are making an assumption that all pro-life people are Republicans. That is not the case. I know pro-life people who voted for Trump based on that one issue. But I also know lots of pro-life people who voted for Hillary based on the other programs for the poor, disabled, etc that she promoted. Unfortunately, there are very few candidates who are for both. People then have to pick the issues that are most important to them and pick a candidate that will further those issues.

            Also, I have known many people who support programs to help the poor and disadvantaged both financially and with their time on top of the government programs. These same people may want to limit government’s involvement but to say they are not willing to support the poor and disadvantaged would be wildly inaccurate.

            There are also Republicans who are extactly as you describe. I guess my point is we shouldn’t put people in a box based on their party affiliation, a core belief, or who they voted for in this election. I believe that we are all a mixed bag.

            Fortunately, we do not need to be married or personally share our lives with any of these politicians.

            • GetMeFree – I do agree with you that there are people that cross over both lines. If it seemed that I was saying “all” and “none” I apologize. People putting in sweat equity are amazing, it’s just that IMO people don’t want to pay for what they demand with their taxes.

    • My son just turned 14, so the next presidential election will be his first chance to vote. He’s a very bright and compassionate young man, and I see a lot of “teachable moments” ahead as we watch all of this unfold.

      • My son is 14 as well – I didn’t do the math. He will be thrilled when I tell him he can change this. Thank you.

    • Uneff-

      Sadly, I see what you are saying, but as a Christian, I just want to let you know that we are not all like that. I was absolutely devastated by last night’s election results. I did look at the full spectrum of issues in deciding who to vote for, and clearly, Trump fails on so many levels. Being pro-life is just one issue, and you are absolutely correct when you say that he doesn’t uphold anything else that Christ taught. I am surprised that so many of my fellow Christians could bring themselves to vote for him, and your idea of spackle seems the only reasonable explanation. It has been very bewildering to me.

      But please know that while some Christians supported Trump, many Christians did not support him (obviously myself included – I adamantly opposed him). And many Christians are very active in helping out after the birth takes place. I have many good friends who have opened their hearts and homes to children from all over the world (including many with special needs), and I know of many great programs that help women who want to keep the baby but might need financial and emotional support.

      One of the most tragic parts of this election is that the world thinks all Christians supported Trump because of abortion. Not true, my friends. Trump, imho, is the polar opposite of Christ, and nothing could have ever convinced me to vote for him.

      • Chump Mama – I hope you aren’t offended by what I wrote. I know there are wonderful christians in this world who attempt to follow all of Jesus’ teachings. I’m just unnerved by the dichotomy of many of them voting for a man who is vile, the exact opposite of their lord and savior, because of the abortion issue.

        I don’t understand how they can put aside 50 disgusting character issues because he “says” he is pro-life. Republicans have figured out that that is how to get the christian vote. I know that this is a deeply held principle by many christians, but because of this belief, they are being used by politicians, some who don’t really care about abortion. Donald Trump wanted Marla Maples to abort their daughter. I actually heard him say this in an interview on Howard Stern so I know that it’s true.

        Thank you for the love you show the world. You give me hope that there are very good people out there.

        • Uneff-

          I wasn’t offended at all by what you wrote but wanted to share my view with you so you would know that supporting Trump was not a universal Christian stand. I share your views on this topic, and have stated the same to some of my friends and family who were voting based on the abortion issue. If he spews a philosophy of fear and hate that is the complete opposite of what Christ preached, yet says he is “against abortion,” how do you take him at his word, ignore all the rest, and vote for him? I couldn’t do it and don’t understand those that did. Hugs to you on this sad day!

  • While I would like to hide my head in the sand for the next four years, I suspect that I will finally become involved in activism. There’s no way I can ignore what could happen based on what we’ve seen from the president-elect. I had the beginnings of a panic attack when I saw the results. I’m sorry but I cannot respect the man. Activism it is.

    • Yes, this is my road as well.
      Panicked, vomited and cried. Then showered and loved on my dog. Tomorrow I start working on solutions for this mad mess we’ve just landed in.
      Activism it is! That’s the only way I see to feel powerful when everything we love is at risk.

  • This election was tough, very tough, and divided so many. I was convinced I wasn’t even going to vote because the choices were so unappealing but I realized it was worse to do nothing. So I cast a vote AGAINST instead of FOR a candidate. I’ve never done that before and it felt pretty terrible. It killed me inside to vote for Hillary but I knew I would have felt a lot worse waking up today knowing I didn’t do anything to try to stop a man that is representative of all things that are not white, rich and privileged. As CL said, I hope that doesn’t offend my peeps at CN because you all are my rock and I value all of your opinions. I just never saw any redeeming qualities with this man and couldn’t understand how anyone else could either.

    The fear of how a man like that who treats women like used kleenex was going to handle being in charge of an entire nation of people was so strong it shook me to the core. That fear was realized almost as soon as people understood who the winner was and my social media pages blew up with racist, ignorant and intolerant memes that were posted by friends and viewed as funny jokes. I reacted, as strongly as you can anyway, via social media.

    I think I actually lost some friends last night because although I’ve been pretty neutral all through this election, I realized I couldn’t afford to be neutral anymore. I was immediately blasted for being too sensitive and a whiny, liberal who couldn’t take losing. I found myself being bombarded by the exact mindset I had voted against, by people I considered friends. Disturbing and disheartening doesn’t even cover the emotions I’ve been feeling. Fear and ignorance is a dangerous combination and it spreads like wildfire.

    I’m actually middle of the road when it comes to politics, I just don’t take too kindly to bullies or people who think they are better than the rest of the population and I made that clear last night on my social media pages. If that makes me overly sensitive than so be it. I’m okay with people attacking me for standing up against hate and intolerance. How people justify those attacks is eerily similar to what I heard for years as a Chump. This election proves that there are many more people out there like my STBX than I am comfortable with.

  • This isn’t my first rodeo — I have been in a relationship before with a man who is willing to lie, cheat, and use every resource I have to promote his own agenda. I survived. My idealism died, but my pragmatism saved my life. This won’t be pretty, and our hope lies in the fact that clearly half of the country did not want this to happen. As to what happened, I heard it summed up this way — if you voted for Trump, you had your own reasons, and we’ll see how that works out for you, if you didn’t like either of them, and you didn’t vote, you effectively voted for Trump, and you will see what happens when you don’t vote, if you voted for a third party candidate, you effectively voted for Trump, now see how supporting a third party that has no chance of winning works out for you. I don’t like either of the parties either, but my entire voting life I have taken a pill to suppress nausea, and voted anyway. We have impeached a president before — the question I have is just how outrageous does behavior have to be before that can happen again? I get that the population wants change in Washington — I do, too — but I wouldn’t hire the biggest alligator I know to drain the swamp.

    This morning I am happy that I don’t have daughters. I do not envy anyone who has to explain to their bright, hardworking, well educated daughter why she will lose protections she has grown up with because existing laws will not only not be enforced, but may also be repealed. It will come as quite a surprise to the young people who have grown up reaping the benefits that were earned by the hard work and sacrifice of their feminist grandmothers and mothers. It is a sad day for young women — they do not have the experience, and they are not expecting to be betrayed. It will be an unpleasant shock for them to find that they are merely useful, or not, and their only value is that they can provide sexual gratification upon demand, they can cook, clean, and bear children. Oh, and they can keep quiet, and be grateful they have a place at all. When men grab them by their genitals, they should remember it is ok if the man is rich and powerful, and has some type of celebrity status. It’s just because boys will be boys and boys like to talk in the locker room.

    In response to the question, what do we do now, I offer this conventional wisdom. We hunker down, we conserve resources, we prepare for the siege. We form an underground railroad if we need to, to see that women have choices in birth control and a way to escape abusive relationships. We don’t have to work to repeal slavery being legal, fortunately, but we do have to accept the reality that our voices are still not considered important. We have to hope that our sisters who don’t find these behaviors offensive enough to vote against will see the error of their ways, and that they will survive this abusive relationship and join the ranks of the Chump survivors who are already battle scarred, but alive.

    We are considered to be too “emotional.” We “just don’t understand” the needs of those who wish to keep us in our “place”. We should trust that the kindly patriarchs will take care of us, out of the goodness of their hearts. Consider all of this to be said in a sarcastic voice. (The sarcastic voice of experience.)

    Last night I saw the tears, the shock, the disbelief on the faces of those who had worked hard to see a woman elected to the Presidency. I feel for the women who are old enough to wonder if they will live long enough to ever see that happen. I have hope because the current president’s wife had a grandfather who was a slave, and she and her husband made it to the white house. Her husband and Hillary’s husband were both raised by single mothers. None of these folks are “perfect in every way.” Every one of them is human, and have flaws aplenty. But they overcame the situations they were born into, they used the resources they had available, and they succeeded. We have to believe that it can happen. We have to work for it to happen. Be strong.

    • “just how outrageous does behavior have to be before that can happen again?”

      My question as well. How much vile behavior, blatant sexism and racism are we willing to accept? Apparently, a Titanic-sized boat load.

      I have a daughter. I’ve already been patching up the destroyed pieces of her life after her daddy left us. This is was just another truck load of shit dumped on top of the already large pile of shit we’ve been dealt.

    • I have a daughter, one that will be considered a 10, like I was. And we have no patriarch to take care of us. Just me. And the patriarchs have really hated me.

      Everything you wrote here is spot on and I am scared to death of what we’re facing, in presidency, policy, and people.

    • Has it been too far back to recall that Clintons husband was *impeached* over his sexscapades in the White House? That she lied on National tv & blamed the victim as well as the entire GOP ‘conspiracy’? And yet, thru it all, he remained in office amidst the general consensus that yeah, he’s a horny pig & yeah, he lied under oath, but hey, it’s *just sex*.
      Look, men who treat & talk about women like Trump did are a dime a dozen. They just do it behind closed doors (like Clinton!). Truthfully, I talk with my friends about men in very ccolorful’ terms, too. These soundbytes from Trump shouldn’t surprise anyone.
      And there’s a bit of a double standard vs. Clinton.
      Be clear, he’s a disgusting pig & most people agree. But there are other reasons I didn’t vote for him. Icm old enough &educated enough to know his financial history. As well, I know Hillary’s history.
      Ultimately yesterday’s vote came down to Change, not Character. Because neither has the latter, and only one represents the former.

      • I remember the Clinton White House years very well, Chumpty-Dumpty. I remember hearing “it’s just sex” all the livelong day back then.

        • Remember, if your AP fucks your cigar while in your presence and you both engage in oral pleasure/s – giving and receiving, it’s not sex….

          Or if your fuckbuddies enter and exit the White House through the backdoor, don’t ask don’t tell.

          Or if your fuckbuddy happens to be your wife’s personal secretary, it’s true love.

          ETC….

      • Again, I come back to the nation picked the wrong change maker.

        Change is good, but this guy deals in smoke and mirrors. His actions never have matched his words. Scary shit. It’s too bad that both parties couldn’t find or support worthy change-makers.

    • I sent my smart, beautiful daughter who just moved to DC to find work in the human rights field a text this morning apologizing for the way my generation has brought our world to the brink of extinction. I am so afraid for our children. I am so ashamed of what we have done them.

      • Fifty years ago our foremothers worked their asses off for women’s rights. And their foremothers worked their asses off fifty years before that.. I feel your shame Beth., we’ve been coasting. But now our mandate is clear.

        • Well, I agree that setbacks just happened. BUT, voters 18-25 are on top of their game already. There is much rebuilding they face, but I have faith in our youth.

          from link:
          “Young voters are concerning themselves with the world beyond the borders, with education, with climate change, and with the future in general. And they are fully engaged. They’re not going anywhere. The future might seem bleak right now, but have hope. Millenials are on it. And they’re not giving up.”

          Here’s a link on the young voters:
          https://www.romper.com/p/this-map-of-how-people-18-to-25-voted-will-give-you-hope-for-the-future-22311

          I find this encouraging, even on this dark day.

    • Portia, I love your post! So well-said. Bravo. My 18-yr-old lesbian daughter just voted in her first election, and was in tears this morning asking me how could this happen. She is afraid for her future – her right to marry the person she loves, her right to be paid equal wages, and the right of every woman to have control over what happens to her body. I didn’t know what to say to her except we will continue to stand up for what we believe is right, and fight for every single person’s right to be treated as an equal citizen.

  • As long as you aren’t gay. Or black. Or latino. Or disabled. Or old.

    You probably won’t feel the abuse right away. Unless you are female.

    • So true. I am going to work in my garden today. I just cannot go out into the world and wonder if the person i ma dealing with thinks what happened last night is okay. I am seriously considering taking a leave of absence from y work. I don’t know if I am in any condition to face the world right now. I am so sad.

  • I am still in shock. I don’t have many words this morning. I am just so very sad for the parents of female children. I feel as a female, 59 years old, that we have just taken a giant leap backwards. I am devastated that my ancestors, all military, have fought to move us forward, yet that is not what is happening in the present.

    • My daughter has been texting me in abject sorrow. She is starting her own family and I feel that my replies are impotent. I don’t know how to console her and allay her fears.

      • My daughter called this morning crying. This was her first election that she was old enough to vote in. Her sadness comes from realizing how many loving here harbor and celebrate hate and intolerance. And now we have an actual number of things hose people. Fore you could pretend that it was small pockets here and there…. not anymore.

        I tried to tell her to focus on us, that we love, support and will always have her back. To surround herself with people who celebrate differences and empathy. To remember what a great group of friends she has. But I understand her fears… as a young women she got proof that assauting women is not only condoned but can land you the highest job in this country. That demeaning women is ok, that we are property to be treated any way that men prefer.

        • Corrections to my post “things *those* people”
          and “*Before you could pretend”. So I don’t get criticized for my spelling mistakes

  • I’ve seen the reactions this morning, and I guess I don’t share the as much of the fear that anything’s really going to change because I’m so pessimistic about the federal government in general. The American political system is so jammed, it’s impossible to meaningfully change anything. They (politicians) always talk a good game and say only what they think you want to hear to get elected. Same for Trump, same for Hillary. In the end, they’ll both say one thing, and then just do whatever the establishment and special interests will have them do (just like everybody elected before them). And they’ll either compromise on their positions to get something passed, or nothing they want will get done at all. And I think you’ll find that even with an “outsider” like Trump, it won’t be too terribly different than what’s gone on in Washington for decades. Just with more ridiculous sound bytes.

    Along those lines, I read a good article in the Washington Post this morning that basically said “Democrats and the Media took Trump literally, but not seriously, while Trump’s supporters took Trump seriously, but not literally.” What that means is, Democrats and the Media thought that Donald literally wanted to build a wall (after all, that’s what he said) – but most of Donald’s supporters knew that that’s not practical or possible. It’s the same with him saying that he’s going to throw Muslims, or any other minority group, out of the country. Again, it’s not possible – legally or practically. His supporters know this, it’s just that he was better at expressing their frustrations than others. And even with Republicans controlling Congress, which will probably change at the next mid-term (like it always does), I think his supporters realize that his extreme positions have no chance of actually happening, nor do I think that they ever expected that he will actually pursue those actions. He’s a good salesman, and it got him elected, but I think that he’s smart enough to know what he can and can’t do. And now his goal is the same as any other first term President in our nation’s history – win a second term. He won’t be able to do that by continuing his circus act for the next 4 years.

    • Blindside – Maybe Trump’s supporters are psychic and know what he’s thinking rather than what he’s saying, but many Democrats found him so repellant it was impossible to listen to him for long.

      It’s just like my mother used to do when my bigoted father would go on a rant or scream at one of us kids over a minor infraction: “Oh, now, you know he doesn’t mean it!”. If you don’t mean it then don’t say it.

    • I asked my best friend and her husband about the wall (they live in California and are Trump supporters) and they absolutely believed he is going to build them a wall. And get the Mexican government to pay for it. SMH You can bet I will be reminding them of this in a year or two. …. If we’re still here, that is.

      • Beth, what you said reminded me that I believed Obama when he said I would get to keep my doctor. Well, after Obama was elected my doctor decided to get out of the health insurance game altogether. He decided to change his practice into a “members only” model. That meant I had to pay a monthly fee to be a “member (patient)” of his practice. This was in addition to paying insurance premiums because I still needed coverage incase of major illness or an accident.

        My doctor decided he could have fewer (wealthier) patients and give each one better care. Well, I couldn’t afford to pay to be a “member” of his practice because I was recently divorced. No way could I pay a monthly “membership” in addition to insurance premiums. I’d been seeing the same doctor 25 years, but after Obama was elected I had to look for a new one.

        So I lost my doctor pretty soon after I’d heard Obama’s promise. It was a direct result of the fear my doctor felt about unknown changes coming in healthcare. After going through that experience I became much more skeptical of politician’s promises.

    • The difference with the last few election cycles since redistricting, though, is that Congress is so gerrymandered that the House will stay in Republican control at least until 2020. They will take full advantage of having a Republican in the White House for at least the first two years, so many of the promises that their leadership has made to their base will come to pass.

  • I was going to move out of the United States now that Trump’s won……but….it looks like the international markets are all crashing on the news……so that won’t work.

  • I’m devastated today….and scared to death. But…….There is nothing left to do but keep on keeping on. I’m having gallbladder surgery tomorrow, and I’m grateful that I can get it done before my medical insurance is taken away. It makes me wonder how many poor people like me are going to die because we will no longer be able to afford medical care.

    This whole election feels very much like the scenario when after my son’s murder, cheater ex had been so good at smearing me that I was re victimized by the local police even the things he said weren’t even remotely true. The way I see, it the same thing just happened to Hillary. And now the real lying, thieving, corrupt, misogynistic people have just won the biggest prize in history. The only people who will matter in this country will be the rich white men, and everyone else will be expected to serve them.

    The only hope I have it that the checks and balances inherent in the system will function and maybe he can be impeached eventually when he tries to pull off something too corrupt. I can hope.

    Like I said, I’m scared to death. Goddess help us.

    • Tessie, You have lost more than anyone can imagine. I am so sorry you being triggered and have to fear losing your insurance. I hope your surgery and recovery are without incident.

      I will lose my insurance, too. I am looking for another job desperately which I hope will also provide insurance. My age seems to be a factor in getting offers in spite of its irrelevance to my skills.

      I agree that Hillary was demonized for other’s advantage in complete disregard for reality. Reality is also a casualty in whatever people are believing about our new Commander in Chief who cannot speak in complete sentences, know the difference between truth and gas lighting, or even mimic empathy. The American experiment is off the rails. We are in a rapid decline. If it was a marriage dependent upon Trump showing up as a decent human being, we would shoot it and have a funeral–maybe.

  • I still remember getting my naturalization certificate at 18 to bece a cadet (and eventually an officer in the U.S. military). Several of my relatives also joined the U.S. military and have risked life and limb on behalf of this country. Today we weep for this country to which we immigrated (having emigrated from various countries). We are afraid for the whole world, not just the U.S. I want my Canadian citizenship back. I would also be happy to move back to Europe as a refugee, if they would have me, which is much more likely than the ‘American regime’ taking in anyone, no matter how deserving of help and helpful to the U.S., who did not fit the exact ‘desirable’ profile–rich, white, heterosexual, Christian, ‘good-looking’ young male without disabilities. Too bad I would lose my minor children if I left the U.S. I hope to help raise the next generation to recognize and shun bigotry, violence, and irrational thought and behavior.

  • I don’t buy the poor baby Hillary crap. My experience was STAYING with a LIAR for 31 years, lots and lots of damage on that note too. America got exactly what we asked for….. both candidates represent abuse and BTW I don’t believe anyone blamed HRC for Bill the cheating dick. She stayed bc it was for her political gain to do so. This union was never about love, well documented!! She is a LIAR and a bully as well, that triggered me more so than he did. Her path in life has always been about her. I hope I don’t have to listen to that screeching voice again. She is a narcissist as well and her style of leadership for this country has already been documented well. Staying with cheating Bill is not her only bad decision! She Failed to convince me and I couldn’t throw her my vote bc she stayed with a cheater. Her reasons were self serving Im glad the Clinton legacy crashed, LONG overdue. OK this is my rant, knowing its not popular.

    • Fireball, it may not be”popular”, but I respect your honesty! Something we never got from our cheaters.

    • Fireball, Clinton actually knows how to do this very important job.

      Trump is singularly unqualified to stand in the pantheon that includes Jefferson and Lincoln and Obama.

      Last night’s D-day is ushering in a new, dangerous passage in US history.

    • But Trump was ok cause he didn’t stay with the cheater, he WAS the cheater? Oh, that makes it all okay then. Justify your politics in whatever fashion helps you sleep at night. The rest of us know what kind of monster this country has just elected.

      • OMG Violet, this is exactly the type of thing I was referencing in an earlier reply . Are we to gather from your remarks that you believe Hillary was just the good wife standin’ by her man? Nope, you didn’t say that! Nor did Fireball give Trump a pass for cheating & leaving.
        What’s wrong here is the failure to agree to disagree without disrespecting/misrepresenting the other’s opinion. When the conversation degrades to ‘whatever’ &’the rest of us know [better], we’re back on the ‘stupid’ wagon and frankly, I’d expect better here in CN.

    • But Trump was ok cause he didn’t stay with the cheater, he WAS the cheater? Oh, that makes it all okay then. Justify your politics in whatever fashion helps you sleep at night. The rest of us know what kind of monster this country has just elected.

      • Fireball-I am not sure why you stayed with your cheater, but you certainly seem to somehow have 100% certainty and some kind of amazing inside knowledge of why she stayed with Bill. I wonder how you would feel if someone claimed the only reason you stayed with your cheater is because you were self-serving.

  • I feel numb. Going back into observer mode, where I’ve spent much of my life. Just waiting to see what happens next.

    LUD, I saw a headline in passing that the market’s are stabilizing.