I am well on my way to meh after divorcing and dealing with texbook cheater speak for the last 5 years. The other day though, cheater spoke to our teens telling them out front that there is no right or wrong in the world. It’s just their perceptions.
Now, most of what he has said in the past lines up 100% with the stupid stuff cheaters say, but this one really got under the kids’s skin and even I am a little dumbfounded how to deal with this kind of bullshit.
Maybe the UBT can help.
P.S. I have a schnauzer and I scrapbook.
Way to gain a life there with the schnauzer and scrapbooking. As for your cheater, “There is no right and wrong in the world — there is only your perception” is classic Stupid Shit Cheaters Say. In fact, now that you mention it, I should devote a whole chapter in another book to it. We call this phenomenon “situational truth.”
If you’re disordered, and life is a big con game, there is no truth except the “truth” you are presently in. New surroundings? Different people? Different truth. Should your worlds collide and you need cover? Don’t blame yourself — blame reality! This is the nexus of the famous Richard Pryor joke: “Who you gonna believe? Me or your lying eyes?”
“There is no right and wrong in the world, there is only your perception” is also a form of projection. That’s how sociopaths see things. There’s this stuff you “moral” people deem right and wrong, but really what you do in any given situation comes down to unbridled self-interest (i.e., your perception).
Here’s an example. It baffled me how my cheater could gaze into my eyes, tell me he loved me, seem utterly sincere, walk out the door, and then call his OW. (I saw the cell phone records. It was truly shocking the constant contact. Marriage counseling appointment? Two seconds later — OW call. Date night and sex with the wife? Two seconds later — OW call. You guys know the drill.)
How could someone do this? Sociopathy and situational truth. In that moment, because he’s a millimeter deep, he “loves” me, but then SQUIRREL! his attention redirects and he “loves” the OW. It’s all kibbles and one kibble is as good as the next kibble. The point is more kibbles. And the power trip high of deceit.
His love isn’t fixed. His commitment is an illusion. Ergo, so is his “truth.”
“There is no right and wrong in the world, there is only your perception” is also a nice bit of gaslighting. Pay no attention to “truth.” There is just your truth and my truth and (my cheater loved to say this) “the truth is somewhere in the middle.” False equivalency! Minimization!
No, motherfucker — there is the TRUTH, and there are untruths, otherwise known as falsehoods. Aka, LIES. Whoppers. Bullshit.
Speaking of bullshit, the Universal Bullshit Translator has a suggestion.
Someone needs to mug your ex. Steal his wallet. Pistol whip him. Leave him for dead. And kick him in the kidneys for good measure.
As he’s lying there suffering, and the Good Samaritan walks by, and cheater wants to call the cops? Samaritan says, “You weren’t mugged. That’s just your perception of events.” And leave him.
See how quickly he becomes a reality convert.