Stupid Shit Cheaters Say still surprises me. Sure 99.9 percent of it is trite and well-tred cheater speak, but every now and then a nugget of pure mendacity stands out. A nugget like — “You’re nobody’s muse.”
Oh hey, I’m sorry Cheater. Yes, I’m not a daughter of Zeus. Was I supposed to inspire you to greater feats of creativity and failed? Here’s a creative suggestion — go fuck yourself with a hot glue gun.
Chumps just can’t win the sparkles sweepstakes. Forever cast as the Obstacle to Happiness, muse status is conferred upon affair partners instead. Sure, you might serve some sort of purpose, but fuck buddies make better kibbles.
“Nobody’s muse” came from “ChicagoRefugee” who, after 25 years of marriage failed to divinely inspire. She writes, “The OW is not only young enough to be my daughter, she’s a New Age ‘energy’ froot loop.” I thought I’d put Chicago’s SSCS submissions through the Universal Bullshit Translator.
“I’m learning to be emotionally healthy with her. She’s like a muse to me.”
I think it is emotionally healthy to expect relationships with mythical creatures. You’re an actual person with needs. She’s an other-worldly being.
I’m not a fuckwit abandoning his family of 25 years — I’m “emotionally healthy.” Or learning to be. The fuckwit thing comes naturally.
“You’re just jealous because you’re nobody’s Muse.”
I’m sorry you can’t be Helen of Troy. No one will ever launch a thousand ships for you or start wars in your honor. That makes me sad for you. Doomed ordinary mortal, try to contain your jealousy. We can’t all be Gods.
It’s not what I did (cheat, lie), it’s what you are (imperfect).
“She said I was a creative genius, ‘the complete package.'”
Kibbles, kibbles, kibbles, I CAN’T HEAR YOU OVER THE KIBBLES!
All it takes for me to toss out my family is to call me a “creative genius.” If abandonment was creativity, I could write entire symphonies.
Yes, I am a package. Complete the way bricks are shy of load, or picnics are missing a few sandwiches. (Contents may shift due to shipping.) But trust that I am awesome and you are not.
“According to her, I have powerful enough energy to be a shaman.”
You may see divorce lawyers, but I will ward them off with my powerful shaman energy! Your financial discovery process is no match for me, Attorney! BEHOLD MY MAGIC CRYSTAL!
“You need to get your shit together, then maybe we can meet again on the other side of this.”
Um, if my magic, creative genius powers don’t last with the Muse, you’ll still be Plan B, right? Right???