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UBT: “I just wanted to reach out to help you”

condescendThe Universal Bullshit Translator just can’t get enough of supercilious, OW twat waffle condescension. It’s like popcorn to the UBT. Popped fresh from Satan’s own blast furnace.

Amazon chump sent in a doozy:

My ex’s OW sent me the below email when he decided to stay married to me after I filed for divorce. Stupidly I believed him. He started fooling around with her again within a couple of years. I didn’t waste any time the second time around. I divorced his adulterous ass. Now he’s with his skank. I’d love the UBT to work on this:

Your wish is the UBT’s command, Amazon chump!

My therapist thought it might be helpful for you to have this information.

Harassing you was my therapist’s idea. Really!

I’m not a condescending twat waffle — I’m helpful! 

I have really wanted to reach out to you many times in the past, but I just wasn’t sure how and what to say.

“I’m fucking your husband” is a nice ice breaker.

Let me first say that I apologize for what you have been through and are still going through.

I’m so sorry for that nebulous Thing you are Going Through. Of which I have no pronouns or active verbs. Sometimes Things just engulf us, like sarin gas. Or fall from the sky like anvils. Who knows why? It’s one of God’s little mysteries. I don’t know what you did to piss off God, but I’m sorry for you. 

You have a lot of life ahead of you and my sincere wish is that you find a true healthy relationship.

Stay away from my man! 

You didn’t have a True, Healthy Relationship with him, like I do! Sneaking around for 11 years, fucking in cheap hotels, waiting for the one glorious day you would divorce his ass he would leave his wife for me. 

I firmly believe that God has a plan for each of us and the best awaits if we just trust Him.

My affair was just part of God’s plan. I trusted in God, waited for years, and got your husband! See what happens if you just trust in God? 

Although we have been house-hunting and planning for the future (living together, cruise/trips, one truck, not two, etc.),

Nyah nyah! GOT YOUR HUSBAND! 

Am I gloating? Hey, I’m the picture of modesty. I only have ONE truck. That I share with your husband… to have romantic adventures and house hunt with. 

Dave and I spoke last week of his need to ‘ease his conscious’ and ‘anxiety’ by making an attempt to assess your relationship without having me as a best friend/confidant.

I keep him on a very short leash. I’d tether him to a bedpost if I could. The way best friends do. 

I respect this but my concern is really for you.

I’m concerned you’ll win the turd back. 

In order for you to have a healthy relationship you first must have a truthful relationship.

He only lies to you. Never to me! Too bad you can’t have a healthy relationship like I do. 

You asked me before for information which I declined to provide, but I believe for you to move forward in the relationship, address the issues, you have to have full disclosure.

Please be the hypotenuse in my triangle! Don’t you want information that only I can give? Can’t you just beg pretty for it, so I can deny you and say it’s for your own good? KIBBLES!

Otherwise you are doomed to continue the life you had which you have acknowledged was unhealthy and unhappy for over 26 years.

DOOMED! If I don’t get some kibbles, shit’s about to get VERY ugly. 

I don’t know if you both can overcome the past as sometimes there is too much to get beyond and rebuilding trust is very difficult if it can be done.

But I do know for certain that you will never be able to overcome the past if you don’t address it and in order to do that you need to have full disclosure which Dave will not provide.

You need us. 

We’re all about honesty and full disclosure, except for Dave. Who won’t provide you with any details. But you should work harder to trust him. Or you’re doomed. 

You also need a third party to help you with this so I hope you will continue with your therapist or a couples therapist.

You’re batshit crazy. I hope you work on that.

I’d rather not go into a lot of details in an Email

I try to avoid anything like legal documentation. I prefer in person mindfuckery. 

but am available to meet with you in person in a neutral setting or even in the safety of a counseling session if you are willing to do so. I am not proud of my participation but suffice it to say that for over 11 years of your 26-year marriage, there has been a daily intense emotional and physical relationship between he and I that has included many out of state/in state trips (including M****, camping with the girls, MN, NC, TX, OK, AZ, CO, CA), countless meetings in homes, offices, public places, shared workouts/walks, gift exchanges, thousands of phone calls, Emails, there’s nothing we didn’t discuss and many, many lies and deception to you.

I’m not proud of those 11 years of shared workouts, gift exchanges, phone calls, emails, and surreptitiously fucking your husband. When I was roasting marshmellows with your girls around a campfire, I thought, “Gosh, Amazon Chump should be here to see the precious memories I’m making with her children.”

That daily intense emotional and physical relationship with your husband is something I regret. Daily. 24/7. Yes, I’m free next Wednesday, Dave!

I left off Rhode Island, foot massages, and putt-putt golf.

You may not believe me, but I have always regretted and will live with it until I die how you were made to doubt your own self-worth! You’ve been second guessing yourself and said in an Email that you’ve “been played for a fool”. And I know this because I have been made to feel the same way!

I’m a victim too! ME! In fact, my pain is greater than your pain. The regrets I’m burdened with… they’ll haunt me until the day I die. Just the other day, when I was house shopping — with your husband — I felt a twinge of sorrow. I had to lie down. And fuck your husband. It passed.

I was applauding you for taking charge of your life, seeking counseling, filing for divorce and recognizing the woman you can be!

I WIN! I WIN THE TURD! HE’S ALL MINE!

You have to decide what kind of individual you want a lifetime relationship with and I know you have not always held males in high regard

You’re a hairy-legged, man-hating lezbo, aren’t you? That’s why you can’t keep your husband satisfied. Maybe you should consider dating women, seeing as you hate men. Just a friendly suggestion! 

but I hope you know that you don’t have to settle for anything—what you’ve endured is not normal and not what you or any woman deserves.

I am not normal. I settle for side dish fucks. I don’t deserve better. Let me cloak those difficult thoughts in  heavy spackle and projection. 

Of course you could choose to disregard this Email, act as if all of this is in the past and just move on together, but then you will continue to live the same life you have had for 26 years and the odds are great that the same patterns will continue.

I’m not going anywhere, bitch.

Talk with your therapist about this—what do you need to move on and how to move on for you, and/or for you and Dave as a couple.

I saw a therapist when we were ending a 32 year marriage and one of the hardest things I had to get through my head was the idealization of a relationship that just wasn’t.

Apparently, it never got through your head as you’ve spent 11 years as a side dish fuck. Excuse me, confidante/best friend.

The therapist even got frustrated with me

I’m sure she’s not the only one.

because I kept saying, “well, if we could go back”, “if he would just do this”, “if I would do that”, etc. What I had to learn was that the relationship I had thought we could have was just not possible because that is not who he and I were together. My regret is that F* and I did not end amicably.

It’s shocking that F wasn’t amiable about me screwing other men. I regret his unreasonable animosity. 

Should you want to discuss more I will respond to you. Should you not want to discuss further I will not ask again. Either way, I hope you accept this Email as it is intended.

I hope it fucks with your head. I hope you think of me always and forever. When you’re shaving your legs — Twat waffle! When you’re standing in line at the DMV — Twat waffle! When you’re filling your taxes — Twat waffle! 

Please accept my desire to be utterly central. Kibbles! 

I told you when you visited my office that I was speaking from my caring about you, a fellow human being.

A fellow human being, but a lesser one. I care about man-hating, batshit crazy lezbos. I speak with kindness to all of God’s inferior creatures. 

I wish you the best whether you are able to work through the issues and come out as a stronger couple, or if you amicably decide otherwise.

Keep it amiable! I’d hate for you to come after me with a gun. 

Take care of yourself,

Fuck off and die.

SAB

Satan’s Affectionate Bitch

Shits After Belching

Sweet Ass Bandit

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! And thanks for giving me a day off to rerun this UBT. Hope it doesn’t put you off your turkey. See you back tomorrow!

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • Mother of God. Did someone actually have the balls to send this? In my wildest dreams I cannot conceive of the utter disregard of human decency to sit down, write this and to actually send it.

    An 11 year whore. A decade of adultery.

    I guess I have been fortunate, my ex has spoken diddly to me and I’m certainly ok with that. I have seen the toll of her cheating has had in her life, the rapid alcoholic behavior and threats of suicide. Why can’t all cheaters sink to whale shit levels and just go away?

    My heart goes out to the woman who had this happen to her. No one deserves this, well maybe Kim Jon Un or Harvey Weinstein, but not normal humans.

    • It smacks of pure desperation to me. The AP was so desperate to derail the reconciliation and win the pick me dance. The audacity of her, in her desperation, is breathtaking.

    • “Why can’t all cheaters sink to whale shit levels and just go away?

      Because then life would be too easy, too sweet. Worldwide choruses would erupt singing, “What A Wonderful World.” Their delusion is utterly appalling. But then, everything they do is appalling. But it sure does provide a scary insight into a truly disordered and entitled mind. They deserve each other. Let the disgusting live with the delusional.

      Happy Thanksgiving to all you dear Chumps. This letter is exhibit A in why we need to leave our cheaters and gain a beautiful, cheater-free life.

      • LOL! I really did just laugh out loud. There are so many morons out there walking around like people actually think they’re fantastic. Freak shows. I wish we could just put them all on an island to betray and mindfuck each other. Then maybe sink that island.

        I stand by my default response (when I respond at all) to my ex: “You’re an idiot.” That really really pisses his PhD ass off and I just sit back and watch him flail like a child. More often than that though I just don’t respond. The fact that he obsessively checks to see what response he gets from people after he throws some shit out there is a tiny delight to think about. It’s just not going to come motherfucker. Indifference makes them CRAAAAZY.

        She would get along fabulously with Trump, king narc himself. Sorry to get political. I just freakin hate these people.

    • I feel your schadenfreude, Jmurman. I had the joy of watching my cheating ex descend into a pit of shit after she delivered the gut punch from Hell to me. After I caught my breath from that one I went on to marry a wonderful, beautiful woman and we are still happily married, while my cheating ex has married and divorced several times. She now lives by herself and looks like 40+ miles of rough road. I don’t think the booze (and maybe cigarettes) help her much. Oh well, enjoy life’s big shit sandwich, girl, after grabbing a few moments of lustful pleasure behind my back. Karma is a wonderful thing.

  • Oh shit! When you think you’ve seen it all, human nature never fails to poop some new molecule.

    Now THAT’S what I call crazy. The UBT must have split its sides laughing on that translation.

    “I firmly believe that God has a plan for each of us and the best awaits if we just trust Him.”
    From wikipedia: “Rationalization: a defense mechanism in which controversial behaviors or feelings are justified and explained in a seemingly rational or logical manner to avoid the true explanation, and are made consciously tolerable—or even admirable and superior—by plausible means. It is also an informal fallacy of reasoning.”

    I so glad for Amazon Chump that she has a sense of humor. She must feel better knowing this is the idiot her ex has to live with now.

    • Ahhhh…SAB will one day get what she truly wants: to be the next Mrs. Who-is-my-husband-side-fucking-today. Grand Prize in the fuckwit pick-me thunderdome.
      The gall! The desperation. The OW skein of mindfuckery revealed. May. Marriage policing be her eternal reward. God wills it, I’m certain.

    • ClearWaters, this: “Rationalization: a defense mechanism in which controversial behaviors or feelings are justified and explained in a seemingly rational or logical manner to avoid the true explanation, and are made consciously tolerable—or even admirable and superior—by plausible means. It is also an informal fallacy of reasoning.”

      I will have to frame it and put it up everywhere so I never ever try to rationalise bad behaviour in the future. This was for me. Thank you!

      • I wrote a post on my blog about this entitled ‘Crime Theory Meets Cheater-Speak’. It’s about all of the justifications that criminals and cheaters use to excuse their bad behavior so they can go on believing they’re swell people. Might be right up your alley. Just click on my name and it’s the first post in the feed.

        Currently working on one about cheaters and their use of logical fallacies, too. How timely! Will post that one next week. 🙂

        So sorry for what this family is now being asked to endure while he undoubtedly revels in the adulation of a new romantic partner. So much collateral damage. So much pain. So deeply UNFAIR. I hope he gets annihilated in court.

    • I agree with this person. God DOES have plans for us…none of those plans include us defying Him and breating the Ten Commandments in committing adultery. That’s the sinner’s plan at work.

    • Ha ha! Love “When you think you’ve seen it all, human nature never fails to poop some new molecule.”

  • The ow advising someone on how to repair the damage she did. That’s pretty rich. Your x and her deserve each other.

  • They all have a sick way of justifying their behavior. I am just appalled that there are actual therapists out there listening to these stories… and doing nothing about it. I am so sorry that you got a letter like this. If it was me, someone would have to hide my car keys!

    Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Remember, today, there is one less turkey in all of our lives.

    • I work in mental health and every time I see a post on a mental health provider page that I belong to requesting a therapist for a couple to deal with infidelity, I vomit a little in my mouth. I want to say don’t bother, tell the chump to read Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life. Save the co-pay, really….. save the co-pay.
      I’m guessing I won’t get referrals to work with couples on this issue.

    • My STBX’s OW is a mental health counselor in marriage and family therapy. She was screwing a married man who had a family while his wife was pregnant. The thought that she could counsel couples and children is appalling.

      • That’s so effed up. Seriously. You can always report her to the professional board…. she can lose her license for that.

        • You should report her.

          As a therapist, this makes me sick to my stomach, too. It’s sad, but there are cheaters and narcs in every profession, so the shitty advice referenced above is believable since the therapist might co-sign the BS or just want to prolong the therapy for financial reasons. I hate having my optimistic bubble burst, but CL reality is the best gift this recovering unicorn ever got!

          My Divorce hearing is this Tuesday…requesting some CN Mighty vibes to stand strong. Thanks all!

      • Wow!!!!! Holy Fucking Shit! Just, Wow!!! So obviously she’s of the “What did you do that led your husband to cheat” breed of therapist. Un fucking believable

      • She was still in grad school when it all started. I don’t see how someone could be a good therapist when they lack empathy.

  • Oh, yeah, I’m sure Mr. Justification’s Schmoopie could have written something like this. When I read over their chats, she pretended to agonize over her role as a MOW, and told him, “My mother always told me that the universe is unfolding as it should.”

    Hey, C***, I’ve met your mother. I’m pretty sure she didn’t raise you to be a homewrecking whore. Just sayin’.

  • Sooo validating to see this. I didn’t know that there was a whole breed of OW that reach out and spew this crap. I thought I was the only one who got the “I can help you get over this” sales pitch.

    I will never forget the phone call…
    “You know he’s not happy, and you can’t be happy.”
    “It will be healthy if you move on and find someone who loves you.”
    “We can all be friends, like my three or four sets of divorced grandparents.”
    “This is a good thing. I even told my pastor I won’t apologize for loving your husband.”
    “He tells me you want bad things to happen to me. I just want you to know, I would never wish for bad things to happen to you.”
    I ran this through the UBT. It was actually the finale of the desperate pick-me-dance for a man who was too spineless to actually take action himself.
    She won the prize. I think it’s a consolation prize, actually. My new life is fabulous.

    • New Michelle, ( love your name, says it all),

      “I would never wish for bad things to happen to you”
      Yea, bitch, at least NOT while you are screwing myhusband.

      I know NOTHING about the other woman, not even her first name.
      Oh, wait, on DDay cheater did tell me that she felt bad about taking him away from our small child. Full of heart and caring, she was. ( I doubt she knew of the child to be in utero).

      No wonder a Chump feels at the bottom of the barrel, someplace, anyplace, of non existence.
      It’s a pity we just get in their way. They find the “perfect” true wuv and that wife/appliance just gets in the way. Life can be so unfair!
      Sigh……….
      Amazon Chump, the fairy tale writer and the ex are dirt in your rear view mirror,
      YOU are mighty!

      • YOU ARE THE BAD THING THAT HAPPENED TO ME, YOU SANCTIMONIOUS WHORE BISCUIT.

        The Sluterus hid from my wrath like a timid forest creature for three years. I was not particularly bothered as I refused to grant her centrality. Oh, but lo, she was stalking my Facebook page. In thousands of days of not giving a fuck, I mentioned their lame choice of name for their adultery a Adultery Baby. Sluterus felt the need to send me an abusive message questioning why I was ‘Still Bitter.’

        They really don’t get it, do they? They really do believe that NOT GIVING A FUCK anymore and being able to make lighthearted banter about one of the worst experiences one can inflict on another human being isn’t enough mercy. It’s not enough to heal, not enough to move on well enough to bear the pain with dignity and good humor.

        They really think that at some point, in two years or ten, the shitty things they did to tear families apart will be perceived as LESS SHITTY or NOT SHITTY AT ALL. It’s mind boggling. If you steal, embezzle, rape, assault, defraud you do have the right to ask forgiveness and live a better life. You do not get the right to minimize what you did directly to whom you did it.

        These fuckers don’t even realize that the Integrity Bank never replenishes itself when you piss it all away. They really think the end justifies the means.

        • My ex was “astonished” that I was still angry with him 2 weeks after I found out about his godforsakenly long affair with another married woman (3 kids, Ethics professor and Sunday school teacher no less. She is truly an angel.)

          Now, forget the fact that HE was still angry at wifey #1 FIFTEEN YEARS LATER after she cheated on him and they divorced! And they didn’t even have a child together. Narc world is batshit crazy.

          I’m so glad I found this website. I finally feel sane. Thank you CL!!!!!!

  • And now we see the real mindset of the OW. Someone willing to be a side dish fuck for 11 years. I bet she sure was a barrel of monkeys for the narc to fuck in all those places, but not a brain cell floating in that mush on top of her head. Once I heard Reille Hunter speak, the complete allure and mystery of the OW dissapated quickly like a fart in the wind. I bet hes’s thrilled to be stuck with her for good, snort. The biggest issue he has is she’s probably too self-centered, entitled, yet dimwitted to figure out when he’s screwing around on her. And where’s the fun in that if he can’t cause the pain?

    When I look at the 50 year old ex now and his 20-something year old schmoopie (DD14’s 20-something year old assistant sports coach), I get sick, not even jealous, just sick. What’s she got that I don’t? Other than a size 4 body and no boobs because she hasn’t birthed 3 children? Yeah, not much. She’s fun and exciting. Suggesting skydiving with the ex and my kids. I know him. He’s a slug at heart. It was a good set up for him to conveniently use the wife at home and sneaking around to say no to shit he didn’t want to do. Now he’s stuck with a dimwit 24/7 and she’s stuck with a boring old man. And I’m free of a self-centered ass. I think it’s a win-win-win.

    • Love this, you are spot-on. I was the old battle ax when it was convenient for me to be so in his mind. “Now, where did I leave that garbage pail? You know, the one I tossed all my problems conveniently into? Oh, she divorced me.”

    • I love your posts twiceachump! My brain got too tired of dealing with my 50yr old ex and the 23yr old babysitter so I rarely post but I do read every day. I hate that we’re in the same club together but what you write is spot on! My ex is a selfish ass who fell for the young gal with no job and no kids and he now supports her so they can go have all the fun trips together while I have/had a full time job and put my daughter first so my schedule resolves around her activities and can’t run off on trips on a whim. He has shown that “his happiness” is more important than anyone else’s and that alone makes him something that someone else can have

      • “He has shown that “his happiness” is more important than anyone else’s and that alone makes him something that someone else can have”

        Exactly this!

        • “He has shown that “his happiness” is more important than anyone else’s ”

          Yep this is the crux of it. Life in the Key of Me, as CL says

  • All the cheaters I’ve met have one thing in common. Besides cheating. They can’t string a logical argument together or ever tell the truth. And it’s degenerative – lying to your spouse every day, or cheating with a married person is like drilling another hole in your brain with an electrical drill every single day. Until there’s nothing left. I have a colleague who I’m pretty sure has been cheating on his spouse for ten years (I’ve sent his wife the anonymous letter). He’s evasive about whether he’s going to drink coffee or tea. He lies about every little thing even when the truth would serve him better. It’s as though he fears we’d have something on him if we ever caught him telling the truth about anything.

    • Sounds like part of the “You’re not the boss of me!” mandate for narcs, they can’t let anyone have an edge on them. What a sick way to live.

      • Chompingchump,
        As the recipient of years of lies, large and small, I have wondered why my ex-husband and ex-boyfriend would invent them when the truth would have served them (and me) better. I suspect very weak character, poor moral compass, discomfort with Self, and extremely underdeveloped ability to conduct moral reasoning.

        Now IC,
        ‘You’re not the boss of me,’ makes me think if something my ex-boyfriend wrote to me when I simply asked him how he would feel if I needed to move away to find work. He got mad/defensive/evasive, saying, ‘Why are you asking me this? I don’t have a crystal ball. I cannot and will not try to predict the future! We’ll figure out what to do when we need to cross that bridge.’ When asked if something was wrong in our relationship and if there was someone else, he denied any problem and any other party. Sometimes, I felt as if I were dealing with a tantrum-throwing four-year-old in a middle-aged executive’s body. (How could he rise so high, and be well-liked in his industry but act like a hostile, hurtful, dishonest, incredibly wimpy coward in an intimate relationship?) Six weeks later, he kicked me to the curb for woman at work. After years of telling me he loved me as a friend and in previous times he dumped me telling me that we could still be friends, he now refuses to communicate with me although I have stayed extremely polite and supportive. I suspect that he is afraid that my presence in even the tiniest way (a civil, platinuc one line text message) from/to me, Chumpy Ms. Right Now, might prevent him from securing current love interest, who he respects. Mr. You’re not the Boss of Me told me when he dumped me which of my friends he thought should or should not remain my friends. The arrogance!

        I don’t know why it is so, so difficult to detach myself from these jerks.

        • My ever-lying colleague who cheats on his wife is also beloved by his management. He is extremely skilled at lying and charming people. It’s easy for him to high because he doesn’t have to worry whether his claimed accomplishments are actually real or not.

    • Yes, to this, Chomping chump! My DS21 recently told me he has a hard time talking to his father because “he lies about little things, stupid things” and DS can’t trust him. Even his own kids… I can’t figure ut, but don’t need to: CL has exposed the narc cheater playbook and he’s a boring, garden variety cheater. CN reinforces and validates the chumpy narrative, so I can Leave a Cheater and Gain MY Cheater-free LIFE! I dread the day I can understand or relate to narc-think. Gratefully chumpy, here!

  • Wow. Not sure what else to say.

    Miss Piggy could have written something like this I think – but she’s too busy being smug.

    I think your x deserves this woman – karma at it’s best. She’s a blue twatwaffle.

  • It’s like they get off on the power. Perverse in a way. I’ve heard some of this stuff said directly to me by cheater wife—-just yesterday! Yeah she was blowing and screwing another guy for months, BUTTTT “she wants to help me get healthy.” It’s called being sad jerk. It’s what happens when you invest 17 years of your life with someone, continuously lowering your own standards for your own happiness to keep a family together, giving multiple second chances and then they go ahead and cheat, brag about it to others, and then revel in it while I’m destroyed.

    It’s like pulling the legs off a bug then wanting to be the one to give it therapy. Get lost sicko.

    • Zell–that is the key to understanding cheaters–Power. It really is the Rosetta Stone to deciphering everything they say and do.

      Mindfuckery–power to convince you that YOU are the crazy, irrational one. What greater power than to alter someone’s perception of reality?

      Withholding information–knowledge is power; withhold it and the lying person has the power.

      Blameshifting the chump, to make us believe WE were responsible for our own victimhood, so we jump a little higher to please them.

      _______–fill in the rest of the blanks; it all boils down to their desire to exert psychological control over us.

    • Bro, I’m so sorry. Same thing here btw. You’re not alone. I filed recently. Just waiting on the paperwork. After every chance her behavior got worse. Like since cheating was ok, now she had to steal. If I give another chance, heaven knows what would happen.

    • And it doesn’t help to point out all their ironies and bizarre shit. They just come back at you with more upside-down crap and try to turn it on you. No thanks. Don’t be sad friend. You know now. All of us chumps are here because we actually have hearts.

      The stronger you get and the more you see through their lies, the worse they get. Infantile tantrums of “someone won’t let me play my game anymore!” Waaaaahhh.

      I actually work at the same pace as my ex. I can’t help but roll my eyes and sigh when I see him. It’s completely involuntary. And makes him NUTS. He’s so expecting me to be upset that I “lost” him and can’t handle the fact that I find him tiring and ridiculous. Complete moron.

  • What a fuck load of mental thought nuggets.

    It’s the kind of letter that brings to mind an image of a dump truck unloading toenail clippings, snot rags, rotten potatoes, empty jars of lubrication and mice crap pellets and a spray can of fabreeze.

    • I’m going to borrow this imagery PF anytime I want to mentally say good riddance to something. You’ve got a way with words!

  • I am so glad this site exists so that lovely chump has a place to send this and have a “response.” That is the hardest for me right now, going no contact/not responding. We are a year into our separation and have a small child with some special needs. There is something EVERY DAY. And even on days there is not, lately he’s back to texting me about nonsense – but about our kid. It KILLS me to ignore it (b/c it’s about my kid. Obviously he knows my triggers), but it’s not like he’s at our home while I travel, sharing stories. He cheated. He lied. He has treated me with abject disrespect. I want to not talk to him for a long time but it’s just not possible.

    How have you guys healed w/o being able to go no contact?

    Thankful for this site and you all.

    • I too am thankful for this site and all the support and advice I have received here. Thank you all for this marvelous cyber friendship!

      I am currently on a Carrie an island with my 5 children. I would love to make this a thanksgving tradition but if nothing else, it has been a fantastic splurge this year. Not there are no conflicts with 5 children but it is so low tension without fuckwit. It is sort of sad that he gets brought up by the children with laughter when someone does something that would have caused fuckwit to rage. My daughter was the first one to bring up at the airport how he would have been cussing everyone out over putting on the luggage tags properly and here he would have cussed them out because the door is tricky to latch and they accidentally bang it.

      We are here laughing and enjoying- I am just so thankful. I don’t have to deal with his family thanksgiving and their passive aggressive behavior.

      Today’s blog just shows how jawdropping infidelity behavior is. You can’t ever think you have seen it all.

      “Please be the hypotenuse in my triangle! Don’t you want information that only I can give? Can’t you just beg pretty for it, so I can deny you and say it’s for your own good? KIBBLES.” This is the wisdom I needed to day. Fuckwit is using this with my kids. When we get back, my 18 year old will be be appearing for his deposition. The other two adult children have avoided service so far and will continue to look over their shoulders for a process server. We just wonder what fuckwit thinks he will gain. He is just alienating them further. But he continues to blame me.

      Oh well, we are making great memories and he can’t take those away!

      My best to all you chumps. To those who are sad today, it will get better! I am a year and a half from dday and in the middle of high conflict divorce. I thought I would die of a broken heart in the beginning. I no longer think that. With love and gratitude.

      • Wow, Feelingit, your ex is deposing your 18-year old? They really don’t care about anyone but themselves.

        Enjoy your holiday! It sounds lovely and you deserve it. Hugs.

        • He is still in the Ian the center of the universe stage. My son asked me what he should wear for the deposition and I told him to wear his school uniform. Show his lawyer you are just a high school kid. He is insane. Stbx treats his sons as if they are bros. Kids call him on his immature behavior all the time.

          My lawyer said maybe will get a wake up call when he has to confront his kids. I don’t think so- that call has been ringing for over a year now and he hasn’t picked up yet.

      • ugggghhh, my ex sends sad sausage texts to the 20-year-old; your mom was with other men, I should have been a better father and …… (insert drumroll) a pic of him and homeslice, aka Chubby McMuffin. Like she wants to see that. Her response, “mom, she’s so basic”. Yep, pretty much.

      • Feelingit,
        Late reading posts tonight.
        Just want to reach out to you and your five precious Stars!
        You all deserve to have a fantastic vacation!
        Wishing strong happy days ahead!
        You have each other and that will be enough to survive and be happy.
        I just know it!
        One day at a time, together!
        ❤️

    • Q: How have you guys healed w/o being able to go no contact?

      A: time (2.5 years since DDay 1, 9 months since divorce final); grey rock (answer only most necessary kid-related emails — no calls or texting! With “yes” “no” “maybe.”; get divorced; work at building Life 2.0 as hard as you can every day. You WILL heal.

  • No matter where you are in the. Process of healing from what has been done to you, I hope today’s post reminds you to be thankful you are no longer immersed in the everyday mindfuckery that is regularly spewed by your cheater and their AP.

    Step away from the disorder and move forward, away from the madness.

    My life is so much better than it ever has been. I hope yours is too.

    • I seem to finally be getting a grip on low contact and not getting sucked into his endless pit of bullshit. He is tail spinning as kibbles are drying up and no response is meet with ‘ is that it, cold and clinical’
      Yup that is it, I have nothing more to say. After learning much about the disordered from you tube and reading I summarise he is indeed very lost and I am no longer his door mat.
      13 years of managed down expectations and feel like my Tuesday and maybe even Meh is arriving in 2018.

      • Yesssss!!! Here it comes Lady B, look at your shiny Mighty!

        Waiting to hear about your Tuesday – just a month to go now

        Hugs! XXXX

  • I bet she’s one of those people who tells you everything about herself and yet seems to know nothing about you. Nice attempt to feign emotional depth though.

  • Baaahahahahaha! Apparently you still take up quite a bit of space in their “relationship”. Good God that was painful to read.

  • Holy crow.

    I would SO love to get a letter like that from his can of Alp-Ho. I would run it through the UBT with my friends and take video of us reading it and laughing our asses off s d then send that back to her.

    I read yesterday the assertion that the triangle is the strongest structure of any. I find it interesting that once we stop the triangulation, these relationships by and large, fail. Take away their common enemy (you) and they’ve got nothing else to go on.

    I’d love to know the status of Amazon now… and how she handled this.

  • Delusion in bloom.
    Interesting how many OW consider themselves to be spiritually-superior advice-spewing twinkle-tarts. They all found the same.???? I can’t stand their self-serving mastabulatory word-crap salad and the best thing about meh is I no longer have to listen. And he does!!

    • Oh in my case the OW does think of herself as spiritually superior. All the
      New age-y spiritual BS books that she read and passed over to my STBX who in turn passed them to me instructing me to read and figure out his spiritual journey. Invitation to a pick me dance. I devoured all that crap and tried to accept him and love him unconditionally hoping he would turn around. Danced that dance. Until I found CL and tossed the books and the fuckwit out.

  • THIS…. This is what I did for over 27 years “continuously lowering your own standards ”

    I won’t be doing it again that’s for sure

  • Quick poll (thanks to New Michelle, Zell, and this fabulous UBT) —

    How many of you had cheaters and/or APs who suddenly became experts on emotional and behavioral health and how to maintain it?

    If I heard the word “healthy” once from KK in the months after things blew up, I heard it a thousand times, as in: “It’s not healthy for a father to be spending so much time with his daughters” (as she’s preparing to go out the door for a romp with RPD).

    Terminally ill patients are often given morphine to make them forget the cancer destroying them from within. This does not make them healthy, it simply masks a tragic reality so that no one has to be witness to intense and destructive pain.

    For me, I will take no lessons in how to be “healthy” from a self-described “attention whore.”

    • Mine is a school counselor so she’s up on all the jargon. Add in her sense of entitlement, fleeting sense of responsibility, and BPD horniness and you have a nuclear disaster.

        • Mine spews self-serving convenient psychobabble he learned during our wreckonciliation that he “got lost because” he “didn’t know how to share” his “inner child” issues with me. OMFG…really? I fell for that garbage 26 years ago. If he hasn’t done the work since then, it sure isn’t my fault! It’s a blatant attempt to spackle his own selfish fantasy-driven screwing around…for 3 years! He was “lost”? He sure is now…and I’m not looking through that sorry cardboard box of “lost & found” items! He can stay lost.
          My friends are telling me how much “lighter” I look now – happier, more present, that I am “glowing.” It feels so good to hear this. My daughter (15) agreed today.
          I had to see Boss Hogg today, as he went to same communal Thanksgiving meal I went to, but I didn’t let it get to me! Gray rock all the way! Minimal greeting. No conversation. Thanks to CL & CN, I am walking through one of the most painful times in my life, ending a 30 year marriage, re-starting my new life with a deep well of wisdom and a growing spring of self-love that I’m trusting more every day!
          “Thank you” sounds paltry, but I do appreciate you all more than I can express here.

    • Mine sees our relationship as healthier because we can talk honestly and plainly at last. But the fact that a lot of our conversations are about ILYBINILWY doesn’t make it healthier. What would have made our relationship healthy at this point would be for him to have talked honestly and plainly to me during our marriage, and at the crisis, to talk to me instead of to the Dream Princess.

  • Brain damage – that’s the only possible explanation for this drivel. And copious amounts of drivel. She said the same thing like 11 times. Good thing the UBT runs on turkey because it’s gonna need refueling.

  • Projection? Ordained planetary Meant-to-be Cheating? Idiocy? Bat-shit lunacy?

    You pick, Amazon. This email is nuts and like Lady Macbeth, a futile attempt to cleanse herself of her shitty deeds.

  • OMG. I couldn’t even get through it. Block that bitch. It’s painful, I know. It’s fucking awful ! The only way to prevent this shit in the future is to block her and never read any of her drivel again! But to ensure that you better block her.

    Now, go get a massage, take yourself out to lunch and hang out with some girlfriends to heal from this bullshit.

    So sorry you are enduring this. Big HUGS.

  • My ex and ow are getting married in December. Earlier this year he told me that he was still struggling with the decision he had made to leave, due to the circumstance of being in love with two women. This was well over a year after he had left and moved in with her. Yeah, bitch, good luck with that whole getting married thing!

    I’ve never met or spoken to OW, but I heard that she said some manipulative shit to my teenage daughters. “Oh, your father doesn’t share his emotions with you, but he does with me!” Good lord, fucking psycho bitch.

    Anyhoo, I do appreciate these OW columns, these windows into the mind of the disordered. I heard this “she cares about you” crap from my ex too. I remember trying to explain to him that fucking my husband and caring about me were completely incompatible things. He just didn’t get it. In his mind, she’s a wonderful moral caring person who certainly can’t be blamed for falling in love with him. We tried to resist as long as we could! We had to sacrifice being decent human beings because our Love Was Too Strong! It was rough but we had to take one for the team! That doesn’t make us bad people! (Um, asshole, actually it does)

    Psychos. They do truly deserve each other.

    • Ugh.. .. I heard from wasband how she “reminds him of me when we first got together ” .. .. . And how “she is a lot like you”.. .. . Umm nope. I would never f*ck someone else’s husband. Nor would I call my boyfriend’s wife to tell her off.. .. she is nothing like me.. .. not in looks, actions, behaviors, speech, or standards.

      Yet somehow he makes the comparison.. .. .. the only thing I can think of, is that I was so into him when we were first together I believed every thing he said and he made me laugh with his silliness.. .. oh and we f*get like crazy because we were together so much.. .. so apparently that us all she and I had in common

      Sick fucker.. .. so glad I no longer have to deal with his crazy lies, projection and twisting reality anymore

  • The delusion of this awful entitled arrogant woman is mind blowing. How dare she give advice. Just wow.
    Mine has dragged me over legal coals for 3 years at vast cost, most recently this week,
    Today I receive a ” pleasant email”.
    ????
    Weird.
    Thankfully i am now able to completely ignore him, and even with 3 shared children I am now comfortable doing back to him what he has done ever since I kicked him out 5 years ago.
    Act as if he is dead.
    Just so odd. Aliens walk amongst us, they really do

  • Amazon Chump… if that woman isn’t batshit crazy, than I don’t know who is. Sweet Jesus, I think I just threw up in my mouth.

    The only thing I will give God credit for in that whole truck-wreck is getting you and your girls out of it.

    Praying this is all well behind you and you enjoy a peaceful holiday with your family of choice.

    CN – take heed… you aren’t missing anything when you divorce a cheater. Enjoy the slow return to sanity and peace and self-love that comes from a cheater free life.

  • CL’s UBT’s are perhaps my favorite thing in the whole world (okay maybe right behind puppies) but after puppies my FAVORITE! Thanks for the holiday laughs CL! Let the turkey eating begin!

  • Wow! OW sounds like a 13 year old girl! No maturity, dignity, respect for others and no trace of morality! What a overly dramatic piece of shit. Reminds me of a borderline personality.

  • This confirms the fact that these two make a perfect match. And I’d love to be a fly on the wall when the OW justifies her actions to a therapist I’m sure the therapist would be appalled at her interpretation of disclosing this information laced with condescending bullshit.

    As far as being chained to the bed post, the OW knows exactly what she won. I often suspect the Limited knew her well before Dday even though the evidence of phone contact started a month earlier.
    Who in their right mind moves in with someone and tells them they love them within a month of getting a hotel?

    I was gaslighted into believing I wasn’t good enough for years. When I look at where he landed , I feel that sweet justice was served.

    Amazon, you are mighty!

  • Is there a GoFundMe account for AmazonChump’s bail money after she received this? Count me in.

    (and I sure hope the OW grows a “conscious” soon)

    • I would gladly contribute to Amazon Chump’s legal defense! She needs to kick the living shit out of the POS OW!

    • Definitely a good day for Throat Punch Thursday !

      What a nutter this woman is-I was appalled one minute and laughing the next reading this letter put through Tracy’s UBT.

  • Common traits for female Mate Poachers (AKA OW)

    Selfish/immature
    Lacking ability to feel empathy for others
    Needy/desperate to be admired.
    Emotionally unstable
    Lacking in morals
    Lacking in dignity
    Lacking in integrity
    Fucked up self image
    Sense of entitlement
    Daddy issues
    Normalizes cheating and porn- no big deal
    Next best thing to a paid whore.

    • Sounds exactly like my XH’s wife tress. She checks every box. Only thing that is is missing is: Stupid. She’s fucking stupid. Blogging today about her love of a Parisian restaurant that now XH took her to on their recent Paris sojourn. Silly bitch didn’t think for a sec to wonder how XH knew of this particular establishment. Yep, it was my pick in Paris 9 years ago based upon the movie “Somethings Gotta Give”. But, I thought it sucked… then again, I have some taste.

      Chumplady, can we please get a column on how cheaters replicate their previous lives with OW??

      • Oh good lord. They all replicate it because they can’t think of a fucking original thing to save their lives. Also, it makes them look like “experts.” My ex took his married whore to our annual family vacation place. We’d been there over 14 times. I’m sure he wanted to take her to all the restaurants he knew of and how he had the “local scoop” on everything. Fucking idiots. Go impress each other because no one else is buying it anymore you pieces of absolute ridiculous garbage. Vomit.

    • Common traits list rings so true, especially the “Daddy” issues. Every OW I have known did not have a father figure in her life or if she did it was dysfunctional

  • Triangulation. Your crazy ex and the whore he rode off on are missing it. Fucktard X lives 500 miles away, has loads and loads of money and time, yet only deigns to visit his children on the big holidays. Like he does no planning (what else is new!?????) and pretty much repeats what he always has, just has his new old twatwaffle glued at the hip. IMHO, He (and OW) get off on being central. Bonus points, he still gets a perverted sense of fucking with me and our young adults are stressed…because they love their father and want to spend time with him. They are conflicted and feel something is off but I step back and let that shit go (eldest has taken away the Xmas triangulation game this year by planning for me and her sibs to spend time out of state with her for two weeks????????????) and encourage them to do what they want as I am okay and going to have a good day irregardless of whatever Fucktard has planned….I remind them though that A little selfish is good when you are surrounded by narcs. Most of our children are getting a crash course in learning to set healthy boundaries and in recognizing toxic people and in balancing out the crazy. I don’t make mine choose, my family are just as fucked up to spend holidays with but they care. Still, making the best of it requires super powers. I am thankful for the gifts I have…and for the ones I don’t!!!????. Happy Turkey Day CN.

  • What a condescending, sanctimonious, vapid twat this OW! Wish that someone would swat this pest with a flyswatter to silence her. But then the flyaway Tre would be covered with sh-t. (She reminds me a bit of two of my ex-husband’s many partners, both psychotherapists (first was an AP who got multiple DUIs; second is current girlfriend. Both volunteered to coach me on my marriage and divorce. I didn’t listen to either of them as I just wanted to get away from abusive POS, who still frequently threatens me with legal action for harassing HIM (WTF?), and his harem). I am disturbed for society that so many women will compete for such abusove disordered males. Is this a.sign that there are very few good men out there? thanks

  • That letter could have been written by the Skankawhorus my CH had on the side through decades of our marriage. Nothing is sacred to these people. Pitiful waste of a life…

  • The law cannot help chumps harassed by OW. Decency or the “high road” does not work with these skanks.

    I would track OW down…isolate her…..stick a knife at her face and warn her: NEVER CONTACT ME AGAIN….UNLESS YOU WANT YOUR FACE TO LOOK LIKE A JIGSAW PUZZLE! I would also warn her that if she told anyone….I will hunt her down- and cut her like my Easter ham.

    • Have an attorney send the delusional OW a cease and desist letter. That would be legal-threats of gutting her with a fish knife…not so much. And not striving for meh and building a new, better life free of a cheating f*ckwit

    • Leaving! I am sorry for what happened to you be your Cheating Fuckwit Ex Husband. That is where the blame should be. There are too many in this website that still blame the OW for the affair. While they are at fault. You lose sight that your Fuckwit wants you to hate the OW and be mean and spiteful to them instead of them. They want you to take it all out on the OW instead of them. They win! How do you gain a life if you feel the need to mostly blame the OW. I have learned in 4 months that I blame my STBX entirely because he lied to me for 5 years and kept the affair a secret from me. He is the Villian!! Although the OW has something to do with it, we will never know her, but we do know the FUCKWIT we were married to.

    • Besides the whole “violence is bad, counterproductive, etc”, it also creates great DRAMA which the Ex and OW love and thrive on. The key is to not feed them no matter how angry they make you. After awhile, they will go elsewhere for their drama fixes and leave you alone.

  • Let’s see…

    1. Is she manipulative? Check.
    2. Is she condescending? Check.
    3. Is she a gaslighter? Check
    4. Does she lie? Check. (“I respect this but my concern is really for you.”)
    5. Is she a flaming hypocrite? Check/
    6. Is she trying to hurt her AP’s spouse? Check. (See the list of all that she and Cheater did…)
    7. Does she love a triangle? Check.
    8. Is she willing to not only have an affair with a married man but as his “best friend and confidante” participate in a deeper betrayal by trashing his spouse as part of the affair? Check.
    9. Did she participate in dissipating her AP’s marital assets of time and money? Check.
    10. Has she attempted to alienate the children from their mother? Check.
    11. Is she fully aware of the damage she’s done to people? Check.
    12. Is she indifferent to the damage she’s done? Check.

    We have us a hyena. Metaphorically speaking, “the hyena’s knowledge has been seen to be that of the debased, profane, and earthly kind, and they have been looked at as greedy hermaphrodites, and associated with deviant sexual behavior.” So debased, profane, greedy, deviant. And predatory–they attack humans and have been known to carry off human children. So what does it tell us about the Cheater that he got involved with this hyena? He’s a hyena too.

    In an odd way, the AP Hyena’s interests and the Chump’s converge here. The Hyena wants a hyena mate. The Chump deserves a human partner. So the Chump doesn’t need to be dragged into a pick-me dance as AP Hyena imagines. She can just have the epiphany that the “person” she married is a hyena and so not eligible as a marriage partner for a decent human. The AP means these words as war weapons, but they actually lay out pretty clearly why the Chump shouldn’t reconcile. Her husband has to be a terrible person to have done the very same things that the AP did, because of course he was the AP in Hyena’s marriage.

    And as horrible as the revelations about trips and gifts and kids are, the very worst is how these two opened up their spouse’s most intimate thoughts and experiences to their enemies. That’s a more unforgivable betrayal than the sexual aspect of the affair.

    So Chumps on the fence, this is the truth of affairs. Sexual betrayal. Financial betrayal. Emotional betrayal. Alienation of the kids. Robbing the Chump of time, money, love, support, respect, and dignity. Leave a cheater. Gain a life.

    And don’t sweat the holidays. There’s nothing like knowing in your bones that every person in your life has your best interest at heart. That you know for sure who you can trust. That’s something to be thankful for.

          • No dissing on hyenas! They live a happy life, cooperatively dismembering other animals and heckling lions TOGETHER as a pack. ” Hyenas are nicer than ( some) people”, as one of the lesser known songs from Frozen goes.

          • I know real life hyenas probably don’t deserve this reputation.
            However, I remember in early MC saying that I felt like I had been stalked by a pack of hyenas for 9 years ( the Whore and her family).
            When I found CL/CN after months of wreckonciliation and continued cheating and stalking by the hyena pack, what made me realise I’d come to the right place was reading LAJ and others calling these freaks hyenas. Finally someone understood.
            Great post.
            Yes, real life hyenas are just an animal like any other, playing a useful role in their ecosystems. The hyena metaphor is very useful shorthand to express what we need to say at last.

  • Is this woman the inspiration for the Schmoopie videos?!?! She is absolutely hilarious! We really do walk amongst the narcastic.
    Happy Thanksgiving CN!!!

  • After taking the low road for eleven years, she wants you to believe it was somehow mysteriously the high road, and she’s inviting you to join her there in a place of higher consciousness. She wasn’t really a ‘ho, she was a spiritual guide for self-actualization.

  • I actually cried when I read this – the sheer awfulness of others …and she feels not one iota of shame. Loveajackass is so right in describing.

    But to all the wonderful American Chumps on this I wanted to say happy thanksgiving to you from Northern Ireland – I’m thankful to this site, I’m thankful to Tracey, I am thankful to Chump Nation. I am thankful that I am not alone because of all of you.

    • Greetings from the States, dear fellow chump. I hope you’re free of your cheater and on your way to a beautiful life without the lies and evil that cheaters bring.

  • Wow. After all this time and so many stories, I honestly thought NOTHING could shock me. I stand corrected. No. F’ing. Words!

  • Thank you, Tracy. You are hilarious, trenchant, and so fucking smart. After D-day two years ago, this place you have created literally saved my life. Laughing the whole way. I love you and all who come here and am grateful for a whole day devoted to reflecting on it.

  • I am actually stunned and appalled at this. What a revolting aggressive and nasty piece she is!!! This letter is so challenging and AGGRESSIVE! My god if he went back to her he’s doomed. Which is good. She will slowly crush his balls,don’t you worry. They’re both utterly horrible people. I’m so glad you are free of him and her,she’s toxic as fuck and he’s her pathetic little lapdog.

  • SAB = Stupid Asshole Bitch

    SAB = Sucky Abysmal Blowhard

    SAB = Shit-Talking Airheaded Baiter

    SAB = Slimy Arrogant Boink-Queen

    SAB = Shithead Ass-Munching Bimbo

    SAB = Sick Abhorant Bedhopper

    SAB = Sweaty And Blotchy

    SAB = Skanky Amoral Braindead

  • Happy Thanksgiving to all in Chump Nation!

    I’m so incredibly thankful to Tracy & CN and the priceless education I received to better understand the nature of a narcissist. I would have been so completely lost and broken without CL & CN.

    The wisdom, support and fellowship here is a blessing. Every day my journey gets me closer to the State of Meh.

  • … … … … … and there you have it, folks, the absolute worst in backhanded compassion and covert abuse, the words of an indignant affair partner. No level of self delusion is too great. There is absolutely no reason nor positive outcome for a chump to engage an OW or OM.

    They all may not state it like this, but they all think it. The chump is not only considered the enemy, but the competition that must be shat upon and used as a scapegoat for the affair – for years.

  • There is nothing wrong about being a hairy legged man hating lezbo. The term lezbo is offensive, many of your readers have gay friends, family, and siblings, people they love dearly. Just wanted to give your UBT and head’s up.

    • Hey TxDude, Tracy’s putting words into the mouth of the OW when she says that.

      The OW would say a hateful thing like that. Tracy wouldn’t.

      In fact, she’s the one who has to remind us on and off that Chump Nation is a rainbow nation!

    • This isn’t about gay people! It’s about skanks who can’t their vaginas off of other people’s husbands. Skanks who give ludicrous advice and bogus support to chumps. That’s what we’re talking about here.

  • This letter is one of the best arguments for No Contact I’ve ever seen.

    If you simply have nothing to do with these people, they shrink into utter insignificance, and it’s like watching ants.

  • …should probably read it in the ‘voice’ it was ‘intended’ to be read in…TxDude… …I won’t elaborate or instruct beyond that 🙂 (…cause…ummm…I’m a chump 🙂 …and damn proud of it 🙂 …read SURVIVOR 🙂 …almost 99.99% due to THIS COMMUNITY 🙂 ) …but I’m sure you can understand what I’m tryin to tell ya anyway…if you’ve checked out this community at all, you know we are diverse in every definition of the word 🙂

    All are welcome here…all are given every support, love, care, compassion, and, a voice…

    No harm intended to any animal, sect, religion, preferred gender, etc. …only those that abuse, manipulate, use, or create hurtful hateful drama are not welcome…

    …I have, as I am sure others here have, beloved transgender family members 🙂 And I am damn proud of my family! Each and every one of em!

    Happy Thanksgiving 🙂 I hope you enjoyed a warm and loving (and over stuffed yummy 🙂 ) day as I and my diverse family did! 🙂 Here comes Christmas 🙂

    xxxooo
    Tess and Beau

    • Hi JeepTess,
      In this big ol world there are people with big hearts, a genuine caring spirit, they possess a Thanksgiving Day Spirit every single day.
      When YOU look in the mirror one of them is smiling back at YOU.
      Just gotta say it, it’s the truth.

      CN is blessed with many kind souls! Don’t we know it.
      Thank you CL for bringing us together and thank you Tempest for your wisdom and expert moderating!!

  • It sounds like the OW is trying to replicate the drama that infused her life during the affair. Probably her skill set is limited to whore and mean girl, so she’s out of her element when she has to be with cheater full-time. He must compare her to you all the time (like he probably did about you to her earlier) and she is found wanting. Because she is a whore and a mean girl.

    I love UBT days!

  • CL’s decoding of this cunt’s condescension and derangement is genius.

    And it made me strangely grateful that the OW I had to deal with at least did not get on a moral high horse. She was simply hateful and evil.

    If she had attempted to “enlighten” and counsel me, I fear she may of had a rendezvous with a wood chipper. ????

  • I had a similar gloating, condescending “I was going to contact you all along” email from the OW (the second time chumped one) and was utterly appalled at the time.

    I wrote it off to her being a cave-dwelling skank but it did at least reveal the truth to me that I need fight no longer for my “man”. If he chose someone like this, then I needed to run fast the other way.

    I went on the offensive. I called her. Once. I started by framing the call as “reaching out” to which she warmly responded. At first. I asked her a couple of inoffensive closed ended questions which softened her up. The silly narcissist thought she had me transformed into a kibble dispenser. Then, I asked “for one favour”. She said…of course! I said: “Look, you two are clearly meant to be together. Now promise me that no matter what happens going forward, you will never ever ever send him back”. I stayed on the line long enough to hear her girly little “OMG” and then I hung up and blocked her.

  • Perhaps, Amazon chump should tell the ex’s OW, Sir James Goldsmith said, “When a man marries his mistress, he creates a vacancy”. And let her ponder that!!

    • Hahaha, yes, I’ve seen the meme, that says, “When side-chick becomes wifey and realizes that her position for side-chick is available…”

  • I love how OW is giving her unsolicited relationship advice and life coaching, and basically talking to her like an incompetent child. Yes, because OW is the only one who really understands innocent cheating husband and everywhere wife went wrong, in their relationship. Guess she derives her self worth from being a side dish part-time armchair psychologist.

  • Well since it was asked, I’m letting you all know that — for the most part — I am at a much better place. I don’t yet have any love prospects. Sometimes I worry that I really was ‘the problem’. Why? Because things just keep getting better and better for my ex. When I divorced him he was the Department Chair of Arts and Humanities at the local community college. I recently heard from my son that not only did he go on to become Dean of that Department, but now he has been asked to be the Vice President of the community college. As for his skank, she is still working at the local university as the Interim Dean of the School of Social Services. “Yes”, she has her masters in Psychology and has been a counselor at the university for years. She followed us (actually, she followed my ex-husband) from Germany in 2002. They had been working together in Germany on a team inspecting military units around Europe. Go figure, they inspected units though they had no honor or integrity as they jumped from hotel bed to hotel bed during their travels. I was SUCH a CHUMP! She was married when she moved from Europe to of-all-places, my little town. How stupid could I have been?! She even bought a house literally right around the corner from us with only a field between the two houses. My neighbor recalled seeing her cross the field to go see my then-retired husband while I was at work. Her husband found out and divorced her but didn’t have the decency to tell me that his wife was screwing my ex. I had to find out years later. And by the way, the ‘girls’ mentioned in the skank’s letter of concern to me were our two grandaughters ages 1 year and 3 years. My dick-ex took his skank in our trailer with our grandaughters while he was off school during the summer. I had to work. Recently some pictures of my ex-husband’s 60th birthday party were posted to my son’s Facebook page. I should NOT have looked, but of course, I did. And sure enough, they are both smiling and appear oh-so-happy. I once again fell into self-doubt. After all, if he really was a dick, wouldn’t he have dumped her by now? Does it mean that because they’re still together after nearly 3 years that I really was the problem? That I didn’t appreciate him enough? That his poor sad-sausage face was for real when he told me that he just didn’t feel loved enough? I will tell you that I figuratively smacked myself upside the head by telling myself, “Well, if he was so miserable, shouldn’t he “Go to counseling, get a hobby, talk to his spouse, divorce”? Why string me along for 11 frickin’ years messing with my head and gaslighting me. As Divorce Minister says, ‘Marriage circumstances do not cause infidelity. Cheaters do.’ Cheaters are pigs. And though I still go through occasional bouts of self doubt, I assure you, I’m stronger than ever. She won the turd!

    • All I read here is MIGHTY!

      Amazon Chump you are a true warrior!

      XXXX

      p.s. “appear” 😉 remember he’s good at that

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