Last week several of you directed me to this God awful column in the New York Times (a paper that I dearly love, but which seems to have been dropped on its head lately) — “When a Partner Cheats” by Jane Brody. It was the Well column so I thought, huh, maybe they’re going to discuss STDs and cheating health risks…
Nah. It was some RIC product placement by Michele Weiner-Davis and Esther Perel.
Weiner-Davis, you may recall, is the shill who gave us “Click Here to SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE TODAY” DivorceBusting and RIC-isms like “The 180” and “affair-proofing” your marriage. And Esther Perel? She’s a renewable fuel source for the Universal Bullshit Translator.
Annnnnyway… So I’m all ready to pounce on this NYT crap, when I look at the comments and realize thinking people everywhere already beat me to it!
Is this a reprint of an op-ed from the 60’s? The insight that the spouse who didn’t cheat is responsible is insulting! If this husband wasn’t getting enough attention maybe he could have helped with the care of his child and freed up some time for his partner. And couldn’t the Times have found a more suitable illustration? Come on the wife doing her husband’s laundry is also very 1960’s. If you choose to stay together for the kids I wish you luck. But staying with a man who cheats doesn’t usually end well.
“Plenty of people care deeply for the well-being of their partners even while lying to them.” Not just lying but stealing money, infecting their partners and unborn children with STDs and exploding their family’s futures. Caring means something different where I’m from.
“I know I’m not perfect. I was very focused on taking care of my son, and my husband wasn’t getting from me whatever he needed….”
What nonsense. The affair is the fault of the person who “cheats”. End of story.
If they aren’t “getting what they need” they can address the issue or move out. There is no justification for betraying, lying to, humiliating your spouse. If you no longer want to be married to your spouse, tell them so, move out and then go forth and do whatever you want.
To sneak around, lie to and deceive someone you vowed to love and cherish is dishonorable, and a life without honor is not worth living.
OMG! Looks like the narrative is changing! Several shout outs to this blog too. Thank you! The most liked comments were not along the lines of “Esther, you are the most original voice of our generation, nay, the last millennium and what do you use to wash your hair?” They were more like, “Who published this misogynistic piece of shit in the New York Times and WHY?”
That said, I did want to feed this one execrable nugget to the UBT.
The good news is, depending upon what caused one partner to wander and how determined a couple is to remain together, infidelity need not result in divorce. In fact, Ms. Perel and other marriage counselors have found, couples that choose to recover from and rebuild after infidelity often end up with a stronger, more loving and mutually understanding relationship than they had previously.
This, right here, is the insanity of the RIC. Infidelity doesn’t destroy marriages, no, it MAKES THEM BETTER.
Don’t believe me? Ask a cheater. This got submitted to Stupid Shit Cheaters Say this week. (And most weeks…)
“I thought if I slept with her (for 6 months) it would make me a better husband for you ”
Affairs aren’t humiliating, disrespectful, and devastating — they’re improving! Fucking strange makes me a better husband! Hey, I get my “needs” met. Takes the edge off, and I’m nicer to be around. Win, win. It is Good to be King.
Marriage quack: affairs aren’t humiliating, disrespectful, and devastating — No! With our array of services (divorce coach training! toolkits! videos! retreats! books! podcasts! bobble-headed Esther Perel dolls! and 180 salted pretzels!) affairs MAKE MARRIAGES STRONGER!
You won’t just heal, you’ll be BETTER THAN BEFORE.
I mean, it used to be you wanted to improve your marriage, you took a holiday weekend to the Poconos, now you find a fuckbuddy on Craigslist.
How guilty are cheaters really if they’re just instruments of your improvement?
Now chumps, just go wash that lipstick off their collar and then say thank you.
…. With your middle fingers.