Stay in Touch

Check out CL's Book

Tuesday Is Coming

I had such an inspiring day yesterday, and it was a Tuesday, of course! If you’re wondering about the significance of Tuesday, it’s a buzzword here. People often ask me, “When does the pain stop?” and I tell them “Tuesday.”

I don’t know which Tuesday, I only know that your Tuesday is out there.

Tuesday is an article of faith at Chump Lady. Swear to God, there will come a day when you’ve got dry eyes and the fuckwit no longer has the power to hurt you. You’ll remember, like childbirth, that it was painful, and you might have a few scars in intimate places, but the actual agony is a thing of the past. And best of all — you birthed a new life.

The other great thing about Tuesdays is that they’re ordinary. Tuesdays are not freaky or celebratory or significant, they’re just Tuesdays. Maybe you have an orthodontist appointment. Tuesday is regular life. After all the high drama of infidelity, Tuesday can feel pretty revolutionary.

So speaking of Tuesdays and revolutions… here’s why I had an amazing Tuesday yesterday.

Firstly, I got to interview one of my great personal heroes — South African legal legend and anti-apartheid warrior Albie Sachs. Few people can rival the life trajectory of this man, so if you need some inspiration, Google now. Sachs passed the Bar at age 21 to become an anti-apartheid activist and human rights lawyer. (Which essentially meant a life of constant danger and harassment. The guy spent 168 days in solitary confinement once.) In 1966, he went into exile, and in 1988 the South African security forces tried to assassinate him with a car bomb.

They nearly succeeded.

He lost an eye and the blast blew off his right arm. Now that might discourage a person, but no, Albie Sachs went on to write the motherfucking Constitution for a new South Africa.

Now chumps, I want you to think about that for a moment. When he was writing the new Constitution (with ONE ARM) there was NO new South Africa. There was just the old hateful, on-the-brink-of-civil-war apartheid South Africa. He (and millions of others) fought to make a new South Africa a reality. He spent a lot of years in exile IMAGINING a better world.

Our story isn’t finished. Then, this one-eyed, one-armed scrappy superhero, comes BACK to South Africa as Nelson Mandela’s Constitutional Court nomination. (That’s like our Supreme Court here in the U.S.) Meditate on that — those people who tried to destroy him? He RULES over them. He is the literal instrument of JUSTICE. And the democracy that he imagined is now a real place.

Tuesday came.

So talking to Albie Sachs? Pretty fucking amazing. At the end of the Skype interview he waved at me with his stubby, blown-off arm and I nearly broke down in tears. But CN, that wasn’t the BEST part of my day. The BEST part of my Tuesday, January 16, 2018 was this letter and the photo that accompanied it:

Dear Chump Lady

I am one of the silent followers of Chump Lady. D-Day was 18 months ago whilst I was 5 months pregnant, the main bread winner, with a 2.5 year old at home too…you get the idea.

Something that you often discuss that has resonated with me since day one, is your reference to ‘Tuesday’.

So I wanted to share that after I picked myself up off the floor, gave birth to my son and eventually bought a house for myself and my children…I had the light below commissioned.

Now my Tuesday is definitely not here yet (and the light is not switched on), but it makes me feel calm to walk past it every day and think one day it will arrive, and I will turn it on!

A big thank you.


Tuesday is coming, folks. Turn your lights on.

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at [email protected]. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • Oh i love it! I’m a visual person so something like this is right up my alley. I have hills and valleys en route to Tuesday but i can see it from here! Now its a blue light. Lol!

    • Hello CN. Newbie here. Today I had my Wednesday. It’s not as good as a Tuesday, and I have all my appendages and boring life to show for it but my accomplishment was I had to speak at length with my stbx fucktard and not lose my shit and not show emotion and not buy into his pick me kibble games. I had a small win. No tears. I have literally been “readin” aka listening via Audible to the Lose a Cheater…book and studying it. So when the kibbles dance started today I felt I had enough study to boldly handle my business. Yes I had to engage a few kibbles but more importantly I got the business done and didn’t display emotion. Some call it Grey Rock. I know others are in stronger places then me but thanks to this author, her book and this forum I am Gaining my Life and sanity back.

      • Welcome Wednesday 🙂 And welcome back to your one precious life 🙂

        While I’m sorry you are here, I am more than equally glad that you are! 🙂 Healing and awesome new life is counseled here 🙂 Aaaaa!

        Peaceful days and sweet sleep to you! 🙂

        You got this and we got your back 🙂

        There is always someone awake here 🙂 CL is worldwide 🙂 Please know we are here if you need and do not hesitate! 🙂

        Sweet sleep and peaceful dreams to you Wednesday 🙂

    • I was driving home this evening in the dark and the image of the blue Tuesday light came into my mind. I just imagined that somewhere in this world, miles from me (I’m from Ireland…yes we have lying fuckwits here too!), there is a home and in that home is a blue light hanging on a wall waiting patiently for ‘Tuesday’ to get switched on. It brought tears to my eyes. I feel so sorry that there is someone out there who feels as devistated, traumatised and lonely as me. That beautiful light did give me hope though, because I think deep down we all know our Tuesday will come.

  • Yes, Tuesday comes. I swear you don’t even realize when it comes; it creeps up on you and you don’t even notice. Out of the blue, it dawns on you that you haven’t cried in a month. Then you don’t cry when you mention his name. And soon you are waking up every day filled with peace and joy. And one day, you fall in love again. My Tuesday came a few years ago, and I enjoyed my solitude and freedom, and today, right now, at 6:22 am on a cold and snowy Kentucky morning, I’m writing this while stretched out on my beloved’s couch, drinking a cup of coffee, happier than I’ve ever been in my entire life.

    • I envy you Carol. I want to be where you are. I want and need my Tuesday. Alas not as yet. I just want to feel happy again instead of carrying around all this hurt and pain. Some days it’s just too heavy a burden. I’m trying.

      • Take heart!
        If you read C’s note to CL, it says that she looks forward to the Tuesday when she can turn the sign on. She is not there yet – it is a visual goal.
        I know it feels impossible; it feels too hard and too far away.
        Take one day at a time.
        For me it was often one moment at a time and often having to hold an ice cube in my hand just to get through that one moment. Sometimes I stood straight and other times I was brought down to my knees.
        But I persevered and Tuesday appeared. In my case it wasn’t a single moment. Tuesday came slowly over YEARS until I was there. I proudly wear my battle scars and speak the truth of the systematic destruction of my marriage.
        I love this sign! It is such a clever way to put that carrot on the stick in front of a chump.
        I hope we get to hear a “how I am mighty” story the day the switch finally gets flipped!

        • Ooh, me too! I want to hear the happy ending to her left a cheater, gained a life story! I am so inspired by this anonymous chump’s vision of future mightiness. I hope she keeps posting.

    • This gives me hope, @Carol! I’m reading all the success stories and drawing strength from them.

      Question: did you at any point feel like it was never going to get better/ that you wouldn’t love again?

      • I wasn’t sure it would get better and I didn’t expect to love again or find someone who would “click” with me in ways that ex did. I thought the things ex and I enjoyed together was such a unique combination I’d never find it again. I was wrong. I hit Tuesday close to three years ago. And my boyfriend of over two and a half years is amazing and emotionally healthy and an adult (and he’s younger than ex..age is unrelated to maturity). And we have fun together doing all sorts of things, including some things I never did with ex. And my boyfriend is kind and invested in our relationship and in the long term.

        I made “It will get better” a mantra and kept telling it to myself over and over during the time it felt it would never get better. But Tuesday eventually came. And life is definitely better than even before d-day. Less innocence, more scars, but better even so…

        • Congrats, NorthernLight! I finally got divorced last month and on my way to fully heal. I hope, someday, to find a decent human being for a mate too. Thanks for sharing. Your post inspired me today 🙂

        • So glad to hear from you NorthernLight. I was wondering about you recently. Happy Tuesday and glad you made it to the land of “Meh”.

    • Tuesday is when you look at the amazing, wonderful person in your life and say to yourself:

      “Everything. Every bit of the hell, pain, devastation, financial struggle, EVERYTHING I went through…..was absolutely worth it to find this loving angel.”

      • That’s what I thought, until the angel turned out to be a fuckwit in disguise. I am the only person who can make me happy. I know that now. Yes, I look forward to another relationship and the companionship of sharing my life with another soul. However, I am my own angel now.

        • Thank you Miko for those whose Tuesday is having no one but ourselves to look at as that loving angel and still being able to feel that every bit of the hell, pain financial struggle, everything was absolutely worth it to find ourselves again. It is THERE within, and only there, where real Tuesdays lie.

    • I had a pretty awesome Tuesday yesterday also. Slept well the night before (always plays a huge role in my mood), and got outside for a hike with the dogs. Accepted all the love and support from friends and family, and feel great about the new life ahead of me. I listened to a meditation on that talked about blue skies and regret. If we focus on the past – the hurt, the pain – then we will always have the dark clouds of a storm over our heads. Instead, remember that above the dark clouds are blue skies. Tuesday was a blue sky day for me.

      Thanks for helping me save myself, CL!

  • I remember my Tuesday. It was 6 months ago.

    I feel more alive as each day goes by.

    What an awesome picture.

  • Tuesday creeps in wearing cabin socks. Warm and cozy. The crying gives way to noticing birds chirping. For me it’s like walking from a grey toned life into technicolor. I notice I can shrug my shoulders and laugh at the antics of my ex. Yes, it hurt. No I don’t have to forgive him. I have forgiven myself. My life is peaceful, the people I love are at peace. It’s good, content and open to possibilities

    • same here. i cant remember when Tuesday came for me.. all i know is that i no longer care what happens to wasband or what he is doing.. .. i live in a small town, words gets around, people come up to me (people i dont even know) and start telling me what he is doing.. .. it used to bother me, but now i just shrug and tell these people it is none of my business and this is what he wanted. And i literally dont think about it or wonder about it.. .. . i have peace. my children have peace, and now i have grandchildren living with me. i dont have the time or the energy to worry about wasband now.. my life is good, his is still miserable and most likely always will be. at least he is not making me and the boys miserable with him.. ..

      • MrsVain,
        I’m very busy today, so thank you for writing my post for me.
        Exactly this!!
        Small town…people always want to tell me what he’s up to. My kids and I are peaceful and out of that nightmare. I don’t care.
        When people tell me they saw my ex I will occasionally ask if he’s still fat ( only because he always blamed his obesity on me….along with everything else.)
        He is.

  • Ahh I am actually crying …in an open plan office …at work …Tuesday will come

    • It will come, DebbieChump. If it makes you feel any better, it is a fact that Tuesdays are much more abundant than Unicorns. Keep reading CL and be supported by CN. We got your back. 🙂

    • I understand completely how you feel. I know I am firmly at Tuesday, but there are just some days that are harder than others, and I have come to accept that fact. Recently, I have been facing some very difficult decisions without the support of a partner. I know I am strong enough to face them and that strength has come from people like you.

      Yes, I have friends, but most of them cannot relate to the emotions I still experience. So, I visit here every single day, often more than once, to remind myself how many truly caring people exist on this planet. And that makes every day a Tuesday, even the bad ones. The scars remain for all of us, but they should remind us of our strength, not our weakness.

      • >>”The scars remain for all of us, but they should remind us of our strength, not our weakness.”

        This is beautifully stated. 🙂

    • Two days ago LeavingTheCrapBehind posted a response to the posting about blameshifting therapists with the link below:

      While I had some of the symptoms of RTS, I think this better describes my trauma. I found it an interesting article in the way is talks about the impact on partners of “sex addicts” without really either supporting or denying the existence of sex addiction as a real issue.

      I’m several years post D-Day, almost three years post divorce, and in a wonderful, healthy relationship with a beautiful, fellow chump girlfriend. But I still have scars. I have found the most profound impact on me is questioning my judgement. I may have had been somewhat uncertain of myself before my marriage, but the years of gaslighting and other emotional abuse made it much worse. I’m getting better now that the crazy is gone and a highly sane, kind, and supportive partner in her place. My Tuesday has come and now every Tuesday and the days in between are normal, sane, happy days.

      • yes that is a very good article , just the facts of how a lying cheating spouse , causes “trauma” on a chump . cheater turds that can’t say NO to any sexual encounter . an yet have “no clue” of the destruction they are causing to themselves and their kids and mates . it was a relief to read it ,now i can see why its so hard to get to Tuesday .

      • I second-guess my judgment often as well.

        I always said the worst part of it was that he fucked with my head.

        At one point I begged him that if he changed nothing else, just please stop fucking with my head.

      • Precious TwinsDad {{{BIG HUGS!! to you}}}and others,

        I have posted this other places, but ‘humor me’ once again while I share.
        I dealt with PTSD for years, due to being raped at age 13 and then being in a ‘crazy-making’ non-relationship with cheater. Motorcycle wreak / head injury at age 13 didn’t help!!

        Acupuncture was a key that unlocked so much of the pent-up emotional trauma. (This is my layman’s illustration to understand how it works / I am not an expert!)—-Emotional trauma pools in our bodies similar to how a blood blister pools or a boil engorges. Once they are drained of the infection, the pain diminishes dramatically, then the skin dries and heals. Same for our emotional systems. Drain the negative energy from these emotional blockages and you create the environment wherein you can heal.

        More recently, I have been privileged to experience bio-feedback. (Related is Neuro-Feedback) Amazing results!

        These have helped me to basically resolve most of the emotional, mental and psychological damage caused by those experiences, to where they no longer imprison me or rule my life. Just background noise, easy to tune out.

        There is also another therapy that was described to me by someone who is a natural therapist herself. Even though she helps others deal with their unresolved issues on a daily basis, she had some things she herself needed to resolve. She went to a therapy called “Body Talk”. The results she experienced were life-changing for her. She is now recommending that her clients seek out this in addition to what she does. You can go on-line and locate a practitioner in your area.

        Love all ya all!! Thank you for sharing the things that help you ForgeOn!!

        PS: Alexandra, messing with our heads is their very favorite past time! They NEVER give that up, even after separation / divorce. Can leave lots of damage, as all of us here at CN can attest. Therefore, please read up on the skills you need to block this from affecting you. It can be done! In addition to skills / tactics other Chumps share, Tracy has links to resources that will help.

  • May all of us here find the beautiful release for pain, trauma, drama and disorder that is Tuesday.
    Meh is out there waiting for you.
    Keep moving forward.

  • Tuesday comes faster when you get rid of them and go no contact (as much as one can, considering circumstances). It finally came for me. Now, I laugh (and sometimes hard) about that pathological lying, double-life living LOSER. And that is what he is — A LOSER — and a pathetic one at that. No real loss on my end.

    • This line was from one of the posts from a Quora thread about narcs and that got stuck in my head:

      ” Once you are rid of them, you will realized how inconsequential they truly are. ”

      I was circling the orbit of my N for almost 2 decades and now I finally am free after committing to NC. I don’t find missing him at all and I realized it is because he truly didn’t bond authentically with me. It was all about him. They are truly inconsequential and nobody would care even if their bodies are found on a ditch one day.

  • I feel my Tuesday is slowly coming. I started to gain weight back, sleep soundly for 6 hours straight, awake without sadness and begin my day with a smile. It’s right around the corner.

    • You have described me exactly at one point during my journey. You, are indeed, on your way there.

      What you don’t know yet is that you are being completely “rebuilt and restored” from the ground up right now. You’ll understand before too long.

      You’ll be stronger, wiser, and bulletproof. Ready to tackle the world. What used to be challenges will simply become minor inconveniences. There will be nothing you can’t accomplish.

      Best of wishes for you.

    • The small wins along the way. That’s what I love about Tuesday as the goal … it’s not like it’s a static, pain-filled experience all the way through to Tuesday. Rather, it’s a gradual build-up of strength and new-found understanding of ourselves and the world we inhabit. We get to experience small wins along the way to help keep us fueled on our way to Tuesday.

      Hold on tight to those small wins along the way!

      • ^^^^^!!!
        Awesome, Jess’s Mom! Awesome….{{{HUGS}}}

        It is the small things that all add up! Like 600-count Egyptian Cotton bed linens. Thank you for the eloquent reminder

  • I wonder if someone would create a poster of this “Tuesday” photo? It could be sold on this site. I would buy it and put it up in my office.

    Oh yes — if I remember correctly, Chumplady said that Meh won’t come until the divorce is final. So that should help. Also, No Contact is the medicine. It’s incredible how having contact with an Asshole messes with your psyche!!! All that bad mojo in them seeps out. Protect your head, protect your heart with No Contact. Every day that passes is a little better.

  • A great part of my “Tuesday” experience was getting to the point of accepting myself as the person I was. When I got to the point where I could honestly say I liked myself, the shackles from my ex et al fell off.

    • /\/\/\This
      Cheaters are liars – they lie to you and they lie to themselves. The biggest “lie” is that their unhappiness with us chumps caused the affair. They will blameshift to alleviate their guilt. DO NOT LISTEN. Think about the kind of person you want to be and move forward. Certainly don’t use cheater feedback as your guide.

      • This exactly, TC… I was drowning in happiness and travelling for work almost 40% on the road (where if you WANT to cheat, opportunity is in the hotel bar on any given night)… and NOT ONCE did I think of cheating. YET, Mr. Sparkles, wallowing in his secret unhappiness had 5 personal ads online (that I found); repeatedly responded to Craigslist and Yahoo ads (he’s cheap); and has rolled from one “relationship” into another since the discard.

        Newbies… never accept that there was something you could have done to stop him/her from cheating. It is their CHARACTER (or lack of)… not your thighs.

    • So true, DM. We ought to love ourselves harder than any of those narcs lurking around and baiting the needy for kibble resource.

  • A meteor crashed outside my area. On a Tuesday. I felt the house shake. Thinking it was a close gun or a explosion, I spent five minutes telling my dog to settle down.

    When I found out what happened, flash in sky, sonic boom, all I could think; “Does that mean another 6 weeks of Trump?”

    It’s all about perspective.

  • It was a Thursday but it was my Tuesday…I took my daughter to her father’s grave (very far from home, only been there twice) and I was able to be present for my daughters pain without any myself. I spent 4 days with latecheaters family and nary a twinge of pain. I was excited to see my kids and drink coffee and goof around.

    I limited my truth-telling to a vague, minor comment to a sister in law who would not be caused any pain by the revelation.

    I like the comparison to birth pain…I birthed a near-10-pounder once with no pain meds (long story) and it hurt like someone was cutting my leg off with a rusty saw, but I literally cannot remember the pain. I know Dday and the aftermath really hurt, but (years later) I am no longer able to have full recall of it.

    • Magneto – in the UK when we say C U Next Tuesday we are calling someone a CUNT (apologies !!!!) but maybe that works if we are aiming at the POS cheaters that we married ….

      • @DebbieChump same here where I live… but woohoo, think I just found the perfect wedding gift for cheater and his ho-worker hahhhaaaahaaa

  • CL,
    I have not read the responses yet to your post topic , but absolutely have to comment on the letter and the picture you received.
    “THIS” is the reason you are here.
    It is a living proof that YOU show, indeed YOU are, the way to the truth and the light.
    New Chumps, finding you and CN just when they need you, is indeed a miracle.

    I love this Chump’s light.
    CL, how could your heart not soar, knowing that you were the inspiration in this dear Chump’s heart. YOU, are the true creator of her light!

    If this amazing, brave, strong Chump is reading today, I salute you dear lady.
    So much of your story is my story, but you are much stronger, much braver!
    YOU are Mighty!


    • I suspect my comments won’t be shared by many at CN but am I the only person who winces at cheated on people being referred to as chumps? I realise it may be said a little tongue in cheek, and I love CL and her amazing and valuable insights. I also think the inspiration and strength people share on here is incredible and so helpful.

      In all honesty though I bristle every time someone refers to themselves, or another cheated on person, as a chump. The dictionary definition of a chump is ‘a stupid or easily deceived person.’ I certainly don’t see myself that way or anyone else who has suffered at the hands of an unfaithful partner. On the contrary, cheaters are extremely conniving and calculating and go to great lengths to hide their behaviour. Using the name chump does seem to suggest if only the person had been more vigilant and less gullible, stupid or naïve they would have seen what was going on. Maybe that applies to some. I have no idea. All I know is that speaking for myself, and many others, I exercised a healthy degree of trust in my marriage – no more, no less. Being told you’re a chump because your spouse abused that seems counterproductive in my opinion. For someone already suffering a wounded self esteem from betrayal and deception I just worry how being referred to as a chump would effect that. Am I the only one who feels this way?

      I don’t wish to offend anyone. Maybe I’m being hypersensitive about this but I personally think words can be powerful. Just wondered if it was just me.

      • Would it help to think of it “You were chumped”–by the cheater, who made you into an unwitting chump (that is, you didn’t know you were)? You were thought to be stupid by the cheater, who acted in that vein.

        • No to be honest ???? I just wouldn’t use the word chump at all. It just suggests dumb, stupid and easily fooled. I’m a qualified barrister and consider myself fairly astute and bright. The only way to have discovered my husband’s deception was to have policed and monitored him in a way that would have turned our marriage into a military exercise. I don’t regret that I didn’t do that. If being worthy of trust isn’t who he is then he’s the chump, not me.

          Don’t get me wrong – I’ve suffered from the shock and pain of it like everyone here. I loved him deeply but I don’t, and will never categorise myself, or anyone else cheated on, as a chump.

          • I understand what you are saying, but I think you are also correct in saying that the term was meant to be taken with your tongue firmly in your cheek. I am sure you are not a stupid person, as I don’t feel I am, but I do, sometimes, feel stupid about how I was unaware of what was going on around me as my children and I were being cheated on. Like you, I was all in. My family was everything to me, and policing my STBXW was not in my mind ever. To do that would have been disrespecting her and definitely not showing trust. That I trusted her was not the problem. The lack of respect on her part and willingness to cheat on the family is the problem. I don’t think I am a chump because I trusted her. That is what love is to me. She didn’t value that trust, and that I think is the hardest thing for me to get over really. I thought we were to be together forever. She was my best friend and lover for nearly thirty years. If trusting someone you love is doing it wrong, then I did it wrong, and I will likely do it wrong again. I know for a fact I will not get involved with someone if I cannot trust them. I can’t love them and not trust them.

            I don’t mind the term chump because I need to find the humour and lightness in the world around me. I can poke fun at myself with the best of them. I know in my heart, as I am sure most people on this site could relate to, when we are in love we do act in ways that aren’t really rational. “Love is blind”

            • Thinking ‘chump’ refers more to being duped through deception.

              Identifying oneself as a chump or having been chumped has nothing to do with being stupid.

              Think of it in the broad context of being conned (gaslit, lied to, blamed, shamed, devalued, financially raped) while the person you trusted the most was the perpetrator.

            • I do understand your need to keep humour around the situation. There’s been some very interesting points made and I sincerely appreciate everyone taking the time to share their perspectives. It seems I’m in the minority in my reluctance to use the term but I respect and take on board everyone’s views.

              • And you have every right to your views. You don’t have to use the word chump if it makes you uncomfortable.

              • Precious Natalia.B

                That is one of the most beautiful things about the people that Tracy has attracted—–We know the pain, we share the ‘gain’…..But you do not have to use the words that do not serve you in your healing journey!

                Your desire to avoid the word ‘chump’ reminds me of my desire to avoid being a ‘potty mouth’…..Many of the Citizens here in this Nation do choose to have a ‘potty mouth’, yet they have not deported me because I do not. (Thank all ya all for that!)

                Their experiences, their wisdom, their love shines so brightly that I look past their choice of words that I prefer not to use and see the selfless love they impart. We are all here to strengthen, encourage, share and love. So glad you are here with us!

                Stay focused as you ForgeOn!!

          • This is almost exactly how I have responded to the chump label. This kind of betrayal can happen to anyone, no matter how intelligent, accomplished, or worldly. Also, I share your experience and feelings about the level of monitoring and chasing that I would have had to do to discover the cheating earlier. As a matter of pride and principle, it would not be my inclination to monitor a spouse like that, even though I have had people question why I didn’t after the fact. Maybe because I thought I had married an adult? And that makes me stupid???

      • Natalia.B
        I respect your post. I do get what you are saying.

        I have two daughters. I would often say, “I am so stupid!” My eldest daughter immediately corrected me, ” MOM, YOU are NOT STUPID!” I notice I have stopped saying that!
        However, the dictionary definition of the word CHUMP definitely was me. I had no idea of cheater’s tru wuv affair as I carried on with my normal ( to me) life as a loving, wife-partner, mother, expectant mother.
        I am ok with the word CHUMP. Hell, when I first became a CHUMP, I never even knew the word CHUMP.

        I think CHUMPLADY stands for a birth of someone, who was a CHUMP herself, who survived, indeed escaped from that world, picked up the pieces and created a life saving blog to help all other CHUMPS.
        Like I said, I personally am ok with the CHUMP word and I am proud to be a part of CN. ( even though the price of admission is heartbreaking)

        This is our safe place (((((Natalia.B)))))

        • Thank you. I appreciate your response Peacekeeper and respect your views.

          I still wonder though why you believe the dictionary definition of a chump – as a stupid and easily deceived person – applies to you. Of course I don’t know your situation but you say you were living life as a loving partner and expectant mother. What more was expected of you? If people want to lie to and betray someone its pretty easy. Its not a reflection on you but him. I’m sure there are cases where spouses choose to ignore what’s in front of them, but I suspect these are rare. I’m very happy you don’t feel belittled by being called a chump, but I agree with your daughter.

          I worked in criminal law, in some cases involving serial killers. Many victims are duped by highly skilled manipulators, just like in marriages. I just believe using titles which are derogatory to those on the receiving end, is itself a form of blame shifting that is rightly condemned on CN.

          Love and blessings to you ????

          • I really understand what you are saying and I use to feel the same way about the label CHUMP. But about one year after the divorce I did start to see things that I could have done different not only in my marriage but in my relationships everywhere.

            I remember when I first found out about the affair, my councilor wanted me to read the book “Boundaries” by cloud. I read the first chapter and was shocked that except for working out side of the house, this lady was very close to my life. Giving to everyone and getting none of the same back. I found that book eye opening. I was the Chump that kept giving and spackling that everything was ok as my cup was empty most days. I was living 1/2 a life.

            Funny enough when EX tried to read the book he thew it down after the first chapter and told me the lady in the book was the dumbest lady alive and he could not read that crap.

            Well it took a while to get to the balance of NOT blaming myself for my marriage ending and his cheating but OWNING the chump in me with poor boundaries. That is what the word Chump means to me, no longer denying myself self love and care.

            I still back slide but the word CHUMP helps me face that is an ugly place to go back. Address what made me a chump has actually made me a better person in the relationships in my life with the ones who really love me!

          • Natalie B.

            I do agree that calling yourself a chump can sound demeaning at first and maybe that never wears off but I do think the intent is to take the blame from the victim and put it back where it belongs on the perpetrator. I am totally in favor of that.

            I do not like the word stupid at all so your dictionary definition was disturbing and caused me to grab the dictionary on my desk which is webster’s new collegiate dictionary 150th anniversary 1981. This dictionary says it is a noun originating from a combination of chunk and lump and means fool or dupe. Fool is defined as a person lacking in judgement or prudence. Dupe is defined as someone who is easily deceived or cheated.

            I do feel like I lacked judgement and I was easily deceived. That said, I don’t feel that I am a chump in every area of my life. I lacked judgement and was easily deceived by a person that I reasonably had only my best interest at heart. He swore before God and all of our close friends and family that this was the case.

            The very nature of trust leaves a person open to being a fool.

            I will accept the title of chump as it applies to fuckwit’s actions but I will not let it define me as a whole.

          • @Natalia.B I’ve embraced the term because it is what happened to me. I was easily deceived and now feel pretty stupid about all of the signs that I just chose to miss. I chose a blind loyalty, which allowed my x to do what she did at my expense. I understand where you are coming from, but in this case, it fit me quite well.

            • I take your point.So sorry for what you’ve been through and that your loyalty was not returned

              • I have to agree with BSOD_Chumped. I also embrace the term though I am top of my game in the professional world. I was easily deceived by my ex and feel incredibly stupid about the whole relationship. I chose to trust him, believe in him and offer him love and loyalty which allowed him to cheat on me and play me for a fool at great personal expense. The title ‘Chump’ very aptly described the person I was in the relationship.

      • I looked at it like when you take a derogatory name and you make it your own. You take the power back. People think ‘chump’ when they find out the details. So I am a chump and lived to tell the tale. (still waiting for my tuesday…that sign made me very happy.)

        • Yes! What Dion said.
          I’m obviously from Jersey (where my bitches at?) and appropriating a word to take your power back is, I think, a lot of what CN is about. Some folks do it with the N word. We were chumps. But no one who was NOT a chump is allowed to call me that.
          I, like so many of us, was completely clueless to my husband’s marriage-long double life and had every reason to trust him. But I have to say, I was way more offended by the RIC calling me a ‘co-dependent’ (uh, no) than finding out I WAS a chump! Former chumps don’t let anyone tell them to ‘own their part’ and they kick the blame-shit laid at their feet by the non-chumped to the curb.
          Yes, words matter. And I appreciate the unique vernacular of CN as our OWN. We own it. And we are mighty! And I can’t wait for Tuesday!

          • This one I have to take issue. I do not see how you can take a derogatory word and make it your own. It is either derogatory or it isn’t. I do not think chump is derogatory. Like I said above, I think it is saying I am a victim not a co dependent.

            My kids go to a very racially diverse school and there are constantly issues surrounding who is allowed to use the N word and who isn’t. The administration gives speeches on it but the issue is never resolved. It creates much more segregation than it solves. It becomes awkward and makes people self conscious. If it is derogatory, no one should say it. If it is not, anyone should be allowed to say it.

            How awkward it is when kids are at a dance and they are playing a song with the N word and white people are singing along. This has created a huge divide. I could go on and on.

            I am sorry if people feel chump is derogatory but I certainly don’t believe that is Tracy’s intent and everyone should be free to use the term. My fuckwit probably would never call me a chump because that would be admitting he deceived me and in his mind, everything is my fault.

            • I think language evolves, and connotations evolve. Before our entry into CN, most of us probably did think of “chump” as having a negative connotation, now it’s our clubhouse term of endearment for each other.

              I liken it to a Greek word, “malaka,” whose meaning is “wanker.” However, a friend of Greek descent told me some young men now use it as a greeting for their friends, too. There may be other examples.

              • “our clubhouse term of endearment for each other”

                Well stated Tempest.
                I like that, it is warm and comforting,
                like the Chumps who dwell here.

                Thank you Tempest!


            Right here, bitch!!! ????????????????
            I was raised on the Jersey Shore.
            How ya doin’?

      • Natalia.B, I hear you. I do understand though (as I think you do) that at CN we are taking ironic ownership of the word, like when African Americans jokingly call each other the N word, or gay men call each other the F word. But yeah, it would be nice if there were a more respectful word in the language for the innocently duped (patsy, victim, mark, betrayed, cuckolded are all terrible too!). Maybe it says something about our culture that victim-shaming is so much of a thing that outside of here, one is embarrassed to admit being conned—we consider it the equivalent of being stupid. (This applies to situations beyond infidelity too). Maybe we should take ownership of the “CH” word, go public, and change the culture? ( I’m thinking like Dikes on Bikes — today lesbians in my neck of the woods apply the term “dike” proudly to themselves, but it wasn’t always so).

        • But when gay and black people take back ownership of derogatory names isn’t it because these have been wrongly used against them by others? Hence taking back their power saying you can’t hurt me with this anymore. I’ve never heard someone cheated on referred to as a chump by anyone at all outside of this blog. In fact in society in general (not counselling brigade) I’ve never heard anyone called dumb, stupid or gullible for being cheated on.

          • Sorry….when saying not counselling brigade I didn’t mean they would use such terms but that they’re more inclined to share blame between both parties.

          • >>”In fact in society in general (not counselling brigade) I’ve never heard anyone called dumb, stupid or gullible for being cheated on.”

            This shocks me a bit. From everything I’ve seen, read, and experienced — this is precisely the narrative that exists (and the one we are fighting against). It’s the Esther Par-Annoying narrative — the RIC narrative. It’s …

            — “What should YOU do differently to stop your partner from cheating” …

            — “Well, it’s so obvious he was cheating, she must have been okay with it. If she didn’t know, it’s because she’s either blind or stupid.”

            Society minimizes and blameshifts right alongside the cheaters. Whether they call us Chumps directly or simply imply it, it’s always there.

            This is why I don’t even bother talking about the implosion of my marriage on terms of “he was a serial cheater.” It’s not worth the immediate “you’re just being melodramatic; get over it” with the general population (friends and family included, regretfully). Rather, I just focus on the abuse.

            • Just speaking from my own experience too really Jesssmom. Also I’ve paid no attention to the so-called professionals or this Esther woman discussed here. I’m London based so can’t speak for US but over the years I’ve had friends and work colleagues blighted by infidelity way before it happened to me. The support from everyone was always 100% with the cheated on. The only times I’ve heard slightly derogatory comments is when one woman took back a serial cheater over and over. Our sympathies in her case wore a bit thin. Other than that the cheated on were never viewed as even partly complicit and deserving

              • Natalia.B, it is certainly comforting to know that in your part of the world, the cheated-on are viewed so positively. I’m with JessMom — at least in my part of the US there’s an unsaid, non- PC feeling out there in the culture that the “cuckolded”(of either sex) spouse must be such a pathetic loser that they in some way deserved it. We need to come out of the closet of shame and embarrassment and admit it can happen to the best of us! And I do wish there indeed was a more respectful word for us than “chumps”; I just can’t think of a better substitute. Any suggestions, CN?

              • I’m thrilled that you’ve had that kind of support! That’s really amazing — and I’m sure it helped in the process toward “meh.”

                Now, if we can just get the social narrative in the US (and other places, like India, etc.) to be more like that … 🙂

              • It is VERY different here. (Jersey girl too) A couple Sundays ago in The NY Times column in the Style section was an article written by a OW. She was writing how great the cheated on wife was because she welcomed this OW into her kids life and they are all one big family. The idea being if only the cheated upon weren’t so bitter and went with the flow, it would all be so dandy. It hurts. And people judge. You’re not enough to hold on to your man, your life together was worth nothing, you Didn’t want to know. And the best: get over it like it was a.decision to wake up and feel this way. I feel stupid. Taken. Robbed. Calling myself a chump somehow mitigates those feeling. A silly word that lets me know I’m not alone.

            • Over in my neck of the woods the victim shaming is loud and everywhere that I (as the betrayed) MUST have been the reason that my ex cheated on me. I must be a horrible, sexless, nag that made him lie in his own chemo vomit. Errrrr, no. I was a fabulous carer that spent huge chunks of money keeping his ass ALIVE while working and taking care of him. He wouldn’t TOUCH me because he was rendered impotent. Even when I left him he told me that I was the kindest and best woman he had ever known (amongst the vitriol – it was a roller coaster!)

              But I am automatically assumed to have been awful enough to cause him to cheat. I tell my story to everyone and let the judgement fall wherever they so choose. If I can change the narrative on ‘victim shaming’ with just one person by being completely honest about how much of an idiot I was then I am happy to do it. A few rocks tumbling down a mountain have the potential to start a landslide.

              • Wishing ….in your post above you said you chose to trust and believe in your partner and offer him your love and loyalty yet that this makes you a chump. This is what I struggle with. Those very things make a relationship strong and healthy. You just gave that to the wrong person. Again above you describe what a wonderful and supportive wife you were then call yourself an idiot.
                I gave the same in my marriage, so has my best friend. The only difference is her man was worth it. Mine wasn’t. Yours wasn’t. That doesn’t make us chumps and idiots.

                I suspect CL gives the same kind of love, trust and loyalty to her present husband as she did the cheaters. The difference is he is worthy of it

      • I associate the word “Chump” in this blog the same as Gilbert associated the word “Nerd” in his speech as he asked all “Nerds” to step forward, be proud, unite, and regain power after having been stomped on, ridiculed, harassed, and destroyed.

        • Oh God. So now we should identify with nerds uprising to say yes we may be socially awkward misfits but DESPITE THIS we don’t deserve to be mistreated. Ok for a comedy film but sorry no, no, no…the liars are the ONLY ones who have inadequacies to apologise for when it comes to cheating.

        • I went to MIT and knew a lot of nerds. I love nerds. They are capable of things that normal people just can’t accomplish. If someone calls me a nerd I see it as a compliment although I am not sure I fully fit the bill. 🙂

  • Reading Albie Sachs’s “The Soft Vengeance of a Freedom Fighter” was one of the most memorable reads of my life. In South Africa I met (and shook hands with!) Nelson Mandela, and visited the train station in Pietermaritzburg where Gandhi was thrown off the train. I’ve often thought that the brutality of apartheid was not only met but surpassed by the spirits and actions of those who suffered through it. I think the “meh” of Tuesday, and a mighty life free of the pain of the cheater, is analogous in character. What they put us through, we overcome, and we go on to a happiness that throws their mean lives into shadow.

      • And I’m heading the comments off at the pass here — no one is arguing that a broken chumped heart is in ANY way analogous to the monstrosity of apartheid.

        It takes mightiness and strength of character to get over both, however.

        • Thanks, CL. My intention was in no way to suggest the two situations were equivalent!

  • Tuesday is a blessed day indeed. I love that sign. It’s beautiful.

    And then wait till you see what *Wednesday* has in store for you!

  • OMG that lady needs to start a business!!

    I want to order one!

    Maybe CL you could partner with her and proceeds help CN operating costs?

  • Tuesday is regular life.

    All those things I believed I had with him were an illusion. When I look around I see I had it all right in front of me all the time. The closeness with my children and my granddaughter was earned through years of being there.

    My work and home life were things I built and maintain.

    Ordinary things…reviewing my daughters resume, listening as my son challenges himself in his new position and letting go as my granddaughter transitions into adulthood.

    • “All those things I believed I had with him were an illusion.”

      Yup! My Tuesday came when I finally understood and accepted the marriage was only a mirage.

    • The “ordinary things” are extraordinary, aren’t they? 🙂

      I’ve had the same experience — seeing that the jackass was never there for any of us unless someone asked (and then he resented the hell out of it). I loved being there — being present for my kids. Still do. I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. This is partly why I was so astounded at the asshat’s perspective — his easy willingness to destroy something so wonderful.

      The difference in his perspective and mine really came out in the wash. Our girls know they can rely on me to be there for them, regardless of the situation. Him … well, the older two have disowned him completely. And the little one (who is too young to really understand the situation and just acts on how she feels right now) wants mom when she’s sick; wants mom when she has a question; wants mom when she feels sad or confused.

  • I have had lots of mini Tuesdays here and there. It still drags on. I treat each moment of each day I invest in preparing, analysing, documenting and fighting as a contribution to my Big Tuesday Payday.

    • This is me. I am almost four years out. Mostly, I am pretty sure I’m Tuesdayed up. But then it’ll come crashing down. Again. Out of nowhere. But, I have to admit that part of me feels irreparably changed. There is a shadow that intermittently reasserts itself. Has anyone else experienced this and gotten past it? How long to the REAL Tuesday?

      • Yes, Jojobee, I have had this happen. I will go along for awhile and feel everything is going well and then something will be said or I will remember something and I can feel that drop in my stomach that is a bad feeling. But, what has happened over the 6 years I’ve been on my own, is that these times have become much, much fewer and much, much shorter. In the early days of my separation, I think I was continuously in pain. Then it diminished and I thought “is this Tuesday?”. But then my XH or one of my kids would say or do something and I would get quite emotional. Now this happens only every few months and my upset may be for only a few minutes. It’s like you get on the boat of upset and then quickly realize that it is going to a place you don’t want to go and you immediately get off. That is “Tuesday” as far as I’m concerned. So, your REAL Tuesday
        grows over time and you realize you really do have an amazing new life.

        • Yes, this finally free heart. I am 4 years out, and will occasionally be struck by something and I will feel a little twist of the knife and the stomach drop. But as time goes on it happens less often and I am able to bounce back faster. I accept this as being normal, having lived through something so traumatic. The vast majority of the time I am quite happy in my new life. No contact is instrumental. Internalizing that they truly suck is too.

          • This is exactly how it is with me too. I am 4 years out as well. For the most part I have a great life but when I see or hear about him and AP/girlfriend my heart races & the pain is resurfaced. But it’s just a temporary setback. I realize that and move on with my day. It helps to remind myself that there was NO personality transplant. He is still the same piece of shit! It’s just that I don’t have to see it anymore. Yay! Tuesday!

      • I am only 14 months post divorce and not learning about anything until he served me with divorce papers. Needless to say, the past two years have been devastatingly eye opening. For the most part, I feel that I am doing well, but just last week someone commented on what bad skin the OW has and how she wears so much make up. All of a sudden, I remember him commenting on what nice skin I have as I sat in the kitchen. Literally sent chills through my body. I do not know how long this will go on.

  • Guess what comes after Tuesday…Throat Punch Thursday! It’s when you no longer put up with people’s unnecessary bullshit. ????

  • Thankfully I’ve definitely gotten through the worst of it. I’ve even had a taste of at least a handful of Tuesdays that I thought would never come. I feel proud to have survived something horrendous.

    As my name suggests, I’m a more grateful person and I’ve become more in touch with what’s important. I don’t sweat the occasional hiccups of day to day life. And when I do experience those periods of sadness, I acknowledge and accept them for what they are, and I find they’re gradually getting shorter in duration and the lows are manageable. Exercise, diet and self-care are key ingredients on the path to “meh.”

    I would liken it to a shock wave that begins with destruction and trauma. But the further the wave travels it becomes more stretched and smoothed out. Someday the wave will flatten and be imperceptible. Then every day will be Tuesday.

    • Yes, this, GDD, although some of my days are still like the ocean, all crashing waves one moment, and calm the next. Normal, I think. I think many Chumps are traumatized by someone we had trusted, invested in, spent many years with, who just stomped all over us on their way to “happiness.” Before this, I had survived many challenges-sexual abuse orchestrated by bio dad as a young girl, death of those I loved: my grandmom, a friend in high school, X’s folks, my 14 year old brother☹️, a nephew at 25, then my son’s accident and daughters’ near miss, so I knew where my priorities lay. I am grateful for all those beautiful everyday moments life brings. Yet, for some reason, Fucktard’s betrayal has had a profound effect on me and our children as well. We have carved out a new better life but it’s as if he died and left us with a story we don’t recognize.

  • Tuesday will come! So close… but not here yet …

    Almost 3 years past d-day – 2 years past asking him to leave – 1 year past filing – 6 mos after selling the house and moving…still waiting for him to sign a final piece of paperwork…

    I’m one of the 30-years married chumps, dumped for an AP (his secretary) who wasn’t even born when we wed. The discard was shocking enough – but the disorientation from the gas lighting of 2 years before discovery and his blame shifting post discovery, have taken awhile to process and really made me doubt myself. I believed his lies before I knew – and worse, I believed his litany of my deficiencies after the affair came to light.

    Now when I think of trying to help him through his depression, drinking and “alleged” erectile dysfunction – only to find his “stress” was from his double life have really – I am finally filled with rage instead of sadness. How dare he?

    CL and CN have saved me.

    • I was married a little over 29 years, TiredChump, so I’m right behind you on that. When you add in the dating and engagement period, it adds up to more than 31 years.

      You wrote, “Now when I think of trying to help him through his depression, drinking and “alleged” erectile dysfunction – only to find his “stress” was from his double life have really – I am finally filled with rage instead of sadness. How dare he?”

      We were so kind and understanding, weren’t we? So patient and supportive with their troubles and struggles. Only to find out it was all a lie. And they didn’t care one bit about our needs or wants.

      I’m 2 1/2 years post divorce and have maintained a strict NC policy, and am happy to have reached Meh and Tuesday both. My new cheater-free life is healing and full of wonderful people and experiences, and the cheater’s life just keeps spiraling downward. While it is possible to still have some sadness and brief pangs of grief, it passes quickly and the joy of being free of that toxic, lying, life energy-sucking black hole of a child-man is exhilarating.

      I love CL and CN. My sanity was saved. My life preserved. The gratitude I feel every day toward all of you here is powerfully energizing.

      Love of all kinds has come my way since dumping the cheater. The love and support from CN, many of whom are strangers I’ve never met, the love and kindness of friends, old and new, the love of pets, the love of some family members. And now, when I wasn’t pursuing it, because I wasn’t dating or searching, I’ve found romantic love. Whether it leads to a LTR or not, it doesn’t matter. What this experience has shown me is that my heart is healed (not perfectly of course). The cheater did not win. His jealousy over my good qualities was real. He tried to destroy me, but failed. I am so in love with my new life that others are being attracted to the joy and inner light I radiate, and there are still good humans out there. Mind you, I look awful on paper. Overweight, unemployed, over 55, don’t have a lot of money. But what cheater has—great job, money to spare—cannot buy him happiness or friends. I’d still rather be me. I still trust that he sucks.

      It really does get better. In fact, it gets absolutely beautiful.

        • Thank you. I hope you will be too.

          This is a club I sure as heck didn’t want to join, but it’s the best club I’ve ever been a member of.


  • My divorce was finalized on a Tuesday. My Tuesday. I had never felt so exhilarated as when I walked out of the courtroom a free woman.

    Now, however, I wait for another Tuesday. I don’t know if that Tuesday will ever come. My ex successfully alienated our three now-young-adult sons from me. It has been 4 1/2 years since I have seen or spoken to any of them. Periodic emails, text messages, and phone calls to the kids get ignored or replied to nastily. A few months ago the ex went so far as to apply for a restraining order against me on behalf of our youngest (19) son. He was acting on behalf of our son as his power of attorney (why he has that I don’t know). The judge dismissed the application stating that a POA cannot be used in this manner. It would have been dismissed anyway because I certainly didn’t meet the statutory requirements to warrant a restraining order. It’s a shame that my ex’s hate for me is greater than his love for our children. For the sake of our children’s psychological well-being, I have decided to end all attempts to reconcile with them. I will only contact them with a card on their birthday. It is my hope that one day when they are out from under their father’s influence and on their own they will see the truth of his wicked ways and return to me. It realistically may be YEARS away, but I have faith that it will happen. And it will be a Tuesday.

    • JamLady,
      My heart aches for you.
      How appropriate that you have the love, and the courage to send each child a BIRTHday card. You were there for them on that special day and you continue to be there for them. The fact that they don’t reciprocate is so very sad.
      One day they will know the truth JamLady. Keep strong, wonderful, true loving Mother that you are!

    • I’m so sorry that is happening. Their evil knows no bounds. My son opened his mouth this Christmas and his dads nasty words came out. I calmly informed him he does not know the whole story and I would be happy to fill him in at another time and place but it shook me. (((Hugs)))

      • NewLady15 – you need to shut that shit down fast. Tell your son the brutal truth right now, otherwise you are going to be playing catch up for a very long time. This is about respect. You were disrespected by your cheater, and now your son is playing the same game. (maybe the cheater has primed him or your son has ill formed views of his own) Teenagers (assumed) are smart enough to figure this stuff out.
        Don’t take shit from anyone.

    • I can’t comprehend the depths of evil that would cause someone to turn a mother’s kids against her. He is trying to justify his own behavior by convincing your kids that you were somehow the evil one. It is despicable that he is making you pay for his bad behavior. I hope someday your sons will figure out who the evil one is and will come back to you for their own sakes.

    • I am in the same situation as you, unfortunately. It appears that as my ex was beginning his affair, he was demonizing me to our sons. My sons are now 32 and 34 and the 32 year old has been no contact with me since 2012. In fact, thus son has spent more time with the whore than with me. I am beyond heartbroken, but all my attempts at contact, calls, cards and gifts have been ignored. One of the last times spent with him was Mothers Day 2012…the day he graduated from Law School (which I helped fund). I was beyond floored when my ex gave a speech at the dinner afterwards, and I was not acknowledged! He never called when he passed the bar exam, when he got engaged or have I been invited to his apartment. His fiancee told me that she wanted me involved in the selection of her dress and lo and behold, on Facebook appears her picture stating “I said yes to the dress”! She never called me. I surprised my son at his apartment, post divorce 2016, to give him a pile of savings bonds that his father had in the stolen safe deposit box, and his statement to me was “you come over unannounced”? I am then invited to his awards ceremony where he is to receive “Young Alumni of the Year” award at a college he got into ONLY because I an an alum (he had terrible grades pre college). Well, once again, a speech given, and there is no mention of his mother…he thanks his girlfriend. Well, my Tuesday will only come when I can accept this mess. My son is planning on getting married this August and I have been included in nothing. By the way, this smart lawyer has NEVER given me any reason for this. Yes, his father does not care about his children. He needs to be seen as the good guy regardless of the adultery, lies, compulsive gambling and the spending of family money on the whore.

      • This is horrid, but illustrates the existence of some kind of law that says, if someone screws you over, they must act as if you did it to them. Same kind of thing happened to me at my daughter’s wedding: there was a saccharinely sweet father-daughter dance and I was left out of the speeches. When the limelight was gone, guess who she spend her time with? Me. Nothing was going to interfere with my enjoyment of my daughter’s wedding – and nothing did. My ex had other tricks up his sleeve to try and humiliate me but I dodged them all. It was great. He did try very hard over the years to turn the kids against me and, although I am lucky they didn’t cut me out of their lives, things will never be the same.

    • I would encourage you to keep in contact. (Can’t control the haters, but you do control how you respond). Send your sons letters commenting on life, small tokens that let them know you are thinking about them, gifts that recognize their interests, tell them stories of their past, invite them for visits (I paid their expenses because mine were poor college students in those early years), and don’t expect much back. Communicating is what we did when our children were growing up. In time they will begin to know the truth.

  • My youngest got his braces put on yesterday. The poor guy is miserable. He can’t eat, his teeth hurt and he broke down crying after his first attempt at flossing around the brackets “this is impossible”. All he can imagine is 18 months of torture. He questioned why braces were even necessary and “isn’t there an easier way?” I did my best to comfort him. I told him that it would get easier, he would get used to the hassles, he would learn how to eat with braces and then someday they will come off and he will have a beautiful new smile. I know these things to be true because I had braces once and his brother and sister both went through it too and survived and have benefitted from the experience. Hopefully he will take heart in that as the days go by and it becomes gradually easier to cope with life with braces. Maybe he will come to believe that he will make it through the next 18 months after all.

    When DDay happens it can feel hopeless. It hurts so much, there is so much to deal with, nothing is the same. It is hard to imagine in that moment that it will ever be ok and that life will be good again. When I first found this site and heard about Tuesday I was skeptical. As time went on, however, things started to get easier. I got better at coping and I figured out new routines to make my life manageable. It is a gradual process and it isn’t linear. I have had ups and downs all over the place but others have gotten to meh and found their Tuesdays. I know I am on the same road as all of those others before me and there is no reason to believe I won’t get there. I can tell that I am getting closer every day. Thank you CN for giving me reason to believe in the possibility of Meh and Tuesday.

    Hopefully long before the braces come off, my youngest and I will both be enjoying life again. We are resilient.

    • P.S. I think I might have come close to Tuesday last Saturday. I went on my fist date since the divorce was final. It wasn’t an exciting intoxicating wildly amazing date, it was a pleasant date. I like pleasant. It generally feels good without all of that exhausting adrenaline. We have another date planned for this weekend. I am looking forward to it.
      I don’t want to say I have reached meh or Tuesday just yet. Every time I think I might be there something happens to upset me again, but those moments are becoming less and less frequent and the durations are getting shorter and shorter. Even when I do get to meh, life always has ups and downs and there is bound to be something to knock me down again even if it has nothing to do with ex. Hopefully when that happens, I will recognize that I am resilient, that I will survive that too, and that life will eventually be good again.

      • Chumpinrecovery…get your son a waterpik for his braces. Much better than trying to floss around them.
        My actual Tuesday came on a real Tuesday. And sure I still get sad at times because I’m still alone and I get lonely but I never I realize now that Mr. Cheater Pants and I were never that great of a match in the first place. He was such a goofy guy and a drunk on top of it. Ugh.

  • I’m hoping I will be signing divorce papers on a Tuesday! 2.75 years and counting… my Tuesday has to be just around the corner!

    • Your endurance is amazing! I sincerely hope your freedom day comes soon.

      Keep being mighty. Hugs.

  • My Tuesday is getting close.

    I can feel it. I hope I didn’t just jinx it, but its so much closer than months ago when I took lonely walks listening to CL’s audio book on repeat talking about Tuesdays. (CL, I suppose, is my Oprah)

    But yesterday – Tuesday- in another divorce meeting, I watched my stbx have a fit over marital-vs-non-marital assets, listened as she growled at me about how her father never loved her, and walked out with so much less emotional baggage than meetings prior.

    I wondered, “Who the fuck are you?” “Who the fuck did I marry and love so much?” “This is who you’ve been hiding all along?”

    Meanwhile, just as promised, the Karma bus is crushing her hard. And she’ll have to start every new relationship with either her truth or a big fat lie.

    I cranked this song while driving away (original Dylan version too gentle for me):

    My Tuesday is coming soon. I’m so very excited.

  • This couldn’t have come in a better day. D-Day was 13 months ago for me, I filed for divorce 9 months ago, we sold the marital home four months ago. I stopped looking at her and fukwit Facebook profile pics a few days ago, first time since all this began. I realized there is nothing good ever gonna show up there. I’m not going to wake up and find that she come to her senses and wants we back. He might wake up and be deported, lol. I am coming to accept it’s over. I’m coming to accept that even if it wasn’t I could take her back and be as happy as I was or want to be. Today, I am lonely, scared and sad. I think about my troubles and there same as always but now it’s only me and that is terrifying. I have come to realize that the woman I called a soulmate and wanted to spend the rest of life with, the woman who made me feel
    Forever young is no different than anyone else’s cheather I read about here. She’s not special, she’s not facing something different that makes her affair different. She’s an asshole. She feels entitled, she doesn’t care about me or our kids. She’s pathetic and I need to stop thinking or her and stop having sympathy for her. She doesn’t deserve it and doesn’t offer it in return. Any pain she feels is her own fault. Tuesday is a long
    Way off for me. But it’s good to know it’s out there

  • I love this. The post. The letter. The photo.

    The key here? Focus on the future we want to birth into being. And we get that by cutting ourselves loose from the past. That doesn’t mean forgetting or forgiving. It means putting the past into the past. It’s behind us, along with the Cheater, the APs, and their doing.

  • Tuesday was the day I went to the grocery store and didn’t feel overwhelmed and have a panic attack. It was the day I could actually eat a meal and sit through a movie until the end. Tuesday will come and it comes in small ways. My life is a big Tuesday now, so be patient.

  • Moral of the story… we conquer what we choose to in this life. We all get the same 24 hours every day, how will you make yours count?

    For me, for today, I’m the sane parent for my son and my “x” step-daughter. I work full-time, pack lunches, cook dinners, go over homework, and run fundraisers for my son’s activities. It’s not glamourous, it’s hard most days, but I’ll tell you what… it’s peaceful. I conquered divorcing my fuckwit and going no contact while co-parenting via email. And, I’m waving my stubby, battle-worn hand to each of you to thank you for being here… and to you CL, for the hope of Tuesday.

  • I feel my Tuesday will never arrive. Married 34 years, ex happily single, financially stable, dating & mentioning to my adult son I was the reason he was so unhappy & cheated. The ow he left me for passed away, 5 weeks after she was buried he found another woman. True luv..?

    But 2 years divorced, my son is a flying monkey. Tells me how happy his father is while I’m depressed, lonely & financially strapped. At 69, I have no hope of meeting someone . It seems the ex has a wonderful life.

    It hurts so badly that my cruel ex turned my only son against me. Told him lies of things i supposedly did & slandered me to this day. All I want is peace.. but now my son took over where his father left.

    I pray that my life improves on a Tuesday like a lot of you ladies have. God Bless ♥️

    • For me 2 yrs was not long enough. I once read to expect 2 months of recovery for every year you were in the relationship. Not sure how that really all works out for most but it least it allows me to understand why it has taken me so long. I’ve been divorced almost 4 ys. (Married 20) our youngest of three is still a minor so that is dragging my Tuesday out. I’m currently at early to mid Monday
      As far as your son being turned against you. It’s important he hears your side of the story, he may not agree but at least he knows. My kids know EXACTLY how I feel about what their selfish mother and her adultery partner did to our head, hearts, home, family, finances & futures. It’s not easy to have the courage of ones convictions but I don’t plan on bending. I will not compromise my ethics, values or morals and they know it.

      So stay strong and hang on, Your Tuesday will show up.

      • Truth, Bud. And people who callously abuse then walk out on their spouses are never “happy.”

    • I wouldn’t worry too much about meeting a romantic “someone” at this point, I would focus on making new friends of either sex. I don’t know what options you have where you live but look for opportunities to meet new people. Do you have in your area, if so see if there are any that might appeal to you. Others have mentioned volunteer work as a way to meet people. Even just getting out more by yourself could lead to meeting people. If you don’t feel like you are up for going out, do it anyway because you will probably have fun once you actually get there. Meetups, if an option are a great way to meet people because most people go to meet ups with the intent of meeting people and so are generally friendly. Even if it is just girlfriends, it will offer companionship and opportunities to enjoy life and feel better about yourself. Then, if you are open too it without necessarily seeking it, perhaps that “someone” will cross your path, but if not, you won’t care because you don’t need that to be happy. Meanwhile your ex is the pathetic loser because he can’t bear to be alone and will pick up whatever tramp crosses his path first so that he doesn’t have to live with himself. At least you get to be with yourself instead of being stuck with him. Sucks to be him.

    • Kathleen I’m so very sorry to read of all you’ve been through but please don’t say at 69 you’ve no hope of meeting anyone. My father was alone for many years after ending an unhappy marriage to my mother. At 69 years of age he met a beautiful lady and they’re so very happy together. She’s the exact opposite of my mother and I love hearing them laugh together. Please don’t give up it can happen at any time. Keep strong xx

    • Kathleen

      Leaving the flying monkeys behind tales boundary setting. And if your son is picking up whwer his dad left off you need to set bigger boundaries to protect yourself. Close that door and do not allow anyone to spread the cheaters bliss.

      Who knows why an adult child identifies with the cheater. It happens. One of my adult daughters details me making horrible statements. She was the one who he abandoned and abused growing up. So I love her from a distance. My good friend also has this pattern. I recognize it and keep my distance.

      Surround yourself with healthy people. It works. Dating is fun. Go out to meet ups, volunteer, or travel.

      • Thank you all for replying. I feel comfort here knowing that I’m not all alone.

        Having friends here at CN that have gone through their own abuse & giving me advice is a godsend.

        Bless you all ❤️

    • Kathleen,
      I feel for you! I think very similar thoughts. If you were here, I would give you a giant hug. Sending you a virtual hug!

  • My Tuesday let’s see
    Cheater says
    I cry all the time
    My kids hate me
    God forgave me why can’t you
    I made a mistake
    I didn’t mean to hurt you
    I lost everything
    I have to give you half of my pension
    I will have no money after the divorce
    You will never forgive me
    You will never touch me
    I don’t know how I will live without you
    You should have helped me figure out why I’m so messed up and do these things.
    You see it’s all about him.
    No truer words were spoken by this man than this
    ” You are going to be just fine without me and you are going to have a great life with the kids and I will have nothing “

  • Beautiful. This post brought tears to my eyes. Thank you CL for all you do for us!

  • The commissioned Tuesday light reminds me of a picture I had made on Shutterfly. It features birds in a tree with the quote:
    A bird sitting in a tree is never afraid of the branch
    breaking, because her trust is not in the
    branch, but in her own wings.
    I had read that here in the early days after Dday. The picture now hangs proudly in the front room/library of my new house in a niche built just for it in the custom bookshelves. Thank you Chump Lady, and Chump Nation!!

    • It’s been over 2 years since Dday and I think I can say my Tuesday has come! I have a playlist on Youtube chronicling my chump experience. I think it is time to add the Moody Blues song “Forever Afternoon (Tuesday?)”!

  • For me, Tuesdays came gradually. It was like I started to live in the present more and more. Eventually the thought of my utter heartbreak didn’t consume my every thought. Once on a Saturday morning, I started my day and at about lunchtime, I thought to myself, holy shit, I didn’t think about cheater ex yet today. Woo-hoo!Then it was I didn’t cry myself to sleep in three days. Yes! Then I slept through the night. Alright! I laughed and told jokes with my good friends. You go girl! I have no interest in seeing his social media posts. Way to go! It happened very slowly for me. I went from trying to fix things with cheater to fixing me and looking forward to recognizing my true worth. I’ve worked hard on it. Being with an emotionally abusive cheater for years takes its toll on your self-esteem. Don’t forget that you are an amazing person. You don’t need anyone else to complete you. It took me almost a year to believe it. I’m not at meh yet, but there’s been another shift in my thinking. Especially since the new year. I’m more ready than ever to do me and move on.

  • My life is so much happier now. I have friends, do a lot of activities, and really do see what a miserable joyless drag his self absorption was.

    I do still get sad. I really did love him and was utterly traumatised. This mourning is not sanctioned by society, but I lost my family, my children lost their security and I lost my dream of having a loving partner in life.

    It makes me sad to hear of the latest girlfriend, the contrast between my mourning and how quickly and easily he moved on.

    • Patsy,

      Thank you for so clearly, concisely describing a Chump experience. Glad that you feel better overall.

      I hate to admit that I feel jealous of my replacement–beautiful, educated young women throw themselves at both my ex-husband and my ex-boyfriend as I ‘dry up’ (partnerless and virtually for five months and counting).

  • My Tuesday came on a Wednesday this past July. After over 6 years of trying to divorce my Narc, I finally got the divorce papers signed. I feel like a brand new person who has had the weight of the world lifted off of my shoulders. Now I have boundaries and laugh at the things that the ex does instead of getting angry.

    When I found Chump Lady about five years ago, I never imagined I could go no contact let alone reach Meh. (No contact is KEY to recovery and you can do a version of it even if you have kids).

    Chump Nation is a wonderful group of people who are excellent at listening, offering advice and sharing their own life experiences all of which help to raise each other up. None of my close friends have been divorced or in abusive relationships, so the insight I gained from reading here every day helped make me a stronger person. I will be eternally grateful to both Tracy and all of you!

    For those of you just starting on this journey, please believe that it will get better. Get up every day and fight for your life and that of your kids. You deserve better and it will get better. Listen and learn from CL and CN. Meh is on the horizon!

  • Slightly off topic check out MAJOR CALL OUT on Cheaters on MSN News online on the cheater half of the partners and working artists duo “The Chainsmokers” she is epic ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ And if anyone is on her social media feed get her to Chump Nation. She nailed it and was clear and factual considering it was her D-Day ????

  • I know I am obsessed with this but go to the PC version of MSN News the mobile version does not have the statements and photos she posted to her 40,000 followers just EPIC ✅

  • Ironic. For two & half years I spent every Tuesday morning in group therapy for wives of sex addicts after first DDay. Tuesdays took on a life of their own during that period of my life. Sometimes dreaded, sometimes eagerly anticipated, depending on the fluctuating circumstances of my marriage, and the emotional roller coaster I rode for at least 2 years after DDay#1, which was a Tuesday, April 17, 2012. I still think of the women in that group and what we learned together occasionally on Tuesday mornings. A year & half later DDay #2, another Tuesday, July 23, 2013.

  • I want one of those signs as I feel my Tuesday coming real soon. I think of my ex but the anger is no longer there. I still feel the disappointment but all the sparkle of the ex is starting to fall off. My blinders fell off and so much is coming my way. I’m really enjoying me and I am mighty. ????????????????

  • Just want to tell the newbies here that TUESDAY IS A THING. It happens, it really does. I for one never thought I’d get there. Just as I never thought I’d laugh or feel joy again after losing my cheater and my much-wanted pregnancy. But rebuilding happens, and you find you have resilience, and life really does become about better and different things. And yes bad things happen after Tuesday, but somehow, surviving this has made me feel I can do almost anything. Some people would never crawl out from that hole, but we did. It gives me hope.

  • I know my Tuesday has come, I know it. I live it, but dammit all to hell, I’m so tired of having dreams of ex-narc-asshole/exh2/The Evil One
    Every other night or so I have dreams of him, as if we are still together… Last night’s dream was cruel— I dreamed I was having a party of some kind for myself, he and I were playing a card game. One of those truth or dare type games. There was a third person there, a blonde that I wasn’t fond of, though I didn’t know her…all the time, he was openly flirting with her and it was killing me inside, but I stayed silent, until a card was drawn asking me if I could host a party for anyone who would I invite and why.
    I immediately answered that I would invite close to a hundred people and the reason being was because they were there for me and stood by me when he didn’t.
    Then, there were other friends arriving and I was consciously aware that ex was hovering about, always trying to listen to my conversation, but the woman from the card game was always right by his side, he even was taking selfies with her…
    I realize now it was his OWife.
    My friends started getting me ready to go out, but ex— was suddenly opposed to me going out anywhere having any fun independently…
    Then I woke up.

    • I sent the dream to be interpreted. This is what I got back:
      The problem that you are facing in the dream itself is that your husband wants you to be with him and he wants to be with the blonde. You are trying to get away from him, but you are having a hard time doing so even though he is acting so badly. The reason that you put up with him is that you are waiting for him to be there for you like he is to the blonde. The problem your ex- husband has is that he has no way of being truly intimate with you or anyone else. The blonde is a romantic fling that gets him up for a short time, but in the end she would occupy the same place as you until he found someone else. He doesn’t know how to present in a relationship.

      What you need to have internally is a self that is really there for you. You were looking for it from him, but he cannot do it. The hundred people is actually the metaphor for what you need to feel like inside as if a lot of people are really there for you. He will keep coming in your dream until you can learn how to be there for yourself in a positive way. You are probably getting close to learning how to do this and that is why you are having the dreams. Being there for yourself usually starts with your own positive voice encouraging you to do positive things. You have to practice hearing it and then it will guide you to doing things for yourself.

      It is also good to have friends that are there for you, but you have to be careful not to wear them out with your neediness.

      • You will never wear us out! ❤ The dreams can be pretty gut-wrenching and put you right back in that awful place of feeling rejected and discarded (at least that’s what they do to me!????) I got a tip to place black tourlamine under my pillow to stop the bad dreams/nightmares – couldn’t believe it, but it actually worked for me! The awful dreams about him and his OW (now fiance and babymama) stopped and this was close to 2 years ago! Cheap and can’t hurt to try… **big hugs to you**

        • I am going looking for it tomorrow, thank you!
          I did feel a pang of pain when I first read the part about wearing friends out, but then I read yours and Ahartmann’s comments and felt much better!!!
          Thank you, Mighty fellow Chump NoMoreShitSandwiches

        • Amen!!!
          I wanted to write back, “you must not about the Mighty Chump Nation!”

  • I looked forward to my Tuesday for several years BEFORE he finally left…seeing the handwriting on the wall and getting ducks in a row for when that day would arrive. Then, on a Sunday when I was leaving to go to work, he bid his final farewell, packed up his wine bottle opener, some clothes, two steak knives, and a frying pan, and he moved out. THAT was my Tuesday. I came home feeling and sensing that a Spring rain had just swept through my house…taking all his Demons with it. I had the next three days off…so I went through every nook and cranny packing all his remaining personal shit into garbage bags and left them all in a friends garage (just as I told him I would do). We totally ghosted each other from day one. That was two years ago. I could not muster up even ONE TEAR for him…I truly believe that to grieve over a rebellious wicked man who claimed to be a Christian would be an insult to God. The only time he occupies any real estate in my head is when I read this blog. My heart is an iron fortress towards him. I feel nothing.

    I flew to Idaho and got a little baby Poodle puppy just 6 weeks ago, and she is now my funny source of hands on affection and attention. Prior to getting her, I spent the last two years catching up on home improvement projects that had gone by the wayside because of the Demon’s lazy presence in my life. I will be 64 this year…I have ZERO desire for another relationship…the thought of it makes me shudder because of the day and age that we live in. I have no time or desire to try and unlock what might be going on inside a man’s mind. I enjoy my work, family and friends, and look forward to doing many more home projects. I never knew that there could be so much peace being alone and living in my own skin.

    Every day of the week is my Tuesday. I am truly Blessed, and I wish the same for all of you.

    • Same here at 61 I’m just fine by myself. I went on a date a few months ago and while he is a nice guy he has one too many issues that I want no part of. That’s the best part of finding myself. I know now what I want and I am not settling for anything less.

      • Got to say I love sleeping alone in the middle of the bed. 43 here and enjoying getting in touch with myself again after 13 years putting family first.

  • I remember after DDay feeling as if every single breath would be torture and pain for the rest of my life. I remember feeling I had lost interest in everything I loved, and that I would wake up in pain forever.

    15 months post divorce……MEH…..I reached the promised land. My life these days is the best it has ever been. Sure, I remember, but the pain becomes battle scars, signs of strength. I wouldn’t trade away the dark days of the breakup if it meant losing the strength and peace I enjoy now.

    • Rick.
      Your story is very inspiring!
      At five months post-discard (I am both Chump and dumpee by my husband of over a decadeand my post-separation boyfriend (who I knew for three decades), I think that I am experiencing cognitive, emotional, and physical PTSD-like symptoms. Often thought about suicide. I would love to have even just one day of feeling OK (no thoughts of either exes)!

  • I am also eager to get to Meh but am really struggling since the last discard by mu latest boyfriend five months ago.
    Several of my relatives have been terminally ill In the last few years. (Ex-boyfriend knows this as he has known my family for decades.) Last week, I learned that a relative had a brain tumor. Several years ago, my ex-boyfriend had a brain tumor. Lucky for him, it was removed before it killed him. Not so lucky for him, he lost all hearing in one ear from the operation. He raved about his medical staff saving his life. I asked him for a medical referral to save the life of my relative who has the brain tumor. ‘Mr. Nice Guy,’ who often said that he loved me as a friend, refused to respond. The lack of response feels cold-blooded.

    Clearly, I should go back to NC.
    How can I make NC not so perpetually painful? I think that feeling inspired to accomplish some meaningful goal would greatly help, but I so am so angry, depressed, numb that I haven’t been able to even think of any, much less accomplish them.I can barely get out of bed to work. I have trouble doing basic chores like cooking and taking care of my kids. I used to love exercising. Now I struggle to get up the motivation to walk for a few minutes. I am chronically tired although I spend many hours in bed. Before the last discard, I could think of several exciting goals.)

    I often wish that I could wake up realizing that I just had a really long nightmare and my last boyfriend is still with me, happy with me and committed to me. As I don’t think that he ever felt committed to me (saw me as a permanent partner) and left me for someone in his office that he considers an upgrade, I know that he will never again reconcile with me nor even behave like a friend (even talk on the phone for a few minutes each year). I need to adapt to reality to get to Tuesday.

    • RSW–

      Yes, go back to NC. In my not-professional opinion, you are suffering greatly from depression. I really believe in my mind and heart that you need to seek help medically for support to get yourself better. There is nothing inherently wrong with your normal reaction to unspeakable grief right now. But you need help to get yourself better.

      I also would highly encourage you to seek help from a therapist and/or life coach who can help you find YOUR SELF as an individual apart from some affirming boyfriend or husband. You need to figure out who YOU are, and learn to affirm YOUR SELF. What are YOUR accomplishments–your VERY OWN? What are YOUR goals apart from being paired up with a strong personality? You will have to do some heavy lifting here, but you are clearly intelligent and articulate. I really think you need to find YOU. What (who?) are YOU proud of that YOU have done? What will you be proud of and excited about in your future? You might not know right now. You might need encouragement from a professional to find some SELF-affirmation. It’s in there–even if just a glimmer. Find a professional (not a romantic partner) who can kindle and fan your flame so that you can carry yourself to achieve and succeed even more. This is where you will find your strength and guidance.

      Stop talking to–and allowing yourself to be rejected by–someone who has clearly demonstrated that he is not available to you. As much as you wish he cared, he is not capable, and you are hurting yourself by yelling at and throwing yourself into a wall.

      You can do this.

      • Thanks, Stephanie.

        You bring up many good points.

        In spite of very expensive treatment over the last several months, I have often wished for a quick and peaceful death soon to end the chronic emotional and physical pain. The only thing that might be keeping me alive is rhe very strong desire (sense of obligation) to prevent my ex-husband from getting sole custody of my minor children.

        I am trying to become an expert in my field to benefit poor people (and feel proud of myself). Also soon will start nurturing animals at a shelter. I think that I can provide some comfort to animals in their last few days/weeks and possibly get some people into adequate shelter sooner than they might on their own. Nurturing and protecting others provides a reason to keep living, although I don’t want to live for the joy of living. I felt joy once but haven’t felt it or even been able to fathom feeling it again even in the distant future.

        I am glad that, for many of my fellow benevolent chumps, Tuesday has arrived.

        • I’m proud of you! You’re working to help people, and you’re proud of you! That’s great!

          Hang in there, mama. You’re with friends here. Those men didn’t deserve you.

        • I didn’t see anything there that said you were doing anything loving, caring or nice for you.

          My best therapist said that the heartbreak pains were much smaller than the pains I had from not taking loving care of myself.

          • A Hartmann,
            Thank you for sharing. Your therapist brought up a good point. For the last five months, I have not been able to think of anything that would make me feel good (other than hugging my kids and telling them that I love them, which I do often). I am either numb or experience nausea, stomachaches, trembling from hyoerventilation.

    • Dear RSW, and “YOU,” are, a very very DEAR person.
      Your ex husband and ex boyfriend were both so undeserving of you!
      I read your posts and believe you to be one of the most caring people in the whole wide world.
      Most important, you are the present, sane, loving parent to your precious children.
      Your work involves helping homeless people. It is obvious that you go above and beyond your call of duty.
      Your kind heart extends into helping unfortunate animals.
      RSW, you are so unselfish, but you are forgetting to help yourself. Be gentle on your heart, be kind to yourself.
      Slow down, sweet lady.
      Try something very simple, take a few moments, sit down, close your eyes, take a deep breath in through your nose, with your mouth closed, open your mouth and gently exhale. If you feel tingly, light headed, you are breathing too quickly, try again, s l o w l y
      While doing this concntrate on all of the positive, good things, that you have accomplished, your beautiful children, your rewarding work career, your love of animals. Also think of all your loving CN Family who obviously adore you, YOU are so worthy.
      RSW, try hard not to give any of your positive energy to those two negative fucktards. .They have proven to be absolutely unworthy of one second of your thoughts.
      I feel your depression is worsening RSW. Please talk to your family Doctor. I hope you have a good relationship with him/her. Tell them everything and see if they have any ideas, solutions to help in this very difficult time of need.
      Perhaps you need a different therapist???
      I would love nothing better than to give you a big fat genuine hug in person sweet lady.
      Other Chumps in CN feel the same love toward you. Listen to their advice RSW.
      Think of , and put, YOU, first. Is there a relative or good friend who has offered to help you? Please draw them into your circle while you catch up to your kind loving heart.
      YOU give so much to others, but you need something in return to get over these difficult days.
      I so wish better days ahead for you!
      I am sorry if my post sounds harsh. I want so badly to help in anyway I can.


  • Yes Tuesday does arrive, and it’s a gradual process, where one day you wake up, and you just know that you’re at Tuesday. It’s not a CNN breaking news type of feeling, or trumpets sounding from the rooftops, but this inner peace you feel that you are finally ok. It happens gradually, organically, where after your mind and body have finished processing the trauma, you wake up one day and you no longer feel like dealing with the issue. You have moved on. It’s a great feeling which brings you some inner peace. I wish it to everyone who is on its way to Tuesday.

  • Just want to say to Tracy, congrats on your interview! I can imagine getting to talk to someone you’ve studied and admired was very gratifying and exciting. Finally, that crazy degree doesn’t seem so crazy anymore, amiright?
    Also, you should sell those Tuesday neon signs on your site. Crazy cool!
    Happy Tuesdays!

  • In reference to Chump Lady and her awesome Tues.

    I just caught a short episode of Jerry Seinfeld’s, Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee.

    It features the South African comic, Trevor Noah, and they discuss ‘that’s the whole point of Apartheid’, in a Ferrari, no less.


  • What an incredible story. I know very little of South Africa’s history, but someday, when I’m retired with a grown child, I’ll have coffee in bed and read in the mornings, and I will look for the book that he surely will have written by then.

    As for the sign? Wow, I thought that was an imagine you grabbed online somewhere, but holy cow what a cool piece of Chump art! I love it!

  • This entire post made me cry. I’m not at Tuesday (yet!) but I’m already a better, deeper, more authentic person than I was ten weeks ago at D-day. And that has to be worth something.

    I’m thinking my capacity to feel hurt is commensurate with my ability to love, empathise and give joy, as compared to my wasband i.e. he’s a shallow turd, I’m not.

    Right now, I feel like I’ve won. Thank you CL.

  • Still waiting for Tuesday and it’s been over 40 years ago now since d-day. Oh, yes, it has diminished in intensity, but it’s still there – the grief. I still don’t understand why she did that to me. Guess I’ll never know. She settled for a life of loneliness instead of a comfortable loving home with me. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

  • “Tuesday” commission inspired my own commission of a jewelry-making friend…she made me a bracelet inscribed with”Leave a Cheater, Gain a life”. I want two others with, “Meh” and “Trust Tgat They Suck” inscriptions as well!

  • I think I reached my meh moment … I think. And then even more astonishingly I realised it was Tuesday. Thank you chump lady and CN for believing I’d reach meh – didn’t think I’d see the day!

    (I’m confused and betrayed/dodged a bullet from the ‘he proposed and then he cheated’ post)

  • I felt this letter and picture right in my chest and then my eye teared up! Thank you so much for sharing.

  • >
    %d bloggers like this: