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UXWorld UBTs a Letter from KK

Hi guys, while I’m in Australia, I’m running some guest posts. This one is from UXWorld, where he UBTs a particularly sad sausage missive from his cheating ex-wife. Enjoy! — Tracy

“Dear Ex-Husband,

The last time I saw you were we still married. Then instantly we weren’t. We, with the word of the judge, became strangers in a courtroom. As we are now strangers, there are a few things I things I think it’s important for me to say to you.”

UBT: I know you’re confused about why our 15-year marriage is no more. You’ve never really understood that my emotions and my reactions to them — things that happen in an instant — are far more important than serious introspection. So let me set you straight on a few things, maybe it will help dull the pain of losing me.

“First, I am sorry. I am sorry that we promised ‘forever’ to each other when we had no concept of what ‘forever’ meant. If there is fault in that promise, we both have that burden -— how can we blame each other for what we could never have possibly understood then? We were naive, we were clueless, we were still growing when we made our vows. We did not know that we would grow apart.”

UBT: Allow me to speak on your behalf, because my ability to read your mind is what made it so easy to convince myself that I could deceive you so effortlessly. First and foremost, you must understand that none of this is my fault. I was 28 when we married, which is not NEARLY old enough to understand what the word ‘commitment’ means. And you were 36 — a mere pup, obviously giddy with the prospect of spending your life with me. So let’s just accept the fact that neither one of us really knew what we were saying to each other that day in front of witnesses. It’ll make life far easier for everyone.

“But thank you, anyway. Thank you for giving me a ring and lending me your last name. Thank you for teaching me about resiliency and patience. Thank you for the many happy years we had, the whirlwind experiences, the small gratitudes, the laughter.”

UBT: Thank you for giving me things. That’s exactly what I always required — for you to give me what I needed at the precise moment I needed it. Much like an infant requires of a parent — which, when you think about it, sums up our relationship nicely. By the way, I sold the ring you gave me and was disappointed in how much I got for it, but it made for a nice down payment on the vibrating purple dildo I now use on RPD. I got whatever mileage I could out of your last name, but since it was only a loaner, I now give it back to you with irreparable damage. And while you obviously failed miserably at teaching me about resiliency and patience, I’ll do you the courtesy of thanking you for trying.

“Thank you for our two beautiful daughters that often look and laugh like you. They are the best gift anyone has ever given me, and I will always know that without you, these amazing human beings would not exist, nor be the lovely creatures they are.”

UBT: Continuing with the theme of you giving me things. But make no mistake, those beautiful girls are MINE. I’m their mother. You were a peripheral influence in their lives at best. While they may look and laugh like you at times, they are MY lovely creatures — very much like pets who give me well-deserved unconditional love — who would not exist had I not allowed you to sire them.

“Thank you for being brave enough to fight for me. And for being tired enough to let me go, when I told you I needed to go.”

UBT: The pick-me dance was truly fabulous while it lasted. I had SUCH fun. And thank you for getting worn down to the emotional nub by my deceptive double-talk and egregious behavior, to the point where you couldn’t take it anymore. I never actually said the words “I need to go” — that would have been mature, honest, and not at all fun for me — but I gave you every clue in the world as to my actual motives. If you were naive enough to believe to my words of false assurance instead of my abusive behavior, that too is not my fault.

“While I know our Divorce Agreement spells out the visitation schedule and parenting times and who pays for the kids braces, there are a few areas left undefined. Every time I see you, there are questions lingering in the air, questions far too awkward and inappropriate even for me to ask.”

UBT: I will now commence with the emotional manipulation I enjoy so much.

“Some of them will only make us both sad. They will take us back to the softer places, the times when we woke up in bed beside each other, smiling. Like, do you remember those first few nights at home with (E the Elder), when we just sat there and marveled over her tiny hands, the miniature fingernails that somehow, magically we created together? Do you hear our wedding song on your phone now and skip ahead hurriedly, or do you sit for just a minute and remember practicing our wedding dance in the kitchen of our first apartment? Or did you delete that song once and for all–afraid that hearing it would only take you back to a page in a book you closed forever?”

UBT: You should remember only the things that make you pine for the person I pretended to be for so long. These and other examples should serve as a reminder of my general awesomeness as a partner. Now, none of these wonderful memories ever entered my mind when I was planning my escapades with the Carrot Singer, nor kept me from bringing him into our house, into our bed, on more than once occasion while you were at work. But see, I can compartmentalize. You can’t. So keep them in the forefront of your mind, and everything will be rosy.

“And sometimes I wonder about what your life is like now. Do you love someone? Does someone love you? Is she good to you? Make you happy?”

UBT: I have no serious interest in these questions. Rather, I want YOU to ask these questions about ME — out loud, if at all possible. I get turned on at the thought of you sitting around mulling these over in your head.

“Has your new love made you question whether you loved me at all, whether you even knew what love was when you gave it to me?”

UBT: I am now convinced I never loved you at all, nor even knew what love was. Funny how that just happens, isn’t it? In truth, I still don’t know what real love is. I’m too busy enjoying the sparklies of my new life with RPD to invest in understanding love. Maybe someday you will cheat on someone and have the same type of epiphany. Or not, whatever.

“Then, there are questions about how we exist in our new space. When is it okay to hug you? At (M the Younger)’s shows or when (E The Elder) places at a gymnastics meet, when they graduate from high school? College? Get married? When a parent dies and I see you at the funeral? Should I touch your hand and say or receive kind words? Or should I just nod and turn away?”

UBT: I am committed to remaining central in your life and to taking advantage of every opportunity to convince the world that our split is just like it’s portrayed in the movies — a bit awkward but generally congenial, without a trace of the toxicity that caused the split in the first place. I don’t care if this isn’t what you want. It’s what I require, in order to maintain the image I’m trying so hard to project.

“Everything has changed and that is the way it has to be. We aren’t Facebook friends, we don’t even talk on the telephone. Instead we message on OFW. I type ‘thank you’ and you send back a cursory ‘you’re welcome’, like we are just business associates with no past history.

Like strangers in the courtroom.”

UBT: See what I did there? I circled back to the “strangers in a courtroom’ thing I started with. After 23 years, I’m finally putting some of my useless English undergrad degree to use. See how I’m growing? And my writer boyfriend gave me some extra kibbles by telling me how effective that literary strategy was. (He had a funny look on his face when he said it, but I’m sure that’s just anticipation for the rim job I promised to give him later on.)

“Finally, I want to tell you that while I at times get frustrated, I am not angry. I learned how to forgive someone from whom I will never hear ‘I’m sorry,’ despite my having said those words to him. I learned how to tie it to a balloon and to let it all go. But I know you are angry still. I can see it in the way you twist up your mouth when you see me.”

UBT: I detest you for your anger towards me and for never taking responsibility for your role in making me cheat. You never said that you were sorry for that, which is unforgivable. But I have secured a lifetime supply of balloons and helium just for that purpose. And I can only assume you walk around all day with that twisted mouth, for it surely does not kick in only when you see me.

“My last wish for you, is peace of mind, and peace of heart. You truly deserve both.”

UBT: You were acceptable collateral damage in my quest to be “the person I was always meant to be.” Once you accept that, you’ll be able to move on and find some contentment. Maybe then, you’ll be finally be able to both give up on this disrespectful no contact/gray rock thing of yours, and treat me with the deference to which I am accustomed. I truly deserve both.

With Fondest Regards,
Your Ex-Wife

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • Dear Lort I hope you are saving these for the Good of Science. It’s like someone made a perfect Malignant Narcissist out of meat parts.

  • Piece of work.
    Entitlement personified.
    Sounds like married at 19 divorced at 23.
    Perpetually 23.
    Kids are pets.

    “Tired enough to let me go.”
    What an ordeal.

    Grey rock bothers the crap outta this fuckwit. Nice to have insight into the mind of this kind of person.

    • “Tired enough to let me go”. Oh, geez. More like, “I finally caused enough pain for you to realize that getting out was ultimately less painful than staying in relationship with me.”

      Keep up the grey granite with KK, but give those kids of your all the smiles and love they deserve from a parent who models honorable behavior.

    • Grey rock this asshole for sure. God, this shit is unbelievable. How do people get like this? And, yes, this is the same type of crap I hear from my first XW, who loves the sound of her own voice and is convinced that she is the next Dahli Lama. so incredibly evolved.

  • I think she thinks she can play him like a fiddle, she probably has fooled herself, that he will forgive her and take her back. Narcissism comes from insecurity, she pretends to have confidence but its not real. I wont be surprised if there’s fake suicide attempts, in the past or future.

  • 🙆🏻 KK is really a character! She is already thinking about his funeral?! Should I touch is hand or not?! At least we left crazy behind. Glad you can do NC with her!!

    • //KK is really a character! She is already thinking about his funeral?!//
      That’s when her marriage to him will end…that whole “til death” and such.

  • Jeezus, are they all narcissists??

    “If you were naive enough to believe to my words of false assurance instead of my abusive behavior, that too is not my fault.”

    Mine told me that it was a mistake to take him back that it had been a mistake to take him back all of those times before. Essentially blaming me for the position we were in. Never mind that he begged for me to take him back each and every one of those times.

    • “Memories…misty water-colored cherry-picked memories of the way I want you to believe we were….”

    • When X’s skank sent me a four page letter while we were in the middle of divorcing – asking me to accept her as someone important in my heartbroken sons’ blown-up lives, I was struck by the craft of the letter. I had seen her emails to my then-husband before, and she’s no Mark Twain.

      A quick view of the letter’s properties divulged the original author: X (who at the time before the divorce hearing was employed as a writer). They spent the whole day writing the perfect “fuck you” to me.

      While I never responded to her plea for “decency,” I did send a copy to their human resource manager and supervisor, asking them to stop their employees from harassing me during work.

      • That is awsome Chutesandladders! I have come to believe that the three years of love boming and “I have changed” letters I recieved from ex narc, during his extended stay at club pokey, were not in fact written by him. Based on the emails I have recieved there is a huge contrast. He doesnt even know the diffrence between ‘are’ and ‘our’. Ugh, I was such a chump!!

  • What a complete and utter bitch.

    Goodbye KK. Isn’t there a sock drawer somewhere that needs sorting?

  • Thank you Ux for sharing that. It could have been written by my ex. NC/ grey rock is the way to the truth and the light!

  • And remember that when you support Chump Lady on Patreon that a purple dildo will short out and spark.

  • Now I fully understand the definition of Sad Sausage: a Homo sapiens presenting total inability to understand the definition of honesty and committment; the confusing of admiring of newborn’s little pink toes and other cute things with being a good Homo sapiens.

    Writing about this or any other “feeling” is a waste of Good People’s time and resources, unless this entertains them through the UBT.

  • “I am now convinced I never loved you at all, nor even knew what love was.”

    This is what my XH claims about me! I don’t think I realized this was yet another cheater cliche until now. They really are all the same.

    • they are revisionists looking to explain away their shitty behavior. They also can’t take true responsibility for their own actions.

    • Yeah, mine “never” loved me, too.

      Isn’t the reflective excuse for lying, stealing, putting our health at risk, ruining our kids’ childhoods the go-to for these scumbags?

      • You know what always bothered me about that? I always thought “So what? So what if you didn’t have butterflies in your stomach, soaring heart, sleepless yearning sorts of romantic love feelings?” I mean even if that is actually completely true, how does that justify what they do? I do not feel like that about 99.99999999999% of the people on this planet, yet I would never intentionally destroy their lives through the use of deceit, risk their lives and health through unprotected sex, and emotionally abuse them in the cruelest way. The way they drop that line as a cure-all balm for acts of evil is astonishing.

        • Agreed. This is why the narrative needs to change. The cheater choices are premeditated not accidental like they want us and everyone to believe. In any other business transaction no one could ever claim they ‘accidentally’ robbed a bank, stole a car, bought drugs, ….committed any felony including murder, there is just no accidental “I fell into someone’s genitals” so why aren’t these disordered criminals held to the same felony standards for sexual abuse, financial abuse, emotional and physical abuse???

          • KIBBLE -LESS,

            everything you said sounds right to me . so why aren’t these disordered criminals held to the same felony standards for sexual abuse, financial abuse, emotional and physical abuse??? i would say because the people who write the LAWS are full of “NARCS” ,and they would be throwing themselves into jail ……..

          • My ex referred to his multiple “indiscretions” as “what happened.” That characterization always stuck in my craw, because clearly none of his multiple affairs – starting at the very beginning of our marriage – just “happened.” Everything he did was completely intentional and done with malice aforethought. But I think that was his way of attempting to minimize the horribleness of his behavior. “What happened” sounds much better than the truth.

        • I have felt like that about a character in a movie, not a real person. In other words, a fantasy. These dicks are ALL THE SAME but I recently took some giant leaps towards meh and, in many ways, I’m now reliving my twenties. I’m free!!! It’s so damn sweet I walk around most of the time with a big grin on my face.

    • Yeah, Rarity, my ex-wife told me she never really loved me, either. She elaborated that ours was a rebound relationship that lasted 19 years.
      That has to be a record. I wonder if I could send that to the Guinness book people?

      • That’s so horrible, TTW. I remember on Valentine’s Day 2017, when I was about 6 months into the faux reconciliation that it took 18 months for me to give up on and end things, STBXW told me – as I gave her a card and what I thought was a well-thought-out gift – that she had never loved me *at all* in our entire relationship, and simply used me as a means to get out of her conservative family’s house.

        That even though we had to literally fight for 5 years to marry (and about 2 years with her family afterwards to accept it), and that even up until about a month before the affair started, she was writing me (admittedly horrible) love poetry…

        I think that I just stood there in shock, and had no idea what to say or do to that.

      • Omg WTF is wrong with them ? Any amount of honesty and decency is throw out to protect…..THEM! Kid of what kids do.

    • Yes. I have been given this gem as well. I just can’t get over the fact that these type of people say the same things!

      • The ex (I no longer say ‘my’) told me he thought he had never fully committed to me in our married life, which lasted 23 years and only ended when I told him ‘It’s me or her’.

    • I think that when they say “I never knew what love was,” they are telling the truth. They didn’t know what love was then, and they don’t know it now. What they do know is that the kibbles on the other side of the fence always look so much tastier.

    • Yup! Ex cheater whore told me “it never felt right”..this after 24 years and 2 kids…yeah whatever bitch. And to the OP..just cut that bitch off. I went NC 3 years ago, best move ever.

  • if i ever received something like this, my crazy radar would perk up as something you are not going to like is going to happen soon

  • It’s a hard read UX. It brings me back to the day the settlement was finally signed and as we waited in the hallway for my lawyer to mak copies; he represented himself. In the awkward emptiness of the sikent hallway he said, “I think about you all the time.”

    Then came the years of his lame attempts of triangulation through Nanthony who believed I wanted him and wouldn’t let him go when it was the other way around. She was shocked when I asked her to leave me alone as I filed. She was unaware two years out that I was the one who filed. I’m guessing when she confirmed it with him his excuse was thst she never asked.

    After years of abandoning his children and granddaughter it started again as his depression warranted my intervention (according to my daughter) to fix his relationship with the granddaughter he abandoned. I was told I had thst power.

    While they are in the midst of the fantasy the world turns. As their objects they believe somehow nothing changed and through manipulation can renter our lives as if we were on a shelf.

    The Limited lost out on a teen growing into an adult, the shared joy of graduations, new homes and businesses and jobs as that world turned. He lost centrality. The status of dad changed from a source of pride to an embarsssment.

    The ‘we’ no longer exists. Unchecked all that image management is also erased with one swipe. They have to own where they end up and it’s not honorable.

    They dig their own shallow grave.

    Being the one who has to carry on takes great strength and support. Where honesty was lacking we now find authenticity and reciprocal relationships. The competition ends with truth, integrity and above all, Meh.

  • Jesus Christ this woman is a piece of work. Talk about arrested development!

    “I learned how to forgive someone from whom I will never hear ‘I’m sorry,’ despite my having said those words to him”

    In short: It’s still all about me, I am the more enlightened one here, and the only one who matters. I am only sending you this because its all about me. Yes, all about me. The entire fucking diatribe reeks of that shit!!

    This woman is a textbook definition of a narcissist. Glad this bitch is in your rear view mirror!

  • These freaks need to “let us go” so we can “be the person we were meant to be.”
    I heard this exact cliche garbage. They are all one buzzing hive of bullshit.

  • Puke! Puke! Puke! That’s all I have for this post and KK.

    I do applaud you, UXworld, for your perseverance and your awesomenes, and for getting away from this crazy beeeshhhh!

  • That letter is so disturbing!!!! Thank you for sharing, but I’m sorry you had to read that. Gawd, they are AAAALLLLL the same!!!! Just like vitriol I received from my narc ex, but way nicer. Why do these people insist they are deserving of an apology? For what? For being chumps, but that doesn’t elicit an apology, just a smack on the head with a 2×4.
    Just because you had children together does not mean that you are chained to a life of interacting with this fuckwit. Stay NC until they die. Sheesh, what a load of garbage. Word salad is right!!!!

  • I can only imagine Cheater Wife being like this after she finally (and hopefully) signs the decree. She thinks we’re going to be friends or something and will hug each other when we see each other over the next 40 years like we’re friends that gave marriage a shot and it just didn’t work out, but hey we’re cool now.

    • Right? My STBX also labored under the delusion that we were going to be super spiffy buddies, a connection he hope would commence with my signing away my rights to any of the marital assets.

      But nope. My goal is really never to have to see him again.

      • My husband tried the same “we’ll be friends forever and cuddle up together for ‘The sake of our child’ B.S..” after we separated. Nope.

      • My X believed the same. Said we have been good friends for 29 yrs and we should keep everything the same. Lord knows we can’t upset their world spinning around in their favor. He claimed I was his “bestest friend”. Well, you don’t screw your “bestest”. Like Cashmere I desire to never see him again or hear his name. I do very well without him.

        • When our divorce was finalized after more than three years in court, my ex-husband told me, ‘Now we can be friends!’ Why would I want to be friends with someone who not only cheated on. me and abused me for years but also S efrauded my (our) kids and me, falsely accused of of committing felonies, beat my (our) young kids, and who was scary abusive enough for me to take kids and me to a safe house? Delusional.
          I have decided to stop negotiating with terrorists, including my ex-husband, who continues to take me to court or threaten to do so–according to him my home is not acceptable–kids don’t like it because it contans books and toys but no TV (They accidentally broke the last one.) Guess that makes me Mommy Dearest and Top Predator on Child Protective Services’ list! (Sarcasm)

        • The shit sandwich I got from the Limited was thst SHE wouldn’t like it if we talked.

          After harassing me she then approached me saying it was time we made piece.

          Hell no.I can’t pretend that hard.

    • Same cheater ex playbook here. 🤚🏼

      I’m not sure why cheaters find it so perplexing that you wouldn’t want to be best buds with the person who lied, deceived, manipulated, blamed, backstabbed, attacked, extorted, and humiliated you.

      Really it’s not a hard concept to grasp, but their “it’s all about my comfort” cheater logic lacks the capability of perspective taking.

      #happyfacesarefriendlyfaces #cantwealljustbefriends
      #iforgivemyselfyoushouldtoo

      • Because we deserved their poor treatment (in their eyes)! Why can we not see that? Our rampant imperfections drove them to the brink of suicidal ideation, which was cured only by accidentally running into an opportunity to boink a coworker/neighbor/student/yoga colleague/daughter’s soccer coach/______________. Otherwise we might have been responsible for their psychological, and perhaps even physical, death.

        Their emotional and sexual transgressions were no worse than our bad habits, after all–we spent too much time with the children/worked a second job to avoid poverty/kept the cupboards too full so things fell out on them/didn’t cook their mother’s Pasta Puttanesca exactly right/gained 5 pounds/didn’t initiate sex often enough/________________ (fill in the blank). False equivalencies are the modus operandi of cheaters, largely to avoid any responsibility (as Zell said above) for their dishonesty or breaking up a family.

        The natural conclusion, then, is that once we understand how our deficiencies drove them to fuck other people, then we should TOTALLY want to be friends with them post-divorce.

        The comprehension of cause-effect, and natural consequences for actions, eludes cheaters.

        • Ha! I didn’t rotate the socks in the drawer when I put them away so that he wouldn’t wear a pair he had worn too recently…frickin’ freaks.

            • OMG. He very deliberately, and in front of me, refolded a bunch of towels I had already folded. With a superior smirk on his face.

          • KK and the Limited would be a perfect match. While modeling his new Calvin boxers he asked if he should shave his arms. This was a month before Dday.

            Maybe i should write a book; Tips to Snag a Whore.
            1. Shave your arms.
            2. Buy Calvin Boxers
            3. Take her to your wife’s favorite restaurant.
            4. Pretend to like her lap dog
            5. Take her to free concerts.
            6. Go to TThe bathroom when the check comes and act surprised when she pays.

            • #6 haha! Sounds like a play out of my fathers bag of tricks…he cheated on my mom and his second wife..total narcissist

        • And we should totally be the ones apologizing to them for all of that. That’s where she really went off the deep end in that letter. Before that it was just silly and pathetic.

        • “The natural conclusion, then, is that once we understand how our deficiencies drove them to fuck other people, then we should TOTALLY want to be friends with them post-divorce.

          The comprehension of cause-effect, and natural consequences for actions, eludes cheaters.”

          Spot on Tempest!

        • TEMPEST,

          “Indeed ,spot on” , reading your post , I did spot something i have never noticed before ,and that is the “gaslighting” , they gaslight themselves , they believe all their lies about the “defective mate” that forces them to fuck other people in defence of our defective selves.OMG help me ……

        • OMG Tempest! Were you in the room when Ex and I had that same conversation?
          Thank God for CL or I would still be doing the Impossible Uncoupling show.

      • So true. When you look at the bare elements of NPD listed lifelessly in some online psych resource, you of course find “lacks empathy”. It almost conjures up an image of someone folding their arms stubbornly and saying “I won’t care that you’re hurt”. But here, in this UBT is the full meaning of it. Not an unwillingness to care, but a complete mental void in relation to it. When they try to sound like other people whom they’ve heard expressing the capacity to feel what others experience, they can’t avoid sounding (and being) ridiculously obtuse. And they have no idea this is so. They are pleased as punch with themselves and their latest rendition of normal human experience. It’s like KK just came out of the “ladies’ room to rejoin the party, with her hot new dress on, convinced she’s looking awesome, but in back it’s tucked into her underwear as she begins to parade through the crowd.

        • The mental void. Ex seems to have that and Schmoopie too. What must it be like to go through life like that I can’t imagine. What is it like to be completely unable to imagine or think about or care how the actions you take might be affecting or have affected someone else? I guess if you don’t have it you don’t know what you are missing and don’t care.

          • Here’s what I think it’s like: I think it’s this void that makes them constantly hungry for some kind of external emotional feed. Empathy is the key to human connection. Without it they can’t experience actual meaning in any relationship. They can only experience. the tittlating and momentary aspects of any interaction. Just look at the things they seek out…the petty power of duping, always in the here and now, appearing sparkly and receiving confirmation of this, etc Without enduring meaning, these things always soon fade and need to be recreated in the next moment or they will starve. We carry meaning and connection with us internally and permanently, and it refuels us emotionally constantly. They are on an ever-hungry treadmill. This is their only experience of the world and they don’t have any actual knowledge that our way actually exists. They can’t experience it. They can’t even imagine it. They simply have been socialized to express the trappings of it. Their brains literally aren’t wired for it, having missed a critical developmental transition in early childhood. Their dominant reality discernment is in their lymbic system not their cortex. They exist in a reality that presents two options: complete emptiness to the point of virtual nonexistence, or feeding the sieve of their internal existence a constant supply of the only thin gruel it is capable of digesting.

    • I played that game with the ex, right until the day we divorced. He even wanted to take me out for lunch. Once the divorce was signed and I knew he couldn’t renege on the settlement it was strict no contact. Blocked him on my phone, and only have one fake email address for him to contact me at; the rest he has been designated as SPAM, which is totally fitting since he is full of artificial ingredients.

      • Me too! It worked like a charm!! He lapped up every drop, I had him completely convinced that we’d get divorced and then I’d welcome him back into my life – perhaps we’d even get back together? We’d spend time with the children together too- maybe I’d cook nice family dinners on Sunday like I used to do?
        Hahahahaha! I walked out of the courtroom with my iron clad legal settlement and immediately told him to fuck off. The look on his face gave me such great satisfaction. Even greater was when his attorney told mine how baffled my ex was- “I can’t understand it,” he said, “just last week he told me she was acting like everything was fine.” “She wasn’t acting,” he said, “and she’s better than fine. She’s smart.” I’ve never received a better compliment.

      • Currently running that strategy. I can’t wait for a signed decree and a sold house.

        Sometimes you have to dig real deep inside yourself to win at this “game” when you’re dealing with a messed up person that can go mental on you.

    • Apparently, that’s what my ex is thinking. We are buddies that gave marriage a try, it didn’t work, so now we are besties. In the past three weeks, he has tried to hug me twice (ewww, don’t touch me!), Insisted he was too sick to take daughter for visitation last week, but well enough to show up at my house and sit in my back yard and play with our kittens with daughter (I need to train those kittens to attack….), and sat next to me at daughter’s 6th grade graduation last night….way too close. He calls and wants to talk, I let him tell it to voicemail, so now he calls my landline. Just go away already…..

      • He is trying to control his image. I hope you are ignoring any and all conversations attempts that do not concern your daughter. Until boundaries are set he will continue to try to get in. He needs to understand that he is no longer invited into your day to day life and no longer has access to that part of you anymore.

        • I ignore as much as I can. When he has our daughter, I will answer the phone if I think it is a legit call, but I remind him to text….after all my cell phone does not pick up well in the house. The day he showed up “sick”, I am pretty sure he had been drinking, and that was causing him to vomit. He had been vomiting blood, which is what happens when he consumes mass quantities of alcohol. I did have fun with that one…..I talked about gross things since I know what grosses him out. He would run to the edge of the yard to throw up. Might as well have a little fun with it! If I knew for sure that he had been drinking, I would have called the cops when he left, since he was driving. He knows that I will not allow him to take daughter if I suspect that he is under the influence.

        • My parents think that I should give into whatever my ex-husband demands, no matter how outrageous (‘Bring me the head of John the Baptist–in the best interest of the kids. If you don’t I’ll have the Court investigate, you selfish monster (Chump).’) although he left FOUR YEARS ago! What the heck?! I am done, done, done running scared and acquiescing (paying tribute) to our oppressor (domestic terrorist).

          • Many people are in awe of abusers, your parents included. Sad stuff. If they can make your react emotionally they win points. Don’t let him.

    • Same here. I think crapweasel had this fantasy that we’d do Christmas lunch at my farmhouse, he’d play patriarch, OWife and me would cozy it up around the kitchen island, and we’d all have warm fuzzies. Our kids would positively glow in the light of familial love despite his crappy gift giving.
      Regarding the abandonment and alienation of our adult children for over a year after D-Day, he said, “I can’t wait for this divorce to be over so that everything can get back to normal.”
      Thanks for that, but I had other plans. Once the settlement was signed, I went no contact. Like Cashmere, my goal is to never see him again.

      • Dr. Cheaterpants thought he would come and go as he pleased after he left for his young schmoopie. As long as he asked permission, then he thought I was complicit to his friendship fantasy and he could play happy pseudo husband and father by day, screw young schmoopie by night.

        He would text about DD14 not answering his texts at 8 am during summer, could he go in and check on her (and not so surprisingly she was asleep). He wanted to come in the house and pay our bills. Initially he wanted to keep our joint checking account but then texted and said we should separate those and ‘he hadn’t talked to anyone else about this’. I guess young schmoopie thought his $240K plus bonuses should all be hers and he not spend any on that pesky wife and kids.

        Imagine the shock on his face when he dropped DD14 off at the house and the locksmith was rekeying all the doors. That was some dumb luck on my part but pretty gratifying. Oh he got even though. The next time, young schmoopie dropped DD14 off 🙂

        Delusional fuckwits. They have it all worked out in their minds on how exactly they plan to preserve cake.

        • Sounds just like my ex. All of it. Even while they have some young slut to keep them busy they still bother us. Crazy how they use the kids as an excuse to come and go as they please. About little stuff that they never cared about before. Like if I’m not giving in to my ex for example he will start talking about the kids sports and doctor or dentist appts that he never cared about before. Guess how many times he’s been to a dr appt or dentist appt or how many sports games he missed because he was out drinking with young bar sluts? So insane the tactics these a**holes use when we aren’t feeding their egos and doing as they want. Like being friends or playing the role of wife still. My XH is trying to get me to have another baby 2 years post divorce! All while having a 23 year old girlfriend. Which I find insulting and just manipulative and cruel because I always wanted another baby and he knew it and always felt robbed that he destroyed our family and ruined that chance for me. I love babies! But it’s the same old story with these manipulative cheaters. They will say and do anything to try keep control

          • And the mindfuck of this behavior for a chump can be hopium. The cheater still cares! He wants to keep our joint checking accounts. He wants to have another baby!

            Ugh, no. Once I got a grasp on kibbles and cake, regret versus remorse, etc… the puzzles became more of a mosaic so I can get a picture of what’s going on. I will never see a full picture that makes sense to me because my mind doesn’t work like his. I’ve been viewing our 20 years together through my lens only.

            That nasty ole fucker did show up to our son’s graduation (where he met young schmoopie and the entire school knows). He made quite the spectacle. I saw him sitting front and center where he had inserted himself and texting away. He couldn’t even sit through graduation without seeking attention from a whore. I felt nothing but disgust at the sight of him. This may be meh.

    • Ugh, so did mine. He wanted to hug me and still go out for drives in the country and coffee. He was shocked when I told him that was all over with. Delusional.

    • My ex is most indignant that we are not “friends”. He has sent me (not as long as UX’s terrible piece of tripe) similar wistful, but loaded, emails, talking about how he hopes we can be friends. Such a load of shit – and weird in that he was totally emotionally constipated throughout our relationship and never used language like that (at the time I would have liked it, even though it would probably have been a lie). Wanting to end things “nicely” or “be friends” is totally about minimization of their behaviors and, most importantly for them, image management, and nothing about actually being friends. Him and his Owife are very put out I don’t want to be friends. The “unconscious couplers” of this world (a book I bought and started to read at the beginning!) are partly responsible for this ridiculousness – but even that wasn’t designed to accommodate 1 partner who was an abuser. Stay strong! It will annoy the shit out of her.

  • Wow, that was a bunch of manipulative horse crap!

    The sole purpose of that letter is to try and get him to feel his old emotions again to restart the PICK ME DANCE!

    FUCK THAT!

    She is getting upset because he responds in business like terms and keeps it all business for the sake of the kids. THAT IS WHAT HE IS SUPPOSE TO DO! It helps keep the kids lives normal especially with a crazy, self centered X that somehow thinks having an affair is their partners fault.

    Having an affair is a choice, there is absolutely NO JUSTIFICATION for it. No matter how bad the marriage is. If the marriage is so bad then get a DIVORCE not an AFFAIR!

    My crazy X has been reasonable the last few months and quite cooperative in regards to our daughter. I am getting married again soon and my fiance asked me if I was considering my X because she was being so nice. I did not even hesitate and said that is insane! It took me 5 years to get away from that crazy lady HELL NO.

    Besides, I am in love with my fiance and she is great. She needs nothing from me other than love and attention and I need nothing from her but the same. We both have our careers and lives and both see almost everything eye to eye.

    I hope my picker worked this time! So far so good!

    Thanks CL 🙂

  • Oh my, I’m not sure how I ever missed this one, but …. are you ducking kidding me! What a soul sucking narc! Sounds just like my sorry excuse for a husband.

    I was just preparing for trial yesterday and came across a communication between my ex sister in law and myself. Why is it cheaters insist on making it appear there is no problem?

    “Wow! I am just shocked by this. He painted he picture that everything is great and that you will be divorced by June”

    … that was almost 3 years ago by the way.

    Stbx also advised our daughter who was going through a breakup to “act as normal as possible toward ex so “bystanders don’t feel uncomfortable and don’t feel forced to take sides.”

    That’s a pretty easy task if you are the one that wants to hide your culpability.

    You raped someone? Just act normal and feign publicly your best wishes to them. Wouldn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable with such an uncomfortable topic, plus you get the added bonus of looking like the good guy!

    Charged with a crime? Just act normal! Why needlessly complicate something that’s in the past. Bonus that you don’t have to explain your actions!

    Funny thing is, these “it’s water under the bridge” types have no problem finding the space to squeeze in how someone else drove them to their actions. How sad it is that you won’t admit your part in making them victimize you! If silly chumps would only learn this simple rule … my behavior isn’t the problem, your reaction to it is! A.k.a., I behave however the fuck I want, and when you react poorly, It gives me the ammunition I need to justify it as an example of why I did the shitty thing in the first place! #winning #blinderfocus #DARVO

    • ” If silly chumps would only learn this simple rule … my behavior isn’t the problem, your reaction to it is! A.k.a., I behave however the fuck I want, and when you react poorly, It gives me the ammunition I need to justify it as an example of why I did the shitty thing in the first place! #winning #blinderfocus #DARVO”

      I’m printing this out, matting and framing it!! Perfect dining room decor.

    • Reminds me of Ally McBeal “By-Gones!” to every insult, injury or crime. Just say By-Gones and it’s all over.

  • You poor tragic bastard, secure in your delusion that candles are held, love lamented and broken husbands are left in your wake … rendered mute and unable to communicate with you because because because of their acute heartbreak …..KK go fuck yourself you fucker off the top of cunt mountain.

    • Debbie, I love you.

      Go fuck yourself you fucker off the top of cunt mountain.

      I fucking love u.

  • Whoo! The rotten anchovy smell is strong in the Caesar dressing on that word salad! Beautiful job parsing the much fuckupedness, UX.

  • Thanks UX for that. I always enjoy reading your stuff as KK and my fuckwit ex wife could be sisters. Ex knows my Achilles Heel is my kids and is currently fucking about trying to brow beat my youngest D into getting a Saturday Job ( the day I always spend with D). What a cunt. These people are so wrong in their heads it’s not true.

  • KK takes the whole damn bakery! Let’s tie her in a balloon and send her straight to planet narcissist!

    • Bahah!

      I thought the balloon thing was pretty creepy! Glad to know her emotions are so shallow they can be blown away by hot air!

      I think she’s missing the symbolic image and indirect suggestion in balloon releasing. It’s for people with real emotions, not victimizer who pretend to be victims.

      Maybe you should give her an apology. It could look something like

      “I’m sorry you forced me to divorce you. I’m also sorry you set it up so that we can NEVER be friends. I take responsibility for choosing consequences over Spackle! I’m sorry you think you are the victim. Last but not least, I’m sorry it took me so long to realize you are a sorry excuse for a human being.

      • Haha! I really like this! Yes, give them their damn “sorry”… but twist it up in a big bass akwards word noodle knot, with a side of word salad!

  • W T Everloving F?

    Why in the world would your X think you needed to hear a few things?

    Oh yeah, right. Narcissist.

    I’m so sorry you got this letter UXWorld. She sucks!

    ssb

  • Oh.My.God
    What a load of shit. Wtf is wrong with these assholes! I love how they all act the same way though. At least they are consistent in that sense. The why are you so mad bs. The it is your fault I cheated bs. Etc etc. same old shit different cheater. And I love how they think we should still act like we are married to them even after they chose to destroy that. My ex for instance still thinks I should be playing wife when he feels like it. Let him pop in and out of my house as he sees fit, pick up the kids when he feels like it not all the times he’s supposed to, have another baby with him, (yes he says this!) work around his schedule so he can make sure he has enough going out time with his 23 year old but to make sure I can never move forward with my life. Kinda like it was when we were married just not be married this time so what he does is ok. Me pregnant at home with kids doing everything myself. him gone all the time telling me he’s working yet he’s Actually in bars with little whores and coming home drunk in the middle of the night and blowing all our money on skanks so our bills don’t get paid. Fun fun!

    • Keep saying to yourself….ITs MY LIFE!
      Then get away from these fuckwits
      My ex spent a year after DDay trying to “date” me, while I had filed
      He would try to hold my hand in public, as he knew that I wouldnt blow up verbally there
      Creepy, cling on, like a kid who’s afraid of abandonment
      No, he’s an adult who’s afraid of abandonment, regardless of who caused it
      No honor, no substance, no real contrition, unable to answer any questions except to blame others or rewrite history
      He’s done the same thing now with two marriages
      You did not cause this, you cannot control this, you cannot cure this!
      I am so Happy away from that! Get outside this weekend!
      God Bless. XO
      LIS

      • Thanks! I’m slowly but surely getting past everything even though he still tries to suck me back in!

    • If you haven’t already, change the locks! First thing I did after I kicked ex narc out. The entitlement is absolutely sickening….

      • Oh it’s my own house I bought after divorce so he has no key but that doesn’t stop him from trying to weasel his lying cheating self back in! He seems to realize grass isn’t greener on the other side with the 23 year old so he tries to manipulate me again! He’s convinced he should have us both I think! True narcissist! And so much bs! It’s exhausting! I’m pretty sure my therapist is even surprised at what he does and says! lol

  • After reading every dumb, self-fellating paragraph of hers, all i could think was “who does this bitch think she is?!”.

    • Self-fellating! Brilliant. That is what all of their talk is, isn’t it. It’s always out their to sooth themselves, to edify their own egos, and most importantly: for their own intense gratification.

        • Np on the typo, i do it myself quite often, in fact.

          Yepp, self-fellating. I heard the woe-is-me, mememeeeeeee, won’t anyone think of meeeee attitude through every line.

          “Everyone is a hero in their own mind.” What i once told my narc. His answer? “Well, i sure am in mine!” With a nasty smirk.

  • The UBT has outdone itself with this one. Nice job, UXworld.

    By the way, I have always wondered what your screen name means. Pray tell, if you are willing?

  • UXWorld… now that you’ve been out long enough to see the insanity of KK… do you ever just look at her as one might while driving past a horrific traffic accident?

    It unnerves me to know that these disordered fuckwits walk amongst us and breed (only to feed their insatiable egos).

    When I see Mr. Sparkles at our son’s events now with his latest victim, I see someone I don’t know – and never knew – and yet I have PROOF that he is an absolute soul-less monster. But to the world, he’s just the poor fella who has yet to find the right woman… (could be because he’s a closet homosexual, but what do I know after living with him for 10 years).

    Rock on Chump Nation… and thank you UXWorld for the reminder… these folks are delusional.

    • My closeted gay ex husband is trying to hide the fact he’s dating a woman and is grooming her to be his next beard. Dude loves his “duper’s delight” to feel powerful, even if no one cares about whatever it is he’s hiding this time. He’s been coaching my 2 older kids to never mention the girlfriend. Weird. Everything he does is just weird. Meh all the way!

  • UXWorld,

    I cannot even imagine what it must have been like to read this steaming pile of bullshit the first time!!

    Did your mouth hang open, stunned at the unmitigated narcissism? Or did you “twist up your mouth” because you were holding the vomit in til you got to the toilet?

    While I literally groaned out loud at some of her crap, I also laughed out loud at your – UBT’s – take on it. Nicely done!

    • Yes, agree, the condescention is dripping from this so-called letter.

      I also get the “I detest you for your anger towards me and for never taking responsibility for your role in making me cheat. You never said that you were sorry for that, which is unforgivable.” Of course, this too is technically a lie as in MC and during false wreconciliation and pick-me dancing, I took responsibility for and apologized for everything and anything in a frantic desperate attempt to single-handedly “save” my marriage. It’s curious to me that I had lost so much of myself that I didn’t even balk at taking that on and degrading myself to that extent.

        • Classic! Of course, I’m guessing they never actually SAID this sentence because people like that consider it an insult for you to even THINK they did the things they did, much less claim it as reality. Such gaslighting. 🙁

  • Gross. I’m sure she read it aloud to the Rider of the Purple Dildo and they both nodded and agreed KK was incredibly loving and evolved. You old-fashioned male, UxWorld: actually being disgusted by lying, narcissism and betrayal! Imagine, not wanting to be buddies with someone who is devoid of integrity…!

    I have the feeling KK is full of enough gas she could send a few more thousand balloons into the stratosphere.

    Many days, I fear that men are not to be trusted and that if I try to date I will only meet losers and users. Posts like yours remind me that there are plenty of horrible women, too, and good men who have been hurt by them. Thanks for sharing.

  • My ex took all our possessions and property, thru the courts. But he still sends texts that say I owe him $500 and his father’s watches. None of which I owe him or have! . He tells everyone that will listen that I ripped him off. Our kids believe I ripped him off, despite the fact that they see he has the properties and all our stuff.

    Never let them in your sphere. They will ruin your life every way they can. If they aren’t on a sympathy ploy they are on attack.

  • Hey Ux, it’s good to know the UBT has all it’s gears meshing perfectly with your hand on the switch. I have a couple of thoughts about KK’s letter. “When is it okay to hug you?” Uh, never. Unless Ux is wearing full body condom under a hazmat suit. And then this little gem: “I learned how to tie it to a balloon and to let it all go.” That’s a great suggestion actually. If you could just find a balloon big enough, you could tie KK to it and let her go. Be free and float away KK!!

  • Love it. It’s been a year and haven’t gotten one of these yet from my stbxww.. it will be interesting to see what the UBT has to say when I do.

  • Oh the disordered are a scary bunch!!!!

    Just two nights ago my 20 year old daughter spoke to her father on the phone and he mentioned that he thinks I am not over his cheating (4 years divorced now) and not over him……because I don’t want to be in the same room as him or be his friend. But he told our daughter, he just HAD to get out of the marriage because he was so miserable!!!! I gave him plenty of chances (5) to stop cheating and recommit to the marriage and each time I caught him cheating I told him I wanted a divorce and he BEGGED (sometimes down on his knees) to stay married to him. He did NOT want a divorce. He loved me. He would do anything to make our marriage work. Except for giving up his girlfriend!!!!

    He wasn’t miserable with me. He enjoyed all the cake. He was miserable that I caught him. If anything, he hated himself for the piece of shit he had become!

    Miss him? NO! Want to be his friend? NO! Over what he did? HELL NO!!!! It was the very worst thing that ever happened to me!!!!! The scars are still there and always will be.

    • It pays to remember that EVERYTHING is filtered through “me, me, me” with the disordered. You’re ignoring him? You must be still pining for his love & affection. You blame him for breaking up the family? Obviously you are merely projecting your own flaws onto him out of shame. You divorced him? Well, he let you file first to save face because he was willing to get out of the marriage any way he could (he HAD to!).

      The mental masturbation needed to sustain Cheaterthink is astonishing.

      • “The mental masturbation needed to sustain Cheaterthink is astonishing.”

        YES, YES, YES, Tempest!!

        When I try to picture the axons and synapses in a brain that does this kind of shit, I’m reminded of

        “Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive.”

        Tangled and spider-webby and criss-crossed… just SO messed up!

      • It’s quite remarkable how their memory of the events are so far off of what actually happened. And also, how easily would they forgive if the tables were turned? Would my ex want to be in the same room as me if I had cheated on him and deceived him for 5 years…..using our money to buy lavish gifts for my side piece? Oh yeah……..and while we were in the same room being friends….my side piece is now by my side as my new husband appliance?? It’s a joke the way their minds work. Mental masturbation indeed!!!

      • Wow.
        ‘mental masturbation’ was one of the first things I wrote in a journal I started when his EA surfaced. I had little idea then what it was about but now after 2 years all is clear. I’d forgotten about that until now!!

    • Kimmy, I’m so sorry — I got the exact same treatment, X said the same things, and X too “loved me” “didn’t want a divorce” but refused to stop seeing his golddigging girlfriend. I had the same response: I too begged from my knees. Horrifying.

      And, of course, to X, everything is my fault.

    • Kimmy, my ex gave my son the “I was so miserable in the marriage and I only stayed as long as I did because of you kids” speech which is pretty ironic considering he has only sporadic contact with our son and no contact at all with our daughter (both are in their mid 20’s so no custody issue). The other irony is that my son was actually an eye witness to ex’s “misery” so he knows that’s a lie. And yeah, I will never be his friend. Why would I want or need a friend I can’t trust? Nope.

    • I just had a a “holy shit!” Moment.. I remember dumbass saying if things don’t work out he would like to still be my friend… and I tearfully chocked out ” I have never had an enemy do the things you have done to me why the hell would I possibly want you as a friend!?” Then why the hell do I still want this lying cheating thieving creeper shot taking best friend fucking group sex having no dick wonder as my husband? Where the hell have I been all these long years? I swear I feel like I just snapped out of it and woke up.. just now I swear.. I have got to get this bitch gone. Excuse me while I go call a lawyer.. any lawyer.. I am finally done. What a complete dumbass I have been. Time to get it together and get the hell gone asap. Thank you for this my fellow chumps.

  • Wow. Just…wow. I got a similar letter from XH #2. Thanking me for all the good I brought into his life. Blaming his poor behavior on his undiagnosed bipolar condition. Believing I should forgive him. Really, he is a Great Guy.

    Last time I checked, Great Guys/Gals don’t deliberately infect their spouse with an incurable STD, then, when confronted with it (and all it meant), say, “I didn’t think it was fair that I should have it and you not.”

    For the record, I went grey granite with him and it drove him nuts. He tried to friend me on FB. Blocked. Found my address and sent me letters. Into the trash with no response. Even letters I had to sign for at the Post Office. Trying, trying, trying to establish contact. An attorney friend wrote a letter stating that I wished there to be no further contact, and that (the attorney) was certain XH would honor that desire of mine.

    End of contact attempts. I admit to, every now and then, checking online to get an idea of where he is living. Knowledge is a good thing.

    • “I didn’t think it was fair that I should have it and you not.”
      Holy shitfucking shitfuck of all shitfucks.

    • So he deliberately infected you with an incurable STD? Doesn’t that come with criminal penalties in some places?

      • I think so, now. At the time, no. However, knowing what I know about him, I wish there was a website I could post his name to warn other women about him.

        He knows he has herpes. And he WON’T tell you.

        • I had one of those cases over 20 years ago. It involved two lawyers and an accountant and allegations of knowing transmission of herpes and HPV. My client was accused of adding the herpes to the mix, but was clean on that account. She did however contribute the HPV, which came to light during the litigation. She escaped liability because while her doctor told her she had a precancerous condition, he never mentioned that it was an STD. That doctor was an irresponsible jerk.

  • “I learned how to forgive someone from whom I will never hear ‘I’m sorry,’ despite my having said those words to him.”

    GodDAMN. The projection would be hilarious if it wasn’t so awful.

    Please tell me you never responded to this drivel.

  • There are a lot of true statements in her letter. She

    is [a] sorry [excuse for a human being],
    likes to talk to strangers about personal, inappropriate things,
    remembers that she has two lovely daughters, but only when it suits her, and
    could never possibly understand commitment to anyone but herself.

    Picturing her wearing that strap-on renders her carefully crafted prose all the more ridiculous.

  • “The last time I saw you were we still married. Then instantly we weren’t….As we are now strangers, there are a few things I things I think it’s important for me to say to you.”

    After the divorce it felt like you had moved on and just thought of me with mild distaste. I can’t have that – I demand attention! Pay attention to me! I’m writing this letter to try and make you pay attention to me.

    “First, I am sorry. I am sorry that we promised ‘forever’….We did not know that we would grow apart.”

    Yes, only one of us actually broke our wedding vows, but let’s frame this as a simple “both sides” misunderstanding. I don’t understand love or loyalty, and you didn’t understand what I really was – really, we’re equally to blame.

    “Thank you for… the laughter.”

    If I remind you of the good times, will you pay attention to me? Also, you should know that you were a lovely Chump. I mean, I wasn’t faithful because it’s not in my capacity to be a decent person, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t find you to be of use.

    “Thank you for our two beautiful daughters…”

    If I remind you that I’m the mother of your children, will you pay attention to me?

    “While I know our Divorce Agreement spells out… Every time I see you, there are questions lingering in the air.”

    I want more attention and it kills me that such a lovely supply such as yourself is starting to dry up. I can’t take this!

    “Some of them will only make us both sad. They will take us back to…”

    PAY ATTENTION TO ME! Remember the times you were good to me and didn’t know who I really was… I mean… the good times? Surely that’s worth giving me some more attention? Also did you notice how good I am at saying I won’t bring up all the things I just brought up? Clever, huh?

    “And sometimes I wonder about what your life is like now. Do you love someone…Has your new love made you question whether you loved me at all…”

    Have you moved on? Who is she? Is she prettier than me? How dare you move on! Mourn me!

    “Then, there are questions about how we exist in our new space…. When a parent dies and I see you at the funeral?”

    I’m not going away, motherfucker! I will not be ignored!

    “Finally, I want to tell you that while I at times get frustrated, I am not angry. I learned how to forgive… But I know you are angry still. I can see it in the way you twist up your mouth when you see me.”

    You know, I learned to forgive you for being angry about my adultery… well, I’m still angry about you not giving me enough attention (hence this letter), but still! If I can sorta-forgive your daring to be upset about this (provided you still pay attention to me) can’t you forgive my cheating? and pay attention to me?

    “My last wish for you…”

    …is that you pay attention to me.

  • Universal Bullshit Summary: “Thank you for playing your disposable role in the story of me. Toodles.”

  • “In truth, I still don’t know what real love is.”

    This made me chuckle and shake my head at the same time. My kids tell me that XW’s favorite song right now is “Bad at Love” by Halsey. Isn’t that telling?…and, of course, a red flag (her past relationships) I chose to ignore before we got married.

  • God bless you UX. KK reminds me of my mother in significant ways. She blew up the family when I was a teen and continues to spout this kind of bullshit and fuck with me and my father 20 years later due to unique family circumstances. But the karma bus ran her over quickly and then–to everyone’s surprise–my dad built a fabulous new life for himself almost as quickly. I sustained some damage–my presence on this site demonstrates that! But I was able to discover my ex’ cheating and liberate myself before my sunk costs got too high. And I feel empowered to pursue a better future, thanks in no small part to my father’s example. You’ve got the UBT running at top form with this one. They really do all work from the same script!

  • Here’s the short version: “I must be central. The world must revolve around me. I can’t tolerate DIVORCE! You must keep your attention on me me me me me me me….”

  • There must be a secret handbook that cheaters have. This women is a piece of work. How dare her ex husband not want to be friends. A few months before D day my stbx kept asking me if I loved him? He also made a comment that makes so much sense know. “If we would ever divorce I would still be your friend. And help you out around the house when needed.” Now I understand that was his sick way of justifying his cheating. Like I would want to be friends with a person who could cheat on me with my cousin.

  • Cheezuz…she’s a legend in her own mind. To the recipient of this letter, all I can say is: At least you could divorce her.
    My mother is a narcissist and as much as I’d like to distance myself, there’s that pesky familial obligation, coupled with the fact that she’s completely helpless since my dad died and she has Parkinson’s + dementia.
    So now at least she has an excuse for making it all about her while constantly rewriting family history (that I was there for). Lucky for me I have a great shrink to help me through it.

  • After reading this BS, I consider myself to be so blessed! My X has been ghosting me since the day he left well over two years ago (and vice versa). He KNOWS that I have his “number” and does not bother to hoover back. No, I did not take it as a indication of my value and did not pine away that he did not love me enough to even try. I took it as an answer to prayer to keep him far away from me and as a compliment that I saw right through his game.

    He once fasted for 27 days (after Dday)…an unsuccessful attempt to show me that he had repented, that he was spiritual, had turned over a new leaf, and that I should have compassion on him…he lived off his abundance of fat, water and smoking cigars.
    Right after he broke his fast, I found out the next morning that he had gone online that evening, and was applying for home equity loans (Lenders started calling our house to get more information)…to pull out $200K from the house so he could cash out his share of equity, cut and run…leaving me with having to service this huge loan while he still sat as being half owner of our property. Did not happen because I refused to sign.

    The house is now exclusively and legally mine…he is being drip fed $25K annual payments for 8yrs. My terms.

    Yep…new man my ass.

  • Thanks for the reminder that they really do suck. Forgive me for saying it but she really is a piece of sh#t. You are soooo well rid of her. ((((Hugs))) my friend

  • KK is totally off her rocker and any normal person would agree. She makes it worse for herself by providing evidence and giving us all something to laugh at. I will admit that sometimes I am jealous of those of you who’s ex’s are so totally off their rockers that it is plain for all to see. My ex is too smart for that. He would never send me such a note. Too bad. Of course I am not jealous when they walk off with the life savings or are physically dangerous, then I am grateful that mine is just asshole lite. I guess I should count my blessings.

    Ex presents himself as taking the high road for not trashing my name, still being cordial to me and not screwing me and the kids financially. He also still cares about being a Dad as best he can while not living with his kids and continuing a relationship with the woman who conspired with him to tear their family apart. I have also not gone around trashing his name although I actually have good reason to do so, I am still cordial to him when I have good reason not to be and I did not screw him financially either even when he gave me an opportunity to do so. I have also gone above and beyond to facilitate his relationship with his kids and to peacefully co-parent. He thinks he is one up on me, however, because he is also cordial to the guy I am dating and I refuse to acknowledge Schmoopie. It bothers the heck out of me every time people give “us” credit for getting along and looking out for the kids. He has no reason not to get along, I am the one who has good reason to treat him like something the cat dragged in but I don’t. I am the one who has to swallow my pride to play nice. He isn’t taking the high road, I am and I hate having to share the credit with him. I can’t say anything though (except here) because then I will appear bitter. Well ok, maybe I am but I have a right to it.

  • Great UBT UxWorld,
    It triggers me because this is the tone my X takes. The complete distortion of reality just makes my blood boil. Narcs are a special breed of master manipulators who are very believable to the general public. Frightening.

  • She is quite pleased with herself. She apparently also thinks everyone else is a halfwit. I’d like to think when she hits rock bottom she’ll pay the price for being the epitome of a shallow, delusional, self serving twit. However, as much as I hate to say it, I don’t think she’ll ever even realize she’s at rock bottom and fully appreciate her circumstances. She’ll continue to live in her little “world” where she is really better than everyone else but everyone else is just too jealous or stupid to realize her worth. Not sure there is anyway to ever get through to her. I feel so bad for your kids as they will be the ones she’ll turn to in later years and there is no doubt she will disrupt their lives in the most despicable way.

  • What a total narcissist. She made all the pain she caused into some great big “Eat Pray Love” finding-myself personal journey. (My own ex-wife did the same thing).
    Good job, UXWorld, on your translation.

    Speaking of which, I wondered, while reading all her talk about how she wanted to hug him, or touch his hand, or other creepy marital vampire stuff, if she was really trying to see if he would take her back. Sometimes (actually, all the time 🙂 ) women’s subtle hints escape me.
    Or, was she just trying to provide PR management so people wouldn’t think she really did something that hurtful?

    • She doesn’t want him but she still wants him to want her. Not a woman thing, just a narc thing.

  • “When a parent dies and I see you at the funeral? Should I touch your hand and say or receive kind words? Or should I just nod and turn away?”

    Why would KK show up at the funeral of UX’s parent or parents? Why would UX show up at the funeral of KK’s parent or parents?

    ““Some of them will only make us both sad.”

    I doubt it. I bet UX will be shaking his head that he married this meathead.

    ““Finally, I want to tell you that while I at times get frustrated, I am not angry. I learned how to forgive someone from whom I will never hear ‘I’m sorry,’ despite my having said those words to him.”

    Who the fuck cares about whether you have forgiven UX when clearly you have forgiven yourself for being a lying cheating waste of fresh air? If you don’t want or need UX’s forgiveness, why bring it up at all? I have an in-law who did something similar. I later found out that this in-law cheated on her husband and gave him herpes. So no fucking wonder she says shit like this.

    You’re well shot of her, UX. Awesome job standing in for the UBT!

  • Ugh. Just ugh, ugh, ugh – though the melodrama is pretty hilarious. You know that she thinks she’s bathed in the warm light that surrounds all those evolved, wise ex-spouses who have moved on, but still take the time to reach out in love and understanding to their chumps.

    Maybe I can be grateful that Snakeface reached “Meh” about our marriage from the very beginning of his affair with Spiritual Slut if it prevented him from writing letters like this to me.

  • Ok, help me here. Is this a re-run? I seem to remember a CL post responding to a KK letter a while back. Is this a NEW letter? She is STILL at it?? If so, SMDH.

    • KK is the gift that keeps on giving (though this is an older letter, which UX shared in the forums but I don’t believe CL published on the front page).

      • Ok, Phew for UX, primarily. I don’t visit the forums much, but definitely remember another front page post where CL dissected a KK rant or letter. I’m glad this letter is “older” and wasn’t just sent to him recently. Cheaters are crazy!!!

  • She is trying really hard to trigger your emotions, so you’ll maintain your status as kibble dispenser. An invitation to dance to the tune of me, me, me! She misses cake.

  • Geez UX, she is truly nauseating. It would be funny if she didn’t clearly take herself so seriously. Pretty sure she thinks of herself as the heroine of a DH Lawrence novel. Perhaps Flaubert. She must really, really miss those high-grade kibbles of yours. Respect to you!

  • Good job UX! I have also recieved emails with a lot of bullshit “we” statements. Apparently “we” were out of control alcoholics, liars, theifs, and cheats….

    I hope you don’t give her the satisfaction of responding or if you do, just reply with “okay”. That will drive her nuts! Narc’s love to suck us in to little dramas that they create.

    Most recent email I got was just a question mark, nothing else. He is so desperate to engage in conversation with me. I can just picture him sitting at the computer coming up with that one. “Eureka! I know she will respond to this.” Ha ha ha, nice try shit bag!

    • My favorite response is just an upper case ‘K’. The first time I replied to XW with this she responded with “Is that an okay, or a fuck you?”. I didn’t answer her. Bwahahaha! They hate that shit.

  • That was a tough read. I could hear the universal call of the reptile known as the Frustrated Yet Entitled Special Narc dripping from every word…”I am ssssssoooooo ssssssspecial…feeeeeeed meeeee kibbles!”

    Ick.

    You are well rid of her, UX.

  • Nicely done! I love the way CL and CN is retraining a new generation of brains to spot the games, ulterior motives, personality disorders. And the BS. Especially the BS.

  • This actually makes me almost wish I hadn’t burned the stash of cards and notes exhole had written to me. Especially the one about, even though he flew to LA with OW for an extended weekend (where I chumpily called in sick to work for him so he wouldn’t get fired), he really chose me. Having her pay for a vacation and round trip plane tix was his way of saying goodbye to her, apparently. (But not really)

    But then, I don’t want to go down that rabbit hole again. I’m married to a wonderful man now and happy. Life well lived.

  • Hi to all from Seattle. (Business travel — the time difference compared to Boston and my crammed meeting schedule (and other “customer massage” responsibilities means I wasn’t able to respond until late.

    Thanks for all of the well wishes and general good vibes. Here is some context for this letter.

    It was sent to me via Our Family Wizard a mere 5 days after our divorce was finalized (many of you know we were in the same house for 10 months post D-Day until the court ordered her to leave). It was sent under the title “Letter” — I assumed she was forwarding documentation related to the legal proceedings or the custody arrangement. I was at work when i opened it — when I read the first sentence, I realized what I was in for. I got as far as “we were naive, we were clueless…” before I said OMG! and started laughing. I knew I was in for a masterpiece of what someone above refers to as ‘self-fellating’ so I closed it and came back to it later when I had some privacy and time to enjoy it.

    I did not respond in any way. 10 months of grey rock boot camp/trial by fire trained me to not respond in any way. I never gave much thought to what I would say in response until I came up with this UBT. I did share it with a lot of people, including my guardian angel 4a.m. 4ever and my local pals from the Northeast Mighty Chumps meet up — cheaterssuck had me rolling with the line “can we tie HER to a balloon and let HER float away?”

    As anyone who follows the forums knows, this letter didn’t come close to ending her quest for centrality. My refusal to engage with her about anything about logistics or costs related to the girls only intensified the situation. I’m still dealing with it — in many ways it’s worse in that she and RPD inserted themselves I to my storytelling hobby. Like shit on a shoe I just can’t get rid of.

    But, as we all know by now, there’s little to be done beyond continuing to try and set the safe, stable and sane example for my daughters and stay as far away as possible. They’re to all appearances hapoy, healthy and reasonably well-adjusted teenager’s, and that has to be my top concern.

    Thank you to everyone here at Chump Nation who’s helped me along the road (and who’ve been gracious enough to allow me to pay it forward by helping them, whenever I’m able) and to Tracy for continuing to carry the chump banner high on our behalf.

    If you haven’t done so already, pleas consider becoming a patron.

  • Too. Much. Bullshit. I am over 2 years out and never want her back. I am NC but not at meh cause I still get SO MAD at her. For example, tonight I hear from my (young adult) daughter: “LadyLiar WANTS to spend more time with us [she and her sister], but she doesn’t ask us to go places or come to her apartment that much BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T WANT TO UPSET YOU. OH. MY. GOD. She found a way to blame ME over two years after final dissolution of domestic partnership for why she doesn’t let the daughters we raised together come to her damn apartment (unless she wants them to dog sit while she goes away with the AP)?!?! Wtf?

    • Even this! WTF, right?! Parent of the Year has spent a total of two weeks with our adolescents in the last three years or so, yet he wants them to sit his new house, 500 miles away, while he and OWife travel. Kids think he might spend time with them but…nope! It’s all about his new happy life, he asks nothing of our kids, and then it’s come see my new neighbors! Strangers who are just as self-absorbed as their father. Special occasions though and he is flies on shit. Graduations, weddings, 🤮. This from someone who stole their college savings and allowed the bank to foreclose on our home because he’d rather dissipate an asset than share it. What a tool! 😂

  • One of the craziest things exasshole said to the therapist was that I pursued him relentlessly. The truth was the opposite.

  • Wow, I really wish this was fiction because I hate knowing that people like this actually exist.

  • ” I learned how to tie it to a balloon” Did you applaud? She learned how to TIE something. Like her shoes? RPD’s balls? What else does she tie?

    Well, that loops back nicely to your observation about her developmental stage, “Much like an infant requires of a parent — which, when you think about it, sums up our relationship nicely.”

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