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Connecting with Other Chumps?

One of the very best things about running this blog is that people occasionally send me their chump meet-up photos. Even better, they tell me how they gained that new life. Want to meet some mighty? Check this out from “indomitablechump”:

Through the power of your website, I was able to connect with four other chumps here in Toronto in the fall of 2016; it saved my sanity, really. I was still in the throes of a nasty separation negotiation with a king size F**kwit who was dialled in full on the rage channel.  Three of the other four were just as shell-shocked as me and we took turns sharing stories and strategies for getting a life. We met for dinner once a month or so and I usually ended up in tears at these early dinners. It was a super scary time for me and I was so afraid for the safety of my children.

Happy news – my separation agreement was signed last November and the divorce decree was issued in May. I write to you from my own home. Oh my God, it feels good.  Our group of five chumps has grown to fourteen and ten of us had a lovely backyard dinner party at Amerti1962’s (chump) place.  I should mention that it is her place because she fired her useless lawyer this spring and successfully finished the negotiations herself including getting ownership of her long-time home. This from the Amerti1962 whom I met two years ago who was dazed and confused, utterly devastated, lost and unbearably sad. She could hardly get dressed in the morning, had no job, no lawyer and couldn’t get her shit together. You should see this mighty chump now.

Not since my days at university long ago have I felt such support from a group of disparate people whom I would not have met any other way. We are powerfully connected by our divorce experiences and have drawn enormous strength from each other –  advising, strategizing,  and consoling. We all speak chump speak at these gatherings and you would be so very proud of how these shattered women have all strapped their boots back on and got their lives back after some truly awful chump experiences.


You have no idea! I get weepy when I get a letter like this. I am so. freaking. HAPPY you all found each other!

The point of building this site was that there would be the sort of site I wish existed when I went through infidelity. I got a ton of support from other chumps I met online then, but ALL the sites were predicated on reconciliation — and the friends I met there all wound up like I did, divorced and much happier for it.

It thrills me no end to think people are making new friends from this site. Today I want to hear about your chump friendships. Have you gone to a meet-up? Do you have some chump friends in real life?

To join — or create! (be a pioneer!) — your own chump meet-up, register on this site (log in is on the upper right corner of the homepage), and then the private forums will appear. Then this link will work.

Every day the world mints new chumps. Indomitablechump writes:

And there  are “incoming” as they used to say in M*A*S*H.  Someone saw my meet-up posting from last November and reached out to me the other day.  Thanks to you, we are all looking out for each other.

Thanks for looking out for each other, CN! Tell me about it!


Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at [email protected]. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • I’ve met countless chumps since my D-days. All of them thoughtful, resilient, and kind. Even married one of them.

    Best. Decision. EVER. ????

    • I would love to meet up with fellow Chumps in Southwestern or Western Kansas. I posted on the forum but the couple who answered are half way across the state. I’m sure they are out there, just don’t know how to reach them.

      I read this blog every day and am both amazed by the resiliency of the Chumps here and horrified by the things said and done to them. All you Chumps are mighty and have helped me realize his cheating has nothing to do with me; they would rather run away than fix the damage; it’s a character issue; and that I wasn’t crazy or stupid, but gas lighted.

      Much love and many hugs to all of you!!

      • Where is this forum? How do you get to it? Anyone anyone? 714 488 5802 please call or text me and tell me how. Thank you

    • I haven’t met any IRL yeah but I really want to! I’m in the Los Angeles, California area. posted on some of the forums about meetups and I’m hoping something can come together soon.

      • Mushroom, where part of LA ? I’m in Santa Barbara area,I have not met any chump here but I would love to meet some chumps and swap stories about our lives. I find it healing and knowing I’m not the only one.

        • Long Beach, California I would love to meet with other chumps!

  • No physical meetups yet, but I am in a mostly chump filled Facebook support group. We were chatting about where we live and doing a meetup. I got a message from someone in the group – she recognized my daughter from my profile pic because, drumroll… she went on a few dates with my ex. ???????? He had impression management dialed up and showed her pictures of our kids. It only took her a few days what it took me 17 years to figure out.
    Still hoping to meet up with Ky chumps this summer. ❤️

      • That was a red flag for her! (And the fact that he only talked about himself ????) He kept telling her what a great dad he was. AND that he had just voluntarily moved 2 hours away from his kids to take a different job. ????
        I did get my lawyer to make him take pictures of the kids off of his dating profile, because that is public, but I can’t stop him from sharing them. Gross.

          • I am a kentucky chump as well. I am not originally from here and i truly have no friends now except my kids. I became a stay at home mom and wasnt allowed to have friends or money to go anywhere even if I did. Would love to meet all of you. The old me was a social butterfly..

            • If there’s one term that simply infuriates me to the point of bloody murder, it’s “…I wasn’t allowed…”. GAHHH. How dare someone tell their spouse that they are not “allowed” to have friends, or to go somewhere, or to deprive them of a financial amount to allow them to go have coffee with others? Of course, this is not to say that a spouse should be encouraged to be a cheater, but good grief, there is a happy medium.

              I would consider that phrase to be a grounds for divorce, just like being a victim of domestic violence. I used the motto: “the first time is the last time” as a guideline for divorce, and it was a good thing.

              I hope you are making friends, in the community and your church of choice.

      • Don’t get me started! My stbx used our 5yo son as date bate (and our dog!) I was horrified! He would take our son to work (OW is his coworker) and also to the park with the two of them.

        I don’t understand it! Showing off our son like he is a new toy while STBX feigns “Daddy of the year”

        Makes me sick!

        • Yep! My stbx used MY dog as his Tinder profile picture. I found it in my investigative phase and nearly fell over.

          • Maybe he should have used a picture of a dog’s ass, would have been more accurate!

        • When my stbx left he set up a Facebook account for the first time. His profile picture is of him holding our cat (who he abandoned along with me) outside our holiday home (which he is now using to try and extract money from me). Makes me sick.

        • Ugh. My ex did this. Drove me nuts that the women at his work seemed to have this weird fascination with our daughter. I couldn’t figure it out. I’ve worked with plenty of men and never begged them to bring their children to a company gathering that their wife wasn’t invited to.
          Ah hindsight.

    • @Louisvilleflower- I am in Berea and have met up with some mighty wonderful fellow chumps in Lexington. We will definitely have to coordinate and meet up again and you would be most welcome!

      PS: Your ex sounds like a monster from the same tribe as my STBX. What a jerk.

      • I am almost in KY…west TN. Not too far from Paducah. Have not met anyone nearby yet…and i am geographically close (an hour or less drive) to KY, MO, AR, and MS (and kinda north AL) where I am at.

  • Louisville, that’s hilarious about the other chump and your ex!!! But also a good testament to the fact that we can call this shit out on the next ones after we’ve been chumped and are now oh-so-much less chumpy right from the beginning! Good for her! And I’m sure it validates you too 🙂

    • She has definitely fixed her picker. I’m in awe of her. I told my sisters about her and they said “She’s smart! Hang out with her and learn from her!” ????

  • This past spring, three fellow Chumps whom I met through this site sat at a table with some of my relatives and friends and watched me tell part of my DDay story on stage, in front of a live audience . . . and then witnessed my fuckwit ex get on the same stage and talk about having “the BEST.SEX.I’VE.EVER.HAD” with her porkpie-hat-wearing AP (also in the audience) on the first night they met, nine days after I told her we were getting divorced.

    Support doesn’t get much better than that.

    • I went to one chump meet up in alabama. It was great! But i have made a life long friend my sister from another mother in jeep tess. A been through hell and back chump who has helped me back to me. I would not be here today if not for you tracy and chump nation. I am externally grateful!!!!

        • We are all so lucky to have found such amazing and life saving support from each other! Thank you for being there!

      • OMFG yes — a fantastic series. Incredibly funny and gets to the heart of what we all experience with our cheaters.

        • Oooh just watched the trailer and so looking forward to getting into that! Thanks for heads-up GaB

      • I had so much fun watching this series. It won a Golden Globe. I can’t wait for more of it.

    • Is KK competing in the Biggest Dirtbag competition? Because she wins!

      • I agree – I feel like all KK stories ooze out from the screen. She sounds like a wannabe Elizabeth Gilbert type cheater

      • I cannot imagine getting up in public and talking about my sex life. Unless i was a professional comedian and making it up to be funny. And even then….just no.

  • I met up with Patsy in South Africa and we jumped around in the Indian Ocean …I took a selfie I sent her and in it we are both SO HAPPY..I later sent it to her with the caption “Neither of our former husbands are as happy as we are.”

    I had been to the Chumpapalooza and and Patsy asked “What is Tempest like?”

    “She is tall, attractive, poised, intelligent, well-spoken, kind, funny …”

    “So it really wasn’t about us, was it?”

    “No, it had nothing to do with us”

    • That is the FIRST thing I noticed about meeting our group in Oz. Every single person was warm, kind, attractive, funny and intelligent. It was stunning to realize it and it should not have surprised me one iota. These are the faces of chumps.

  • Ironically since I found out that my STBX was cheating on me with my cousin. I ran into another cousin that I did not see for 30 years. We were very close as children. She too was cheated on my her STBX and we started to talk and go away together. She has helped me so much. Us chumps understand how it feels to be cheated on and betrayed by those we thought would never hurt us. So ironic one cousin assisted in ruining my life as I knew it. And another cousin was there for me in my darkest hours.

    • My XH the substance abuser is miserable and increasingly paranoid and vindictive, thanks to 60 years of drinking and drugs. Jackass removed his employment from his FB page but he is never happy anyway. He knows he’s an asshole. So no–it never was about us.

    • Hey. My ex broke up my family by sleeping with my cousin as well LOL thought I was the only one!

  • I met some Sydney chumps at the OZ meet up when CL came to OZ in May 2018. I have been to dinner and from there met another chump who had a lovely dinner party and invited me and I met another 8 chumps. We sat around that dinner table and we shared our stories and had a wonderful night. Never would have met any of these ladies thank you from the bottom of my heart CL ….

    • I couldn’t get to Newcastle – is there a way I can meet the Sydney crew? Do u have something in the forums?

      • SetMeFree – I feel the same way and so thankful I took the opportunity to go. So what that it was a mere 11,217 crow miles from here to there! (detour through HKong) . It was worth every moment I spent with my fellow chumps and I immediately felt so warm and welcome, knowing almost everyone in the room had been through a similar ordeal as I. I wish I could go back and do it all again!

        • IN FACT! The divorce turned out to be a great thing being as how I never would have met these fellow comrades otherwise.

          I know absolutely nobody in real life that has been cheated on, that I know of, believe or not.
          But, that is probably because I was pretty smug in my own marriage and wouldn’t have been able to relate if somebody did tell me.

        • Hi SheChump! Couldn’t agree more! Wish we could do it all over again!!!!

          I had the best time in Newcastle, meeting fellow chumps. It was so enjoyable, empowering, a great experience all round! I was the only one who came over from Perth. I know there are others who would have liked to come but couldn’t/didn’t. I would really love to start up a group in Perth/metro WA area, but don’t know how to connect. I’ll try through the forum and see how I go. Xx

          • AIRPORT! Hi!! I had the BESTEST time with you and I’m sorry I couldn’t understand a word you said. I’m Canadian and fast talking, but you are so much quicker! My family would be impressed. You are impressive by your spirit, laughter, joy, spunk, snark, sexy, great story-teller, comedian! The list goes on. I need to re-connect with everybody. A wonderful lady offered to tour me around Sydney before I left and I lost her contact somehow. Carolyn Baker (that’s what I call her) is going to come here and visit. I hope everybody I met and was so gracious and hospitable to me will come and visit. It was one of the best time in my life!

            • Hehehe, sorry about my strong West-Coast (aka, country hick) accent. I don’t think the East-Coasters can even understand my accent at times, so don’t worry, haha!

              I had so much fun with you too!! Amazing baker lady is coming to visit you?! When? That’ll be a fun visit! Would love to visit your part of the world, some day. I hope you have found some fun, awesome chumps in your area that you can have coffee, cake and a good laugh with. I miss our fun already xx

              • Airport – did you know that you and I are about as far away on the globe that is possible? I’m west coast America. You are west coast Oz. That’s what makes visiting so much fun. Nothing planned yet with Baker but she’s dealing w/things. I have NO chumps in my area anywhere, so that’s why I’m still here all.the.time. lol

          • Hi im in perth too. I have felt like im the furtherest away from anyone…but its good to know there is someone else in the same boat !

            • I visited Perth a few years ago. What a great, hospitable place. I could live there.

            • WhoDoesThat – wanna meet up? I put a post in the meet-up forum.

      • I’m a Sydney chump too.. love to be part of a catch up. Probably met some of you at the Newcastle workshop.

      • Please email Tempest – she will place you on the aussie mailing list where we can get in contact.

        • How do we email? I’m in Australia and not sure how all this works.

    • I’m a Sydney chump too.. love to be part of a catch up. Probably met some of you at the Newcastle workshop.

      • Zhuchi was going to set up an email contact list for Chumps from the Newcastle seminar

  • okay, I have tried to post this for now three times and everytime I get close to submitting it kicks me back to Facebook so I’m not happy right now….trying to post this.before I get moving for the day .
    Here in L.A. (Lower Alabama), I’ve met up.with chumps.once IRL
    I spent an amazing weekend last year meeting chump’s in real life at a lovely chump’s home who open her home up for all of us to visit for the weekend! And the caawwwfffeeee wasn’t bad either!!! Hahaha!!!
    Meeting fellow chump’s in real life is so affirming or reaffirming that my struggle is not mine alone that everyone in Chump Nation shares the same struggle on the basic level Although our paths Journeys and experiences vary
    I also started a GroupMe chat room for chumps in which I have become super super close with a couple other Chumps. I wouldn’t trade those friendships for the world!
    I’m on Facebook as a member of many infidelity support groups, as well as chump Nation on Facebook
    It has been 3 years now, and I’m still here – so that I can continue growing in my healing and recovery and also potentially be a light for others to follow a path with me
    this chump life is not easy but it is what it is and I’m here now and I’m thriving surviving or at least trying to on a daily level and I wouldn’t be anywhere close to where I am now without the mighty mighty chump Nation
    Ok, send post cawfee

  • I have wonderful friends and an amazing, supportive family. However, Chump Nation gets me like no other group of people. CN knows that inner turmoil and searing pain that I have felt since Dday.

    I met a CN member late last year and she has been an absolute god-send! Late night texts of desperation, bawling phone calls, innumerable amounts of good advice.

    Through this Chump, I have been part of a couple of CN meet-ups and met some mighty people in all different stages of recovery. I’m looking forward to many more meet-ups ????

  • So proud, happy to be part of this group!
    Thank you indomitable chump for your kind words!
    I sign over the house to me today.

    Now it’s our turn to pay it forward and help others…….

    • Thank you Amerti1962 for hosting us at YOUR home! I am so grateful to have met these wonderful women. Thank Heavens for CL and her hard work in creating this world of warmth and support. Indomitable Chump was my first IRL meet and I knew from that moment on that I had people in my corner. You ladies rock! And to every person on this site – you are Mighty. Some days are better than others but at all times, you are Mighty! Much love to you all.

    • Amerti1962, I also want to say a big thank you for your warm hospitality and as devastating as our situations have been, the common thread I observed shining in all of us that met, was the will to overcome….

      • I’m thanking Amerti1962 for just being a strong badass chump, even though I don’t know her. Rock on!

  • Since I’ve started dating over 2 years ago, I’ve met a few people still struggling with being cheated on. It became clear we’re not good matches due to them needing to heal, but I get it, the pain, loneliness, mindfuck, ect. I have recommended CL and a few other blogs that have helped me get to a better place. Pay it forward. Be kind. Every little kindness from strangers during my dark time I will never forget.

  • Congrats indomitable!! I remember the few dinners I had with all of you. Way to gain a life. It’s good to get together to swap notes. Yes we were all shell shocked that’s for sure. My own divorce was final last June. I’m on to that gaining a life thing too. Sold the matrimonial home and took on a fixer upper. It’s pretty much all fixed I now. He is in my rear view mirror. I’m not completely at meh—still get angry and sad sometimes over my destroyed life but I have my family.. me and my kids. ((((Hugs))))

  • Meeting CL in real life in NYC set me on a CN path that I cherish. This was pre-book so I’m dating myself. She and everyone here has been a lifeline and I hang around for myself and the newbies.
    I have tried so hard to find other members of CN for real meetings – I’m in NY so you’d think it wouldn’t be so hard – but nothing so far.
    Love to host a weekend! Pool, BBQ, drinks and tissues included ????

    • Hey, I’m in Jersey City and would love to meet up! Let’s make it happen. There must be zillions of us in the NYC metro area….

      • Go to the Forum and you will see that I posted my cell number. Text me and we will make it happen!

        • I can’t get in the forum! I have registered but it never logs me in. I will keep trying…

  • Any Nashville area chumps in our group? I’d love to grab a coffee with y’all sometime.

    This is literally the first website I log into when I get to work every day. You guys help me so much. I struggle with being codependent (what chump doesn’t?) and have found it very hard to just be with myself since my marriage fell apart. Chump nation reminds me that even though I haven’t got a spouse or partner, I am definitely not alone, and I am enough to be with, all by myself.

    Thank you all so much.

    • I am in west TN! About 2 hours from Nashville. I come to Nashville for work or Dr. appts every now and then. I used to live in Clarksville where I went to college.

      • That’s awesome! I’m in the Clarksville area–my ex is a soldier, so I’m living the stereotype 😉

        Maybe we can coordinate something sometime!

        • I’m just a little south of Nashville.
          I would love a meet up.

      • And if you went to APSU, then I can tell you GO PEAY! (I am an APSU alum myself).

        • Let’s go Peay! Where? Behind a big tree!

          Or my favorite (from the ’70’s)- Fly’s open, Let’s GO PEAY!

          I am about 2.5 hours from Clarksville now…close to Jackson. I moved home after I graduated quite a few years ago. I do try to get up that way every now and then I am still in contact with a male friend up there. He is a chump also.

          Get on the forums, and let’s see if we can go through someone and exchange emails…..

  • I made friends from this site I just spent some beach time with that are near and dear to me! Family and FFL they fill me up, and time with them is so nurturing. You ladies are amazing in every way.

    They are an extraordinary support system! ????

    • NWHI, it was fun, wasn’t it. It was great to see old friends and meet new ones. All beautiful woman, inside and out! I swear we chumps have missed our calling being standup comedians talking about the scumbag exes. But then again, there is a great deal of material they have given us to work with. Idiots!

      • Yes!!! And you, my friend, have a huge heart. It’s so fun to spend time with you!

        • Lots of love to all the local Tampabay chumps! Couldn’t have made it through without you! ????

          • I’m a newly chumped Tampa Bay chump! I was just thinking yesterday that I needed some fellow chumpy friends!!

            • We have fabulous group here in the Tampa Bay area. We’ve all had our shots so we are good to go! We would love to meet you.

              • Yes!! Yes need to figure out how to get ahold of you on the forum.

              • You’ll find us all under Chump Meet-ups: Clearwater, St. Pete, Tampa FL. We usually meet every 4-6 weeks.

              • Warning: NMSB may bring her purple thong to wipe the bar down. Ask me how I know! And you’d better mind the tip jar!

        • Thank you all for inviting me and letting me crash there. I can’t remember laughing that hard. Dixie, you have me wanting to spend more time with God’s creatures and the beautiful outdoors. It awakened something in me that I had long forgotten. Thank you.

          • Laughter is the best medicine by far! And adding a dear friend to my life is most special. Love you all. ????

      • NMSB, you are hilarious (but I already knew that). And strong and wise. Was so good to meet you IRL!

        • Nikki Lynn, I had written a response earlier but the demons from the internet ate them! I just felt an instant bond with you! Thank you for sharing your story. You are an incredibly articulate woman and what strength. I am thankful I had the opportunity to have met you!

  • I have a very close group of friends who I met through the Sisterhood of Support site in 2012 after DDay #2. I learned of Chump Lady from them and most/all of them are members of Chump Nation too. I have met a couple of them IRL and will meet more over Labor Day weekend when we attend the wedding of one of our group in Oregon. Meeting them in person is an incredibly emotional experience. We saved each other. We held hands and walked through hell together. To be able to thank them and give them a hug in person after years of virtual hugs is priceless.

    I had my first Chump meet up last fall when Metamorphosis was doing her cross country trip. We met for dinner and it was great to see in person someone I’d gotten to know through CN. She is lovely and smart and talented and meeting her made me realize how utterly stupid these fucktards are to let such quality people slip through their fingers. If you ever need a reminder that infidelity has NOTHING to do with any failings on your part and EVERYTHING to do with a lack of character on the cheater’s part, meet with a fellow Chump and see how spectacular they are. It’s eye opening.

    • Great comment Beth. What a wonderful point you make -so hard to see it when in the middle of the shitstorm.

    • Isn’t it the truth Beth. By far meeting Chumps confirmed cheaters are Not right in the head.

      THat says a lot given our initial instinct is to invest more.

      And seeing the actions of cheaters IRL and on these pages allows us to see we’re not alone. WE CAN put our super ttraits to better use supporting one another. Meeting Chumps in person, priceless.

    • Beth, I have been busy getting a life and not on CN much lately, but for some reason I felt like checking in tonight and glad I did to catch this thread. You and JeepTess were my first Chump friends when I stopped in Yellow Springs and made a huge difference on my Road Trip to Meh. All the things you say about me, I say right back at you. You are lovely and smart and talented — as are all of the chumps I’ve met.

  • I’ve been lucky to have so much support, however most has come not from chumps but from regular folks who have seen the chump dynamic.

    Wish I knew more chumps IRL. In my experience, chumps are everywhere!….BUT they don’t want to talk about what happened in their past, and so you don’t always know that they’re chumps. I haven’t found a healthy group of people yet who are openly admitting their chump experience. Maybe I’ll browse the meetups….. 🙂

  • …hoping to connect with the Toronto Chumps. I have been on this site for a couple of months. I ‘m only 7 months out, 4 from DDay#2, trying to get my life back together after 24 yr marriage, and 30 years together. We were supposed to start our early retirement, traveling the world, he left a week before his 60th birthday. Now I know that he had been serially cheating for the last 5 years, and after initial denial of anyone else, he is now with OW who is 20 years younger, he had been cheating with her for at least a year. Struggling these days, the sadness and pain is overwhelming some days. He was my family, my best friend and he became a stranger. Longing for closure and some help from local Chumps.

    • No real local but close enough for a meet up and always available to be part of your support system.

      • Thank you TheBestMe. I would love to meet up with you. Can use some advice and help. Been struggling this past week.

    • Hi Rainy
      I got your email. Your story sounds alot like mine (except throw in lots of prostitutes for more colour). I am leaving on vacation today so one of my fellow Toronto chumps will be reaching out to you. Sounds like you just got rid of a f**kwit. Big chumpy (((HUGS))).

      • ….thanks for your quick response, Indomitable. Enjoy your holiday. I will look forward to meeting the mighty Toronto chumps, and get some support and help to get through the nightmare.
        Reading the posts here has saved my sanity. Big hugs to all the chumps on this site.

      • I was in touch with Indomitable too. I live in Toronto and would love to join. CL and CN has been a big part of my progress (not there yet).

        • Hi to the other Toronto chumps!

          I’m “Typhoon” and this is my first time posting. I’m about six months from the final D-day (there have been many). I read CL’s blog and archives almost every day and CN has been a tremendous source of support as well as an often needed smack-upside-my-head when I find myself feeling nostalgic about Mr Duplicity and his abuse ….

          I saw Indomitable’s post in one of the forums about a meetup last November in Toronto and emailed her a few days ago. I’d love to get together with other Chumps where and when ever – sign me up!!


    • I am 2 hours from TO. Would love to meet up with a fellow travel enthusiast!

  • I have had the honor and joy of meeting many fellow chumps in real life. I have the frequent flyer miles to prove it!! The support that I get from this blog and the forums is profound, yet it is those deep friendships that have truly enriched my soul and landed me firmly in Meh. The decades I gave to BAM were lonely and isolated … I wasted my energy and attention on someone who could not or would not reciprocate. It was difficult for this introverted lady to turn outward and actively seek meetups with others, but drastic times compelled me forward. BAM’s hideous behavior has gifted me with some of the dearest friends and I am most grateful. ????????????

  • I haven’t yet but would LOVE to meet up with San Francisco Bay Area chumps. Thankfully (and tragically) I have about ten friends who have been chumped. I am starting to wonder if the RIC and the wedding industry are one and the same…

    • I’m in the SFBay area too and would love to meet other local chumps 🙂

        • I’m in SF. Would love to meet.

          A few East Bay folks are having a first time meeting in Oakland July 22. I believe a walk/talk at Lake Merritt meeting at the columns near Grand Ave at 11:00am.

  • Michigan chump here. I am 3 years out and now that the dust settled I found I am struggling with the thriving part. Sometimes I think this is the hardest part for the rest of the world to understand, the mending that is needed after the storm.

    I have not seen any Michigan meetups, but I am always awed by the stories found on this and other infidelity sites with what the amazing sane and loving partner is able to accomplish. These are class acts and I am so proud to be one of the chumped instead of the disordered and shallow.

    • Michigan chump here, too….and also struggling with the thriving part, although I have accomplished a lot. It’s just taking more time than I’d like.

      • LiningUpDucks,
        I’ve followed your story and you have come so much further than you give yourself credit for!
        You’re doing GREAT!

  • It was this time last year that I traveled to another state to meet-up with a group of chumps that I’d been conversing with in the forum. For me, it was the important next step to connect IRL (and at that time there were no meet-ups in my specific locale).

    I place an extremely high value on my friendships with my chumps. In this short time I feel as close to them as my best friend of 30-plus years. Few people can really understand if they haven’t walked a similar path and the fact that we can quickly and easily speak “Chumplady” really helps (Trust they suck, 3 channels of mindful, no spakling, no kibbles, no cake etc.etc.) — it’s like we can talk in shorthand.

    Dealing with this shit is difficult — it’s a long road and having/creating chump friendships makes the trek easier to handle.

    • Truthfully, I have arrived at the point where I am grateful for the final D-day … it brought so much good into my life. It makes me cringe to picture myself still plodding along, uneasy about what might or might not be going on, and definitely neglected and lonely. FNEC is a huge factor in shifting my perspective … love my girl friends!

      • ” It makes me cringe to picture myself still plodding along, uneasy about what might or might not be going on…” This X 1000.

  • Hello setmefree! I was another lucky chump to enjoy the lovely meal recently with 8 other chumps. We plan to reconnect again. It was a great idea. The host invited people and asked them to invite other chumps. None of us knew more than one or two others so was a great opportunity to connect with new chumps.
    I am now looking for a challenging ( but not too challenging- just want to carry a day pack) hike. Looking at retreats- too much laying about and some group hikes for women but think I want one with it some healing element. Not sure if they exist- we should start a chumphike! I’m in the Southern Hemisphere but if anyone has done a great one anywhere please share the details.

  • I’m here in the Caribbean. I haven’t met any chumps from CN but I recommend the site. God bless you all.

  • I am also fairly new to this site. As I posted on the meet up page. I am in the Atlanta area. I am more than willing to meet up with any local chumps!

    • I’m still a chump…but only a couple hours from Atlanta. I don’t post, because not only am I still married to it but not very far along in the process of getting it together to make my exit. I know that he occasionally snoops on my computer and phone to see what I know about his extracurriculars as well. But if there is ever a meeting in central to north GA., I’d love to hear and learn how to get out the best way I can without anymore wounds than I already have.

    • I’m a couple hours from Atlanta. And, still married to it and still a Chump, while trying to plan and get my ducks in a row. If Atlanta every has a meet-up, I’d love to learn how to proceed without getting any more damaged and injured because I’m feeling pretty beat up right now. Playing marriage cop apparently is how I found this place and honestly, it’s getting to be too much.

  • Mid-September to mid-October I’ll be in Europe: Budapest, Berlin, Barcelona and Madrid. Any chumps there who’d like to meet for coffee or a glass of wine? The very few CL fans I know in my small South American country are my own friends to whom I’ve given CL’s book.

    • Chumpiest,

      I’ll be in Madrid all of September. Maybe we could meet up. I’m super close to Parque Retiro.

      • Hi, Finding Bliss! I expect to arrive in Madrid on October 11, so I’m not sure we’ll be able to meet. Maybe you’ll have to extend your dates, so I won’t lose hope. Hugs.

    • Ayy que pena! Tan cerca

      I’m normally in Brussels but will be in Spain (Alicante) in August. An escape to Madrid would be very tempting FindingBliss. !Disfrutalo!

      STBXW is from S. America and the Spanish-speaking world was always my weak spot. I just hope the 20 years I wasted on her won’t turn me away from this. Enjoy your trip Chumpiest 🙂

      • Thank you, OFTS, I certainly will. And I hope you and Finding Bliss can meet in Madrid! Un abrazo.

  • Thank you for posting this, Tracy! I’ve been a resident of Chump Nation and reading the blog for a few years, and my divorce from Snakeface was finalized about 15 months ago. I’ve been finding my feet in the past year since I moved to a new place, and I would love to meet some simpatico fellow chumps in the Minneapolis metro area.

    • Nice – I am in Mankato. I do get up to the cities occasionally (I went to Apple Valley HS). If you’d like to meet halfway or just headed south sometime – let me know!

      • I’m open, LadyStrange, though we may need to start an “It’s A Small World of Chumps, After All” group or column or something… Snakeface graduated from AVHS in 1983 and his parents still live in town. What years were you there? What a connection to make!

        • Oh my! I graduated in 88 and my parents still live there. Yep – small world!!!

      • I went into the forum, LadyStrange, and found a group of Minnesota chumps, mostly from the metro, who met a few weeks ago and may be planning another get-together in the next few weeks.

        Something to note, I seem to have an old log-in name sticking to my profile, and it got re-attached after logging in to the forum, so that’s why I’m replying to you as Chumpedbythelake. Chumpedbythelake = Nicelutherangirl.

        • Ok. I haven’t been in the forums for awhile now. I am open to driving up sometime. I am busy a lot of weekends, but not all 🙂

  • WalkingThruHell – a chump in my area who for now is still living with a fuckwit spouse, like me – has been caring, funny, and SUPER supportive, especially when I went through a particularly tense time with the Python (who hasn’t moved out yet, but has at least found another place and is gradually relocating his crap – YAY!).

    We texted a LOT during that difficult weekend, and I will never forget her caring and kindness. And her wonderful sense of humor!! She helped me SO much, and at the time I was very anxious and badly needed some understanding and support. An incident had occurred which I thought might result in a switch to the rage channel (fortunately, it wasn’t too bad, but I was quite worried for a couple days) – I didn’t feel alone thanks to her. I will be forever grateful!

    She is so funny, and such a breath of fresh air – when you live with a stinky (literally – I spray Febreze on the couch he sleeps on) cheater, you need that!!

    Merci, mon amie!

    • De rien, Hopiumforyears! So grateful for your friendship, support, and sense of humour, too. Merci for your very kind words… I am deeply touched.
      This forum and the Chumps I have met have truly been a blessing in my life. Nobody understands our plight like another Chump. Last year, I made the pilgrimage from my state to the wonderful Bama Chumpapalooza. Conspired with a non-chump friend in Atlanta who had a car and a sense of adventure, and off we went on a road trip to Bama! GA did not know about the side trip… I was so nervous, I broke out in hives! Have no idea how cheaters can lead the secret lives they do. While at the Chumpapalooza, I ignored GA after my phone got wet running with another Chump. He actually checked the weather in Atlanta! Upon my return, he confronted me and said, “It didn’t rain anywhere in Atlanta proper.” My response was pure return mindfuck, “It rained where I was.” Both places had 15% chance of rain that day (I checked) but was told 15% in Bama means rain for sure!
      Thank you, Chump Lady, for starting this blog and bringing good people together all over the globe.

      • “It rained where I was.” That a girl, WalkingThruHell! Stare that Mother Fucker down!

      • Yes, we were totally caught in a downpour! It was literally and figuratively raining for many of us! Cheaters suck. Chumps rock!

  • I connected with some awesome chumps online on another website that is trying to change the narrative ( – and they were a lifesaver. I see a few of them on here from time to time too. 🙂

    In real life, no chumps – but I do have a really close friend that is going through divorce with her very narcissistic X, and we support each other. It is so awesome to just have someone who GETS it. Even though her X didn’t cheat – these articles are still so relevant in how to deal with a narc. Love to you all!

    • IHG rocks!!! I think it’s how I found Chump Lady!

    • Hi CNS! Yes, changing the narrative often happens one chump at a time.

      11 days after I was abandoned by Honey, I found and attended a divorce support group that met up one night a week at my church. It was over a year before I’d find Chump Nation and my life would change even more dramatically, learning critical concepts about adultery, character, and abandonment that I hadn’t learned in that group. Another year later, I volunteered to help lead that class so I could help others who were shell-shocked and hurting. I still lead it to this day, 2 years later.

      There’s kid care so I can totally manage this. The class lasts 3 months and then we start over with a new group. Always in week 1 of class, I watch chumps who don’t know they’re chumps walk in zombie-style and I want so badly to unleash all of the wisdom I’ve gained from this blog on that first night. But I’ve learned that some people who have been bombarded with other messages can’t process the truth that quickly or take such a definitive position so fast, lest they be considered ‘unchristian’ or ‘selfish’.

      So slowly over the course of the class, I introduce various subjects. Ethical decision-making trees. Emotional disorders. Proof of character (trusting that they suck). Gaslighting. Adultery as a form of abuse. REFRAMING THE NARRATIVE! I keep it all within the context of biblical truth and let me tell you, I have seen the light go on for so many of these people (who I now count as close, lifelong friends) and seen the rage that has been turned inward turn toward self-protection and gaining a better life.

      So I say all of this to encourage those without a Chump meet-up to find local divorce support groups in their town instead. There are tons here of all kinds in my town. You can go to to find them or just google divorce support group in your zip code. You don’t have to lead the group to be impactful. Just go, meet people who have been cheated on and are suffering, and take what you’ve learned and impart it. Give them CL’s blog address. Meet them for coffee. Open their eyes like your eyes were opened. CL’s message will begin to spread like wildfire and friendships will be gained. We can pay it forward, one chump at a time!

  • I met several of my chumpy new besties in Divorce Care group. (Turns out infidelity is rampant!) And one of my chump friends led me to a great chump guy…who is now my boyfriend! It’s pretty amazing to be around people who ‘just get it’, without much explanation at all. CHUMPS UNITE!!!

  • I get together now and then with two friends who were cheated on, but we met through another site.

    I am a WNY chump and hosted a get-together with fellow chumps from another site, but I would love to host a CN get-together. Toronto is not that far from me, but with three young kids (one of whom no longer goes on visitation), I can’t really commit to taking that sort of road trip at this point.

    Any WNY chumps who want to meet for coffee or talk about some sort of get-together, let me know!

  • I could see a cheater sending someone in incognito to a champ group, in order to get Intel on their spouse

    • I can smell cheating from a mile away now. Can’t y’all? Movie theaters, restaurants, coffee shops, work.

      I bet I could sniff out a fake Chump pretty good, too.

    • Well, who? It’d have to be someone the Chump didn’t know who was also willing to do that for the cheater, so who meets both requirements? A hidden OP? Seems risky to send him/her in.

  • I met an awesome young woman through this site that I correspond regularly with. She came and visited me last summer and is coming again in August. We live about 150 miles from each other.

  • I was lucky enough to have Over and Out email me a few years ago. You can’t even IMAGINE how much she helped me get through the shit! We actually had a lot in common. She and I both lived in the country, so she helped with the sale of my house with things I wasn’t very knowledgeable with (septic tank, water testing, the well, etc….) The next year I flew out to meet her in Florida. Chump Mindfucked also met with us one night! I think it helped us all get together and just tell our stories. Even though Over and Out is 1500+ miles away (I live in Minnesota), we still chat often and she is one of my very best friends! Love her to death!!!
    As far as MN chumps – I have met a few. I can’t remember their ‘chump’ names. But distance is certainly an issue as far as getting together…

  • I met several chumps from another site. they are my best friends now. we talk daily. I’ve met 3 of them and plan to meet another next month. I moved to a new state and they are my rock. I was privileged to meet tempest last week. truly a beautiful person!

  • I’m in the panhandle of Idaho/Eastern Washington area if there are chumps in this area that would like to meet up.

  • I know there are a few NZrs on here, would love to meet and chat esp fellow male chumps, though I’m “lucky” to have a couple chumped friends in RL, and it’s so true, only if one has been chumped does one know how it feels. This site is truly inspiring, funny, scary and amazing.

    • Hi. By NZrs do you mean Kiwis? I am one and would love to meet up if you live in Kiwiland.

  • Is anyone out there from Eastern Canada (and NOT sleeping with my ex)?
    I would love to meet some Super Former chumps around my age (in the over 50 age range).

    • I’m not from the East but I love it out there.

      I’m Canadian too. 🙂

  • I’m in the El Paso, TX area and am hopeful to meet fellow chumps. If any are here, please let me know. Thanks!

  • Meeting other chumps is great. Having the support of someone who really understands the situation is very helpful.
    Until they start swapping crazy diet ideas… … ..

  • I’m in Brisbane Australia if anyone from here or near would like to meet up? ????

    • Kez we’re all signing in for our next Brisbane meetup on the meet ups forum thread there. Hope you come too !!

  • I would LOVE meetups with other chumps. Anyone in Holland/Belgium?

    • Me 🙂
      I’m just on the outskirts of Brussels.
      STBXW is in Spain with the kids so I have some peace for a week or 2 more and am therefore off to Werchter this Sat to the TW Classic festival (Kraftwerk, Editors, etc.). It’s only now post D-Day that I realise how little I’ve done for M.E. for so long.

  • The Adelaide ,South Australia, chapter of CN has had 2 meetups so far .They were enormously helpful to me, and I hope I didn’t just talk the others into a stupor! It is such a relief to find people ( and awesome people) who understand how earth shattering cheating is and how the shockwaves keep reverberating through life. I got a text from my cousin this week- I love her dearly, but she thinks I need to get over being angry, she says I am ” scary” angry when I talk about my XH. WTF? The man is trying to screw me over financially and has caused my child to need a psychiatrist and I’m not supposed to be angry?Or I’m supposed to pretend? I did a lot of pretending for years and years that he was normal, I’m not doing it any more.
    Looking forward to the next catchup, and to ChumpLady’s tour of South Australia… come, see the wineries, eat the food..

    • I call that ‘bunnies and rainbows ‘ and people expect it of me too. I can’t do that ever again.. stripped to truth. forever.

  • I’m a midatlantic chump and I want so badly to meet up with others. I became very isolated during my codependent and emotionally abusive relationship and i am doing better in so many ways, but am aching for friendship. I am 2+ years since final separation on April 1 – yes, really, April FOOLS Day. As member of LGBT community, am having difficulty finding support. There is a lot of pressure to “forgive ex and be friends” among lesbians, and some straight people don’t view my partnership as “real.”

    • So sorry Curley Chump. Did you try posting on the forum to find Chumps in your area.

      Regardless of what community you are in abuse is often minimized. Someone in the early days told me i was bitter. Others told me not to talk about it. Not your shame.and not their call.

      • “Not your shame and not their call.” EXACTLY what I needed to hear. Thank you for responding, Doingme. I’ve had some (tech) trouble accessing the forums.

    • Hi Curly Chump, where are you located? I’m in the same boat in Harrisburg, Pa.

      • Thank you for responding, IGTH. I am a few hours south of you in “the small wonder.” Do you know how to go about getting connected?

  • Any western Colorado chumps here? I told the lawyer I consulted with during my split from my SO about Chump Lady. I’m hopeful he is passing it along.

    • I am moving to southwestern Colorado on Thursday. So yeah!

      • Omg, I was just going to post about looking for CO Chumps, then I found you guys. Seems like everyone around me are all in happy marriages, including my ex, so hard for people to really understand, especially when you’ve never been able to go full NC because you share a kid.
        It’s all good though, cause I’m really enjoying just being single, having good friendships, and spending time with the Mountain Momma, natural beauty that is CO.
        Best of luck with you guys and with your journey. Hopefully we might be able to organize a meetup at one of local hot springs or something. 🙂

        • Let’s take this to the forums. I’ll post something in the meetups.

      • Expectations – also Auckland. Maybe organise via the Forum?
        Devastated there is also a post there from a bit further south in Dunedin.

          • Good way is the Forum (top rhs) of this site – can you access that?
            That worked for a meet up last Spring and there is a new thread there…

            • Hi. Have looked for Forum. Can’t seem to access it. Any other suggestions?


        • Onwards, would love to meet up. I am having difficulty registering. Not sure why. Can you contact me?

  • I have met many amazing, inspiring people on this site. Some of them I count as my dear friends even though I met them relatively recently (in the last couple of years). They even read my mind and send me supportive, enlightening texts before even I have a chance to voice or write my thoughts! I hope that I help them, at least a little, too. I am eternally grateful to them as well as the rest of the Chump Brotherhood/Sisterhood here!

  • Met good friends thru this site. Love you Tempest and Irish. Just wish we lived in the same state! A lot of others have been there for me and me for them when we needed each other, CN rocks.

    On the flip, if you live in the DC metro area or upper Virginia, we should get together. Lemme know 🙂

    Jedi Hugs to CN!

  • I’ve been looking for fellow chumps in Denmark or Scandinavia and posted in the meet-up forum but so far not a lot of replys. Maybe a fellow dane will see this post? :).
    Hope to hear from you.

  • Late reading all the wonderful posts. (haven’t read each one yet and look forward to doing that).
    I just want to say that as an older Chump, who told no one, (kept it all inside, cheater changed jobs, we moved to another city, and life went on), I do not have one ounce of jealousy for all of the support fellow Chumps here have received from each other.
    That CL, CN exists is a miracle all in itself. ( created by CL)!
    Each one of you is simply amazing! Your strength, your resiliency, your love for an independent life, and love for each other, is breathtaking.
    A truer band of marching angels, never ever existed before!
    Much love to CL, CN.
    ( and thank you for teaching me none of “it” was my fault)!

  • I’m in CL’s general area but as I apparently am married to a (fucked-up) Unicorn who didn’t cheat I would feel strange and maybe even like a voyeur at a gathering of REAL chumps. He came running to divulge that he didn’t understand WTF was going on in his head regarding one particular individual and then went to extraordinary lengths to avoid her, work out his fuckedupedness, etc. He’s still one fucked-up spouse for a lot of reasons and there were other incidents through the years where there would be a serious clearing of the air (and at least one of them was very costly too) but I do know that there weren’t any affairs.

    No one wants my fucked-up Unicorn. He stopped hiding his particular brand of crazy years ago and every so often he has to go to the psych ward too. A refresher course in how not to be nuts.

    In the meantime, I’ve learned a lot along the way. I feel like an honorary Chump because of things.

    You real chumps are MIGHTY.

  • No Shit Cupcakes,
    I read your posts and humbly stand beside you.
    I truly believe YOU are Mighty!
    I understand.

    • Thank you Peacekeeper, that was very kind!

      He’s less Unicorn, more run-of-the-mill PITA. Or maybe Cubist Fucked Up Unicorn as painted by Picasso.

  • I ‘met’ Unicornnomore on another site where we tried understand our spouses confusion and humanise their behaviour whilst we heroically tried to keep our families together in the face of the most monstrous disrespect.

    We kind of forged a bond over our masochism.

    I got DD#3 and filed, and her husband died, but we still ‘got’ eachother.

    Then came the chance to meet in real life, and UNM was exactly who she said she was on the tin; and I hope I was the same.

    It was wonderful. Because in my loneliness, humiliation, shame and anguish, there is no doubt that UNM and others of the chump nation, the whole mutual recognition and understanding, kept me going (if not quite sane)

    • Yes…my friend Carole (she is an artist) lived there years ago. You may know her X! But you are far from me (Novato in Marin)

  • Maybe CL can have an area data base set up for each of us who want to indicate where they are to sign into?

  • I met up with some Chumps a few years ago in Seattle (I am from Victoria, BC). Can’t begin to tell you what an amazing weekend it was. The kindness, warmth, laughter, empathy, caring we shared was simply wonderful.
    We had an Island meetup last year in Victoria- some chumps from Vancouver and a couple of us in Victoria. It was joyous, with lots of laughter and caring as we shared our pain and experiences. Sounds crazy I know, but we could laugh and cry in that safe, caring, shared sisterhood.

  • It’s so great to hear from European Chumps. I think if monogamy was unnatural and only socially/culturally programmed, it wouldn’t hurt like it does.
    I get tired of the “unsophisticated American” defense of cheating, Esther Perelling it. Chumps of the world, let’s unite and help one another heal.

    • Survivor, I live in Santa Barbara county, been divorced from my x wife for a year and 6 months, it’s been a hell of a journey. Trying to heal , I love chump nation, I met a wonderfull friend here who I respect dearly. God bless

  • Calling all Houston, Texas area chumps!

    I also posted in the Meet-up Forum. A couple of chumps have responded. Come on, Houstonians, we are the 4th largest U.S. city…I know the Mighty are out there!

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