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Bitter Bunny Dating?

Okay, as promised, the Fun Friday dating profile challenge.

Part of gaining a life is considering the sort of life you want. Which chumps don’t do a lot. We get tangled up in other people’s visions, their needs, their values, and tend to neglect our own.

So write it down.

I’m a Nordic left-handed lug-nut operator seeking same, for cozy evenings spent reading P.G. Wodehouse novels to each other. Must like heritage breed cattle and marshmallows.

This is an exercise only. Not a real fire drill. No email address. No actual identifying information. This is an exercise to help you refine your sense of gain-a-life self and what you value post-chumpdom.

TGIF!

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • This is a great exercise. It made me realize I have more healing to do. I thought about it for a few minutes and could not come up with anything off the cuff, which tells me I remain too guarded still.

  • Time and Money. These are the two things that I am sorely lacking right now. So going forward, I want to make sure I am creating space for me to have time for myself, to do what I want to do, as well what I have to do. Possibly even having those two things converge!

    I had a great setup with my own business but during the divorce it began failing and today I am laying everyone off. I have no income right now and am extremely stressed and anxious (understatement alert!). I have the kids all the time because he has “no space” for them (I guess in his heart). He also pays nothing. I am feeling crushed by life and I need to turn that around.

    There *are* many good things in my life right now. I prefer being alone to being with him. I have my children, whom I love, although they are draining me. I have my pets, who also bring me joy. I am moving soon which will reduce my financial expenses dramatically. I would like to stop yelling so much and feeling like death is an option. I would like to not feel so isolated and alone. I have a plan, and am inching through it. It’s just taking so damn long and I feel like I’m drowning in the process.

    I would like to write more, and find a way to take this sense of dread out of my insides. It’s gotten into my blood. It would be nice to date someone, but it hasn’t happened yet and I’m not that interested in someone else’s shit right now. I need to sort mine out.

    So, medium to long-term view, I get my business back on its feet in some capacity, where I can still earn enough to live. My side project non-profit keeps going and perhaps even turns into something that could give me a salary and (dare to dream) healthcare. I write, and maybe see something I write out in the world somewhere. My kids are happy and healthy. My pets sleeping at my feet. Perhaps a special someone who actually SEES me and likes me for who I am, not what I can do for them. A clear head and a light heart.

    • Hey Trixie, same!
      I love my kids too, but the near constant drama with their school attendance, panic attacks, doctors appointments and trying to keep boundaries (my 15y o son has a very mucky potty mouth) is so very draining. Every so often we have a wonderful time together watching a film or something (we had a blast the other week taking my car to check the tyres 😂) makes it all worthwhile, but holy moley is it draining!
      Hugs to you today xxc

    • Sending love and strength from the Land of Meh. You are well on your way and although the journey is long and difficult it will all be worth it when you get here. I’m saving your seat!

    • trixie belden
      This is the first time I have read a post written by you, but I might have missed some. I come here often, although not so much lately, (too may life happenings, you know all about it). But this feels like home to me, ( especially the forums, thank you so much CL, CN).
      Go to the forums trixie, open arms, wise wise hearts await and welcome you.
      I am writing this to tell you that I believe you have a great talent at writing. AND, YOU are such an UP person. In spite of all the shit happenings in your life right now, you rise above it all with positive loving thoughts.
      You are the present, sane, loving, parent, you excel at that. You love your pets and the comfort you receive from them, sleeping at your feet. They feel warm and safe there!
      You have hopes and ambitions, you have dreams.
      I read every trixie beldon book as a young teenager, Honey, Jim, all the gang really touched my heart, as you have.
      How did you come to choose this name here in CN?
      Reading CL, CN, you will find so many incredible Chumps who have had such positive outcomes because of their never giving up, absolutely, positive attitudes, in spite of the pain, sufferings, and hardships dumped onto them by a cheating/narc like asshole.
      Click on their names in the forum, read of their incredible journey, and follow through to see how they have come out as a full fledged winner. Sure, there will always be tough, rough, downright impossible, times ahead, but you will see them transform as you follow their journey. People like Mother Chumper for example and many more. Come over to the other side to read and reach out for encouragement and advice. See you there.
      Oh, and keep on writing, you’ve got it trixie! One day soon, people will love to read “your” books.
      I believe in you, I truly do!

    • Hello trixie- yes it is so draining!
      But it sounds like you are able to assess your situation accurately and that means if you can find a bit of space you will also be able how to assess forward what is best for you and yours.
      You may find hwlp with Melanie Tonia Evans’ NARP programme (money refunded after 30 days if not satisfied AND you get to keep the programme)
      I’m not selling this for her- but between MTE and chumplady I got my life back. It took 5 years but I could NEVER have imagined how good (and bad) it could get.
      But mostly- I’m laughing these days.

      Good luck to you. The forums are very helpful. Hugs etc

    • I like how your screen names channels that literary Trixie Belden, that brave and badass early teen girl who made mistakes and then dusted herself up to solve the problems and the mystery. Plus horses. And a clubhouse.

  • Would enjoy company of man, who is not dominated by his mum, pays child support, supports his ex and kids. Enjoys horror films, knows boundaries, knows pornography is not real.

  • Maybe I’ll be ready next year after divorce, Feb.
    I’ll have lost 190 lbs. of useless flesh. Working hard to fix my picker. Well off financially. Own my new home.
    Enjoy the company of genuine people who do not lie or cheat. I will treat people with respect but will not take any shit.

  • Ugh. Don’t wanna date, and you can’t make me. The photo posted is me being fabulous all on my own. Swipe left. Do it now. Ta.

  • I’m a mid 50s professional who volunteers at SPCA with DS14 looking for someone who likes cats (have 13), credit rating over 750 (you are responsible to pay your OWN bills), gardening, fishing, horseback riding, planning and taking family vacations, strong sense of integrity / ethics, needs to put into action catering for others (volteering, caring for parents etc.), sound employment, gentle and caring, sense of humor, likes to do upkeep on the home (EX left us in a hovel – in construction and wouldn’t do the upkeep or let me hire), Likes to cook. Must think I’m beautiful even when I’m heavy or my trichotilomania flares up.

    • I am middle aged out of a 35 year marriage to a wasband capable of long term deceit and extreme selfishness.

      I’m fucking hilarious, attractive and in reasonably good shape. I’m well educated and financially solvent, though not as rich as my ex and schmoopie. I need a guy who is not threatened by me and is fundamentally balanced.

      Though I would rather be alone than wish I was, I am open to being a partner or even a wife to a good guy. In fact, I really liked being married when I was unknowingly hooked on hopium. Now I would like a partnership in REAL life.

      (Must NOT be selfish or dishonest, which really should not need saying. But hey, this is my list and I’m making it for ME).

      Must be able to laugh often and easily, be self aware & kind. Must be loyal. Also – please have taken care of yourself reasonably well as I’m not in the mood to be a caretaker again anytime soon. I enjoy an active life AND an inactive one, (I’m not extreme in either category) but I want to do some thrilling things and travel, AND also be able to veg out. If you are not up for something, don’t begrudge me doing it without you.

      I am quick to apologize & forgive, and really mean it. Since I’m into reciprocity now, that means you do the same, and say what you mean and mean what you say. Show that you care about others with actions. Be tolerant of other views, while being able to articulate your own.

      Live your words as I do mine.

      • Dr.’s wife, I’m also fucking hilarious, love my sense of humor. Love to laugh.
        Looking forward to more laughter. I miss laughing until my stomach hurts from laughing so hard.
        My goal..
        Great post!

        • Hugs Brit,
          I share your sense of humour dear CN friend,.
          I agree, belly laughs, dry humour, anything that makes Chumps laugh is so heart warming.
          With a Leader like CL, who has the sharpest wit ever, a Chump can only win here.
          Win a smile, win a heart, win advice, win understanding.

          Feel good feelings abound here, where laughter lives in the hearts of Chumps!
          ❤️

  • “Education is power.” is my motto. Love running and scifi. Must love nature and my kids. Being a fellow chump would be an asset to share experiences both traumatic and humourous. Looking for interesting conversation, sharing activities and dinners but also enjoy silent company. I insist on reserved time for my family, friends and myself.
    Romance is fine but friendship comes first as it takes time to build genuine trust.

  • Would ad, not really ready or looking to date….I’m looking to understand what is important to me to have in my tribe. I have no tribe, EX found issues with everyone around me

    • Ex found issues with everyone around me.

      Isn’t that the truth? They not only have no friends themselves, but they aim to isolate you and drive away your social network. All the better to control you and blame you for their unhappiness.

      • FindingBliss

        Oh my… so the lack of friends and isolation is not an exception but rather ..rule?
        That explains a lot.
        I am an introvert but with high dose of extravertism that comes and goes like a wave… people like me and my gf’s are never back stabbing, gossiping, materialistic A type moms…. but rather quirky, hilarious, smart and giving( ok there is few A types but that never brings bitchiness in them)

        H- some friends from HS but not really…. I believe keeping his double life was too time consuming to establish friendships… btw. Am I the only one seeing that SA/ narc man have barely male friends? And they are weird around other men per se…

        • I’m afraid it is a rule. It’s a narc control thing. They don’t like their chumps to be close to friends and family. Narc men don’t have many friends of their own; perhaps a flying monkey or two. And if you love your job, they’ll try to torpedo that too.

      • Mine also had issues with all my friends and their husbands, my first group of friends weren’t as well educated as him, he claimed they had nothing in common.
        I sought out friends who were well educated with educated husbands, ( more in common).
        Still not comfortable.
        He had no male friends even though there were people he worked with that lived nearby.

        Elaine, no you’re not the only one, ex didn’t have many male friends, only a couple high school friends who live on the opposite coast.

        When we would pick up our son from elementary school ex would sit with the Mom’s instead of the men. That was something that always seemed odd.

        Yes weird around other men. Not relaxed, awkward, his conversations with men seemed forced. Unless they were asking about his job which gave him an opportunity to talk about himself.
        I suspect ex is Gay, if another man were to compliment his muscular arms he’d talk about it for weeks afterwards, seemed to notice other males physiques. He was more comfortable in groups of women as if he wanted to be one.

        • Same. Exh2/The Evil One has no make friends.
          Every friend I made, we’d hang with her and her spouse for a while before they got to detest TEO and he made things hard for me to maintain friendships. He would hit them up for jobs, for money, for booze, ugh.
          He is a sorry sod and a horrible human being.

          • Oh my goodness!
            Too think I thought I was the only one living with crazy!!
            I don’t think X is really attracted to anyone except himself though.
            People are just a means to an end for him. The love of money & flattery is what drives him. He’ll do anything to get either, including sacrificing his family & selling his soul!

    • Me, too! Just a small extended family now and a wonderful 20 year old son (only child) finding his path in college. Trying to make friends in your 60s is difficult.

      • Me too. I used to describe us as social lepers because the Twats antics pushed everyone away. No more though. My diary is full

  • I’m a retired doormat catlady, with zero fucks left to give, seeking friendship because right now, after having to move our entire house by myself because crossdressing cheater gaslit me into thinking I was the problem then abandoned me 1000 miles away from my support and friends, I am exhausted. But free. I am free. I have my own home, decorated how I like. I go to bed when I want. I wake up when I want. I eat what I want, when I want. I have my friends over without sulking disapproval souring the experience every single time. I go out without him tagging along, afraid I would divulge his secrets. I like to read and watch MSNBC and if you get threatened by this, we are not compatible. Need independence now more than anything. Well, shit. I am undatable. But give me time! Bitter is the new black will not be my mantra forever – I actually felt a strange emotion the other day. I think it was gratitude. I am capable and surprise myself. I am building my own happiness, one day at a time. One step forward, two back has turned into a sprint. Run with me!

    • I think you may be my twin sister from another mother and our exes might be ugly cousins!

      Excellent! I love your post!

    • Chumplandia, I had to laugh at your comment on how Ex tagged along so you wouldn’t divulge his secrets. They are all so much alike in their weirdness.
      Before my life exploded, I was social not the recluse I am today. During my social years, I wold host bunco or have friends over. If ex was home, he would hide around corners listening in to our conversations… when caught he’d deny it..

    • LOL.
      ‘I’m a retired doormat cat lady, with zero fucks to give…’
      Thanks Chumplandia! That gave me a belly laugh.
      I’d like to put it on a T Shirt 🙂

    • And what is with that “sulking disapproval souring the experience every single time” you have friends over? XH the substance abuser made everyone uncomfortable except his adult kiddo and his family.

  • Calling all men 50+ who handle things like a mature adult and who don’t run away problems. Must be honest, caring & a genuine human being with a conscience.
    Also must be employed and not expect me to take care of him like his mother did.
    Loud & obnoxious men need not apply.

    Truthfully not looking any more. Happy being by myself, with my great kids & with my loving friends.
    Being single is not a horrible situation. Being attached with a cheater is mentally & physically exhausting.
    Being single is freedom to be & do what pleases YOU.
    Good luck to CN. We all can be happy💙

  • Nine years out I pretty much have the life I want – and dating isn’t included in it – although if Mr. Fabulous dropped into my lap while I’m not looking I might give it a thought. Not totally convinced of that though. After the Twat left I threw every penny I had at my new mortgage, having had to buy him out. He went through that money like water and had to get a 25 year mortgage when he bought a place back in the US – so just another 23 years to go there buddy! Ha! My mortgage will be paid off at the end of April – 10 years early on a 17 year mortgage. I didn’t think I could do it but I have! Which is what allowed me to retire at Christmas!!!! I had planned on doing another 2 years but just couldn’t take my 3-4 hour daily commute so I chucked it in. I live on about one third of my previous salary but without my mortgage that’s more than doable! And I’m loving retirement although it is early days of course. Other than that, I would like to lose 30-40 pounds – you know the menopause blubber that really took me by surprise. Since I have more time for myself it is starting to come off slowly so it’s just a question of slogging away at it. That and get fit of course. I live in the French alps so wonderful walking country – I just have to work my way up to hiking some of those buggers! Other than that I don’t know what else I want to aim for as I am just content to be Twat-free! And during the hell years I NEVER dreamed I could be at this place, so newbies keep the faith. It can and will happen for you!

    • Hi Attie! Your post makes me happy – thanks for sharing. I always love what you write.

      Btw—I’ve had a lot of success with IF/Keto after reading The Obesity Code by Dr Fung on the recommendation of another Chump here. 😘

      • Wow MotherChumper, thanks for the info. I hear a lot of good things about keto and people say how mentally great they feel too. I will look into it. Went to the gynae today for my check up. Aarrrgggghhh walking out from behind that curtain stark naked even put ME off my lunch, I dont know about him.

      • My doc recommended that book. I bought it but haven’t started reading it, just skimmed it over.
        Menopause blubber hit me hard. Four years post hysterectomy for me now. Bkech

  • Fabulous NJ woman who is available to date every other weekend and meet for dinners on Monday nights. Three tattoos. Content at flea markets and wearing sneakers 90% of the time. Confident that I haven’t won the Powerball because I know how to live within my budget. I’m an introvert often mistaken for an extrovert. Seeking a fellow chump – so if you know what that means we are off to a good start.

    • Another fabulous NJ woman here!

      I have to figure out how to to get back into the forums to see if there is a NJ chump meet up in the works……. Can anyone help? I joined a while ago, but stopped posting after a horrid wreckonciliation attempt. Was in such a fog I can’t remember my username or password! I guess I could just join afresh with a new email addy?

      • Yes, join again to come re-connect w/Chump Nation! Tell us your horrid wreckonciliation story, we will cry, laugh and cheer w/you! Tell us how you are being mighty! And it will be an object lesson to newbies…..

  • ME:

    – I’m not on Tinder because the man I am, and the story that got me here, cannot be adequately represented by pictures of me travelling, rock-climbing or posing in any way. (Takeaway: I’m not a poser.)

    – I’m not on OurTime because it’s not “My Time” yet and won’t be until my beautiful outstanding teen daughters are out of high school. (Takeaway: I’m a father first and foremost, so don’t be possessive of my time.)

    – I’m not dating right now because after everything I’ve been through, it would take someone “pretty fucking impressive” for me to take notice. (Takeaway: My picker is getting fixed, and my red flag radar is up.)

    – I don’t drink coffee (so don’t ask me) or run distance races (so don’t try to coax me), I stop at and read historical signs and markers, even way out in the middle of nowhere (so don’t stop me), I still get a kick out of Three Stooges humor (so don’t roll your eyes), and I will spend a good part of my time with you wise-cracking a la Chandler Bing (so don’t be super-sensitive).

    – I’m a Chump, and I wear that label with pride (so what you see is what you get; if it’s not enough, say so and move along.)

    YOU: “Pretty fucking impressive.”

  • Gentlemen, form a line: Still-heartbroken nearly 50 year old looking for honest, funny, employed man to spend time with, go out to dinner, see movies, when my kids are with the ex. Was a physician but I haven’t worked in many years because I was solely responsible for raising four kids- one of whom is mentally ill and a real challenge. Lost too much weight after DDay and went from obese to gaunt and unhealthy-looking. Not attractive. No confidence. And my incurable STD that was a parting gift from the cheater rounds out this oh-so desirable package. Going off to cry now!

    • I am so sorry for all that you have been through. It is so tough to be left to be the responsible parent. I also have 4 kids; when cheater bailed, I had a kid in junior high, a kid in high school and a kid in college. My oldest son was (literally) jumping trains for a”living”. I thought I was going to die. Hell, I wanted to die!

      Eight years later, two of my kids have graduated from college, one of them now has a post graduate degree and an established career. My youngest will graduate from a great university next year and will be applying to graduate school. And my oldest, the train jumper, is now working on his second degree!

      It was not easy for me or for them. All of us had to make lots of sacrifices in the process. All of us understand that others have not been so fortunate. In an odd way, X’s cheating made my kids understand the importance of honesty and fidelity. We have been humbled, in the best way possible.

      It is so difficult when you are in the middle of the jungle to understand that the whole world is not a jungle. Single, you are in the jungle. I hope you are able to see a little sunlight. I have not dated since my divorce and probably never will. I am at peace, though, something I never was when I was with X. It took me a very long time to get to this place. I’ll be rooting for you to make you way through the jungle, too.

    • Single-to-stay— better days are ahead! 4 kids too and also HSV pos thx to cheater. I am a lawyer who also had been a SAHM.

      Since DDay I’ve divorced the abandoning X, taken the bar in another state, started a new practice area, got a great job where I work from home so I can be here for my teens, and met a great guy at the YMCA and guess what?! He also has HSV so it was a total no big deal after all in this new life. All of this was extremely hard but life today 4.5 years out from DDay — 25 year marriage completely imploded— is very good.

      You’ll get here too — one minute at a time😘😘😘😘😘

    • We are in much the same boat. I am also responsible for my mentally ill daughter. She’s also physically disabled. I went from a healthy weight to gaunt after dday. I have chronic health issues of my own which make seemingly eager suitors suddenly ghost me when they hear about it. My cheater also gave me an STD, and though I did manage to get rid of the virus, I kept the pre-cancerous cell changes that go with it. That time bomb will go off at some point. I accept that I’ll probably be alone forever. But remember, no matter what happens, we will still be cheaterjerk free. That’s a giant step up from where we were. So sorry about what you’re going through.❤

      • Chumperella, sending love. While I’m truly sorry about your situation, it feels a little less lonely hearing similar stories.

  • Shoe sale!!!! Buy one get 2 free!!! All latest styles available!!! Now that I have your attention I’m loyal, my emotional baggage is small enough to fit in the overhead compartment of a small prop plane. I’m actually employed and can buy my own shoes, sale or not! Ex wife ran off with younger musician to play coffee shops across the country. Leaving me independent from drama and a proven track record for being a responsible adult as I raise my two terrific teenage kids who live in a drama free zone as well. No cheaters, freeloaders, drama queens, drug users, passive aggressive people. Looking to share the rest of my good life with someone special over good food, good wine, fun times, and good conversations.

    • Isn’t there any fcuking way to make these shitters accountable???? If I was physically harmed, even accidently, I’d be entitled to compensation, why not if a creep gives me STD?? I’m so angry!

      • Unfortunately the current laws protects adulterers. If they were held accountable for committing fraud in their marriage contract. You might see a slight improvement in society

      • I’m so angry too. Being discarded was bad. Excruciating. But the lifelong HSV is more than I can handle. I’ve slept with a total of two men in my 48 years and I feel like a leper because he could neither keep it in his pants NOR even ask if she had any diseases before he did his also-married co-worker. So so so angry. Your anger validates me. Thank you.

      • Depending on laws where you live, you might be able to sue him for not practicing safe sex with his whore(s), not warning you that he’d been practicing unsafe sex, and thereby giving you an STD. I can’t afford to sue so I just punched him in the neck when I found out. His neck was sore for days, but it pales in comparison to what he inflicted on me. He assaulted me first by deliberately not protecting me from infection, so I get to assault him back. If I get cancer from the HPV, he’ll get a lot worse than a punch in the neck, and I don’t give two shits of I get charged for assault, either. If I’m going to die from what this pig did, I’m going out swinging.

        • Oh my god! Fuck’n hilarious. I only got in a bitch slap! Plus called him a 2.00 dollar dishrags whore! So jealous! After I got my trainer and he had me lifting heavy weights the adrenaline would surge and I would feel so pumped up! I told my trainer I wanted to throat punch my stbx at that moment. U made my day! Love it!

  • Note to Chumps: Remember every day is a brand new deck of cards.
    — Even if you are working with the same deck with the constants of family, job, health, relationships and “life”, ever day is a brand new shuffle.

    Play your hands accordingly…..

  • Seeking honest and kind man who will cherish me. Must like birding, cats, traveling, theatre, lazy Sunday mornings, cooking for his lady, cleaning (especially mopping), lawn mowing, people, and calm peaceful days.

    Lying, cheating, scheming, addicted, drama-types need not apply.

  • It would be best not to date me. Divorce and empty nesting after two children and thirty years of marriage means that I have juuuuuuuust a few issues, particularly since it turns out that the former spousal unit had girlfriends the whole darned time, including during dating and engagement, and is currently living in a McMansion with the latest of those. Marriage and perhaps reproduction will follow, because apparently that cliche and values free life was the ex’s dream. It’s safe to say that while I utterly rock at monogamy, I have zero clue how to date. Plus, though I’ve been informed by reasonably trustworthy sources that I’m rather a cute 56 year old, the truth is that I’m also rather bookish and introverted. I’m not the gal to stand quietly at your elbow engaging in idle chitchat at cocktail parties, but would absolutely be happy to trade stories—ghostly or silly—around a real backyard fire of the sort that crackles, sends sparks flying upward, and leaves your hair smelling smoky. I love Halloween, thick grilled steaks, carnivals, fireworks, vintage everything, all things autumn, and living outside as much as possible until it’s too impossibly cold to do so. I can’t resist a summer parade. My Starbucks order somehow became so impossibly hipsterish over time that I’m vaguely embarrassed about it. Pretty sure nothing and nobody could ever get me to cohabit again. No clear vision of what my ideal male companion might be like, but I think he would need to have all of the usual good qualities (kind, honest, cute as heck) and have his own life and space. He should be fun and interesting and energetic, and then go home. But thinking about all of that is pretty exhausting. Clearly, I’m no smooth and skillful digital dating strategist. You should probably move along to the profile of the sparkly young thing who likes to party. And good luck with that.

    • Hi Cashmere,
      ‘I utterly rock at monogamy’
      I want to put that on a T Shirt too. (As well as Chumplandia’s ‘I’m a retired doormat cat lady, with zero fucks to give’)
      I liked your description of the backyard fire. Very occasionally Xhole would do that – but only as impression management. I love carnivals, parades and fireworks too and have missed out on so much because Xhole hated them and would suck the joy right out of them so I gave up trying.
      This is such a great exercise. Being such a Chump I was starting to think some posts here were getting too picky. But Chump Lady is so right, us Chumps need to fix our picker and make it picky as we damn well like.

  • Low maintenance (except when plumbing or large-insect-inside-the-house issues arise, then exceptionally HIGH maintenance) woman seeks financially and emotionally secure partner for quiet evenings cooking dinner together, discussing our respective days and reading our respective books in between letting the dogs in and out a thousand times. Must love dogs. A lot. Must not mind a coating of dog hair on every surface or chewed socks found in the middle of the backyard. Willingness to empty the dishwasher a huge plus and will probably guarantee sexual gratification. MY sexual gratification should be a high priority in any close encounter. Must put the toilet seat down, especially in the middle of the night. Must have own residence and be willing to go there when I need alone time. Good communicator a must. Personal integrity and kindness a must. Good sense of humor and patience (see dog comments above) a must. Hair optional (bald guys are sexy), hair longer than mine is a no-no. I won’t care about your love handles if you don’t care about mine. Absolutely no smokers, misogynists, or cheaters. Bonus points if you actually read my profile since 97% of the men don’t seem to bother reading them. Major bonus points if you are a fellow chump.

  • I’d suggest that those who aren’t interested in dating or partnering up might write an ad for something else they’d like to attract (a job , volunteering opportunity, mentor, dog, hobby—whatever). Chump Lady says, “Gain a life!” So what do *you* want in *your* new and improved, cheater-free life? Think it over, write it down, and put it out there for the universe to hear!

    Everybody can play!

    • Great suggestion, as the thought of dating sends me running for a piece of cheesecake! Your question is a one I have been asking a lot lately. I have had an amazing and very meaningful career, but I know it is time to plan my exit strategy. My profession has been a huge part of my identity and it has provided me great comfort and motivation.

      I always felt it important to “make a difference” and my work has allowed me to do that. After a major health issue, which I will live with for the rest of my life, the time has come to think about what I want my future to look like. But my work helped me survive the implosion of my marriage. It feels like I am letting go of the only life jacket I had!

      Maybe I will start a Chump’s Retirement Club, for all of us “older” chumps who want to do good, but don’t know exactly how to accomplish that lofty goal.

    • Oh, great idea! Right now I’m more in need of a place to retire to than a companion, so here’s mine:

      Wanted: place to retire that meets my requirements: three seasons (summer optional, meaning no real heat), easy accessibility to natural areas (walking, hiking, wildlife refuges, migratory bird byways), near a small university town (neither hopelessly liberal nor offensively conservative), low (human) population density, interesting terrain (mountains and big trees a plus), and not so expensive I can’t afford it.

      And if anyone has any ideas, I’m all ears (eyes).

        • Hey thanks, Katiedidn’t! I know about Berea (I am a college teacher), and have family roots in Kentucky.

      • https://www.yellowspringsohio.org/

        Yellow Springs has Antioch College and is a fun, artsy little town with lots to do. Lots and lots of beautiful nature (Glen Helen, Clifton Gorge) right there. Dayton is just down the road and is home to University of Dayton (where I work), Wright State University and Sinclair Community College. Dayton is close enough to both Cincinnati and Columbus that you can enjoy their big city activities without dealing with the gawdawful traffic on a daily basis.

        #shamelessplugfortheBuckeyestate 😀

  • Sooo, I’m a SCF (Single Chumped Female) hetero, basically nerdy, 50+ English as a Foreign Language teacher and Admin Assistant for an Africa-based NGO, SPCA volunteer, native Bronxite. Fun aunt/godmother, but no kids. I like traveling and the experience of being a foreigner; languages; reading; writing; history; politics; learning about cultures, especially food culture—and cooking; and animals (all creatures, but especially felines and corvids). Not sure about dating, but open to meeting a SNnM (Single Non-narc Male) who also loves animals, enjoys being a foreigner, and has a restless, curious mind and a silly sense of humor. (Since it’s not 100% clear if this is even about romance, I am also open to meeting NnFs too. Do I sound like your cup of tea? Do you sound like mine? If so, wanna be my friend? Can you tell I’m not good at this dating profile thing?)

  • Lover of mysteries and histories (yours, as well as the world–especial favorite is Tudor England), with a quirky and dark sense of humor, who has an entire bookshelf of tomes on science and statistical reasoning, and sometimes dresses like Cyndy Lauper in her 80s heyday; affectionate woman seeks kind, intelligent, monogamous man who is free of any major untreated DSM diagnoses and will support my efforts in the Chump Revolution. Oh, and must love dogs (as I have 5 of them).

    • Love Tudor England? ME TOO! Quirky/dark humor? ME TOO! Have five dogs? ME TOO! I don’t know if we are sisters from another mister or true soul mates, Tempest. Too bad we are both Hetero. 😀

          • I LOVE historical fiction, but am also a stickler for historical facts, so went off Phillipa Gregory when she advocated that Anne Boleyn really did have an affair with her own brother (a view advocated by only one wacky historian that I know of). Tudor history was sensational enough without adopting crazy positions–Six wives, two of them beheaded is sufficiently Jerry Springerish!

  • Single, almost done with 50’s ish, gentle lady chump seeks friendship to share fits of laughter, an adventurous spirit and the ability to share peaceful daydreaming.

    Not looking for husband, I can take care of myself, do kind things for myself and am loyal. I love and appreciate myself and can do small projects around the house.

    Just looking for someone that shares my values, likes being in life’s moments and chooses to laugh at the irony but mostly must be a kind person and like dogs.

  • Woman, on the cusp of retirement, solvent and happy in her solitude, would welcome the occasional company of a “no drama Obama” man with nothing to prove in rambles, paddles, and back-in-the saddle enjoyment of our beautiful world. I’ll do for you if you do for me, because reciprocity is necessary and effort is sexy.

  • Me – in my 40s, but no mid life crisis here.
    Hard on the outside, but softie inside.
    Can be sweet, funny, caring, lovable, huggable, unless you’re an ass to me.
    Can cook for myself and if you’re nice, for you too.
    Will watch Sunday football with you. Beer and Wings – Yes!!
    Living the best life possible – but could use some help on some days
    If you’re out there find me. I’ll be in Chicago, the best city ever.

    Liars, Cheaters, Assholes – need not apply

  • As an obviously gifted woman of high aesthetic taste, I enjoy hiking, traveling, and love dogs. Gaze upon my professionally shot profile pictures featuring inoffensive floral patterns, natural makeup, and long, plain safely layered blonde ombre hair. I am a kumbocha mother farmer living in a quaint Germantown loft. I am spiritual, but not religious. I’m looking for my twin flame. I am a cool, skinny woman who will not challenge you in any way.

    Ladies and gentlemen, every woman on tinder ever 😂

  • I need income that will allow me to pursue my goals. I will not ever again abdicate responsibility for my happiness to someone else. I alone am the creator of my happiness. I have worked my ASS off, sacrificed my time outside of work, to become reemployed and certified in a new field and secure benefits for me and my kids (because Mr. DownLow is purposefully “underemployed” and his benefits won’t cover the kids unless they live in his tristate area….. of course). I started my own business as well, and took every online business management class I could find. I have read books and listened to podcasts until I figured out how to run a business. I need the income and the time to go on adventures, do active, fun things. I want to start my day with yoga, eat intentionally, have a social life! I want to do those fun things with someone special, to share those experiences with someone special, but I can and will do them alone or with friends. I want a simple home that doesn’t require a lot of maintenance, preferably in a development with a gym and pool ( they do exist here ). In about 6-8 years I want quit my full time job and run my business, so I have time to enjoy all my hard work, because right now, for the past three years its been ALL hard work, fun at times, but definitely hard work. I want to own another dog, and have that dog go everywhere with me. I am running out of time and I have wasted so much already.

  • Most advise I was given was not to date for years because I was married 24 years. I did most of my healing dating and going out in mixed groups. I didn’t even know what I wanted in a woman. I was 21 when I started dating my serial cheater XW. First girlfriend post divorce was my first love (high school girlfriend) who reminded me WHO I was before my covert narcissist/BPD XW destroyed that. Second girlfriend, we had known each other since we were 1 years old (mothers are friends). She gave me my self-worth back by loving me. Telling me what a kind person I was growing up. But she was to damaged from being married to a narcissist also. I WASN’T looking for anyone when I met this wonderful woman while playing Scrabble with older (my mothers age) women. She is a chump also. Now we are engaged. This was what I wanted:

    Single, father of two teenagers, looking for a spiritual, faithful (not a cheater), kind, easy going, and loves traveling. Looks are not a high importance as a great inner person. Must like my kids and family. Have no problem with me being disabled. Reciprocal relationship a must. No screaming allowed.

    I got that and a ton more. I did not have a check list, just standards. But I had to put the work of healing in first before I could attract a healthy person. I still have work to do and have been upfront about it. She still wants to be with me as I am the most kind and tender person she has uncountered. Don’t give up in finding love.

  • Seeking unattached ethical freak who has his financial, legal, and mental shit together to share adventures on the wild side and explorations off the beaten path. No kids, no dogs, and no normies who are only interested in being weekend warriors of The Weird Life.

  • Me: Early 50’s, two kids, one in college and one in high school, own a business and have a second job, somewhat of a worker bee. Love to garden, cook, listen to music, and play guitar. I do the dishes, the laundry, wash floors on hands and knees.

    You: a real person, one without a phone surgically attached to your hand, one who doesn’t judge their value through Facebook, one who can enjoy nature, and find pleasure in the simplest of things, and are able to communicate your thoughts and feelings.

    If your a high conflict disordered parasite that stays in bed past noon….no need to respond

  • A few years back a female chump friend of mine said to ask myself, “Would you want to date yourself?” Her answer about herself was, “Hell, yeah!!!!” And it was the right response, because she is a fabulous woman! My answer then and now is, “Hell, no!”

    If I would have answered this question before D-day, I would have said, “Hell, yes! And I would want to marry myself too!”

    After D-day, I went into counseling for my “low self-esteem problem” and my counselor gave me an assignment to write down all my good qualities and to also ask a few people close to me what they would add. We filled up an entire page in a composition notebook and the cheater agreed with everything that was written down and also added three more things. On paper and in real life I was a great wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend and employee. So why wasn’t I good enough or enough for my husband? Why did he not appreciate who I am and how much value I added to his life? No matter how much I did or didn’t do, it would never be enough to stop him from seeing “friends” behind my back.

    So, today with the help of CL and CN, I forced myself to get out that composition notebook and read what I wrote down almost five years ago. I’ve been apprehensive to read it, because I have not been my old self since D-day (that’s probably a really good thing!) and I was afraid to see that I’m no longer like my former self. So this is my dating profile list as to who I am and it’s in no particular order and I will include some stuff that you’d see in a dating profile, minus the long walks on a beach. haha. 🙂

    I’m in my early 50’s, dark blonde hair, blue eyes and average body type. I’ve been told I’m beautiful, but now I’m not sure as that could have been love-bombing from my ex to keep me hooked in until he discarded me when he found new, trusting, sparkly supply. I own my home, car, have a job and can take care of myself. I have kids, but don’t want anymore of my own, but would welcome and love yours to the best of my ability. What’s most important to me is my faith and my family. I look forward to one day being a grandma and having my kids and their families over for dinners, holidays and family fun. Some of my life goals is to walk the Camino de Santiago. Hike parts if not all of the Appalachian and Pacific Crest Trail. Yes, these are lofty goals, but I like to dream big and sometimes my dreams come true when I decide to put my time and energy into making them happen. Another one of my goals is to visit all 50 of the United States and as of today, I’m somewhere up in the 30’s. I love visiting national parks and have been to quite a few of them. I also love traveling to Europe, but I’m the backpacking type of European traveler. I love history, true crime, anything related to WWII. At the moment, I’m obsessed with learning about personality disorders. You know, those fun people like narcissists, sociopath and psychopaths. I’m also currently obsessed with the Chris Watts case, but that won’t be forever. I’m the type of person who gets interested in a person or topic and then researches it to death and then I put it on the shelf and move onto something else. I’m kind of a homebody, but I also enjoy going out to see movies, theater and doing new things in my community. I’m always up for an adventure or road trip. I’m not really into sports, but wouldn’t mind if you are. I wouldn’t mind going to a game once in awhile, but not all the time and if this is what going on a date to you is, then I’m not for you.

    I’ve been told I have the following characteristics and I believe them to be true to this day, even though at times in the past almost five years I haven’t been this way: hard worker, organized, promise keeper, compassionate, patient, dependable, thankful/grateful, secret keeper, smart, beautiful, I’m loved, independent, great mother, kind hearted, caring, are there for people both physically and emotionally, great baker, keeps a clean house, conscientious employee, reliable, trustworthy, great sense of humor, efficient , wise, giving and insightful. THE END.

    There you have it, CN! This is pretty much me. My sister was the one who said I was a great mother. My exes addition was “efficient, wise and giving”. I’m now realizing today that he didn’t add that I was a great wife. In an assignment we had to do for the pastor in MC, the ex wrote down that I was a “great mother and a GOOD wife”. That really stood out to me at the time, because he always told me what a great wife I was (AND I WAS!), but the devaluation process had begun, but I didn’t know what that was at the time. After he told me he wanted a divorce he said and I quote, “You never took good care of me”. There it was! The final devaluation and rewriting of history. Another total lie, but you can never expect truth from a pathological lying cheater.

    • Martha, you sound amazing! Please give yourself a prescription for glasses so you can see your own loveliness for yourself. No one else can give you this gift as you can! 🤗

      If you want to know what the PCT or AT are like, get onto one of the trails when thru hikers will be coming by. Bring cutie oranges and chocolate 😁 thru hikers will stop and share their adventures with you for an orange or chocolate 😊 They are from all walks of life and all places. It will inspire you! Much love!

      • Thank you, Overcomer! 🙂 Next time I’m close to a trail I will most certainly take your advice. 🙂

        • Martha you are awesome!
          I want to walk the Camino de Santiago with you!
          I’m an obsessive researcher also.
          Love true crime, WWII & history.
          We’d have a lot to talk about on that journey! Peace💙Sister

          • Renee62, that’s so wild we like the same things! I would most certainly walk the Camino with you! It will probably be a few more years until I’m able due to my job, but I for sure will do this one day! Peace be with you too. 🙂

  • Getting my second wind! Nearing official retirement age but healthier in every way than I’ve ever been. I’ve realized teaching is my gift and I want to use it. Looking for an educational institution of any kind to take me on while I earn my license back (let it lapse while being chump support staff for the terminally self-absorbed). You won’t be sorry–I have brains, humor, empathy, enthusiasm, and a fierce drive to succeed. I’ll get the coursework done in record time because apart from a few good friends and my pets, I have no interest in having a personal life.

      • The flavor of the self-absorption changes (varying sexual/gender identities mostly) but the intense single focus does not. For years of RIC work, I wondered when it would be time to focus on the marriage. The answer was never, and there’s nothing left to fix.

  • What I truly want in bed is a good book, cup of tea, purring cat, and a plate of pancakes smothered in butter.

  • I feel like I’m in mourning and I’m just stuck. I have days where I’m accomplishing my goals and I feel good and then I have days like today where I feel down and out and I struggle just to get out of bed. I keep pushing myself to keep going and to feel my emotions and not suppress them but not to let them destroy me. Right now I’m at a place where I don’t even want to think about dating or relationships, cause I just don’t want to deal with another guy right now. I can barely deal with myself sometimes. I would love to become a surgical tech/nurse and get started on my career after being a military spouse for 17 years. I have to rebuild my self-esteem and self-confidence, then maybe I can dip my toes in the dating pool again. The Chump Lady has been a godsend, it has helped me so much. She’s better then my own therapist!!!

  • 50+ male ISO mature woman who knows what she wants. Must enjoy the following: cats, dogs, movies, video games, eating what I cook, the outdoors, board and video games, hugs, being amazed by things, and laughing. Nerds go to the front of the line.

  • Attractive lady, 60ish, seeks cat, to enjoy curling up on a rainy day. Must like good Literature. Prefers Siamese or Birman, but a DSH is fine as long as you are litter trained, your shots are up to date, and you are spayed or neutered. I am bicatual and swing both ways. I can provide gormet cat food and a good lap, a little shedding is ok. I’m not a mind reader, so I appreciate a vocal cat; one who’s not afraid to say what’s on his/her mind. I enjoy a little cat nip now, and again. Must be young enough to play, but old enough to nap, not claw the furniture or climb the curtains. Absolutely no fleas or ticks. I will not tolerate a cat that plays with my yarn ball, or interferes with my knitting. If this is you, contact me at I-800-no dogs please.

  • Not thin, Lost my perky. Excellent at online shopping and packing school lunchboxes. Seeking sober, employed, mentally fit man who extends the occasional kind gesture without duress. Emotional intelligence score above zero required.

  • What I would like my profile to say:

    I’m a single, fit 36yo female with two awesome kids. I went through a divorce but came out the other side with so much more to give and I really know who I am. I’m spunky, fun, outgoing and love to have a great time. I have my own house with a cute pool and a fun life with my kids. I have a good career and am looking for a fantastic man, who is honest, kind and attractive. Our ideal life would involve traveling with a tiny home RV and seeing the world. We would work hard (but not too hard) and laugh hard (very hard) and have a great relationship built on trust, love, admiration and the same values.

    What my *honest* profile would say:

    I’m a sadly single female who used to be fit but has gained 20lbs stress eating from sadness and divorce and worrying about paying all the bills my excheater saddled me with. I have kids whom I love, but one can be a little shit sometimes. I love to travel and explore and go to festivals but I hardly get around to even having a day off because (refer to above) my ex saddled me with the house and huge pile of expenses so I spend my *free* time, working, cleaning and reading financial books so I can get ahead. I have sparkly blue eyes that don’t shine anymore because they are the window to my soul, and, well, my soul has been crushed along with my heart. I have long, dark, hair that used to be pretty but now it has a small handful of greys because (refer to above) my ex abandoned us and ran off for strange and I stayed to parent my kids and try every fucking day to rebuild my life and heal my shattered heart. I’m pretty good at keeping my head straight on most days but still wish I had my family that I adored and my husband that I cherished and still ask myself a year later wtf happened? I’m hopeful someday I’ll have my awesome self back (with a few deep seated scars from cheater pants) but you probably will have to wait around a few years for that. Right now I’m dieting so I’m not so self conscious, because when your husband runs off for strange it can really boost your self-esteem amiright? I have no clue what I’m looking for in a man but I know that when I even bother to look it will definitely be someone with good values…if I ever go there trusting someone again.

    No wonder all the broken men are into me these days….

    • Unexpected, My, that’s really honest. You’ll get your awesome back. It will come with baby steps and small accomplishments. Being chumped myself and saddled with an avalanche of marital debt 5 years now. Things are getting better. Started a small trucking company with my brother so that I can be not just financially independent but INDEPENDENT to do the things I love more and things I missed out on the last 20 years. 48 now. Son is about to graduate HS. Started dating almost 2 years ago. UGH! LOL. Met one woman that I’ve grown fond of. Just having fun together and seeing where it goes. Recently she told me how amazing she thinks I am which I haven’t thought of or heard in what seems like forever. I think she’s pretty special too! If things don’t work out with her that’s ok. Although, and this is just knowing myself, she will be the last woman in my life. After that, hope not, I don’t see the point in my early to mid fifties starting over yet again but I’m perfectly fine with it. I still work my full time job of 22 years and will do both until our enterprise becomes more than I can handle on my spare time. So UNEXPECTED, don’t sweat it too much. You’ awesome will come that I can promise you.

      • Thanks Leonidis,
        Honestly, this week has been really hard, stressful mediation, major life decisions (do I keep the house or sell it?), I look in the mirror and see how I look so worn from so much stress, and both my kids are soooooooo excited to see their cheater dad for the weekend that it just makes me sick to see him be the hero while I bust my ass every day and look like the cranky stressed out mom that I am. I’m only a year out so I know I have a ways to go. This is just a really stressful week and I’m feeling really down today. Thanks for the kind words, I’m sure I’ll start being a bit happier and more myself sometime soon 🙂

        • Just seen yr latest – that’s me too, three kids, two troubled and one worryingly narc-like after break-up, scary financials, grey hairs, looking haggard. But like you, doing my best. And that means I’m the best me I can be – right now. who know what the next year will bring – after all we had no idea what the last year would bring, right?! 😀

          Hugs xxx

        • I’ve been struggling lately with the “hero dad” issue too. My kids are with their dad every other weekend and sometimes, when convenient for him, he also shows up at their activities. I do everything else, including pay for everything (not a single dime from hero dad since July last year), structure, discipline, reliability…you know, parenting. Plus we have fun mixed in. But I totally hear you on feeling like the stressed out, cranky mom who busts her ass every day to eat the shit sandwich of “when do we go to dad’s?” And “YAAAAAY dad’s house!” Or even “you’re mean! I love dad more!”

          A couple things I try to remember (sometimes successfully):
          1. I also used to think he was fun and I’m an adult, so it’s no surprise he can trick them too. Some day they will realize how oppressive it is to live with him, just like I did.
          2. I’m glad I don’t have to send them to a place they hate, even if it’s hard to hear them squeal with delight.
          3. I’m angling for friendship with my future (25 year-old) children, not my toddlers. Right now I have to make them into people I’d actually want to be friends with.

          It’s frustrating still. I’ll take any advice on this topic!

  • Me: Financially secure, red flag aware, loves outdoors, hiking. Has own camping trailer for adventures.
    You: Must love hikes, be excited to spend time with and enthusiastic about my cooking. Must have soulful eyes that shine and show your true feelings.

    So….I’ve found my love. It’s my dog!

  • Pretty good looking, takes no bullshit middle aged female seeks more cats to join her harem. Ideally you purr when I touch you, are a good listener, enjoy dining together, and cuddle up in bed. Humans can apply but you need to meet all requirements of the cats AND use toilet, not the litter box.

  • 36yo, blue-eyed, divorced white dad with thinning hair but blessed to be left handed. I’m a biology nerd and scientist by trade who loves totally random trivia, cooking for those I love, goofy and off-color humor, and classic cars. My alternating weekends are spent playing hide and seek with my three sons, mowing the yard, going for a run, and scouring antique shops. My ideal weekend would be spent restoring an antebellum mansion to its former glory or hitting the beach for a quiet getaway (with some occasional camping in a classic airstream trailer thrown in for good measure). Looking for someone around my age who will love my boys (even when they are being little shits) and appreciate the everyday things I do to show I care. It would be great if you want to share at least a few of my varied interests, but you must share my values (kindness, integrity, and family first which means you actually try to get along with my parents). Oh, and I sit down on the toilet to pee.

    • “Oh, and I sit down on the toilet to pee.” If I were 20 years younger… You would have won me over with that line alone. 😉

      All the men (women too but since I’m looking for a man, I’m focusing on them) I “see” here in CN are such catches. I hope you find a woman who deserves you and loves your kids.

    • As a female 36-year-old blue-eyed, left-handed biologist/environmental scientist currently looking for a house to renovate for me and my two littles, you have just given me hope that there will one day be someone out there for me when I’ve fixed my picker and put down my battle-axe. Of course, that momentarily put a crack in my master plan to go grey by myself in a beach house with a rescued german shepherd, so I have mixed feelings about this whole thing.

      Best of luck to you and your boys. You sound like a fantastic dad, and I hope you find a lady who cherishes all four of you.

      • Thanks, NotToday. You’ve given me the same hope in return. I hope you find that special house to turn into a cherished home for you and your kiddos.

    • Yes ! Men who sit down to pee, don’t consider it emasculating and are just as grossed out as I am by a golden moat and tinkle stains on the wall !

    • LOL!!! The enthusiasm for this cracks me up. Seriously though, I file sitting down to pee as a simple way to show consideration for your wife. Not to mention how much easier it is to keep things clean. I’ll never understand why someone would want the bathroom in their own home to look and smell like a public restroom.

  • ME: Late 50s, healthy, in reasonably good shape. I’m gainfully employed but also a musician. That means weeknight rehearsals and weekend evening gigs. Its what I do. I’ve been chumped and my BS detector is sharp. I have adult children and I won’t bash their mom just because I divorced her. My eating habits are adventurous and healthy, with the occasional comfort food indulgence. My musical taste is adventurous.

    YOU: If you’ve ruined your voice with cigarettes and booze, move on. You can pronounce and use words correctly. You’re not the center of the universe and you don’t expect to be the center of mine.

  • Middle aged lady seeks companion for cocktails and walks. Must have NO ALLERGIES to work, the truth, or monogamy.

    • Love it Bossy!
      Hopefully those walks come before the cocktails,
      those serpentine walks can take a lot out of you 😆

  • It’s is the part that keeps me off dating sites, but I’ll give it a go.

    Independent 62 year old woman who loves photography, music, museums, and architecture. I’ll never look like Barbie and rarely look in the mirror. I shop church sales and the Salvation Army to buy warm clothing, hats and scarves for the the less fortunate, and distribute items in the city.

    Looking for someone who has their own interests who isn’t clingy, a couch potato, drunks in excess or needs to get high to function. Can you plan a date? I fucking hope so cause it’s the first step.

  • I love my life. I love me. I’m smart, funny, clever, a fierce and loyal friend, compassionate, honest, brave, and I’m damn interesting. I spent 20 years trying to hide my awesomeness not to make a mediocre man feel bad himself. And he spent 20 years trying to make me feel bad for being awesome. IF you are going to date me, you have to bring something special to the table. Because I’m not giving up my life or dimming my light for anything less. I don’t need someone for the sake of having someone. Living my life without a romantic partner does not frighten me. I’m not lonely. There is no void to fill. I want a partner. An equal. Someone who I can share my life with, not someone who is my life.

    • Do it! But fix my mistake first “I spent 20 years trying to hide my awesomeness not to make a mediocre man feel bad *about* himself.” 😆

      But seriously. I’m tired of mediocre people dragging down good, amazing people. These piece of shit cheaters cheat because they want to feel power they can’t possess. Because they are bland and empty.

      Let your light shine!

  • Woman with two large Labrador retrievers seeks kind man who does not lose his mind at seeing a few dog hairs on the sofa while expostulating about his right to keep expired coupons, packages of underwear, batteries, tictacs, phone chargers, two years of unread magazines from 1987, plastic bags from a drugstore in Germany, and stacks of paper that “could be important” on the kitchen island, bedroom floor, bathroom counter, coffee table and any other place that is not a garbage pail.

    Me: I’m a middle aged, hard-working, honest animal-lover who makes a mean peanut butter and jelly sandwich, watched too much Sesame Street as a kid and can sing a song about every letter in the alphabet except “I”, and does not cheat on her taxes. Ideally, you are a middle aged, hardworking and honest animal-loving man who believes in reciprocity, ramen noodles as an OK substitute for dinner if similarly equipped with poor cooking skills, and blessed with a working knowledge of how to use a vacuum cleaner. A big plus if you’re passionate about rhinoceroses, chocolate poptarts, and honesty. If you can help me with the letter I, I think we might have a future together.

    Will be ready for your reply in approximately three years.

  • My ad:
    Wimpy covert narcs beware. Apparently, I’m so “intimidating” and “aggressive” that sissified weaklings have to resort to cheating on me for years with some bottom-feeding skank just to feel like “real men”. Even if you like and admire my take no shit quality at first, after we are committed (or at least *I* am), you will expect me to change into a Stepford Wife and protect your frail ego from the truth you’re too cowardly to face.
    Now, if you’re a self assured, but not narcissistic guy who isn’t a closeted misogynist, you won’t have that problem. You’ll be guatanteed a loyal, loving, giving partner and a lot of laughs. I even bake, and exceptionally well. I just won’t kiss your ass, nor will I expect you to kiss mine. I want an equal partner who doesn’t lie and doesn’t keep secrets. I won’t ask for gifts. You don’t ever need to bring me flowers. I just want you to tell the truth and care about others. Deal?

    Ed note: No substance abusers of any kind, please. No porn hounds, oglers, sexual harassers, or other preverts. If you don’t respect women, you can waddle away to fuck offity land on your cloven hooves.

    • “Even if you like and admire my take no shit quality at first, after we are committed (or at least *I* am), you will expect me to change into a Stepford Wife and protect your frail ego from the truth you’re too cowardly to face.”
      BTDT! Oh no, there are more of him.

  • Mid-40s, fit, educated, professional mom of two who loves to hike, cook and drink wine is seeking a 40-50 year old adult male who is a king in his own right to have great conversation and to enjoy social activities (No, this is not code for sex). Looking for integrity, honour, initiative, self-reflection, opinions, ethics and values. On the one hand not desperate for the love of my life to sweep me off my feet, and on the other hand, not looking to be used and discarded. If you’re married (even only separated), move on. I got morals and believe that loose ends should be tied.

  • Would truly love to keep this week on week off 50/50 shared care thing with my kids going as it has been instrumental in my getting a life back. I haven’t quite arrived yet as am enjoying the solitude and work on self a little bit too much so haven’t really ventured out into full social calendar land yet. Balance has never come easily for me so am biding my time in peace and solitude while it lasts. It’s good.

    I would like to say it’s great. And it was until I found out what Dick has actually been doing the last 6 months since I booted him out. So now I need to work on dropping the 50/50 thing with the kids. Let’s just say he hasn’t changed and actually has got worse. It’s criminal activity my kids shouldn’t be around as well as extremely sexually deviant (no condoms are ever used). So me and my kids future is pretty uncertain right now. His covert malignant narcissism makes it challenging to get my kids out of there and that truly sucks. I’m hoping that when we settle and I pay him out a few hundred grand (reward for bad behaviour I kid you not) he goes travelling. Seeds have been planted and enough bridges burned it looks like it could be his only option. So I’m hopeful. The trick with these monsters is for them to come up with the idea and me to be not too keen on it. Hard. My airpoints are ready to share.

    I had a tarot spread last week that showed my past relationship as the hermit and the devil. Ain’t that the truth! My future relationship was the empress and the emperor. So I’m looking forward to that, although the emporer is likely to come along sooner than I’m ready for. I’m strong in my belief that I need to become the empress on my own first rather than relying on the emporer to make me his queen. So that’s progress. Old me would have wanted the king to come along quickly. New me is hoping I’ve got a few years of solitude first.

    Im also a bit worried about money (that pesky property settlement) but my cards, stars and razor sharp intuition suggest I needn’t be. So I’m also looking forward to when this crazy ride is over (August is on the cards and it’s going to get worse before it gets better).

    The best thing about where I’m at right now? Trusting my intuition and not being victim to a wholesale campaign of gaslighting and projection. That shit is still happening, but no contact really does work and is the best thing in the Get A Life arsenal for sure. Trusting yourself is awesome especially when you’ve lost so much trust from your husband and all my friends he was screwing for years. A big dick is good for nothing when it’s attached to an even bigger dick. That’s my mantra now.

    So me and my kids are going to get a new dream, that doesn’t involve their toxic abusive father. I’ll clean up the mess he will leave behind and I’m totally ok with that if it means my kids get to grow up happy and healthy and not being victim to his abuse, or criminal activity. The law is an arse, but equally it can work in our favour if we just be the better person and pre-empt the shit the shithead will throw to a judge to avoid accountability. Accountability is my middle name.

    Counting the days weeks and months til August I tell ya. Not sure I could do it without my magic spells and ability to see into the future tbh. I’ve escaped a life of hell with a man who sets everything up to be a win win for him. Biding my time in pergatory doing pretty well at setting everything up to be a win win for my kids. And that’s the difference between me and him. I’m not out to win for me and me alone. I’m not out to beat him (he’s doing pretty well at losing on his own). I just want my kids to be safe and happy which will make me safe and happy and able to get on with my good life which is happening now. He on the other hand is only out to beat me. That shit doesn’t stick to goodness, it’s repelled by good intentions. And I’ve got good intentions in droves! Loving where this crazy ride is heading (except the criminal activity and sexual deviancy. He can travel through Asia and South America on his own if he wants to carry on doing that)

  • I’m a single dad in his mid-40’s who loves to be active and outside. I have 2 awesome kids. I am proud to say I know how to put earrings into someone else’s ears, cook, sew on Girl Scout patches, check homework, and get someone into a tutu. Those who feel that is not manly need not apply. I can fix some stuff around the house, but I usually just pay somebody; it’s a perk of having a real job.
    I am looking for someone to share in the adventure, especially traveling. Most of all, I am looking for someone with good character, who does not lie or cheat, and who thinks of others first. She should also have good boundaries, staying away from overly attentive male “friends,” suitors, and stalkers, and she should enforce those boundaries on her own.
    She should be ready to be silly and goofy at any time, because the rest of us sure will.

  • I have EVERYTHING already. Thanks to the ex for the motivation to get here! I am open to BOND girl types for weekend adventures…..

  • Not dating nor app inclined, but throwing a wish to the universe:

    Fly, early 40s, cis/straight mom to an amazing 9-year-old seeks friendship, then love. Brown badass artist-scholar; likes britpop, glam, art, and karaoke. Hoping to manifest a compassionate, other-centered, artistic intellectual, late 30s–late 40s, loyal and lurid, with kind heart, a job, and a shock of hair. I am enough on my own, but would enjoy partnership with a man who knows himself and stands for something.

    • ^^^THIS. YES.^^^
      I’m with you, Ninon.
      Is there a filter for “artistic intellectual with a kind heart”?

      • Dude, I don’t know. I have met very few! While I’m skittish about fellow academics–God, are we overrepresented on CN–I work with some incredibly good-hearted male humanities scholars (not arty per se, but in the neighborhood). So they’re out there, just not many and most of them taken, ime. Here’s hoping that we both find one!

        Also, in retrospect, I should have said: “…a man who knows himself, has done the work, and stands for something.” No more unformed, infant assholes!

  • 51yo female veterinarian seeks romance, if “seeks” means has thought about it occasionally and if “romance”isn’t very romantic.The lucky person is probably male, but that’s not a dealbreaker. Must, however, like dogs. And cats. And birds. And guinea pigs. And rabbits. And snakes.And lizards. And axololotls. Anyone who attempts to talk to me while maintaining a hands free phone conversation at the same time will be kicked in the knee, or higher. What can I say, it’s a trigger.

  • Gray-asexual looking for someone who will always have my back, as I will have yours, and never lie to me, by commission or omission, as I will never lie to you. Taking off clothes will not be even on the table until after a long friendship.

    I’m mid-30s, fit (amateur circus artist), and love computer games and tabletop role-playing more than food. I will never wear makeup except for a dance performance (when I will going full-on cosplay), and I will never be adventurous or out-doors-y. I am neither low key nor low maintenance. I have Feelings with a capital F and I will not be ignored into pretending things are fine anymore and anyone who wants to be a major part of my life had better make me a major part of theirs. I use long words and love science and mathematics and expect anyone who wants to share a life to be able to keep up intellectually. (And don’t you dare correct my pronunciation unless you have checked the dictionary first.)

    No alcohol, no drugs, no dogs, no kids (I will not be having any, ever, no negotiating on this), no polyamory, must love cats. Must not smell or have bad breath. Skinny, short, long hair, and being a morning person all major pluses.

    (Yes, I know I’m being too picky. But this is chumps being able to dream, right?)

  • I am dating someone so I don’t know if/when I will ever need this but here it is anyway:

    You need to be able to keep up with me, without leaving me in the dust, when we go on those mountain hikes together. 🙂

    I also enjoy relaxed indoor activities, such as movies, plays, and just reading a book at home. I think it would be fun to take turns reading a good book out loud with a romantic partner, preferably in front of the fireplace or snuggled up in bed (before or after, could go either way).

    I am an HVAC engineer whose current employment is devoted to computer generated whole building energy analysis for the purpose of evaluating energy conservation strategies in new and existing buildings.

    I am also the mother of three teenagers including my daughter (18), my older son (16) and my younger son (13). They are my first priority, but they are old enough to not need or even want mom to hover over them all of the time. The oldest is in college abroad.

    If you are looking for trophy wife material, move on. Ditto if you are looking for June Cleaver. We can have more fun together if you are willing to enjoy life and try new things without worrying about whether or not you (or I) will be any good at them. If you are still reading this, I look forward to hearing from you.

  • Early 50 year old female looking for someone who actually communicates. Someone who doesn’t lie, cheat, and can actually keep a job longer than a few years. Someone who doesn’t blame everyone else for his miserable pathetic fake life. Looking for an honest person who doesn’t get scared by real life and won’t bail when life is hard. You must enjoy hiking and traveling and just hanging out with me.
    I am a hard worker and have been an O.R. Nurse for 29 years at the same hospital (talk about committed). I am a little messed up having been married to a liar for 25 years and after several wreckonciliations finally saw the light.
    Please don’t ask me to come to your house on the first date to see your cat. Please don’t tell me after 2 dates that you don’t see it leading to marriage( I fucking don’t even know you). These have been my experiences of online dating after 30 years.
    Learning to be happy by myself and enjoy hanging out my divorced friends. As I type this I realize I don’t really need a man.
    Fuckwit cheaters need not apply.

  • I’m a statuesque 48-year-old woman that speaks Autism, college football, reality TV, gossip, Harry Potter, Star Wars, and public education issues fluently.
    If I’m dressed up, better capture the moment because usually I’m either in the same pajama pants, night shirt, and sweatshirt with holes in it from my former dog as soon as I get home, or the same jeans and t-shirt I wore to the Piggly Wiggly yesterday— Crocs are optional, but I’m transitioning to Birkenstocks currently.
    Most nights you will find me at home making such culinary delights as eggs, cheese pizza, macaroni and cheese, or hot dogs. I enjoy baking, trying to avoid gluten, sugar, dairy, carbs is a bitch.
    I spend my work days talking, talking, talking to over 200 people a day, so if you’re looking for deep, long conversations during the work week, be prepared for monotone short answers. I need to decompress.
    I enjoy lounging at the beach, going out to hear live music, Mardi Gras, etc., however usually home early
    Being as tall as I am, being taller than me is a bonus. No offense, but shorter than me just doesn’t work for me.
    Affection is mandatory, clingy suffocating physical attention isn’t.
    Potty mouth, loud, bad dancer, can’t sing worth a flip, doesn’t stop me from praying, being humble, dancing and singing when I want. I’m complex, socially awkward, and have no dating game whatsoever. Flirting is not a skill I have ever obtained.
    PM me to make a date!!!
    No nudes, and no I don’t want to see yours.

  • Great thread!

    Tall, dark and handsome tenured college English professor. Six years until retirement. Dry sense of humor, kind, sensitive, affectionate, libidinous, love to cook, love nature. Half Italian, half Jewish. Single dad of a 12 year old girl and a 15 year old boy. Crazy about dogs. My ultimate desire is to live semi-off the grid.

    But: I’m kind of a wreck. My happy marriage and sacred family abruptly and shockingly imploded seven years ago. I was bled dry financially from a long, acrimonious divorce and was forced out of my beautiful home into a small rental that I must stay in above my financial means so my kids don’t have to leave the neighborhood and schools they grew up with. Their mother, even before the divorce, moved in with the OM, and this is a constant source of stress. Both my parents are gone and while I am very well-socialized and convivial, I lack real friends and tend toward solitude. I am, in truth, terribly lonely.

    I’ve gone on likely nearly 100 dates in five years. It’s never worked.

    Both my kids have issues. My 12 year old tried to kill herself twice in the last couple years and my son is miserable at school. Because of their needs, I have to communicate frequently with my XW, and this is a constant source of stress as well, since I have to walk on eggshells to keep the peace for the sake of our children. This will likely make make it difficult to be in a relationship with me.

    I and my children have Tourette’s Syndrome. Mine and my son’s is mild and under control, but my daughter’s is more consipicuous. This has all sorts of comorbidities (OCD, low frustration tolerance, etc.) that may make a relationship with me and my children extra stressful. I love them, but they are not easy, and if I sense that you don’t like them or vice-versa, it’s over, immediately. It won’t work. And I have them a little more than 50% of the time.

    I am prone to depression. I am slow to trust. If you show the slightest sign of insensitivity to me, I will bolt. While I am light years from the sobbing mess I was five years ago, the damage is deep and possibly life-lasting. You would have to be remarkably patient and devoted and reassuring through consistent actions over a long period of time before I would truly lower my walls. I’m kinky and if you’re not, it won’t work.

    But did I mention I’m really kind?

    This is awful 🙂

    • Precious David2016! {{{Big Hugs}}}

      Please research “BodyTalk” therapy for both you and your children. Would be great if the “BodyTalk” therapist you locate also uses Qest 4 as part of their session. I had only a single session thus far & WOW! so much relief & improvement.

      All of you need relief from all the toxic negative stuff that is pooled in your body and psyche. It is fairly affordable and does not necessarily require multiple sessions. You can get dramatic relief and improvement from just a single session (though I would highly suggest more than one session for each of you, as you have all been so terribly traumatized)

      ForgeOn, my friend, ForgeOn!

    • I’m impressed that you’ve gone on 100 dates. That alone would be depressing for me personally. What I’ve focused on close authentic friendships. I’ve developed that closeness with other chumps in meetup groups in my area. I can’t say enough positive things about this experience.

      You have a busy schedule, teenagers who need support and I’m sure you often wonder how the fuck to feel whole again. I too am at that five year mark until my working retirement with a granddsughter going to college in the fall.

      I’ve reconnected with a guy friend who shares some of my interests and we have a great time together. He’s intelligent, kind and makes me laugh. There’s no pressure to partner up because we’re both on the same page. I have another close friend who shares other interests and we connect on another level.

      You’re worthy of love and compassion however, not in a place where partnering up would enhance your life. This was a huge realization in my personal life and as soon as I accepted this I stopped pressuring myself and became more mindful of enjoying those few authentic people in my life who could have an intelligent conversation. Wishing you the best David.

    • Wishing you the absolute best, David2016!!!
      DD is high-functioning Autistic, and she’s prone to melt downs still, I still get “looks” when we’re out and about, I get it.
      I also teach English though on a much lower scale.
      I hear you about the depression. I still have days when I’m blue and don’t want to function as a human adult. It sucks.
      Hang in there!!!!

    • David – you will find the right person. Life is hard when you are parenting non neurotypical young ones. I wonder sometimes if is harder to be a neurotypical parent doing it – because I can’t fully understand my son’s challenges or if it would be harder to do it as someone non neurotypical myself – like you with your own TS diagnosis. My boy has TS as well as ASD and a few other diagnoses thrown in for fun. Just parenting our kiddos is exhausting at times. Doing it while dealing with the trauma of divorcing a cheating spouse, trying to figure out how to co parent with someone you cannot trust, can feel like a Sisyphean task.

      Just keep putting one foot in front of the other my friend, focus on being the sane parent. Do that by taking time to just be kind to yourself and do things for you as well as for them. It took me about 3 years post D day to get to the point where I feel like I could even find time to successfully date – if I could find someone that was interested in a single mom with a special needs child. You may be trying to take on too much too soon. Give yourself time to heal if you haven’t, get good stable routines down with the kiddos, get healthy routines down for yourself that include exercise and time out with friends or if you don’t have any right now – out doing something you like – like a hobby. I joined a book club and took a painting class. I met some people at one but the other turned out not to be for me – so I replaced it with yoga. The people I met at book club introduced me to the people I ended up joining in with to create a special needs game night once a month for all the folks in our community. I met a lo more like minded people through that. I made more friends. I joined a church. I had a big set back when I lost my job – friends stepped in to help me. I started moving forward again. like I said – it takes time for life to really stabilize after such a big hit. Give yourself that time.

      • Thank you, Molly and TooSmart. Yes, having special needs kids makes everything extra hard. I’m so used to it by now it sometimes comes as a surprise when I observe some of their behaviors through the eyes of someone else. But I love them and my time is pretty consumed by them, so it would take someone remarkable to come into our lives.

  • Must love teenagers, dogs, church, and the Democratic party. I’m private and bookish. Must like traveling to historical sites or beaches and pay your own way. No camping, not even in an RV. You can’t mind that I have a lot of allergies. The temperature in the house has to be 68 or 69. No scented candles or scented plug ins. No cologne. No smoking. No loud music unless we are cleaning. I’d rather stay home and eat a tomato sandwich and read a book than go to a loud party. Must love Auburn football and basketball. Must leave me alone when I read in the tub for an hour. Cannot mind that my favorite pajamas are just comfortable sweats or flannel pants with a t-shirt. Be good with math so you can help the teenagers. Understand proper grammar. Put your phone down and talk. Eat dinner at the table and help clean up. Make the coffee sometimes.

  • Love your comments SS which is why in my fifties I would never put myself on a dating site. I’m not going to be an “old” pussy place holder while people(i guess like you) look to snatch young pussy without “deal breakers.” Having boundaries will not leave me “old and lonely.” Yes, I will be older and possibly live alone. Lonely? Never! There is a big world full of people, animals, projects etc. I have never made a comment on a snarky post here and will not again. You are really a “bitter bunny” about something. Your
    opinion summation is your projection of your values. Thanks for the morning smile knowing I’m free from that shit and oh, I know I’m posting to a void.

  • Suki Soo, I’m interested in hearing your story. It sounds like you have some dating horror stories. Any good ones too?

    I think having expectations, boundaries and dealbreakers in dating is important armor to protect against being chumped again. However, I agree that having unreasonable expectations will only lead to disappointment.

    Your sentiment that ALL over 40 men in the dating pool are only interested in 25 year olds, is just as dangerous a belief as us chumps that think/ hope that our kindness and loyalty will shine so bright on Twitter it will cover our grays and pudge and be valued enough to earn a swipe.

    At some point, after the fun and physical side of re-entering the dating pool wears off, there is a subset of people that will be ready to look for something real. Something closer aligned with daily life… seeking a partnership, and they won’t be as interested in counting the rings on your pussy and they will just want someone real and decent to spend life with. I don’t think that subset of people is found on the majority of internet dating sites.

    Oh, I also don’t think your apt to find a nice man willing to spend time with you if you’re just angry and bitter, believing you are the owner of “old pussy”, rage against your loneliness, and generally spewing unpleasantries at the world.

    • I don’t see a comment here by Sukisoo. I feel like u missed something.

      Internet dating pretty much sucks but when I go online I call the shots. U only talk to people I think I may have something in common with and I give out no information on myself until I meet them. Not even my name. I have hidden pictures that I will only share with someone I might be interested in.

      I’ve been on plenty of Internet dates but not many in the past two years because most of the dates are horrible and I’d rather not have the aggravation.

      I feel my best bet to meet someone is the organic way, just hanging out in the universe. I live in a red state and it’s hard to meet a man who isn’t a big fan of trump. Ugh. Deal Breaker. Hugely.

      I’ve already decided I’ll be single the rest of my life before I’ll put up with disrespect.

  • No one here interests me romantically, because that’s not why I’m here – but we’re allowed to be polite to each other and pretend-flirt occasionally. It’s not hurting anyone.

    You DO sound horribly lonely and angry and hurt. Yes, the dating scene is pretty awful for most people, and you need a thick skin.

    But I think the people here who are happier single – not alone, just single – are quite genuine. I know I am. I am single and have chosen that for the future, but I am far from alone, and I’m busy and happy every day. Taking dating out of the equation can make a huge difference in interior liberation.

    On the other hand, if you have a strong sense of entitlement – that the world owes you a new partner, and goshdarnit, where the hell is he hiding? – then yeah, you’d sound a lot like SukiSoo.

  • I thought I’d scroll to the bottom and give this a go before heading back up to read what CN has contributed. This type of activity appeals to my sense of visualisation of the resolved future. Here goes:

    A bit about me – I’m a genuine and straight forward woman who invests myself in various ways. I’m a mother of 3, with my youngest being 7 years old. I work in the disability education sector and I love it. I attend an art class regularly, my teacher is a total gem. I get quite passionate about my favourite book series and can bore people by going on about it for ages. I have a close circle of friends who’ve been my lifeline at times. Cooking is something I love doing and I’m rather fond of very hot chilli sauces, recently I’ve started to make my own. I’m compassionate and caring and I do my best to learn from my mistakes. I’d love someone to play Scrabble with.

    In a partner: You are kind, transparent and have the ability to follow through. You treat your loved ones with care and value their part in your life. You’re someone I feel proud to know and I respect your position on topics we don’t agree on. You take the time to consider opinions which you may not have experienced. You also love the work you do and strive to achieve your goals. You face challenges with optimism and live life with integrity. You embrace maturity, show application and have a warm peaceful demeanor. You can beat me at Scrabble and win gracefully.

    Together we: share a deep sense of care for not only each other but our loved ones as well. Celebrate our achievements and support each other with the obstacles. Hold each other with upmost respect. Add value to each other’s lives. Maintain healthy boundaries and honour both points of view. Come to agreement when conflicts arise. Work together to reach compromise if we don’t agree. Value equality and active pursuit of the best outcomes for the “team”. Laugh and smile and uplift each other. Have common values, priorities and goals. Keep taking steps forward both individually and collectively. Grow old.

    Thank you for this CL! Now I’m curious about what others wrote 🙂

    • Onethingeveryday,

      You ever consider a side career in writing?! You truly captured the essence of how us authentic, genuine humans were designed to live and interact with one another.

      Taking the concepts & ideas we here at CN value and putting into such a well-written piece is a gift. Sorta like Tracy!

      Am glad others are still enjoying this post today, as I have benefited from this conversation so very much. So many commentators have, once again, shared wisdom, insight and love, along with a good dose of snark!

      At the moment, I am enjoying my life in a similar fashion as Lola Granlola:
      “But I think the people here who are happier single – not alone, just single – are quite genuine. I know I am. I am single and have chosen that for the future, but I am far from alone, and I’m busy and happy every day. Taking dating out of the equation can make a huge difference in interior liberation.” Beautifully put, Lola!

      Love to all as we continue to ForgeOn!

    • I love this! Eventually I’d like to meet someone who is open to the world, who knows what they want, is flexible, celebrates diversity, is kind, authentic, and present. A communicator who can celebrate others and appreciate other’s journeys. Who knows how to roll with life’s challenges, enjoys being outdoors, sunshine, and long walks on the beach, reading, movies, gardening, music, food, and housework. Want someone who can enjoy my need to pick up random pieces of furniture to redo them, thrifting, building homes that make sense, and someone who knows how to budget. Must enjoy lifelong learning, the arts, critters, children, family, and traveling. So, not a long list…oh! and definitely a sense of humor.

  • Onethingeveryday,
    “You are kind………..You treat your loved ones with care and value their part in your life.”
    ⬆️THIS⬆️
    My favourite part of your beautiful post.
    With these thoughts, with these goals, you are headed in the right direction.
    YOU are Mighty!
    ❤️

  • I got here late but I still want to play (<:

    Me: I'm fun and funny, bright, well read, attractive, relatively fit, educated, healthy, sexy, a tad irreverent and happy. My friends tell me that I am wickedly hilarious. I own my own beautiful home and I have turned my back yard into a bird and butterfly sanctuary. I love flowers and that may be a weakness as I always end up with more than I need come planting season. I shop the Farmer's Market and I'm an amazing cook and eat super healthy. I love a clean, organized home.

    You: Would be perfect if you didn't have children but if you do they must be well raised like mine are. No bums in the basement or ANYWHERE. You must have healthy boundaries with your adult children and if you are in any way still supporting a middle-aged loser, move along folks, nothing to see here.

    I'm looking for an educated, well read man. A man who only wants and needs one good woman in his life. You must be financially secure as I am. I'd love a guy who can be a goof ball at times. I love to take road trips to nowhere, poke around in antique stores, music festivals, concerts, movies, pedal bike riding, walking, boating. I want someone who wants to go to warm places with me in the winter.

    NO lies by commission or omission. If you want to marry me someday you must disclose ALL your financial matters ahead of time. Please mention any skeletons in your closet too. Let me make an informed choice. You wouldn't buy a business without looking at the books and I wouldn't get into a marriage again without 'looking at the books.'

    Hopefully you share my love of dogs and we could get one someday. No BIG dogs though. I'm never getting on a motorcycle so if you own one, you're on you own. I like clean shaven guys, no big hairy beards.

    You MUST be honest and have integrity.
    trump supporters swipe left.

  • Nerdy Chumped father of three looking for someone to build some dreams with. Must be honest and committed. This is a full-time position as a life partner. Those looking for part-time or contract work need not apply.

  • Listen, like a lot of people, I’ve been through a bad relationship and its made me more cautious. I’m not interested in making others pay for someone else’s mistakes but I’m in no hurry to dive into a relationship either. If I date again its going to have to be someone who thinks it’s cool that I love going to some hole in the wall to listen to a nobody who can play the blues like a young Stevie Ray Vaughn just as much as I love listening to the Moscow Balalaika Symphony play Hungarian Rhapsody #2 or a medley of Russian folk music. That its awesome I want to dirty dance to Carlos Santana’s Maria Maria or Smooth and Def Leopard’s Pour Some Sugar on Me just as much as I want to waltz to When You Say Nothing At All by Alison Krauss, or Foxtrot to Cheek to Cheek (Sinatra), Let her go (Passenger), If I Die Young (The Band Perry) and You Got a Friend in Me (Randy Newman or Michel Buble). He will need to know where to get the best freshly made: Walnut and basil pesto, Spicy salsa and guac, yakigyoza, rosemary and olive oil bread, blini, spatzle, pelemini, lomo saltado, pizza, creme brulee and chocolate chip cookies. I’m quirky and complicated and I like me this way. I am wicked smart and I’m not hiding that to make anyone more comfortable ever again. I won’t tolerate racism, sexism, ableism or prejudice of any kind. If you’re not interested in helping your fellow man – move along I’m not interested in you. (I don’t mean to the point of enabling destructive people – I’ve learned that lesson thank you very much) Make me laugh and I’m half way to yours but be warned I despise people who get their laughs at the expense of others. If you are interested in someone who is fun, interesting, can be a bit of a challenge to figure out, but totally devoted to the friends, family and other people she cares for, give me a shout. If not, well get out there and live your best life what ever that may be. Because yo deserve that. That’s what I’ll be doing. Because I deserve it too.

  • Literal farmer’s daughter from the Southern U.S. with college degree, professional career, liberal politics, a lifelong love of books, a live-and-let-live attitude and a wicked sense of humor seeks intelligent, steady man with good financial judgment, integrity, maturity, self respect, great hygiene, sexual sensitivity and interest, and communication competency. Good health is a nice plus; any height, weight or race. Can’t be pushy about religion; farmer’s daughter is an atheist but is happy to give non-bigoted religious people the space to be whoever they are. BONUS if you’re a foodie, love comedians and like talking about books and ideas.

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