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‘Being Frank’ versus Being Chumped

The new Jim Gaffigan comedy Being Frank is a chump Springtime for Hitler — a terrible idea that someone inexplicably green-lighted. Of course The Producer’s “Springtime for Hitler” is fiction (and the joke is it’s a hit); Being Frank is an actual movie that’s a flop.

The premise: Teenage son, Phillip, discovers his hard-ass father, Frank, has a double life with a wife and kids elsewhere. Instead of blowing Frank’s cover, Phillip blackmails his father… and they bond. (Side plot, his half-sister develops a crush on him.)

After genocidal musical, what bad ideas were left? Slave auction rom-com? Incest action adventure? Oh hey, I know… bigamy hijinks!

Some shit just isn’t funny.

I’m all for laughing at the transgressive and finding the deep veins of humor in fucked up situations (Hello, welcome to my blog…), but the best humor turns power on its ear. It laughs at the powerful and weaponizes snark in the service of underdogs. This is why we make fun of politicians and not crippled children.

Being Frank, however, wants us to sympathize with a sociopath who’s led a 19-year double life. And his son, who has a price for selling out his chump mother — the cost of college tuition. (Hey, what’s conspiring against your mom if its in the service of education?) The women, the chumps here, do they even register? Their sunk costs? The lives they invested, their children?

Chump humiliation is assumed. How retrograde. And this from a woman filmmaker, Miranda Bailey. Of course these two women will pick me dance for the wonderfulness of a cheater and huddle by his hospital bedside. Of course he has a sad sausage excuse for why he did it. Of course his story — and his son’s — are the central stories.

Reading the reviews over at Rotten Tomatoes, not a lot of ick factor about defrauding chumps. (Why would there be? Chumps have invisibility cloaks.) In fact David Ehrlich at Indie Wire gives the movie an Esther Perel-esque seal of approval:

it dares to challenge the basic moral coding that most audiences bring with them into something like this; it dares to remind people that real life is never as black-and-white as we like to pretend it is from the cheap seats.

Cheap seats? Yo, David Ehrlich, let me tell you how much my seat cost. I lived Being Frank. My seat was front row, dead center — mortgage and commitment to a guy who had another family with his mistress. I paid the price of a wedding, a move and a 3500-square foot house, plus the legal fees to buy myself out of that nightmare, and therapy expenses.

You know who has a cheap seat? A film reviewer at Indie Wire. Talk to me about daring to challenge “basic moral coding” after someone steals your wallet or bashes your face into a sidewalk. And then makes a light and cheerful movie praising the edginess of muggers.

Also, Jim Gaffigan, WTF were you thinking? Aren’t you some kind of Catholic with five kids married to a do-gooder wife? Of all the projects pitched to you, you picked this? Weren’t there some industrial training films for mold remediation you could’ve done instead?

I suppose when you’re a guy who looks like a half-melted snowball, leading man pickings are slim. They gave you jolly bigamist. I’d have a word with your agent. Or maybe your wife.

Image credit: From Wikipedia. This is a poster for Being Frank. The poster art copyright is believed to belong to the distributor of the film, The Film Arcade, the publisher of the film or the graphic artist.

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  • i am so triggered and disgusted over this movie , my stomach hurts …..

        • Email sent and for the record, I’ve NEVER actually written to someone’s manager or anyone, about a film.

          I suggested a film about how Hitler was faithful to Eva Braun “even in a time of turbulence that called the mores of the world into question.”

          Maybe Harvey Weinstein forced Jim to do a repugnant thing like he has to so many other women.

          Guess who isn’t the target demographic for this film, though? Women in general, chumps of both sexes and the children.

          MY children did not bond with their father after being replaced by a step sister.

          My youngest became suicidal.

          • |I suggested a film about how Hitler was faithful to Eva Braun “even in a time of |turbulence that called the mores of the world into question.”


      • Thank you for the email address.

        What’s next for Jim, I asked. Serial killer or rapist?

        This is a nightmare. How could he have ever thought this was funny?

        • Actors playing serial killers or rapists are fine. It’s playing the serial killer or rapist AS THE HERO of the movie and all-around lovable guy. THAT is the problem.

          • other possible titles –

            “Narcissist wounds others & WINS anyhow!”


            “It’s COOL to be a narcissist” OR “Children who are replaced, actually LIKE shit sandwiches!”


            call me “triggered & Disgusted”

            • DR’swife, sadly there are people who admire the power of entitlement, lying, manipulation, and winning at all costs including their own children. It doesn’t matter that these people are shitty, and can’t be trusted.
              Chumps on the other hand are known for being, loyal, reliable, supportive, fair and thoughtful. Traits that these same people think are a huge weakness and ridicule.
              Unfortunately they pass their moral standards or lack of to their children as in this disgusting movie.

          • Yup. Imagine if Dexter was framed as a hilarious “daring look at re-thinking basic morals” with a serial killer who yes, maybe made a few mistakes, but hey, who hasn’t, and everyone he killed or hurt was just being a big stick-in-the-mud who needed to get over it?

            You have to go black comedy or black thriller – not “oh golly gee, I’m just a big ol’ goof, but everyone will forgive me.”

        • I’ll ask him! That sounds like a blast of a movie! #thanksjim

          Did you try demanding to speak to the manager and cutting your hair into the Karen uniform cut? That would help!


      • I’ve emailed him too, very politely and reasonably as befits a Chump trying to not get Tracy into trouble…

      • Me too. Even though it’s a waste of time. But maybe if we keep on doing it? Stone, water… ????

        • On second thoughts, isn’t this just chumpiness? We’re assuming this fucktard has normal human feelings. Nope.

          Whatever we say, in emails, anything, makes no difference

          These creatures are devoid of guilt and any normal human feeling.



          The mere concept that 1) LESS MONEY will come in, matters and

          2) MAYBE – maybe – Harvey Weinstein victims are politically sympathetic (for the moment, I mean).

          Seize the moment. Tell him it’ll cost his client (and let’s find out who else this guy manages. Also note, the AGENT matters as well. )

          But the manager is supposed to help steer his career. Maybe a friend of the manager wrote the screenplay??

    • I’ll never again give a second of my viewing time to Jim Gaffigan. Good guy, my hiney.

      • Maybe atop acting like a Karen and get on with your life? Better yet, demand to talk to the manager. I’m sure that will help. How’s the haircut?


      • Please don’t tell me how to feel.

        Especially around here because cheaters are all about telling chumps how to feel or minimizing their feelings.

        Thank you.

      • Chill????? Did you get stuck somewhere in the 90s?

        Any form of culture has influence on people, so don’t bother with that “it’s just a movie” argument.

      • People who say “it’s a movie (or tv show) are the emotionally crippled who have no moral code that they live by.

      • If UBT can parse the written cheater and OW pap that passes as op-ed material these days, surely movies that glorify having a secret second family are eligible for CL evisceration? Movies do not get a pass.

      • films, or movies as you call it, influence viewers and set the tone for society, while reflecting societies mores and values. this piece of trash film pretends that infidelity / cheating, to the point of having a whole secret family, is just a joke to get over with a few laughs.
        obviously, you are trolling this page. OR… shall we make a film of your life and discovery of cheating? Is it a comedy or a tragedy?

  • “it dares to challenge the basic moral coding that most audiences bring with them.”

    Ah yes, the “Daring” of a shlubby white guy getting to treat everyone else like shit and get away with it because he’s truly a good guy at heart and deserves to get what he wants – no matter who else he uses and mistreats. Yeah, we certainly haven’t seen that before in like… pretty much every boring White Guy comedy ever. How revolutionary.

    I mean, The Captain’s Paradise did it better in 1953, but hey, maybe manageing to be less nuanced and sympathetic to women than a 1950’s film is what passes for ‘daring’ nowadays.

    • Oh this is something to flock to the theaters to view and spend precious hours reviewing and discussing over coffee at the local hub of intellectual discussion.

      Somethings are black-and-white; somethings are right and wrong, no matter the price of the seat.

      • This^^^ Some things ARE black and white! But, it’s much easier to make excuses for crappy choices and behavior if you pretend things fall into some imaginary grey zone, where the only thing to consider is yourself and how to obtain what you want at any cost – at any cost to OTHERS. I mean it’s apparently okay so long as you can pontificate a lovely, pious, faux psychological sounding excuse. Cheaters breezily explaining away all they’ve destroyed as some bizarre necessary evil in the name of “defiant exuberance” (?) or whatever bullshit terminology they use to yak on about how being a cheating prick is supposedly normal (not), should be accepted (really NOT), and that all the betrayed should STFU, chill out, and by all means don’t take it personally (WTH?). ???? It’s all a bunch of malarkey and mindfuckery.

    • Agree. And since when is describing a selfish, irresponsible fuckwit in positive light “daring”?

      It looks like these critics and producers are using this “comedy” to validate their filthy asses.

      • And “daring in this case is really a severe case of “duping delight”, a symptom of psychopathy. Anyone who maintains two families like this film depicts is a psychopath.
        This film glorifies a psychopath….”

        Boy, today’s post has really made me very angry!

  • Ew. Usually I like Jim Gaffigan. In fact, some of his standup were things I knew were safe during the acute trauma phase, because jokes about Hot Pockets don’t contain trauma triggers. I’ll be skipping this one. There’s just nothing funny about betrayal, and I thought he had better taste than this.

  • Just viewing the trailer makes me angry & disgusted by
    making light of some cheaters double life.
    Not funny.. ????

  • I find your comment very interesting CL – that us chumps wear an invisibility cloak .
    I find this not only discarded by my husband and all my extended family but no one seems to understand the pain and humiliation of the fact my husband has ran off without a glance backwards to a girl 16 years younger than him .

    I feel like i am invisible as no one i know has been through this so they don’t understand or want to understand what i am going through .

    I feel like no one ( Except CN ) gives a shit about me or my pain and i am just to be chucked away at the drop of a hat and be invisible .

    • It’s as if there’s a common knowledge that Chumps failed and deserve to be chucked away to live a life of suffrage.

      • Yes and it is a knowledge that i did not know even existed until it happened to me .

        I am just invisible to my husband/ extended family and people we shared our lives with .
        Chucked out like a bit of shit on his shoe .

        I will keep my cloak on then the fucker can’t hurt me again .

        • I feel the exact same way and it was a blindsiding wake-up call that I had a lot of fair weather friends and family. Which honestly was *almost* as bad as being chumped in a lot of ways.

          It’s like if you walked up and started telling everyone about your horrible hemorrhoids! People stutter and look the other way and avoid you. It’s crazy that such a universal thing (unfortunately) is like a topic that “nice people” aren’t supposed to discuss.

          I’m from the south BTW. Maybe it’s different elsewhere.

          • It’s such an uncomfortable topic for people who haven’t experienced it. They don’t know how to be supportive.
            I’m from the Northeast & it’s the same here.
            Unless they’ve walked in our shoes they can’t relate.
            I didn’t understand the pain until I went through it myself.
            So that’s why I tune in daily to CL & CN. You guys understand me better than my IRL besties.

            • Yep. I became totally invisible to almost everyone. No one called to check up on me or see if I was okay, etc. ‘Friends’ dropped off the face of the earth. The phone quit ringing. It was treated like some kind of pariah. But you know what? I don’t feel ONE bit obligated to ever be there for any of these people if hard times fall on them. I’ll shrug it off with a ‘shit happens’ attitude and bask in Meh. I found out how strong and mighty I really am. Should I ever be in a loving committed relationship with a man again, I am dancing off to the next adventure and not giving any of these people a second thought.

    • No, that’s not it. It’s because they can see themselves being in your shoes, all too clearly. Therefore, you push it away, deny it, avoid the carrier of the dread virus.

      In the bible, it’s what is done to people with leprosy: avoid the walking dead.

      The Cheaters are the carriers of that virus; they should be scorned and avoided by society. That’s why this stupid movie needs to be excoriated by all…

      • I hate to say it, but people’s true colours come out loud and clear at times like this.

        It’s not that they are afraid of it happening to them. They either don’t understand, don’t care or more likely buy into the narrative that WE DESERVE IT.

        I am a few years out from rock bottom. My X is getting remarried and my life is much better than I thought it could be.

        I was tossed away ( no longer useful ) by not only my x husband, but by his family who I loved, our mutual friends and the congregation ( I was a Minister’s wife).

        A true friend of mine from childhood has never been married, has no children and has built a career most people would be intimidated by. She stood by me the entire time. No excuses.

        I don’t mind being invisible to a bunch of Narcs and their flying monkeys. It’s peaceful.

        I did not know about this movie. It sounds like something I will eventually see in the $5 bin at Walmart. I will give it a firm pass.

      • Time shares for sale on Molokai…For members of CN only

    • LUCKY,
      ditto, to everything you say . not to mention the destroyed lives , broken hearts , stolen money and property, etc. etc.etc. ……..

  • My adult son found out about x’s affair. x tried to bribe him not to tell me. My son, who thank God, has better morals than his father, told me immediately. We were both surprised at how many people told him he should have taken the bribe. This movie sickens me.

    • How sad. Looks like you got rid of a Double Deluxe Cheater… cheating and bribing a SON!!

    • Cheater didn’t try to drag our kids into the deception, but he sure as hell did try to get them to take his side over mine. I think the most sickening thing about this movie is how it makes a joke out of corrupting the morals of children.

      I’m glad that your son had a good sense of right and wrong. My kids also refused to be dragged in. They didn’t consider it for a moment, and all his efforts just made them even angrier. I’ll always remember my sweet 12-year-old who never raised her voice at anyone yelling at her father, “Don’t you tell me I shouldn’t be mad at you! You hurt my mom! I love my mom!”

      It’s so sick that they make jokes about kids finding out about their father’s infidelity. The pain of it, and the loss of innocence… and all played for a laugh.

    • It sounds like the son’s reaction to it all is almost the worst part. Instead of being devastated that his father had been leading a double life, his first thought was “how can I cash in on this?”

    • I’ve been consoling myself through the Ester Perelesque world we’re living in right now with the belief that a society’s morals have always waxed and waned. We’re on such a downward trajectory that the only place to go once we hit rock bottom is up.

      My 20 year old son mentioned a family friend we had just seen at a party and said, “you know mom, he’s a really nice guy.” I acknowledged that and he said “no, he’s just a really nice guy.” No hidden agenda, no lies and spins of the truth, no need to control his kids, no using the legal system to harass his ex wife for years because he’s got the money to do do. So in other words, this divorced nice guy is NOTHING like my son’s own father. Then my son said he’d tried being a douche last year. “Mom, I was being a real dick at school. And at home. And you noticed but didn’t say anything, except send me back to school 2 days early. And I realized I don’t WANT people to think I’m a dick. I want people to just know that I’m a nice person.”

      My son will very likely be the first generation that won’t be as successful financially as his high earning father. He’s chosen to compete on character instead. And he’s already in the lead.

        • Thelongrun. Dude!!! It’s like 6ou borrowed 3 or 4 chapters of my marriage. Wow!!! My XW was exactly yhe same way. Upon selling our home to get a bigger home to take care of her mother!!! It was soon after expected of me to get a 2nd job to make up for the drop in lifestyle due to a 700.0 INCREASE in mortgage. It was expected of me to get a 2nd job to make up that loss. Insane. Her income was 1/3 of mine. Yet it was expected of me to work more and have less. And by no means is her mother an invalid. Yet she never did anything for the home except to make a dinner once or twice a month. And get this!!! After DDAY my faults were of course thrown at me. 65 hours a week working was too much. Playing golf at 6 am on Saturday and home by 2 pm was selfish. Missing my son’s little league PRACTICE at 430 pm while at work was selfish. Never missed a game though. Her not driving a nice enough car was also a fault 9f mine as well. I did more for her mother than her own damn kids did for her before and after we lived together. The level of entitlement was insane. Then to add, the court in its infinite wisdom, gave her the house in the divorce. WTF right? Well that lasted 2 years and being a month behind on payments and accruing late fees and selling for 15k less than we bought it for! She took a 22k bath on that one. AP didn’t work out. Apparently being a 3x DUI recipient and drug habits, probation violations and a drug arrest and later a DV arrest wasn’t so great for them. Lol.????. So moved on to even worse. Son is almost 19. Child support has come n gone. Have no clue how she’s gonna support herself and her mom on 2700.00 per month with all the medical piling up. Debt she incurred since the divorce. I’ve come out the other side newer and better. Much smarter. I have very realistic exp3ct at ions of what I do expect in a relationship as well as how much I should do and give. For her (them) I was st likely a once in lifetime chance.

          • You’re sadly not the only one @Leonidis who was treated like an ATM that never ran out.

            I pretty much funded XW’s lengthy studies and paid for all her parents’ overseas trips plus 50% of their house and goodness knows how much to ‘repair the roof’ as they never had a peso for 20 yrs. FiL died not so long ago but MiL since D-Day has somehow found the money to fund 3 overseas flights & trips in just the past 18 months alone to see her kids scattered around the world.

            20 yrs ago, just before I married, I remember working with a UK guy who was divorcing his Russian wife. Not for infidelity. But because she & her family expected him to work to fund their lifestyles while they did literally nothing. This was of course not how he was raised; so he decided after a couple of years this would never change and as there weren’t kids yet, it was best to leave. Now I realise he was subtly pointing out my likely future at the time, but of course I was too love-bombed to pay attention. He should have just smacked me over the head with a bunch of bricks & 2×4’s 🙂

      • B is a sad little troll who’s Facebook and Instagram feed must be having a slow day. Either a serial cheater, OW or both. Honestly, for someone to actually find this blog to make inane comments, shows low level intelligence and just overall stupidity. Funny how sad their life is to hang around here and try and contradict people to start a fight. Pathetic

        • What is OW? Thankfully I dont have a FB or Insta. I just happened across this and couldn’t believe the insanity. Its a movie, noone is going to watch and think “oh cheating is cool right?” The same way I didnt want to murder people after watching the Shinning. I now realize how most commentators have been hurt so I know its tough seeing clearly, I apologize for piling on.

          • If you can’t relate then why do you feel the need to comment? Move on. There’s nothing for you here.

          • b, you still miss the point. We see very clearly. The cheated on spouses and the children are very real and usually much more than mere collateral damage. We are the intended targets of the emotional, financial, and sometimes verbal and physical abuse that generally accompanies the cheating. There is no humor in it, for those who live it. Also, it is very much the media portrayal that creates acceptance for cheating. Most of us on this site want to see the narrative on cheating change.

            Of course, Jim Gaffigan is an entertainer, and the script is a script. But the guy has made a living off the image of being a family guy. Devoted husband to wife Jeannie through her brain cancer, dad to five children he supposedly adores. He also gets mileage out of his Catholic faith.

            So yes, poor script choice for this particular comedian to choose. I have seen him live, have read his books, and will choose to spend my money elsewhere in the future. In the same way I chose a realtor that wasn’t a cheater when I almost selected another, before learning of their history of cheating. My right to make these choices. Your opinion about it? You can shove up your ass.

          • If you don’t know what “OW” is, then you are not part of this group. We are the former spouses of cheaters, so “OW” is Other Woman.

            For you to jump onto this site AND mock our reactions without a clue as to who we are or what we experienced, is arrogant and clueless.

            Quite “entitled” too. Hmmm, you remind me of someone I was married to for 35 years…

      • Awww, we’ve got a troll, how cute.

        Think I’ll go post some diversity training info on the nearest KKK board now, in the same spirit.

  • Well done CL for continuing to highlight these ludicrous articles, movies et al that ‘justify’ infidelity and therefore abuse — and also for giving CN the links for us to contact these cretins and publicly shame them (though if they’re cheaters themselves, which is quite possible, then no doubt they couldn’t care less)

    I wouldn’t call this a trigger or even that I’m disgusted — I’m angry — very angry — quite honestly us chumps just need to get ‘militant’ over infidelity and not stay silent as we so often do

    Sidenote — one of ex’s uncles is exactly like this — he has 2 families, one with the woman he married and another somewhere else — his wife discovered not so long ago but has AFAIK accepted it (they’re in their 60’s now) and this uncle continues to live the double life, wandering off a couple days a week to the ‘other’ family

    • Wow Shadow, I just described something similar in XH’s family, ser the post below yours!

      I know a woman whose father had so many families that she and her (known) sister’s sadly observe that they must ask new acquaintances who their father is so they don’t miss meeting a new siblings. This person and the “father” are from Brazil and one of her half sisters met another half sister at her church in Los Angeles! They are all actually very sad and traumatized about this, and financially they were always badly off. No wonder.

      • Unicornnomore can probably back me up on this, married military flight crew members are known to have families in Asian countries. Everyone in the squadron seems to be aware of their other family except for their wife.
        I never could understand how this was considered acceptable, at least without consequences since this was the military with so many other strict rules. It was swept under the rug, chuckled about. Clearly, without thought or consideration for the wives or their children’s future being brought into the world without a responsible father. The same with married men in foreign countries bringing prostitutes to their room in front of other crew members. It’s their what happens in Asia stays in Asia. While all the military wives believe, their husband would never, always the other crew members not their husband.

        • I feel badly overgeneralizing in my post. I’m sure there are devoted military husbands who aren’t visiting prostitutes when overseas or have families in other countries.
          I was surprised infidelity was taken so lightly and even in some respects encouraged by senior officers.

          It’s been over 20 years ago since I was a military wife. I’m hoping the good ol’ boy attitude has changed. The attitude of boys will be boys with disregard to the wife and family at home is disgusting. Even worse creating families in other countries, having illegitimate children knowing they wouldn’t be there for them, not to mention the possibility of bringing STD’s to their wives and upsetting their entire family in the states.

          • Brit,
            I am a female military vet. Many of my former partners, including my last one, are also military vets. Hate to say that I have not seen an improvement in behavior in military personnel over the last few decades. I think that the military will likely always contain some honorable people. some jerks and even criminals, and a lot of people in between.

            • Rockstarwife, I lost my last post, I’ll keep it shorter this time to post before it disappears. It’s sad that the attitude towards infidelity hasn’t changed in the military. My Dad was a vet and I grew up as a military dependent living in foreign countries including the Philippines while I was in high school. I’m aware of how blatant and crude the sex industry is as soon as you step outside the base which explains the popularity of this asian run. There’s a name for the trip which escapes me. Ex was a cargo pilot claiming to have higher standards and morals than the other crew members. He’d tell me stories of the others, claiming to feel empathy for their wives or make excuses for them. A little too much to drink, it wasn’t that bad, he was just having fun… getting BJ’s in front of your friends or having sex on stage, all in good fun. They’re like teenage boys in a candy store or more like a sex store and no one will tell because of their bond. Can’t help but notice their snickers, chuckles at private jokes when they come home from these trips… and of course it’s nothing.. nothing to be concerned about..

  • A movie that makes fun of chumps. Hum, let’s see. Why not produce a film that makes fun of Anne Frank dying of typhus in a concentration camp? And takes pity on poor sausage torturers?

    People are so worried about being validated.

    One of sparkledick’s brothers has two families, I ran into him with this unofficial, unknown family. It was so sad for the small children who never met their half siblings, cousins and grandmother.

    Tracy and her UBT should a write a script for a cheater comedy. I bet it will be a success!

  • Jim, your manager is guilty of professional malpractice and your CCD teacher is saying 10,000 Hail Marys in a dark pew somewhere.

    After reconciliation with my mid-40s cheating ex-wife failed, my psychologist explained why: “Many people cheat, but normal folks feel bad about it at some level and within a few months confess or let themselves be caught. If you cheated, your head would explode from the guilt within 24 hours. But someone who can cheat with numerous people hundreds of times over a decade or more, people who can cheat at lunch and then come to kiss their spouse and children–PEOPLE WHO CAN LEAD A DOUBLE LIFE–those people have serious personality disorders. That’s not a “mistake” or problem that arises in your 30s or 40s; it’s a symptom of very serious psychological issues, including especially a complete lack of empathy. Those issues usually arise in early adulthood and can’t be changed without a lot of work. And very few of the people with those issues are willing or able to do that kind of work.”

    So Jim, now that you’re done mining the humor potential of infidelity and bigamy, maybe you move on to other untapped comedy situations, like arson, ovarian cancer, and elder abuse.

    • Yes…x100 for everything you and CL said.

      Im a Catholic (sort of recovering uber-Catholic) and he has historically done quite a good job of defending certain decencies. I am very (times 100) surprised at this.

      Mel Gibson was a Good Catholic Husband and Father who made “The Passion of the Christ” on his own dime before losing his fucking mind, destroying his family, overlapped his marriage and impregnating a Russian woman, then found previously unknown skills of abuse, violence and antiSemitism.

      I sure hope Jim hasn’t enrolled in the Mel Gibson Midlife Charm School

    • “very serious psychological issues”

      Thank you for speaking of me Omar, because after reading that….
      I can’t even….

    • You had a very good psychologist @nomar — I’m going to have to remember that explanation (it fits well too with Dr George Simon’s analysis of “disordered persons”)

    • Where oh where was your psychologist 6 years ago? Mine focused on wreckonciliation and MY part in my husbands numerous affairs. So incredibly damaging to those who have been chumped.

    • Wow Nomar love your post, your psychologist described my ex asshat to the tee. Led a double life for 16 years that I know of. I did a 16 year long pick me dance, what a waste! Pretty sure it was the whole 25 years we were married. He really is disordered and thanks to CL and CN I finally see that. I am going to copy your post and save it for me to read.

      • Yes, well the psychologist made that comment in response to my questioning what part of the marriage I could salvage in my mind, what part of it could I have confidence involved reciprocal faithfulness. She explained that it likely involved cheating by my ex-wife from start to finish, not just the last dozen years as then-wife claimed, because people rarely become sociopaths in their 30s.

        • This is so helpful to me. He confirmed that he had been cheating from the beginning. Anyone I’ve ever told don’t believe me. He was such a great guy!!!

    • And Jim can take the salary from this movie and start on the long road of therapy to overcome his disorder.

    • Nomar, I always enjoy your posts. And not just because I’m a fellow Red Sox fan. I think I saw the trailer for this online somewhere in the past week, and immediately thinking, “it’s got to have a better message than what I’m seeing here, right? Because nobody would be this stupid (Jim Gaffigan) to make a movie about a bigamist that is discovered by his son, who then bonds w/him in the midst of blackmailing his dad over said bigamy, right?”

      Holy shit, I guess I was wrong. The stupidity by all involved (including that idiot reviewer CL mentioned) is jaw-dropping.

      As for sharing what your psychologist said about your people who can cheat versus people like you? Priceless. I wish I had gotten a therapist like that after D-day. The female marriage counselor did more to hold my XW’s feet to the fire for what she did and was doing, which in turned help me further support my small idea at the time that while I was not a perfect husband by any means, I wasn’t to blame for her affair (affairs? who knows?) and for the divorce. It was a unilateral move by the XW. So she gets to own it. Especially when I tried hard to reconcile. Now I realize what a blessing it is that she didn’t want to. I no longer have to deal w/her BS on a daily basis. God bless us chumps, and God bless CN.

      • It doesn’t matter if they own it. My cheater has owned it and apologized. So he’s an asshole who owns it and says he’s sorry for being an asshole. But by nature, assholes are never really sorry for being what they are. They don’t belong in our lives whether they admit to being assholes or not.

        • Chumperella, you’re right. She’s not sorry, just like your asshole cheater isn’t. She’s upset w/our kids because she thinks they “don’t want her to be happy,” because they don’t like her AP. What type of person lays that guilt trip on their children? Obviously, she does. And likely all those like her would.

          And she doesn’t deserve to be in my life. I’ve gone greyrock on her; texts and email only, unless it’s absolutely essential for our children. I told her I can’t be cordial to her, but I can be civil. And that’s it. No hello or hi or small talk in the texts or email. Strictly businesslike.

          The shitty part is because she’s a local politician who wants to keep her seat, she’s staying in the same town as me. She went from moving in w/the asswipe AP a half mile down the street from what was our house (now my house), to moving an 1/8th of a mile behind me into a relatively new condo (he’s a rich, as in millionaire, 15 yr older AP). But our 13yo son at least only has a short distance to go between us for 50/50 custody. Always look on the bright side of life is my new motto.

          I’m so sorry you’re in this mess w/the rest of us. I imagine you’re like me, never thinking you were a perfect spouse, but trying your best to show your love and devotion to them and the commitment you made. And never expecting this person you loved so much to fuck you and your family over so bad. Mine held resentments against me for 10-15 years out of an almost 25 yr marriage. So I have no idea if any love in our marriage was real. She doesn’t get that. But when you’re as fucked up as she is, I guess it’s silly to expect it.

          I have to say on my end though, the fact she severed things so completely w/me has actually made things easier in the long run (no pun intended). Not early on, but now? I’m enjoying my freedom from someone who never really cared about me; just what I could do for her. And when I ran into trouble, she just RAN.

          My older girls are seeing how much their mother has changed, and not for the better. It’s my son, who just wants to please us both, that I worry about. He doesn’t see her BS clearly (he gets flashes of it), and her AP is desperately trying to be his friend, and he’s letting him right now. That hurts the most.

          Chumperella, I’m wishing the best for you, and that your life keeps getting better and better w/out that asshole around. You deserve so much better. We all do. Stay strong.

          • Thelongrun,
            I feel your pain brother. My 20 year old son worked for his cunt mother last year and had to endure seeing what she was doing. His fellow employees (60 year old women) told him exactly what his mother was doing with her howorker as well wondering how she could do this to me and the kids. Six months later when we sat our kids down to tell them why I was divorcing her they took her side and believed her that they were just friends. Even with him moved into our house with 4 of his boys. Just friends. Lol! Now my 16 year old wants nothing to do with me. And her AP is trying winning all 4 of my kids over. And she’s trying to do the same for his 4 boys. It’s pretty disgusting but I’ve been told it just takes a little time before the kids finally realize what has happened. I am worried for my 10 year old boy and most of all my 7 year old daughter who has this Predator and these 4 boys into my house. Her AP is trying to be their best friend by buying them gifts and what not. It don’t bother me as much anymore because I realize it’s only a matter of time before they cheat on each other and the kids will need us as the sane parent who has not lied or deceived them.

            • Gross! Your ex and her AP are disgusting. You’re right that it’s only a matter if time before the kids see the reality of who these scum really are. Sorry that they took her side. At least I have a daughter who’s 100% on my side. My other daughter seems to be a lost cause. She doesn’t seem to care what happens to any of her family. She takes after the cheater. These assholes destroy their families and tell themselves it’s worth it for the sake of their “happiness”. The truth is that they can never be happy with anyone.

          • Thank you so much, Long Run. Your story is amazing. She’s a politician? Did her cheating become public knowledge? If not, maybe it should. The public should knpw who they’re voting for. 😉
            So she’s guilt tripping her kids about not liking her new man instead of understanding their distress and making the life she ruined easier for them. Good grief. She sounds like a sociopath. That’s incredibly disordered behavior. I’m so sorry for your kids and you. She sucks as a mother as well as a wife, and it must be pure hell. Though it has not happened to me, I can empathize with the pain of your son being friends with the AP who helped destroy your family. What a turd sandwich to have to swallow. Some day he may understand. All you can do is speak the truth, in an age appropriate way. Remember that he’s being manipulated by two deceptive assholes who are experienced con artists. He must be so confused. Perhaps the kids could benefit from therapy?

            You’re right; I did know that while I was not perfect, I was a loving and loyal wife. I didn’t think the man who pledged his life to me could be so cold as to discard me like trash in favour of somebody who truly was trash. Because “unhappiness”. He didn’t leave me for her because she didn’t actually want him and wouldn’t leave her husband. She stopped even having sex with him shortly after their over five year affair started. He still preferred her and wanted me gone. That hurts terribly. You know how your wife choosing some scumbag over you feels. It’s the worst of all insults. They are tellling you that you and all you’ve had together as a family have less value than some random POS they picked up like a disease. They just don’t feel anything deeply and don’t form attachments the way we do. They are shallow and self-involved losers. I hope one day I can find a good guy like you, Long Run. I’m sending you a virtual hug.

    • “it’s a symptom of very serious psychological issues, including especially a complete lack of empathy. Those issues usually arise in early adulthood and can’t be changed without a lot of work.”

  • A TV production company in the UK is advertising for people who are having affairs, have had affairs, are OW/OM etc to come on a ‘documentary’ they are making saying there will be no judgement etc to those that sign up. Celebrities will be spilling their guts too.

    Sounds lovely – I must set my recorder to watch it.

    • I hope they’re going to skewer them. But more likely, it will be how we all need to “understand” them. That would make me sick.

      • are they interviewing the chumps?

        Me thinks not. Unless they’re just SO BITTER (and thus, deserved to be cheated on).

        Today is not a good day for CN. It’ infuriating to see a film made about a deceitful selfish bigamist AND then to have it called “daring.” (That reviewer is disordered or an active cheater).

        Calling that “Daring” is like calling a giant shit sandwich “delicious AND nutritious.”

  • Chumps definitly need to become militant about infidelity. Our family court system needs to be educated and held accountable regarding the outcome of their careless decisions favoring the cheater.
    It seems to me there’s little empathy for the Chump, there’s the implication that somehow the Chump failed as a wife and is deserving of being abandoned, abused and having her life shattered.
    In contrast Cheaters are looked upon as being the great guy, fun guy just living life. Everyone welcomes his new life without a second thought. Perhaps because it’s flashy, fresh and exciting. Unlike the Chump who has kids with emotional problems, schedules, unpaid bills, broken down cars and appliances.
    Cheaters rarely are being held accountable for lying, cheating and destroying his family.
    So frustrating.

    • THIS ☝️ is the narrative that makes it a struggle to get out of bed in the morning.

      It always has to be the chumps fault for being cheated on and the BRAVE cheater for following his/her bliss.

      This world is so backwards I just don’t want to participate.

    • Yip, so right, Brit.

      When I was going through divorce, and saw how the law favored Cheater, I vowed to myself, that when the opportunity arose, I would do all within my power to change the cheater-friendly laws of my state.

      • Been thinking that same thought. Not sure how to start. What state are you in?

        • Missouri.

          But still working on me. I’m at Meh, but striving for Mighty. Not helping this state until I’ve helped myself.

  • Wow. Just wow. I just love when they turn highly traumatic circumstances into comedies. Cheater rules are solid: never give more information than needed and answer a question with a question.

    It’s gross that they are trying to make money on this topic but I guess that is what they do in Hollywood all the time. I’d be super offended but this looks like a sparkly turd of a movie destined for nothingness.

  • There’s yet another ugly angle to this too.

    It’s a movie featuring a WHITE MAN who has two families and no one is angry or criticizing the making of this film.

    Imagine if it featured a BLACK MAN with two families. Yeah. So why is it funny when it’s a WHITE MAN but someone would (rightly) never even consider making it if it were starring a BLACK MAN and his families?

    White privilege exists. I know this doesn’t look like it, directly, but really – this is a great example of it.

    • Sorry – that should have been “funny” because it really isn’t funny at all. It’s cruel.

      Does anyone know if Esther Perel has lauded it for its “courage and daring” yet? I bet she uses it as a how-to for her well-heeled cheating clients. You know she endorses it privately, if not publicly. Yet.

      • You are right…Obama would never have been elected with 3 baby-mommas in his history.

        • And in the UK, the ruling Tory party are about to elect a new leader, Boris Johnson, a boy-child buffoon who has had numerous affairs, destroyed 2 marriages, out-of-wedlock ‘love’ childs, abortions……and yet he’s by far the favourite to become the new leader of the country!!!

          • Johnson’s beyond gross and not at all atypical as Tories go these days. Here in Ontario, Canada, our Tory provincial Premier used to be a drug dealer. Some of his first acts in office were to destroy environmental protections put into place by the former government and to take money away from supports for autistic children. That’s the scumbag party in action. They were always vile, but used to pretend to be the party of old-fashioned, paternalistic morality. They no longer bother because people don’t care.

    • Good point Cupcakes, good point. Amazing how this “two weights and two measures”thing is so pervasive. Even in shitty films. As Tracy says, “It All Boils Down to Entitlement”.

    • Several years ago, Jim Gaffigan was dubbed the “King of Clean Comedy”… his detour into this role reminds me of when “wholesome” child actors grow up and want to be “taken seriously” as adults… so go from Disney channel to almost-nude Instagram overnight.

    • Or more specifically, white male priviledge. The audience wouldn’t think a white woman doing that was amusing, either.

      • Chumperella – You’re absolutely correct. I should have included that part because white MALE privilege is very much in evidence.

  • This reminds me of an old 80’s movie with Dudley Moore called Micki & Maude.
    He “accidentally” became a bigamist in what was supposed to be a rom-com.
    At 12, I didn’t think so. I thought he was a cheating asshole then and now. I witnessed my mom being the OW, her AP was my sister’s best friend’s dad, besides the back and forth of breaking up and getting back together, so yeah, didn’t find the humor in having two wives.
    Still don’t.

    • That was my first thought when I saw this article “didn’t Dudley Moore already make this movie?” This movie isn’t even original but then cheaters never are.

      • Nope. They are all the same. Like they’ve all watched the same movie and have the script memorized ????????????

  • Here’s an important takeaway — every dollar you spend is like casting a vote, just like every headline you click, every show you livestream, every douche you follow on Twitter, etc. etc. To those who decide what sells, it’s all data about what sells, and you’re adding your token to that bucket when you consume the product.

    Remember this as you read articles on the web, surf around Netflix, and select entertainment. You might be curious or researching because you oppose that thing, but in the data, it looks like you support that thing, which drives more of that thing into the marketplace, the media, and what the culture considers “normal”.

    And if Gaffigan doesn’t see an overall drop in popularity for doing this, neither he nor the big data machine will think this crap is a problem. Narcissists only care about themselves, and the lion’s share of people in entertainment are narcissists, which is specifically why they work in that field.

  • Homework for every Chump: make the points you are making here in the comments section of any website that mentions or reviews this film. Or, write an un-fan letter to Jim gaffigan, his agent or his manager. If we are tired of being invisible, it’s time to make our points to a wider audience, many of whom will never by sympathetic but some of whom will start to consider our input and find themselves convinced.

  • How awful. I shudder to think how the future will judge us for this kind of garbage.

  • This movie is like a Chump “Gone with the Wind”

    On the surface – it’s merely cringy, but in reality its the worst kind of evil.

    The kind that mainstreams people = appliance

  • I dunno – I find it tacky as hell and I’d never watch it but I’m not outraged. It’s a movie, and moves are made about many tasteless topics. Hello “Vomit Gore Trilogy”. As we all know, shit like this happens. Of course it stings when they put a comedic spin on something painful and deeply personal.

    Honestly, I probably couldn’t sit through it even if it had a darker tone. Looks like a piece of crap that had a very limited release and wasn’t praised as comedic genius anyhow.

    I usually turn off/put down something as soon as adultery enters the plot, but if anyone has seen a palatable film/fiction novel portrayal of infidelity please let me know. ‘The Loft’ was skeevy but entertaining until I became a chump-now I can’t go near it.

    • I feel the same way.

      There are so many people excusing so much garbage now that they actually believe in and endorse, that I just can’t be anything beyond annoyed at that blatant insensitivity of this.

      The psychos that do this will be amused. Most people that never had anything like this happen to them will be pretty neutral on it (think Switzerland Friends) and the rest of us will not see it.

      Adultery in media is so triggering but one thing that is actually a teeny bit refreshing here is that this stupid movie you know it’s there before you end up in a theater watching it. Whereas a lot of shows they just try to “sneak it in.” Like it’s just some shit you do on the way back from the grocery store and no one should be bothered or shocked by it.

    • Sweetner, I might be able to recommend one. They made an HBO movie out of Richard Russo’s Empire Falls, w/Ed Harris and Paul Newman back in the aught’s (2000’s). I’m trying to remember how faithful it is to the book, but the novel makes the cheating wife look like an idiot in what she’s done, and the chump husband gets some payback. It somewhat mirrors my situation (not the payback. Yet).

      I’ve been a Richard Russo fan for a long time (mid-90’s), and so has the XW. I told her I was appreciating Empire Falls more and more after she left me for her 15 yr older, richer ex-boss. She said she bet I was. You bet your ass I was (a Richard Russo Straight Man reference. Sorry). It also involves a married woman cheating w/an older man. Life imitating art for me. I can only hope my XW ends up as crappy as the XW character in the book (played nicely in the movie by Helen Hunt).

      • I am sooo going to look for this! And even though I don’t get the reference I appreciate the side story…poetry in motion!
        Thank you!

  • This movie sounds horrible. Right up there with the polygamy reality shows. None of it is entertaining. It makes a mockery of marriage and decent values.
    On a side note, my daughter’s bridal shower was Saturday and my cheating ex husbands mistress was there along with his toxic family that ghosted me after he left me a year and a half ago. I was the better person and greeted them all including her (who is totally clueless). They all have no idea that I was shaking internally. One of the hardest things I’ve had to do but I am so proud of myself ????

    • Great job, Ironbutterfly!!! That takes so much strength!! You should be really proud of yourself!! 🙂

    • That takes real mettle, IRONbutterfly. What a great CN handle you chose, and what a mighty mother you are!

  • Cheating is abuse. In many ways. Financial, emotional, physical. Apart from the cheater, people and children are deeply hurt, forever or a long time. People even commit suicide. How would Jim feel if he had a daughter who was treated like that, he wouldn’t be laughing then.
    I knew of someone who became paralyzed after a suicide attempt.
    Your feelings don’t matter, its in the past. Convenient for the cheater isn’t it.

  • Ever notice how Hollywood (and other media sources) seems determined to break down any remaining moral codes?

    So much of popular media wants to shit on responsible, normal people. Every loser has an ‘excuse’ for their hideous behavior and if we don’t buy it then we are the unsympathetic ones. It’s beyond sick.

  • In all fairness, there have been some movies that do not portray adultery in such a glamorous light. Fetal attraction was a more popular movie than this and added new words to the lexicon (Bunny Boiler). Go rent that movie and remind yourself that cheaters and their AP’s are selfish and unstable and many people know it. It isn’t the whole world that has gone crazy. Even my liberal minded friends and relatives believe that what my ex did was wrong. There are still decent people out there who understand that it is not ok to deceive and betray others in order to make yourself feel good.

    • I don’t mean to laugh at you and I know that our phones autocorrect all the time now. But Fetal Attraction does sound like the next level of crazy someone might make a movie about.

      Fatal Attraction was done when I was a kid and there’s been a huge moral shirt since then. Now “side-chics” seem to be a “ha-ha” thing that’s virtually accepted.

      • Oops. Missed that. I still don’t think it is really accepted everywhere yet. I know plenty of people who have not been chumped but were still horrified by what ex did. They will, of course, get over it a lot faster than me, but they won’t ever think it’s glorious and wonderful either. His friends and relatives still love him but he has lost a lot of respect. I know not everyone has had that experience but the point is, there are still many “ordinary” people out there who know cheating is a shit thing to do to someone you promised to love honor and cherish and people who think that way will always be out there. We just need to try and find them and be around them instead of the idiots who have no moral company and are easily influenced by Hollywood.

        • I hope that infidelity isn’t accepted everywhere and that people who say they’re offended by cheating are being honest. I can’t help but recall ex pretending to be disgusted when someone cheated he worked with cheated on their spouse, or if someone mentioned that their former spouse had cheated..
          Meanwhile he was cheating himself.
          I do though believe there are people out there who genuinely realize cheating is a devastating betrayal and not to be taken lightly or used for entertainment.

      • No, infidelity isn’t more accepted now, just the opposite. Nothing says more loudly “patriarchy” than a guy with string of mistresses or second and third families. In the past, in many countries (including e..g. UK) the second families were completely legitimised, at least for upper classes. People, both men and women of all classes, cheated quite a lot.

        • Of course there are those who think the solution is for the women to get their own string but I don’t think that is the norm. Trying to be even bigger jerks than the worst of men is not the way we want to go about obtaining equality.

      • I don’t mean to laugh at you and I know that our phones autocorrect all the time now. But Huge Moral Shirt does sound like the next level of funny someone might make a T-shirt about.

  • this is just another aspect of a cheating man who has his own image of being oh so wonderful, so much crammed into one body, entitled does even begin to describe what he thinks his rights are, let alone his supercalifragilistic intellect, skills, abilities, deceiving so many and he is so powerful. And so think those cheating losers who can’t support themselves, their children, and are high-school dropouts. I say it occasionally-women are generally better people than men, because we get better at whatever we do on our subsequent attempts. G-D made Adam first and in HIS motivation to give Adam company, he made HIS second attempt, and out came woman, the next and better, advanced, version.

  • Fatal Attraction portrayed the OW as the psycho. Yet her married AP was not viewed as a psycho for betraying his family. Or was he?

    • I felt the same way about Fatal Attraction when I thought about it years later as a chump. I think the only thing that kept that movie from being anti-feminist was that Glenn Close is (and was in that movie) so amazing in character portrayal, that she left a lingering sensation in the viewer that maybe Michael Douglass deserved to be tormented.

    • That’s a very good point. And…. not really, right?! He was seen as this poor schmuck who got in over his head and decided to do the right thing and go back to his family! Bitch cookie for that asshole.

      So many women live out this narrative with psycho OW. I mean usually not to the Fatal attraction extent lol. But when they’re dumped all of a sudden they’re so self righteous! I was a wife who got harassed by the OW who was perfectly happy to spread her legs for nine mo the but had such an attack of conscience when my husband dumped her.

    • I don’t know whether it was the filmmaker’s intention or not, but the first time I saw Fatal Attraction and the times I have seen it since, the larger message then and now for me is that infidelity is not something harmless. I did not see Michael Douglas as a sympathetic character as much as he represented insight to the possible long-term ramifications of your short-term, short-sighted, self-gratification choices. Glen Close’s character Alex (she was sooo good, I will never forget her character’s name) was an extreme version of what people rarely consider when they engage in a what they believe is a little “harmless” indiscretion. Too many people don’t recognize a terrible warning when it is presented to them – probably because they see themselves as “special.”

    • Glenn Close was incredible in Fatal Attraction, but I hated that we are supposed to feel sorry for Michael Douglas at the end. Because she was right – he used her without giving any thought to her feelings

      • It is brutally hard to function when you’ve had your heart ripped out and stomped on, your life and your children’s lives destroyed, and all you want to do is curl up and die. We think of what’s best not just for ourselves, but for our kids, other relatives, pets, friends etc., and do the right thing by walking through the tunnel of pain to come out triumphant at the other end. So back at ya. How do *you* function?

      • Obviously, you don’t function very well. Is it drugs, stupidity, or a -shocking- mix of both? Get lost, you idiot.

      • Haha!! Bomb… so B is blocked, Bomb is next. Going to run through the ABC’s because being original is beyond you. Another pathetic loser who’s imagination is literally in their ass.

  • What movie about cheating would be hilarious?! The chump movie that Chumplady writes!! Oh write it, please, please, please, Chumplady!! I’ll go to it, I’ll buy it and download it!! Here, I’ve got a name for it: Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life — sounds good doesn’t it!?

    You are soooo funny, and the material is so ripe for great snark as you and my chump siblings show every day here on the website.

    Who would play the parts? Chumplady should definitely be a producer, too.

  • Thank you Chump Lady for this! I hadn’t heard of this movie but I might have accidentally seen it or read a review and the spent a day spinning around in anger and frustration that the world is normalizing this behavior. In fact my blood pressure rose as you quoted Erlich’s review. And then I read your response, complete with the usual acerbic wit, and I felt vindicated. And I can go on with my day. That is what this blog is all about.

  • The fact this film was purposely released on Father’s Day is an added horror. I am mad. Let’s be heard on this, CN!

    • Wow! That’s exactly what my ex did in the last 10 months or so before DDay (which coincidently coincided with his taking up with Schmoopie 1.0). It was like he went on strike. His teens and tween were not doing everything he asked and behaving exactly as he thought the should and it was my fault for not making them behave so he just dropped out. He announce he didn’t care anymore and had no expectations and stopped participating in the family. He stopped doing his share of the chores around the house and if he didn’t approve of the dinner conversation (which was pretty much every night) he would disappear into the kitchen to eat dinner alone. The youngest was in a batting slump in little leagues so ex stopped going to the games. I didn’t know what was going on. I tried to talk to him about finding a happy medium and that parenting teens takes patience but he was having none of it. It was “do exactly what I want or I am out”. Well guess what? Teenagers don’t like being ordered around like that. Who knew? It was only after he left that he finally remembered that he loved his kids after all and maybe he did want to be a part of their lives. He treats them much better now that he doesn’t live with them anymore. He is lucky that they turned out to be such good kids in spite of him and that they are still willing to give him the time of day.

      • It’s really hard to believe what these men do! But this segment of Jim Gaffigans on father’s day was just the icing on the cake. He’s textbook. The way these men think is utterly messed up and shameful- we are in the same boat, husbands who throw away wonderful families.????

        • He was joking. But the joke isn’t funny in the least. He’s turning moronic male priviledge into a running gag. It’s not funny to those whose lives been affected by it, which is nearly every woman and every child on earth.

          • I don’t think he’s joking. I think he’s putting into out to the world that he is done with being a parent and a husband- throwing in the towel.

    • The guy clearly isn’t funny. Very little comedic talent. He relies on being morally transgressive because he has nothing else. Most so-called comics do this now. The audience laps this crap up, too. One of the worst is Amy Shumer. I once saw a stand-up special with her where she started off with the line; “So, my mother is a cunt.” I turned the TV off in disgust. What happened to humor that isn’t viciously amoral and isn’t all about sex?

  • Quite awhile ago, I read Mel Brooks’ (who is Jewish) comments about his show and how it makes fun of Hitler in the “Springtime for Hitler” number. Brooks talked about how laughter AT someone can take away their power. I am not Jewish and none of my family were murdered so I don’t know exactly how I would feel, but I can take Brooks at his word given that he’s Jewish. And I know what laughing at my cheating ex does: it irritates him to no end when he isn’t taken seriously.

    This is the problem I have with “Being Frank”: the son is blackmailing the father and THEY BOND (per CL). So in the end it’s not a comedy after all – the serious side is that the dad is rewarded for cheating?!? That’s F*&^%d up.

    I have a feeling that Brooks got it right – if and only if we can laugh AT the villain is it acceptable.

    • The difference is Brooks was punching up (at power) rather than punching down (at the powerless). Punching down is only funny to vicious, nasty people, and if this Gaffigan idiot doesn’t know that, he doesn’t know his craft. If he wants his audience to be made up of assholes, he’s going in the right direction.

  • The guy was on a talk show the other night promoting the movie. He is indeed married with a bunch of kids. He said his 13 year old walked out of the room in the middle of watching it.

    • I hope he took his 13 year old’s reaction to heart. Why the hell would his agent have even entertained the idea of him doing this movie? Why would he? He’s worth around 30 MILLION dollars, he doesn’t HAVE to take the worst script in the world in order to pay the bills.


      I hope this is his equivalent of Halle Berry doing “Catwoman”. Which was a painfully bad film and the plot was beyond stupid.

    • Maybe they wonder what their father is doing behind their backs, like my kids did.

      • He and the talkshow host were literally joking how his lifestyle being away from home for extended periods touring would be the perfect cover

    • He also said that people have approached him around the country (I guess when he does his comedy tour) and tell him (hey this happened in my town, it was discovered at the funeral) and he and the host gave a couple perfunctory “how terrible”‘s before going back to plugging the movie.

      The other thing that caught my eye is the actress who plays the chump: Anna Gunn, who was Skyler White on Breaking Bad. I related to that character so much, I watched that show around the time of the betrayal. Skyler’s husband wasn’t cheating, he was cooking and selling meth. Skyler is desparate to protect her children from the truth, that their father is an evil sociopath, so she covers for him and becomes an accomplice, rather than divorcing him immediately. This was how I responded on D-Day. Protect the cheater. Keep his secrets. Cover for him. The kids must never know. It was eating me alive and this situation didn’t continue for very long. Now they know everything (except some horrific details). Actually, they had it figured out before I did. Kids know what’s going on right under their noses. They’ve lost respect for their father, he’ll never get that back. But he’s being a decent Dad now and their relationship is ok and theirs to deal with. Honesty is so much better. Wish I had handled it that way from the start, but better late than never. Anyway, the Skyler White character was a gritty role and Breaking Bad was a dark realistic show about a sociopath destroying his family and rationalizing it every step of the way. At the very end, he finally admits his selfishness. So it surprises me that the actress took this insulting chump role where she’s the butt of the joke. Come on Anna, you’re better than this

    • What a hypocritical asshole. Married with a bunch of kids and he glorifies this crap? He admits his film disturbed his own son, and we’re supposed to think that’s just an amusing anecdote rather than proof his film is vile? Oh hell no. I will not watch anything he does.

  • By “moral ambiguity” they mean “immorality.” It’s just a way to minimize and excuse it, which is what adulterers do. “Honey, I was feeling some moral ambiguity when I jumped on that guy’s man parts.” “Dear, can’t you excuse a little moral ambiguity? Is it really wrong if I wanted to do it?”

  • The use of moral transgression to add a sick thrill to a story is nothing new, and it’s symptomatic of what so much of entertainment has become. Psychopaths have become the heroes rather than the villains. Think of cable shows like Breaking Bad, Dexter, Sons of Anarchy, Games of Thrones, Billions, Boardwalk Empire, House of Cards, etc. They all glorified evil. It started on cable with the Sopranos and plenty of films have cashed in on the trend. This is just another example of the laziness and lack of creativity that has driven it. It’s easy to get people to watch if you shock them with boundary-breaking bullshit. It’s much harder to sell what is just a good story with characters who are interesting in their own right, not just shocking because they are evil.
    My ex also loved all those sick shows. The sicker the better for him. It bothered me a lot at the time. I thought he may have been living vicariously through these cretinous characters. I should have figured out it meant he was into being evil, not just watching it and enjoying it vicariously.
    I’ve never seen this Gaffigan guy before, and it would seem he blows, so I never will. I avoid most movies and TV shows now. It’s 80% garbage, IMO. If it’s not amoral it’s just stupid and childish, featuring superheroes and other immature claptrap. Most films rely on either special effects or the transgressive factor, such as in this case, rather than a good story, good acting and good direction. They suuuuuck.
    I know I sound like a cranky old lady. That label is fine with me.

  • Maybe Mr. David Movie Critic is really Mr. David Brooks (aka ‘Mr. Morality’) writing under an assumed name…

  • Ugh, Jim Gaffigan. Well he’s off the watch list.

    This movie tho raises the issue of men who set up franchises…start with one woman and make a family, cheat (or just leave) and move to another woman and start another family, cheat ( or just leave) and move to yet another woman and start a family. This behavior is normalized by many celebrities but it happens in regular life too. I know a couple guys like this. I’ll never understand this way of thinking and what would drive someone to complicate their lives and the lives of their kids in this way. Like, you can have relationships without having more kids people!

  • To the movie reviewer who coughed up these hairballs:

    “… it dares to challenge the basic moral coding that most audiences bring with them …”
    “… real life is never as black-and-white as we like to pretend it is from the cheap seats.”

    I wish you the worst, sir. May your significant other challenge your basic moral coding, and then we’ll see how you feel motherfucker.

    If Jim Gaffigan made a kooky movie playing a drunk driver that keeps inadvertently killing pedestrians, I assume that David Ehrlich will write this…

    “…it dares to challenge the old fashioned assumption that drunk drivers are bad people who willingly kill people…”

    • Great analogy. That reviewer is a pretentious twit. His nonsense would totally fall apart even to him when applied to anything else that’s selfish and destructive. But hurting your family gets a special pass to so many people.

      While we’re on the subject, if someody is selfish and uncaring enough to cheat, they likely won’t have a problem with drunk driving if they are also a heavy drinker. It turns out my cheater was a drunk driver upon occasion, too. I had no idea until I checked his google maps history, which showed him spending 6+ hours bar-hopping, then driving home after I was asleep. On one occasion it was 12 solid hours of drinking. His MOW had her own solution to the problem of how to be a drunk and stay safe; flirt with a man and/or offer sex to get him to drive you home, and always have a reliable sideguy to see you safely back to hubby and kids. Ugh. These people are and their media apologists are gross.

  • This is one movie I will not be seeing. I am so sick of Hollywood glorifying cheating. There is nothing funny at all about cheating. Being cheated on was the worst thing that ever happened to me. It is about time that our society starts portraying cheaters as the selfish pigs that they are.

  • On Fathers Day I was thinking about how honesty and integrity were extremely important to my father, important to live that way and to teach it to his kids.

    I know there have always been liars and cheaters but it seems to bother big chunks of our society a lot less now. I agree with George Simon that we now have a “narcissistic culture” and it “promotes – even rewards narcissistic behavior.”

  • My grandfather had another family. Four more kids and he never acted happy with the first four. And yes, there were repercussions. My mother and her 2 sisters were sent to boarding school in Quebec province from NYC, each at the age of 5, so that their mother could hide this from them. My uncle remembers walking with my grandmother to the door of an apartment about a mile away, where unbeknownst to him, the other family lived.

    My mother and her sister were deeply damaged by being sent away at such a young age. We’re finding some letters now about their time there. My mother alluded to the fact that she was molested by some of the older boarders at the school.

    Said grandfather died when I was 3. We did finally meet the other family, super nice people, who looked amazingly like my aunts and cousins. They too, lost out. They never knew the complete story of their father. He never introduced them to his extended family. And my half uncle still wishes he had been able to grow up knowing he had other siblings.

    It’s just not fair. And my husband knew all about this family story. The fact that he is cheating on me after also knowing this absolutely says a lot about his character. Guess what? He has none.

    Like people stated above, NOTHING FUNNY about cheating.

    • Hmmm. A performer in the role of care giver to sick wife and a brood of kids. Sounds like perfect justification for an exuberant act of defiance. Happy marriage, we don’t know for sure.

      • True. We don’t know. That is what they have both said but it may no longer be the case.

        I HOPE this movie was a Very Bad Professional decision rather than reflecting Cheater Entitlement. It is still garbage!

  • I hate cheaters, it’s NOT a laughing matter! When it comes to infidelity and so many in Hollywood have done the deed, there is no moral compass. They have hard hearts and care more about making the almighty dollar $$$$$$ Jim Gaffigan is on my shit list along with a lot of theres. My X lived a double life for 31 years with me. Laugh at that! It was painful and will most likely keep me from ever trusting another person again. My kids were adults and now that we have been divorced for 3 years, he has manipulated and weaseled his way back into their lives. Seems that everyone moves on … lets see if Old Jim would love to find out that his sweet wife of decades turns up a HUGE secret. Guarantee he WON’T be laughing. Very insensitive IMO. I will not watch it EVER, Review all the show you watch PPL. **Trigger Alert* should be a Rating!

  • Haha!! Bomb… so B is blocked, Bomb is next. Going to run through the ABC’s because being original is beyond you. Another pathetic loser who’s imagination is literally in their ass.

  • Can we write an open letter to Gaffigan’s kids and title it “No, This Is Not Ok: We Understand Why This Movie Would Disgust and Scare You ((Big Hugs)).”

    Poor kids. Mine are too young to understand what their dad did, but I can imagine how tough it must be for a teenager to watch this life-betrayal being glamorized on the big screen by their own father. SMDH.

  • CL where is the moderator of comments today? A couple of offensive ones got on here. b and the emimen one. We come here for support.

  • Sigh. Another one? This is the ultimate “average guy” fantasy that gets played out again and again. I know I’m making a generalization– plenty of average guys are decent and faithful, of course. But this media spin (probably mostly controlled by “average guys”) is why women my age can’t find guys their age who are actually interested in relationships. Average, middle-aged guys now think they’re entitled to hot, young people. At least in the “Vacation” movies, Chevy Chase’s character ogled Christie Brinkley’s character from afar (gross enough) while he was on vacation with his “average” wife. Now, it’s not enough to just secretly fantasize.

    Lovely to see that we’re now making films that find hidden, cheater families to be funny and appealing. At the end of the day, what we’re left with are broken families, devastated chumps, a financial morass, and cheater morons who aren’t even happy or satisfied with their lives even after they find “twu wuv,” and they never will be. That is HILARIOUS! I love watching children cry and chumps losing their financial solvency. That gets me EVERY TIME! *eye roll*

  • I did the emails.

    Subject: Next movie, funny double-life of defrauding lawyers/business partners instead of wives——

    Body: The next Gaffigan movie would be so funny if the Dad brides/extorts the son to join in in stealing the entire lives of their lawyers/directors and business partners, unbeknownst to the targets of course, instead of the Mom/Wife.

  • Obviously parental alienation rights must have been started by a cheater. Is it really doing our kids a service to have them take on the cheater by themselves at any point in time. If we couldn’t deal with that, what makes us think they can handle it.
    I’m seeing my mid 20 kids fall for the exact same crap I did. It’s a nightmare. How do I deal with that? Thus far I’m at the point of “let them live and learn “ but it’s horrifying.

  • You know how some folks promise not to sell your email addresses and then they do and so you get all kinds of stuff in your in-box that you never signed up for? (Disclaimer. I am NOT talking about this site because Tracy is NOT a cheater. That means she has the decency not to sell email addresses.) Moving on…this is related to both the movie and an unsolicited email. In an unsolicited email that I got today from a couple of men trying to sell the KETO diet, I got up to speed on one of those things that is so outrageous there is no way to even make it up.

    This thing that these two guys were talking about was hysterically funny to me, even though the email was completely serious. They invented a phrase I had NEVER heard of and it was so funny, that I was plotting how to use this outrageous phrase. Viola. This movie is going to allow me to correlate this outrageous phrase to something equally outrageous (the movie).

    So, two guys named Shaun and Dan sent me a very alarming email about the side affects of their KETO diet. I cannot even tell you what the heck a KETO diet is. Wasn’t that guy who lived in OJ Simpson’s backyard Casita called KETO?

    Moving on… this KETO diet that I still don’t know about has a terrible side affect according to these two guys who sent the email. The side effect has been named “KETO Crotch.” Apparently, KETO Crotch makes, um, people’s crotches smell like roadkill in Death Valley. These two diet experts also say that KETO Crotch causes rashes around the genitals.


    I am pretty sure a diet is NOT to blame for stinky, rashy, puss-covered crotches. I do believe there are diagnoses like Herpes and bacterial vaginosis that would cause these symptoms.

    But, these two guys say these symptoms are due to KETO Crotch. Of course, being a Chump, I quickly realized that cheaters will reach pretty far into the land of pure outrageousness to explain away those pesky rashes, the stink, and the sores.

    Then, I watched that movie trailer. Yup, I think we have discovered an actual, live specimen – albeit a movie character- who would certainly call a case of Herpes “KETO Crotch” because he is allegedly trying to slim down that dad bod. And since he is trying to slim down that dad bod – well he figured out the KETO diet was the best choice – but, oh my, the KETO diet gave him KETO crotch! The poor thing. He couldn’t sit in his airplane seat because of Herpes… ummm I mean KETO Crotch.
    Blame it on the diet! Leafy greens cause genital rashes all the time!!! And he just wants to slim down that dad bod. It’s not Herpes, it’s KETO Crotch! Let’s sue Whole Foods! That arugula with spring greens gave him a rash all over his genitals! Can you imagine?

    I don’t know what is more outrageous. The two real “fitness guys” who call a Herpes like Disease “KETO Crotch” or this horrible excuse for a movie. May everyone movie reviewer who gave this movie kudos get a case of Herpes… Er I mean KETO Crotch.

    Anyone see that island off the Coast of Ireland that is trying to get US citizens and Australians to move back?
    There are only 432 people who live there and they will even teach you Gaelic for free. Such an option is looking better and better each day. In very small places like this, people hold each other more accountable. They have to because there is more of a sense of interdependence and community. Anyone want to join me for a Guinness on tap?

  • Totally triggered by that “Looks like I have to leave early for Japan” line.

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