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UBT: Mother’s Day Wishes from the OW?

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I got pinged over on FaceBook last week about an email a chump received from the Other Woman, telling the chump how she could be more magnanimous on Mother’s Day.

The chump’s divorce isn’t final yet, but OW would like to offer a masterclass in graciousness For The Children!

Yes, we all want lessons in comportment from home wreckers.

I’m sorry, home wrecker is such a sexist and archaic term.

Instead, let’s use the chump’s description. The mistress paramour is just the friendly “neighbor who fucked your husband in your kitchen while you were home sleeping with your newborn baby.”

Sooo… I got a Mother’s Day email from OW. She has been told never to contact me again after a collection of insulting/harassment style emails… I’m not sure what part of “do not ever contact me again” she doesn’t get. At any rate, here we are…

Happy Mother’s Day.

I had a strong desire to wish you the best. I wanted so badly to tell you how great of a mother you are. How you deserve to be celebrated. How much you taught me and how much your advice still resides in my day to day life.

(OW’s ex-husband, her child’s father) is engaged. Has been for a year now. Kim is his fiancé and she is wonderful. We talk all the time, as do him and I. Today, your stbx and I drove (OW’s child) over to their place so that she could bring Kim flowers, a card and cookies we made. It feels really good to celebrate the other person who is so prominent in your child’s life. (Child) was so happy. All of us were.

I can’t do anything to change the past, Chump. It’s impossible. There are a million things that I would’ve done differently if I had the chance, but I don’t.

The fact is, we share 2 beautifully amazing children. Children who are loved by all of us. Children who we all want the very best for.

I’m not going anywhere.

I will eventually be their stepmother and I will be part of their lives forever.

I think it might be time to put our differences aside and at least be civil for the sake of the children.

I have seen how much it positively affects a child when they see their parents get along. It’s incredible.

I’m not asking you to be my friend. I’m asking you to accept me. Not for my sake, but for the kids.

Happy Mother’s Day,

OW

The Facebook chumps asked that I put this through the Universal Bullshit Translator. As we are all out of cookies here… okay.

Happy Mother’s Day.

Wazzup bitch.

I had a strong desire to wish you the best.

I had a strong desire to destroy any tranquility you might be enjoying.

On this day you are celebrated, let’s make it about me. Am I in your head? In your child’s life? A germy stain on your kitchen counter that no Lysol could possibly disinfect? Excellent.

I am so much better than brunch.

#yourewelcome

I wanted so badly to tell you how great of a mother you are.

I would tell you how great a mother you are, but you’ve rebuffed me. So instead of sending you an actual compliment, I’m sending you my grievances. How badly I wish to tell you how great you are! If only my lips weren’t stuck together with peanut butter. And my fingers were not strangling this kitten. I would sing your praises!

How you deserve to be celebrated.

As you nurse that newborn and I fuck your husband in the kitchen while you sleep. How much you deserve that.

How much you taught me and how much your advice still resides in my day to day life.

Advice like: “Do not ever contact me again.” How that restraining order still resides in my day-to-day life. Why won’t you lift it?

#slowlearner

(OW’s ex-husband, her child’s father) is engaged. Has been for a year now. Kim is his fiancé and she is wonderful.

Kim is his fiancé and I will destroy her.

We talk all the time, as do him and I.

We talk about grammar. Him and I, while Kim throws The Elements of Style at the back of my head. Him wishes he still had me. But Him will have to content he-self with Kim.

I would never throw a book. I would burn it. Or maybe fuck someone’s husband on top of it.

Stop throwing books at me, Kim! Or I will style coffee tables with them and put those pictures on Instagram. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Today, your stbx and I drove (OW’s child) over to their place so that she could bring Kim flowers, a card and cookies we made. It feels really good to celebrate the other person who is so prominent in your child’s life.

It feels so good to triangulate with small children.

Don’t you wish someone would celebrate you with pretty flowers and cookies? But they don’t because you’re bitter. Work on that. I could come over to your place and help you!

(Child) was so happy. All of us were.

The therapy with come later.

I can’t do anything to change the past, Chump. It’s impossible. There are a million things that I would’ve done differently if I had the chance, but I don’t.

I can’t do anything to change the past. The earth’s rotational orbit is stuck together with peanut butter and I am unable to move its axis at this time and un-fuck your husband.

There are a million things I would’ve done differently. Maybe in another dimension I would apologize. But I do not control dimensions. Or the present. I cannot apologize here, there, or anywhere. I have kittens to strangle.

The fact is, we share 2 beautifully amazing children. Children who are loved by all of us. Children who we all want the very best for.

Because nothing says “I want the very best for you” then conspiring to destroy their family.

#beautifullyamazing

I’m not going anywhere.

I am the victor in the Fuckwit Thunderdome! I have won the pick me dance!

I will eventually be their stepmother and I will be part of their lives forever.

Like space dust. My carbon life-form may disintegrate but my atoms live on. In your children’s lives. FOREVER and EVER, Amen.

#eternalstepmother

I think it might be time to put our differences aside and at least be civil for the sake of the children.

I, the woman who fucked your husband on your kitchen counter, would like to lecture you in civility.

For the sake of the children.

I have seen how much it positively affects a child when they see their parents get along. It’s incredible.

It’s incredible when a child’s parents get along, like they respect each other and don’t cheat, and abide by their commitments, and financially support their family, and generally adult. OMG, where do we get some of that kind of stability?

Oops.

I’m not asking you to be my friend. I’m asking you to accept me. Not for my sake, but for the kids.

Let me weaponize your children for the sake of my ego.

Happy Mother’s Day,

OW

I’m better than a corsage.

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Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
    • Former Latin teacher here, and perpetual grammar nerd. Yes, I agree that language is fluent and always evolving, but I’m never, ever going to give up subject-verb agreement. And yes, I admit that I prejudge people based on their use of protective masks, and I definitely cringe at poor grammar. Don’t even get me started on spelling.

      • College English professor here. I’m never giving up the distinction between subjective-objective-possessive pronouns. Thank you, Chump Lady, for noting that small outrage among the larger ones.

        • Adelante, I’m with you. My main point is that if you are going to try to come off as a superior sort of person, as the OW did, you should make sure you get everything right

          • As I did not, right there. Actually I was going to cancel the whole thing, but hit post anyway. Well, that’s what happens when you hardly post anymore, I guess. ANYWAY…that’s how I feel whenever it’s a letter that you care about, like a letter of application or a letter to the editor.
            I’m also sixty-five and had to learn all those rules. Now I read they don’t even teach cursive anymore. Sigh…

      • Go easy. Some of us can’t help being grammar/spelling challenged. Especially spelling. Follow these rules, except where they don’t apply to these thousands of exceptions that you must memorize. I prefer math. It has consistent rules and if I can’t remember the formula I can always derive it.

        Schmoopie is a grammar expert and ex got off on her correcting his grammar (which was generally good already). Apparently that wasn’t enough to get a job, however. According to ex she didn’t even know how to write a resume which is why he just had to go visit her to help her write one while we were supposed to be reconciling.

        • I have a Master’s degree and can’t spell. I struggle with correct punctuation.Those judgments as a child in school did a lot of damage. I am allowed to express myself and poor or challenged grammar and spelling does not determine my value..,.,0(&^%$#! Spellcheck is my friend. :).

          • Be careful with spellcheck. I was reading my company’s annual audit report one year and was surprised to learn that we had been involved in a “pubic” offering. We thought it had been a “public” offering.

              • A “pubic offering” makes me think of all those dick-pics men send to people they are trying to impress. Why is this a thing? I remember when XH appeared home from his out-of-state job with shaved pubes. Wow! Where ya been, honey? This is a delusional effort to look bigger.

            • “… surprised to learn that we had been involved in a “pubic” offering. We thought it had been a “public” offering.” 😁🤣

              *Dictionaries* rule! 😜

              • ” “pubic offering” makes me think of all those dick-pics men send to people they are trying to impress.” 🤣😂

                CN is on a roll today!

          • Master’s Degree here too. Though you would never know it by my writing. It’s great that there are so many professors, teachers and writers in this site. I hope that won’t become a reason some chumps don’t feel comfortable venting or sharing though.

            ALL chumps need support & may have good advice to share. They shouldn’t have to feel like they can’t because their writing isn’t very good (myself included).

            While I’ve never felt excluded because of my poor writing skills, I just hope this site never heads in that direction. I have seen on a few other sites where contributors are mocked because of their grammar, spelling, etc. It would be a real tragedy if this site ever started to head in that direction I can’t imagine that happening because chumps are so supportive on here. Still, it’s important enough to voice caution imho.

            • Masters degree and JD. You’d never know it from my spelling or grammar. And I have dyslexia when it comes to plurals

        • Hey, sorry. I always tell my writing students incorrect grammar is not a moral failing. Good grammar doesn’t mean you’re a good person. I imagine we all have something that’s important to us that when we see it misused or mangled sets us off. For me, it’s language. I’m a professor and a writer. Words are my tools. Every craftsperson needs to understand how to best use the tools of their trade, and to care for and respect them.

          What I find satisfying in OW’s error is that although she is set on presenting herself as the superior person, and so clearly trying to instruct our letter writer in proper behavior, she undercut her claim to superiority by revealing she doesn’t know the difference between subjective and objective (that “him and I” phrase).

          • I too apologize if I offended anybody. I have always been a good speller but can barely make change for a dollar, and my daughter has been calculating the tip for me ever since she was a toddler. Our brains are all certainly wired differently (which I usually celebrate), and I did think hard before I mentioned people not wearing PPE. I’m surprised that nobody here has yet jumped on me for that, as it is a hugely divisive and worrisome issue here in my state, which is beginning to open up for our vital tourist season. Or maybe you’re all too polite to follow up on an indiscreet comment, and if I offended by mentioning protective face masks, I apologize for that as well.

            • I really, really, really *hate* all this special snowflake bullshit about being ‘offended’.

              You know what happens after you’ve been ‘offended’? Absolutely *notbing*. So suck it up you ridiculous wanker.

              You know what’s *really* offensive?

              People who trample over others to get their jollies, those who use their power to hurt and humiliate, *children in The Gambia *(among other places!) who become some Fucktard’s sex toy, now that’s offensive!

              Whining because CL made a joke about grammar, and you’re *offended*??!!

              Such moronic, entitled stupidity.

          • That’s true and is a good point. It reminds me of a text I received from my xh telling me how stupid I am. Thing is, he spelled stupid “stooped”. Now that’s funny right there! Lmao

          • Adelante, that’s how I read it too. I teach writing and linguistics, so words matter to me and I want my students to have as full a toolbox as they can. But I don’t judge people for not speaking Standard English or writing in Standard English in informal situations.

            But if the OW the KitchenF*cker wants to write a letter in a smug and superior tone to the not-yet-divorced wife of the woman who lived in that house and cooked in that kitchen, then she could at least run it through grammar check.

            It’s not the written usage issue. It’s the reeking condescension and superiority of the letter, in contrast to writing that is not superior in any way. And then there are the pronouns–every paragraph starts with “I” except for the two that feature “we”–one that rubs her relationship to the STBX husband in the chump’s face and the other that features forced teaming with the OW.

            • Loved a Jackass –
              I don’t judge people for not speaking Standard English or writing in Standard English in informal situations.

              But if the OW the KitchenF*cker wants to write a letter in a smug and superior tone to the not-yet-divorced wife of the woman who lived in that house and cooked in that kitchen, then she could at least run it through grammar check.

              It’s not the written usage issue. *****It’s the reeking condescension and superiority of the letter, in contrast to writing that is not superior in any way. And then there are the pronouns–every paragraph starts with “I” except for the two that feature “we”–one that rubs her relationship to the STBX husband in the chump’s face and the other that features forced teaming with the OW.

              THIS^^^^^^

        • I think the issue here is that the Schmoopie was trying to be fancy by using “I” instead of “me” and failed. When people don’t try to sound smarter than they are their grammatical errors aren’t annoying at all. Here it just adds to the general smugness though, while also hinting at the irony of how full of shit she is.

      • I will most likely step in it here, but hey, I have done my work. I can handle it.
        Maybe ya’ll could help me out with this question.
        As I read through online dating profiles. I often read women having the mandate of good grammar or don’t swipe me. While certainly, this is their option, I sill cringe. So I will ask ladies. Would you want a perfect wordy academic with the makings of a probable narcissist or a “good” consistent mammoth slayer that would take a sharp tusk for you, who struggles with his sentence structure?
        Yes, I am aware I loaded the question with a narcissist. I was married to one for 24 years. I have earned the right.

        A Mammoth Slayer Willing To Learn

        • Sorry, Bluedog65, your choices are false dichotomies. There are many other variables and combinations of attributes. Proper grammar is one of my requirements in choosing a man but I wouldn’t rule out a mammoth slayer. As long as he doesn’t have a crazy beard:)

        • Asking wrong question here mammoth slayer. Lots of people online have issues. When someone shows you right on their profile that they are judgmental, mean spirited, narcissistic, etc., you silently thank them and click next.

          Online dating is like sifting through tons of trash seeking a few good apples. Some apples will disappoint as they turn out to be rotten after all. What I’m getting at is that you have to have a thick skin and a lot of patience to sift through the garbage. That means that you need to work on your chumpy desire to prove yourself and to be approved by others.

          Dating is not about proving your grammar skills or your mammoth slaying skills, it’s about finding a kind person who sees you as you are and likes you for it. No proving, impressing, just reciprocal kindness.

        • >>Would you want a perfect wordy academic with the makings of a probable narcissist or a “good” consistent mammoth slayer that would take a sharp tusk for you, who struggles with his sentence structure?

          Unfortunately, with online dating, the damn grammar is the first foot forward. I admit that if I’d seen you slay the mammoth first, I would care much about the grammar.

        • Mamouth Slayer for me but, my writing sucks. So it’s not like I would require that in someone I would date. Imho, if that’s something important to someone else, that’s their prerogative. I would personally rather know upfront then waste time getting to know someone who knows they’ll never date you. To me it’s similar to body shape. If a guy knows he won’t date anyone who isn’t skinny (not me), he should say so upfront. If grammar & spelling is that important to someone then I’m not going to be their cup of tea anyway. Better to know sooner then later.

          • I’m a full rank, PhD English professor and am dating an engineer who isn’t a writer. His texts could use polishing.
            However, he built his entire house, knows his way around car repairs, and sends me long, interesting texts every single day. And he is a tall, yummy blondie who is great in bed.
            I’m glad I didn’t write him off due to his grammar skills. There are so many ways a couple can complement each other. 🙂

        • Bluedog65 I agree. My ex had good grammar. I know that has nothing to do with cheating. I have a friend with poor grammar but he is a genuine caring person. As I was a teacher his lack of correct grammar can grate on me but he is a wonderful person and judging someone by their grammar or spelling is very shallow.

        • Bluedog65 so you… read profiles of women you’ve never met, don’t like their personal boundaries, and message them just to let them know?

          I want to make sure I’m understanding correctly.

          • Ok, I didn’t see where bluedog said anything about “message them to just let them know”….

            Why? Are you just trying to give him a hard time?

            • He said, “As I read through online dating profiles. I often read women having the mandate of good grammar or don’t swipe me…So I will ask ladies. Would you want a perfect wordy academic with the makings of a probable narcissist or a “good” consistent mammoth slayer that would take a sharp tusk for you, who struggles with his sentence structure?”

              He is talking about messaging women who have a boundary of good grammar, or who simply “don’t swipe him,” to criticize their choice. He also uses incel-type terminology that is sexist – like “mammoth slayer” which implies that women are (or should be) primarily attracted to toxically masculine hunters who can provide meat and protection.

              Long story short, if a woman doesn’t swipe right on you, or if you don’t like her profile – just move on. What type of guy a woman is looking for is her business. Messaging her to let her know you don’t agree, while simultaneously trying to point out how awesome and “manly” you are, crosses a BIG line, and is really questionably behavior. It’s like an unsolicited dick-pic without the pic.

              • “questionable!”

                obvs grammar isn’t at the top of my list – but not harassing women online is. 😉

              • I am not critical of anyone’s ideas or beliefs. And I Do not message with criticism. That would put me in a place of a boy and, well, I am a very healthy man. This new post infidelity me tends to step back and observe before opening his mouth.
                I do appreciate your comments though.

                And As far as mammoth slayer. The expression is tongue and cheek, and awfully fun!

                Dic picks? My X was the recipient to enough of those to last a perverts lifetime.

                My philosophy is a woman will have to find out herself in person. While this on surface may appear to be crass. It it is actually very healthy alpha male of me. A label I am very proud of. Especially the “healthy” part. This lack of sexting is one of the boundaries I am proud of.
                I think I addressed the high points.
                Thank you so much for your response.

              • Lord this is funny! I just saw your point as a result of my bad punctuation. I missed a lowly comma.
                “ so I will ask, ladies”

                I was asking y’all on here. All on me! Damn a person cannot make real life up.

        • Mammouth slayer

          If an online profile has poor grammar, I usually assume the man is not well educated. If he claims to be a professional of some sort and has poor grammar, I assume he’s a liar.

          If grammar is a weakness of yours, then get someone to edit your online profile for you. Please care enough to communicate well.

          Once you have a form of communication going, be upfront and tell the grammar loving woman it’s not a strength of yours, but that you’re educable, loyal and all the rest.

          As for the mammouth slayer name, I’m okay with it. Maybe I’m old fashioned but I like to feel that my partner would protect me if need be, and that doesn’t mean I’d be cowering in the corner.

        • Ok, damn!
          Ladies, I haven’t left the building, but I just now came back to check the lights! So much to respond to!
          I will type something tonight after I get done with my day’s worth of pachyderms.
          Thank you so much for all of the responses!

        • Thanks for the response. Not sure if anyone will see this, but a great exercise for me. All of this is a sort of mental growth hormones for me.

          Now as a result of living through the debilitating pain of infidelity . I search out the truths to my whys.

          Online dating. I have never been rejected as a result of an online dating grammar test. Lol. Admittedly it is an old self limiting belief that I have about conquered. My X often reminded me she was College educated and I wasn’t. 27 years can be quite the enforcer.
          I almost never swipe on women that post their “don’t wants”. I have none in my profile. To me, these things attract exactly what you don’t want like a magnet.
          Answering the messaging thing.
          Maybe I am just a guy, but I often fall back on intuition when I swipe. If 86% of their pics have booze in them than no. And I do read profiles sometimes just for the pure phycology of it all. That stuff is fascinating to me.

          Really the catalyst to my question is that I am currently dating an Ivy League English major who is lightning quick with her words and wit. And oddly enough it appears she is turned on that I am a cowboy who carries a pocket knife.:)

          You know, a man needs should carry a weapon to slay the beast.

          Thanks again for all of your response. It all helps healing. Everyone of them.

    • Grammar! The Elements of Style was my constant companion during my B.A. days (Eng. Lit.) This really cracked me up!

      • Haha, me too!
        We could have a whole subthread about how things have changed since the days of Strunk and White; what with texting and the way young people communicate these days and how it’s all going down the toilet right along with the literary canon…
        (That was meant as satire. I am feeling old).
        But I digress…
        P.S. Did I use the semicolon correctly up there after “White”?

  • As a man, I seriously can’t believe an OW could do something so unbelievably crass. Sending a letter??? People are truly awful. We’re doomed.

    • These people *are* unbelie vable.

      Fucktard’s rat faced whore sent me a letter complaining he sometimes couldn’t get it up, and attributed this to me “refusing to let him go.” 😂😂

      • You should have said he never had that trouble with you! But answering these people is a bad idea.

        • 😂

          True. At the time, I was still very raw, so I texted the fucktard, telling him what the rat faced whore had said, of course she denied it; in fact he replied “please stop this foolishness”

          At the time, it really hurt, that he would believe her over me, but I’ve come to see that it has absolutely nothing to do with truth, and everything to do with what these gholems want you to believe.

          They are vampires, and I want them dead.

      • Wow. Just wow. I’ve not received any correspondence from the home wrecker. But this one takes the top prize. I’m almost hoping I get an email from her so I can laugh at it. I’m tempted to post the contents of a card I found from her to my husband but I’d hate to reveal identities and it’s so embarrassing I don’t know if my fingers could type the words 😟

    • More men need to be like you. Or need to watch Fatal Attraction or A Perfect Murder every time they consider cheating. (What is it with Michael Douglas and cheating movies? I digress. 😂)

      Because speaking as a woman, every woman that’s willing to be a side-chick, home wrecker, chick that screws married men, whatever you want to call it, has some SERIOUS issues and is out to get something besides some wiener. They’re the type of women who hate other women and stop at nothing. I’m bitter and jaded sure, but I’ve never seen an exception. Daddy issues, gold-diggers, clingy, psycho drama.

  • Oh. ffs!! Vomit, vomit. 🤮🤮

    These *creatures* are just so pathetic. Please accept me so that everyone will realise that what we did, (the lying, the cheating, the betrayal) wasn’t that bad!

    This whore has done this before, time to get a cease and desist letter, followed by a restraint order!

    • You’re right chumpnomore6, she has done this before! However, her previous emails were rants detailing what a terrible mother I am and how everyone in her family thought I was mentally ill and that I should seek help for my deeply rooted issues.

      • CU—- This is one sicko…. I felt my Viking spirit rise the more I read. If I lived 1,000 years ago, this whore would be at the bottom of the sea…. fish wouldn’t even touch her she’s so toxic. 😡😡😡

      • The fucking *cunt*!!

        Have you seen your lawyer? Get him/her to send this fucktarded rent a whore a cease and desist letter, and follow it up with a restraining order.

        Also change your email address, use it *only* for info re child care, and if the cunt/slunt uses it to mindfuck you again, you’ve got documentary proof the slag is breaking the restraining order.

        Oh God, I’m just so *angry* for you!! I wish I could punch that vicious slag’s face fir you. But, “not worth the jail time.”

        Seriously though, shut that shit *down*. Ho *dare* she.

        ((hugs)) xxx

      • I’m laughing in horror over here. I second the observation of projection.

        Enjoy the extinction burst that ignoring her will provide you!

        But remember – no matter what she offers, you are NOT taking him back.

      • Ah, the “special occasions nuking tactic” to produce maximum demoralization, associative memory desecration and general carnage. How very borderline of her.

        Post her birthday and address here so she can be sent many “helpful”-seeming gifts like adult diapers, super-strength deodorizing douche and pamphlets for dialectical behavioral therapy bootcamp.

        • …but the gifts that really keep on giving are a cease and desist letter and restraining order.

        • “Dialectical behavioral therapy boot camp”

          =

          Afternoon tea all over my electronic device

      • She is one sick, disturbed woman. Glad you have sole custody. Not sure if her husband left her or she cheated on husband and broke up the marriage but if I were Kim (fiancee) I would keep my distance.as well.

  • “Wazzup bitch.”

    😂😂😂 I love this blog. Thank you Chumplady for making me laugh and keeping me sane during such a miserable time in my life.

      • Anyone else find “I am not going anywhere. I am part of your children’s lives. I will be their stepmother.” Vaguely threatening? That sounds like a threat to me. Like “I’m not going anywhere. Telling me not to contact you does nothing. You cannot get rid of me.”

          • Yes. The “I’m not going anywhere” gave me a shudder. Definitely a threat.
            Strangely enough, it also sounds like something I’d say to my five year old in a battle of wills: “I told you to brush your teeth! I am waiting… I can stand here all day if I have to.”

            Yikes.

        • I thought the same thing…either a threat or a fever dream. If the dude replaced his wife with the OW, what are the odds he replaces the OW with someone else?

          • Odds are high. How does the saying go? “Marry a man who cheated on his wife and you’re married to a man who cheats on his wife.”

          • That’s a good point. She’s overcompensating because she’s insecure.
            “I’m not going anywhere” is like the guy that says “I’m a nice guy, really. I’m not going to hurt you.”
            My other favorite blog calls the latter “the crimson flag of unsolicited reassurance”.

        • “I’m not going anywhere” —> you *SAY* NC, but you’re just gonna lurve me. My fantabulousness will be so irresistible that we’re gonna be BFFs 4eva! Your XH couldn’t resist me, and you won’t either.

        • My ex married the skank. I have teased my sons (in their 30s) about their “stepmother”. One outright said, “Mom. Do not ever call her that again.” The other just gave me a glare. It’s a shame that this skank preys on innocent children because she just wants everybody to play “nice” and be friends. I like how CL points out that the OW doesn’t apologize for what she did, she just says, “There are a million things that I would’ve done differently if I had the chance, but I don’t.” Maybe she would have changed her hairstyle, or bought a different car, or gotten a puppy (instead of kittens) but apparently having sex with a married man isn’t one of the things she’d change. This woman is desperate. She so much wants the chump to accept her because then her place in the dick’s life will be more secure. Maybe the dick will even marry her and make it secure. In the long run, chump should be grateful that her ex gets the OW because if that’s the kind of woman he chose, then he gets a gift that will keep on giving, i.e., stupidity and desperateness. She’s going to make his life hell.

        • Yeah the whole letter is super threatening, that especially. Though I read it as a hollow wish on her part. She’s exceptionally awful and ridiculous as far as OW go, and the STBX has probably been realizing that lately, hence the need for triangulation.

  • If there ever was proof that we shouldn’t weep for the life cheaters have after us, it’s this. This guy ultimately get what he deserved: one seriously messed up OW.

    • I’m thinking the same thing. This OW is crackers. I’m betting her husband left skid marks when he left. OW went over with cheater and child in tow to present ex’s fiancee Kim with some insipid gifts. Spare me. She went over to let Kim know she’s “not going anywhere”. She went over with cheater because she is hell bent on showing ex, how much she is wanted by other men, possibly to make him jealous? Way too much fanfare. She could have sent the gifts with child on her visit with Dad & Kim. So OW wasn’t quite finished with her triangulating and sends that ridiculous note to Chump. She is a very warped woman and I think it is wonderful that cheater husband is now stuck with this lunatic.

    • My XH had to get a restraining order against his XAF when he go a new FB. I might of giggled when he told me. I ignored the text. NC unless it has to do with $ or kids.

  • “Him wishes he still had me. But Him will have to content he-self with Kim.”

    😂😂😂

    CL, I love you to bits!😝💕

  • When I read this on FB I can’t tell how bad I wanted to strangle this bitch for our chump.

    • I’m not on fb, but second that 100%!!

      The whore is no doubt mentally stroking herself about how ‘evolved’ she is.

      May jackals sit on her grave.

      Plus I bet this chump’s pos stbx is complicit in this, more impression management. Vomit, spit, puke.

  • No words. We need to change our laws back to the days where you can sue for alienation of affection. There needs to be consequences. I don’t even know this poor chump but I would punch out the OW in a heart beat for her. My ex’s OW wanted to meet with me to reassure me that she did not want to replace me with my kids. My kids are in their 20’s and 30’s. When my kids told me that we all laughed. Clueless anyone?

    • I agree with you Spoonriver 1000%!! Marriage is a contract between two people. Just like in business, if a usurper comes along and interferes with the contract, you can sue them. The same should apply with something as precious as a family. Or maybe we can bring back tar and feathering? Just a thought.

      This No-Fault state crap is also total nonsense.

      And while we’re at it, for custody disputes, why don’t we also:

      1. Seriously enforce perjury consequences for fabricated lies that waste everyone’s time/money?

      2. Remove immunity for falsehoods sworn under oath in court so the victimized parent can easily sue for libel and slander for lies invented about the betrayed spouse to perpetuate custody disputes?

      3. Prevent one parent from filing continuous, non-stop, harassing and baseless custody modifications for years and years – ESPECIALLY when they have repeatedly lost and already have several unpaid Money Judgements for attorneys fees from previous bullshit custody battles they started?

      Legal Abuse is a real and present issue that needs to be changed, like yesterday.

      • It wont happen.
        WHY??
        LAWYERS!!!
        LOBBYISTS FOR LAWYERS!!
        STATES THAT DEPEND ON CHILD SUPPORT REVENUE MATCHED BY THE FEDERAL GOVT TO MAXIMIZE COLLECTION!!!
        CONFLICT BREEDS PROFIT FOR ALL OF THEM!!!

      • Yes, yes, yes!

        Reminds me of when, during divorce proceedings, the ex fucktard stated on his Form E that the main reason we were divorcing was because I was an alcoholic – my solicitor just told me not to worry, that kind of crap was not something a judge would consider when it came to finan ial resolution.

        She was right, the judge awarded me the entire proceeds of the sale if our home, and the fucktard had to pay a £800 barrister’s fee. I still think this was because his solicitor told him he was on a hiding to nothing. “You are not the boss of me.” 😂😂

          • I feel you Chumpnomore6! Like, why do we even have marriages through the legal system in the first place if they’re just going to shrug at adultery like it’s not a big deal. Ummmm… its a huge f**king deal and now there is a family torn apart and children’s lives shattered.

            Both cheaters should be punished. If it was known that the law would hold trifling whores accountable as well as the cheating spouse, trampy women everywhere might think twice before screwing a married man.

            AND, there should be a law that prevents children from being in the presence of homewreckers after the divorce. Skanks that destroy another woman’s life should NOT be allowed to play mommy to her kids. There should be a restraining order preventing whores from coming into contact with the children whose family she knowingly and willfully ruined. It’s sick and demented that society accepts this kind if injustice. If only I could rule the world. 😎

      • Apparently “perjury” isn’t as bad as it use to be in courts. I know I shouldn’t be but I am flabbergasted how many people just outright lie and there are no consequences.

        • So true KB22, it’s basically holds zero weight. Nobody cares anymore. They just want to divvy up the stuff and turn a blind eye to the trauma and hardships the betrayed spouse has to endure. The courts are complicit enablers.

          • My wasband, the DOCTOR lied under oath and denied working-said he retired. He did this in writing and in court. (He also violated the court order at least 3 times and never once paid me the full monthly amount.)

            I had to hire a private investigator and my ex’s NAME was on the medical building and he was seeing patients AND advertising, all of which he then claimed was “volunteer work.” (In our 35 year marriage he never did volunteer work, not even once).

            Point being, even in the face of obvious perjury, MY own lawyers shrugged it off as an everyday event.

            I am a lawyer & I DO CARE ABOUT THE TRUTH. We all have to.

  • So am I guessing correctly that OW’s ex husband was a chump and is still chumpily going along with a relationship with his full of herself, holier than thou Homewrecker/cheater? Now his new partner is included in the loop? Poor guy.

    • I know, I can’t shame the other chump, but I’m guessing trying to parallel parent with that person who works so hard on her image and to snow-over her own kid about tough life relationships is probably a toxic mix of confusion most of the time.

      • He might be relieved to get her out of his life.

        Cheaters who cheat while a spouse is pregnant are dangerous sociopaths in my opinion. No contact is a must. The way to go is getting an attorney who will support getting physical custody from the start. I suspect they’ll want custody to fit their schedules. No overnights for a newborn period.

          • CU,
            How exactly did you end up getting sole custody? I’m curious how you swung that. Plus, it might help newly chumped who are in a similar situation. Are you not in a no fault state?

            • I am in a no fault state and I told him he could keep the 4×4 truck straight out if he gave me sole custody. I have the 6 kids and he has the truck. I suppose it is a fair trade. Destroy your family and get a shiny truck as the prize. But his other prize turned out to be a psycho crazy stalking FB that could not keep him happy.

        • I don’t understand why a man who abandoned his partner before she even brought their child into the world should get any custody rights. There isn’t even a father-child relationship to maintain. If you can get an abortion without your partner’s approval (which should definitely be the case, let me be clear) you should get to decide whether to involve the guy who dumped you in the rest of your pregnancy and beyond.

      • OW’s ex, that poor soul, surely has his hands full dealing w/ OW’s craziness. He has a kid to think of. He needs Chump Lady and Chump Nation! The collected wisdom here will help him be the one sane parent.

    • Or maybe he was a cheater too and is happy to go along with the narrative although cheaters don’t usually like it when the tables are turned.

  • Wow where do these people get off!

    This week I had the accountant question my level of responsibility in a company matter. I do feel like sending him this message – I’m home schooling two teenagers, I’m trying to sell a house and get a job and co parent with a narcissist in a Covid World – I know about responsibility!!!!!!!

    I’m sorry the OW decided to break contact on Mother’s Day and somehow try to gain pity from such a painful situation. Thank you for reminding me I am not the only one surrounded by crazy…….🤪

  • Wow! What did our Chump write back?

    I have so much I’d want to say that would just feed that troll, but I’d probably just reply and copy XH with “Your email was tone deaf. You, OW, are not a legal guardian of my children. In the future, I ask that you have XH, coordinate any parenting concerns through email or text.”

    • Chumpy Chumperson herself here. You wanna know what I wrote back?
      Absolutely nothing!!
      Thanks to Tracy, I am the Queen of no contact.

      • See you, I salute you. There is the very best revenge against these kibble seeking whores, Nothing, a resounding emptiness, a vast silence, not one single fuck to give to a whore. She gets nothing from you.

        Chump Lady, please convey my deepest admiration to the UBT. I stand in awe.

      • Perfect!! No contact is the way to truth and light!! I have to remind myself not to feed the beast.

      • Good strategy! I’d block her emails in future. By blocking them, she won’t know that they’re not getting to you. It’s easier to stay in Meh without a stupid email showing up. She’s truly a sicko. A desperate sicko.

      • Bravo CU next Tuesday for having the control to not give her or vicariously your STBX kibbles! By not engaging you give them the truth that they are meaningless and arent worthy of the minutest keystroke. You sent a message stronger than any word could and something that they (STBX and OW) already know and are terrified of… that OW got the zonk prize–(good riddance) and STBX got the skank prize and deep down they both know it.

      • How mean of you to deny kibble lol. Meaner still to be so deep in meh you weren’t even tempted. But how generous to share the fuckery with UBT for posterity, educational purposes and a good laugh.

        • She Devil, you hit the nail in the head! This was my lightbulb moment! The minute I realized that I had zero disire to respond to this nonsense was the minute I realized… this is MEH!!!
          Chump lady putting it through the UBT was my prize!

          • So freaking proud of you C U!! It takes an amazonian amount of restraint to not take the “look at me! I matter!!” attention bait. Seriously, what kind of trashy slut writes something like this to the woman she’s wrong on Mother’s Day? Unbelievable.

            Silence really fucks with their head, it drives these types crazy when the get NO response. You can laugh that she is just sitting there in agony waiting for you to reply, she probably checks her FB messages daily…but receives NOTHING. Priceless.

            The pathetic part is that she is desperately seeking validation from you because her status is so shaky. She did this shit on purpose on MOTHERS DAY to ruin your day – because she is jealous of you. She is very threatened by you and your status as Mom. Things aren’t panning out quite like the fantasy she envisioned, it seems. YOU are the Mother and guess what? YOU are the one who is never going away and she cannot STAND it. You’re the true Queen Bee, the mother, the irreplaceable one. So she’s trying to assert (or wedge) herself into a position of importance in your family. She’s desperate to be relevant.

            She thinks she can do it by implying that you’re behaving childishly and petty because you won’t acknowledge her whoreish existence. Sorry bitch…consequences.

            The truth is, she is disposable and she knows it. At least she showed you what she’s repeating to everyone. And believe me, she looks like an asshole when she tells people how “silly” you are for not embracing the trifling homewrecker with open arms.

            And I’m sure there have been many late-night arguments that revolve around the fact that you are never going to accept her into your family. And I’m sure she has tried to pressure your shitty ex into forcing you to treat her with respect. The funniest part is there ain’t nothing he can do about it, either. He has absolutely no power to force you to include her dumb ass into your family because you’re divorced. It’s great.

            It’s funny to see how delusional these homewrecking whores are. They TRULY think they’re just going to destroy a family, kick you to the curb, take over your life and everyone will just go on playing happy family and catch amnesia. Fucking Sociopaths, I can’t even with these people.

            Your powerful silence keeps the dumb bitch guessing about what you’re thinking AND has the added bonus of making her feel so insignificant and disrespected that you didn’t even dignify that garbage with a response. Checkmate! Plus, the longer you avoid responding, the longer they will fight and argue over it. It REALLY bothers her, I love it.

            If it’s ever brought up in conversation with your shitty ex, just act calm and unemotional, play dumb and change the subject. That will make her even crazier. Just quietly document her crazy and hand it to your lawyer. And don’t give them any written ammunition to use against you.

            Silence is Golden – Brava!! Stay mighty, dear!!

      • Spectacular job!
        My first thought upon reading this mess was that this is exactly why No Contact is the path to the truth and the light.
        Also reading you have custody was a big sigh of relief.

  • How many “I”’s did she write. All about herself. Ugh! 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

  • If the OW is still alive, our letter writer deserves the Nobel Peace Prize.

    I’m sure there is an army of Chump Minutemen locked and loaded with tar and feathers, ready to drop by for tea and an unforgettable etiquette lesson.

    I get rendered speechless here daily, finding new levels of mind blowing gobbledegook I never thought possible.

  • “I’m not asking you to be my friend. I’m asking you to accept me . . .”

    “And ‘accepting me’ means making the children think we’re friends. So, we don’t have to actually BE friends, but we should pretend that we are. For their sake.

    Pretending is easy. Remember how I pretended to be your friend before? While I was conspiring against you? All I’m asking is that you do the same now. But don’t conspire against me. Conspiring is only justifiable when it benefits me.

    So Happy Mother’s Day. I really mean that.

    And here’s a song to celebrate our new path forward (thanks Conway Twitty for the music)

    My one and only prayer is that you’ll grow a pair
    And finally pretend that you’re my bestie friend
    I’ll wrest your breathing space,
    Not going anyplace,
    You have to give me cake,
    All for the children’s sake,
    Cuz it’s o-only make believe.

    It ain’t my fault you wept cuz I fucked him while you slept
    This hell will never cease, so you should be at peace
    My heart I can’t control,
    So “fake” should be the goal
    It’s just no use to cry,
    so welcome him and I
    Cuz it’s o-only make believe.

    • You are Chump Nation’s own Weird Al Yankovich. And I mean that as a compliment of the highest order.

    • UXworld…

      I think you’re my soulmate. I can’t claim to be on your Yankovich level but when I did advocacy for survivors of domestic violence, I would occasionally pen parodies because survivors need to laugh like someone who had their arm chewed up in a wood chipper needs a tourniquet. My go-to was usually Dr. Seuss but I remember a few pop parodies about police inaction, bystander blame and DA shenanigans.

      I did this after reading that WW2 POWs who employed gallows humor were more likely to survive.

      Rhyme on, my sister, rhyme on. 😉

  • My favorite part is ” I will eventually be their stepmother”. Keep telling yourself that, honey.

    Your role will be either perpetual sidepiece, or cheated on new wife. That’s your only potential role with one of these whore mongers. Get used to it.

    • TOUCHÉ.

      And thank you thank you thank you. You just made my day.

      This is why I come here.

    • Yeah, this is the most crazy town part that can’t be overlooked. This person is already planning to be the OW in the cheater’s new marriage and has paraded herself around in front of the chump 2.0 as just a good friend bringing flowers (and other people’s children) to visit. Will she mount the Formica in this new chump’s kitchen, too? She is laying the groundwork – actively – to be destructive and ruin lives. With evil glee she has stated she will eventually be the wife so you know that means there will be escalating demands of the cheater and probably a phone call announcing her status to Kim. A true bunny boiler, she believes the cheater sill want her after she destroys this marriage just like the first one.

      Always the side piece and never the bride, she will be his used rubber discarded at the foot of the bed.

      Damn the cheater as he willfully brings this crazy shit into the lives of a new wife and his children for his own duper’s delight.

      They are evil.

  • Did anyone else read “Please stop calling me the Home Wrecking Whore to your children. You’re destroying the Betty Crocker facade I’m desperately trying to build” between the lines of this letter? I also cannot help but read the implied meaning here that “you need me to make cookies for you seeing as it is probably too painful for you to mix them yourself with your children on the countertops where I destroyed your marriage and family while you were busy recovering from the birth of a child I want so badly to alienate from you”. No amount of soap and water or battery acid could ever make this bitch’s hands clean enough to eat anything coming out of her kitchen!

    • If something is sent to her home, I would open it on the doorstep and dump it out straightaway. Preferably with Fuckwit and Vajazzle witnessing it. Send a very clear direct message.

      The lesson of the Trojan Horse comes to mind!

      • They came to my house a few days later for a social distance driveway visit with the children.
        They left me a 6 pack of beer! Hahaha!
        … My boyfriend drank it

        • Did they leave the 6 pack in the driveway or did they walk it to the door.

          Glad your boyfriend enjoyed it. I would have left it on their doorstep at the next child drop-off. AFTER I daubed something special on the tops for them. I bet they don’t wash their hands nearly as frequently as they should.

          Also, my “brava” was supposed to be a reply to you, it found itself as a stand-alone comment. Oops.

    • It’s just sneering. I’m going to be here for the rest of your life. I won! (big pile of shit). And we have to be friends so that what I did can be minimised/ forgotten. Because not many people, not even Switzerland friends, think fondly of those who cheat when the couple has just had a baby.

      • So true Persephone. Lovely threat, having her as a stepmom. Guess she’s going all in on her fantasy wedding plans. Awhile ago someone called Nanthony my adult children’s stepmom and I corrected them saying she was a cunt. Not bitter just being factual.

    • I assumed that LW’s children are too young to know what’s been going on. To me this read as more of a triangulation thing and need for attention. OW wants to make her ex’s new partner jealous of her and to make her new boyfriend (LW’s ex) jealous of her ex. Meanwhile, she wants to provoke LW into lashing out against her so she can keep the drama up with LW’s ex and make LW seem like the crazy one.

  • A year after my X died I got a call from a collection agency. Seems that he died owing 5,000. on a credit card that I was signed on some 20 years earlier. He left her his entire estate, which was considerable. This is what his “true love” really thought of him. He was a cheater but as a former banker he would have been appalled by this. I called my lawyer and he had it taken care of. These people have no shame they are truly despicable .

  • “I can’t do anything to change the past, Chump. It’s impossible. There are a million things that I would’ve done differently if I had the chance, but I don’t.”

    Schmoopie sent something very similar in her rant to my son after he compared her to a terrorist after she demanded to know why he didn’t want to be around her. This was immediately followed by demands for forgiveness. Basically “I’m sorry so forgive me dammit”. Just because you can’t change your bad actions from the past, that doesn’t mean you get to dodge the consequences of those actions.

  • What makes her think she’s not going anywhere ?

    They are both cheaters so the chances she’s going somewhere step mother or not are very very high

  • 15 “I”
    + 2 me/my
    + 3 we
    ————–
    LOSER (and whackjob – please consider filing a restraining order, or preemptively blocking her from every social media account you have)

    Your STBXH deserves to be in quarantine with that one. You? Not at all.

    Did you catch the driving over on Mother’s Day and gathering round to spread love and viral loads all over the place?

    It was her special Mother’s Day tribute to you. Next time Fuckwit and Vajazzle see your child they will make certain to do risk her health and by extension – yours.

  • UX, that is *brilliant*, along with your comment.

    “making the children think we’re friends. So, we don’t have to actually BE friends, but we should pretend that we are. For their sake.

    Pretending is easy. Remember how I pretended to be your friend before? While I was conspiring against you? All I’m asking is that you do the same now. But don’t conspire against me. Conspiring is only justifiable when it benefits me”

    ^^^^^^

    Beautifully put.

  • It beats the shit out of me how these hoes love to occupy the high moral ground and preach to the chump about being magnanimous even though they’ve fucked your husband.
    The sub text is always…I am so much better than bitter old you and so much more evolved. If you truly cared for your child’s welfare you would masquerade as my friend.
    Ignore the bitch and then block her from ever being able to contact you again.
    Crickets and zero engagement.

  • I am so sorry for anyone who has to deal with this.
    I am utterly fortunate that my children are teenagers and I have full custody. There are no other “parents” in their lives except me. Unfortunately, there is now a half sibling, but they have not met him and have zero plans to. I respect their wishes.

    Block any and all communication with both of them. Have everything go through parenting software. Get your lawyer to write a nice letter indicating any additional communication to you from the ho will be considered harassment and you will file charges.

    Draw your lines and hold to them. You can’t avoid these people, but you can limit the amount of space they take up in your life.

  • The absolute worst thing one can do with a letter like this is respond.

    It’s an attempt at validation by a skank who knows she’s trash but desperately wants to be accepted and assured she’s not a horrible person.

    Ignore it….silence is the worst punishment you can give her, besides maybe another restraining order.

    • She did not respond (see above). Good on her! Brava! As another comment said, do not feed the beast.

  • This has got to be a female thing. I can’t imagine ever being contacted by the OM about anything. I think he’s afraid of me, and hides behind my ex.

    • My ex-husband met with his paramour’s husband on multiple occasions to fight with him over who was the “best man” for her. He bragged about this in one of our divorce meetings in front of the attorneys. My skin crawls just thinking about the two of them pick me dancing for the affections of that whore.

      • Chumpknowmore, that’s interesting. I guess I was wrong. When I was in the military the stereotype of the any man going after a soldier’s wife or girlfriend was somebody named ‘Jodie’. No one ever saw Jodie because Jodie was essentially a coward who disappeared when the soldier returned from training or deployment.

    • I think it’s a “they have no life and feel sorry for themselves thing”!
      My Ex is a man and send this kinda crazy to me all the time.
      Me and the affair partner could be best buds. I should have stayed and we could all live in one house. I should love her because she made the kids food. (Which I was doing until they went to his house for visitation) because divorce and his affair. FYI-She left him too! 🤣
      Just last week he sends- The kids are so unhappy (when this started-he said they were unaffected) living with me. All you care about is money(sent day his child support was due.) Let the kids come live with me and I will give you all the money you want. If you don’t I will continue with harassing you until you give up custody. (FYI-man owes back taxes, has never cared for the kids full time, refuses to take them to medical appointments, does nothing with their schooling) wasn’t any different when we were together.
      I bought a house in the best school district in the area with a pool. The kids have their bedroom plus Art studio and playroom. We have friends over (except during covid). They have a trampoline, iPads, bikes. We spent nights cooking and playing games together. Any misery is at his house!
      These people will say anything!
      Crickets is all they deserve.

  • My ex’s OW/wife emailed something very similar to this to me. (It’s always “for the children!”) When I didn’t respond, my ex wrote me an email -copying her on it- about how generous her email was and how disappointed he was that I refused to engage her.

    I then explained to him that I was not interested in a relationship with her (“for the children” or not.) And he said he was so baffled by that because OW was so wonderful. I then had to gently remind him that she had fucked my husband and that was why I would never be her friend. And he responded with “oh that.” Like he’d forgotten that he’d had an affair with her and destroyed his family in the process.

    Like do they have air where their brains used to be!?

    • “Oh that…” So glad you got rid of someone who thinks things like “oh that” are so insignificant.

    • My STBX actually said, in a divorce conference, in front of both our lawyers, “I’m an honest guy. Well, except for the affair.”
      I was speechless at how clueless he is.
      However, a small amount of Karma has arrived in that he was VERY ill last week, possibly with COVID and OW had to take care of him while he ‘suffered’. (I realize COVID can be very serious, but he was always a bit of a drama queen when sick, so I don’t know how bad it really was.)
      I was talking with my adult daughter last week when she told me about him being ill. I said, ‘OW is intelligent, she is capable of taking care of him’. Daughter replied, ‘Yes, you can be intelligent and still have no morals.’
      I love my daughter so much!!!!

    • Cloud, I’m amazed you got ‘Oh that’ and it wasn’t used as another excuse to blame you for why they did it. They usually like to make sure once again that you know you were responsible and had it coming because of your (insert million things you did wrong here). Like if you wait long enough it should just get forgotten right, move along, nothing happened here?

    • This. I had to explain to cheater that I would never be okay with the OP. He seemed to think that it was more a game of Monopoly – after a certain amount of time she’s be let out of jail for free. Shows they don’t understand the morality behind it. Time doesn’t make these things any less morally heinous.

  • The thought of her filthy paws on my children makes me sick. I think she’s worried about getting dumped. Just a hunch. But she doesn’t age well, esp if he’s seen her go off on her ex.

  • To the OP, my first instinct is to just say ‘ignore the whore’. However, I did experience something similar in terms of an OW first ranting at me about how awful I was, then subsequently trying to make herself feel better by attempting to mend bridges. I too had pursued a restraining order in the form of a cease and desist letter from my attorney. There were no children involved, so I had a lot more latitude go scorched earth on her if necessary.

    One day I had to make a call to the ex to answer a question about when and where to pick up his crappy possessions, and in the interest of expediency I called him hoping it would be brief. Of course the ever-vigilant OW was there and took the phone from him. The conversation went like this: she came on the line clearly wanting to be aggressive and blurted out something about “whatever you have to say to him, you can say to me first”. So, I very sweetly said, “Oh hi, OW, listen I just need one little favour from you. “. She said”Oh, um sure” so I said in my sweetest voice “If you ever, ever have the urge to send Jon back to me, please make absolute sure you don’t. That’s all. Byyyyyye!” Click.

    I decided to not return any of his stuff and put it all in a dumpster next chance I got. I always get a lovely warm feeling that she gave me the chance to have that closure. In the ensuing years, he has cheated on her too, and bankrupted them. She blogs: he is now “suffering from mental health problems from being cooped up”. Yeah, can’t see his call girls, that’s what!

  • I’m so sick and tired of cheaters expecting their chumps to respect and embrace their new victims. It’s a slap in the face.

    My STBXH brought his whore to our sons’ football game-I guess he decided that if he introduced her to me in front of all of my friends and some strangers in the football stands DURING the game-I wouldn’t tell her to fuck off….

    He actually told me the next day that he was AFRAID of how I would react. REALLY???? Why be afraid??? You clearly were never AFRAID to have an affair!!! How’s THIS any different?

    • My ex has never brought the OW around anything, although I’m aware he often attends her kids’ hockey games (I can’t imagine how he actually enjoys watching those games). Our kids don’t play team sports, but they do have piano recitals.

      They should be very afraid of the day that they ever cross my path. I have no plan of holding back in my introduction, “Hello. I’m the wife that was at home with the children while my husband was out having fun. I hear that fun was you.”

      • Oh-the things I fantasized about saying were truly epic….

        But-I knew that I couldn’t unleash my pent up wrath(in that setting) because of my kids (all 3 of the attend that high school).

        He tried to get me to stop watching the game to say hello to her-I didn’t even look at her-I held up my finger and said, “In a minute.”

        I made them stew in the row behind me for 20 minutes. Finally, I stood up, turned around with a HUGE smile on my face-and said, “Hi-I’m Stephanie.” She returned the smile and said her name.

        I sat back down-and within 3 minutes the 2 of them got up and left…

    • Taking your AP to your child’s football games or whatever activity is just the lowest. All about the narc cheaters, kids be damned. You would think at least one of the cheaters would have a shred of decency. I can tell you later in life cheater’s kids are going to seethe when they think back to cheater parent taking AP to their events. Right now they are very confused. Relieved on one hand that the cheater parent is still involved, didn’t totally dump them and then also feeling terrible cheater parent showing off the person that blew up their family.

      • He doesn’t even have the balls to introduce her to his parents and siblings yet since they know he cheated on me with her.

        I’ve been a part of that family for 28 years and they thankfully didn’t take his side.

        Sad that he feels he can bring her around his kids but not his parents. What a pussy…..

  • Feeling a bit guilty are we? Need some validation? ‘I am not going anywhere. I am part of your children’s lives. I will be their stepmother…….’ – threatening. Pass the voodoo doll someone. Thank god I am not these people, they level of delusion are off the scale.

  • A woman who conspired to destroy your family is now trying to be your life coach. That is how deluded cheaters and OW/OM are. It is outrageous.

    “Fuck off home-wrecker” would be an appropriate response. But then you would get another letter telling you that you are bitter and need help. So silence is the best response. Utter silence.

  • She fucked your husband repeatedly, so her inability to care about boundaries is hardly that shocking.

    • I have a male friend who is also a chump. Wife moved the OM into the marital home within two months of kicking him out. The kids had only known this guy as one of the dad’s at school whose daughter they played with occasionally.

      She had the nerve to be angry at her ex for not being more civil to the other man as his ex-wife “accepted their relationship”. She even pointed out how they hosted the birthday party for his daughter and the ex-wife attended. In speaking to the ex-wife, my friend learned how angry she was at the posturing that took place at the party and how she felt forced to attend for the sake of her daughter.

      The woman who wrote this letter is deluded in thinking that her ex and his fiance are all “nice” about her. She’s thrusting herself into their lives with the expectation that everyone is going to be friendly. Unfortunately, the people are being too obliging. They need to better understand how narcissism works and stop giving in to the continued manipulation.

      Good to stand your ground. Sure, they’ll likely consider you to be bitter, but how is that any worse than their complete lack of consideration when they were having their affair? At least now, you know what you’re getting, you’re setting the boundary, and you’re protecting yourself.

  • It’s a strange coincidence that mothers day was the day selected to introduce my reluctant adult sons to OW for the first time. It was sort of foisted upon them at my daughters house on HER first mothers day. These folks were just passing really and not staying long…their father sort of pleaded.
    OW was mother to two little cats.
    Is it a kibbles thing? Competition?
    I tend to think grey rock is the way to go here. No, you are not going to drive over to deliver cookies, cards etc. She is nothe the mother of your kids.
    If and when she becomes stepmother then it is up to your ex to set up stunts like that if she demands recognition. Let him do the baking, buying and delivering. What her ex, your ex, she and Kim get up to is their business.
    It’s tough that you have to sucked up this person being involved with your kids at all but you do…politely and from a distance. Should you bad mouth these people to said kids…well no.
    But you owe them nothing and have no obligation to take part in faux happy families. I would not even dignify that crop with a response here.

  • I am in awe of Tracey’s (Chump Lady’s) wit. Thank you so much! I am still hurt by what my ex-husband and his “paramour” the ow did to my children and to me (we were married for 20 years). The ow still tells my ex what is best for my children (now adult young women), and it makes me cringe. She carried on a work affair with my ex while I mothered our children. Tracey gets it! Thank you for being brutally correct, and hilarious at the same time. I check this column M-F for inspiration.

  • Ugh, the arrogance that comes with delusion. So she’s not even a main side of the rhomboid any more and she’s still trying to poke her nose in?

    • Oh, I misread this and thought that chumps ex had dumped this OW and moved on again, but it is OW’s ex that has got engaged. The line “I am not going anywhere and will one day be their stepmother” reeks of arrogance but mostly insecurity. Talk about a pissing contest. OW is trying to control the narrative, probably because her ex has surprised her by moving on instead of mooning over her, so she has to make out that she is happy with everything and in charge and this is just how she planned it. She is also trying to piss on Kim bigtime, and I wonder if she has sent her a similar but different letter just letting her know that she will be ruling the roost by using her child as an excuse to intrude on her ex’s new life as often as possible. It take a special kind of person to try to double triangulate, but there you go. Don’t engage. I pity Kim.

  • “The fact is, we share 2 beautifully amazing children. Children who are loved by all of us. Children who we all want the very best for.”

    No, we don’t…I share my kids with their dad and that’s it….

    Because nothing says “I want the very best for you” then conspiring to destroy their family.

    #beautifullyamazing

    I’m not going anywhere.

    I am the victor in the Fuckwit Thunderdome! I have won the pick me dance!

    I will eventually be their stepmother and I will be part of their lives forever.

    Like space dust. My carbon life-form may disintegrate but my atoms live on. In your children’s lives. FOREVER and EVER, Amen.

    #eternalstepmother

    “I think it might be time to put our differences aside and at least be civil for the sake of the children.”
    Yes, let’s blame shift and make the betrayed the villain here and the poor ones “trying to find happiness the victims”

    “I have seen how much it positively affects a child when they see their parents get along. It’s incredible.”

    I know, right? Especially when they grow up in an intact family without their fuckwit of a dad leaving them for a howorker. And there is nothing better for kids than go from their mom’s house to their dad’s and howorkers car and drive to howorker’s ex-husband to meet his new fiancee. Stability is so overrated anyway…it’s going to be great for the kids to live in this mess, they develop great skills whenever they will apply for jobs at the psychiatric ward.

    Anyone else LOL when she said, “she was not going anywhere”? Wishful thinking….sure, because the cheater will be with you forever, darling, you’re soooo special!

  • “Not for my sake, but for the kids.”

    That kids card is really annoying whther it is to justify anything about adultery or just plain trying to get you to do something that you wouldn’t no say yes to.

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